"Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option". If I had taken that piece of advice sooner, my life would certainly have taken another course.
Thank you Nelly for watching. If you ever think about getting some help I would be happy to talk to you about some coaching with me. I’ve had many clients who’ve turned their life around. If you go yo my website you can see what I do. The first 30 minute session is free. I’d love to hear from you.
@@juliettewatt2784 I'm an ems provider in a busy urban area, I have been struggling with compassion fatigue for years. It's difficult, but I hang in there the best I can
@@2up2care38 Thank you Forestt for watching. I do coaching for CF which is something you might find helpful. If you go to my website and check it out you’ll see what I do. The first 30 min session is free to see if I can be of help . Let me know if that’s something that might interest you.
This hit home so deeply. I suffer greatly because I take care of everyone EXCEPT myself. Sometimes out of love. But sadly sometimes out of duty and guilt. It’s debilitating.
I have a mother who keeps pushing me to get back into the ring to help out. I had to scream at her and turn off my phone. I've gone from helping a sister with 2 kids, my mom, and now my other ailing sister. I am burned out. I've become very mean and arguing with people. I am fighting for ME now. What your ,mother did to you was called emotional manipulation.
No matter how tired or traumatized, etc. I will never be the most important thing in my life. Now and forever the most important thing in my life is to bring honor and glory to my God and to my savior Jesus Christ.
I'm so glad I found this talk. I cried because I finally feel validated for experiencing these emotions. I'm writing an essay on Compassion Fatigue and I definitely will be using this as a source!
I needed to hear this. My mother’s health is failing and I have been going through this with her for years now. At 40 years old, outgoing raised my children and single I found myself becoming her caregiver. God bless those who are caring for others. Don’t become weary in well doing
I was raised with the demand to feel sorry for and emotionally pay attention to or take care of parents who (I was repeatedly told) had traumatic childhoods, and had to subjugate my feelings to their demands with no love in return. Love was sacrificing myself for them, especially my mother. It took a great deal more trauma and excellent therapy for me to understand that I was deeply terrified of my ‘sweet helpless’ toxic mother because she could deeply wound me and frequently did, often in a frighteningly deliberate innocuous way. Thank you for this. I now recognise that I have C-PTSD and my compassion cup is empty and I am finally doing something about it! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
This is so validating. Lately I'm so angry at everything. I resent my patients for being sick, I get upset when someone talks to me, I feel like I'm fighting with every person in the grocery store in my head. I feel sad often, I know I'm behaving coldly, emotionless. I'm short tempered with my partner. I argue with patients. And I keep asking myself "why am I being this way?" I feel so guilty for being so cold towards people. I feel worthless, not good enough. At work, I find quiet spots away from other staff and keep to myself. And at the same time, I crave connection. I've lost interest in most things. I feel irritated when my partner wants to connect then guilty for not connecting. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me. I cried when she asked about the feelings because they're spot on. I've been crying on and off by myself and not even knowing why. I haven't been bringing joy to anyone's life lately. I wake up mad on my workdays and I've been hiding this because I feel so guilty about it. I'm a caregiver who stopped caring and it's hurting me and others.
Thank you so very much. I am currently taking care of my 85 year old bitter mother and she is so ungrateful. I moved from California to Kansas to help her after she asked me to now I'm here and she's telling me dhe. Doesn't know why I came here. I have done everything I can to help her without taking het POWER away.
This describes me exactly! I’ve been my elderly moms primary caregiver due to Alzheimer’s for 5+ years without a single day off and am disabled myself. Prior to disability retirement 15 years ago, worked two jobs, have always been there for my kids and grandkids and have never been so physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted in my life. I don’t even know who I am anymore. This is me😢 My doctor said it’s severe caregiver burnout and prescribed antidepressants. I said I’m not self medicating when I have three siblings out living their lives and refusing to help, I just need time to breathe, to pray, to do something I enjoy, to live life too. I wish I could refill my cup and am desperately trying…thank you for your words of wisdom and for truly understanding
I was caregiver for a client (I’m a stylist). She asked me to be her POA because she was developing what turned out to be dementia. She was estranged from her son by her own choice and had no one else. I lost myself for a year because she needed every kind of care but fought it every step of the way while battling paranoia, hallucinations, inability to determine if she was awake or dreaming. My mantra before this had been “Without me I’m nothing”. A reminder to take care of myself so I could continue to serve others. I lost that mantra without realizing. This Ted Talk spoke to me so loudly. Thank you!!!!
Dementia care is one of the most difficult types of care even for close family members. (I'm a nurse working closely with Dementia related illnesses). Hats off to you. 🙏
I have been unknowingly dealing with compassion fatigue for 2 or 3 years now and if it wasn't for a school application that I'm doing research for, I probably wouldn't have ever known what was wrong with me. And I just want to say THANK YOU for talking about this, it brought me to tears and I am so thank full. Please know that this means a lot to me and I hope you, and anyone reading this that also has it, refills your cup and is able to feel compassion again.
YES! Working remotely with hard deadlines, virtually schooling three children, and having to do a lot of the heavy lifting because my wife has severe ADHD and can't help me as much as I need. So glad to know this isn't all in my mind.
@@juliettewatt2784 Juliette your conference needs to reach more people to be aware of this, thanks You for share, I almost crying on feeling identified and described me here too. I lost My mother at 13 and like older daughther I'll take care of My little siblings because no help on hand, the little one 3 years, lucky us our father on family but working. All us grown up i began to work too but i ended with This role inside family for life, at 30 I decided travel to other city to pursue other job oportunities but to be able to breath. I felt just like You, so tired of living for others Even when I loved them so much. I felt just like You and Even feeling guilty of leaving them behind but i needed to live for me. I ended working on customer service , i think because is part of my Nature already but i felt free. You're right This sensation is talked only on profesional caregivers if mentioned. Big hug.
@@patriciazaragoza3269 thank you so much for your note. I am so happy you connected with my talk. If you ever feel you need more help don’t hesitate to contact me. I do coaching on CF and have helped many people. Thank you again.
This woman is amazing. I have been working with some clients on this topic and this is perhaps the best way to explain what this syndrome is to somebody who has not experienced it yet. Bravo Juliette!
I’ve been working in Social Services for the last 15 years in the welfare system. I’ve been a family benefits caseworker for the last 8. I take on the problems the families on my caseload because they turn to me to help them resolve their self-created life problems. It’s heavy as I have no where to turn to with my own problems. Yesterday, I had anxiety rise up and had to leave midday-I just didn’t have it. Now, I realize that I have a fatigue of my compassion and empathy. I was definitely meant to see this Tedx Talk.
I'm 57 , I care for my 92 year old narcissistic mother , I don't live with her, ( thank god) I live with my X and teenage daughter who has cf, I have type 2 diabetes , I get down in the dumps sometimes, but try to stay active , I take time out for myself, I'm in a walking /social group which has literally saved my life
Thank you for reaching out Catherine. I totally understand what you’re going through. If ever you need some help and guidance I would be happy to help. Just go to my website. Thank you again.
I Upperstand. My situation is very similar. Take care of Yourself. Confront Narcasism with Love, Laughter & Logic = the Best Medicines. May U be Blessed
This hits home. I work in a major insurance company. And It breaks my heart seeing people have to pay these large medical Bill's, and I'm basically the person that they call to fix their issues. After a while it takes a toll, especially when I speak to old people who are retired a dont have anyone. I feel emotionally drained.
