It really does, when you heal they don’t have a home on your insides. I found I was giving them the power of god in my mind so I started replacing that with my higher self.
Yes, the miracle finally happens! I mean, I used to intend no contact for life and fail at that. The good news? Thanks to watching these videos ,I knew not to give negative supply and most times did not take the bait. At the end, they were the ones who raged out (ironically because I would not take the bait and didn't give them the provoked response they were hoping for..went GREY ROCK instead.)
Bought your book and implemented your techniques last year. Narc hubby divorced me because I no longer "respected" (FEARED) him. LOL. What Ross teaches is true.
I got healthy and the father of my child responded by taking me to court and erasing me from my daughter's life after we had shared parenting to my daughter's benefit for the first 6 1/2 years of her life. Soon after, my daughter was identified as "emotionally disturbed" and getting special ed services at school. I have had zero parenting time since mid-July 2018. He had a nasty lawyer at the beginning and lied and cheated and I was shocked, believing the laws would protect me. Parental rights are supposed to be strongly protected in Tennessee. No abuse or neglect, no drugs or other substance abuse. No mental health issues that adversely affected the child until the lawyer got judges to sign unlawful orders. She is 12 now. I am seeking permission to appeal to the Supreme Court of Tennessee and I have started a new custody modification case that he is trying to dismiss. I still can't believe what he has gotten away with. He and I had issues, but they never adversely affected my daughter. We have a new judge, so I am somewhat hopeful.
Ross. This is me, Dana Thomas, I want to encourage anyone who is struggling with figuring out how to move forward from the abuse that we co dependents put ourselves into. I’m am so grateful to your help. I was contemplating ending my life. I just wanted the hurt to stop. But I trusted you and slowly I learned to love me I have moved I own a restaurant and I have a wonderful life. And it’s mine. I can’t thank you enough. You saved my life. I want everyone to know. This works.
Wishing you the best....👌👏👏👏👏👏👏 Iam working on it , very very hard ( married over 20 years he discarded me right around my 50th B-day ) we had 3 kids youngest is 16 now , I pretty much lost everything ....( covert Narc con artist) Anyway just want my freedom now , probably just gonna go back to Europe....🤷♀️ If I could ( mentally & financially) I would sue him for my & our kids life....
You nailed it. I lost 85% of my relationships. It was heartbreaking at first but now I’m liberated from these toxic people. Two and 1/2 years later I’m a much happier person. Much thanks to you.
Yes I think people need to realize that this process of letting go of toxic relationships and attracting healthy relationships can take a number of years. Its important to remember this so that you don't panic when you seem not to have any relationships at all in the transition zone.
They did us a favor by either being the trash that took itself out, or us get io a point where our boundaries were too much for them to be able to get away with their entitled intrusion methods against being comfortable for them anymore
When you said that "an SLD in recovery loses 75 to 80% of their people," I'm kinda relieved to hear that (because I thought it was just me! At least I don't have to feel any more abnormal than I already do in this sick society)
I am living proof of what Ross is teaching/describing in this video. When I reached for help and I realised I was in a very dysfunctional relationship I thought I had lost everything (marriage, family & friends)but in the end I realised I gained so much more than I ever could imagine. I gained my self worth, self love, freedom, peace, and above all I gained my life back! The “friends I lost”, were not even real friends... they were enablers or peace takers... Seek help and go through the process... it is all worth it!!!
Double hard process when you realise the so called friends arent who you thought they was either. Certain family members then shine their true colors and it's like a knife stabs again
@@wanda4573 I noticed how those so called friends seemed to come down even harder on me when I was having trouble with the narcissist. They seemed to intuitively sense my vulnerability and attempted to gain even more supply.
@@DianeCarroll111 exactly this! They all left me out to suffer on my own but all want to be my “best friend” when I’m back on my feet. Now that I am doing better they are trying to tear me down saying I’ve changed blah blah
@@ginathegenie7214 any friendships that are no longer serving you, naturally, and leaving you fulfilled, can and should be shelved. If the dynamics don’t change, they can stay on that shelf !
I grew up a truth teller scapegoat with an overt narcissistic father and a very codependent mother! I met a shy, quiet man in my early 20's. He seemed to be very unlike my obnoxious father. Early in the relationship he professed his love for me. It was a very rocky relationship but lasted mostly on for 6 years. We married and about 3 years and one child into that marriage I wondered what the hell I had gotten myself into. He was argumentative, controlling and manipulative. He's always had an undertone of anger, disdain and shame in my humble opinion. At this stage in my life, I have awakened! I want peace, self respect and growth into who I was intended to be. I'm giving up a lot to achieve this but I know I will gain so much more!
Covert narcissists are the worst, they do the most damage. They destroy you, then as soon as you fight back, they go straight into the victim role. They then truly believe they are your victim. Awful and painful to deal with.
Couldn't agree more. My first step towards self love was cutting contact with my narcissistic mother and subsequently my family members. Once they realized they couldn't scapegoat me anymore I became of no value to them. At 26 years old I had zero sense of self and was very self destructive. I went through years of detox both mentally, emotionally and physically. The latter was the worst, because i didn't realize just how toxic my family dynamic was and how I was kept sick throughout my life. At times I would be so depressed and in physical pain that I couldn't even leave the house. Learning about narcissistic abuse has given me a chance at living a full life again. One based on self love and self understanding first, which has led to understanding how to love others and accept love back in a healthy way. I'm incredibly thankful for your work as it has helped me throughout the past 5 years to understand the world and my place in it a lot better. We might lose many people by healing our traumas and dysfunctional systems, but we also gain many new non toxic, kind hearted people in return. Not to mention the amount of people who we help heal just by healing ourselves.
I was sick, physically and mentally sick and sick of trying to live with her. She left ruthlessly in her cruel disrespectful manner. Well I had already put the new quick locks from Lowe's in front and back doors. Three days later when she wanted to come back home, her key hasn't fit since. Divorced now and pleased to pay alimony to have her live anywhere but here. You simply cannot put a price on your peace.
@@TheBuronic If some other simp would wife her up, I'd pony up 5K for him to honeymoon her on. What about that to relieve the alimony Hell its worth it either way
Brilliant! Very validating. I’ve been experiencing this avalanche of people falling away from my life, each one of them extremely abusive and narcissistic. I’ve been facing the deep well of frightening loneliness. Meditation and listening to Eckhart Tolle has lessened the pain greatly. I’m able to dwell in the present, and accept what is. When strong pain comes up I write it out. Blessings and love to all SLD sufferers. ❤️ Thank you Ross for your excellent wisdom.
I find my time alone to be proffered to the alternative toxic energy draining negativity all trying to love bomb me too. I already stuck my hand on the hot stove. I rather be alone with my dog
So true, I had this happen to me and it was so devastating to be considered a nothing and then when I got successful and healthy again everyone was kind again (I made the mistake of contacting some family and got so sick-the loss often ends up being for your benefit if you can find a new community to rely on quickly.)
I cut off my older sister because I decided to love myself and put myself first for once. I don’t care if it bothers her or hurts her. I won’t allow that toxic energy in my life after 20 years. Enough is enough.
I also happen to have a narcissistic sociopathic elder sister, since my childhood she's been a bully and I'd been trying to impress her for her approval and its so much hurt and manipulation that she put me through it's unbelievable 5 years older
I am an older sister, and the scapegoat. I could never understand why people have to designate which sibling they are. I was always described (to this day) by my younger sister that I am two years older to total strangers. I couldn't help but think of the insecurity there...I mean, who cares when you're 60....
I went no contact with my family 6 months ago, so I was complaining about the disappearance of my friends because I was left all alone... until I saw this video! At this point I think loneliness is part of the healing process! I wonder if I will be forever alone though
If a codependent begins to heal and stays on a healing path, the relationship cannot survive because narcissists cannot change nor do they have motivation to change.
