I don't understand if you saw that the people in the restaurant were afraid of you because they didn't know how to speak to you , why didn't you just immediately start speaking in Japanese instead of letting them fumble around in english and hand you an English menu? Anyways probably for the best since if someone has such a negative attitude on the first date- they are not going to get better. Instead of having fun going to a new area in a new country he seems like one of those guys who just complains about everything and ends up miserable unless everything is perfect to his liking.
The thing about this is, even when we speak Japanese, they don't hear Japanese, they just see foreigners. Even after being like "yeah we speak japanese' they're still hanging back and staring and not treating us like Japanese people, thinking we need help reading the menu or need help ordering. I always speak Japanese. I've lived here for almost 15 years now, I don't walk into restaurants speaking English. They just assume English based on ~the face~.
@@Ciaela I've read that many times now. That's really strange. Why does appearance trump language skills? Also makes it really difficult if you live there, I am sure.
@@themountainwanderer I am by no means an expert but my first thought is that it's not about the guests ability to speak or not speak Japanese but the hosts role in this interaction. Perhaps they feel it's more accommodating to a foreigner to present them with an English menu. As she mentioned in the video, this was a restaurant "off the beaten path", so likely the owners were not very accustomed to foreign patrons. Naturally there is some anxiety on how you can find a comfortable middle ground in relating to customs, and how to meet customs you know nothing about.
@@themountainwanderer In Japan, there's a difference between 'oh, this foreigner can speak the language' and 'oh, this foreigner understands the culture'. They probably assumed based on phenotype alone that even if they can speak perfectly intelligible Japanese, there's just something about their very DNA that precludes them from fully internalising the culture to the extent that a native Japanese person would. If the tables were turned and this transpired in an 'off the beaten path' part of Canada, the cries of racism would be heard around the hemisphere. In Japan, however, this level of internalised globalisation just hasn't been reached; whilst Canada's PM brags about Canada lacking a 'core identity' or 'mainstream', Japan embraces such things.
@@Ciaela what happened to you was bad but i think a white person is treated way better in Japan compared to a foreign Asian, maybe if we're not talking they won't give us a bad prejudice, but if they spot we can't speak fluent Japanese, we're treated like second class citizens, much worse than a white person..
to be fair it is a common frustration among half-Japanese people in Japan....and also Americans overseas. The latter case despite actually being foreigners. and hi Lon ~mewww~ 🐱🐱
OMG - Micaela, HE doesn't like the date, HE doesn't like the pudding place, HE was upset about being treated like a foreigner instead of laughing it off and having fun with it. Then he tells you you care too much about what others think and you decide he is correct, go home, immediately reflect hardcore and buy a self help book. It's good to be introspective, but it sounds like, you guys not having a good time was a lot to do with him and less to do with you. Sorry that date did not go well. Glad you've found someone new, hope it goes well.
In EU/Italy we don't date (I'm not really sure if today works, I'm 44yo). We try to arrange for a couple of evenings with friends, to test him/her in a safe environment, then we go out alone in a very well known public place to have fun, later if we kiss and we keep daily communicating, we are exclusive. This special wonderful date that you had, its something we do for a special occasion when in 3/4 months relationship
Exactly. Insulting her because she's being considerate and accommodating just makes this guy sound like an ungrateful jerk with a bad attitude. It would have been absolutely fine for him to to say "oh it's fine, I was just saying it has a weird vibe, but I do still want to try it and see how it is," but he just sounds like he has no manners/social skills. And I can understand feeling awkward or weird about the language thing-- nobody's perfect or socially stellar all the time. But if he got nasty about it and let it ruin his day, she probably dodged a bullet (and a lot of adult temper tantrums).
@@quelodequelo Half my family is from Italy. Lives and works in Italy and never anywhere else. I think you are being too strict in your interpretations of "dating". In fact I think you are full of crap.
If a guy's irritated when on a first date, that's a good sign to get the hell outta there. Don't know why you went for desert afterwards. I'd have left him in the restaurant.
You dont know how he actually responded. You guys are taking her word on everything. She admits she has some serious issue with dating and self respect and you side with her? He could be responding very naturally to being constantly treated like a foreigner in his own nation. Like how blacks are treated in america. She said she tried to bring him to a new place because he seemed upset. I honestly wouldnt want to be pandered to in that way either and many people i know feel the same way. Dont need to become someones servant because they arent happy. Thats not a healthy relationship. So thinking youre clever or something because it didnt work out and shes revealing one selected and biased story of her time dating doesnt mean hes the bad guy automatically. You werent there so maybe you should understand her flawed perspective is telling the story
I'm sure it's different for him actually being half, but my Japanese boyfriend has a very non-Japanese face (according to other Japanese people) and when we go out together people treat us like that sometimes. He thinks it's hilarious and pretends not to know Japanese. Your guy being so sour about everything is definitely a reflection on him and not you. I'm so glad you found someone better than that.
Yeah my Japanese husband gets treated like a foreigner sometimes too. Sometimes Japanese people will struggle to try to speak English to him when he is with me without realizing he is Japanese.
It's different if you've been bullied or picked on, or made to feel like an outsider in your own country your whole life, vs being full Japanese but just kinda not looking it. That guy for sure has hangups, and seemed like a bit of a douche otherwise, but I just want to say your comparison isn't really comparable in my opinion.
@@jedjade4002 Oh, I definitely agree. I'm sorry I worded my comment so poorly. His reaction to being treated like an outsider is valid. No person should be treated like that, and Japan does have many issues surrounding that. I meant the sour attitude surrounding the whole day that Micaela described. I see now that putting that comment right after my own anecdote was not reflective of what I actually meant.
It sounds like the guy was immature and had a bad attitude and perhaps you over-compensated a bit to try and accommodate him which is understandable in that situation. Dating is just like a job interview, you have to go through many candidates before you find the right one. In that sense, it's good to weed out the bad ones to focus on the quality ones even though it can get exhausting and dispiriting at times. Hang in there and you'll be fine. By the way, I like how your lipstick compliments your sweater. You look great!
I once dated a guy who got annoyed and pissed about everything. It really ruined my self esteem and I had to do therapy to fix myself. I’m really glad you dodged that guy. You should never FEEL bad about yourself because you did nothing wrong. I feel terribly that because of him you got a self help book when he is the narcissist
I think that you having that bad experience with that guy was actually a blessing in disguise. You seem like a very thoughtful person, and he sounds kind of selfish to me. Sometimes we get such high hopes for someone or something, and it really takes some deep retrospect to see what isn't meant for us. I suppose having those bad dating experiences may be better than no dating experiences. I haven't gone on a date in, years, literally. I'm a hopeless romantic, an empath, but most importantly, an introvert. Dating was never difficult for me when I was younger, but now that the stakes are higher and I'm playing for all the marbles, I'm just afraid of finding something short of real Love. Anyways, I shall bore you no more, my "white as the Moon" friend. & thanks for letting me write a freakin manifesto 😬🤓
As a half Japanese person I definitely understand being treated differently depending on who you’re with in Japan, but i really don’t think he should have overreacted like that
On the last Rachel and Jun's last vlog they spoke about how important you are to them! It sounds like you have found a new and gentle, easier start and that is so important because looking back on sweet times is a great way to remain connected in case health or family obligations change your view of each other. It should be easy but that doesn't mean it won't be scary! Those words "We need to talk" can be very difficult but may bring new understanding. Good luck and have a wonderful spring!
@@Ciaela and I had to talk the whole time. but the fun fact was that he had not a cell phone (it was around 7 years ago so it was very weird) and he kept calling me at my house! so I asked my dad to answer and tell him to stop bothering me XD (sorry I had to, he called me at least 4 times a day....ok maybe I found a stalker and I'm realizing it now. what a fun first year of college)
Nothing wrong with you trying to make someone happy by going somewhere else. He should try out compromise as well. The dude from the date sounds like a giant red flag. Glad you found someone secure.
Ahh, the dating scene. Good to know it stinks no matter what country you're in. Had one not too long ago where things seemed to be going well until she mentioned her boyfriend. When I clarified that I thought we were on a date she responded with, "Oh yeah. I mean, I'm with him, but I've been thinking about dumping him and just wanted to see what my options were first." Or something to that effect (can't remember her exact wording).
Thank you, it takes a ton of courage to do what you do. That is to show your vulnerabilities to your community that has been built up for years of interaction. It may not be intended, but you have given hope to many of those who are suffering, myself included, that hope is possible. I felt I lost my identity, slowly picking up my self. I am glad that you have updated the community, keep on creating and exploring while sharing your experiences. We'll keep cheering you on.
