My biggest pet peeve of this video is you can see my little mic 😤😅 I would've cropped it out but I really wanted the 'You Matter' logo to show. Gotta rep da set. 🦋 Also, do I have any sex or sex-adjacent workers who watch me? If so, and this video resonated with you, DM me on IG. 💖
IG is bugging rn.. I’ll DM you later once Zuckerberg gets his app together but I did want to comment and and let you know we do watch you and I personally appreciate the nuance and different perspectives that you addressed. I’ve watched every last one of your videos and I’m always excited to see when you post!
Female electrical engineer here. Was told by a male coworker, who is a technician, the only reason why I got my job was sleeping around to get it. Other than my boss, I’m the only one on my team with an actual electrical engineering degree and one from a top 25 school. It’s insane how fragile the males’ ego is. There’s no way I could be smart and a hard worker, it must be what’s between my legs. To add insult to injury, I’m the least paid. Yeah……
Ask for a raise. Your boss will NEVER come to YOU and OFFER a raise. If you don't ask, they'll keep happily getting cheap labor from you. And don't be all "May I please?" and quiet and soft about it, be confident in your self worth. Say what your worth, tell them that (if you ARE working equally as, if not, MORE hard than your other co-workers) you KNOW you are working hard and that you DESERVE that raise and that they can't FOOL you into thinking otherwise. Obviously don't be as blunt, you'll get fired, but don't shy down. Tell them that you KNOW your worth, you KNOW the numbers, that you KNOW you are doing equal work and that a raise is due.
Proof again!! Our life experiences ARE PROOFS and yet all these guys will deny it EVERY SINGLE TIME!!! So F madening! Just because of all their endless insecurities! A lot of skilled and smart women are ignored
@@skywalker6648 If the Kardashians had the same face, yes they would be popular. Kim and kendall have pretty faces. I think Kim is mostly famous for her facial beauty, and traditional caucasian features. Because her fake butt, was always ridiculous and unattractive.
its funny cause I have never seen Khloe Kardashian be called Tristans baby momma, but the woman he first had a child with named Jordy is always called that
@@reinelena9915 caucasian doesnt equal white. i agree with ur comment, but i genuinely have no idea why so many people equate caucasian with white. are u guys still learning white history?
I completely agree. We can agree to disagree and I have zero problem with that. As long as someone isn’t trying to aggressively change my mind, I am cool with open conversation and respectful disagreement.
Ive noticed how certain women are ridiculed and treated horribly for being sexually liberated while other women are being praised for it especially when the women are a certain body type, weight, gender and skin color. Also. I LOVE Khadija Mbowe’s channel as well. I followed you both around the same time lol
That part! Like let’s really discuss who gains under this system, and if a system built around sexuality can truly benefit anyone, positively, outside of the exploitation of another. I don’t know if I’ll ever be comfortable with utilizing something so innate to life for capitol gain. I respect sex workers, because shiii I don’t like CSR work, but a job is a job. However, what is truly up for exchange here, and can society equitably thrive off of one’s desire for intimacy?
*Men are the easy ones, if I can be blunt, a woman doesn't even have to "woo" them, just be alive & willing. The fact that women who send nudes are shamed & not the weak men who broke their privacy, tells me all I need to know about how the world "works".*
@Diana Troy I reckon that it’s deeper, right? Like this has been happening since the world shifted to men viewing women as objects made to fulfill a purpose of their design (mostly thank the Christian revolution for this). Now women and men, equally, perpetuate patriarchy because it’s the society we live in. How could we, as women, stop subscribing to the patriarchy? Do we stop listening to women who used their sexuality to access spaces they otherwise would have no claim to? One could argue it’s so ingrained in our culture that we can’t even separate ourselves from it.
The way I read this as literally just . sleeping and being lazy and letting life take you to the top certainly tells you all you need to know about my sleep deprivation rn
Men are so afraid of being used that that they see it even in the victims of their own manipulation and abuse. And some women chose to believe the men's story because it's easier to be mad at someone who has barely an impact on you than to actually aim at your abuser, it's litterally the same as in abusive families when the scapegoat tries to confront his abusive parent and the others all get mad at him for getting the abuser in a bad mood instead of just going along with the toxic dynamics.
Everyone is afraid of being used and manipulated, hence they take the last drastic action to protect themselves from the people that pose the most danger to them. There is a difference in the way men and women are conditioned to percieve sex and sexuality by society. Maybe start there.
Men are afraid of themselves. They’re afraid they’ll see their reflection in a woman. And their biggest fear of all is to be treated the way they treat other people that they’ve been told are / should be, beneath them. They know they’re not deserving of much grace, kindness, and forgiveness from people. And they fear that they’ll be ambushed by meeting someone just like them, and have to reconcile with their own behavior. Repent for their sins. But mostly, self-reflect and sit in their wrongness. THATS what they avoid at all cost. They’re afraid and disgusted with themselves. They afraid to see themselves in people who can hurt them. It has nothing to do with any of us.
I’m just starting the video and I think you’ll touch on this, but… folks always talk about women “sleeping their way to the top” but not about the men who have control over opportunities extorting sex from women if the women want to get anywhere
I feel like some women adopt certain personas so that they are not perceived as being someone who slept their way to the top....and then are criticized for being shrewish and cold.
It's funny JLo was just saying in some video that she still feels like an outsider in Hollywood and not fully accepted. But that's probably because some still perceive her having slept her way to the top (ex. tommy motola, Pdiddy to name a few) and not really talented enough to be where she is. That said, I do think she is obviously a smart businesswoman but I don't think she'll ever be considered a role model template for becoming a self made success story by most woman.
Sleeping your way to the top is really just borrowing someone else’s power/prestige. Once they decide they don’t want you, you lose your power/prestige because the only reason why you gained upward mobility is because they welcomed you into THEIR circle. So unless you can manage to establish your OWN “high up” circle, your “power/prestige” is always contingent upon the person who gave it to you in the first place
Well I mean your example falls short with women like Kim Kardashian, Kim Kardashian slept with Ray J, that’s how we know her,to be famous yet she’s wave richer and weighs more successful than the man she slept with.
Very true, but this happens regardless of sex or gender. What you're describing is the fact that we all have a glass ceiling and it doesn't matter how gifted talented or how hard we work, it's our connections to the right people whom will give us the opportunity success wealth and prosperity and high social status.
English isn't my first lenguage, i try to read and listen everyday to learn, and your videos help me a lot! More than the content of it which i always find fascinating but the way you explain makes it easier for me. Sometimes i have to rewind buuut first, you have a pretty voice and use words that i can fully comprehend even if theres one that i don't fully understand, if that makes sense. What i mean by this, even if the topic is way too extense and complicated you find a way to explain eloquently, i enjoy your videos a lot because you take aaall of my atenttion. Besos from México! It would be amazing to translate this in spanish cause these are the conversations that matter.
True from my perspective as well. Don't know how I, a Russian woman, stumbled onto your channel, but I utterly enjoy your content and delivery. It's educational to learn about other experiences and opinions.
LITERALLY. Hold our society accountable for letting environments go on where women see little other choices to succeed but to sleep to the top rather than the women.
Yet that is always how things work in groups. The people that formed it and built it into something have power over those that come along later. Like you put everybody below you on, somebody random that doesn't have much isn't that equal to you. That have to prove themselves, the problem with merit it takes time. Yet when there's horny, merit kinda takes a backseat.
@Blank Mane all I’m going to say to you is that the reason why the Europeans came to America was to capitalize off of Asians, but instead they stumbled onto a whole different continent and then proceeded to capitalize off of the Natives there. Then they stole and bought some Africans and enslaved then to capitalize off of north and South American land without losing money.
@Blank Mane capitalism thrives off of racism, just look at the world around you, societal hierarchies along with race and class are inherently intertwined; or how capitalism profits off of the suffering of minorities. in capitalism there's no winning, not unless your Born a way. capitalism is ingrained into our daily lives, it makes us make decisions DAILY. "should i save for rent or should i get myself a full meal". it IS the root of all evil, racism, consumerism, poverty, class hierarchy and societal structure are all based and ingrained into capitalism (specifically negative aspects of it). to say that its not is ignorance and denial of the system and how it functions.
Literally everything in this video is golden. Omg. The internalized misogyny, the judgement, how men are never blamed in this. I consider this video essential viewing, so good
I once had someone insinuate that I was sleeping my way up the ladder and into raises. In response I asked if he thought our boss was so trash that he would force me to do sexual acts in order to progress my career rather than looking at the merit of my work… fucking crickets and he got written up. Win-win. That’s the actual implication of “sleeping your way to the top”
Can we also talk about how being a "gold digger" is openly promoted AND critiqued in hip-hop? Like dudes really bragging about how many women wanna fuck without giving a shit about them, and then also be mad about it? Like honey.
@@siphomnisi3842 Actually, I must admit; it's true. The men in rap will brag about how women want them because they're so rich, as a way of flexing some twisted sort of "superiority" over other men; but then call women "gold diggers" for the same behavior the men flex about. It's weird. It's essentially like using the people who follow and like you to brag about how better you are than everyone, then calling your fans "sheep" for following you.
I love how you said that! "I am pro sex work the same way I am pro sales associate or pro firefighter." People love to turn everything into so much more.
"there is too much of a disparity between the scorn we have for women who sexually gratify their way to success and not enough scorn for the powerful men who reserve success for women who sexually gratify them". -Tee Noir Perfectly said!!
