My big fake straight wedding - BBC Stories
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- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
- This film explores world of "Marriage of Convenience" (MOC) match-making. In private Facebook groups, chat rooms and even club-night websites, there is space dedicated to MOC's. It's a sub-section of gay culture that is hidden and most people involved want to keep it that way. So why is it happening? In this film we hear stories of familial pressure, lies and the inevitable failure of the MOC. We meet 'Junaid' who explains that the parameters of his MOC changed once he was married and why many seek this type of marriage as a short term solution to ease societal pressures.
Produced and Directed by Mobeen Azhar; Filmed and Edited by Alvaro Alvarez
I know a Saudi girl that married a gay guy (knowing he was gay) to please her grandfather and, in a sense, save him. Their parents then let them move to the US (where I met them) and they got a well-needed divorce. Funny, he became her wingman and she got married about 3 years later. It worked out for them; not all are that lucky.
Float Circuit: sounds like your friends did genuinely like, trust and respect each other - and were able to back each other, and forge this new life adventure in the US. They each may have appreciated the support of the other in their early times in the US too - sharing culture, language and family alliance. Each got a chance to break out of the stricter identities in their home country. Glad to hear they came through it !
So sad that people have to do this!
Kurtz Hau I want to do this and I am straight lol
Just to be free.
So, why is this only about South Asian or Asian culture? Does that mean gay folks do not hide their sexuality in western culture, even today? Yes even in 21st century?? oh wait that is because family as a cultural concept is dead in the west. So, they will focus where it is ---things are never black and white. DO NOT BLAME FAMILY PRESSURE, BLAME WEAK PEOPLE WHO CANNOT STAND UP TO THAT......outside of that, family life is the pinnacle of any society. and despite everything even gay people all over the world want what straight people have.....' marriage' just that in their cases, they are not as strong (research wise, some are, most aren't)
I am an Afghan lesbian and I told my parents the truth.
After one year of relationship with my girlfriend, I wanted to give us all a chance to really know each other. Of course I was afraid. But my parents handled it kind of okay. Okay, my mum freaked out a little bit because she is the more traditional and my dad also said something like "Why do things like this always happen to me?" in a desperate tone.
I then said to him, that in the contrary, he could feel good, because I trust him so much, that I told him.
My parents are divorced/talaak and so I had to come out twice. First to my mum, hoping she would understand me as usual. They were not amazed and not really cheerful, but at least they still talk to me and are still very kind. But we never talked about it again. And my mum, who I actually told a lot of things, hurt my feelings until today, because she usually gets me. I'm going to be patient and wait for them to talk to me.
All my cousins, that are under 30 know it, my aunts and uncles don't. But with Afghans you never know who is talking to whom about what other family members are doing. I can imagine, that it could be embarrassing for my parents, if the other parents knew.
So I was kinda lucky. But you have to take a risk first and that only works with cute and rather open minded parents I suppose...
You have to be like a detective sometimes and mention gay stuff randomly e.g. when they talk about LGBT rights on the radio or the news and you try to get an opinion out of them.
Good Luck!
Hope things are going to go better for you and your gf soon! So brave of you to have come out!
Дарья Горбачева Thank you. I also hope that I can take her to my parents one day...
But I feel good about being honest, because I tried my best and showed, that I am strong and not just having a mental disease or a “phase” :D
And I always was a good and friendly child, so they didn’t suddenly start shouting at me. That would have been really hurtful for me. Even more, than it still is a bit...
Im guessing, you and your parents,don't live in Afghanistan.
And your parents are untraditional .
I mean they are divorced, which is very untraditional for afgans.
So you were lucky on this part.
If u r a lessbian then you are not a Muslim coz homosexuality is haram (prohibited) in Islam. And plz don't say u r Afghan coz you actually are disrespecting our entire community. However, i wish you all the best with your new life as a homosexual.
Stupid Izna, just cause she doesnt fit what YOU decide is an Afghan doesnt mean she is not... If her ancestry is Afghani and she wants to mention thats her prerogative... Nonsensical puritanical bigots like you are the reason why many of these youngsters are fearful of living their truth...
Most american homosexuals/ bisexuals/ ect. never realize how good we have it
Layla How would you need to compromise your faith?
this still happens here. A lot. its getting better but still a problem.
Actually a lot closet gays in the US
@Confirmed Russian Bot
Same, I don't know why families think disowning is an option. Even if my kids want to leave Islam, I wouldn't disown them. I wouldn't support them and help them meet people of the same sex, or agree for a wedding or something, since that is totally against my beliefs and I prioritize Islam over everything. But I'll still feed and clothe them, but I wouldn't want to be a part of whatever sin they're doing and make sure they know I am disgusted.