It's so sweet to catch up with you, I haven't checked in on your videos for too long and it's been really sad to see the struggles you've been through lately. You're such a lovely person and you should never apologise for trying too hard or thinking of others, they're admirable traits! I scrolled back to a super old video of yours from 10 years ago called 'my life in a nutshell' and I thought how what you said then seems so relevant to you now, hearing how you coped studying in Japan as the only English person in town and how you felt going home afterwards, it might help you collect your thoughts on where you are now in your life's journey. Most importantly though your new hair looks amazing! Hugs
I once went on a date with a guy, and 10 minutes in he said that I laugh too much, and that I have an awful laugh. Then he asked me if I wanted to skip dinner and go to his place. Suffice to say that’s the shortest date I’ve ever been on. Hang in there, dating is tough! I feel your pain!
@@goodgirl140 I told him I took a nap in the office toilet at work once because I was so sleepy. Then he said he would have fired me for that! (He was a business/charity owner).
I was so happy when I got the e-mail notification for a new video. I just got out of a relationship so this video hits close to home. It's really great that you seem like you're doing better now. Looking forward to more videos!
I love dating stories! 😆 I can do relate to this! I had a similar issue. The guy made me cry. He should never have said you care about what people think too much after he said what he thought 😂 I deleted bumble and tinder and a few months later met my husband. You’re heading down the right path! 💕
Can I say something? I think you apologise a lot. I tell you this because I do it too but there’s nothing to apologise for. You tried to show this guy around and help him have a good time. He was being ungrateful and negative and that sucks but it’s not your fault! I wish you all the best and that you someday find someone kind and fun and amazing ❣️
antiami But isn’t that what she offered? She asked him, if he wanted to be shown around. According to the video she offered him to be his guide. Then he should have said so from the beginning instead of acting passive aggressively. Sometimes it’s better to keep your thoughts to yourself or to be really honest about it. A mature answer could’ve been: “I’m sorry, this is not what I expected/this makes me feel uncomfortable, could we leave/could we go back home?” And don’t come with: maybe he was just trying to be nice. If you’re not interested on going out with someone you just don’t go out with someone. Period. There’s nothing kind about doing otherwise. It’s just self-flattery. But sure, if you know him personally maybe it would be best he presents his side. I don’t think she wanted to involve him because it was important to her to talk about her experience in dating and not about bashing the guy. I mainly wrote my comment because she may be too sensitive to see that she doesn’t need to apologise for everything, especially not for someone else’s negativity
antiami but maybe then he should’ve said so. No reason to be complaining. I mean if he’s the same age as her that’s the mature thing to do, don’t you think? I think it’s ungrateful to complain, then when she suggests to go to another place and to there then complain again just because one is overwhelmed. I don’t think that is fair and justifiable. I’m sure she was overwhelmed by his reaction as well, still she tried to better the situation
@antiami He was complaining about the place they went to, which she concluded as: he doesn't like the restaurant and suggested to go somewhere else. First of all, it's in my opinion rude to complain about something when you know the other person put thought into going there and secondly it's overall really rude to complain when you don't even know the other person that well. It's about the way you communicate. If you tell a person in a normal manner that you feel uncomfortable being at a restaurant that's alright and you either move on to another place or stay (but why would you do that) plus it's weird that he felt so offeneded being treated as a foreigner because as she says in the video it will mean that he will be seen as a foreigner with her and it will make him feel uncomfortable ergo why hang out with her in the future? Then again, yes it is her narrative of course. We don't know the full story, since this is her channel. We don't know whether sho asked him to be his guide or if she simply offered to drive him out. In my opinion any date can pan out in so many different ways. There are no strict rules like staying in one place or going to a fancy restaurant but for others it might be. However, the complaining part makes me angry because it comes off as ungrateful. She put lots of thought into driving him there and giving him a perfect experience and still he complained at both places. What would you do, if someone told you " this place is weird, I don't like it"? For me that has the meaning of. 'Please let us go somewhere else, I don't want to stay here' or 'how do you think this place is nice'? Plus telling her that she cares too much about what other people think is totally overstepping her boundaries. Yes, it may be true (as she states in the video) but there's no reason of telling her that especially not in that context. It seems really entitled of him. Maybe he needs to learn to be a bit more sensible. It's one think to complain when you've known each other for years but another when this is your first date and your date asked you out, therefore planned the whole date. I wouldn't want to meet a guy after the first date again, if he would act the same way.
I'm glad you've found someone that you're comfortable with. Among the couples I've known long-term (some for over 40 years) the most common trait is that each of these people gave their relationship the priority it deserved as they dealt with life's problems and complications. I hate using the word "teamwork", but that's how it felt for Terry and me, and is the best word to describe our friend's long-term relationships. Communication and trust are both so important.
If someone gets irritated on the first few dates it's a gigantic red flag. They probably have anger issues or complain when any little inconvenience happens. He sounds like an ass. You did everything you could and he clearly didn't appreciate your effort. There's a difference between being honest and inconsiderate
I live in Japan too. In Kansai. My partner is Japanese and because we are always together he get mistaken a foreigner too, which is funny cause he’s a dark skinned, very Japanese looking guy. He will always laugh it off and be like “nah I’m Japanese” Both of us start talking in Japanese and a lot of people will always comment on us being a couple. My Japanese is still terrible and his English is also terrible so people give him more shit than me for it, telling him to work harder and stuff. Then a lot of people say shit like “えええー彼女は外人さん！めっちゃ羨ましい” Which is also shit. People always have their shitty things they want to say about mixed race relationships or whatever but you know you’ve found a good one when he doesn’t let it bother him. He treats me as an individual and not as a gaijin which is great. I hope things with your new guy go well. My partner and I are getting married next month so I’ll try and send a little bit of luck and love your way.
You're a very grounded and headstrong person. I admire your resolve and think you won't have any unforseen troubles. Keep on keepin' on! Great to hear from you.
I don't understand why people get angry when Japanese people assume you don't speak Japanese. Because it is true most of the time and they make an effort to help you even when they themselves cannot speak English well.
Thanks for sharing. I think a lot of people needed to hear this including myself. Its hard if everything is unstable and you want some sort of security. I am rooting for you.
You're not too sensitive - what an ungrateful grump! Can we just say hurrah for secure men! We don't need a baby to look after. I'm so pleased you have someone so great! Eee Kit is so huggable, I wanna hug!
I haven't watched the whole video yet, but I just want to say that the reason for your hiatus makes total sense and I'm glad you're being careful! It makes me worry when I see RUclipsrs discuss their feelings about personal events in real time. Stay safe.
Kit is just so mellow and chill, I love him!! 😭 I'm sorry you had such a horrible experience, but honestly, I'm way more on your side, than his. I can understand that kind of experience suddenly making you feel uncomfortable, but you shouldn't allow that to ruin your whole day, not to mention be rude to the person trying to have a good day WITH YOU, and then to top it all off, just being an out and out JERK to that person? Nope. I want to punt him off a balcony. I hope the new guy in your life, proves to be deserving of your time, and you. I care about you, and want to see you happy, cause you deserve it. Most of my "romantic arena" horror stories, have nothing to do with people I have dated, or wanted to date. They come from people who wanted to date ME, but I did not have that kind of interest in THEM. However, I was just recently NEARLY catfished! I'm queer, and use a dating/social media app, called HER, which is specifically targeted for queer people who are at least primarily attracted to women. I clicked well with a girl on there, we'll call her "T", and after a few messages, we exchanged numbers, to talk about how and when to meet up. Well, she got really scary, really fast. She wanted us to "be in a relationship", after exchanging all of maybe 5 messages, back and forth. Started calling me "baby", almost right away, and told me to send her a pic of me. Didn't ask, TOLD. I was suspicious, so I told her I was at work, and that we couldn't take photos while we were in the lab(I'm a marine biologist), which seemed to work smoothly. I asked her if she'd send me one, and it was one that was on her profile. She then started begging me to try and snap a photo, when no one would be watching. I continually told her I wouldn't risk my job, and then she started asking to video chat, which I explained I couldn't do for the same reasons. I quickly realized this girl either wasn't who she was presenting herself to be, or that she was potentially psychotic. So I told her I had to get back to work, but we could video chat as soon as I got home from work, and that I'd message her when I was leaving the lab. She bought it, and once she'd stopped messaging, I had blocked her on everything(including blocking her number), and reported her account. I was informed that this person had about 20 fake profiles, JUST ON THAT APP, and that they took all of them down. I've been wary, ever since...
