Causes of Borderline Personality Disorder
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- Опубликовано: 21 ноя 2024
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What causes Borderline Personality Disorder? Here to answer that question is leading clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula. In this video, Dr. Ramani shares tips on spotting the early signs BPD and what causes it that you need to know.
She discusses:
The biological factors affecting BPD
The environmental factors affecting BPD
What are some examples of environmental factors that cause BPD?
What research is currently being done surrounding borderline personality disorder?
The importance of providing support for parents, who can, in turn, help their children.
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Do you or a loved one have BPD?
Watch our full exclusive series on borderline personality disorder HERE: bit.ly/2BQtXzx
I know I have BPD, but my gp keeps shrugging it off even though my university therapist at the time (cause you only get 2-3months max) emailed the GP surgery to tell them to investigate me further and get a diagnosis. This was 4 years ago and im still at the GP constantly trying to get on their waiting list. But after time and time again i just want to give up. What do i do? :'(
Hemina Patel you don’t seek help it’s simple, help is for the weak
MedCircle
You guys are nailing it❣️
Who is attracted to borderlines?
Julie Sprik
I agree with you, but I would like to see the statistical numbers to see which side is correct…
Or...ur raised in foster care 16 groups..institutions..an residential facilities..no including foster homes or respite homes..living in 6 area codes in ur state by 16 when ur state only has 7....from 95 to 05 straight..born in 85..i know exactly y i am the way i am..i understand it FULLY!!..it just hurts that at 33 now i dnt see myself being as happy or mentally stable as i cld of been if the guardians in my life wld of thought about my future an not the present at the time...they dropped the ball!!.thx for listening..who ever did read this💯✔🙏😇
Emotional neglect is something most parents don't even realise that they do. They can't give something that they themselves never received. Emotional neglect feels extremely invalidating and isolating. You can grow up with your parents being really great and meeting all your material needs but if you're a sensitive child and your parents invalidated you emotionally, you'll get fucked up.
GREAT Explanation! This explains A LOT!
You called that beautifully. I have now learned to VALIDATE myself - instead of looking for it externally...you have to 'grow up' sometime.
So very true!! I have to read a letter to my abusive alcoholic mother in treatment tomorrow and that really helped me thank you! I only recently realized she was literally sick and no one would choose to live that way. My therapist is having me write another letter from that realization. Wow.
Exactly...that's why I dont understand her saying it's biological
This
As a licensed psychotherapist I really appreciate how she explains this. Keep in mind this is very similar as to how most other personality disorders develop. "Nature loads the gun, the environment pulls the trigger."
Hokey, then how do you explain several children in the exact same environment all doing JUST FINE, while there's this one, 'problematic' kid.... The one who keeps the teachers & principle calling constantly, has weed in their locker, gets 90% of parental attention, not much of it positive, though... (and problematic is putting it gently)
@@k.hendrickson8735 She mentions it at the very beginning of the video. It's not only environmental, its also biological. Some people just have biological or neurological markers that make them more susceptible to being hyper-reactive and sensitive to invalidation or traumatic circumstance that lead to them developing a personality disorder. I grew up with two siblings in an abusive home, with an alcoholic parent. My sister and brother are well-adjusted, functioning adults, I have the personality disorder. It happens. And in that situation, if the other two children are "JUST FINE," then it will possibly be more difficult for the parents to handle or understand, because they don't understand why their other two children are JUST FINE and this one is "problematic." And it's generally going to lead to more invalidation and alienation of the child with the disorder, who is already over-sensitive to that kind of rejection and invalidation.
Also keep in mind that we all have a certain temper and personality with different needs which plays a role into that
I have self developed borderline personality disorder, after achieving everything on this earth, I never ever give up in anything
@@k.hendrickson8735 For the reasons they stated in the video you just watched about the subject. LISTEN.
I wasn’t abused as a child, but I was rejected by peers/classmates for my entire childhood and I feel like that is definitely what caused it. I have extreme insecurity issues as well.
I was also and do remember the hurt and feeling of rejection.
baby sam there’s a reason why u were rejected by your childhood peers, boderline came way before that.
That' s what happened to me too
Same! I went to this tiny school out in the middle of nowhere from kindergarten to 8th grade. So I saw the same 20 or so kids for 9 years. I didn't fit in with them. The ostracization was horrible. I was too afraid to go somewhere else bc I feared the same outcome everywhere I went. But when I started high school and was FINALLY free of that same group of people, I made a lot f friends and flourished. The damage had been done though. I don't know if I have Borderline, but I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder.
Everybody experiences pain and hardship in life, one way or the other.
My ex has BPD, sadly I learned it after we broke up, then I understood his behaviour. They need you to listen when they are not feeling well, and tô take action. Not ignoring them or being deffensive. They have a deep fear of abandonment and all you need is to be more supportive and affective. They are good people struggling.
I appreciate your heart and being able to recognize the pain the person with bpd goes through. But I hope you’re not beating yourself up, as a person with bpd - I am a loootttt to handle and it can be a mindfork for people who don’t know what’s going on. We have to do work also to help out partners. I hope you’re doing well!
@@britanymedina6064I'm glad you recognize that. My ex gf is in denial, but I have no doubt in my mind that she has BPD. When she's good; she's amazing, but I can't do it alone anymore.
A lovely sentiment, but they must do their part as well or it's just an abusive relationship.
@@chuckb470 is there any hope? I'm currently in the dark phase with my fiance right now. She's amazing otherwise, I love her dearly and support her the best I can. I'm learning to kinda take the abuse, knowing that it'll calm in a couple hours, but I feel I'm only enabling. Is there any advice you could give?
@@williamtaylor5320 I'm hardly qualified to advise you. I stuck by my gf for 11 years, but I think I've finally learned my lesson. The key point is that she refuses to accept that she has it, so will not seek help. It's tough! When she's good, she's amazing, but it's simply not enough anymore. I'll give you the same advice that people gave me for many years; if she won't accept that she needs help, then run, don't walk, as fast and as far as you can. If she's willing and wants to get help, then get a professional who understands this condition.
I feel that many people that struggle with BPD went through emotional abandonment by one or both parents. This I feel could be a large factor in how it develops in many adults.
That’s true, my parents were very passive parents. They were not interested in me...!
Yeps
Yep. My mom wrote decades later when she lost her mind that I rejected her first because I didn't want her milk (I had a lip tie so it was hard for me). She never got over it.
My mother hates me. She basically says I ruined her life & treats me like it. I’ve been diagnosed with BPD
You're right on the money!
I am a 38yo man with BPD. I was severely abused in childhood. My mother constantly threatened to abandon me when she was upset with me. My two much older sisters frequently raged at me. My peers rejected me and I spent massive amounts of time alone in my bedroom. I was also drugged and raped at the age of 10 or so. I have pushed away every good relationship in my life, because deep down I believe I will end up being abandoned or abused. I am finally seeking intensive treatment, and I hope to have a more positive future. I am highly intelligent and am a student of psychology. I plan to specialize in personality disorders.
This woman is pure GOLD!
No, she's brown.
She is missing the root cause...gluten/Celiac. You can't help them until you fix the root cause.
Fools gold.
Gold really? I think not lol, she points out points google can find she hasn’t found depths or reason I could do a video explaining anorexia if I looked on google 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
Yeah bug eyes, hand talking and all her animation and hyper activity makes me think shes a patient and not a professional
I could remember few years back after my wife died, I was left alone with 3 kids. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Got diagnosed with BPD. Not until a friend recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment changed my life for better. I can proudly say i'm totally clean for 6 years and still counting. Always look to nature for solution to tough problems, Shrooms are phenomenal.
I love hearing great life changing stories like this. I want to become a mycologist because honestly mushrooms are the best form of medicine (most especially the psychedelic ones) There are so many people today used magic mushrooms to ween off of SSRI medication- its amazing! Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death buddy, lets be honest here.
Hey mates! Can you help with the source? I suffer severe anxiety, panic and depression and I usually take prescription medicine, but they don't always help. Where can I find those psilocybin mushrooms? I'm really interested in treating my mental health without Rxs. I live in Australia don't know much about these. I'm so glad they helped you. I can't wait to get them too. Really need a reliable source 🙏
YES sure of mycologist Predroshrooms. I have the same experience with anxiety, addiction. Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I'm so very happy for you mate, Psilocybin is absolutely amazing, the way it shows you things, the way it teaches you things. I can not believe our world and our people shows less interest about it's helpfulness to humanity. It's love. The mushrooms heals people by showing the truth, it would be so beneficial for so many people, especially politicians and the rich who have lost their way and every other persons out there.
Where do I reach this dude? If possible can I find him on Google
I was emotionally and physically neglected by both parents. My BPD is a severe case, and I’ve lost relationships because of it. I am a lot happier when im alone. My dog is my best friend, and when I treat my attention towards myself and her instead of others, I take much better care of my mental and physical health. Keep going ❤
Good for you! I was recently diagnosed with BPD after I tried to commit suicide after I was told my husband was going to divorce. My biggest fear is being alone but I do feel it is necessary for me
Your dog sounds lovely. Take care of yourself and all the best to you.
I think I do better alone too. It does suck at times though.
I agree with you word for word
My dog's my best friend and i have a tough time connecting with people its always the fear of hurting them and getting abandoned and in this entire process we often tend to forget our boundaries
All we are looking for is just someone to love
It's so amazing to me how similar all these descriptions of other's experiences living with this disorder are to my own
Parents who are abusive towards their kids that develop BPD don't give a shit if the child needs help, if anything they blame the child for the behaviors they are showing which makes things that much worse for the child.
For reals
When I told my mom I was having a crappy day and could barely find a reason to get out of bed all she said to me was "theres always something with you"
Which made me stay in all day
Oh yes, you are so right
Me too. High powered high ranking narc military father and covert narc mother. They live to destroy me still. They are now 79 years old. Ran away from everyone in my past and starting life over at 52 with my service dog who is my emotional support Animal and better than any human relationship I have ever had. Good luck to all, wish me luck too!😊❤
My mom choked me once when I was 11 years old, now I have developed bpd and it’s destroying my relationships
@@gracestephanie3588 I am so sorry that that happened to you. I was slapped in the face when I was 10, much less traumatic and choking I would think, but I still remember it like it was yesterday. My mom slap me because she thought I was being selfish by not attending my sisters ballet recital. They never asked about my feelings. I was just jealous, a strong negative emotion that I didn't know how to navigate. I realize now my parents were only interested in my behavior not my feelings.
