As a Japanese woman, this is how I experience something similar and I avoid men like this like the plague: "Asian women know how to treat a man" "I heard Japanese women just like staying home and dont mind being a housewife" "I heard Japanese women rejected feminism" etc etc
@@eartianwerewolf Yea, I'm not exactly cutesy/feminine so thankfully I don't really attract them but these things come up in conversations and I can immediately detect and avoid them as much as I can lol
snort. I know the type. they are one step away from either going MGTOW or a marrying mail ordered bride either way. too self-centered and toxic to ever make a good partner 🤷🏾♀️
I just never understood why some men believe that in order to uplift the black women they date, they have to bring down other women. As a black woman, yes, it is frustrating to be overlooked sometimes but you don't have to be the protector of the black woman fan club. You don't have to "like" black women so much that you hate everyone else. JUST BE GENUINE.
When I was a young black girl with low self esteem I loved the validation, but as I’ve grown, became woke, and gained confidence I’ve come to be disgusted by guys who say such things. The question I ask now is how would their families would respond if they brought me home, and that tells me all I need to know.
I agree with it. I grew up with men going out of their way to explain to me how they found Black women attractive. it was very heartbreaking so when I first encountered men that were into them I thought I finally hit the motherload. it took me a while to realise it was just the 2 sides of the same coin: the attraction and repulsion were both based on negative stereotypes, objectivation and fetishization. f*** them all 🖕🏾 anyway, I'm older and wiser now and I don't need cis White men's approval to feel good about myself. God bless y'all Black sisters, our road isn't an easy one ❤
I remember I was in France for study abroad and I dated a Lebanese guy for a week, but for that whole week he showed me around to all his friends(which I thought was nice a the time), held me and kissed me in public. He later told me that "It was seen cool to date someone Black" and it basically gives you some form of social clout. Top that all off that it was his first time dating a man, so the turned looks and murmurs of a same-sex Arab/Black couple gave him all the attention he needed. -_-
I just hate it when people make it into a big deal that they date interacially. Usually it's white men and some Latino men I've noticed who tend to make dating black girls into a big deal. I'm not quite sure what goes through their minds but I just get this bad feeling that they have this idea of who or what a black woman is that's very limiting and stereotypical. And I especially can't stand when they say it's because of our butts and or because they think we're apparently more "real" when it comes to our attitude compared to other women. Its just very juvienille and immature to group us all together like we're all like this and that that's a GOOD thing! I'm sick and tired of people judging us like we're a monolith when it comes to EVERYTHING about us. I want different bodied black women getting appreciated not just the 'thic' ones. I want to see more issa raes being celebrated. And those guys who claim they are Soo into black girls usually don't want to see us progress and be more diverse and not just fitting into one mold.
@OZMX your comment was completely useless to me and makes you sound like you're a douche. But I guess the Gavin Mciness photo explains it. And Latinos are not "every race".
@@ciaras3170 Gurl I KNOW. I love it when black men get hit with the truth that white women aren't 'nicer' than black women and also when they start to realize it's not just the type of black or white women they date but also their own entitlement and dysfunction that ruins their relationships a lot of the time theyre just looking for someone who will put up with their shit. Honestly I'm done talking about black men. This video is about non black men who date black women for the wrong reasons. I get offended when people always bring up white women somehow when they want to judge black women so I don't care to constantly compare black men with the way other men act even though yes it is fascinating and can give us some prospective sometimes. Ultimately a guy will treat you the way he was raised to treat women in his enviornment. And most black men tend to come from not so good environments. It's not an excuse it's just the reality that I choose to accept but will not bother with.
I recently saw a video of a couple of different white guys talking about how they much prefer Black women and the things I remember most was when they talked about Black women’s butt, their skin and their hair. I have to be honest, I wasn’t sure how to feel about their reasons.
“When I meet people who ‘like black women’, I usually disappoint them because I’m not the long list of stereotypes that they Imagine in their head.” Bingo. You put into words what I’d been feeling when they said this to me.
Idk, as a middle-eastern woman, when guys say stuff about liking middle-eastern women over other races, it comes off as very fetish-y right off the bat and it's super transparent. I've been described to my face as "exotic" and "new and exciting" and even on one occasion a "prize" for a man's hard work. I even got asked once "But if your parents liked me, would they force you to marry me?" and that was the most frightening one yet. Middle-eastern men who have approached me have been a different kind of problematic, though. (But that's a whole other can of worms.) I've never had the subject of race presented to me in the way white women were presented to you by another arab. Just as a rule, though, whenever anybody of any gender/race says something along the line of "I like **insert your race** girls/guys" to you, it means they either think you, on some level, have some sort of inferiority complex OR on some internal level they think you are actually inferior. If there was nothing going on under the surface, they wouldn't have to say something like that. They are either trying to reassure you or they're feeling good about themselves cos they're clearly out of your league/not the kind of person you would EXPECT to date you but here they are, with you.
I'm actually a latinx and black femme person. I hear people try the whole "I liked mixed girls" or "I like latina girls". It skeeves me out so much. I feel like I'm being fetishized for what they believe a mixed person or latinx person is. It makes me feel like they're after me for not who I am, but what I am. And while I honestly prefer non-white people, it's mainly because poc "get it" more than white people do. Or at least in my experience.
What do you think of someone with this form of attraction who just doesn't verbalise it? How would you feel if you got together and after a while, the other person admitted that your identity was something that grabbed their attention, but as a relatively lower priority than other factors? Do you make a distinction between that and physical attractiveness? Honest questions: no intention of being weird
@@bleu2680 I've noticed people who don't verbalize it and make it a priority dont fetishize me. Like yeah, we all have physical preferences. I like when people are taller than me. But it's not a priority, just as an example. But if they were like "I only dated you because you were black/latinx/mixed" I'd honestly feel betrayed and grossed out. That's different than "I thought you were cute because I like people with a little more melanin" Sorry if I'm repetitive, I just woke up lmao. And i also dont think you're being weird at all! I'd rather have things explained thoroughly in a friendly way c:
Ew idk why but some guys that are into "alternative" girls give me this vibe too, like, but are ya gonna actually listen to what they have to say or do u just want a gf w a side shave that shuts up when you say sexist shit. not the same obvs but peepl need to stop
@@eddyviolet9422 Yeah. I used to wear more alt/goth things and I got a weird combo of it before. But I can tell you from experience the alt girl fetish isnt near as bad lmao.
God, that situation with your ex is so garbage. Because, like, obviously, he's sitting there trying to justify his attraction to you to himself. But also, if he's sitting there trying to do the same thing to his new partners... Like, it feels like he tries to make his partner feel special by lying to them about these things. So like... Why does he feel the need to lie to make his partner feel special? And why does he think talking about race this way is the go-to way to do that?
I've thought about that. I won't get into it, but there were a lot of other things he swore were how he felt, but he just didn't feel that way when it came down to it and well, that was kinda upsetting to experience. At the end of the day, I think everyone should like what they like, but there's really no need to lie. It's only going to put you in a situation where you can't maintain your own happiness
@@KatBlaque I agree! It's no good for him in the long term, and it makes all his exes, you and the other woman, feel like they have to analyze interactions for truth. It's not a good way to live your life. I'm glad you're able to pursue who you want to the way you want to more fully these days tho, even if this is a complicated situation to deal from someone you still care about.
I found this interesting because when you hear black men talk about how much they "hate" black women, it's very obvious that they are obsessed with black women to the point of not being able to focus on the non-black partner that they supposedly desire without always thinking about and mentioning black women. This is why it's not shocking when you hear about those type of black men constantly trying to seek out black women to cheat on his white wife with. That honestly reminds me of the married white men who like to have black or non-white mistresses. With so many white men starting to loudly talk about their dislike of white women while also talking about how they prefer black women under videos about interracial love, it gave me the same icky feeling as it does with black men. I'd rather not think of black and white women as enemies in that regard. An insult towards white women is not a compliment towards black women and vice versa. To me, any women that welcomes the degradation of another race of women as a compliment to themselves has questionable self-esteem and worldview. I'm open to dating all races, genders, etc but that way of speaking is a red flag to me
Wow that's such a good point. Those black men do love black women but have been rejected. Why wouldn't the same be the case for.white men who say they hate white women? Wow
As a mixed black women I get comments about how I am good looking for a black women etc and how I look better with straight hair rather curly. Also women and men have come to me and claimed I was beautiful for being biracial. And comment about my body being black and sexy but me having more white features makes me attractive. Mostly from white people. Moreover, at my university which is mostly 90 percent white British. I feel like people either find me really hot or like ugly because of my race or hair texture and I hear comments from friends oh only like white women or men. And it's like I am not interested in you but like it's still very hurtful for people say that. Sorry for my long arse rant. Like eurocentric beauty standards are so engined into everyone's head so badly
Why are we racially dividing each other more. All of this stick with your OWN RACE talk is kind of disgusting. All races should mix the colours so this talk isint had anymore.
@@theduchessofdarknessofficial what the hell are you talking about there are a lot of racists people who are biracial or in interacial relationships you're making no sense.
This is my exact mantra. If you bring up the fact that I'm black when describing your attraction to me, we're done. I'm not a fetish or experiment. PS: if you need a mod I volunteer as tribute!
Guys at my college waited til the last party of the year to follow me around, told me how "you just get me" and one guy talked about we both related over our "nappy hair". I feel like men have never had examples of a quality conversation with woc. They don't know what to expect so they are either scared or turned on and I think it's time to change the gaze
I used to get "I love Latin women, y'all are spicy" which is annoying, because when I don't bend over backwards for them they get their feels hurt, or they find out that I'm Mexican, and that's not the type of Latin they mean. 😒😒
Oh my god, this is EXACTLY my dating history. If a guy opens with "I love ____ women," one, gross. As an Asian woman, that is the fastest way to turn me off. Because, two, yeah, that phrase tends to translate more into "I like to collect ____ women." They love the IDEA of an Asian woman more than the woman herself. They want the collector's item trophy of her, to show off to their friends, to brag about later, to construct and have a story, that has so much more to do with him and his desires than it does with her or hers, to hold onto long after he's discarded her. And, dear lord, I never thought about the fact that "I never date white women" absolutely translates into "I never date white women until I one lets me" until this video. But, yeah. A ton of my exes have said that to me. Made huge deals about it. Especially the "Forgettable Blond Syndrome" or "Carbon Copy Blonds" only to end up with or marrying blond women. Not that there's anything wrong with blond women. But, like you said, that's precisely the point, they spend the whole relationship trashing blond, white women, only to end up with one. And, YES, when I was in a poly relationship, he would ALWAYS be forgetting about me for white, blond women. He'd up and vanish at parties, only to be found later with some random woman, who was "just somehow different than other blond girls, don't you think?" Or he'd stand me up for dates or cross our established boundaries with these women and he would NEVER know how it happened. "It just happened." And, worst of all, he would let them trash me, say all this shit to and about me, ruin my reputation in the community and turn people against me for things I NEVER did and would NEVER do. And he would always act shocked by it and would promise to take care of it, only to forgive her and promise me that it would never happen again, until it inevitably did. And, of course, our relationship ended because of a white woman and he ended up marrying a white woman. Should have seen it as the guy protesting too much. The other thing I notice are the men who say the same thing about Asian women. Who go on and on about how they would never date an Asian woman. How they don't understand the appeal. "Why is everyone so obsessed with Asian women? They're nothing special." Until they get drunk or get you alone and then they're just dying to get you to change their minds. I think a lot of straight guys just are really messed up about their desires. They want what they think they can't have. And too many white guys see and treat dating women of color as experiences rather than relationships, more invested in the overall experience of being with us than our well-being. And, god, will they protect and defend white women to the death, all while praising us and "admiring" us for our unending strength. Fuck that.