Those works that put You in direct contact with people are very drainy specially if You are very responsable, empath, lovely person who really cares of them. Think like this ( I use it to calm down myself during working on customer service support): "I'm working on help these people already, I'm doing My Best posible but it would require time....one at the time" ( that take off the sensation of fret and need to work harder because piled work doesn,'t dissapear quickly as You wish to help more people..and take care on reload your internal battery meanwhile. It needs to be something that You like, músic, reading, walking,movies, time out, swimming pool....whatever You like....you'll continue your list one at the time. Steady and calmer way. This calms your mind a little so it doesn't feel overwhelmed for work waiting on líne, sometimes the anxious mind state adds more stress to the equation. Thanks U for be a person that helps people. Big hug.
I'm glad I found your video. "Helping should not hurt." Describe my relationship with my mom. I too was her lifeline when my father passed years ago. The longer he is gone, the more I take on, as an only child. I decided to use my week off to self care, not take care. Thank you.
I live with someone with depression and I totally understand what she's saying, sometimes you feel guilty for feeling like that, but at the same time your so burnt out
I am really astonished to learn this new word... Compassion fatigue!! Till now I knew that I am a very compassionate person and I care a lot for others. Feeling anxious and worried about small things all the time. But now I know that it's a fatigue... I am totally not in a fault. Now feeling so good... Thank you!
I've been up since 4 am trying to find a video to teach me how to be a better caregiver or new rules to live by to help me with my life and my writing. I presently care for my 91 year old mother with COPD and PAD. My ex-husband, who is still my friend and loved one, is in hospice with lung failure at 76 years old and has months to live. He called to say his goodbyes or to look for me for hope, truth is, I don't know what he wanted from me but I think it was just to listen. I've taken care of another ex-husband for 7 years who went from having a stroke turned into vascular dementia and then lived with me until his death from Alzheimer's. So for the past 14 years I've been living with COMPASSION FATIGUE, and didn't know it. Today for the first time as I sit at my kitchen table in silence, tears streaming down my face and my stomach churning and that's because I found "YOU" and "ME" whoever that is, and will become again. Hopefully my a better me, one who I will take care of. I can't thank you enough. There is a light that is starting to spark and hope for me still. And, I am sharing this with my daughters so that they can understand NOW and never find themselves in the horrible space. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. I am forever grateful for this talk and for you being you. Blessings to you and to those who follow your voice, you honesty and vulnerability and who are experiencing this same issue. Time for me to start writing again. Jamie
Thank you so much Jamie. Your espouse means a great deal. Please don't hesitate to reach out to me via my website if I can help you with this burden you are carrying.
I’m 19 and at the beginning of quarantine I started babysitting for my next door neighbors 4 year old twins and 1 year old baby every Mon-Fri from 7:30am-6pm (and was occasionally asked by other neighbors for favors) I was sleeping around 2-4 hours a night because I’d be thinking about the next day. I was absolutely miserable. I barely responded to texts, and when I did it was a chore. When I’d get home I’d go straight to my room and shut myself in for the night. I thought I was a terrible person for being so irritated when I was helping others, but now I understand what was wrong. Great video!
I'm watching this with tears streaming , because I don't know how to change the learnt behaviour of the last 48 years of caring for others because I have been ' the most insignificant person in my life' and everyone else's needs are more important than mine. How do I learn to care about me?😔
You have to learn to say no. It doesn’t mean absolutely no. It can mean you only give so much but more goes to yourself. You cannot help others if you are suffering. So take care of yourself first but yes, if necessary, say absolutely no to people and care for yourself.
Very encouraging. I work in the hospice here in Kenya and sometimes I feel drained, exhausted and irritable. I trying my best to take care of myself. Thanks for this.. very helpful!
I'm a vet working at an emergency clinic. I'm surrounded by emotional pet owners and stressed coworkers all day. And my dad had (and overcame) cancer last year. I've been feeling these symptoms since a while and thought it was/is a burnout. I literally cried when I saw this, it touched something deep in me. I finally have an appointment today at the doctors. Thank you for the new insight! And to all of you... We are not alone.
Another vet tech (and vet student) here. Not surprised to see a vet in the comments... I went through my whole life not needing therapy, but lately I realized that some day in the future it will be inevitable, considering the profession I chose. Getting therapy is not a shameful thing, I hope you are getting better.
Spend my life appeasing others at the mercy of myself but finally looking out for myself. My mother doesn’t like it when I care for myself and put myself first she wants me to be a self effacing individual that’s emotionally suppressed. Finally learning to stand up for myself because if I don’t nobody will. I’ve been in a dark place and didn’t volunteer today as I usually would and was proud of myself for politely asserting my needs. No harm done. I need to relearn the way I have been conditioned by my mother who’s obsessed with external appearances and constantly puts me down and belittles and shames me. I have to love myself more than the love she could ever give me. I definitely have compassion fatigue and I am relearning how to be good and validate myself and my feelings finally.. whilst learning to be more assertive!
For the first time in months, something is actually speaking to me (this video). Before I was always happy to see others put out positive messages..but as I suffered it only brought my anger and cynicsm. It all seemed fake and pointless. This video actually helped bring me a pinch of hope that maybe everything isn't a lost cause. Though it is still so hard to see the light.
Thank you Juliette Watt. You have solved the mystery of a modern affliction that is slowly driving the world into madness. Do take care and please speak more about compassion fatigue! 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
This made me realise I don't want to be a nurse anymore. I went into this profession because I was so good at taking care of my mother as a child, just like this women. I've given too much already. Nursing is for gifted people.
Everything is for gifted people. That's where we've got it all wrong. We choose professions based on social need and dollar signs instead of finding out inherent gifts and desires. Deadly waste of life, that. Then, when we do find them, we find society has little tolerance for change. My brother was a cop for 26 years, retired early and has spent 3 years trying to find his "2nd Life"-- the one with no gun and badge. Unfortunately, he hasn't been successful, yet. Why I think the #1 cause of death for police after retirement is suicide. Go heal yourself and best of luck to you!
Lauriane, my wife and two daughters are in nursing - I hear you. Here's a suggestion - could you point your nursing colleagues to this video, and ask them if any of them resonate with this message? I am willing to bet you are not in this alone. Assuming there are others on your unit or clinical team, I can offer you some recommendations that I share at healthcare conferences that have helped others (and me!0 stay "caring" after 30 years in healthcare. God speed.
As a caregiver to a terminally ill husband, I finally know what is wrong with me and why I have been feeling so miserable. I have been a caregiver for over 11 years, the first 8 were not bad at all and life felt normal. For the last 3 years I have watched my husband slowly go downhill and it has caused a lot of stress on me. I am the caregiver, the housekeeper, cook, maid, lawncare service, errand runner, full time employee to a wonderful company that allows me to work from home and the only income provider. We also have a farm and I have to attend to the livestock daily. I'm exhausted, tired and feel sick everyday. Sometimes I wonder if I feel worse than my spouse with cancer does. Sometimes I pray to God to either take me or take him, which makes me feel even more guilty. My doctor prescribed me anxiety medication and a anti-depressant that doesn't feel like it helps at all...this video has opened my eyes and made me realize that I most likely have compassion fatigue.
Thank you all. I have longed to have a Yorkshire puppy. And I will now. I am a remaining sibling seem some of my family thinks its my duty to care for my mother 7days a week and do it the way they would do it. From here on I will take at least 2days away from this situation until i get better, at this point. Nothing else matters but God. I stopped feeling months ago. Thank you again. And I thank my nephew who saw the signs in me and sent this link to me. It was for me.
