When you think about texting, calling or any other form of communication with you ex. Try writing in a journal that way you’re writing your thoughts down, instead of tempting to send the text. A 10 day journal challenge turned into an everyday hobby for me.
People have all sorts of reasons for leaving a relationship. It isn't so black and white. Communication is the only way to work through it and if one side isn't stepping up then the other side needs to... assuming you'd like to rekindle... If you don't want to rekindle then why watch these videos? Ultimately you only have control over your own actions. You cannot control how they show up, only how you show up
I was one of people who didn’t react negatively or emotionally when she told me she didn’t wanna be with me anymore because of her reasonings of her want to move to Chicago and what helped me the most was remembering that if that’s the last time that I’m going to see her, I don’t want to remember her crying or myself crying or being emotional and I was so proud of myself for holding my integrity. I was just being there for her. I eventually hugged her, told her I loved her and then I have nothing against her. I end up, making a joke to lighten the mood for both of us and it ended with us laughing, but we are currently talking again and seeing how things go
Oh. My. God. Your advice is second to none, is absolutely high level, on point brilliance. Deeper level issues, really insightful stuff! Really shifted my perspective, finally, after 9 months!
Yup I did everything wrong when my ex reached out to say that she was sad and missed me. I was honest and replied back and told her that I love her. Yup silly me for being honest, cause she ghosted me again. Yet she was the one who wanted honesty to begin with. I’m done with dating. From now on I’m just gonna live my life and not care about feelings towards women.
Mam you're good. Genuine and real. Because of you, I have a fighting chance again with my ex. I let myself be vulnerable (good vulnerable) and it got me from wall of reactence to riding the dragon. Advance relational skills is the only way to be real. They should teach this in school.
I never begged or pleaded even a tiny bit...actually wish I had a little bit. Gives me massive remorse...I feel like maybe she assumes I don’t care and never did. If I was in her shoes, that’s what I would think and I’d probably never reach out.
Clay, I really appreciate the “Did I give it my best?” commentary at the end of #4. Frankly, I’m uncertain of what future my ex and I hold; but what you said was a nice reminder and encouragement for the effort I’ve been putting forward into someone I truly feel is good for me.
I gave it my all, and she didn't want it. It devolved to where she was just lying to me and disrespecting me. I want to try again but I need to be strong enough to let her go.
Hi Clay, your videos are such a life saver. Would you consider doing a video or series on affair fog? This is the situation I find myself in with my wife. Thank you
Realizing something big for myself. There is no way to positively connect with my woman again if I'm not truly at peace and I don't forgive her for dividing our family. I don't like her rebound situation and I don't think it's right for our daughter, I don't have to agree with her life choice, but I do need to let her make that choice and not try so hard to fight for her, the truth is she is not responsible for my emotions and I shouldn't make her responsible even if I am heartbroken beyond belief. It is the only way that I can approach our interactions in a favorable manner that could result in reconciliation eventually. Still I will be stuck on her if it doesn't happen, but beside my wants for our family, even if I don't like some other guy being in her and my daughter's life, if she is being treated the way I should have treated her when we were together, I just have to be happy she's smiling. Her joy is more joy for my daughter.. I just have a very deep love and respect for her even if she has done things to me that are indisputably wrong. She is the mother of my child and I love her even if I'm not the one making her smile.
Like I said all my exes are back... but I’m ice cold and it seems like they kind of like it ... why do ppl take kindness for weakness and meanness as sexy?
Maybe the comments can help me out, why would an ex girlfriend (who is taken) question me about a girl then act disappointed when I tell her I don’t know her? She even said “I was excited to double date”, very suspicious.
She probably doesn't want nothing serious, she feels physically atracted to you but she likely thinks that if you are interested in another girl could help both of you to not get romantically involved (being that what she wants).
I know how crazy this sounds because I probably shouldn't want my ex back but we have a child. She's in a rebound and also is currently trying to get a stalking order because I annoyed her with my texting, as a result haven't seen my child in 3 weeks now (temporary parenting time now established on weekends) do you think I have a chance anywhere? It's looking doubtful from my perspective. It will be difficult to bite my tongue and not show any anger over the fact she kept our child from me but whatever nurtures a positive connection is what I'm willing to try. What I've done hasn't worked.
