the fact that you know this, means there is chance for improvement. Try to love yourself more and if you really wanna change, I belive you can do it! don't give up!
Therapy is a must. Possibly antidepressants too they can help deal with other emotions and negative thinking besides depression. Hopefully it's not a personality disorder because that's the hardest thing as far as making changes and improving your life.
Im getting ripped right now by my so called vest mate who I started talking to again. B I g mistake!! You think you know someone after a decades worth but infact time is most likely a factor to this bad behaviour.
@@JackAD That's why you get the hell away from us after realizing they ain't changing. And if so no time soon so it will be their problem or frustration & not yours or ours. Misery loves company yet it ain't a team sport
I really needed to watch this it really helps me understand how complicated people can be and how they are not only for myself but to anyone who appears to be critical. Thank you
I think people also need to understand that unreasonable expectations is a flaw in yourself, not others. Some people have ridiculous standards / expectations and just think they’re operating at this high level nobody can touch. When I’m reality they have a warped ego and they’re not any ‘better’ than those around them.
I was labeled detail oriented person most my life... As a Child My Room ,My Things, My Pets..as an Adult My house..My Car & Whatever Work I was doing or Company I Worked For ? Any Hobby or Sport I Had to Always have a Plan & Always Be prepared..Lists ...Post Its ...cassette recorder...I Digress.... But with Me Nobody would Know I did these Things unless They new me for Years & Lived with Me... Raised to Think for Myself , If I wanted something done , I do it .Myself or I wouldn't be Satisfied with the results... I'm A Positive and Kind Person Who Respects All Life & Most Of the Living Things On Our Planet...If I had to get help from A person...I wouldn't complaint or Tell them How they should Do It...I'd Thank them, Be Greatful & When I was Able to Do it Over myself ? I'd Do It ...Hoping They'd Never notice....As I Got Older I just Got More Chill...I Think I"m a 64 yr. old Out of Control Ninja Fairy ,✌♥️☯️
lol This was fun, mine was mostly false. I'm always paranoid I'm toxic even though I know I'm not, since I'm invited to all events and most people like me.
pretty accurate. Only people with thick skins can handle being friends with me! I have my reasons. I've fallen very short of my own goals... even the sensible ones and I like the quick efficient exchange of info you get from being blunt and honest. Honesty hurts, but lies hurt more and can waste years of your life away. I know, it's happened to me. So I demand that people are blunt and honest with me too.
@@sarafox3287 It Sounds like you have likely been pretty hurt by demanding people. It's also understandably challenging to understand how people could continue to do destructive behavior when it seems so illogical. I'd love to hear more about the reason for your questions.
A toxic person won’t get help. They will tell everybody close to them, that their targets need help. I’m willing to say that our prison population is nearly 90% filled with toxic “humans”. A prison cell becomes their island. Or their targets end up in the criminal justice system, because of false allegations, or the toxic person becomes the victim, because their targets stand up to their toxicity, usually in anger. They blame and twist the truth, to hide their true toxic nature. Very sad for the the toxic person, and more importantly for the damage they inflict on those they should be loving.
I've come to the realization control freaks are in large part an absolute obnoxious type of individual. I'm very laidback and have always fought with people who need to control others in order for them to feel good. I honestly believe i can't think less of such individuals. I also think they are a major contributing factor as to why people become misanthropes. For those who genuinely want to better themselves, i wish you good luck. Those who dont see the errors of their ways. May you one day do.
0:45 How do you see "Unmet expectations" applying to "toxic people?" I expect you not to expect things from me. For me, something that has helped a lot is having boundaries (though I would not use that word with someone) and asking if this is something I can or am willing to do and, if not, move forward and not lose peace over someone else making demands of me I am not willing to do. It brings peace to me to recognize we are all at different stages of life, and though I might have graduated from that stage at age 3 to 5, for whatever reason, they have not. Those are a few things that help me hug a porcupine. I look forward to reading the book.
I like much of what he has to say, however he ended the message by passing judgment on other souls. I can answer true to all 21 of those questions, however they are not all relevant now. I grew up in a very hard life and have been judged and rejected endlessly because of what i was not and what i didn't understand. All i ever wanted was to be loved and accepted in this world and yet my ignorances and the things i was never taught, combined with the augmentation of my faculties as a child, have made learning and integration into society very hard. I feel it is sad that Dr. Lund feels the need to judge those God sent him here to serve, however i assume that perhaps he doesnt understand the nature of the curriculum these souls are presented with. How can someone get better if we judge them and reject them? The way we treat others is a reflection of our own souls.
