This is definitely something that keeps popping up in my life. Figuring out the point at which you becoming an enabler versus someone that is supportive and loyal and reliable.
this is unrelated to the video, but please could you do a video on self-sabotage? it’s something i really struggle with (sure others do too) and your videos are so helpful and insightful! tysm!!
I needed this video!! I’m struggling to support a friend who means well, but repeatedly crosses boundaries and needs a lot of support. Hope you have an awesome day Ana ☺️
I needed to hear this today. I've been feeling guilty about not getting back to a friend, but our conversations stress me out, and I can't handle it right now. I needed the reminder to put my oxygen mask on first. Thank you.
So true, I wish I saw this video a few years back because I was definetly enabeling and working hard for my ex bf sake when he wasn't even intrested in working on his issues, in the end I became emotionaly exhausted and decided to leave. (P.S. congratulations on becoming a doctoral candidate!!!)
I needed this so badly! I’ve been having trouble with a friend who’s kind of cheating on their partner. This is not the first time something happens in their relationship and previous times I found myself not being honest with her and this is something I didn’t want to do again. I don’t want to validate that behavior anymore. Thanks a lot, Ana!💓
Thank you for this !!! I have a close friend who is struggling with heroin addiction and I have just been distant bc i wanna be there but its so hard to see a person I care about in such a dark place.
i really like the tactic with the and statement!! i've always had trouble expressing my validation to others because i use but statements a lot. this was super helpful! also, random side note u look so pretty ana as always
Hi Ana! could you make a video on establishing boundaries in the workplace? I think there needs to be more careful messaging in a professional setting - any advice would be great :)
Ana I really love your videos, they are super well made and insightful imo. I really appreciate them❤ I do have one request tho, could you make one on helping people with eating disorders please? I have a friend who I suspect has a very serious eating disorder and I've told them to get help but they refuse and don't acknowledge their problem (even tho they starve themselves and also have told me that they induce vomit afterwards) how would you recommend approaching that? If you could help me I would be forever grateful. Again, love your videos❤
How to set boundaries with people (friends,guys or family members) who stonewall you or reply late to you on fb chat or text message or give you the silent treatment, then come back into your life weeks or months later? The ghosting effects or the zombie effect (they keep coming back). How do you address peoples toxic silent treatment, it is so destructive in relationships too:/!
How to stop attracting men who end up with red flags, need therapy or healing lol, is it maybe something im doing wrong by being too kind or loving? Or maybe i need healing? My personality type is ENFP:- its common for us as empaths to attract this!:/
Umm lol it is not an empath thing, it is a not enough boundaries thing :) and you can be graceful toward others but not everyone needs/ deserves your kindness/ presence. I can say as an "empath" with boundaries you can't always be nice as it doesnt help either person
I’m going to try the ignoring while quickly setting a boundary. Sometimes my boyfriend says things that I find questionable however in the recent past I’ve confronted him and hounded him on it maybe too much - he said he then feels like he’s walking on eggshells with me and I don’t want that. I was just trying to get him to understand where I was coming from & and seek out why he felt that it was ok to say. But it all was too much I suppose. If there is a next time I’m going to ignore it but I’m not sure how to quickly set a boundary without seeking his and giving my reasons/context. Any insight would be much appreciated, thanks.
You do have to ensure that he is respecting your boundary though. If you quickly state your boundary and move on, as long as he respects it, that is great. If he repeatedly oversteps your boundary then perhaps you two are not a great fit or some work needs to be done on his part.
@@summerphase is it sufficient boundary setting on my end if I just say “I don’t like that” without further explanation and then change the subject? I guess I’m not sure how to go from 100 or 0 to the middle.
@@Michelliellio Ana has another video on boundary setting that will likely be helpful for you. If you set a boundary by saying "I don't like that," and he respects it and never crosses it again, then I guess that works. Based on your first post, it sounds like your boyfriend's issue with you confronting him is that he feels you're "hounding" him too much. I'm not sure what that means. Are you very upset and angry when you're speaking with him about your boundaries? If so, maybe you should take some time to cool off and address him in a calmer manner. Or is it that you have many, many requests for him? If that case maybe you should re-evaluate what's important to you and compromise on some matters, or re-evaluate whether he is even a good fit for you. Or is it that the same issue is repeatedly occurring, and despite trying to set boundaries multiple times, he refuses to listen and respect your wishes? If that's the case then it's important to sit down with him during a time you are both calm and for you to explain to him what your boundary is, why your boundary is important and what will happen if your boundary is not respected. I really recommend Ana's boundary video - it's super helpful.
