1. Change in speech patterns 2. Use of non-congruent gestures 3. Not saying enough - few to no details 4. Saying too much - excessive detail 5. Unusual rise or fall in vocal tone 6. Direction of eyes - looking away 7. Covering eyes or mouth 8. Excessive fidgeting 9. Finger pointing 10. Lie Detector Test [duh]
11. Touching/scratching the side of the nose 12. Voice withdrawals 13. Coughing 14. Blinking excessively/unnaturally (e.g. as Bill Clinton said, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman.") 15. Pausing (to make shit up) Of course, one should avoid the fallacy of the converse. Just because people tend to do these things while lying doesn't mean that if someone is doing one of them, they must be lying. One needs to interpret them within context. Also, different people display different symptoms. It's a bit personal. One might scratch the side of their nose while another one might blink excessively and unnaturally. I wonder what such differences actually say about the make up of the individual in question, how their brain is wired, the type of the lie, the subject of the lie, their motivation for the lie, etc.
I'm an older dude and you are so right. Every time that I can remember the times I did not when my head otherwise - I Lost. Something else about this - When my head and instincts(real ones) agree, I simply know, period. Example - in the fall of 79 I started a one man show business after a major move outa an isolated Pulp and Paper town. Within a few months my head told me there is a bad economy coming - I could see and predicted a 15% interest rate. My gut was intune with this 100%. So I shut it down and returned most products. I went to a Charted Accountant to make sure - No mistakes, When I went to pick up the paper work he asked my why I shut down. I told him I figured interest rates would be at 15% soon. The look on his face was priceless as in - ooook. But I was kinda wrong as interest rates peaked at about or near 23%. This was not the first or last time for me - both ways - a wifey thing🤣
I find the hardest thing is figuring out who is lying at a job. The people above you are privy to information you do not have, and they keep it from you. You can feel that something is not right, but... what is it? Who is it? You guys are all obviously super spies who can spot the liars, but unless they are cheap con artists who tell obvious lies or have that "hyperactive con artist" personality, I cannot tell. These are people who are more smooth and good at not giving away their true intentions. They smile to your face, but behind your back they are telling the people you are complaining about, that you are complaining about them. You think you have an ally that relates to you and sees the same problems you do, but they are in fact serving the very person or people who you have problems dealing with the most.
I think this line is so dumb and wrong. Remembering the truth and speaking it can be just as hard if not harder than lying. For example, trauma can be so devastating on the mind that your psyche create lies to not have to recall what really happened in order to protect you.
I use to lie pathologically. I got it down to the little white lies, but when I got out of the army I focused and tried really hard to correct it. I set up little mind traps and trained my self to immediately blurt out the truth. In hindsight I think the lies where a coping mechanism. It’s kinda like the thing that helps you in the short term but hurts you all together. Since then my life is a lot better and I feel better. I took the whole Jordan Peterson thing and ran with it.
How do I know the story you're telling isn't a lie? Just kidding, I used to work/be friends with a pathological liar. He was fun to be around because it was always a game to figure out if he was telling the truth or not. It took him about 10 years to get over it but he's a changed person now.
Wow. Didn't think liars could change. My ex gf was a pathological liar. She would lie even when it wasn't a big deal. It would frustrate me so much. For example one day we were over at another girls house. The girl cooked something for me and was doing her laundry. I complimented her food. Anyways my ex started lying. She was like "oh remember when I made this really good fried chicken for you." And "I used to do laundry too. I would carry a huge basket of clothes downs stairs." I said "wait.... You cook? You do laundry?" And the other girl started laughing because she knew she was lying too. In my mind I'm thinking "why did you even need to lie here???" It wasn't even beneficial.
Lying to someone is one of the most blatantly disrespectful things you can do and I have zero patience for liars. Yesterday I went and looked at an older Toyota Tacoma for sale at a boutique stealership and the general manager started lying to my face right from the start. I got so mad at him I just left without wasting another minute.
Picked up a '22 TRD OR from one of them stealerships about 6 months ago. Crazy how much BS they are shoveling. Got my payments dropped over 100/mo in about 30min of negotiation and me walking out. Crazy how badly they are trying to rob people.
So you have zero patience with yourself. Practically everyone on this planet has lied then they get mad when people lie to them 🤣 hypocrisy is amongst us all if you feel that way.
Eye contact or the lack there of can be caused by many factors. Victims of abuse and or people who are extremely shy can struggle with eye contact. Also someone who is experiencing deep sadness will often avoid eye contact for fear of losing emotional control.
Youre forgetting that these are mainly changes from how someone usually acts. The same way a polygraph works by comparing your answers to a previously established baseline. None of these are indicators of lying by themselves, however multiple of these things changing from how they usually are is a good indicator of a lie.
Too many people ignore their instincts these days, thinking that they've "outgrown" or evolved beyond them....they end up "thinking" themselves into an early grave more often than not.
Yes, for some that have complex trauma especially dysfunctional attachment - it can sometimes be a trauma response. However, long term congruence between you words and actions - would usually make it easy to spot the person who liars from those that have anxious behaviours from complex trauma
In the process of finally writing off my toxic, broken and downright MEAN spiritied (however veiled) father after 47 years of this very issue. Fucking sucks ass. Retired from flying Combat Rescue in 2020 and found myself in an IMMEDIATE defensive posture, perpetually every day since. As if every conversation is a deposition, and any possible doubt might as well be adjudicated and published precedent/fact. (and I'm not even, nor have been, close to the fella since age 16, and had forgotten how this bullshit false accusation shit is supposed to go...it's been a LONG ass time since I bounced out in 92, neventually ending up at the Fort Benning Home for Wayward Boys...then Kirtland AFB a decade+ later for the'Zipper Suited Sun God' Academy) Maddening shit. Doing nothing and still being guilty of something, even thiugh you are the last to know about what it was that you did, or that everyone else already heard that you did, yet your own ignorance of the issue paints you in a bad light you don't even kniow you are basking in. I realized recently that this old retired policeman was indeed truly proud of a PART of his oldest boy at one point. He was proud of a sage green jumpsuit with mny rank and callsign on it...a symbol of societal acceptance. Once that wasn't my veneer for all to see anymore, every conversation started to sound like these points Jocko is mentioning, And THAT was a fucking TRIP and a half to realize wioth real eyes that I was getting fed real lies. From inside my own personal Cantonement Zone, no less. Like finding a snitch in your Safe House. Brings a new nmeaning to the old advice my attorney always maintains, that you shoud NEVER voluntarily speak about anything to the police. Even the ones that retired in 2005 (while you were on the first of many tours OCONUS yourself.) Leaves a fella punch drunk confused, but not so much so that I'm gonna stand for anyone bearing false witness or libel/defamatory assertions, Blood or no blood. I was, I am, and I will forever be, a proud Rescueman. Integrity is NOT optional. If I say "We're coming to get you" and "We will not leave you behind", I fucking meant it then and I'll mean it tomorrow. Be damned if anyone is going to paint me as someone that espouses a conflicting ethos to that one. ou" oand "We will not leavbe you behind", I fucking meant it then and I'll mean it tomorrow. (apparently your comment stuck a raw nerve on this 'still up-cuz-I-can't-sleep-because-of-it' ... professional stressor that I is.) I pray I've imparted into my 26 year old son the gravity of Integrity. I tried like Hel;l to do so, and I';ll keep at it. In thevery end, it literally CAN actually be ALL that you've got left in the old Wolfpack 'man satchel' while headed off to some V named big hall in Asgard, withoiut your body, booty or bills from the IRS...in search of where y'all left DOug last night, (oh, wait a minute. I AM Doug.)
The studies say that usually the longer the false accusations go on, the more animated the angry the falsely accused becomes. You feel a sort of “righteous indignation.” If someone is rightly accused, it’s usually the opposite.
@xDiRt_McGiRkx I understand what you're saying. If it's not true then why let it bother you kind of speaking. But what if it's a very negative rumor. For example: YOU'RE A RACIST.
@xDiRt_McGiRkx another example I can take from the Bible. Jesus was accused of casting out demons with the help of the devil. Ppl accused Him and He truly did no wrong and was crucified for it.
So when I was in a toxic relationship before, my ex-gf was very manipulative and would tell my friends these completely made up stories of arguments we had. They believed her vague stories because she would start crying, this caused me to tell them what really happened with precise detail to try to get them to believe me. So I get that in some situations, a lot of details can be a tell of a liar, but I hope people don’t automatically deem someone a liar if they do give more detail depending on the situation.