This may be my favorite comment section of all time. BPD is one of the most painful psychological disorders a human being can have. I have always felt INCREDIBLY alone with this disorder. It's honestly so nice to hear other people who suffer from it speak about their experiences. I'll definitely get more in depth in other comments but I just want to thank everyone who is coming forward and sharing their story. You are not alone. 😘
Really more painful then extreme schizophrenia or manic depression or scuicidal acute depression
@Judy O absolutely not! You have no idea what you are talking about.
@Judy O OH. Sorry. Didn't expect that. Apologies. I know people with severe mental illness. Mental illness like severe schizophrenia destroy any possibility of a cogent life.. BPD is a collection of neurosis (self-image issues, difficulty managing emotions and behavior, and a pattern of unstable relationships) and as such need not even be seen as a singular disorder but a few relatively manageable personal issues. Even if you disagree with that saying that it is more painful than truly horrible mental illnesses betrays both the people who are "suffering" from it and the people with very serious conditions. As someone who was diagnosed with depression as an adolescent I know this well. Thinking I had a severe illness when actually all I needed was some space and perhaps a new kind of community cost me quite allot. If you are exaggerating something along these lines then you are taking away the agency of the person who is "afflicted". Anyways, sorry for snapping at you. You seem like a very lovely person. Best, Wishes.
We are alone we push everyone away
@@KingMinosxxvi Judging from your final sentence, you don’t seem like a bad person either. You must have just had some bad experiences with people with bpd for u to come to that conclusion
Did she forget to mention that narcissistic parenting as a possible contributor to a child growing up to meet the criteria for BPD or did I miss it? Nothing more invalidating that a parent with NPD. They exploit. They lack empathy. And they feel entitled to whatever they want
Claire Willow
Thanks for asking about this. A narc parent's self absorption isn't easily observed by the outside world. Living with it, however, would create that black hole for the borderline because the emotional distance is incredible. Something no one can see. My mother is a narc. My sister is a borderline. I'd also love to learn more about the correlation between the two.
Yes right. My son is Bpd .. coz my husband is a narcissist.
Im an adult male, 28 years old, who has suffered with this disorder since I was 4 years old. Initially it was severe ODD( oppositional defiance disorder) and have been trying for years to dig thru my past which I have sever memory loss from, to figure out what biological and environmental triggers have caused such intense disruptive emotions and destroyed every part of my life til this day. This has never been anything expressed to me, let alone ever even mentioned. I wish they would discuss this section of invalidation and the chronic affect it’s having on people. I however have suffered from a severely sexually abusive childhood so unfortunately there are all triggers for someone like myself, however I would put my life on it that this is the main cause in someone like myself. I was raised by a single teenage mother who is nothing more but a solid narcissist with the most exploitive and arrogant patenting skills. After all my trauma growing up it was completely invalidating in itself after confronting and addressing the abusive circumstances that created the early childhood problems that led to these developments. I’m in dbt and just as struggling worse than ever. There is no “real professional help” around me that can be taken seriously.
@@anthonytaylor6639 Are you able to research therapists who specialize in these disorders in your area and get in to see someone? Or is there a university with a teaching hospital near you? If so, find out if they have a psychiatric department or clinic and make an appointment. They can direct you. There's no reason for you to live so tortured for the rest of your life. But make sure you're doing what you need to do and not expecting too much too soon or being manipulative in your current therapy before you abandon it. And don't ever lose hope. You WILL be well if that's what you want. (Are you hospitalized or incarcerated right now?)
My dad is a npd, I’m a bpd.
We’re miles of wall away from each other, working with him these last 2 years was the worst decision I could’ve taken for my mental health, it’s almost like I did permanent damage to my brain. Childhood was only a couple hours a day, but working with him is 24/7, and the effects seem to be accumulating.
I was diagnosed with BPD at age 23. I am now 40 and still see it in me, even though I’ve toned it down over the years. Came from being abandoned by my mother and being raised by a narcissistic and emotionally abusive father. Personal relationships are so hard for me. Being left or ignored drives me mad. It’s definitely gotten better with age, but it’s always there.
Same for me. I realize my trigger is being ignored. My whole mood changes and it pisses me off
I havent been diagnosed yet but i know 100% i have this.. been ignored drives me off the deep end..
@@Peigirl1985 Yes it makes us feel unseen and unheard. And then i get into that headspace like, "You need to get everything you need from the inside, not from someone else". And as a result, you do NOT want to be intimate, and they can't understand why. Oh well, thank God for hobbies!
I go insane when I get ignored.
Wow, this exactly how I feel. I can totally relate to you. Thank you for sharing 🙏
I have BPD and the one thing that I struggle with most is knowing whether someone is insulting me and being abusive or if I was triggered by an insecurity or fear.
So I just dissociate from everything or I'll ignore it, change the subject or get defensive. It makes me seem as if I am being self centered which I'm not trying to do at all!
It's very hard bc I can feel of these things and think all of this and still not know how to properly communicate or respond. Which frustrates me even more.
^rt
YES I have this on a regular basis and I've been suspecting that I have BPD for some time now but haven't been able to get professional help yet. Glad I see I'm not alone in feeling this way
That's true! My ex was constantly thinking every girl was being mean to her or that everyone was giving her the stink eye. If I made any joke about her she'd take it to heart and be mad at me for the next 12 hours. Withholding any affection for me and brushing off any attempt to make things right. Incredibly frustrating. It was best to just walk away and let her go on her sad lonely path. It's so sad cuz she could've been such a wonderful girl. She would act so selfless, kind, thankful and loving but it was all an act. Just means to an end
Please know that you are on the right track! Indeed, you are NOT being self centered (and also, your observation is perceptive, that people do tend to misinterpret in that way). Most people do not understand BPD and (like what used to happen with autism) tragically, they form incorrect conclusions/judgments. It's super tricky to bridge that gap... but you might want to check out the newest "breakthrough" therapy, "Mentalization" which my daughter with BPD as well as myself (every relationship takes two, right?) are each
finding to be an absolute life-changer! Wishing you much warmth, love, compassion, and positive progress with your closest loved ones.
Wow...you put into words what is going on in my life/head perfectly 👌🏽 it's painful isn't it? Especially when it's from family, even worse, multiple family members 😞 my mom, father of my 2 son's, and his mother. It's gross how the 2 talk about me behind my back like they're teenagers. I never talk to my mom about my partner in a negative way! You just don't do that, no matter how mad you are. His mom drags him into so much bullshit and she's the reason he's not capable of loving anyone, not even himself.
Watching a child spiral out of control, especially once they are adults, with BPD, is heartbreaking and devastating. :(
I totally agree. It is so very painful as a spouse. My husband has a violent episode this morning. It is hard to accept their constant triggers and and chaos that they bring and give out. To be told that you are the cause of all their reactions to just life. I cry a lot!! He is a mess and I do realize that he is in so much pain. Otherwise he would not dredge up totally unrelated issues. Incidences, that are irrelevant to what in reality is going on. His lack of acceptance and willingness to be consistent with the therapy. Im totally drained yet incredibly patient to have put up so much rage and verbal abuse. Help and pray. I pray for deliverance from his demon self. He was raised with all the above. Alcoholic violence, distance mother a product of the sixty. Into the Moonie beliefs ,e.s.t. therapy,mind control techniques abuse. And he ran away from home for good at the age of 14. Dropping out of school etc, he has many child like mannerisms and all 9 traits of bpd. And emotionally he is 99 % of the time out of control.
@@kareninman2865 I was abused left out on the streets to starve beaten manipulated rejected cheated on shot in my leg and told I was a mistake over the years of seeing violence murder drugs and mental illness it warped my soul to the point of me being a 20 yr old Male I still am broken I seen friends killed in front of me and could go on so long but point of the matter is everything adds up n changes u but deep down u still a crying scared child n it takes strength to admit luckily my girlfriend (nothing like the ones who hurt me) goes thru the same pain we both are from very bad areas didnt recieve love from a early age and the love we did get was toxic and manipulative couple that with the fact I've been incarcerated overdosed and have done some bad things sometimes the pain and anger kills u from the inside out 1 time I almost slipped up I grabbed her by the neck while slipping between different traumatic events and personalities that have broken into sections in my head we since communicate better I apologized deeply and we are healing together I am not an abuser I have bad impulse control and act like a giant 4 yr old at times but I have never hit or physically hurt her on purpose that 1 mistake scared n haunts me but i vowed to myself never no matter how unstable to splinter my soul deeper and hurt the one person who truly loves me to death I still struggle still stress still cry scream make mistakes struggle with drugs etc but it's a process it's hard growing up with that much darkness around u it definitely set u up 4 a nightmare life
Have you been fully honest with yourself, or your child, about the kind of parent you were or are?
@@NonyaSmith I'm not a parent
Hi
I'd like to take a moment to appreciate anyone who is trying to work on this and not just pretending you're fine. I was raised by a mother with unchecked BPD. It was a nightmare and now I struggle with avoidant personality disorder. If you have or will have children, it's imperative that you work on this.
I am never getting married coz I've had dismisive avoidant personality way before I got diagnosed with borderline
I am a novmber born so I've got psychotic tendences was verbally abused by peers college people ex bfs that manipulated etc
Right now I’m glad my child lives with their father. My mental health is in shambles currently
Wow, I'm in the exact same situation. Thank you for writing this comment and reminding us all to keep working on ourselves.
This is me as well. I am so much like my mother, I'm trying to work on myself now to prevent my daughter having the same issues I am now just learning tie back to my childhood. I'm a diagnosed with bipolar, ADHD, anxiety disorder, fibromyalgia, to start But nothing seems to help my emotional outbursts and my irritability when even little things go wrong or when someone slights me in the tiniest way. I'm realizing more and more everyday the impact I have on my partner and kids and I know my ups and downs are raising their cortisol levels, most likely causing lifelong harm if I don't fix it now.
I can't agree more with you. It's been over a year that my father in law cut ties with my husband and I for a ridiculous thing. My husband and I agreed to cut ties because we couldn't bear his behavior anymore. I think he has BPD but he will never consider that he has a problem.
Dr. Raani speaking about bpd on this channel saved my life 5 years ago. I was suicidal and after realizing I might have bpd I went to get help. I was diagnosed and immediately went to iop treatment program with dbt. Thank you for raising awareness and saving my life. Not only am I still here I am the a healthy healed person who has love and compassion for herself.