@@sophiabernard6037 I sure hope so. I think right now she doesn't understand what she's losing because for the time being I haven't seen my daughter in 3 weeks and it has torn me to pieces. Eventually she is going to understand what 50/50 really means. I just can't say anything, she has to learn on her own and I'll be working on myself and being the best dad I can be in the meantime. There are ways she took advantage of me when I was desperate to get her back and then she drove the knife deeper. It hurts, but I forgive her. Can't be fake about it, she knows I want to fix everything. The difference I guess I'm feeling today is realizing she isn't responsible for my feelings. I just know in the back of my mind that we have 1 more chance to get this right, but it will take time.
He’s left Florida and went all the way to new York he’s with someone else... I haven’t talked to him in like months now so I’m in no contact. Just focusing on me and my baby if he doesn’t come back then it’s not meant to be if he does then... well that’s on him because dude had a bad ego to where he cheated on me and because I wanted to move on and got pregnant by someone else he’s taking all that pain and hurt on me when he was doing me dirty by sleeeping with me and cheating on me with someone else.
Clay, I don't know what I should do...my ex said that I am no longer compatible with him and that he never wants to come back to me because of my personality? and because during the lockdown, I gave him emotional turmoil. this is what he said to me, and he also said he never goes back to exes. We did fight because I begged him to give me a chance, and in the fight, he said all these things. Whether or not he said it in anger, it just hurt me deeply and made me feel like giving up.. when I mentioned to him about love being unconditional, and reminded him of his words that he'd never leave me, he said he said all that when he WAS HAPPY.. and he said if your love is real for me, true love and all, then you will let me be happy now as I am, ie. without a relationship. he also said I made him afraid of relationships. Please help me....:((
Dear Clay, when you say to be vulnerable to your ex so you can connect does that mean I can tell her how Im truly feeling which is that it’s hard for me and I miss her? Or is that a bad idea?
Dear Clay, could you make a video about what to do if you have broken up with your ex and its already been almost three years, how can I gain back her interest in me again after a long time?, some info, she already has a partner but I have no idea if it is a rebound/potential rebound relationship or if its a real relationship? my issue is I'm afraid its been too long since I've broken up with my ex and its only now that I have gotten in touch to apologize. I'm afraid she has lost complete interest of me, I only have one class with her, what can I do? ps your videos are great, thank you!
Same concepts will apply. What is important is that you have worked on your advanced relational skills. Also, getting back together will still follow the 5 stages of getting back together.
My ex is/was in rebound relationship. He started contacting me after 1.5 month we broke up. Things were going normal. And i ruined the chance by screaming on him. It's been a month he never called. What do I do now? Wait? :)
Hi clay. I just did most of those mistakes and probably ruined my chance with her for good. We brokeup a seconed time after that . We were together for 4 months after she came backe and to months before the first breake up.
Hello, i really need advice... my ex broke up with me 1,5 month ago we had no contact for a month and then he messaged me and since then we talk from time to time, im trying to make some emotional connection but i came across issue.. i was outside with friends only girls but he seemed upset, he innitiated conversation with me but as soon as i said that im tired cuz i was with friends he blocked me on 1 media, and then said if im trying to make him jealous, but im not and i was only with girls, could you have any advice for me please? I am trying to make emotional connection but i dont know how to move from this situation cuz he is avoiding me now and i dont know if he is angry or hurt and im getting anxious cuz i dont know if i should wait or if i should push to talk. Please advice
Allow him to process his emotions. You can test the waters to gauge if he is open to talk. We cover situations like this inside the Ex Solution Program and how to handle resistance from our ex. For now, it sounds like your ex is at the Riding the Dragon phase.
I'm after no contact. she reached out at 28 days. I responded. using breakup Brad. he's telling me to start talking but I'm keeping the msgs short, no hey how's it going. when do I ask her to meet bec a diff coach said let her decide. she went back to her ex. I want a chance to be with her.
I am not sure if I read this correctly. So you mean that your ex went back to her ex, right? Asking for someone to meet would depend on your own emotional readiness and acceptance to any outcome and her readiness as well. There's no set to stone timeframe for you. You have to feel the situation if it is the best time to ask or not.
