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Narcissistic Youth Sexlessness: Porn and Relationships in a Dying World
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- Опубликовано: 11 июн 2020
- The young are avoiding each other in every possible way.
Spectatoring: worrying about how you look and sound while having sex.
It is the outcome of consumption of porn and growing shame and inhibition related to nudity and body dysmorphia.
Instead: sexting which can be staged and photoshopped is the rage as well as dating apps as entertainment and diversion from real face to face encounters.
Buy most of my books in Amazon www.amazon.com/stores/page/60...
As an older person, I have observed the social interactions and attitudes change. I questioned the lack of normal interaction. The impact of social media and the illusion that it has brought people closer together is a facade. This was another masterful overview of analysis of the condition of social paralysis. Brilliant as always, in original Vaknin style!
Q
Love, sex and partnerships are the most natural thing in the world for a human to desire. Narcissistic behavior has made it damn near impossible to have a healthy two way realtionship. it's been devesting and extermly painful to come accept the fact that creating a healthy happy family is not possible in this generation.
This was so beautifully written!!
Right on leon :) thanks all for this starting this great exchange.
@Enigma 24 great question, Enigma24
@Enigma 24 I get what you are pointing to, and I feel those expectations came from romantic movies that have had a very similar effect for decades, as porn is having these days
@Enigma 24 I am a 5'11 girl. I'd only date guys my height or taller.
People need love but feel afraid. We are a broken generation. God help us.
@Josefina Chinchilla, I agree with what you say. Though painful, recognizing just how broken we are has to occur, and in fact is pretty much the only way change/revolution come about. It’s like losing your temper and breaking shit. When the fit is over, and you look at your destruction (well one thing I want to point out is- it’s not as bad as we think it is and it’s nothing that can’t be fixed or replaced). All you can do is shrug and say well it’s time to get my shit together. That’s when we get over this helplessness and paralysis and we can live the lives we want. In fact it comes naturally after that. I may be rambling now. Have a good one y’all ;)
Amen
we are truly in dark times... one has to be blind or intellectually deficient to think otherwise
Well, then you can imagine the pain of being alone with a similar analysis applied to many different fields, but constantly having to interact with people who fully ignore or are in denial of this. This is my daily life and it really feels isolating to have the awareness, but be surrounded with ignorance and rejection.
@@lissamu6537 These modern times, with all the nuances that go contrarian to natural human interaction, breeds the neurotic era of our current day.
I call it not believing in god and muhamed as the last messenger of everyone cause everything is explained (about life ans how to live it) in coran and suna of muhamed
Humans are a an overall highly pathological/mentally sick disgusting species. If you think about how easy their weak brains can be infiltr. and all the sh they engage in. Pathetic & pittyful
This guy is an encyclopedia of information.
Thank you Mr Vaknin. The best channel on YT by far.
I love your intros. So much sarcasm. How many times have you said that same sentence 😂 but seriously your videos are amazing thank you!
Sadly this is very true! I'm a 30 yr old woman and I've never been in a relationship, a few dates but that's it! Not because I don't want to but because men don't want to be in a relationship and think it's weird to want a relationship! I gave up on dating only because no one wants a relationship. ☹️ I tried online dating apps and the guys who messaged me just wanted to sext but not meet up.
The MeToo Movement I noticed has also made men nervous about everything, even complimenting women! I had a guy come up to me and said that he wanted to say that I had very pretty eyes and that he wasn't trying to sound creepy! When the hell did it become creepy to give compliments!?! This world has become so fucked up! Social Media has really screwed up the world!
It appears romance is gone.
I am glad you said how I felt!!!! Sex with a psychopath (even after married) was the most boring experience ever. Yes mechanically functional..... but there is no "love making".... just repeated sessions if the same release.
I thought I was the only one that felt that way!!!
Sam Vaknin. I do like your sense of humour.
How is this funny?! It's all disgusting and true!!
@@stephenmcsweeney357 The content of this Video is not funny at all. But it is the way that Sam gets his Point across.
Brilliant, and I have noticed that my students in the past 10 years just don't date anymore, and almost all of them think it is "weird" to date someone a grade or two younger. One has to ask themselves, why is internet pornography free?
