First Time Hearing Hate Me by Blue October | Suicide Survivor Reacts
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- Опубликовано: 2 окт 2024
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This is my reaction to my first time hearing Hate Me by Blue October. I've definitely been in that cycle of self-loathing and pushing others away!
amanda@amandawebsterhealth.com
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Hey how do i get a hold of you, Since your not on instagram anymore?
Hi. I've been following your channel. It helps.
@@jamesdenson7616 My new IG is mentalamanda
Such an amazing tune.
Love this..
The cool thing about Blue October is the evolution of their music shows the evolution his recovery. Most recent recordings are fantastic
If you haven't heard it, "Fear" by blue october is a great one. Personally "Not Broken Anymore" by Blue October saved me. Found out my wife was pregnant with our first and the next day that song hit the net and i just listened to it on loop. Realized the kid would need his dad and it helped me snap out of it.
She's done a reaction video for Fear already, I believe.
Absolutely agree with the fear recommendation!
Here ya go!
ruclips.net/video/hkbXXn7QTj0/видео.html
I also love Moving On. And the fan video they made brings me to tears everytime. Tears of sadness and joy.
What about the feel again (or if you prefer, stay)
That band has changed my life for the better....I hope you do more of their music
I'm right there with you. Their music moves you. It's changed me, and made me a better man
Blue October is so underrated. Been listening for 20yrs and have been to a dozen concerts. The story telling and evolution of music is masterful.
I haven't heard this song in years. And man, did it mess me up. I have a special kind of friendship with someone. She's a devout Catholic, and we've spend many nights talking for hours about all sorts of topics and she's never gotten upset or disgusted by the things I've said and she's always been the most loving person I know. So that line about not doubting opinions on suicide and hate and making me compliment myself hit me like aa truck. Cuz she always does this.
This and Jesus Christ by Brand New are some of the very few songs that hit me like that.
Thank you for reminding me about this song.
I saw this song a lot different then you. He wants her to hate him because he knows he is not good for her. He loves her and that is the reason he choose to be sober. He also knows he needs to find himself before he can move forward. If he was still with her, he may hurt her more and could put him back in to the darkness. Best to be hated and not hurt them more.
This was my aunt Laura's favorite song. I remember her playing this on the radio in the kitchen, while the cousins and I played together.
She passed away in September from terminal cancer, at the age of 44. 5 years prior, she had lost her son, my cousin Nicholas. He was 19.
This song hits differently now. I can't help but cry whenever I hear it; I will forever connect this song to my aunt. Thank you for this reaction 🫶🏻
Such a personal song with epic lyrics. Thanks for sharing.
i always ,,, always,,, have watering eyes listening to that song
Hes saying hate me because i dont deserve your love and for you to go through what you go through for me. That all i do is hurt you and will always hurt you cause i cant see a way to change myself. That if you hate me your life will be better not watching me self destruct in a loop
I've always loved this song since it came out. But this, honestly, is my first time watching the mv. I interpret it as a story of him committing suicide/OD'ing and his spirit walking through his childhood home looking back on all the good memories he made in it, carrying the answering machine that had the last message from his mother on it, who was probably the only consistent person in his life at least to him. Then asking his mother to hate him, hate him "in ways hard to swallow", so she can forget about him and see that she can still live happily. Truly an amazing song and music video.
Nice LOTR quote! You look amazing today❣😍 The only song I like by this group. Not a positive song initially but pretty good once you open your mind and listen.
I've listened to this song many times because it speaks to the fractured relationship I have with my mother and our shared addiction to alcohol that tore my family apart. Undoubtedly, this reaction popped up in my feed because I've listened to the song many times on many dark nights. More than hearing your thoughts about the song, I heard a timely message that was much needed in the moment. You have a new fan! Thanks for being so candid and insightful. I can't wait to see more of your content.
Black Orchid is a great track of theirs, really gets to me. Especially the line "But maybe life's not for everyone". Big oof feels. Takes me back to being in the hospital with my mum explaining to the person that gave me life why I so badly tried to take it.
Black Orchid makes me sob......
