It's definitely a people thing, especially in the U.S. I feel like people don't care to fall in love nor being romantic anymore. Everything I have noticed is either about sex or what you can provide for me instead of what we can provide for each other. Sidenote; you have some beautiful eyes 😍
I 100% agree. It's different in the U.S. People aren't as relationship-oriented, even for friendship and community, in my opinion - or at least not in NYC, generally speaking. And thank you :)
@@KevenTalks I agree with your opinion - I will say people tend to suck in colder area of the states while those from warmer states are a bit better. And you're welcome
I feel like this rampant nowadays. Everyone is hypergamous, and the reason why no one commits and flakes is because there are so many "options." They are always looking for a better deal.
I've heard that logic before, especially in NYC. "Revolving door." I guess it's true, especially with all the people we have exposure to on the myriad of dating apps out there.
Dating apps, as bad as they are, are the only way to meet people in most places. Most places don't have 30 gay bars like NYC does. In most places you're lucky to have one. So I had to deal with the behavior you're talking about...the "hey, sup" bullshit, but eventually I stuck to it, and I was superficial too and only showed my torso and eventually I hooked up with hot guys. None of them turned into long term relationships though because there were communication or mental issues. But if you're only wanting sex like me at the time, dating apps are viable and in most places the only thing you have.
@@KevenTalks I put on some weight so I know I'm going to have a much harder time attracting someone on a superficial app. So basically I just stick to the bars now and prioritize friendships over sex. But I'm so glad I had those experiences on the apps when I was younger because otherwise things would have been much more limited.
hey, sorry I am coming to this pretty late but I think your video is very genuine. I also understand that its very difficult to share these feelings. I just want you to know that you are not alone. I have had multiple experiences when a guy wouldn't even bother to inform me that he cannot make it to a date. I started sending the morning before and an hour before 'are we still set to meet' texts before I go out on a date every time now. Sometimes, you would meet someone and they would ghost you afterwards. It worse these days because you have a ton of passive instagram followers due to this. I think Dallas and Atlanta has been better for me in terms of dating since people are more laid back here and have more time to invest in another person. Having said that, I accept that the world of gay dating is brutal. You still need to keep your sanity and not lose hope.
As a 20 something year old gay guy in NYC, I relate to this video so much. I too have little to no gay friends so I mostly meet through apps. Thank you for making this video
Aww glad you connected to this video. So you actually find it effective to go through the apps then? I made a friend or two through Tinder but was mostly disappointed with apps, too.
Idk about effective, but I'm way too shy to try and meet guys at the bar. I'm on a few apps and I've made some friends through it (mostly guys I've dated that didn't work out). In my experience the best connections I've made through apps have always happened to be with guys that were visiting or just happened to move a few months after meeting them. Otherwise I have terrible luck for the most part. Tinder and OKCupid have been better to me than grindr. That being said I did meet a guy recently in my neighborhood on grindr who I have hopes for!
Aww glad to hear it! Although I'd generally agree - don't depend on Grindr for something tangible! Glad to hear you've gotten lucky a few times through the other apps!
Thanks so much for this super insightful video! I’m going to NYU next year and was very excited because I thought I’d be able to get my gay love life rolling xD where I live, nobody I know is openly gay, and the only gay people I do know are super sexual and make me uncomfortable. But I’m so sorry to hear that you didn’t have any success :( I’m just praying that it’ll be different for me xD do you think dating will be easier for college students, especially at NYU? (Sorry, idk if you know anything about it >.
Aww I went to NYU myself! NYU is super gay-friendly, you'll just have to put yourself out there. When I was at NYU, although I was openly gay with my close friends, I wasn't out to the world. I didn't have the best time at NYU (for many reasons) but I know a lot of people, especially gay people, who had a great experience - again I think because they put themselves out there. It's all what you make it. If I could change things, I would have been way more social and proactive at NYU, so I suggest doing the same! Otherwise NYU can feel very isolated, because it's not your typical campus.
I like your video and don't move to LA! I've lived in both NY and LA and you seem like you are too intelligent for LA. (You are probably more of an intelligent New Yorker rather than a dumb, superficial Angeleno.) Just my 2 cents
damian bozzio haha first off thanks for watching. I’m definitely a New Yorker in a lot of ways but it’s time for me to go. Who knows, if people are dumb in LA maybe I can use my intelligence to my advantage and win them all over, no? ;)
In my experience it is a guy thing, superficial and not genuinely wanting to be tied down. I've gave up looking for a relationship I just go with the flow and have occasional fun and it gets harder as you get older.
Dating sounds horribly frustrating. I met my bf on growlr and we've been together for a year and 10 months. But i have talked to mostly older guys. Im 31 and my bf is 53. Dating older might help you.