The intent isn't too count out how many toxic traits you've had over your entire life; it's how many traits you have now. If we had to count all our failings we've ever committed, we'd always fail. Personal progress wouldn't be a thing. Dr Lund isn't passing judgement, or rejection, at the end. He's giving information. Information we sorely need if we want to become better. I can understand how it would look like rejection if you had a lot of it in your life. Here's telling you how much work you need to put into your life/ relationship! He's simply putting it out there, no sugar coating. "If you have all 21 traits, yikes, man. It's going to suck coming back from that. And it's going to hurt." Kind of a thing. I always appreciate that kind of candidacy.
@Sara Fox ... you speak in a gross way. "people like you", huh? Interesting. Well,... Lund is a Disciple of Chrsit as he see himself. And if you have done it to the very least of these your brethren, you have done it unto The Lord Himself. You fail to understand that the sprit of judgment you are working from to even utter such a self important remark is utterly prideful and deflective of your own accountability. And thats the saddest part. It is a pride cycle. Your desire to justify your judgments and to be right, caring more about your own offense and sensitivity, while simultaneously demonstrating utter emotional invalidation to the ones you claim are controlling or abusing. Ironically making you the abuser who is then guilty of judging others in an effort to defend your own emotions AT the expense of other human beings. Its a snake eating its own tail. The only way this ends is to actually consider what i said and to realize that there is accountability on both sides. I personally think you are damaged to even make a remark like you have. You dont know me at all, and yet you claim people like me. That is a dividing remark that places others beneath you in an desperate attempt to justify or defend your own perspective. It is short sighted and ignorant and overly inclusive. You are not trained well enough to even know what you are talking about and you run around saying hurtful things while complaining about your own sensitivity. Hey Short-bus... YOU ARE "people like you". DUH! I dont need to control you one bit. The delusion of reality you cling to requires you to justify your own lack of emotional intelligence at the expense of others. I have dealt with folks lie you my entire life. Try watching Crappy Childhood Fairy... maybe she can articulate it in a manner i am failing to do from the spectrum i function from. All i know is i dont associate with beings who refuse to play by the golden rule and who want to employ these double standards. I hope you get the help you need to see your own conundrum.
I'm off to the Bermuda triangle for a nice long break! There's a fine line between narcissism and being judged by people that don't have their own shit together! I'd be curious to find out how the Dr answered his own questions 🤔
In the beginning, you use the terminology: "well meaning", these people are not well meaning towards you, what they do is for themselves, so well meaning for thrmselves, yes. But, well meaning for you, no!
Do you include all parents in your definition of control freak? Or is there some control needed with children. When there are several children, should it be a democracy or should the parent supply wisdom? When I was growing up i thought my parents were controling, Now, I wish they had been more controling and I had listened and followed better.
Let me guess, it was all good in the beginning and then it started creeping in? Pretty soon you realize it’s not you, but them. Never do anything right, wear the wrong clothes, listen to the wrong music, eat the wrong foods. Can’t clean something to their specifications. They will decide where to go, how to get there and they’ll drive, not you. Don’t like your friends but expect you to like their friends. They love to put you down in front of people to belittle you, holy hell it goes on and on.
I got 18 out of 21 and the docs have told me I'm a perfectionist and control freak. Very judgemental as this can lead to divorce and shit. If I work hard so can everyone else. I live by 3 rules, do what 99% of the population don't do, self discipline and don't say why me? Say try me! I am fit coz I go to gym with self discipline, I don't say why me ( with my anxiety disorder) I say try me! And 99% of the population would crumble with my mental health but that 1% won't let that get in their way like me. Don't see any of this as bad things only that other ppl can't keep up or hack it which is fine coz I don't really care anyway.
Look doing it to yourself is one thing, the problem is when you start implementing that mindset onto other people, they get crushed by it. And it's very very harsh. Don't expect from others what you expect from yourself, why?, they aren't you.
This is actually very rude, discomforting and discriminatory. You can't go around telling people who already have a hard time dealing with themselves that they are toxic, should be avoided and should live alone on an island. Everybody deserves and needs the chance to get help and deal better with those toxic traits, NOT someone accusing them, blaming them and discriminating them.
Well whatever your score is, I doubt you're toxic. I'm pretty sure toxic people don't ask themselves if they're toxic or take personality tests for fun..