Favorite song from Blue October. So meaningful and emotional. Great reaction.
this song is a bit of a mystery to me, im 60 now i started learning quarterstaff (a form of martial arts) when i was about 10 or 11 years old and have always worked with my hands so there quite callused when my father died.. one night when i was out i went to a beach i could turn up my stereo and practice i did this song and wore blisters on my hands before it was over.. my family was a bit dysfunctional but i 've always gotten along with my parents very well so it's a mystery to me that it happened.. funny thing... compared to my life now those were the good ol days
I live in St. Louis, Mo, and somewhat recently a beloved cornerstone in St. Louis radio named Jeff Burton died after a lengthy battle with cancer. Jeff was one of the first radio DJ's to play this song when it was released. Him and the band have had a strong relationship since. A couple weeks after his death Blue October dropped everything to play for free and with all the ticket sales going to Jeff's wife and kids here in STL. It was beyond emotional. Justin Furstenfeld, the lead singer played this song at the show. Just him and an acoustic guitar. I was there for it and I swear, not a dry eye in the entire house.
Stand up move by Jason and the band!
the song is basically... your life would be easier if you didnt love me
my mom lost her battle with mental health July 20th 2023, this song was the first real thing that made me process her passing and gave me my first, real, big cry over it. i had to be strong for my older sisters and for my moms loved ones and so i packed all my feelings away until i made her memorial video to play at her funeral, and this song was one of three i used .... and i broke. i always loved this song growing up, but now ... now i have a whole new love for this song!
This breaks my heart. I hope this brings you some help.
@MentalAmanda thank you so much! over the year I've processed it pretty well... even took this as the kick in my butt to try and finish and attempt to get my first book published. My mom wanted to be a writer as well and unfortunately passed before she finished her book, so I dedicated my first book to her. Just finished the first draft and working my way through edits and revisions and then hoping I can get published!
This song has always resonated with me since I first heard it back around high school. Pushing people way seems to be my default way of coping. It's something I know I need to work on.
BTW, are you familiar with Icon For Hire? I think their music would be great for this channel. Thanks for making this channel and keeping the conversation around mental health going. You're doing important things and helping people like me feel less alone 💜
Can you react on the new Linkin Park song called Lost
Light you up is amazing. The live performance was so full of passion and honesty
Omg YES!! It's a song all about his relationship with himself. Such an amazing song
This song is like 20 years old now. When I first heard it, I was reminded of a relationship that I was not good at. I found the song again about a year ago when someone hurt me. She is an alcoholic and a bad person. I saw past that I saw the beautiful person inside, but she put her defenses up and ran. The bad person she is won and I suffered.
I've finally moved on and am not in a drak place. I have a new job, new hobby and am leaving the past behind.
Im 54 years old. I spent 36 years of my life trying to find the love i didnt receive in the first 18 years of my life. I was a pawn of war between my birth parents, and was made to feel like a piece of disgusting filth by the mother who raised me... my dad's second wife. I hated her son because he had something i never felt that he did: a family. The women i sought i thought would give me what i was missing, the family i never had, but i never took the time to find out who i am as a person. I was never able to want the best for those women during or after our relationships because i was too wrapped up in what i was losing, had lost, or wasn't allowed to have. I felt more like he does in The End, and not like he does in this song, hate me, go away, be happy, find what you really deserve, because it isnt me, because there is no happiness with me. Im in therapy now, and have learned that very important lesson about myself, and am now trying to find my happiness now. The problem is that there is so very much pain there, so much so that i dont know if ill ever find it.
Pain and love CAN coexist. I deal with a lot of trauma and abandonment, but I'm in a very happy and healthy relationship. You'll find your somewhere to belong. Don't give up!
We all love your honesty ❤️ ♥️ 💕
This song always makes me cry. Currently sitting in my car bawling.
I want people to hate me so it wouldn’t hurt them as much when I let them down. When I lash out. When I isolate. When I turn selfish. When I destroy my life, they won’t sink with me.
Quiet mind, Ugly side, Amazing, Ill hope your happy, sway, x amount words. All greatness. JUSTIN IS THE BEST
Paljon kiitoksia. (Thank you) for being so articulate with your reaction. It's refreshing.
This song kicks ass and its message is great. 🙏🏻🤘🏻
By the way, I’d appreciate it if you did a video on Three Days Grace’s song “I Hate Everything About You.”
