We're significantly more connected in general as humans, but we have an incredible empathy deficit. People really struggle to conceptualize realities beyond their own experiences.
What´s insane is the norm we are put into about what´s right or wrong. I have had some prejudices thoughts about peoples asexuality. I´m not insane for having these thoughts, just unknowing. 🙂
I can understand people's struggle to understand experiences unlike their own quite well. For me it's like this: Conscientiously I know that there are people who feel sexual attraction. However I can't really wrap my head around this vage and difficult to grasp concept of sexual attraction. So I guess, when it's normal for someone to feel sexual attraction the idea that others might not experience this is difficult to grasp.
@@proserpina4448Exactly my thought as fellow ace. But it is still sad that people jump from "I am not this way."/ "I do not feel this way." to " Nobody is this way."
We live in a capitalist society and sex sells. Look at the subliminal ads in the 70s and 80s. All the images in ice cubes etc... When you take sex out of advertising you are invalidating capitalism.
Thank you for this information. I'm Ace and didn't even know that what I am had a name until last year and I turned 45 this year. I always got the talk and was often looked at odd when I said I never had a relationship with anyone and didn't see anyone that way, even the few guys I had crushes on over the years. I found out by watching videos on YT and thank you for providing this for others like us.
I love hearing about these type of studies and it makes me happy to see it being done by people who are in the community themselves instead of outsiders trying to “make sense” of us. (Ofc outsiders can make good and important studies as well but I prefer it when it’s done by people who have personal experience when it comes to these topics)
When I was a kid in the 80s, “heterosexual identified” girls who weren’t interested in sex were called prudes or “frigid”. Thankfully, there’s a better name for people like me. I consider myself to be demi sexual.
This whole channel is just awesome and I am so happy I discovered it. I've been watching for a while and as a person on the ace spectrum, I really appreciate this specific topic. I've never heard of the term "medicalization of asexuality" and this opened my eyes to SO many things and gave me a lot of comfort and validation as well. Thank you for posting this, it is very much appreciated. 💜
What’s blowing my mind is the concept of someone looking at you and telling you what your sexuality isn’t or should be. Like WOW. I mean, knowing I had a low libido, I asked my dad about asexuality. He said, paraphrasing, “I think there’s something wrong with those people.” Luckily I knew enough and had a relationship with him where I could not only tell him I disagreed, but also showed my anger at his characterization. Like wtf.
Yikes I hope he was open to educating himself more on the subject or has become more accepting since then, it's frustrating yet I get that with how sexuality is so huge in society that not being sexual would warrant concern or confusion
oh this is so so important, thank you so much for doing this research Alice!💜 it made me tear up quite a bit bc the examples of aphobia were so relatable 😿
I have to admit I had some prejudices about asexuality, some of these mentioned in the video. But during the video I reflected and realised we are put into a norm "how to feel". Thank you for sharing and make people conscious 🙏🙂
Sometimes, asexuality can be caused by trauma or medication, but it is rare. I had a bad reaction to antidepressants and it was terrible for me, a allosexual. The difference is pain! Asexuals are naturally the way they are, they don't suffer or seek help like allosexuals do when faced with lack of libido. We should listen more to them and validate their experience, which is part of all the variations of human sexuality. Thanks for your work, it will educate us and we need it. I don't personally understand how someone cannot want sex, but acknowledge it exists and is normal for some people. No need to medicalize it.
I think this idea that the “difference is pain” erases a lot of the struggles of being ace in a sex obsessed world. As an ace person I do suffer and early on I would try to seek help for my aceness.
I don't think it's as rare as we think because me and a lot of women I know totally lost our sexual libido while starting the pill, for me it's been gone so long I started to ponder if I really am asexual
We might suffer, but it isn't directly because of our asexuality, more it's a byproduct of all these preconceptions and pressure and the lack of understanding we have to endure in our everyday lives.
@@stargazer209The suffering is usually caused by society' s compulsory sexuality (and in some cases lack of awareness that causes us to be confused before finding out asexuality is a thing). That is big difference from suffering because of our lack of sexual attraction.