My understanding is the liar will share irrelevant details. The falsely accused will share details of things that logically prove they are not guilty. And that info can contain specific details that prove there is no way they did what they are accused of. Whereas the liar adds a lot of detail to make their story seem more real. Since that is their focus, I believe they lose sight of the point of sharing details in that situation, and go off on detail tangents.
@@ddtrahan I learned through research recently that she is indeed a narcissist. I didn’t really know much about what it was before, but after looking into it, she is in every sense a narcissist.
For me the biggest red flag that someone is a liar or con artist is someone who constantly speaks with a friendly smile and wide open eyes. For some reason I've seen that a lot of people don't pick up on this. Specially women.
I smile a lot and I keep my eyes pretty open, I think, lol. But I know EXACTLY what you mean. There's a difference between genuine friendly and creepy friendly.
A very important key to remember in a deception detection scenario is to be on the lookout for clusters of deceptive behaviors... a single deceptive indicator is not enough to raise a red flag!
Jocko this has nothing to do with anything but I really appreciate your character. You're a stand up man. Thanks for your service and what you've done and will do in the future.
You would think. I 've been accused of lying, far beyond normal despite my honesty, all my life. One day, I was facing a felony charge. Here, whenever you are charged with a felony, you get analyzed by a psychiatrist. He told me everything I told is unbelievable, and yet, he felt absolutely assured I was telling the truth.
Polygraphs are not accurate at all, they make no sense whatsoever and have never been proven to be accurate. Good reason they're not seen as evidance or anything close to the sort in the EU.
I failed a lie test and I was telling the truth completely. Those test are a joke. until it happens to you , you wont believe it. they are so inaccurate is why its not admissible in court. its snake oil tactics!
Always found that if you think people are plotting some sort of silly shit against you, the best bet is to just go quiet on them. Those that are being truthful will come to you, and those that aren’t will go equally quiet. Either that, or just listen to what people say to you, most people indirectly reveal their motivations against you without even realising it.
This is what I mean when I say, "something isn't right, not sure what it is, but something is out of context". Thus, I've either missed something, or something is being hidden. From what I can tell, being a liar is a full time job, seems pretty wearing... too much work!
@TheManFromAuntie exactly, also what do we mean as lies? I lie everytime when i am anxious af and don't wanna go out with friends. It's a different thing when someone lies to manipulate you or take advantage.
Bruh, I got the "IRS" call once a few years ago. They asked for my first and last name, and ssn to "confirm" my identity. I just said "You called me, you tell me what my name is" and they hung up 🤣
As someone who had pretty bad social anxiety as a teenager, my body language and eye contact would often be at odds with what I was saying. I've grown out of the anxiety, but sometimes, especially when tired or stressed, my body language comes across as very defensive even when I don't mean it to. So sometimes your "gut feeling" about what someone is saying can be incorrect. You need to check for multiple signs. For instance, when I'm in a top mood and extra talkative people respond very differently to me in a lower mood. I imagine I could get away with lying while in a great mood. Lies have a habit of coming back to bite you though, so unless it's for a really honourable reason I don't recommend it.
Yea I thought this was common knowledge by now but joco still out here living by 1970s police tactics. All these signs mean someone is nervous. But people could be nervous for a dozen different reasons not just because they are lying.
@@Laocoon283 Yet if theres no obvious reason for someone to be nervous it means theyre likely lying. This sort of stuff is best for people you actually know. You know how they usually act, you hopefully know they arent pathological liars, so if they are exhibiting many of these signs out of the blue you know there is a good chance they are lying and you should investigate further.
So true peoples judgement accusing people of lying or the you haven't done research line,is just a standover tactic usually used by people who have given up smoking recently they become rude and argumentive.They only start thinking rational and clearly,stop the arrogance when they have healthy diet and mindset.
When my little brother was four years old he had quite the imagination which came out with the lies to match his tales. To fix this my Mother told him the story of Pinocchio. Several days after he heard the tale my older brother took him to the beach. He comes flying in the door full of sand and sunshine and proceeds to tell us of his day at the beach. “ The porpoises let me get on their back and they took me far away.” My Mother didn’t say anything to him instead she gave him that unmistaken skeptical look. He took his little hand and put it in front of his nose to see if it was growing. It would be handy if noses really did grow, I can picture all our politicians on the floor.
I used to work a security job with a guy who was a chronic liar, but his lies were so obvious and so entertaining, no one cared. If he had to put a guy in handcuffs, the guy would always have been super huge, jacked up on something and he would always have subdued the guy in some really unique, cool sounding but highly improbable method before slapping the cuffs on. If he had to chase a guy a block, he'd say six blocks or it would been a block, but the guy had a bike. Thing was... Not only was the guy good at his job, but he was also an amazing story teller. He would paint pictures in your mind with his words. HIs stories were always entertaining, and he would tell stories in front of people who witnessed the actual event, who clearly knew he was BSing, but his version would be so funny no one usually said anything about it. If you did challenge him on a detail, he would shrug, say "Well, it was something like that." then bounce back into the story with even dumber details. We all liked the guy. Where his behavior bit him back was, one time, he actually had an incident that was as crazy as most of his stories; and he did a REALLY good job handling it. No one believed it. I didn't believe it when he told me the story, but later I got to see some CCTV footage that verified enough of it that it might as well all be true. I just found it super funny that everyone he told smiled, nodded, "Yeah, that sounds crazy!" and didn't believe a word. But because they never challenged him generally, he didn't know they didn't believe this one, and no one believed it.
So, when I was a child I read about all these things and one of the things I latched onto was not making pauses in speech to demonstrate truthfulness- cue me not thinking before I speak for the rest of my life.
I've often heard that looking up and to the right is a clue that you are accessing memory detail. Also, people being able to recall the sequence of events in the same order when asked numerous times is another tell.
Adam jones, it has been proven that left handed people use either the opposite, or a mix of eye movements. In right handed people the centres that control everything in the brain are all firmly entrenched in very specific areas. In contrast, left-handed people have a much more diversely set up brain. There are generally a few centers, but their brain acts like much more of a cloud system as opposed to a filing cabinet system.
I've seen videos where experts say people put their extremities in front of the most vulnerable parts of their bodies when they're uncomfortable or not confident, which can mean many things--including lying, so they cover the neck, the the chest, and the stomach. Sort of tucking the chin down to cover the neck is one example.
Jocko you bring up some great points as a 38 year cop many years spent in investigations looking up into the left for most people indicates grabbing a memory. The problem is when they look up to the left and then they look up to the right looking up to the right after looking up to the left means they’re editing or making something up just a little tip.
INTENT really does matter, and context. I often hit these markers when telling nothing but the truth. But I've come to learn about myself that I have this ridiculous belief that I must justify/ defend every little thing no matter how insignificant (much to do with extended DV and low self-esteem). And in doing so, red flags start popping up en mass that signal to the average person a lie is being conducted. It's so frustrating.
Yup 👍🏻 my father used to accuse me constantly of stuff even if I wasn’t doing anything, then I got in a relationship that had DV.. and now I constantly look like i’m lying bc of the anxiety
When people are telling the truth and just being themselves their mental and physical patterns "flow". When they start lying it changes up and becomes "zigzag like". Intuition and affect empathy dials in on motive and intent. I look away or completely close my eyes, to block out sensory data, when trying to think deeper on something, so that my mind doesn't have to process that sensory data, and it can just focus completely on the information at hand.
Sometimes liars will give an over amount of details to try and make you think they have all the information. Sometimes the most honest answer someone can give is a simple, "I don't know." They aren't afraid to tell you that they don't know something.
Beliefs become fixation becomes intention becomes motivation becomes decision to act finally becomes actions. You can sus these signals at any point if you're paying attention and your familiar with the personality.
My own brother is stealing from me which is breaking my heart. But, I will just say, yes intent does have a smell. That's the best wording to describe that feeling better than I have ever heard. Cheers
Be honest with him and tell him you love him and to get help. Don't fight him or be mean to him. Any man who steals already has a broken sense of pride. Do what he would never expect and offer him your love and support. -a sibling who used to steal.
If someone can’t look u in the eye it’s not necessarily a lie. I have severe anxiety problems and it is very hard for me to look anyone including my wife in the eye, if I do it’s only for a couple seconds at a time. And knowing people think people not lookin them in the eye are liars just gives me more anxiety to talk to people. So just to put that out there, people may have issues that could cause these
You do not even have to see the other person or hear them. You can sense the danger just like that. We are all connected and as soon as you make an intent and focus on a person that person should be able to sense danger. This is demonstrated in animals and in anime where the victims can sense the blood lust of the predators.