Hello Amanda :) thanks for the helping smile
Not sure you knew this
His mom in the video is actually Justin's mom
The voice mail is really her
Called him for real worried about him b4 this song
React to "home" by these guys
Shows that you can get better
I no longer take meds for my metal health. I can't because they just made me feel nothing. No pain but no happiness either. Blue October is a band that has helped me more than medication ever has. Hearing someone put into song feelings I deal with daily has helped me more than therapy or drugs.
The story of drug addiction,alcoholism and suicide. Justin went through it all. This is his story. Listen to Fear.
Blue October is one of my favorite bands and Justin is a very different person now. Whether on your channel or alone, watch his more recent live performances with his daughter Blue.
Ugly Side by Blue October, and Chameleon Boy!
When I listen to this song I experience it through a lens from my dad’s perspective. It reminds me that my Dad loves me, but he suffers and isolates when hes in active addiction cause he remembers the hurt he’s caused.
Hi Amanda! Realy hope you will do the new (but not new) song by Linkin Park- Lost
Slipknot wait and bleed pls 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Awesome reaction!
Ren “Crutch” and “Depression” are pretty deep songs too, pertaining to mental health.
Great reaction Amanda! Still waiting for Stromae - L’enfer reactiong 🙏
I know it's been a while since I've commented, working on things on the inside. Totally forgot about this song, thank you for doing this one. It hits even harder now than it did back then, since things are... clearer, these days.
Gotta do the new Metallica song. Screaming suicide
❤
You might like Joey by Concrete Blond
Try a Stone Temple Pilots song 🤷♂️
Sup metal Amanda this song is kinda fucked up don't let this song get to you in the wrong way luv ya sis
the porno bit for me reminds me of taxi driver... he takes his date to a porno... its so inappropriate but highlights how disjointed he is in terms of society and fitting in
Falling in Reverse- I'm bad at life reaction please 😥
Nov 5th. Come down to Tucson and watch them live with us...
The "Johnny Cash version" of this song is phenomenal. Its a stripped down, slowed down, more soulful, acoustic version. Justin has a really great voice.
Idk if anyone has told you yet but that voicemail from his mom was a real voicemail she left him.
This song is very autobiographical for the singer Justin, and since then he has been in a really good place. Lots of support from others, including his mother. But this song is a very real story for him.
Sweet woman, he's telling her to hate him because it will make it easier for her to go.
this song definitely reminds me of my teenage angst lol but the bro can sing!
That was a real message from his mum on the machine. Heartbreaking song
It's stupid, but as a Man United and Ferrari fan, 2023 is the worst year ever for me, like really hate myself. Unemployed (hopefully to stop it by August 2023, finger crossed), seeing rival won treble, Ferrari failed to show up against Red Bull, obesity, and fail to pass my diploma on time, it's just goddamn overwhelming. This song is one of my go-to moment when I get down with life. Listen to Art of Dying - Sorry as well, it's so melodic and touching :D.
That does sound overwhelming! When I have things slam me like that and I feel overwhelmed, I make two lists: things that are in my control and things that aren't. Then I start going through the things in my control list and seeing what I can do to take action. You got this!
I understand this song all too well. I have a wife and three beautiful kids, all of whom I feel that I continue to fail. No matter how hard I try, the memories of the very bad things I experienced and witnessed when I was a child relentlessly creep into my entire being and consume me. I've tried everything to rid myself of it over the years, but the disturbingly graphic images of my childhood memories that have awakened me on a nightly basis for most of my life, still haunt my mind and I don't know how to make it stop. My nightmares are always of real events from my childhood. So, they are all extremely vivid and very real. In a "dream state" it feels like being cursed to relive them over and over again. Even though I chose to NEVER put my wife and kids through anything even remotely resembling those same things, I still feel I'm defectively damaged and sometimes feel that they may be better off with me gone, even if they do not realize it. As I write this, it is currently 5:39 am. Like most nights, at around 3:00 am., my poor wife had to wake me up from what she calls "night terrors." I feel so bad for her. She never complains, but I know that makes it hard for her to get the sleep she needs and deserves. I will most likely be somewhat "zombified" for most of the day as I am many other days. My family deserves better than what I am. I just can't seem to stop myself from self torture. Though I've always managed to stay away from substance abuse, I completely understand how people fall into that. I'm no better, from an early age, I was simply aware of my potential to become an addict, so I stayed away from all of it. The exception being cigarettes. Though, that is a bad enough dependency in and of itself. About a year ago, it was suggested that I would be a good candidate for clinical Ketamine therapy. I was so desperate for hope that I went through the treatment as a last resort. In my case, it only made things much worse.
