I’m 32 years old and I’m sitting here crying tears of relief because this video sums up my experience so perfectly. I have so many layers of trauma I don’t know where to begin, but it’s helpful to know it isn’t my fault. I was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago and I have a history of being bullied and fired from pretty much every job I’ve had. Thank you for explaining it and giving me hope that there is a way out ❤
Such a great video. I remember when i was in yesr 3 at the front of the dinner queue and mrs tate asked me to keep the door open and all the other kids went through the door to dinner. I had no idea how long the queue was and stood there over an hour holding this door open and no one came and got me. I had no idea wtf was going on and started bauling. Until another teacher seen me and asked why i didnt go for dinner. And i just couldnt explain it. She took me to the lunch hall as dinner was nearly over and i got an extra biscuit for desert. She took me to see mrs tate and i remember her clear as day shaking her head and kinda laughing at me. To this day i found not only school traumatic but my trust in teachers then left me. Im on the asd pathway aged 31. Wish me luck 🙏🏻
I’ve been constantly bullied from 3 to 13 years old and was in sort of social isolation until my graduation from high school (because I was surrounded by people who used to bully me; btw, they didn’t even remember it, but I am still dealing with consequences) and had been SA at 5, and I never referred to these experiences as traumatic. I told myself that they don’t affect me, especially after so many years (nope, they totally do); this is just an avoidant behaviour, I guess. When I say “trauma” it feels like I am begging for attention, even when I am alone at home and there’s no one who could give me attention. “I am not an attention wh0re, I should not be calling those insignificant things such a serious word like trauma”. Idk when was this stereotype planted in my head, because I am not begging for attention and yes, it was trauma, it could not NOT be a trauma.
I feel the same way. Avoidant for most of my life. I've been gaslit my whole life to believe I could of had it worse. I should be thankful it wasn't. When that's not the case.
Hits the nail on the head for, at least with Autism. I defintely had experiences I've been told are traumatic growing up as an undiagnosed child. I think with the 'black and white' nature of my thinking, I had assumed a lot of this was normal as I had no way of knowing otherwise. The other aspect for me having grown up in an autistic household is the risk for the formation of routes which can expose someone to reoccurring traumatic experiences.
I am an autistic person experiencing sexual harassment trauma which happened in my first fashion internship. (which I have a passion for) My female supervisor at that time blamed me for it because she fancied the model who harassed me and sometimes I retaliate by shopping and I took it out on drinking alcohol coming home too drunk every weekend. This caused me to be frail with a digestion problem. Thank you for sharing this video it is giving me good advise.
I'm sorry that happened to you. God loves you and can heal any trauma. Just ask Him to reveal himself to you and to heal you and He will make a way. It happened to me, full healing. I was very messed up and today, I live in victory. People love me and respect me.
There is a newer technique that is a part of EMDR, Called “flash technique” that works in the same way but doesn’t require recalling the Traumatic event in detail. It’s worked much better for me personally. It’s not used by many therapists yet, but it’s definitely worth checking into. It’s not as activating as traditional EMDR. I had trouble with EMDR as it was too difficult for me to recall things in detail without shutting down completely. My therapist went to training on it to see if it would help me. It has been amazing. I hope this is helpful to someone. 😀
In a bid to also maybe help someone - I found the DBT workbook (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy) much more effective than CBT as I am autistic and have alexythmia so really can't talk through my trauma. CBT went like "What feelings?! Oh those feelings!" *sits mute in counsellor's office for the rest of the session* I downloaded the workbook from amazon onto my kindle and wrote the excersizes in an old notebook. It really helped me visually process each step of my thinking to identify triggers and work through them. I would recommend to autistic adults who find it hard to verbalize their thoughts/feelings.
Thank you for sharing about this! I am just beginning on my journey of seeking specific help after many months now of learning about these conditions and how much they resonate as appropriate descriptions of my experiences. I am wary of traditional EMDR, this newer kind sounds amazing. I’m so glad it’s worked really well for you!!!
Ok, now I’m definitely subscribing…I am ND, have HSD, and have PTSD from childhood and domestic abuse. My mother likes to victim blame, saying I was a difficult child and so the abuse wasmy fault…no, Mom, I was a child crying out for help with chronic pain and a brain that works different and youre a narcisist.
I'm 31 years old and currently have to deal with gossip and verbal bullying. Yeah... Trauma can be simple in execution. Just endure multiple years of mostly false gossip that escalated each time with more and more false positives, further ingraining their beliefs... This is really relatable. I'm always alert. Always seeing enemies around me and am very reactionary. Though I have finally accepted my fate that lots of people will just hate me... The stress and alertness remains. Even if I feel more happy with how my personal life is progressing outside of my situation. Sadly CBT didn't work for me. I should probably find another path.
I'm going to back up what the other person here said. CBT can be super helpful for depression/anxiety symptoms but with neurodivergent folks, and/or people who have trauma, it's not ideal and can be harmful. Trying to do CBT for years in therapy and not making progress past a certain point made me feel horrible, and backed up the belief that it was my fault I wasn't improving. If CBT is not working for you, maybe a trauma informed therapist you feel you work well with would benefit you. Hope you are doing well.
I'm 37 with similar experience, and can easily say this dynamic your outlining has been the most impactful for me. I come from a home where abuse was regular, and that experience pales to that of being a man, and constantly having myself or my struggles invalidated and misslabeled. I am constantly exhausted over the level of personal accounting I do, so I am ready for any misinterpretations or if I must, ready to fight should anyone attempt to drag me into their proverbial court. I also concur with the comment about CBT, I have done so much work to manage my divergence, without even knowing I had it until a couple of years ago. That work has been undermined, and my efforts invalidated simply because I couldn't make progress the way people think I should be able to. It is beyond defeating to be putting your all in for years at a time, and then be treated as if you are not applying yourself.
So glad you’re discussing this important topic. My understanding (and decades of personal experience) is that CBT is not indicated for traumatized autistic people. Also, if EMDR doesn’t work for you, don’t despair. It did not for me.