The problem I find with this is, I feel it. I do feel fatigued from compassion but admitting that seems dismissive of other peoples problems. It’s hard to admit to anyone who you would think would listen because it makes their problems seems lesser
Kind of thought of this from a reply on another comment, but this is a great example of differentiating between the good self and bad self to love(It's not entirely awful to like oneself as self-esteem is important, and it's not selfsh to care for oneself with the same enpathy that you would to another) It's very important to know that both are very distinct
After watching this video now I know exactly the what, where and why of where I am in life. I helped take care of my elderly overbearing parents and also my older husband who just recently passed from Alzheimers. I have 4 brothers that didn't help with the parents until my mother's last 4years of life. I'm only 57 and have lived through the past 15-20 years of caring for others before myself. Now I've woke up after all this time to find that I'm post menopause, overweight by 60lbs, exhausted, my body is literally a mess full of symptoms that I have labeled that I feel like I have PSTD plus I feel somewhat lost trying to find my way around. I'm also a full time artist and had to make ends meet to take care of my husband in home for 7 years while he declined, so did I without resources or help from anyone in my family or the health care system. I'm in debt yet working hard to regain a sense of self. The saving grace is my art! That I loved my husband and knew that my parents were users but still I persisted and the outcome is brutal. I am a strivor! Your reality is an echo of my life! Thank you for the confirmation that I'm not alone and what I feel is real.
One of the best TED talks I have ever heard. She is so inspiring!! Please put yourself first even if you have children. Your cup will run dry faster than you will notice that it has and it is so detrimental. If you are a new parent, listen to this before reading any other parenting books! 💗💗💗
I have hypoxia brain injury I died 26minutes spent weeks months in coma rehab hospital learning talk walk again been a recovery massive discovery never ever give up on yourself many will never yourselves keep going doing amazing things good talk its spot on its hard work but worth it in end stay safe stay strong stay positive sending luck hugs prayers most of all love from headway Nottingham UK takecare xxx
My husband has childhood PTSD and anxiety. 6 years ago he was attacked in a street robbery and severely injured. After several surgeries his body was mostly repaired, but he now suffers from PTSD, severe anxiety and panic attacks. It’s so bad he can no longer work because he has spells of staying in bed for 3-10 days every month. It’s horrible. Yes, we have been in therapy this whole time, and he’s gone 3 inpatient programs and 1 outpatient program. I find myself freaking the F out every month. I’m so tired of the stress of it all. I’m so angry inside.
I am 75 and have been a professional carer for the past 5 years mostly caring for people with dementia of 1 kind or another. Have you moved into your own home or are you living with your mother? If the latter, if you are able to afford a home of your own you will have somewhere to go and distance yourself so you can recharge your batteries. I would ensure she is in a safe environment, is able to prepare her own nutritious meals or to reheat good quality ready meals in a microwave oven, is able to keep her home in a reasonably clean uncluttered condition to limit slips and falls, is able to keep herself clean and able to dressed, all of these will enable her to be as independent as possible. You may need to fill in the gaps such as organise grocery shopping or delivery, laundry, organise finance and ensure bills are paid and if possible by automatic payments. When you are happy she is able to manage then you must start to rebuild your life,if you don't know how to look online, there is lots of support. Visit your mother regularly but for a short time. We can only do so much especially when people don't want or appreciate our help. Warm regards from Margaret in the UK
The following quote is key to understanding the power behind this message "How can you give love to anyone else if you can't live in gratitude and joy *how* can you bring fulfillment and joy, to anyone else?" Excellent presentation Juliette.
@@juliettewatt2784 YW Juliette - I believe one way we, who are in the care of others, can help each other is by mutual acknowledgment of mutual struggles. All too often we labor in isolation. Your message is powerful and is indeed, an idea worth sharing.
Wow. Holy Moly. I have intuitively known this, but have become more and more resentful, and increasingly hermetic, because Heaven forbid I give voice to my feelings and needs. Strange to say, but thanks for making me cry: I really, really needed to hear this. Next stop: Courage.
I was a very sensitive and emotional kid, I endured too much emotional stress in middle school. Now I don't feel much empathetically anymore. I get told I can be cold at times, careless, and selfish now.
Good lord my dear that was amazing..thank you for going there. I’ve been battling a form of this since Haiti and to this day I haven’t been back in the field. Spent. Hugs
Watching this now. It took me a pandemic to realize that I had compassion fatigue too but it's so validating to acknowledge it. Thank you for sharing this.
Harder done than said-- then why let them take your peace of mind? Over time I've learned to get offended less, and laugh at morons more (Im NOT calling you or anyone in particular one, except of course the imbeciles who say i dont know anything about stuff im Very passionate & knowledgeable about, and have lost much sanity on over the years... but some loves/ griefs/ fights are worth it, to me at least). They/ those kinds of people aren't worth it, on many levels yes lol
Thank you for this. Ironic, as a cat rescue person, I am struggling with the aging 'unadoptables' I've cared for for a decade or more. I'm so exhausted, and now they are falling into senior health problems. Thus I found your video.
I believe whole-heartedly that this happens on a broader scale than is known because we have fractured our society to the point that fewer people care about one another than in the past. And without that shared compassion, the lucky few are left carrying the load for the many. We off-road caring responsibilities for pay (preschool to elder care and everything in between) and the cost is compassion fatigue. I take initial loss calls for home and auto insurance. Most calls are routine, benign, even mundane. But, many of them are raw, cataclysmic, existential. Coupled with a wife in failing health two sons, and a live-in mother-in-law, it's lately been crushing. My therapist just told me this week that this is what is happening to me. Now, I just have to figure out how to survive it.
Wow, this comment really moved me.....beautifully said. I have for some time believed that our society has lost our sense of connectedness, social obligation and caring for others. I see it everywhere, including in my own family.
I feel this once in a while. I'm a Veterinarian of a couple of decades. It's emotionally draining to care for animals (pets,) properly and I look at myself very badly. Irritated and angry, sad, lonely.
having cptsd and years caring for my mom, therapy whole my life.. I'm finally realising with little steps forward all of these things. I stayed home to help my narcissistic mom but like you said, I am just an option. I am very caring and empathic, she drains me on another level. I feel as long I live under her roof, I will always feel drained. When am I going to feel not guilty and can say no sometimes. I really don't know. I have enough. How can I let go?! How?! It is so hard to chose for myself. I know this also has to do with the trauma i have but this is so hard. Thank you for this, when I hear I'm not alone, this helps in someway♥️🙏🏼🌹
Wow all your words remind me of so much I've said much of what's been said to myself it's sad you think your helping someone and at the same time your hurting yourself without even knowing it
Im dealing on it right now.. using a limited source but a high hope for future of myself. My mom,my family and my partner hurt me by not appreciates me. Despite all of my life for them. I feel disconnected with them,i want move away to search my happiness and start my new life as WHO I AM. Im on process to winning my Phd schoolarship at sweden.I think, Scandinavian is the right places for me to start new life. I hope my dream comes true.please pray for me. I also deserve happiness
The irony of this is having just watched that I'm now reading the comments to see what other people have done to surely deserve self-compassion more than I do. This is a deep hole to get out from and the further irony is working in healthcare it is rare to have others around you give even a glimpse of the compassion they show to others to you. It all feels very fake these days, a frustrating existence of conveyor belt care. When the rest of life is hollowed out through isolating myself over the years it really doesn't feel like there is any point.
