When I wet the bed, my mother in her rage would rub my face in the soiled bedding, or I would receive a thrashing .I know your pain, lived it. What to say...there are no words... I will say that for myself I thought all the hurt of childhood both physically and then psychologically was the way everyone, every child experienced life. We made it through but it exacted a price. Hugs to you and all the children who lived any part of their lives under the terror of a cruel parent.
When I would wet the bed I got beat severely with a belt buckle or extension cord. They thought because I was afraid to go to the restroom at night afraid of the dark or my kidneys were growing to fast but the whole time I was wetting the bed because I was being molested on a regular basis.
I relate to a lot. The bedwetting and being shamed for it. The mother telling you how admired she was and what she could have done if she hadn't sacrificed her life to have kids. Got guilted and smacked for just being a kid "you should have known better", but nothing like the violence you endured. The coldness, confusion, and fear at home of a person who was supposed to love and protect you. I grew up with disorganised attachment and a massive anxiety disorder. I have spent my entire life healing. But, I am also lucky that I have the opportunity to heal. I'm so sorry for everyone who did not even get that chance (you, my mother, and yours).
That pinching she did was from a deeply disturbed woman. Her anger was directed on you, as the skapegoat. I wonder if one of her parents had the same streak of cruelty. You were a young child, who deserved to be cared for, unconditionally. You did the best you could out of self-preservation. You won in the end and outsmarted her. Love and hugs to you Sam. I know how you felt.
Tears came down my face As I'm drinking my coffee and listening to you.😢 Unfortunately I had a childhood similar to this... but you have helped me sir THANK YOU!!!
You didn't deserve any of that. It was never you. You have always been good enough. You were a child, you should have been loved correctly. I'm sorry that was your experience. I hope as you share your stories that your soul is healing and that the rose of your heart continues to unfold.
I weep for your childhood and all children who have and are suffering that same fate. The impact our childhood has on our adulthood is individual and life long. I often wonder what kinda adult I would have become if I could have been fortunate enough to be remove from my narcissistic household and placed in foster care. My childhood was very similar to yours.
Sam I'm so so sorry for you. I want you to keep telling me stories. I don't know why we're drawn to horrors, I don't want them to have happened. I need to hear that I'm not the only one with this kind of painful and humiliating history.
Once one has been touched by darkness, often there is a obsession with trying to understanding it. Sam is so helpful in this navigation. Keep listening…
So heart wrenching ... I'm deeply saddened you had to pass through this. I cried all the time while listening twice. I'm so happy you have Lidija. You changed the lives of so many of us on such a meaningful ways. I would have never been this outcome of a personality without the touch of your genius spirit. Endless love and hugs your way ...
This is overwhelmingly sad. Such parents should not have custody of their children. I think it's important to know a lot about the childhood of people with narcissistic personality disorder because it helps to understand and forgive.
If Narcissists and psychopaths are incapable of experiencing love, than how is it possible for someone to receive a diagnosis of all three cluster b personality disorders, as BPD more or less requires one to experience some manner of affection?
18:22 O mero acaso deternina em que circunstâncias nascemos e crescemos. Esse menino cresceu e por causa desses acontecimentos sofreu muito certamente e provavelmente ainda sofre mas se a minha intuição não me engana esse menino que hoje é homem trasformou uma parte dessa dor em algo sublime para si e para muitos outros. Obrigada pela partilha . É preciso muita coragem para ser vulnerável. ❤
Spider mothers do not give sufficient nurture and this internal hurt pushes these children to think more. You are a good example Prof. This is a sensory reality, we don't think if we feel good, we just be. And through experience we learn not to have one's heart hustled by words. Consistent intent, words, deeds. Narcs and psychopaths always show inconsistencies. They belong to the school of the Wizard of Oz where the prof says 'And remember, my sentimental friend, that a heart is not judged by how much *you* love; but by how much you are loved by others'. Narcs don't love, they try to attract love.