I’m on the autism spectrum, and I have a physical disability. I have been bullied, and was abused for almost 10 years, which I developed complex PTSD from it. I will say this, I’m not broken. I can be healed. I am learning to love myself a lot more. I do have trust issues with people, especially people that I’m not familiar with. I try my hardest to have the attitude of, I’m sure they’ll be nice to you. You’re just worrying over nothing. It’s all in your head. Your emotions are not valid, it’s not ok that you feel this way, and it will never be ok for you to feel this way. You’re not allowed to have these emotions. But another part of me is like, no. They could be mean to me, judge me, and out to get me. I used to have really crippling anxiety because of “what if.” But I’ve learned to distract myself from that. I can heal, there is hope for us to be free.
@Dr Yuching Lee this comment was not about autism, it was about complex trauma! Is there any natural herbs to cure CPTSD? What about the physical disability?
Thanks for a really useful video Ella. I think trauma can be confusing for autistic people because typically the diagnosis process has categorised trauma as a totally separate ‘alternative explanation’ for how autistic people often act. This didn’t make logical sense to me because any form of social exclusion leads to people having more trauma. I really liked how you explained the social aspect of how neurodivergent people are more exposed to trauma - as well as how our neurodivergent senses and processes may make a trauma response more likely. I’m really pleased to see this video.
I did find this video helpful as a person who feels they have ADHD (I will be getting tested for it soon hopefully) and who has an autistic partner. This helped me understand more of why me and my partner act the way we do and why we struggle mentally. A good amount of the things you've said in this video are things I've been experiencing and relating to, but luckily I am discovering more about myself and working to find ways to cope with my anxiety and other mental concerns.
Thank you for this video. I also grow up thinking this way about traumas, and when I had, I didn't realize how much anxiety it gave me. Now I'm on antidepressants for depression and anxiety, still without my diagnosis for autism and ADHD, but definitely trying to be more comprehensive with myself
If I never accidently cured my C-PTSD by using methamphetamine to treat my ADHD, I would take one look at that Hello Kitty necklace and start hyperventilating feeling like my chest was being crushed and the world was going to end. All because there are five women from my past who either had borderline or narcissistic traits who all loved to abuse me and who all had the same interest in Hello Kitty merchandise. Now I could stare at that necklace all day and feel absolutely nothing.
It's late so my methylphenidate already weared off (another ADHD med) so I had to replay this video twice because of this Hello Kitty neklace 😆 EDIT: sorry, got my attention elswhere, feel sorry for you bro. but it looks like you are OK now, congrats!
This was extremely timing because around that same exact time when this video was made, I had broken my arm and got surgery the next week. I have Asperger's and the ride to the OR was a terrifying scenery that couldn't unsee. All went well but for a while I couldn't get the scene out of my head. The anxiety had reached a level of me vomiting. My triggers were any kind of beeping or buzzing sound, which would sound like a hospital machine or any smell of disinfectant or sanitizer which smells like a hospital. My fear was that I might break another bone before I was healed. (Even from the simplest things like holding something heavy or walking)
How old are you? Or better yet, are you having a bone density test if under 40yo? It might be appropriate if you broke a bone in some bizarre way that normally doesn’t do that. I think the standard age in the US is 60 but at 52, I asked for one to see if it contributed to my injury and was the cause of my pain elsewhere.
Bullied and undiagnosed asd, so not receiving the support in my family network led to bpd, depression and anxiety for me later in life. Still working on me, but happy to finally be in a space where I have the support I need. Interesting that you mentioned stress from chronic disease, I'm a type 1 diabetic, so some food for thought for me with that one.
this. is. exceptional content. You brought a genuine smile to my face when i simply saw you and perceived your environment. You exude comfort and understanding. Thank you for validating my experiences
hey this is deanna and mark. we just wanted to say we appreciate your videos. we are both aspies. thank you for your content ♥️ we're grateful you exist
Thanks for this video, as I've had to deal with a bunch of torment all throughout my life; rather, being bullied from a kid to an adult to being psychological tormented by my cruel excommunicated father and to a lesser degree but still significant my mom; whom has always treated me like a little kid for decades..
Bless you for these videos. I’m only now starting to realize how several moments from my schooling were traumatic without anyone, including myself, realizing it. Thank you for helping me realize it didn’t mean I wasn’t weak or too sensitive, it was simply me being me.
Thank you for giving me peer support in the only way my terror fried brain can take. I've been struggling for years to explain to people that there's something wrong with me... not wrong but not right? I've never been normal and I couldn't be if I tried. I think a lot and I love too. I've just been through too much trauma atm and I'm working it out. Compounding my issues is that I'm also an INFJ-T type who had to force herself into an A position for too long. I'm trying to relax and get back to the standard operating procedures that helped me in the past, but they no longer are good. So now I get the fun task of trapsying through youtube praying to my Goddess that I find more videos like yours. Thank you for giving me more data so I can let my therapist know that this helped. It's going to help a lot in getting properly medicated this time, I think. The medical community keeps assessing me as schizophrenic and all sorts of nonsense but the truth is... I've just.... when I've had enough I implode, explode, anything to make people stop hurting me. It's not people hurting me, it's memories that wont go away that are. But since I can't battle those memories, my darn brain just goes bananas on anyone within earshot. My mom and dad convinced me nothing was wrong with me; they pulled me out of special ed because it was stupid for me. Because I was so smart I could act like my brother mark on occasion, somehow it slipped my whole entire family's attention that I was actually abused by them and my parents and my brother. Even the law didn't intervene on my behalf. They left me in the hornets nest. I hope anyone reading this doesn't take this to mean I've ever stopped fighting for others. Just because I'm trapped so far in my mind that I don't want to interact does not mean that I can't. I also hope if anyone resonates with what I've written that it shows them I can be empathetic with them, and not someone who would hurt them. I've been accused of that enough already. Thank you for bringing me to a place where I can truly love myself again.