AWESOME VIDEO! Be prepared to suffer through the pain of codependency healing/Self-Love Deficit healing for a very long time. However, its called learning to love yourself! Boundaries become enforced. Self-discipline is learned and RESPECT is learned. You start cleaning out your closet, your diet and anything that no longer serves you. Suddenly you realize you would NEVER in a Million Years ever return to the relational addictions of your past. Thank you Ross Rosenberg for your profound assistance with helping us recover from this ADDICTION and SELF ABUSE!!!!! When you realize you are not a puppet on a string waiting for love its so freeing. You finally love and respect yourself and hold true to your own values and allow others the space they need I say To Thine Own Self Be True!!! Thank God for the light at the end of the tunnel. The Butterfly that came from a very dark cocoon!
I know I am worth Love and Respect! I didn’t know that realizing that would cause at least 95% of Family and 100% of Friends to disappear. Some have even attacked me over text, and guilted! But I refuse to respond to people that are not healthy and who are not okay with me being healthy! If and when I see healthy behavior from them then maybe. But for now I need to know how to pick me first and not feel bad about it!
I’ve not even watched this yet and agree! Turning to self love will explode your narcissistic relationships and even those that are in any way one sided. Prepare for the landscape of your life to never be the same again! But hey, people who don’t truly care about you or your feelings aren’t worth having around anyway. Take that garbage out! Love your content Ross, thank you
Yep! As I got better, I got divorced, lost most of my "friends' and had to build a new relationship with my son. Now I have surrounded myself with people I love who love me. New career, new home, new way of life...not easy, but so worth it.
The other good news is, now you can "invite" other strong, healthy, secure people in your space who will empower you. The light will shine bc you got rid of mean, narcissistic, toxic waste!
He’s not lying about that. The day I stood up for myself was the day I lost everyone! The smear campaign lasted for over two years. The first year was the worse. My mom is too arrogant to confront me so she kept sending me the flying monkeys. I was the first to tackle this issue leading the way for my younger brothers. I made a lot of mistakes along the way like reacting, reasoning, explaining, etc but I’ve out grown that stage as soon as I realized that everything I was saying was falling on deaf ears. By this time, I’ve already been labeled “mentally unstable” no one took me seriously and now I’m 3 years in no contact. I feel empowered and HEALTHY!! I was bedridden for 5 years at one point because of the toxicity. My younger siblings confide in me now and it feels good to say that I no longer need anyone’s validation because I am enough for myself.
You have been an incredible help to me realizing that I’ve dealt with a lot of abuse over the course of my life. I’m learning to set boundaries with new people much quicker. Able to withstand attacks and starting to enjoy just doing the things I want. No sidebar gaslighting included. Thank you. I keep self diving.
I thought I was doing something wrong after losing so many friends throughout my healing. It used to upset me but now I am stronger and I love myself so much more that it doesn’t affect me anymore. I’m so much happier and peaceful. I love my life.
Hi Ross..This is timely.. I've had to go no contact with the family I have left. I was weary of the endless triangulation and blaming of everyone's bad choices (projection) and wanted better for myself. This has been the most painful yet eye opening journey to love myself. Thank you for your helpful insight in your videos for self reflection..
I was an alcoholic narcissist, then I began treatment and at my core I discovered I was a codependent. Now Im treating my codependency, and beginning to find balance. So that diagram seems genius to me.
We have small children, I have no income and never finished my degree, and have been out of the workforce for years. I am here, for now. The more I am around him the more I feel like I get pulled back in. I am doing the best I have ever done at detaching but I am still struggling with denial. Deep down, I still want to save him, us, our family. Even though experience has shown me this is all there ever will be; tenuous peace while waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I wish you good luck !!!! Toxic people are dangerous and poisonous!!!! If your spouse decide to change his toxic and inappropriate behavior you can go back and reconcile with him !!!! I wanna let you know that you're enough !!!!!
That’s is true ! I started to stand my grounds against my ex narc disrespect and stonewalling after my mom came to live with us ... ofcourse he knew game is over ... not only dud I filed got divorce after 20 yrs with two teen kids but later discovered he was cheating one me and was planning second marriage back home in Pakistan n eventually did got married while here in states divorce was not even finalized ! The degree to which such sick pathological creatures can go and disregard and dehumanize their spouse and children n extended family members is pure evil ... after this harrowing experience I thought I will never ever feel ok normal or that I’m the one who was sane and yes grew up watching unhealthy behaviors or relationship dynamics between my own parents , it was very hard for me to see through the slow self sabotaging I was doing to myself ... in my marriage all the while keep giving in yrs after hrs thinking it’s ok most husbands are like that ... in some cases wives ... however the breakthrough came when after my 2 major boundaries were crossed the 3 time after all the hardworking, loyalty and efforts I alone kept on putting in my marriage !!! I saw through bs long time ago yet kept my head in ground ... anyhow the moral of my story is it taught me what self live and self worth actually means and look like when you have to walk away from toxic, claim your own toxic yet leave .... empty ... lost and broken !!!! Building up is no cupcake it’s hard hard work it’s a soul journey it’s dark it’s very very bad you see through your bs n see your old self die... I’m still on my journey it’s going through my life time and then I will get back to home where I belong !!!!
All true. What a gentle man Ross is. Once you wake up to these toxic people they literally terrify you ever to have one around again. See them and avoid them. Life is way to brief to let them rob you of your peace ☮️
So true! This has been my experience. Even with friends. The concept of pathological loneliness saved my life. No one ever explained it to me like that. Gaining that understanding transformed my life for the better. I can't believe I'm on the other side feeling grateful I left him behind. Life is so much better without him.
True...lol...the moment I began erasing the self love deficit within myself, the narcissist started pulling away more and more. Now it makes sense to me why he eventually discarded me. He couldn't handle my "evolving" any longer.
I started taking up for myself and refuse to let anyone treat me like shit, And my so called family didn't like it one bit. So I don't have a narcissistic family anymore and yes I get lonely it usually hits me about the time I'm going to sleep. And that's when my anxiety kicks in that I'm alone but thank goodness I have friends I can call. I'm hoping at some point to have a healthy relationship so my fingers are crossed.
This is so so true. I've been through it and it is worth it - Ross thank you for your guidance through the past few years. Relationships with toxic and/or narcissistic people lead the LSD into hell (depression, anxiety, diabetes, autoimmune disease, cancer, financial ruin, etc. - the chronic stress damages health). In my case, when I started to set healthy boundries and not give in the agression, manipulation and silent treatment (covert aggression) the narcissists actually left me - they could no longer use me, so they have no use for me - so so painful and almost nobody, not even many therapists understand this mechanic. Getting better may also destroy relationships with other "unawakened codependents" who refuse to accept healthy relationship mechanics. All of this requires so much time to set boundries, to do selfwork and time to process all of the natural emotions that come with the process. So much time.
I choose to be happy not to feel comfortable. Not easy the unknown and not easy to change your life but now I take my life as an adventure worthy to live ...
I've been hit hard by the grief. This was the first year where I let mother's day pass and I didn't acknowledge my narcissistic mother with a gift or a card. I literally can't make myself do it. So, initially I did feel some relief and freedom, but now the grief has set in. The thought that my dysfunctional alcoholic & narcissistic family members are likely having get togethers and no one invites me or thinks about me is hard to fathom. But new opportunities to bond with healthier people are all around. Glad for your videos Ross, they are a lifeline and give me hope that this dark time of feeling terrible pain will not last.
It's true. When I left my husband and filed for divorce, I was basically ignored by who I thought were friends & even some family. My relief after leaving him mostly outweighs those losses; however, not hearing from my adult children, who rarely reach out to me first, does make me feel quite sad. And when I am the one who reaches out to them first, only one of the three ever gets back to me in a timely way. Our kids understand why I ended the dysfunctional relationship, the lived with us, they've heard and seen both sides. Our girls are quick to be honest and say both he and I were equally to blame in the bad marriage, but both applaud my decision, my courage, and agree it will be better for me. Yet, I miss them so, and rarely hear from any of my three kids. This is difficult to bear, even though I know it can change once the divorce is final & time passes.
@ Laurie Smith / true indeed. And my heart goes out to you , our 3 children are the only reason ( + 2 grandkids) why have not left yet ( married over 25 to covert Narc) The last 6 years I suffered tremendously , now it’s at the point that I come to realize once I file & than leave , I lost everything and will barely get to see my kids but I have reached to the point that it’s enough now already....!!!! I have so much resentment & disgust towards him , that it’s really way past time ( 55 y. Old now sadly) ... I don’t even care anymore about the assets, of course he does !!! Just want my freedom & peace of mind now and I will be happy if I never ever have to see him again....
