The WHY of Endings - Relationship Break Up and Acceptance / Attachment Trauma Alan Robarge Therapist

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  • Опубликовано: 5 фев 2022
  • Hello. Thanks for checking out my RUclips channel.
    In my videos, I like to talk about Psychology, Healing Attachment Trauma, Relationship Repair, Inner Child Self-Re-Parenting, Love Addiction, Codependency, Grieving Break Ups, Family Programming, Fantasy Relationships, The Romantic Narrative, Primal Panic, Trauma Bonding, Double-Binds, Attachment Styles, Couples Counseling, Better Boundaries, Shame and Self-love, CPTSD Breakthroughs, Emotional Availability, and Body-Focused Psychotherapy for Healing Trauma..
    ☑️ Heal Your Relationships = #relationships
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    Alan Robarge, LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor,
    Attachment-Focused, Trauma-Informed,
    Psychotherapist and Relationship Educator
    Emotional Connections Matter!
    __________
    The WHY of Endings - Relationship Break Up and Acceptance / Attachment Trauma Alan Robarge Therapist
    In this video, let's explore the why, why, why, of incessant looping and inconsolable trauma mind when a relationship ends. Breakups are hard. Heartbreak is painful. For those of us with Attachment Injuries and Attachment Trauma, we struggle to make sense of and accept endings. This video speak to our deep feelings and need to grieve. Grieving is the path.
    Questions for You:
    What is one thing you learned by watching this video?
    What is one takeaway?
    Remember to leave a comment. What is your takeaway from this video?
    __________
    ☑️ Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz:
    www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
    ☑️ Learn about The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course: www.healingattachmenttrauma.c...
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    ☑️ Learn about Grieving and Pet Loss Course: Coming Soon
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    __________
    The WHY of Endings - Relationship Break Up and Acceptance / Attachment Trauma Alan Robarge Therapist

Комментарии • 349

  • @dggamer1707
    @dggamer1707 2 года назад +179

    Your videos have given me the ability to calm down, if even only for the duration of the video. I've been unable to eat or drink or function for two weeks now. I have a lot of mental illness issues I deal with and a relationship ended two weeks ago with them simply cutting contact and refusing to speak about what happened. I am binge watching your videos to help me come to terms with my attachment issues and accept the real possibility that they will not ever come back and tell me what happened. I'm hoping the more I watch, the more I'll be able to heal. There's a million questions in my mind and I'm just trying to come to terms with sometimes they never get answered.

    • @norawalker9180
      @norawalker9180 2 года назад +21

      Hang in there. The universe brought you to the channel. You will find peace. 💛

    • @dggamer1707
      @dggamer1707 2 года назад +11

      @@norawalker9180 Thank you. I'm struggling, but I'm trying. 💛

    • @thelmajaneraccoon6035
      @thelmajaneraccoon6035 2 года назад +6

      You are not alone. Thank you for your response. It helped me

    • @anon_ya
      @anon_ya 2 года назад +4

      Hope you are doing better ❤

    • @jenniferhowley5103
      @jenniferhowley5103 Год назад +4

      @@dggamer1707 me too ..its been 5 months and I almost think its getting worse

  • @alexiselle3347
    @alexiselle3347 10 месяцев назад +15

    It’s so much painful when you were blamed for the relationship ending.

  • @nicolameikle3976
    @nicolameikle3976 2 года назад +42

    The pain of not being a ‘WE’ is excruciating 💔😢
    The pain of him giving to others when I thought ‘WE’ were ‘FOREVER’
    He left me behind and I fell apart 💔😢
    I thought what we had was special because it was ‘OURS’ .. 💔😢
    I definitely felt like we were ‘ONE’..
    Limerance took over and I couldn’t let him go - how embarrassing 🙈 was
    I will work on a sense of self xxx
    Thank you for this video ❤️

  • @edgarcoello1358
    @edgarcoello1358 Год назад +16

    “Being hijacked by the fear of being left behind”
    Boom 🤯
    THIS. HIT. HARD!!!

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  Год назад +1

      Glad this resonates. Thanks for the comment.
      If this content speaks to you then you may also like the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more. www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz

  • @dwocelot6913
    @dwocelot6913 2 года назад +41

    For centuries couples have achieved permanence. Hop-scotching from one relationship to the next because you ran into a rough patch in the relationship is a very modern phenomenon. People leave marriages like they log out of websites nowadays.

    • @Drikkerbadevand
      @Drikkerbadevand 13 дней назад

      Why I'll never marry. Society is too big and there are too many possibilities out there. She'll find someone else and lose interest in you. Why make a promise in your marriage when you know her feelings could have turned 180 degrees 6 months from now.