I am searching for a diagnosis since 5 years and this feels so real. But I'm so tired of trying to make the important ppl in my life understand and believe in my perception
Thank you Ella. I revisit this video every now and again to remind myself that it's not my fault,.. video was short and to the point and it's appreciated. Keep up the good work 👍
Helpful? I am thanking God for you, Lady P.E. This season of months almost shut down, ASD and ADHD... and looking like CPTSD - the later actually makes sense now. And explains a lot of my life, too. Thanks! Carry on!
Hello, just wanted to say thank you so very much for making this video, I'm sending it off to a relative along with other information about Autism and ADHD and PTSD. Again, thanks so much for this and the other videos, yours is one of the better channels on this subject!
Can you talk about how difficult it is to succeed in the workplace, just for who we are, which makes it harder for autistic adults to be independent and thus reliant on abusive people to survive. I tried to get out, but kept finding myself back in abusive situations because I if I could get hired I would be terminated for being me and thus did not have the money to live independently. This was after doing all the therapy and meds and support groups. I even did employment classes, but nothing changed. Oftentimes therapy just made things worse because I was made to feel that I was responsible for my own suffering and mistakes.
This feels like I put on a warm glove. Hearing someone say this all lets me know I am not alone. A ton of Trauma in my like of various flavors. Had to suffer and struggle in High School before ADHD was a thing. Could ace every test but never did homework. Was told I would end up a ditch digger. Born into a drug den, Dad had a friend he met in Prison. They both went into a IBM Prison to work thing as they both had very high IQ's that the prison offered if the wanted to learn about "Computers"...it was 1967. They both were picked up to work on Mainframes coding in COBAL by the State Government. We found out after years and years of knowing this guy as a very regular friend, he ended up being a serial killer. Took my fair share of beatings, sometimes my mom too. I am happy to report that cycle is broke. I have a 16 and 20 year old and never had I touched them beyond loving gestures. Went to War in Iraq, you know all those photos you saw of vehicles just destroyed up and down highways? I got to clean it up. Get out of Iraq and get sent to California after my Unit in Germany disbanded. Made friends with a guy over music, he was an MP, we got drunk one night and I blacked out and woke to being violated. So I found comfort in a balance of being a functional alcoholic and did some very cool things in my life. Then Covid hit, and I started with a bottle of bourbon a day. It almost killed me, my body is federally declared disaster area. I get 70% PTSD right now but to get to 100% I have to follow a process that just breaks my brain. So I started looking at my life and tried to say "How did I get here"? I went back and took a hard look at what I just wrote out to you. It has been a hell of a last year for me to stop being angry and forgive. I slowly have been trying to build my life back up and the kid that was gonna be a ditch digger now owns a tech startup. In the VA I shared with a nurse that had a MST Survivor shift on she just told me her story. I forget that part...but what she said next caught me. Every time I say that out loud, I am taking control over it.
29 F I have autism, ADHD, GAD( General anxiety disorder), GDD ( General depression disorder, CPTSD ( complex Post traumatic stress disorder) and learning, understanding and remembering difficulties. When I'm "kicking off" it's coz someone is mistreating my coz of my disabilities.
I learned that most people give a fuck about me I’m always open to meet new people but some just DONT WANT TO BE MY FRIENDS then I always think okay I respect it.
I watched a youtube channel that actually said something profound to people who got late diagnosis. Remember that late diagnosis may have been actually good for you as autism and view of autism previously has been very lacking and hence the help you would have gotten previously might have actually not done much for you.
Problem is if you live in the uk, your chances of being diagnosed with autism or adhd as an adult female is virtually nonexistent. In addition, if you are ‘lucky’ enough for medical professionals to listen to you, refer you and diagnose you it will a)take years and b)once diagnosed there are no further counselling services available so you’re on you own!
God o hate groups and I get so angry and overwhelming talking about my traumas and trying to heal but my autism gets in the way do you understand? I don't know if people understand what I'm saying they think it's an excuse not to want to get better and it not it's bocz the things they ask of me is just they way they want me to do things I am not myself in doing
Currently, I'm a childish adult, and damaged! I found freedom in emotional and cognitive nihilism. Ironically, enough, that's how I found god. Now the hurt remainders. I feel so mixed up. I'm over exuberant and i don't know why. ?
I have just experienced 6 months of emotional Trauma. My GF dumped me after 3 years. My family who knows here said she shows signs of Autism. She said she is not someone that wants to be physical but wants children. We never had 6 and kissed although we did hug each other, shared an emotional bond, sit close to each other in the movies and held hands. I have noticed some form on uncomfort from here. She would shake a few seconds and then go back to normal. When she gets angry she would wack herself on the head or bang here head on here arms. I truly loved here and knew here love language is not physical touch. Yet she did not give me the opportunity to understand here and broke off the relationship and completely ignored me. I was devastated. Here parents did take here to test for autism as a child but the Doctors did not find here positive for that. She is also partially sighted. The hand slapping and head banging did not happen allot though.
Nothing has worked bcoz no one will listen that I know I have autism so there gaps in my treatment they don't understand why I won't engage well it's bcoz I can't function how they wanted to treat me for pstd like o don't have autism and it's hard I can't meet my needs bcoz they won't understand my autism they can't see it
I thought as a child everyone who get’s bullied has Autism, but there are people who get bullied because religion Country or looking. I got bullied by people which I don’t know because of my nationality and looking. So I thought I would have Aspergers because I got bullied. Most people get bullied because of race looking and Nationality
I have these condiions anyone youger please Lisen i can help. I dont hide behind drugs. 2 face your fears 3 join boxing or martial arts it helped me lots. 4 be extremely careful about who you open up too. Wolves dresssed as sheep
Source for this claim please? Attractive according to who exactly? Seems like you're minimizing the trauma that others experience. 'attractive' people are just people too and are often the targets of things that cause trauma
This would only apply to adults, if it is founded in fact. What about children? Early childhood trauma is known to develop or escalate neurodiversity... I've never met a toddler that meets your criteria. What she's explaining in this video - the stress hormones in our body - are much more malleable in young children.