I hope ur doing goood these days🤎
God bless you anyways! Stay stronger fighter against anything you can do it cause you already did
I suffer from borderline personality disorder, trauma, major depressive, and adhd. I was emotionally neglected, bullied, in an abusive relationship, etc. I always feel guilty for whoever wants to care about me, and I end up self sabotaging. I've actually been anti social, and im alone most of the time because I know im extremely challenging. I have WAVES of moods throughout the day, and it goes from happy, depressed because I feel as if nobody likes me and they're out to get me, to angry at myself for not even knowing what I'm doing and who I am. My mood swings are absolutely debilitating. I'm a college student, and even when I socialize, I have out of body moments & im completely out. We know that others suffer due to our emotional instability. Which is why I personally cut people off as a whole. I can't differentiate the good from the bad, what's real and what's not. I can get EXTREME anxiety or paranoia over things most wouldn't. I get told by a family member that im scared of everything. However, im currently in dbt & I only recently started, but if there's one thing I've learned so far is that it's okay to not be okay. The rest will come after, once one realizes it's okay to seek help.
I hope you are doing much better today. 💛
You just described me
Wow thank you wholeheartedly for this comment♥️
Me too
I feel the same way
It's automatically assumed that an "invalidating environment" is the parents... but children have siblings, as well... and a mini-society starting with Kindergarten...
thats right. A series of mini events to a susceptible child can manifest into BPD.
Hiraghm
Thanks for telling the truth. The lady in the video is not the only well-meaning person I've heard promoting this destructively simplistic narrative.
I've had to lay aside the notion that the world consists of clearly distinguishable good and bad citizens.
(Romans 3:23) 'For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.'
And in case one did not receive sufficient validation in childhood, God is able to provide it later. There is redemption available for those who have been failed, and for those who have failed.
(Romans 5:8) 'For God demonstrates his love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.'
Agreed. All focus seems to be in parents. I was neglected but I believe my older sisters abuse is what harmed me the most in long run
@@sararoeling7573 I believe, it was your parents job to prevent any abuse in a family.
My older sister was one of my biggest bullies growing up!
If parents have neglected their child, why would they admit to that in interviews?!
Because they know being honest about their missteps may help uncover a piece of the origin of their child's BPD and may factor into their treatment. My mother has seen each of my therapists and tearfully admitted she was never around (which was better than my narcissist, abusive father saying he didn't do anything/didn't remember). Since the therapists had a bit of my mom to analyze, they helped me understand why we're so different emotionally and what the "normal"/average emotional range looks like (we're opposite extremes).
21melpomene well said. The questioner is stupid. No treatment is possible without adequate honesty and parents can be an important source of that.
@@Indusxstan Thanks.
Bc some parents are good parents that really don’t know. And sometimes they don’t admit it the healthcare just discovers that.
henrik h Some parents do admit it and are very sorrowful. This could be very validating for their child or devastating..or both. All parents do not lie.
started microdosing mushrooms in place of my prescriptions i feel like ive become a better person... best decision ive ever made. I wish it was more accessible to those that need.
Psilocybin mushrooms can offer a means to reconnect to our true nature-our authentic self-and thereby help us find meaning in our lives.
When taken under supported conditions, psilocybin mushrooms can cause self-described spiritual experiences that generally result in positive changes in the person's attitude, mood and behavior.
Heard so much about magic mushrooms I'lld like to give it a try please where do I get from ?
Doc.toddshrooms
𝓘𝓷𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓰𝓻𝓪𝓶
it's funny when she talks about how sometimes she interviews the families and they act like they have no idea how it happened. That's exactly what a narcissist would do. I think a lot of times the parents of the client who has borderline personality disorder are narcissistic so course they're going to pretend like they have no idea how it happened because they were "perfect parents"...
I'm laughing.Of course its the parents behavior toward the child.
If you look at her Channel, she does have a lot work on narcissism. I think what she means is that there are very few cases there is just biological vulnerability involved. Meaning genetic factors, which kind of validates bpd with its biological influences IMO.
It is funny how she interviews narcissists and cannot tell. I just don't know. I gave the kid everything just look at all those clothes on wire hangers.
She can't go around tossing NPD diagnosis at the parents. They'll sue.
@@melt7891 Right but she can't SAY it, and if she did the narcissist parent would pull the poor kid out of therapy to find a therapist they can then manipulate into blame shifting onto the kid. You don't want that either. One on one she probably validates the kid's suspicion about narcissistic abuse, but on this web show she can only speak hypothetically.
I have bpd, my mother was an abusive narcissist, my dad was in and out of prison, i was sexually abused,raped, alot of trauma.. also have ptsd,anxiety,depression,and now chronic physical health conditions. My narcissist mother loves to tell people i have bpd.. though i am such a loving, kind, caring, empathetic, affectionate person.
Please get away from her. You deserve better! You don’t HAVE to live this way.
Danielle...you need to leave and not be around this environment....you must help yourself, you are worth it...
Also look up videos on how to “ re-parent yourself”......xo go girl....
Your mom sucks. You’re a diamond❤️
“Mother, you do realise the BPD is because of you”
My parent was disabled, we had no support...other parent no show...only child left with severely disabled parent ...nightmare...neglect... destroyed this life...gotta fight to want to even be alive most days now...💔
As a person with BPD, it’s mostly environmental factors. Childhood teasing in school, emotional abuse or neglect from one parent or both parents, traumatic incidents in childhood years, or even a combination of these things. Honestly, all people with BPD need is a person who is truly “angelic” so to speak, and can purge these thoughts and instability with their love, because that’s what we usually lack, a love so pure and kind that it heals us, some people never find it, and that’s why they fill in the emptiness and rage and sadness with substance abuse, and I’ve been experiencing it, and it’s worse to know that this one person is so far away, so everything you do is futile.
Be that person that saves yourself. You are capable...!
The one you are searching for is The Lord Jesus Christ.
I felt like I had that kind of person in a therapist I had years back. She was everything I wanted my parents to be like. But unfortunately I didn't grow with her, just sort of felt better in her presence. I needed both someone who accepted me unconditionally, but also was able to force me to face the things that terrified me to get over them.
@@stevenwhaley9823 that's funny! My family usually used Jesus as the person I need so they themselves didn't have to do anything to help.
@@stevenwhaley9823 I tried to kill myself at 15 after my 11 year old cousin was murdered. My dad talked to me as a person, my mom read the Bible to me. I needed love and understanding from my parents, not the words of a book thousands of years old that I didn't believe in. If you try to force your religion on us, you're only going to get backlash. I despise Christianity because of how my mother did the exact same thing you just did here. Be Christ-like. Leave your ego at the fucking door. There's not a verse in the bible where Jesus berated those with issues about God. So STFU. You have a right to believe whatever you want in this country and I will defend your right to do so until my dying breath. But don't you dare try and tell us that 1 out of 3,000 religions is the correct one.
I highly believe bpd developed in me from growing up in a narcissistic emotionally/mentally abusive household in which I was the scapegoat of the system. :(
Yeah it was all my fault too even though I barely spoke as a kid lol.
Im so sorry bb
My family provided me with materialistic things I probably didn't even need
Money is important but mentally happy fam is more important
Me too. You are not alone....
You are not alone. I can relate
These people who say “there was no abuse”, I don’t believe that for a second. That’s the thing with “abuse”, is what many people consider abusive, is what the other guy is doing. Beverly Engel has a book called Breaking The Cycle of Abuse, she gets very specific, and gives concrete examples, of what children experience as abusive. I bet these people who say there was “no abuse” are guilty of many of those things (physical, sexual and/ or emotional abuse and/ or neglect).
Also, I agree with attachment theory, and how the seeds are sewn for BPD early on in the first couple of years of life. These parents who let their babies “cry it out”, and don’t attend to their needs as an infant, probably don’t consider that to be abusive either. But that kind of early childhood neglect has a huge impact.
So no, I don’t think “there was no abuse” is believable. Lack of self awareness on the care giver’s part is more likely.
100%
My twin believes WHOLE heartedly that there wasn't any abuse....Probably cuz she blocked it out or doesn't see it as abusive behavior. That's where the problem lies though....How is it genetic? Other PDs aren't genetic or passed down right? At least, not in the way Bipolar or Schizophrenia is passed down either.
@@phant0m0th_ recent studies say that trauma is passed down now, genetic. ie, in our cells!
I have BPD (which was obvious since age 16), but literally NO abuse in my childhood or adolescence. My parents were VERY validating, supportive, patient, encouraging, loving, caring and attentive.
The only things I can think of as reasons for my BPD are...
1. My dad was an alcoholic for 10 years from when I was 4 until I was 14. He was never abusive to me, and never physically abusive at all, but he was verbally abusive to my mum each week, and that was the hardest thing. To see the 2 people I loved most in the world, hurting. I was loyal to my mum, and feared my dad a bit, but then felt guilty for feeling like that.
2. I also lived in constant fear of them getting divorced, and was terrified of what my dad might say when he was drunk. I was too scared to go to sleep before he got home in case I missed something bad that was said, but at the same time, I wanted to be asleep so I didn't have to deal with knowing.
3. When I was very young, I expressed my displeasure when my dad was drunk. I thought it may make him want to stop drinking. But after a few years, it became embarrassing to show that I didn't like it and yet still nothing changed, so I stopped showing my displeasure, and in fact I mostly stopped showing any negative emotions at all, as somewhere unconsciously I think I felt like my feelings didn't matter, and so I did not deserve to feel sad, upset, hurt or mad.
4. Even though my dad hasn't touched a drop of alcohol since I was 14 (I'm 41 now), it obviously affected me. I was scared of men for a long time and thus have never been with a man even though I'm not gay. I'm still hugely embarrassed to show any negative emotions beyond mild humourous annoyance.
5. The only people who I show my full spectrum of emotions to are my partners. Poor them. lol. They tend to get bombarded with EVERYTHING, and this is why my BPD symptoms became very obvious at age 16, as this was when I had my first partner.
6. My aunt is a hideous, horrible person with many disorders. I didn't have much to do with her, but maybe some of the genes in her are in me too, and have manifested in a different way.
7. I also have severe chronic anxiety, severe long term depression, PTSD and OCD.
Is this "enough" of a reason for me to have BPD?
I get so sick of people always implying abuse. Not every screwed-up person has been abused. Sometimes they make their way to messed up situations all on their own. I do think the doctor is dead on with her points about BPD.
