Yes researching on narcissism gave me the closure i need. When i learn about the tendency for them to hoover back, i shut the door of any opportunity for em to come back. I burn the bridge.
@@newoldwoman It is narcissistic to intentionally devalue and arguably to not give closure. There is no non-narcissistic need to do this to save your own life and sanity. For example people with BPD who go through idealization and then devaluation, may feel their partner is a narcissist when their idealization drops, upon which they proceed to devalue and discard. It is also a form of narcissism with a lot of projection and "get them first before they get you" mentality. The subject of narcissism is rife with people assigning labels to others, never to themselves, even though we all have a narcissist side to us, to either feed or fight against. Our choice.
@@lorenzoscott8551 Not really. Sam Vaknins advice - to avoid hoovers - is to devalue, discard and go no contact all in one hit. I did that. Mind you - I didn’t enjoy it. It’s hard. But no hoovers after 8 months whereas my predecessor gets regular hoovers.
Now i know who and what im dealing with im finding myself much more relaxed about the matter. I mean its like dealing with a child going from toy to toy… damn i aint got time for that 😂 pathetic
Mine made every attempt to keep me on the back burner. He made one fatal mistake. And because I believe what you are saying is true because I experienced it, that fatal mistake he made puts a smile on my face every time I listened to a video like this one. He moved 7 hours away thinking I would come visit him because of being hooked/addicted to him. I never did and I decided to move so he couldn't find me if he ever came looking for me while visiting for old home week. His flying monkees, friends family have no idea where I am and he doesn't know any of my family or friends to ask. I hope he is craving me so bad! I still love the man that never existed. But I am in my 3rd year moving on, but still have him on my mind daily. Sad but true
Yet they come across to others like they're so sweet and innocent. When in reality the things they do behind closed doors are the most vile and the most disgusting in society.
To be honest, the closure was him saying he didn't want to be married anymore. That was enough for me! When he came back around a few months later, I was baffled.
THE CLOSURE IS GIVEN RIGHT HERE. AN UNDERSTANDING OF WHY THE NARC BEHAVIOR DOESNT RENDER CLOSURE. BUT YOU GAVE A COMPREHENSIVE LEVEL OF CLOSURE FOR VICTIM WITH THIS. SO ON POINT AND WRITTEN WITH COMPLETE SINCERITY. 😉 KUDDOS
There is no contact for a reason. My ex was a revolver....he has 5 exes in constant rotation. I was one. He vilified everyone to the other n I tried to reach out to them because I felt something wasn't right but he convinced everyone that I was insane. Sheesh...crafty lil demons
12 years married to this deceiver😈 i gave myself closure when i showed up at my husband's work to confront the secretary my husband was and is screwing 😅 Its not funny really, its painful. She is just as vile as he is but i busted his plan of putting me on a shelf, he won't be back other than when the divorce is settled.......im finally awake to his false character
Hearing this video explains everything that happened in my whole life while being married to a covert narcissist for 48 1/2 years. It is just 3 months since his last disgard openened my eyes because it was so planned and bizzare that there was no way not even me would go back to that.
So not giving closure is like a hunter covering their tracks. They dont want you to figure out what they are and what they did to you or why. Makes sense since you dont want prey to know your weakness etc.
I remember my first time being discarded I didn't know what or why he never told me I thought I was going crazy I felt myself like begging him to tell me what was the problem and he never did
They want you to care about them deeply so that they can drop you wondering why. It gives them strange pleasure. They play the injured bird (covert type). You come to their rescue. Then when you're invested and care, they split. Something must be wrong with you. That's their implication. They like that. WTF?! It's very cruel. Their trump card: I can drop you, and I will -- cry over me. The truth: they cannot do intimacy. They want to dish out harm that they feel themselves because they feel rejected historically.. So they act out being top dog doing the rejection. A little shot wanting to feel like a big shot. It's a cheap shot. It's revenge against their history and sad life.