Can't give what you don't have - if you're used up and running on fumes... THAT is what you'll give to others. You can try and mask it, but the truth will always spill out. Compassion is about allowing room for things to exist - wisdom is about applying our knowledge guided by compassion. Helping others while hurting ourselves, isn't wisdom. Helping ourselves while hurting others, that isn't wisdom either. Wisdom is about creating win/win - reducing suffering in self and other, simultaneously. In my experience, helping others for 27 years - compassion fatigue shows up most when we're caretaking instead of caregiving. It's a bit of a play on words, but care taking is consumptive to us. WE end up giving and giving and giving, and the other side just takes and takes and takes. Maybe there's a good reason for their taking - they're incapable, damaged, dying... but the result is the same - exhaustion on our part. We can't burn the candle on both ends and the middle and expect to last for very long. But care giving? That's a bit different because we factor in our own self-care, our own self-love, our own self-rejuvenation as part of the process. We give to ourselves AND others. Juliette, you're exactly right. Love this talk, and love you my friend! :) You freakin' ROCK!
I've my been my quadriplegic father's primary caretaker for 21 years since I was 12 years old when my mom left and it is all coming to a head now. I've been isolating and feel bad that someone else has the burden to take care of my father right now but he gets paid to have an aid but we live in a small town and there are no aids but I know I need to take care of myself and I own a business that I've been neglecting too. So my aunt is watching him now but I just can't right now. This is very real
I wished there was a way to contact this lady because I really need a chat with her. She just described me, I have been caring for my daughter for 28 years and it’s a very very lonely way to live, my daughter is kind and loving but the isolation and finical burden is so hard, the UK government have a lot to answer to, Carers are the forgotten ones .. beautiful speak , it opened my eyes wide. Thank you and much love x
I feel no empathy for anyone right now, I still enjoy life and am having fun. I just don’t care about anyone else’s feelings anymore. It’s very interesting and I actually enjoy not having to worry about anyone else anymore. I know what caused it and I finally feel at peace not caring about everyone else. I’m getting back in shape, I’m eating better, feeling more focused, cleaning, helping my gf more around the house, but I do get irritable towards other’s problems. I love my gf but I’m not in love. Sleep hurts. I also think sad things are funny. I’m looking at it as a self preservation and not fighting it. I know right from wrong so I’m just acting good. I don’t care about being good anymore, I just don’t want to deal with the problems with doing bad.
We need all of us to care more about everyone and each other. It's like taxes or insurance. We can all care a little and share the burden easily or fracture and leave the "job" to others in the profession of caring and the burden is multiplied, crushing those engaged in it. Stop the individual responsibility BS. Eventually, it will come for you and will crush you.
My 94 yo father has lived with us for 4 years and has now been diagnosed with Parkinsons with dementia. He has delusions and hallucinations. Thank you so much for this. Today I said "I am totally empty" and didn't know what to do.
I can totally identify as my dad is the same at 92. I'm fried. I've been doing this 24/7 for almost 5 years now. I'm his sole caregiver and live with him 24/7. I loved this talk but I wish there were more solutions. A "moment of peace" isn't cutting it anymore. Nor is a short walk around the block. The system is broken. 85% of people taking care of elderly parents/disabled children etc are women. We lose years, income, savings, social security, etc doing this. What are the solutions? If one can't afford to put a loved one in a nursing home, and you're the only person for them, then what? I wasn't totally sure what her message was here because yes, we're tired, broken, burnt out, but we still have the loved one to take care of. She really didn't offer any solutions. Maybe there aren't any.
@@amg726 My SIL works for the State and deals with Nursing Home eligibility on a daily bases. Plenty, well in fact Most, of the folks in nursing homes are eligible by giving the Nursing Home the rights to their monthly SS checks. That's what pays for their room and board and health care. We live in Texas but I'm sure it works pretty much the same way in other states? Her mom was residing in a nursing home near us when Covid hit. She passed away with contracting Covid, but she was 86 years old and in full-blown dementia. Also not in the best of health in general. I knew her well and made sure to visit her often while she was in that home. All in all she seemed well cared for and content. Is that something you might consider? I know you've probably heard nightmare stories about nursing homes ( so have I!) but yes, there are some good ones in operation! I liked the one she was in because it was clean and bright and you could visit 24/7!! There was a code you punched in at the front entrance that let you in at any hour!😉 Anyways, just thinking and trying to come up with a viable solution for you and your Dad. You're in my prayers, hun.🙏💜
i understand this woman coming from. so attach to this world of giving herself for the sake of others.... But the true compassion never tired. True love you can't find anywhere else it comes from our Lord savior JESUS CHRIST😇🙏🏻☝👍
As an “in person” professional special educator- this Covid year- this presidential cycle-has been the most challenging, exhausting, terrifying and now I realize - compassion fatiguing year. Nothing left in the bank to withdraw. I misjudged the depth of the emotional spending! Time to make some major deposits.....
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"Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option". If I had taken that piece of advice sooner, my life would certainly have taken another course.
Thank you Nelly for watching. If you ever think about getting some help I would be happy to talk to you about some coaching with me. I’ve had many clients who’ve turned their life around. If you go yo my website you can see what I do. The first 30 minute session is free. I’d love to hear from you.
@@juliettewatt2784 I'm an ems provider in a busy urban area, I have been struggling with compassion fatigue for years. It's difficult, but I hang in there the best I can
@@2up2care38 Thank you Forestt for watching. I do coaching for CF which is something you might find helpful. If you go to my website and check it out you’ll see what I do. The first 30 min session is free to see if I can be of help . Let me know if that’s something that might interest you.
Me too
This hit home so deeply. I suffer greatly because I take care of everyone EXCEPT myself. Sometimes out of love. But sadly sometimes out of duty and guilt. It’s debilitating.
I have a mother who keeps pushing me to get back into the ring to help out. I had to scream at her and turn off my phone. I've gone from helping a sister with 2 kids, my mom, and now my other ailing sister. I am burned out. I've become very mean and arguing with people. I am fighting for ME now. What your ,mother did to you was called emotional manipulation.
same 🫂
@sheshe902
It’s so infuriatingly unfair 😡😞
No matter how tired or traumatized, etc. I will never be the most important thing in my life. Now and forever the most important thing in my life is to bring honor and glory to my God and to my savior Jesus Christ.
"Helping shouldn't hurt"
Huge realization for anyone that is a 'caregiver'
Compassion fatigue is beyond burn out
I'm so glad I found this talk. I cried because I finally feel validated for experiencing these emotions. I'm writing an essay on Compassion Fatigue and I definitely will be using this as a source!
Thank you for watching and good luck with your essay!
Same here.
I needed to hear this. My mother’s health is failing and I have been going through this with her for years now. At 40 years old, outgoing raised my children and single I found myself becoming her caregiver. God bless those who are caring for others. Don’t become weary in well doing
Well said. Thank you for watching and your message.
see my comment above about caretaking vs. caregiving. Good awareness and shift on your part! :)
I was raised with the demand to feel sorry for and emotionally pay attention to or take care of parents who (I was repeatedly told) had traumatic childhoods, and had to subjugate my feelings to their demands with no love in return. Love was sacrificing myself for them, especially my mother. It took a great deal more trauma and excellent therapy for me to understand that I was deeply terrified of my ‘sweet helpless’ toxic mother because she could deeply wound me and frequently did, often in a frighteningly deliberate innocuous way. Thank you for this. I now recognise that I have C-PTSD and my compassion cup is empty and I am finally doing something about it! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
This is also my story.
@@Mabellevie17 And mine...
This Is me as well... very broken place. Someone please tell there is hope.?
My therapist asked me who the most important person was in my life. I said myself!!! Thank you for validating me!!
Thank you Alice. I am so happy you gave the right answer!