So true and thank you that you to point it out. Facing the same at the moment. But its important to change. Old and destructive relations break away, making place for new and healthier ones, i am sure.
I did not see a therapist or even know about this program but for the past 2 years it seems I have been replicating these steps in my life without knowing they existed in any formal sense. And it’s true it SMOKED all the rodents out of my life. I can’t say I feel lonely because I had been feeling emotionally abandoned for a long time already but what I did feel (and very STRONGLY too) was an unshakeable sense of BETRAYAL, like someone stabbed me in the back while I wasn’t looking, and that feeling is worse than Death.
yes, this warning is indeed true. It was absolutely disappointing at first cuz I was not been warned but now I am feeling more in control of the situation
Very responsible video Ross. And very accurate. I spent many years becoming healthy in an unhealthy family system... needless to say the family system is now broken as my relationships with those members have ended. My marriage has also ended - again, no suprise. I feel wonderful. Your videos were a tremendous support for me as the inevitable fall out happened. Thank you!
All true and I’m glad you’ve said it. Because many videos I’ve seen have eluded to having either a friend or a support system that advises you leave the relationship. That has DEFINITELY not been my experience. The narcissist in my life was my mother. She is also elderly. So, when you start talking about the destruction and demolition that a person is trying to affect and they are your elderly mother, any and everyone will trying to shove you, the round peg, into the square hole. They will come up with a litany of reasons why you’re wrong, why you’re lying, why you don’t know what you’re talking about, why even if you do and you’re right, you should stay and support your mother and even the abuse, as necessary. Other than to support your mother, you literally cease to exist. You’re not really even supposed to ask to take her to a psychotherapist or neurologist, to see how much of it is dementia or a frontotemporal issue. You’re simply there to serve and it isn’t just a filial piety requirement of eastern culture. You can be born and breed in the US. And it gets bad. Because I have people who I mistakenly told about my situation and I feel I can eventually lose my job, because I’m not acquiescing you the abuse of a person that they’ve never met - and they “seem” to like me at work. But, my abuser is my mother so, all bets are off. I’ve gone no contact with my entire family and, pretty much, have no friends so, you can lose more than 75% of the people in your life. You can lose everyone, perhaps your livelihood and have to start over, in your 50s and, if you’re trying to date and form new relationships, you can end up looking quite odd because, how is it you have “no family”? What are you trying to hide??? Even to complete strangers, the idea of you going no contact with family, indicates that it’s you, who has always been the unhealthy one.
yes, any toxic, narcissist I changed the dynamics and expectations with, they decided to discard me. Or I had to leave them because they refused to change their selfish behavior (there have been many). I have grown a lot!!!!! Great insight. Thank you.
I was stuck in a work relationship with a narcissist. Very unhealthy. I would leave therapy at the suggestion it was toxic. Eventually his behaviour became so extreme and I learned about this stuff. Eventually I started to realise how abusive he was and how I had attached my self worth. I started to slowly break away until now I have no contact at all
Dr Ross: A technical comment... Your audio is MUCH better! Ross, if Sam Vaknin mentions you then you MUST be right up there with the best! Bravo for great content...
That is the programming we have. That runs our system. It is not a surprise and it is hard to break. What we learn as children is our model for relating. It is no joke.
I have noticed that I am going through this right now. It's disconcerting for your cell to go silent and so-called family and friends to disappear. I blamed myself. It was a grieving process. But I am getting better. Thank you for this knowledge. It's for the best. I am getting stronger and more resilient. My circle is small but of the smartest and healthiest of my loved ones. I was looking for that parental love and acceptance that I never got from my F of O. Now I give it to myself.
I feel that! im so happy. I have learned so much the last 8 weeks getting confirmation to confirmation from jou and Vacnin sharing and sharing knowlidge and feeling stronger day by day. I invested every minit to me to me doing what i was doing best befour all the BS
@@anitramoore9514 And all who are involved feel this, cours he did hoover my whole network of people: a few he could not reach: like my home doctor, my psycholoog and my work (they know me long) All who are involved in this in his lies: they are exposed equal i did worn them: the phrase: where smoke is, is fire: well I burned down the house!. every official health care organisation who trapped in this illigal privecy lies: over-ruling me with all kind of accusations: Well I went to the police station and hade a confersation with the officier of Justice: he said: this is a cival procedure. what means: we cannot help jou: (but. We do understand jou). I went to court 7 times to stand up for accusations that are made against me and my son who is 11 jears old. That he was a criminal and should be 'locked-away' in a child home to 'recouver'from his bad 'habits'? but. he has none. so. I cheerded him up as much as i could. I just receeved a lot of reflections about him and every-one see and feels him as adorable, smart AND SOCIAL very WELL skilled!~. How is that possible, i said: jou acuse me of neglegting him and raising him as a criminal? What makes jour help, helping him so quikly! i give all my compliments to jou. (i turned it all around) so. the narc violated me, His name is on the first page of the rapport from court: wondering: i asked why? Is he involved in my home-situation if I tell he raped me with 4 other man while i was drogated (everybody is ashamed about this) I said. Listen. I am not a-schamed, im happy being alive, i live and if jou want to have proof for this rape? well ask court to do a DNA-test. That is jour proove (i do not know who of 5 diliverd the final seed (smile) I learned to 'play' narcictic tricks, i am Dutch he is not. I do not drink or smoke and eat pills: he das. I do not have a motor, a house for rent, a car, a boat, i do not travel every month to no-where. He does. he has a sick-ensurance: How is that possible? that my country, my land is payng sick-mony to a bloke who rapes woman and goes for sick-mony? our taxes? maybe it is time to look at this . . . And im gonna give a tip. this is my last move. Im gonna give a tip to my city about his identety: telling them: i went to court 7 times this jear. So that cost jou mony and loads of time i cannot use to work. Maybe there is a way to ask this person to pay alimentatie? to the city? They will have to controll my information. for this they need a DNA sample. I have the paper from court with his name IN it: not my information! . I knew he would try: to trick me with fear and sorrow, i worked hard (very very happy with this Vacnin and Rosenberg during lock-down) My child is save. Nobody can take him. He learned so many things during our separation, our bond is good: being a loving mum, good enough. I put al lot of effort in his emotional development playing and going along with other kids of his peergroup. My other kids see me do this: being straigt fore-ward. Attacking all my fears and eat it like a dragon who is a (actually) a vegan!
Dr. Ross you are supporting me in more ways than you will ever know. Thank you! With your system I’m able to correct my old codependent system. I feel blessed!!! ❤️
@@RossRosenberg I think it's very cool that you responded personally, so thanks. In my relationship, I was the codependent. I had codependent issues and some addiction issues/mental health issues. I worked my ass to get better, and I did. I did tremendous work to get healthier. My ex only left when I got better and asked her to work on her emotional intimacy, not when I was in the worst of my struggles. I asked her to work on being more vulnerable and emotionally open. She couldn't handle changing. She quit when it meant that she had to change and grow at all. So this video spoke to me.
That is the whole point of learning and creating more than ever besides leading an extraordinary life. To end my toxic relationships with the narcissists in my life.
Thank you, Doctor! It s totally alone for me at the moment... Ideas of coming back are bombarding my head... Yet, they come and go and as you say is part of the proccess! The video was funny and educational, simply very pretty presented.... As always!! Kind regards
This was 100% me......and now after a few yrs of healing I can tell you RR Surgeon General Warning is 100% truth‼️💯💯......I’ve lost several female narc friendships, sibling (narc) closeness......it does get lonely & I do get cravings for the narc friends, but I feel soooo much healthier & am teaching my children same - it can’t go to next generation!
It didn’t take long for my 17 year marriage to end after I finally got sober. 6 months I think. Getting sober was the best thing I ever did in my life, aside from having 2 amazing children. I wish I had done it 17 years ago!