It’s very interesting that there’s a dichotomy with how some people give too much eye contact, versus others who avoid eye contact (plus other examples). I understand that it’s important to try and establish a base line of such behaviours through conversation that is known to be truthful, in order to compare later behaviour when questioning about a subject where you need to establish deception, or not.
I think instrumental lying is not only motivated by external consequences, but also by internal ones. But there is always some kind of reward. So goals for instrumental lies are not only avoiding trouble, getting undue gains, but also boosting your ego or the ego of the other people. Most dark triade personalities are friends with lies. Narcissist for example mostly do it to boost their ego. If you lie for too long, it will get habitual. Then your default is to lie without any kind of reward in sight.
I do the same - when I'm thinking, I don't look you in the eye, or at least not for more than a couple seconds. But when you speak I can look you in the eye. I'm visual and when I'm thinking I'm pulling info from my mind and I can't do that and look at you at the same time. It takes away from the process of retrieving info.
Some of these signs work some of the time, but you probably aren’t dealing in absolutes. If you’re really interested to know if someone is lying, just keep asking the same questions in different ways. Eventually, answers become inconsistent and you’ve got your answer.
I just realized that I'll cover my mouth somewhat when I listen to others speak. Specifically, I'll have my thumb under my chin/jaw while my index finger rests across my lips. I think I do this 1) to remind myself to listen by physically obstructing my mouth, 2) to subconsciously communicate to the speaker than I'm listening to them, and 3) to communicate that I'm about to respond when I put my hand down. Interestingly, I've never associated that position to deceipt but, like Jocko said, I'm sure its very context and culture dependent.
Growing up I learned to lie and exaggerate because my mom was insane and abusive and she taught me that if I just tell the straight truth I will be disbelieved and then punished, so I had to "crank it up" just a bit, or my statement would be dismissed, no matter how devastating the consequences were for being disbelieved. It seemed like hardly anything I could say or do would get her to believe me other than exaggerating or telling her exactly what she wanted to hear. Jordan Peterson talked about how you damage your self and your life when you lie and that it's really bad to lie in almost any capacity. This is very much the truth. I had to "learn" how to tell the truth about everything, but not before it cost me dearly. The loss I experienced from my lying motivated me to figure out why I lie in the first place, and how to stop it. Now I'm a stickler for the truth and get in trouble for saying it all the time. Funny thing: Suffering because of your lies makes you feel shame. Suffering from telling the truth makes you feel proud which makes the suffering worth it.
Looking away is common for thinking and accessing memory. The direction of looking away is important - different direction for accessing memory to when your brain is composing something
The looking away thing depends on which way you look away. It is normal but the thing is that we tend to look away in one direction when we are accessing memory and the other way when we are accessing imagination which would be used in lying. I can't remember which is which but that could be examined fairly simply.
Jocko, I recently stumbled across you on my quest to better myself. Your mindset and the way you convey information seems to be sinking in. I respect and admire you and all that you do. Thank you, I enjoy learning from your content. In this video when you ask if its normal for people to look away when trying to compile thoughts together. The answer is yes, it absolutely is. The thing to remember when dealing with liars, though, is the direction in which they look. You have a left side and right side of your brain and they both have different purposes. If a person looks to the left (your left, their right), they are constructing their story. If a person looks to the right (your right, their left), they are remembering something. I read alot and one of my interests is human behavior. Anyway, thanks again for the quality content! Until next time.
you, people, read too much. I was recently in a car, having an important conversation. I was the one behind the wheel(on the left, the other person was on the right), so I when I was looking to the right, I was looking in this person's eyes. All I had left was to look to the left to remember or even be creative with what I say
Telling the truth when you will look like the fool actually helps out tremendously. Used to be scared of looking like an idiot but now will look boss man in the eyes and say I fucked up but will fix it at my expense.
I’ve gotten so good at lying over the years I can look someone right in the eyes and lie straight to their face. My wife thinks she knows what my lying face is. It’s hilarious because she doesn’t. I only lie about shit that doesn’t matter though. “Yeah, I walked the dog 2 hours ago.” I wasn’t even home 2 hours ago.
As a person most people are trying to figure out, you can tell when someone is trying to scope you out to see if you are a liar. It maybe that you just met them or are making a strong statement that requires an effort by others and they maybe trying not to listen. This is called heuristic thinkers. The ones who take short cuts and try to do less work and stick with what they know. It is easy to tell when someone has an idea about what you should be and that you are going against their perception because they get defensive and may even feel morally undignified. A person may also be called a liar or other lesser names if there is a belief of exaggeration. If someone is trying to make themselves out to be better than others, then automatically we try to balance out the playing field as an internal balancing mechanism. I’ll call it the fairness meter. There is defiance with the reason of not trusting. It is hard to move past the negative thoughts once labeled because most people do not want to stoop to the level of the perceived liar. Once you can move past that, think about what they are really trying to do or what they have really gone through. Liars are weird for one reason or another or a bunch of reasons. But if they keep being treated dysfunctionally, it will not change. The friend who lied about dating a girl could really be hurting because he can’t get a date, and isn’t asking her like he should because their “friends” and feels like he has to be a man by “planning for her” with the help of his guy friends. If someone is labeled a lier as well, their could be bigger social issues happening that the acceptance of the individual is only tolerated and everyone is trying to think of a reason to get them out because they are different. Their was one out spoken woman in my basic training from USCG named McDonald. She was highly stigmatized leading to her making mistakes, but it wasn’t seen that way. People just thought she was different. She tried to be stronger in an effort then what she could be because of the stigma and trying to deal with it while having personal issues. www.amazon.com/Talking-Strangers-Should-about-People/dp/0316299227/ref=asc_df_0316299227/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=509494905560&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=6334757161676431522&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1024543&hvtargid=pla-1299594665238&psc=1
You can’t tell if someone’s lying or not, most likely you’ll see signs that their lying, if you thought they were lying, or you’ll see signs their telling the truth, if you thought they were telling the truth.
People can look away and still tell the truth that cant be just nervousness nervousness itself can’t be a sign of lieing because anxiety can be associated with that stress etc
@@marcusbachelier4639 depends on circumstances and age knowledge you can learn how to avoid it also. People cheat at everything these days . Not much honor in it
I believe that non-congruent gestures would consist of shaking your head no while making an affirmative statement etc. Not so much a general change in body language usage. I could be wrong.
Re: IRS I believe in their website it clearly states: “The IRS will never call you”. You can call them and talk but all of their correspondence is through certified mail. If anyone calls you claiming they’re IRS it’s a scam.
I have noticed that if I’m being spoken to directly and especially if I’m being given instructions or if the conversation holds more than standard weight or importance I will redirect my gaze to a place nearby that is without motion or much color or pattern while putting the person speaking in my peripheral vision. Doing this seems to give me a far higher ability to pick up on subtle fluctuations in all aspects of the one communicating. This also allows me to focus my attention in what I can only describe as a sort of trance state where in I’m immediately connected emotionally and intellectually. I find that I’m far more likely to not only pick up on the facts of the information given but also the emotional context and am far more likely to be able to recall specific details of the event at a later time. Thoughts? Anyone else? I believe that I also do something similar when communicating myself though apparently haven’t been near as attentive to that process. Hmmm
I'm not sure why this is so, but my impression is that it has to do with neural pathways and "unloading" some input (such as recognition of faces and all the things associated with that). It may be that our brains subconsciously use tons of bandwidth on face recognition and all the subtle body language indicators that the face tells us. Looking away clears up our brains to focus on the speech and content of that speech. Such is my theory. 🤷
@@admatai07 Good call. I remember that in basic army training we are taught that when scanning a horizon especially in low light situations it is best to keep our eyes moving and keep focus on our peripheral vision in hopes of recognizing movement or the pattern of a silhouette. It had something to do with losing detail in our blind spots or something to that regard. I have also noticed that when I am attempting to throw something at a specific target like a knife to a target if I focus with great stillness and intent I am more likely to miss than if I am more bouncy and quick in my action. I akin it to how a pitcher in baseball can almost super humanly snatch a line drive out of the air when one wouldn’t imagine being capable of seeing an object moving so fast. I think what’s happening is that by keeping the object of interest in my peripheral I am allowing my subconscious attention to take responsibility for processing the nuances of body language and facial expressions freeing up my conscious attention to more greatly attend to what’s being offered in way of vocal expression and emotional context. All this makes me curious as to how one could potentially utilize this information as to how one receives communication in order to control a response when communicating themselves? Hmmm. Thanks again for your response. I very much appreciate you. 👍
It's definitely a thing! My husband does it and I find it really attractive. And the fact a female finds it attractive probably means that it's a behavior linked to survival. I could definitely see that.