This reminds of how middle aged women love to say "We all were teens once" in the context of being young "fast" (regarding some sort of domestic situation, which then resulted in adulting "too early"). I only ever see this in the black community, and how normalized this is. Also, Idgaf who or what you are, no 16 year old girl or boy is sexually liberated. "Let teens be teens" but when she gets pregnant it's "where are her parents" - "if that was my child..." And so on. Like make up your damn minds... 😭😭😭
Periodt. The way I see it, children like to explore and should be taught autonomy over their own bodies. What children do is not sexual, that's relegated to adults. Adults are not allowed to allocate sexualisation or participate in children's exploration. It's still a child period.
And why is it only the girl who gets harassed. The boy is also literally the father and made the same decision as her, his decisions just isn't as obvious?
That's because when one is a whole super villain do our opinions really matter? We can be like @Dee S. and grilling them all day. Yet they so rich can they even "hear" you?
You can sleep your way to "top tier", but to be at the very top you have to seize power from whomever allowed you to get up there, and that shit happens veeeeery unfrequently and not without dire consequences (and up until now has never led to substantial systemic changes that would ensure "ambitious" women may completely avoid dealing with this whole sex and reproduction-related bargaining, clearly)
In a nutshell... DON'T HATE THE PLAYER, HATE THE GAME. But the game is always how can men benefit and not just them HELPING/PROMOTING women because they just want to see women shine.
The most annoying thing is that most mainstream conversations happening about female eroticism comes back to men and how they react to it or how defenseless they are to it. What a woman chooses to do with her body is completely up to her and that doesn’t say anything about her or other women it’s just a choice, that statement should not be so radical.
True, but I think it's okay to remind both men and women that they are living in a construct designed by someone else. True, you don't have to hit them over the head with it but it may result in them making better choices for themselves.
Having never tried it myself, I’m gonna say “no”, it’s probably not possible, but! If somebody pulled it off, that’s still a lotta hard work, if ya think about it. Looking forward to the video!
simply put if a white woman marries a man with money "she did good for herself and married well" but when a black woman does it.......? this video raises very good questions
@Amirah B I love when people say “everything is not about race” when talking about a society that had segregated water fountains based on race less than 100 years ago.
I find it important for women to know the power they hold and the options they have. Regardless of the choice you make, you must understand you are making a choice.
and that those choices set precedent for other women bc it is not a vacuum and women can actually do wrong and enable the patriarchy as much as ppl in these comments want to deny it.
@@qsm2978 of course they can, one of the worse ways is shitting on otgher women with the mysoginistic talking points. Also, one can argue they were already skrewed under a capatalist patriarchy, so my not make money when they can? More so if that is the only means she can make substantial amounts due to little access to higher education(depending on the women's circumstances of course). The other option being a minimum wage slave job.
Not completely. As someone in the industry I can say I’ve seen people be strategic about who they sleep with to get opportunities but sleeping around isn’t enough to be successful. I’ve seen people get thrown away after the conquest is over.
Is the real problem people who offer sex to reach higher levels of success, or the people at higher positions than them withholding power from others until they get something out of it?
@@destinyraex yup. 100% but I can say you can also get a lot out of sex appeal even if you’re never involved with someone in a high position, sometimes they just decide you’re attractive and want to be around you.
Of course its possible and in a way its the standard - marriage (sex) has long been a way for lower class women to rise in social status and benefit from inherited wealth. Theyd be noticed based off of youth and looks then marry some rich guy twice their age 🤷🏽♀️ Even the womans family would be invested in making sure she either maintained or increased in social/financial status during marriage- they used “dowry” as a gatekeeper to make sure only well off men could marry their daughters
@@skywalker6648 but by that time she can collect alimony or child support. She can also leverage all the connections she got while in the marriage. If she’s lucky he’ll die before he gets a new wife!
Nah we do need to protect "them" too. As a man who came of age in the "Superhead" era in Atlanta at a college with some enterprising BADDIES. I can attest to the fact that said lifestyle is incredibly difficult it's almost as hard to date a ballplayer "successfully" as it is to actually be a ball player.
We love to see our Woke Black Masculinity king making cross cameos! I do think unity would be a little bit easier if less of the hypergamy crowd casted value judgments on those who don't quite got it like that. This doesn't excuse the misogyny that hypergamy-minded women experience, but it'd be nice to see a feminism that makes room for both baddie wives and career wives.
I was raised to be independent and never be at the mercy of a man, married or not. So there was a fear of not achieving every step of success myself. But there was also a vilification of the women who were seen to rely on the sexuality or men to get ahead. Now as an adult, I still carry the fear of being completely dependent on someone else especially men but I don't care about the world seeing me as the good girl. I also don't make assumptions on other women's lifestyles and how hard or easy their lives because I really don't know what they're going through, we're all just women making our way in the world.
This is the adult persepective that more grown women need to have. We need to stop tearing each other down, and listen to each other's personal circumstances and lived experiences. We don't all have the same set of choices in front of us.
Yeah, I have too have been instilled with that fear, not necessarily because I was raised that way, but I guess I've always noticed the misogynistic trauma found in heterosexual relationships and wanted no parts. I think my "vilification" was more victim blamey, because I was mad that women would "put themselves" in these position, and not protecting themselves from that trauma but instead running towards it. Nowadays I recognize its not women's fault that they have to make that compromise, and many simply don't have a choice.
Why do people assume women have an expiration date? I worked at a retirement home and those retired women were still using their looks to get the bag. Mr. Huntington is 74 and a retired biologist his wife recently died. Miss Mia is 65 but look 45 just moved in. Mr. Huntington has his eyes set on her. Not the 21 year old nurse’s assistant.
I like how you pointed out that two things can be true at the same time. I was recently following Chloe Bailey's Have Mercy video. I was intrigued by how she included Men and sexualized them to point out the way that women are sexualized or viewed as props in hip hop and rap videos. I was also intrigued by how she reclaimed her sexuality and felt comfortable in her skin. I think it should be pointed out more that this rebellion lead feminism closely resembles the male gaze and as much as women like her get away from it, it will always exist alongside reclaiming their sexuality. Artists like Cardi B, Megan Thee Stallion, and Nicki Minaj are all very talented but, the fact is that the sexuality they are portraying in the videos is quite linked to the make gaze and is a contribution to their success. It doesn't diminish the reclaiming aspect, but to dismiss that the idea that the male gaze often aligns with this rebellious feminism is leaving out a lot of nuance I think this strong stance on rebellion lead feminism diminishes or dismisses women who like to be modest. Early feminists did consider certain societies where the hijab or modest clothing is dominant as the result of brainwashing of women in a patriarchal society. However what these early feminists fail to realize was the cultural context that these societies exist in. Yes there may be women who feel pressured by society and their families to cover up, but a lot of these clothes are tied to their ethnic or cultural backgrounds. Many women take pride in these clothes. The modesty is also a sign that women do not need to dress up to the male gaze and can be judged by their character and not their appearance. Feminists have stop questioning the relevance of the hijab but rebellion feminism continues to be the dominant form in art. I think criticism of popular culture should always be encouraged. Some people feel that people who criticize these artists will be viewed as sexist or misogynist and many people might be afraid to do so. However you need the right language to criticize these artists and Tee Noir, you have done an excellent job at addressing this issue in rebellion lead feminism! I think more people should approach political, social, and economic issues with more nuance as you have.
I think you can but the top is like the top of a slide. Then once the power players aren't attracted to you anymore you get easily pushed back down. I don't even hate the concept necessarily it just seems like a bad long term plan.
But to her point in the video. More women are making that success way more sustainable. For example, Kim Kardashian is a billionaire and Kimora Lee Simmons is worth a quarter of a billion. Meghan Markle just garnered $75 million dollar netflix deal for nothing but marrying Prince Harry. The list goes on. Now say what you will. But none of these particular women had any of this before they made a nude tape, had babies with rappers as mentioned in the video, or married a wealthy or powerful men is all I'm saying.
I love how supportive the social commentary channel are of each other! I discover Khadija because of Tee Noir referencing her in a video, and then I discovered other social commentary channels through Khadija
I would love to see a full video on that chapter you mentioned was too radical. Its definitely something that needs to be discussed because i think we as feminists sometimes forget that ending the patriarchy and ending violence against women and non men in general doesn’t just stop with people who think like us and agree with us. The Candice O!ens of the world need to be protected just as much as the Amber Roses
I think that empathy as a core value is necessary when examining through things with a feminist lens. I don’t have to love you or like you. I don’t have to agree with your ideology. However, I can empathize. Candace Owens is a dark skinned Black women. Even with her shucking and jiving she has experienced a very specific type of oppression. I empathize with that. Her life is not ever going to be easy and her views are a direct response to oppression. I also understand trying to exploit a system that is always exploiting us (despite any gains being minimal and in turn we’re still exploited). It is uncomfortable to think about, especially were talking about someone like her with violent rhetoric. Like you said the goal is about dismantling the patriarchy. The frustration comes from her not realizing she’s in the position she’s in because of feminism.
@@EmilyHernandez-jt4cs oh be quite. Baby all you have to do is believe you're the ish and others will follow. Remember; that humans are followers at heart, masquerading as "leaders". Believe and start seducing any and everyone! (That is if you want to)
It’s so interesting how royalty was never shamed for having children just for self preservation. When we see it in modern times (Black women or unmarried parents) all of a sudden it’s low class? The highest classes have always done it. I’m not saying it is morally correct by any means but it is FAR from a new concept.