I wonder how a child can survive this .. I was emotionally neglected and ignored by my father, he never gave me a hug ever, always made me feel worthless, and he was treated exactly like Sam by his mother. He screamed in sleep as an adult, bc she used to burn him with hot water. So how could I hate him for being a narcissist when he himself endured such pain. Its tragic that family abuse goes on from generation to generation ..so sad. I try to do it better, but became a borderline.. it never ends.
I'm sorry for your heartache. I am also grieving such abuse from a mother. First born as well. I see your pain. I know that pain. Thank you for your videos. I found them about a month ago. I find them helpful.
Absolutely heartbreaking!😢 Have you ever had the opportunity to confront your mother, to explain to her, just how bad her abuse affected you? Has she ever apologized?
Dr. Vaknin, I am very sorry heard your sad and abusive childhood story. You should be very proud of yourself because at the end, you beat those old darkness and even enlightened many people’s lives. You are example of a beautiful lotus flower that flourishes from the marsh. Big hug and thank you for sharing your story bravely.
Thank you for sharing this descriptive short story. It gave voice to the many feelings of fear and shame that I felt as a child. Too bad an extensive licensing exam isn't needed before becoming a parent...
@samvaknin thank you for sharing this story and my heart goes out to you. Could you help clarify what causes a child of such abuse to become a psychopath vs a narcissist or borderline? The collab video you did with RG explained the development of narcissist and borderline but what causes the abused child to not develop a false self and instead go the psychopath direction? Is it the genetic component?
Hiding the shame is so much for a child to bear. Thank you for sharing. I love writing and I’ve written a lot about being taken from my unfit mother at 4 because I was being sexually abused and dumped into the foster care system in the 1980’s. What should I do with all these writings? Burn them?
Keep them close to you. Do not burn them! Do you read any novels and have any favorite poets? If so, revisit them. Then read your old writings. Then go back to the book/poems. Keep doing this and you'll see your works transform into something more complete. Something that better reflects the person you are today, the person who understands suffering and hasn't become cold and callous and dead inside like those who originally hurt you. It helps put more pieces of yourself back together and reclaim what was unjustly taken from you when you were most vulnerable. Take care.
While my story is different from Dr. Vaknin's, I really resonated with the whole picture where the mother resents her children for "ruining her potential". Just the word "mother" alone sounds annoying to my ears. When others tell me how much they love their "mommies" I internally scream for them to shut up... while mustering up the energy to invoke a polite smile. Sometimes I wonder if people are just in denial about their parents or if their parents were just kinder than mine. The more I heal, the more horrified I am of human nature.
There are two ways. The one is praising one child too much, the other is hurting and neglecting a child to much. Both ways can end up in narcissism.
Sorry sweetheart...
I want to hug and hold the little child that you were ❤😢
My mother also used to tell me that having children was a bad and tough experience for her and did not made her happy. It hurt a lot.
When I wet the bed, my mother in her rage would rub my face in the soiled bedding, or I would receive a thrashing .I know your pain, lived it.
What to say...there are no words... I will say that for myself I thought all the hurt of childhood both physically and then psychologically was the way everyone, every child experienced life.
We made it through but it exacted a price. Hugs to you and all the children who lived any part of their lives under the terror of a cruel parent.
I experienced something similar 🥺
When I would wet the bed I got beat severely with a belt buckle or extension cord. They thought because I was afraid to go to the restroom at night afraid of the dark or my kidneys were growing to fast but the whole time I was wetting the bed because I was being molested on a regular basis.
@@LaShawndra.Gilbert😢
Gut wrenching & familiar
I had a horrible childhood but I grew up to be a nice caring person
This is so evocative, thought-provoking and heartbreaking. No child should experience such abuse, yet we do. Thank you, Professor.
I'm speechless Sam, and so terribly sad. No one deserves such a childhood.
I relate to a lot. The bedwetting and being shamed for it. The mother telling you how admired she was and what she could have done if she hadn't sacrificed her life to have kids. Got guilted and smacked for just being a kid "you should have known better", but nothing like the violence you endured. The coldness, confusion, and fear at home of a person who was supposed to love and protect you. I grew up with disorganised attachment and a massive anxiety disorder. I have spent my entire life healing. But, I am also lucky that I have the opportunity to heal. I'm so sorry for everyone who did not even get that chance (you, my mother, and yours).