A tell tale sign is when they don't have any or only one friend that is a member of the group they claim to prefer. If you prefer "insert group here" but don't hang out with any "group" dudes on a regular basis then they don't relate to or feel so comfortable around the culture as they claim.
I agree that there is some truth to that but there can also be more nuance to the issue. I only like non black guys who aren't super into black culture or who hang out with black guys because a lot of black men are self hating and colorist so it's a red flag for me. I'm sure theyve had conversations about preferences and a lot of black men have no problem dragging black women to their friends it's weird that I've noticed they sometimes even bond with their friends over their shared aversion to black women and it's a pathetic ego boost for them both to think they're above dating a group of women and gives their non black friends an ego boost to know their black friends are into their women. I don't think you have to like someone's culture to like them. But claiming you do just to try to get some points with them is wrong. You just have to make a big effort to see people as individuals and not stereotypes. That's why interaccial relationships really are no joke. Because if kids get involved it can be really psychologically damaging to them if they're parents aren't on the same page about how they will bring up their kids to view their different cultural identities.
@@bsinita_wokeone I didnt say black men who are into black culture but white men who are into black culture. They are black male identitified so they're basically just like black men and a waste of my time. I don care what black men are doing. Also you can hate a group of people but choose to still live amongst them if you are benefiting more living there than being with your own. Look at white majority enclaves in Africa or indians and South Asians in Africa. when I visited relatives in Kenya a few years ago there were a lot of non kenyans with buisnesses and big houses living there. Just because they choose to raise their kids in Kenya and learn the language doesn't mean they don't have contempt for them. So I disagree you can dislike your partners culture but respect and love them because you see them as an individual. You're not marrying their culture after all. You fell in love with their character and personality and appearance, not their culture otherwise than any person from that culture will do.
My older brother is one of these men and nothing I say to him gets through to him that his fixation on “exclusively dating brown girls” (his words) comes across rly racist and objectifying. We have never been very close but it creeps me out and makes me want even less to do with him than I already did.
You're so on point with this. It's so prevalent that when I was with my ex who is black, people would just randomly ask me why I "preferred" black men. But I had never said or done anything to indicate a preference (I don't even prefer men. Just period.). But like, so many people do that whole song and dance! It always comes off disingenuous to me too, even as a casual observer.
I loved how you couldn’t keep a straight face while saying mods would be paid in exposure and experience. 😂🙃 I really enjoy your sense of humor and how it comes out in your videos. Thank you for all the time and effort you put into these videos. I look forward to them all week. Edit: Finished the video. Please make the poly episode. I am a member of the community and I find I always learn something from your videos.
Whew. So some of this has resonated with me. I‘m convinced men in general have a tendency to tell women what they think we want to hear in order to get what they want out of an interaction. If they can capitalize off your [perceived] insecurities (which is just amplified if you’re in juxtaposition to what’s considered conventionally attractive e.g. white women), then they see it as a way to get on your good side-hence the excessive “I don’t like white women” spiels because black women MUST be envious and have a complex about that, amirite?? [sarcasm]. I wouldn’t be keen to any non-black person expressing their “preference” for black women to be honest. I feel like there’s always degrees of either stereotyping/fetishizing or simply being seen as some kind of novelty. But that’s just me.
As another Black girl, I completely understand what you meant Kat. I think on some level as human beings, we want our past partners (especially those who meant a lot to us) to still date people who resemble us in some way. I feel like that's just a human thing, but especially for Black women because we get snubbed so often in the media and real life. lol I feel like most of us get it. Thank you for sharing your own experience ❤️
My experience is that anyone who has a racial "preference" has one because they are attracted to the stereotypes that they believe that race embodies above all else. Not only is it objectifying, but it's a fundamentally ignorant and misguided approach on race.
Usually, "I'm into black girls" from a non-black guy reminds me of the song "Black Girlfriend" by Porno For Pyros. It's a STERLING example of Kat Blaque's points regarding how it's all about loving a group of stereotypes.
I remember I made a blog about this subject a few years ago on a asexual dating site. I always been very wary of men who "prefer black women only" because they could possible be fetishizing me and going after stereotypical idea of black women. Men like this tend uphold premeditate ideas about any black women they see and attached illogical ideologies onto them; without allowing them to express their individuality. There more black woman doesn't fit the stereotype; the less attracted that man become towards her and begins to question her identity. I also dislike when men put down other races of women to prove their attraction to me (I'm btw black just a moonie lol) . You shouldn't have to hurt anyone to prove your affection to someone, all you have to do is love and respect that individual.
One time, a girl in my church choir told me she loves black men especially in movies and I was the only PoC in that room. I just stared at her and said cool.
I dislike when people say they really like Asians or trans guys (those are the ones that apply to me anyway) when trying to court me. It really puts me off. I guess because 1) it feels so performative and 2) it feels like that's the only reason they like me, like I'm just a fetish they have. There is also a special kind of chaser I've encountered that only likes young, pre-T, pre-op trans guys, ones that are "soft, uwu" and that just makes all sorts of alarm bells go off. Has anyone met the opposite? Chasers who are into pre-HRT, pre-op trans women that I guess are more "masculine"?
im not a chaser since im nonbinary. and aroace. but i do want to date dmab nonbinary ppl, and there seems to be more dmab demigirls and enby trans women than dmab agender neutral-presenting ppl. :\ but im just online and limited to certain spaces.
Kiiiinda. I've never heard about pre-HRT, specifically (this kind of people around here often don't really know hrt is a thing sometimes?) but nonpassing/androgynous presenting and pre-op? Yes. A lot. A LOT.
@@themoribundapathetic4530 I know this was a year ago, but if you're aroace, what do you get out of dating? I don't mean to be rude, I've just never heard of this before and I'd like to understand :)
im nb trans masc but pre hrt, and this is the first time im hearing about this. only know chasers into transwomen. not that i thought they dont exist, but justr never encountered
Whenever a guy makes it a huge point to say he likes black women it actually comes off as he thinks I’m seen as undesirable because I’m black and that I think I’m undesirable because I’m black. And here he is giving me a boost of confidence because he’s approaching me. Please. It’s insulting and it’s aggravating.
Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah I'm terrible at taking compliments and i hate when people feel sorry for me so I always hear that as them trying to boost my confidence, when I don't need it.
I can 100% relate to the bit about not "fitting the stereotype" of what a black person would look like to these people who say they're attracted to black people. It also turns me off heaps 🤮
unfortunately my first experience with dating was with a white guy who fetishizes black women. i was insecure, i was 19, and no one had ever expressed interest in me, so for a while i thought it was a compliment how he would always bring up my body and my skin and hair. he would always bring this up while also saying that racism had ended, police brutality wasn’t a problem, and that he should be able to say the n-word. 😬😬😬
I hate how much I relate to this video. Though it has happened to me all the time, I remember a particular instance when I dated a guy while living in a homogeneous East Asian country. He had not dated a foreign-looking person before, or even a non-standard looking person (i.e. someone who dresses uniquely or dyed their hair). He was so into toting me around and enjoyed the congratulations and jealousy of his peers, yet continued to regulate my behavior to force me to conform to the stereotypes he had in his head (clean, pure, innocent, demure, feminine). When I refused to comply by arguing with him about his selfish nature and his virulent homophobia, his interest in my foreign-ness vanished as he had already affirmed his masculinity publicly and earned the jealousy of his friends. He is now dating someone who is of his same background. It is especially demoralizing to date people who use you to affirm their masculinity or heal from their own internalized racism. I've been in countless situations where I was dating someone and found out I was some kind of childhood fantasy finally fulfilled. Or a way to say "ha! See society? I got the prize! I'm a real man"... What I have learned as I have realized I don't have time for this nonsense: 1. Never date people who reflect your identity back to you with an element of judgement attached. 2. Never date people who saw your identity first. You decide the degree to which your various identities are important. 3. You're a person, first and last. You're not an object for someone else to deal with whatever they are going through. 4. You don't have time not to be seen. Don't waste your time yall!
That's so interesting and lately I'm wondering if it also goes the other way around. Why aren't more white people speaking about being used by their non white partners to get some privledge for their offspring? Because a lot of people do want half white kids. And they also want to get put on some subconscious pedestal usually by people from their own culture because they got with a white partner? If I was white this would bother me. This usually happens to white women. Like their boyfriend only dates white women and has never dated women from his own culture but they usually don't scrutinize this. They like being put on a pedastal based on degrading other women. Maybe it's because that's just what they're used to since the whole wolrd puts them on a pedestal they don't question these things. They just expect it. Like when Robert Pattinson started dating fka twigs who's half black/half Spanish his fans were mad. It's not just because they wanted him to be with Kristen and be Edward and Bella together it's because they felt mad he was dating a non white woman. Now he's with Suki waterhouse whos white and you don't see her getting attacked like talihlah/fka twigs was. I guess it's not in your favor to start arguments over things that benefit you. I've seen average or below average white men and women get decent looking or very attractive partners from different cultures. Because they have white features and it's considered dating up if you go white sometimes even if they're mediocore.
“You decide the degree to which your various identities are important” YESSSSSS. I love that point so much. It’s so true. And it highlights that everyone has multiple identifiers by nature of being human, and that just cause you notice an identity first (esp for black people, because ykno, skin) doesn’t mean that that person *must* identify most strongly with it.
@Fun Bun It bothers me incessantly when men make comments like that. I've left dates and gotten into arguments, one of which landed me a slap in the face, where I was decisively not wielding any element of social power (e.g. living as a foreign resident of South Korea and Japan) and gotten berated in return for being a feminazi or something. I think all people just want to be seen for who they are and all they embody, and when someone makes commentary like "Bet your jealous I got this hot white girl on my arm" "Damn you got a white one" not only does it lower the "worth" of WOC, but it completely dehumanizes me and reduces me to my racial identity, which of course other groups experience regularly. So I'm baffled as to why any woman would be flattered by these comments. But here is the catch-I don't think white women are really flattered by this or conspiring to recieved this type of objectification. I think they just are too complacent to do anything and instead choose to remain safe and quiet, which of course contributes further to all of our collective objectification as women of various intersections. And white women aren't the only group "benefitting"; Let us not forget that this is a rulebook controlled by men primarily, and the rewards are pretty much dished out as men see fit. I've never felt like anyone who made racist/sexist comments as channeling those "rewards" and "praise" into marriage and kids. I don't think those are the same type of person. A man who calls me white whore isn't trying to get me to have his children, know what I mean? Someone who wants to see me as a whole person and love me despite our cultural differences wants me to have his children. And in many countries, having half-white kids is a reason to AVOID serious relationships with white women. That has actually been my #1 obstacle while dating in East Asia. It doesn't really come up since I've come back to America, but of course I am only in my early 20s and early 20s Americans aren't exactly clamoring to make babies. This has been the case in my experiences in various countries. Hope my long ass response was at least interesting to read ~ Thanks for the reply!
I’m always so amazed that there are other black girls who have the experience of being pursued and preferred by white men. I know it’s real it’s just so completely opposite of my experience.
Yep it is strange to see. I come more from the "I never date black girls" kind of community. I've heard both white men and black men talk about how they specifically do NOT date black women so it always seems unusual to me that there are black women who are pursued by white men.
I’ve dated just about everyone at this point, but have been pursued mostly by white men. It might be living in a predominantly white/Asian area as well.
I’m biracial but oddly enough yes, more white guys pursued me when I was single, I’m married to one now. I feel like it’s just because there’s more white dudes around.