From what I hear in this video, I AM a lot like you and get told I'm "so sensitive all the time" and that I should just "not care as much". Dating and relationships SHOULD NOT be that emotionally draining, they just shouldn't. Thanks for making this video, Micaela. All the best luck to you. ❤️
"You care too much about what other people think" should be directed more at the guy, am I right? Pretty prideful to have one bad experience being treated as a non Japanese speaking tourist and then.... BOOM! You did your best through a shitty situation though so props to you. I'm glad you've found a good guy. My husband and I jokingly feel like it's worth always trying in our marriage just because we realise how horrible dating actually would be now. :P
Oh Micaela, spend time on you and line up what you want to do. Go to those places, do those things, be who you want to be. Don't worry about others. I don't have a dating story for here but I was just divorced and I'm going to take this time to close out my old life and open up my new one in a new State with new people and places to see. And from one ex-pat to another, I could not see leaving the US pretty much no matter how bad it got here. Just think of why you wanted to move and why you stay. I would not want to return to the UK and be a foreigner there too...
I’m glad to see your video! Dating is such a hard time. Sorry you had a bad experience with that guy, but I’m glad you found another one that seems to sounds amazing. I hope that you two stay learn more about each other! Thank you for sharing your experience!
I had the same realisation at the start of my current relationship, that relationships don't have to be hard! It's amazing how that just clicks when you both meet the right person at the right time in your lives. Also, this is unrelated but your jumper is super cute 😅
You did just fine. That guy was bent on having a bad time. You are a fantastic girl and I wish you the absolute best !!! You can do it! We are cheering you on!
After seeing your tweet today, I'm back to this video. The news was very sad for me, but I think you and your partner support each other, so both you are strong. I'm glad that you've found such partner. I'm always rooting for you, Micaela!
Last year I made some weird dating experiences too and at the end I found a person I’m seeing now for a while. Dating people on Tinder etc can be really difficult imo. Tried Tinder too, but also not very long. I’m glad you found someone. 💕 And this guy you dated sounds really moody. You don’t want a relationship with a moody person who always complains ... 🙄 I had several of those and they always made me feel down. And it took me a while to realize that those people are not good for me.
Wow, you’ve been in Japan for 15 years?! That’s amazing. It’s year number 8 for me (China/Japan) and that’s already felt like a long time. You spent half your life over here already.
Hi Micaela, I've been a subscriber for many years now and I am just so pleased to see you so happy and healthy! Not sure if others agree but I think you're practically glowing in this video - I feel like I haven't seen you look so happy in a long time. I absolutely agree that healthy relationships should be drama-free and easy. I wish you and your partner all the best
Good to see a new upload, really enjoy the story telling. No need to apologize for your audience for taking a break either. Looking forward to see more. :)
Hi Miceala...Sorry yo had such a difficult time adjusting but I think you will soon realize that life is full of ups and downs. I don't think one can really begin to experience life without suffering true pain. The pain usually wakes you to appreciate what you truly have. You have one kind heart! So, please be kind to yourself as you are to all those around you!...BTW I hope you stay beyond 2021 because I was gonna ask you lots of questions about Fukuoka. Hokkaido is the bomb!! You're gonna love it up there!
Ye omg, that was so hurtful! I feel like when we try our best for someone else and are excited it's also easier to take bad comments to heart. I'm glad that you found how you want to feel in a relationship and I wish you all the happiness. Til next time :)
You're so right, Tinder and dating apps suck ! I met a girl who seemed to be so jaded that I did not even understand why she kept dating. Most of the time, I meet girls with no conversation, struggling with their past or insecurities and sometimes, it can get really scary. I'm too normal for that kind of stuff, and I think you are too Micaela ! Just wait for the right guy to show up. You're a wonderful woman, you will find the right person, don't worry !
Girl as soon as I heard you talk about the way this guy acted and making up "excuses" as to why he was like that... no. The fact that the end of the date ended with you crying means this guy is TOXIC and thank the lord you didn't go on a 2nd date. My ex used to be like that, super full of himself, high strung, I would constantly try to make him happy about going to places and he wouldn't even TRY to have a good time. And it made me feel worthless. If it makes you feel better about where you're at in life, I too have started to move on from my 6 YEAR LONG TERM relationship with that absolute ASS and to hear you talk about this shitty ass motherfucker the same way I used to talk about my boyfriend ("he's not happy so it means everythings my/their fault) PHEW girl. Don't let these nobodies control your emotions. As soon as you see a man act like a child or acting dodgy, end the date there and leave. You don't have any obligation to make naturally unhappy people happy with you. For the first time in a long time Im happier than I have been in awhile and that's because I'm away from my shitty toxic relationship. Keep enjoying doing you, and the right person will fall in your lap. Believe me. It'll happen to me to someday. Love you girl.
Hi Micaela! Glad to see your latest video. I'm third generation Japanese born in the USA and while the Japanese American community is shrinking, the Vietnamese community is growing where I live. I get similar reactions when I go to a Vietnamese shop for the first time as the hafu guy. Vietnamese often wonder if I am Korean or Japanese, but know for sure that I am not Vietnamese. I don't take it to heart. Being close to 70 years old, its nothing new for me. Once most get to know me, its all good. OTOH, due to the large Vietnamese community I live near, most Anglos take me to be Vietnamese, but that is a different story for another time.
That guy sounds like a twaffle, don't feel bad. We know you're cooler than him anyway. I'm glad there is someone nice. xD Also, I'd hire you any day to be my tour guide. The foods, the beaches, the secret mountain photo spots, take me to them all!
Hokkaido, in general, is a bucket list destination, for me. Very glad that your current relationship is healthier than those in the past. Best of luck!
I just got back from Japan after staying for half a year, tried a little bit of dating. It's mostly hell honestly. Most Japanese guys just want to have sex with a foreigner, or sex in general. Not a good time, so I never found anyone worth committing to. My view on Japanese people is kind of harsh now after those experiences, and I feel like only really lucky foreigners find a good guy lol I'm going back to Japan for sure, but next time I'll be really cautious about dating anyone. I think I'll be better off alone than settling for a guy who only likes me because of my ethnicity.
@@chinesemimi No surprise here. Regardless of ethnicity, country or location us dudes just want to smash its not a Japanese thing thats just what guys do lol. The trick is to not make is so obvious lol. Also, nothing wrong with wanting a little variety
You didn't do anything wrong, you're courteous, sensitive, and accommodating which is a sign of maturity and kindness. HE on the other hand is insensitive, CARES about what other people think, and downright rude. I'm happy that you've met a secure/ better date. Even if it doesn't work out, there are still many of them out there. Sending lots of love
i love you and your videos micaela! just keep being yourself ❤️ ずーーーーっと前からチャンネル登録してビデオも全部見てます✨ 私も最近結婚してイギリスに移住して、自分の生まれた国ではない場所で外国人として生活しているけど、福岡で生きるミカエラの大変さを前よりも見に染みて感じています。 私は福岡の近くの出身だし、ミカエラのビデオは私の励みです💓 これからも応援しています！！
Aww! Well good for you Micaela (re the new guy) it sounds like you’re in a good space relationship wise now. Hope the vibe ‘n feelings you’ve got right now can keep that way i.e find a way to make it feel fresh & lovely like it does now. Keeping my fingers crossed for you that this goes the distance. 👍🏻💛
I think you dodged a bullet with that one. From what I've heard from you, you seem nice, kind and thoughtful and that's what you deserve from others. Don't ever sell yourself short. It's better to be alone than live with discord. Good on you lass.
容姿の壁＞言語の壁。One of the russian youtubers was asked '' Do you speak english''? And she said ''NO'' but I speak Japanese ！ What the answer she got ’’'ふざけるな’’’🌸🇨🇦🍁
That experience sounded awful, but it’s great to hear that you got through it and are safe on the other side now. You’re probably very right about the culture gap in rural Kyushu vs. Tokyo. The same things still apply here too though, like how everyone assumes that you won’t be able to understand them unless they speak English. I do wish that one day it will improve, but living in Japan as an obviously foreign-looking person does require you to commit to accepting it for the time being. Regarding PR, you might want to consider applying anyway because of the length of the process. It doesn’t mean you will stay here forever, but getting it can help with taking away some stress from your life. Needing to worry about one day having to leave the place you’ve made home is too heavy. It helped a lot for me in that respect.
