Becoming securely attached is easy, actually
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- Опубликовано: 15 июн 2024
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Cool earrings 😍
I've started dating again after a 5 year hiatus. It's so much easier when the attitude towards men is "I like you, but I don't need you".
Interestingly, men are more attentive to me than the last time I dated, when I would get anxious or overwhelmed.
Ladies, you are collecting data! Have fun and respect yourself. That will never lead you astray.
I totally agree with both these comments. But at the end of the day, it's really not even about being anxious or confident and having that "I may want you but i don't need you" attitude, in fact, i personally believe that if you and the person are a perfect fit, and as they say 'meant to be', then no amount of awkwardness, anxiety, f ups can stop the union of you two.
On the flip side, you could be the carefree independent and magnetic soft feminine girlie girl to many a man out there and it still wouldn't work because it's just not supposed to.
It's time we give ourselves a break from all this to be or not to be shit and just relax and let us be ourselves.
The right one will come at the right time, and stick around for ever. He or she would calm you down when you feel all that anxiety, or you feel socially awkward because that's what they are there for. To make you better. Together you will be stronger.
All that goes without saying that we must work on our issues and do the shadow work so that it makes the journey smooth and also makes us better competent in life..but remember girls, there needs to be no pressure. Take it easy. This is for anything and everything that stresses you out -It doesn't have to be. ❤
Agreed!
@@spiritualhealer222This is the message I needed to hear today. Thank you for articulating this beautiful thought. Which I completely agree with 💯 ❤
I love this thread ❤
offtopic but the earrings are called jhumkas, i love buying them. the best place i know is janpath near india gate ❤
Earlier I used to be so upset when my boyfriend didn't text me for 2-3 hours because he used to be stuck in meetings and calls. He genuinely has a lot of work to do. I don't have much on the other hand (in my office at least). So I decide every time I feel anxious that he is a busy man, I am a busy woman too. I stopped waiting for his texts, and I get busy doing something, because it's my life and I am the main character of it. It doesn't look good that a main character has to wait for someone's texts. :)
you need to get a hobby or find someone that has more time for you
I need to get a hobby. I'm too free these days. 😂
@@AmritaMishraPerformances i tell myself the same things, i think the dbt skill is called check the facts. like it's a fact he's working, it's a fact he's tired after work and resting, not ignoring me. it's a fact he needs to go do laundry and spend some time playing video games, it's a fact he deserves this after work. it's a fact he's never truly ignored me before on purpose. it's a fact he deserves his own time. it's a fact I can't prove he's wasting my time. it really helps
I completely agree! Most of his days are like, Work - talk to me for some time - eat food and sleep. That's literally his routine. 🥺
I was truly a mess once upon a time but a good mess if that makes any sense; then I discovered that I actually preferred my own company and really love having lots of space. I found my calling and now I make lots of my own money and spend it how I want. I have unconditional love from two amazing dogs. Do I feel like I need a man? If a guy comes along great. If not I'm good with that too.
The older I get the more I realize that the secret to success in any avenue in life is to be comfortable being bored. It's not through chasing instant gratification that will fulfill you, it's the process of focusing and enduring the slow and long growing pains that will bear you the most fruit. The grass isn't greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it.
Thanks for the reminder
Great advice but remember there are still guys or gals out there that are no good. The right person will naturally SOOTHE your nervous system and be patient with you. No one is perfect. We are all a work in progress. Being 'anxiously attached' or 'avoidant' or a mix is not always the result of your attachment style. It could be the result of being with someone who is not right for you. The right person will help you feel 'securely attached' regardless.
Yes! Thank you. I’ve experienced this myself. With some people I feel very safe and calm; but with some other people, I feel unbalanced and anxious, and questioning my own worth.
