well, l actually think what you said is partially true. if you have ever had any struggle with emotional regulation in your life then you will know what I'm talking about. I say this bcz they don't seem to have any emotional regulation. so l feel that they are out of control many times and they know this but only if you are lucky bcz as children we learn what we see, and so they may even believe that their behavior is acceptable. therefore not truly seeing the size of the harm they are causing but instead justifying their ill behavior by reaching for excuses.. So, yes and No
And you BETTER not leave THEIR favorite spatula dirty and leave the house. They will sit there on the sofa ALL DAY LONG waiting for you to come home so they can tell that was another one of the Golden Rules you should have known about.
Per Sam Vaknin- ALL narcissists (male and female) are reliving their childhood through their intimate partner. They are hoping to get it right this time and separate from you (their mommy) once and for all-
I was often told, “Your cleaning is not enough. You are trying to make me angry.” When I asked how I would know if my cleaning was enough I was told, “Everybody knows what is good enough!” It was like her reality was the objective standard and anything that was different was a direct attack on her.
I recognize these traits in a person who I cannot just throw away. I do not express to this person what I can see in him (based on most of what you are talking about in these videos). I simply have to live in a state of "emotional detachment." Everyone else in this community eventually feels the same way I do toward this person. Only those persons who do not know him sufficiently are impressed by his external behavior. He is careful, supremely careful, to take care of his social image. But as time passes, those who are closer to him quickly discover how we have to walk on eggshells around him because he is continually observing whatever anyone else does that makes him think he is being judged negatively. This is a real trial for me. I mean, just to have to deal with him on a daily basis. I feel so relaxed when I know he is out of town. When he is present, it appears that everything I do is being judged by him. (You may have already dealt with the topic of the judgmental character of the narcissist. His whole life is an ongoing judgment.)
This is a fantastic video. You explain these complexities so clearly, I thought if I couldn't have a loving relationship with my mother I would settle for understanding her. I never managed it while she was alive ( and she lived to 92! ) but watching this I finally get it. Thank you.
I felt like I had to comment again on the accuracy of all the little nuances. This is a video folks early into discovery should listen to twice, three times....Like using the wrong dish soap, to our obviousness, just to piss them off...this one example multiplied by every day, perhaps hour, spent with them is why no one can sustain this behavior. When you add the personal constant jabs, even though your company is always in their demand, is cognitive dissonances fog of coercive control. Quite early the N people know what works without any regard what so ever for you or sustained supply. A boredom, complacency when the goal of control is met. Anyone feeling guilty leaving a mentally perverted person must understand they would come to your funeral, with new supply and performative mourn they knew this was going to happen....".its too bad...such a troubled soul they were. " I know this without a doubt. This video was a effort that does not go unnoticed. Incredible accuracy.
I feel pity for them for one second sometimes because they are pitiful. After that one second, I do not feel sorry for them at all. How can you feel sorry for someone who treats you so horrendously.
I like your content,your angle,your perspective, slightly different to the rest. It's those little important things I would hear nowhere else . Thank you for your knowledgeable perspective. Helps a lot.
I raged when I allowed him to poison me. After NO CONTACT I started to go back to my senses and stopped raging completely. Raging helped me understand them though and my mom rages when I was a child as well. I felt what they felt It is horrible I am grateful not to be sick like that anymore Once you know, you go
You are incredible. Everything that you are saying is so spot on and is the experience that me and my children have with the soon to be ex husband of 19 years. I am grey rocking the narc because we have children together and unfortunately, since he no longer has me to project on, my middle child is catching all of it and it's so very hard to watch. My oldest has established healthy boundaries so she is doing better. And, my youngest is too young to really know what's going on right now. Your content is so enlightening and truly gets to the core of what's going on. Love and Light my sister 💯
a b I totally agree with you and have a MUCH clearer understanding now, even after watching many videos and reading a lot of information over the years! It's probably good that I found it difficult to grasp, as it means that I'm not highly narcissistic. I do have huge issues, due to my horrendous childhood, as well as other traumatic experiences throughout my life. I've been doing healing work for a long time though and can admit mistakes. I definitely have empathy and compassion for people, not to mention animals, too. 😊
My ex had rage reactions that I really didnt see them coming and cannot identify the reason. Once she spilled hot coffee over me in bed on another ocasion she kicked my Lego city model hard so it was utterly destroyed.