@@iguessitsokyungrichbaby2813 Royal bloodlines were preserved in order to ensure a future lineage of hyper nepotistic tyrants. It's a similar story for the earliest clans formed in the west. Maybe preserving bloodlines should be seen like the other toxic remnants of the colonial world.
“forfeiting intelligence and settling for indecency” WOW. so much complexity in those words. also, WHERE do you get your nose jewellery from?? it’s always stunning!!
Girl I loved your video! But I need to say your brows looks amazing. And you're gawjus!!!! Showing love from South Africa 🇿🇦🌍💕 You stay gawjus and dropping gems on us! 💎 ✨ 🙌🏽
@@christopherbrown5409 a lot, lol. They all live in those huge houses together, they get brand deals etc- the only reason they're famous is because they fit socoety's standards of "pretty". Most of them don't even have a personality lmao. The two tiktok predxtor brothers are still here, having fans, because they're pretty.
This video is a master piece: I hope everyone takes some time out their day to watch it perspectives are the inter living space of a person.The base of who they are what they think and do and many’s perspectives are fixed , cruel , and or only benefit themselves or their gender.Change your perspective change your life anyone can truly be anyone.
I'm glad you dived into that chapter of Joan Morgan's book bc even though I enjoyed it, I was critical of some of the things that was said. It was interesting bc in tht chapter she was also talking about how the "chicken heads" won't be the "women" these guys marry and it made me think about how marriage may not be what every woman wants anyway, if tht makes sense. Great vid !!
Especially not marriage to a man, who has the power and opportunity to cheat, while his wife takes care of him, his children and home. Sounds like exploitative and unrewarding labour to me.
Yeah! I also nearly mentioned that some men actually do fall in love/want to marry these women & we shouldn't console ourselves with the idea that they're always faking it just bc we don't like how the union came to be
The Church of the Algorithm gives this video its blessing, and must it stay clear of the blasphemers from The First Algorithmic Temple (and the many people impersonating their members).
you are the definition of queer excellence!! such a good video, i love how you mentioned that multiple things can be true, many people forget that. love your shit, always so well thought out. sending love
Coming from a woman who worked in corporate America and even as a prison guard; Even if a man is disrespectful and unprofessional enough to peruse you in the work field, it’s up to you to stoop low and disrespect yourself and “sleep yourself to the top”. Your work ethics will eventually show and the ship will eventually sink when you fvck for a position. It never fails.
I'm still trying to get over my "baby mama bias." I don't have any tangible reason to think less of someone, particularly a steady and loving couple, for having a kid without some dumb document, other than that it was drilled in my head so hard as a kid that I used to think it was physically impossible to have kids before marriage. As long as the kid is loved and cared for, that's all we can ask
I’m pretty every time I watch you that I watch I feel even more educated in any topic you speak of. So thank you for uploading and doing your research and also you look so beautiful
Liked the commentary....and the 360 degree respect you showed to both sides of this "womanhood" culture that makes little black girls choose how much demonization they must endure in order to be loved, cared for and wait to be given the speck of respect.....before they die. Pure Exhaustion!
I always watch til the end and I so appreciate the work and videos you do. Always amazing and always opening my mind to new perspectives of feminism. Especially that part about still protecting the women who don’t subscribe to feminism at all👀 I gotta read that book
@@TeeNoir ofc! And I love to hear it too. Cuz of you I was introduced to Khadijah Mbowe and i just love how you both just make great content and bring new perspectives to the convo. Much love🤍
There's something so perfect about your analysis of this concept of sleeping your way to the top and the discourse revolving around men's "strategic incompetence." I wish I could more accurately put my finger on it. Lovely video. Very real talk.
As a man, when you said as a man, they JUST...CANT....CONTROL THEMSEEELVES. And then the music hit. I felt that. Cause i can control myself and ive heard the idea that men cant help it, but i think its kind of self evident that men can, cause women still walk the streets alongside men all the time and theyre not constantly in danger of every man they see, and this includes their fathers and brothers. To really buy into it as a man is INSANELY weak, and even though it shoots all men in the foot, if they AGREE with that hateful rhetoric, they GET to be whatever they are and feel no shame. The world told them as much by even starting this idea its so disrespectful to men. Not you, your point hits like bagged rocks and i need more of it you gorgeous fuckin queen, give me more to consuuuuuume! But in your free time of course, great video.
@@TeeNoir No problem i discuss your videos with my ex wife even this morning she just left after grabbing us coffee and she introduced me to you, i forgot your name before i searched, found you again, and told her about you like i was into something cool and new and she was like....i ..told you about her...lol Lovely lovely work i love what you have to say.
This is such a hard topic for me. I was raised to believe that you don’t engage in sex until marriage right. I was forbidden to interact with men in a certain way until maybe college. Then I got to college and not knowing what I was doing and how to interact with men, I essentially got used by them. I look back at those experiences and think it I knew how to leverage myself better, would the outcomes have also been better for me. I personally look to women who have capitalized on their beauty as smart. Like it’s an investment. I wasn’t allowed to so I felt so behind and unprepared for certain things. And now I feel like I don’t have the opportunity anymore since young women are favored and more desirable at least that’s what I’ve noticed and have heard. I really am for the sexual revolution of women and if they can use that to their advantage I see nothing wrong with that
The violin sound , I’m weak …your videos are so interesting to watch, informative , funny, and catchy…I can sit and watch them all the way through with no problem
When you realized something and went off script to talk about capitalism, I felt that. Also this was high reasoning, my brain was sizzling through the video! Thanks for the great work
Just finished watching this, and truly, this video is a gem! I love this topic of discussion because, as you said, it's paradoxical and difficult to build conclusions out of it. But this was clearly filmed with so much love and care, and I felt like I truly learned something. So thank you for posting, Tee 💗
complete sidenote, but the way your language is so beautifully professional while still being completely understandable for me as a non-native speaker, is truly amazing
Another great video from Tee! I appreciate the highlighting of Amber Rose’s work. I also remember being in high school and seeing all the vitriol she received for speaking on consent and women’s sexual rights. She been saying the truth for years, yet so many people disregarded the message because it came from HER. The way we internalize and actualize (?) respectability politics is wild.
You say "ALL THE WAY to the end..." as though I wouldn't watch a full doc featuring your insight and commentary, lol. Thank you as always for sharing your thoughtful and wonderfully challenging perspectives!
Girl this video was so well put together and so eloquently executed. And your voice is calming and mellow. And sounds a bit like Nicki. But this video was deep.
Thank you for leading me to the "When chickenheads come home to roost" book. I've just listened to half of it and it is has just been affirming me and so many of my experiences I've had growing up to the present time. If anyone hasn't seen, it's on audible- so read it or listen to it!
I've been bingeing your vids while I have a late night art-making sesh and I just have to say you are HILARIOUS 😂- your delivery/comedic relief is just spot on and I appreciate how you can have thoughtful discourse wi/o taking yourself toooo seriously
I feel like we distigmatized sex work, with out distigmatizing the workers, if that makes sense, look at the onlyfans situation or how if you are a know Sex Worker you can be subjected to prejudice while trying to get a job as companies don't want that type of work associated with them, this is why sex workers rights are important
I don't think either is destigmatized just yet, I feel left-leaning pop culture glamorizes a specific kind of sex work i.e., strippers who make thousands a night or OF workers who make 50k a month. But for the people still working the corners, call girls, etc...the stigma is still thriving. For both the work and the workers we still got a ways to go, unfortunately.
@@user-te2th2xk2w I know more girls and women that have been trafficked than woman who chose that line of work on their own but that side of that is never mentioned even though it ties closely into this topic
@@user-te2th2xk2w Even though sex work is not for me, I do know that it depends. It's like any other job honestly... you're always gonna get exploited because that's just capitalism. You really think a regular 9-5 job doesn't exploit you? Any industry isn't perfect, every industry has a dark side. Like... just look at Amazon workers. So what we shouldn't encourage people to have jobs? No. The solution is helping people in those industries have better quality of life and to not let employers to exploit them. Not to fucking delete the entire job itself. Anyways it's not gonna happen, sex work isn't new, it never went away no matter how hard governments tried. So instead of making it worse for them, make it better by enforcing laws to protect them. Not shame them.
@@tammyariel2982 uh I don't think sex work and human trafficking is the same;;;; and also how would you know women being trafficked? The whole point is that they are kidnapped, that literally doesn't make sense.
Thank you! I'm taking a psy class in women and gender studies. And THIS is helpful. Being a bipoc in a room filled with pww you always give me great insight!
THIS THIS THIS. I also wanted to add how people will talk about how women being sexual is what's wrong with society, as of we don't have other problems in the world. I'll never understand why female sexuality is so villianized.
@@kreekevol3739 yet any ounce of women's sexuality existing is seen as the literal work of the devil. And wow, gee, "male physicality" isn't villainized all that much in larger society in comparison. "Male physicality" is largely seen as a good thing, even when it tips into the toxic side to a certain amount via overprotectiveness. Men are allowed to have agency over themselves and even over women in the pretense of "protection" of said women. These two things aren't treated anywhere near the same. Nobody can even criticize the toxic behaviors that many men are taught, not even other men, without getting treated like a joke. Yet criticizing anything a woman does (even when it's not a toxic behavior) is the norm in our society. Even things as simple as a woman wearing or not wearing makeup, if she doesn't wear makeup then she gets labeled as a lazy slob and should care more about being feminine and if she does then she's basically catfishing men and super vain and fake and only wears it for sexual attention. 🙃
Exactly. The sexualization of women is not new. It has existed for millenia, in societies where women have NEVER held societal power. Women will always be sexualized unless we actively fight to end that stigma and not create conditions for their humanity. It is convenient way to disempower women and preserve male supremacy.