I’m tall attractive though a few extra lbs. but I have my fair if trauma. Heck My height alone has caused me quite a lot of self esteem issues/jokes at my expense throughout my life (doesn’t help that I’m taller than my husband). I love him but due to jokes about it I’m constantly self conscious about it anytime in out with him. Doesn’t help that I’m not at least really skinny to make up for it so I just feel big all the time in comparison (we’ve been together since teens and I was skinnier). May not exactly be trauma but I’m just saying it does affect and cost me mentally quite a lot even daily. Maybe less likely to have sexual trauma since men are more likely to prey on those shorter/weaker? I’m about 5’10 and pretty strong (and would not be afraid to go full ape/gouge eyes etc. if attacked and I think I kind of give off that energy a bit too to be honest) and honestly never felt particularly threatened by men throughout my life in that way. I’ve gone on walks at night by myself etc. without feeling threatened but then again that could also be a false sense of security as well lol.
My therapist is going to have me do EMDR, but I'm very skeptical about it as therapy doesn't work for me. CBT failed, I can't remember my DBT skills under distress, my therapist won't let me go on medication, and therapy as a whole is very autism-unfriendly. At least you didn't mention mindfulness. It's always recommended to people and it's just a trendy ineffective thing. Then again, a lot of my trauma seems to stem from my parents' refusal to understand that I am more anxious than everyone else and that I have TWO anxiety disorders.
Hi, I recently went through EMDR treatment and I was also skeptical as well as terrified. It was hard work but it worked. Make sure that your therapist will teach you grounding techniques when you start as the flashbacks after a session can increase. I wish you the best of your journey to recovery.
Hey, your therapist isn’t in charge of meds. If you feel you need them, definitely find a psychiatrist and talk to them. Therapists are not medical doctors and therefor should not tell you whether or not you need to be on meds
EMDR can work wonders, but it's *absolutely* something that requires a fair bit of trust in the person whom you're working with. There are some good resources on YT that describe/show the process, which I found to be really helpful as an autistic person who HATES going into things without knowing what to expect. (Barbara Heffernan has some general info, and there's a Jamie Marich demo video that I found to be really good.) But one thing that I didn't see in any of those videos was the fact that EMDR can still work if you don't want to go into the details of your trauma out loud. It's somewhat tricky to describe, but a good practitioner will understand that there are some memories that are retraumatizing to talk about, especially for a lot of people with cPTSD. It may still not be your cup of tea, but the whole 'you can do the Desensitizing and Reprocessing parts of EMDR without describing every shitty thing in LOTS of detail out loud' made a huge difference for me. So I now always want to mention this whenever someone's interested but hesitant about EMDR.
DBT helped me stay stable for longer but when I am super upset it doesn't help anymore. I would like to try EMDR but the counselor is against me doing EMDR.
@@Catlily5 Huh - I wonder why? (Aside from practical stuff - if your therapist isn't trained in it, then you'd have to find someone who is, which can be a whole Thing. And then covering the cost of 2 therapists, insurance shenanigans if applicable, fitting in appointments with 2 practitioners, etc.) Since I was SO leery of going to a therapist (and had shitty insurance for ages to boot), I did a lot of self-therapy, and have had a bit of luck with the self-directed EMDR resources that I've found, so I can recommend that if you want to try it. I think CBT and DBT have a lot going for them, but I don't think that they're a great fit for dealing with trauma for a lot of us for the very reason you mentioned. If I'm having an emotional flashback, I'm not really all that rational. Processing (or reprocessing) the trauma helps way more, for me. I def. think that all of the stats about EMDR's effectiveness rely on it being part of a 2-person dynamic, though.
I have a lot of trauma that has caused a lot of anxiety. I’m almost sure I have audhd and everyone just says it’s my anxiety and trauma so my parents refuse to diagnose me while they diagnosed my little brother who has autism just because he doesn’t have near as much trauma as me but I’m also a lot older than him so they think it’s just the things I’ve been through that are causing me to be the way I am. 🥲
I’m 32 years old and I’m sitting here crying tears of relief because this video sums up my experience so perfectly. I have so many layers of trauma I don’t know where to begin, but it’s helpful to know it isn’t my fault. I was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago and I have a history of being bullied and fired from pretty much every job I’ve had. Thank you for explaining it and giving me hope that there is a way out ❤
Such a great video. I remember when i was in yesr 3 at the front of the dinner queue and mrs tate asked me to keep the door open and all the other kids went through the door to dinner. I had no idea how long the queue was and stood there over an hour holding this door open and no one came and got me. I had no idea wtf was going on and started bauling. Until another teacher seen me and asked why i didnt go for dinner. And i just couldnt explain it. She took me to the lunch hall as dinner was nearly over and i got an extra biscuit for desert. She took me to see mrs tate and i remember her clear as day shaking her head and kinda laughing at me. To this day i found not only school traumatic but my trust in teachers then left me. Im on the asd pathway aged 31. Wish me luck 🙏🏻
I’ve been constantly bullied from 3 to 13 years old and was in sort of social isolation until my graduation from high school (because I was surrounded by people who used to bully me; btw, they didn’t even remember it, but I am still dealing with consequences) and had been SA at 5, and I never referred to these experiences as traumatic. I told myself that they don’t affect me, especially after so many years (nope, they totally do); this is just an avoidant behaviour, I guess. When I say “trauma” it feels like I am begging for attention, even when I am alone at home and there’s no one who could give me attention. “I am not an attention wh0re, I should not be calling those insignificant things such a serious word like trauma”. Idk when was this stereotype planted in my head, because I am not begging for attention and yes, it was trauma, it could not NOT be a trauma.
I understand. I'm on the autism spectrum too and my sort of trauma sounds like begging for attention
I feel the same way. Avoidant for most of my life. I've been gaslit my whole life to believe I could of had it worse. I should be thankful it wasn't. When that's not the case.
Thanks for sharing
Hits the nail on the head for, at least with Autism. I defintely had experiences I've been told are traumatic growing up as an undiagnosed child. I think with the 'black and white' nature of my thinking, I had assumed a lot of this was normal as I had no way of knowing otherwise.
