5 Mind Games Narcissistic Parents Use to Control You (and How to Stop Them)
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- Опубликовано: 9 фев 2025
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Narcissistic parents don’t just control-they manipulate, gaslight, and distort reality to keep you trapped in their toxic cycle.
If you’ve ever felt guilty for setting boundaries, doubted your own memory, or been stuck in a cycle of emotional highs and lows, you’ve likely been a victim of their mind games.
But here’s the truth: You don’t have to play their game. You can break free.
In this video, I’ll expose 5 powerful manipulation tactics narcissistic parents use-and show you exactly how to break free:
🔹 5 Mind Games Narcissistic Parents Use:
✅ Gaslighting - Making you question your emotions, memory, and reality so they stay in control.
✅ Triangulation - Turning family members against each other to isolate you and create drama.
✅ Silent Treatment - Withholding affection and communication as punishment to make you chase their approval.
✅ Blame-Shifting & Playing the Victim - Making you responsible for their emotions while avoiding accountability.
✅ Love-Bombing & Withdrawal - Keeping you emotionally dependent with unpredictable cycles of praise and rejection.
🔹 How to Break Free from Narcissistic Family Mind Games:
🚀 Build a Strong Sense of Self - You are not who they say you are. Learn to define yourself.
🚀 Reduce Emotional Reactivity - Stop feeding into their manipulation and stay grounded.
🚀 Set Firm Boundaries - Decide what’s acceptable and don’t waver.
🚀 Limit or Cut Contact If Necessary - Physical distance isn’t enough-emotional detachment is key.
👉 It’s time to reclaim your life and break the cycle of narcissistic control.
Share your experiences in the comments-I read every one. Let’s support each other in this healing journey.
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About Jerry Wise:
I’m Jerry Wise, a family systems coach with over 45 years of experience helping individuals break free from toxic family dynamics. My approach to self-differentiation empowers you to let go of the guilt, shame, and emotional entanglements that have held you back. If you’re ready to heal, I’m here to guide you every step of the way.
DISCLAIMER:
This video is not a substitute for professional counseling. Always consult a licensed professional for personalized support.
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The funny thing is when they give you the "silent treatment", it's a blessing 😂😂😂😂😂
My mother made the entire family give me the silent treatment. I was the youngest of 4 siblings and they were all told to not talk to me or they would be punished. It was horrific sitting at the dinner table and stuff for days being given the silent treatment by the entire family.
It becomes easy to build boundaries and block them forever once you are given silent treatment.
@@rwdchannel2901I'm so sorry. That shouldn't have happened to you. 😮😢
I LOVED mom's "silent treatment"!!! 1,000 miles away was extremely helpful! When she finally figured out how much I liked it, lordy was she mad! 😂😂😂
@@rwdchannel2901
That sounds like a cult, and your mother is the leader of it.
What they do to their children's brains is a crime!
Exactly!!! 👏🏻
The part about a narcissist alternating between affection and coldness to keep others dependent on their approval really hit home. I knew it wasn't indecisiveness.
Yes - so confusing. Clearly irrational behavior and trying to get them to see how illogical they are only led the conversation further down the deep dark rabbit hole...remember stating to myself and verbally many times - what's going on? What are you doing?
That's my mother. Then she had the gall to say I was indecisive, couldn't make decisions and was just like my father. The thing with any narcissistic person in the workplace, fam, friends, they'll say any stupid hurtful thing but claim you're the rotten one.
Cognitive dissonance is the result of this abuse tactic calculated to manipulate people by parents or parents who want to control you. It works well until you go gray rock on them & they spin the wheels while you watch them collapse from lack of supply 😉
They feel insecure when you show any signs of comfort or confidence, and your insecurity makes them feel confident and affectionate. It's neither decisiveness nor indecisiveness.
Whatever "conversation" I try to have with parents, the next day they go back to default setting. Seriously groundhog day. Exactly trust your own instincts.
They twist facts every minute
Deluded is a good word😮
Or they are obsessed, desperate and like a stalker when you try to put up a boundary. After a lifetime of neglect she wants all my attention.
Yes. The assertion of a boundary really gets them. In my case cctv on my property. Clear keep out signs.
The response...theyre using video cams to covertly film me...on my own turf...😮...these narcs are weirdie...its quite funny😅
One question remains for me--why is there still no viable intervention, even with mandated reporters, for kids who bravely reach out for help? That cost me years of compounded grief.
Now that my mother is in her 70s, her go to line when I try to bring up my feelings is "dont worry, you'll see when im gone" or my fav "you'll know what a mother is when you get older". Im 44 lol
My mother keeps dropping very very subtle things about when she is gone. I didn't realise how unhealthily I was enmeshed, took me a long time to cut those ties. Realising she doesn't care what happens to me after she is gone, but she wants me now so she can enjoy her elder years. She is 80 so many of her friends have passed, my father gets on her nerves as he does everyone, so now it's let's go on holiday, let's do x,y,z. Yet anything to do with me her sick child and how I will be alone is summarily dismissed. If her friends say the same things I do about stuff, it's a good idea, I say something similar and she is nasty and jumps down my throat.