I tripped one of her triggers: ( I complimented her for budgeting for Xmas - she figured I was CRITICISING her for bad management of her income) one of narc's 👽 is perceived OR actual criticism of any facet of their being🤔 Her instant reaction was doubling up and letting out a loud groan as if I had punched her hard in her solar plexus ; confused, a few days later to redeem myself I offered direct help!!!! She assessed this faux-pas, as one up manship and, it 😮went down like a lead 🎈, as mentioned by the author, such helpful gestures are seen through a malevolent paranoid filter 24/7/365😕 Ironically she is a conscierge for a large corporation and her demeanour, her public face, including to her coworkers is Pollyanna on steroids 🎉 I think when her front door shuts behind her, an instant metamorphosis occurs and there she is Ms Hyde - she has a young teen son 🫤
My mother was an unwanted "surprise baby"... born just 11 months after her older sister. Her birth caused a real hardship on the poverty stricken immigrant parents who were already struggling to feed one. Growing up, they made no secret of the fact she was an accident... and the monster inside never lets her forget it. Even now at 86 - the monster won't give her any peace.
Can I ask what is your opinion on self aware narcissists? And mainly at them, (self aware narcissists who are in relationship or married) telling us to stay away from (our) narcissist?
I had a narcissistic ex who beat up her own cat, because the cat had thrown up on her bed, and in her crazy head this little animal had done it on purpose. I tried to explain that the cat isn't even capable of doing that on purpose, but in an almost childish way she just said "uh huhhh" and just wouldn't come off it. Then got mad at me for telling her it was abusive, lol.
Omg. That’s horrible. That poor cat. People like that make me sick. At least some narcissistic people have the decency to treat animals with respect. This is a whole other level of degeneracy to me.
@@LookingBehindtheMirror It made me really angry too, she was a narcissist who pretended to care about animals as well. I told her if she did it again and I found out about it, I'd report her. That didn't go well lol. She kept telling me it's "her cat" and "she can do what she wants with it." Like the poor cat was an object .. These people are really just disgusing in so many ways ..
You have the insight and deep understanding. Everyone should know about you. You and Danish are the best. I don't know if that is the right way to spell Danish. He has India heritage. You two could be soul siblings. There are a few people on RUclips that use victim blaming. "You knew there was something wrong but you chose to stay". That kind of thing. I wonder if they are actually narcissists. I watch these videos once in a while now so I never forget. I have been living alone now for 5 mostly peaceful years. Unfortunately I still have to interact with him because of family. He ruined my life, made me sick and emotionally crippled. I know one of my purposes in life is to overcome fear and heal. I have bad moments when I wonder if I ever will. I isolate. Thank you so much!💐
Why do I have the hope that I could still help my narcissist ex when I know for sure they will never change? Why do I believe there’s still something I could say that would make them reflect and understand reality when everything has been said already? Why do I still feel like there’s something I could do when I know nothing can be done? Why do I still want to help a cruel merciless monster? Narcissists live miserable lives and I just want to get to that point where I no longer feel sorry for them. But honestly I feel like I still have a long journey ahead of me.
because the behavior of narcissists literally drives you insane... it wears down your ability to use logic, forcing you to rely on emotional thinking, all while creating an addiction to the narcissist. There is one channel that is even better than this one, it's by HG Tudor, who is one of the extremely rare self-aware narcissists... he explains emotional thinking, why it happens, and how to free yourself from it. I cannot recommend his channel highly enough, and he has made THOUSANDS of videos covering every aspect of the narcissist and the dynamics of a relationship with one.