@Confirmed Russian Bot thats my issue exactly. I think at the end of the day you need to leave the choice up to them for which they want to prioritise. If they are religious themselves (which is what we are meant to have tried our best to bring them up as) , they might just choose to not be in a same sex relationship. But if they do then that's their choice and treating them poorly or disowning them is not gonna help, especially when they're probably already stressed out and miserable because of this
I'm straight myself, but I still asked my grandmother what would she do if someone from our family came out and she said that she would be disappointed but she will never disown them. She said that she will fulfil her duties as an elderly family member no matter what.
psa: if you’re not an asian/ a gay asian, you should have ZERO to say because you do not know what it’s like in terms of culture and custom
+
NO. ANYONE IS ALLOWED TO SPEAK AGAINST THE WRONGS IN A CULTURE. TAKE AWAY YOUR "IM OFFENDED AND CULTURAL APPROPRIATION ANNOYS ME" ATTITUDE AWAY FROM HERE, IT'S TOXIC AND REGRESSIVE
I agree Saint. Numaira what you said is like saying, "you've never been to space, so you should have ZERO to say about space"...Uhhh doesn't quite work like that.
I think she just means no right to judge the people who undergo these "mock marriages", not that eastern society frowns upon gay marriage. Obvi this isn't the best way to, you know, LIVE YOUR LIFE, but family pressures are really so extreme in many cases. Im sure op would agree that it sucks that this custom even exists, she probably just means that since other cultures can't empathize, don't just jump the gun and judge the people in these mock marriages. 100% agree tho that it sucks that a custom like this even exists due to unaccepting families and societies.
try being arab and muslim, that's another level of ignorance and suffering
im a bi Chinese but my parents don't belive in lgbt so I have to pretend I'm straight
Priscilla Liu Wow...That must be really hard for you
Being Bi is difficult for Asian people.
Priscilla Liu same in India too.
Priscilla Liu I’m sorry
Atleast you re bi. That more easy for you than pure gay
To be honest it's sad that people have to turn to this type of marriage. They have to marry the opposite sex so their family doesn't disown them, or get killed. I hope one day people won't need this.
Some people here say they would never do this but this are mostly people who live in Western countries ,you can say that easy that you would not do this because you dont know how it is to live with this pressure and in this kind of society and their culture beliefs.
mate, the BBC is in the UK. its a program about Gay British South Asians. Britain is a western country??
Dorian Sz shut up
Sia Janjua Britain is indeed a western country.
Caucasians in the pre-stonewall era of the LGBT movement did something similar. By day they were family men- by night they visited the local bathhouses. Only difference is alot of these men lied to there wives and never gave them the opportunity to pursue fulfilling relationships outside the marriage. It's easy for North Americans and Caucasian Europeans to be dismissive of this type of thing because we dont have the cultural competency needed to understand it. At least they are being honest with each-other!
sameritaco -- Caucasians as you say, did very much have this. It is called a lavender marriage. Look it up and learn. And it is far, far better that 2 gay people are honest and agree to have a fake marriage than for a gay person to marry a heterosexual and ruin their life by lying to them and sucking them into a nightmare lie of a relationship that they never expected or wanted.
As an Arab Asian my parents rather me die than come out to them. People who judge clearly don’t understand the society that we grew up in, I know who I am but my parents can never know. Family is so much more than it means in the west.
Rose Blue is it easier for Arab Christians than Arab Muslims to come out gay/lesbian?
Then your society is wrong and you need to change it. For those who have a problem with my words, “No. You move.” Google it.
@@af9262 nope it’s just as bad.
This is horrible. I'm a Mormon, and I also happen to have a gay cousin whom I love and respect more than anything. I still adhere to my religious beliefs, but if my child came out as gay, I would tell them I love them no matter what, and although I have my beliefs, I would never want my kid to pretend to be something they aren't.
Alex Larson
Thank you for being an amazing human
Alex Larson basically what you wanted is to let your gay child know that you love him no matter what, please understand that that’s not going to do anything at least in a long run. It’ll definitely lighten up the matter and he can be as open as he can be, however, a Mother is only a dot in a society and Being gay is not socially accepted, even up to this day. But thank you, at least it all starts from a Mother’s love.
💙💙💙💙💙💙
you are sooooo beautiful. a tight hug from me.
I'm Mormon as well. If I had a child who was gay I'd be happy! Heavenly Father sent someone so special and unique, someone I as the MOTHER can learn from. What an amazing thing to pour your soul into raising a precious human, getting to learn from our differences is an even bigger blessing to me.
that's kind of disturbing how their own families have pressured them into doing this
mana_narie x Asian culture. I can speak from experience, the elders only care for themselves so they want "the best" for their children, when they want the bet for there reputation to boast to the rest of the community
it's called control. They arrange marriages too. That means they control who you will have sex with , and whose children you will bear.