It took me 20 years of marriage to finally see and accept the reasons for how empty and wrong things have been, my eyes have been opened, there is no going back. Thank you for these videos
Your video is an eye opener. I am beginning to learn what it means to be a co-dependent person. I’m not certain if I am co-dependent but I have a feeling I am because of my relationships with my fiancé, mother, and friend. I take a lot of abuse from these people. I will watch more of your videos to learn more.
Lost all the extended family too, and family home and car and finances. It was worth it though, because I created my own life and home and business and healthy relationships, starting with myself. 💚
So true ! I went to therapy and did much , much research on narcissism. I then broke off my relationship with my long term boyfriend ! This was the BEST thing that I ever did!!
Until I'm recovered, I will treat any potential future relationship as suspect. If they are attracted to me or vice versa, I can only assume they will be future trouble for me. Therefore, no relationships for me until I am fully strong into co-dependecy recovery.
Yes, there was such compulsion to return back b/c its a difficult adjustment. I noticed that when I left my family, my sister, whom I was never close to, kept tabs on me , when she made effort to ignore (but her watch on me from afar) me before. They're going to want you to stay where THEY feel comfortable. I left family and willingly cut off friends too, including one I was friends with since I was a teen. I had alot of guilt with her. I don't have any support in my life right now, except my support groups I occasionally take part of, so it gets hard
You weren't kidding about the loss of relationships. I even had to go no contact with my 88-year-old narcissistic mom who wouldn't stop abusing me! I first went low contact back in January of this year and told her then that I would not tolerate her abuse any longer. I also warned her that I would walk out, block her from any communication with me and go no contact if she insisted on the continued verbal and emotional abuse. The abuse actually escalated more and more and got so bad I finally did have to block her and go no contact a couple weeks ago. It was the final step in the cleanup of my life. Now I have no friends or family whatsoever except my Facebook friends. Zip! Nada! Despite that I am getting happier! I spend my time with my hobbies and my two dogs. One of my Facebook friends is a long-time friend I've known for decades and thankfully is supportive of my healing and the decisions I've made along the way. With my last detachment, perhaps now I can heal my CPTSD.
This is 💯 true. After I went through a self love program called Adult Child of Dysfunction, I felt like I literally woke up. I looked around at the relationships in my life, especially my romantic relationship, were with people who were abusive and dysfunctional. It was the craziest thing, but wonderful! I have natural boundaries now to protect myself and don’t apologize for them. I am attracted to completely different people now, even in friendships. They say pain is attracted to pain and love and health is attracted to love and health. ❤️
Ross was my therapist and I will be dramatic and say he saved my life. All of what you will learn from him is truth and relevant. You may not at first agree with him but all of a sudden those light bulb moments come and it is painful but dealing with your shadow self and your ancestral trauma (because this shit is passed down through the generations) will liberate you to a life you didn’t know was even possible. It is lonely at first because your so called (vampire) friends desert you but you learn to belong with a friend group vs fitting in (which we SLDs try to do and often do it so well and in essence lose our self identity). He is worth the money ten fold.
I’d rather be alone. We don’t all have to be in relationships or have sex. Better to prepare for the future of obsolete relationships and sex aversions. Doesn’t anyone pay attention to what happens next after porn consumes a culture? Edit: I read it as getting better relationships, lol. Fat chance. But yes you’d have to be mentally ill, codependent to be with 98% of the duds and believe in the whole underlying structure that they put in place where we tolerate these things. They love codependency. That’s what “emasculation” is all about.
2 years back I lost 75% of my friends and family. Growing up in a Narc family, I always knew something was off but couldn't articulate it. As I am healing and loving myself, I am losing others.
I had read dozens of books, plus well over 100 hrs in podcast content. I read the human magnet syndrome and purchased a few of Rosenburgs audios...I stuck to my guns and was blown away at how many people dropped like flies...I have my two kids along with a couple others left. They all left...people I thought would never leave. I didn't do anything drastic...I just started using my voice differently. ...boundaries displayed a different side of me and ALL OF THEM...DAMN...IM STILL RECOVERING from the loneliness and ruminating but I'm better now.
This is a very timely message for me Ross...thank you..I have over the last 3 years uncovered so much of this dysfunction in my relationships....it has hurt me deeply when I have discovered where I stand in relationships I thought were close...I have healed immensely from this hurt with my self love..and all thanks to you. I am so grateful. You have made it so clear as to what my position has been.
It does. When you get better and feel sorrow and compassion for yourself, you cannot tolerate narcissists. It happens naturally
Absolutely! As you recover, narcassists appear absurd and completely intolerable. A true sign of growth.
@@SR-sf3hs and you wonder, although you know, why you didn’t spot them before
Sorrow and compassion for yourself is such a good expression & embrace of the experience. Thank you.
It really does, when you heal they don’t have a home on your insides. I found I was giving them the power of god in my mind so I started replacing that with my higher self.
Yes, the miracle finally happens! I mean, I used to intend no contact for life and fail at that. The good news? Thanks to watching these videos ,I knew not to give negative supply and most times did not take the bait. At the end, they were the ones who raged out (ironically because I would not take the bait and didn't give them the provoked response they were hoping for..went GREY ROCK instead.)
Thank you Ross, I moved to South Dakota. Away from all of my past. I’m starting over. A new job. New friends. New life. For me!!!!!
Awesome! If you’re going to lose all the old abusers, why not start again in a new place!
Best wishes,
Shanti xx
Congratulations!!
Best wishes! 💕💕💕🥳🥳🥳
BLESSINGS, DANA!!! CHEERS TO THE BEST NEW LIFE EVER. XOXOXOXO.
👏👏👏
This warning is absolutely true. So startling to realize how strong the narcissist cult is, and that entire family systems are toxic.
Absolutely spot on, the greater the distance the better 💖
You’re not alone 🦉🦉
Yep! Many stay poor becsue of the vultures too. They have tons of power some!
Living it 😕
I’m starting to realize this myself, and it’s both heartbreaking and terrifying.
Bought your book and implemented your techniques last year. Narc hubby divorced me because I no longer "respected" (FEARED) him. LOL. What Ross teaches is true.
Better die alone than sharing life with a nar. You will live a very happy life after you heal. All the best wishes
I got healthy and the father of my child responded by taking me to court and erasing me from my daughter's life after we had shared parenting to my daughter's benefit for the first 6 1/2 years of her life. Soon after, my daughter was identified as "emotionally disturbed" and getting special ed services at school. I have had zero parenting time since mid-July 2018. He had a nasty lawyer at the beginning and lied and cheated and I was shocked, believing the laws would protect me. Parental rights are supposed to be strongly protected in Tennessee. No abuse or neglect, no drugs or other substance abuse. No mental health issues that adversely affected the child until the lawyer got judges to sign unlawful orders. She is 12 now. I am seeking permission to appeal to the Supreme Court of Tennessee and I have started a new custody modification case that he is trying to dismiss. I still can't believe what he has gotten away with. He and I had issues, but they never adversely affected my daughter. We have a new judge, so I am somewhat hopeful.
Thanks for sharing Andrea!!
@@lydiahubbell6278 this is happening to me too and i was not even married or in a relation with him!
@@lydiahubbell6278 come on girl! jou let jour voice hear!
Ross. This is me, Dana Thomas, I want to encourage anyone who is struggling with figuring out how to move forward from the abuse that we co dependents put ourselves into. I’m am so grateful to your help. I was contemplating ending my life. I just wanted the hurt to stop. But I trusted you and slowly I learned to love me I have moved I own a restaurant and I have a wonderful life. And it’s mine. I can’t thank you enough. You saved my life. I want everyone to know. This works.
In that case, I will proceed to set boundaries the time the narcissists in my life attempts to control me (tell me what to do).
I left my narc husband of 33years now I’m healing 10 weeks now
Thanks so much for sharing. You may be interested in exploring Ross's resources at www.selfloverecovery.com/ and humanmagnetsyndrome.com/hmsblog/
👏 take your time!!
Wishing you the best....👌👏👏👏👏👏👏
Iam working on it , very very hard ( married over 20 years he discarded me right around my 50th B-day ) we had 3 kids youngest is 16 now , I pretty much lost everything ....( covert Narc con artist)
Anyway just want my freedom now , probably just gonna go back to Europe....🤷♀️
If I could ( mentally & financially) I would sue him for my & our kids life....