The looking up when you're thinking is a real thing. It has to do with where memories are stored in our brain, your body is physically going to that area by directing the eyes there while searching for the thought. the validity has been argued on the direction. Some say that one direction is the person coming up with a lie and the other is searching for a memory (truth). Our imagination comes from the right, therefore it's thought that looking to the right, a person is lying.
Jocko, if you notice, most people look up, with wider eyes, slow eye movements and raised eyebrows when lying. Most people also look either up or down, with squinted eyes/blink faster, with rapid eye movements when remembering.
Something not mentioned...many who tell the truth, will also understand the person they are trying to explain it to, may likely be partial to the other. In those situations, he/she who is being truthful (knowing the listener is likely biased against them), are likely not going to believe you, therefore the truth teller will be more animated and explanatory to the (biased) individual with the hopes of garnering support, all the while, unintentionally demonstrating signs that usually are signs of lies, all the while being truthful. Additionally, an individual who understands that he or she lies regularly and is insecure about it (believing others see him/her as a liar), but is now being truthful, will willfully attempt to look one in the eyes, be direct, to the point, very specific, and adamant. It will usually be obvious that they are attempting to "hide the tell tell signs" of lying in order to be believed. In other words, a lier who for once is telling the truth, will go to great lengths outside of their normal character to persuade.
I dont think most truthful people would immediately assume the other person thinks theyre lying. The only times that would really happen is if the truthful person was being accused of something or they had a pretty severe case of anxiety.
My oldest brother makes up fictional stories all the time and tries to pass them off as real. I think it's a skill he thinks benefits him, or perhaps he just has let it go unchecked for so long. Recently I've grown up and don't live with him or need him, and therefore he has no leverage over his life. Status change is rough, but part of this is that I now challenge these outright in his face, and he is having to cope really hard as we corner him with facts these days. For him, it's supposedly a coping mechanism for a learning disorder. I think he does it become somewhere inside there he is more comfortable making up lies than allowing other's to control the conversation. Another wierd thing he does is always try to insert his opinion, and direct the conversation towards his pride, to the point that I don't even take the bait these days, when he asks about what are my plans about X. I know he will just insert his opinion, which he says will be the best. He is super jealous of his older sister who is fairly strategic about gettings things from others, and not always 100% honest about what she does to try and get her way, but she doesn't make things up flat out and pass them off as true. I think they just want to be loved, and it was hard to get it
Curious if Jocko has read the book The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. It’s all about learning, listening and understanding on intuitions. Such an amazing book.
I've been watching a lot of trials where each side brings in their so-called experts. So many of these signs resonate with some of the hack experts. When they don't want to specifically answer a question, they will just give a long drawn-out answer that doesn't really addressed or they just act stupid as if that's not part of their expertise. They will also talk as if they are smarter than you and when trying to talk about something very simple, they make it seem like they are explaining astrophysics and they are a genius for knowing it.
the hard part is that my body language doesnt always match my speech, because i don't want people in my head. The hard part is having been, at a young age, shown and trained in NLP. I was trained to use this tool, but never on the people i love. I do not lie, at least not intentionally. I also am very picky about WHAT information i give them. Not everything in my life is open to the world, just my tribe. I tend to babble at work, lots of quesions, etc. Why? Not me! it's about giving them a picture of me, but it is not me. You get what i will give you, not what i am.
The looking the way to think thing is called “accessing cues “looking up into the side usually means you’re accessing the visual part of your brain directly horizontal usually means you’re accessing the auditory part of the brain and looking down is thinking about how you’re feeling. So if someone is looking up and to the right, for example They’re either constructing a picture in their head on their visually remembering how something went down
I am very truthful, but i go into so much detail everytime i want someone to believe a true story. I try not to because i know its a sign of lying, but i feel they wont believe me if i dont. Luckily most the things i have ever done and achieved in life are documented, so i always have a back up if no one believes.
The looking away part. Looking up and to the right and looking up and to the left are two different things. One means you're trying to recall details the other side means you're making them up. Can't remember which side is what
Regarding eye contact, I was always told to maintain constant eye contact when talking with someone. However I find that even when listening to sometime describe something funny or mundane I'll look away while they are explaining because I'm intensely visualizing what is being described. That's just how my brain works I suppose.
Normal to look away when "thinking", eye contact diminishes your cognitive ability during social interactions by somewhere around 20% if I remember correctly.
Liars when caught from my perspective get figety and their voice gets trembly and they start fumbling over their words. Liars also change their story over n over. They fidget play dumb eventually act clueless.
I have to just say in regard to the too much detail part. I have been born into a very toxic family (taught me alot about psychology so thanks) I have been taking care of the house ect. For her but god forbid you irritate her she’s hell bent on getting back! So she calls the police playing a victim card as an old lady ect. I have resorted to feeling like if I am detailed then how can I be lying? Especially when you ask me again and I say the same thing! How can a lier remember such details and then repeat it?
And I also used to cover my mouth because I was always self conscious of my teeth! Due to medical issues that caused severe dental issues and unfortunately people go straight to their on drugs. However many cancer patients suffer from loss of teeth from their treatment.
I've heard looking up in one direction indicates thinking while looking up in the opposite direction indicates lying. I cant remember which is left and which is right.
1. Change in speech patterns
2. Use of non-congruent gestures
3. Not saying enough - few to no details
4. Saying too much - excessive detail
5. Unusual rise or fall in vocal tone
6. Direction of eyes - looking away
7. Covering eyes or mouth
8. Excessive fidgeting
9. Finger pointing
10. Lie Detector Test [duh]
11. Touching/scratching the side of the nose
12. Voice withdrawals
13. Coughing
14. Blinking excessively/unnaturally (e.g. as Bill Clinton said, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman.")
15. Pausing (to make shit up)
Of course, one should avoid the fallacy of the converse. Just because people tend to do these things while lying doesn't mean that if someone is doing one of them, they must be lying. One needs to interpret them within context. Also, different people display different symptoms. It's a bit personal. One might scratch the side of their nose while another one might blink excessively and unnaturally. I wonder what such differences actually say about the make up of the individual in question, how their brain is wired, the type of the lie, the subject of the lie, their motivation for the lie, etc.
Is this a lie? 🤔
When someone says "Trust me" they're always lying.
Lie detector test cam be beaten
@@enisten looking down at the floor. I had a boss that was scuff his right foot everyime he lied.
A lot of it is instinct. I remember being young and I could feel people in their intention. Never ignore your gut.
100% man
Every single time I’ve been sketched out by someone it’s been legit. Every. Time.
My gut is rumbling, time to feed my face.
I'm an older dude and you are so right. Every time that I can remember the times I did not when my head otherwise - I Lost. Something else about this - When my head and instincts(real ones) agree, I simply know, period. Example - in the fall of 79 I started a one man show business after a major move outa an isolated Pulp and Paper town. Within a few months my head told me there is a bad economy coming - I could see and predicted a 15% interest rate. My gut was intune with this 100%. So I shut it down and returned most products. I went to a Charted Accountant to make sure - No mistakes, When I went to pick up the paper work he asked my why I shut down. I told him I figured interest rates would be at 15% soon. The look on his face was priceless as in - ooook. But I was kinda wrong as interest rates peaked at about or near 23%. This was not the first or last time for me - both ways - a wifey thing🤣
I find the hardest thing is figuring out who is lying at a job. The people above you are privy to information you do not have, and they keep it from you. You can feel that something is not right, but... what is it? Who is it? You guys are all obviously super spies who can spot the liars, but unless they are cheap con artists who tell obvious lies or have that "hyperactive con artist" personality, I cannot tell. These are people who are more smooth and good at not giving away their true intentions. They smile to your face, but behind your back they are telling the people you are complaining about, that you are complaining about them. You think you have an ally that relates to you and sees the same problems you do, but they are in fact serving the very person or people who you have problems dealing with the most.
“If you never lie you never have to remember anything.” I wish I knew who said that. It’s so accurate.
Mark Twain
The Monkees
What about sleep ? Do you lie in your sleep ?
Google it
I think this line is so dumb and wrong. Remembering the truth and speaking it can be just as hard if not harder than lying. For example, trauma can be so devastating on the mind that your psyche create lies to not have to recall what really happened in order to protect you.
I listen to what people tell me but I really pay attention to their actions. Actions always tell the truth.
I use to lie pathologically. I got it down to the little white lies, but when I got out of the army I focused and tried really hard to correct it. I set up little mind traps and trained my self to immediately blurt out the truth.