I'm gay, South Asian Pakistani muslim, come from a traditional middle class home. I came out to my family. Things where not easy. Never will be probably. But I have a wonderful boyfriend, my siblings LOVE him, we live together, we visit my sister together (abroad) for holidays and stay with her. I use my voice in my own community, i counsel other ethnic minority LGBT-people. All of this did not come for free. It toke sacrifice, tears and lot's of heart ache.
If you are straight and South Asian, be an ally. Stop writing hatefull comments online. Be kind. It affects peoples lifes.
To South Asian LGBT's - stay strong. Thing will work out. And please, only chose marriage of convenience as your last ressort. I hate using an overused frase coined by fake marketing, but things get better in time. Hard times pass and you will flourish. I promise!
slimfast67 I'm Indian. Love you bro stay strong #nohomo
One day you will die, then you will be restricted .. you will be asked about your life .. how did you spend it ! Can you imagine the scene now ?? Try to prepare some answers my brother..
mustafa smadi
Let me try and answer that for you:
I will answer that I was a leader in my community. That I counseled tons of young men and women suffering under the burden of homophobia. That I lead a good life, never misread the Quran pretending to be a RUclips imam, and knew the true history of our people. That I know, that there always where men who loved men, women who loved women and people who crossed the gender norms. Ever since the time of our prophet and even before that. And that they where among his inner circles.
So that my friend, is what I will answer!
slimfast67 you tell him slim !!! Love u habibi !❤️❤️
Rogue rove this is called a believe , we believe in unseen because it is mentioned in the scriptures, now you can make an honest search and try to prove or disprove the existence of god .. then another search regarding alll scriptures which claimed to be from god .. which are the most authentic .. compare .. use your brain and cooling logic .. after this you will believe .. after you believe you have to submit to all what is authentic in the scripture ...
Oh well. I wish my ex husband had gone for a marriage of convenience instead of marrying me and wasting 5 years of my life. Even though I left him after a year, the after effects last longer than the actual marriage itself.
I can feel you. I am still figuring out if that's what was going on my 5 years marriage
@@lubnakhan1127 i am sorry you are going through this confusion. even though i hate the guy for cheating me into a marriage just so that he can protect his sexuality, i don't blame him completely. The society can sometimes be very cruel and overbearing and the thought of losing family and respect makes people do crazy things.
I hope you have a good life and sort out your problems. Good luck!!
Not all sorted out but I left the guy after 5 years of marriage but he and his family blamed it all on me being disloyal. But I feel better off alone then being gaslighted
@@lubnakhan1127 that's good that you chose your peace of mind and freedom over emotional imprisonment. Focus on being happy and healthy. Haters will always hate no matter what. Ignore them.
I have relatives too who just wanna blame it on me. They only see that there's no physical violence. Mental torture and emotional manipulation don't count as valid reasons for people. But at the end, we only have one life and we shouldn't spend it imprisoned in an unwanted relationship.
Yeah that's so true we have limited time here
"Deceived people" why? The institution of marriage in itself is deceitful. On the ads the groom or bride want ''good" son or daughter but really the rishta gets based on income, job security, skin colour, looks, dowry and caste. How can you deceive people through an institution that is itself not based on love and respect. Poda!
Im a British Indian bi girl and many of my Asian friends are lgbt and I had never thought abt this but a marriage of convenience is going to be a reality for a lot of us and that's acc so sad...tbh ppl who haven't grown up in Indian/Pakistani/Sri Lankan etc cultures have no right to judge people as they haven't felt the all-encompassing weight of the goods and the bads of our culture like we have - for so many family and community is in our blood.
Have you talked to your parents on how they feel about the community
Are u Muslim?
Why would you force your child to live a lie to sartisfy your own ego?
It's deemed very wrong in many religions. They dont want their children to be damned . Also it's going against nature.
it's their nature to be gay. they were born that way. how is it going against nature if they are born that way ? Nobody wakes up one day and "decides" to be gay or straight. You are born that way.
Even Asian-Americans from Immigrant parents that integrated into American culture a lot, still have very strong cultural roots. It’s the tradition of holding on and being proud of your roots. However, this also perpetuates harmful ideas throughout many generations.
An Asian-American Cishet Perspective:
Regardless of sexual orientation, I can't imagine being in a fake relationship even for the sake of my family whom I love dearly. There are two options: tell the truth (about not being straight), and risk the family being torn apart, or lie (about the marriage) and risk the family being torn apart if they find out. To me, it's virtually the same risk. However, when I think about the emotional strain it would cause to lie... having to live not knowing if your parents would ever accept you if you had a partner you truly loved, having your fake spouse view you impersonally or as a means to an end (as an agreement), having your real partner feel jealousy by never getting to experience the joy of marriage, a united family, or quality family time with the in-laws... The deception forged in the name of happiness seems to me as fragile and artificial as the hypothetical marriage itself, and therefore... ultimately inferior to the truth.