Hang in there.
You nailed it. I lost 85% of my relationships. It was heartbreaking at first but now I’m liberated from these toxic people. Two and 1/2 years later I’m a much happier person. Much thanks to you.
Thank you for sharing Tracey.
Ι'm in the process of it. But it's getting late because of the pandemic
Yes I think people need to realize that this process of letting go of toxic relationships and attracting healthy relationships can take a number of years.
Its important to remember this so that you don't panic when you seem not to have any relationships at all in the transition zone.
They did us a favor by either being the trash that took itself out, or us get io a point where our boundaries were too much for them to be able to get away with their entitled intrusion methods against being comfortable for them anymore
When you said that "an SLD in recovery loses 75 to 80% of their people," I'm kinda relieved to hear that (because I thought it was just me! At least I don't have to feel any more abnormal than I already do in this sick society)
I am living proof of what Ross is teaching/describing in this video. When I reached for help and I realised I was in a very dysfunctional relationship I thought I had lost everything (marriage, family & friends)but in the end I realised I gained so much more than I ever could imagine. I gained my self worth, self love, freedom, peace, and above all I gained my life back! The “friends I lost”, were not even real friends... they were enablers or peace takers...
Seek help and go through the process... it is all worth it!!!
Double hard process when you realise the so called friends arent who you thought they was either. Certain family members then shine their true colors and it's like a knife stabs again
Soooo thankful GOD
stepped in....
Hallelujah
@@wanda4573 I noticed how those so called friends seemed to come down even harder on me when I was having trouble with the narcissist. They seemed to intuitively sense my vulnerability and attempted to gain even more supply.
@@DianeCarroll111 exactly this! They all left me out to suffer on my own but all want to be my “best friend” when I’m back on my feet. Now that I am doing better they are trying to tear me down saying I’ve changed blah blah
@@ginathegenie7214 any friendships that are no longer serving you, naturally, and leaving you fulfilled, can and should be shelved. If the dynamics don’t change, they can stay on that shelf !
Investing in ourselves is the best investment. This is one way to tell yourself "I'm worth it"!
This is so true. Narcissists destroy relationships, period.
Ross, ending a dysfunctional relationship is painful.....but it's worth it.💙💙 Growth is painful!
I grew up a truth teller scapegoat with an overt narcissistic father and a very codependent mother! I met a shy, quiet man in my early 20's. He seemed to be very unlike my obnoxious father. Early in the relationship he professed his love for me. It was a very rocky relationship but lasted mostly on for 6 years. We married and about 3 years and one child into that marriage I wondered what the hell I had gotten myself into. He was argumentative, controlling and manipulative. He's always had an undertone of anger, disdain and shame in my humble opinion. At this stage in my life, I have awakened! I want peace, self respect and growth into who I was intended to be. I'm giving up a lot to achieve this but I know I will gain so much more!
Covert Narc
Covert narcissists are the worst, they do the most damage. They destroy you, then as soon as you fight back, they go straight into the victim role. They then truly believe they are your victim. Awful and painful to deal with.
@@DianeCarroll111 I left one. Three wk ago. The anxiety he gave me was awful. I cried at new job
Couldn't agree more. My first step towards self love was cutting contact with my narcissistic mother and subsequently my family members. Once they realized they couldn't scapegoat me anymore I became of no value to them. At 26 years old I had zero sense of self and was very self destructive. I went through years of detox both mentally, emotionally and physically. The latter was the worst, because i didn't realize just how toxic my family dynamic was and how I was kept sick throughout my life. At times I would be so depressed and in physical pain that I couldn't even leave the house. Learning about narcissistic abuse has given me a chance at living a full life again. One based on self love and self understanding first, which has led to understanding how to love others and accept love back in a healthy way. I'm incredibly thankful for your work as it has helped me throughout the past 5 years to understand the world and my place in it a lot better. We might lose many people by healing our traumas and dysfunctional systems, but we also gain many new non toxic, kind hearted people in return. Not to mention the amount of people who we help heal just by healing ourselves.
Thanks so much for sharing.
I was sick, physically and mentally sick and sick of trying to live with her. She left ruthlessly in her cruel disrespectful manner. Well I had already put the new quick locks from Lowe's in front and back doors. Three days later when she wanted to come back home, her key hasn't fit since. Divorced now and pleased to pay alimony to have her live anywhere but here.
You simply cannot put a price on your peace.
Sometimes, as I often say, you just have to wish certain people a nice day some place else! Not that they'll ever have a nice day
The no default divorce is toltal BS..may you find a way out of paying alimony
@@TheBuronic
If some other simp would wife her up, I'd pony up 5K for him to honeymoon her on.
What about that to relieve the alimony
Hell its worth it either way
Brilliant! Very validating. I’ve been experiencing this avalanche of people falling away from my life, each one of them extremely abusive and narcissistic. I’ve been facing the deep well of frightening loneliness.
Meditation and listening to Eckhart Tolle has lessened the pain greatly. I’m able to dwell in the present, and accept what is. When strong pain comes up I write it out.
Blessings and love to all SLD sufferers. ❤️
Thank you Ross for your excellent wisdom.
I find my time alone to be proffered to the alternative toxic energy draining negativity all trying to love bomb me too.
I already stuck my hand on the hot stove.
I rather be alone with my dog
This is why, when a scapegoat starts living a normal independent life, the family just gets rid of him/her.
They are very sick people.
Exactly.
Yes! No need to go “no contact.” The tribe will do it for you!!
Yes, they can't handle to face the truth about their own behavior , so the scapegoat gets shunned and discarded, no matter how hard they try.
Wow. My mom and sister reached out, mostly my mom but she was overstepping boundaries and I didn't trust my sister's motives
So true, I had this happen to me and it was so devastating to be considered a nothing and then when I got successful and healthy again everyone was kind again (I made the mistake of contacting some family and got so sick-the loss often ends up being for your benefit if you can find a new community to rely on quickly.)
I cut off my older sister because I decided to love myself and put myself first for once. I don’t care if it bothers her or hurts her. I won’t allow that toxic energy in my life after 20 years. Enough is enough.
I also happen to have a narcissistic sociopathic elder sister, since my childhood she's been a bully and I'd been trying to impress her for her approval and its so much hurt and manipulation that she put me through it's unbelievable 5 years older
I am an older sister, and the scapegoat. I could never understand why people have to designate which sibling they are. I was always described (to this day) by my younger sister that I am two years older to total strangers. I couldn't help but think of the insecurity there...I mean, who cares when you're 60....
Same here with my sister.
❤❤❤❤❤
I went no contact with my family 6 months ago, so I was complaining about the disappearance of my friends because I was left all alone... until I saw this video! At this point I think loneliness is part of the healing process! I wonder if I will be forever alone though
Healty Minds are garlic to a emotional vampire.
I love this concept!
If a codependent begins to heal and stays on a healing path, the relationship cannot survive because narcissists cannot change nor do they have motivation to change.
This is what I was saying to him, but he never listened. Oh well. If he steps through my threshold, I will step on his toes.
Indeed!! No’r do they care to change , they literally think they entitled, as well as they think it’s everyone else with the problem
I’m learning this.
'Bone aching pathological loneliness' Wow, that describes it perfectly.
AWESOME VIDEO! Be prepared to suffer through the pain of codependency healing/Self-Love Deficit healing for a very long time. However, its called learning to love yourself! Boundaries become enforced. Self-discipline is learned and RESPECT is learned. You start cleaning out your closet, your diet and anything that no longer serves you. Suddenly you realize you would NEVER in a Million Years ever return to the relational addictions of your past. Thank you Ross Rosenberg for your profound assistance with helping us recover from this ADDICTION and SELF ABUSE!!!!! When you realize you are not a puppet on a string waiting for love its so freeing. You finally love and respect yourself and hold true to your own values and allow others the space they need I say To Thine Own Self Be True!!! Thank God for the light at the end of the tunnel. The Butterfly that came from a very dark cocoon!