Some are whole families, - mother- about kids looks, no direction anger problem- intimadading- never change high stress levels impossible to live extreme untidy-male alpha-dominate-dr jekal mr Hyde personalities-scream and terrorize everybody at home- super control at work super gentle-2 side quarter-very privilege-very accepted-some say domestic villains pence-it doesn’t matter damaged done-can cause other to get diseases cause of how gh stress-they can t control themselves-ironic-there costly-never any peace- they breed angry children with anxiety problems don’t listen to rules some very angry control problems they will live till a hundred u not u will only live till 50-sad state of affairs- kids also attracted to them s personalities- on lighter side dr. Phil and have gh wife working n hard to help need too high- man x that up with crime- bad recipe-peace-hug the people u care for-stay safe👍🌈😎💐
![Tee Grizzley - Robbery 8 [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/34_vkNV6wrU/mqdefault.jpg)
"Live in an island alone" then video stops ROFLMAO
I'm toxic and impossible to deal with. I hate myself sometimes and don't want to be alone.
the fact that you know this, means there is chance for improvement. Try to love yourself more and if you really wanna change, I belive you can do it! don't give up!
Therapy is a must. Possibly antidepressants too they can help deal with other emotions and negative thinking besides depression. Hopefully it's not a personality disorder because that's the hardest thing as far as making changes and improving your life.
Yeah same here sucks big time
Same as hell.. it makes me want to take me life so I don't ruin to lifes of others
You sound somewhat workable
Their frustration can't compare to the frustration others feel when they're around these control freaks.
Fraustration is not being able to think about something properly so its a your problem
Im getting ripped right now by my so called vest mate who I started talking to again. B I g mistake!! You think you know someone after a decades worth but infact time is most likely a factor to this bad behaviour.
@@JackAD That's why you get the hell away from us after realizing they ain't changing. And if so no time soon so it will be their problem or frustration & not yours or ours. Misery loves company yet it ain't a team sport
I really needed to watch this it really helps me understand how complicated people can be and how they are not only for myself but to anyone who appears to be critical. Thank you
Great toxic personality description..Thank you.
I absolutely love John Lund. We became very good friends when he was institute director at Orange Coast College.
Terrilyn Lofing I don’t believe you, give us proof!
I showed this to my friend and he never wants to talk to me ever again and threw my stuff that I lend him
This was eye opening I’m going to correct this personality flaw
I think people also need to understand that unreasonable expectations is a flaw in yourself, not others. Some people have ridiculous standards / expectations and just think they’re operating at this high level nobody can touch. When I’m reality they have a warped ego and they’re not any ‘better’ than those around them.
I was labeled detail oriented person most my life... As a Child My Room ,My Things, My Pets..as an Adult My house..My Car & Whatever Work I was doing or Company I Worked For ? Any Hobby or Sport I Had to Always have a Plan & Always Be prepared..Lists ...Post Its ...cassette recorder...I Digress....
But with Me Nobody would Know I did these Things unless
They new me for Years & Lived with Me... Raised to Think for Myself , If I wanted something done , I do it .Myself or I wouldn't be Satisfied with the results... I'm A Positive and Kind Person Who Respects All Life & Most Of the Living Things On Our Planet...If I had to get help from A person...I wouldn't complaint or Tell them How they should Do It...I'd Thank them, Be Greatful & When I was Able to Do it Over myself ?
I'd Do It ...Hoping They'd
Never notice....As I Got Older I just Got More Chill...I Think I"m a 64 yr. old Out of Control Ninja Fairy ,✌♥️☯️
I wish he was local.. i would love to talk to him and fix my marriage
Great video Dr. Toxic people can and will cause chaos and should be avoided at all costs.
message received. I'm on my way to an island.
Scott Sanett make reservation for 2
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 This is Brilliant ! i should play this at home on loop !!
Wow! Hardhitting and so true!
lol This was fun, mine was mostly false. I'm always paranoid I'm toxic even though I know I'm not, since I'm invited to all events and most people like me.
pretty accurate. Only people with thick skins can handle being friends with me! I have my reasons. I've fallen very short of my own goals... even the sensible ones and I like the quick efficient exchange of info you get from being blunt and honest. Honesty hurts, but lies hurt more and can waste years of your life away. I know, it's happened to me. So I demand that people are blunt and honest with me too.
Count me out.
I needed to watch this video. I got 17 out of 21 that I would say are true about myself. I didn’t realize I was that bad. I need to work on this.
summer2011leggo Even i also didn't realise this whole time
@@sarafox3287 It Sounds like you have likely been pretty hurt by demanding people. It's also understandably challenging to understand how people could continue to do destructive behavior when it seems so illogical. I'd love to hear more about the reason for your questions.
My father is a toxic person.