Ooh girl... I have such strong feelings on this. You don't know how many times I did my best at a job... but who got a promotion was the girl who flirted with the boss. How many times I almost got the best grade in a class presentation... Only behind the girl who would be way too close to the male teachers. (I'm not from America, in my country this goes down in schools and no one gives a f*ck) As a lesbian this makes me extremely frustrated. You don't know how many years I've spent trying to turn myself into a bisexual because I KNEW that as a very ambitious woman, the 'opportunity' of sleeping with a man to gain something would always come up to me. And it did, but I could never say yes to it. That infuriates me... I don't know if I hate the women who do this or kind of envy them a little bit for being capable of doing it.
Please don't hate the women, this is just the reality of life as a woman. Many of us do what we have to do. If anything you should hate men for being so shallow and controlling.
@@w.d.2154 You're right, it's definitely wrong to only blame the women. After watching the video and reading some comments, I'm seeing this from a broader perspective
@Diana Troy "If women stopped subscribing to it" there would be a helluva lot more rapes, abuse and regression in the "equality" we currently have. How about women would stop if we were actually on equal footing, not still getting paid less then men while paying more from clothes and hygiene products to getting cars fixed STILL. How about we hold men accountable for their behavior and this system they created...Like how a sex worker will get years if caught but ALL THOSE THAT SOLICITE THOS SERVICE GET OFF WITH BARELY A SLAP ON THE WRIST.
This video was so worth every minute, you are unequivocally one of the BEST voices on these topics. I find you so very personable and you have so many strong views that just inspire me! Your bit on sexual gratification and the comparison of “batting your lashes” and “sleeping” your way to the top sent me into another dimension. I am FULL😩❤️❤️
The whole concept of getting mad at women for actually sleeping your way to the top is so silly because it's not like she's holding a gun to her bosses or any other man's head making him sleep with her, he did it by choice. That's on him, and if he holds any power over her he's actually abusing his power. She's just using misogyny to her advantage which is my favorite thing to do. Ask not what misogyny can do to you and rather what it can do FOR you. If they're coercing their boss to sleep with them in order to get him fired, that's a different story, but still unless she deserves jail time he had a choice. If a woman gets to the top because men have no self control, girl boss. I don't have a criticism on that. Survival of the fittest
ALSO there aren't a bunch of stories about companies failing the second a woman gets to the top, so either this literally never actually happens, or when it does the women are qualified for the position, just had to use the power they had to get it because the system was not set up for them to end up in power
Nah As a Man and An Owner of many businesses, women try to trap me with a lot of sexual encounters and I refuse and they tease me that I am not a real man. This has happened to me so many times from my high school days. Women use sex when they feel that it is their biggest chance of moving up.
@@ellabiddy4741 Men create their companies, you can't come and take over another person,s company. Just create your own company if you think you are qualified.
@@ephraimakoto3657 why was sleeping with him to get an advancement an option though? Still missing the point. A lot of times, this is proposed to a women, not her initiating it. Also, one can argue then men get to create most of the busniess because of privledge..just saying
RUclips be playing with my emotions not sending me notifications but this came just in time, I just woke up from a nap and I’m about to eat lunch before I go pick up my daughter it’s lit 🔥
Two things: 1. The 1st time I remember someone articulating how even married women use sex as currency was in Paris Is Burning. So ON POINT and I've been a sex worker advocate ever since. 2. Everytime I hear someone say that Kamala Harris "slept her way" any damn where I put them in check IMMEDIATELY. I'm not a fan of our V.P. but that's something you NOT gon do. That woman is very intelligent. Society has normalized men expecting sex for their "favors" and I'm gonna start vocalizing that fact much more often.
Umm I Came all the way here from watching on my TV just to tell you that this video was amazing!!! I was legit taking fucking notes! You did that ! And as a 35 yo struggling to accept , decide , decipher and maneuver that contradictory binary of feminine sexually I loved every bit of the this.
dang, just found this channel this week, got me asking myself some hard, interesting and enlightening questions, plus just hearing and engaging more perspectives outside your own teaches so much, really good, powerful stuff, thanks
My biggest pet peeve of this video is you can see my little mic 😤😅 I would've cropped it out but I really wanted the 'You Matter' logo to show. Gotta rep da set. 🦋
Also, do I have any sex or sex-adjacent workers who watch me? If so, and this video resonated with you, DM me on IG. 💖
Yesss Tee, I want to get me a hoodie, too
Lol I didn’t notice it until I read this.
Hadn’t noticed it…
IG is bugging rn.. I’ll DM you later once Zuckerberg gets his app together but I did want to comment and and let you know we do watch you and I personally appreciate the nuance and different perspectives that you addressed. I’ve watched every last one of your videos and I’m always excited to see when you post!
seems like a choice if you didnt know. it works well in the frame i think
Female electrical engineer here. Was told by a male coworker, who is a technician, the only reason why I got my job was sleeping around to get it. Other than my boss, I’m the only one on my team with an actual electrical engineering degree and one from a top 25 school. It’s insane how fragile the males’ ego is. There’s no way I could be smart and a hard worker, it must be what’s between my legs. To add insult to injury, I’m the least paid. Yeah……
Ask for a raise. Your boss will NEVER come to YOU and OFFER a raise. If you don't ask, they'll keep happily getting cheap labor from you. And don't be all "May I please?" and quiet and soft about it, be confident in your self worth. Say what your worth, tell them that (if you ARE working equally as, if not, MORE hard than your other co-workers) you KNOW you are working hard and that you DESERVE that raise and that they can't FOOL you into thinking otherwise. Obviously don't be as blunt, you'll get fired, but don't shy down. Tell them that you KNOW your worth, you KNOW the numbers, that you KNOW you are doing equal work and that a raise is due.
Proof again!!
Our life experiences ARE PROOFS and yet all these guys will deny it EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!
So F madening!
Just because of all their endless insecurities!
A lot of skilled and smart women are ignored
😢
I need an update girl, did he get his ass beat and did you get a raise??? 😭
@@AlexLopez-hn5ru 🤣🤣
It's the way women like the Kardashians are mostly described as "had a child with..." in tabloids compared to mostly black women seen as "baby mamas"
Makes you wonder if the Kardashians were all deep complexioned Black Women would they be where they are. Probably not.
@@skywalker6648 hell noooo
@@skywalker6648 If the Kardashians had the same face, yes they would be popular. Kim and kendall have pretty faces. I think Kim is mostly famous for her facial beauty, and traditional caucasian features. Because her fake butt, was always ridiculous and unattractive.
its funny cause I have never seen Khloe Kardashian be called Tristans baby momma, but the woman he first had a child with named Jordy is always called that
@@reinelena9915 caucasian doesnt equal white. i agree with ur comment, but i genuinely have no idea why so many people equate caucasian with white. are u guys still learning white history?
The line that 'That is your business. I just want you to handle it over there' I felt that in my soul. Truly do what you want just away from me.
😂 truer words have never been spoken
I completely agree. We can agree to disagree and I have zero problem with that. As long as someone isn’t trying to aggressively change my mind, I am cool with open conversation and respectful disagreement.
As Jessie Reyes sings “keep that shit the fuck over there, please”
Actually, also, her song “Gatekeeper” speaks to this whole topic
Ikrrrrrr honestly please yes have your opinions but keep them to yourself if they’re not part of the discussion !!
Ive noticed how certain women are ridiculed and treated horribly for being sexually liberated while other women are being praised for it especially when the women are a certain body type, weight, gender and skin color.
Also. I LOVE Khadija Mbowe’s channel as well. I followed you both around the same time lol
@@nafitaffi remember, especially as child’s lots of dark skinned woman was always told we were too fast. 🙄
That part! Like let’s really discuss who gains under this system, and if a system built around sexuality can truly benefit anyone, positively, outside of the exploitation of another. I don’t know if I’ll ever be comfortable with utilizing something so innate to life for capitol gain. I respect sex workers, because shiii I don’t like CSR work, but a job is a job. However, what is truly up for exchange here, and can society equitably thrive off of one’s desire for intimacy?
I actually found Khadijah through one of Tee’s videos
Absolutely
@@EmilyHernandez-jt4cs what about Chloe Bailey
*Men are the easy ones, if I can be blunt, a woman doesn't even have to "woo" them, just be alive & willing. The fact that women who send nudes are shamed & not the weak men who broke their privacy, tells me all I need to know about how the world "works".*
💯it’s just male jealousy, they don’t believe women should make choices for or enjoy their own body.
You ain't never lie. When i realized how easy men were, i understood the patriarchy was absolute bullshit.
Take out the willing. Cause you know some men dgaf.
@Diana Troy I reckon that it’s deeper, right? Like this has been happening since the world shifted to men viewing women as objects made to fulfill a purpose of their design (mostly thank the Christian revolution for this). Now women and men, equally, perpetuate patriarchy because it’s the society we live in. How could we, as women, stop subscribing to the patriarchy? Do we stop listening to women who used their sexuality to access spaces they otherwise would have no claim to? One could argue it’s so ingrained in our culture that we can’t even separate ourselves from it.