God is the most important person in my life
This is so validating. Lately I'm so angry at everything. I resent my patients for being sick, I get upset when someone talks to me, I feel like I'm fighting with every person in the grocery store in my head. I feel sad often, I know I'm behaving coldly, emotionless. I'm short tempered with my partner. I argue with patients. And I keep asking myself "why am I being this way?" I feel so guilty for being so cold towards people. I feel worthless, not good enough. At work, I find quiet spots away from other staff and keep to myself. And at the same time, I crave connection. I've lost interest in most things. I feel irritated when my partner wants to connect then guilty for not connecting. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me. I cried when she asked about the feelings because they're spot on. I've been crying on and off by myself and not even knowing why. I haven't been bringing joy to anyone's life lately. I wake up mad on my workdays and I've been hiding this because I feel so guilty about it. I'm a caregiver who stopped caring and it's hurting me and others.
You are not alone, this is exactly what I've felt. I decreased my working hours but have much left to sort through.
Thank you so very much. I am currently taking care of my 85 year old bitter mother and she is so ungrateful. I moved from California to Kansas to help her after she asked me to now I'm here and she's telling me dhe. Doesn't know why I came here. I have done everything I can to help her without taking het POWER away.
This describes me exactly! I’ve been my elderly moms primary caregiver due to Alzheimer’s for 5+ years without a single day off and am disabled myself. Prior to disability retirement 15 years ago, worked two jobs, have always been there for my kids and grandkids and have never been so physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted in my life. I don’t even know who I am anymore. This is me😢
My doctor said it’s severe caregiver burnout and prescribed antidepressants. I said I’m not self medicating when I have three siblings out living their lives and refusing to help, I just need time to breathe, to pray, to do something I enjoy, to live life too. I wish I could refill my cup and am desperately trying…thank you for your words of wisdom and for truly understanding
"Helping shouldn't hurt"
Never! Thank you for watching.
I was caregiver for a client (I’m a stylist). She asked me to be her POA because she was developing what turned out to be dementia. She was estranged from her son by her own choice and had no one else. I lost myself for a year because she needed every kind of care but fought it every step of the way while battling paranoia, hallucinations, inability to determine if she was awake or dreaming. My mantra before this had been “Without me I’m nothing”. A reminder to take care of myself so I could continue to serve others. I lost that mantra without realizing.
This Ted Talk spoke to me so loudly. Thank you!!!!
Dementia care is one of the most difficult types of care even for close family members. (I'm a nurse working closely with Dementia related illnesses). Hats off to you. 🙏
“Helping shouldn’t hurt” - what an eye-opener! But, of course 😞 The blinkers are now off 🙏
I have been unknowingly dealing with compassion fatigue for 2 or 3 years now and if it wasn't for a school application that I'm doing research for, I probably wouldn't have ever known what was wrong with me. And I just want to say THANK YOU for talking about this, it brought me to tears and I am so thank full. Please know that this means a lot to me and I hope you, and anyone reading this that also has it, refills your cup and is able to feel compassion again.
Thank you Talena. I do so appreciate your feedback. Thank you for watching and I am so glad you feel it helped.
YES! Working remotely with hard deadlines, virtually schooling three children, and having to do a lot of the heavy lifting because my wife has severe ADHD and can't help me as much as I need. So glad to know this isn't all in my mind.
Remember you are not alone. Thank you Chris for your message and for watching.
@@juliettewatt2784 Juliette your conference needs to reach more people to be aware of this, thanks You for share, I almost crying on feeling identified and described me here too. I lost My mother at 13 and like older daughther I'll take care of My little siblings because no help on hand, the little one 3 years, lucky us our father on family but working. All us grown up i began to work too but i ended with This role inside family for life, at 30 I decided travel to other city to pursue other job oportunities but to be able to breath. I felt just like You, so tired of living for others Even when I loved them so much. I felt just like You and Even feeling guilty of leaving them behind but i needed to live for me. I ended working on customer service , i think because is part of my Nature already but i felt free. You're right This sensation is talked only on profesional caregivers if mentioned. Big hug.
@@patriciazaragoza3269 thank you so much for your note. I am so happy you connected with my talk. If you ever feel you need more help don’t hesitate to contact me. I do coaching on CF and have helped many people. Thank you again.
Great: Thank you!
I found this video in 2024 Thank you for making it!
This woman is amazing. I have been working with some clients on this topic and this is perhaps the best way to explain what this syndrome is to somebody who has not experienced it yet. Bravo Juliette!
Thank you so much Garrett. I really appreciate the feedback and I'm thrilled if it can help your work.
I’ve been working in Social Services for the last 15 years in the welfare system. I’ve been a family benefits caseworker for the last 8. I take on the problems the families on my caseload because they turn to me to help them resolve their self-created life problems. It’s heavy as I have no where to turn to with my own problems. Yesterday, I had anxiety rise up and had to leave midday-I just didn’t have it. Now, I realize that I have a fatigue of my compassion and empathy. I was definitely meant to see this Tedx Talk.
I'm 57 , I care for my 92 year old narcissistic mother , I don't live with her, ( thank god) I live with my X and teenage daughter who has cf, I have type 2 diabetes , I get down in the dumps sometimes, but try to stay active , I take time out for myself, I'm in a walking /social group which has literally saved my life
Thank you for reaching out Catherine. I totally understand what you’re going through. If ever you need some help and guidance I would be happy to help. Just go to my website. Thank you again.
@@juliettewatt2784 I would have an ear too and can relate to chronic illness and still having to function and contribute.
I Upperstand. My situation is very similar. Take care of Yourself. Confront Narcasism with Love, Laughter & Logic = the Best Medicines. May U be Blessed
This hits home. I work in a major insurance company. And It breaks my heart seeing people have to pay these large medical Bill's, and I'm basically the person that they call to fix their issues. After a while it takes a toll, especially when I speak to old people who are retired a dont have anyone. I feel emotionally drained.
❤️❤️
Those works that put You in direct contact with people are very drainy specially if You are very responsable, empath, lovely person who really cares of them. Think like this ( I use it to calm down myself during working on customer service support): "I'm working on help these people already, I'm doing My Best posible but it would require time....one at the time" ( that take off the sensation of fret and need to work harder because piled work doesn,'t dissapear quickly as You wish to help more people..and take care on reload your internal battery meanwhile. It needs to be something that You like, músic, reading, walking,movies, time out, swimming pool....whatever You like....you'll continue your list one at the time. Steady and calmer way. This calms your mind a little so it doesn't feel overwhelmed for work waiting on líne, sometimes the anxious mind state adds more stress to the equation. Thanks U for be a person that helps people. Big hug.
That is so hard 🥺 thank you for what you do 💜
I'm glad I found your video. "Helping should not hurt." Describe my relationship with my mom. I too was her lifeline when my father passed years ago. The longer he is gone, the more I take on, as an only child. I decided to use my week off to self care, not take care. Thank you.
Was introducted to this 20 years ago and it's very real. Thanks, Juliette. Miss you as my neighbor!
JoAnn, thanks so much.
I live with someone with depression and I totally understand what she's saying, sometimes you feel guilty for feeling like that, but at the same time your so burnt out
Profound real talk.
The struggle is real.
I am really astonished to learn this new word... Compassion fatigue!! Till now I knew that I am a very compassionate person and I care a lot for others. Feeling anxious and worried about small things all the time. But now I know that it's a fatigue... I am totally not in a fault. Now feeling so good... Thank you!
Thank you for watching! So glad it helped.
I've been up since 4 am trying to find a video to teach me how to be a better caregiver or new rules to live by to help me with my life and my writing. I presently care for my 91 year old mother with COPD and PAD. My ex-husband, who is still my friend and loved one, is in hospice with lung failure at 76 years old and has months to live. He called to say his goodbyes or to look for me for hope, truth is, I don't know what he wanted from me but I think it was just to listen. I've taken care of another ex-husband for 7 years who went from having a stroke turned into vascular dementia and then lived with me until his death from Alzheimer's. So for the past 14 years I've been living with COMPASSION FATIGUE, and didn't know it.