  • @adalineproulx9773
    @adalineproulx9773 2 года назад +18

    This is why id rather be alone. Why invest so much and it ends? Unecessary pain. Id rather stay alone.

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  2 года назад +6

      I hear you

    • @prettynatural1973
      @prettynatural1973 6 месяцев назад +2

      Thank you

    • @spencerkerkhof8356
      @spencerkerkhof8356 5 месяцев назад

      That’s the thing. It’s all necessary. If you don’t experience it, how can you learn from it?

    • @AThirstyPhilosopher
      @AThirstyPhilosopher 2 месяца назад +3

      I used to feel this way. I’m not saying I’m better now. I just have a different view now. I don’t think everyone has to agree. This is just a different viewpoint. I think there are things we can only learn about ourselves within relationship with others. For me, there were things i could heal ONLY within the context of a relationship, because the damage was done within relationship with others when I was a child. Plus, like another commenter alluded to, post-traumatic growth is real. And things don’t need to last forever to be amazing. I’d rather get out of a relationship while I still feel grateful for it than stay in a bad situation just to prevent an ending.

  • @thelmajaneraccoon6035
    @thelmajaneraccoon6035 2 года назад +14

    Yes. I want it to make sense. I want to understand because then I can control it and let it go. At least that’s my core belief. It’s inaccurate. My brain and heart don’t communicate. I do get to a place where I accept that’s it’s just not going to work, it doesn’t matter why. But then I get lonely and the pain starts wearing on me and I pick up the subject again. Thank you for empathy and validating how difficult this is.

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  2 года назад +1

      Great awareness. I hear you. Many of us can relate with struggling with these looping thoughts driven by the pain. Glad this resonated. Thanks for valuing my work.

  • @tinybrit3225
    @tinybrit3225 Год назад +23

    Alan you are like an internet comforting father, you explain things so well and help us move through grieving processes and validate our emotions. You are like the parent we all needed in our childhoods, thank you 🥺

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  Год назад +2

      I appreciate the kind words. Thank you for valuing my effort to capture these difficult topics and explain them so they are accessible. Glad it brings benefit.
      If you haven't already heard about it, since you like the video, you may also like getting in on the conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. I welcome you joining us: www.alanrobarge.com/community

  • @alisayar_
    @alisayar_ Год назад +12

    My ex broke up with me about two weeks ago, and your videos are so amazing and helpful that I cannot thank you enough for sharing them!
    At first I saw 2 of your videos and everything he said hurt so much so I stopped and tried watching the “how to get your ex back” videos.
    Today, after thinking that i’m becoming better, I felt so bad and decided to try your videos again. Although they hurt like hell and were killing all my hope of reuniting - I definitely feel like they’re way healthier than the “junk” videos that make you feel better for a small amount of time but bad for your health in the long run.
    Thank you so much!

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  Год назад +2

      Thank you for sharing that my work was helpful. And I hear you, endings can be painful. Wishing you self-gentleness.
      It's so important to keep talking about this. I welcome you taking part in our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. www.alanrobarge.com/community

  • @dianelamorticella6053
    @dianelamorticella6053 2 года назад +12

    Because I can never go back to being that little person I was before. I am bigger now. I will not allow anyone to treat me poorly. It is time for me to move on.

  • @bev9708
    @bev9708 2 года назад +61

    WOW, what timing!!! I've been agonising about contacting my ex, and all I've learned from your videos has helped me to stay strong. It's only been a few weeks but it feels like soooo much longer! I don't accept that relationships end actually, so your words are really hitting home to me. Many thanks yet again Alan!!

    • @ladeedaa1419
      @ladeedaa1419 2 года назад +2

      You got this Bev!
      Stay strong 💪🏼

    • @bev9708
      @bev9708 2 года назад +2

      @@ladeedaa1419 OHHH thanks so much for the encouragement... it's helpful!!

    • @noneofyourbuizness
      @noneofyourbuizness 2 года назад +1

      Hope you are doing alright sis !

    • @janie9689
      @janie9689 2 года назад

      how did it go Bev?

    • @bev9708
      @bev9708 2 года назад +2

      @@noneofyourbuizness OHHH thanks Mili!!! It's tough I must say... so glad to come back and read some comments of encouragement, it really helps!!!

  • @artsguru1784
    @artsguru1784 Год назад +6

    There’s so much to consider in this talk. Alan doesn’t pretend to have answers but I’ve gained a far greater understanding of my life-long tendency for rumination.