This breaks my heart to know the mental anguish you're in. I know that you said that you've sought out therapy, but I'm curious if you were matched with someone who specializes specifically in childhood trauma. I also know a lot of people that swear by EMDR for trauma work. So maybe find someone who can offer that?
second verse pretty much always has me in tears
i Dont care people said Justin fake all his depression, this band is my saviour. i wont be here typing if I wasn't find them back on 2016. This band literally save my life during the lowest time of my life. all the emotion, all the lyric, all the desperate scream that I can feel, all the crying night with Blue October bring back my life. Justin's emotion is one thing that stand out, he is not singing, he tells you his story with all of his heart. Every album tell the recovery story, self-blaming, denial, acceptance, turning point, until finally acknowledge yourself. This is pure genius.
you have to listen to "Fear", especially the live version
I am so happy that you are still here!
I bought this CD when I was depressed and I dedicated this song to my mom. I played it for her and we listened to it my bedroom. We cried together and I told her that I was done with everything.
I’m 38 now and I cannot believe I’m still alive and have a beautiful life. Trust me if I could make it out of a dark place. So can you! Just get out of your mind and find beauty. Trust me God has a way of showing you things that you’re heart closed off to.
Thank you for sharing.
This song makes me sad it starts making me thinking about how I destroyed my mom's happiness. It's hard we never sat down & talked about it. I blame myself for ruining her chance at happiness. I was only 16 years old when it all started. When I finally spoke out I was 17. At times I regret saying anything If I could've have moved away maybe it never would've happened. It's not the same situation but the pain still there.
I have a lot of regrets with my parents from my teen years too. Unfortunately, our brains aren't fully developed at that age and we don't have stellar thinking. I hope you find a way to make peace with those regrets.
it should have been "laying babies in my head"
Falling in revers: Brother pls
Being Bipolar 1, this song has always resonated with me and made me cry, still does because I can see how ive done that. I've tried to male my wife despise me so she would take the kids and go so that this miserable illness didn't consume them too.
I still struggle with stopping my brain from making them the enemy to justify pushing them away.
I can’t imagine how heavy that struggle must be, but the fact that you’re aware of it and still fighting to protect your family from the impact of the illness speaks volumes about your love for them. Bipolar 1 can be such a painful and isolating journey, but recognizing those patterns is a huge step in working through it. It’s okay to struggle, and it’s okay to ask for help when you feel that pull to push others away. It's okay to step away and recaliberate. Your family loves you, even when things feel overwhelming. You’re not alone in this, and sharing your experience is a powerful way to keep fighting.
Oh no! "Mental Amanda" lost credibility as soon as somebody talks "mental hearh" gross. Fix yourself on your own time
I encourage you to read through comments on my various videos. The mental health discussion on this channel has helped people go into recovery, get professional help and has even saved lives. What is gross about that to you?
First song where I felt heard
Great song. Justin has some of the most honest lyrics I have ever heard.
They spoke to me at 18 when I was just beginning my adventures in mental health and substance abuse and their new music hits me in my 40s and my still have issues but well managed to the point that I'm kind of normal and its weird. Lol. Absolutely love them and so excited to see them live in Dec!
Love your videos
Have fun in school learn lots
Check out Red Water by Rehab
listen to here with me by d4vd
This is a good one , rough but good
This song is a bit depressing
Linkin Park LOST😌
Thats his mom in the video
this is my theme song
Uoure cut and im a mess
Thank you.
thank you so much. you've just saved my life
And you just made my day 💖
Favorite all time band. Absolutely incredible and raw song writing
This has been one of my favourite songs since it came out and even now as a grown 35 year old man I still get tears in my eyes listening to this. Personally I haven't gone through any addiction like this, but I when I was younger I went through a very bad drinking and party phase where I will disregard everyone around me including my own safety, drinking and driving and arriving home near passed out drunk at 4am in the morning, so what I get from this song is how my actions can hurt those I love and that sometimes it feels better to just leave them behind, and with him telling his mom to hate him instead because it will make her life better and easier, that is such a strong message. When he says "as I saw your blue eyes cry, and I held your face in my hands" is something that will break me as a son.