First time I really came out to someone, this person asked me if I souldn't maybe go to a doctor to check my hormones... It was clearly just because this person had no idea about what asexuality really is, but still a good exemple of medicalization of asexuality
I'm not part of the community but as a neuro divergent individual I can 💯 see medicalization. I've heard it described as pathologising before it's essentially a similar process. A type of person is defined as being pathological due to social costs or divergent behaviors that aren't illegal, but come with certain social costs
I collectively used refer to the term "Queerophobia" but to be honest and for purposes of sensitisation I now think that it's really important for us, being the members of the LGBTQ+ community, to refer to these terms individually for not just these kinds of harm and perpetrated acts of inhumane behaviour occur unto all spheres of the community but this kind of behaviour being imposed on every gender and sexual identity in a manner that manifests in and out of different forms. The multiple faceted violence, wrong and encroachment of 'right to person' and 'right to live life with dignity', along the human rights, of each part of the community is what needs to be looked for, noted about and stopped on individual and collective efforts. The cis-hets tend to be normalising anything and everything that they are dominantly as well as subconsciously have been aligned and complying to and that is the minute yet gradually constructing form of destruction against what is seemed or brokenly perceived as their "normal".
It's hard for me, mine is caused by a medical condition and despite the proper medication I believe that my young developing body never developed the same. I felt different from everyone starting at 12 years old, now I'm 18 and I still feel so lost and different from everyone especially because no medication has helped me. I never know what to label myself and it just feels so alienating when I don't understand even the basics of attraction or feelings beyond human compassion. It's tough and putting the label on myself feels almost unfair to others who were simply born with a lack of sexual feelings.
Sorry to hear you are struggling to find a label and feel alienated. Just wanted to reach out and say that, though asexuality is rarely due to medical conditions or trauma, those people are still valid and welcome in our community! If you feel asexual is a good label for you, please don't be afraid to use it. 😊 None of my asexual friends or I would mind someone saying they were asexual due to a medical condition as long as they didn't claim everyone who is asexual is like that. As for feeling alienated by not understanding attraction, I am afraid I can't help. I have found that feeling alienated and othered ebbs and flows. Time helps but it never fully goes away. Best of luck! 💜🤍🖤
There are a million ways to end up the way you end up. When people say “born with” it doesn’t mean what it sounds like it means. Sexuality is fluid. There’s no way you were genetically meant to be. If you aren’t sexual then you aren’t sexual. Doesn’t matter what the reason is. Sexuality is complicated and individual, and even asexual people don’t always have a complete lack of sexual feelings. Labels are meant to communicate things to the people around you. Asexual generally means: “I’m not going to want to fuck anyone in this room and don’t ask because the answer will be no unless otherwise stated.” Even though I’ve had some kind of feelings for a boy, I don’t date boys because I’m not sexually attracted to them, and I’m open to dating women so I’m a lesbian. But I have a low libido I don’t really want to fuck anyone so I’m an asexual lesbian. Remember: everyone’s sexual orientation is an educated guess. We are meeting ourselves all the time.
@@oliwiakaniowska oh I’m mad at your doctor lol it’s quite possible that it’s not your meds that cause it, and even if it is, it doesn’t matter. It’s okay, you’re not broken. I totally understand wanting to feel that feeling more though, allosexual people seem to really like it. I’m right there with you.
I’m so sorry that you’re struggling with this. My personal viewpoint is that our sexuality is a mix of something we are born with AND something that is created by our lived experience (which would include medical conditions and trauma). In my view, most people don’t know the details of why they have the sexuality that they have. They just have it. They can label it if they want and they can live with it. And if it fits the societal norm then they probably will never ask themself why. But just like the reason that I don’t like mushrooms is irrelevant to the truth that I don’t like mushrooms, the same is true for why I don’t like sex. I am asexual, whether it is because I was born this way, it is because of trauma that I experienced along the way, or both. It is freeing for me to say “it doesn’t matter, it is the way I am”.
6:21 The CC has Hyperactive Sexual Desire Disorder when it should be Hypoactive. The enunciation is not clear. I kept hearing hyperactive as well, but I can see how it could also be hypoactive. The context makes it clear that it is hypoactive.