  • @Alice-sj9or
    @Alice-sj9or 2 года назад +70

    So happy you're back Alan! 😃 Your videos, knowledge and your special Soul helped me tremendously 1 year ago when I was getting out of my clinical depression. And here I am a year later, broken hearted again. And here you are - just in time to not let me slip into the darkness. Thanks for your existence! 💙

  • @chambersjc85
    @chambersjc85 2 года назад +10

    I wish I would’ve found this January 2021. I lived my entire year on a hamster wheel. Literally the entire year. Thank you for this

  • @daniellestaley9432
    @daniellestaley9432 2 года назад +12

    Wow, limbic resonance… that sounds amazing and that is SO me. Not my partner at all. Did not have that level of interest and was clear he was not going to change. I never asked him to change, but knew we would not make it for the long haul as things were, so I let him go hoping to at least save the friendship. No blame, just incompatibility. That is why it’s over. I still love him and I’m still having a hard time accepting it’s done. Just taking it a day at a time.

  • @artsguru1784
    @artsguru1784 2 года назад +11

    When you commit to a relationship you take a risk. There are no guarantees. If your relationship ends against your wishes, it’s just dumb luck. You may, as I did, enter the ranks of the desperate and this can continue for a lifetime.
    Incredible understanding and empathy shown in this post. Thanks for all the work you’ve put into it.

  • @palmamingozzi5736
    @palmamingozzi5736 Год назад +5

    All good things come to an end, we have our memories. Never lose hope and have things to look forward to.❤

  • @AnnaEllie13
    @AnnaEllie13 2 года назад +24

    Thank you for another great video Alan. I had a two year long 'on and off' relationship with an avoidant man and every time we were breaking up I was asking myself 'why?' until one day I came across information about attachment traumas and finally found the answer. I realized that I have some deep unhealed childhood wounds and that I have to concentrate on my healing and stop blaming the other person that our relationship doesn't work.

    • @juliamason5705
      @juliamason5705 Год назад +2

      The only way I see how healing work might help is by not choosing an avoidant men in the first place. Or when the first red flags show up, take a sharp turn and leave for self-preservation's sake.
      How did it work for you?

  • @Merzui-kg8ds
    @Merzui-kg8ds Год назад +3

    Listening to this makes me wonder how and why anyone ever relates to anyone else! It sounds like we are all cold marbles rolling about bumping into/off each other. This evokes the question: why invest in relationship, ever? What is the purpose of relationship?

  • @tirgera
    @tirgera 2 года назад +7

    As often, you point out that what we are looking for on the outside is what is missing inside. This video helped me to stop inspecting all the details of every interaction looking for reasons and things I could fix about me and my ex. Our wounds were inflamed and the inflamation made soothing each other no longer possible. It is a metaphor, but I think it works. I need to get better at reassuring myself; self-soothing. Thank you.

  • @gohappypanda1
    @gohappypanda1 2 года назад +12

    I got dumped over pot roast, lol. But I know the real reason why. He is avoidant dismissive, realized he had to address other people's needs besides himself and cut me loose. I feel bad for him, doesn't mean he's not a coward. He blamed me for things that didn't happen, accuse me saying things I never said, all because I wanted him to address my feelings that were hurt from his actions that he admitted he has no regret making. He wanted me quiet, don't complain, don't ask for my needs to be met but he wants his met, and be there until he's done. He just needed an excuse to breakup so he can twist the story and make me look like the bad guy. He needs help, he's been told to get therapy, he refused, so my sympathy stopped there. I have attachment trauma too so I'm going to therapy but yea, I know why, I accept it and this time, I can say with confidence it is all his fault.

    • @HisaLight2mypath
      @HisaLight2mypath Год назад +1

      I got dismissed by introvert but he certainly avoidant as well and emotionally shut . I begged including even offered him money but still didn't want me back
      This is my first time being dumped which was a complete backfire from a protest that I iniated. Instead of the protest causing him to reassure me he agreed with it and left me

    • @camellia8625
      @camellia8625 6 месяцев назад

      I can very strongly relate to your situation.

    • @beaker7353
      @beaker7353 3 месяца назад

      Me too. I got the break up messages over salmon. My feelings were never met. Gave him one more chance and he ended it yesterday over me spilling tea. Trouble was I was so anxious my shaking didn't help. He berated me for leaving a stain. Told me to take my stuff and go. Didn't even check if I had burnt myself which I had . Left his place in dirty clothes, not able to freshen up, as id just woke up, drove home in tears 😢

    • @user-ih5kg1fd2m
      @user-ih5kg1fd2m 20 дней назад

      @@HisaLight2mypath ugh - sorry - I know this scene well

  • @Lotsa-Luv
    @Lotsa-Luv 2 года назад +3

    Thanks for coming back! 🙏

  • @jc9084
    @jc9084 2 года назад +1

    Alan! You're back!! So happy !