I've had many discussions with my Buddhist parents (mentioning religion because other Asians of different religious background may have a completely different experience) about how they would feel about having an LGBT child (which I understand is not a liberty that everyone gets to take). At first they laughed. Thought the gayness was a punchline. But with gay marriage being legalized in the US, the reality slowly started to sink in as more and more of my friends started coming out. My parents told me they would be sad, of course, but ultimately, that they would wish for their child to be happy. That's the power of true love, I think. That no matter your ideals, when you love someone, their happiness is paramount to your own. (This idea can be applied to why children may seek out ways to appease their parents as well). I think in the case of Asian parents, maybe their ideals of what is right is stricter than most. However, love is universal. And I think they would come around eventually. I don't think I would be able to let go of a relationship forged over 18+ years between parent and child, even if that meant the child was not who I thought they were. They are still my blood. I may hurt and run away for weeks, months, maybe years, but I would come back to mend what has been built through the labor of love.
I've been a part of an Asian family long enough to believe that the most important moral of all is that Asians, strict or traditional or backwards or however you want to label the older generation, know how to build families that last. And that is with compromise and compassion. They want you to be straight not because they are against the fundamental idea of gays. It is because society has ingrained in them the idea that gay = prejudice, mistreatment, sin. No one would wish that upon their child, or wish to see them rot in hell.
Although the general Asian stance on LGBT seems cruel or unreasonable, I think it stems from a place of worry which in itself is a form of love and care.
I don't understand what it's like to be under the LGBT umbrella. Maybe I'm generalizing or even completely missed the mark. Maybe I'm too optimistic. But, if you were to ask me for advice, I would say not to do it. I'm not saying that the love of a real spouse is worth more than the love of a family, nor vice versa. I just don't believe the world is so black and white, that it has to be one or the other. I think true love is worth waiting for. Whether that be for your real partner to come around, or for your family to come around to the idea of you having a real partner. Or maybe, if neither of those things, that you learn to love yourself unapologetically enough to realize that you shouldn't need anyone to make you feel complete, you cannot sell your life to fear and anxiety. Lies layered upon lies to achieve a sort of happy medium can never compare to the freedom of authenticity.
But randos on the internet like me shouldn't be making your decisions for you. In the end, do what you feel is right, even if it's a marriage of convenience. It's just personally not for me. In the end, whatever decision you're contemplating, would you rather regret what you've done or regret what you've never done?
i am a straight woman yet i can understand and agreed with this system .. there were times when my family put tremendous pressure on me to get married . the situation was so abusive that i desperately look for a gay man to get married ... i was even ready to pay that man
i dont wanna give birth , i do like man but dont want any husband .. i just dont want to get married ...
i just dont feel it .... as a south asian woman i can get married next day thanks to arranged marriage and end up having sex with a completely unknown guy , give birth 2-3 kid and be a good wife for the rest of my life ...
i never wanted that ...
im just not wife material ...
not desperately but im still looking for a gay person to get marry and solve both of our family and parents issue ...
im sick and tired of explaining that why im not getting married and having kids
I DONT FUCKING WANT TO -_-
Hi there.. Kindly email me.. I m looking for that woman.
I'm straight but I know how bad this feels. I'm compelled to marry a person whom I don't like. Arranged marriage is a curse here in India. I was dating a man from same religion and caste for years, but society didn't let us marry just because we belonged to same gotra (maternal lineage). Both our parents stood against us because they were more concerned about what people would think. We tried to convince them in every possible way but they are not ready to accept our marriage. I'm totally broken, dead and feel like I have lost my life. I will not have any control over my future life. I don't know how will I spend everyday of my life with someone I don't like. It is a nightmare for both of us to live without each other. We dreamt of a lifetime together and all that is shattered now. Majority of youth in India are forced to give up their dream life, and compelled to enter into unhappy but long arranged marriages.
Shreya Raj maternal lineage...so he's related to you?
Do you guys have kids
This is really sad.
that's incest
Thats bad!! I am a victim of arranged marraiges twice. My father donot belive understanding and relationships are based on harmonious mood. Everything is forced and left with shattering future. In first attempt we faced 498A allegations just to pay marraige expenses. The girl i got married to was mentally challenged and the second attempt was icing on the cake. The girl was lesbian and was forcing me for isolated living.
