How I really feel about living alone as an Autistic Adult | Adulting Autistic
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- Опубликовано: 4 сен 2024
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For me, I absolutely have to live alone. Living around other people, even family or friends that I love, is too much, too much constant change (people using/moving things around), and waaaay too much sensory overload. Like to the point of potentially a panic attack every day. I feel I can breathe, alone. And choose when I am able to go hang out with my 2 friends, and have the choice when I’m not able to tell them I can’t do it that day, instead of having to be around people 24/7. Walls and doors don’t matter much when I live in the same house/apartment with other people because I’m always viscerally aware that they’re there on the other side of that wall/door and I don’t feel like even then, with walls/doors, I can’t truly unmask/relax because at any second they might want to talk to me or pull me out of my room to interact with me.
Oh. My. Gosh. I’m not the only one!!! I’m only recently finding out that I’m autistic so for years I’ve beat myself up for feeling this way, and not knowing the source of it didn’t help at all. No add ons to the conversation, I’m just so excited that I’m not alone!!
I can relate. I’m 41, wife and mum to 3 teens. It’s so hard.
Omg same, Ive always wanted to start a proper RUclips channel but never got to doing it cuz in my mind, anyone could just walk in at any moment and ruin it.
It’s the same for video games, I can never sit back and enjoy a game cuz that thoughts always in the back of my mind. Like in overwatch, constantly leaving comp games can actually get you banned, so I just don’t play incase someone decides to come into my room and ask me to stop playing :/
Yeah, that freedom is a double hedged sword. On one hand I can have all the quiet I need to relax and destress. On the other, I can sometimes be super irrespinsible and there's nobody to stop me.
I have autisme and live alone now for 7 months. I had cake for dinner and ate cookie dough instead of cooking it some times... it's good but not so the next day
It is very hard to live alone, this is a great video. Once my place gets messy, I find it extremely overwhelming to figure out where to even start on the mess. I tend to become a recluse, I love your videos. Thank you for sharing! It’s definitely challenging being on the spectrum, but also being a mom is extremely challenging because I have to make sure I feed the kids and spending so much of my social energy on the school activities and doctors appointments. You and Sam make it feel like I’m not so alone. I’m sorry if this message is pretty jumbled, I’ve been having really bad sleep lately! 😅
At first I was thinking that I love living alone because it means that I can be my full self and do all my weird things like talk to myself, and listen to the same song 5 times in a row, and wake up/go to bed whenever I want, and obsessively research random things, and have meltdowns or times when all I can do is literally stare off, and nobody will see any of it or judge me for it. But then, you started talking about how lonely it is and that if you don't make the effort, which is exhausting, you're going to be sitting alone all weekend, and no one is there to tell you to eat or eat healthy, and no one is there to help you get all your obsessive and irrational thoughts out so they don't eat you alive. One of the nice things about having other people around is that it makes you feel normal - in that it makes you feel grounded and gets you out of your head and into life. And then that made me sad. But.. you're doing great, you're doing your best, and you are loved. :)
Yes! I have lived alone for 6 years and it was very hard to get used to. The only thing that helped me was getting my cat.
You are not alone in those struggles. I'm a 30 year old autistic woman and live with my wife, but while she is at work, I have to remember to eat, drink water, etc. Many times I fail at this. I have had home care for help with this and some physical disabilities. I also look at mess and then am just kind of confused and overwhelmed. I try so hard to do them but doing them is super rare because of how hard they are. You are doing great! Also, your teenage experience mirrors mine as well. Being sent place to place because of our "behavior". It is so nice to see people I can relate to in the world.
this works for me. if you find mess too much to deal with ...either shut your eyes (or go somewhere else to calm down ) take a deep breath but move ONE item just one and next try to rearrange it into some basic order.just so if looks nicer. that works for me anyway then tackle the things later when you know what to do
but main point
have a focus
tidy it a little
I soo understand. My BF moved out some month ago and I have to shop groceries now and it's just too much. But I like that I can buy the food I want. It feels like housework never ends, there is always sth to do. Also cooking takes so much strength and time.
We've been living in in small places for years and I hated it. I need A LOT of me time and he couldn't deal with himself alone. Also he messed everything up and forgot every rule I would set, as there were too many rules to remember and follow. I see that. Sooooo....Crashs were unpreventable.