In hindsight I think the lies where a coping mechanism. It’s kinda like the thing that helps you in the short term but hurts you all together. Since then my life is a lot better and I feel better. I took the whole Jordan Peterson thing and ran with it.
How do I know the story you're telling isn't a lie? Just kidding, I used to work/be friends with a pathological liar. He was fun to be around because it was always a game to figure out if he was telling the truth or not. It took him about 10 years to get over it but he's a changed person now.
I'm proud of you. Thank you for sharing.
Good job 👏 you are better when your soul is on the right path , honesty is easier to keep up with
I respect the fact that you're admitting it. Not easy to do.
Wow. Didn't think liars could change. My ex gf was a pathological liar. She would lie even when it wasn't a big deal. It would frustrate me so much.
For example one day we were over at another girls house. The girl cooked something for me and was doing her laundry. I complimented her food.
Anyways my ex started lying. She was like "oh remember when I made this really good fried chicken for you." And "I used to do laundry too. I would carry a huge basket of clothes downs stairs." I said "wait.... You cook? You do laundry?" And the other girl started laughing because she knew she was lying too.
In my mind I'm thinking "why did you even need to lie here???" It wasn't even beneficial.
I have a co-worker who,when recognizing BS says "It doesn't pass the 'sniff' test"
Lying to someone is one of the most blatantly disrespectful things you can do and I have zero patience for liars. Yesterday I went and looked at an older Toyota Tacoma for sale at a boutique stealership and the general manager started lying to my face right from the start. I got so mad at him I just left without wasting another minute.
Stealership lmao
What did he lie about?
If you except the truth at a car dealership, you ain’t bought many cars.
Picked up a '22 TRD OR from one of them stealerships about 6 months ago. Crazy how much BS they are shoveling. Got my payments dropped over 100/mo in about 30min of negotiation and me walking out. Crazy how badly they are trying to rob people.
So you have zero patience with yourself. Practically everyone on this planet has lied then they get mad when people lie to them 🤣 hypocrisy is amongst us all if you feel that way.
@@tem3111 I feel bad for your family and friends
Eye contact or the lack there of can be caused by many factors. Victims of abuse and or people who are extremely shy can struggle with eye contact. Also someone who is experiencing deep sadness will often avoid eye contact for fear of losing emotional control.
And those of us with Nystagmus, eye contact is difficult for us and uncomfortable for you when we do manage to maintain it.
Youre forgetting that these are mainly changes from how someone usually acts. The same way a polygraph works by comparing your answers to a previously established baseline. None of these are indicators of lying by themselves, however multiple of these things changing from how they usually are is a good indicator of a lie.
I once had a manager that was highly disrespected by the team including me. I often could not look him in the eyes because I disrespected him.
So true people who practice psychoanalysis on others are narcissists their the ones with issues
Or avoiding evil eye
Too many people ignore their instincts these days, thinking that they've "outgrown" or evolved beyond them....they end up "thinking" themselves into an early grave more often than not.
the worst is when you're telling the truth but you sound like you're lying.
Yes, for some that have complex trauma especially dysfunctional attachment - it can sometimes be a trauma response. However, long term congruence between you words and actions - would usually make it easy to spot the person who liars from those that have anxious behaviours from complex trauma
In my option the worst part is the person who genuinely believes there lies
This happens to me sometimes. And you can sense that they suspect/assume you’re lying when in fact you’re not. The truth always comes out though
I've noticed that the people who say "I can't stand a liar" are the biggest liars in the world.
They recognize themselves into others
Nothing more frustrating than being falsely accused. And if I withdraw because I'm so appalled, some will say that's a confession.
In the process of finally writing off my toxic, broken and downright MEAN spiritied (however veiled) father after 47 years of this very issue.
Fucking sucks ass.
Retired from flying Combat Rescue in 2020 and found myself in an IMMEDIATE defensive posture, perpetually every day since. As if every conversation is a deposition, and any possible doubt might as well be adjudicated and published precedent/fact. (and I'm not even, nor have been, close to the fella since age 16, and had forgotten how this bullshit false accusation shit is supposed to go...it's been a LONG ass time since I bounced out in 92, neventually ending up at the Fort Benning Home for Wayward Boys...then Kirtland AFB a decade+ later for the'Zipper Suited Sun God' Academy)
Maddening shit. Doing nothing and still being guilty of something, even thiugh you are the last to know about what it was that you did, or that everyone else already heard that you did, yet your own ignorance of the issue paints you in a bad light you don't even kniow you are basking in.
I realized recently that this old retired policeman was indeed truly proud of a PART of his oldest boy at one point.
He was proud of a sage green jumpsuit with mny rank and callsign on it...a symbol of societal acceptance. Once that wasn't my veneer for all to see anymore, every conversation started to sound like these points Jocko is mentioning, And THAT was a fucking TRIP and a half to realize wioth real eyes that I was getting fed real lies. From inside my own personal Cantonement Zone, no less. Like finding a snitch in your Safe House.
Brings a new nmeaning to the old advice my attorney always maintains, that you shoud NEVER voluntarily speak about anything to the police. Even the ones that retired in 2005 (while you were on the first of many tours OCONUS yourself.)
Leaves a fella punch drunk confused, but not so much so that I'm gonna stand for anyone bearing false witness or libel/defamatory assertions, Blood or no blood.
I was, I am, and I will forever be, a proud Rescueman. Integrity is NOT optional. If I say "We're coming to get you" and "We will not leave you behind", I fucking meant it then and I'll mean it tomorrow. Be damned if anyone is going to paint me as someone that espouses a conflicting ethos to that one.
ou" oand "We will not leavbe you behind", I fucking meant it then and I'll mean it tomorrow.
(apparently your comment stuck a raw nerve on this 'still up-cuz-I-can't-sleep-because-of-it' ... professional stressor that I is.)
I pray I've imparted into my 26 year old son the gravity of Integrity. I tried like Hel;l to do so, and I';ll keep at it.
In thevery end, it literally CAN actually be ALL that you've got left in the old Wolfpack 'man satchel' while headed off to some V named big hall in Asgard, withoiut your body, booty or bills from the IRS...in search of where y'all left DOug last night,
(oh, wait a minute. I AM Doug.)
The studies say that usually the longer the false accusations go on, the more animated the angry the falsely accused becomes. You feel a sort of “righteous indignation.” If someone is rightly accused, it’s usually the opposite.
Yes, just like if you walk out of a drug test your automatic guilty. Your always assumed guilty. DOESN'T MATTER WHAT IT IS
@xDiRt_McGiRkx I understand what you're saying. If it's not true then why let it bother you kind of speaking. But what if it's a very negative rumor. For example: YOU'RE A RACIST.
@xDiRt_McGiRkx another example I can take from the Bible. Jesus was accused of casting out demons with the help of the devil. Ppl accused Him and He truly did no wrong and was crucified for it.
So when I was in a toxic relationship before, my ex-gf was very manipulative and would tell my friends these completely made up stories of arguments we had. They believed her vague stories because she would start crying, this caused me to tell them what really happened with precise detail to try to get them to believe me. So I get that in some situations, a lot of details can be a tell of a liar, but I hope people don’t automatically deem someone a liar if they do give more detail depending on the situation.
My understanding is the liar will share irrelevant details. The falsely accused will share details of things that logically prove they are not guilty. And that info can contain specific details that prove there is no way they did what they are accused of.
Whereas the liar adds a lot of detail to make their story seem more real. Since that is their focus, I believe they lose sight of the point of sharing details in that situation, and go off on detail tangents.
Should have just walked away from that mess and you don’t own her to prove them wrong man. Total waste of time.
@@ddtrahan I learned through research recently that she is indeed a narcissist. I didn’t really know much about what it was before, but after looking into it, she is in every sense a narcissist.
For me the biggest red flag that someone is a liar or con artist is someone who constantly speaks with a friendly smile and wide open eyes. For some reason I've seen that a lot of people don't pick up on this. Specially women.
I smile a lot and I keep my eyes pretty open, I think, lol. But I know EXACTLY what you mean. There's a difference between genuine friendly and creepy friendly.
ABSOLUTELY AGREE ITS ALMOST A MANIPULATIVE TACTIC TO GET YOU TO TRUST THEM.
Yes Ive seen it. While saying 'I Wouldn't do this...'
like scientologists?
A very important key to remember in a deception detection scenario is to be on the lookout for clusters of deceptive behaviors... a single deceptive indicator is not enough to raise a red flag!
Jocko this has nothing to do with anything but I really appreciate your character. You're a stand up man. Thanks for your service and what you've done and will do in the future.
As a lifetime ocd sufferer, I could absolutely fail every polygraph test and body language test while telling the truth
Have you ever taken one?
