😂😂😂😂😂 I have never left a comment before, but this one hit home. Good boundaries are very important. I grew up seeing my mom always giving, always coming through in one way or another-paying debts for my grandmother. She has seven siblings; one passed away, so six remain. Trust me when I say she supported all of them and saw them through school. Not even one of them helped when my mom was down, even up until now_even when my dad passed. one thing i can never forget in this my life is when one told me dont think when your mom passes i will take care of you and your siblings 💔💔 When she refuses to help, my grandmother resorts to emotional blackmail. And here we are-my mother has nothing to show for all her sacrifices. Her siblings are all doing well for themselves, but my mom once told me that her father warned her on his sickbed: "Don’t put family first at the expense of your own well-being, or you won’t move forward." If only she had listened and saved up for us, her children, I believe I wouldn’t be going through this at my young age.💔
This is so disheartening . I pray that her good heart will send helpers way. It may be hard at the moment but there’s definitely going to be better days for you and yours . Hang in there , sis ❤
First born here and I agree with Waje: set healthy boundaries. There’s a healthy balance between generosity and self care. You can’t pour out of an empty cup; fill your cup first before you pour out to others.
I need to sit more with Antie Waje. She couldn't empty all from her wealth of knowledge. I like that she's very realistically practically...pardon my semantics🥴🙏🏾 Great episode 👍🏾
Black tax kills faster than a disease I watched my grandma gave her all for her siblings all her life, at every point when she needed them, they weren't there for her until she died some years ago😢 Setting healthy boundary is very important I've learned to always prioritize myself ❤ Dear Dang writer, your siblings will sort themselves if you are not available, help them in a way that is convenient for you not at the detriment of your peace, life and reducing yourself 🥂🥂 To more greatness coming your way 🤗
Lovely episode , waje is very self-aware and emotionally intelligent. As for the poster, please do not let anyone move into your home especially because they have shown you how they can be. Help with resources, if you can spare. Continue to set healthy boundaries and keep thriving
Nigeria needs a lot more people who are kind and respectful to others. Until that happens, we will continue to experience these painful experiences to others 😢
I love this episode. I really learnt a lot from this. I'm not the 1st born but i realise i suffer from this bailing out syndrome. Been learning in the past year or so how to take care of myself 1st before attending to the needs of my siblings and the home at large. Thanks for the insight Waje and Ife
I loved this discussion on being practical with generosity. This is not only financial but also emotional and physical, including mental/intellectual labour.
Anything the lady has she can give them ,I will not let them move in like Waje said ,please set boundaries. May God deliver us from entitled family members.
I have a younger sister who ends more than everyone of us. And she’s a giver. 😂 I’ve taken it upon myself to remind her to enjoy herself! You’re not responsible for me or any other person. I remind her to set boundaries. As a first I undertthe pressure that comes first with you just thinking because you’re in this position it’s your place to do certain things. I won’t allow any of my sisters to suffer that! I constantly check up remind them to rest! And even if you earn more than me I still try to do what I can for you. It’s a conscious decision.
My own advice will be for now don’t allow any of them to come including Mumsi. Just send what you can to her until you are ready to let her in. Don’t fall for the guilt tripping,God gave you an opportunity to get a glimpse to know what it will be like if you don’t look after yourself
Thank you Waje on sharing great insights on this topic. I recommend this books by Coach Wendy Ologe: Raising an independent thinking child, Raising a girl with sense and Raising boys you dont need to bail out.
No please, do NOT let ANYONE come live with you. There is NO compromise. Your siblings would feed off you and ruin you. All your savings would go down the drain, and you see that house, they would never contribute to helping you pay the bills. Remember, when the tables were turned, they did nothing to help you. Help them from afar, please do not bring them to live with you. You did what was fair - giving them the platform to build - which was bringing them them in. That is enough. Face your front, please. It is NOT your responsibility to figure out how to earn a living - they are adults, and capable of making their decisions. Going forward, you have to continue to build healthy boundaries. Keep saying NO. Do not be guittripped or blackmailed, and if your boyfriend thinks that you are being mean, break up with him!