PKhan8 I’ll get the book you mentioned. My husband and I fall into the category of not knowing what we did to cause our child’s BPD. All these years later, and we’re still just as clueless as the day our child was diagnosed! Maybe this book will help us.
Its always about parents. If you havent healed your traumas dont have kids. PARAMOUNT RESPONSIBILITY to bring life into this world. Unfortunately most dont get that start being brought in to this world were caretakers havent healed their scars. SO SELFISH and not FAIR to the child.
I am a bpd person, soon close to my 40's, decided to NEVER have kids. That is the one right thing I can do.
You have a good point
@Shrimp Boychoi some may call you a coward but I call you responsible because people will throw newborns in dumpsters, kill them, or sell these innocent souls for a lifetime of pain.. You sound a bit depressed/anxious so please be gentle with yourself/seek therapy
Except for the basic fact which is biological needs of the organism, on an unconscious level to pro-create, if ONLY for the sole/soul reason to increase oxytocin levels, which have in fact, saved many women from suicide.
Stop being a little bitch and own up to being an adult. I'm not going to blame my problems on what my parents did or didn't do as a child. It's called taking responsibility for your life.
A parent who constantly demeans the child, discounting the child's creativity and interests, name calling using demeaning and condescending comments "don't be so childish", "don't be silly" - well how else is a 3-4-5 yr old supposed to behave! Attempts to gain approval discounted. Continuous complimenting another sibling while putting you down, drawing negative comparisons between siblings to the detriment of the child developing BPD, therefore causing and resentment between siblings (which are life long in duration. Literally begging the parent to talk to me, about anything but talk to me, and getting rebuked for my efforts .... I could go on but it brings me to tears and a strong sense of anger when I think about it.
Dm Fagan l
I grew up exactly like that. I also have a disability that was mocked. My father would tell me at dinner that he hopes someone beats the shit out of me and that everything I did was wrong. Fucked me up. I can't form friendships, relationships, and I'm quick to fight. Being almost 40 now I have realized my dad was just a wimp and projected his insecurities on me. My mother says I'm crazy. My brother and his gf don't talk to me. Not a big loss or anything but what did they expect was going to happen to me? I really get off on violence and confrontation. I have been depressed lately and have stopped talking. I sit at my cubicle at work and only talk when I have to. Outside of work I don't say anything at all. The depression will pass but it's weird that I'm so quiet now when I have always been talkative.
I'm so sorry.☹ safe hugs to you
To both of you...
@@GirlMomma thank you. I have had girlfriends where they have a big family dinner and support each other and it strikes massive anxiety in me. I don't form friendships. I am an alcoholic. I don't blame them but I don't relate to people who had parents that would be proud of drive them to sports. It was always verbally beaten into me that I was a burden. I had a gf who had kids and my parents refused to play with them but will with my brother's gf kid. They blame me for the fallout between me and my brother even though he still visits them. I don't want a family like that. Working at McDonald's at 40 is better than knowing them. I hate the day they will die because I don't want to attend a funeral and act fake. I have no emotions.
one thing that sticks with me and will forever is the fact that if my parents were just nicer to me and had more patience for me I wouldn’t have turned out like this and sometimes that makes me resentful.
This. I feel the same way, esp w my mom. She's a narcissist and likely is schizophrenic. The mental gymnastics she does to avoid accepting responsibility for that crap she's put me thru is STAGGERING.
The further away i am from her, the better i feel. There's no hell worse on this earth that having a mom like that. No nurturing, kindness, just blame, poking, constant criticism...
same i really resent them the most becuz if they would just took a little extra time n care with the life they created maybe i would be ok :(
I LOVE doctor Ramani Durvasula!!! She always does a really good job of explaining things sufficiently!
Except narcissistic abuse as a cause? I'd say that's a sufficient cause. To the point of brain damage.
She is amazing, for sure.
Too bad what she said is more self-serving than it is the truth. If she isn't a narc herself, than she is a "boarderline" narc. He, he...
@@CynthiaSchoenbauer What
I like how she says: the longer I am in this field... Yeah, well, that is why the oldest people know better than young and even middle age people do. So, go listen to Grandma or Grandpa, or some other old fart, they know more than anyone younger, always.
I could listen to her for hours. Very interesting. Could you please have her back?
We plan on it :) you can stay updated on our latest videos by subscribing at bit.ly/2PCqhDH
moda78z
I know! I like how she is start to the point. She is very clear.
She is clearly very passionate about her work!
@@MedCircle I am adoptive Mum of a severely prenatally substance exposed infant who was mine from 2 weeks of age, had a shocking extended withdrawal but was loved unconditionally by me. I carried that child literally for most of his first year and a half for his comfort. He has been diagnosed as BPD as an adult. I would love to hear the doctor speak to this, because this child is my heart, he was well nurtured but had signs of BPD 'affect' from a young age (Complete lack of compassion, inability to empathise, couldn't compliment another child because somehow that made him 'less'.) I need to understand and I just don't. He has insight, and a good heart, but also these traits.
In 1991 BPD was not treatable like it is today. The doctors were afraid to treat me and I was afraid to be treated by them. Now in 2018 we have tools. The more we discuss it the less people will be afraid. Thank you for keeping this dialogue, education and treatment relevant.
What treatment worked for you?
Which treatment please
As someone with BPD who is really, reeeally struggling at the moment, I have to thank you guys and also the comment section for this well spoken information. Might help others understand why I was like I was.
Please try to reprogram your mind 💜 head fones on sleep with music that’s for reprogramming for minimum 2 weeks
It goes much deeper. I read an article that generational trauma can be passed down through the generations. They did a study on Nazi concentration camps survivors and found that the deep trauma actually was passed down through out the generations in families. Just like alcohol is passed down as well. It was really deep but it made perfect sense. I can see how it may have happened within my own family and past generations.
Yes. Also with the Irish. The famine they experienced has been proven to affect subsequent generations.
Orianna We're water sacks absorbing everything happening around. For millions of years. The best humans are actually those who people treat as victims of inhumane actions and happenings who point out that something is wrong. Science is walking against what was supposed to do. It will kill everyone and is already becoming visible how. Sociopathy will increase and become the normal. Just wait and watch the news.
Yes, I hear you. You are absoulty correct.
Yes! I'm definitely interested in more resources that bridge intergenerational trauma and mental health diagnoses.
my own childhood was very traumatic. i felt very grateful that my children never experienced any of the traumas i did, however, recently my daughter told me how deeply the abuse i suffered had affected her. i was stunned. that knowledge was very difficult to wrap my head around. i had thought it was enough just to protect them.
This doctor is AMAZING in her ability to simplify and humanize disorders that are impossibly difficult to wrap our minds around.
Also, negating may be presented in a “positive” way: such as when the child is feeling sad and the parent says to the child, “Oh! You don’t feel that way!” -which is due to the parent not being in touch with their OWN emotions. And who has learned to deny what they themselves feel...as an early-life coping mechanism.
Or saying you shouldnt feel xy or z bc thats just the way it, he, or she is 😒 like thats magically suppose to make disfuctional situations acceptable to a child. Yeet!!
Or “stop worrying, there’s nothing wrong with you,” when all you’re trying to do is understand yourself better.
Growing up with baby hookers their parents were from the depression era and they didn't show feelings my parents didn't show them and always and still pushes my feelings to the side . they don't hear me and never have. Its heartbreaking on my end. I've tried to explain this to my parents and they can't see it. If I don't take my meds I flip out. I have pmdd also and I can throw things break things punch things just for frustration of my partner not listening to me. Being on meds helps me stay calm and think before reacting
I was diagnosed with depression at age 5 yrs. As an adult I have been diagnosed with BPD, with major depression and generalized anxiety disorder. My struggle has been so difficult and life long. I worked for 35 yrs but am now on permanent disability. I don't work or drive and stay home most of the time. It is extremely difficult finding quality mental health help due to the cost factor. I am now 59 yrs old and am trying to find videos and work books to help myself.
I admire your determination to heal and manage💛 You are and were always right in how you felt, there's nothing wrong with how you felt. I recognise your pain. I love you💚💚💚
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤you are loved❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
What you really need is God and finding your identity in Him, not anything else. He loves you.
I've always been an advocate of self-care I have read 50 books on self-help, I also believe micromanaging LSD is a key to self-awareness
I would take her class all day! She’s so knowledgeable!
I just happened upon your channel not long ago, and you need to know, the conversations with Dr. Ramani Durvasula are exceptional. I look forward to every video you two upload.
Thanks, Catherine! We plan to film with Dr. Ramani on more mental health disorders. We always post our videos via our email digest at bit.ly/2PCqhDH. -MedCircle Team
Catherine Michele me,too... it helps alot, more than books or the things that I have gotten from. " expert clinicians"
MedCircle If certain parents are baffled because there is or was nothing going on in the home environment that may have caused bpd, then maybe the public school should be looked at.
Teachers can be very passive aggressive, and very condescending and invalidating. Especially if they got issues going on at home as well.
right here , def feels good to see others like me. Go check out my youtube and tell everyone in our community. I post RAW videos about how hard it is to live with it, and how it would be great to show people we not alone. and i know how you feel and how this is for me, so i dont have to explain . Just go check it out Moes Mental Corner.
"support in place for parents.... we put a lot of pressure on them, but no tools" Would love to see more community and support countrywide.
Agreed - much more support needed! In addition, much more understanding needed, and practical helps. FYI Emerging "breakthrough" research worldwide is being followed by a non-profit called TARA4BPD in NYC. Highly recommend checking out the newest thing in Europe "Mentalization" (something to be learned by both the parent/partner/family and the one suffering with BPD.
I have BPD. I was actually diagnosed in my early 20s after a suicide attempt.
And when i think about what may have caused it, I think of my parents, especially my mom, who always invalidated me during my childhood, bullying in school and SA.
There are days where i don't feel anything at all. Like an empty body with no other purpose than breathing. I kinda learned how to handle myself through therapy but it's not nor it'll ever be 100% successful. Thank you all for sharing your stories. Stay strong and awesome ❤️
How’d you get diagnosed ? I think I have bpd
@@yerik6034 you'll have to visit a mental health specialist to get an official diagnosis. I went through a lot of tests to get a diagnosis. First they thought it was depression (which also was, I have MDD, too) but BPD is a bit harder to diagnose. Good luck!