You would think. I 've been accused of lying, far beyond normal despite my honesty, all my life. One day, I was facing a felony charge. Here, whenever you are charged with a felony, you get analyzed by a psychiatrist. He told me everything I told is unbelievable, and yet, he felt absolutely assured I was telling the truth.
Polygraphs are not accurate at all, they make no sense whatsoever and have never been proven to be accurate. Good reason they're not seen as evidance or anything close to the sort in the EU.
For some reason, I don't believe you.
I failed a lie test and I was telling the truth completely. Those test are a joke. until it happens to you , you wont believe it. they are so inaccurate is why its not admissible in court. its snake oil tactics!
I took a lie detector test and I have never felt like I was lying without really lying more in my life. Ended up passing though😂
Sadly, lie detectors are not as good as their reputation.
Always found that if you think people are plotting some sort of silly shit against you, the best bet is to just go quiet on them.
Those that are being truthful will come to you, and those that aren’t will go equally quiet.
Either that, or just listen to what people say to you, most people indirectly reveal their motivations against you without even realising it.
People always tell on themselves you need only the eyes to see and the ears to hear..
They might be trying to kill you . Materialistic society is very demonic and selfish. People that lie try to kill me.
YES, Jocko finally said SUS
FINALLY! Sussy baka Jocka
Fse
Sus means slightly underwater seal fyi
Are you celebrating laziness?🤣
Watch the latest state of the union address prime content for spotting a liar
This is what I mean when I say, "something isn't right, not sure what it is, but something is out of context". Thus, I've either missed something, or something is being hidden. From what I can tell, being a liar is a full time job, seems pretty wearing... too much work!
Most of the time... it's just a matter of time to tell who is lying or loyal.
I cover my mouth whenever I'm talking to a waiter at a restaurant. Does that mean I'm lying about what I want to order?... yes
Yes, never tell them what you really want.
🧐 yes!
I like to waiters all the time: "how is everything?" "It's good"
Especially when they bring your order wrong😂
You know you want those chicken tendies but you get the steak so your date thinks you’re sophisticated
Lying doesn’t make someone psycho. They can be compulsive or they may be a narcissist.
@TheManFromAuntie exactly, also what do we mean as lies? I lie everytime when i am anxious af and don't wanna go out with friends. It's a different thing when someone lies to manipulate you or take advantage.
The truth is , you really don't know if someone is lying until you have contradicting evidence .
Without watching it yet so don’t know if u said it but adding to many small details that don’t matter is always a good sign
and if you remaining silent prompts them to add in more details then its almost a guarantee theyre lying
Bruh, I got the "IRS" call once a few years ago. They asked for my first and last name, and ssn to "confirm" my identity. I just said "You called me, you tell me what my name is" and they hung up 🤣
As someone who had pretty bad social anxiety as a teenager, my body language and eye contact would often be at odds with what I was saying.
I've grown out of the anxiety, but sometimes, especially when tired or stressed, my body language comes across as very defensive even when I don't mean it to.
So sometimes your "gut feeling" about what someone is saying can be incorrect. You need to check for multiple signs.
For instance, when I'm in a top mood and extra talkative people respond very differently to me in a lower mood. I imagine I could get away with lying while in a great mood.
Lies have a habit of coming back to bite you though, so unless it's for a really honourable reason I don't recommend it.
Yea I thought this was common knowledge by now but joco still out here living by 1970s police tactics. All these signs mean someone is nervous. But people could be nervous for a dozen different reasons not just because they are lying.
@@Laocoon283 Yet if theres no obvious reason for someone to be nervous it means theyre likely lying. This sort of stuff is best for people you actually know. You know how they usually act, you hopefully know they arent pathological liars, so if they are exhibiting many of these signs out of the blue you know there is a good chance they are lying and you should investigate further.
I go by gut and hearing what is being said.
@callanc3925 Police are unlikely to know you personally and being nervous for no reason is part and parcel of having an anxiety disorder.
So true peoples judgement accusing people of lying or the you haven't done research line,is just a standover tactic usually used by people who have given up smoking recently they become rude and argumentive.They only start thinking rational and clearly,stop the arrogance when they have healthy diet and mindset.
When my little brother was four years old he had quite the imagination which came out with the lies to match his tales. To fix this my Mother told him the story of Pinocchio. Several days after he heard the tale my older brother took him to the beach. He comes flying in the door full of sand and sunshine and proceeds to tell us of his day at the beach. “ The porpoises let me get on their back and they took me far away.” My Mother didn’t say anything to him instead she gave him that unmistaken skeptical look. He took his little hand and put it in front of his nose to see if it was growing.
It would be handy if noses really did grow, I can picture all our politicians on the floor.
I used to work a security job with a guy who was a chronic liar, but his lies were so obvious and so entertaining, no one cared. If he had to put a guy in handcuffs, the guy would always have been super huge, jacked up on something and he would always have subdued the guy in some really unique, cool sounding but highly improbable method before slapping the cuffs on. If he had to chase a guy a block, he'd say six blocks or it would been a block, but the guy had a bike.
Thing was... Not only was the guy good at his job, but he was also an amazing story teller. He would paint pictures in your mind with his words. HIs stories were always entertaining, and he would tell stories in front of people who witnessed the actual event, who clearly knew he was BSing, but his version would be so funny no one usually said anything about it. If you did challenge him on a detail, he would shrug, say "Well, it was something like that." then bounce back into the story with even dumber details.
We all liked the guy. Where his behavior bit him back was, one time, he actually had an incident that was as crazy as most of his stories; and he did a REALLY good job handling it. No one believed it. I didn't believe it when he told me the story, but later I got to see some CCTV footage that verified enough of it that it might as well all be true. I just found it super funny that everyone he told smiled, nodded, "Yeah, that sounds crazy!" and didn't believe a word. But because they never challenged him generally, he didn't know they didn't believe this one, and no one believed it.
The fact I watched the podcast with Theo and joacko earlier today, and now how Jocko mentions Theo just cements my
So, when I was a child I read about all these things and one of the things I latched onto was not making pauses in speech to demonstrate truthfulness- cue me not thinking before I speak for the rest of my life.
First of all, if the IRS wants a word with you, they're not going to call you or email you, they'll either send you a letter, or actually show up.
I've often heard that looking up and to the right is a clue that you are accessing memory detail. Also, people being able to recall the sequence of events in the same order when asked numerous times is another tell.
Right I have heard the directional thinking may suggest fabricating or actually remembering memories... but also that this theory is not true.
Adam jones, it has been proven that left handed people use either the opposite, or a mix of eye movements.
In right handed people the centres that control everything in the brain are all firmly entrenched in very specific areas. In contrast, left-handed people have a much more diversely set up brain. There are generally a few centers, but their brain acts like much more of a cloud system as opposed to a filing cabinet system.
The good liars know how to remain undetected.
I've seen videos where experts say people put their extremities in front of the most vulnerable parts of their bodies when they're uncomfortable or not confident, which can mean many things--including lying, so they cover the neck, the the chest, and the stomach. Sort of tucking the chin down to cover the neck is one example.
I have nothing to say really.. Just pure awesome knowledge!!! LISTEN!!
Yo! Jocko finally joined the 1960's and started broadcasting in color!
Jocko you bring up some great points as a 38 year cop many years spent in investigations looking up into the left for most people indicates grabbing a memory. The problem is when they look up to the left and then they look up to the right looking up to the right after looking up to the left means they’re editing or making something up just a little tip.
Thanks for the heads up
The weather thing had me laughing, I imagined Jocko saying that to the guy and him getting quiet and confused over the phone
INTENT really does matter, and context. I often hit these markers when telling nothing but the truth. But I've come to learn about myself that I have this ridiculous belief that I must justify/ defend every little thing no matter how insignificant (much to do with extended DV and low self-esteem). And in doing so, red flags start popping up en mass that signal to the average person a lie is being conducted. It's so frustrating.
Yup 👍🏻 my father used to accuse me constantly of stuff even if I wasn’t doing anything, then I got in a relationship that had DV.. and now I constantly look like i’m lying bc of the anxiety
When people are telling the truth and just being themselves their mental and physical patterns "flow". When they start lying it changes up and becomes "zigzag like". Intuition and affect empathy dials in on motive and intent. I look away or completely close my eyes, to block out sensory data, when trying to think deeper on something, so that my mind doesn't have to process that sensory data, and it can just focus completely on the information at hand.
Sometimes liars will give an over amount of details to try and make you think they have all the information. Sometimes the most honest answer someone can give is a simple, "I don't know." They aren't afraid to tell you that they don't know something.