I’ve found, when a man says they like something about you not related to your character or specific traits, they like their idea of what that means, not its plurality or its diversity, or even what it means to you, but what it means to them.
You know your aunts have Different personalities Different flavors Different tastes Different interests *camera shift* Different wigs I was rolling! Great vid!
i'm a genderqueer who presents femme. i stopped dating in 2014. but the last 3 guys that dated me were white...all had a thing for black people and hip hop culture and soul and whatever. after me they all went to white women and either engaged or married them. :\ oh.
As someone who _happens_ to like black women, the concerns expressed here are entirely legitimate and I hate such fetishization. I'd even go as far to say it's hipster racist bullshit (that I'm sure Quentin Tarantino would be highly approving of). I emphasize "happens" because my fondness does not end with black women...I just like _women_ and, regardless of own personal preferences, their racial/ethnic background wasn't a primary deciding factor in my attraction. To be suspect of any man who puts down one group of women in a racial group to aggrandize another is reasonably cautious and cannot fault it. They're treating women like ice cream flavors, not people who're far more complicated than the racial/ethnic group they belong to.
You actually made the video! The "I've always been interested in white women, but they've never given me the time of day" shook me to my core. It had never registered to me before but low key I feel like maybe this has been an experience I've had before too but didn't fully grasp it.
I am a lesbian. Back in my "staright days", I dealt with a lot of white men saying how they loved black women. For me, it was usually a sort of fetish, and they dated any black woman who would take them. I have come across that sort of thing in the lesbian community. Maybe gender and sexuality play a role. I don't know.
Thoughts: 1) There is a LOT of intense colorism among Mexicans / Mexican-Americans. 2) You look SO cute in this video 3) I really like the music you used in this video
@@AP-ym1lo When it comes to Latino culture, colorism is precisely the term you want to use. Almost everyone is mixed in some way, so racial divides become colorist, with things like showing off your "European percentage" becoming bragging points. My own father tried to instill into me some sense of pride of (supposedly) being of European descent, but when I pointed out that my mother's family, which was decidedly from a lower class than my father's, had no such pedigree and that any admixture could be found there, he backed off. I at least know that I don't pass as white in the US, in fact for whatever reason I've been confused for being ME or South Asian more than anything else, so I've never seen the draw for the people that buy into white supremacy, especially since it's artificiality is highlighted by how white supremacist systems perceive and treat non-white-passing people like me.
I'm a bigger girl, and I can't count how many men come up to me and say that they like a bigger girl. It NEVER feels like a compliment. The subtext is always, the majority of society thinks you are gross, but hey, I'll screw you, aren't you grateful to have my attention for the night? It must have felt like a huge punch in the gut to hear that he said he was attracted to white women, the subtext there could be that you were "good enough" until he got access to a "better" white woman. I'm sorry that happened to you. So many people do not explore their own motivations and beliefs enough to actually become decent humble human beings before they open their damn mouths and spew hurtful crap.
So much of attraction has to do with comfort. I know I don’t have to explain this to you, especially, but folx are so defensive or gatekeepy about what they find beautiful or sexy. We’re brought up that way. The way I justified it to myself in College and grad school-where I tried to date some of my white, cishet male classmates-is that I was too hard for them to be seen with. (They actually did me a favor in rejecting me!) But, I find that the perception of their choices in women to date was so measured and controlled based on how little work THEY had to do. When I lived in Minnesota, it was white women who were the most accessible/least challenging to date; in San Francisco it was East Asian women. And for those who don’t know, I’m a very binary, heterosexual, probably monogamous, transgender Latina.
Firstly, I would love to see the video on polyamory! Secondly, I definitely agree with your opinion on this topic. When non-black guys tell me I am cute for a black girl or talk to me about how they like black girls, it always feels like a red flag. It feels like I'm being fetishized. Especially when I was using dating apps, I had so many situations of guys messaging me and telling me how they've never been with black girls and were "curious" about it or just making all these assumptions about my body and personality (i.e. you're a black girl so you must have a big ass, you're a black girl so you must be super sexual). As soon as the conversation turned into anything like that I would honestly just unmatch them LOL like I don't want to be used for anyone's "fuck a black woman" quest.
I'm a black nonbinary person and I was at a Pride party when this white bisexual girl started talking to me, complimenting me and flirting a little bit. People were dancing and she asked me if I liked dancing and I go "not really; not this kind of dance anyway. I like ballet and contemporary dance. I also don't twerk". She goes "awww man that's a shame!!!" (bc I don't twerk), and she legit looked very disappointed and kept sighing and stuff. Sooooo bc I'm black and afab and have a nice butt or whatever then I should twerk? I never avoided someone so hard for a whole night.
I'm Mexican. I've dated white guys, black guys, and other Hispanics. Every single one of my exes have dated white women or light skinned women. I'm brown and I was teased for being so "dark" by a couple of people growing up, so I do have that insecurity. Looking back on those relationships I started asking myself: would these guys have dated me if I were a few shades darker? Probably not Would they pick my over a basic looking white girl?( I would consider myself pretty hot now) Yes, some did.
Girl as a black girl who’s grown up in Germany and Sweden and been surrounded by mostly white people I can totally agree to this, I always feel uncomfortable and weird when people say they like black girls it makes me feel less like a person and more like just an image of a black person 🤷🏾♀️
I live in Japan and I must admit that in general the preference is for white men/women or Japanese men/women. It's rare to find black women with a partner (unless they came here with one). Personally it really makes me uncomfortable when someone tells me 'they love black women'. I think maybe the only time someone told me this and I wasn't extremely uncomfortable was one Australian guy who tends to date black women really. But he was in general just a cool guy. Other men who mention it up front just straight up creep me out.
"I'll pay you in exposure and experience." The face you made saying that, you've been waiting! I think men get lost in the sauce trying say what they think their love/lust target wants to hear. They need to self-reflect once in a while and communicate honestly. Not that hard... 😛
Nothing pisses me off than a guy trying to complement me by putting down another group of women, if you like black women I think you just show that by being interested in them?
Guys who say they only date black girls make me uncomfortable. I went out with a guy for a while who went out of his way to let me know everything that he knew about black culture, would always choose for us to go to clubs where he was the only white person, and would try to mould me into a stereotype of what he thought a black woman was, which to him appeared to be a 'ratchet like character'. I got fed up of him very quickly. From what I can tell, every girl he has been out with is black, and all the relationships have been short, because in his words 'all his ex's hate him'
While I haven’t explicitly experienced this, I’ve experienced men telling me, a fat woman, that skinny gals don’t do it for em’. It’s like, Whomst are they tryna convince? Me or themselves?
so, um. i'm a white girl, and my distaste for this knows no bounds. it's hugely unfair on women of colour (and Kat puts that better than i ever could above,) but it also comes off as negging from my perspective. saying you don't like white women and holding that up as some sort of shield against rejection from white women when in your mind you're 100% down for dating a white woman is such a snake move. like, which is it? get to know yourself and be honest about it, jeez.
That thing about men in the poly community being obvious with who they prefer - same deal for women and non binary folk too!!! People keep talking about "being a kid in a candy store" (no seriously) but nobody picks the spicy chocolate 🙄🙄🙄
Very interesting topic. I'm not a woman of color but I can tell you, in not being a woman of color, my own perspective of what I think is the same idea on the other end - it's always seemed pretty obvious to me the men that are interested in someone because of color. So many men of color where I come from have hit on me through the years. People making passes at other people for reasons other than that person's individuality happens all the time and is painfully obvious in most cases, and I've never wanted anything to do with it... I've dated men who happened to be non-white, but only if I felt they were not after me because I WAS white. The feeling it leaves when people hit on you for your skin color sucks, makes ya feel like chattel.
Hey, not a WOC but I have a kinda similar-ish but tangentially related experience? Sorta related but not as bad I don't think. Basically I was with a guy in a serious relationship but he had a full on Asian woman fetish, particularly for Japanese women. I'm a white woman, not remotely Asian but he would always tell me at length how much he was attracted to Japanese women and how badly he wanted to "try dating" a Japanese girl. Basically this just made me feel insecure and shitty about myself and like I had to live up to the stereotypes of Asian women to satisfy that thing he had which I think was pretty shitty. So I am not saying I was a victim of racism here as such, since really his yellow fever would be worse for Asian women he knew, but it was just shitty to feel like I had to live up to the standard of what he thought Japanese women were like. He kept pressuring me to cook, he wanted me to speak in Japanese for him and a bunch of other shit I wasn't comfortable with. Needless to say, it ended and lo and behold, he has been with a white woman for years now. I don't know if he was insincere in saying he wanted to be with a Japanese girl, maybe he outgrew this stereotyping and fetishization, maybe he just couldn't get a Japanese girl, idk. He made me feel like he was only with me because he couldn't find a Japanese girl who was into him, or just find a Japanese girl generally since we live in Aus and he lives in a white neighbourhood. He was mixed race actually, half white half Asian but yeah. He still had some really shitty views on Japanese women. It's weird with this story because I feel like he used the Japanese fetish thing to make me feel like shit emotionally, but I feel uncomfortable talking like I'm the victim of that primarily when I feel like these fetishes are primarily hurtful to Japanese women more than me. This said, a whole lot of these guys who "prefer Asian women" end up getting with white women then complaining that the white women aren't Asian which is like... Well why didn't you just date an Asian girl if this was such a fucking deal breaker? Fuck fetishization. People are people and these 'preferences' always seem to turn out fucked.
My ex, who is black, gave me this whole unsolicited spiel on finding nonblack women in general, but ESPECIALLY white women unattractive when we first started talking. Once we were a couple, we were scrolling through his phone and breezed past black buck + Becky porn in one of the browsers. When I asked him about it all he could do is chuckle uncomfortably and mutter/stutter an unintelligible response. Then I found out his last/only long term relationship was with a Latina who had very light skin and was either white-passing or straight up white. And at work he would absolutely revel in the attention of wholly unattractive white women and look like a dog who just pissed on the carpet whenever I’d catch him in the act. He’d continually insist his revulsion with them in private but his actions would tell another story. I absolutely don’t trust any man who makes it a point to emphasize how much he doesn’t like white women, they got something to hide.
It just boggles my mind to hear people go on about "I WANNA DATE A ASIAN/BLACK/WHITE GUY BECAUSE..." As if that is something mutually exclusive to that race. For example, I like men who are thin, fashionable and have boyish faces. I find that on average, more asian men fit this description, but it's not a description exclusive to asian men. There are men in all races that fit that description that are fine AF. It drives me crazy. I'm not gonna be out here telling people who they should/shouldn't date, but why close off so many potential prospects over blanket statement and stereotypes??
Hmm it's 50/50. I've dated men who I know they were intested in black girls but more of a "I wonder what is the like" kinda thing. My husband, who is white, never advertised that he doesn't like white girls but when I asked about his dating history he thought it was relevant to bring up that he only likes women of color period. He has only ever been with me sexually and he has tried to date white women, but didn't want to be with them intimately. Some of our friends have been gotten married since we have been together and they went to strip clubs which had all white women and my husband sat at the bar drinking the entire time and smoked cigars outside because he was that disinterested...so the men who say they only like black women/women of color and mean it do exist, but they are rare.
I'm a light skinned black girl. I've heard both 'I like black girls because they're nice and submissive' (wow, really not me) and 'I like black girls because they're wild in bed' (definitely me... But not for you). In both cases they have a pretty racist idea of what a black woman will be. I often come across men who just seem to want to 'try a black girl' or who fetishize us as exotics to be collected like pokemon. I gave up on the local poly and kink scenes because, as you raised in your previous video, I was always seem as an accessory to other people's fantasies. Despite seemingly being in high demand for hangouts and play, no-one really seemed interested in having me as a primary, unlike the white or Asian girls. Got pretty old pretty fast!
