High vs Low Masking in Autism/ADHD ❤️
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- Опубликовано: 14 мар 2024
- Masking is camouflaging natural behaviors to conform to social pressures.❤️ Everyone does it sometimes, but neurodivergent people do it a lot more.❤️ Some neurodivergent people have masked so much, and for so long, that they struggle to know who they really are.❤️❤️
If you mask, do you consider yourself high, masking, or low masking?❤️❤️❤️
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#autism #adhd #audhd #neurodivergent #neurospicy #actuallyautistic #masking #asd #hiddendisabilites #highmasking #stimming #stimmingpositivity #stimtoys
All I'm thinking: good cardio habit
It is 😂 always loved that benefit
Right!! Also I remember I did this particular stimming when I was a kid and teenager… but then I stopped… I’m 33 now… I just got up and did it and I’m definitely using this in annoyingly bright stores among other places… it felt really good and even made the heaviness in my chest feel lighter (it’s late and I’m exhausted and working through depression issues hence the heaviness) I only did it for a couple minutes… definitely need to remember to do this again and often!
Fly like a butterfly, sting like a bee
Right, me too! Toren will never get afib or any kind of heart problems. ♥️
@@heavenlymonkey♥️🦋🐝♥️ Love that saying, haven't heard it in years. Sweet memories of Muhammad Ali.
I saw my young niece yesterday who stims constantly and I told her that I was jealous of her ability to do so. I explained to her that, when I was growing up, I was constantly told to suppress those impulses and now I always feel itchy inside but can’t release it easily. I love her ability to be free to be comfortable with herself.
I know what you mean. I feel a weird ache. My body parts will ache when I’m trying to control them and keep them still.
I feel so jangly and itchy inside like my insides become grinding gears all the time and I have recently realised I have been masking since childhood woop woop
huh i feel itchy too. i didnt realize that was something i felt and others had too. most of the time i feel restless, but dont know how to get rid of it. and even though i feel restless, i also feel too tired to run around or something to get rid of the restlessness. :/ :(
@@nickorange4881 yeah, I know EXACTLY what you mean.
Listen, I actually use sweeping as an acceptable stim sometimes. I didn't know I was autistic until recently, and I'm a middle aged mom. When I'm "stressed" I have always turned to "cleaning". It's partly the repetitive and routine movements of sweeping and wiping that soothe me. I understand that now.
I've always found cleaning to be comforting
I like your comment. Even as a neurotypical person, cleaning calms me down and helps me destress when I'm overwhelmed (bad childhood).
Me too! I also organise spaces a lot when I get stressed or overwhelmed.
My anxiety feels the same!
I call it stress cleaning 😩
Probably why I was a good housekeeper. But my mom drove me crazy how she would not fold the rugs the way I liked them. ha ha. Running and walking has always been my default. Treadmill or track either. During stressful times I may log 25 miles a week.
It’s so hard as the ADHD mom who was probably told to “settle down” her whole life, to let our kids be free that way. Not just because of societal standard being forced on us, but because it can be incredibly overstimulating.
I’m so so glad there is content like this out there. I didn’t realize adhd stimming was even a thing until the last couple years. I thought we all had uncontrollable physical outbursts sometimes 😅
Just don’t let them go yelling and running around in restaurants and stores. That’s what the playground is for
get this dude a job in voice acting. I could listen to him talk all damn day
He should absolutely do that! 💖💖💖
A voice I find very soothing to listen to.
It’s good to show how different types of people have different stimming styles because a lot of people have misconceptions about stimming and autism. High masking or low masking, I’m proud of yall for showing who yall are and being yourselves. Sending love and support 💕
I am a high masking late diagnosed autistic women and I love your channel soo much ❤ you make the world a better place
Me too! Not diagnosed until my 50s. I wish I knew sooner. 😢
Samesies. Wasn't diagnosed until my 30s after I had a breakdown
@@nunpho same. I had a breakdown at 20. Diagnosed at 28
@@Velvetwings9 I had a breakdown at 17, but that was in the 1980s. I have had to be hospitalized repeatedly over the years. No diagnosis until 55 years old. It actually sucks because what IF I had gotten a diagnosis and accomodations sooner I would have had a completely different life. The government declared me disabled in my 20s. What a wasted life not understanding what was going on. I was told by my narcissistic parents that I am lazy, stupid (even though I got a 4.0 cumulative GPA in nursing school/prerequisites), "crazy", a failure, etc. My mother abandoned me because I was "inconvenient".