A post on Tumblr said "Men celebrate leaked nudes yet shame women who post them voluntarily because it ruins their fantasy of sexual ownership"
The way I read this as literally just . sleeping and being lazy and letting life take you to the top certainly tells you all you need to know about my sleep deprivation rn
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
same LMAO i thought this was gonna be about millionaires just getting success handed to them
same 💀
Same😅
LOL
Men are so afraid of being used that that they see it even in the victims of their own manipulation and abuse. And some women chose to believe the men's story because it's easier to be mad at someone who has barely an impact on you than to actually aim at your abuser, it's litterally the same as in abusive families when the scapegoat tries to confront his abusive parent and the others all get mad at him for getting the abuser in a bad mood instead of just going along with the toxic dynamics.
Everyone is afraid of being used and manipulated, hence they take the last drastic action to protect themselves from the people that pose the most danger to them.
There is a difference in the way men and women are conditioned to percieve sex and sexuality by society. Maybe start there.
So true. It’s wild to think about.
Yeah, you can only hope that the target of an abuser can heal at some point not just from the abuse but the lack of support, too.
@@skywalker6648 It’s so sad how BOTH experiences are their own different kind of trauma. 😞
Men are afraid of themselves. They’re afraid they’ll see their reflection in a woman. And their biggest fear of all is to be treated the way they treat other people that they’ve been told are / should be, beneath them.
They know they’re not deserving of much grace, kindness, and forgiveness from people. And they fear that they’ll be ambushed by meeting someone just like them, and have to reconcile with their own behavior. Repent for their sins. But mostly, self-reflect and sit in their wrongness. THATS what they avoid at all cost. They’re afraid and disgusted with themselves. They afraid to see themselves in people who can hurt them. It has nothing to do with any of us.
I’m just starting the video and I think you’ll touch on this, but… folks always talk about women “sleeping their way to the top” but not about the men who have control over opportunities extorting sex from women if the women want to get anywhere
⬆️
Watch the whole video and you shall see, lol.
MESSAGE
as a guy and former redpiller i get that the men with in that community come off as very disrespectful
@@tobiaslawrence8928 they don't "come off" as disrespectful- they ARE disrespectful. Accepting someone's humanity is step one of respecting them.
I feel like some women adopt certain personas so that they are not perceived as being someone who slept their way to the top....and then are criticized for being shrewish and cold.
I believe so too Breegan💯
Yes this is true as well.
It's funny JLo was just saying in some video that she still feels like an outsider in Hollywood and not fully accepted. But that's probably because some still perceive her having slept her way to the top (ex. tommy motola, Pdiddy to name a few) and not really talented enough to be where she is. That said, I do think she is obviously a smart businesswoman but I don't think she'll ever be considered a role model template for becoming a self made success story by most woman.
@@skywalker6648 and that's very sad
@@lauramessy It's the cost of doing it that way.
"Girl-bossing a little bit too close to the sun" has just made it's way into my vocabulary, thank you.
As always, great video Tee! 💪🏾
got it from tiktok lol
@@TeeNoir yes! I love that tiktok sound
@@box0choco593 hey! a reminder that you're valid and iconic and beautiful. keep person-bossing a lil too close to the sun!
It's the Icarus Effect, don't burn yourself trying to fly
Sleeping your way to the top is really just borrowing someone else’s power/prestige. Once they decide they don’t want you, you lose your power/prestige because the only reason why you gained upward mobility is because they welcomed you into THEIR circle. So unless you can manage to establish your OWN “high up” circle, your “power/prestige” is always contingent upon the person who gave it to you in the first place
Well I mean your example falls short with women like Kim Kardashian, Kim Kardashian slept with Ray J, that’s how we know her,to be famous yet she’s wave richer and weighs more successful than the man she slept with.
This is the best summary I’ve seen props to you
Very true, but this happens regardless of sex or gender. What you're describing is the fact that we all have a glass ceiling and it doesn't matter how gifted talented or how hard we work, it's our connections to the right people whom will give us the opportunity success wealth and prosperity and high social status.
English isn't my first lenguage, i try to read and listen everyday to learn, and your videos help me a lot! More than the content of it which i always find fascinating but the way you explain makes it easier for me. Sometimes i have to rewind buuut first, you have a pretty voice and use words that i can fully comprehend even if theres one that i don't fully understand, if that makes sense. What i mean by this, even if the topic is way too extense and complicated you find a way to explain eloquently, i enjoy your videos a lot because you take aaall of my atenttion. Besos from México!
It would be amazing to translate this in spanish cause these are the conversations that matter.
Thank you so so much! I wish I knew more than one language; you are so cool for that
You’re so prettyyy
same here! Tee is amazing
True from my perspective as well. Don't know how I, a Russian woman, stumbled onto your channel, but I utterly enjoy your content and delivery. It's educational to learn about other experiences and opinions.
Girl I wish I was bilingual You go!!
The solution to "climbing the ladder" is not how it's done, it's dismantling the ladder. Hierarchy is the root of all of these problems
Absolutely [insert black flag here]!
LITERALLY. Hold our society accountable for letting environments go on where women see little other choices to succeed but to sleep to the top rather than the women.
Yet that is always how things work in groups. The people that formed it and built it into something have power over those that come along later. Like you put everybody below you on, somebody random that doesn't have much isn't that equal to you. That have to prove themselves, the problem with merit it takes time. Yet when there's horny, merit kinda takes a backseat.
@BLOOP 🎯 🎯 these conditions shouldn’t exist in the first place
Hierarchy is human nature unfortunately.
The color of the hoodie is very pleasing to eyes.
The realization about capitalism being the root of all evil is so accurate
So glad I didn't take that part out
@Blank Mane all I’m going to say to you is that the reason why the Europeans came to America was to capitalize off of Asians, but instead they stumbled onto a whole different continent and then proceeded to capitalize off of the Natives there. Then they stole and bought some Africans and enslaved then to capitalize off of north and South American land without losing money.
@@quidditch1991 Capitalism has always existed. Even before Europe or the Americas.
You mean money. "Money is the root of all evil."
@Blank Mane capitalism thrives off of racism, just look at the world around you, societal hierarchies along with race and class are inherently intertwined; or how capitalism profits off of the suffering of minorities. in capitalism there's no winning, not unless your Born a way. capitalism is ingrained into our daily lives, it makes us make decisions DAILY. "should i save for rent or should i get myself a full meal". it IS the root of all evil, racism, consumerism, poverty, class hierarchy and societal structure are all based and ingrained into capitalism (specifically negative aspects of it). to say that its not is ignorance and denial of the system and how it functions.
Literally everything in this video is golden. Omg. The internalized misogyny, the judgement, how men are never blamed in this. I consider this video essential viewing, so good
I once had someone insinuate that I was sleeping my way up the ladder and into raises. In response I asked if he thought our boss was so trash that he would force me to do sexual acts in order to progress my career rather than looking at the merit of my work… fucking crickets and he got written up. Win-win. That’s the actual implication of “sleeping your way to the top”
the sad part about that is you couldn't defend your honor without losing. You had to defend your bosses honor so that they can bite their tongue.
@@phenitagomes1292 It's crazy, I never really considered that that's the route I had to take rather than defend myself.
Men like this thinks other men are as trash as them
That is so genius!!! I’m going to adopt this too!!!!
Can we also talk about how being a "gold digger" is openly promoted AND critiqued in hip-hop? Like dudes really bragging about how many women wanna fuck without giving a shit about them, and then also be mad about it? Like honey.
😂😂endless hypocrisy
Not really
They could always say no
@@siphomnisi3842 Actually, I must admit; it's true. The men in rap will brag about how women want them because they're so rich, as a way of flexing some twisted sort of "superiority" over other men; but then call women "gold diggers" for the same behavior the men flex about. It's weird. It's essentially like using the people who follow and like you to brag about how better you are than everyone, then calling your fans "sheep" for following you.
@@siphomnisi3842lol most men can't say no to sex, they're too weak
I love how you said that! "I am pro sex work the same way I am pro sales associate or pro firefighter." People love to turn everything into so much more.
"there is too much of a disparity between the scorn we have for women who sexually gratify their way to success and not enough scorn for the powerful men who reserve success for women who sexually gratify them". -Tee Noir
Perfectly said!!
why not both though
This reminds of how middle aged women love to say "We all were teens once" in the context of being young "fast" (regarding some sort of domestic situation, which then resulted in adulting "too early"). I only ever see this in the black community, and how normalized this is. Also, Idgaf who or what you are, no 16 year old girl or boy is sexually liberated. "Let teens be teens" but when she gets pregnant it's "where are her parents" - "if that was my child..." And so on. Like make up your damn minds... 😭😭😭
Preach sis
PREACH! everything you said is factual
exactly. right is wrong and wrong is right
Periodt. The way I see it, children like to explore and should be taught autonomy over their own bodies. What children do is not sexual, that's relegated to adults. Adults are not allowed to allocate sexualisation or participate in children's exploration. It's still a child period.
And why is it only the girl who gets harassed. The boy is also literally the father and made the same decision as her, his decisions just isn't as obvious?
Elon Musk and Grimes had a whole baby outside of wedlock but that drew no controversy
People were only mad about the name 🤦♀️
I think about that sm also they are terrible parents but they aren't shit on in the media
fym i was cyberbullying that lex luthor wannabe and his xenon looking ass gf this whole time
@@qsm2978 not cyberbullying 😭
That's because when one is a whole super villain do our opinions really matter? We can be like @Dee S. and grilling them all day. Yet they so rich can they even "hear" you?