It definitely helps! I'm currently trying to come to terms with my situation.. Is there any way to cure someone of narcissism? I'm sure it's wishful thinking on my part..
I love listening to your videos, this one hit the nail on the head with what just happened with my nex. And now he's blocked and will remain blocked. I am so over his ridiculous games. And you're one of my favorites on Quora too, thank you for your insight!
This perfectly explains my biological father. He took me on an emotional roller coaster ride for years before I went to therapy and made the incredibly difficult decision to discontinue a relationship. Thank you for explaining!
Joe, you are the best - the very best! I listened to some of your videos, and you speak to my heart like no other therapist has. There's something soothing about your voice and your rich understanding of this subject. What you say relieves strained nerves and puts one at ease. Good point about pursuing the future with what we've learned as the opportunities unfold. The only thing missing is the sound - strangely, at top volume I can barely hear you - it sounds like you're whispering. Your artwork is also fascinating! Thanks so much for your thoughtful insights!
Thanks Joe, this is hitting home with me. Why when we know just how awful someone is for us, it feels like the world is crumbling when they leave you? Great videos Joe, today I'm just sad.
I'm feeling better, took up a new hobby, I'm attempting black leather and silver bracelets, almost done with my first, it feels great to be busy. Thanks again for all your hard work. Doreen
My narc ex is still with the girl he was with when he got together with me. I still shake my head. She has very dark energy, uneducated, and trashy. My guess is that she will to do 'anything' he wants so she can keep him around.
Thank you Joe for all your help. I literally couldn't have made it without you and your wonderful and encouraging content. Please don't stop keeping us enlightened.
They would have to take responsibility for their actions and care about the harm that they cause. Ba hahahaha! That'll never happen. Give yourself your own closure and move on.
What I did was blocked her mobile number, whatsapp, email. I also block her facebook and all her friends and family. I did this to concentrate on my healing.
Thank you for your videos they have immensely helped me and I appreciate it especially on this topic. Monarch never gave me closure and now I see why I didn't never know why back then.. but now I do. Please don't stop your videos cuz you're educating me and I appreciate that thank you
![ARGENTINA vs. BOLIVIA [6-0] | RESUMEN | ELIMINATORIAS SUDAMERICANAS | FECHA 10](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/C3wPtKNbAOA/mqdefault.jpg)
Narcissists want a Harem. When I heard that? I was cured of going back! 🤢
Once you get knowledge on NPD you get closure for yourself. Don't want HIM HIS lies or excuses EVER AGAIN.
Yes researching on narcissism gave me the closure i need. When i learn about the tendency for them to hoover back, i shut the door of any opportunity for em to come back. I burn the bridge.
It completely devastated my entire life for over a decade in every area. Had never heard of a narcissist until it was all over.
Amen
I understand because I felt similar. I didn't know anything about these types of monsters until the damage was done.
that's the norm
Yes they try keep that door open. How sweeeet of them. No.
Yep
When I realised I was dealing with a narcissist I turned the tables: I devalued him then left without giving him any closure. It was very satisfying.
Wow you turned into the narcissist. That's not cool either
@@lorenzoscott8551 certainly not, I’d put up with 4 years of his behaviour, I just got in with the discard before he did.
It is not narcissistic to save your own life and sanity.
@@newoldwoman It is narcissistic to intentionally devalue and arguably to not give closure. There is no non-narcissistic need to do this to save your own life and sanity. For example people with BPD who go through idealization and then devaluation, may feel their partner is a narcissist when their idealization drops, upon which they proceed to devalue and discard. It is also a form of narcissism with a lot of projection and "get them first before they get you" mentality. The subject of narcissism is rife with people assigning labels to others, never to themselves, even though we all have a narcissist side to us, to either feed or fight against. Our choice.
@@lorenzoscott8551
Not really. Sam Vaknins advice - to avoid hoovers - is to devalue, discard and go no contact all in one hit.
I did that. Mind you - I didn’t enjoy it. It’s hard. But no hoovers after 8 months whereas my predecessor gets regular hoovers.