@@purrfectly.chaotic I’m trynna find someone 😂 my therapist isn’t very informed about BPD, so I’m looking, thanks!
Empty body with no other purpuse than breathing? shtt sounds like me. I feel like I have a big hole in my chest especially when I get sad.
You are capable and smart ,you can be or do anything.Manifest your wishes and busy yourself with gaining those desires.
Narcissistic personalities often marry either a person of a similar mindset but a tad weaker or a purely weak enabler. Often with one being aggressive, and the enabler/weaker narc., then takes out his or her frustration on the kids. The kids are now the victims of BOTH, the narc and the narc enabler parent.
The narc enabler parent's projected feelings, especially if the child looks like the aggressive narc personality/significant other, are the cause of the child's other torment. They become the second tormentor.
Other times, and more often, dysfunctional families with many co-morbidities breed new mental issues. It becomes a toxic soup. The child either follows the lead, rebels, or dies out. Often all these things happen in the family, but... on the outside, the parents will both work in conjunction to produce a mask for the world. The children, who speak up, if they ever do, are labeled the bad child/ black sheep and dismissed....consistently. They are vilified into submission or taking the role as the "bad child". The public knows little else and dismisses this child as well.
So,.... in addition, to being abused by the parents, the child is now neglected and dismissed by strangers. It reinforces in the child that he or she is truly the culprit and has everything all wrong....It's a confusing and unfair place to be...
The other children, who stay quiet to protect the family honor, realize the con that has gone on for so long at their expense. This happens often in their late 20s to late 30s. But by now, however, they had supported the lie of family perfection, so when even they finally speak out, which is usually under unbearable circumstances, everyone is shocked. Most find it hard to believe or feel as though the child is now tarnishing the family's perfect image due to the child's own unfavorable life circumstances: "They are making up stories as excuses for their own failure." The invalidation is not just limited to the family...; unfortunately, it becomes one where no matter what, people will not believe a thing the only sane members are voicing...Eventually, the child/children (even adult children) give up...What else can be done? They knocked on every door....
And because children realize at different times, they cannot at times be there for one another either....The parents also often pit them against one another...Divide and conquer. Distract and defeat. Those become the parents' gameplay.
Also, there could be one golden child or a child favored for the duration the narc ego/ambition/need requires. This child supports the low self-esteem of the narc and therefore also becomes the enabler. Why? Because that child feels respite from at least one person. So the child will kill if the parent asks... The child will do whatever it takes to keep that parent happy, whatever....even if it means mistreating, unfairly treating his or her sibling or target of the family.
In this dynamic, one child needs to be that sacrificial child, who is the scapegoat, burdened with immense responsibility and often verbally, physically or emotionally abused. Both parents with these issues can cause a child to be emotionally neglected, unsupported, and unheard. This is the start of that empty feeling, knowing something is wrong but feeling hopeless, knowing others are wrong but being blamed left and right...incessantly...
Money cannot buy peace.
And often basic amenities that parents are universally required to provide are considered exceptional in this family and are used to excuse their cruel behavior:
"We fed you, so all your other concerns are you actually expecting too much." (Invalidate your feelings, thoughts, concerns and also label you selfish and ungrateful)
"I didn't hug you as a child or now, but so what? I fed you." (They will not entertain any flawed perception of them. YOU are considered in the wrong. How dare you?)
"I made you deal with my marital problems as a child, so what? I fed you."
"I didn't defend you when you were sexually molested, so what? I fed you."
"I didn't defend you from the lies made about you, so what...? I fed you."
There is no logic to the argument, and none should be expected. They will do ANYTHING to save face even if they have to twist things, be inconsistent with their thoughts, play mental gymnastics, lie....Again, dysfunctional parents are often great liars...(also very chronic and compulsive), so I would never believe a family unit when asked the simple question of what is wrong. I would believe the victim and really investigate and interrogate the family... Something is always in the closet...They have something to hide and have until then hide it well.
In the end, the children suffer because the parents are selfish but also because society never wants to believe these things happen, nor want to step in to save the child... I wish that parenting and therapy were made mandatory for the world, then we could evolve instead of having to struggle like this.
When I see a person hurting, even if they are in their 90s, I wonder what they have gone through at the hands of their family... It's always the family...
People, who are going through this, please know that family is destined, but your tribe is not. You get to pick that. So, find people, who will understand and help hold your hand through tough times.
+ Find a worthy cause to immerse yourself in and remind yourself that you are doing something special and powerful.
+ Meditate.
+ Positive affirmations daily for at least 30 minutes. (There are many RUclips videos that do this. As silly as it sounds, you weren't given that affirmative 'vitamin' from anyone, but you get to nourish yourself properly by these affirmations. You are filling the well that was empty. Try it.)
+ Visualize the strong you, mentally and physically. (Try to see yourself as being unaffected by their lies, their behaviors, their lack of change.)
+ Exercise (It keeps you pumped with positive hormones and helps ensure your body is conditioned.)
+ Read good books.
+ Listen daily to positive talks.
+ Find a mentor, who you would like to emulate and who might have gone through something similar. (But do NOT consider them God/flawless. Often people, who have become something from nothing and had dealt with family issues might simply have traded one negative mindset for another. Proceed with caution.)
+ Try to find the good in your day even if small (If you have NOTHING. Be thankful of anything. The poster I hung is still in the same place. The color of the ceiling is the same and stable. You have to learn to build from that mindset. Eventually, you will find more valuable things and events to be grateful for.)
+ Declutter your room, workplace, and then keep it that way. (Make your bed daily. Look into it; it's small but stunning what it does to your mind.)
+ Get a camera or journal and record your day and your story and your thoughts if you cannot find or afford a therapist.
+ Do tell a few people of a few circumstances because you need to release the emotion but also because if you don't speak up, no one will know. (Try to tell people, who are not extended family or family friends but regular friends as the former ones can tell your parents, and then unmasking/exposing your abuser's facade will not do you any good.)
+ Read up on personality disorders and dysfunctional families to arm yourself with useful knowledge.
+ Most importantly do not get into relationships out of boredom, just because others are partnering up around you, and especially early on. You do not need to follow others off the cliff. You've already been tossed off cliffs your whole life. Don't volunteer yourself now...You will only be taking an ax to your mental health and peace by getting into a relationship. Most relationships for "normal" people are difficult to deal with, so when people, who have gone through traumatic, chronic, hidden stressors, get into one, it is even more painful. A bad relationship will set a "normal" person back a few months. For a person, who has gone through an awful lot, it can set you back years, if not decades.
+ Do NOT have a child as a band-aid to your life and especially not before you have healed your heart and mind and read up on dysfunctional families. It's up to YOU to break the cycle and prevent an innocent child from suffering...
You will find peace. You WILL. YOU WILL. Take this life as a video game. You were given this role and this story, make the very best of it. 🌷
Remember, when the family you were born into was horrible, you get to create your own tribe. You get to raise yourself to be better. Take all that anger and frustration and work to help those, who are in worse positions... You will thank yourself for doing so... Find a purpose in your life that gives you that "endoskeleton", that bottom to the well to fill up. The hole or emptiness from your childhood and family life gives you more room to add all the self-selected positives in your life. Instead of being stuffed with nonsense, you have more room to fill your heart and soul with peace and beauty.... Find the silver lining.
You are stronger because you proved you were....
Good luck to everyone.
I wish you all contentment and comfort, but also enthusiasm and exploration.
Let's take our wounds and create a better world.
Peace. 🙏🌷✌💖
Well said
Love n LIGHT to YOU xxx.....brilliant comment🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌟🌠🌟🌠🌟🌠🌟🌠🌟🌠🙏🙏🙏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏🖖👍🧡💛💚💙💜🧡💛💚💙
Yeah if only people thought like you. I just got out of a relationship with someone who think has BPD mixed with covert narcissism. I’ve told him many times to please leave me alone. I always gets sucked back in. I’ve been with him three years and I finally couldn’t take it anymore. Watching these videos I’m like wow because I’m remembering things he did that were odd to me at the time, but now watching this video it’s all making sense.. especially those many different mood swings in a course of an hour that she addressed... and of course I’d always think it was ME.. my self-esteem has now been severely lowered because these past three years I didn’t feel good enough for him. Before I met him I started at a university, started a blog, was working out, and just excited for my future. Now my life has completely changed. I had to drop out of school because I couldn’t concentrate on anything but him, my self-esteem has suffered, Ive gained weight and stopped going to the gym. My whole world became about him and making him happy 😑☹️!!!! This last break up, which was like three weeks ago, he finally decided to open up to me and tell me he was sexually abused when he was younger. I figured something happened to him in his childhood, and by no means would that have scared me away.. but he pushed me so far to where I started hating him and resenting him and he was soooooo selfish which is why I broke up with him.. and I felt like he told me to manipulate me into getting back with him and is using this to excuse his behavior. I told him just today because he started therapy that he will be diagnosed with BPD. Thank God I didn’t get pregnant as you stated up because you are right!!! These poor innocent children that have to deal with this!!! You are 100% right about everything you wrote!!!
There are no words for what you have written and captured in your submission. Very insightful. I recognize much that you say. Thank you
Thank you very very much
What about being adopted , getting bullied in school, sent to Military Academy, and 18 years of drug abuse. Finally last year, I decided to go to Arizona to meet biological mother she was a total meth head with lots of mental disorders. I finally left arizona after 6 months of struggling.now I'm back in Florida sober 6 months and have a better sense of well being of who I am now..
You have been through so much Danny and are a very strong person. Take care. :)
Congrats on 6months. Hope youre still going strong 💪
Keep up the good work!
❤
Well done, keep going
Borderline gaaang!!! where are ya beautiful souls? 😍♥️💖
Smugbugs Hi! I'm a bipolar borderline and I'm in Owensboro Kentucky. Got the bipolar part from Mom's side of the family, got the borderline part from childhood and adolescent abuse. What about you? ^_^
👊
adhd + bpd 😤
HEYYYYY 💁
Stfu
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Germany. Really need
Yes, dr.poras. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
Is he on instagram?
Yes, he is dr.poras.
Microdosing helped me get out of the pit of my worst depressive episode, a three year long episodeenough to start working on my mental health
i wasn’t neglected or abused but my dad got cancer when i was in 5th grade and died when i was a freshman and i think that’s where the fear of abandonment comes from
but that is a very big, traumatic, and life changing event.