I know I am worth Love and Respect! I didn’t know that realizing that would cause at least 95% of Family and 100% of Friends to disappear. Some have even attacked me over text, and guilted! But I refuse to respond to people that are not healthy and who are not okay with me being healthy! If and when I see healthy behavior from them then maybe. But for now I need to know how to pick me first and not feel bad about it!
Thanks so much for sharing. Keep up the good work!
I’ve not even watched this yet and agree! Turning to self love will explode your narcissistic relationships and even those that are in any way one sided. Prepare for the landscape of your life to never be the same again! But hey, people who don’t truly care about you or your feelings aren’t worth having around anyway. Take that garbage out! Love your content Ross, thank you
Yep! As I got better, I got divorced, lost most of my "friends' and had to build a new relationship with my son. Now I have surrounded myself with people I love who love me. New career, new home, new way of life...not easy, but so worth it.
Thanks for sharing Pauline.
Yes, 75-85%. Finding a self was worth it!
The other good news is, now you can "invite" other strong, healthy, secure people in your space who will empower you. The light will shine bc you got rid of mean, narcissistic, toxic waste!
He’s not lying about that. The day I stood up for myself was the day I lost everyone! The smear campaign lasted for over two years. The first year was the worse. My mom is too arrogant to confront me so she kept sending me the flying monkeys. I was the first to tackle this issue leading the way for my younger brothers. I made a lot of mistakes along the way like reacting, reasoning, explaining, etc but I’ve out grown that stage as soon as I realized that everything I was saying was falling on deaf ears. By this time, I’ve already been labeled “mentally unstable” no one took me seriously and now I’m 3 years in no contact. I feel empowered and HEALTHY!! I was bedridden for 5 years at one point because of the toxicity. My younger siblings confide in me now and it feels good to say that I no longer need anyone’s validation because I am enough for myself.
You have been an incredible help to me realizing that I’ve dealt with a lot of abuse over the course of my life. I’m learning to set boundaries with new people much quicker. Able to withstand attacks and starting to enjoy just doing the things I want. No sidebar gaslighting included. Thank you. I keep self diving.
Thanks so much for sharing K L. You may be interested in exploring Ross's resources at www.selfloverecovery.com/ and humanmagnetsyndrome.com/hmsblog/
I thought I was doing something wrong after losing so many friends throughout my healing. It used to upset me but now I am stronger and I love myself so much more that it doesn’t affect me anymore. I’m so much happier and peaceful. I love my life.
Ross, you paint a perfect picture of people who suffer from SLDD. The fun part is recovery! We can learn to love a way to love ourselves.
Thanks so much Mark. You may be interested in exploring Ross's resources at www.selfloverecovery.com/ and humanmagnetsyndrome.com/hmsblog/
Hi Ross..This is timely.. I've had to go no contact with the family I have left. I was weary of the endless triangulation and blaming of everyone's bad choices (projection) and wanted better for myself. This has been the most painful yet eye opening journey to love myself. Thank you for your helpful insight in your videos for self reflection..
You are so welcome.
I was an alcoholic narcissist, then I began treatment and at my core I discovered I was a codependent. Now Im treating my codependency, and beginning to find balance. So that diagram seems genius to me.
Thank you so much for sharing Valentina. Glad this was helpful.
We have small children, I have no income and never finished my degree, and have been out of the workforce for years. I am here, for now. The more I am around him the more I feel like I get pulled back in. I am doing the best I have ever done at detaching but I am still struggling with denial. Deep down, I still want to save him, us, our family. Even though experience has shown me this is all there ever will be; tenuous peace while waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Hallelujah I’m free from my narc husband I’m on the road to healing
Thanks so much for sharing. You also may be interested in exploring Ross's resources at www.selfloverecovery.com/ and humanmagnetsyndrome.com/hmsblog/
I wish you good luck !!!! Toxic people are dangerous and poisonous!!!! If your spouse decide to change his toxic and inappropriate behavior you can go back and reconcile with him !!!! I wanna let you know that you're enough !!!!!
That’s is true ! I started to stand my grounds against my ex narc disrespect and stonewalling after my mom came to live with us ... ofcourse he knew game is over ... not only dud I filed got divorce after 20 yrs with two teen kids but later discovered he was cheating one me and was planning second marriage back home in Pakistan n eventually did got married while here in states divorce was not even finalized ! The degree to which such sick pathological creatures can go and disregard and dehumanize their spouse and children n extended family members is pure evil ... after this harrowing experience I thought I will never ever feel ok normal or that I’m the one who was sane and yes grew up watching unhealthy behaviors or relationship dynamics between my own parents , it was very hard for me to see through the slow self sabotaging I was doing to myself ... in my marriage all the while keep giving in yrs after hrs thinking it’s ok most husbands are like that ... in some cases wives ... however the breakthrough came when after my 2 major boundaries were crossed the 3 time after all the hardworking, loyalty and efforts I alone kept on putting in my marriage !!! I saw through bs long time ago yet kept my head in ground ... anyhow the moral of my story is it taught me what self live and self worth actually means and look like when you have to walk away from toxic, claim your own toxic yet leave .... empty ... lost and broken !!!! Building up is no cupcake it’s hard hard work it’s a soul journey it’s dark it’s very very bad you see through your bs n see your old self die... I’m still on my journey it’s going through my life time and then I will get back to home where I belong !!!!
Your pain shows through in this comment. It’s not an easy journey after; but you will find peace and joy
All true. What a gentle man Ross is. Once you wake up to these toxic people they literally terrify you ever to have one around again.
See them and avoid them. Life is way to brief to let them rob you of your peace ☮️
So true! This has been my experience. Even with friends. The concept of pathological loneliness saved my life. No one ever explained it to me like that. Gaining that understanding transformed my life for the better. I can't believe I'm on the other side feeling grateful I left him behind. Life is so much better without him.
Thanks so much for sharing.
True...lol...the moment I began erasing the self love deficit within myself, the narcissist started pulling away more and more. Now it makes sense to me why he eventually discarded me. He couldn't handle my "evolving" any longer.
Narcissism becomes anathema to a healed codependent
I started taking up for myself and refuse to let anyone treat me like shit, And my so called family didn't like it one bit. So I don't have a narcissistic family anymore and yes I get lonely it usually hits me about the time I'm going to sleep. And that's when my anxiety kicks in that I'm alone but thank goodness I have friends I can call. I'm hoping at some point to have a healthy relationship so my fingers are crossed.
This is so so true. I've been through it and it is worth it - Ross thank you for your guidance through the past few years. Relationships with toxic and/or narcissistic people lead the LSD into hell (depression, anxiety, diabetes, autoimmune disease, cancer, financial ruin, etc. - the chronic stress damages health). In my case, when I started to set healthy boundries and not give in the agression, manipulation and silent treatment (covert aggression) the narcissists actually left me - they could no longer use me, so they have no use for me - so so painful and almost nobody, not even many therapists understand this mechanic. Getting better may also destroy relationships with other "unawakened codependents" who refuse to accept healthy relationship mechanics. All of this requires so much time to set boundries, to do selfwork and time to process all of the natural emotions that come with the process. So much time.
Thanks for sharing. You may be interested in Ross's resources at www.selfloverecovery.com/ and humanmagnetsyndrome.com/hmsblog/
Spot on! This is exactly what happens and gaining freedom is worth every pain on the healing journey❤ Thank you Ross. God bless you❤
I choose to be happy not to feel comfortable. Not easy the unknown and not easy to change your life but now I take my life as an adventure worthy to live ...
I've been hit hard by the grief. This was the first year where I let mother's day pass and I didn't acknowledge my narcissistic mother with a gift or a card. I literally can't make myself do it. So, initially I did feel some relief and freedom, but now the grief has set in. The thought that my dysfunctional alcoholic & narcissistic family members are likely having get togethers and no one invites me or thinks about me is hard to fathom. But new opportunities to bond with healthier people are all around. Glad for your videos Ross, they are a lifeline and give me hope that this dark time of feeling terrible pain will not last.