So I dated the girl. we made out 3rd date, 4th date I kissed her and thought everything was going great. she finally let down some walls. she was contacting me daily. but then the day b4 saint Patrick's day she sends me a pic saying I can't believe how much you look like him....I guessed it was her ex. I didn't know what to say. I said something she said it was weird but no big deal. then after 2 weeks we meet for an hour and no hug,nothing. I met her the next day and she pulled away when I went to kiss her. a dating coach said tell her you like her and say pretty much choose me or I'm gone bec of the mixed signals. she told me she found someone else. later learned it was as my gut feared her ex. signed up with break up Brad. told me to send a reset text. I did. she responded. at 28 days no contact she sent me a text. you read it I believe and said my response was good. I told her it wasn't her fault(it was. really hurt me bec I'm 34 never had a gf or valentine and I was destroyed 10 yrs ago by a girl who went back to her ex. she was the first in 10 yrs I let my walls down for.) told her I was dating other women. u said that was a good response. I doubt she believed it. sent her a msg yesterday as an icebreaker. 2 weeks after after the I'm dating several women. about chocolate chip cookies (her favorite) based on several posts I had in my Facebook story. she responded. she watches every story post on fb probably looking to see a girl I'm dating that doesn't exist. I dreamed 2 dreams about this girl. just wish I had a real shot. she said there was no connection and that she would never see me that way... like then why on the 4th date you spoke about sexual stuff? I made it awkward because I was used for sex. I kept messing up with nice guy mistakes so I know that made her lose her interest. I didn't know until after I researched what I was doing wrong. I literally did nervousness stuff,pedestal, getting her things, trying to prove my worth,opening up too soon,etc. I just didn't know. I'm 34 and just now learning things a guy normally would at 18. I'm the shy nice guy who did what I was taught by my mom. I'm a beta and trying to overcome all of it.
@@ClayAndrews added to story above where u wrote. ty for helping me. spent 1k on coach's and material trying to change myself and see if I could just have a chance with this girl.
plz help Clay She broke up 2 months ago(7year long great relationship) for me not arriving at her best friend's fiance's birthday after saying yes and backing out at the last moment due to a misunderstanding. Also she had this issue of me avoiding socialising with her friends for last 6 months. Only 5-6 such occasions. Since breakup enough of begging pleading convincing i did. She says she has moved on and asks me to move on. She says she has zero feelings for me and asks me to leave her alone. Currently she isn't dating any1 and says she doesn't want to date any1 for now and neither date me. Any hopes @Clay
plz help @Clay She broke up 2 months ago(7year long great relationship) for me not arriving at her best friend's fiance's birthday after saying yes and backing out at the last moment due to a misunderstanding. Also she had this issue of me avoiding socialising with her friends for last 6 months. Only 5-6 such occasions. Since breakup enough of begging pleading convincing i did. She says she has moved on and asks me to move on. She says she has zero feelings for me and asks me to leave her alone. Currently she isn't dating any1 and says she doesn't want to date any1 for now and neither date me. Any hopes @Clay
When you think about texting, calling or any other form of communication with you ex. Try writing in a journal that way you’re writing your thoughts down, instead of tempting to send the text. A 10 day journal challenge turned into an everyday hobby for me.
When they walked out and let go they are the ones who ruined it. Not me. Let’s change the narrative that it is them not us.
People have all sorts of reasons for leaving a relationship. It isn't so black and white. Communication is the only way to work through it and if one side isn't stepping up then the other side needs to... assuming you'd like to rekindle... If you don't want to rekindle then why watch these videos?
Ultimately you only have control over your own actions. You cannot control how they show up, only how you show up
I was one of people who didn’t react negatively or emotionally when she told me she didn’t wanna be with me anymore because of her reasonings of her want to move to Chicago and what helped me the most was remembering that if that’s the last time that I’m going to see her, I don’t want to remember her crying or myself crying or being emotional and I was so proud of myself for holding my integrity. I was just being there for her. I eventually hugged her, told her I loved her and then I have nothing against her. I end up, making a joke to lighten the mood for both of us and it ended with us laughing, but we are currently talking again and seeing how things go
Wow man that sounds really positive. How’s things now everything ok?
This guy has really been helping me get through this, I'm holding out hope that we'll be together
how the things goes pal?