The other aspect for me having grown up in an autistic household is the risk for the formation of routes which can expose someone to reoccurring traumatic experiences.
I am an autistic person experiencing sexual harassment trauma which happened in my first fashion internship. (which I have a passion for) My female supervisor at that time blamed me for it because she fancied the model who harassed me and sometimes I retaliate by shopping and I took it out on drinking alcohol coming home too drunk every weekend. This caused me to be frail with a digestion problem. Thank you for sharing this video it is giving me good advise.
I'm sorry that happened to you. God loves you and can heal any trauma. Just ask Him to reveal himself to you and to heal you and He will make a way. It happened to me, full healing. I was very messed up and today, I live in victory. People love me and respect me.
@@BettycSanchez43210 Thank you for your kind words! God bless you!
There is a newer technique that is a part of EMDR, Called “flash technique” that works in the same way but doesn’t require recalling the Traumatic event in detail. It’s worked much better for me personally. It’s not used by many therapists yet, but it’s definitely worth checking into. It’s not as activating as traditional EMDR. I had trouble with EMDR as it was too difficult for me to recall things in detail without shutting down completely. My therapist went to training on it to see if it would help me. It has been amazing. I hope this is helpful to someone. 😀
In a bid to also maybe help someone - I found the DBT workbook (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy) much more effective than CBT as I am autistic and have alexythmia so really can't talk through my trauma. CBT went like "What feelings?! Oh those feelings!" *sits mute in counsellor's office for the rest of the session*
I downloaded the workbook from amazon onto my kindle and wrote the excersizes in an old notebook. It really helped me visually process each step of my thinking to identify triggers and work through them. I would recommend to autistic adults who find it hard to verbalize their thoughts/feelings.
Thank you for sharing this. I also stopped EMDR as I found it too difficult recalling all the trauma.Will look into FLASH therapy ❤️
Thank you for sharing about this! I am just beginning on my journey of seeking specific help after many months now of learning about these conditions and how much they resonate as appropriate descriptions of my experiences.
I am wary of traditional EMDR, this newer kind sounds amazing. I’m so glad it’s worked really well for you!!!
If that’s the case I’ve been traumatised my whole life
Ok, now I’m definitely subscribing…I am ND, have HSD, and have PTSD from childhood and domestic abuse. My mother likes to victim blame, saying I was a difficult child and so the abuse wasmy fault…no, Mom, I was a child crying out for help with chronic pain and a brain that works different and youre a narcisist.
I'm 31 years old and currently have to deal with gossip and verbal bullying. Yeah... Trauma can be simple in execution. Just endure multiple years of mostly false gossip that escalated each time with more and more false positives, further ingraining their beliefs...
This is really relatable. I'm always alert. Always seeing enemies around me and am very reactionary.
Though I have finally accepted my fate that lots of people will just hate me... The stress and alertness remains.
Even if I feel more happy with how my personal life is progressing outside of my situation.
Sadly CBT didn't work for me. I should probably find another path.
CBT is often not the best modality for people with trauma!
@@brylaw well that explains a lot. I feel like CBT has only made me worse, even if it wasn’t traumatic in itself
I'm going to back up what the other person here said. CBT can be super helpful for depression/anxiety symptoms but with neurodivergent folks, and/or people who have trauma, it's not ideal and can be harmful.
Trying to do CBT for years in therapy and not making progress past a certain point made me feel horrible, and backed up the belief that it was my fault I wasn't improving. If CBT is not working for you, maybe a trauma informed therapist you feel you work well with would benefit you. Hope you are doing well.
I'm 37 with similar experience, and can easily say this dynamic your outlining has been the most impactful for me. I come from a home where abuse was regular, and that experience pales to that of being a man, and constantly having myself or my struggles invalidated and misslabeled.
I am constantly exhausted over the level of personal accounting I do, so I am ready for any misinterpretations or if I must, ready to fight should anyone attempt to drag me into their proverbial court.
I also concur with the comment about CBT, I have done so much work to manage my divergence, without even knowing I had it until a couple of years ago.
That work has been undermined, and my efforts invalidated simply because I couldn't make progress the way people think I should be able to.
It is beyond defeating to be putting your all in for years at a time, and then be treated as if you are not applying yourself.
@@brylawI found CBT very invalidating.
So glad you’re discussing this important topic. My understanding (and decades of personal experience) is that CBT is not indicated for traumatized autistic people. Also, if EMDR doesn’t work for you, don’t despair. It did not for me.
I’m on the autism spectrum, and I have a physical disability. I have been bullied, and was abused for almost 10 years, which I developed complex PTSD from it. I will say this, I’m not broken. I can be healed. I am learning to love myself a lot more. I do have trust issues with people, especially people that I’m not familiar with. I try my hardest to have the attitude of, I’m sure they’ll be nice to you. You’re just worrying over nothing. It’s all in your head. Your emotions are not valid, it’s not ok that you feel this way, and it will never be ok for you to feel this way. You’re not allowed to have these emotions. But another part of me is like, no. They could be mean to me, judge me, and out to get me. I used to have really crippling anxiety because of “what if.” But I’ve learned to distract myself from that. I can heal, there is hope for us to be free.
I love your attitude and outlook!🙂
@@srldwg thanks
Good for you, Sienna Price. I am so glad for you. 🎉
@Dr Yuching Lee this comment was not about autism, it was about complex trauma! Is there any natural herbs to cure CPTSD? What about the physical disability?
@SADIQ IBRAHIM🇬🇧 does this oil help get rid of blindness? Does it get rid of complex PTSD? Please reply if it does.
Thanks for a really useful video Ella. I think trauma can be confusing for autistic people because typically the diagnosis process has categorised trauma as a totally separate ‘alternative explanation’ for how autistic people often act. This didn’t make logical sense to me because any form of social exclusion leads to people having more trauma. I really liked how you explained the social aspect of how neurodivergent people are more exposed to trauma - as well as how our neurodivergent senses and processes may make a trauma response more likely. I’m really pleased to see this video.