What makes me super uncomfortable about these kind of white men is that, in my experience, they always make a huge point to me that they don’t date white girls like that is supposed to make me feel something
its sooo cringy when dudes go on and on about how much they love black guys to me. especially if they themselves are cute cuz it like, you were doing so good, but you ruined it. At this point on dating apps, I actively avoid people that are too into black dudes along with, of course, the "no blacks" guys.
The annoying thing about a lot of these black obsessed gay/bi guys is they automatically think every black guy is some dominating thug with a BBC. I can't begin to tell you how many of these messages I would get of these guys asking me if I'm "bbc" when I already made it known I'm not about that kind of stuff. It's so annoying.
@@elfunny1212 Apparently so because I've gotten it way too much and I've heard other black guys say the same thing. It just makes it feel like White guys and Hispanic men are the only ones who can be top or bottom but if you're black, it's expected for you to be a top and if you're Asian, you're expected to be a bottom.
Omg this video!!!! I’ve seen the same thing in a couple guys I’ve dated. 🗣YOU AIN’T GOTTA LIE CRAIG!!! 🤣🤣🤣 My husband is white. (I’m black) And he’s been with other black women before we met. Says that he’s always loved black women .....but his ex wife is white! So I definitely called him out about it after we were dating a little while. lol But he doesn’t deny that white women (or any race) aren’t attractive. He doesn’t discriminate and has dated the rainbow. But I will say that when I met his brother he hugged me and said “Finally! I never understood why you didn’t marry a black girl!” 😂 So then I felt less like he was just blowing smoke up my ass proclaiming his preference for black women. So now I don’t gotta side eye him for the rest of our lives. 😂 Great Topic!🥰
Was talking to an asian guy and i told him i got my hair done and it was bothering me (i got a blow out on a windy day and didnt have a hair tie so it was all over). He responded pat your head/sumthing with those words and i was done😂 i guess he was into black girls and assumed all black girls wear weaves/wigs😖 i also didnt grow up around a lot of black ppl so if a guy (non black) is like im rly into black girls, i alrdy know they usually mean the stereotypical black girl that im just not🤷🏽♀️
Being both East and Southeast Asian--I really feel you on the "all ___ aren't the same and don't necessarily share the same experiences". In my experience, people who say things like "I only like/date Asian women" have perceptions about Asian women. I don't care whether the stereotypes about us are "positive"--my identity and existence is more complex than that. On a related note, I know a whole lot of Asian women who "prefer white men" and I find that uncomfy too, but for different reasons I don't know how to articulate.
I mean as soon as you said how much he emphasized how much he didn't like white women. I immediately thought who are you trying to convince, one. Cuz I immediately think your trying to convince yourself to dislike something you genuinely want. And I've seen this consistently in different situations not those just dealing with race and relationships. And when a guy specifically feels the need to tell me he likes black girls I immediately also think performative or fetish. Its just feels weird that they feel the need to put that out there. And when they talk more it just confirms my initial thought that either performative or fetish or both. (And it is different with black guys because of the unique experiences regarding black men and black women when it comes to preference, and them, more than nonblack men, seeing the diversity in black women, like you said. So it can be similar, but not always, and still different. if that makes sense ) And again this is only when black girls are singled out, as that being their main preference. Or they're really adamant about not liking another group of women. And this is just what I've encountered in my own experiences as well as what I've observed.
I am only interested in black men who are only interested in black women, because I want to know that you are proud of who you are and you are not running away from your blackness through your relationship.
Soooooooo I dont care at all what color a female is but my wife's black. She coulda been any race, any color, any shape or size, none of that impresses me. It's always fun to meet a new member of her side of the family, but I digress. Being a bit of a sapiosexual who looked mostly for someone with common interest (nerd shit mostly) and a tollerance for my extrovert personality (whether by matching it or just being able to put up with it) I can honestly say the woman I found is perfect. Dont let what anyone says dissuade you from being attracted to whoever it is your attracted to. If it floats your boat, ride the waves but know what your getting yourself into because, oh yes, there will be rapids, regardless to the color of the water. Edit: oh, and jasmine silver needle white tea ...*sips*
I LOVE THIS VIDEO! So being mixed race (Eurasian) I have definitely had so often men like my Asian side as a splash of exoticism for them but because of my white side, I am therefore white enough for them. I have also been told by a white guy who I was seeing years ago, he has never dated an Asian before and while i felt strange at the time, since looking back I can't help but feel annoyed because it's like he had a checklist of races he went out with or hadn't been out with. It's so dumb. I agree you like what you like, but once race becomes an overriding feature of the person you're seeing, then that becomes a problem because you begin to question "Well if I was another race, would you still like me and consider my other qualities or is what's driving you to pursue me down to my ethnicity?" Thank you for sharing this though Kat, I think you took a different approach to the whole "I like black girls" theme because I would've expected you to touch on fetishisation but your discussion is also refreshingly true.
For context I'm from the UK (grew up in a predominantly white area of the UK) so race, though definitely a ~ thing ~ seems, to be less of a thing than in the US. This video reminded me of time my dad mentioned in conversation to one of his colleagues, a black guy, that he thought his sister was pretty. The colleague replied "oh wow, i didn't know you like black girls!" my dad was like..... "uhhh yeah well, I just like attractive girls". Like, it's mind boggling that people would have such a polarised view on attraction. I sort of understand having a slight preference, but why should it be shocking when someone is attracted to a person outside their race? Humans are weird.
What part of the UK? Because over here it definitely is still common for people to hear “sorry I’m only into blondes” or something like that as a way to say they don’t like black girls
Whew chile i could make an hour long response vid but i wont! So im 30-ish, also raised in largely white areas. But my experience was different, as i was never around the "i like black girls" types and more so the "anything but black girls" types, of all races. Gorwing up i never experince any of that until i moved to Socal. It could be apart of that norcal vs socal thing. But as an adult i can say i def knew and felt the "preference" for white chicks. I was aware of it at my earliest maybe 13. I distinctly remember in my head, i was like "EVERYONE prefers white and i am the proverbial opposite and thats that, theres nothing i can do about that". My circles were more strict and conservative, so maybe that was to blame for the lack of "i like black chicks lol" -ness. When i left high school i figured the only option i felt i could date where the fetishizers (because i also already had decided it was all a fetish, because i was inherently dubious and didnt think anyone's affection for me was real or sincere, my insecurities roaring.) Or guys who thought I was the best they could get. Thats the part that struck me in this video, struck me deep enough to reply. The "ill take her until a white girl blesses me with her approval" gut punch. I always felt guys that were not white spewed the mantra of " i love xyz non white women so much" were just repeating it so they could drown out the internal monologue about how hot katy perry is or whoever. Somehow it feels like i felt any guy who expressed interest in me once i left my home town had something to prove, but it felt like biding time. They could never come up with good reasons for why they liked "us" that they couldnt find in anyone else. It all sucks.
I live in Nashville, and yo this some real shit you just said! I have attracted men of all races but the catch is they all seem to fetishize my blackness! It's so strange! Better yet, all the times I've specifically interacted with white men in a sexual way and they always expect me to be the more dominant one. It's trash!
I genuinely do not physically find any white women attractive. Although, I suppose I also do not feel the need to shove it in anybody's face nor do I feel the need to make it a performative thing. As for the men that do it openly and mention these things to women, in such a way that is clearly performative, I believe the issue is complex. Many of these men fetishize women of various non-white backgrounds as some sort of monolith, and they could trade one "model" for the other without caring a whole lot. They do not see them as individuals so much as some physical manifestation of the representation of an entire gender for an entire race. For myself, I seek out women I find physically attractive, but I also need to be into them as a person, I need to get to know who they are on the inside. The outside is what initially draws you in, but the inside, the personality, is what keeps any decent person interested. Otherwise you likely view your girlfriend/wife/significant other as some sort of object. This also applies to the men I find attractive (as a bisexual man) the outside draws me in but the personality is what hooks me. I do not view any race as some monolithic, singular entity. Each woman, each man. is their own individual person that I judge on their compatibility with me and their personalities.
I’m put off by it. I don’t date because most guys aren’t into me and the ones that are, try preach about how they like black girls and tend to assume that I’m a certain way. Always wanting to run their fingers through my hair to flirt, talking about all of their black ex’s, telling how their parents would never be ok with dating a black. It feels gross. It’s frustrating because I want people to see me they look at women of other races. As people. I want someone to like me as an individual.
its weird if a guy says they like white woman, its weird for them to say they like black women. you can have a type, but i generally find most body types or personality types come in literally every color of person so race being apart of that preference kind of weirds me out.
As a Japanese woman, this is how I experience something similar and I avoid men like this like the plague: "Asian women know how to treat a man" "I heard Japanese women just like staying home and dont mind being a housewife" "I heard Japanese women rejected feminism" etc etc
Yikes sounds reallly scary
@@eartianwerewolf Yea, I'm not exactly cutesy/feminine so thankfully I don't really attract them but these things come up in conversations and I can immediately detect and avoid them as much as I can lol
snort. I know the type. they are one step away from either going MGTOW or a marrying mail ordered bride
either way. too self-centered and toxic to ever make a good partner 🤷🏾♀️
Facts facts facts sis
they usually just think Asian women behave like those childish anime characters they have body pillows of
I just never understood why some men believe that in order to uplift the black women they date, they have to bring down other women. As a black woman, yes, it is frustrating to be overlooked sometimes but you don't have to be the protector of the black woman fan club. You don't have to "like" black women so much that you hate everyone else. JUST BE GENUINE.
Saint J Love, love LOVE this comment!
Yeah
😂
Exactly!
I don't think that's the goal. I think men say this to black women in order to disarm them so they can exploit a little easier.
I don't want someone to date me because of my race, I just don't want to be rejected because of my race.
n8298906 same
*THIS*
People however have types there is nothing wrong with it
@@dolancom6185 those are the people I avoid. Not gonna debate about it but i just don't agree with this perspective.
n8298906 and I respect your opinion. That’s your type.
When I was a young black girl with low self esteem I loved the validation, but as I’ve grown, became woke, and gained confidence I’ve come to be disgusted by guys who say such things. The question I ask now is how would their families would respond if they brought me home, and that tells me all I need to know.
Carla Denman Right?! You said it perfectly.
I agree with it. I grew up with men going out of their way to explain to me how they found Black women attractive. it was very heartbreaking so when I first encountered men that were into them I thought I finally hit the motherload.
it took me a while to realise it was just the 2 sides of the same coin: the attraction and repulsion were both based on negative stereotypes, objectivation and fetishization.
f*** them all 🖕🏾
anyway, I'm older and wiser now and I don't need cis White men's approval to feel good about myself. God bless y'all Black sisters, our road isn't an easy one ❤
How does that tell you everything? :0
Because there isn’t anything more attractive than the fetishization and objectification of a woman’s sexual and racial identity...
More often I hear the opposite. "I'm not usually into black women but you're" or "I'm not usually into dark skinned girls but"
Ahg that shit seems a bit like negging to me. Just really bad bad feels .
Eww how does someone think thats a compliment
Sounds like a compliment to me... they’re saying they think you’re special
@@wyliehj They're complimenting me by insulting my mother, my cousins, my aunts and my grandma. Not the best way.
Ugh. Exactly. Instant turn off.