Nice! That's funny, the company I work for owns Growlr :) Yes, I definitely belong with an older man. Actually, a psychic once told me that so it must be true ;)
it took me years to realize what wasn't working with dating: sense of humor. If I can't joke around and have fun, then what's the point. Getting myself off is easy, but having a good time alone is very hard. It seems like most gays like to have fun with women but only have sex with men.
Guys you tried to date didn't have a sense of humor / didn't get your sense of humor? That's so unfortunate. That last thing you said is really interesting: "most gays like to have fun with women but only have sex with men." I never thought of it that way. I don't think it applies to most gay men as so many gay men (at least in NYC, from my experience) have their close circle of gay friends, but I'm sure this does apply to a lot of guys, particularly DL guys or guys who want "masc 4 masc"...
VillageKevTalks thank you for the reply. My exs or guys ive dated were only into masuline men.....acutally the more I think about it, any guy i was attracted to wouldn't want me to meet any of their gay friends and their bff were women.
In Boston everyone knows each other in the gay world it’s like high school. NYC has sooo many successful good looking guys to pursue. I would think it would be easier than any other city
That's exactly the issue though :) so many beautiful men - successful, intelligent men of substance - that I think gay guys (and maybe straight people in general) make less effort to build something genuine because there's "so many options." It's the revolving door idea - there will be another one coming through the door in a sec, so don't invest! That's at least what I've gathered. I would think Boston would be nice because it's a smaller gay population, but still has a ton of gay men I'm sure...but, I suppose the grass is always greener ;)
VillageKevTalks Boston is TERRIBLE and no one is interesting. Guys are very unfriendly and clicky. There are gay guys in my neighborhood who have walked by me for 5+ years and don’t say hi to me on the street or in restaurants. It’s very cold in general. Everyone is also very homogenous. NYC has such an array of smart, creative and interesting people. I understand why you are saying about the “next best thing” syndrome - I sense that on Grindr when I’m there but not everyone must be like that. There are so many people there. I feel like I want/need to move there just to find someone to date.
Oh my god nooo I would hate it there! I lived in Austin for a week this summer and was miserable. Check out my video "Gay Dating in the South" for more context ;)
Ahahhahaha oh my god you “preaching” to the choir. So true. It is disheartening but, you know, what the beautiful of all your experiences? Is that you have not lost touch of your integrity. I learned with time: going gay places, apps, etc... people have lost ability to communicate now with so mich avilable choice in the “market”. After years and years of happy momenets and also many a sad moments, i went: i will be true myself and be myself. I eventually met my partner in the gym. And we glanced at eachother and i felt weak at my knees and i felt so nervous but i invited him to go on a date and after dating for a week we became a couple and i was shaking when i asked him to be my boyfriend ( very old school i know but i am very romantic ). And almost 3 years later it still feels like that the first exciting month. When it is meant to be then it will happen. However, everyday someone needs to take a step and show the other person how much they mean and how much they are desired. The mistake in many a relationship is people become complacent and think, well, inhave you so i can relax. Fuck no, i am blessed enough to be with such an amazin person so everyday i will show in some way how much thy mean to me. Doni expect the same??? Hell yeah I do. Never lose hope or lose yourself. 🌅😀
Love this!!! I've had friends tell me I need to sign up for a gym to meet someone the regular way, aka not at the bar or on an app (LOL) but a) I hate gyms and b) it always seems like fiction to me that people meet at the gym...but I guess you're proof of it! I always wonder how it happens though...do people just start talking while running on the treadmills? Lol. PS this ended up in my spam again! Wtf.
It's a gay thing and the same around the world.i believe life is in levels.20's guys sex and lots of it 30's guys relationship and position.40's men depth and sharing and most importantly understanding.so where ever your mind is date in that level.i know that dose not really cover it all,but you get what I'm saying.hi from Dublin x
Hi from NYC! Thanks for commenting. I think you said something especially relevant here (at least to me)...I'm the type of person who will probably find a happy, healthy dating situation in my 40s, because that's when everyone else (hopefully) has matured too - I'm just a bit..."premature" for others my age right now...
It's definitely a people thing, especially in the U.S. I feel like people don't care to fall in love nor being romantic anymore. Everything I have noticed is either about sex or what you can provide for me instead of what we can provide for each other.
Sidenote; you have some beautiful eyes 😍
I 100% agree. It's different in the U.S. People aren't as relationship-oriented, even for friendship and community, in my opinion - or at least not in NYC, generally speaking. And thank you :)
@@KevenTalks I agree with your opinion - I will say people tend to suck in colder area of the states while those from warmer states are a bit better. And you're welcome
You're right...in warmer states people seem "warmer" themselves ;)
@@Edmond-Alexandre Yes I am from CA and I met some pretty awful people in Michigan for those reasons. I left that state so fast.