Today for the first time as I sit at my kitchen table in silence, tears streaming down my face and my stomach churning and that's because I found "YOU" and "ME" whoever that is, and will become again. Hopefully my a better me, one who I will take care of. I can't thank you enough. There is a light that is starting to spark and hope for me still. And, I am sharing this with my daughters so that they can understand NOW and never find themselves in the horrible space. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. I am forever grateful for this talk and for you being you. Blessings to you and to those who follow your voice, you honesty and vulnerability and who are experiencing this same issue. Time for me to start writing again. Jamie
Thank you so much Jamie. Your espouse means a great deal. Please don't hesitate to reach out to me via my website if I can help you with this burden you are carrying.
It was like she was talking about me. It is nice to know you are not alone. Though you feel alone in a room full of people.
Thank you for your comment, Connie. You are not alone.
I’m 19 and at the beginning of quarantine I started babysitting for my next door neighbors 4 year old twins and 1 year old baby every Mon-Fri from 7:30am-6pm (and was occasionally asked by other neighbors for favors) I was sleeping around 2-4 hours a night because I’d be thinking about the next day. I was absolutely miserable. I barely responded to texts, and when I did it was a chore. When I’d get home I’d go straight to my room and shut myself in for the night. I thought I was a terrible person for being so irritated when I was helping others, but now I understand what was wrong. Great video!
I'm watching this with tears streaming , because I don't know how to change the learnt behaviour of the last 48 years of caring for others because I have been ' the most insignificant person in my life' and everyone else's needs are more important than mine. How do I learn to care about me?😔
AMEN🙏🏻AMEN🙏🏻AMEN🙏🏻
You have to learn to say no. It doesn’t mean absolutely no. It can mean you only give so much but more goes to yourself. You cannot help others if you are suffering. So take care of yourself first but yes, if necessary, say absolutely no to people and care for yourself.
Very encouraging. I work in the hospice here in Kenya and sometimes I feel drained, exhausted and irritable. I trying my best to take care of myself. Thanks for this.. very helpful!
Thank you for the permission to be to feel to acknowledge the hardship of caring for others. This was beautiful! 🙏🏽
"When giving is no longer living". Brilliant!
I'm a vet working at an emergency clinic. I'm surrounded by emotional pet owners and stressed coworkers all day. And my dad had (and overcame) cancer last year. I've been feeling these symptoms since a while and thought it was/is a burnout. I literally cried when I saw this, it touched something deep in me. I finally have an appointment today at the doctors.
Thank you for the new insight!
And to all of you... We are not alone.
Vet tech here. I hope you are doing better. If you need to vent or something...I understand. I am here for you.
Another vet tech (and vet student) here. Not surprised to see a vet in the comments... I went through my whole life not needing therapy, but lately I realized that some day in the future it will be inevitable, considering the profession I chose.
Getting therapy is not a shameful thing, I hope you are getting better.
Started crying so hard during this. This is amazing. Thank you guys so much for this talk. I definitely am going to use this.
Spend my life appeasing others at the mercy of myself but finally looking out for myself. My mother doesn’t like it when I care for myself and put myself first she wants me to be a self effacing individual that’s emotionally suppressed. Finally learning to stand up for myself because if I don’t nobody will. I’ve been in a dark place and didn’t volunteer today as I usually would and was proud of myself for politely asserting my needs. No harm done. I need to relearn the way I have been conditioned by my mother who’s obsessed with external appearances and constantly puts me down and belittles and shames me. I have to love myself more than the love she could ever give me. I definitely have compassion fatigue and I am relearning how to be good and validate myself and my feelings finally.. whilst learning to be more assertive!
For the first time in months, something is actually speaking to me (this video). Before I was always happy to see others put out positive messages..but as I suffered it only brought my anger and cynicsm. It all seemed fake and pointless. This video actually helped bring me a pinch of hope that maybe everything isn't a lost cause. Though it is still so hard to see the light.
Thank you Juliette Watt. You have solved the mystery of a modern affliction that is slowly driving the world into madness. Do take care and please speak more about compassion fatigue! 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
Best TED talk I have ever seen.
I am honored. Thank you for watching.
This made me realise I don't want to be a nurse anymore. I went into this profession because I was so good at taking care of my mother as a child, just like this women. I've given too much already. Nursing is for gifted people.
Everything is for gifted people. That's where we've got it all wrong. We choose professions based on social need and dollar signs instead of finding out inherent gifts and desires. Deadly waste of life, that. Then, when we do find them, we find society has little tolerance for change. My brother was a cop for 26 years, retired early and has spent 3 years trying to find his "2nd Life"-- the one with no gun and badge. Unfortunately, he hasn't been successful, yet. Why I think the #1 cause of death for police after retirement is suicide. Go heal yourself and best of luck to you!
Lauriane, my wife and two daughters are in nursing - I hear you. Here's a suggestion - could you point your nursing colleagues to this video, and ask them if any of them resonate with this message? I am willing to bet you are not in this alone. Assuming there are others on your unit or clinical team, I can offer you some recommendations that I share at healthcare conferences that have helped others (and me!0 stay "caring" after 30 years in healthcare. God speed.
As a caregiver to a terminally ill husband, I finally know what is wrong with me and why I have been feeling so miserable. I have been a caregiver for over 11 years, the first 8 were not bad at all and life felt normal. For the last 3 years I have watched my husband slowly go downhill and it has caused a lot of stress on me. I am the caregiver, the housekeeper, cook, maid, lawncare service, errand runner, full time employee to a wonderful company that allows me to work from home and the only income provider. We also have a farm and I have to attend to the livestock daily. I'm exhausted, tired and feel sick everyday. Sometimes I wonder if I feel worse than my spouse with cancer does. Sometimes I pray to God to either take me or take him, which makes me feel even more guilty. My doctor prescribed me anxiety medication and a anti-depressant that doesn't feel like it helps at all...this video has opened my eyes and made me realize that I most likely have compassion fatigue.
Have been going through the same, sole caregiver to my elderly mom with Alzheimer’s
I am the same and not sure how much more I can take.
Thank you all. I have longed to have a Yorkshire puppy. And I will now. I am a remaining sibling seem some of my family thinks its my duty to care for my mother 7days a week and do it the way they would do it. From here on I will take at least 2days away from this situation until i get better, at this point. Nothing else matters but God. I stopped feeling months ago. Thank you again. And I thank my nephew who saw the signs in me and sent this link to me. It was for me.
“I thought I have depression but it’s a compassion fatigue” and “I would start to refill my cup and get back to myself”
The problem I find with this is, I feel it. I do feel fatigued from compassion but admitting that seems dismissive of other peoples problems. It’s hard to admit to anyone who you would think would listen because it makes their problems seems lesser
Kind of thought of this from a reply on another comment, but this is a great example of differentiating between the good self and bad self to love(It's not entirely awful to like oneself as self-esteem is important, and it's not selfsh to care for oneself with the same enpathy that you would to another)
It's very important to know that both are very distinct
After watching this video now I know exactly the what, where and why of where I am in life. I helped take care of my elderly overbearing parents and also my older husband who just recently passed from Alzheimers. I have 4 brothers that didn't help with the parents until my mother's last 4years of life. I'm only 57 and have lived through the past 15-20 years of caring for others before myself. Now I've woke up after all this time to find that I'm post menopause, overweight by 60lbs, exhausted, my body is literally a mess full of symptoms that I have labeled that I feel like I have PSTD plus I feel somewhat lost trying to find my way around. I'm also a full time artist and had to make ends meet to take care of my husband in home for 7 years while he declined, so did I without resources or help from anyone in my family or the health care system. I'm in debt yet working hard to regain a sense of self. The saving grace is my art! That I loved my husband and knew that my parents were users but still I persisted and the outcome is brutal. I am a strivor! Your reality is an echo of my life! Thank you for the confirmation that I'm not alone and what I feel is real.