Oh. My. God. Your advice is second to none, is absolutely high level, on point brilliance. Deeper level issues, really insightful stuff! Really shifted my perspective, finally, after 9 months!
Wow, thank you!
Any updates with you?
Yup I did everything wrong when my ex reached out to say that she was sad and missed me. I was honest and replied back and told her that I love her. Yup silly me for being honest, cause she ghosted me again. Yet she was the one who wanted honesty to begin with.
I’m done with dating. From now on I’m just gonna live my life and not care about feelings towards women.
I’m sorry 😞 I’m in a similar situation. It happens to both genders.
So one person did you wrong and you're going to take it out on everyone else? That's mature
Mam you're good. Genuine and real. Because of you, I have a fighting chance again with my ex. I let myself be vulnerable (good vulnerable) and it got me from wall of reactence to riding the dragon. Advance relational skills is the only way to be real. They should teach this in school.
I never begged or pleaded even a tiny bit...actually wish I had a little bit. Gives me massive remorse...I feel like maybe she assumes I don’t care and never did. If I was in her shoes, that’s what I would think and I’d probably never reach out.
That’s right. No begging or pleading.
Clay, I really appreciate the “Did I give it my best?” commentary at the end of #4. Frankly, I’m uncertain of what future my ex and I hold; but what you said was a nice reminder and encouragement for the effort I’ve been putting forward into someone I truly feel is good for me.
I gave it my all, and she didn't want it. It devolved to where she was just lying to me and disrespecting me. I want to try again but I need to be strong enough to let her go.
The energy and positivity he brings is just soo amazing!
Coffee isn’t what I had in mind. I’m creative and so are you
I love listening to Clay. He explains all Avenues.
Thank you, Gerard. :-)
What about when you’re trying to initiate contact after no contact and they have a rebound? Especially one that moved in 6 weeks after our split.
Perfect. All things appeared in my mind. 🤣
Clay you are divinely sent. God bless u bro! Your stuff really works..atleast my ex is talking to me again
Glad to hear it. Happy top hear that our videos have helped you. :-)
I am drowning in anxiety and sabotaging my chances of reuniting with my wife
Nailed it man!
Back at you my friend.
Hi Clay, your videos are such a life saver. Would you consider doing a video or series on affair fog? This is the situation I find myself in with my wife. Thank you
Realizing something big for myself. There is no way to positively connect with my woman again if I'm not truly at peace and I don't forgive her for dividing our family. I don't like her rebound situation and I don't think it's right for our daughter, I don't have to agree with her life choice, but I do need to let her make that choice and not try so hard to fight for her, the truth is she is not responsible for my emotions and I shouldn't make her responsible even if I am heartbroken beyond belief. It is the only way that I can approach our interactions in a favorable manner that could result in reconciliation eventually. Still I will be stuck on her if it doesn't happen, but beside my wants for our family, even if I don't like some other guy being in her and my daughter's life, if she is being treated the way I should have treated her when we were together, I just have to be happy she's smiling. Her joy is more joy for my daughter.. I just have a very deep love and respect for her even if she has done things to me that are indisputably wrong. She is the mother of my child and I love her even if I'm not the one making her smile.
And yes my armor is so on 😩😩😩 ughhh I’m happy I’ve healed but ugh it’s pros and cons
Like I said all my exes are back... but I’m ice cold and it seems like they kind of like it ... why do ppl take kindness for weakness and meanness as sexy?
It sounds like you are attracted to broken people. I’d be more concerned about what this says about you frankly
@@jameskemp2166 and what does this says about me?
@@ChocolateBabe_ That’s a question you might ask yourself
Fantastic video, Clay. You’re head and shoulders above the others in this field.
Much appreciated
I guess I ruined it...
You are great man! This helped so much! Thank you!
Amazing video. Thank you, Clay
You're welcome, Valentino. :-)
This was so good! Thank you x 100!
Great video
Maybe the comments can help me out, why would an ex girlfriend (who is taken) question me about a girl then act disappointed when I tell her I don’t know her?
She even said “I was excited to double date”, very suspicious.
She probably doesn't want nothing serious, she feels physically atracted to you but she likely thinks that if you are interested in another girl could help both of you to not get romantically involved (being that what she wants).