Plus- people are self centralized nowadays so no one wants to commit
Yassss This part too❤ its about them being the wrong person as well
So true being with an emotionally unavailable person will trigger anxiety always. Being with a code pendant person will also trigger it coz it feels like you can't breath. And this applies to anyone. I think
Absolutely!!!! I my past boyfriends I would freak out if I didn’t hear from them for awhile, I would feel jealous and insecure of other women and my boyfriend now, I have none of those things. I am okay not hearing from him while he’s at work, and i no longer find myself thinking that my boyfriend will leave me for any other woman more attractive than me. I am just much more secure with my boyfriend than I have been with anyone else.
Girls LISTEN TO HER! I’ve been in therapy for almost 2 months now and my therapist has given me similar advice but in more detail. Not only was I a mix of anxious and avoidant, the source of my attachment style was emotional abandonment. I’ve been feeling so much better lately and so liberated. Dating doesn’t seem all that bad now bc I have gotten better with catching my triggers, being aware of my patterns, self soothing and acknowledging my thoughts and feelings instead of lamenting over them for ages, torturing myself. Follow her advice but also get therapy. IT WORKS!
Emotional abandonment is real. I'm married to an avoidant woman and I've never felt so abandoned in my life.
Therapy only works for women
@@smokingcrab2290been talking to an avoidant girl and never realised how anxious I can be. I used to be so secure and busy with my own life and now I am always anxious.
Girl you nailed it with the impulses. Truly it’s embarrassing to allow someone that much control over your thoughts and emotions
From a guy's perspective:
If the girl vocalises to me which impulses drove her to act in the "crazy" way, 95% of the "I can't live with this person" feeling in me is already gone. Her recognising it as a "crazy"/ dysfunctional pattern is essential in this communication.
Once she is aware of her patterns + communicates them in self-awareness, I can & do adjust to help soothe the compulsory activation, by talking it out with her.
The goal is not to wrap ourselves in bubble-wrap, "never leave house" & never trigger - the goal is to help hold space for each other's "emotional baggage processing processes". To hold space for that process, and to do it as much in partnership as our triggered-status/ communication-ability allows. Over time.
These things take time, space, and a lot of Love. ❤
We chose you because we want to engage/ we want to help/ we want a back-and-forth. ❤
We want to feel included in a partnership & trusted; not by the woman controlling our life (or vice versa), but by us being trusted with holding space for each other's activations/ triggers & actively assisting in helping each other overcome our activations/ triggers.
This signal shows she is invested into the relationship - that's major "green flags", in my opinion ❤
You know whats interesting about this i just realized? In the spiritual community, they really disguise these traits mixed with intensity as a twin flame relationship where there is a runner and a chaser. Do not fall for that bs like i did in the past 😂
💯💯
Real talk! 😂
Omg preach, i fell for that twin flame/ soul mate bull for years too.
What's a twin flame?
For real! I was also victim to that scam 😭
When the relationship started i was clearly am avoidant. But one year into that on and off situationship I became anxiously attached. Iike lowering my standards so much just to keep him in my life. It was crazy.
Finally got a taste of your own medicine
Be nice.
It's not any of our faults that our childhoods were chaotic.
Fearful avoidant, and yes, it's exhausting. Turned off by guys who give me too much attention and drawn to guys who don't want relationships. I have a need for real connection and intimacy but can't stand it when some guys try... I'm working on becoming secure, and am much better. Been on a break, but it's easy when i don't let anyone close enough. The next guy(s) will be the test...
The guys who give too much attention and the guys who don't want relationships are usually the same people. They shower you with attention when you don't want them. If you reciprocate any interest, they do a 180° and lose interest in you. When you pull back, they start chasing again.
Wow you just described me 😂😮💨. It is exhausting, cuz what is it exactly that we want lol?
Nah don’t “test” this on men. Don’t test your own personal development using other people’s time and feelings. Too many hurt people out here are breaking too many healthy people. Y’all cause other people to need therapy after you’re through dealing with them
@@shizz3907 when i say the next one will be the test, it's not a test on him but on myself and how i've changed. That's exactly why i've taken a break, so i can work on becoming secure and not lashing out. It's never about anyone eles but myself and how i deal with any given situation...