@@summerphase Thank you for all of your thoughtful replies, and I will check out that video after writing this. The reason why he says I hound him is because I not only want to establish a “hey I don’t like that,” I also want him to understand and have all the info I can give him on why I don’t like that, and at the same time I want him to tell me why he thought it was ok to say that. It came across as me lecturing him because I didn’t actively ask for his side (I wrongly assumed he would just offer his side of things). I guess the issue is that going forward I not only want to establish the boundary (in certain cases) I want him to show that he understands why it would be reasonable for me not to like something (even if he doesn’t agree himself) & also I’d like to know why he thinks it’s ok to understand him better.
@@Michelliellio Sounds like you need to have a back and forth conversation with him! Yes would definitely be a good idea to ask his side of things, and to ask if he can commit to respecting your boundary. Both you and him have to be willing to talk/listen and engage to make this conversation work. Good luck! :)
Congrats on levelling up to a doctoral candidate! ✨
Totally agree! You can validate without enabling.
Right! I hear you doesn’t have to mean I agree with you.
EXACTLY. I don’t agree, but i hear you and can help you
This is definitely something that keeps popping up in my life. Figuring out the point at which you becoming an enabler versus someone that is supportive and loyal and reliable.
I was just telling a friend not to feel bad about having venting boundaries. You have to be at 100% before giving out mental energy out.
I agree!
this is unrelated to the video, but please could you do a video on self-sabotage? it’s something i really struggle with (sure others do too) and your videos are so helpful and insightful! tysm!!
Noted :)
I needed this video!! I’m struggling to support a friend who means well, but repeatedly crosses boundaries and needs a lot of support. Hope you have an awesome day Ana ☺️
I needed to hear this today. I've been feeling guilty about not getting back to a friend, but our conversations stress me out, and I can't handle it right now. I needed the reminder to put my oxygen mask on first. Thank you.
You can't pour from an empty cup.
I think after you take a break from them if you want you should firmly yet kindly & honestly tell them your boundary/ how you feel!
Honestly, this is so important! I feel like a lot of people don’t know or understand how to do this. THANK YOU
Oooooh she’s a candidate nowwwww! Your hard work will pay off queen! 👑
So true, I wish I saw this video a few years back because I was definetly enabeling and working hard for my ex bf sake when he wasn't even intrested in working on his issues, in the end I became emotionaly exhausted and decided to leave.
(P.S. congratulations on becoming a doctoral candidate!!!)
doctoral CANDIDATE!! congratulations!!
I needed this so badly! I’ve been having trouble with a friend who’s kind of cheating on their partner. This is not the first time something happens in their relationship and previous times I found myself not being honest with her and this is something I didn’t want to do again. I don’t want to validate that behavior anymore. Thanks a lot, Ana!💓
the “and” instead of “but” is sooo good! Thanks so much Anna, love your videos! X
Thank you for this !!! I have a close friend who is struggling with heroin addiction and I have just been distant bc i wanna be there but its so hard to see a person I care about in such a dark place.
What the...what-I was just wondering about this...
She reads minds
the synchronicity of her content in my life..blessed be
i really like the tactic with the and statement!! i've always had trouble expressing my validation to others because i use but statements a lot. this was super helpful! also, random side note u look so pretty ana as always
This video is very important for me rn so thank you! Showed me that the way Im treating my boyfriend is exactly right.
Congratulations on defending your PhD project proposal!
Thank you so much :)
@@AnaPsychology just out of curiosity what was the demands to get accepted into your education?
Doctorate candidate!! Congrats 🌻❤️
Also, excellent content as usual
Hi Ana! could you make a video on establishing boundaries in the workplace? I think there needs to be more careful messaging in a professional setting - any advice would be great :)
This is a tough one but I’ll reflect on it and add it to my list :)
thank you so so so much for not only this video, but for all your content. it always helps me a lot
You are challenging my views. Thank you!
DOCTORAL CANDIDATE!!!! YAYYY
Doctoral candidate!
can you make a video about parental neglect and how to grow out or overcome it? love your videos!!;)
very good video, simple and efficient thank you Ana
Thank you for this video Ana.
Ana I really love your videos, they are super well made and insightful imo. I really appreciate them❤ I do have one request tho, could you make one on helping people with eating disorders please? I have a friend who I suspect has a very serious eating disorder and I've told them to get help but they refuse and don't acknowledge their problem (even tho they starve themselves and also have told me that they induce vomit afterwards) how would you recommend approaching that? If you could help me I would be forever grateful. Again, love your videos❤
I have a few on eating disorders, one specifically on how to help a loved one with an eating disorder. Hope it helps!
this video came at the perfect time
This is really good....I approve this message
Can you discuss arrested development? I'm curious to know which areas in a persons life get stagnated because of unprocessed trauma
Hey Ana, great video. Can you please make a video about sexual rejections and what men/women can do to overcome.