That pinching she did was from a deeply disturbed woman. Her anger was directed on you, as the skapegoat.
I wonder if one of her parents had the same streak of cruelty.
You were a young child, who deserved to be cared for, unconditionally. You did the best you could out of self-preservation.
You won in the end and outsmarted her. Love and hugs to you Sam.
I know how you felt.
A healing hug to that genius little boy 💔
Thank you Sam ! for the many lives you’ve touched, and enlightened
My Mom use to grab my arms that way too, I still have the scars
Heartbreak You made me cry. I am so sorry you had to go through this
I like that your dad helped you fix the book. 😶
Very brave and honest to share such private information in such an open forum.
Yeah, prof. Sad.
You must have been shocked the first time you were convinced that some people are actually good and caring.
Will let you know when and if it happens.
@@samvaknin Yeah, you do it 🤜🤛. Cheers, prof.
❤️🩹🥺🥺🥺😞☹️ this completely broke my heart
Tears came down my face As I'm drinking my coffee and listening to you.😢
Unfortunately I had a childhood similar to this... but you have helped me sir THANK YOU!!!
No longer a child at 6 😢
4. Started at 4 years old.
@@samvaknin okay. Even more heartbreaking.
Thankful you survived and became the guiding light for so many after you and forever.
You didn't deserve any of that. It was never you. You have always been good enough. You were a child, you should have been loved correctly. I'm sorry that was your experience. I hope as you share your stories that your soul is healing and that the rose of your heart continues to unfold.
painfully resonating over here...
You have helped multitudes of broken people understand and heal🙏 Thank you
I am always in awe of the beautifully poetic way you can describe the darkness, particularly of your own experience. Thank you Sam ❤
Painful yet beautiful
Alas, perhaps the core is not empty. ❣️
That was eerily familiar.
I weep for your childhood and all children who have and are suffering that same fate. The impact our childhood has on our adulthood is individual and life long. I often wonder what kinda adult I would have become if I could have been fortunate enough to be remove from my narcissistic household and placed in foster care. My childhood was very similar to yours.
Thank you for sharing this story. I had to pause and cry at the middle of it.
Damn dude
Beautifully written.Perfect example of a narcissistic mother and what the child has to go through.
Such writing! Yet I would not have wished such a childhood on you.
This story is too sad…. Once the boy came back from school I just had to stop 🥺
Sam I'm so so sorry for you. I want you to keep telling me stories. I don't know why we're drawn to horrors, I don't want them to have happened. I need to hear that I'm not the only one with this kind of painful and humiliating history.
Once one has been touched by darkness, often there is a obsession with trying to understanding it. Sam is so helpful in this navigation. Keep listening…
Powerful in its Honesty
Heal Healing all
So heart wrenching ... I'm deeply saddened you had to pass through this. I cried all the time while listening twice. I'm so happy you have Lidija. You changed the lives of so many of us on such a meaningful ways. I would have never been this outcome of a personality without the touch of your genius spirit. Endless love and hugs your way ...
This is overwhelmingly sad. Such parents should not have custody of their children. I think it's important to know a lot about the childhood of people with narcissistic personality disorder because it helps to understand and forgive.
If Narcissists and psychopaths are incapable of experiencing love, than how is it possible for someone to receive a diagnosis of all three cluster b personality disorders, as BPD more or less requires one to experience some manner of affection?
What borderlines experience is not love. Search the BPD playlist.
💔 Thank you for sharing your story.
18:22
O mero acaso deternina em que circunstâncias nascemos e crescemos. Esse menino cresceu e por causa desses acontecimentos sofreu muito certamente e provavelmente ainda sofre mas se a minha intuição não me engana esse menino que hoje é homem trasformou uma parte dessa dor em algo sublime para si e para muitos outros. Obrigada pela partilha . É preciso muita coragem para ser vulnerável.