That's not an attachment style. You just need to grow up. I've known so many girls like you
I really like that you use 'activated' in this video instead of 'triggered.' It makes your meaning more clear than a lot of people talking about this subject matter.
1:33 gather knowledge
4:00 avoidant
15:12 anxious
22:02 healing
BOUNDARIES always. This is so key. Thanks for another great video.
You are so welcome!
I feel like I need to watch this video over and over.
Same. Legit almost made me cry, I can totally see myself in what she's describing and damn, I want to heal!
@@kassie5779 Im rooting for you my love ❤
Here’s what changed my life: choose a partner based on how the treat you, not how attracted you are to them EARLY on. Take your time. There’s a reason you feel so much so fast, and it’s because you’re TRIGGERED.
1. Self soothe
2. Setting boundaries (like a day by myself)
3. Voice ur needs (don’t be afraid to lose people if u set boundaries)
4 stop misplaced imagination (aka stop manifesting based on ur anxiety )
5. Have a set of protocols
6. DIC (Date, Investigate, Change) (first 50% u have to do it alone, other 50% u have to do it with someone else)
First 50%:
Stage 1 - unconscious insecure
Stage 2 - conscious insecure (the whys)
Other 50%:
Stage 3: gain conscious secure (go on dates and start monitoring what triggers, activate them, catch patterns and reframing)
Stage 4: unconscious secure
I feel like I’m dying , I’ve been doing so much work and it feels like it’s never enough.. This sucks 😂
Lmaooo I feel you !🤣
Omg same.. And I'm getting tired doing so much of work 😂... Please share more at least i will not feel like I'm the only one
same
Please please do a step by step guide to changing your attachment style
Love this! I had the same journey, attracted to emotionally unavailable men and not understanding why I wasn’t attracted to good men. Now I am attracted to secure, emotionally available men. It does get better everyone ❤
Vickita it sound like you were a Fearful Avoidant (aka Disorganized Attachment), which is a combination of Anxious Preoccupied and Dismissive Avoidant. I am FA as well ❤
Yeah defo!! I just wanted to keep it organized haha but yes, it was FA. I hope you’re healing ❤️
The way I related to everything you said is crazzzzy 😭🙏 I needed this information like yesterday! Immediate follow💗
Vickita- I have always "heard" these types of videos but today I actually listened for the first time. Burst into tears multiple times when you were describing anxious attachment. Asked God for help and I know that this video was it. Thank you for what you do. ❤
Go check out Dr Adam Smith the attachment specialist
Wishing you the best. I started watching videos on attachment a couple months back in an effort to understand a dismissive avoidant man. In the process I learned that I'm a fearful avoidant! What a journey 😂 It made my whole previous relationship make so much sense. I periodically agonized over things for the 17 years we were together. He died last September and even just a short while before his death I was wondering what the hell is wrong with me and why can't I be happy. Knowledge is power... So is awareness. We got this!
P.S. You are absolutely gorgeous!
Yooooo I have been living in activation!!! 😱😱 And it is exhausting ! thank you for breaking it down like this ❤️. I recently started therapy to work out some deep seated issues that I think also contribute to this. I just found your channel recently & I really resonate with your content , the way you deliver and present it , and your own personal journey is very inspiring and motivating 🙌 I’m gonna check out The Feminine Protocols right now ❤️❤️ I need tools to help me climb out of this weird headspace I’m in . Thank you so much Vickita!!! 😘
I'm so grateful a woman is talking about this. I only found out about this through another podcast that is mostly targeted for men but they had a psychologic and he explained the attachment styles. Thank you for sharing this. Many women will find it insightful❤❤❤. It's truly a self destructive pattern and nobody talks about this kind of stuff because most probably they never heard of it 😢
Im aware of my attachment style(s)….however this video helped me so much on navigating through them moving foward . Thank you!!! ♥️😌
I am FA as well. Therapy helped me, also opening up with safe friends and learning to show myself as I am, which is scary. My current partner is secure and it really helped me center myself as I was aware of my patterns (29 long years). It can get better but it will take some time - even years, so be patient. Triggers can still exsist, you are just dealing better with it.