One of the best TED talks I have ever heard. She is so inspiring!! Please put yourself first even if you have children. Your cup will run dry faster than you will notice that it has and it is so detrimental. If you are a new parent, listen to this before reading any other parenting books! 💗💗💗
I have hypoxia brain injury I died 26minutes spent weeks months in coma rehab hospital learning talk walk again been a recovery massive discovery never ever give up on yourself many will never yourselves keep going doing amazing things good talk its spot on its hard work but worth it in end stay safe stay strong stay positive sending luck hugs prayers most of all love from headway Nottingham UK takecare xxx
My husband has childhood PTSD and anxiety. 6 years ago he was attacked in a street robbery and severely injured. After several surgeries his body was mostly repaired, but he now suffers from PTSD, severe anxiety and panic attacks. It’s so bad he can no longer work because he has spells of staying in bed for 3-10 days every month. It’s horrible. Yes, we have been in therapy this whole time, and he’s gone 3 inpatient programs and 1 outpatient program. I find myself freaking the F out every month. I’m so tired of the stress of it all. I’m so angry inside.
Can I just say the bio of this woman is absolutely astounding! She is incredible 🤩
I am 75 and have been a professional carer for the past 5 years mostly caring for people with dementia of 1 kind or another.
Have you moved into your own home or are you living with your mother? If the latter, if you are able to afford a home of your own you will have somewhere to go and distance yourself so you can recharge your batteries. I would ensure she is in a safe environment, is able to prepare her own nutritious meals or to reheat good quality ready meals in a microwave oven, is able to keep her home in a reasonably clean uncluttered condition to limit slips and falls, is able to keep herself clean and able to dressed, all of these will enable her to be as independent as possible. You may need to fill in the gaps such as organise grocery shopping or delivery, laundry, organise finance and ensure bills are paid and if possible by automatic payments. When you are happy she is able to manage then you must start to rebuild your life,if you don't know how to look online, there is lots of support. Visit your mother regularly but for a short time.
We can only do so much especially when people don't want or appreciate our help. Warm regards from Margaret in the UK
Most of us in quarantine experiencing this.
Yeah
wow. never heard a better description of my feelings.
The following quote is key to understanding the power behind this message "How can you give love to anyone else if you can't live in gratitude and joy *how* can you bring fulfillment and joy, to anyone else?" Excellent presentation Juliette.
Thank you, Kevin. That means a lot.
@@juliettewatt2784 YW Juliette - I believe one way we, who are in the care of others, can help each other is by mutual acknowledgment of mutual struggles. All too often we labor in isolation. Your message is powerful and is indeed, an idea worth sharing.
Thanks again Kevin. I really appreciate it.
The most important thing is myself ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you!
Yes it is!! Thank you for watching.
Wow - this really hit home and made so much sense to me. I literally felt like a switch turned on in me...thank you for this!
Me too
Juliette, thanks so much for standing up to say this.
Thank you Tim Dawes. Your help and support meant a lot and my talk very much benefited from your words.
Thank you Tim Dawes. Your help and support meant a lot and my talk very much benefited from your words.
Wow. Holy Moly. I have intuitively known this, but have become more and more resentful, and increasingly hermetic, because Heaven forbid I give voice to my feelings and needs. Strange to say, but thanks for making me cry: I really, really needed to hear this. Next stop: Courage.
Thank you Ellen. Thank you for watching. Don't hesitate to reach out if I can help you more in any way.
@@juliettewatt2784 I have been experiencing the same thing, how do I go about it
This TedTalk hits me so hard, I am about to cry. I learned I got this after talking to our school counselor
Thank you for your comment. If there's anything I can do to help please go to my website and let me know.
I was a very sensitive and emotional kid, I endured too much emotional stress in middle school. Now I don't feel much empathetically anymore. I get told I can be cold at times, careless, and selfish now.
Juliette, you really have a message: 100% authentic. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you David for watching .
Wow
"I would have sayed no, because helping shouldn't hurt"
Yes! Thanks so much for watching.
This is so powerful. I was put in a caregiver situation and it made me suicidal.
Never again.
I needed to hear this today! Phenomenal talk, might be THE best I've listened to and one that truly hits home in my heart. Well done Juliette!
Thank you so much, Morgan. I am honored you think it’s so good. If I can ever help you don’t hesitate to go my website. Thank you again.
Good lord my dear that was amazing..thank you for going there. I’ve been battling a form of this since Haiti and to this day I haven’t been back in the field. Spent. Hugs
Rich, thank you so much and I'm happy to hear it was helpful to you.
Thanks Rich . I appreciate your feelings.
Watching this now. It took me a pandemic to realize that I had compassion fatigue too but it's so validating to acknowledge it. Thank you for sharing this.
And thank you for watching and sending your note.
But for me, it’s not only the traumas that are draining, it’s the non-emergent, entitled, whinny people who really trigger my compassion fatigue.
Harder done than said-- then why let them take your peace of mind? Over time I've learned to get offended less, and laugh at morons more (Im NOT calling you or anyone in particular one, except of course the imbeciles who say i dont know anything about stuff im Very passionate & knowledgeable about, and have lost much sanity on over the years... but some loves/ griefs/ fights are worth it, to me at least). They/ those kinds of people aren't worth it, on many levels yes lol
Thank you for this. Ironic, as a cat rescue person, I am struggling with the aging 'unadoptables' I've cared for for a decade or more. I'm so exhausted, and now they are falling into senior health problems. Thus I found your video.
This was incredible! Life changing information! 🔥 Thanks!
Thank you so much for your courage!!! This is a life lesson!
I believe whole-heartedly that this happens on a broader scale than is known because we have fractured our society to the point that fewer people care about one another than in the past. And without that shared compassion, the lucky few are left carrying the load for the many. We off-road caring responsibilities for pay (preschool to elder care and everything in between) and the cost is compassion fatigue. I take initial loss calls for home and auto insurance. Most calls are routine, benign, even mundane. But, many of them are raw, cataclysmic, existential.
Coupled with a wife in failing health two sons, and a live-in mother-in-law, it's lately been crushing. My therapist just told me this week that this is what is happening to me. Now, I just have to figure out how to survive it.
Wow, this comment really moved me.....beautifully said. I have for some time believed that our society has lost our sense of connectedness, social obligation and caring for others. I see it everywhere, including in my own family.
I have a wife with cancer and fibromyalga and a father with dementa, and 4 kids. This hits hard.
Thank you i been suffering this kind of burden and all you said about the symptoms is true for me. Now i know im ok. Its ok to say no thank you.💞💞💞
You're most welcome. I am so happy it helped. Thanks for watching.
I feel this once in a while. I'm a Veterinarian of a couple of decades. It's emotionally draining to care for animals (pets,) properly and I look at myself very badly. Irritated and angry, sad, lonely.