Never mind the fact he was home wrecking with Amber Heard
You can sleep your way to "top tier", but to be at the very top you have to seize power from whomever allowed you to get up there, and that shit happens veeeeery unfrequently and not without dire consequences (and up until now has never led to substantial systemic changes that would ensure "ambitious" women may completely avoid dealing with this whole sex and reproduction-related bargaining, clearly)
If napping was a way to get to the top...I would be sitting at the top of the world 😂
I’d be right there with you bestie 😂😂
LOL!!! Okay! Real talk.
In a nutshell...
DON'T HATE THE PLAYER, HATE THE GAME.
But the game is always how can men benefit and not just them HELPING/PROMOTING women because they just want to see women shine.
The most annoying thing is that most mainstream conversations happening about female eroticism comes back to men and how they react to it or how defenseless they are to it.
What a woman chooses to do with her body is completely up to her and that doesn’t say anything about her or other women it’s just a choice, that statement should not be so radical.
Doesn't change the fact that it's manipulation
True, but I think it's okay to remind both men and women that they are living in a construct designed by someone else. True, you don't have to hit them over the head with it but it may result in them making better choices for themselves.
@bangtan trash Women would love the patriarchy if all guys were hot.
@@MK_ULTRA420 *throws up in lesbian*
Its common sense. She gives up her ass for the top. Its not a puzzle.
Having never tried it myself, I’m gonna say “no”, it’s probably not possible, but! If somebody pulled it off, that’s still a lotta hard work, if ya think about it. Looking forward to the video!
@Lakacia Lloyd yes agree. I would say someone like blacc chyna is a better example of sleeping her way to the top. Or milania trump.
It would have to involve witchcraft
@@leftypaws1131 No Melania Trump is a mail order bride from Europe. But she was specifically groomed to serve her purpose.
Its hard work, I respect their work. But as role models....herer are better role models out there imo....
@@skywalker6648 to me that’s the same thing 🤷♀️
I love attending my "American Culture in the 21st Century by Tee Noir" lecture every month
“sex? have it. faces? sit on ‘em.”
my absolute favourite quote that i will live by from this day forth
simply put if a white woman marries a man with money "she did good for herself and married well" but when a black woman does it.......? this video raises very good questions
Who says this? Literally no one. Keep projecting.
Exactly!
@@Drake00000010 lots of people say it lol
Except in the case of Nicole Simpson with the whole OJ Simpson murder trial, lol. So not always.
@Amirah B I love when people say “everything is not about race” when talking about a society that had segregated water fountains based on race less than 100 years ago.
Wow this really made me think about assumptions and biases I have that I didn't really think about or evaluate. Thank you
I find it important for women to know the power they hold and the options they have.
Regardless of the choice you make, you must understand you are making a choice.
and that those choices set precedent for other women bc it is not a vacuum and women can actually do wrong and enable the patriarchy as much as ppl in these comments want to deny it.
@@qsm2978 of course they can, one of the worse ways is shitting on otgher women with the mysoginistic talking points. Also, one can argue they were already skrewed under a capatalist patriarchy, so my not make money when they can? More so if that is the only means she can make substantial amounts due to little access to higher education(depending on the women's circumstances of course). The other option being a minimum wage slave job.
Not completely. As someone in the industry I can say I’ve seen people be strategic about who they sleep with to get opportunities but sleeping around isn’t enough to be successful. I’ve seen people get thrown away after the conquest is over.
Is the real problem people who offer sex to reach higher levels of success, or the people at higher positions than them withholding power from others until they get something out of it?
@@destinyraex yup. 100% but I can say you can also get a lot out of sex appeal even if you’re never involved with someone in a high position, sometimes they just decide you’re attractive and want to be around you.
@@Richard-lh3te low-key sounds cute....
@Diana Troy hate to break this to you but sex uses your brain and is a talent
@@c0ttage Elevate your mind and stop being oppressive to others and really, yourself.
Of course its possible and in a way its the standard - marriage (sex) has long been a way for lower class women to rise in social status and benefit from inherited wealth. Theyd be noticed based off of youth and looks then marry some rich guy twice their age 🤷🏽♀️
Even the womans family would be invested in making sure she either maintained or increased in social/financial status during marriage- they used “dowry” as a gatekeeper to make sure only well off men could marry their daughters
Then, the rich guy eventually wants someone even younger and ditches her.
@@skywalker6648 but by that time she can collect alimony or child support. She can also leverage all the connections she got while in the marriage. If she’s lucky he’ll die before he gets a new wife!
@@mori2039 Hahaha, that hasn't happened yet. Just ask Nicole Murphy and others, men are becoming more and more clever when it comes to that, lol.
it acc used to be pretty men marrying into wealthy families
@@imoyabrax450 Care to share examples?
Nah we do need to protect "them" too.
As a man who came of age in the "Superhead" era in Atlanta at a college with some enterprising BADDIES. I can attest to the fact that said lifestyle is incredibly difficult it's almost as hard to date a ballplayer "successfully" as it is to actually be a ball player.
We love to see our Woke Black Masculinity king making cross cameos!
I do think unity would be a little bit easier if less of the hypergamy crowd casted value judgments on those who don't quite got it like that. This doesn't excuse the misogyny that hypergamy-minded women experience, but it'd be nice to see a feminism that makes room for both baddie wives and career wives.
I was raised to be independent and never be at the mercy of a man, married or not. So there was a fear of not achieving every step of success myself. But there was also a vilification of the women who were seen to rely on the sexuality or men to get ahead. Now as an adult, I still carry the fear of being completely dependent on someone else especially men but I don't care about the world seeing me as the good girl. I also don't make assumptions on other women's lifestyles and how hard or easy their lives because I really don't know what they're going through, we're all just women making our way in the world.
This is the adult persepective that more grown women need to have. We need to stop tearing each other down, and listen to each other's personal circumstances and lived experiences. We don't all have the same set of choices in front of us.
Yeah, I have too have been instilled with that fear, not necessarily because I was raised that way, but I guess I've always noticed the misogynistic trauma found in heterosexual relationships and wanted no parts. I think my "vilification" was more victim blamey, because I was mad that women would "put themselves" in these position, and not protecting themselves from that trauma but instead running towards it. Nowadays I recognize its not women's fault that they have to make that compromise, and many simply don't have a choice.
You're the best Tee! BEING SMART AND SEXY IS NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE
Why do people assume women have an expiration date? I worked at a retirement home and those retired women were still using their looks to get the bag. Mr. Huntington is 74 and a retired biologist his wife recently died. Miss Mia is 65 but look 45 just moved in. Mr. Huntington has his eyes set on her. Not the 21 year old nurse’s assistant.
That's so comforting lol
I like how you pointed out that two things can be true at the same time. I was recently following Chloe Bailey's Have Mercy video. I was intrigued by how she included Men and sexualized them to point out the way that women are sexualized or viewed as props in hip hop and rap videos. I was also intrigued by how she reclaimed her sexuality and felt comfortable in her skin. I think it should be pointed out more that this rebellion lead feminism closely resembles the male gaze and as much as women like her get away from it, it will always exist alongside reclaiming their sexuality. Artists like Cardi B, Megan Thee Stallion, and Nicki Minaj are all very talented but, the fact is that the sexuality they are portraying in the videos is quite linked to the make gaze and is a contribution to their success. It doesn't diminish the reclaiming aspect, but to dismiss that the idea that the male gaze often aligns with this rebellious feminism is leaving out a lot of nuance
I think this strong stance on rebellion lead feminism diminishes or dismisses women who like to be modest. Early feminists did consider certain societies where the hijab or modest clothing is dominant as the result of brainwashing of women in a patriarchal society. However what these early feminists fail to realize was the cultural context that these societies exist in. Yes there may be women who feel pressured by society and their families to cover up, but a lot of these clothes are tied to their ethnic or cultural backgrounds. Many women take pride in these clothes. The modesty is also a sign that women do not need to dress up to the male gaze and can be judged by their character and not their appearance. Feminists have stop questioning the relevance of the hijab but rebellion feminism continues to be the dominant form in art. I think criticism of popular culture should always be encouraged. Some people feel that people who criticize these artists will be viewed as sexist or misogynist and many people might be afraid to do so. However you need the right language to criticize these artists and Tee Noir, you have done an excellent job at addressing this issue in rebellion lead feminism! I think more people should approach political, social, and economic issues with more nuance as you have.
Props for the Khadija Mbowe shoutout. That's another super fav of mine.
You have the most calming, relaxing voice 😌
I think you can but the top is like the top of a slide. Then once the power players aren't attracted to you anymore you get easily pushed back down. I don't even hate the concept necessarily it just seems like a bad long term plan.
Excellent analogy!
Well tee addresses that part, these women are creating lasting platforms for when they're no longer useful for those in power
Karine Steffens for example!!
But to her point in the video. More women are making that success way more sustainable. For example, Kim Kardashian is a billionaire and Kimora Lee Simmons is worth a quarter of a billion. Meghan Markle just garnered $75 million dollar netflix deal for nothing but marrying Prince Harry. The list goes on. Now say what you will. But none of these particular women had any of this before they made a nude tape, had babies with rappers as mentioned in the video, or married a wealthy or powerful men is all I'm saying.
@@NamiiitheDon Lil kim would be another in terms of rappers in hip hop. But I guess neither one was smart enough at the time.