This discussion is great. The enabler n the enabled should know their space. Also, those enablers usually don't listen to advise at the time until they learn the hard way. I'm in total agreement with both recommendations from Waje n Ife, she should live her life.
Waje’s suggestions are 💯. What I’d have a family conversation on how I feel. Lay it all out, and let everyone know. So they know (or maybe not, up to them) that things won’t always be the same again. No one is taking advantage anymore.
I applaud u Sweet Ife, u were not interjecting and that’s a sweet way of taking correction. Family will be fine so will I, make we Dey support each other from a distance. Learnt from my husband experience.
It’s not all the male child that leave the parents house early,I remember my mum telling me she can’t nurture a female child so I had to look for work to feed myself from age 17,not because she’s not doing well she just do not like her female children. May God rest her in perfect peace😢
This is exactly my husband’s story he’s the 2nd born and the 1st born is a girl omo the girl doesn’t send anybody ooo..Right from time my husband is the one acting like a senior .
First born daughter here, and I agree with Waje and Ife. There's just so much pressure and expectations required from you that you get carried away and forget to live for yourself. However, I don't think she should bring them, her mother specifically into her house, especially given their history. Unfortunately, most Nigerian parents/people don't understand boundaries or even take accountability for their actions and aren't really considerate of their children. They see it as their right to live off their children. The poster could go to work one day, come back, and meet her siblings with their stuff in her house to live with her because their mother said it was okay. I'd say she should help cushion their living expenses as much as she can, but not overly. Her siblings also need to put in the work, she cannot be their Messiah.
A lot of info from waje& ife❤❤. Set healthy boundaries& don't look back because its draining from within, use redrawal syndrome& help when you have settled your important needs then gradually do what you can, it's true takers family, friends or foe don't have limits. They can dislike you for a while as long as you don't loose yourself in the process,👏👏🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤❤
Am the third born but i take care of everything,my Big sister was trying her best ❤, after some time she Brought me to Europe, and then left everything for me😅when ever our younger ones call her, she will always tell them to call me, Black tax is really a big problem in Africa. 💔
😂😂😂 Awesome episode as always.. I learnt something 'Black Tax' To our DANG sister, please allow them carry their challenge but you can help them in any little way you can. Letting them unto your house again is a big NO instead get them a place they can afford and please keep the place because they may get a place way above their pockets. To your mom, she can stay with and still visit your other siblings . In all funding your balance is important. Please maintain your stance on your decision because you know best, your mother would want to use emotional blackmail. Best of luck ma'am.
I never have anything called parental care growing up,the little years I spent with my mum was just 5year and it was HELL😢till I find my way out. I helped myself throughout my senior secondary school
Have you guys watched, "Last Year Single" and losten to all the soundtracks in that movie? Waje dey sing abeg. Ife is right about that description of her voice and singing prowess ❤
I will not compromise! Parents can blackmail you , her mum will blackmail her to let her siblings come over and many more things. I'd rather rent them a place to stay
You can not keep pouring out from an empty well. I can relate to this and I already made my decision to let people be and let them figure things on their own. Black tax is killing us, and we don't have the street to say No most times
No!! Your mum cannot come to stay because she will continually get on your nerves to help your siblings. You can assist financially a bit for a very brief period within your comfort zones financially. Your house is your safe space and your family is entitled. Stick to your decision. Good luck!
Not just the first born child,do you know what it feels like to be the only bread winner of a family as the fourth 😢female child,no inheritance,nothing to rely on😢
The mother should stay where she is. She is 36 yrs, when is she going to plan her life. If she doesn't have a bigger house, would they want to come stay with her. Everyone should stay where they are.
She should continue to choose herself and not look back !!! If there’s anything she wants to help with at all she should give them the money and tell them she has bills to pay too. People are wicked and don’t care so far they are not the ones having problem . They should all get out and sort their problems !!!