Thank you for your honest truth!
having cptsd and years caring for my mom, therapy whole my life.. I'm finally realising with little steps forward all of these things. I stayed home to help my narcissistic mom but like you said, I am just an option. I am very caring and empathic, she drains me on another level. I feel as long I live under her roof, I will always feel drained. When am I going to feel not guilty and can say no sometimes. I really don't know. I have enough. How can I let go?! How?! It is so hard to chose for myself. I know this also has to do with the trauma i have but this is so hard. Thank you for this, when I hear I'm not alone, this helps in someway♥️🙏🏼🌹
Its true. If you truly respect and love yourself, you'll be able to quickly identify people who try to manipulate and use you.
This hits home
Thank you so much for watching. I do hope my talk can help you.
Top Notch talk, just spot on.
Thank you so much. I hope it helps people with this awful situation.
What an inspirational speaker. Would love to get in touch.
Thank you Julliette Watt.
Nice, good work and may your videos influence among the people...... May Your videos can change world.....
That was and is my intention. Too many people are suffering AND SAYING NOTHING.
Thank You for this Juliette, I knew this for a long time and I was terribly afraid to hear and accept it.
You are so welcome. Thank you for the comment. I'm here if you need any guidance.
Olli the
ZMmMlMMmaMamMLL
Needing this today. Thank you so much.
My pleasure. Thank you for watching.
Definitely experienced this working in home health.
Wow all your words remind me of so much I've said much of what's been said to myself it's sad you think your helping someone and at the same time your hurting yourself without even knowing it
I needed this right now. Thank you so much Juliette Watt!
You are more than welcome.
Ditto
Im dealing on it right now.. using a limited source but a high hope for future of myself. My mom,my family and my partner hurt me by not appreciates me. Despite all of my life for them. I feel disconnected with them,i want move away to search my happiness and start my new life as WHO I AM. Im on process to winning my Phd schoolarship at sweden.I think, Scandinavian is the right places for me to start new life. I hope my dream comes true.please pray for me. I also deserve happiness
Thank you. I need to hear this.
The irony of this is having just watched that I'm now reading the comments to see what other people have done to surely deserve self-compassion more than I do. This is a deep hole to get out from and the further irony is working in healthcare it is rare to have others around you give even a glimpse of the compassion they show to others to you. It all feels very fake these days, a frustrating existence of conveyor belt care. When the rest of life is hollowed out through isolating myself over the years it really doesn't feel like there is any point.
Can't give what you don't have - if you're used up and running on fumes... THAT is what you'll give to others. You can try and mask it, but the truth will always spill out.
Compassion is about allowing room for things to exist - wisdom is about applying our knowledge guided by compassion. Helping others while hurting ourselves, isn't wisdom. Helping ourselves while hurting others, that isn't wisdom either. Wisdom is about creating win/win - reducing suffering in self and other, simultaneously.
In my experience, helping others for 27 years - compassion fatigue shows up most when we're caretaking instead of caregiving. It's a bit of a play on words, but care taking is consumptive to us. WE end up giving and giving and giving, and the other side just takes and takes and takes. Maybe there's a good reason for their taking - they're incapable, damaged, dying... but the result is the same - exhaustion on our part. We can't burn the candle on both ends and the middle and expect to last for very long. But care giving? That's a bit different because we factor in our own self-care, our own self-love, our own self-rejuvenation as part of the process. We give to ourselves AND others.
Juliette, you're exactly right. Love this talk, and love you my friend! :) You freakin' ROCK!
I've my been my quadriplegic father's primary caretaker for 21 years since I was 12 years old when my mom left and it is all coming to a head now. I've been isolating and feel bad that someone else has the burden to take care of my father right now but he gets paid to have an aid but we live in a small town and there are no aids but I know I need to take care of myself and I own a business that I've been neglecting too. So my aunt is watching him now but I just can't right now. This is very real
I wished there was a way to contact this lady because I really need a chat with her. She just described me, I have been caring for my daughter for 28 years and it’s a very very lonely way to live, my daughter is kind and loving but the isolation and finical burden is so hard, the UK government have a lot to answer to, Carers are the forgotten ones .. beautiful speak , it opened my eyes wide. Thank you and much love x
She said in an earlier comment that she has a websight
Maybe you can google her name to connect with her
Shelly Destree thank you. I will investigate! . Much love x
I feel no empathy for anyone right now, I still enjoy life and am having fun. I just don’t care about anyone else’s feelings anymore. It’s very interesting and I actually enjoy not having to worry about anyone else anymore. I know what caused it and I finally feel at peace not caring about everyone else. I’m getting back in shape, I’m eating better, feeling more focused, cleaning, helping my gf more around the house, but I do get irritable towards other’s problems. I love my gf but I’m not in love. Sleep hurts. I also think sad things are funny. I’m looking at it as a self preservation and not fighting it. I know right from wrong so I’m just acting good. I don’t care about being good anymore, I just don’t want to deal with the problems with doing bad.
We need all of us to care more about everyone and each other. It's like taxes or insurance. We can all care a little and share the burden easily or fracture and leave the "job" to others in the profession of caring and the burden is multiplied, crushing those engaged in it. Stop the individual responsibility BS. Eventually, it will come for you and will crush you.
Well said!
My 94 yo father has lived with us for 4 years and has now been diagnosed with Parkinsons with dementia. He has delusions and hallucinations. Thank you so much for this. Today I said "I am totally empty" and didn't know what to do.
I can totally identify as my dad is the same at 92. I'm fried. I've been doing this 24/7 for almost 5 years now. I'm his sole caregiver and live with him 24/7. I loved this talk but I wish there were more solutions. A "moment of peace" isn't cutting it anymore. Nor is a short walk around the block. The system is broken. 85% of people taking care of elderly parents/disabled children etc are women. We lose years, income, savings, social security, etc doing this. What are the solutions? If one can't afford to put a loved one in a nursing home, and you're the only person for them, then what? I wasn't totally sure what her message was here because yes, we're tired, broken, burnt out, but we still have the loved one to take care of. She really didn't offer any solutions. Maybe there aren't any.
@@amg726 My SIL works for the State and deals with Nursing Home eligibility on a daily bases. Plenty, well in fact Most, of the folks in nursing homes are eligible by giving the Nursing Home the rights to their monthly SS checks. That's what pays for their room and board and health care. We live in Texas but I'm sure it works pretty much the same way in other states? Her mom was residing in a nursing home near us when Covid hit. She passed away with contracting Covid, but she was 86 years old and in full-blown dementia. Also not in the best of health in general. I knew her well and made sure to visit her often while she was in that home. All in all she seemed well cared for and content. Is that something you might consider? I know you've probably heard nightmare stories about nursing homes ( so have I!) but yes, there are some good ones in operation! I liked the one she was in because it was clean and bright and you could visit 24/7!! There was a code you punched in at the front entrance that let you in at any hour!😉
Anyways, just thinking and trying to come up with a viable solution for you and your Dad.
You're in my prayers, hun.🙏💜
I’m so happy I found you thank so much I needed this 🥰🥰🥰🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I thought something was really wrong with me. Finally answers. Thanks for sharing
i understand this woman coming from. so attach to this world of giving herself for the sake of others.... But the true compassion never tired. True love you can't find anywhere else it comes from our Lord savior JESUS CHRIST😇🙏🏻☝👍
Love your perspective...so true !
Thank you for watching!
As an “in person” professional special educator- this Covid year- this presidential cycle-has been the most challenging, exhausting, terrifying and now I realize - compassion fatiguing year. Nothing left in the bank to withdraw. I misjudged the depth of the emotional spending! Time to make some major deposits.....
Caring for 2 family members and I’m an RN too
Bravo 🙌🏻 I learned so much. Thank you!
Fantastic talk! Everything is starting to make sense for me!
Thanks so much. Good to know.