I was put in a psych hospital for 3 years. From 17-20 y/o.
I would have been extremely grateful to have been diagnosed back then. I instead received a myriad of misdiagnoses for 40 years.
@@Velvetwings9 it's a shame that this is SO common for women in the spectrum. Hopefully this lessens as the awareness spreads. I thought the same thing, if I was diagnosed as a kid my life could be so different.
💖💖
I'm late diagnosed ADHD and ASD and used to be high masking, but now at 40 I find I'm unable to mask in public as much as I would like. I had a weird childhood so I've never really noticed how people see me unless they come up and tell me and that caused severe anxiety. But as I got older I just find myself dancing or bouncing or fidgeting without realizing I'm doing it until I start noticing people giving me weird looks. I wish I didn't care.
I watch (some of) my students stim openly and I'm glad they're not taught to repres sit like I was. One day, maybe, we can all just be ourselves.
I love how much you love your mom. Seeing a channel thats from the kids pov on loving their parent is so rare. Adore seeing this/srs
your mom is like me and my mom and now I have a son and he is freely stimming always
That's so wonderful to hear❣️❣️
I wonder how much of this is to do with gender. Maybe from how both genders are treated through school.
I'm glad you feel safe enough to stim in public. A man in my community was arrested for his involuntary turrets. Because of this I tell my son to put on his nerotypical mask when we go out. This has worked in helping him understand what to do. He asked why and I told him we all have to wear a mask in public even nerotypical people. I told him I know it's not fair that he has to do it more but to live in a society we have to adapt. One day I hope all that changes. His stimming doesn't bother me and I think if society accepted people as they are they'd get used to it as I did.
I don’t know about everybody, but you, personally, have completely change nearly all of my previous perceptions. Thank you ❤
the speed up of you tippy tapping relentlessly looked so adorable hahaha
She finds useful ways to stim, by doing chores and tasks.
I’m so glad you are low masking . I am low masking as well but I feel sorry for your poor mom . I’m sending her prayers !🙏🤲
just proves you have an amazing mom who let you be yourself.
I’m so glad I found your channel. RUclips algorithm win! My son has Aspergers and I’m always looking for different perspectives from those on the spectrum. It helps me to connect with him in meaningful ways. ❤
Your mom is a blessing ❤ and so are you! It it is so nice to watch you two share your lives with us
You remind me of my kiddo. We have always believed that stimming is so good for our son. You have helped validate that a bit more for us. We were always pretty content regardless of anyone opinion. I just wanted to thank you for being you. :)
You changed my perception about having differences and just the way we are. It's just perfectly given into words. Thank you.
Toren, with more individuals, such as yourself coming forward, we will eventually. I was high masking until pain and brain injury made supressing my stims nearly impossible. Thank you for sharing your story with the rest of the world.
I remember when I was younger I would run and spin in circles for hours, and I would rock back and forth. I remember one day I think I was in 7th grade, I was rocking back and forth in my seat and the student next to me asked why I was doing that, and I replied that I didn't know why. They said that it was strange and that I was weird for doing it. And I remember thinking that I was weird and annoying, and from that point on I stopped stiming in unhealthy ways such as chewing the inside of my cheek and peeling my skin off because i didnt want to bother the peoplearound me. A few years ago I was diagnosed with autism and I started to understand the behavior and the need for children to have a place and the support to stim safety. I wanted to say that your videos bring me a feeling of joy and I don't feel as ashamed or alone. Thank you for sharing and giving awareness, it helps many including me.
Ankles checked lol. You probably got the strongest ones of everyone you know.