This is a good video with useful information for understanding toxic behavior. What can you do to change if you do believe you are a toxic person?
I think it might be due to childhood fears of neglect and abandonment...
absolutely loved it! Thank you De. Lund!
A toxic person needs help, not to be told they should live on an island!!!
A toxic person won’t get help. They will tell everybody close to them, that their targets need help. I’m willing to say that our prison population is nearly 90% filled with toxic “humans”. A prison cell becomes their island. Or their targets end up in the criminal justice system, because of false allegations, or the toxic person becomes the victim, because their targets stand up to their toxicity, usually in anger. They blame and twist the truth, to hide their true toxic nature. Very sad for the the toxic person, and more importantly for the damage they inflict on those they should be loving.
U just described my brother.
Thank you for the video
Spot On !
Love the definition.
I've come to the realization control freaks are in large part an absolute obnoxious type of individual. I'm very laidback and have always fought with people who need to control others in order for them to feel good. I honestly believe i can't think less of such individuals. I also think they are a major contributing factor as to why people become misanthropes.
For those who genuinely want to better themselves, i wish you good luck.
Those who dont see the errors of their ways. May you one day do.
0:45 How do you see "Unmet expectations" applying to "toxic people?" I expect you not to expect things from me.
For me, something that has helped a lot is having boundaries (though I would not use that word with someone) and asking if this is something I can or am willing to do and, if not, move forward and not lose peace over someone else making demands of me I am not willing to do. It brings peace to me to recognize we are all at different stages of life, and though I might have graduated from that stage at age 3 to 5, for whatever reason, they have not. Those are a few things that help me hug a porcupine.
I look forward to reading the book.
Excellent....thank you...x😀😃😊😇
I’m literally none of the things he listed, why did I even bother watching this shit. This dude taught me fucking nothing, peace ✌️
My wife would score extremely high. We've been married 9 months and she's threatened divorce at least 6 times.
Still married?
i told the person to live on the island, alone, but he could not do it
I like much of what he has to say, however he ended the message by passing judgment on other souls. I can answer true to all 21 of those questions, however they are not all relevant now. I grew up in a very hard life and have been judged and rejected endlessly because of what i was not and what i didn't understand. All i ever wanted was to be loved and accepted in this world and yet my ignorances and the things i was never taught, combined with the augmentation of my faculties as a child, have made learning and integration into society very hard. I feel it is sad that Dr. Lund feels the need to judge those God sent him here to serve, however i assume that perhaps he doesnt understand the nature of the curriculum these souls are presented with. How can someone get better if we judge them and reject them? The way we treat others is a reflection of our own souls.
it occurred to me that this video is all about how to judge someone or ourselves by a label which man has created. Isnt this a form of criticism? lol
Reading your two comments gave me cancer.
The intent isn't too count out how many toxic traits you've had over your entire life; it's how many traits you have now. If we had to count all our failings we've ever committed, we'd always fail. Personal progress wouldn't be a thing.
Dr Lund isn't passing judgement, or rejection, at the end. He's giving information. Information we sorely need if we want to become better.
I can understand how it would look like rejection if you had a lot of it in your life.
Here's telling you how much work you need to put into your life/ relationship! He's simply putting it out there, no sugar coating.
"If you have all 21 traits, yikes, man. It's going to suck coming back from that. And it's going to hurt." Kind of a thing.
I always appreciate that kind of candidacy.
@Sara Fox ... you speak in a gross way. "people like you", huh? Interesting. Well,... Lund is a Disciple of Chrsit as he see himself. And if you have done it to the very least of these your brethren, you have done it unto The Lord Himself. You fail to understand that the sprit of judgment you are working from to even utter such a self important remark is utterly prideful and deflective of your own accountability. And thats the saddest part. It is a pride cycle. Your desire to justify your judgments and to be right, caring more about your own offense and sensitivity, while simultaneously demonstrating utter emotional invalidation to the ones you claim are controlling or abusing. Ironically making you the abuser who is then guilty of judging others in an effort to defend your own emotions AT the expense of other human beings. Its a snake eating its own tail. The only way this ends is to actually consider what i said and to realize that there is accountability on both sides. I personally think you are damaged to even make a remark like you have. You dont know me at all, and yet you claim people like me. That is a dividing remark that places others beneath you in an desperate attempt to justify or defend your own perspective. It is short sighted and ignorant and overly inclusive. You are not trained well enough to even know what you are talking about and you run around saying hurtful things while complaining about your own sensitivity. Hey Short-bus... YOU ARE "people like you". DUH! I dont need to control you one bit. The delusion of reality you cling to requires you to justify your own lack of emotional intelligence at the expense of others. I have dealt with folks lie you my entire life. Try watching Crappy Childhood Fairy... maybe she can articulate it in a manner i am failing to do from the spectrum i function from. All i know is i dont associate with beings who refuse to play by the golden rule and who want to employ these double standards. I hope you get the help you need to see your own conundrum.