I was thinking, "At this point, I can hardly wait", and "I already do. Some of them post videos on RUclips."
You could speak about long term plans around her
Like say “when I’m 70 I’m planning on retiring to the coast, might buy a cat and take up samba”.
Just hint to her you already have plans for the rest of your life, with or without her
Jerry once again hitting the nail on the head. This is so relatable it makes me sad they treat us so dismissively when we are their kids. It’s like they don’t see us as human. Just extensions of themselves
My mother would make the entire family give me the silent treatment. I had 3 older siblings and none of them would talk to me. This happened to me often from around ages 6-10. I had been adopted along with my older brother by her when I was 5 years-old. My grandmother was an obvious narcissist because she was always grumpy at home, but in public pretended to be a nice old lady. My mother didn't even raise me because my grandmother was basically the house butler. I'm not sure why they adopted children because they divorced when I was 15 years-old. I think my grandmother pushed the adoption because my mother couldn't have children naturally, but my mother was always working and got tired of giving me attention after a few years after the adoption because she was busy starting an accounting business.
Your story highlights some profoundly painful experiences, especially being isolated and feeling unsupported at such a young age. It must have been incredibly difficult to grow up in such an environment, and it's important to acknowledge the strength it took to navigate through those years. I admire your courage in sharing your story. Your resilience and ability to reflect on your past are truly commendable.
Who wants to live like this ??
Go 'no contact' and live the short, only life that God gave you in peace, contentment, and free of manipulation, fear, and guilt.
Many of us can't. I'd do it in a heartbeat if I could, because you're right ✌
Yes@@bereal6590
In my teens, I took care of my parents, when we became homeless. Lived on favors and extreme poverty. Took care of my siblings who suffered from lifelong disease Had to give up my education, dreams, ambition and the life. I am now 44 sucessful but have no interest left in my life. Not even millions of money will ever fill the hole that has been created in my life.
You are still very young. Take care of yourself,find a good therapist, change is possible. Hugs.❤
My entire narc Family destroyed me for 58 years!!!!! 27 mos of healing, no contact and the relief is palpable! I was never competitive but ....I Won😂😂😂😂
They totally hate it when you write stuff down/keep records (and if you suggest they do the same.) I find when I tell them I can go get the record they change their tune pretty quick.
And I have to chuckle because her name is Mary, and when I first came across your channel it was about how like they get all mad about if you want to change Christmas plans or whatever, because it's exactly what had just occurred lol.) Sometimes they can be funny too...I was in the car with my gramps once and we were at an intersection and there was this huge roadcone and he plows right into it. Gets it jammed up in the tire and has to pull into the SFCU parking lot and he finally gets it out, throws it in the middle of the parking lot, saying "and it can stay there too." And drives off like it never even happened. 😂😂😂So glad I found this channel, thank you!
It's wonderful to see how you can find humor and bright moments even in challenging situations. Keeping records is a smart tactic when dealing with tricky situations. It's great that you can see the funny side of things, like your gramps and the roadcone incident. That story made me smile and it reminded me that sometimes laughter really is the best medicine. 😊
It’s interesting that just before Xmas my narcissistic mother cut all contact expecting me to jump. We didn’t and it’s been the most peaceful and blissful period of my life. But just this morning my mother made contact because she misses the granddaughter that she has made no effort to be involved with. I replied that before that takes place we need to meet and set the scene. Her desire to see her granddaughter has now disappeared.
Yeah similar here, I worked so hard trying to heal the disfunction. I was excluded from Christmas, Mum moved to a care home guilt-ed me. I put on Christmas in my apartment, was shamed "it wasn't good enough in my small apartment." So I just left this recent Christmas and got a hotel for my child and their significant partner in the city they live in, we had a lovely time with just us. Focusing on just my kid and their new partner. By going Grey rock with un accepting grandmother who outed my child to me was so much more pleasant than the gossip and disdain from grandma who tried to wreak havoc.
Can I just say, I appreciate the part where you mentioned yourself and how much you've helped people but also realize that your ego is in check, and you are not dependent on us for your self-worth. I have definitely been guilty (for lack of a better word) to write you and/or your staff with praise and thanks. And that praise and thanks HAS been 100% genuine, but I really appreciate what you said about how that praise acknowledges these issues for yourself. That really resonated with me, and it made me aware of how self-aware you are of your mental & emotional health, which is a priority for you too.
Excately what I wanted to say to Mr. WISE.