After 3 and half years of grilling courtship finally Police helped me to comeout of this relation blunder. Parents have no idea where the world is going they push their kids in opposite direction
Marriage was originally just a business partnership and primarily FOR convenience. What they did is historically logical since there have been THOUSANDS of closeted gays and lesbians who have had to deal with heterosexual marriages throughout history. The couples, even if they hated eachother, eventually had to consummate their marriage and have a child, but they could live in separate houses and have mistresses or lovers since sex/love really had nothing to do with the partnership.
Its all good so long as both parties enter the marriage with full knowledge of each other's sexuality and have sorted out future difficult situations such as Making Babies, Living Arrangement, Partners sleeping over etc..
I’m a lesbian South Indian 15 year old and my parents are really homophobic, and I feel like it’s either this or just living my entire life without any family, the thought scares me.
It's awful that they have to go to such lengths to be accepted into their community but tbh it's a pretty ingenious temporary solution to the heavy pressure parents put under you to get married
you'll find that usually when they procreate ( usually a boy) parents calm down. both parties consent to this so its all good as far as i am concerned
Its so hard to tell your gay in such a family, i am gay aswell a pakistani gay and born in a strict muslim family. I am now 21 currently studying uni law and work part time in a bank and i have 4 brothers one day i sat next to my mom and she said i saw the app on your phone (grindr) She said i already knew you where gay since you where born. Some family members have never talked to us since then but i think it is oke now our family is happy and stronger then ever ❤
I'm so happy things worked out for you!
@Maher Zain's Fan Troll, grow up and stop being an asshole..
I wish we could _all_ just live & let live. When are people going to understand? Maybe not until 2060 when this generation is older much, much older.
If ALL families agreed to gay marriage: had the exact same type of wedding, joined the families - EVERYONE would be happy!
What if tomorrow son wanted to marry his mother because he "loves "her not like a mother, would you say live and let live then! !
It happens. And one day it will probably be legalised because their will he mass protest and Hollywood stars will refuse to marry until it's legal!!!!!!!
My point society is going off into the deep end and everyday we are becoming more godless. When will it stop!!
There are laws for this life !! How did we come ?? By natural marriage between male and female !! How come when ever someone comes up with something new I wanna it to be applied and accepted !
I'd rather be disowned tbh, I know I'll definitely come out at some point and deal with the getting disowned.
Serene Jama have you ever been in relationships with men before?
Na ma Somali ba tahay?
Serene Jama everything is going to be okay :)
Getting disowned is not that bad- from experience. Life goes on, you'll meet good people to fill in for the idea of 'family'. It's better than weaving a web of lies. You be fine 😊
Serene Jaamac what about ur family who had took care of u the day u were born ... will they be able to handle this trauma ... dont act selfish .. ur life is connected with others as well
This can be a potential movie subject!
Mukul Mudgal ikr
I came out to my mother 10 years ago and to my other family members. They still expect me to be married. I am in my 30s and my mother treats me horribly. She is passive aggressive. I can't have a relationship with same sex. Everyday I get reminded that I will be punished and how horrible my life be. I love my family but I wish they had little empathy.
Find someone who can understand you and be in open marriage
As someone from a very strict cultural background African specifically I totally understand why people would do this the cultural , religious , and societal pressure can be too much for people especially people who are lgbt. Im straight and I can only imagine the mess lgbt people go through when dealing with close minded communities.
What if the married couple's families want kids? Then what?
Layla right?
Hahahaha was thinking the same thru out lol.
They are idiots disgrace to there religion faith and dishonest to there families. They think they can change the mind set by there emotional drama it's not us who sets the boundaries it's Good who had made these boundaries they should ask for forgiveness and mercy from the Lord before time is up may God show them righteous path
Abortions, Miscarriage, or adoptions.
Im sure the gay couple and the lesbian couple wanted kids too. So maybe the gay couple donate sperm to the lesbian couple and the lesbian couple could become surrogate. In the end the kid got 2pair of parents and they all live happily ever after
that is not a problem. even gay people want children. So the lesbian and the gay guy will have sex a few times to get pregnant. It's not impossible. Once that is out of the way, they go back to their gay lives. It's the same in arranged marriage where the couple dont like each other .. they produce some kids and then live their own lives.
I'm sick of lies and deceit.
Una Nina Nine Wat?
The things that we as a gay community living in muslim/traditional countries have to go through is beyond me, they don't consider the fact that there is different Sexualities than straight that the human being is not a robot that's programmed to be what they want it to be, in our society the girl is thought to always look for the right guy to marry, like what if I don't wanna look for the right guy, what if I don't wanna look for anyone? You can't even be single, because if you are single than there must be something wrong with you, there ignorance reaches to the point where they'll think someone must cursed you or did some f** voudou to keep you from getting married like f*** off and I'm talking from a girl point of view because I'm a girl but I'm sure men go through similar problems
I think the difference here is, these people were raised in a very family and community centric environments. They genuinely believe they can't live without their families. I have Asian family and the pressure they put on me to get married is ridiculous. But I am very removed from them because 1 I'm all the way in Canada, 2 my personality is so different from their expectations that meeting them is impossible, and 3 I came from a broken home. All 3 factors made me look for family elsewhere and I've found it in like minded people. They don't have that luxury. They need to conform to their community's expectations to remain in said community. They don't have the luxury of breaking away completely from them like I do.