Currently Fearful Avoidant, but I've come a long way. Still working on it and I appreciate your video. In my experience as a Fearful Avoidant, I place a high value on my independence, more than others, I've observed. I want connection, but I get frustrated when I feel like I'm being held back from what I want to do. The avoidance kicks in and I start distancing myself. If they give chase, I'm deep in my avoidance. If they don't or they even pull back, I switch to an anxious attachment. I'm the cause of a lot of push and pull unfortunately.
I'm also both. I classify myself as being fearful of men.
I don't want the burden, the discomfort of vulnerability of liking or loving someone because in my head they already said no, they already rejected me.
Now that's not true, but that is how I feel.
Then on the flip I'm such a cling on, but that really embarrasses, I feel genuine pure humiliation of wanting to be desired or have attention.
But if the guy who "rejected me" (w/e) anyways turns out, he likes me, now he's not at all someone I like, he's so wrong for me.
This leads me to not date anyone.
So I like a guy, I have concluded I am of no interest, I feel rejected, that makes embarrassed because I don't feel comfortable wanting to be liked, wanting attention, wanting this persons affection, so you know like I don't need that and they were not what I wanted anyways 🙄.
Sometimes I just want to tell myself to shut up, so annoying.
Like wooow you're so independent, liar.
You mean you dont like them after it turns out they like you?
Omg dear I have the same issue.. maybe we can help each other❤😮 I came far in my journey but still dating feels odd. I need to have instant connection (not through app) to start dating😅
@@marieluvie yess & I may switch from liking to using my rationality & back off, it's like mind vs heart battle
You sound crazy.
@@smokingcrab2290 I am crazy.
Almost didn't click because the title comes across a little shallow but so glad I clicked because it is genuinely so informative!! Thank you so much for sharing your perspective! I feel so seen as someone who has both avoidant and anxious tendencies
I’m a securely attached guy. the part I resonated with most here is when she said she snipped people off and removed herself from dating entirely until she dealt with this. Please please please do this. I’ve been securely attached my entire life and met a few avoidant/anxiously attached women in my life and needed therapy just to stay securely attached. Please take responsibility and stop hurting other people until you figure out your own ish.
I'm a guy. This comment rubs me the wrong way. Just being honest, no ill will. ❤
@@elektrotehnik94I get why you said that but he has a good point. Unhealthy attachment styles make people do unhealthy things. When you do unhealthy things, it negatively affects the people who care about you. Refusing to acknowledge that puts a disproportionate burden on the other party to do a ton of emotional work to keep the relationship in equilibrium
I always thought I was anxiously attached until I dated people who were honest about their intentions. Turns out, I was actually just dating manipulative people without good intentions. At the same time, the fact that I go for neglectful, transactional minded people (because it's familiar), does make me wonder where I sit on the spectrum.
Ahhhh your earrings are sooooo prettyyyyy!!!! Also amazing video as usual❤ I used to think I had anxious attachment but after watching your video I have realised it's disorganised and a mix of both. So very much like what you had and it's exhausting for sure!!
thank you so much!!! Sending you love
Omg story of my life! I was anxious avoidant but I transitioned into secure by my late 20's coz I wanted to be better for myself after I learnt you get what you are not what you want. Tysm! Love ya! 💖
Oh wow! Thanks for sharing your journey ❤️
Love this vid! Much needed 💕
I needed this to open up my eyes
This has been so helpful, thank you ❤ I'm very happy that I seem to be further along in my healing journey than I give myself credit for.
Love the solutions you shared at the end!
As a man, I agree with you and have been put through it. It definitely sucks! Thanks for getting this message out.