I admire this family and I feel so safe on this channel. Thank you for helping others❤️
I'm a 52yr old AuDHDer, and am more like your mom. I DO CARE what others think about me. I was raised by a Covert narcissistic "mother", and have experienced TRAUMA in my childhood, as well as an adult. I developed bipolar mood/anxiety disorder, OCD and C-PTSD. I don't feel safe to be my FULL AUTHENTIC self in front of others, and even more sad that I don't have the FREEDOM to do so in front of relatives. 😢
I care too much what ppl think too and hate it. My mom was nice though, luckily 💚
I'm a moderate masking mom and my daughter doesn't mask at all, at least not usually. I encourage stimming unless it could hurt her or break things
She wants to crash with the force of a meteorite on every piece of furniture and I totally get it, because I always wanted to do that too 😂
I think women have been especially taught to suppress excess movements. I remember when i was in first grade, I was rocking back and forth in my desk chair, I hadn't yet been made to be overly conscious about myself. Then the boy sitting next to me asked, "Why are you doing that?" I said, "Doing what?" And he looked at me so weird yall, he said "why are you moving like that?" That was the last time i was ever able to say "Oh, I didn't notice..." because from then on, I always caught myself rocking and stopped it as soon as i caught it.
I was taught to suppress it as a young girl because it wasn't ladylike, and it was "annoying" to others. So instead, I developed restless legs syndrome that actually keeps me awake at night, and I have what amounts to permanent shin splints and a lot of pain when I walk for too long because of the way I tense my muscles to restrict the urge to stim.
It makes me genuinely happy to see someone so free in their neurodivergence, because nobody should be taught to suppress who they are for anyone else's comfort.
This makes me comfortable and seen ❤
It's kind of interesting to see the vast difference between generations of autistic people. I'm 31 and even in my generation my parents were taught some pretty horrible things to "teach me" to behave in what was considered an acceptable manner. But I look around now and see a generation of people who are being allowed to just be themselves and it's eliminating a lot of the issues surrounding symptoms people considered a disability.
Ie I tend to have a hyperactive body and I used to fidget non-stop but it made people accuse me of lying all the time. Especially considering on top of it all I hate prolonged direct eye contact. So I grew up having to mask for basically safety and it's really nice to see people stimming in public and being open about how they express themselves. It feels like hope.
Great vid!
Hello, I'm 40 and undiagnosed but strongly suspect Audhd looking back at my life so far. I realize what activities I often do is likely my masked stimming. I was often pegged as "the weird one" so I got creative literally with some of mine. There was always something for me to do since I drew art starting at a young age, and some musical focuses like singing. And for the past couple decades, playing DDR at the arcade whenever I can. So a lot of that repetitive energy masked through unassuming activities and art became my profession so it was also seen as a valued skill to others. I even referred to my drawing during my teen years "my anti drug", since it was often something I felt I had to do to feel better, ya know? Sweeping is often a thing I will do and it brings a calming zone for a bit. Anywho just a couple examples from my own process. Thank you for your video, I wish you and your ma the best.
the fact you don’t care what people think is a blessing and a curse
Society hates that. 😂
I low-key love receiving info dumps, and if the person is also stimming, it means I can also, and that's where friendship is magic 🎩 ✨️
I think being a woman its usually high masking in public + around unsafe individuals, then conversely, low masking in private + around safe individuals. Once you have the privilege of going low masking you realize all the psychological issues (fatigue, depression, burnout etc) that high masking cause. I try to avoid it as often as possible but in some environments doing so makes you a pretty active target. Sometimes, it's not about caring what people's opinions are (I definitely don't) as much as it is about the palpable consequences (actual negative effects) that can come your way from too many people thinking a certain way. Think: poor/discriminatiory treatment, triangulation, people ganging up on you, taking your words out of context, etc. It's always a balancing game for NDs in an NT world.
This made me think of a moment I noticed in church recently. There were some kids on stage singing a song they had learned that had hand gestures. I saw only two adults in the crowd who decided to join in withe the hand gestures.
Both of them were adults with some form of developmental disorder or neurodivergence (I'm phrasing it that way because I don't know them well enought to actually know the specifics of their condition. One of them has Downs, but I'm not sure about the other man.)