Some pathological narcissists are created by parent/caregiver placing them on a pedestal and could do no wrong. So not sure if I would call that childhood abuse. Turns out narcissist none the less, but definitely 2 ways they are created and most people only mention the neglect horrible childhood path and do not mention the other way around
I started smoking and drinking in this relationship which I not do and I also got angry very quickly I had the feeling that I would become who they actually are and I didn't understand why. now I've been for four Months out of this relationship I've had three cycles and I don't need any more I don't drink anymore I don't get angry and I know full well what you mean that I have in my brain now that I think of myself as bad and worthless isn't mine. before i said if someone lies its their problem they have to deal with that lie and now i'm wondering what have i done for someone to lie to me i know full well it's the wrong mindset and that's what happens to you when you're five years enzo of a relationship
I got to Like a female co worker And only wanted friendship Over a 2 year period I thought she was devaluing me Then it hit me she was constantly devaluing me in a very subtle way I ended our co worker (one sided) friendship Now I have undergone a deadly SMEAR Campaign. And some of my co workers have turned against me And have proven to be TWO FACED backstabbing people
Hmmm. I’ve never even tried to do that. Not sure why it would block it. I actually have a Facebook account too, but I don’t post these full videos on it. Maybe I will try it to see what happens.
Thank you this was my absolute experience however I disagree there is some type of temporary transit psychosis my Nex had might have been the drugs but I also am told it is a part of NPD but was removed official diagnosis
Thank you VERY much for this extremely helpful explanation of this often baffling and complex way of being in the world, or not being in it! I'm not sure if I've mentioned before (I'm tired) that I really like your videos, due to the clear descriptions, along with your extensive knowledge. I've watched many videos over the years and still couldn't fully grasp it, which probably will always be the case, yet this one has given me a lot more clarity. I want to add that I've managed to reach the stage of indifference with highly narcissistic EXES. I never want to see them again and a few died years ago anyway. However, it's much more difficult with family members, especially my daughter, who I relinquished as a baby, as I'm very aware that I played a major part in her trauma wounds. I was in contact with her for many years, until she stopped all contact on Mother's Day last year, due to a big mistake on my part, which is fair enough. It has been heartbreaking to come to terms with her highly narcissistic behaviour and it fits with what you and others have described. Mind you, she sent messages telling me to kill myself and explicit death threats, which is on another level! I totally "get" that she has immense pain underneath her anger, but there are other ways to convey those feelings. It's important to add that she does drink a lot and smokes ice as well, hence why people have told me that it's the alcohol and drugs talking. She said not to blame it on that at all though, because it's how she REALLY feels and was only pretending when she was nice to me. She also said that she enjoys hurting me, so there you go. I used to have a LOT of hope that it would be different, if only she'd stop drinking etc. I'm slowly accepting that it might never happen since she's 45 years old now. She might not be able to, or want to, do healing work either, even if my dream does come true. ❤
THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND , IF I CAN SEE THEM, SO CAN GOD... I SEE THEM... I IGNORE THEM... LET GOD DEAL WITH THEM...I AM AWAREOF THEM...I WANT NO PARTS OF THEM... I TREAT THEM LIKE I DID BEFORE I MET THEM...NOT AT ALL.🤔🤫🤯
If the narcissist was willing to get psychological therapy and stick with it for more than a month or two or three, maybe they could start to make the monster disappear.
I feel like I have a demon rooted inside of me and I believe I'm a narcissist or Borderline or at least live right next to Cluster B Lake. Could be CPTSD. I don't know. I am starting therapy in a couple days.
They “choose” to act the way they do!!…. End of story
well, l actually think what you said is partially true. if you have ever had any struggle with emotional regulation in your life then you will know what I'm talking about. I say this bcz they don't seem to have any emotional regulation. so l feel that they are out of control many times and they know this but only if you are lucky bcz as children we learn what we see, and so they may even believe that their behavior is acceptable. therefore not truly seeing the size of the harm they are causing but instead justifying their ill behavior by reaching for excuses.. So, yes and No
And you BETTER not leave THEIR favorite spatula dirty and leave the house.
They will sit there on the sofa ALL DAY LONG waiting for you to come home so they can tell that was another one of the Golden Rules you should have known about.
Per Sam Vaknin- ALL narcissists (male and female) are reliving their childhood through their intimate partner. They are hoping to get it right this time and separate from you (their mommy) once and for all-
"They are trying to get you to accept blame for their emotional problems." So well put!
Those voices are demons Dealth with one for 14yrs surely that was a ride
Yep.. mind told me he has demons.