Men both black and white, have told me “you know I normal don’t date black girls” I get that all the time and it’s so annoying
"I prefer men who like me, are cute, and are good at sex ... and have other qualities, but those are the important ones." lol!
throw that ass in a prayer circle
@@mayanaw.9027 AAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMEN RIGHT
can we just appreciate for a moment how incredibly your lipstick matches your hair?? i genuinely appreciate it wow I love
She didn't have to do it. But she did it for all of us 🙏
I didn't even notice I did that until I started editing lol
kat's the queen of choosing great lipstick and hair colour combos! ugh her mind
I remember I was in France for study abroad and I dated a Lebanese guy for a week, but for that whole week he showed me around to all his friends(which I thought was nice a the time), held me and kissed me in public. He later told me that "It was seen cool to date someone Black" and it basically gives you some form of social clout. Top that all off that it was his first time dating a man, so the turned looks and murmurs of a same-sex Arab/Black couple gave him all the attention he needed. -_-
Daym
I just hate it when people make it into a big deal that they date interacially. Usually it's white men and some Latino men I've noticed who tend to make dating black girls into a big deal. I'm not quite sure what goes through their minds but I just get this bad feeling that they have this idea of who or what a black woman is that's very limiting and stereotypical. And I especially can't stand when they say it's because of our butts and or because they think we're apparently more "real" when it comes to our attitude compared to other women. Its just very juvienille and immature to group us all together like we're all like this and that that's a GOOD thing! I'm sick and tired of people judging us like we're a monolith when it comes to EVERYTHING about us. I want different bodied black women getting appreciated not just the 'thic' ones. I want to see more issa raes being celebrated. And those guys who claim they are Soo into black girls usually don't want to see us progress and be more diverse and not just fitting into one mold.
@OZMX your comment was completely useless to me and makes you sound like you're a douche. But I guess the Gavin Mciness photo explains it. And Latinos are not "every race".
I also have a problem with black men who say “ I only date white chicks” but that’s a whole separate issue
@@ciaras3170 Gurl I KNOW. I love it when black men get hit with the truth that white women aren't 'nicer' than black women and also when they start to realize it's not just the type of black or white women they date but also their own entitlement and dysfunction that ruins their relationships a lot of the time theyre just looking for someone who will put up with their shit.
Honestly I'm done talking about black men. This video is about non black men who date black women for the wrong reasons. I get offended when people always bring up white women somehow when they want to judge black women so I don't care to constantly compare black men with the way other men act even though yes it is fascinating and can give us some prospective sometimes. Ultimately a guy will treat you the way he was raised to treat women in his enviornment. And most black men tend to come from not so good environments. It's not an excuse it's just the reality that I choose to accept but will not bother with.
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I recently saw a video of a couple of different white guys talking about how they much prefer Black women and the things I remember most was when they talked about Black women’s butt, their skin and their hair. I have to be honest, I wasn’t sure how to feel about their reasons.
“When I meet people who ‘like black women’, I usually disappoint them because I’m not the long list of stereotypes that they Imagine in their head.” Bingo. You put into words what I’d been feeling when they said this to me.
Idk, as a middle-eastern woman, when guys say stuff about liking middle-eastern women over other races, it comes off as very fetish-y right off the bat and it's super transparent. I've been described to my face as "exotic" and "new and exciting" and even on one occasion a "prize" for a man's hard work. I even got asked once "But if your parents liked me, would they force you to marry me?" and that was the most frightening one yet.
Middle-eastern men who have approached me have been a different kind of problematic, though. (But that's a whole other can of worms.) I've never had the subject of race presented to me in the way white women were presented to you by another arab.
Just as a rule, though, whenever anybody of any gender/race says something along the line of "I like **insert your race** girls/guys" to you, it means they either think you, on some level, have some sort of inferiority complex OR on some internal level they think you are actually inferior. If there was nothing going on under the surface, they wouldn't have to say something like that. They are either trying to reassure you or they're feeling good about themselves cos they're clearly out of your league/not the kind of person you would EXPECT to date you but here they are, with you.
ugh those experiences you described make my skin crawl. I'm so sorry you ever had to hear those nasty comments. That's toxic :(
facts
I call people like that parasites.
read "new and exciting" and almost barfed.
Sometimes when a white guy says he excludes white women he has Mommy issues.
Accurate
...
Well
I'd say I feel personally attacked but you are, at least in my case, 100% correct. (Or at least was, thank above for therapy)
I'm actually a latinx and black femme person.
I hear people try the whole "I liked mixed girls" or "I like latina girls". It skeeves me out so much. I feel like I'm being fetishized for what they believe a mixed person or latinx person is. It makes me feel like they're after me for not who I am, but what I am.
And while I honestly prefer non-white people, it's mainly because poc "get it" more than white people do. Or at least in my experience.
What do you think of someone with this form of attraction who just doesn't verbalise it? How would you feel if you got together and after a while, the other person admitted that your identity was something that grabbed their attention, but as a relatively lower priority than other factors? Do you make a distinction between that and physical attractiveness? Honest questions: no intention of being weird
@@willowtree8250 Thank you so much!! I hope you're having a lovely day yourself
@@bleu2680 I've noticed people who don't verbalize it and make it a priority dont fetishize me.
Like yeah, we all have physical preferences. I like when people are taller than me. But it's not a priority, just as an example.
But if they were like "I only dated you because you were black/latinx/mixed" I'd honestly feel betrayed and grossed out. That's different than "I thought you were cute because I like people with a little more melanin"
Sorry if I'm repetitive, I just woke up lmao. And i also dont think you're being weird at all! I'd rather have things explained thoroughly in a friendly way c:
Ew idk why but some guys that are into "alternative" girls give me this vibe too, like, but are ya gonna actually listen to what they have to say or do u just want a gf w a side shave that shuts up when you say sexist shit. not the same obvs but peepl need to stop
@@eddyviolet9422 Yeah. I used to wear more alt/goth things and I got a weird combo of it before.
But I can tell you from experience the alt girl fetish isnt near as bad lmao.
God, that situation with your ex is so garbage. Because, like, obviously, he's sitting there trying to justify his attraction to you to himself. But also, if he's sitting there trying to do the same thing to his new partners...
Like, it feels like he tries to make his partner feel special by lying to them about these things. So like... Why does he feel the need to lie to make his partner feel special? And why does he think talking about race this way is the go-to way to do that?
I've thought about that. I won't get into it, but there were a lot of other things he swore were how he felt, but he just didn't feel that way when it came down to it and well, that was kinda upsetting to experience. At the end of the day, I think everyone should like what they like, but there's really no need to lie. It's only going to put you in a situation where you can't maintain your own happiness
@@KatBlaque I agree! It's no good for him in the long term, and it makes all his exes, you and the other woman, feel like they have to analyze interactions for truth. It's not a good way to live your life.
I'm glad you're able to pursue who you want to the way you want to more fully these days tho, even if this is a complicated situation to deal from someone you still care about.
I think people lie to convince themselves, as much as to convince others.
@@throwthatassinaprayercircl2662 that's true. I know I have
I haven't seen this channel in a while. I'm really sorry the relationship didn't work out and I'm wishing you all the best romantically. X
I found this interesting because when you hear black men talk about how much they "hate" black women, it's very obvious that they are obsessed with black women to the point of not being able to focus on the non-black partner that they supposedly desire without always thinking about and mentioning black women. This is why it's not shocking when you hear about those type of black men constantly trying to seek out black women to cheat on his white wife with. That honestly reminds me of the married white men who like to have black or non-white mistresses.
With so many white men starting to loudly talk about their dislike of white women while also talking about how they prefer black women under videos about interracial love, it gave me the same icky feeling as it does with black men. I'd rather not think of black and white women as enemies in that regard. An insult towards white women is not a compliment towards black women and vice versa. To me, any women that welcomes the degradation of another race of women as a compliment to themselves has questionable self-esteem and worldview. I'm open to dating all races, genders, etc but that way of speaking is a red flag to me
Wow that's such a good point. Those black men do love black women but have been rejected. Why wouldn't the same be the case for.white men who say they hate white women? Wow
Facts!!!
As a mixed black women I get comments about how I am good looking for a black women etc and how I look better with straight hair rather curly. Also women and men have come to me and claimed I was beautiful for being biracial.
And comment about my body being black and sexy but me having more white features makes me attractive. Mostly from white people. Moreover, at my university which is mostly 90 percent white British. I feel like people either find me really hot or like ugly because of my race or hair texture and I hear comments from friends oh only like white women or men. And it's like I am not interested in you but like it's still very hurtful for people say that. Sorry for my long arse rant. Like eurocentric beauty standards are so engined into everyone's head so badly
Sound like you to the University of Exeter
@@iusemathinreallife nah i wish i was that smart though 🤣
Why are we racially dividing each other more. All of this stick with your OWN RACE talk is kind of disgusting. All races should mix the colours so this talk isint had anymore.
Covenant Brazil is very mixed and yet there are major issues with racism and colorist there.
@@theduchessofdarknessofficial what the hell are you talking about there are a lot of racists people who are biracial or in interacial relationships you're making no sense.
This is my exact mantra. If you bring up the fact that I'm black when describing your attraction to me, we're done. I'm not a fetish or experiment.
PS: if you need a mod I volunteer as tribute!
Exactly AMEN Juliet, for me............. I HATE BEING TREATED LIKE I AM SOMEONE'S FETISH FOR SURE!
Juliet exactly I’m the same way the weird thing is though I’m white 🤷🏻♀️
Guys at my college waited til the last party of the year to follow me around, told me how "you just get me" and one guy talked about we both related over our "nappy hair". I feel like men have never had examples of a quality conversation with woc. They don't know what to expect so they are either scared or turned on and I think it's time to change the gaze
I used to get "I love Latin women, y'all are spicy" which is annoying, because when I don't bend over backwards for them they get their feels hurt, or they find out that I'm Mexican, and that's not the type of Latin they mean. 😒😒
Oh my god, this is EXACTLY my dating history. If a guy opens with "I love ____ women," one, gross. As an Asian woman, that is the fastest way to turn me off. Because, two, yeah, that phrase tends to translate more into "I like to collect ____ women." They love the IDEA of an Asian woman more than the woman herself. They want the collector's item trophy of her, to show off to their friends, to brag about later, to construct and have a story, that has so much more to do with him and his desires than it does with her or hers, to hold onto long after he's discarded her.
And, dear lord, I never thought about the fact that "I never date white women" absolutely translates into "I never date white women until I one lets me" until this video. But, yeah. A ton of my exes have said that to me. Made huge deals about it. Especially the "Forgettable Blond Syndrome" or "Carbon Copy Blonds" only to end up with or marrying blond women. Not that there's anything wrong with blond women. But, like you said, that's precisely the point, they spend the whole relationship trashing blond, white women, only to end up with one.
And, YES, when I was in a poly relationship, he would ALWAYS be forgetting about me for white, blond women. He'd up and vanish at parties, only to be found later with some random woman, who was "just somehow different than other blond girls, don't you think?" Or he'd stand me up for dates or cross our established boundaries with these women and he would NEVER know how it happened. "It just happened." And, worst of all, he would let them trash me, say all this shit to and about me, ruin my reputation in the community and turn people against me for things I NEVER did and would NEVER do. And he would always act shocked by it and would promise to take care of it, only to forgive her and promise me that it would never happen again, until it inevitably did. And, of course, our relationship ended because of a white woman and he ended up marrying a white woman. Should have seen it as the guy protesting too much.
The other thing I notice are the men who say the same thing about Asian women. Who go on and on about how they would never date an Asian woman. How they don't understand the appeal. "Why is everyone so obsessed with Asian women? They're nothing special." Until they get drunk or get you alone and then they're just dying to get you to change their minds.
I think a lot of straight guys just are really messed up about their desires. They want what they think they can't have. And too many white guys see and treat dating women of color as experiences rather than relationships, more invested in the overall experience of being with us than our well-being. And, god, will they protect and defend white women to the death, all while praising us and "admiring" us for our unending strength. Fuck that.