This is one of the best videos I’ve seen on this topic. My attachment style is the exactly the same as yours. I’ve been nothing but cold to amazing and patient guys and my heart gets broken by nothing situationships. My tendency is isolation but I look forward to an active dating stage (my avoidant side usually hates dating lol)
You are so well spoken and open minded. Very inspiring and informational!!
Thank you so much!
Love this! Have put it in practice and it works.
This was an incredible video. Thank you so so much. Wow I am just so delighted your content exists.
This is so motivating. I keep feeling triggered and notice it immediately. I just have a hard time reframing and self soothing as I start to get upset bc I’m not making progress.
You’re trying tho! Progress will show overtime as long as you keep trying even a little ♡
I have the exact same atchment style plus I feel like if everything is going too smooth even for the short time I need to create some chaos.
I never knew anything about attachment styles or that I had both avoidant and anxious attachment styles until now, when u were explaining all the traits I was like "wait a sec, isn't that me?" , I figured out my anxious style is dominating my actions more than my avoidant one. atleast now I know what's wrong with me, I'm so grateful u made this vd, I used to think I have mental problems 😂😅
Anxious avoidant here too and yes it’s a nightmare, you described it so well. It’s really just kept me from dating practically at all to be honest because it’s not worth all the stress and chaos…
I think you completely described me when talking about avoidant attachment and now I’m going to work through it!
I actually have both..and it's like living in hell literally....but I'm working on myself
straight up! rooting for you
Okay, attachment styles aren't new to me, I've watched plenty from people who understood it very well but this one is what I think is the last one I needed to put everything into perspective and finally let go of being the old you Vickita. You put this soo nicely I wanted to cry throughout the whole thing, thank you!!
I thought I was doomed to continue having relationships that I end up sabotaging for the rest of my life. I also felt very alone in thinking I was one of the few who felt this combination of avoidant / anxious type. Thank you for talking about this and giving such practical steps to break the cycle.
Wow! Thank you so much for this video. I was able to understand myself better. Thank you for giving us hope and tools to heal. God bless you! 🙏🏻
I LOVE your videos! I also have an anxious/ avoidant attachment style and reeeeally see my triggers, patterns etc. while dating. Still it’s so hard to break them and self soothe… However I gonna keep working on it 💪🏼 Greetings from Germany! ❤
Girl.. this is so lovely to hear. Also a fearful avoidant so I deeply understand the cluster fuck 😂 great to see someone moving through it, this has inspired me to start dating again 😊
Amazing! Thank you so much.
You explained everything so well!!!
Girl… I’m a recovered fearful/anxious avoidant and the way you articulated this feeling is so in line with my experience. Once you begin to heal you really notice how much of a disservice it is closing yourself off from love and closeness , as well as the people who want to be close to you or love you. Leaned in to a bad relationship and ended up getting hurt but in a way it completely set me free. I was like wait , I’m still okay though? And if I put my trust into people that are kind and good and really love me I can have beautiful intimacy!? Let’s do it. Ahahah. Currently dating a man who was so intentional in loving and caring for me from the start, I let him in and allowed myself to accept a peaceful love I really deserve. My nervous system is loving it.
Great advice!
I’d known about attachment theory for a while but I like your practical advice at the end. I have not heard anything like that before, but it makes sense.
This was just such a profound video. Thank you. I feel so seen yet completely called out. 😀I have some work to do. Thank you again
Hi vickita your videos are always so helpful!! Love u lots💗💗
Yes !!!! Wonderful!!!!!!l Good message!!!!! xooxox Thank-you Queen!!!!