Beliefs become fixation becomes intention becomes motivation becomes decision to act finally becomes actions. You can sus these signals at any point if you're paying attention and your familiar with the personality.
My own brother is stealing from me which is breaking my heart. But, I will just say, yes intent does have a smell. That's the best wording to describe that feeling better than I have ever heard. Cheers
Be honest with him and tell him you love him and to get help. Don't fight him or be mean to him. Any man who steals already has a broken sense of pride. Do what he would never expect and offer him your love and support.
-a sibling who used to steal.
He might not take it well at first, btw. but eventually it will get to him. I promise you.
If someone can’t look u in the eye it’s not necessarily a lie. I have severe anxiety problems and it is very hard for me to look anyone including my wife in the eye, if I do it’s only for a couple seconds at a time. And knowing people think people not lookin them in the eye are liars just gives me more anxiety to talk to people. So just to put that out there, people may have issues that could cause these
You do not even have to see the other person or hear them. You can sense the danger just like that. We are all connected and as soon as you make an intent and focus on a person that person should be able to sense danger. This is demonstrated in animals and in anime where the victims can sense the blood lust of the predators.
It’s very interesting that there’s a dichotomy with how some people give too much eye contact, versus others who avoid eye contact (plus other examples). I understand that it’s important to try and establish a base line of such behaviours through conversation that is known to be truthful, in order to compare later behaviour when questioning about a subject where you need to establish deception, or not.
I think instrumental lying is not only motivated by external consequences, but also by internal ones. But there is always some kind of reward. So goals for instrumental lies are not only avoiding trouble, getting undue gains, but also boosting your ego or the ego of the other people.
Most dark triade personalities are friends with lies. Narcissist for example mostly do it to boost their ego.
If you lie for too long, it will get habitual. Then your default is to lie without any kind of reward in sight.
15:02 Even the smallest of lies could remove the potential good you could of had with whomever.
I do the same - when I'm thinking, I don't look you in the eye, or at least not for more than a couple seconds. But when you speak I can look you in the eye. I'm visual and when I'm thinking I'm pulling info from my mind and I can't do that and look at you at the same time. It takes away from the process of retrieving info.
Some of these signs work some of the time, but you probably aren’t dealing in absolutes. If you’re really interested to know if someone is lying, just keep asking the same questions in different ways. Eventually, answers become inconsistent and you’ve got your answer.
Non congruent gestures refers to when your mannerisms don't match your words. Like nodding yes but saying no
Everyone lies everyday if people where honest no one would be friendly
I just realized that I'll cover my mouth somewhat when I listen to others speak. Specifically, I'll have my thumb under my chin/jaw while my index finger rests across my lips. I think I do this 1) to remind myself to listen by physically obstructing my mouth, 2) to subconsciously communicate to the speaker than I'm listening to them, and 3) to communicate that I'm about to respond when I put my hand down. Interestingly, I've never associated that position to deceipt but, like Jocko said, I'm sure its very context and culture dependent.
Growing up I learned to lie and exaggerate because my mom was insane and abusive and she taught me that if I just tell the straight truth I will be disbelieved and then punished, so I had to "crank it up" just a bit, or my statement would be dismissed, no matter how devastating the consequences were for being disbelieved. It seemed like hardly anything I could say or do would get her to believe me other than exaggerating or telling her exactly what she wanted to hear.
Jordan Peterson talked about how you damage your self and your life when you lie and that it's really bad to lie in almost any capacity. This is very much the truth. I had to "learn" how to tell the truth about everything, but not before it cost me dearly. The loss I experienced from my lying motivated me to figure out why I lie in the first place, and how to stop it.
Now I'm a stickler for the truth and get in trouble for saying it all the time. Funny thing: Suffering because of your lies makes you feel shame. Suffering from telling the truth makes you feel proud which makes the suffering worth it.
Looking away is common for thinking and accessing memory. The direction of looking away is important - different direction for accessing memory to when your brain is composing something
The looking away thing depends on which way you look away. It is normal but the thing is that we tend to look away in one direction when we are accessing memory and the other way when we are accessing imagination which would be used in lying. I can't remember which is which but that could be examined fairly simply.
Jocko, I recently stumbled across you on my quest to better myself. Your mindset and the way you convey information seems to be sinking in. I respect and admire you and all that you do. Thank you, I enjoy learning from your content.
In this video when you ask if its normal for people to look away when trying to compile thoughts together. The answer is yes, it absolutely is. The thing to remember when dealing with liars, though, is the direction in which they look. You have a left side and right side of your brain and they both have different purposes. If a person looks to the left (your left, their right), they are constructing their story. If a person looks to the right (your right, their left), they are remembering something.
I read alot and one of my interests is human behavior.
Anyway, thanks again for the quality content! Until next time.
you, people, read too much. I was recently in a car, having an important conversation. I was the one behind the wheel(on the left, the other person was on the right), so I when I was looking to the right, I was looking in this person's eyes. All I had left was to look to the left to remember or even be creative with what I say
Telling the truth when you will look like the fool actually helps out tremendously. Used to be scared of looking like an idiot but now will look boss man in the eyes and say I fucked up but will fix it at my expense.
That’s a sense. Different word - same sensation. .. Spot On!
Jocko saying "sus" was really worth the whole video
2:40
Thought the same.
I’ve gotten so good at lying over the years I can look someone right in the eyes and lie straight to their face. My wife thinks she knows what my lying face is. It’s hilarious because she doesn’t. I only lie about shit that doesn’t matter though. “Yeah, I walked the dog 2 hours ago.” I wasn’t even home 2 hours ago.
stop lying Cory! It's going to get you into trouble.
lying is weakness
I rarely lie and i dont really look people in the eye while i talk
Lmao at Jocko saying "sus." 😂
Kids keep us young.
As a person most people are trying to figure out, you can tell when someone is trying to scope you out to see if you are a liar. It maybe that you just met them or are making a strong statement that requires an effort by others and they maybe trying not to listen. This is called heuristic thinkers. The ones who take short cuts and try to do less work and stick with what they know. It is easy to tell when someone has an idea about what you should be and that you are going against their perception because they get defensive and may even feel morally undignified. A person may also be called a liar or other lesser names if there is a belief of exaggeration. If someone is trying to make themselves out to be better than others, then automatically we try to balance out the playing field as an internal balancing mechanism. I’ll call it the fairness meter. There is defiance with the reason of not trusting.
It is hard to move past the negative thoughts once labeled because most people do not want to stoop to the level of the perceived liar. Once you can move past that, think about what they are really trying to do or what they have really gone through. Liars are weird for one reason or another or a bunch of reasons. But if they keep being treated dysfunctionally, it will not change. The friend who lied about dating a girl could really be hurting because he can’t get a date, and isn’t asking her like he should because their “friends” and feels like he has to be a man by “planning for her” with the help of his guy friends.
If someone is labeled a lier as well, their could be bigger social issues happening that the acceptance of the individual is only tolerated and everyone is trying to think of a reason to get them out because they are different. Their was one out spoken woman in my basic training from USCG named McDonald. She was highly stigmatized leading to her making mistakes, but it wasn’t seen that way. People just thought she was different. She tried to be stronger in an effort then what she could be because of the stigma and trying to deal with it while having personal issues.
www.amazon.com/Talking-Strangers-Should-about-People/dp/0316299227/ref=asc_df_0316299227/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=509494905560&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=6334757161676431522&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1024543&hvtargid=pla-1299594665238&psc=1
You can’t tell if someone’s lying or not, most likely you’ll see signs that their lying, if you thought they were lying, or you’ll see signs their telling the truth, if you thought they were telling the truth.
People can look away and still tell the truth that cant be just nervousness nervousness itself can’t be a sign of lieing because anxiety can be associated with that stress etc
Old bar stool proverb," Never let telling the truth get in the way of telling a good story".
The direction you look when searching for the answer tells its own story
That’s been proven false over and over again. Don’t rely eye movement, that’s 80’s bs “science”
@@marcusbachelier4639 depends on circumstances and age knowledge you can learn how to avoid it also. People cheat at everything these days . Not much honor in it
I have myoclonic dystonia, uncontrollable movement disorder. People always think I’m nervous, fidgeting, cold, lying, or on drugs lol.
I believe that non-congruent gestures would consist of shaking your head no while making an affirmative statement etc. Not so much a general change in body language usage. I could be wrong.
Or you can ask a person a yes or no question and sometimes they would answer yes while their head would motion no, vice versa!