  • @merazkadjalil167
    @merazkadjalil167 2 года назад +1

    Thank you so much Alan , your videos are a gift to me !

  • @Daneiladams555
    @Daneiladams555 2 года назад +1

    This video brought me to tears
    Thankyou 🥰

  • @erinboehme2788
    @erinboehme2788 2 года назад +4

    I found your channel about 5 months ago and I’m so happy you’re posting. Your style and content and delivery resonates with me so much. Your knowledge through experience and the empathy from that shines through. I have worked with a few therapists and watched many online but I’ve never connected like I have with you, even though we’ve never met, I feel I’ve known you a long time. I look forward to more content, I’m so happy to support you and your channel 🙏 you are a true gift from god!

  • @gc2137
    @gc2137 2 года назад +4

    I think if the emotional pain or suffering teaches a lesson, then the lesson is the gift. We dont seek out emotional pain or suffering, but if it happens and we learn something that heals us, the lesson and subsequent healing is the gift ❤

  • @loriannbranson2700
    @loriannbranson2700 2 года назад

    Thank you, I am helped a lot by your videos. Keep up the good work 👏

  • @katc6823
    @katc6823 Год назад

    Thank you Alan. Brilliant insight.

  • @igabgabgab
    @igabgabgab 2 года назад +2

    Thank you for your videos, I’m sorry for what you are going through.

  • @nataliejohnson932
    @nataliejohnson932 Год назад

    I am so grateful for these videos, they are saving my life.

  • @Kains_whored
    @Kains_whored 2 года назад +7

    yes ! Mr. Robarge back at it healing what at one time felt damaged beyond repair

  • @lynnev9781
    @lynnev9781 2 года назад +4

    Thank you so much for your amazing work. I have been a silent fan of yours for years.

  • @snakedogman
    @snakedogman 11 месяцев назад +2

    Always appreciate your empathy and that you don't pretend that life or the relationship is always gonna work out, and you acknowledge the suffering that life and relationships almost inevitably bring along with them. The pain of living indeed. Insecurity, impermanence, loneliness, disconnect, isolation... Both suffering and happiness are impermanent and this is not "good" or "bad". I discovered your channel after my first breakup of (also) my first proper long relationship (9 years). Your voice was a bit of light and consolation in the crushing darkness I felt then. Now I'm on my third breakup ;) and it's painful again, but not quite as crushing as the last time and here I am seeking out your voice again. Thank you.

  • @kimberlymccracken747
    @kimberlymccracken747 2 года назад +3

    Oh honey - I can FEEL your loss and I understand completely 🙏👍😘

  • @stefaniamirri1112
    @stefaniamirri1112 2 года назад

    Hi Dr, beautiful to see your expertise and Kindness around again, WB, you have been missed :))

  • @rainykanon
    @rainykanon 2 года назад +3

    Omg Alan you are back!!! Not struggling with this at the moment but I will listen anyway because you are the best ever and have helped me so much.

  • @savscostumeshop
    @savscostumeshop 2 года назад +3

    this video brought me to tears. excellent excellent stuff, thank you. 3 months post breakup.

  • @ChandanaCTV
    @ChandanaCTV 2 года назад

    Thank you Alan, glad you're posting again❤

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  2 года назад

      Thanks for the kind words and warm welcome. Glad you like the content.
      For more content like this you may be interested in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. I invite you joining us:
      www.alanrobarge.com/community

  • @gabbygabs5107
    @gabbygabs5107 2 года назад +12

    Omg you’re posting again!!! How exciting!!! Welcome back, your videos have gotten me through bad times!!

  • @hajisbindi
    @hajisbindi 2 года назад +5

    Thank you so much for your videos. I understand myself so much better now

  • @chrisrussoroos6091
    @chrisrussoroos6091 2 года назад

    Wow- deep. Thank you 🙏🏼

  • @facilitator969
    @facilitator969 Год назад

    This is just brilliant - thank you for your wisdom.

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  Год назад

      Glad it was helpful! Thanks for the kind words and thanks for valuing my work.
      Also, this topic comes up in conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're welcome to join us: www.alanrobarge.com/community

  • @makaylahollywood3677
    @makaylahollywood3677 2 года назад

    I am really impressed by your information, your sincerity, the way you present it. At the same time- you have a reality check, that is humorous to me, I just have to crack up because it's almost funny "We Humans" and how we are all trying to be so evolved. The humor in knowing we continue to change, so we can never truly be "altogether, I got this I learned it all". Letting it go and realizing we are all in this together brings me relief. The relief that I don't have to "figure it all out" because it's going to change and fall away. Thank you Alan. I was anxious and depressed- and, now I can find some relief by laughing and realizing- it's all okay.