This is what I needed rn ❤
Vickita, thank you so much for your amazing videos! I have been watching so many over the last year and I really appreciate you so much. You’re sweet, funny, real, raw, smart, refined, transforming and transformative, ah thank you so much for teaching me about femininity, feminine strength, confidence, love, autonomy, healing, and vitality. I appreciate you so much. I don’t have much feminine connection or influence throughout my life so you are soooo amazing in my life!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
reading this made my day! 🥺Im so happy to have you in my universe
I have mixed attachment styles now, but mainly anxious. I find with the anxious attachment it’s more about addiction to attention and validation. If I like someone, I just want open communication and to talk often.
Same!!! And even if they are genuinely nice, they just might not wanna talk to you all the time (which actually happens a lot) and then you end up feeling like they are just not that into you and they are ignoring you. It sucks real bad
I agree. Growing up in a strict African family, as a child you always have to listen to the adults, respect them, not talk back, etc. So for me it is easier to fall into that and detach at the same time but deeply I resent it so much and I keep doing it. Now, I am doing things I enjoy more and putting myself out there in terms of building connections with people in group outings.
As a guy with anxious-avoidant attachment (aka - disorganized), I can say this is all perfectly true. I have the same avoidant reaction when a girl shows genuine interest in me, and the same anxious reaction when I’m into a girl.
What you’re saying about addressing both of these is spot on and it’s what I’ve been working on. It takes conscious and intentional effort, and the ability to push back against your instincts. But the end result is worth it, and so much better than the chaotic alternative.
Thank you vickita for this❤
I'm seeing a girl right now who's attachment style(s) I've identified. I've sprinkled in some awareness for her but can only do so much "as a guy." Having this from an actually self-aware female perspective is helpful. Appreciate you putting this out there for other good (but currently crazy) women to see and understand about themselves what "us guys" see plain as day. We need more women like this speaking out about how to handle their feminine emotions in a more rational and healthy way. Us guys are frankly tired of not only dealing with, but also being blamed for the issues of some women that we have nothing to do with. Ladies, if you've got a good man and show the capacity and/or desire to grow and understand yourself better he'll ride with you. We want to make your life better for our being a part of it. If/when you don't there's nothing more a good, grounded, driven, and self-respecting man can do but take his cue to walk away. If you do you're a diamond in the rough. Do the work. Trust me. The good men you want in your lives will be waiting for you on the other side.
Pushing him away until he abandons me to satisfy my ego “see everyone leaves” really struck me. What protocol do you have to be willing to receive love and trust it’s merit?
That’s my attachment style and you described me to a T!! Anxious but will never stoop so low as to show it!
Thank you for summing up my dating patterns-I totally get what you mean by the ick and feeling grossed out when guys like me too much-
Wife and mom for the last 19 years here.
I can absolutely attest to what she's saying at 14:00
Parents (but mom's especially) feeling like they don't have enough time for themselves and "losing" themselves during parenthood.
Yes, this happens when boundaries aren't set. When you say Yes to too much.
It happens slowly, then suddenly years of self-abandonment have gone by.
The game changer for me was to KNOW my preferences and DEMAND them.
You never really HAVE to do anything.
So stop doing everything!
This video was full of gems!
Again thank you for your help ❤
No problem 😊
Reframing Triggers Phase I call it Positive Reinforcement Affirmations Where I affirm the best outcome for myself🥰🥳🧚🏾♀️🧚🏾♀️🧚🏾♀️🧚🏾♀️💕💜💅🏾🌈💃🏾🌷🍃🌺🍃 I'm just exiting a 5 year relationship. Not sure about dating😂😅. I was doing a lot of ppl pleasing for that guy. I had no boundaries or me time. So I am grateful for this me time and incorporating boundaries moving forward. Great video! Thank you! 🙏🏾💃🏾💅🏾🧚🏾♀️🎊🍹😄😁
I'm a heterosexual guy and i can verify that you nailed it with straight up clinical precision and stunning lucidity!!
The most common attachment style is actually secure, that’s like half the population
I was confusing detachment to avoidance. I easily get the ick when someone likes me. This videos opened up my eyes I’m gonna work on myself !!