For us old school hopeless romantic, it's quite challenging
Exactly
I feel like this rampant nowadays. Everyone is hypergamous, and the reason why no one commits and flakes is because there are so many "options." They are always looking for a better deal.
I've heard that logic before, especially in NYC. "Revolving door."
I guess it's true, especially with all the people we have exposure to on the myriad of dating apps out there.
Dating apps, as bad as they are, are the only way to meet people in most places. Most places don't have 30 gay bars like NYC does. In most places you're lucky to have one. So I had to deal with the behavior you're talking about...the "hey, sup" bullshit, but eventually I stuck to it, and I was superficial too and only showed my torso and eventually I hooked up with hot guys. None of them turned into long term relationships though because there were communication or mental issues. But if you're only wanting sex like me at the time, dating apps are viable and in most places the only thing you have.
I hear you but doesn't that get old after a while?
@@KevenTalks I put on some weight so I know I'm going to have a much harder time attracting someone on a superficial app. So basically I just stick to the bars now and prioritize friendships over sex. But I'm so glad I had those experiences on the apps when I was younger because otherwise things would have been much more limited.
hey, sorry I am coming to this pretty late but I think your video is very genuine. I also understand that its very difficult to share these feelings. I just want you to know that you are not alone.
I have had multiple experiences when a guy wouldn't even bother to inform me that he cannot make it to a date. I started sending the morning before and an hour before 'are we still set to meet' texts before I go out on a date every time now. Sometimes, you would meet someone and they would ghost you afterwards. It worse these days because you have a ton of passive instagram followers due to this.
I think Dallas and Atlanta has been better for me in terms of dating since people are more laid back here and have more time to invest in another person. Having said that, I accept that the world of gay dating is brutal. You still need to keep your sanity and not lose hope.
Yeah I think smaller cities are the way to go when it comes to "serious dating!"
As a 20 something year old gay guy in NYC, I relate to this video so much. I too have little to no gay friends so I mostly meet through apps. Thank you for making this video
Aww glad you connected to this video. So you actually find it effective to go through the apps then? I made a friend or two through Tinder but was mostly disappointed with apps, too.
Idk about effective, but I'm way too shy to try and meet guys at the bar. I'm on a few apps and I've made some friends through it (mostly guys I've dated that didn't work out). In my experience the best connections I've made through apps have always happened to be with guys that were visiting or just happened to move a few months after meeting them. Otherwise I have terrible luck for the most part. Tinder and OKCupid have been better to me than grindr. That being said I did meet a guy recently in my neighborhood on grindr who I have hopes for!
Aww glad to hear it! Although I'd generally agree - don't depend on Grindr for something tangible! Glad to hear you've gotten lucky a few times through the other apps!
Thanks so much for this super insightful video! I’m going to NYU next year and was very excited because I thought I’d be able to get my gay love life rolling xD where I live, nobody I know is openly gay, and the only gay people I do know are super sexual and make me uncomfortable. But I’m so sorry to hear that you didn’t have any success :( I’m just praying that it’ll be different for me xD do you think dating will be easier for college students, especially at NYU? (Sorry, idk if you know anything about it >.
Aww I went to NYU myself! NYU is super gay-friendly, you'll just have to put yourself out there. When I was at NYU, although I was openly gay with my close friends, I wasn't out to the world. I didn't have the best time at NYU (for many reasons) but I know a lot of people, especially gay people, who had a great experience - again I think because they put themselves out there. It's all what you make it. If I could change things, I would have been way more social and proactive at NYU, so I suggest doing the same! Otherwise NYU can feel very isolated, because it's not your typical campus.
Aw, you poor thing. "Hey." "Sup."
So you're saying you've never had a long term relationship? Where are you moving to?
Long term? I've never even been in a short term one! The plan is to move to Miami for a bit and then LA!
I like your video and don't move to LA! I've lived in both NY and LA and you seem like you are too intelligent for LA. (You are probably more of an intelligent New Yorker rather than a dumb, superficial Angeleno.) Just my 2 cents
damian bozzio haha first off thanks for watching. I’m definitely a New Yorker in a lot of ways but it’s time for me to go. Who knows, if people are dumb in LA maybe I can use my intelligence to my advantage and win them all over, no? ;)
In my experience it is a guy thing, superficial and not genuinely wanting to be tied down. I've gave up looking for a relationship I just go with the flow and have occasional fun and it gets harder as you get older.
Great, something to look forward to! 😜
@@KevenTalks I hope you will be luckier. I'm visiting NYC from Scotland in May thanks for the info.