But still his presence made me stop derealising and not feeling alone so much. I have a dog that watches me carefully, but when he is at my ex's place, I feel more confused than normal. I think for me it was helpful to make plans before returning home and do it right away after arriving. Or call someone for just a short talk. Which doesn't always work for me so I started recording and telling myself. It's even more helpful, because I can focus on myself but still let things get out of my system. I think that's what you do when you do your videos. I feel more confused and fearful after getting up in the morning than when I return home.
My dream is to live in a house where all neighbors know and like each other but everyone have their own small flat. With my favorite stores and places just around the corner, trees and green areas and no traffic or school noises. 😂 sadly this will never come true
I don't know if the emotional music contributed to my sobbing at the end of this video but i relate so much. I moved into my own flat in April this year and it has been a rollercoaster to say the least. It feels like all I do is life admin and self care but my flat is always messy... its great having so much freedom though and I don't regret living alone at all, I just wish that there were more support for when things get too much. I guess thats why I'm here in the comment section sharing my experiences so that others don't feel so alone in the struggle. Thanks Tyla and I hope that living alone has only improved for you since making this video xx
Isnt it relentless! It’s like everytime you get a second to yourself there another adulting thing to be done! I live with housemates now but things are still the same as we all just clean up after ourselves rather than having a rota
Nice topic for me since I am just learning I may have autism, it is nice to look back in a more forgiving way towards my past choices for housing.
It is so easy to just let everything go to s#!t.
As for the "loneliness," it doesn't feel lonely to be alone.
It's when I'm with people who treat me like I'm not even there that I get lonely.
Watch out for dysthymia though. It can creep up on you, and unlike conventional depression, it doesn't feel like depression. It just feels like not been in the mood to do anything. (Especially not been in the mood to do household chores.)
It's also damn hard to get it treated without the shrink thinking you're psychotic.
Yes I do live with my parents, however, I saved enough to move out for college. So I am flying the coop in August.
Hi I have autism and attention deficit disorder. Can you do a video about how you got a job and did you tell them about your disability
I find lying VERY difficult. lol If someone called me and asked me what I ate for dinner and the answer was "cake", that is what I would tell them. They wouldn't be able to shame me because I feel entirely shameless about having cake, or ice cream, or candy for dinner (or even breakfast). lol I love sugar and, with all the food allergies I have, I'm unapologetic about it. : )
Being alone, I rarely feel lonely when I'm by myself, but wow, can I ever feel lonely when I'm in a room of people who are having shallow conversation or, worse still, asking me shallow questions that I'm then expected to make similar shallow inquiries of them. Ugh, it's agony! lol
I've felt alone almost my entire life growing up with my family (many of them are/were narcissists), and it wasn't until I lived on my own, after university, that I realized I like living alone rather than being with people with whom I can't (or don't want to) connect. I like having a few friends, but I have no need for a lot of attention, so I'm good with having a few true friends (and they are difficult to find, too, because so many people are self-absorbed).
I could be wrong, but I don't think it's the thought loops that are the biggest problem, but rather it's the black and white thinking. I don't struggle with black-and-white thinking (I have other issues), but if you're an all-or-nothing type of thinker, and you get caught in a thought loop that is negative, and it becomes overly focused on a mistake you may have made....omg....that is a recipe for disaster! Maybe play some kind of online game to distract yourself out of it? Read a book? Listen to a list of "happy songs"? Take a walk (as long as you're not on lockdown)? Something like that? That black-and-white thinking sounds like it's a very problematic obstacle, though. I can see how one could get stuck and not be able to get out of a negative thought loop.
No special requests here. Thank you for sharing your experiences! Hello from the US (California)~
This is definitely my experience living alone - though I don't mind going for days without social interaction ; I find I need the time alone at the weekend to recover from the work week burnout... I'm thinking of getting a dog
Best thing to have a dog great company
I have a cat. Pets are great for those living alone.
I got diagnosed with autism at 19 . I lived in a flat with a roommate for 3 years. Last year he moved out and I now live on my own . Not going to lie I love living on my own and having my own space. On top of that the nice thing is I still keep in touch with my former roomate and the friendships even better than it was when we were living together because we don't get in each others hair. I know I can't speak for everyone on the autistic spectrum as I have a support system , my mum and dad actually live fairly close , so when I have problems I'm able to get that support system. The thing I love about living on my own is the only people I'm answerable to are my landlord and myself, and as a result I feel more comfortable in my own skin. But everyone has their different experiences.