I think I did already🙃
Awesome channel bro keep it up 👍 🙏
Thank you 🙌
What if they won’t talk to you at all
I know how crazy this sounds because I probably shouldn't want my ex back but we have a child. She's in a rebound and also is currently trying to get a stalking order because I annoyed her with my texting, as a result haven't seen my child in 3 weeks now (temporary parenting time now established on weekends) do you think I have a chance anywhere? It's looking doubtful from my perspective. It will be difficult to bite my tongue and not show any anger over the fact she kept our child from me but whatever nurtures a positive connection is what I'm willing to try. What I've done hasn't worked.
@@sophiabernard6037 I'm really happy you were able to salvage your relationship
@@sophiabernard6037 I sure hope so. I think right now she doesn't understand what she's losing because for the time being I haven't seen my daughter in 3 weeks and it has torn me to pieces. Eventually she is going to understand what 50/50 really means. I just can't say anything, she has to learn on her own and I'll be working on myself and being the best dad I can be in the meantime. There are ways she took advantage of me when I was desperate to get her back and then she drove the knife deeper. It hurts, but I forgive her. Can't be fake about it, she knows I want to fix everything. The difference I guess I'm feeling today is realizing she isn't responsible for my feelings. I just know in the back of my mind that we have 1 more chance to get this right, but it will take time.
Me neigther never begged or pleaded, but they never came back also.. Not even when applying NC.
He’s left Florida and went all the way to new York he’s with someone else... I haven’t talked to him in like months now so I’m in no contact. Just focusing on me and my baby if he doesn’t come back then it’s not meant to be if he does then... well that’s on him because dude had a bad ego to where he cheated on me and because I wanted to move on and got pregnant by someone else he’s taking all that pain and hurt on me when he was doing me dirty by sleeeping with me and cheating on me with someone else.
Clay, I don't know what I should do...my ex said that I am no longer compatible with him and that he never wants to come back to me because of my personality? and because during the lockdown, I gave him emotional turmoil. this is what he said to me, and he also said he never goes back to exes. We did fight because I begged him to give me a chance, and in the fight, he said all these things. Whether or not he said it in anger, it just hurt me deeply and made me feel like giving up.. when I mentioned to him about love being unconditional, and reminded him of his words that he'd never leave me, he said he said all that when he WAS HAPPY.. and he said if your love is real for me, true love and all, then you will let me be happy now as I am, ie. without a relationship. he also said I made him afraid of relationships. Please help me....:((
How did it end for you guys? Did you get back together?
Update? It’s scarily similar
Dear Clay, when you say to be vulnerable to your ex so you can connect does that mean I can tell her how Im truly feeling which is that it’s hard for me and I miss her? Or is that a bad idea?
Dear Clay, could you make a video about what to do if you have broken up with your ex and its already been almost three years, how can I gain back her interest in me again after a long time?, some info, she already has a partner but I have no idea if it is a rebound/potential rebound relationship or if its a real relationship? my issue is I'm afraid its been too long since I've broken up with my ex and its only now that I have gotten in touch to apologize. I'm afraid she has lost complete interest of me, I only have one class with her, what can I do?
ps your videos are great, thank you!
Same concepts will apply. What is important is that you have worked on your advanced relational skills. Also, getting back together will still follow the 5 stages of getting back together.
My ex is/was in rebound relationship. He started contacting me after 1.5 month we broke up. Things were going normal. And i ruined the chance by screaming on him. It's been a month he never called. What do I do now? Wait? :)
Love ur work clay
Much appreciated. :-) Glad to hear that our work resonates with you.
What if u been replaced?
Hi clay.
I just did most of those mistakes and probably ruined my chance with her for good.
We brokeup a seconed time after that . We were together for 4 months after she came backe and to months before the first breake up.
Is wanting to have a civil relationship on the fact we have a baby on the way wrong ?