Brutally honest.... Thank You Sam Vaknin. 🌀❤️🌀
I thank you for talking candidly about this because nobody ever does. This is affected me greatly. I have found no outlet anywhere even with psychologists because they do not get it and you can't explain it in a 45-minute session maybe on the telephone or on via computer. So thank you. This is my validation if there's such a thing.
Love this, so true . Sense of humor is way more important to women than muscles .
Love the admittance of judicious comment LOL 😂 people are so quick to call someone wrong , without even knowing they’re not even assessing and passing judgement on the right argument. Brilliant videos
Great vid professor.... As someone in the age bracket you seem to refer to, I have "seen stuff" but do not choose to consume porn... does nothing for me. Interestingly, I'm a university-trained actor. Know fully that porn actors are just that, actors. Have had somewhat comical sexual experiences with guys who probably get their "knowledge" from such films... don't know what to say about it, other than it's really gone sideways in our culture. People don't know how to make love anymore. True intimacy just isn't a thing anymore... In my last relationship we never actually managed to do the deed due to what he termed "performance anxiety." It was sad. He was presumably a virgin at 29. These things are more and more common in today's world.
Thank you for making a video on this topic. It's something that everyone needs to know. Porn culture has contributed a lot to my mental health problems. So again, thank you for raising awareness on this.
@@heide-raquelfuss5580 the 'funny' this is that women watch porn usually at the same rate as men ,and they watch more extreme porn.
Gratitude to you Sir Vakrin, You constantly deliver outstanding lectures. Always expands the depth of knowledge we’re able to gain educated facts. You give insight with grandeur transparency through your nurturing of spoken truth telling. Your humorous and delightfully entertaining as well. Your existence is our blessings. Peace and much respect 🦉
Yeah I've been trying to find an answer it's very weird. The fear of intimacy or any kind of genuine emotional connection in the young generation is evident. I've seen it when I started working at a university and many students were very apprehensive and withdrawn. You are correct that alcohol and drugs are through the roof among them, but in casual, normal interactions in public the youth are scared stiff and self-absorbed with their technology. Specifically in American society, I can say that the stress of the society has increased tenfold. The lack of social support, rising costs of living, dwindling job market, rising cost of education, and increase in work productivity has done a job on their mental state.
100% Completely true & understandable
Mr. Vaknin, very interesting subject, although it did not surprise me at all. It is nice that someone else confirms with proof what I already knew. This truly is a new world, but most of us are asleep to what has already happened...a permanent change.
The last 2 mins of this is so poetic. Thankyou professor, your wisdom and light has changed my life. Eternal gratitude 🙏💕
Sam, I listen to your videos before going to sleep, I feel understood and so much better. Thank you
This has helped me so much. I appreciate all the work you do.
I’ve been listening to your new videos almost daily, and I’m finding myself intently listening for the new twists on the intro 🙌🏼🤣 if I hadn’t been listening chronologically I would have missed the build-up that’s been leading to the ever more hilarious introduction disclaimers/credits...interchangeable according to whimsy I’m sure😂 I’m here for the concepts, but I appreciate the coy snippets sprinkled throughout. 🏆
Two years of sexless marriage with the narcissist. Started Watching porn, while rejecting me. Then went on prostitutes and casual sex, on discard phase. He uses to say porn was good because he didn’t have patience to stand a relationship. With porn, he didn’t Need anybody else, just himself.
You are exactly right about that as well. I am very ashamed and very worried about things that I was talked into that I did not want to do that I just wanted to please them. When I was in person with one of my narcissist apparently fiance which is a joke, he would call me his little p*** actress during what he called sex which was not sex, it was the most devaluing and humiliating thing that I ever had to endure and that I ever did it I am so humiliated and hurt and angry at myself for it. Also angry at them for treating me and taking me for an inanimate object for their pleasure. That also had enough balls.... For lack of a better term, to film it. No remorse for it and no apologies and nothing and no validation for who I am absolutely left with shame and humiliation. And he walks away with another notch in his belt. Barf! Never again.
So far the best video on this channel. But there is still a long way to go. I have not watched even 1/4 of the content. Fantastic silver hair Mr. Vaknin!
How many people were treated so badly during their first relationship that now years later they're STILL scared of it happening again and so don't look for relationships (or are now bi or homosexual) ARE THERE OUT THERE I wonder...