Thank you for this channel!
How to set boundaries with people (friends,guys or family members) who stonewall you or reply late to you on fb chat or text message or give you the silent treatment, then come back into your life weeks or months later? The ghosting effects or the zombie effect (they keep coming back). How do you address peoples toxic silent treatment, it is so destructive in relationships too:/!
She made a video about that called how to set boundaries and another video for why people ghost you.
This soo good, thank you 😊
Another great video keep it up!
this was much needed
Great video thanks
How to stop attracting men who end up with red flags, need therapy or healing lol, is it maybe something im doing wrong by being too kind or loving? Or maybe i need healing? My personality type is ENFP:- its common for us as empaths to attract this!:/
Umm lol it is not an empath thing, it is a not enough boundaries thing :) and you can be graceful toward others but not everyone needs/ deserves your kindness/ presence. I can say as an "empath" with boundaries you can't always be nice as it doesnt help either person
If you don't put yourself first you will likely attract narcissists & abusers because they see that
this is super helpful, thank you so much!!
This was amazing! I thank you 😊
I love your curls!!!
And as always, amazing video. Thank you for sharing this information with us!
I’m going to try the ignoring while quickly setting a boundary. Sometimes my boyfriend says things that I find questionable however in the recent past I’ve confronted him and hounded him on it maybe too much - he said he then feels like he’s walking on eggshells with me and I don’t want that. I was just trying to get him to understand where I was coming from & and seek out why he felt that it was ok to say. But it all was too much I suppose. If there is a next time I’m going to ignore it but I’m not sure how to quickly set a boundary without seeking his and giving my reasons/context. Any insight would be much appreciated, thanks.
You do have to ensure that he is respecting your boundary though. If you quickly state your boundary and move on, as long as he respects it, that is great. If he repeatedly oversteps your boundary then perhaps you two are not a great fit or some work needs to be done on his part.
@@summerphase is it sufficient boundary setting on my end if I just say “I don’t like that” without further explanation and then change the subject? I guess I’m not sure how to go from 100 or 0 to the middle.
@@Michelliellio Ana has another video on boundary setting that will likely be helpful for you. If you set a boundary by saying "I don't like that," and he respects it and never crosses it again, then I guess that works. Based on your first post, it sounds like your boyfriend's issue with you confronting him is that he feels you're "hounding" him too much. I'm not sure what that means. Are you very upset and angry when you're speaking with him about your boundaries? If so, maybe you should take some time to cool off and address him in a calmer manner. Or is it that you have many, many requests for him? If that case maybe you should re-evaluate what's important to you and compromise on some matters, or re-evaluate whether he is even a good fit for you. Or is it that the same issue is repeatedly occurring, and despite trying to set boundaries multiple times, he refuses to listen and respect your wishes? If that's the case then it's important to sit down with him during a time you are both calm and for you to explain to him what your boundary is, why your boundary is important and what will happen if your boundary is not respected. I really recommend Ana's boundary video - it's super helpful.
@@summerphase Thank you for all of your thoughtful replies, and I will check out that video after writing this. The reason why he says I hound him is because I not only want to establish a “hey I don’t like that,” I also want him to understand and have all the info I can give him on why I don’t like that, and at the same time I want him to tell me why he thought it was ok to say that. It came across as me lecturing him because I didn’t actively ask for his side (I wrongly assumed he would just offer his side of things). I guess the issue is that going forward I not only want to establish the boundary (in certain cases) I want him to show that he understands why it would be reasonable for me not to like something (even if he doesn’t agree himself) & also I’d like to know why he thinks it’s ok to understand him better.
@@Michelliellio Sounds like you need to have a back and forth conversation with him! Yes would definitely be a good idea to ask his side of things, and to ask if he can commit to respecting your boundary. Both you and him have to be willing to talk/listen and engage to make this conversation work. Good luck! :)
Can you address addictions to substances like weed and alcohol
shredding
💚💚💚💚
what if you don't believe in free will
You've changed your intro Ana! :)
Yes because my title technically changed 😁
@@AnaPsychology Congrats Ana 👏😊
Do u have ins?
Could you please make one on trans issues?
🐦
5:25
When do you ever become a doctor?
2.5 years
How come you know everything about me am I that famous