Re: IRS
I believe in their website it clearly states: “The IRS will never call you”. You can call them and talk but all of their correspondence is through certified mail. If anyone calls you claiming they’re IRS it’s a scam.
I have noticed that if I’m being spoken to directly and especially if I’m being given instructions or if the conversation holds more than standard weight or importance I will redirect my gaze to a place nearby that is without motion or much color or pattern while putting the person speaking in my peripheral vision. Doing this seems to give me a far higher ability to pick up on subtle fluctuations in all aspects of the one communicating. This also allows me to focus my attention in what I can only describe as a sort of trance state where in I’m immediately connected emotionally and intellectually. I find that I’m far more likely to not only pick up on the facts of the information given but also the emotional context and am far more likely to be able to recall specific details of the event at a later time. Thoughts? Anyone else? I believe that I also do something similar when communicating myself though apparently haven’t been near as attentive to that process. Hmmm
I'm not sure why this is so, but my impression is that it has to do with neural pathways and "unloading" some input (such as recognition of faces and all the things associated with that). It may be that our brains subconsciously use tons of bandwidth on face recognition and all the subtle body language indicators that the face tells us. Looking away clears up our brains to focus on the speech and content of that speech.
Such is my theory. 🤷
@@admatai07 Good call. I remember that in basic army training we are taught that when scanning a horizon especially in low light situations it is best to keep our eyes moving and keep focus on our peripheral vision in hopes of recognizing movement or the pattern of a silhouette. It had something to do with losing detail in our blind spots or something to that regard. I have also noticed that when I am attempting to throw something at a specific target like a knife to a target if I focus with great stillness and intent I am more likely to miss than if I am more bouncy and quick in my action. I akin it to how a pitcher in baseball can almost super humanly snatch a line drive out of the air when one wouldn’t imagine being capable of seeing an object moving so fast. I think what’s happening is that by keeping the object of interest in my peripheral I am allowing my subconscious attention to take responsibility for processing the nuances of body language and facial expressions freeing up my conscious attention to more greatly attend to what’s being offered in way of vocal expression and emotional context. All this makes me curious as to how one could potentially utilize this information as to how one receives communication in order to control a response when communicating themselves? Hmmm. Thanks again for your response. I very much appreciate you. 👍
It's definitely a thing! My husband does it and I find it really attractive. And the fact a female finds it attractive probably means that it's a behavior linked to survival. I could definitely see that.
That was anecdotal, but still. Most guys I've seen do that are sigma male. Strong, lone-wolf types. They gather the best information haha.
The looking up when you're thinking is a real thing. It has to do with where memories are stored in our brain, your body is physically going to that area by directing the eyes there while searching for the thought. the validity has been argued on the direction. Some say that one direction is the person coming up with a lie and the other is searching for a memory (truth). Our imagination comes from the right, therefore it's thought that looking to the right, a person is lying.
Mouth covering has a lot to do with people knowing they have bad breath. It’s their way of diverting their breath in close quarters.
Jocko, if you notice, most people look up, with wider eyes, slow eye movements and raised eyebrows when lying.
Most people also look either up or down, with squinted eyes/blink faster, with rapid eye movements when remembering.
I've met some real stinky people.
🤣🤣
Something not mentioned...many who tell the truth, will also understand the person they are trying to explain it to, may likely be partial to the other. In those situations, he/she who is being truthful (knowing the listener is likely biased against them), are likely not going to believe you, therefore the truth teller will be more animated and explanatory to the (biased) individual with the hopes of garnering support, all the while, unintentionally demonstrating signs that usually are signs of lies, all the while being truthful. Additionally, an individual who understands that he or she lies regularly and is insecure about it (believing others see him/her as a liar), but is now being truthful, will willfully attempt to look one in the eyes, be direct, to the point, very specific, and adamant. It will usually be obvious that they are attempting to "hide the tell tell signs" of lying in order to be believed. In other words, a lier who for once is telling the truth, will go to great lengths outside of their normal character to persuade.
Impressive 👏
I dont think most truthful people would immediately assume the other person thinks theyre lying. The only times that would really happen is if the truthful person was being accused of something or they had a pretty severe case of anxiety.
My oldest brother makes up fictional stories all the time and tries to pass them off as real. I think it's a skill he thinks benefits him, or perhaps he just has let it go unchecked for so long. Recently I've grown up and don't live with him or need him, and therefore he has no leverage over his life. Status change is rough, but part of this is that I now challenge these outright in his face, and he is having to cope really hard as we corner him with facts these days. For him, it's supposedly a coping mechanism for a learning disorder. I think he does it become somewhere inside there he is more comfortable making up lies than allowing other's to control the conversation. Another wierd thing he does is always try to insert his opinion, and direct the conversation towards his pride, to the point that I don't even take the bait these days, when he asks about what are my plans about X. I know he will just insert his opinion, which he says will be the best. He is super jealous of his older sister who is fairly strategic about gettings things from others, and not always 100% honest about what she does to try and get her way, but she doesn't make things up flat out and pass them off as true.
I think they just want to be loved, and it was hard to get it
If a person gives solutions to a problem that does not exist thats a lier for sure. Pay attention to that.
Curious if Jocko has read the book The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. It’s all about learning, listening and understanding on intuitions. Such an amazing book.
Indeed. A brilliant book.
I've been watching a lot of trials where each side brings in their so-called experts. So many of these signs resonate with some of the hack experts. When they don't want to specifically answer a question, they will just give a long drawn-out answer that doesn't really addressed or they just act stupid as if that's not part of their expertise. They will also talk as if they are smarter than you and when trying to talk about something very simple, they make it seem like they are explaining astrophysics and they are a genius for knowing it.
I DEMAND YOU BRING BACK THE GROUNDED PODCAST. I NEEEEEED IT
the hard part is that my body language doesnt always match my speech, because i don't want people in my head.
The hard part is having been, at a young age, shown and trained in NLP. I was trained to use this tool, but never on the people i love.
I do not lie, at least not intentionally. I also am very picky about WHAT information i give them. Not everything in my life is open to the world, just my tribe.
I tend to babble at work, lots of quesions, etc. Why? Not me! it's about giving them a picture of me, but it is not me. You get what i will give you, not what i am.
The looking the way to think thing is called “accessing cues “looking up into the side usually means you’re accessing the visual part of your brain directly horizontal usually means you’re accessing the auditory part of the brain and looking down is thinking about how you’re feeling. So if someone is looking up and to the right, for example They’re either constructing a picture in their head on their visually remembering how something went down
I spoke that into my phone, so there are some mistakes but you get the idea
One of the best deep dives into this subject is a book called “What Every BODY Is Saying” by Joe Navarro.
I took NLP courses for several years. Looking up to the right is when you're creating/formulating a story. Looking to the left is recall...
That is total bs.
Jacko for President!! I just discovered this guy, he is a titan of an American!! Love this guy!!
I am very truthful, but i go into so much detail everytime i want someone to believe a true story. I try not to because i know its a sign of lying, but i feel they wont believe me if i dont. Luckily most the things i have ever done and achieved in life are documented, so i always have a back up if no one believes.
The looking away part. Looking up and to the right and looking up and to the left are two different things. One means you're trying to recall details the other side means you're making them up. Can't remember which side is what
Iv adhd and i find it hard to do eye contact and listen at same time its part of it.
Regarding eye contact, I was always told to maintain constant eye contact when talking with someone. However I find that even when listening to sometime describe something funny or mundane I'll look away while they are explaining because I'm intensely visualizing what is being described. That's just how my brain works I suppose.
Normal to look away when "thinking", eye contact diminishes your cognitive ability during social interactions by somewhere around 20% if I remember correctly.
Liars when caught from my perspective get figety and their voice gets trembly and they start fumbling over their words. Liars also change their story over n over. They fidget play dumb eventually act clueless.
I have to just say in regard to the too much detail part. I have been born into a very toxic family (taught me alot about psychology so thanks) I have been taking care of the house ect. For her but god forbid you irritate her she’s hell bent on getting back! So she calls the police playing a victim card as an old lady ect. I have resorted to feeling like if I am detailed then how can I be lying? Especially when you ask me again and I say the same thing! How can a lier remember such details and then repeat it?
And I also used to cover my mouth because I was always self conscious of my teeth! Due to medical issues that caused severe dental issues and unfortunately people go straight to their on drugs. However many cancer patients suffer from loss of teeth from their treatment.
Detecting deception is extremely difficult. Even with reading body language and putting everything into context, there’s no full proof way to do it.
I like the way Jocko describes 'smelling' the intent.
I've heard looking up in one direction indicates thinking while looking up in the opposite direction indicates lying. I cant remember which is left and which is right.