It’s ok for you and I to fight but it doesn’t mean that you hate me or I hate you It’s ok to decide I don’t want to talk about it now but I must talk about it as some point Waje24
You see boundaries? I don't think Nigerian Parents know that(mother's especially) I remember my someone telling me that she is not going to bring her mum to her house because she doesn't respect boundaries... I wish all first born and the richest will always live for themselves first regardless....
Ife well done on this series. Honestly this was so beautiful and more enjoyable than the previous. I love how peaceful and calm it was. Also this issue of black tax isn’t only first borns o have you seen 2nd borns like myself? It’s crazy honestly and everyday I pray God provides for everyone so the burdens can be taken off my shoulders. It’s not easy! Thank you for this episode
If I were to be in her shoes, none of them will come close to me, because I have done my part by bringing of them to Canada! She should focus on her life and relationship, she's old enough to have her family too!
Letting your mother in will definitely open the door for emotional blackmail because it's obvious she's the chief enabler and she doesn't even know this yet. Please do not let anyone back into your home, support with what you can from a distance. My 2 cents advise. I wish you well ✌️
My mom’s first comment on this was NO!😂 She should not accept they come live with her. By the way my mom is 68 years old. She is not doing anything bad by saying no, she should prioritize herself always.
Hmmmm I think she shouldn’t allow the mum stay with her. There’s a high chance she’ll start guilt tripping her and I don’t think she needs that in her space. I’d say she should get her mum a place to stay (of course a place that she can easily afford for her that won’t affect what she’s doing for herself). If the rest of the siblings like they can go and stay with her.
No she isn't too hard. Let them stay in their houses. When you were down and they didnt help you did you die? They'll survive. They'll distort your structure if you allow them come live with you. Even your mum dont let her come leave with. Leave all of them alone. Help from your afar
![Jack Harlow - Hello Miss Johnson [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Q86_nlRoIGw/mqdefault.jpg)
I'm the 3rd born and Apostle Femi Lazarus' message on Black tax is what saved my life.
😂😂😂😂😂 I have never left a comment before, but this one hit home. Good boundaries are very important. I grew up seeing my mom always giving, always coming through in one way or another-paying debts for my grandmother. She has seven siblings; one passed away, so six remain. Trust me when I say she supported all of them and saw them through school. Not even one of them helped when my mom was down, even up until now_even when my dad passed. one thing i can never forget in this my life is when one told me dont think when your mom passes i will take care of you and your siblings 💔💔
When she refuses to help, my grandmother resorts to emotional blackmail. And here we are-my mother has nothing to show for all her sacrifices. Her siblings are all doing well for themselves, but my mom once told me that her father warned her on his sickbed: "Don’t put family first at the expense of your own well-being, or you won’t move forward."
If only she had listened and saved up for us, her children, I believe I wouldn’t be going through this at my young age.💔
You're absolutely correct
This is so disheartening . I pray that her good heart will send helpers way. It may be hard at the moment but there’s definitely going to be better days for you and yours . Hang in there , sis ❤
Your mum's good deeds will pay off.
Being kind is great treasure.
I am sorry you had to go through this.
I can relate to this
Yeah, but not all the time @omowunmiomotosho4012
First born here and I agree with Waje: set healthy boundaries. There’s a healthy balance between generosity and self care. You can’t pour out of an empty cup; fill your cup first before you pour out to others.
I need to sit more with Antie Waje. She couldn't empty all from her wealth of knowledge. I like that she's very realistically practically...pardon my semantics🥴🙏🏾 Great episode 👍🏾
Black tax kills faster than a disease
I watched my grandma gave her all for her siblings all her life, at every point when she needed them, they weren't there for her until she died some years ago😢
Setting healthy boundary is very important
I've learned to always prioritize myself ❤
Dear Dang writer, your siblings will sort themselves if you are not available, help them in a way that is convenient for you not at the detriment of your peace, life and reducing yourself
🥂🥂 To more greatness coming your way 🤗
Lovely episode , waje is very self-aware and emotionally intelligent. As for the poster, please do not let anyone move into your home especially because they have shown you how they can be. Help with resources, if you can spare. Continue to set healthy boundaries and keep thriving
Finally, a podcast series I can't get enough of... Very balanced and rich conversations.