I know people can be ace because of trauma, but to me its an insensitive thing to suggest when aces experience higher levels of sexual violence, usually its the other way around.
Ugh, I’m so bitter about this. Humans are so gross. I can understand why people born in the 80’s or earlier would be pretty ignorant about asexuality, but I’d expect younger generations to be more open-minded. Why is it so hard to understand that not everyone goes around thinking ’ooh, I wanna bang that’ with every attractive person they see. I’m so mad lmao
this describes how I’ve been feeling recently really, really well I’m always looking for a cause for my asexuality(?) or if I’m confused (what if I haven’t tried hard enough? what if I’m too young? what if I’ve just absorbed society’s stigmas around sex? is there something wrong with my brain or hormones that makes me like this (cause)?) it’s exhausting :/
I recently had someone in the comments section of another video “disagree” with my very personal statement of not perceiving sexual attractiveness. I was just like “what do you mean you disagree with my lived experience, dafuq?” To which they said something along the lines of “oh come on, as if you’ve never found anyone hot”. Which… no? I haven’t? 😂
Peace be upon you, if it is possible that I want to turn asexual, how can I convince my subconscious mind of that + that a while ago I traveled a month (to a country where indecent dress) and I felt that I had no desire at all, but when I returned, the desire returned after a while, so leave me alone It is possible that the topic is related to the climate because the other country is cold compared to the one in which I live + and I am sure that I want to go back to being asexual
Just pray to God and ask Him to take all your sexual urges away from you each time you get one, like nuns and monks do. Then He will take them away and you won't have them anymore. That's what I did. Don't focus so much on the sexual thought. Just acknowledge it as normal, pray about it leaving, and release it. Then do something else to distract your mind and body. Eventually, you ought to stop having sexual thoughts. I think it's called thought blocking. Vegans do it too. In the beginning when you first become vegan, you still have urges to eat meat. So you block the physical urges by thinking about all the emotional and rational reasons why it's cruel to animals and the environment. After a while you stop having physical urges for meat. It becomes disgusting to you. Same as how sex becomes disgusting to you after you stop thinking about it and having urges. So I am a celibate sex-repulsed aro-ace who is vegan. I am happy with this. :) I feel I have lived out my best life based on my morals.
Bruh I'm an ace and literally lived my whole life safely (fortunately). I haven't had any bad physical experiences and have lot of friends. It's not trauma for me. Not for many others. Please don't press your assumptions about a group onto them as if it is a condition to be met. Most of the aces are born ace. We know what we want, we know what we don't want. We are not looking for pity or criticism. I know there are some people who are ace due to trauma, but they are of very small percentage. Majority of us are just this way. We aren't sad about it or anything. Just another thing in our lives. And we don't see it as such a big problem like allos do.
@@Gabrielle-bb2zq There are some people like this like my uncle who got raped by my Grandpa who then grew up to be gay but he also still did incest rape to me as a kid and my mom as a kid. So it's a valid question because it does happen to people but it's not the sole reason for acne's or gayness. I am ace after all the trauma that I survived, but I'm a bit grey leaning towards hetero. Primarily ace, functioning as a celibate person because I love it. It gives me freedom.
![Megan Thee Stallion - Roc Steady (feat. Flo Milli) [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/HozPPyqW0dY/mqdefault.jpg)
it's insane to me how so many people can't understand how some people just simply don't have sexual attraction, it's not hard to understand
We're significantly more connected in general as humans, but we have an incredible empathy deficit. People really struggle to conceptualize realities beyond their own experiences.
What´s insane is the norm we are put into about what´s right or wrong.
I have had some prejudices thoughts about peoples asexuality. I´m not insane for having these thoughts, just unknowing. 🙂
I can understand people's struggle to understand experiences unlike their own quite well. For me it's like this: Conscientiously I know that there are people who feel sexual attraction. However I can't really wrap my head around this vage and difficult to grasp concept of sexual attraction. So I guess, when it's normal for someone to feel sexual attraction the idea that others might not experience this is difficult to grasp.
@@proserpina4448Exactly my thought as fellow ace.
But it is still sad that people jump from "I am not this way."/ "I do not feel this way." to " Nobody is this way."