My Pakistani friend killed himself years ago because his family and his 'community' found out he was gay. He used to tell me he was going to go to hell regardless IHO (he was still religious) anyway, and what was the worst humans could do to him while he thought he was going to hell anyway?. Well I guess the family and community pressure got to him and he ended things his way. I still miss him very much.
Being gay is considered wrong in Islam but Allah also says it’s ok to have feelings for someone as long as u don’t act upon it so in other words he is allowed to be gay but not get into a relationship with a guy and no he wouldn’t go to hell Bcz that’s between him and God I am sure god doesn’t wont send someone to hell just Bcz they were different
these are the victims
Sad to think there are lavender marriages still going on.
Boycott everyone and everything who doesn't try to understand you . Why will you keep up their happiness when their happiness is rooted in your sadness and their sadness is your happiness . Just why. Be it parents no body is worth and no parent in their right mind will disown their child for just being attracted to the same gender. The act of sex is secondary it is love that matters. Well to all the people who are torn and tired of making the right decision. Don't get emotional. Just do what you u want. Choose the person yu want to. If the parents disown you. I have one word for them stupid. It is same as abandoning your kids.
akansha mehrotra as life is as simple as u say
akansha mehrotra what you are stating is an ideal world in which we don't live. People DO get disowned by their family and get shunned by their community which can extend back to their home country if need be. It's not as easy as you think for these men and women to just defy their culture and parents.
write a book, the title being 'the simple life'
That’s a great idea lol
I’m not a lesbian but I’d love to have that agreement with a gay man, escape my family live freely and never have to answer aunties question “why aren’t you married yet”
Hi! Is this a clip from a feature film or the entire piece?
It's the entire film.
It seems its dramatized,only the male narrator is genuine
so you want to make happy parents who would disown you if you happen not to be what they want you to..... which means they don´t love you, they love themselves and care more about what neighbors would say... why to please them?
its not just the parents, uncles, aunts and cousins all chime in . so there is a whole network of people you have to please because they've made a choice themselves, you'll find that with marriage pairings even straight ones, folk can be disgusted with whom they've been paired with but accomodate the culture at large for a peaceful status quo. its not ideal but its good to weight pro and cons. there are enough people who are completely lost without their network. You should not judge
My mom literally thinks all gays, and anyone who associates with them (as told in the story of lot in the quran), are gonna burn in hell forever. Literally. I'm not going to get a marriage of convenience, but it's not about "why love someone who wouldn't love you." Imagine a murderer getting disowned by their family, and the family couldn't deal with it. Of course homosexuality is nothing like committing murder, but in a lot of people's eyes they are just as bad as each other.
To be honest Aquarius, your comment shows immaturity. People who are a little more grown up, knows it's more complicated than "they don't love you"...etc.
@@lucifer2530 absolutely agree. Im a straight indian woman and I can totally see the logic in this. is it really that hard to wrap your head around the fact that some people love their familiea despite their flaws? that they see them as multi-faceted people? its a complex situation. you can look at it from a western individualistic perspective
That'll be a fucking dick move. Betraying and bringing shame to you mother who gave birth to you, fed you, financially supported you for 20 years of your life, put a roof over your head, always had your back, constantly lookin out for you? Anything other than giving your parent's the utmost respect and honour they deserve is in my book, the ultimate betrayal.
i kind of decided already that when the time comes i'll just accept being disowned. all i can do for now is enjoy the time i have left with my family
How old are you?
What a clever idea!
I have a feeling that there is more then parents pressure to marry. Statues and obligation as an adult in said culture. I couldn't imagine the pressures on these people. Its pretty smart to marry someone in the same position even though the one guy found it was harder even then.
I need this lol
Me too. my parents are haunting me like ghosts LOL
hi keen? send me ur details
Sure. why not. But i cant seem to get your details to contact you. Please send me a request to my skype ID ( satez416)
I am from india, me and my boyfriend are struggling to get the things right. My parents did not understand despite I opened up. Need lesbian for marriage and definitely her privacy will not be disturbed.
WOW BBC I think it's time for you to realize that these kind of marriages happen in Europe too.
Wallis Simpson and King Edward could do it, so why not commoners? That marriage and his abdication was about allowing them to carry on their bisexual and gay relationships out of the public eye. It's a shame people have to go to this extent to find peace in their lives, but totally understandable as long as we live in such an intolerant world.