Definitely. My brother died in 2009 and I never grieved properly because I was so upset with him for abandoning me. And my husband says he'll most likely never leave me (I've pushed him to very far limits, so I'd understand if he does), but one day he might die before me and I have extreme dread of that day coming.
I felt so much better when I was with my grandmother... I felt stable, nurtured, loved. I didn't feel anxious with my Nanna I didn't feel anything but calm and content. I wish when authorities threatened my mother my nan had followed through and taken me to live with her.
This helped me feel not so alone ♡ I had narciasstic unempathic parents and both were severely verbally abusive and my mother was physically abusive...
Same
Wow I relate so much to you, I don't know about my mental health but I do have difficulty to trust and share my problems to other people. I also tend emotionally distancing myself to other people, sort of keeping wall so I won't feel betrayed when they hurt me or left me
My mom was too. Like when I had a low grade in math she pinched me so hard.
@@margomoby684 That's messed up. I'm sorry. Mine was an everyday toxic situation with toxic things done and said.
@Flow State Chocolate do you still need to take it or is the effect now permanent? And congrats 😊
What’s most devastating about BPD is later in life identification when the adult child then refuses to accept the reality of the disorder and will not attend therapy……
My sister has Borderline, but I don't, I have autism. We came from a home where our dad was a violent workaholic and mom was seriously depressed and emotionally unavailable. I'm the oldest, so my parents always focused their abuse on me. Also, since I'm oldest I was always there for my sister, the youngest, while I had nobody.
My sister learned to be manipulative very young, but since moving to the other side of the world, on her own, she was forced to grow up and is getting better.
My sister could move mountains if she just believes in herself, which she's had problems with doing.
The “refrigerator mother” Theory for autism parents is from the 50s and has been debunked numerous times.
Just about the exact same story as mine! Except I don't have autism. But I am shy and don't trust people easily.
Ingz N Ricky thanks for sharing your story. I find it interesting because often times CPTSD is misdiagnosed as autism or BPD and you and your sister each have these. Have you looked into CPTSD by any chance? It sounds like your home environment was not healthy and could have possibly led to your diagnosis.
@RainbowDreams30 No, autism is genetic. In fact, if a parent has one autistic child, there's a 50/50 chance they will have another with autism. It isn't caused. However, several theories based on environmental factors have been proposed to address the remaining risk. Yet, not proven.
this lady speaking about BPD makes me feel so validated. im 17 and have BPD (though i can’t be officially diagnosed until im 18) and im made out to be a monster. im incredibly empathetic, and often times people think that people with BPD can’t feel empathy or anything and it’s so so so harmful :(
Why can’t you be officially diagnosed? I worked with diagnosed teenagers 14-17 For two years in residential treatment.
@@anniebeebananie82 legally you cannot be diagnosed with BPD until youre 18, but i am now 18 and legally diagnosed :)
@@EclipsedAether It can be diagnosed at 12. I have seen 15 year olds diagnosed. Maybe it’s a geographical thing.
@@anniebeebananie82 huh. after looking it up legally you can be diagnosed under 18. i've never had the greatest therapists though haha
People with bpd are over-empathetic if at all anything
I would like to add that trauma is not only something that objectively happens, but also it is subjectively perceived and experienced as such.
My parents were never abusive or anything even close to that, I don’t they were particularly neglectful either, at least going by their actions.
But I have never felt emotionally connected to them, and that is the heart of why I struggle the way I do, today. I also have a weak and avoidant attachment with them.
I do think they might have been brought up in invalidating environments themselves, which may be why they have had a hard time understanding me, and connecting with me.
All that is to say that just because there was nothing wrong with the early environment doesn’t really mean that that’s the end of story and it must be the biological vulnerability part of it. I think things can be “wrong” in a way that is not blatant or obvious, the way I have highlighted my experience here. Also, we all know attachment is crucial for the future healthy psychological development of the child, so I would think that plays a big role in this as well.
You sound like the perfect candidate for a degree in psychology. Just think, you can get a degree and still remain confused all of your life! Better yet, if your good enough, you can pass that confusion on to others.
I feel that way when it comes to my mother. She's the oldest of 9, grew up poor and had a father who suffered and saw a lot during his stint in the Army. She's not the type to show a lot of affection physically and growing up we werent the type of family that always said 'i love you' to each other. It hasnt been till the recent dew years that Ive noticed how much it's affected how I am with friends, coworkers etc.
This is the exact distinguishment I was waiting for her to say!
@xrcrx ftfghjg grow up? She seems pretty 'grown up' to me. Most people aren't this emotionally mature...including yourself obviously.
NIha, I think you are spot on here.
Our son developed BPD when he was 18 after a company commander in the military bullied him to the point where he developed temporary psychosis. He grew up in a loving and accepting home with no neglect or rejection. He ended up taking his own life when he turned 21 years old. More research needs to be done about how traumatic experiences, like PTSD, can trigger other mental conditions that may have laid dormant until the incident took place. It's totally unfair to blame parents for BPD in their children because in many cases they had nothing to do with it. Recent research seems to indicate it's genetic more than anything. When therapists tell the person with BPD that their parents are to blame it only makes the relationship with their family worse, leading to more alienation and suffering. Regardless, we should all be very careful how we treat other people because we have no idea how it may affect their mental health in the long run.
I'm so sorry for you loss. He sounds like a beautiful young man. I think BPD may be a form of hypersensitivity. A gift of profound depth and empathy, combined with a painful curse of deep and overwhelming feelings at the same time. I read that Vincent Van Gogh had BPD
Just found your memory page about Jonathan.
It´s heartbreaking, but also makes me very angry, that this kind of treatment is accepted to "build up (young) people", even though experiences show, it´s often not successful, it´s acutally harmful.
We don´t have boot camps in Germany, we´re not into this idea of "breaking people".
@@islandmaaan1115 "Just watched a YT video...." Is that all you can offer?! No personal experience?! Well, then... Bye!
@@tanja26.11. Hello Tanja. Thank you for your reply and for taking the time to visit our son's memorial page! I agree that rehab centers don't always work and are not the right solution for every situation but let me try the explain the benefit in our case. Our son was addicted to drugs for some time after he came back from the military and was buying drugs from friends and dealers in our vicinity. He was 18 years old at the time. We was seeing a therapist on a regular basis as well as a psychiatrist and we did everything possible to help him stop using drugs but nothing seemed to help. When he overdosed on drugs and had to be taken to the hospital we realized that we had to send him to a rehab center to get him away from all the drug friends he had around our place. The rehab we sent him to was located in southern California, not far from the beach. He lived in a large private home, nested in the woods, with about 10 other men around his age. Their days consisted of going to the gym in the morning, going to the beach for a run or a swim, then during the day he would meet with his therapist for an hour or two to talk about his struggles. In the evening they would sit around the camp fire and talk or play games. My parents lived 15 minutes away so they would visit him often and he was also allowed to leave the place in the evening and weekends and spend time with my parents, go eat at a restaurant or go to the movies. It wasn't a prison. He could walk away any time he wanted. He was there for about 3 months. As you can see, it was a very positive environment that actually helped our son to become sober. It wasn't after his girlfriend left him several years later and treated him in the most horrible way that he was heart broken and turned back to drugs and while being blacked out (Xanax) he took his life. So I would recommend rehabs/sober living places in certain situations but I would definitely prefer to keep a loved one close at home whenever possible.
@@rememberjonathan3548 I'm so sorry and in tears, because of your words. Although I'm not in the position "to understand", how you must feel, I wish you the strength to carry on 🍀!
My sister has borderline and we both came from an extremely abusive and neglectful early environment/ childhood . Absolutely makes sense ! Thank -you .
My parents were at work all the time, about 70 hours a week, and I truly believe that was one of the driving factors. I was also adopted at birth, hence the fear of abandonment.
Definitely. I wasn't adopted, but my parents worked 2-3 jobs back to back and I was raised by many various babysitters. I don't remember how I felt about it back then, but I'm still suffering from the repercussions of it decades later.
I feel so weak. If wasn't enough having BPD , I also have depression and anxiety
Hi! Pleasure to meet you. I have the same diagnoses as you do. Yeah, there are some pretty lousy days, but they all don't have to be that way. I hope you have gotten your meds. balanced and have a compassionate therapist. It is possible to get better and clearer, to feel stronger and have better days. Best wishes and be well.
Same...
same here. what are the best medications or therapy styles for this in your experiences? I am new at treatment.
Yeah same. BPD, GAD, an eating disorder and depression among physical illnesses. Honestly don't know how i'm still here, but it must mean something for each of us to have made it so far. I moved to my own nice apartment 2weeks ago, finally able to be free from my daily life with my parent. A year ago that wouldn't have been possible. I probably would've just died of starvation or suicide, because i wouldn't have been able move from the bottom of my bed. I think thinking back at how horrible life has been makes me appreciate this moment of life a tiny bit more. I still have a long way to become financially totally independent of my mom, but atleast now i faintly think there is a possibility of me being able to work one day.
lets just form our own club
I was diagnosed years ago with BPD my childhood was terribly chaotic! Moved several times a year and grew up with a very unstable home environment with abuse and inconsistent temperaments with my parents mostly my father. almost 100% of what dr ramady says in my case is is very accurate.
Same here. Thank you for sharing. I haven’t spoken to my father in over 2 years. Crazy what childhood crap does … I wish you well and to move through this xo
This woman needs a TV show, she is such a great speaker and the way she explains things I wish my professor was that clear, she make it easy to understand all these medical stuffs
My previous therapist mentioned that when a mom acts in two edges (love and hate) chronically for the 'similar behaviors of the child', that may cause borderline. That made a lot of sense to me since it is confusing as hell because you don't know what to do differently to have a continuous love or stop the anger. I wonder what Dr. Ramani thinks about this detail.
Wow interesting concept. My take is that it has zero to do with genetics and everything to do with cognitive development. I even wonder if one single event could develop an adverse neural pathway when very young and the sensory input finds that pathway a convenient route which just strengthens the pathway until NPD manifests as the standard functioning behavior of an individual.
I prefer this style of host, it shows your reading comments from previous videos and changing how you approach interviews. Keep up the good work Kyle. Excellent source of information
This woman is truly amazing. She explains BPD so well even though she hasn’t experienced it. When I watch her videos, I always walk away knowing more than I already knew.
She’s absolutely brilliant!! ✌️
I love all of my borderline friends and it feels like family when I meet someone struggling with the same afflictions.
I LOVE what she said about communal parenting versus individual parenting. It takes a community, and our individualistic society really neglects this. No wonder we suffer mentally.