Is it even a life update chat if we don't have Lon barging in at some point? 🤣 Super excited to see you posting again, can't wait for the travel videos to emerge~ 😊
Sounds like that date was a blessing in disguise. You found a good self help book to read that is going to help your growth. In fact I think I might read it myself. Dating is so difficult specially nowadays with online dating. It’s good that he showed his colors up front that he’s a jerk. Completely inconsiderate and not thinking of how you really took the time to plan out that date and all he did was complain. This guy I met was all perfect in the beginning even asked me to be his girlfriend the second day and a week later all of a sudden he’s too busy with work and he wants to slow things down. So yeah girl I get it I pray I find someone who is also secure and appreciates me. Glad to have you back. Love you 😘😘
I just realized I think you were one of the first people I subbed too. I don't know how long it's been but at least 10 years I think? Or very close to it. I just started checking out your videos again and yea, I totally get where you're coming from. Thanks for being chill and honest
I think the first guy sounded a bit overly sensitive, I think he´s the one who cared too much about what people think. Huge red flag. I dated a half japanese half american for 10 years in Japan and we would laugh when these things happened.
The guy she talks about sounds like he has a lack of empathy for the restaurant staff, they were just trying to do their jobs. What you call overly sensitive I call self absorbed.
Sounds like you met a cute person with a really bad personality! I guess we just start projecting, get our hopes up, and get dissapointed when a date unfolds horribly like that. Good to hear this other person seems nice. In any case, I think you should work on feeling happy with yourself when you are single, and at the same time keep your heart, and arms wide open for a potential good relationship provided one feels ready for that. Also know that your story happens all the time, to countless people every day :D You're not alone ^^
You are bound to find a great partner because you are such a good person. I like to think of dates that don’t work out as stars in the night sky guiding me to my true place. Every person has a lesson to teach us, for good or bad. Don’t ever give up on love. ❤️ It’s better to love and lose then never love at all. :)
I haven't! BUT love languages are so interesting! When I started dating the person I am with now, he made me take a love language test to see if we had differences in expressing ourselves! It was interesting to know that some girls like receiving gifts etc (I don't. They make me so uncomfortable!) and to know that my partner's love language is "words of affirmation". I try to remember to be positive and praise him as much as he does me. That's one I'm trying to get better at.
I find that expressing love is a much more complex thing that is not really fit to be categorised in 5 "languages". I mean ideally you can show your affection in many ways that are not bound to one or more categories
My husband is 100% Japanese and people still speak english to him when I'm around. Luckily we are able to just laugh it off. I can definitely see the difference with a half person having an insecurity like that but to be outwardly expressive like he was does not sound healthy or fun at all! I'm glad you could get out of the situation!!
Everytime you go see a movie and bring too many expectations, you go home disappointed. If you go without expectations, you'll fall in love with the movie over and ovet again, even if critics tell you otherwise. Just a random analogy appeared.
First of all it's great to see you again. I love your videos and your content. As an emotional person myself, you're the most relatable jvlogger to me. Tbh about this dating situation. I think you're being too hard on yourself. This guy projected his frustration onto you, let the treatment at the restaurant ruin his day and then made it your fault. Japanese xenophobia ultimately ruined his day not you and it makes me mad that he blamed it on you. Yeah maybe who he's around influences how he's treated but for you and foreigners who stand out this is just something we have to live with. Fear, extreme reluctance to use English Japanese people have learned since ES, xenophobia and microaggressions. I love Japan but these small othering treatments do suck and good forbid he should experience your reality and not like it.
Ah dating in Japan. For me it was an unhealthy time :D Dated one girl, everything was cool, nice, having fun, but had to go back to Poland. She then ghosted me and disappeared ._. But the last experience was... interesting. So I had a good friend I knew for 3 years from Chiba, older than me, and since my last trip, we developed some relationship (after the other one ghosted me), so I came to Japan, we went for dates and stuff. I met her family and I might have been quite desperate, but I proposed ._. and she said yes .-. so everything was cool and nice. Both families approved. Looked promising. And I had to go back to Poland to finish a few things. And boom, she ghosted me (I have no idea why Japanese girls are ghosting D: ). After 3 months, I have learned that once I came back, she went with her boss for dinner and later went to his bed. So, I am done with dating, desperate search for someone, proposing in young age (23), and I am focusing on my career~~ Also, as today is valentine's day, it means I will have whole pizza for myself
You are way too young to deal with crap like that. Your self improvement and career should be your priority right now. The rest will follow when the time is right. Don't waste the best years of your life consuming your self in situations like that. You'll earn nothing but burning out. And this wasted time.... you'll never take it back. So young people out there, focus to more productive and beneficial decisions.
@@JkrJolt Exactly, but I had to experience it first to know that I am too young. Currently, I am changing careers from web dev to design as I love it more. No more searching for anything, just me, my hobbies and my career. And as you said, rest will follow.
You're right Micaela. You need stable, calm and loving people around you or clos(est) to you. Over time that will calm down you own insecurities and push you towards secure attachment as well. Hoping for the best for you Mica-san!
I lived and worked in Japan for 8 years back in the late 80s and early 90s. I am half Japanese/half Caucasian and speak really good Japanese. Like you, I don’t look Japanese at all. I found that the attitude you project really has an impact on how people view you. I find it ironic that the guy you took on a date said that YOU worry too much about what others think when HE freaked out about how the people in the restaurant viewed him. Enjoy your time in Japan. It’s a great place to live.
I don't understand if you saw that the people in the restaurant were afraid of you because they didn't know how to speak to you , why didn't you just immediately start speaking in Japanese instead of letting them fumble around in english and hand you an English menu? Anyways probably for the best since if someone has such a negative attitude on the first date- they are not going to get better. Instead of having fun going to a new area in a new country he seems like one of those guys who just complains about everything and ends up miserable unless everything is perfect to his liking.
The thing about this is, even when we speak Japanese, they don't hear Japanese, they just see foreigners.
Even after being like "yeah we speak japanese' they're still hanging back and staring and not treating us like Japanese people, thinking we need help reading the menu or need help ordering.
I always speak Japanese. I've lived here for almost 15 years now, I don't walk into restaurants speaking English. They just assume English based on ~the face~.
@@Ciaela I've read that many times now. That's really strange. Why does appearance trump language skills? Also makes it really difficult if you live there, I am sure.
@@themountainwanderer I am by no means an expert but my first thought is that it's not about the guests ability to speak or not speak Japanese but the hosts role in this interaction. Perhaps they feel it's more accommodating to a foreigner to present them with an English menu. As she mentioned in the video, this was a restaurant "off the beaten path", so likely the owners were not very accustomed to foreign patrons. Naturally there is some anxiety on how you can find a comfortable middle ground in relating to customs, and how to meet customs you know nothing about.
@@themountainwanderer In Japan, there's a difference between 'oh, this foreigner can speak the language' and 'oh, this foreigner understands the culture'. They probably assumed based on phenotype alone that even if they can speak perfectly intelligible Japanese, there's just something about their very DNA that precludes them from fully internalising the culture to the extent that a native Japanese person would. If the tables were turned and this transpired in an 'off the beaten path' part of Canada, the cries of racism would be heard around the hemisphere. In Japan, however, this level of internalised globalisation just hasn't been reached; whilst Canada's PM brags about Canada lacking a 'core identity' or 'mainstream', Japan embraces such things.
@@Ciaela what happened to you was bad but i think a white person is treated way better in Japan compared to a foreign Asian, maybe if we're not talking they won't give us a bad prejudice, but if they spot we can't speak fluent Japanese, we're treated like second class citizens, much worse than a white person..
Guy: "You care too much about what people think"
Also Guy: *gets pissed when people think he's a foreigner*
Exactly my thoughts!
THIS! haha
to be fair it is a common frustration among half-Japanese people in Japan....and also Americans overseas. The latter case despite actually being foreigners.
and hi Lon ~mewww~ 🐱🐱
Dodged a bullet right there with that guy..
He’s still hypocritical and rude
OMG - Micaela, HE doesn't like the date, HE doesn't like the pudding place, HE was upset about being treated like a foreigner instead of laughing it off and having fun with it. Then he tells you you care too much about what others think and you decide he is correct, go home, immediately reflect hardcore and buy a self help book. It's good to be introspective, but it sounds like, you guys not having a good time was a lot to do with him and less to do with you. Sorry that date did not go well. Glad you've found someone new, hope it goes well.
100% agree with this comment!
In EU/Italy we don't date (I'm not really sure if today works, I'm 44yo). We try to arrange for a couple of evenings with friends, to test him/her in a safe environment, then we go out alone in a very well known public place to have fun, later if we kiss and we keep daily communicating, we are exclusive. This special wonderful date that you had, its something we do for a special occasion when in 3/4 months relationship
@antiami then he shouldn't complain all the time?