My mom asked me once "how could you do this to me?" and honestly it shattered my heart.
My heart sank reading this because it reminded me of a time that my dad said, "How can you watch me die (he had emphysema) and still light up a cigarette?" Sadly I was still smoking when he passed, but quit on his birthday one year. You're right, it is a strong message because it represents a tendency to self-sabotage our relationships with others to dampen the pain of loss or disappointment AND how substances and mental health challenges can trap us inside of ourselves where nothing matters from our own life to the people we care about. Thank you for sharing and I hope you are in a better place now.
@@MentalAmanda I have grown a lot as a person since then, although it took me a long time to come to fhe realisation that I (and ONLY I) need to make a change because I was heading diwn a slippery slope. Since then I have become way more self responsible, growing in confidence through good social interaction, especially solo travelling, and most importantly I have changed my environment.
Removing oneself from a toxic environment (whether it be your work, friends, town or city and surroundings, or all of the above) is some of the best advise I can give to someone looking to improve themselves, you need to realise and decide to remove yourself from those situations, and don't be afraid, sometimes we need to take a leap of faith even if we go in blind, just believe in yourself and never push away anybody that willingly wants to be part of your life or journey, those are the ones that will always support you regardless of your past.
Thank you
I'm sorry.. I just wonder what a suicide survivor is?
Can you help me understand?
Someone who lived through a plan or attempt :)
@@MentalAmanda okay, thank you
@@MentalAmanda I'm glad you're here..
I don't have anxiety. I don't have depression. I haven't had a hard upbringing. I don't have any disorders or mental health issues. ....this song makes me cry... every. Single. Time. I. Hear. It. (Eapecially the line "as she whispers 'How could you do this to me?'")
I don't really care for any other song from this band that I've heard. No hate, just not really my style, but this song is BEAUTIFUL and makes me cry every single time
Not tue first time you heard it but.... 🤷♂️
Pinky promise it was!
Greatest Love Song Ever. Awesome assessment. Very intuitive. Made me think. TY
That was thoughtful in that it has me evaluating why I don't talk to my father any more. anyways (The loneliest day) by system of a down would be an amazing song for you to digest you do bring something to the light with your perspective.
As an addict, we don't see the effects we have on others.
It can be hard to see outside our own shell sometimes. Thank you for sharing.
Do anything by bad omens.... Had someone tell me I needed to watch this channel more often, I wear a bracelet that says "keep f'n going" will never stop, but the depression is real, and that band helps a lot!!
7:48 "And like a baby boy, I never was a man."
That face you made means you know what that means, and what it means for a man to admit it.
I've been a fan of yours for a while, but this is my first comment to you. This is a song that hits so deep in me. I haven't told this story since my late 20's, to anyone.
When I was 17, my 25 year old neighbor and best friend, who struggled with schizophrenia, committed s*icide. Long story short, she did it with my gun that I gave to her because I was a, painfully, nieve kid. I'm in my early 50's now, and that is still a raw wound that will not heal. At her funeral, her grandmother pulled me aside and told me that her entire family believes I was sent by God to save Mary from her Demons. How do you take that as a kid? As a compliment? As a harbinger? My relationship with God since then is one of animosity and hate. And i have since kept myself at arms length from everyone in my life.... because I know that God has probably sent me to hurt them, too.
I'm so grateful for what you do on this channel. You've helped me more than any therapist ever has. I appreciate your analysis of this track. It helps me to understand myself a little better. Thank you for your channel.
can you plz react to Rascal Flatts - Why (Official Music Video)
I am now an older man or maybe middle age is better description. I still remember the first time I heard this song, The exact spot etc. Thank you for doing this reaction!! This song to this day is a favorite!!!
Probably seen it a million times but I'd request lost from linkin Park... it's a tough listen though
Should try blue October's black orchid or the feel again
The beginning of the song where you hear the woman talking is Justin (lead singer’s) mom leaving a vm talking about that she’s worried about him and his bipolar and then later in the vid you see him walking to her grave w/ the answer machine
Trying this for a 3rd time, editing myself as youtube keeps deleting my comments, posting this for anyone else thats been there. This song is amazing but hard for me to listen to. I had it playing the last time I tried to ..... myself. I wanted my wife to hate me for doing it so that in hating me she would have an easier time getting over it.