  • @jessicahandelman1993
    @jessicahandelman1993 2 года назад +1

    Alan, you just hit the nail on the head every time. But this one for sure--absolutely magnificent! I won't say how long I'm still "unpacking", but yeah, I am. This gave me a good shake, like when you wring out a rag of soggy, stale water.

  • @mindfulmeli4116
    @mindfulmeli4116 2 года назад +3

    OMG I was JUST wondering when you were coming back to RUclips yesterday!! ❤️

  • @Allegedly..Angela
    @Allegedly..Angela Год назад

    I so love these videos! So helpful. Thank you for posting these discussions.

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  Год назад

      Glad you like them! Thank you for letting me know the videos are helpful for you.
      This topic comes up in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Join us in the conversations: www.alanrobarge.com/community

  • @nicolameikle3976
    @nicolameikle3976 2 года назад +2

    Thank You so much for this video ❤️
    What a treasure you are to help so so many people.. Have a blessed day
    🧡🌈🧡🌈🧡

  • @familiamckenziefriend1130
    @familiamckenziefriend1130 2 года назад

    Alan I have missed your wisdom so much and am so happy you're back ❤

  • @mariainesbustamante4371
    @mariainesbustamante4371 2 года назад

    Thank you very much Dr. Robarge for shearig your knowledge and wisdom!

  • @zlee63
    @zlee63 2 года назад

    I feel so fortunate to have found you. I want to join and take your course. Thank you so much for making these videos available.

  • @AllenB-mz5vl
    @AllenB-mz5vl 6 месяцев назад

    This video is so spot on.

  • @andyuxd
    @andyuxd 2 года назад +8

    My goodness.. thank you Alan. I relate to so many things here. I get it. I have one main point to raise and I wonder if anyone else in sync with my (1 year post breakup) journey relates:
    - I would agree that considering the breakup an “awakening” (I.e., omg I see have s**t going on too!) a “gift”, is somewhat insensitive, but only on the basis that it’s categorically over; that both parties cannot take joint accountability for the breakdown and work on reconciliation. In this case, it’s awful and painful for one more than the other (in most cases…) So a gift, it does not feel like.
    On the other hand, IF couples can check themselves, what better gift than to confront the issues together at the point of awakening, moving forward with a collective insight into what happened *before* VS what was happening *during*, in order to try a new method and save the relationship (and in my case a family w/ 2 children).
    That is what I think people (including me, right now) hold on to. On discovering all this info, it appears, at face value, to be a simple fix, akin to the tightening of a loose bolt that no one realised was loose (but explains EVERYTHING!). So then it leaves you stuck with one of the WHY questions - e.g., now that we know, why weren’t they prepared to see this through, like I was? Could the good stuff not be *really* good now?…
    Yes, the breakup often goes way deeper than a simple mismatch between attachment styles etc (and I take the point about couples fundamentally operating at "different frequencies" which are potentially not possible to change) but because it seems like a simple fix to one party, it’s so easy to find yourself in an endless cycle of “why”, exactly as this video describes.
    Wishing anyone going through a tough time a gentle recovery - it’s super hard, especially when there are children involved.. ❤️

  • @margiegarciacausby
    @margiegarciacausby Год назад +2

    Both videos I watched today changed my mind about the pain I’ve been feeling lately . You are so right and give away your your human nature and compassion to others who are going thru so pain and no one has said to me to face my pain and admit it’s real , safeness speaks truth - you said and many others thing that helped to understand all is temporary , all changes , nothing is permanent,
    Thank for taking with your own heart , only another heart is able to bring solace to a hurting heart
    Thank you so much !

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  Год назад

      I appreciate the kind feedback. Thank you for valuing my effort. Glad it brings you benefit.
      If you haven't already heard about it, this topic also comes up in conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're welcome to join us in the conversations: www.alanrobarge.com/community

  • @blakevolovich4572
    @blakevolovich4572 2 года назад +3

    HELLO ALAN! once again fantastic content, it was strange 4 years ago I discovered your channel, after a massive self sabotage, 4 years later I reflect on the loss and am filled with anxiety. However your new content has coming in perfectly when I've decided to take a stand against my fears and accept what can't be change! For what it's worth I think we are all glad we get to share our journey with you and we are so very grateful for you and your work! Best of luck and loving support everyone! I wish you peace and happiness! 😊

  • @triciaprice5401
    @triciaprice5401 2 года назад

    Thank you for your content it is helping me through a really tough time

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  2 года назад

      I appreciate the feedback. Glad to hear you are finding benefit from the content.