Listening to you I find very calming and healing. Thank you.
Same!
Now i know who and what im dealing with im finding myself much more relaxed about the matter. I mean its like dealing with a child going from toy to toy… damn i aint got time for that 😂 pathetic
Mine made every attempt to keep me on the back burner. He made one fatal mistake. And because I believe what you are saying is true because I experienced it, that fatal mistake he made puts a smile on my face every time I listened to a video like this one. He moved 7 hours away thinking I would come visit him because of being hooked/addicted to him. I never did and I decided to move so he couldn't find me if he ever came looking for me while visiting for old home week. His flying monkees, friends family have no idea where I am and he doesn't know any of my family or friends to ask. I hope he is craving me so bad! I still love the man that never existed. But I am in my 3rd year moving on, but still have him on my mind daily. Sad but true
i discarded mine--the things she was doing to me was Criminal
They actually should bring charges on the way they treat people
@@ninath13 I should have--im just happy to get out Alive .
Yet they come across to others like they're so sweet and innocent. When in reality the things they do behind closed doors are the most vile and the most disgusting in society.
During the last smear, devalue and discard, the last message they ever received was "Thank you for the closure". 💘
My ex narc wanted me to go from main supply to side supply. Didn't work. I'm no one's option
To be honest, the closure was him saying he didn't want to be married anymore. That was enough for me! When he came back around a few months later, I was baffled.
THE CLOSURE IS GIVEN RIGHT HERE. AN UNDERSTANDING OF WHY THE NARC BEHAVIOR DOESNT RENDER CLOSURE. BUT YOU GAVE A COMPREHENSIVE LEVEL OF CLOSURE FOR VICTIM WITH THIS. SO ON POINT AND WRITTEN WITH COMPLETE SINCERITY. 😉 KUDDOS
Hell will freeze over before I’d take the narc back.
There is no contact for a reason. My ex was a revolver....he has 5 exes in constant rotation. I was one. He vilified everyone to the other n I tried to reach out to them because I felt something wasn't right but he convinced everyone that I was insane. Sheesh...crafty lil demons
I love that show"the other woman". I wish there was a narc list women could use to bankrupt these assholes.
12 years married to this deceiver😈 i gave myself closure when i showed up at my husband's work to confront the secretary my husband was and is screwing 😅 Its not funny really, its painful. She is just as vile as he is but i busted his plan of putting me on a shelf, he won't be back other than when the divorce is settled.......im finally awake to his false character
I've been studying narcissism for a long time. Your videos explain their crazy behaviour very well.
This is so true. Worth looking at it straight on.
Hearing this video explains everything that happened in my whole life while being married to a covert narcissist for 48 1/2 years. It is just 3 months since his last disgard openened my eyes because it was so planned and bizzare that there was no way not even me would go back to that.
So hard to listen to this when you actually loved a narc .... I had a feeling it was somebody else. Funny thing he tried to come back to me
So not giving closure is like a hunter covering their tracks. They dont want you to figure out what they are and what they did to you or why. Makes sense since you dont want prey to know your weakness etc.
I remember my first time being discarded I didn't know what or why he never told me I thought I was going crazy I felt myself like begging him to tell me what was the problem and he never did
They want you to care about them deeply so that they can drop you wondering why. It gives them strange pleasure. They play the injured bird (covert type). You come to their rescue. Then when you're invested and care, they split. Something must be wrong with you. That's their implication. They like that. WTF?! It's very cruel. Their trump card: I can drop you, and I will -- cry over me. The truth: they cannot do intimacy. They want to dish out harm that they feel themselves because they feel rejected historically.. So they act out being top dog doing the rejection. A little shot wanting to feel like a big shot. It's a cheap shot. It's revenge against their history and sad life.
This too shall pass
Same here😢. Thank you Joe❣🌾
These video's are needed, think they gonna help a lot of people. 🙏😊
Thank you
It definitely helps! I'm currently trying to come to terms with my situation.. Is there any way to cure someone of narcissism? I'm sure it's wishful thinking on my part..