My mom recently told me if I rode my bike I'd die which I know is bullshit I'm 39 with epilepsy and can't drive I don't know any way out
Ask a doctor what mode of transportation would be safe for your condition… also for epilepsy, maybe you can get a support dog with the help of an organization 💜
My mother once told me she dreamed I died in a plane wreck, up until that moment I loved flying, then I developed a fear of flying. It was an awful thing for a mother to say. It ruined my enjoyment of flying and traveling. Don't allow your mother to undermine your self confidence. I've flown since she told me her dream. And I haven''t died in a plane wreck.
Their ABC'/1,2,3 of parenting... What we must put up with to simply survive!
My dad was a master manipulator with me. He would go for days at a time not talking to me and to make sure I really suffered he never told me why he was mad. Imagine being an 11 year old with a father to whom you were invisible. He has been gone a long time and Im still healing.
Much gratitude for the helpful tips, Jerry. I appreciate you.
I appreciate that!
I tend to become very reactive when they act against my boundaries, it's a form of disrespect and I really can't help myself, in particular when they desperately try to put my brothers into their revenge tactics, I loved my sister and brother with all my heart, their triangulation tactics have taken them away from me
Once, I calmly called out my sister on a major boundary violation. We sat down on the couch and talked about it. All I got was the longest word salad excuse in history. You can’t win with these types. 🤯😵💫
Jerry is my fave utuber. I try to give thought when commenting and it's affirming to get lovehearts. Subscribers are always putting likes on utubers videos but they don't always return the favour.
Thank you for helping me untangle myself. I'll speak to my mom and feel like tangled cords..You help me process (untangle) the truth and reality and ground myself !
The silent treatment advice is sound! Thank you
Oh yes! My dad can say something awful, insulting, an hour later, l never said that!! Ugh But l don't react now, don't let it get to me at all! I'm sure he's done the rest, but haven't listened to the rest of video yet, felt like l had to comment on that. Doing so much better thx to your videos. Thank you so much! ❤😊❤ Oh, and want to add, he turns it around and says l am the one that said awful things, projects his behavior onto me, and tells others that it's me that causes trouble, just so awful. Thank goodness l found you Jerry. ❤ l have made a tough decision, l am NOT going to let him hold the 'trus fund'' over my head any longer! I've decided that, even though l don't have much, l can take care of myself, l earn my own $ , and will be fine without his $. He has my sister as POA over my trust, she believes his lies, and l'll just wait until someday l can have access to my part of inheritance. If it never happens, lm fine with that. When l made this decision, it made me feel so free, at peace. 😊
I said goodbye to my family, I blocked them totally. My father has a severely weak heart and has had a surgery. But he always chose and still choses side for my mother. After my wife has had a miscarriage my mother said I should be happy because it would not be something for me to wake up for a crying baby. How dare she say something like that. Later she simply denied she had said that. I hate my mother and sister.
I truly appreciate your videos and hope you know how many people, including myself, you’ve helped heal and live healthier and happier lives.
I'm so glad!
On triangles; my mom has said in passing, "oh i love Alinsky's work!" She worked in the social services, community planning field. When I read one of his books, I could see how my mother had used the same framework to manipulate the family narrative for decades. 🤦🏻♀️ It was extremely helpful to read but not for the reasons she thought i read it. 😂
If its about you childhood and your sharing your feelings, they should listen regardless. It's how you FELT how it affected you. I've shared jthings 8 couldn't voice at the time and had it completely dismissed. It's a dismissal of my experience, my feelings and who I am. Their memory is that of an adult and how they felt. It's real for me. How my mother has reacted just forced a bigger wedge between us and made me wake up to the fact it's a pointless exercise. She even has said she doesn't know why anyone would want to look at/talk about their childhood and that's why she won't ever change and will continue to act and react the way she does. Then why should I accept anything she expresses and bout her reality and feelings. We aren't living in the same reality. To accept hers means denying mine and I cannot do that any more.
NAILED IT
When someone gives me the silent treatment, I just go on with my day. I will still do what I have to do, and will act like they aren't giving me the silent treatment. I won't feed in to it, or try and talk to them about what we were fighting over, but I will still continue to ask the questions that I need to to get through the day.
They say to me they got bills aka hint hint so I pay for them
Careful… they can really take your financial life down with that ! It feels good to be generous ~ not to be manipulated (and in cases of manipulation, it’s not appreciated because instead they just feel egoicly successful in their manipulation of you!)
We have very little gaslighting in my family because my narcissist mother and brother live so far in their own worlds they don't even acknowledge anyone else existing.
100% my family
Thank u😮
Welcome 😊
In my experience, these people may, deep down, really see you as being quite powerful, and themselves as lacking direct power to make their circumstances match their gradiose cherished views of themselves. So they incessantly demand control over you in a kind of warped attempt to harvest from you the power they desire for themselves over reality.
