I don't think I ever did because my mother always carried herself with autonomy & confidence. My dad was in awe of her. I had a boyfriend who people pleased to the extent that it shortened his life. I'm not kidding. I'm glad your off the avoidant tip. Great video!
When you realise that only the people who truly love you will stay in your life you start to understand that if someone loves you, then they won't be mad at you for having boundaries.
I think this is a very important discussion that I hope AP's and anxious leaning FA's are willing to have with themselves. When I leaned more anxious, people pleasing was exhausting and made me feel resentful in the end because I expected reciprocity. That's not how it works though. We should never do anything with the expectation of others doing the same for us. We should do it because we want to and that's it. A lot of times...and I can't speak for everyone else...but I did it because that's how I wanted my needs met. Once I started doing the work to heal, I started saying no a lot more, standing firm in my boundaries and meeting my own needs. I was essentially abandoning myself before. I hope others hear this and try meeting their own needs instead of depleting themselves for others.
I appreciate you opening up about your journey with people-pleasing. It takes courage to prioritize your own needs, set boundaries and not deplete yourself for others! ❤
Nothing wrong with expecting reciprocity, esp within dynamics where this is the typical expectation. However I do with to meet my own needs & apparently that's considered hypervigilance & hyper-independence 🤷🏽♀️
A stapler example - lol! Who knew Milton from Initech would teach us about breaking people pleasing... "Excuse me, but I'd like the red Swingline stapler back, please"
They're difficult to start, but once you do it feels AMAZING. I'm no bs now. If I don't like something I'm not doing it nor will I let my boundaries get stomped on. I can't even imagine going back to my boundary-less self. 💜
"People pleasing is a form of self-abandonment where a person constantly strives to please others often sacrificing their own needs or desires." "Think of one or two small boundaries that you can set with people on a more regular basis."
Have you ever found yourself people pleasing regularly in relationships? What was your experience like? ❤
I don't think I ever did because my mother always carried herself with autonomy & confidence. My dad was in awe of her. I had a boyfriend who people pleased to the extent that it shortened his life. I'm not kidding. I'm glad your off the avoidant tip. Great video!
When you realise that only the people who truly love you will stay in your life you start to understand that if someone loves you, then they won't be mad at you for having boundaries.
I think this is a very important discussion that I hope AP's and anxious leaning FA's are willing to have with themselves. When I leaned more anxious, people pleasing was exhausting and made me feel resentful in the end because I expected reciprocity. That's not how it works though. We should never do anything with the expectation of others doing the same for us. We should do it because we want to and that's it. A lot of times...and I can't speak for everyone else...but I did it because that's how I wanted my needs met. Once I started doing the work to heal, I started saying no a lot more, standing firm in my boundaries and meeting my own needs. I was essentially abandoning myself before.
I hope others hear this and try meeting their own needs instead of depleting themselves for others.
I appreciate you opening up about your journey with people-pleasing. It takes courage to prioritize your own needs, set boundaries and not deplete yourself for others! ❤
Nothing wrong with expecting reciprocity, esp within dynamics where this is the typical expectation. However I do with to meet my own needs & apparently that's considered hypervigilance & hyper-independence 🤷🏽♀️
I needed to read this. I do people please as a way to meet my needs and I need to stop
@@somethinggood9267 ❤️❤️❤️
A stapler example - lol!
Who knew Milton from Initech would teach us about breaking people pleasing... "Excuse me, but I'd like the red Swingline stapler back, please"
😂😂
Thank you for this message. I need to break free from people pleasing..❤
You're welcome! I'm glad you found the message helpful. Be kind to yourself on your healing journey! ❤
I believe you have my stapler 😭
I love the actionable steps provided here! and I loved the explanation of the root cause of people pleasing too!
The dynamic between people pleasers and those who take/take/take is tough. Boundaries are difficult to start, but necessary.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Boundaries are indeed crucial for any healthy relationship dynamic! ❤
They're difficult to start, but once you do it feels AMAZING. I'm no bs now. If I don't like something I'm not doing it nor will I let my boundaries get stomped on. I can't even imagine going back to my boundary-less self. 💜
"People pleasing is a form of self-abandonment where a person constantly strives to please others often sacrificing their own needs or desires."
"Think of one or two small boundaries that you can set with people on a more regular basis."
YES All the time....
Love the personal development steps you’ve laid out here as well 👏
Super insightful and educational video!! 🙌 Thanks Thais ❤
Even Jesus took time away from the needy people to spend time alone in prayer.