❤
Spider mothers do not give sufficient nurture and this internal hurt pushes these children to think more. You are a good example Prof. This is a sensory reality, we don't think if we feel good, we just be. And through experience we learn not to have one's heart hustled by words. Consistent intent, words, deeds. Narcs and psychopaths always show inconsistencies. They belong to the school of the Wizard of Oz where the prof says 'And remember, my sentimental friend, that a heart is not judged by how much *you* love; but by how much you are loved by others'. Narcs don't love, they try to attract love.
Appreciate you sharing this story, thanks and best wishes
I wonder how a child can survive this .. I was emotionally neglected and ignored by my father, he never gave me a hug ever, always made me feel worthless, and he was treated exactly like Sam by his mother. He screamed in sleep as an adult, bc she used to burn him with hot water. So how could I hate him for being a narcissist when he himself endured such pain. Its tragic that family abuse goes on from generation to generation ..so sad. I try to do it better, but became a borderline.. it never ends.
I watched this twice Sam so sad. You have done so well in life. Glad u hv Lydia. Love and respect. 😢❤
😢 herzzerreißend😢
Much love for you and respect for your charity to others. Wish you happiness, God loves you and all his creatures.
I'm sorry for your heartache.
I am also grieving such abuse from a mother. First born as well.
I see your pain. I know that pain.
Thank you for your videos. I found them about a month ago.
I find them helpful.
Horrific abuse! What would you call a mother worse than a Dead Mother?
Un gran y amoroso abrazo, profesor.😢❤ gracias por compartir.🙏
Absolutely heartbreaking!😢
Have you ever had the opportunity to confront your mother, to explain to her, just how bad her abuse affected you? Has she ever apologized?
Dr. Vaknin, I am very sorry heard your sad and abusive childhood story. You should be very proud of yourself because at the end, you beat those old darkness and even enlightened many people’s lives. You are example of a beautiful lotus flower that flourishes from the marsh. Big hug and thank you for sharing your story bravely.
Thank you Sam you are A great artist
My heart goes out to you Sam.
Such a beautiful telling of a tragic youth.
Sending you love and hugs dear Sam, I'm very sorry to hear about your childhood. Your story has brought me to tears. 😢💕💞💐
Thank you for sharing this descriptive short story. It gave voice to the many feelings of fear and shame that I felt as a child.
Too bad an extensive licensing exam isn't needed before becoming a parent...
@samvaknin thank you for sharing this story and my heart goes out to you. Could you help clarify what causes a child of such abuse to become a psychopath vs a narcissist or borderline? The collab video you did with RG explained the development of narcissist and borderline but what causes the abused child to not develop a false self and instead go the psychopath direction? Is it the genetic component?
Probably. As well as brain and physiological abnormalities.
❤️
Hiding the shame is so much for a child to bear. Thank you for sharing. I love writing and I’ve written a lot about being taken from my unfit mother at 4 because I was being sexually abused and dumped into the foster care system in the 1980’s. What should I do with all these writings? Burn them?
Keep them close to you. Do not burn them! Do you read any novels and have any favorite poets? If so, revisit them. Then read your old writings. Then go back to the book/poems. Keep doing this and you'll see your works transform into something more complete. Something that better reflects the person you are today, the person who understands suffering and hasn't become cold and callous and dead inside like those who originally hurt you. It helps put more pieces of yourself back together and reclaim what was unjustly taken from you when you were most vulnerable. Take care.
@@danigc4526 I appreciate your advice. Thank you!
While my story is different from Dr. Vaknin's, I really resonated with the whole picture where the mother resents her children for "ruining her potential". Just the word "mother" alone sounds annoying to my ears. When others tell me how much they love their "mommies" I internally scream for them to shut up... while mustering up the energy to invoke a polite smile. Sometimes I wonder if people are just in denial about their parents or if their parents were just kinder than mine. The more I heal, the more horrified I am of human nature.
Thanks so much for sharing your story Sam ☺️ So moving
Was your mother a BPD ?
Straight from a holocaust novel...
Have your parents ever apologized to you?