Black tax is draining and we really need to talk more about it. Thank you Ife for bringing Waje!!
Waje is so well-informed and intelligent ❤❤
Fantastic Episode! And I love the different sitting arrangement and decor❤
BUT Ife, you forgot the pledge ohhh….
I love the fact that she has decided to take care of herself.
Nigeria needs a lot more people who are kind and respectful to others. Until that happens, we will continue to experience these painful experiences to others 😢
@ife thanks for bringing waje.. could you please bring a guest that can share ideas of investing in diaspora specifically in US. Financial literacy
I love this episode. I really learnt a lot from this. I'm not the 1st born but i realise i suffer from this bailing out syndrome. Been learning in the past year or so how to take care of myself 1st before attending to the needs of my siblings and the home at large. Thanks for the insight Waje and Ife
I loved this discussion on being practical with generosity. This is not only financial but also emotional and physical, including mental/intellectual labour.
Anything the lady has she can give them ,I will not let them move in like Waje said ,please set boundaries. May God deliver us from entitled family members.
So far, this is my best episode. This topic is so crucial. Wake is a bank of wisdom...🙌
I have a younger sister who ends more than everyone of us. And she’s a giver. 😂
I’ve taken it upon myself to remind her to enjoy herself! You’re not responsible for me or any other person. I remind her to set boundaries. As a first I undertthe pressure that comes first with you just thinking because you’re in this position it’s your place to do certain things. I won’t allow any of my sisters to suffer that! I constantly check up remind them to rest! And even if you earn more than me I still try to do what I can for you.
It’s a conscious decision.
You are a beautiful and rare soul. God bless you ❤
I won’t compromise!!!!!she has done enough
My own advice will be for now don’t allow any of them to come including Mumsi. Just send what you can to her until you are ready to let her in. Don’t fall for the guilt tripping,God gave you an opportunity to get a glimpse to know what it will be like if you don’t look after yourself
Thank you Waje on sharing great insights on this topic. I recommend this books by Coach Wendy Ologe: Raising an independent thinking child, Raising a girl with sense and Raising boys you dont need to bail out.
Wow... Very eye opening, thank you for this series, Ife
No please, do NOT let ANYONE come live with you. There is NO compromise. Your siblings would feed off you and ruin you. All your savings would go down the drain, and you see that house, they would never contribute to helping you pay the bills.
Remember, when the tables were turned, they did nothing to help you. Help them from afar, please do not bring them to live with you. You did what was fair - giving them the platform to build - which was bringing them them in. That is enough. Face your front, please.
It is NOT your responsibility to figure out how to earn a living - they are adults, and capable of making their decisions.
Going forward, you have to continue to build healthy boundaries. Keep saying NO. Do not be guittripped or blackmailed, and if your boyfriend thinks that you are being mean, break up with him!
The same man will not marry her if she allows the family to drown her.she will say she comes with lots of burden
This is it !!!
Wake spoke so wisely about the dangers of enabling people.
This discussion is great. The enabler n the enabled should know their space.
Also, those enablers usually don't listen to advise at the time until they learn the hard way.
I'm in total agreement with both recommendations from Waje n Ife, she should live her life.
Waje gave so much insight into how to cope with being the go to person so much. Thank you so much! Another important episode!!!
Waje’s suggestions are 💯. What I’d have a family conversation on how I feel. Lay it all out, and let everyone know. So they know (or maybe not, up to them) that things won’t always be the same again. No one is taking advantage anymore.
This is my best yet!