Exactly. Insulting her because she's being considerate and accommodating just makes this guy sound like an ungrateful jerk with a bad attitude. It would have been absolutely fine for him to to say "oh it's fine, I was just saying it has a weird vibe, but I do still want to try it and see how it is," but he just sounds like he has no manners/social skills. And I can understand feeling awkward or weird about the language thing-- nobody's perfect or socially stellar all the time. But if he got nasty about it and let it ruin his day, she probably dodged a bullet (and a lot of adult temper tantrums).
@@quelodequelo Half my family is from Italy. Lives and works in Italy and never anywhere else. I think you are being too strict in your interpretations of "dating". In fact I think you are full of crap.
I'm so happy you found someone who treats you so lovingly and respectfully
Aw Taylor! Thank you. Hoping I make it over to Hong Kong eventually. I want you to show me all the good food there 😭♥️
@@Ciaela but... the corona virus!!!
@@sarahjane7231 with like at least 200 people infected off a boat in Japan I'm sure Hong Kong has it better than we do at the moment
If a guy's irritated when on a first date, that's a good sign to get the hell outta there. Don't know why you went for desert afterwards. I'd have left him in the restaurant.
Same
Lol
Being irritated = bad person? Sounds like terrible advice
Matthew Furlani getting irritated for something so stupid does make u look like an ass.
You dont know how he actually responded. You guys are taking her word on everything. She admits she has some serious issue with dating and self respect and you side with her?
He could be responding very naturally to being constantly treated like a foreigner in his own nation. Like how blacks are treated in america.
She said she tried to bring him to a new place because he seemed upset. I honestly wouldnt want to be pandered to in that way either and many people i know feel the same way. Dont need to become someones servant because they arent happy. Thats not a healthy relationship.
So thinking youre clever or something because it didnt work out and shes revealing one selected and biased story of her time dating doesnt mean hes the bad guy automatically.
You werent there so maybe you should understand her flawed perspective is telling the story
Woo happy life update💖You look amazing, can't wait to see you soooooon
I can't wait to re-do my bad date with you. Haha. 🧡
Micaela ミカエラ Hahaha I was thinking that while watching😂 Promise I won’t get mad at u if they give us an English menu😂
@@sharlainjapan Please don't make me cry. 😂
I'm sure it's different for him actually being half, but my Japanese boyfriend has a very non-Japanese face (according to other Japanese people) and when we go out together people treat us like that sometimes. He thinks it's hilarious and pretends not to know Japanese. Your guy being so sour about everything is definitely a reflection on him and not you. I'm so glad you found someone better than that.
Yeah my Japanese husband gets treated like a foreigner sometimes too. Sometimes Japanese people will struggle to try to speak English to him when he is with me without realizing he is Japanese.
This comment is so racist that you don't even realize it is
@@annieevie9607 seriously??
It's different if you've been bullied or picked on, or made to feel like an outsider in your own country your whole life, vs being full Japanese but just kinda not looking it. That guy for sure has hangups, and seemed like a bit of a douche otherwise, but I just want to say your comparison isn't really comparable in my opinion.
@@jedjade4002 Oh, I definitely agree. I'm sorry I worded my comment so poorly. His reaction to being treated like an outsider is valid. No person should be treated like that, and Japan does have many issues surrounding that. I meant the sour attitude surrounding the whole day that Micaela described. I see now that putting that comment right after my own anecdote was not reflective of what I actually meant.
you dodged a bullet. he sounds like a nightmare prince
Narcissist.....comes to mind.
@@moonlanding-69 agreed
Narricist.
Agreed,he’s a total(spoiled)flake.
It sounds like the guy was immature and had a bad attitude and perhaps you over-compensated a bit to try and accommodate him which is understandable in that situation. Dating is just like a job interview, you have to go through many candidates before you find the right one. In that sense, it's good to weed out the bad ones to focus on the quality ones even though it can get exhausting and dispiriting at times. Hang in there and you'll be fine. By the way, I like how your lipstick compliments your sweater. You look great!
Yea, the guy was just a little b!t@$ tbh. It's good though, atleast he didn't string you along.
I once dated a guy who got annoyed and pissed about everything. It really ruined my self esteem and I had to do therapy to fix myself. I’m really glad you dodged that guy. You should never FEEL bad about yourself because you did nothing wrong. I feel terribly that because of him you got a self help book when he is the narcissist
Huh, mmkay
ミカエラさんの人に気をつかえるところ、人をいつも楽しませようとするところ、全て素敵な個性ですよ😭それを悪いことのように言った彼が許せません😭わたしは動画を通して、優しくて楽しませることが好きなミカエラさんを見ていつも楽しませてもらってますよ！そして、「自分のよくないところを治した」なんて言わないで！自分を見つめ直すことは大事だけど、ミカエラさんの素敵な性格などは変えなくてもいいと私は思います☺️久しぶりにRUclipsあげてくれてありがとうございます❤️❤️
I think that you having that bad experience with that guy was actually a blessing in disguise. You seem like a very thoughtful person, and he sounds kind of selfish to me. Sometimes we get such high hopes for someone or something, and it really takes some deep retrospect to see what isn't meant for us. I suppose having those bad dating experiences may be better than no dating experiences. I haven't gone on a date in, years, literally. I'm a hopeless romantic, an empath, but most importantly, an introvert. Dating was never difficult for me when I was younger, but now that the stakes are higher and I'm playing for all the marbles, I'm just afraid of finding something short of real Love. Anyways, I shall bore you no more, my "white as the Moon" friend. & thanks for letting me write a freakin manifesto 😬🤓
As a half Japanese person I definitely understand being treated differently depending on who you’re with in Japan, but i really don’t think he should have overreacted like that
On the last Rachel and Jun's last vlog they spoke about how important you are to them!
It sounds like you have found a new and gentle, easier start and that is so important because looking back on sweet times is a great way to remain connected in case health or family obligations change your view of each other.
It should be easy but that doesn't mean it won't be scary!
Those words "We need to talk" can be very difficult but may bring new understanding.
Good luck and have a wonderful spring!
Rachel and Jun are really building a community for themselves here, it's great to see them so happy! :)
Thank you for the positive vibes 🧡
I had to meet for lunch with a guy, and he already ate!!! So he was just staring at me while i was having my luch...awkward
Oh my god. I'm actually laughing out loud. That is awful.
Too funny. Me, I would have enjoyed eating slower and ordering super slow food haha. I’m nice, but not that nice.
@@Ciaela and I had to talk the whole time. but the fun fact was that he had not a cell phone (it was around 7 years ago so it was very weird) and he kept calling me at my house! so I asked my dad to answer and tell him to stop bothering me XD (sorry I had to, he called me at least 4 times a day....ok maybe I found a stalker and I'm realizing it now. what a fun first year of college)
Nothing wrong with you trying to make someone happy by going somewhere else. He should try out compromise as well. The dude from the date sounds like a giant red flag. Glad you found someone secure.
Ahh, the dating scene. Good to know it stinks no matter what country you're in.
Had one not too long ago where things seemed to be going well until she mentioned her boyfriend. When I clarified that I thought we were on a date she responded with, "Oh yeah. I mean, I'm with him, but I've been thinking about dumping him and just wanted to see what my options were first." Or something to that effect (can't remember her exact wording).
Thank you, it takes a ton of courage to do what you do. That is to show your vulnerabilities to your community that has been built up for years of interaction. It may not be intended, but you have given hope to many of those who are suffering, myself included, that hope is possible. I felt I lost my identity, slowly picking up my self. I am glad that you have updated the community, keep on creating and exploring while sharing your experiences. We'll keep cheering you on.
逆に、その人の性格を初めてのデートで知れて良かったと思いますよ！
これが付き合って何ヶ月経った後とかだと、しんどい...😅
健康的に見えるので心身共に良い状態だと思った。
来日した頃から見てるけど、今が一番きれいだよ。
人生を楽しんで！
thinkeg わかる
It's amazing I've been subscribed to you for over 10 years, and you haven't changed at all! I love your originality and how you always do it you way.