A tell tale sign is when they don't have any or only one friend that is a member of the group they claim to prefer. If you prefer "insert group here" but don't hang out with any "group" dudes on a regular basis then they don't relate to or feel so comfortable around the culture as they claim.
I agree that there is some truth to that but there can also be more nuance to the issue. I only like non black guys who aren't super into black culture or who hang out with black guys because a lot of black men are self hating and colorist so it's a red flag for me. I'm sure theyve had conversations about preferences and a lot of black men have no problem dragging black women to their friends it's weird that I've noticed they sometimes even bond with their friends over their shared aversion to black women and it's a pathetic ego boost for them both to think they're above dating a group of women and gives their non black friends an ego boost to know their black friends are into their women. I don't think you have to like someone's culture to like them. But claiming you do just to try to get some points with them is wrong. You just have to make a big effort to see people as individuals and not stereotypes. That's why interaccial relationships really are no joke. Because if kids get involved it can be really psychologically damaging to them if they're parents aren't on the same page about how they will bring up their kids to view their different cultural identities.
Very true
@@bsinita_wokeone I didnt say black men who are into black culture but white men who are into black culture. They are black male identitified so they're basically just like black men and a waste of my time. I don care what black men are doing. Also you can hate a group of people but choose to still live amongst them if you are benefiting more living there than being with your own. Look at white majority enclaves in Africa or indians and South Asians in Africa. when I visited relatives in Kenya a few years ago there were a lot of non kenyans with buisnesses and big houses living there. Just because they choose to raise their kids in Kenya and learn the language doesn't mean they don't have contempt for them. So I disagree you can dislike your partners culture but respect and love them because you see them as an individual. You're not marrying their culture after all. You fell in love with their character and personality and appearance, not their culture otherwise than any person from that culture will do.
Fun Bun you are marrying somones culture when you marry them. You are voluntarily choosing to be involved in their customs and traditions
My older brother is one of these men and nothing I say to him gets through to him that his fixation on “exclusively dating brown girls” (his words) comes across rly racist and objectifying. We have never been very close but it creeps me out and makes me want even less to do with him than I already did.
You're so on point with this. It's so prevalent that when I was with my ex who is black, people would just randomly ask me why I "preferred" black men. But I had never said or done anything to indicate a preference (I don't even prefer men. Just period.). But like, so many people do that whole song and dance! It always comes off disingenuous to me too, even as a casual observer.
I loved how you couldn’t keep a straight face while saying mods would be paid in exposure and experience. 😂🙃 I really enjoy your sense of humor and how it comes out in your videos. Thank you for all the time and effort you put into these videos. I look forward to them all week.
Edit: Finished the video. Please make the poly episode. I am a member of the community and I find I always learn something from your videos.
Whew. So some of this has resonated with me. I‘m convinced men in general have a tendency to tell women what they think we want to hear in order to get what they want out of an interaction. If they can capitalize off your [perceived] insecurities (which is just amplified if you’re in juxtaposition to what’s considered conventionally attractive e.g. white women), then they see it as a way to get on your good side-hence the excessive “I don’t like white women” spiels because black women MUST be envious and have a complex about that, amirite?? [sarcasm]. I wouldn’t be keen to any non-black person expressing their “preference” for black women to be honest. I feel like there’s always degrees of either stereotyping/fetishizing or simply being seen as some kind of novelty. But that’s just me.
As another Black girl, I completely understand what you meant Kat. I think on some level as human beings, we want our past partners (especially those who meant a lot to us) to still date people who resemble us in some way. I feel like that's just a human thing, but especially for Black women because we get snubbed so often in the media and real life. lol I feel like most of us get it. Thank you for sharing your own experience ❤️
My experience is that anyone who has a racial "preference" has one because they are attracted to the stereotypes that they believe that race embodies above all else. Not only is it objectifying, but it's a fundamentally ignorant and misguided approach on race.
when kat says "let me just tell you guys a story" you know the tea's about to get a million times better
tbh I got so excited the second I heard that because her story telling skills are TOP notch! :)
@@redrooster3420 Aww
@@KatBlaque Thank YOU! You bring so many people joy :)
Usually, "I'm into black girls" from a non-black guy reminds me of the song "Black Girlfriend" by Porno For Pyros. It's a STERLING example of Kat Blaque's points regarding how it's all about loving a group of stereotypes.
I remember I made a blog about this subject a few years ago on a asexual dating site. I always been very wary of men who "prefer black women only" because they could possible be fetishizing me and going after stereotypical idea of black women. Men like this tend uphold premeditate ideas about any black women they see and attached illogical ideologies onto them; without allowing them to express their individuality. There more black woman doesn't fit the stereotype; the less attracted that man become towards her and begins to question her identity. I also dislike when men put down other races of women to prove their attraction to me (I'm btw black just a moonie lol) . You shouldn't have to hurt anyone to prove your affection to someone, all you have to do is love and respect that individual.
One time, a girl in my church choir told me she loves black men especially in movies and I was the only PoC in that room. I just stared at her and said cool.
I dislike when people say they really like Asians or trans guys (those are the ones that apply to me anyway) when trying to court me. It really puts me off. I guess because 1) it feels so performative and 2) it feels like that's the only reason they like me, like I'm just a fetish they have. There is also a special kind of chaser I've encountered that only likes young, pre-T, pre-op trans guys, ones that are "soft, uwu" and that just makes all sorts of alarm bells go off.
Has anyone met the opposite? Chasers who are into pre-HRT, pre-op trans women that I guess are more "masculine"?
im not a chaser since im nonbinary. and aroace. but i do want to date dmab nonbinary ppl, and there seems to be more dmab demigirls and enby trans women than dmab agender neutral-presenting ppl. :\ but im just online and limited to certain spaces.
Kiiiinda. I've never heard about pre-HRT, specifically (this kind of people around here often don't really know hrt is a thing sometimes?) but nonpassing/androgynous presenting and pre-op? Yes. A lot. A LOT.
@@themoribundapathetic4530 I know this was a year ago, but if you're aroace, what do you get out of dating? I don't mean to be rude, I've just never heard of this before and I'd like to understand :)
I'm a nonpassing preop and I don't need ppl that go for any body parts that I happen to have atm
im nb trans masc but pre hrt, and this is the first time im hearing about this. only know chasers into transwomen. not that i thought they dont exist, but justr never encountered
Whenever a guy makes it a huge point to say he likes black women it actually comes off as he thinks I’m seen as undesirable because I’m black and that I think I’m undesirable because I’m black. And here he is giving me a boost of confidence because he’s approaching me. Please. It’s insulting and it’s aggravating.
Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah
I'm terrible at taking compliments and i hate when people feel sorry for me so I always hear that as them trying to boost my confidence, when I don't need it.
I can 100% relate to the bit about not "fitting the stereotype" of what a black person would look like to these people who say they're attracted to black people. It also turns me off heaps 🤮
unfortunately my first experience with dating was with a white guy who fetishizes black women. i was insecure, i was 19, and no one had ever expressed interest in me, so for a while i thought it was a compliment how he would always bring up my body and my skin and hair. he would always bring this up while also saying that racism had ended, police brutality wasn’t a problem, and that he should be able to say the n-word. 😬😬😬
😂wow
I hate how much I relate to this video. Though it has happened to me all the time, I remember a particular instance when I dated a guy while living in a homogeneous East Asian country. He had not dated a foreign-looking person before, or even a non-standard looking person (i.e. someone who dresses uniquely or dyed their hair). He was so into toting me around and enjoyed the congratulations and jealousy of his peers, yet continued to regulate my behavior to force me to conform to the stereotypes he had in his head (clean, pure, innocent, demure, feminine). When I refused to comply by arguing with him about his selfish nature and his virulent homophobia, his interest in my foreign-ness vanished as he had already affirmed his masculinity publicly and earned the jealousy of his friends. He is now dating someone who is of his same background.
It is especially demoralizing to date people who use you to affirm their masculinity or heal from their own internalized racism. I've been in countless situations where I was dating someone and found out I was some kind of childhood fantasy finally fulfilled. Or a way to say "ha! See society? I got the prize! I'm a real man"...
What I have learned as I have realized I don't have time for this nonsense:
1. Never date people who reflect your identity back to you with an element of judgement attached.
2. Never date people who saw your identity first. You decide the degree to which your various identities are important.
3. You're a person, first and last. You're not an object for someone else to deal with whatever they are going through.
4. You don't have time not to be seen.
Don't waste your time yall!
That's so interesting and lately I'm wondering if it also goes the other way around. Why aren't more white people speaking about being used by their non white partners to get some privledge for their offspring? Because a lot of people do want half white kids. And they also want to get put on some subconscious pedestal usually by people from their own culture because they got with a white partner?
If I was white this would bother me. This usually happens to white women. Like their boyfriend only dates white women and has never dated women from his own culture but they usually don't scrutinize this. They like being put on a pedastal based on degrading other women. Maybe it's because that's just what they're used to since the whole wolrd puts them on a pedestal they don't question these things. They just expect it. Like when Robert Pattinson started dating fka twigs who's half black/half Spanish his fans were mad. It's not just because they wanted him to be with Kristen and be Edward and Bella together it's because they felt mad he was dating a non white woman. Now he's with Suki waterhouse whos white and you don't see her getting attacked like talihlah/fka twigs was.
I guess it's not in your favor to start arguments over things that benefit you.
I've seen average or below average white men and women get decent looking or very attractive partners from different cultures. Because they have white features and it's considered dating up if you go white sometimes even if they're mediocore.
“You decide the degree to which your various identities are important” YESSSSSS. I love that point so much. It’s so true. And it highlights that everyone has multiple identifiers by nature of being human, and that just cause you notice an identity first (esp for black people, because ykno, skin) doesn’t mean that that person *must* identify most strongly with it.
@Fun Bun It bothers me incessantly when men make comments like that. I've left dates and gotten into arguments, one of which landed me a slap in the face, where I was decisively not wielding any element of social power (e.g. living as a foreign resident of South Korea and Japan) and gotten berated in return for being a feminazi or something. I think all people just want to be seen for who they are and all they embody, and when someone makes commentary like "Bet your jealous I got this hot white girl on my arm" "Damn you got a white one" not only does it lower the "worth" of WOC, but it completely dehumanizes me and reduces me to my racial identity, which of course other groups experience regularly. So I'm baffled as to why any woman would be flattered by these comments. But here is the catch-I don't think white women are really flattered by this or conspiring to recieved this type of objectification. I think they just are too complacent to do anything and instead choose to remain safe and quiet, which of course contributes further to all of our collective objectification as women of various intersections.
And white women aren't the only group "benefitting"; Let us not forget that this is a rulebook controlled by men primarily, and the rewards are pretty much dished out as men see fit. I've never felt like anyone who made racist/sexist comments as channeling those "rewards" and "praise" into marriage and kids. I don't think those are the same type of person. A man who calls me white whore isn't trying to get me to have his children, know what I mean? Someone who wants to see me as a whole person and love me despite our cultural differences wants me to have his children. And in many countries, having half-white kids is a reason to AVOID serious relationships with white women. That has actually been my #1 obstacle while dating in East Asia. It doesn't really come up since I've come back to America, but of course I am only in my early 20s and early 20s Americans aren't exactly clamoring to make babies.
This has been the case in my experiences in various countries.
Hope my long ass response was at least interesting to read ~ Thanks for the reply!
Great comment and I especially appreciate your four bullet points.