It just got me thinking about how special it is to be carefree enough to participate in something other adults feel embarassed to do because it seems childish. I think there's a lesson in there somewhere.
I get this, my whole family is ND specifically ASD/ADHD, and I have never been great at masking because well when your whole family is learning it is complicated, like your parents still encourage you to mask, but they themselves often don’t know they are doing it, allot of my masking was learnt at school because I was constantly told off for things I didn’t know I was doing , (talking too loud, to fast, being to detail oriented etc)
It was only after I was formally diagnosed and went into a technical IT field where I started undoing allot of that, because all of a sudden I was around allot of other ND people, many undiagnosed but who had not been forced to mask to the same extent if at all, and so suddenly I wasn’t being called out for talking to loud, being too passionate because well I was just like everyone else,
And then I met up with a group of old friends from my late teens, and I distinctly remember being scolded for talking too loud… when I was talking at the same. Volume as the dudes of the group, It was crushing, I had forgotten what that had felt like.
It wasn’t a fun experience, but looking back I realise now how much happier now that I mask less.
I think people forget there’s no such thing as growing out of being ND, you just learn to suppress who you are , to make yourself small, and I’ve realise, I’m done with doing that , I don’t ever want to go back to feeling small.
Hugs to your mum I hope she is able to work through this because yeah it’s exhausting and she is amazing, you both are 💜
I am so very happy I found you guys today. You all help me immensely. Thank you
I do the same kind of stimming, my friends constantly ask why I’m moving my feet like that lol
I'm similar to your mom. I'm a teen girl and I always stim in private and I think I would stim was more if it was "socially acceptable". I also am an actor and so I typically don't stim because theatre directors will believe I cant hold still on stage or act NT. Thanks for your videos, Toren. They make me feel better about myself :). If we went to the same school I would love to be your friend
There isnt anything more beautiful and peaceful than witnessing a person 'be their true selves.'
Why would anyone have a problem with that?
The Neurotypical world has a lot to learn...it lives in fear.
I'm stimming all day every day. I like to think I'm the funnest courier to watch work
Thanks for putting yourself out there to spread awareness. Wish I understood these things about myself as a kid or had someone around to point out the (obvious to me now) signs. I may have felt alone then but not anymore.
Does my heart good to see you being yourself. I pray your mom does too. Y'all are beautiful people
I really love to swing from side to side as a stim when I'm sitting or standing. As a child until the age of 8 I also used to suck my thumb and stroke the tail of my teddy bear as a stim for my fingers which was great! When I leave the house, I like to hold my keys and fidget with them as I go to the store.
I'm not autistic but I know I'm neurodivergent in some way, likely HSP with a pretty sensitive nervous system, which provides me with burn outs but also endless imagination ✨
My dad and me both have autism and adhd,i dont see my dad so i dont really know if he is high or low,i used to be high masking but i slowly became low masking,as the only ND in the house,i used to think i was weird,but these videos helped me feel more confidnet in the world,keep it up Toren your are doing amazing❤
I'm a lot like your mother, and was taught to be that way even though I wanna take the mask off and stim.
Everytime I do it I become self conscious about people watching me, so I keep the mask on.😢❤
I agree & hope people are able to be themselves!
I just adore your guys content
I started handflapping in public only a few years ago before I knew I had autism I would do it in the privacy of my room. Now that I know I often do it at the store or even at work if I get stressed enough. I work with special ed and with low functioning kids and it's very interesting too see someone older who is so low masking. I really admire him.
My dad is the only one who realizes I’m probably autistic, so he’s the only one who doesn’t judge my stims. I have learned ways to stim that flies under the radar of others so I get the best of both worlds.
both of you are so beautiful 😊
Your videos bring me so much hope, I feel seen and heard.
You and your dear mom bring light on the spectrum of being neurodivergent and truly thank you for sharing your life experiences!
My son loves jumping too. He can jump pretty high straight up from a standing position. Im rather impressed. I like watching him get excited and jump. Hes 15. 😂
Your videos make me and my partner feel so seen ❤️ Thank you!