動画 待ってました。
シャーラやレイチェルから信頼されるミカエラの人間性に、我々視聴者も惹かれます。
新しい恋人が、ミカエラにとって最愛の人になることを願っています。
久しぶりの“ロン”登場が嬉しい😃。
It's so sweet to catch up with you, I haven't checked in on your videos for too long and it's been really sad to see the struggles you've been through lately. You're such a lovely person and you should never apologise for trying too hard or thinking of others, they're admirable traits! I scrolled back to a super old video of yours from 10 years ago called 'my life in a nutshell' and I thought how what you said then seems so relevant to you now, hearing how you coped studying in Japan as the only English person in town and how you felt going home afterwards, it might help you collect your thoughts on where you are now in your life's journey. Most importantly though your new hair looks amazing! Hugs
I once went on a date with a guy, and 10 minutes in he said that I laugh too much, and that I have an awful laugh. Then he asked me if I wanted to skip dinner and go to his place. Suffice to say that’s the shortest date I’ve ever been on. Hang in there, dating is tough! I feel your pain!
One guy on a date told me he would fire me if he were my boss! And he was keen to go on another date!!
kotare86 What was the context? How does that even come up? What a jerk.
@@goodgirl140 I told him I took a nap in the office toilet at work once because I was so sleepy. Then he said he would have fired me for that! (He was a business/charity owner).
I was so happy when I got the e-mail notification for a new video. I just got out of a relationship so this video hits close to home. It's really great that you seem like you're doing better now. Looking forward to more videos!
I love dating stories! 😆 I can do relate to this! I had a similar issue. The guy made me cry. He should never have said you care about what people think too much after he said what he thought 😂 I deleted bumble and tinder and a few months later met my husband. You’re heading down the right path! 💕
Can I say something?
I think you apologise a lot.
I tell you this because I do it too but there’s nothing to apologise for. You tried to show this guy around and help him have a good time.
He was being ungrateful and negative and that sucks but it’s not your fault!
I wish you all the best and that you someday find someone kind and fun and amazing ❣️
Canada and Japan are the two most apologetic countries on planet earth.
antiami
But isn’t that what she offered? She asked him, if he wanted to be shown around. According to the video she offered him to be his guide.
Then he should have said so from the beginning instead of acting passive aggressively.
Sometimes it’s better to keep your thoughts to yourself or to be really honest about it.
A mature answer could’ve been:
“I’m sorry, this is not what I expected/this makes me feel uncomfortable, could we leave/could we go back home?”
And don’t come with: maybe he was just trying to be nice.
If you’re not interested on going out with someone you just don’t go out with someone. Period.
There’s nothing kind about doing otherwise. It’s just self-flattery.
But sure, if you know him personally maybe it would be best he presents his side. I don’t think she wanted to involve him because it was important to her to talk about her experience in dating and not about bashing the guy.
I mainly wrote my comment because she may be too sensitive to see that she doesn’t need to apologise for everything, especially not for someone else’s negativity
antiami but maybe then he should’ve said so. No reason to be complaining. I mean if he’s the same age as her that’s the mature thing to do, don’t you think?
I think it’s ungrateful to complain, then when she suggests to go to another place and to there then complain again just because one is overwhelmed.
I don’t think that is fair and justifiable.
I’m sure she was overwhelmed by his reaction as well, still she tried to better the situation
Sorry.
@antiami He was complaining about the place they went to, which she concluded as: he doesn't like the restaurant and suggested to go somewhere else.
First of all, it's in my opinion rude to complain about something when you know the other person put thought into going there and secondly it's overall really rude to complain when you don't even know the other person that well.
It's about the way you communicate. If you tell a person in a normal manner that you feel uncomfortable being at a restaurant that's alright and you either move on to another place or stay (but why would you do that) plus it's weird that he felt so offeneded being treated as a foreigner because as she says in the video it will mean that he will be seen as a foreigner with her and it will make him feel uncomfortable ergo why hang out with her in the future?
Then again, yes it is her narrative of course. We don't know the full story, since this is her channel. We don't know whether sho asked him to be his guide or if she simply offered to drive him out.
In my opinion any date can pan out in so many different ways. There are no strict rules like staying in one place or going to a fancy restaurant but for others it might be.
However, the complaining part makes me angry because it comes off as ungrateful. She put lots of thought into driving him there and giving him a perfect experience and still he complained at both places. What would you do, if someone told you " this place is weird, I don't like it"?
For me that has the meaning of. 'Please let us go somewhere else, I don't want to stay here' or 'how do you think this place is nice'?
Plus telling her that she cares too much about what other people think is totally overstepping her boundaries. Yes, it may be true (as she states in the video) but there's no reason of telling her that especially not in that context.
It seems really entitled of him.
Maybe he needs to learn to be a bit more sensible. It's one think to complain when you've known each other for years but another when this is your first date and your date asked you out, therefore planned the whole date. I wouldn't want to meet a guy after the first date again, if he would act the same way.
I'm glad you've found someone that you're comfortable with. Among the couples I've known long-term (some for over 40 years) the most common trait is that each of these people gave their relationship the priority it deserved as they dealt with life's problems and complications. I hate using the word "teamwork", but that's how it felt for Terry and me, and is the best word to describe our friend's long-term relationships. Communication and trust are both so important.
GREAT TO SEE YOU BACK AND WELL. THANK YOU FOR THE VIDEO.
I’m glad you found a new person that makes you feel happy 😊 the story with the half japanese guy was sooo crazy! What a wimp! You dodged a bullet!
If someone gets irritated on the first few dates it's a gigantic red flag. They probably have anger issues or complain when any little inconvenience happens.
He sounds like an ass. You did everything you could and he clearly didn't appreciate your effort. There's a difference between being honest and inconsiderate
Agreed!!
I live in Japan too. In Kansai.
My partner is Japanese and because we are always together he get mistaken a foreigner too, which is funny cause he’s a dark skinned, very Japanese looking guy.
He will always laugh it off and be like “nah I’m Japanese”
Both of us start talking in Japanese and a lot of people will always comment on us being a couple. My Japanese is still terrible and his English is also terrible so people give him more shit than me for it, telling him to work harder and stuff.
Then a lot of people say shit like “えええー彼女は外人さん！めっちゃ羨ましい”
Which is also shit.
People always have their shitty things they want to say about mixed race relationships or whatever but you know you’ve found a good one when he doesn’t let it bother him.
He treats me as an individual and not as a gaijin which is great.
I hope things with your new guy go well.
My partner and I are getting married next month so I’ll try and send a little bit of luck and love your way.
You're a very grounded and headstrong person. I admire your resolve and think you won't have any unforseen troubles. Keep on keepin' on! Great to hear from you.
I don't understand why people get angry when Japanese people assume you don't speak Japanese. Because it is true most of the time and they make an effort to help you even when they themselves cannot speak English well.
Thanks for sharing. I think a lot of people needed to hear this including myself. Its hard if everything is unstable and you want some sort of security. I am rooting for you.
You're not too sensitive - what an ungrateful grump! Can we just say hurrah for secure men! We don't need a baby to look after. I'm so pleased you have someone so great! Eee Kit is so huggable, I wanna hug!
I haven't watched the whole video yet, but I just want to say that the reason for your hiatus makes total sense and I'm glad you're being careful! It makes me worry when I see RUclipsrs discuss their feelings about personal events in real time. Stay safe.
Kit is just so mellow and chill, I love him!! 😭 I'm sorry you had such a horrible experience, but honestly, I'm way more on your side, than his. I can understand that kind of experience suddenly making you feel uncomfortable, but you shouldn't allow that to ruin your whole day, not to mention be rude to the person trying to have a good day WITH YOU, and then to top it all off, just being an out and out JERK to that person? Nope. I want to punt him off a balcony. I hope the new guy in your life, proves to be deserving of your time, and you. I care about you, and want to see you happy, cause you deserve it.
Most of my "romantic arena" horror stories, have nothing to do with people I have dated, or wanted to date. They come from people who wanted to date ME, but I did not have that kind of interest in THEM. However, I was just recently NEARLY catfished! I'm queer, and use a dating/social media app, called HER, which is specifically targeted for queer people who are at least primarily attracted to women. I clicked well with a girl on there, we'll call her "T", and after a few messages, we exchanged numbers, to talk about how and when to meet up. Well, she got really scary, really fast. She wanted us to "be in a relationship", after exchanging all of maybe 5 messages, back and forth. Started calling me "baby", almost right away, and told me to send her a pic of me. Didn't ask, TOLD. I was suspicious, so I told her I was at work, and that we couldn't take photos while we were in the lab(I'm a marine biologist), which seemed to work smoothly. I asked her if she'd send me one, and it was one that was on her profile. She then started begging me to try and snap a photo, when no one would be watching. I continually told her I wouldn't risk my job, and then she started asking to video chat, which I explained I couldn't do for the same reasons. I quickly realized this girl either wasn't who she was presenting herself to be, or that she was potentially psychotic. So I told her I had to get back to work, but we could video chat as soon as I got home from work, and that I'd message her when I was leaving the lab. She bought it, and once she'd stopped messaging, I had blocked her on everything(including blocking her number), and reported her account. I was informed that this person had about 20 fake profiles, JUST ON THAT APP, and that they took all of them down. I've been wary, ever since...