We live in a capitalist society and sex sells. Look at the subliminal ads in the 70s and 80s. All the images in ice cubes etc... When you take sex out of advertising you are invalidating capitalism.
Thank you for this information. I'm Ace and didn't even know that what I am had a name until last year and I turned 45 this year. I always got the talk and was often looked at odd when I said I never had a relationship with anyone and didn't see anyone that way, even the few guys I had crushes on over the years. I found out by watching videos on YT and thank you for providing this for others like us.
I love hearing about these type of studies and it makes me happy to see it being done by people who are in the community themselves instead of outsiders trying to “make sense” of us.
(Ofc outsiders can make good and important studies as well but I prefer it when it’s done by people who have personal experience when it comes to these topics)
Totally agree! ⭐🌈🙌
When I was a kid in the 80s, “heterosexual identified” girls who weren’t interested in sex were called prudes or “frigid”. Thankfully, there’s a better name for people like me.
I consider myself to be demi sexual.
This whole channel is just awesome and I am so happy I discovered it. I've been watching for a while and as a person on the ace spectrum, I really appreciate this specific topic. I've never heard of the term "medicalization of asexuality" and this opened my eyes to SO many things and gave me a lot of comfort and validation as well. Thank you for posting this, it is very much appreciated. 💜
Thank you so much, that means a lot! 💜
What’s blowing my mind is the concept of someone looking at you and telling you what your sexuality isn’t or should be. Like WOW. I mean, knowing I had a low libido, I asked my dad about asexuality. He said, paraphrasing, “I think there’s something wrong with those people.” Luckily I knew enough and had a relationship with him where I could not only tell him I disagreed, but also showed my anger at his characterization. Like wtf.
Yikes I hope he was open to educating himself more on the subject or has become more accepting since then, it's frustrating yet I get that with how sexuality is so huge in society that not being sexual would warrant concern or confusion
oh this is so so important, thank you so much for doing this research Alice!💜 it made me tear up quite a bit bc the examples of aphobia were so relatable 😿
I have to admit I had some prejudices about asexuality, some of these mentioned in the video. But during the video I reflected and realised we are put into a norm "how to feel". Thank you for sharing and make people conscious 🙏🙂
I'm glad the algorithm gave me this channel, letting me find this channel! Glad to learn more about how asexuality is perceived
Sometimes, asexuality can be caused by trauma or medication, but it is rare. I had a bad reaction to antidepressants and it was terrible for me, a allosexual. The difference is pain! Asexuals are naturally the way they are, they don't suffer or seek help like allosexuals do when faced with lack of libido. We should listen more to them and validate their experience, which is part of all the variations of human sexuality. Thanks for your work, it will educate us and we need it. I don't personally understand how someone cannot want sex, but acknowledge it exists and is normal for some people. No need to medicalize it.
I think this idea that the “difference is pain” erases a lot of the struggles of being ace in a sex obsessed world. As an ace person I do suffer and early on I would try to seek help for my aceness.
I don't think it's as rare as we think because me and a lot of women I know totally lost our sexual libido while starting the pill, for me it's been gone so long I started to ponder if I really am asexual
@@isoldelujan libedo isn't the same thing as attraction. Being asexual is about attraction...... There's plenty of aces that enjoy s-x.....
We might suffer, but it isn't directly because of our asexuality, more it's a byproduct of all these preconceptions and pressure and the lack of understanding we have to endure in our everyday lives.
@@stargazer209The suffering is usually caused by society' s compulsory sexuality (and in some cases lack of awareness that causes us to be confused before finding out asexuality is a thing).
That is big difference from suffering because of our lack of sexual attraction.