“They choose not to grow” perfect statement.
This channel is bar none the best one on this subject. She’s straight to the point, easy to understand, not overly wordy and spot on every time.
Thank you!
You should look at her older video's. When she first started. Needs more views for sure.
Very practical insights
I was often told, “Your cleaning is not enough. You are trying to make me angry.” When I asked how I would know if my cleaning was enough I was told, “Everybody knows what is good enough!”
It was like her reality was the objective standard and anything that was different was a direct attack on her.
Ultimate delusion
I recognize these traits in a person who I cannot just throw away. I do not express to this person what I can see in him (based on most of what you are talking about in these videos). I simply have to live in a state of "emotional detachment." Everyone else in this community eventually feels the same way I do toward this person. Only those persons who do not know him sufficiently are impressed by his external behavior. He is careful, supremely careful, to take care of his social image. But as time passes, those who are closer to him quickly discover how we have to walk on eggshells around him because he is continually observing whatever anyone else does that makes him think he is being judged negatively. This is a real trial for me. I mean, just to have to deal with him on a daily basis. I feel so relaxed when I know he is out of town. When he is present, it appears that everything I do is being judged by him. (You may have already dealt with the topic of the judgmental character of the narcissist. His whole life is an ongoing judgment.)
This is a fantastic video. You explain these complexities so clearly,
I thought if I couldn't have a loving relationship with my mother I would settle for understanding her.
I never managed it while she was alive ( and she lived to 92! ) but watching this I finally get it. Thank you.
I agree with the voice inside the narcissist. 🤷🏻♀️
I felt like I had to comment again on the accuracy of all the little nuances. This is a video folks early into discovery should listen to twice, three times....Like using the wrong dish soap, to our obviousness, just to piss them off...this one example multiplied by every day, perhaps hour, spent with them is why no one can sustain this behavior. When you add the personal constant jabs, even though your company is always in their demand, is cognitive dissonances fog of coercive control. Quite early the N people know what works without any regard what so ever for you or sustained supply. A boredom, complacency when the goal of control is met. Anyone feeling guilty leaving a mentally perverted person must understand they would come to your funeral, with new supply and performative mourn they knew this was going to happen....".its too bad...such a troubled soul they were. " I know this without a doubt. This video was a effort that does not go unnoticed. Incredible accuracy.
Thank you. And as usual, some great commentary from you.
The narcs 6th sense is demonic
I feel pity for them for one second sometimes because they are pitiful. After that one second, I do not feel sorry for them at all. How can you feel sorry for someone who treats you so horrendously.
I like your content,your angle,your perspective, slightly different to the rest. It's those little important things I would hear nowhere else . Thank you for your knowledgeable perspective. Helps a lot.
I raged when I allowed him to poison me. After NO CONTACT I started to go back to my senses and stopped raging completely.
Raging helped me understand them though and my mom rages when I was a child as well.
I felt what they felt
It is horrible
I am grateful not to be sick like that anymore
Once you know, you go
Not only did my wife rage out on me over dish soap. She also did it over the wrong kind of paper towel and the wrong kind of trash bags
You are incredible. Everything that you are saying is so spot on and is the experience that me and my children have with the soon to be ex husband of 19 years. I am grey rocking the narc because we have children together and unfortunately, since he no longer has me to project on, my middle child is catching all of it and it's so very hard to watch. My oldest has established healthy boundaries so she is doing better. And, my youngest is too young to really know what's going on right now. Your content is so enlightening and truly gets to the core of what's going on. Love and Light my sister 💯
This video is the best ever explanation of this terrible thing.
Thank you so much for it.💗
Thank you for watching! I’m glad it was helpful.
a b I totally agree with you and have a MUCH clearer understanding now, even after watching many videos and reading a lot of information over the years!
It's probably good that I found it difficult to grasp, as it means that I'm not highly narcissistic. I do have huge issues, due to my horrendous childhood, as well as other traumatic experiences throughout my life.