I struggle with living alone due to my autism. Thanks for this!
Thank you so much for making this video!! All the other moving out videos I’ve encountered are made for neurotypical people and I find near impossible to envision myself accomplishing. I’m so happy to finally find something that looks possible to me !!
I've recently reserved a flat to move into and found this so helpful as i am also autistic. Thanks so much for the video :)
I really, really feel you Tyla. Thanks for your honesty and telling it how it really is. I also live alone and suffer bouts of severe inferiority complex. As a woman especially, having a messy flat makes me feel I'm a slob. And the motivation and encouragement angle which you touched upon are a HUGE issue. I think we need others more than most to keep us on track. Just one bad day can lead to a spiral of utter, futile chaos and because of our overthinking, it can seem there's no way out. On the plus side, there is noone thinking you're a wierdo or we are not required to make loads of effort trying and failing to fit in with flat mates who always seem to gel together while you are the outsider. It is NOT an easy burden we share, particularly as this modern world is very conformist despite what it purports to be. I believe that in days gone by eccentrics, particularly male ones were possibly tolerated more. As a female, this is more of a challenge to us. Society does not appear to be too welcoming towards women who break the mould. I'm older than you Tyla but not necessarily wiser. All I can say is that because autism in women hasn't been diagnosed much in women till recently, some of us have struggled and suffered so much in life without even knowing why and have the mental health scars to match. I pray that younger women will receive more help and understanding, like my niece who has been diagnosed early. I believe you are brave, bright and an encouragement to others in our small select community. Please keep it up sister!
I know that this vid was made soooooo long ago and everybody moved on already a million times since,but I just wanted to say I found watching it very relevant! Thank You-literally couldnt say it better myself.Lots of love babes! :*
Welcome! Hoping to make an updated version soon 💖
@@TylaGrant Would be fab to be able to compare with ones experiences :P ;) Best wishes and thanx for the reply.
My best friend is autistic there’s friendship out there for you! It’s hard to find as an adult once school is gone though! Hope you enjoy living alone despite all being said
Ive moved so many times and made and lost a lot of friends with the vid but Im still hopeful. Thank you so much for your kind comment x
I live in student halls and we have to clean our bathroom and have a communal kitchen rota and students clean the kitchen in halls too. Once a term a cleaner does a deep clean but for the most part students clean their rooms and have a rota for the kitchen. Chill areas outside dorms aren't cleaned by students though.
Living alone is hard. There are times it can be overwhelming. The loneliness is difficult. On the other hand I get to eat whatever I want every day. And that’s important for me. But there are other times when I get overwhelmed and the loneliness is very hard
Sometimes the loneliness is a lot but I have realised having hobbies can help
Can you make a video about your autism diagnosis experience? How you dealt with finding out and how you told friends family and deal with their reactions?
Thank you!
The positive I find of it is your free but u come home but your lonely like there not always there
Hi Tyla, firstly i just wanted to say well done & what a great video. U have obviously thought a lot about making the decision to live alone and worked hard to make that happen I wondered if u could offer some advice. My daughter is autistic and in her early 20's. Her autism is very severe & she has other serious health problems & learning difficulties. It would be a fantastic dream for me to imagine she'd be able to achieve the independence that u have, but her care needs are such that I don't think that will ever be the case which makes me very sad. She gets no support except from her family; not for want of trying but because where we live it just doesn't exist. She's so isolated & desperately wants to do things with people her own age but she never gets out & can't find activities that suit her needs. Can u offer any advice that I could use to help her to meet people? If u make other videos I'd love to here how u overcame the social difficulties that so many people with autism find are a barrier to meeting and making friends. Thank you, and I wish u every success & happiness in your studio.It's a beautiful flat. xx
If i lived closeby i would have loved to meet her, im 23 but i live in costa rica, i dont have autism but i am very introverted, i really hope she meets a good friend, its also quite hard for me to make friends in real life
Singing my life with your words, Tyla.
I really enjoyed that 😊 I too love alone & have done for a few years now. Slightly different tho coz only just realised I'm Autistic so discovering why things are so hard sometimes. PS I have two cats so it's great for company but adds pressure coz I have to look after them as well as me. Wouldn't be without them tho x
PPS just reading a comment below, I too struggle with keeping my house clean & tidy. Overwhelmed not knowing where to begin & only just trained myself not to leave the washing dishes till there's no more room (occasionally do this but totally not as much) Keep meaning to tidy my bedroom so it's a more relaxed place (not major mess but a few things around) but other things get in the way. Hmm the joys of living alone 🙂😳
“It sounds easy to live, but it’s actually really hard.”