It's true. When I left my husband and filed for divorce, I was basically ignored by who I thought were friends & even some family. My relief after leaving him mostly outweighs those losses; however, not hearing from my adult children, who rarely reach out to me first, does make me feel quite sad. And when I am the one who reaches out to them first, only one of the three ever gets back to me in a timely way. Our kids understand why I ended the dysfunctional relationship, the lived with us, they've heard and seen both sides. Our girls are quick to be honest and say both he and I were equally to blame in the bad marriage, but both applaud my decision, my courage, and agree it will be better for me. Yet, I miss them so, and rarely hear from any of my three kids. This is difficult to bear, even though I know it can change once the divorce is final & time passes.
@ Laurie Smith / true indeed. And my heart goes out to you , our 3 children are the only reason ( + 2 grandkids) why have not left yet ( married over 25 to covert Narc)
The last 6 years I suffered tremendously , now it’s at the point that I come to realize once I file & than leave , I lost everything and will barely get to see my kids but I have reached to the point that it’s enough now already....!!!!
I have so much resentment & disgust towards him , that it’s really way past time ( 55 y. Old now sadly) ... I don’t even care anymore about the assets, of course he does !!!
Just want my freedom & peace of mind now and I will be happy if I never ever have to see him again....
So true and thank you that you to point it out. Facing the same at the moment. But its important to change. Old and destructive relations break away, making place for new and healthier ones, i am sure.
Thank you sir. More blessings to you and your work. Much love from me to you.
I did not see a therapist or even know about this program but for the past 2 years it seems I have been replicating these steps in my life without knowing they existed in any formal sense. And it’s true it SMOKED all the rodents out of my life. I can’t say I feel lonely because I had been feeling emotionally abandoned for a long time already but what I did feel (and very STRONGLY too) was an unshakeable sense of BETRAYAL, like someone stabbed me in the back while I wasn’t looking, and that feeling is worse than Death.
Thanks for sharing. Keep up the good work!
yes, this warning is indeed true. It was absolutely disappointing at first cuz I was not been warned but now I am feeling more in control of the situation
Very responsible video Ross. And very accurate. I spent many years becoming healthy in an unhealthy family system... needless to say the family system is now broken as my relationships with those members have ended. My marriage has also ended - again, no suprise. I feel wonderful. Your videos were a tremendous support for me as the inevitable fall out happened. Thank you!
So glad this is helpful. Keep up the good work!
The best thing is stay single and live your life the way you want !
I feel so relieved hearing this. Thank you!
Glad it was helpful Miriam!
All true and I’m glad you’ve said it. Because many videos I’ve seen have eluded to having either a friend or a support system that advises you leave the relationship. That has DEFINITELY not been my experience.
The narcissist in my life was my mother. She is also elderly. So, when you start talking about the destruction and demolition that a person is trying to affect and they are your elderly mother, any and everyone will trying to shove you, the round peg, into the square hole. They will come up with a litany of reasons why you’re wrong, why you’re lying, why you don’t know what you’re talking about, why even if you do and you’re right, you should stay and support your mother and even the abuse, as necessary. Other than to support your mother, you literally cease to exist. You’re not really even supposed to ask to take her to a psychotherapist or neurologist, to see how much of it is dementia or a frontotemporal issue. You’re simply there to serve and it isn’t just a filial piety requirement of eastern culture. You can be born and breed in the US.
And it gets bad. Because I have people who I mistakenly told about my situation and I feel I can eventually lose my job, because I’m not acquiescing you the abuse of a person that they’ve never met - and they “seem” to like me at work. But, my abuser is my mother so, all bets are off.
I’ve gone no contact with my entire family and, pretty much, have no friends so, you can lose more than 75% of the people in your life. You can lose everyone, perhaps your livelihood and have to start over, in your 50s and, if you’re trying to date and form new relationships, you can end up looking quite odd because, how is it you have “no family”? What are you trying to hide??? Even to complete strangers, the idea of you going no contact with family, indicates that it’s you, who has always been the unhealthy one.
Thank you Dr. Rosenberg it makes so much sense first apply loving kindness and compassion towards self. This is an healthy intelligent egoism. 🙏
So glad this is helpful.
yes, any toxic, narcissist I changed the dynamics and expectations with, they decided to discard me. Or I had to leave them because they refused to change their selfish behavior (there have been many). I have grown a lot!!!!! Great insight. Thank you.
I was stuck in a work relationship with a narcissist. Very unhealthy. I would leave therapy at the suggestion it was toxic. Eventually his behaviour became so extreme and I learned about this stuff. Eventually I started to realise how abusive he was and how I had attached my self worth. I started to slowly break away until now I have no contact at all
Dr Ross:
A technical comment...
Your audio is MUCH better!
Ross, if Sam Vaknin mentions you then you MUST be right up there with the best!
Bravo for great content...
Thank you for listening. Glad this is helpful.
Happiness and relief! That says it perfectly! Thank you for putting it into words!
Glad you enjoyed it Jo Marie!
First time listening to you. Appreciate your perspective so far. Compulsion to return to the unhealthy relationship is so real.
Thanks for sharing. You may be interested in exploring Ross's resources at www.selfloverecovery.com/ and humanmagnetsyndrome.com/hmsblog/
That is the programming we have. That runs our system. It is not a surprise and it is hard to break. What we learn as children is our model for relating. It is no joke.
I have noticed that I am going through this right now. It's disconcerting for your cell to go silent and so-called family and friends to disappear. I blamed myself. It was a grieving process. But I am getting better. Thank you for this knowledge. It's for the best. I am getting stronger and more resilient. My circle is small but of the smartest and healthiest of my loved ones. I was looking for that parental love and acceptance that I never got from my F of O. Now I give it to myself.
Thanks so much for sharing. If interested, you can find more of Ross's resources at www.selfloverecovery.com/
I feel that! im so happy.
I have learned so much the last 8 weeks getting confirmation to confirmation from jou and Vacnin
sharing and sharing knowlidge and feeling stronger day by day.
I invested every minit to me to me doing what i was doing best befour all the BS
🙌❤️
@@anitramoore9514 And all who are involved feel this, cours he did hoover my whole network of people: a few he could not reach: like my home doctor, my psycholoog and my work (they know me long)
All who are involved in this in his lies: they are exposed equal i did worn them: the phrase: where smoke is, is fire: well I burned down the house!. every official health care organisation who trapped in this illigal privecy lies: over-ruling me with all kind of accusations: Well I went to the police station and hade a confersation with the officier of Justice: he said: this is a cival procedure. what means: we cannot help jou: (but. We do understand jou). I went to court 7 times to stand up for accusations that are made against me and my son who is 11 jears old. That he was a criminal and should be 'locked-away' in a child home to 'recouver'from his bad 'habits'? but. he has none. so. I cheerded him up as much as i could. I just receeved a lot of reflections about him and every-one see and feels him as adorable, smart AND SOCIAL very WELL skilled!~. How is that possible, i said: jou acuse me of neglegting him and raising him as a criminal? What makes jour help, helping him so quikly! i give all my compliments to jou. (i turned it all around) so.
the narc violated me, His name is on the first page of the rapport from court:
wondering: i asked why?
Is he involved in my home-situation if I tell he raped me with 4 other man while i was drogated (everybody is ashamed about this) I said. Listen. I am not a-schamed, im happy being alive, i live and if jou want to have proof for this rape? well ask court to do a DNA-test. That is jour proove (i do not know who of 5 diliverd the final seed (smile) I learned to 'play' narcictic tricks, i am Dutch he is not. I do not drink or smoke and eat pills: he das. I do not have a motor, a house for rent, a car, a boat, i do not travel every month to no-where. He does. he has a sick-ensurance: How is that possible? that my country, my land is payng sick-mony to a bloke who rapes woman and goes for sick-mony? our taxes?
maybe it is time to look at this . . .
And im gonna give a tip. this is my last move. Im gonna give a tip to my city about his identety: telling them: i went to court 7 times this jear. So that cost jou mony and loads of time i cannot use to work. Maybe there is a way to ask this person to pay alimentatie? to the city?
They will have to controll my information. for this they need a DNA sample. I have the paper from court with his name IN it: not my information! . I knew he would try: to trick me with fear and sorrow, i worked hard (very very happy with this Vacnin and Rosenberg during lock-down)
My child is save. Nobody can take him. He learned so many things during our separation, our bond is good: being a loving mum, good enough. I put al lot of effort in his emotional development playing and going along with other kids of his peergroup. My other kids see me do this: being straigt fore-ward. Attacking all my fears and eat it like a dragon who is a (actually) a vegan!