@Sara Fox ruclips.net/video/akAbAt0HYYM/видео.html
I'm off to the Bermuda triangle for a nice long break! There's a fine line between narcissism and being judged by people that don't have their own shit together! I'd be curious to find out how the Dr answered his own questions 🤔
one of the only boomers I respect
woo hoo thank god i am none of these things. but i will admit i have been around control freaks and do not like it at all.
In the beginning, you use the terminology: "well meaning", these people are not well meaning towards you, what they do is for themselves, so well meaning for thrmselves, yes. But, well meaning for you, no!
Do you include all parents in your definition of control freak? Or is there some control needed with children. When there are several children, should it be a democracy or should the parent supply wisdom? When I was growing up i thought my parents were controling, Now, I wish they had been more controling and I had listened and followed better.
Oh no, I guess I gotta start looking for an island🤦♀️😩
I think I had 20 out of 21 of those traits! 😵💫😵💫
Very good.
I have all 21...what am I suppose to do???
Sounds like my mom when I was a kid.
My mother's a narcissist.
I married one..
Let me guess, it was all good in the beginning and then it started creeping in? Pretty soon you realize it’s not you, but them. Never do anything right, wear the wrong clothes, listen to the wrong music, eat the wrong foods. Can’t clean something to their specifications. They will decide where to go, how to get there and they’ll drive, not you. Don’t like your friends but expect you to like their friends. They love to put you down in front of people to belittle you, holy hell it goes on and on.
My wife has all of them. ALL OF THEM
How did he get so good at criticism and even making lists about other people's flaws if he doesn't meet many of these criteria himself? Just curious.
I got 18 out of 21 and the docs have told me I'm a perfectionist and control freak. Very judgemental as this can lead to divorce and shit. If I work hard so can everyone else. I live by 3 rules, do what 99% of the population don't do, self discipline and don't say why me? Say try me! I am fit coz I go to gym with self discipline, I don't say why me ( with my anxiety disorder) I say try me! And 99% of the population would crumble with my mental health but that 1% won't let that get in their way like me. Don't see any of this as bad things only that other ppl can't keep up or hack it which is fine coz I don't really care anyway.
Doesn’t sound perfect to me.
Look doing it to yourself is one thing, the problem is when you start implementing that mindset onto other people, they get crushed by it. And it's very very harsh. Don't expect from others what you expect from yourself, why?, they aren't you.
wow
This is actually very rude, discomforting and discriminatory.
You can't go around telling people who already have a hard time dealing with themselves that they are toxic, should be avoided and should live alone on an island.
Everybody deserves and needs the chance to get help and deal better with those toxic traits, NOT someone accusing them, blaming them and discriminating them.
So Bora Bora or Hawaii ?😆 wow a real eye opener
I got 12 . Thank you :)
Amazing lecture, I really enjoyed it, I think I'm a little bit of a perfectionist, I was about 10/21 maybe more :S
Well whatever your score is, I doubt you're toxic. I'm pretty sure toxic people don't ask themselves if they're toxic or take personality tests for fun..
Some are whole families, - mother- about kids looks, no direction anger problem- intimadading- never change high stress levels impossible to live extreme untidy-male alpha-dominate-dr jekal mr Hyde personalities-scream and terrorize everybody at home- super control at work super gentle-2 side quarter-very privilege-very accepted-some say domestic villains pence-it doesn’t matter damaged done-can cause other to get diseases cause of how gh stress-they can t control themselves-ironic-there costly-never any peace- they breed angry children with anxiety problems don’t listen to rules some very angry control problems they will live till a hundred u not u will only live till 50-sad state of affairs- kids also attracted to them s personalities- on lighter side dr. Phil and have gh wife working n hard to help need too high- man x that up with crime- bad recipe-peace-hug the people u care for-stay safe👍🌈😎💐
behavior is not going to help me aim better in cod
This sounds like my sister.
To me sounds like a Muslims personality. Hence why they call any non Muslim a infidel
Why would he tell them to live in an island, weird guy
It’s.....a joke
That's so meee FUCK
God sounds like a weak society. Sounds like my time in boot camp
17 :(
Well... fuck
14
0:35 fuck
toxic lol