How dare you 😡
I did find this video helpful as a person who feels they have ADHD (I will be getting tested for it soon hopefully) and who has an autistic partner. This helped me understand more of why me and my partner act the way we do and why we struggle mentally. A good amount of the things you've said in this video are things I've been experiencing and relating to, but luckily I am discovering more about myself and working to find ways to cope with my anxiety and other mental concerns.
Thank you for this video. I also grow up thinking this way about traumas, and when I had, I didn't realize how much anxiety it gave me. Now I'm on antidepressants for depression and anxiety, still without my diagnosis for autism and ADHD, but definitely trying to be more comprehensive with myself
If I never accidently cured my C-PTSD by using methamphetamine to treat my ADHD, I would take one look at that Hello Kitty necklace and start hyperventilating feeling like my chest was being crushed and the world was going to end. All because there are five women from my past who either had borderline or narcissistic traits who all loved to abuse me and who all had the same interest in Hello Kitty merchandise. Now I could stare at that necklace all day and feel absolutely nothing.
Interesting. I have trigger relatively with everything. I got to a point where my whole day was one constant trigger management.
It's late so my methylphenidate already weared off (another ADHD med) so I had to replay this video twice because of this Hello Kitty neklace 😆
EDIT: sorry, got my attention elswhere, feel sorry for you bro. but it looks like you are OK now, congrats!
This was extremely timing because around that same exact time when this video was made, I had broken my arm and got surgery the next week. I have Asperger's and the ride to the OR was a terrifying scenery that couldn't unsee. All went well but for a while I couldn't get the scene out of my head. The anxiety had reached a level of me vomiting. My triggers were any kind of beeping or buzzing sound, which would sound like a hospital machine or any smell of disinfectant or sanitizer which smells like a hospital. My fear was that I might break another bone before I was healed. (Even from the simplest things like holding something heavy or walking)
How old are you? Or better yet, are you having a bone density test if under 40yo? It might be appropriate if you broke a bone in some bizarre way that normally doesn’t do that.
I think the standard age in the US is 60 but at 52, I asked for one to see if it contributed to my injury and was the cause of my pain elsewhere.
@SoOkThenLetsGo the time of this comment, I was 19. I had a soft cast for 1 week and then got surgery and the healing one
Bullied and undiagnosed asd, so not receiving the support in my family network led to bpd, depression and anxiety for me later in life. Still working on me, but happy to finally be in a space where I have the support I need. Interesting that you mentioned stress from chronic disease, I'm a type 1 diabetic, so some food for thought for me with that one.
Ive been in a self advocacy hell for months. Moral injury and trauma. Support gone wrong. Pure Hell.
I'm sorry to hear this Kim
@@PurpleElla thank you, just seen your reply, sorry.
this. is. exceptional content. You brought a genuine smile to my face when i simply saw you and perceived your environment. You exude comfort and understanding. Thank you for validating my experiences
I use internal family systems therapy for my trauma, and it's working wonders.
thank you for sharing this
In the same boat as you by the looks of things... You have my sympathy
hey this is deanna and mark. we just wanted to say we appreciate your videos. we are both aspies. thank you for your content ♥️ we're grateful you exist
Thank you, I appreciate your appreciation and I really needed to hear that today 😊
Wow. 🤯
I think this one video has potentially shaved years off of my trying to identify why I am the way I am.
Thanks for this video, as I've had to deal with a bunch of torment all throughout my life; rather, being bullied from a kid to an adult to being psychological tormented by my cruel excommunicated father and to a lesser degree but still significant my mom; whom has always treated me like a little kid for decades..
Excellent, accurate account of living with three difficulties
and More,! Have a great weekend ❤️
Bless you for these videos. I’m only now starting to realize how several moments from my schooling were traumatic without anyone, including myself, realizing it. Thank you for helping me realize it didn’t mean I wasn’t weak or too sensitive, it was simply me being me.
Thank you for giving me peer support in the only way my terror fried brain can take. I've been struggling for years to explain to people that there's something wrong with me... not wrong but not right? I've never been normal and I couldn't be if I tried. I think a lot and I love too. I've just been through too much trauma atm and I'm working it out. Compounding my issues is that I'm also an INFJ-T type who had to force herself into an A position for too long. I'm trying to relax and get back to the standard operating procedures that helped me in the past, but they no longer are good. So now I get the fun task of trapsying through youtube praying to my Goddess that I find more videos like yours. Thank you for giving me more data so I can let my therapist know that this helped. It's going to help a lot in getting properly medicated this time, I think. The medical community keeps assessing me as schizophrenic and all sorts of nonsense but the truth is... I've just.... when I've had enough I implode, explode, anything to make people stop hurting me. It's not people hurting me, it's memories that wont go away that are. But since I can't battle those memories, my darn brain just goes bananas on anyone within earshot. My mom and dad convinced me nothing was wrong with me; they pulled me out of special ed because it was stupid for me. Because I was so smart I could act like my brother mark on occasion, somehow it slipped my whole entire family's attention that I was actually abused by them and my parents and my brother. Even the law didn't intervene on my behalf. They left me in the hornets nest.
I hope anyone reading this doesn't take this to mean I've ever stopped fighting for others. Just because I'm trapped so far in my mind that I don't want to interact does not mean that I can't.
I also hope if anyone resonates with what I've written that it shows them I can be empathetic with them, and not someone who would hurt them. I've been accused of that enough already.
Thank you for bringing me to a place where I can truly love myself again.
Thank you soooo much, this information is very important for all of us, it does change lives of many NDs and even NTs : )
Thanks
I am searching for a diagnosis since 5 years and this feels so real. But I'm so tired of trying to make the important ppl in my life understand and believe in my perception
Thank you Ella. I revisit this video every now and again to remind myself that it's not my fault,.. video was short and to the point and it's appreciated. Keep up the good work 👍
This is a brilliant episode. Such clear explanation. I’ll definitely be recommending this episode! :)
Imagine finding a therapist that matches your creativity and is as colorful and quirky as yourself.