I can very much relate to that. I’m really struggling with that right now. After an exhausting week of university, a weekend with cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning, washing, and so on, just feels like no weekend at all. In case I actually even get all of it done.
The worst about it, though, is that most people just don’t understand how hard this is. It took until very recently even for myself to accept it.
That’s actually a main reason why I struggle a lot with the ongoing pandemic. Because I’m alone at home all the time. Previously I had at least lunch at university and didn’t have to organise it myself. I had people around me everyday and a change in place to pull me out of overthinking and these thought loop. And, well, I’m even more alone now.
I would love a video about some solutions that work for you. I currently haven’t really found a way to deal with all of this for myself. I’m just getting through somehow.
I hated living alone although I did love the apartment I lived in. I would love to hear more on how you deal with it? The way I would deal with it was by coloring adult books, mediating, watching movies, walking around the mall that was really close by, working out, going to work, and looking forward to going out to eat with my dad and siblings. I just wanted to tell you that I think you're beautiful inside and out and I'm really glad I subscribed.
ima catch up! dreamt of my own space long before i was prepared for it, convinced my problems would go away. today i feel so much more equipped to live alone someday....hopefully soon. employment and abilities skills etc. improving . becoming self sufficient is a beautiful challenge. keep killing it !!
Thank you for your honest opinions. I want to move out of my parents house and some of the things that you talked about is what I'm scared of when I have to live by myself.
thank you for making these videos, Tyla! you're amazing!
Glad you’re enjoying the videos! Thanks for watching!
I live alone now too. It's quite a shit situation in some ways but it's better in other ways I think. An over priced two star hotel is hardly worth it but It was the fastest option to get outa moms before she and all of us got kicked out for me staying there all the time not being on the lease.
I have a care plan meeting in a month or so as I live alone. When I moved into my tiny flat it was nextdoor to two older people but they moved out and it's just noise and drug-taking around me with a big noisy road outside so I think I'll mention this.
I would like to see a how to on loving alone, if you can do that!
@@TylaGrant How to schedule cleaning into small and doable chunks, perhaps?
loving alone or living alone? those 2 are totally different things
@@williamvanderpuye9024 oh gosh you are right, it is a typo. I meant living
You are great. take care and you are amazing sharing your story. I'm autistic too, I don't really want to care about it too much. If you want to share experiences and how to get along with people. just let me know.
Greetings, Christiaan
That barely audible background music T_T
As soon as I noticed it, my brain basically just started shouting "PAY ATTENTION TO THAT! I HATE THAT! PAY ATTENTION TO IT!"
Yeah this was one of my first videos, I dont use background music anymore. I'll be refilming in the new year, hopefully it'll be better for you
Thanks for sharing good to know I'm not the only one🙂🙏Bless
Definitely godda always practice mindfulness and living in the moment or else my imagination becomes like my worst enemy and causes me to fall into an unbearably depressed and anxious state and mealt down dangerously hard
I'm am going to be in heaven when it all works out because now I'm 28 and it's time.
Amazing video. So true
Yep, I've found my YT community.
Heyyyy Tyla! Cool vid. Hope you're doing good.
Wassup my name is neyo and I have autism too by the way once summertime comes I'm moving back to Detroit and going live on my own in a housing.
Find a social video game to play, great way to combat social isolation.
Would you be happy to do a video on your special interest/passions?
@@TylaGrant Both would be interesting, maybe also what you were interested in growing up as well as now, what your hobbies are etc
I appreciate a black perspective as a black person with autism i definitely only ever see white ppl when i look up stuff about autism
How are things now with you considering its lockdown?
I'm in the same position at the moment.
Do you live near Brighton Hove?
Hi Tyla , My name is Floyd and I am learning to navigate my life with Asperger's - I would love to maybe chat and ask you a few questions if that is possible - Im using my friends computer thats why you see his account - no need to subscribe but -i can def give you my email - anyway great video and informative-
Why do you keep saying we and us? Is that your accent or are you talking about you and your friends?
The music in the background is so distracting 😖😖
good way to deal with epidemic haha