Waje spoke to and about me in Family and Relationship! 🙏
When are we inviting Bovi, I have enjoyed all the guests so far, just would love to see Bovi and hear him give his take on these stories
Yes. He is a big community contributor
I applaud u Sweet Ife, u were not interjecting and that’s a sweet way of taking correction. Family will be fine so will I, make we Dey support each other from a distance. Learnt from my husband experience.
I love how waje talks! It’s so amazing🥹
Love, love this episode so much! Thank you, Ife.
I love Waje’s circle of friends. I want that kind of friendship circle for myself.
The advise from both of you is spot on!
Wholesome conversation ❤
Ife I love your Steeze and composure, It's the second time am seeing ur show but I fell in love with the very first video i saw you❤❤❤
Orange looks beautiful on you, Ife❤
Oh thank you!
It is okay to give but keep for yourself that’s deep ❤
It’s not all the male child that leave the parents house early,I remember my mum telling me she can’t nurture a female child so I had to look for work to feed myself from age 17,not because she’s not doing well she just do not like her female children. May God rest her in perfect peace😢
Thank you Waje so many wise words learnt
I learnt a lot on this episode ❤thank you
No one is talking about how it's not even the first borns only. Have you seen second borns that act like the first??
Waje mentioned that towards the end😊
Some first born so lousy and selfish. Second is now forced to take the role. That one is topic for another day
It’s not a first born or second born thing , so far you earn , I am the last born but they expect me to take up all responsibility
It is the most responsible child who is made to carry the load
This is exactly my husband’s story he’s the 2nd born and the 1st born is a girl omo the girl doesn’t send anybody ooo..Right from time my husband is the one acting like a senior .
First born daughter here, and I agree with Waje and Ife. There's just so much pressure and expectations required from you that you get carried away and forget to live for yourself.
However, I don't think she should bring them, her mother specifically into her house, especially given their history.
Unfortunately, most Nigerian parents/people don't understand boundaries or even take accountability for their actions and aren't really considerate of their children. They see it as their right to live off their children.
The poster could go to work one day, come back, and meet her siblings with their stuff in her house to live with her because their mother said it was okay.
I'd say she should help cushion their living expenses as much as she can, but not overly. Her siblings also need to put in the work, she cannot be their Messiah.
A lot of info from waje& ife❤❤. Set healthy boundaries& don't look back because its draining from within, use redrawal syndrome& help when you have settled your important needs then gradually do what you can, it's true takers family, friends or foe don't have limits. They can dislike you for a while as long as you don't loose yourself in the process,👏👏🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤❤
When she said my #1 you no go see… i immediately remembered the song “whether na #1 with MI” 😅😅😅
😂😂😂😂😂
Am the third born but i take care of everything,my Big sister was trying her best ❤, after some time she Brought me to Europe, and then left everything for me😅when ever our younger ones call her, she will always tell them to call me, Black tax is really a big problem in Africa. 💔
Waje did not miss anything out in this topic!
😂😂😂
Awesome episode as always..
I learnt something 'Black Tax'
To our DANG sister, please allow them carry their challenge but you can help them in any little way you can. Letting them unto your house again is a big NO instead get them a place they can afford and please keep the place because they may get a place way above their pockets. To your mom, she can stay with and still visit your other siblings . In all funding your balance is important. Please maintain your stance on your decision because you know best, your mother would want to use emotional blackmail.
Best of luck ma'am.
In my opinion, my mom won’t come live with me but I’d rather send a monthly upkeep to her in her son’s house but she can come visit once in a while
Amazing episode❤
I never have anything called parental care growing up,the little years I spent with my mum was just 5year and it was HELL😢till I find my way out. I helped myself throughout my senior secondary school
Great work there Ife
Have you guys watched, "Last Year Single" and losten to all the soundtracks in that movie? Waje dey sing abeg. Ife is right about that description of her voice and singing prowess ❤
Yes i agree
Waje is great at what she does
I will not compromise! Parents can blackmail you , her mum will blackmail her to let her siblings come over and many more things. I'd rather rent them a place to stay
May God help we first borns,it is never easy
You can not keep pouring out from an empty well.