BEAUTIFULLY BENEFICIAL!
THANK YOU for sharing!
🤗💖
Helpful? I am thanking God for you, Lady P.E. This season of months almost shut down, ASD and ADHD... and looking like CPTSD - the later actually makes sense now. And explains a lot of my life, too. Thanks! Carry on!
Thank you for summing up my first 40 years 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Hello, just wanted to say thank you so very much for making this video, I'm sending it off to a relative along with other information about Autism and ADHD and PTSD. Again, thanks so much for this and the other videos, yours is one of the better channels on this subject!
I have fibromyalgia, autism and adhd, i lost my mom at 7 and since then life was crazy, i got bullied alot
Thanks again for such stellar content your such a important resource for us we love you and your authenticity.❤️
Can you talk about how difficult it is to succeed in the workplace, just for who we are, which makes it harder for autistic adults to be independent and thus reliant on abusive people to survive. I tried to get out, but kept finding myself back in abusive situations because I if I could get hired I would be terminated for being me and thus did not have the money to live independently. This was after doing all the therapy and meds and support groups. I even did employment classes, but nothing changed. Oftentimes therapy just made things worse because I was made to feel that I was responsible for my own suffering and mistakes.
@Purple Ella nice to meet you my name is Lewind Vargas & i'm have autism or with autism right now and i'm 22 years old adult grown man
This feels like I put on a warm glove. Hearing someone say this all lets me know I am not alone. A ton of Trauma in my like of various flavors. Had to suffer and struggle in High School before ADHD was a thing. Could ace every test but never did homework. Was told I would end up a ditch digger. Born into a drug den, Dad had a friend he met in Prison. They both went into a IBM Prison to work thing as they both had very high IQ's that the prison offered if the wanted to learn about "Computers"...it was 1967. They both were picked up to work on Mainframes coding in COBAL by the State Government. We found out after years and years of knowing this guy as a very regular friend, he ended up being a serial killer. Took my fair share of beatings, sometimes my mom too. I am happy to report that cycle is broke. I have a 16 and 20 year old and never had I touched them beyond loving gestures. Went to War in Iraq, you know all those photos you saw of vehicles just destroyed up and down highways? I got to clean it up. Get out of Iraq and get sent to California after my Unit in Germany disbanded. Made friends with a guy over music, he was an MP, we got drunk one night and I blacked out and woke to being violated. So I found comfort in a balance of being a functional alcoholic and did some very cool things in my life. Then Covid hit, and I started with a bottle of bourbon a day. It almost killed me, my body is federally declared disaster area. I get 70% PTSD right now but to get to 100% I have to follow a process that just breaks my brain. So I started looking at my life and tried to say "How did I get here"? I went back and took a hard look at what I just wrote out to you. It has been a hell of a last year for me to stop being angry and forgive. I slowly have been trying to build my life back up and the kid that was gonna be a ditch digger now owns a tech startup. In the VA I shared with a nurse that had a MST Survivor shift on she just told me her story. I forget that part...but what she said next caught me.
Every time I say that out loud, I am taking control over it.
Trauma responses = Fight, flight AND freeze.
All your videos are beneficial and this one is especially so. Thank you!
Very relatable.
Can greatly shift things mentioned with Aboriginal Dreamtime Healing using Holographic Kinetics. It’s helped me heal so much.
I literally have all of the title and more 😂❤😢I also have severe anxiety and something else I don’t want to say is that sad 😢
@@Riverro111 it’s sad that people who are hurting and in pain have to face so much stigma for trying to get the help they need.
Thank you
My parents were abusive physically and mainly verbally. I’m all messed up
Very clear and succinct, thank you!
29 F I have autism, ADHD, GAD( General anxiety disorder), GDD ( General depression disorder, CPTSD ( complex Post traumatic stress disorder) and learning, understanding and remembering difficulties. When I'm "kicking off" it's coz someone is mistreating my coz of my disabilities.
Very helpful and informative video ❤️
This is very helpful thank you 👍👍
I learned that most people give a fuck about me I’m always open to meet new people but some just DONT WANT TO BE MY FRIENDS then I always think okay I respect it.
I watched a youtube channel that actually said something profound to people who got late diagnosis. Remember that late diagnosis may have been actually good for you as autism and view of autism previously has been very lacking and hence the help you would have gotten previously might have actually not done much for you.
Problem is if you live in the uk, your chances of being diagnosed with autism or adhd as an adult female is virtually nonexistent. In addition, if you are ‘lucky’ enough for medical professionals to listen to you, refer you and diagnose you it will a)take years and b)once diagnosed there are no further counselling services available so you’re on you own!
yes yes and yes...
God o hate groups and I get so angry and overwhelming talking about my traumas and trying to heal but my autism gets in the way do you understand? I don't know if people understand what I'm saying they think it's an excuse not to want to get better and it not it's bocz the things they ask of me is just they way they want me to do things I am not myself in doing
Currently, I'm a childish adult, and damaged! I found freedom in emotional and cognitive nihilism. Ironically, enough, that's how I found god.
Now the hurt remainders. I feel so mixed up. I'm over exuberant and i don't know why.
?
I have just experienced 6 months of emotional Trauma. My GF dumped me after 3 years. My family who knows here said she shows signs of Autism. She said she is not someone that wants to be physical but wants children. We never had 6 and kissed although we did hug each other, shared an emotional bond, sit close to each other in the movies and held hands. I have noticed some form on uncomfort from here. She would shake a few seconds and then go back to normal. When she gets angry she would wack herself on the head or bang here head on here arms. I truly loved here and knew here love language is not physical touch. Yet she did not give me the opportunity to understand here and broke off the relationship and completely ignored me. I was devastated. Here parents did take here to test for autism as a child but the Doctors did not find here positive for that. She is also partially sighted. The hand slapping and head banging did not happen allot though.
