AITA for telling my mom my wedding is not the time or place to try and trick her daughter as a test?
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- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
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AITA for telling my mom my wedding is not the time or place to try and trick her daughter as a test?
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NTA. It's OP's wedding, not the Mom's. I feel bad for Mom, but she's wrong here, and so are the grandparents. Sister is toxic and shouldn't be there period
If Mom and grandparents want to test having sister around 'family' so much, let them host their own BBQ, a pool party, a pizza party, an afternoon tea for crying out loud. OP's wedding is not the place nor the time and shouldn't be hijacked for their 'test'. What a grossly horrible idea. OP needs to employ security for this wedding venue and make it explicitly clear to all his family that the sister is not invited to the wedding and if anyone who *is* invited brings her along, they'll both/all be ushered out immediately and whatever charges that can be filed against them will be filed. OP's wedding is not their playground or gambling casino. Their wants, their ideas, their desires hold no weight at OP's wedding and if they continue pursuing this cockamamy idea, they will be UNinvited. The sister's unbridled hatred toward OP is pathologically motivated and having her at the wedding would be beyond toxic, if not downright dangerous considering how she has repeatedly voiced her desire for OP to die.
OP needs to get security for their wedding. I'd be telling his mum that if the sister turns up then both of them will be chucked out, not just the sister and that would be the end of their relationship. There is no way his mum should be even suggesting this, but I definitely would take steps to make sure that if the mum goes forward with her plan, then both her and her daughter would then be kicked out before any trouble starts.
I can't imagine the pain for mom, but that plan is crazy for cocoa puffs.
NTA: OP deserves to be happy and surrounded by love on his wedding, and the “sister” who has openly hated him, wished death upon him, and been horrible his entire life, would ruin that . How many time does sister have to say he hates OP, she’s wanted him to die, for mom to get it, in what language will she understand that. I don’t even feel bad for her because she’s willing to sacrifice her sons wedding to test that maybe her daughter won’t be awful like she has been the last ten thousand times.
That day is only about oP and his bride, absolutely not about Elizabeth or Mom. NTA
NTA. Poor OP. I cannot imagine growing up wondering when my sister would move on from talking about my death and my father's death; to actually making it happen.
Sounds like Elizabeth was the Golden Child. No matter what she did or how she acted, it was okay with Mom. The minute I found out ex/dad was praying with her for my husband's & daughter's deaths, I would have done my darnedest to get the custody changed to no contact or only supervised contact with bio dad. That Elizabeth ever spoke like that again would have been a full stop, nothing happens until we get this fixed, issue. Number one would be to assure her that even if something happened to mom's husband and OP; she would never, NEVER get back with the ex. I can see why they were a couple - both delulu.
I think I caught that Elizabeth the Evil is married... so, one would expect her husband to attend.. and what kind of man would tolerate someone this psychotic? I'm sure he knows about OP and the whole shit show. Since hating OP and her dad is so life consuming for her..Why would you want either one near you on any day?
My heart feels for the mom and i truly understand where her (completely delusional) suggestion is coming from. Her heart must be broken for the emotional loss of her first born baby.
But OP canNOT allow his sister to attend the wedding, no matter what. I hope he has a wonderful-and drama-free!-wedding.
This is a classic case of parental alienation (PA). She was abused her entire life by her so called father. It’s so warped inside her head that she can’t see how wrong it all was. I don’t know if any therapist could help her unless they truly understand PA and can slowly work their way into her mind to slowly unravel all the trauma and abuse. Going through it as a parent is devastating. However, mom shouldn’t try to trick her daughter at any point as that would only play into the PA, but especially not at her son’s wedding. She’s asking for drama that will ruin his day. He is definitely NTA.
It sounds like the half sister does not want to be there either, so if the mom does somehow trick her to be there then no one will be happy. The bridges are completely burned, and there is no way the sister wants to rebuild them. It is easier to be angry with her mom than it is for her to be angry with her dad, so there is no way she is going to forgive their mom, and if she ever did then she will be the one to reach out. The mom needs to get professional help for herself.
NTA. OP has the right not to want his wedding wrecked.
Mom needs more therapy than her daughter
Mom and dad broke up when she was 2. She has no recollection of those times and for sure dad was toxic. However, there comes a point in time where you have to self reflect and say “huh, well that was shitty” and move on. She never did and so it’s time for everyone else to move on. I would not entertain the idea of her coming to op’s wedding and if I was the mother go low contact because the daughter is toxic
OH HELL NO, NTA! OP, you're absolutely right. Your wedding is not the time or place for a "test". I would sincerely consider hiring security to keep your sister and possibly even your mother away from the ceremony and reception. Nothing good would come of this at this time. But I do think you understand that it's not your half-sister's fault, her father did a true number on her and poisoned her. Given that she's 35, she's had plenty of time to realize that she's been manipulated and has literally refused to do so. I understand your mother wanting a relationship with her daughter, but it's not likely to happen.
Stories like these make me so grateful for my mother. I hope his wedding went smoothly and the right people got to celebrate the couple💖
I hope Mom is in therapy. In the meantime, OP needs security for his wedding and, yes, his own therapist to deal with all of this. Poor man. 😞
8:03 I agree at this part. If I was OP, I'd say the same thing and add that there will be bouncers looking for the sister. I get his mother means well, but she's going to lose both her kids if she tries this. It's clear the sister doesn't want a relationship, and his mother needs to grieve and move on.