This is why I feel much of Africa doesn't have such an explosion of severe mental health disintegration, despite far more societal deprivation and uncertainty. It takes a whole village to raise a child. (Plus many children there don't survive long enough to show up as troubled adults.) We ALL need multiple role models, of both sexes, and people to turn to for different aspects of support as children.
@@louisehogg8472I would posit that having a highly controlled culture that does not allow deviance also provides structure that can make this less likely.
There is also the issue that highly socially conservative society doesn’t deal with mental health properly. That’s deviance. Deviance is disliked.
@@Novarcharesk I'm not clear quite what you're saying here?
Since highly conservative societies are where I've seen close enough communities to be raising children in a more shared way. Eg traditional or tribal communities anywhere, or within quite religious communities.
Only where parents trust other adults in the community to share their values, will they trust them to help raise their children. And only where the other adults feel they're raising children towards shared community goals, will they participate in shared responsibility.
Otherwise you just get conflict, with the children caught in the middle.
This only works when the 'community' is homogeneous in its values. (Not necessarily in its genetics, racial background, roles etc)
I’m so grateful you have shared this content, even three years later. I was diagnosed with BPD in college (along with major depressive disorder and anxiety) and underwent CBT which really helped for awhile. I didn’t bother personally researching BPD until I was in my late 20’s and it blew my mind to see that this was probably something my mom had been living with all her life, undiagnosed. It’s no wonder I have it. I’m scared to become a mother myself because this might be something I’ll pass to my child, and if I don’t genetically predispose them, I’m fearful that my parenting as a person with BPD may really harm them emotionally. I try my best to keep it under control but I still have my bad days. I hate to blame my mom for my condition, but I think back to all the times she made me feel inadequate and constantly judged, as if her love was conditional and she could flip on me at any moment. I was emotionally and physically abused. There were instances where she did not send me to school because I had bruising on my body. I was a straight A student and state-ranked violinist, I was captain of a nationally ranked dance team, student government officer throughout high school and was a gold award Girl Scout. I did not date boys k-12 and was a well-behaved child. I could never understand why she was always so disappointed in me and so cold. She would tell me I wasn’t good enough, repeatedly, before physically harming me. It’s no wonder I ended up the way I am.. i really retaliated in college once I was away from her by completing blowing off academics and partying a lot. I basically flunked out of college but was repatriated into the undergrad program given my failure stemmed from mental health issues. This was the point in my life where I was forced to seek professional help. My therapist asked my mom to sit in on one of our sessions and my mom completely denied any wrongdoing and said she was justified.. that was tough to see. Someone professionally licensed was finally advocating for me and I watched my mother flat out refuse to accept her culpability. My father never intervened during one of my moms episodes, and I resented him for that. He would leave the room when she was hitting me. I understand now that he was also scared of her at that time. I currently have a hard time discussing this with her now because she’s changed so much after becoming a born again Christian. She’s nothing like the woman that raised me. I have tried my best to forgive her so I can move on with my life. Unfortunately, my husband has a tough time connecting with her after I’ve slowly begun to share stories from my childhood. It reminds me of how far I’ve come and the struggles I’ve managed to get through. I fear that this cycle of BPD in my family won’t end with me, so I continue to try my best to control it. I really want to spare my children from this kind of life. I want to be a good mother one day. Just getting this off my chest..
this is literally my exact same story
I can tell you are a very strong person. Thank you for sharing.
Sometimes I think that if govt-provided assistance was crucially needed in any area (besides the overwhelmingly underfunded education dept..) that would be parenting, EASY.
They say it takes a village to raise a child for a reason... Well I reckon we done f*cked up when capitalism entered the chat...
Thanks for commenting here. You are a good, responsible, caring person. It's great that you've shared your experiences growing up. ❤
I feel you are going to be an amazing parent 😊 because you are aware of what to avoid. I think people who copy their parents parenting style are the ones who are not aware of the fact that their parents did not behave like they should have
Dr Ramani has to be one of the most brilliant professionals in her field, she connects with her audience, goes straight to the point & everything makes sense! 🙏🏼 thank god for sending us this angel!
I have BPD since 1989 and I’m still struggling with a deep sense of grief loss fear, emptiness and anger. 33 years of off/on therapy and the wound in my soul still weeps
I'm sorry🙏🏽
My sister has BPD and had a great childhood...BUT she was adopted and knew she was from day one. She was adopted when she was 6 weeks old. I think that initial "abandonment" triggered the biological responses
Our daughter was adopted at 10 months and it was obvious she had attachment issues. She has bpd. That must have caused it. We were not perfect but our three biological kids are fine with no signs of mental illness.
Borderline personality disorder comes from a narcissistic parenting. Also from codependency. So, many people dont recognize those narcissistic traits within their parents, that is why everything looks great from the outside. You as a therapist have to work really hard to be able to recognize all the symptoms of the narcissistic abuse before you label someone with bpd
I feel like this doctor when she says "Oh sometimes it seems like there's no problems whatsoever" like...what lady? Really? Uh? That's a little hard to believe.
@@wynngwynn Yeah. How statistically small is the group of BPD sufferers who didn't experience trauma of any kind?
I remember clearly that my mother would always look at me dead in the eye and simply say “ok? what do you expect me to do about this.” Anytime I’d come up with her with a problem.
yeah that's emotional neglect 101.
I don't think I ever went to my mom with problems.
@@TrishCanyon8 I learned to stop lol
Jeez, that is terrible.
I am sorry.
As a behavioral scientist, I love the way she breaks this down. "We're born with a temperament... We can hedge our bets... We can teach parents how to be the best parents" yes yes yes!!! Nature meets nurture. That's the crux of the behavioral sciences.
I would love to see the statistics on the amount of children of narcissistic parents being diagnosed with BPD later on in adulthood. Thank you. This explains a lot.
My guess... A very high percentage.
Hi, I was diagnosed with depression and BPD but I never showed any of my mood swings it was always quiet for me and always kept it to myself until I took myself to therapy and after two years of therapy I felt so much better and changed my Inner dialogue and how I saw myself, for me what it caused me BPD was loosing my mom at age 7 and that my dad wasn’t a person who talk about any emotional things or even believed in therapy or anything like that, I think its important to talk about this and also about how there are levels of BPD and that it can get better.
Your story is inspiring. Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry for the pain and loss of your mother and what you've endured, and wishing you the best on your journey of healing.
Look up QBPD.
If the parents don’t see the reason for their kids BPD then They are either the cause of it, or their children don’t trust them enough to tell them about the abuse or bullying they experienced
I can see BPD in someone's birth chart with utter clarity. Cheers!
There is a smoking gun. The whole family has been trained to pretend it's not there. The BPD offspring (so often a daughter) is the canary in the mine.
Yeah, my parents swear up and down that since they gave me food/shelter there was no emotional neglect/abuse possible lol. I arrived to school a few times with welts teachers would ask me about and I never had my door on it's hinges it wasn't great lol.
Mindfulness is the key ingredient of treating BDP - learning and practicing it is the game changer.
2:16 I AM FRUSTRATED JUST *_LISTENING_* TO THAT!
Being diagnosed with BPD, she is STILL giving me new info about myself. Hyperreactive,
Invalidating environment early in life,
Biological vulnerability 💯
Having had worked in the mental health field for over forty years, I am still so very saddened by the extreme lack of comprehensive and adequate treatment for the BPD patient. My sister is afflicted with this disorder. She showed signs of abherrent processing as young as three years-old. To this day, I can steady her; maintain a consistent dialogue with her; and encourage treatment. My heart aches for her most when all reality is lost, and she presents as succumbing to her own private madness. This disorder is a lonely one. She was never able to live a successful existence, in that, none of her goals/aspirations were ever realized. Chasing after the arms of acceptance has always kept her from standing still long enough to truly accept herself. She believed the lie....and what replaces that, for her, is a treacherous vacuum.
you sound like you are describing me when referring to your sister, i thought i was the only one on this planet who got off at the wrong stop.
The best support system is an intact family.Our casual disposal of marriage and the family unit has hurt our society more than we can handle admitting.
just got diagnosed with this yesterday, but I knew almost nothing about this condition. doing a lot of research and it’s like puzzle pieces fitting together! they way she puts things makes so much sense
Me too. I was diagnosed today.
I am so pleased to find this video - thank you 🙏🏻
My parents used physical violence as a norm, we were lined up and threatened with belts and slippers before we went out anywhere.
I left home aged 5 after my father put me in a chest freezer for punishment, only made it to the end of the road before I was laughed at and bunged back in the car to be taken home.
Up to the age of 18 my brothers and I were hit with fists, open hands, belts and slippers if we did misbehave, answer back or embarrass our parents.
My father thought nothing of calling me a slag and giving me a black eye.
From a young age I was called a dark cloud, negative, that I brought everything down... that I'm too sensitive, weak and I won't amount to anything unless I toughen up.
I started cutting myself aged 7, which no one knew. It made me feel so much better... what a messed up mentality.
I was eventually taken to a doctor aged 11 and told I was depressed.
Every memory I have of my childhood is crystal clear in my mind and pains me still like it was yesterday.
I'm almost 50 now and no longer speak to my parents. They say I have different memories to the childhood I actually had, that I had lots of money spent on me... sadly I remember holidays and private schooling but I don't remember any love.
My mother denies the doctor visit happened as she didn't remember it... but I remember spending a week in my bedroom, a week without being bullied by my older brothers. Beautiful respite from being punched and called fat and ugly...
I am almost 50 and feel so empty.
I regularly say I have no idea who I am after having lived purely for my parents existence for so long.
I had no idea what codependency was until 2 years ago...
So to the parents, like mine, who said I had a wonderful childhood, a privileged up bringing - I say that childhood can only be measured in love received. Money means nothing in the eyes of a vulnerable and defenseless child.
Thank you for this series of videos on BPD.
I feel I understand myself better and it's one less grudge to hold against myself 😊
Just need to figure out how to lose the last 50 years of negativity and wasted energy on those who were not worthy of my trust and my love.