From what I hear in this video, I AM a lot like you and get told I'm "so sensitive all the time" and that I should just "not care as much". Dating and relationships SHOULD NOT be that emotionally draining, they just shouldn't. Thanks for making this video, Micaela. All the best luck to you. ❤️
"You care too much about what other people think" should be directed more at the guy, am I right? Pretty prideful to have one bad experience being treated as a non Japanese speaking tourist and then.... BOOM! You did your best through a shitty situation though so props to you. I'm glad you've found a good guy. My husband and I jokingly feel like it's worth always trying in our marriage just because we realise how horrible dating actually would be now. :P
She should have came back at him with "You complain too much! Would you just CHILL??" What was so wrong with her trying to accommodate him?
I want more tiny updates! You’re so personable, it’s like talking to an old friend. Learning about attachment styles helped me too ♥️
その男がおかしいやろ笑
ミカエラは謝る必要はない！
Great to see you again! Really hope you’re successful with the date life. Want you back making videos, but take all the time you need.
Oh Micaela, spend time on you and line up what you want to do. Go to those places, do those things, be who you want to be. Don't worry about others. I don't have a dating story for here but I was just divorced and I'm going to take this time to close out my old life and open up my new one in a new State with new people and places to see. And from one ex-pat to another, I could not see leaving the US pretty much no matter how bad it got here. Just think of why you wanted to move and why you stay. I would not want to return to the UK and be a foreigner there too...
I’m glad to see your video!
Dating is such a hard time. Sorry you had a bad experience with that guy, but I’m glad you found another one that seems to sounds amazing. I hope that you two stay learn more about each other! Thank you for sharing your experience!
None of his qualms are your fault. He's just a grump
I really like that you are looking at yourself and your own behaviour/mistakes instead of blaming others, it will help you grow a lot as a person.
I had the same realisation at the start of my current relationship, that relationships don't have to be hard! It's amazing how that just clicks when you both meet the right person at the right time in your lives. Also, this is unrelated but your jumper is super cute 😅
You did just fine. That guy was bent on having a bad time. You are a fantastic girl and I wish you the absolute best !!! You can do it! We are cheering you on!
After seeing your tweet today, I'm back to this video.
The news was very sad for me, but I think you and your partner support
each other, so both you are strong.
I'm glad that you've found such partner. I'm always rooting for you, Micaela!
He was testing you to see how much control he can have over you. So sorry.
Miss you girl!!!!! Love yourself and have fun. You do look so much happier and it makes me happy!
Last year I made some weird dating experiences too and at the end I found a person I’m seeing now for a while. Dating people on Tinder etc can be really difficult imo. Tried Tinder too, but also not very long.
I’m glad you found someone. 💕
And this guy you dated sounds really moody. You don’t want a relationship with a moody person who always complains ... 🙄
I had several of those and they always made me feel down. And it took me a while to realize that those people are not good for me.
Wow, you’ve been in Japan for 15 years?! That’s amazing. It’s year number 8 for me (China/Japan) and that’s already felt like a long time. You spent half your life over here already.
woohoo she's back in the game! 4 months the wait was worth it!!
Hi Micaela, I've been a subscriber for many years now and I am just so pleased to see you so happy and healthy! Not sure if others agree but I think you're practically glowing in this video - I feel like I haven't seen you look so happy in a long time.
I absolutely agree that healthy relationships should be drama-free and easy. I wish you and your partner all the best
Thank you for this comment. ♥️
"You care too much what people think....."
Me: You're right! (Gets in car and drives off without Mr. Killjoy)
Good to see a new upload, really enjoy the story telling. No need to apologize for your audience for taking a break either. Looking forward to see more. :)
love your sweater!
Thanks!! I love the one in your icon too!
Hi Miceala...Sorry yo had such a difficult time adjusting but I think you will soon realize that life is full of ups and downs. I don't think one can really begin to experience life without suffering true pain. The pain usually wakes you to appreciate what you truly have. You have one kind heart! So, please be kind to yourself as you are to all those around you!...BTW I hope you stay beyond 2021 because I was gonna ask you lots of questions about Fukuoka. Hokkaido is the bomb!! You're gonna love it up there!
久しぶりの投稿うれしいです😊優しい彼が出来て良かったね😃応援してます🙂
Ye omg, that was so hurtful! I feel like when we try our best for someone else and are excited it's also easier to take bad comments to heart. I'm glad that you found how you want to feel in a relationship and I wish you all the happiness. Til next time :)
You're so right, Tinder and dating apps suck ! I met a girl who seemed to be so jaded that I did not even understand why she kept dating. Most of the time, I meet girls with no conversation, struggling with their past or insecurities and sometimes, it can get really scary. I'm too normal for that kind of stuff, and I think you are too Micaela ! Just wait for the right guy to show up. You're a wonderful woman, you will find the right person, don't worry !
yaaaaaay!!! I am soooooooo happy for you Mica !!!! I hope it goes well for u!! u deserve the best!
Girl as soon as I heard you talk about the way this guy acted and making up "excuses" as to why he was like that... no. The fact that the end of the date ended with you crying means this guy is TOXIC and thank the lord you didn't go on a 2nd date. My ex used to be like that, super full of himself, high strung, I would constantly try to make him happy about going to places and he wouldn't even TRY to have a good time. And it made me feel worthless. If it makes you feel better about where you're at in life, I too have started to move on from my 6 YEAR LONG TERM relationship with that absolute ASS and to hear you talk about this shitty ass motherfucker the same way I used to talk about my boyfriend ("he's not happy so it means everythings my/their fault) PHEW girl. Don't let these nobodies control your emotions. As soon as you see a man act like a child or acting dodgy, end the date there and leave. You don't have any obligation to make naturally unhappy people happy with you. For the first time in a long time Im happier than I have been in awhile and that's because I'm away from my shitty toxic relationship. Keep enjoying doing you, and the right person will fall in your lap. Believe me. It'll happen to me to someday. Love you girl.
Hi Micaela! Glad to see your latest video. I'm third generation Japanese born in the USA and while the Japanese American community is shrinking, the Vietnamese community is growing where I live. I get similar reactions when I go to a Vietnamese shop for the first time as the hafu guy. Vietnamese often wonder if I am Korean or Japanese, but know for sure that I am not Vietnamese. I don't take it to heart. Being close to 70 years old, its nothing new for me. Once most get to know me, its all good. OTOH, due to the large Vietnamese community I live near, most Anglos take me to be Vietnamese, but that is a different story for another time.
That guy sounds like a twaffle, don't feel bad. We know you're cooler than him anyway. I'm glad there is someone nice. xD Also, I'd hire you any day to be my tour guide. The foods, the beaches, the secret mountain photo spots, take me to them all!
Hokkaido, in general, is a bucket list destination, for me. Very glad that your current relationship is healthier than those in the past. Best of luck!
I just got back from Japan after staying for half a year, tried a little bit of dating. It's mostly hell honestly. Most Japanese guys just want to have sex with a foreigner, or sex in general. Not a good time, so I never found anyone worth committing to.
My view on Japanese people is kind of harsh now after those experiences, and I feel like only really lucky foreigners find a good guy lol
I'm going back to Japan for sure, but next time I'll be really cautious about dating anyone. I think I'll be better off alone than settling for a guy who only likes me because of my ethnicity.
The real question is did you smash?
yeah this is so true! I've went on dates with 20 guys and probably talked to over 100+. Turned out that most guys only wanted sex.
@@chinesemimi So how many did you!
It's a far cry from the problem she's talking about.You should go to the hospital.