This was exactly what I needed to see today. Thank you!!
@@Leslie735 same here
You are so welcome!
Hi, do you have a video on the effects of a narcissist on partners?
Great video! Apart from pointing out the mind games, you actually give tools that help the person suffering from these treatments to deal with the situation for themselves and how to deal with the actual narcissist, very helpful thank you!
Thank you, Jerry Wise. ❤
The time is nigh.
God bless~💜💜💜~
Thank you 🎉🎉🎉
You’re welcome 😊
The blame state... This is something i didn't have words for but its what i do with what i call my chosen family. I dont blame them when a mistake happens. I say "we are all human." Aka we all make mistakes because we are all human, thus its actually how we deal with it after that matters most. I prefer people who are willing to accept there was a mistake and work towards a better future without blame. One of my friends is a bit of a people pleaser so, ive started to open up a space and tell her she is welcome to tell me when she feels resentment etc. because thats when she is giving too much. And thats when i can set the boundary and help her feel more able to learn them herself. And she has started to. Just yesterday she mentioned something and my reply was "would you prefer me to do things [this way] instead?" As i was open to changing boundaries right away and listening to the problem.
Thank You, Mr Wise 💜
I certainly know how narcissists never, ever admit to any wrongdoing, or even twist and make up what really took place. My mom and a-hole husband do this ALL THE TIME, with no fail!! Not only do they always deny any wrongdoing with anything, they’d even blame me by making things up, like literally conjuring up things that I did wrong that never even happened. They’re both despicable and unbearable and I HATE them both!!
Regarding the silent treatment / love bomb cycle push pull cycle....Radical acceptance, distance and becoming more indifferent helps when dealing with unhealthy unaware people.
resonates, much appreciated Jerry for your insights as always.
EXCELLENT, Jerry, as always. LOVE this...!! VERY Wise counsel... 🌹
Narcissists are Bound by their Wicked Accountability!! 💯
I would say that they can play all these 5 at the same time.. When I call I they won't answer so that is the silent treatment and then when I do talk to them they will say that I never called so that is gaslighting..
The other thing that I heard that really helps me is that when it comes to gaslighting there is only one reality.. I heard many times about telling my truth or telling my reality.. The problem with that is that the abusive person can also say that they are telling their truth or their reality.. With my example of calling them.. Well calling them is reality.. Them not returning my phone call is reality.. It is black and white..
I ATTEMPTED TO REGISTER. COULD NOT GET TWO DIFFERENT EMAILS. I took a Bachelors in Clinical Psychology just to understand what happened to us. I am 73. Raised by two Narcissists.
SOS, HELP, 911 !!!
Please contact my staff they can help you
Hello@jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com
💯🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
It’s why I just don’t bring anything up anymore. I know what I know and they delude what they delude. And those two will never agree or harmonize or be able to work together. And greatly reduce contact, of course Bcuz I just don’t want to have to put the truth on silent too much…which you pretty much have to do whenever you’re around them if you want to avoid drama or not have to waste any precious energy on utter nonsense. I just eventually accepted the inevitable stalemate. You can only hit your head against a brick wall just so many times before you realize you have to end the futility.
The blame game too eh? With them it’s too punitive. The punishment doesn’t fit the crime. And sometimes it wasn’t even “crime” level and punitive measures weren’t really warranted. Most things with reasonable people only require a sort of clearing of the air discussion. Nobody HAS to always get “punished.” Picking my nose on the wrong side wasn’t anything to call the president on the red phone about ya know. Or loading the dishwasher the “wrong way” or whatever other no big deal thing it was that they made such a big deal about. 🙄
Eye-opening; but too late.
Amen! 🙏🇸🇪
Gulity tripping
And your narcissistic family play these games too
Maybe make a video about how the person might be the problem and not their parents. I find that the people accusing others of being narcissists are the biggest narcissists around 🤷🏻♀️. I’m really over this “poor me” mentality. Grow up and move along.
You clearly don't understand anything that's being said. You don't understand how trauma and mental abuse work. Be grateful and maybe move along to a content that isn't this topic.
Obviously you don’t know what a narcissist really is ! Or how damaging they can be. If you don’t get away they destroy you !
This channel is strictly to help heal people who grew up with narcissistic parents. Farewell.
I saw your other comment about how your sister calls everyone a narcissist and is obsessed with "getting even" and how she stopped speaking to you when you disagreed with her. Inside the toxic family of origin, even the best of us are dragged down into the mud. We are better people when we are away from them because we can finally mourn the loss of never having felt we even deserved to mourn at all for the abuse we suffered. We need to go through this process in order to grow up, or just grow at all. Your day of healing is coming because you are already here working through the entanglement of narcissistic abuse and misery. Sometimes the rest of us forget that we were once right there where you are, and we hate remembering it. But despite it all, we do care.
hey hi