  • @Julia-ej4jz
    @Julia-ej4jz 2 года назад +8

    Yes! I should stop dreaming of having great friends or a great spouse and have the sense of WE. There are no WE, I should accept this reality. Also, another nice feeling in marriage (apart from WE) is the sense of being heard and taken care of.

  • @marciadaniel2666
    @marciadaniel2666 2 года назад +2

    SO real ! I felt your spirit. Thank you for opening up to us. Your videos are helping me heal and learn about my self as never before. I appreciate you sharing your knowledge more than I can express. 😊

  • @MsRainyday135
    @MsRainyday135 2 года назад +4

    Alan your content shines a light where my understanding is so dim. This video is gold. Thank you so much for all you do.

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  2 года назад +1

      I appreciate the kind words. Glad this delivers light. Thanks for valuing my work.

  • @professorlayabout4878
    @professorlayabout4878 2 года назад +7

    So glad you are posting again, Alan. These videos are very helpful.

    • @pixxie__
      @pixxie__ 2 года назад

      No worries 😎😂

  • @kimberlymenzies8385
    @kimberlymenzies8385 2 года назад +2

    I just wanted to thank you so much for your videos. Your clear instructions about leaving the relationship that felt wrong was the catalyst in my break up and I'm finally feeling safe and like I made the right choice. And that I'm doing the right thing. And I'm prioritizing healing.

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  2 года назад

      This sounds like helpful unpacking. I appreciate the feedback. Thanks for valuing my efforts to offer explanation. Glad it delivers benefit.

  • @cherbug1197
    @cherbug1197 2 года назад +7

    i like how you addressed over use of attachment styles and our ego ready to blame on the other when they don’t do what we want. Great discussion! thank you!

  • @davepenn9181
    @davepenn9181 Год назад +3

    Alan, thank you for your content. Both here and in your wonderful healing community. Thanks to working through a bunch of your content and through 4-1/2 years of psychotherapy with a wonderful therapist, in my last relationship break-up I was able to contemplate and resolve the "why" and move on with clarity and calm and confidence.

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  Год назад

      That is great to hear! I appreciate the kind words and thank you for valuing my work. Glad it is beneficial for you.

  • @tamarahjackelen4671
    @tamarahjackelen4671 Год назад

    Thank you Alan. Incredibly helpful ❤

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  Год назад +1

      I appreciate the comment. Glad my work brings benefit.
      Relationship break up comes up in our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to take part. www.alanrobarge.com/community

  • @Demebeso714
    @Demebeso714 2 года назад +1

    You make this world such a better place to be...just when i thought all hope was lost for mankind...you make sense of the nonsense...excellent videos..soul enrichment to the fullest...strength to keep going..keep goingggg...just keep going...thank you!!!

  • @tammycooper7569
    @tammycooper7569 10 месяцев назад

    Thank you....youve made more sense then any other video...i will continue to listen listening.

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  9 месяцев назад

      I appreciate the feedback. Glad this video offers clarity.
      If this video is helpful you may also like taking the Relationship Quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

  • @eviezucchinimartini
    @eviezucchinimartini 2 года назад +10

    so happy you're back and feel confident in what you're posting. i remember reading your post and why you hadn't been uploading and i thank you still for being transparent with your audience. you're wonderful, thanks again

    • @pixxie__
      @pixxie__ 2 года назад +1

      I think I missed that, why didn't he upload for such a long time there?

    • @KandyKoatedKrafts
      @KandyKoatedKrafts 2 года назад

      I missed that too, please share…

  • @janethomas78
    @janethomas78 11 месяцев назад +1

    Alan has the words and descriptions like no other, he says it like it really is!! Thank you!!

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  11 месяцев назад

      I appreciate the kind words. Thank you for valuing my effort.
      If you like the videos then you may also like our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community

  • @saidiezzedine7279
    @saidiezzedine7279 Год назад

    You don't have any idea how much your videos are helping me now
    Thank you from the bottom of my heart 🙏💖

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  Год назад +1

      I appreciate the feedback. Thank you for sharing my work is helpful for you.
      This is also a topic in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're welcome to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community

  • @knitnpaint
    @knitnpaint 2 года назад +1

    Thank you so much.

  • @peachysquirrely
    @peachysquirrely Год назад +1

    The way that you explain things is so eloquent and there’s so much feeling behind it I really feel the connection with what you say

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  Год назад

      I appreciate the kind words. Glad my work speaks to you. Thank you for valuing my effort.
      If this content is helpful then you may also like to get in on our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited. www.alanrobarge.com/community

  • @allthingsfashion86
    @allthingsfashion86 Год назад

    This hit home thank you!♡

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  Год назад +1

      You're welcome. Glad this is helpful. Thank you for valuing my work.
      If this video is helpful then you may also like taking part in the conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. This topic comes up in the Community. You're welcome to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community

  • @Astrologcomedy
    @Astrologcomedy 2 года назад

    I’m very happy your back!