I've been doing healing work for a long time though and can admit mistakes. I definitely have empathy and compassion for people, not to mention animals, too. 😊
O😊
The dish soap response is like the wire hanger on mommie dearest Narcissist
My ex had rage reactions that I really didnt see them coming and cannot identify the reason. Once she spilled hot coffee over me in bed on another ocasion she kicked my Lego city model hard so it was utterly destroyed.
I tripped one of her triggers:
( I complimented her for budgeting for Xmas -
she figured I was CRITICISING her for bad management of her income)
one of narc's 👽
is perceived OR actual criticism of any facet of their being🤔
Her instant reaction was doubling up and letting out a loud groan as if I had punched her hard in her solar plexus ;
confused, a few days later to redeem myself I offered direct help!!!!
She assessed this faux-pas, as
one up manship and, it 😮went down like a lead 🎈, as mentioned by the author, such helpful gestures are seen through a malevolent paranoid filter 24/7/365😕
Ironically she is a conscierge for a large corporation and her demeanour, her public face, including to her coworkers is Pollyanna on steroids 🎉
I think when her front door shuts behind her, an instant metamorphosis occurs and there she is Ms Hyde - she has a young teen son 🫤
My mother was an unwanted "surprise baby"... born just 11 months after her older sister. Her birth caused a real hardship on the poverty stricken immigrant parents who were already struggling to feed one. Growing up, they made no secret of the fact she was an accident... and the monster inside never lets her forget it. Even now at 86 - the monster won't give her any peace.
yep i give up
It was a joke
No wonder I was feeling like I was going crazy! You explain everything so well! Many thanks for all the informative videos you put out.
Can I ask what is your opinion on self aware narcissists? And mainly at them, (self aware narcissists who are in relationship or married) telling us to stay away from (our) narcissist?
I very much appreciate how you explain this information about narcissist so clearly. So helpful.🏆🌹
💖
💖
I had a narcissistic ex who beat up her own cat, because the cat had thrown up on her bed, and in her crazy head this little animal had done it on purpose. I tried to explain that the cat isn't even capable of doing that on purpose, but in an almost childish way she just said "uh huhhh" and just wouldn't come off it. Then got mad at me for telling her it was abusive, lol.
Omg. That’s horrible. That poor cat. People like that make me sick. At least some narcissistic people have the decency to treat animals with respect. This is a whole other level of degeneracy to me.
@@LookingBehindtheMirror It made me really angry too, she was a narcissist who pretended to care about animals as well. I told her if she did it again and I found out about it, I'd report her. That didn't go well lol. She kept telling me it's "her cat" and "she can do what she wants with it." Like the poor cat was an object .. These people are really just disgusing in so many ways ..
You should’ve reported her bc it wasn’t the 1st time & wont be the last👉cats clear hairballs often
You give very good break down of this!! I love it.
Demons in them, it's spiritual ( no textbook can rationalize it)..
You have the insight and deep understanding. Everyone should know about you. You and Danish are the best. I don't know if that is the right way to spell Danish. He has India heritage. You two could be soul siblings. There are a few people on RUclips that use victim blaming. "You knew there was something wrong but you chose to stay". That kind of thing. I wonder if they are actually narcissists. I watch these videos once in a while now so I never forget. I have been living alone now for 5 mostly peaceful years. Unfortunately I still have to interact with him because of family. He ruined my life, made me sick and emotionally crippled. I know one of my purposes in life is to overcome fear and heal. I have bad moments when I wonder if I ever will. I isolate. Thank you so much!💐
Why when the psychopath gets caught he wants to be admired for it and blame and threaten you. They love this part called alibi.
Why do I have the hope that I could still help my narcissist ex when I know for sure they will never change? Why do I believe there’s still something I could say that would make them reflect and understand reality when everything has been said already? Why do I still feel like there’s something I could do when I know nothing can be done? Why do I still want to help a cruel merciless monster? Narcissists live miserable lives and I just want to get to that point where I no longer feel sorry for them. But honestly I feel like I still have a long journey ahead of me.
because the behavior of narcissists literally drives you insane... it wears down your ability to use logic, forcing you to rely on emotional thinking, all while creating an addiction to the narcissist. There is one channel that is even better than this one, it's by HG Tudor, who is one of the extremely rare self-aware narcissists... he explains emotional thinking, why it happens, and how to free yourself from it. I cannot recommend his channel highly enough, and he has made THOUSANDS of videos covering every aspect of the narcissist and the dynamics of a relationship with one.