I get very very self conscious and anxious in public and I noticed that since I became a mum for a second time almost 15 years ago I still to this day in public will sway from foot to foot like I'm rocking my baby. It helps me I don't know how I don't know why and half the time I have no idea I'm doing it but Its something my brain just finds comfort in doing. My brother whose on the spectrum too paces non stop. He's 34 and has varicose veins all up his legs from spending all of his life pretty much other then when he's asleep just pacing back and forth. We also both shake our knee up and down when sitting .
It’s tricky bc my stimming can irritate my daughter who has ASD! or my stimming can stress out my 23 yr old who is battling anorexia, OCD, depression, anxiety, body dysmorphia and likely ASD. My husband has gotten way better at not feeling aggravated w my stimming now that he has come to accept I am likely ASD. I try to stim in public more of a way that just says I am ADHD and that’s all. Thanks for the awesome videos! I save the ones I feel I need more info on, to share or to later reference. I am compiling research to show a neuro psychologist for ASD assessment. These help.
I relate to your mom very much. I’m 39, got diagnosed as an adult, and didn’t realize how much of myself I’d been forced to repress. Thank you for your channel ❤️
I love the message of your video. Be you, be proud my friend!
I alter my neutral/bored stims in public but I l've been letting myself do happy stims more, there's so much anger directed towards autistic women so much for being fakers, I'm scared of an autism mom confronting me if I hand flap
ngl that stim looks so fun
Lol from a fellow adhd guy. Omg so brave, you jump alot. Your struggle is so beautiful. Glad you posted this
Interesting, thanks for showing this!
My family made sure I behaved like a "normal" person always. When by myself I was allowed to have certain stims though noone knew it was that. But in public or when there was visit I needed to behave like a model citizen both at my parents and grandparents house but it was better at grandparents house. I think my grandma was autistic or something.
As someone with ADHD, I understand both sides very well. There are some stims I’ll do in public that aren’t seen as too “weird” or “unusual” and others I do at home that would be seen as more “weird and unusual.” I also have friends who stim differently too and sometimes they aren’t as afraid to stim in public, even if their stims seem “weird and unusual.”
You can easily tell the difference in my friends between who’s low masking, high masking, or even who’s neurotypical. Though I feel like a lot of people in our generation(gen z) experience autism/ADHD(not saying other generations don’t, I’m just saying it’s more noticeable in Gen Z because older generations had to deal with the fact that there was less awareness for neurodivergent people and so most suppressed and masked it, like mama wolf here) and it’s become a little more prevalent in todays society but even still it can go unnoticed, especially in small towns.
And also, I wanna thank you guys for just being open about your experiences. It really does help others feel like they aren’t alone in their journey and experience.
I think allowing ourself to stim helps reduce anxiety.
I developed anxiety disorder at 17 year old, after I started to mask (I was homeschooled from 11 to 16 so I didn't mask at all but then went to a music academy and wanted to "fit in", so I learned masking, I only got my diagnosis at 32 year old though, after my oldest was diagnosed, but I had doubts since I was 22 , as I saw Heather Kuzmich in America next topmodel)...
We dont care what they think, but we made the experience that people could distress us even more if they notice. Or even hurt. I got physically diciplined for meltdowns, with fixation and forced medication as a toddler, so at some point you just try to be neutral when people are around. It made me mute as a child, and sometimes even dissassociating.
To stimming it causes people to comment stuff, i used to make sounds as a child to comfort me and my mom would say stuff like "you belong to a mental assylum", "you are crazy" or " shall i give you a slap so you get better". Same with manierisms. I noticed that girls are more receptive and are controlled much more by parents. So its a double loss.
This is beautiful representation ❤
I’m 22 and have always been high masking. I’m very good at social cues and all that. I think that the difference between high and low masking is all about effort, working on your behaviours to fit into society.
This made me almost cry-
The best part is that she listened the whole time
I love these videos.