@@chinesemimi No surprise here. Regardless of ethnicity, country or location us dudes just want to smash its not a Japanese thing thats just what guys do lol. The trick is to not make is so obvious lol. Also, nothing wrong with wanting a little variety
You didn't do anything wrong, you're courteous, sensitive, and accommodating which is a sign of maturity and kindness. HE on the other hand is insensitive, CARES about what other people think, and downright rude. I'm happy that you've met a secure/ better date. Even if it doesn't work out, there are still many of them out there. Sending lots of love
そんなことが…辛いです😰 ミカエラさんは何も悪く無い！
i love you and your videos micaela! just keep being yourself ❤️
ずーーーーっと前からチャンネル登録してビデオも全部見てます✨
私も最近結婚してイギリスに移住して、自分の生まれた国ではない場所で外国人として生活しているけど、福岡で生きるミカエラの大変さを前よりも見に染みて感じています。
私は福岡の近くの出身だし、ミカエラのビデオは私の励みです💓
これからも応援しています！！
そういうトラブルがあると相手の人間性が出るから
内面を知れるいい機会と思うしかないですよ。
Aww! Well good for you Micaela (re the new guy) it sounds like you’re in a good space relationship wise now. Hope the vibe ‘n feelings you’ve got right now can keep that way i.e find a way to make it feel fresh & lovely like it does now. Keeping my fingers crossed for you that this goes the distance. 👍🏻💛
とにかく良い彼氏が出来て良かったね🎉🎉🎉彼氏と楽しい時間をいっぱい過ごしてね🥰
I think you dodged a bullet with that one. From what I've heard from you, you seem nice, kind and thoughtful and that's what you deserve from others. Don't ever sell yourself short. It's better to be alone than live with discord. Good on you lass.
容姿の壁＞言語の壁。One of the russian youtubers was asked '' Do you speak english''?
And she said ''NO'' but I speak Japanese ！ What the answer she got ’’'ふざけるな’’’🌸🇨🇦🍁
That experience sounded awful, but it’s great to hear that you got through it and are safe on the other side now. You’re probably very right about the culture gap in rural Kyushu vs. Tokyo. The same things still apply here too though, like how everyone assumes that you won’t be able to understand them unless they speak English. I do wish that one day it will improve, but living in Japan as an obviously foreign-looking person does require you to commit to accepting it for the time being.
Regarding PR, you might want to consider applying anyway because of the length of the process. It doesn’t mean you will stay here forever, but getting it can help with taking away some stress from your life. Needing to worry about one day having to leave the place you’ve made home is too heavy. It helped a lot for me in that respect.
Is it even a life update chat if we don't have Lon barging in at some point? 🤣 Super excited to see you posting again, can't wait for the travel videos to emerge~ 😊
Sounds like that date was a blessing in disguise. You found a good self help book to read that is going to help your growth. In fact I think I might read it myself. Dating is so difficult specially nowadays with online dating. It’s good that he showed his colors up front that he’s a jerk. Completely inconsiderate and not thinking of how you really took the time to plan out that date and all he did was complain. This guy I met was all perfect in the beginning even asked me to be his girlfriend the second day and a week later all of a sudden he’s too busy with work and he wants to slow things down. So yeah girl I get it I pray I find someone who is also secure and appreciates me. Glad to have you back. Love you 😘😘
この人には幸せになって欲しいなぁと思う。それが日本でなくてもいいから…
Sorry to hear about the crappy date. Looking forward to new travel videos!
あの本…！私も英語の勉強もかねて最近買ったので、動画に出てきてビックリしました！
まだ読んでないですけど、ミカエラさんの紹介で楽しみになりました🥺
I just realized I think you were one of the first people I subbed too. I don't know how long it's been but at least 10 years I think? Or very close to it. I just started checking out your videos again and yea, I totally get where you're coming from. Thanks for being chill and honest
I think the first guy sounded a bit overly sensitive, I think he´s the one who cared too much about what people think. Huge red flag. I dated a half japanese half american for 10 years in Japan and we would laugh when these things happened.
The guy she talks about sounds like he has a lack of empathy for the restaurant staff, they were just trying to do their jobs. What you call overly sensitive I call self absorbed.
Wish you the best girl, always a pleasure to watch your vids 💕 Take care.
Sounds like you met a cute person with a really bad personality! I guess we just start projecting, get our hopes up, and get dissapointed when a date unfolds horribly like that. Good to hear this other person seems nice. In any case, I think you should work on feeling happy with yourself when you are single, and at the same time keep your heart, and arms wide open for a potential good relationship provided one feels ready for that. Also know that your story happens all the time, to countless people every day :D You're not alone ^^
You are bound to find a great partner because you are such a good person. I like to think of dates that don’t work out as stars in the night sky guiding me to my true place. Every person has a lesson to teach us, for good or bad. Don’t ever give up on love. ❤️ It’s better to love and lose then never love at all. :)
Have you read “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts”?
I haven't! BUT love languages are so interesting! When I started dating the person I am with now, he made me take a love language test to see if we had differences in expressing ourselves! It was interesting to know that some girls like receiving gifts etc (I don't. They make me so uncomfortable!) and to know that my partner's love language is "words of affirmation". I try to remember to be positive and praise him as much as he does me. That's one I'm trying to get better at.
I find that expressing love is a much more complex thing that is not really fit to be categorised in 5 "languages". I mean ideally you can show your affection in many ways that are not bound to one or more categories
oh, I was just trying to remember the name of this book. I've had somebody talk about it. thank you very much @Eric I
I love the Love languages but please PLEASE check up apology languages, it is even more eye-opening! It changed my relationship completely!
Sorry you had such a terrible experience, but a side note, your sweater is ADORABLE!
私は心理学者ではありませんがMicaelaさんは随分と明るくなった気がします。デートの話を聞いていると正直その相手はあまりに神経質というよりも無礼であり無神経です。その後の出会いの話が有って良かったです。
My husband is 100% Japanese and people still speak english to him when I'm around. Luckily we are able to just laugh it off. I can definitely see the difference with a half person having an insecurity like that but to be outwardly expressive like he was does not sound healthy or fun at all! I'm glad you could get out of the situation!!
"You care too much about what people think"
_He seems "nice"_
Really glad to have you back Micaela!!!! ✨✨✨
Everytime you go see a movie and bring too many expectations, you go home disappointed.
If you go without expectations, you'll fall in love with the movie over and ovet again, even if critics tell you otherwise. Just a random analogy appeared.
First of all it's great to see you again. I love your videos and your content. As an emotional person myself, you're the most relatable jvlogger to me. Tbh about this dating situation. I think you're being too hard on yourself. This guy projected his frustration onto you, let the treatment at the restaurant ruin his day and then made it your fault. Japanese xenophobia ultimately ruined his day not you and it makes me mad that he blamed it on you. Yeah maybe who he's around influences how he's treated but for you and foreigners who stand out this is just something we have to live with. Fear, extreme reluctance to use English Japanese people have learned since ES, xenophobia and microaggressions. I love Japan but these small othering treatments do suck and good forbid he should experience your reality and not like it.
Ah dating in Japan. For me it was an unhealthy time :D Dated one girl, everything was cool, nice, having fun, but had to go back to Poland. She then ghosted me and disappeared ._.
But the last experience was... interesting. So I had a good friend I knew for 3 years from Chiba, older than me, and since my last trip, we developed some relationship (after the other one ghosted me), so I came to Japan, we went for dates and stuff. I met her family and I might have been quite desperate, but I proposed ._. and she said yes .-. so everything was cool and nice. Both families approved. Looked promising. And I had to go back to Poland to finish a few things. And boom, she ghosted me (I have no idea why Japanese girls are ghosting D: ). After 3 months, I have learned that once I came back, she went with her boss for dinner and later went to his bed.
So, I am done with dating, desperate search for someone, proposing in young age (23), and I am focusing on my career~~
Also, as today is valentine's day, it means I will have whole pizza for myself
You are way too young to deal with crap like that. Your self improvement and career should be your priority right now. The rest will follow when the time is right. Don't waste the best years of your life consuming your self in situations like that. You'll earn nothing but burning out. And this wasted time.... you'll never take it back. So young people out there, focus to more productive and beneficial decisions.
@@JkrJolt Exactly, but I had to experience it first to know that I am too young. Currently, I am changing careers from web dev to design as I love it more. No more searching for anything, just me, my hobbies and my career. And as you said, rest will follow.
You're right Micaela. You need stable, calm and loving people around you or clos(est) to you. Over time that will calm down you own insecurities and push you towards secure attachment as well. Hoping for the best for you Mica-san!
Personally, I have to say, anyone crying over not being able to please me on a date... I would be so flattered beyond compare... XD - But that's me.
昔より綺麗になった気がする
I lived and worked in Japan for 8 years back in the late 80s and early 90s. I am half Japanese/half Caucasian and speak really good Japanese. Like you, I don’t look Japanese at all. I found that the attitude you project really has an impact on how people view you. I find it ironic that the guy you took on a date said that YOU worry too much about what others think when HE freaked out about how the people in the restaurant viewed him. Enjoy your time in Japan. It’s a great place to live.