I love how supportive the social commentary channel are of each other! I discover Khadija because of Tee Noir referencing her in a video, and then I discovered other social commentary channels through Khadija
I would love to see a full video on that chapter you mentioned was too radical. Its definitely something that needs to be discussed because i think we as feminists sometimes forget that ending the patriarchy and ending violence against women and non men in general doesn’t just stop with people who think like us and agree with us. The Candice O!ens of the world need to be protected just as much as the Amber Roses
I think that empathy as a core value is necessary when examining through things with a feminist lens. I don’t have to love you or like you. I don’t have to agree with your ideology. However, I can empathize. Candace Owens is a dark skinned Black women. Even with her shucking and jiving she has experienced a very specific type of oppression. I empathize with that. Her life is not ever going to be easy and her views are a direct response to oppression. I also understand trying to exploit a system that is always exploiting us (despite any gains being minimal and in turn we’re still exploited). It is uncomfortable to think about, especially were talking about someone like her with violent rhetoric. Like you said the goal is about dismantling the patriarchy. The frustration comes from her not realizing she’s in the position she’s in because of feminism.
@@Bri-ns5rm I definitely agree
@@Bri-ns5rm I love this and wish I could like it twice
Hard truth
Sleep your way to the top? Yes but I think it's way more effective to seduce your way through life
I’m too ugly to seduce someone anyways 😅
@@EmilyHernandez-jt4cs no such thing baby
I think most people have an issue with it when it's manipulative or maliciously used.
@@EmilyHernandez-jt4cs oh be quite. Baby all you have to do is believe you're the ish and others will follow. Remember; that humans are followers at heart, masquerading as "leaders". Believe and start seducing any and everyone! (That is if you want to)
@@gelililili8852 😭 Ty
It’s so interesting how royalty was never shamed for having children just for self preservation. When we see it in modern times (Black women or unmarried parents) all of a sudden it’s low class? The highest classes have always done it. I’m not saying it is morally correct by any means but it is FAR from a new concept.
Amen to that!
Correlating royalty having kids to literal eugenics is kinda weird ngl
@@Imanfly how ?
@@iguessitsokyungrichbaby2813 Royal bloodlines were preserved in order to ensure a future lineage of hyper nepotistic tyrants. It's a similar story for the earliest clans formed in the west. Maybe preserving bloodlines should be seen like the other toxic remnants of the colonial world.
Ancient China! Concubines fought tooth and nail to have the emperors child who would take over🤷🏽♀
“forfeiting intelligence and settling for indecency” WOW. so much complexity in those words. also, WHERE do you get your nose jewellery from?? it’s always stunning!!
"What top would we have to sleep to if we already has control of the entire ladder?"
Love this point! Thank you!
Girl I loved your video! But I need to say your brows looks amazing. And you're gawjus!!!! Showing love from South Africa 🇿🇦🌍💕
You stay gawjus and dropping gems on us! 💎 ✨ 🙌🏽
we underestimate how much fame a guy can get just because he's pretty - it's not just women and we shouldn't be tearing those women down
Who, besides Alex from Target?
Most of those Tik tokers
@@viki7268 and how much money/how many career opportunities have these pretty guys been able to get?
ASAP Rocky.
@@christopherbrown5409 a lot, lol. They all live in those huge houses together, they get brand deals etc- the only reason they're famous is because they fit socoety's standards of "pretty". Most of them don't even have a personality lmao. The two tiktok predxtor brothers are still here, having fans, because they're pretty.
This video is a master piece: I hope everyone takes some time out their day to watch it perspectives are the inter living space of a person.The base of who they are what they think and do and many’s perspectives are fixed , cruel , and or only benefit themselves or their gender.Change your perspective change your life anyone can truly be anyone.
Girl my dumb ass clicked on the video and said “okay cause ya girl be tired.” Then realized you meant a different typa sleep😂😂
I'm glad you dived into that chapter of Joan Morgan's book bc even though I enjoyed it, I was critical of some of the things that was said. It was interesting bc in tht chapter she was also talking about how the "chicken heads" won't be the "women" these guys marry and it made me think about how marriage may not be what every woman wants anyway, if tht makes sense. Great vid !!
Especially not marriage to a man, who has the power and opportunity to cheat, while his wife takes care of him, his children and home. Sounds like exploitative and unrewarding labour to me.
Yeah! I also nearly mentioned that some men actually do fall in love/want to marry these women & we shouldn't console ourselves with the idea that they're always faking it just bc we don't like how the union came to be
Maybe it seemed true at the time she wrote it. If I'm not mistaken, Tee said the book was written in the nineties?
@@TeeNoir if you're up for it, you can def do a video on tht topic, thank you for the response!!
The Church of the Algorithm gives this video its blessing, and must it stay clear of the blasphemers from The First Algorithmic Temple (and the many people impersonating their members).
you are the definition of queer excellence!! such a good video, i love how you mentioned that multiple things can be true, many people forget that. love your shit, always so well thought out. sending love
Love how much you've grown 🌞
Same :)
Coming from a woman who worked in corporate America and even as a prison guard; Even if a man is disrespectful and unprofessional enough to peruse you in the work field, it’s up to you to stoop low and disrespect yourself and “sleep yourself to the top”. Your work ethics will eventually show and the ship will eventually sink when you fvck for a position. It never fails.
I'm still trying to get over my "baby mama bias." I don't have any tangible reason to think less of someone, particularly a steady and loving couple, for having a kid without some dumb document, other than that it was drilled in my head so hard as a kid that I used to think it was physically impossible to have kids before marriage. As long as the kid is loved and cared for, that's all we can ask
brittnay renner?
Also that married couple who have children
Give those children a lot of advantages in life
I’m pretty every time I watch you that I watch I feel even more educated in any topic you speak of. So thank you for uploading and doing your research and also you look so beautiful
Thank you I really appreciate this!
@@TeeNoir I was not even expecting a reply. Thank you for educating as me a young black female you are inspirational to me
Liked the commentary....and the 360 degree respect you showed to both sides of this "womanhood" culture that makes little black girls choose how much demonization they must endure in order to be loved, cared for and wait to be given the speck of respect.....before they die. Pure Exhaustion!
It’s the way my day gets better every time tee drops!!!
I always watch til the end and I so appreciate the work and videos you do. Always amazing and always opening my mind to new perspectives of feminism. Especially that part about still protecting the women who don’t subscribe to feminism at all👀 I gotta read that book
Thank you so much! The thoughts I'm most proud of are usually shared in the second half of the video so this means a lot to me!
@@TeeNoir ofc! And I love to hear it too. Cuz of you I was introduced to Khadijah Mbowe and i just love how you both just make great content and bring new perspectives to the convo. Much love🤍
I wrote an essay on your AAVE segment, my teacher and classmates love you! Keep up the fabulous work :)
wait why you make me feel like a student when "its a require reading for you too..." like damn school dont ever end for me!!
🤓
There's something so perfect about your analysis of this concept of sleeping your way to the top and the discourse revolving around men's "strategic incompetence." I wish I could more accurately put my finger on it. Lovely video. Very real talk.
Now I want to know more about protecting the woman that don't care about feminism! Your videos never disappoint!
As a man, when you said as a man, they JUST...CANT....CONTROL THEMSEEELVES. And then the music hit. I felt that. Cause i can control myself and ive heard the idea that men cant help it, but i think its kind of self evident that men can, cause women still walk the streets alongside men all the time and theyre not constantly in danger of every man they see, and this includes their fathers and brothers. To really buy into it as a man is INSANELY weak, and even though it shoots all men in the foot, if they AGREE with that hateful rhetoric, they GET to be whatever they are and feel no shame. The world told them as much by even starting this idea its so disrespectful to men. Not you, your point hits like bagged rocks and i need more of it you gorgeous fuckin queen, give me more to consuuuuuume! But in your free time of course, great video.
I so appreciate this comment lol. Thank you lots.
@@TeeNoir No problem i discuss your videos with my ex wife even this morning she just left after grabbing us coffee and she introduced me to you, i forgot your name before i searched, found you again, and told her about you like i was into something cool and new and she was like....i ..told you about her...lol
Lovely lovely work i love what you have to say.
So much better than Roma Army, bless her heart.
This is such a hard topic for me. I was raised to believe that you don’t engage in sex until marriage right. I was forbidden to interact with men in a certain way until maybe college. Then I got to college and not knowing what I was doing and how to interact with men, I essentially got used by them. I look back at those experiences and think it I knew how to leverage myself better, would the outcomes have also been better for me. I personally look to women who have capitalized on their beauty as smart. Like it’s an investment. I wasn’t allowed to so I felt so behind and unprepared for certain things. And now I feel like I don’t have the opportunity anymore since young women are favored and more desirable at least that’s what I’ve noticed and have heard. I really am for the sexual revolution of women and if they can use that to their advantage I see nothing wrong with that
The violin sound , I’m weak …your videos are so interesting to watch, informative , funny, and catchy…I can sit and watch them all the way through with no problem
When you realized something and went off script to talk about capitalism, I felt that. Also this was high reasoning, my brain was sizzling through the video! Thanks for the great work
Just finished watching this, and truly, this video is a gem! I love this topic of discussion because, as you said, it's paradoxical and difficult to build conclusions out of it. But this was clearly filmed with so much love and care, and I felt like I truly learned something. So thank you for posting, Tee 💗
Comments like these make the nearly 80 hours I spent working on this video worth it 😌 thank you
20 seconds in and I’ve already clicked the like button because I know this is gonna be a good one.
complete sidenote, but the way your language is so beautifully professional while still being completely understandable for me as a non-native speaker, is truly amazing
Another great video from Tee!