I don’t think fake marriage will work for me. I think it will give more anxiety to me as i have to pretend in front of my family. I am running out of excuses of why am i still single everytime marriage issue was brought up. Sometimes i feel like moving out of my country but i really don’t want to leave my parents because i don’t think i can live without them.
Bruh I'm straight and would have a fake wedding to get my parents off my back in a heartbeat
sameeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I’m so bad at lying so i can’t imagine doing this for my parents and family and well, some lies are bound to be found. At some point i’d definitely lose my shit as well so if i have to lose them because of who i love, then so be it. It is who i am and my conservative family can either accept it and still have me as their son, or they disown me. Either way, i wouldn’t have to lie about who i am anymore. Which is why i am preparing tons of shit just to prepare for the latter case of disowning: graduate from college, get a stable job, and live far far away from my family.
The elephant in the room is that the cultures the participants come from operate outside the law of the land - which is that gay people have equal rights. I am not saying that homophobia does not exist in non-Asian cultures, but I am saying that anyone who lives in a European country should have to adapt to the law of that country. If someone wants to live in a mono-culture that is closed to progress, then they should not live in a country that has progressive laws. I apply that to ALL people, before the "racist" rants start.
What law are they breaking by doing sham marriages? None.
This is relatable
What about the kids they eventually expect you to have...what happens then?
I would be so worried. I could never fuck a girl.
Artificial insemination
I m straight but I can understand if India the word got out that u r gay especially rural it can be very dangerous for that person . I pray to God that coming era people become more acccepting
Go back 50 years and west would be just as tradicional as east. People fought for their rights. Things changed. East will have to do their own fighting if they want thing to change.
That’s the road I’m going down because coming out to muslim parents is definitely not happening
It’s unfortunate their culture does not openly accept homosexuality, however, a marriage of convenience between consenting adults can help ease family expectations. I feel lucky to live in a country and culture where I don’t need to hide in that way.
It's sad when a person is denied to b themselves. Concept of traditions are deep rooted but it's on future generations to question instead of Blindly following.
There is a movie base on this
i´m so late lol but there´s a Korean movie About moc,
we never gonna find peace in this world...we never learnd accept others..but when the next iPhone comes out, we accept everhing. isnt that weard?
I feel content knowing that where I come from my country have many gay people that for most of us us gay people aren't people we look down upon instead accept. So my parents wouldn't disown me or anything if I was gay but probably just sad but they'll most likely accept it anyway.
To be honest this sounds harder in the long run than getting disowned and at least having it over with. There's a special kind of releif and freedom that comes from giving up on an unhealthy family relationship.
am celibate for 6 years
This is so tragic that people feel pressured by family to marry. Unless your relationship with your parents is really horrible, it must be painful to know you may lose that relationship if they come out as gay. People should be able to be their true self, but in some societies that appears not to be the case. No one should condemn another person's choice in life. As is said, until you walk a mile in my shoes...
It's probably a good way to have kids and doing your own thing so really you won't ever be without a family .
It's deceiving but it's also a selfless act .they are thinking of others I. E parents and wider community.
.the advantage is probably finding someone you could grow to care for and look after each other in the future as you age. The disadvantaged is deep down always know what they are doing and have done and fear of being cought.
I came out to my parents that I am gay but they just simply ignore my sexuality.They're still planning me to get married. Its so hard when your parents and the society as a whole are extremely conservative and religious.
People need to take responsibility and if they are gay, speak the truth to their families.
Where is the full film ? Is it only short film ?
As a gay Asian in the diaspora, I have to say that it is, indeed, cowardly to seek a MOC - instead of bravely asserting one's innate reality. Life is full of choices, and I am certain that dishonesty (to oneself above others) is one that haunts a person right up to the grave. A community and culture that causes such deceit to need to happen is to blame here - and must be challenged and changed from within. We, its LGBT members, are responsible to demand this change (as hard as this work is).
Neo, i would imagine they make demands but them making up a small percentage, just how much support are they getting ? in certain circles you risk your life. I live in a city where most people are a variety of asian. I visit many asian friends and their families. Lovely folk but they vote right wing all the time and are conservative AF and not remotely interested in small changes. i also have Jamaican friends who told me , a coffin is ready in the backyard for anyone who has the nerve to admit they are gay. Your family must be chilled but don't cast stones
Almost every guy mentioned here is a muslim. But still labelled as an Asian thing. The entire video feels like lying by omission.
Well, the men are Muslim, and if you feel like your experience is not listed here, I challenge you to create a body of work that tells your story. Good luck.
Well, this is happening in West African communities.
I can totally see that happening, perhaps even more than other places.
I and my boyfriend are together for 3 years. Sudden disruption in our lives from parents to tie knot with girl. Neither they do understand us nor they had seen such people. Looking fr lesbian for marriage so as to ensure peace from both the ends.
