Relationships take effort and intention
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- Опубликовано: 10 сен 2024
- Relationships take effort and intention. Maybe you didn’t have to work so hard to connect at the beginning, but as life gets busy it is easier to get complacent. When your partner is bidding for connection, asking you questions, reaching out to touch you, are you engaging with them or ignoring them?
Disclaimer: IG is not therapy. This content is for educational and entertainment purposes only. This will not apply to everyone.
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This great advice!! if you're dating a tyrant or someone who feels like they're your manager.
I couldn't even listen to the video let alone imagine having to deal with this every day
And there's the rub. The woman playing the female part obviously isn't providing what her partner needs, or is demanding, or withholding, or the male partner would open up like crazy.
Wait.... which one is the female? Because I had a woman NOT open up to me ..... was the reclusive one, not make intention or effort and I ended it!
@@ryuoki1As you should have!
I did the same. Efforts matter and intentionality certainly matters also.
Question: has a man who is in a relationship with one of your clients ever contacted you to thank you for helping his girlfriend be a better partner?
Yeah, didn’t think so.
As a man who tried to reach out to my ex wife's therapist; it's considered taboo and immediately gets you treated like you're interfering where you don't belong, even if you have something nice to say. I was treated so badly in my case; screw that
You cannot nor should you want to change the behavior of your partner, because you fell in love with them the way they were, changing them wouldn't be the same person anymore and you'd fall out of love.
Works far better if you simply accept your partner for who and how they are.
This felt....extremely unrealistic. If you want to talk to your husband more...dont try to connect over crap that stresses him out (work). Connect with him over stuff he likes (literally anything he likes-- ask about the new Destiny expansion and what he thinks about it, or his sports team/favorite athlete, or what he thinks of Magnus Carlsen sitting out the chess tournament, etc. You know what he follows, ask him about it).
Guys 100% do not get a buzz commisserating about negative things the way that women do. He wants to stay five thousand feet away from what might make you nervous (things not going well at his job) because it will make him want to die inside. It will not be comforting to him to talk about his worries the way its comforting to a woman to talk about. You aren't his partner in that way. He doesnt want that kind of convo.
He does want to feel connected to you. And he will feel connected when he feels like what he likes isnt boring or distasteful to you. Letting him talk about what he likes, will not be hard. And....he will reciprocate by letting you talk about the royals and Megan Markle, or color seasons or the drama with your sister and her trip to disneyland....like he doesnt care. But he cares about you.
He will not reciprocate by letting you complain about all the ways he's failing you in the relationship....because that is not connection building.
Expecting your man to be a woman *is* expecting him to be something he's not.
"Hey babe, I feel like we havent done anything fun together in a while. Do you want to plan what we do and I'll arrange for the sitter? "
@@Jimyy36644 thank you! I have strong feelings about this. Because I feel presented with two bad worldviews all the time. You have women thinking men are exactly the same about what makes them feel shame and threat and that's just not true. (So you get 'why aren't we talking about our feelings enough' arguments). And then you have women thinking men don't feel shame or threat.... and that makes women act like sociopaths, like men don't have feelings. But I believe men and women are the same, just about different things. Men feel shame about different things than women. Men aren't shameless.
Honestly, 'male fragility' as a phrase makes me feel ill. It's dumb to mock men for their emotional rigidity just as much as it's dumb to mock women for our emotional sensitivity. These aren't personality bugs. They're features. And if you want a highly emotionally expressive partner who will literally jump for joy and also cry for sappy stories date a woman. If you want someone that can and will pretend to be alright when your kid is loaded into the ambulance, date a man. Like there are virtues of having both, but you cant have both in the same person. That's why women generally should solve their relationship woes by appreciating their men for who they are and having more girl friendships to supply what your husband is not.
Also why men need male friendships because they can and should have someone to talk about their fears with, who won't do the girl thing and emote too much about it.
TLDR, societally, we expect both too much and too little of our romantic partners simultaneously- because one person can't be our whole social support network. That's toxic to the partnership and poisonous to each person inside of it. Androgyny....isn't always the best of both worlds, sometimes it's the worst of both.
I agree with you. You know us. 👍❤
Maybe talk about their interests instead of asking mundane topics like, "how was your day?" I hate talking about my day, especially work days. I'm there to make money, not to write a blog about it.