Some pathological narcissists are created by parent/caregiver placing them on a pedestal and could do no wrong. So not sure if I would call that childhood abuse. Turns out narcissist none the less, but definitely 2 ways they are created and most people only mention the neglect horrible childhood path and do not mention the other way around
I started smoking and drinking in this relationship which I not do and I also got angry very quickly I had the feeling that I would become who they actually are and I didn't understand why.
now I've been for four Months out of this relationship I've had three cycles and I don't need any more I don't drink anymore I don't get angry and I know full well what you mean that I have in my brain now that I think of myself as bad and worthless isn't mine.
before i said if someone lies its their problem they have to deal with that lie and now i'm wondering what have i done for someone to lie to me i know full well it's the wrong mindset and that's what happens to you when you're five years enzo of a relationship
I got to Like a female co worker
And only wanted friendship
Over a 2 year period I thought she was devaluing me
Then it hit me she was constantly devaluing me in a very subtle way
I ended our co worker (one sided) friendship
Now I have undergone a deadly SMEAR Campaign. And some of my co workers have turned against me
And have proven to be TWO FACED backstabbing people
So insightful
F.B. blocked sharing this.
Hmmm. I’ve never even tried to do that. Not sure why it would block it. I actually have a Facebook account too, but I don’t post these full videos on it. Maybe I will try it to see what happens.
Thank you this was my absolute experience however I disagree there is some type of temporary transit psychosis my Nex had might have been the drugs but I also am told it is a part of NPD but was removed official diagnosis
Thank you VERY much for this extremely helpful explanation of this often baffling and complex way of being in the world, or not being in it!
I'm not sure if I've mentioned before (I'm tired) that I really like your videos, due to the clear descriptions, along with your extensive knowledge.
I've watched many videos over the years and still couldn't fully grasp it, which probably will always be the case, yet this one has given me a lot more clarity.
I want to add that I've managed to reach the stage of indifference with highly narcissistic EXES. I never want to see them again and a few died years ago anyway.
However, it's much more difficult with family members, especially my daughter, who I relinquished as a baby, as I'm very aware that I played a major part in her trauma wounds.
I was in contact with her for many years, until she stopped all contact on Mother's Day last year, due to a big mistake on my part, which is fair enough.
It has been heartbreaking to come to terms with her highly narcissistic behaviour and it fits with what you and others have described.
Mind you, she sent messages telling me to kill myself and explicit death threats, which is on another level! I totally "get" that she has immense pain underneath her anger, but there are other ways to convey those feelings.
It's important to add that she does drink a lot and smokes ice as well, hence why people have told me that it's the alcohol and drugs talking.
She said not to blame it on that at all though, because it's how she REALLY feels and was only pretending when she was nice to me. She also said that she enjoys hurting me, so there you go.
I used to have a LOT of hope that it would be different, if only she'd stop drinking etc. I'm slowly accepting that it might never happen since she's 45 years old now. She might not be able to, or want to, do healing work either, even if my dream does come true. ❤
THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND , IF I CAN SEE THEM, SO CAN GOD... I SEE THEM... I IGNORE THEM... LET GOD DEAL WITH THEM...I AM AWAREOF THEM...I WANT NO PARTS OF THEM...
I TREAT THEM LIKE I DID BEFORE I MET THEM...NOT AT ALL.🤔🤫🤯
If the narcissist was willing to get psychological therapy and stick with it for more than a month or two or three, maybe they could start to make the monster disappear.
But most won't .God would help if serious but they aren't serious about changing
I feel like I have a demon rooted inside of me and I believe I'm a narcissist or Borderline or at least live right next to Cluster B Lake. Could be CPTSD. I don't know. I am starting therapy in a couple days.
Good luck to you. We all have things within us that we need to contend with. Only some of us are willing to face them.
The hat example had me over here crying laughing🤣
👍
pEOPLE WHO'VE BEEN HURT. really DO HURT OTHER PEOPLE. Is that you Sara?