I can relate to this and I already made my decision to let people be and let them figure things on their own.
Black tax is killing us, and we don't have the street to say No most times
Sweet combo
No!! Your mum cannot come to stay because she will continually get on your nerves to help your siblings. You can assist financially a bit for a very brief period within your comfort zones financially. Your house is your safe space and your family is entitled. Stick to your decision. Good luck!
Agree. Unpopular opinion but a bail out mother can be highly manipulative. S my
Not just the first born child,do you know what it feels like to be the only bread winner of a family as the fourth 😢female child,no inheritance,nothing to rely on😢
IFE....thank you. Women DO NOT take responsibility for their actions or bad behaviour at all.
What brought about First Born Tradition - RESPONSIBILITY + OUR PARENTS.
The mother should stay where she is. She is 36 yrs, when is she going to plan her life. If she doesn't have a bigger house, would they want to come stay with her. Everyone should stay where they are.
She should continue to choose herself and not look back !!! If there’s anything she wants to help with at all she should give them the money and tell them she has bills to pay too. People are wicked and don’t care so far they are not the ones having problem . They should all get out and sort their problems !!!
It’s ok for you and I to fight but it doesn’t mean that you hate me or I hate you
It’s ok to decide I don’t want to talk about it now but I must talk about it as some point
Waje24
I'm so early😊😊😊
You see boundaries?
I don't think Nigerian Parents know that(mother's especially)
I remember my someone telling me that she is not going to bring her mum to her house because she doesn't respect boundaries...
I wish all first born and the richest will always live for themselves first regardless....
story of Lara in the smart money women movie
Ife well done on this series. Honestly this was so beautiful and more enjoyable than the previous. I love how peaceful and calm it was.
Also this issue of black tax isn’t only first borns o have you seen 2nd borns like myself? It’s crazy honestly and everyday I pray God provides for everyone so the burdens can be taken off my shoulders. It’s not easy! Thank you for this episode
If I were to be in her shoes, none of them will come close to me, because I have done my part by bringing of them to Canada! She should focus on her life and relationship, she's old enough to have her family too!
My faves ❤❤❤❤
Ife can laugh ehhhn 😂😂😂😂
First of all observation, Ife no pledge o for this episode
Waje!
Letting your mother in will definitely open the door for emotional blackmail because it's obvious she's the chief enabler and she doesn't even know this yet. Please do not let anyone back into your home, support with what you can from a distance.
My 2 cents advise. I wish you well ✌️
❤
My mom’s first comment on this was NO!😂 She should not accept they come live with her. By the way my mom is 68 years old. She is not doing anything bad by saying no, she should prioritize herself always.
Those siblings should stay where they are
Something is telling me that Waje is a TIP yarder 🤔 coz her words and perspectives are screaming “The Intention Parenting Academy” 😁
I will let my mom move in after having the talk.
And omo if the siblings mistakenly move in, na every 3days i go de remind unna of your bad character😂
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I won’t let them move in with me. I’ll help from afar.
💃💃💃💃
Hmmmm I think she shouldn’t allow the mum stay with her. There’s a high chance she’ll start guilt tripping her and I don’t think she needs that in her space. I’d say she should get her mum a place to stay (of course a place that she can easily afford for her that won’t affect what she’s doing for herself). If the rest of the siblings like they can go and stay with her.
No she isn't too hard. Let them stay in their houses. When you were down and they didnt help you did you die? They'll survive. They'll distort your structure if you allow them come live with you.
Even your mum dont let her come leave with. Leave all of them alone. Help from your afar
I think they pretend not to see.
Please don't allow your mum to come
Ife you forgot the pledge
I did. It was excitement. lolll
Never!
She should help from afar, get them a job and pay their first rent.
Ife can laugh ehhhn 😂😂😂😂
❤
I will let my mom move in after having the talk.
And omo if the siblings mistakenly move in, na every 3days i go de remind unna of your bad character😂
❤