  • @happygucci5094
    @happygucci5094 6 месяцев назад

    Mercy this hurt. And was SPOT on. My own searching for the “why” is a form of magical thinking from childhood- I haven’t grieved/ actively avoid feeling the full weight of all the overwhelming out of control “why’s” that went unanswered in childhood- and my adult brain knows even if I get an answer - it won’t be enough. I want what isn’t possible- a trauma free childhood, love from both of my parents, parents that I wish never had been traumatized themselves. I want a family that loves me like I love them… I didn’t get what I wanted- and stuffing the grief down has just set me up for the perfect meltdown in adulthood. The pain of my child self demands to be listened to.
    Attention must be paid.

  • @sunshinestar6076
    @sunshinestar6076 2 года назад +8

    Alan you give so much soul to your videos…thank u so much for all your time

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  2 года назад +1

      I appreciate the kind words, Thanks for valuing my efforts.

    • @yahayat.tibrahim5172
      @yahayat.tibrahim5172 2 года назад

      Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together

    • @yahayat.tibrahim5172
      @yahayat.tibrahim5172 2 года назад

      Whatzapp him now....

    • @yahayat.tibrahim5172
      @yahayat.tibrahim5172 2 года назад

      †13609219711⏭⏯??????

  • @gapmerayo
    @gapmerayo Год назад

    Allan. Hello from Costa Rica.
    Thank you for your words, for your conversations, for sharing your knowledge…
    Muchas Gracias Allan

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  Год назад

      I appreciate the kind note. Thank you for valuing my work. Glad it offers benefit for you.
      Since this video is helpful, and if you haven't already heard about it, I want to also invite you to the Improve Your Relationships Community Program. There are many more conversations and wisdom around this topic. Join us in the conversations: www.alanrobarge.com/community

  • @binglopez4919
    @binglopez4919 10 месяцев назад

    Thank you so much for this video Alan.
    I can relate myself with being stuck in finding the “why” of the ending of a marriage and attachment.

  • @terr1
    @terr1 Год назад

    Thank you so much
    I think ,as you say, I'm going to apply this to so many "why's" I have

  • @rebeccacheney9566
    @rebeccacheney9566 7 месяцев назад +1

    I listened to this twice over- I love your work and am so glad you’re back! Thank you!!

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  7 месяцев назад

      I appreciate the kind words and thank you for the warm welcome back. Glad my work brings you benefit.
      I know we mention this topic in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. If you haven't heard about it take the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

  • @kaytimberlake7764
    @kaytimberlake7764 9 месяцев назад

    Your videos are really helping me, thank you

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  9 месяцев назад

      Glad the videos are helpful. Thank you for valuing my work.
      Since you like the videos you may also like the Community Program, Improve Your Relationship. Learn more by taking the quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

  • @roodabehakbari9256
    @roodabehakbari9256 Год назад

    i like you so much. you are offering empathy in every difficult issue. thank you! you´re such a precious heart.

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  Год назад +1

      I appreciate the kind words. Thank you for valuing my effort. Glad it brings benefit.
      If this content is helpful then you may also like taking part in our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community

    • @roodhaabr6945
      @roodhaabr6945 11 месяцев назад

      @@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma i'll take my time and will consider, how can i implement it into my plan.
      thank you!

  • @minchdc
    @minchdc 2 года назад

    Thank you, Alan!

  • @debnn4854
    @debnn4854 2 года назад

    Yes Rinpoche is adorable...I believe have listened to him discuss meditation So sweet generous gentle also wise .

  • @hosseinakhavan1038
    @hosseinakhavan1038 2 года назад

    Thanks for helpful information

  • @nihaofamily
    @nihaofamily 8 месяцев назад +1

    I think I've watched this video 3x over the last year - thanks for your effort and time in putting these out - i'm sure the financial reuturn doesn't compensate the time and effort but in the bigger picture some things are priceless

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  8 месяцев назад

      Glad my work brings benefit. Thank you for valuing my effort.
      I know when this topic was mentioned in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. If you haven't heard about it take the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

  • @thomashutchinson4391
    @thomashutchinson4391 7 месяцев назад

    Wow, thank you for this. It corresponds closely with the place I currently am.