I appreciate the highlighting of Amber Rose’s work. I also remember being in high school and seeing all the vitriol she received for speaking on consent and women’s sexual rights. She been saying the truth for years, yet so many people disregarded the message because it came from HER. The way we internalize and actualize (?) respectability politics is wild.
You say "ALL THE WAY to the end..." as though I wouldn't watch a full doc featuring your insight and commentary, lol. Thank you as always for sharing your thoughtful and wonderfully challenging perspectives!
Girl this video was so well put together and so eloquently executed. And your voice is calming and mellow. And sounds a bit like Nicki. But this video was deep.
Thank you for leading me to the "When chickenheads come home to roost" book. I've just listened to half of it and it is has just been affirming me and so many of my experiences I've had growing up to the present time. If anyone hasn't seen, it's on audible- so read it or listen to it!
“I’m addicted to violence and chaos” 🤝#comrades
I've been bingeing your vids while I have a late night art-making sesh and I just have to say you are HILARIOUS 😂- your delivery/comedic relief is just spot on and I appreciate how you can have thoughtful discourse wi/o taking yourself toooo seriously
I feel like we distigmatized sex work, with out distigmatizing the workers, if that makes sense, look at the onlyfans situation or how if you are a know Sex Worker you can be subjected to prejudice while trying to get a job as companies don't want that type of work associated with them, this is why sex workers rights are important
I don't think either is destigmatized just yet, I feel left-leaning pop culture glamorizes a specific kind of sex work i.e., strippers who make thousands a night or OF workers who make 50k a month. But for the people still working the corners, call girls, etc...the stigma is still thriving. For both the work and the workers we still got a ways to go, unfortunately.
@@user-te2th2xk2w yeah
@@user-te2th2xk2w I know more girls and women that have been trafficked than woman who chose that line of work on their own but that side of that is never mentioned even though it ties closely into this topic
@@user-te2th2xk2w Even though sex work is not for me, I do know that it depends. It's like any other job honestly... you're always gonna get exploited because that's just capitalism. You really think a regular 9-5 job doesn't exploit you? Any industry isn't perfect, every industry has a dark side. Like... just look at Amazon workers. So what we shouldn't encourage people to have jobs? No. The solution is helping people in those industries have better quality of life and to not let employers to exploit them. Not to fucking delete the entire job itself. Anyways it's not gonna happen, sex work isn't new, it never went away no matter how hard governments tried. So instead of making it worse for them, make it better by enforcing laws to protect them. Not shame them.
@@tammyariel2982 uh I don't think sex work and human trafficking is the same;;;; and also how would you know women being trafficked? The whole point is that they are kidnapped, that literally doesn't make sense.
it always feel like a holiday when tee uploads, i yearn for these days 😩
Thank you! I'm taking a psy class in women and gender studies. And THIS is helpful. Being a bipoc in a room filled with pww you always give me great insight!
THIS THIS THIS. I also wanted to add how people will talk about how women being sexual is what's wrong with society, as of we don't have other problems in the world. I'll never understand why female sexuality is so villianized.
...maybe because when it's misused or maliciously imposed on other people it can be harmful, in much the same way that male physicality is villanized.
@@kreekevol3739 yet any ounce of women's sexuality existing is seen as the literal work of the devil. And wow, gee, "male physicality" isn't villainized all that much in larger society in comparison. "Male physicality" is largely seen as a good thing, even when it tips into the toxic side to a certain amount via overprotectiveness. Men are allowed to have agency over themselves and even over women in the pretense of "protection" of said women. These two things aren't treated anywhere near the same.
Nobody can even criticize the toxic behaviors that many men are taught, not even other men, without getting treated like a joke. Yet criticizing anything a woman does (even when it's not a toxic behavior) is the norm in our society. Even things as simple as a woman wearing or not wearing makeup, if she doesn't wear makeup then she gets labeled as a lazy slob and should care more about being feminine and if she does then she's basically catfishing men and super vain and fake and only wears it for sexual attention. 🙃
@@kreekevol3739 I'm not sure what you mean by misused. This is exactly what the OP is talking about.
Exactly. The sexualization of women is not new. It has existed for millenia, in societies where women have NEVER held societal power. Women will always be sexualized unless we actively fight to end that stigma and not create conditions for their humanity. It is convenient way to disempower women and preserve male supremacy.
Ooh girl... I have such strong feelings on this. You don't know how many times I did my best at a job... but who got a promotion was the girl who flirted with the boss. How many times I almost got the best grade in a class presentation... Only behind the girl who would be way too close to the male teachers. (I'm not from America, in my country this goes down in schools and no one gives a f*ck)
As a lesbian this makes me extremely frustrated. You don't know how many years I've spent trying to turn myself into a bisexual because I KNEW that as a very ambitious woman, the 'opportunity' of sleeping with a man to gain something would always come up to me. And it did, but I could never say yes to it. That infuriates me... I don't know if I hate the women who do this or kind of envy them a little bit for being capable of doing it.
Please don't hate the women, this is just the reality of life as a woman. Many of us do what we have to do. If anything you should hate men for being so shallow and controlling.
I think we could not even blame the women who do this because we live in patriarchal society . women have it hard. sad reality /:
@@w.d.2154 You're right, it's definitely wrong to only blame the women. After watching the video and reading some comments, I'm seeing this from a broader perspective
@Diana Troy Um, no. It’s called being stronger, because men doesn’t have to do it
@Diana Troy "If women stopped subscribing to it" there would be a helluva lot more rapes, abuse and regression in the "equality" we currently have. How about women would stop if we were actually on equal footing, not still getting paid less then men while paying more from clothes and hygiene products to getting cars fixed STILL. How about we hold men accountable for their behavior and this system they created...Like how a sex worker will get years if caught but ALL THOSE THAT SOLICITE THOS SERVICE GET OFF WITH BARELY A SLAP ON THE WRIST.
This video was so worth every minute, you are unequivocally one of the BEST voices on these topics. I find you so very personable and you have so many strong views that just inspire me! Your bit on sexual gratification and the comparison of “batting your lashes” and “sleeping” your way to the top sent me into another dimension. I am FULL😩❤️❤️
Sis I made it alllllll the way to the endddd...
You made me feel like I wasn't even at work, felt so relaxed.
🥰 I appreciate you so much!
@@TeeNoir and mi appreciate yuh fi tek time mek video post fi wi, caz ik u be busy.
Finally Tee is back😭❤
Girl, you are doing god’s work. I love you.
your evolution as a human is so inspiring. thank you
The whole concept of getting mad at women for actually sleeping your way to the top is so silly because it's not like she's holding a gun to her bosses or any other man's head making him sleep with her, he did it by choice. That's on him, and if he holds any power over her he's actually abusing his power. She's just using misogyny to her advantage which is my favorite thing to do. Ask not what misogyny can do to you and rather what it can do FOR you. If they're coercing their boss to sleep with them in order to get him fired, that's a different story, but still unless she deserves jail time he had a choice. If a woman gets to the top because men have no self control, girl boss. I don't have a criticism on that. Survival of the fittest
ALSO there aren't a bunch of stories about companies failing the second a woman gets to the top, so either this literally never actually happens, or when it does the women are qualified for the position, just had to use the power they had to get it because the system was not set up for them to end up in power
Nah As a Man and An Owner of many businesses, women try to trap me with a lot of sexual encounters and I refuse and they tease me that I am not a real man. This has happened to me so many times from my high school days. Women use sex when they feel that it is their biggest chance of moving up.
@@ellabiddy4741 Men create their companies, you can't come and take over another person,s company. Just create your own company if you think you are qualified.
@@ephraimakoto3657 If a woman rises in a company because a man decides to sleep with her, that’s on him. He made that decision
@@ephraimakoto3657 why was sleeping with him to get an advancement an option though? Still missing the point. A lot of times, this is proposed to a women, not her initiating it.
Also, one can argue then men get to create most of the busniess because of privledge..just saying
RUclips be playing with my emotions not sending me notifications but this came just in time, I just woke up from a nap and I’m about to eat lunch before I go pick up my daughter it’s lit 🔥
Thoroughly research, eloquently delivered, I love this.
I love how well spoken you are and how you explain things in way anyone can understand. Good content.
Two things: 1. The 1st time I remember someone articulating how even married women use sex as currency was in Paris Is Burning. So ON POINT and I've been a sex worker advocate ever since. 2. Everytime I hear someone say that Kamala Harris "slept her way" any damn where I put them in check IMMEDIATELY. I'm not a fan of our V.P. but that's something you NOT gon do. That woman is very intelligent. Society has normalized men expecting sex for their "favors" and I'm gonna start vocalizing that fact much more often.
I agree with every single point you made! I waited SO LONG for this video (after you privatized your previous videos about this topic)
Love me a Tee video😭 I'm ready chile❤
the critical nuance you use to look at such complex issues from every angle is so inspiring!!
Umm I Came all the way here from watching on my TV just to tell you that this video was amazing!!! I was legit taking fucking notes! You did that ! And as a 35 yo struggling to accept , decide , decipher and maneuver that contradictory binary of feminine sexually I loved every bit of the this.
dang, just found this channel this week, got me asking myself some hard, interesting and enlightening questions, plus just hearing and engaging more perspectives outside your own teaches so much, really good, powerful stuff, thanks