How can mom think that Elizabeth would be anything other than livid if she was tricked into attending the wedding of the sibling she hates? How would that be good for anyone?
nta: I understand where the mother is coming from but unfortunately if his sister has been a jerk to him this whole time then it probably won't change her now. also I assume the father cheated on the mother.
NTA He needs security at the wedding
Shes carried this into adult hood? At the rate it's not immaturity. Its a mental chemical imbalance.
NTA - this is a wedding that is for 2 people neither one is her nor her parents. So no,don't trick her into ruining a day that should be happy.
Does OP's mom really think that Elizabeth has changed? NTA OP!! I wouldn't want someone who's consistently wished me dead at my wedding either.
Also, could we make an Asscon rating for people who behave in an Asscon 1 way because of their parents' influence? Because Elizabeth seems like an Asscon 1, but I want to give her grace, since her dad's been in her ear the whole time.
This story is still on my brain because Elizabeth is terrifying. I know we talked about sabotage to the day, but if I were OP's fiancee, that wouldn't be the only reason I wouldn't want her there: I wouldn't want someone who has repeatedly wished my partner DEAD around. Not out of respect for my day, but out of respect for my PARTNER.
NTA. I do feel bad for all of em even Elizabeth, but damn!
Mom is hoping social pressures and expectations will require her to behave; which shows how much she doesn't really trust her.
However, as someone who's gone through this... there is a very strong possibility she's grown and seen that she was wrong. Especially if she was alienated with her dad for a while. And the last time they saw them was when she was roughly 23/24 and she's 35 now. If she's actually still that bitter, she'd just not accept the invite.
NTA OP but your mom is. Stay away.
NTA, mom is hanging on by her teeth.
This is bad.. all the way around. Mom is essentially gambling, using the OP's wedding as the bet, with a (unlikely) relationship being the reward. In all likelihood, if mom goes through with this, she will have 2 alienated kids. On the other side of the coin, if mom manipulates her daughter into attending this function, I think she (mom) will be feeding the delusion that the OP's half sister has in regards to the family being evil/worthy of her hatred. It is a no win situation if mom somehow tricks the daughter into attending/crashing the wedding.
Daughter was brainwashed by her dad. Mom is delulu in the hope of "saving" her daughter. If years of therapy could not undo the programming then being tricked into coming to his wedding would most likely be a disaster. Mom needs to look out for her son's best interests. Having his half sister there is not in his best interest.
Interesting thought:
If, as Dusty suggested, she thinks shes going to his funeral she might just show up in a party dress since that is what she has been praying for (with her father) for her entire life. She'd be in the mood to celebrate until the reality of the situation hit, at which time her brain might just snap and she could go full psycho. It's best not to poke the bear.
Also I feel that OP could reach out the sister to let her know what the mom is planing so there isn’t any drama there. Also I think OP needs to have a talk and a serious talk with their mother about the mom’s plan and give her an ultimatum. The ultimatum could be if you do this then I’ll will cut you out of my life also because is seems like the mom is never going to see that OP’s sister is ever going to come around. I also feel the OP mom should have fought the her daughter decision to live if her father after it was stated that the father would pray that they would die and used that against the father from getting custody and also only having supervise visitations.
Also feel like the mother should have explained the whole situation why she left the daughter father, and how moving on should not affect their relationship. another point is the father of the daughter sounds like he may have been abusive or controlling which could be why the mother left originally also but we don’t have the information there just putting it out there.
Queue benny hill theme as she trashes everything and everyone chases after her
🖤
Oh sweetie NTA and I think your mom also needs some therapy and if you do an update please let us know if you had security there cause I have a feeling some crap is gonna go down
What did mom do to cause the husband and daughter to be like this? She's the real enemy here. Maybe the dad went a bit far, but the mom sounds like the true villain. Daughter wants to be happy without the bed warmer or half sibling, so let her go and be happy.
Sometimes the mom doesn't have to do anything. There was the reddit story where everytime op tried to date after her divorce, he ex would tell their kids that mom dating is hurting him and they would beg op to break up with her boyfriend. It got to point op had to date in secret just to have a relationship.
She moved on. Father never did. He kept on telling the 5 year old "give it time. She'll come about. We'll be family again." Then the mother started to date, got married (presumably), then had a child (not necessarily in that order). Thus the hope the father gave her was replaced with anger, resentment. Father's anger and resentment was used to amplify the daughter's anger/resentment at her mother, her husband, and any children they have... If they didn't exist, then mom and dad would get back together.
No therapy is ever going to work on a person who refuses to change. Daughter sees no reason to change because she desired mom and dad to get back together. Dad is, presumably, still single... whereas mom isn't. So obviously the two can't get together again. What was needed was for Daughter, Mother, _and_ Father to attend therapy together. Just so the Daughter can stop being resentful of the people who didn't wrong her... so she can redirect her anger at the person who deserved it (Father), and then learning to accept that the family she wanted, is over. She's still in the anger stage of grief... and refuses to move on to acceptance.
*Shrugs*
If mom and grandparents want to test the daughter, they should test the daughter _before_ the wedding... not during. :/
Poor OP, what a shit show.