Sadly I'm one of those.
Yes!!!! and LORD have mercy on me.
society is collapsing................
Thank you for this video. I met a guy the other day, he didn't ask for my number. He asked me if I had Instagram. Very odd.
Probably he wants to know you (read judge you) based on your posts, or this just how the trend is.
I have only been asked once in the last three years.
Idk but I feel like nobody really texts nowadays. messenger, and other similar apps are more popular choice. Just an observation.
it's not very odd, a lot of younger guys are too apprehensive to be forward because of how brutally they have been rejected. What's odd is how many young women find pleasure in the brutal rejection of men, usually in public. And if not not in public, she might share her encounter with social media.
You need to consider why guys may do what they do. Also maybe he just isn't interested in you
@@Bayo106 well he's interested in studying me for later. Yes he could have thought I was grotesque. My opinion was that it was odd and I choose not to entertain someone who couldn't be direct w. Me. My choice.
Mordern economy, body image issues & anixety are my reasons for being a virgin at late 20s.
This video was so eye opening! Great vid!
Now it makes so much more sense and i totally agree with this statement. I am so scared of intimacy.
When I first got into recovery, I had a very difficult time dealing with feelings, in fact, I was unfamiliar with many sensations I later identified as grief, sadness, anxiety, and ambivalence. The anger I was quite familiar with, as well as abandonment. I was unable to "turn down the volume" on most types of painful feelings and lost my job and my sobriety over relationship endings. I only survived through these times by getting a rope, tying a knot, and hanging on. My support group helped a lot but ultimately failed when I seemed disingenuous to people because of my Histrionic personality I have enjoyed tremendous career success but am in a downturn just now. This helps firm my resolve to find my way out. Wish me luck! And let me just say, caring by a mental health worker never cancels out incompetence
Dear Mr. Vaknin,
Thank you for such a great insight into this particular topic. You’re absolutely correct. I thoroughly enjoy your professional input and your sense of humour that comes naturally to you. I have experienced dating grandiose and also somatic narcissist. Both millennials . I am just ever so slightly older than that to fall into this category. You described their sexual needs and wants perfectly. With the somatic one especially, I did feel like I was just an object extension for his masturbation. Needles to say, I did cut off all contact with them both very shortly after the first “intimate” encounter. Somatic guy had some extremely twisted ideas about sex, he couldn’t understand why I didn’t want a**l sex when all the girls in porn films love it and go for it right away. Absolutely deluded. 🙄 Thank you once again for your great work.
porn shouldn't have been normalized ever..
Peach
That's a perfect description of Alpha Male ! Sense of humor is intelligence. Women like intelligent male.
This video got it right than other channels. They're making themselves so called "Alpha Male ' but sounds so artificial.but women can sense it that they are not.
I as a man has also this Sensing.
There is a big difference to say things from a place of interest in the other and love or from a place of selfishness and narcicissm.
Even if the words are the same.
Brilliant video!! Thank youvery much!!
Great video! Very informative. Will keep doing research.
Everything in this video explains the demise of my emotional connection with my BPD ex. I told him I felt like a "sex doll". No intimacy at all. Mechanical and for his pleasure. Excessive porn use, he took the sex addiciton test. Our therapist said he was a 6 out of 10 (I'm sure he lied). I'd never had any issues with intimacy and sexuality before my ex. This explained it all.
Very interesting, as all of your videos are. 👍🏻
Incredible video. Thank you.
Wow! You have opened my eyes to the real world. We are already living in the matrix.
Sam, I’ve been wanting to ask you is there a healthy level of fantasy in a person’s life? Not just sexual, but relationship, career and so on?
Yes, of course. It is a very common and useful psychological defense mechanism involved in important activities such as daydreaming and planning.
So do you see any way people could improve and come back to healthier way of coexisting? Or is it just the beginning of an end and not much can be done?
The latter.
It’s over
It's over even in india
Cohabitation prior to marriage is looking less appealing to me. I say this because it seems to lead to less stable marriages. I used to think it would be the opposite.
Intuition and common sense are often nonsense. That is why we need science and real experts, not online “experts”.
@@samvaknin Well put.