Dr. Ross you are supporting me in more ways than you will ever know. Thank you! With your system I’m able to correct my old codependent system. I feel blessed!!! ❤️
You are very welcome Tomeka.
Sooo trueee! LOVE THIS! More honesty about codependency work has been needed on here
His videos are eye-opening. I will be reading his books very soon. He gets it. I know exactly what he is talking about because I've lived it.
Thank you for your affirming words. Lets keep up the good work.
@@RossRosenberg I think it's very cool that you responded personally, so thanks. In my relationship, I was the codependent. I had codependent issues and some addiction issues/mental health issues. I worked my ass to get better, and I did. I did tremendous work to get healthier. My ex only left when I got better and asked her to work on her emotional intimacy, not when I was in the worst of my struggles. I asked her to work on being more vulnerable and emotionally open. She couldn't handle changing. She quit when it meant that she had to change and grow at all. So this video spoke to me.
That is the whole point of learning and creating more than ever besides leading an extraordinary life. To end my toxic relationships with the narcissists in my life.
Over time,armed with knowledge about narcissists, one will become much quicker identifying narccists; a very good skill to possess.
Thank you, Doctor! It s totally alone for me at the moment... Ideas of coming back are bombarding my head... Yet, they come and go and as you say is part of the proccess!
The video was funny and educational, simply very pretty presented.... As always!!
Kind regards
You are so welcome. Thanks for the support!
This was 100% me......and now after a few yrs of healing I can tell you RR Surgeon General Warning is 100% truth‼️💯💯......I’ve lost several female narc friendships, sibling (narc) closeness......it does get lonely & I do get cravings for the narc friends, but I feel soooo much healthier & am teaching my children same - it can’t go to next generation!
Thanks for watching! You may like this other new video: ruclips.net/video/A_Vz8uEYmHY/видео.html
It didn’t take long for my 17 year marriage to end after I finally got sober. 6 months I think. Getting sober was the best thing I ever did in my life, aside from having 2 amazing children. I wish I had done it 17 years ago!
Bring it on Dr I'm ready
I think you are an excellent Dr
Thank you Janet. 🙏
I appreciate this message and thank you so much for your support through this information. You truly saved my life today
You are so welcome Karin. Glad this was helpful.
Thanks for the heads up! I'm there.☺️
wow ! this is brilliant !
thank you for helping people break free !
It took me 20 years of marriage to finally see and accept the reasons for how empty and wrong things have been, my eyes have been opened, there is no going back. Thank you for these videos
You are welcome. So glad this is helpful.
Your video is an eye opener. I am beginning to learn what it means to be a co-dependent person. I’m not certain if I am co-dependent but I have a feeling I am because of my relationships with my fiancé, mother, and friend. I take a lot of abuse from these people. I will watch more of your videos to learn more.
Thanks for sharing. I would also suggest to explore Ross's resources at: www.selfloverecovery.com/
I love listening to him! I am happy that some will be going away in the process. I would love to read his book and group!❤️
Hi Jerrene! You can find Ross's book and other resources at www.selfloverecovery.com/ and humanmagnetsyndrome.com/hmsblog/
Lost all the extended family too, and family home and car and finances. It was worth it though, because I created my own life and home and business and healthy relationships, starting with myself. 💚
So true ! I went to therapy and did much , much research on narcissism. I then broke off my relationship with my long term boyfriend ! This was the BEST thing that I ever did!!
Thanks so much for sharing Suzanne!
👏👏👏
Thank you very much for explaining this. Helped me get through something today
Glad it helped!
I thank you from the depths of my ♥
You are so welcome.
It is really hard when it is your adult children who are the narcs. You come to reality and have to distance yourself, this is not easy.
Until I'm recovered, I will treat any potential future relationship as suspect. If they are attracted to me or vice versa, I can only assume they will be future trouble for me.
Therefore, no relationships for me until I am fully strong into co-dependecy recovery.
thank you for your videos
Yes, there was such compulsion to return back b/c its a difficult adjustment. I noticed that when I left my family, my sister, whom I was never close to, kept tabs on me , when she made effort to ignore (but her watch on me from afar) me before. They're going to want you to stay where THEY feel comfortable.
I left family and willingly cut off friends too, including one I was friends with since I was a teen. I had alot of guilt with her.
I don't have any support in my life right now, except my support groups I occasionally take part of, so it gets hard
You weren't kidding about the loss of relationships. I even had to go no contact with my 88-year-old narcissistic mom who wouldn't stop abusing me! I first went low contact back in January of this year and told her then that I would not tolerate her abuse any longer. I also warned her that I would walk out, block her from any communication with me and go no contact if she insisted on the continued verbal and emotional abuse. The abuse actually escalated more and more and got so bad I finally did have to block her and go no contact a couple weeks ago. It was the final step in the cleanup of my life. Now I have no friends or family whatsoever except my Facebook friends. Zip! Nada! Despite that I am getting happier! I spend my time with my hobbies and my two dogs. One of my Facebook friends is a long-time friend I've known for decades and thankfully is supportive of my healing and the decisions I've made along the way. With my last detachment, perhaps now I can heal my CPTSD.
I love observe don't absorb a boundary between me and toxic people.
This is 💯 true. After I went through a self love program called Adult Child of Dysfunction, I felt like I literally woke up. I looked around at the relationships in my life, especially my romantic relationship, were with people who were abusive and dysfunctional. It was the craziest thing, but wonderful! I have natural boundaries now to protect myself and don’t apologize for them. I am attracted to completely different people now, even in friendships. They say pain is attracted to pain and love and health is attracted to love and health. ❤️
Thanks for sharing!
Ross was my therapist and I will be dramatic and say he saved my life. All of what you will learn from him is truth and relevant. You may not at first agree with him but all of a sudden those light bulb moments come and it is painful but dealing with your shadow self and your ancestral trauma (because this shit is passed down through the generations) will liberate you to a life you didn’t know was even possible. It is lonely at first because your so called (vampire) friends desert you but you learn to belong with a friend group vs fitting in (which we SLDs try to do and often do it so well and in essence lose our self identity). He is worth the money ten fold.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience Kathy. So glad all this work was and is helpful.
Thanks Ross!
Excellent video 👌
Glad you liked it Maria!
I’d rather be alone. We don’t all have to be in relationships or have sex. Better to prepare for the future of obsolete relationships and sex aversions. Doesn’t anyone pay attention to what happens next after porn consumes a culture?
Edit: I read it as getting better relationships, lol. Fat chance. But yes you’d have to be mentally ill, codependent to be with 98% of the duds and believe in the whole underlying structure that they put in place where we tolerate these things. They love codependency. That’s what “emasculation” is all about.
Thank you for what you do
Glad this is helpful Robert.
Thank you
2 years back I lost 75% of my friends and family. Growing up in a Narc family, I always knew something was off but couldn't articulate it. As I am healing and loving myself, I am losing others.
I had read dozens of books, plus well over 100 hrs in podcast content. I read the human magnet syndrome and purchased a few of Rosenburgs audios...I stuck to my guns and was blown away at how many people dropped like flies...I have my two kids along with a couple others left. They all left...people I thought would never leave. I didn't do anything drastic...I just started using my voice differently. ...boundaries displayed a different side of me and ALL OF THEM...DAMN...IM STILL RECOVERING from the loneliness and ruminating but I'm better now.
I work with someone familiar with your work. Everything in this video is so true.
Thanks for sharing Naz.
Needed to hear this. Thanks 💙
Glad it was helpful.
This is a very timely message for me Ross...thank you..I have over the last 3 years uncovered so much of this dysfunction in my relationships....it has hurt me deeply when I have discovered where I stand in relationships I thought were close...I have healed immensely from this hurt with my self love..and all thanks to you. I am so grateful. You have made it so clear as to what my position has been.
Thanks for sharing Rosalind. Please consider exploring Ross's resources at www.selfloverecovery.com/ and humanmagnetsyndrome.com/hmsblog/