Hey where are you from
@@aryagirish910 hey
Probably the marriage of convenience arrangement seems logical and acceptable to these people because it works the same in heterosexual marriages in their communities. Everyone behaves the way that makes their family and community happy, gays are no exception, although their choice seems more extreme it does not differ much from that of heterosexuals who get married to a person they don't love just to respect societal expectations.
I couldnt find anything wrong with this because nobody force them. That marriage is agreement between both
You can't change a countries or its society's culture or traditions. Looking through history, laws can change, but peoples ideas don't. Has always been this way. You either live with it, or go where you are excepted.
when you hide names in old wedding video... why do you show bride's face?
This was the thing sixteen years bk
Ohhh good idea
Asian culture need some decades, even centuries to accept this.
It's kinda like Ancient Rome , you get married for status and maybe produce heirs , and then you do what you wan't
I mean what do you have to lose especially if your family is ignorant. You live in a western country you can break from your family and be your own self. I’m also just speaking from my western standpoint so I don’t truly understand but I’d like too
In a Muslim country where you can go to prison or even face death penalty for being gay, that's understandable and even necessary. But in a country with FREEDOM and DEMOCRACY. C'mon! That's absurd! Unfortunately some countries have kept a medieval mentality. But in the West people are FREE and we must fight to keep that status if we don't want this intolerance and religious fundamentalism to take over. If your family doesn't accept you in a free society, it's their problem, not yours.
They're not muslims , they're hindús 😅
Khaoula Bouyauzane I'm not saying they are not hindus. I'm saying the only case where hiding your sexuality would be necessary to save your life is in a Muslim country. Hindu culture traditionally wasn't against homosexuality, it was the British who imposed anti-gay mentality with colonialism. In fact, traditionally, only Christianity, Judaism and Islam strictly condemn gays, other cultures don't. Christians and Jews have evolved a lot, Western countries are more open. Muslim countries still keep a medieval mentality.
I think the title says SOUTH ASIAN COMMUNITY . All the names mentioned in this piece are Muslim names. Not saying there aren't HINDU gays, but India is becoming less homophobic .
SO tell me in the comments of how many of you are gay and are being forced or pressured to marry?
Good for them. Their families are asking for the lies.
ummm...i dont agree with them using pics and still from other peoples weddings....thats bizarre
2:28 no way that's a surface pro I want one so bad after my laptop hardrive failed
Hahahah same!
If the two partners are honest with each other then ok, but I still think it's sad
I do understand it, but it's really sad that they can't be AND WITH who they want to! WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DO ACTUALLY FALL IN LOVE FOR REAL?
There are many white gay men married heterosexual woman as well , I have met a few!
Armstrong Chan ...And? Does it work out?
Seeing the look of happiness in our parents' faces really feels great and satisfying. But by lying inorder to achieve that, is not a good way. It could actually cause bigger problems when they find out. Though I understand why some people choose that way. It is because the society or the community we are living in is so judgemental. This even starts in our own home.
Just exhausting. Isn't life hard enough? ☹️
That's just a culture stereotype you're referring to,not every Indian/Pakistani girl or boy has to face similar situations. If you are strong enough to deal with the consequences that lead to actions of you staying single, getting married, being gay then nothing should stop you from living an independent free life! We all need to stop western media from promoting these stereotype views the world has of the Indian population. Not everyone HAS TO HAVE an arranged marriage and produce 7 boys immediately...GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT "BBC"
Live your life be happy.
Ok so if they married why don't they partners get married and they move in case closed
Jondre, this is what they did, watch the clip and may attention
I feel sad for them..may Allag guide them right path
Allah made them gays
robert lee never ! It is a choice based on experiences .. this is what science says
@@elixir7400 no you idiot. even prophet was caught kissing boys. (Read hadith) don't fight with me here if you haven't read it.
robert lee man it is so obvious that you are arrogant and ignorance .. you never saw a grand father kisses his grand son ????
@@robertlee-nq6mg they were his grand children. Cant a father kiss his grand children??? U read the hadith properly. Think before u try to disgrace ur own self. People like u have destroyed society by making everything negative
Also why are they subtitling the British accent?
Yoda Ydyxz it's for deaf viewers
Why don’t they just run away? Fake their own death?
I'm an atheist gay Turkish man living in Turkey. I came out to my Muslim family and I went through very hard times. But I never once thought about getting married with a woman. They live in the UK where same sex marriage is supported by law and also in the society. They are lucky. If your family is gonna harm you when you come out then okay go get married with a lesbian don't come out but otherwise you should try to educate your family. If they don't accept you just say fuck them and move on. Don't live a lie. Build your own your life and your own family.