First time I really came out to someone, this person asked me if I souldn't maybe go to a doctor to check my hormones... It was clearly just because this person had no idea about what asexuality really is, but still a good exemple of medicalization of asexuality
I'm sorry that happened to you!! I hope you have a supportive community around you now! ⭐🌈
I'm not part of the community but as a neuro divergent individual I can 💯 see medicalization. I've heard it described as pathologising before it's essentially a similar process. A type of person is defined as being pathological due to social costs or divergent behaviors that aren't illegal, but come with certain social costs
I collectively used refer to the term "Queerophobia" but to be honest and for purposes of sensitisation I now think that it's really important for us, being the members of the LGBTQ+ community, to refer to these terms individually for not just these kinds of harm and perpetrated acts of inhumane behaviour occur unto all spheres of the community but this kind of behaviour being imposed on every gender and sexual identity in a manner that manifests in and out of different forms. The multiple faceted violence, wrong and encroachment of 'right to person' and 'right to live life with dignity', along the human rights, of each part of the community is what needs to be looked for, noted about and stopped on individual and collective efforts. The cis-hets tend to be normalising anything and everything that they are dominantly as well as subconsciously have been aligned and complying to and that is the minute yet gradually constructing form of destruction against what is seemed or brokenly perceived as their "normal".
It's hard for me, mine is caused by a medical condition and despite the proper medication I believe that my young developing body never developed the same. I felt different from everyone starting at 12 years old, now I'm 18 and I still feel so lost and different from everyone especially because no medication has helped me.
I never know what to label myself and it just feels so alienating when I don't understand even the basics of attraction or feelings beyond human compassion. It's tough and putting the label on myself feels almost unfair to others who were simply born with a lack of sexual feelings.
Sorry to hear you are struggling to find a label and feel alienated. Just wanted to reach out and say that, though asexuality is rarely due to medical conditions or trauma, those people are still valid and welcome in our community! If you feel asexual is a good label for you, please don't be afraid to use it. 😊 None of my asexual friends or I would mind someone saying they were asexual due to a medical condition as long as they didn't claim everyone who is asexual is like that. As for feeling alienated by not understanding attraction, I am afraid I can't help. I have found that feeling alienated and othered ebbs and flows. Time helps but it never fully goes away. Best of luck! 💜🤍🖤
@@janerogers7526 thank you so much for the reassurance, I appreciate it a lot
There are a million ways to end up the way you end up. When people say “born with” it doesn’t mean what it sounds like it means. Sexuality is fluid. There’s no way you were genetically meant to be. If you aren’t sexual then you aren’t sexual. Doesn’t matter what the reason is. Sexuality is complicated and individual, and even asexual people don’t always have a complete lack of sexual feelings. Labels are meant to communicate things to the people around you. Asexual generally means: “I’m not going to want to fuck anyone in this room and don’t ask because the answer will be no unless otherwise stated.” Even though I’ve had some kind of feelings for a boy, I don’t date boys because I’m not sexually attracted to them, and I’m open to dating women so I’m a lesbian. But I have a low libido I don’t really want to fuck anyone so I’m an asexual lesbian. Remember: everyone’s sexual orientation is an educated guess. We are meeting ourselves all the time.
@@oliwiakaniowska oh I’m mad at your doctor lol it’s quite possible that it’s not your meds that cause it, and even if it is, it doesn’t matter. It’s okay, you’re not broken. I totally understand wanting to feel that feeling more though, allosexual people seem to really like it. I’m right there with you.
I’m so sorry that you’re struggling with this. My personal viewpoint is that our sexuality is a mix of something we are born with AND something that is created by our lived experience (which would include medical conditions and trauma). In my view, most people don’t know the details of why they have the sexuality that they have. They just have it. They can label it if they want and they can live with it. And if it fits the societal norm then they probably will never ask themself why. But just like the reason that I don’t like mushrooms is irrelevant to the truth that I don’t like mushrooms, the same is true for why I don’t like sex. I am asexual, whether it is because I was born this way, it is because of trauma that I experienced along the way, or both. It is freeing for me to say “it doesn’t matter, it is the way I am”.
Such an important video. Well done Alice!!
6:21 The CC has Hyperactive Sexual Desire Disorder when it should be Hypoactive. The enunciation is not clear. I kept hearing hyperactive as well, but I can see how it could also be hypoactive. The context makes it clear that it is hypoactive.
Thank you!! I edited it now! ✨👏🏻
I study social psychology as well, am ace, and about to start my thesis... It would be interesting to research the asexuality topic as well.
Ooh. Whatever you write about I'm sure it will be interesting! ✨
Viktig video! 💜
I know people can be ace because of trauma, but to me its an insensitive thing to suggest when aces experience higher levels of sexual violence, usually its the other way around.