I’m always so amazed that there are other black girls who have the experience of being pursued and preferred by white men. I know it’s real it’s just so completely opposite of my experience.
Yep it is strange to see. I come more from the "I never date black girls" kind of community. I've heard both white men and black men talk about how they specifically do NOT date black women so it always seems unusual to me that there are black women who are pursued by white men.
@@erinsymone1645, 90 percent of my matches on social media are from White men. It's just who clicks with me.
I’ve dated just about everyone at this point, but have been pursued mostly by white men. It might be living in a predominantly white/Asian area as well.
I’m biracial but oddly enough yes, more white guys pursued me when I was single, I’m married to one now. I feel like it’s just because there’s more white dudes around.
Just when I run out of things to listen to while working I get a notif for a new video from you. Stars really have aligned for me today.
As an animator, I identify. lol.
I’ve found, when a man says they like something about you not related to your character or specific traits, they like their idea of what that means, not its plurality or its diversity, or even what it means to you, but what it means to them.
MEN IN THE POLY COMMUNITY.... that's like a one hour vid of constant eye rolling and just ugh.
You know your aunts have
Different personalities
Different flavors
Different tastes
Different interests
*camera shift*
Different wigs
I was rolling! Great vid!
i'm a genderqueer who presents femme. i stopped dating in 2014. but the last 3 guys that dated me were white...all had a thing for black people and hip hop culture and soul and whatever. after me they all went to white women and either engaged or married them. :\ oh.
Yas Janet collection!!!! 😂😂😂 I agree so much, I remember not being “black enough” for a past Asian ex. He should just say he likes hood girls 🧐
Girl do not be ashamed about spying on your ex through social media. We all do it 😉
Any time a guy fetishizes trans men it’s clear he thinks we’re bottoms or women lite™️ it’s a no from me
Love your new videos Kat!!!
As someone who _happens_ to like black women, the concerns expressed here are entirely legitimate and I hate such fetishization. I'd even go as far to say it's hipster racist bullshit (that I'm sure Quentin Tarantino would be highly approving of).
I emphasize "happens" because my fondness does not end with black women...I just like _women_ and, regardless of own personal preferences, their racial/ethnic background wasn't a primary deciding factor in my attraction.
To be suspect of any man who puts down one group of women in a racial group to aggrandize another is reasonably cautious and cannot fault it. They're treating women like ice cream flavors, not people who're far more complicated than the racial/ethnic group they belong to.
You actually made the video! The "I've always been interested in white women, but they've never given me the time of day" shook me to my core. It had never registered to me before but low key I feel like maybe this has been an experience I've had before too but didn't fully grasp it.
I am a lesbian. Back in my "staright days", I dealt with a lot of white men saying how they loved black women. For me, it was usually a sort of fetish, and they dated any black woman who would take them. I have come across that sort of thing in the lesbian community. Maybe gender and sexuality play a role. I don't know.
The polyamory video seems like it'll be interesting
Thoughts:
1) There is a LOT of intense colorism among Mexicans / Mexican-Americans.
2) You look SO cute in this video
3) I really like the music you used in this video
Latinos* not just mexicans...not all latinos are mexicans.
@@AP-ym1lo
When it comes to Latino culture, colorism is precisely the term you want to use. Almost everyone is mixed in some way, so racial divides become colorist, with things like showing off your "European percentage" becoming bragging points. My own father tried to instill into me some sense of pride of (supposedly) being of European descent, but when I pointed out that my mother's family, which was decidedly from a lower class than my father's, had no such pedigree and that any admixture could be found there, he backed off. I at least know that I don't pass as white in the US, in fact for whatever reason I've been confused for being ME or South Asian more than anything else, so I've never seen the draw for the people that buy into white supremacy, especially since it's artificiality is highlighted by how white supremacist systems perceive and treat non-white-passing people like me.
I'm a bigger girl, and I can't count how many men come up to me and say that they like a bigger girl. It NEVER feels like a compliment. The subtext is always, the majority of society thinks you are gross, but hey, I'll screw you, aren't you grateful to have my attention for the night? It must have felt like a huge punch in the gut to hear that he said he was attracted to white women, the subtext there could be that you were "good enough" until he got access to a "better" white woman. I'm sorry that happened to you. So many people do not explore their own motivations and beliefs enough to actually become decent humble human beings before they open their damn mouths and spew hurtful crap.
So much of attraction has to do with comfort. I know I don’t have to explain this to you, especially, but folx are so defensive or gatekeepy about what they find beautiful or sexy. We’re brought up that way.
The way I justified it to myself in College and grad school-where I tried to date some of my white, cishet male classmates-is that I was too hard for them to be seen with. (They actually did me a favor in rejecting me!) But, I find that the perception of their choices in women to date was so measured and controlled based on how little work THEY had to do. When I lived in Minnesota, it was white women who were the most accessible/least challenging to date; in San Francisco it was East Asian women.
And for those who don’t know, I’m a very binary, heterosexual, probably monogamous, transgender Latina.
Firstly, I would love to see the video on polyamory!
Secondly, I definitely agree with your opinion on this topic. When non-black guys tell me I am cute for a black girl or talk to me about how they like black girls, it always feels like a red flag. It feels like I'm being fetishized. Especially when I was using dating apps, I had so many situations of guys messaging me and telling me how they've never been with black girls and were "curious" about it or just making all these assumptions about my body and personality (i.e. you're a black girl so you must have a big ass, you're a black girl so you must be super sexual). As soon as the conversation turned into anything like that I would honestly just unmatch them LOL like I don't want to be used for anyone's "fuck a black woman" quest.
I'm a black nonbinary person and I was at a Pride party when this white bisexual girl started talking to me, complimenting me and flirting a little bit. People were dancing and she asked me if I liked dancing and I go "not really; not this kind of dance anyway. I like ballet and contemporary dance. I also don't twerk". She goes "awww man that's a shame!!!" (bc I don't twerk), and she legit looked very disappointed and kept sighing and stuff. Sooooo bc I'm black and afab and have a nice butt or whatever then I should twerk? I never avoided someone so hard for a whole night.
I'm Mexican. I've dated white guys, black guys, and other Hispanics. Every single one of my exes have dated white women or light skinned women. I'm brown and I was teased for being so "dark" by a couple of people growing up, so I do have that insecurity.
Looking back on those relationships I started asking myself: would these guys have dated me if I were a few shades darker? Probably not
Would they pick my over a basic looking white girl?( I would consider myself pretty hot now) Yes, some did.
Girl as a black girl who’s grown up in Germany and Sweden and been surrounded by mostly white people I can totally agree to this, I always feel uncomfortable and weird when people say they like black girls it makes me feel less like a person and more like just an image of a black person 🤷🏾♀️
I live in Japan and I must admit that in general the preference is for white men/women or Japanese men/women.
It's rare to find black women with a partner (unless they came here with one). Personally it really makes me uncomfortable when someone tells me 'they love black women'. I think maybe the only time someone told me this and I wasn't extremely uncomfortable was one Australian guy who tends to date black women really. But he was in general just a cool guy. Other men who mention it up front just straight up creep me out.
When I listed my ethnicity on my bio I got an influx of men that were very very upset that I did not have an accent
"I'll pay you in exposure and experience." The face you made saying that, you've been waiting!
I think men get lost in the sauce trying say what they think their love/lust target wants to hear. They need to self-reflect once in a while and communicate honestly. Not that hard... 😛
Nothing pisses me off than a guy trying to complement me by putting down another group of women, if you like black women I think you just show that by being interested in them?
Guys who say they only date black girls make me uncomfortable. I went out with a guy for a while who went out of his way to let me know everything that he knew about black culture, would always choose for us to go to clubs where he was the only white person, and would try to mould me into a stereotype of what he thought a black woman was, which to him appeared to be a 'ratchet like character'. I got fed up of him very quickly. From what I can tell, every girl he has been out with is black, and all the relationships have been short, because in his words 'all his ex's hate him'
Hmm, I wonder why!
😂
While I haven’t explicitly experienced this, I’ve experienced men telling me, a fat woman, that skinny gals don’t do it for em’. It’s like, Whomst are they tryna convince? Me or themselves?
You are so like approachable. I always feel like we’re just 2 pals catching up
Thank yew! I try to be lol
so, um. i'm a white girl, and my distaste for this knows no bounds. it's hugely unfair on women of colour (and Kat puts that better than i ever could above,) but it also comes off as negging from my perspective. saying you don't like white women and holding that up as some sort of shield against rejection from white women when in your mind you're 100% down for dating a white woman is such a snake move. like, which is it? get to know yourself and be honest about it, jeez.
That thing about men in the poly community being obvious with who they prefer - same deal for women and non binary folk too!!! People keep talking about "being a kid in a candy store" (no seriously) but nobody picks the spicy chocolate 🙄🙄🙄
When people tell me their last gf was Asian... like wtf am I supposed to do with that
Very interesting topic. I'm not a woman of color but I can tell you, in not being a woman of color, my own perspective of what I think is the same idea on the other end - it's always seemed pretty obvious to me the men that are interested in someone because of color. So many men of color where I come from have hit on me through the years. People making passes at other people for reasons other than that person's individuality happens all the time and is painfully obvious in most cases, and I've never wanted anything to do with it... I've dated men who happened to be non-white, but only if I felt they were not after me because I WAS white. The feeling it leaves when people hit on you for your skin color sucks, makes ya feel like chattel.
Hey, not a WOC but I have a kinda similar-ish but tangentially related experience? Sorta related but not as bad I don't think. Basically I was with a guy in a serious relationship but he had a full on Asian woman fetish, particularly for Japanese women. I'm a white woman, not remotely Asian but he would always tell me at length how much he was attracted to Japanese women and how badly he wanted to "try dating" a Japanese girl.
Basically this just made me feel insecure and shitty about myself and like I had to live up to the stereotypes of Asian women to satisfy that thing he had which I think was pretty shitty. So I am not saying I was a victim of racism here as such, since really his yellow fever would be worse for Asian women he knew, but it was just shitty to feel like I had to live up to the standard of what he thought Japanese women were like.
He kept pressuring me to cook, he wanted me to speak in Japanese for him and a bunch of other shit I wasn't comfortable with. Needless to say, it ended and lo and behold, he has been with a white woman for years now. I don't know if he was insincere in saying he wanted to be with a Japanese girl, maybe he outgrew this stereotyping and fetishization, maybe he just couldn't get a Japanese girl, idk. He made me feel like he was only with me because he couldn't find a Japanese girl who was into him, or just find a Japanese girl generally since we live in Aus and he lives in a white neighbourhood.
He was mixed race actually, half white half Asian but yeah. He still had some really shitty views on Japanese women. It's weird with this story because I feel like he used the Japanese fetish thing to make me feel like shit emotionally, but I feel uncomfortable talking like I'm the victim of that primarily when I feel like these fetishes are primarily hurtful to Japanese women more than me. This said, a whole lot of these guys who "prefer Asian women" end up getting with white women then complaining that the white women aren't Asian which is like... Well why didn't you just date an Asian girl if this was such a fucking deal breaker?
Fuck fetishization. People are people and these 'preferences' always seem to turn out fucked.
different wigs.....I love you Kat. 😆
My ex, who is black, gave me this whole unsolicited spiel on finding nonblack women in general, but ESPECIALLY white women unattractive when we first started talking. Once we were a couple, we were scrolling through his phone and breezed past black buck + Becky porn in one of the browsers. When I asked him about it all he could do is chuckle uncomfortably and mutter/stutter an unintelligible response. Then I found out his last/only long term relationship was with a Latina who had very light skin and was either white-passing or straight up white. And at work he would absolutely revel in the attention of wholly unattractive white women and look like a dog who just pissed on the carpet whenever I’d catch him in the act. He’d continually insist his revulsion with them in private but his actions would tell another story. I absolutely don’t trust any man who makes it a point to emphasize how much he doesn’t like white women, they got something to hide.