So insightful and true
I noticed that I have a body type, that a lot of these creeps like. Because I am tall with long legs and thin, and also somewhat resemble of a pubescent girl, and the more, self-conscious or nervous I am about myself the more turned on they are.
I love your videos thanks for your informative videos
Is there a spectrum of covert narcissists, some less severely affected? Can some grow out of this disorder as they age and learn from experience?
Yes. No. But psychopathy ameliorates with age - as does borderline personality disorder.
wait a second! YOU are Sam Vaknin, the author of Malignant Self-love????? I had no IDEA
It makes two of us.
@@samvaknin Can you prove It? ,😒
Australia 🇦🇺 🤷♀️ R.I.P sad ! Men and women need each other.
Do people want to remain children? Or is the economy so restrictive that people cannot afford the freedom of their own home / responsibility ?
Personally I fix it's closer to a mix and not simply narcisism.
So why am I here ?
I guess I just accumulated enough experience, this constant struggle to protecting my boundaries, being played and starting all over again.
What is wrong with me that I fail into this cycle again? What I’m fear of?
To arrive to dr.Sam Vaknin it's like to reach the wall by which you are surrounded.
So now I’m finally ready to listen to you mr. Vakinin? I hope so. Because better someone wake me up and you are perfect doing this.
I need finally jump over this wall, get out of this prison and never return to it.
Thank you Dr. Sam Vaknin for unmasking the game.👏🙏🍀Good luck evrybody
One of your best Sam. When I was in my twenties during the eighties I regularly got whistled at walking past building sites. I never saw this as harassment just the normal interactions between men and women. During the last ten years I observed many pretty women walking past similar sites and there is just a deafening uncomfortable silence. Then I read in the newspaper that some brave fella whistled at a woman and she called the police and tried to get him arrested for sexual harassment! My thoughts were well love you're not going to be young forever just wait till your older and you won't get any attention what so ever! 😆
@J T Yes I agree that porn and the web have made things so much worse.
That's just insane!! 😳 I've had guys that have complimented me and they've literally said after that they're not trying to sound creepy!
Like what is this world coming to!?!
very inspiring video, thank you, what a mess
There is no reason to reproduce in this bad world. I'm a cerebral narcissist.
I totally agree...I'm dead against reproduction. It would be a selfish act (or reckless if done unintentionally) to bring a child into such a fucked up world. We must suffer it as we are already here and had no say in being born...though we can always exit at anytime.
@@fjhggkkuhkihkkhk I agree. I wish it wasn't this way but it does seem senseless to bring new people into this joke
Its not about reproduction tbh
@@montagneresmontagneres8346 Bringing more children into this system, it's not ethical. Maybe it's worth having kids somewhere outside the system, living free in the wilderness, which I'm currently considering the idea. But in no way I would be happy to have children in the current system, which would most likely end up as slaves of the system.
Preach
@Sam Vaknin: Do we know where all this recent flood of narcissism comes from?
Nice talk! The statistics were interesting! Is any of this decline in marriage and relationships attributable to economics? Is there a relationship between the decline in plentiful good jobs and being goal oriented in marriage and family planning?
Yes, of course. As I mention multiple times in the vid.
No introduction needed ✅
So good!
Im amased. Im adicted on you. Cant stop!
ADORE INTRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
😘💞🥰😄 Thank you Sam xxx
Your thoughts on e michael jones libido dominandi if you've read it?
In my to read list.
Hello , thank you for sharing , 👍😊
Another great video - Your definition of Alpha males is spot on.
I'd appreciate your perspective on
A -sexuality.. appreciate your perspectives
. Voyeristics.. ugh
As far as kids living w parents it's real expensive to get your own place these days
Just asking , the men u being with for 3 years he like to shock me , I mean he put his hands and my neck and he said if I kill you no body will notice , i am not with him anymore I think he is a narcissist and social path and psycho, how you will explain this , thank you
😂 didn't you enjoy it or is that why you are not with him anymore? He was just stating the obvious.
@@fjhggkkuhkihkkhk 😂😂😂 agreed
@@fjhggkkuhkihkkhk What is WRONG with you?
That was a menacing, threatening statement directed at you. Let your parents, pastor, or someone know what this creep said to you. How dare he.
