I've been doing this 5 years, 24/7, by myself. I'm 59 years old. My dad is 93. I don't/can't work because he needs supervision 24/7. I had just finished raising my kids...the last graduated from high school, when I had to come here to do this. I don't even feel human anymore. I don't eat well because we can't afford it due to inflation/financial difficulties. I'm not at a breaking point. I'm broken. I have chronic health problems myself and they're getting worse. I can't even get myself to the doctor because I can't drive anymore. I try to get rest and sleep but he's up all night and most days I can't even take a nap. There is no one to ask for help and I'm not exaggerating. Family has no interest in helping. It's unreal. It might sound like I'm making a bunch of excuses or being negative but the truth is I'm finally being honest about this situation. This country should do better by us. I'm at a loss at even what to do next because a nursing home is so expensive. Some of us out here are completely and utterly alone.
I want to validate what you shared. I feel similarly with my partner who's needs increased over Covid while simultaneously hiring & keeping reliable caregivers became next to impossible. Plus in California minimum wage was stupidly raised to $16-20/hr so now to hire a good caregiver requires a pay rate of $20-25 when we only receive $18/hr thru IHSS. I also have become a shell of a person in spite of trying to make our lives more meaningful and revive some of the goals we had pre-Covid. I feel you on many of your points. We have to learn how to get help, leverage it, and stop neglecting ourselves! ❤❤Sending you Big loving Cyberhugs!!❤
Just walk away if you can. The aged will only take and take and take from you, financially and or emotionally. Today, Dad got confused and took a double dose of blood pressure, beta blocker and blood thinners. He flew into an absolute rage when I decided to call his doctor to ask if I should hold back his nighttime meds or just carry on as per usual. I actually felt anxiety for a moment. A second later the doc came on the line and explained what I needed to do about his evening meds. Not the first time he's pulled this kind of rage at me for reaching out for professional help. It's almost like he's afraid that he's going to "get in trouble" from someone or some authority. Often times the authority is a doctor, but other times it's City Hall, the garbage man or a neighbour. He's an odd one for sure. Poor ole Mum. I know he pulled this act on her for years and years. I feel bad I wasn't more supportive of her when she was the one dealing with his moods and tantrums.
I totally know where you are coming from, he has been able to get away with these tantrums and rages all his married life and now, alzheimers or not, he still pulls it on you. And you are being expected just to be there as a doormat for this pulling down of your own life. He probably does have dementia or the other alzheimers, but what I find so insidious in this whole caregiving thing is that the caregiver is so worn out by the selfish demands of the needy one (parent/husband/ father/ whatever) it destroys one perfectly nice person, takes away all their joy to keep someone alive who gives you hell. I wish I could walk away, I gave away good jobs and have now have the caregivng role of my husband who sounds like a replica of your father. If there is a doctor or someone else around, he is charming and seems perfectly lucid. I usually manage well, can be loving and certainly have given him good care, but sometimes it would be so nice just to have two weeks away just to walk the beach and not worry about what I have to do for him...yet I know so many others with much worse...kids with extreme autism or huge things wrong, so I try to be grateful and create as much harmony and peace as possible. Good luck, I hope you can have some help or some time out.
We are sorry to hear you are experiencing Caregiver Fatigue! We hope you found this video helpful. Please reference Margaret's other videos for more resources.
I said No and was manipulated and guilted into my mothers care by other family members who said they would do it and dumped her on me, years of verbal and mental abuse and I'm stuck with her. And everything you said just made me mad, i have no life and I am flipping miserable. I cant watch this like im supposed to be having a great time when shes 24/7 get me xyz fix xyz.
Sorry about your situation. Caregiving is a difficult role in life. Hopefully you are able to figure out some tactics that help you and relieve the stress you are under.
I've been doing this 5 years, 24/7, by myself. I'm 59 years old. My dad is 93. I don't/can't work because he needs supervision 24/7. I had just finished raising my kids...the last graduated from high school, when I had to come here to do this. I don't even feel human anymore. I don't eat well because we can't afford it due to inflation/financial difficulties. I'm not at a breaking point. I'm broken. I have chronic health problems myself and they're getting worse. I can't even get myself to the doctor because I can't drive anymore. I try to get rest and sleep but he's up all night and most days I can't even take a nap. There is no one to ask for help and I'm not exaggerating. Family has no interest in helping. It's unreal. It might sound like I'm making a bunch of excuses or being negative but the truth is I'm finally being honest about this situation.
This country should do better by us. I'm at a loss at even what to do next because a nursing home is so expensive. Some of us out here are completely and utterly alone.
I want to validate what you shared. I feel similarly with my partner who's needs increased over Covid while simultaneously hiring & keeping reliable caregivers became next to impossible.
Plus in California minimum wage was stupidly raised to $16-20/hr so now to hire a good caregiver requires a pay rate of $20-25 when we only receive $18/hr thru IHSS.
I also have become a shell of a person in spite of trying to make our lives more meaningful and revive some of the goals we had pre-Covid.
I feel you on many of your points. We have to learn how to get help, leverage it, and stop neglecting ourselves! ❤❤Sending you Big loving Cyberhugs!!❤
Just walk away if you can. The aged will only take and take and take from you, financially and or emotionally. Today, Dad got confused and took a double dose of blood pressure, beta blocker and blood thinners. He flew into an absolute rage when I decided to call his doctor to ask if I should hold back his nighttime meds or just carry on as per usual. I actually felt anxiety for a moment. A second later the doc came on the line and explained what I needed to do about his evening meds. Not the first time he's pulled this kind of rage at me for reaching out for professional help. It's almost like he's afraid that he's going to "get in trouble" from someone or some authority. Often times the authority is a doctor, but other times it's City Hall, the garbage man or a neighbour. He's an odd one for sure. Poor ole Mum. I know he pulled this act on her for years and years. I feel bad I wasn't more supportive of her when she was the one dealing with his moods and tantrums.
Sounds like alzheimers which isn't his fault
I totally know where you are coming from, he has been able to get away with these tantrums and rages all his married life and now, alzheimers or not, he still pulls it on you. And you are being expected just to be there as a doormat for this pulling down of your own life. He probably does have dementia or the other alzheimers, but what I find so insidious in this whole caregiving thing is that the caregiver is so worn out by the selfish demands of the needy one (parent/husband/ father/ whatever) it destroys one perfectly nice person, takes away all their joy to keep someone alive who gives you hell. I wish I could walk away, I gave away good jobs and have now have the caregivng role of my husband who sounds like a replica of your father. If there is a doctor or someone else around, he is charming and seems perfectly lucid. I usually manage well, can be loving and certainly have given him good care, but sometimes it would be so nice just to have two weeks away just to walk the beach and not worry about what I have to do for him...yet I know so many others with much worse...kids with extreme autism or huge things wrong, so I try to be grateful and create as much harmony and peace as possible. Good luck, I hope you can have some help or some time out.
This is a very high quality series. Thank you.
Thank you. We hope the information has been helpful.
A resounding YES to this question 😭
We are sorry to hear you are experiencing Caregiver Fatigue! We hope you found this video helpful. Please reference Margaret's other videos for more resources.
I said No and was manipulated and guilted into my mothers care by other family members who said they would do it and dumped her on me, years of verbal and mental abuse and I'm stuck with her. And everything you said just made me mad, i have no life and I am flipping miserable. I cant watch this like im supposed to be having a great time when shes 24/7 get me xyz fix xyz.
Sorry about your situation. Caregiving is a difficult role in life. Hopefully you are able to figure out some tactics that help you and relieve the stress you are under.
🙏🏼❤️