It just boggles my mind to hear people go on about "I WANNA DATE A ASIAN/BLACK/WHITE GUY BECAUSE..." As if that is something mutually exclusive to that race.
For example, I like men who are thin, fashionable and have boyish faces. I find that on average, more asian men fit this description, but it's not a description exclusive to asian men. There are men in all races that fit that description that are fine AF.
It drives me crazy. I'm not gonna be out here telling people who they should/shouldn't date, but why close off so many potential prospects over blanket statement and stereotypes??
i feel the same when they say that to trans
Hmm it's 50/50. I've dated men who I know they were intested in black girls but more of a "I wonder what is the like" kinda thing. My husband, who is white, never advertised that he doesn't like white girls but when I asked about his dating history he thought it was relevant to bring up that he only likes women of color period. He has only ever been with me sexually and he has tried to date white women, but didn't want to be with them intimately. Some of our friends have been gotten married since we have been together and they went to strip clubs which had all white women and my husband sat at the bar drinking the entire time and smoked cigars outside because he was that disinterested...so the men who say they only like black women/women of color and mean it do exist, but they are rare.
I'm a light skinned black girl. I've heard both 'I like black girls because they're nice and submissive' (wow, really not me) and 'I like black girls because they're wild in bed' (definitely me... But not for you). In both cases they have a pretty racist idea of what a black woman will be. I often come across men who just seem to want to 'try a black girl' or who fetishize us as exotics to be collected like pokemon.
I gave up on the local poly and kink scenes because, as you raised in your previous video, I was always seem as an accessory to other people's fantasies. Despite seemingly being in high demand for hangouts and play, no-one really seemed interested in having me as a primary, unlike the white or Asian girls. Got pretty old pretty fast!
Yep!! White girls or asian girls
I can't be responsible for your comments, I can't even be responsible for my own breakfast lol
What makes me super uncomfortable about these kind of white men is that, in my experience, they always make a huge point to me that they don’t date white girls like that is supposed to make me feel something
Ren Bennett Yes.
its sooo cringy when dudes go on and on about how much they love black guys to me. especially if they themselves are cute cuz it like, you were doing so good, but you ruined it. At this point on dating apps, I actively avoid people that are too into black dudes along with, of course, the "no blacks" guys.
The annoying thing about a lot of these black obsessed gay/bi guys is they automatically think every black guy is some dominating thug with a BBC. I can't begin to tell you how many of these messages I would get of these guys asking me if I'm "bbc" when I already made it known I'm not about that kind of stuff. It's so annoying.
@@KaiDecadence ikr??? like, my profile says im a bottom. does the fetishizy thirst blind them that much?
@@elfunny1212 Apparently so because I've gotten it way too much and I've heard other black guys say the same thing. It just makes it feel like White guys and Hispanic men are the only ones who can be top or bottom but if you're black, it's expected for you to be a top and if you're Asian, you're expected to be a bottom.
I love that you've expressed this, I feel this way and its great to hear YOU articulate the conversations I have in my head!
Omg this video!!!! I’ve seen the same thing in a couple guys I’ve dated.
🗣YOU AIN’T GOTTA LIE CRAIG!!! 🤣🤣🤣
My husband is white. (I’m black) And he’s been with other black women before we met. Says that he’s always loved black women .....but his ex wife is white! So I definitely called him out about it after we were dating a little while. lol But he doesn’t deny that white women (or any race) aren’t attractive. He doesn’t discriminate and has dated the rainbow. But I will say that when I met his brother he hugged me and said “Finally! I never understood why you didn’t marry a black girl!” 😂 So then I felt less like he was just blowing smoke up my ass proclaiming his preference for black women. So now I don’t gotta side eye him for the rest of our lives. 😂 Great Topic!🥰
Was talking to an asian guy and i told him i got my hair done and it was bothering me (i got a blow out on a windy day and didnt have a hair tie so it was all over). He responded pat your head/sumthing with those words and i was done😂 i guess he was into black girls and assumed all black girls wear weaves/wigs😖 i also didnt grow up around a lot of black ppl so if a guy (non black) is like im rly into black girls, i alrdy know they usually mean the stereotypical black girl that im just not🤷🏽♀️
Being both East and Southeast Asian--I really feel you on the "all ___ aren't the same and don't necessarily share the same experiences". In my experience, people who say things like "I only like/date Asian women" have perceptions about Asian women. I don't care whether the stereotypes about us are "positive"--my identity and existence is more complex than that. On a related note, I know a whole lot of Asian women who "prefer white men" and I find that uncomfy too, but for different reasons I don't know how to articulate.
I mean as soon as you said how much he emphasized how much he didn't like white women. I immediately thought who are you trying to convince, one. Cuz I immediately think your trying to convince yourself to dislike something you genuinely want. And I've seen this consistently in different situations not those just dealing with race and relationships. And when a guy specifically feels the need to tell me he likes black girls I immediately also think performative or fetish. Its just feels weird that they feel the need to put that out there. And when they talk more it just confirms my initial thought that either performative or fetish or both.
(And it is different with black guys because of the unique experiences regarding black men and black women when it comes to preference, and them, more than nonblack men, seeing the diversity in black women, like you said. So it can be similar, but not always, and still different. if that makes sense )
And again this is only when black girls are singled out, as that being their main preference. Or they're really adamant about not liking another group of women. And this is just what I've encountered in my own experiences as well as what I've observed.
Also still loving these braids!!!! Gorgeous queen here bringing me tea! I’m so humbled 😩
I am only interested in black men who are only interested in black women, because I want to know that you are proud of who you are and you are not running away from your blackness through your relationship.
This video is a MESS I love it
Soooooooo I dont care at all what color a female is but my wife's black. She coulda been any race, any color, any shape or size, none of that impresses me. It's always fun to meet a new member of her side of the family, but I digress. Being a bit of a sapiosexual who looked mostly for someone with common interest (nerd shit mostly) and a tollerance for my extrovert personality (whether by matching it or just being able to put up with it) I can honestly say the woman I found is perfect. Dont let what anyone says dissuade you from being attracted to whoever it is your attracted to. If it floats your boat, ride the waves but know what your getting yourself into because, oh yes, there will be rapids, regardless to the color of the water.
Edit: oh, and jasmine silver needle white tea ...*sips*
I LOVE THIS VIDEO! So being mixed race (Eurasian) I have definitely had so often men like my Asian side as a splash of exoticism for them but because of my white side, I am therefore white enough for them. I have also been told by a white guy who I was seeing years ago, he has never dated an Asian before and while i felt strange at the time, since looking back I can't help but feel annoyed because it's like he had a checklist of races he went out with or hadn't been out with. It's so dumb.
I agree you like what you like, but once race becomes an overriding feature of the person you're seeing, then that becomes a problem because you begin to question "Well if I was another race, would you still like me and consider my other qualities or is what's driving you to pursue me down to my ethnicity?"
Thank you for sharing this though Kat, I think you took a different approach to the whole "I like black girls" theme because I would've expected you to touch on fetishisation but your discussion is also refreshingly true.
this might not be what you want to do but I'd be interested in you telling us whats in the background of your videos! books etc
Aye, imma twitch mod. So I can do some comment moderating. Put the hammer down on some putzes
9 times out of 10, it’s a red flag. I don’t have time for anyone wanting an experience. I’m a person, not a fetish.
girl i’m the exact same way with cyber stalking my ex lmfao no judgement here
For context I'm from the UK (grew up in a predominantly white area of the UK) so race, though definitely a ~ thing ~ seems, to be less of a thing than in the US. This video reminded me of time my dad mentioned in conversation to one of his colleagues, a black guy, that he thought his sister was pretty. The colleague replied "oh wow, i didn't know you like black girls!" my dad was like..... "uhhh yeah well, I just like attractive girls". Like, it's mind boggling that people would have such a polarised view on attraction. I sort of understand having a slight preference, but why should it be shocking when someone is attracted to a person outside their race? Humans are weird.
What part of the UK? Because over here it definitely is still common for people to hear “sorry I’m only into blondes” or something like that as a way to say they don’t like black girls
@@notwithoutpizza4702 well I don't here it where I am Coventry
Whew chile i could make an hour long response vid but i wont! So im 30-ish, also raised in largely white areas. But my experience was different, as i was never around the "i like black girls" types and more so the "anything but black girls" types, of all races. Gorwing up i never experince any of that until i moved to Socal. It could be apart of that norcal vs socal thing. But as an adult i can say i def knew and felt the "preference" for white chicks. I was aware of it at my earliest maybe 13. I distinctly remember in my head, i was like "EVERYONE prefers white and i am the proverbial opposite and thats that, theres nothing i can do about that". My circles were more strict and conservative, so maybe that was to blame for the lack of "i like black chicks lol" -ness. When i left high school i figured the only option i felt i could date where the fetishizers (because i also already had decided it was all a fetish, because i was inherently dubious and didnt think anyone's affection for me was real or sincere, my insecurities roaring.) Or guys who thought I was the best they could get. Thats the part that struck me in this video, struck me deep enough to reply. The "ill take her until a white girl blesses me with her approval" gut punch. I always felt guys that were not white spewed the mantra of " i love xyz non white women so much" were just repeating it so they could drown out the internal monologue about how hot katy perry is or whoever. Somehow it feels like i felt any guy who expressed interest in me once i left my home town had something to prove, but it felt like biding time. They could never come up with good reasons for why they liked "us" that they couldnt find in anyone else. It all sucks.
I live in Nashville, and yo this some real shit you just said! I have attracted men of all races but the catch is they all seem to fetishize my blackness! It's so strange! Better yet, all the times I've specifically interacted with white men in a sexual way and they always expect me to be the more dominant one. It's trash!
I genuinely do not physically find any white women attractive. Although, I suppose I also do not feel the need to shove it in anybody's face nor do I feel the need to make it a performative thing.
As for the men that do it openly and mention these things to women, in such a way that is clearly performative, I believe the issue is complex. Many of these men fetishize women of various non-white backgrounds as some sort of monolith, and they could trade one "model" for the other without caring a whole lot. They do not see them as individuals so much as some physical manifestation of the representation of an entire gender for an entire race.
For myself, I seek out women I find physically attractive, but I also need to be into them as a person, I need to get to know who they are on the inside. The outside is what initially draws you in, but the inside, the personality, is what keeps any decent person interested. Otherwise you likely view your girlfriend/wife/significant other as some sort of object.
This also applies to the men I find attractive (as a bisexual man) the outside draws me in but the personality is what hooks me. I do not view any race as some monolithic, singular entity. Each woman, each man. is their own individual person that I judge on their compatibility with me and their personalities.
As a Latina woman when a man tells me “OMG I LOVEEE LATINA! Caliente! Blah blah “ My interest drop from 5 to minus infinity
I’m put off by it. I don’t date because most guys aren’t into me and the ones that are, try preach about how they like black girls and tend to assume that I’m a certain way.
Always wanting to run their fingers through my hair to flirt, talking about all of their black ex’s, telling how their parents would never be ok with dating a black.
It feels gross. It’s frustrating because I want people to see me they look at women of other races. As people. I want someone to like me as an individual.
Oooo girl when they gotta touch the hair...
When someone protest too much I side eyed them. PERIOD
its weird if a guy says they like white woman, its weird for them to say they like black women. you can have a type, but i generally find most body types or personality types come in literally every color of person so race being apart of that preference kind of weirds me out.
This is why we're always saying men ain't shhhhh.