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  7 месяцев назад

      You're welcome. Glad this video speaks to you.
      If this video speaks to you then you may also like the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Take the quiz to learn more. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

  • @DavidTramacchi
    @DavidTramacchi 4 месяца назад

    really good video thank you 🙏

  • @windrock
    @windrock 10 месяцев назад +1

    That's a beautiful metaphor...I will hold that in my heart.

  • @youcandothis1674
    @youcandothis1674 2 года назад +1

    Love this so much Alan needed this perspective. I have been stuck. helpful!!! 🙏

  • @AnaCreatesJoy
    @AnaCreatesJoy Год назад +2

    Thnk you so much for your work. Your words are so acutely on point. I don't know of any other therapist who tackles abandonment trauma / end-of-relationship obsessive loops in quite the same depth. Whenever you write a book, I'll buy it ;)

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  Год назад

      I appreciate the kind words. Thank you for valuing my work. It has taken me years of study and healing process. Glad it brings you benefit.
      If the videos are helpful then you may also like getting in our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're welcome to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community

  • @Killane10
    @Killane10 6 месяцев назад +1

    Thanks for your authenticity and wisdom ❤

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  6 месяцев назад +1

      Thank you for kind words and for valuing my effort.
      Since you like the content you may also like taking the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

  • @meganjohnson9540
    @meganjohnson9540 Год назад

    It’s cool to appreciate one’s own suffering. It’s a dick move to recommend it as a tip to someone in pain. I like this background. Thanks for your work. Super helpful!

  • @bensweiss
    @bensweiss 2 года назад +1

    Thank you for this video, the powerful section 25:15 helped me understand the views of my ex, and as I listened I heard about myself. So informative about trauma bonding. Trauma Symptom of Intrusion, I need to talk about this and think about this. The question Why is asking reassurance and often from the person who left you (In my case). Elements of this seem true, I need to look at myself and this. As well as these other things mentioned, thank you again. This is quite exhausting.

  • @agibby4848
    @agibby4848 6 месяцев назад

    ❤ TY so much for sharing your wisdom!!!!

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  6 месяцев назад

      You're welcome and thank you for valuing my work.
      If this content is helpful you may also like taking the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

  • @patriciastephenson1040
    @patriciastephenson1040 6 месяцев назад

    Thank you so much for this video.. Hearing you so accurately describe what i have been experiencing internally over the past 5 months, I no longer feel like I'm losing my mind because I can't find a way, although I've really tried, to stop obsessing and anguishing and just let go, despite all the negative consequences hanging on has brought me emotionally..Being able to grasp that the key out of this likely lies in shifting my focus to building a stronger sense of self gives me a glimmer of hope. Could you perhaps do a video on this topic, please? I would love to hear your ideas on that.

  • @jennmemphis
    @jennmemphis Год назад +1

    Alan, I am struggling very badly and this video has helped me more than anything this week. I haven't been able to work. I feel like I can function today.

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  Год назад +2

      Empathy goes out to you. Wishing you self-gentleness. Thank you for letting me know this video was helpful.

  • @Sophie-uc8vp
    @Sophie-uc8vp 2 года назад +2

    So glad to see ypu back on your channel. There is no content on RUclips like yours. And exactly what I needed at this time, permission to grieve, eat pizza and watch tv 🙏❤

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  2 года назад +4

      Thanks for the warm welcome. And also thanks for valuing my work. More videos to come.
      And great plans!

    • @yahayat.tibrahim5172
      @yahayat.tibrahim5172 2 года назад

      Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together

    • @yahayat.tibrahim5172
      @yahayat.tibrahim5172 2 года назад

      Whatzapp him now....

    • @yahayat.tibrahim5172
      @yahayat.tibrahim5172 2 года назад

      †13609219711⏭⏯??????

  • @ghitatherapy8255
    @ghitatherapy8255 4 месяца назад

    Always wonderful to listen to your videos, Alan. Simple, unpacking.

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  4 месяца назад

      I appreciate the kind words. I'm glad the videos are helpful. I want to share you may also like taking the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

  • @hollymontgomery9810
    @hollymontgomery9810 2 года назад +6

    I'm 60 years old and have carried this gutwrenching pain around my whole life. All of Alan's videos speak to me. But this last ending finally brought me to my knees. I am trying to reach out to others in my same boat. Does this ever get better?

    • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
      @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma  2 года назад

      Wishing you self-compassion. Your story brings up empathy. Glad the content speaks to you. Thanks for valuing my work.
      Also, many people ask a similar question like "how do I heal?" Thanks for asking. There are so many things we need to factor in like one's history and experiences. This is something members can explore in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community You're welcome to join us.

  • @juliejarrett4508
    @juliejarrett4508 8 месяцев назад

    I agree, excellent! Thank you!