Iv got ADHD n ptsd n its mad you can’t even explain what’s it’s like
Nothing has worked bcoz no one will listen that I know I have autism so there gaps in my treatment they don't understand why I won't engage well it's bcoz I can't function how they wanted to treat me for pstd like o don't have autism and it's hard I can't meet my needs bcoz they won't understand my autism they can't see it
What do u do if you haven't been diagnosed
Start the process asap. The sooner the better, if you suspect, you know yourself better than anybody
I hate that it’s all labeled ADHD now. ADD is not the same as ADHD… and that really irks me.
CBT didn’t help me at all and I was deep in a very triggering situation. DBT is way better for trauma.
How can I tell which or if I have all 3
Can confirm, life is remarkably shit for me
❤
I thought as a child everyone who get’s bullied has Autism, but there are people who get bullied because religion Country or looking. I got bullied by people which I don’t know because of my nationality and looking. So I thought I would have Aspergers because I got bullied.
Most people get bullied because of race looking and Nationality
Does trauma include growing up in a religious family and turning out to be atheist?
I have these condiions anyone youger please Lisen i can help. I dont hide behind drugs. 2 face your fears 3 join boxing or martial arts it helped me lots. 4 be extremely careful about who you open up too. Wolves dresssed as sheep
@Dr Yuching Lee you are a naughty bot
Not feeling understood at home especially being transgender that's me
Surely its the other way around ?- the trauma, (CPTSD) creates the neurodivergence.
i pressed dislike, and i like , like! reversed it to like . just so you know, thank you so much for your work.
pressed unlike by accident, was the pt. haha. :)
Studies show attractive slimmer taller attractive women less likely to experience trauma. Including aspie women like that.
Source for this claim please? Attractive according to who exactly? Seems like you're minimizing the trauma that others experience. 'attractive' people are just people too and are often the targets of things that cause trauma
I can believe that.
This would only apply to adults, if it is founded in fact. What about children? Early childhood trauma is known to develop or escalate neurodiversity... I've never met a toddler that meets your criteria. What she's explaining in this video - the stress hormones in our body - are much more malleable in young children.
I’m tall attractive though a few extra lbs. but I have my fair if trauma. Heck My height alone has caused me quite a lot of self esteem issues/jokes at my expense throughout my life (doesn’t help that I’m taller than my husband). I love him but due to jokes about it I’m constantly self conscious about it anytime in out with him. Doesn’t help that I’m not at least really skinny to make up for it so I just feel big all the time in comparison (we’ve been together since teens and I was skinnier). May not exactly be trauma but I’m just saying it does affect and cost me mentally quite a lot even daily. Maybe less likely to have sexual trauma since men are more likely to prey on those shorter/weaker? I’m about 5’10 and pretty strong (and would not be afraid to go full ape/gouge eyes etc. if attacked and I think I kind of give off that energy a bit too to be honest) and honestly never felt particularly threatened by men throughout my life in that way. I’ve gone on walks at night by myself etc. without feeling threatened but then again that could also be a false sense of security as well lol.
This… is me, too. 😢🧩
My therapist is going to have me do EMDR, but I'm very skeptical about it as therapy doesn't work for me. CBT failed, I can't remember my DBT skills under distress, my therapist won't let me go on medication, and therapy as a whole is very autism-unfriendly. At least you didn't mention mindfulness. It's always recommended to people and it's just a trendy ineffective thing.
Then again, a lot of my trauma seems to stem from my parents' refusal to understand that I am more anxious than everyone else and that I have TWO anxiety disorders.
Hi, I recently went through EMDR treatment and I was also skeptical as well as terrified. It was hard work but it worked.
Make sure that your therapist will teach you grounding techniques when you start as the flashbacks after a session can increase.
I wish you the best of your journey to recovery.
Hey, your therapist isn’t in charge of meds. If you feel you need them, definitely find a psychiatrist and talk to them. Therapists are not medical doctors and therefor should not tell you whether or not you need to be on meds
EMDR can work wonders, but it's *absolutely* something that requires a fair bit of trust in the person whom you're working with. There are some good resources on YT that describe/show the process, which I found to be really helpful as an autistic person who HATES going into things without knowing what to expect. (Barbara Heffernan has some general info, and there's a Jamie Marich demo video that I found to be really good.)
But one thing that I didn't see in any of those videos was the fact that EMDR can still work if you don't want to go into the details of your trauma out loud. It's somewhat tricky to describe, but a good practitioner will understand that there are some memories that are retraumatizing to talk about, especially for a lot of people with cPTSD.
It may still not be your cup of tea, but the whole 'you can do the Desensitizing and Reprocessing parts of EMDR without describing every shitty thing in LOTS of detail out loud' made a huge difference for me. So I now always want to mention this whenever someone's interested but hesitant about EMDR.
DBT helped me stay stable for longer but when I am super upset it doesn't help anymore. I would like to try EMDR but the counselor is against me doing EMDR.
@@Catlily5 Huh - I wonder why? (Aside from practical stuff - if your therapist isn't trained in it, then you'd have to find someone who is, which can be a whole Thing. And then covering the cost of 2 therapists, insurance shenanigans if applicable, fitting in appointments with 2 practitioners, etc.)
Since I was SO leery of going to a therapist (and had shitty insurance for ages to boot), I did a lot of self-therapy, and have had a bit of luck with the self-directed EMDR resources that I've found, so I can recommend that if you want to try it.
I think CBT and DBT have a lot going for them, but I don't think that they're a great fit for dealing with trauma for a lot of us for the very reason you mentioned. If I'm having an emotional flashback, I'm not really all that rational. Processing (or reprocessing) the trauma helps way more, for me.
I def. think that all of the stats about EMDR's effectiveness rely on it being part of a 2-person dynamic, though.
I have a lot of trauma that has caused a lot of anxiety. I’m almost sure I have audhd and everyone just says it’s my anxiety and trauma so my parents refuse to diagnose me while they diagnosed my little brother who has autism just because he doesn’t have near as much trauma as me but I’m also a lot older than him so they think it’s just the things I’ve been through that are causing me to be the way I am. 🥲
Thank You