@@David-ej1ps some people are too serious around here and can only see one side of a situation!🙄🤷🏻♀️
How much pain and hard work you need to go through to achieve dr.Sam Vakinin level ? Unbelievable
You are Humanity treasure ⛩️be blessed mr. Vaknin.❤️
Every word he said was correct.He just made it clear and put it in words ,what I was seeing already in the world.I thought ,only my perception was wrong,but he proved everything with statistics .Men barely ask out.In 2019 ,I was approached by only one man ,although I go to university.
Have you ever looked at the impact of "purity culture" on these trends, specifically in the West? Just curious...
It caused young people to actually abandon evangelical churches. There are no studies available to answer your question. All my work is evidence-based and there are no data yet.
I believe that to solve your problem you have to address love and truth because those are the reasons people aren't having the type of sex you talk about right at the end of the video.
“Where are you? I’m here!” 😂😂
I tend to be in touch with my emotions or I wear my heart on my sleeve a lot. One of those emotions I embraced was fear. Well we had some STD scares, basically all my friends were all having sex with the same girls, she forced them to all get tested after she caught something. This girl ended up in my bed one night and nothing happened.
I've been tempered by fear and discipline. It's hard to engage in relationships when you fear the outcome of them and I don't mean arbitrary fear, that wouldn't be rational. I'm talking about red flag after red flag after red flag, it's the same fear I get when I find myself inside a casino, it's minute and in the background, but it's also so in your face, it's by design.
"1st fuck!" Love it 😂
If the world of relationships is dying is a new order dawning?
Leadership 👊🏿✊🏿
People are falling in love but with power and money!
Social media... Pfft, more like anti-social media.
videotranscripts.dk/ (Transcripts)
ruclips.net/video/wpvv_ooqJik/видео.html (The True Toxicity of Social Media)
ruclips.net/video/QY79nDYjW94/видео.html (Malignant Egalitarianism)
ruclips.net/video/jvuRmP3KP1g/видео.html (The Need to Be Seen)
ruclips.net/video/WgjOH0kDErw/видео.html (A-social Media: Fracking Mankind)
ruclips.net/video/jVprI6_P8GE/видео.html (Plugged-in Documentary)
ruclips.net/video/w2rKrWNWkS0/видео.html (How to Fix Social Media)
ruclips.net/video/fIElARjRGTo/видео.html (Social Media as the Big Eye)
26:28 "Even if there is sucking in casual sex, it still sucks." 🤣
too accurate
My husband blames his chronic back and neck pain for everything including sex. He is only interested if he smokes meth. Does pain cause narcissism?
No, but narcissism causes pain, as you are discovering from bitter personal experience.
He smokes meth while he's having sex?
@@GS-xg4nz bruh 🙄🙄🙄...😂😂😂😂
@@heide-raquelfuss5580 Thru therapy , I can now see clear and can put a name with this emotional roller coaster of a marriage. We played the dance of empath and covert narc. I am finally ready to move and it will be soon. Its not easy when you think you are going crazy cause of his behavior. Its easier to believe your crazy rather than he never loved you, you are an object.
@@ST-yc7uj I had an image like Bill Clinton smoking a cigar while Monica gave him a blowy. I started smoking cigars soon after that :)
I'd love to know how some people are finding this funny?! It's all absolutely true, and quite frankly disgusting that we've ended up this way to be honest!!
Based.
I’m wondering if pre school age daycare with it’s lack of unstructured “alone” time is relevant to the presentation.
Hard to read even the title of this video. 😥
You are 100% right and I have been nothing but a warm body stage. Or they could act out their fantasies with my body as the stage and the part, like an inanimate object, like a chair or whatever, in this sexual fantasy movie set.
Economic pressures *^*^
That's certainly part of it
You are funny!
Is there online community for people with NPD?
Enough with fictimes
33:57 does this mean that people with ADHD could be at a higher risk of not getting aroused?
😁
Hell is other people 🕎
Please tell me, Do Narcissist change with a new partner.. are they as happy as they show.
Nope, it's fake. They never change
Hahahhaaha.. I understand your humor
Kids raising with pornography,, objectified humans, they choose role,, everything in the world work like that,, if your closer relationships are like that, don't question why the world is like that😊
Omg!
1st again ❤️
Will comment later