And now I notice... I don't even stem in private I think since I was 8 or a little younger and I think.. darn. I wonder how much less exhausted I would be if I hadn't had that habit kicked outta me :3
I just realized whenever i tell my parents about my day I HAVE to tell in full detail as well as while I’m doing so I’m dancing jumping or like something of the sort spinning and my most of my family’s pretty sure I’m autistic so it makes sense
I hope just the same, dear Toren... I hope we get there soon ❤
There is a lot to be said for self-control.
Good luck on your first job.
You have a very nice voice, you should be narrating audio books!
Thank you for sharing this
Everytime I see anyone talking about their stims I'm like oh yeah! I'd probably be happier if I let myself stim more 😂
The sped up part made me laugh lol. I have adhd and sometimes don't even notice when i stim cause I've learned to make my stims more subtle that a lot of people wouldn't notice but now i don't care as much when i stim in public.
My stims got more subtle but more self destructive from masking. I still have a habit of biting the inside of my cheeks because no one notices it in public, or biting my nails/fingers, scratching and pinching my arms until theyre red and bruised, and I would have meltdowns and hurt myself more severely in private. I learned the only way for me not to self destruct is to stim openly, and that may make people think im weird but it saves me so much pain
Both my kids do those (bouncing around)and I don’t care! I love them for just the way they are and they are comfortable with themselves. ❤
OMG. Did not learn I was autistic until recently. This feels like what my mother taught me - to leave the mask up HIGH. It was abusive.
happy jumping stimming >>>
Me and my 12 year old son... my mother repressed me when I made my stereotypes, I never did that to my son. I see how much difference it makes...
I think a lot has to do with age, I am the same age as your mom and we were never "allowed" to talk about feelings and any ND was considered a bad thing and shamed. Now it's talked about and people are urged to talk about feelings.
I think if you ever encounter a fellow Autistic and they try to hold back from stimming, tell them they don’t have to mask around you.
I think it’s important as well if an Autistic **child** is in an environment with other Autistics and is able to feel they don’t have to mask.
I believe those that stim try to find a balance between suppressing the emotional thoughts that popup vs finding ways to express/manage our thoughts.
Easier said than done, I know, yet it is possible with a good effort. I would venture to say it would not longer be 'masking' if the action has changed yet the goal is still accomplished.
Thoughts?
For me it has nothing to do with suppressing thoughts or emotions just purely the need to constantly move in order to concentrate
Everyone stims
If you change the first stim to mask I'd fully agree with your first paragraph. As others have pointed out masking doesn't get rid of stimming, but does so only in societally accepted ways (sweeping can become a stim; dancing to music etc.). The difference is hiding/feeling the need to suppress stims vs expressing them freely (the only redirect being on self-injurous stims...)... My thoughts. :)
I tend to stim a lot when I’m stressed but the way I tend to stim isn’t very noticeable. I tend to whistle or make specific sounds in a specific way. You’d really only notice it if you heard me do it multiple times in a row. I also don’t do them loudly.
I love how your stimming kind of looks like slow tap dancing! :)
I’m getting more comfortable every day, I got diagnosed 4.5 years ago. I also have discreet ways to stim if I don’t geek as safe or comfortable.
I'm like your mom but I'm always trying to let myself be more like you
Thats actually how i dance.
Yah as the oldest child I only stim when when my emotions are unbearable
I do this too! I hop in place a lot.
This reminds me of me and my mom I literally gravitate towards her, ill be at her door while she's in the bathroom trying to tell her what the cat did
I was only diagnosed as an adult so as a teen I didn’t know that I was autistic and ADHD. So I got teased really badly for stimming and other things I did. I didn’t know it was because of being neurodivergent so I would always say things like “I’m so weird” “I’m crazy” “I’m not normal”.
I think my son's tics developed from trying to mask, but not being completely able to stop something coming out
I am concerned about how many calories you burn stimming for hours each day. So, I hope you are eating a lot more now then just peanut butter. Your body is going to need extra calories every day to keep up with all your exercise. Wish I could dance all day like that. All that exercise could cure my heart problems! ♥️ Thanks for the info about high & low masking. You are teaching me, and the world, a lot of valuable information. 🌎
Boy your fuckin calf muscles gotta be insane
There are some people in this world who judge the shit outta anyone who doesn't act normally, I hate those people