This look is giving me everything
Dating sounds horribly frustrating. I met my bf on growlr and we've been together for a year and 10 months. But i have talked to mostly older guys. Im 31 and my bf is 53. Dating older might help you.
Nice! That's funny, the company I work for owns Growlr :) Yes, I definitely belong with an older man. Actually, a psychic once told me that so it must be true ;)
I'm moving to New York in October and i would totally go on a date with you =)
I think he moved
it took me years to realize what wasn't working with dating: sense of humor. If I can't joke around and have fun, then what's the point. Getting myself off is easy, but having a good time alone is very hard. It seems like most gays like to have fun with women but only have sex with men.
Guys you tried to date didn't have a sense of humor / didn't get your sense of humor? That's so unfortunate.
That last thing you said is really interesting: "most gays like to have fun with women but only have sex with men." I never thought of it that way. I don't think it applies to most gay men as so many gay men (at least in NYC, from my experience) have their close circle of gay friends, but I'm sure this does apply to a lot of guys, particularly DL guys or guys who want "masc 4 masc"...
VillageKevTalks thank you for the reply. My exs or guys ive dated were only into masuline men.....acutally the more I think about it, any guy i was attracted to wouldn't want me to meet any of their gay friends and their bff were women.
That's so strange!!
Its exhausting
He move to Miami and no luck for him 😂
You are so wise... 😊
you moved i am looking a guy like you what you told is true i am in new york city i am getting bored
In Boston everyone knows each other in the gay world it’s like high school. NYC has sooo many successful good looking guys to pursue. I would think it would be easier than any other city
That's exactly the issue though :) so many beautiful men - successful, intelligent men of substance - that I think gay guys (and maybe straight people in general) make less effort to build something genuine because there's "so many options." It's the revolving door idea - there will be another one coming through the door in a sec, so don't invest! That's at least what I've gathered. I would think Boston would be nice because it's a smaller gay population, but still has a ton of gay men I'm sure...but, I suppose the grass is always greener ;)
VillageKevTalks Boston is TERRIBLE and no one is interesting. Guys are very unfriendly and clicky. There are gay guys in my neighborhood who have walked by me for 5+ years and don’t say hi to me on the street or in restaurants. It’s very cold in general. Everyone is also very homogenous. NYC has such an array of smart, creative and interesting people. I understand why you are saying about the “next best thing” syndrome - I sense that on Grindr when I’m there but not everyone must be like that. There are so many people there. I feel like I want/need to move there just to find someone to date.
Like I said, grass is always greener - wanna switch? ;) lol
VillageKevTalks Can I take you to dinner some time before you move? (Not sure how to PM on here....)
You should move to Dallas. Dating is much better here
Oh my god nooo I would hate it there! I lived in Austin for a week this summer and was miserable. Check out my video "Gay Dating in the South" for more context ;)
Also these sounds
Ahahhahaha oh my god you “preaching” to the choir. So true. It is disheartening but, you know, what the beautiful of all your experiences? Is that you have not lost touch of your integrity.
I learned with time: going gay places, apps, etc... people have lost ability to communicate now with so mich avilable choice in the “market”. After years and years of happy momenets and also many a sad moments, i went: i will be true myself and be myself. I eventually met my partner in the gym. And we glanced at eachother and i felt weak at my knees and i felt so nervous but i invited him to go on a date and after dating for a week we became a couple and i was shaking when i asked him to be my boyfriend ( very old school i know but i am very romantic ). And almost 3 years later it still feels like that the first exciting month. When it is meant to be then it will happen. However, everyday someone needs to take a step and show the other person how much they mean and how much they are desired. The mistake in many a relationship is people become complacent and think, well, inhave you so i can relax. Fuck no, i am blessed enough to be with such an amazin person so everyday i will show in some way how much thy mean to me. Doni expect the same??? Hell yeah I do.
Never lose hope or lose yourself. 🌅😀
Love this!!! I've had friends tell me I need to sign up for a gym to meet someone the regular way, aka not at the bar or on an app (LOL) but a) I hate gyms and b) it always seems like fiction to me that people meet at the gym...but I guess you're proof of it! I always wonder how it happens though...do people just start talking while running on the treadmills? Lol. PS this ended up in my spam again! Wtf.
It's a gay thing and the same around the world.i believe life is in levels.20's guys sex and lots of it 30's guys relationship and position.40's men depth and sharing and most importantly understanding.so where ever your mind is date in that level.i know that dose not really cover it all,but you get what I'm saying.hi from Dublin x
Hi from NYC! Thanks for commenting. I think you said something especially relevant here (at least to me)...I'm the type of person who will probably find a happy, healthy dating situation in my 40s, because that's when everyone else (hopefully) has matured too - I'm just a bit..."premature" for others my age right now...
handsome