Thank you for all the amazing help, support and information you give
🙏🏻❤️
You are so incredibly strong, please don’t give up❤️
@Lindsay H - Oh, you and I are sooooooo in a similar boat. I wish I could forget 50 years. Gone. But then I would not be the person I am today. How about thinking of it instead of it as 50 years of experience and that now is the time to make yourself a priority. You matter and you are most definitely enough. You are obviously intelligent, caring and you are a fighter!! Let’s keep fighting. We deserve to be happy. ❤️
@@imanzuhric4781 thank you and bless you 🙏🏻❤️
@@SunshineAndStarrs you are so right, thank you from my heart for your reply. I send love and healing to you and to us and to this wonderful life... here's to making the rest of it wonderful. Bless you Barbara 🙏🏻❤️
I am absolutely sobbing. I have felt this way for so long. I am not diagnosed with this but I deeply relate to all of the symptoms. I was neglected as a child. My mum had PMDD so she wouldn’t be around for half the month because she would have depressive episodes, and my dad after going through the divorce would rant and cry to me about his problems. My favourite person has been my best friend and my mum. I cried so hard and thought about killing myself once because I disappointed my mum. I couldn’t talk to either of my parents when I was younger. I’ve been watching videos on BPD for like three hours and it’s so weird how these psychologists who don’t even know me seem to know my life story. I’m stunned. I’m not convinced that I have this but it’s scary how I relate to all of this so much. I’m seeing my psychologist tomorrow for my first session in order to find out what is wrong with me. Wish me luck.
Your post touched me. I too feel that most likely I have BPD and have been misdiagnosed with just depression/anxiety for over 10 years. I am curious, how you are doing two years later?🧡
I have bpd and had a great childhood. I was happy in school popular and hung out with all the “cool” kids. Something happened in HS where they all turned against me and I believe that’s what caused it. I am going to therapy right now for BPD and just was diagnosed so I know I have a lot of work ahead of me. I just had a child and I do not want my child to have this and I am hoping to get better. Either way after all this happened in HS I had a stroke and then was homeschooled and didn’t care about the fiends I used to have. Got into the bad crowd and also into drugs. My life has been a roller coaster and I just want to become a better human. I am praying they my relationship doesn’t effect this because I want to stay with the father of my child it’s truly important to me. If anyone has BPD and knows if there is medication and/or therapy to help this please let me know. Like I said I was just diagnosed and my therapist just started working with me but I want to fix it and fix it fast. Ugh I hope this made sense....
If your diagnosis is accurate, then you were abused as a young child, by your parents. It seems that most people who were abused as children really struggle to come to terms with it. People do not develop cluster B disorders unless they were abused and/or neglected by their parents.
Bpd is hard to treat
It's not 'only' abuse from parents. Friends rejecting you is trauma! Try ashwagandha. It's herbal to help you stay calm. Hope you are still together and praying to God. My niece has BPD
A prestigious mental health institute diagnosed my traits fall into BPD and this woman's videos really helped me to live more consciously of my thoughts.
I was diagnosed with BPD. This interview described my life very accurately. Childhood? I was smarter than most kids in school and I was constantly punished for reading ahead, being bored in school, and held back by nasty teachers despite having a very high IQ. I always thought I was stupid. I had a hard time in childhood. Once I hit college the world became my oyster and I have been successful. I hurt more than most when I lose a pet, or see an animal suffering. I take breakups very hard. Thanks for this video.
I could have written this myself!
I love these videos! I’m a psychology nerd. I earned my B.A. in Psychology and have since been a performing artist, but I still find this field fascinating, both intellectually and on a compassion level. Thank you for posting these!
Well if you agree with this video or beleive it ..you must have got ur B.A. online..and you seem so excited and happy about this stuff..learning mental health out of a book ..all the drs that do..truly do not understand it..maybe thats why this video sux..
I’ve had BPD since before anyone knew what it was including myself. What a rollercoaster ride! But with Gods help I’m a happy and peaceful mother and grandmother. Of course it took me 40 years and I have a PHD from the school of hard knocks. My analytical ability was also part of my self therapy. I always analyzed my behavior to figure out why I did the things I did. Until I found God I was hopeless and wouldn’t be in this happy home now. Also, I always wanted to improve myself which helped greatly. If I had someone like this lovely dr my life would have been so different and wouldn’t have taken me 30-40 years to get here. I wasted most of it with drugs and alcohol and self destruction. Still a work in progress. 😜. Thanks for the informative videos. I finally understand that my man was a narcissist that only triggered my BPD and my insanity. Not a good match. A sociopath then a narcissist. Bad picker 😀. Now just me and my daughter and son in-law and grandchildren. Don’t need or want a man in my life. Ahh peace and contentment. Can’t put a price on that. Thank you again Dr. Have you ever realized that many of your patients are demon possessed? I hope you are not scoffing. That would be a shame. I found out it’s rampant and pervasive. I’m sure no one will read this diatribe but what the heck. 💋
I can't thank medcircle enough. I can't force my adult child to get help but this helps me to understand and be ready whenever they are. It is devastating as a parent to witness/experience the destruction of uncontrolled BPD. Thank you keep the info coming!!
This is right on the money. I suffer with BPD and it's due to growing up with the most negative, cruelest mother on the planet. Nothing I ever did was good enough. No matter what it was. My entire childhood is just memories of my mom yelling at me and complaining about me or anyone else around her. There was never any positive thing that came out of her mouth.
Yup. Bingo. No positivity unless it was going on a vacation and getting away from “us kids”
Same for me.
As an adoptee I've noticed that alot of other adoptees in the community have BPD. The thing is that even adoptees who were given up at birth even have it. People think that by adopting babies will come with less emotional trauma but they're wrong and could even come with more trauma later on that goes undiagnosed. We are biologically evolved to recognize our mothers when we're born. When a newborn is taken from their mother it sends their nervous system into overdrive. I believe that is why alot of us have BPD. The book The Primal Wound speaks on it and it's highly underatted, in my opinion. It was an actual life saver for me.
“We all live in a house on fire, no fire department to call; no way out, just the upstairs window to look out of while the fire burns the house down with us trapped, locked in it.”― Tennessee Williams
I totally feel that....
My dad says I was a very easy baby/toddler but I remember being difficult, throwing huge tantrums. He left the country when I was two and I know something fractured in me when he left. Maybe the tantrums began as a result. I also remember feeling like something inside died the day I asked my mom if they had divorced(I was in elementary school) because I believed all those years that he was coming back and we’d be a family.
My mom and her family were incredibly invalidating and I witnessed and experienced abuse(not sexual). My mother wasn’t the loving, tender person. I believe she’s a narcissist. My dad’s family was the opposite and it caused so much confusion in me as a child. When I look back at my life I realize that I definitely have BPD and it was probably, in part, due to my family situations.
I’ve been able to get a lot clearer, more stable as I entered my 30’s but this is an ongoing battle and I wish someone had realized I needed help and got me therapy in my youth. 😢
No psychology professional is able to make the determination that invalidation or bullying does not occur in a home. Parents who inflict this or enable it by the other parent are masters at denying they are the cause of their child’s issues, but the truth is parenting is the cause. Parents’ may be passing down their behavior from previous generations’ behavior, but it is not biological. Knowing that it is not biological and is the result of bad parenting is the key to healing and also prevention in the future for the next generation.
Amen.
Totally Agree!!
Parents need to love and respect their kids, that doesn’t mean putting kids on pedestal. Treat them humanly not like objects or animals
Totally agree with you. Parents are accountable. People want to protect them, because they don't want to look at their own crap/issues - living in denial. A societal thing - Our whole society is messed up. It is not Biological - that's Bunk. Narcissistic/Abusive parents are experts at hiding abuse. Everything looks Great on the outside, but people don't know what goes on behind their closed doors. Multi-generational - better believe it. Shine the Light - Let's Tell the Truth.
Rebecca Biglow I am inclined to agree with you. I tried to have a conversation with my mother about the way she treated me and the extremely damaging things she would say to me as a child and all she had to say was, " I don't remember that, I never said things like that." She just denied everything and had no remorse or empathy whatsoever
There are also many parents who truly have NO IDEA that they were invalidating their child. If a person was never taught how to emotionally connect and validate by their OWN parents, how would they ever know they’re not doing it? It’s simply not a black and white issue.
Another important thing to add is that if a parent falls into this category, they may very well be suffering from a cluster B personality disorder themselves - and they may not know that either. Probably don’t, honestly.
i want to hear her talk for hours, such a nice lady, so calming and smart
I had a lot of support when I was younger. I wasn’t abused. The only trauma I experienced was the death of my mother , but I wasn’t a kid. I was 19. Symptoms started shortly after that though. Also had a dad who was emotionally unavailable , although not abusive.
My daughter has BPD, she was raised in a loving home, loving Grandparents, lovely Holidays, she was given attention, we read to her, she was not abused or ignored, she had friends, Birthdays, we didn't over indulge her, we were good parents, stable home, all this hit at 17, she's now 28 and a nightmare ;(
I was always under the impression that the correlation between childhood sexual abuse and BPD was very strong. I am a survivor with BPD.
I have never been to a psychotherapist, but I can definitely relate to borderline 3, as she laid it out in another video. I had mentioned that it felt like I had a split personality.
Now, I can speak for myself. Now 62, 25 when this was happening, I attribute it to feeling a need to conform, to please and to fit in, and the frustration that comes from that stress.
I went through the gay struggle, first with the church. I bade my goodbyes to religion in 1980, at 20.
From that point through 25, the struggle was with my parents. The struggle peaked in 1985, at 25. That was when the Borderline 3 characteristics manifested. I thought I was going crazy! It was a crochet of normal, happy, serene and rageful, angry, volcanic. It makes you question your sanity.
From 25 to 35, on October 9, 1994, an unexpected call from my dad made me feel unsettled enough to catalyze what I call conscious meditation.
From that point onward, my mystery unraveled by itself.
I had moved away from worrying about what others wanted to an inner exploration of myself.
So, in a nutshell, the cause of the borderline characteristics was my attachment to the opinions of others, and not being true to myself.
❤
After being raised in a very abusive home where I was responsible for raising my siblings and dealing with grown up issues at a very early age. I took every measure to carefully raise three children of my own. While raising them I had to raise myself and believe that I was only able to do that by enlisting the help of other parents who exhibited behaviors I wished I had been raised with. I learned very early in my motherhood that you can learn from anyone, even your own children, no matter what their age. I have the most loving, understanding and beautiful adult children who constantly praise me for a job well done. Thank you for making an effort to get more parents the support they need to raise the next generation of adults mentally healthy.
Dr. Ramani was very validating. People in most RUclips videos say borderlines have no history of trauma 😱 like wow, just can’t believe that. Some do, some don’t.