@@kristenborel9349 What I heard here on the videos we can't help them.🌻
@@Saskia1107 I know.. My natural reaction is to hold onto hope -- very telling for my current situation.
@@kristenborel9349 🙏🌾❣🌻
This has hit home. I can not tell you how accurate this has been for me. She chewed me up and spat me out. 5 years of my life gone.
I found you from Quora!
yep, me too. so grateful to listen to anyone who understands what i have been dealing with for 20 yrs
Me too
Same here
I love listening to your videos, this one hit the nail on the head with what just happened with my nex. And now he's blocked and will remain blocked. I am so over his ridiculous games. And you're one of my favorites on Quora too, thank you for your insight!
This perfectly explains my biological father. He took me on an emotional roller coaster ride for years before I went to therapy and made the incredibly difficult decision to discontinue a relationship. Thank you for explaining!
me too, no contact with narc mother
🙏 You will go a long WAY Brother..🙏 Thank you.. Much Respect.. 🎯
Thanks Joe! You're fantastic!
Joe, you are the best - the very best! I listened to some of your videos, and you speak to my heart like no other therapist has. There's something soothing about your voice and your rich understanding of this subject. What you say relieves strained nerves and puts one at ease. Good point about pursuing the future with what we've learned as the opportunities unfold. The only thing missing is the sound - strangely, at top volume I can barely hear you - it sounds like you're whispering.
Your artwork is also fascinating! Thanks so much for your thoughtful insights!
I really appreciate your comments, Carolyn.
Also, I might try and speak close to the mic :)
I just came across Joe last week and got the problem with the sound also, so I went to get a small loud speaker.
Very powerful message, thank you Joe 💞
Thanks Joe, this is hitting home with me. Why when we know just how awful someone is for us, it feels like the world is crumbling when they leave you?
Great videos Joe, today I'm just sad.
Hope you are feeling better.
I'm feeling better, took up a new hobby, I'm attempting black leather and silver bracelets, almost done with my first, it feels great to be busy. Thanks again for all your hard work. Doreen
This has me so so so so so terrified my ex... You described my ex
My narc ex is still with the girl he was with when he got together with me. I still shake my head. She has very dark energy, uneducated, and trashy. My guess is that she will to do 'anything' he wants so she can keep him around.
My same exact they are married now with a child.
Thank you Joe for all your help. I literally couldn't have made it without you and your wonderful and encouraging content. Please don't stop keeping us enlightened.
Well I just came across you you have beautiful messages
Thanks!
Love the picture and thanks for the words.
Thanks Clemmie 🙂
Having burgers tonight 😋
And I had one today :)
That's what I like to hear 🙂
Here from Quora. Thanks for the talk. My situation makes sense now.
Ps. I'm subbing🙃
They would have to take responsibility for their actions and care about the harm that they cause.
Ba hahahaha!
That'll never happen. Give yourself your own closure and move on.
You are amazing, thank you for sharing your gifts and insight
It felt like m dealing with mentally disturbed
Would help to know what the target can do when there is no closure and they are blindsided.
What I did was blocked her mobile number, whatsapp, email. I also block her facebook and all her friends and family. I did this to concentrate on my healing.
Love 💕 your videos and calming voice
Thank you for your videos they have immensely helped me and I appreciate it especially on this topic. Monarch never gave me closure and now I see why I didn't never know why back then.. but now I do. Please don't stop your videos cuz you're educating me and I appreciate that thank you
Interesting picture!
Thank you sooooooo much.
I finally get it.......
He told me
He had to let me go when he got
Busted cheating….is that closure?
They are pieces of shit.. my ex cruelly discarded Me in front of her family for catching her game. Definitely closure that they never gave a crap
My ex narc still had our picture in Facebook profile even he had a new supply.. what a bad narc thick face..
😭😭😭😭😭
What accent is that?