Can anbody please tell me the name of the piano piece playing in the background of this video?
Ugh, I’m so bitter about this. Humans are so gross. I can understand why people born in the 80’s or earlier would be pretty ignorant about asexuality, but I’d expect younger generations to be more open-minded. Why is it so hard to understand that not everyone goes around thinking ’ooh, I wanna bang that’ with every attractive person they see.
I’m so mad lmao
Thank you for this video! 🌈💜
Thank you! 🌈⭐
thank you for sharing !
Thank you for this video ❤
this describes how I’ve been feeling recently really, really well I’m always looking for a cause for my asexuality(?) or if I’m confused (what if I haven’t tried hard enough? what if I’m too young? what if I’ve just absorbed society’s stigmas around sex? is there something wrong with my brain or hormones that makes me like this (cause)?) it’s exhausting :/
Interesting! Great work!
Hola, dónde puedo leer tu tesis? Saludos
I recently had someone in the comments section of another video “disagree” with my very personal statement of not perceiving sexual attractiveness. I was just like “what do you mean you disagree with my lived experience, dafuq?” To which they said something along the lines of “oh come on, as if you’ve never found anyone hot”. Which… no? I haven’t? 😂
amazing video!
Sååå viktig video! 👏 Minns när jag berättade för en gynekolog att jag är asexuell. Han stirrade på mig som om jag vore ett ufo. 🙈🙈
Herregud. Att det får förekomma. Tack för att du delade! 💜
Åhh 🖤🤍💜 jag känner igen det där även om jag inte hade ord för det förut.
ty for sharing
Thanks for the video!
The music is kinda annoying
Thanks for letting me know! 🙂
How can identified asexuality?
I would suggest you go to www.asexuality.org/ to find more information about what asexuality is and means 😊💜
Peace be upon you, if it is possible that I want to turn asexual, how can I convince my subconscious mind of that + that a while ago I traveled a month (to a country where indecent dress) and I felt that I had no desire at all, but when I returned, the desire returned after a while, so leave me alone It is possible that the topic is related to the climate because the other country is cold compared to the one in which I live + and I am sure that I want to go back to being asexual
You can't choose to be asexual......
Just pray to God and ask Him to take all your sexual urges away from you each time you get one, like nuns and monks do. Then He will take them away and you won't have them anymore. That's what I did. Don't focus so much on the sexual thought. Just acknowledge it as normal, pray about it leaving, and release it. Then do something else to distract your mind and body. Eventually, you ought to stop having sexual thoughts. I think it's called thought blocking. Vegans do it too. In the beginning when you first become vegan, you still have urges to eat meat. So you block the physical urges by thinking about all the emotional and rational reasons why it's cruel to animals and the environment. After a while you stop having physical urges for meat. It becomes disgusting to you. Same as how sex becomes disgusting to you after you stop thinking about it and having urges. So I am a celibate sex-repulsed aro-ace who is vegan. I am happy with this. :) I feel I have lived out my best life based on my morals.
Okay but is there a study showing trauma an asexuality?
Bruh I'm an ace and literally lived my whole life safely (fortunately). I haven't had any bad physical experiences and have lot of friends. It's not trauma for me. Not for many others. Please don't press your assumptions about a group onto them as if it is a condition to be met. Most of the aces are born ace. We know what we want, we know what we don't want. We are not looking for pity or criticism. I know there are some people who are ace due to trauma, but they are of very small percentage. Majority of us are just this way. We aren't sad about it or anything. Just another thing in our lives. And we don't see it as such a big problem like allos do.
Would you ask "is there a study showing people have sex with same gender because of trauma?" ? I hope you wouldn't.
@@Gabrielle-bb2zq There are some people like this like my uncle who got raped by my Grandpa who then grew up to be gay but he also still did incest rape to me as a kid and my mom as a kid. So it's a valid question because it does happen to people but it's not the sole reason for acne's or gayness. I am ace after all the trauma that I survived, but I'm a bit grey leaning towards hetero. Primarily ace, functioning as a celibate person because I love it. It gives me freedom.