Hello, i really need advice... my ex broke up with me 1,5 month ago we had no contact for a month and then he messaged me and since then we talk from time to time, im trying to make some emotional connection but i came across issue.. i was outside with friends only girls but he seemed upset, he innitiated conversation with me but as soon as i said that im tired cuz i was with friends he blocked me on 1 media, and then said if im trying to make him jealous, but im not and i was only with girls, could you have any advice for me please? I am trying to make emotional connection but i dont know how to move from this situation cuz he is avoiding me now and i dont know if he is angry or hurt and im getting anxious cuz i dont know if i should wait or if i should push to talk. Please advice
Allow him to process his emotions. You can test the waters to gauge if he is open to talk. We cover situations like this inside the Ex Solution Program and how to handle resistance from our ex. For now, it sounds like your ex is at the Riding the Dragon phase.
I'm after no contact. she reached out at 28 days. I responded. using breakup Brad. he's telling me to start talking but I'm keeping the msgs short, no hey how's it going. when do I ask her to meet bec a diff coach said let her decide. she went back to her ex. I want a chance to be with her.
I am not sure if I read this correctly. So you mean that your ex went back to her ex, right? Asking for someone to meet would depend on your own emotional readiness and acceptance to any outcome and her readiness as well. There's no set to stone timeframe for you. You have to feel the situation if it is the best time to ask or not.
So I dated the girl. we made out 3rd date, 4th date I kissed her and thought everything was going great. she finally let down some walls. she was contacting me daily. but then the day b4 saint Patrick's day she sends me a pic saying I can't believe how much you look like him....I guessed it was her ex. I didn't know what to say. I said something she said it was weird but no big deal. then after 2 weeks we meet for an hour and no hug,nothing. I met her the next day and she pulled away when I went to kiss her. a dating coach said tell her you like her and say pretty much choose me or I'm gone bec of the mixed signals. she told me she found someone else. later learned it was as my gut feared her ex. signed up with break up Brad. told me to send a reset text. I did. she responded. at 28 days no contact she sent me a text. you read it I believe and said my response was good. I told her it wasn't her fault(it was. really hurt me bec I'm 34 never had a gf or valentine and I was destroyed 10 yrs ago by a girl who went back to her ex. she was the first in 10 yrs I let my walls down for.) told her I was dating other women. u said that was a good response. I doubt she believed it. sent her a msg yesterday as an icebreaker. 2 weeks after after the I'm dating several women. about chocolate chip cookies (her favorite) based on several posts I had in my Facebook story. she responded. she watches every story post on fb probably looking to see a girl I'm dating that doesn't exist. I dreamed 2 dreams about this girl. just wish I had a real shot. she said there was no connection and that she would never see me that way... like then why on the 4th date you spoke about sexual stuff? I made it awkward because I was used for sex. I kept messing up with nice guy mistakes so I know that made her lose her interest. I didn't know until after I researched what I was doing wrong. I literally did nervousness stuff,pedestal, getting her things, trying to prove my worth,opening up too soon,etc. I just didn't know. I'm 34 and just now learning things a guy normally would at 18. I'm the shy nice guy who did what I was taught by my mom. I'm a beta and trying to overcome all of it.
@@ClayAndrews she told me she had been single a year and a half. that she was with him for 3 years. also learned I looked like her ex.
@@ClayAndrews added to story above where u wrote. ty for helping me. spent 1k on coach's and material trying to change myself and see if I could just have a chance with this girl.
Yeah yeah confused which guy to screw this week!
plz help Clay
She broke up 2 months ago(7year long great relationship) for me not arriving at her best friend's fiance's birthday after saying yes and backing out at the last moment due to a misunderstanding. Also she had this issue of me avoiding socialising with her friends for last 6 months. Only 5-6 such occasions. Since breakup enough of begging pleading convincing i did. She says she has moved on and asks me to move on. She says she has zero feelings for me and asks me to leave her alone. Currently she isn't dating any1 and says she doesn't want to date any1 for now and neither date me. Any hopes @Clay
plz help @Clay
She broke up 2 months ago(7year long great relationship) for me not arriving at her best friend's fiance's birthday after saying yes and backing out at the last moment due to a misunderstanding. Also she had this issue of me avoiding socialising with her friends for last 6 months. Only 5-6 such occasions. Since breakup enough of begging pleading convincing i did. She says she has moved on and asks me to move on. She says she has zero feelings for me and asks me to leave her alone. Currently she isn't dating any1 and says she doesn't want to date any1 for now and neither date me. Any hopes @Clay