Thank you so much!! ❤
You're welcome 😊
Really great video out of many I looked at. It went further and I learned more! I did the other parts without knowing and just gravitated to it like on my own, then trying and investigating, then on my own again etc. But like I need tools in the tool box to help if I get activated. So far I try to reframe things but it would be good to have examples of tools what you meant and in detail for some as a start. Vickita, do you have the tool box easily outlined in any of your online materials or could you do a video with some examples in detail as a start to see what you mean?
Yes! Having both is an actual nightmare .. it’s like being at war with yourself
Thanks for mentioning triggers- it sure would be great if we could rid our psyches of triggers but from what I've learned thus far, the real skills needed are, being aware that a trigger is happening- and that can be really hard at first! And, developing strategies for regulating those harsh emotions as soon as possible.
The more jagged edges you have, the harder it will be to get a good fit and achieve strong adhesion, and the more damage it will do to the other surface when you try and force it anyway.
Loved it ❤do you have same stage by stage description fair an avoidant type?
I was struggeling with the ancious attachment for too long. Constantly thinking about my partner and making myself miserable without a good reason. The solution to this was so stupidly easy. I just actively did things that made me happy instead of trying to see what he's doing. Just drawing, playing video games, starting projects, meeting friends, baking.. somehow I used to be in this slump in which I didn't even allow myself to have fun by myself.
Furthermore, physical beauty fades much earlier than any of us is ready for. Strive to be interesting and kind.
perfectly said ❤
❤ Great Video!
This is legit my life 😭😭
It’s getting harder and harder to find relationship girls not ruined by bad boys who turn them into situationship girls
Thank you 🙏❤ my situation is different, I'm currently healing from an auto immune disease and find it difficult to have enough confidence to be loved in spite of my disease. I feel unworthy but want to feel loved. HOWEVER, I don't want to be treated as a patient either... pfff😢
Everyone has both anxious and an avoidant side. Having both of them but to a much higher extreme, would make you an FA, or a Fearful avoidant. Sometimes also called having a disorganized attachment style. People with this attachment style usually come from a home with a lot of yelling, abuse, addiction in the family, alcoholism, SA, etc. So pretty severe childhood traumas. Its the hardest attachment style to healz i know cause Im a true FA, and have been trying to heal for years!
As a man, this is eye opening.
This video was spot on as an anxious attachment style person with abandonment issues. I would love more information on self soothing, and healing. How do you get the validation that you crave without going into old patterns?
girl, i feel SEEN. and that makes the avoidant part of me very uncomfortable. but also validated? I'm a mess.Thank you for this explanation of anxious-avoidant! It is what I've been looking for.
thing is, i never thought of anything bad, i never go into a relationship without trust, and i only thought of good things even iffff the things were going bad id say to myself like oh nth bad is happening, and then they started causing more and more problems that started affecting my health so i had to leave.
the text example is so me, i’ll wait and wait but won’t text twice so it eats me up not knowing 😭
Same I have the situation right now he doesn’t texted me for like one day but I try to be active like idc why would I someone that doesn’t has 5 minutes for me in a day?
Some men ultimately likes to be chased because it’s like showing to them that we are interested in them too, but the truth is that they’re in their feminine energy. The healthy masculine energy likes to chase because they’re secure and confident in themselves, they’re leaders, likes to protect, take care of the things, have initiative, takes action trustingly and doesn’t have too much fear enough to just sit and wait that everything’s comes to them.
Hilarious how a theory developed to understand the relationship between caregiver and child can be so readily re-applied to assist modern women realise how socially disabled they've become.
I need to learn this cause once I’m interested and I know you’re interested I become “attached”, however I’m not afraid to walk away when I feel you’re not being consistent. This is why I need assurance often, and I give constant assurance.
Love it 💓
Avoidants leave a wake of broken hearts.
The anxious can be people-pleasers, while the actions of avoidants will show no concern or awareness of the internal well-being of others.
loving indian women giving lifestyle advice it's something we can relate to now❤