He's Pulled Away | AVOID THIS MISTAKE!
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- Опубликовано: 12 авг 2023
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- He's Pulled Away | AVOID THIS MISTAKE!
I've seen a meme which said..."Marry a man who wants to be a husband, rather than a man who wants a wife." There's a huge difference.😊
“You can suffer with grief or you can suffer with Love”
That statement alone is life changing. Thank You..
🙏💓🙏
Go take a long long walk on your beautiful beach Jonathon…it will Nurture your Soul! Don’t forget you are LOVED!
Thank you, I will
In a previous video you said Marie never wanted to re-marry. Red flag that says I'm not all in. Saying yes to re-marriage means living together is a trial period. You said she also "pulled away" a couple of months ago also. Sadly, it wasn't for her. You also said there was something missing in your relationship. She was not the one. Rather than drag on for years, she was honest enough to speak her truth. To let you go and find that fully connected union that you deserve! You will find it Jonathan ❤❤❤.
I have a friend who has lived common law with her partner for 29 years, they have a home and 2 kids. They’ve been together longer than I was legally married and many others who I know that have been married.
I really don’t think I would legally get married again. The minute you introduce the government and laws into your relationship you’ve changed the dynamic!
Jonathan….do you think that if Marie would have moved close by to you (in her own place) instead of moving IN with you would have made a difference? I’m sorry that things didn’t work out-I’m feeling sad about it and it makes me realize how difficult it is to find the right person and relationship. I’m almost ready to give up. Everyone seems so wounded & dysfunctional and this becomes more evident as we get older. Sending you big hugs.
😢
I was in my late 20s noticing people with very serious wounding that is deserving of a therapist or taking a lot of time off romantic relationships.
don't give up, take a break and love yourself more x do more in your life with value and fun that meeting not valued people will be discarded easier each time x
I couldn't say it any better...😢 Mine after 2 1/2 years decided to walk away... I should have seen it coming a yr before... I'm trying to heal now with Self 💕 Love
I think I have given up, and it’s not really a bad thing. I’ve been looking for over 10 years. Not desperate, not obsessed, but doing what I thought I needed to. I joined clubs, went on outings with groups, tried every online dating platform from OKCupid to Eharmony, told all my friends I was interested in meeting men, and went on at least 200 first meetings over the years. Only a few (maybe 5?) turned into actual dating relationships, with two lasting about a year, but none of them were really good relationships and I have no regrets that they ended.
I always thought it was sad when people gave up, but now that I’m there, I don’t really see it as sad. I’m tired of putting energy into finding someone when frankly, nobody I’ve met was a great match. Dating has so many ups and downs. I’m embracing the stability, peace, and harmony in my life by just being me and not looking for someone as if something is missing if I’m alone.
This is going to sound so corny but I really like me! 😂 I am intelligent, hard working, very social, and a good friend. I can hold a decent conversation (it’s one of the things the guys I did date commented on, that it’s nice to have an interesting conversation with a woman). I’m not a model but I take care of myself and am fairly attractive. I have no addictions or debt, and I own my home. Seriously, if there aren’t any guys bringing something similar to the table, or they just don’t appreciate what they have in me and I have to worry about wandering eyes, I’d rather be alone. The only thing I think I will miss is affection. I am very affectionate and I miss physical touch. Hugs from friends are great but it’s not quite the same.
Anyway, wishing everyone who sees this all the best! Peace and happiness! ❤❤❤
I have respected you and learned from you since I first came upon your channel Jonathon...but your wisdom and bravery in light of the recent changes have brought my admiration to even a whole new level.
I second that. John is a very sensitive guy, I am sure he is in a lot of pain, but he is a very well adjusted person - he does the work of this life and he carries on. Wonderful role model.
What happened with Marie? I don’t understand
Online dating has made ALL dating a nightmare, so hard to meet a person the old fashion way. my thoughts
Thank you, Jonathon. Your openness is courageous and appreciated. ❤
I believe in marriage ❤
Sometimes it's not just seeking someone better, but to seek a better fit. By that I mean, someone who fits with your life and style, and vise versa.
There are people who need continuous drama. That’s all they know about relationships.
true it is because they are emotional train wrecks and thrive on drama.
@@jenniferl1908
At great expense to others I might add!!!
@@jenniferl1908 Exactly Jennifer. Drama and chaos.
I have been single again almost 2 years. I don’t even get dates. My ex? Jumped right into another person arms 8 weeks after I left.
Great Video! 100% to the point.
I also agree that LTR doesn’t necessarily mean commitment. If someone says “I want LTR”, I would ask “how long?” because it has time limit and it doesn’t sound like there is an intention to fully commit. To me it sound like “long time girlfriend experience” - very downgrading 😏
Exactly! Spot on and to the point !
The LTR vs. Marriage story should be talked about for a good hour. I was in that type of relationship until I said to myself “ he is only in it for the commodities “ and decided to keep him as a friend .,, future husband may not even exist , but staying single will help me heal and accept that I may never be married. Edit: he was against marriage and didn’t want to live with kids . My kids are not his.
You dodged a bullet
No matter what occurs in our relationships, we must always follow our logic not necessarily our heart.
The reality is that ALL relationships end. Sad but true.❤
I feel like getting a tattoo on my forehead that says...I am not for rent...
Good morning Jonathon and fellow JA listeners! ❤
I learned from my last guy that an Avoidant isn't for me!!!
Thank you Jonathan...im grieving a short lived relationship right now, myself. That hole in your heart type of feeling. Im using this technique to heal right now. He 'liked me a lot' but showed no caring or respect about my feelings or me ultimately. I wanted to finally work with someone to build something, to grow and reach and to reach an expansion of self (im hungry actually for this), but he dug in his heals and withdrew. In the past, i would have taken on the full responsibility of( this) casual relationship (at this point), to make it work. Im anxious attachment style so although i stood in my power, im mourning the lose of the potential today, the chemistry, the shared values we did have, the excitement (from a different culture- Turkish), and just him (i think) and the fun we had (although i created the fun part- just said whatever i wanted). I even shared your channel. I dove in, he didn't and then i felt the pullback then devaluation. I tried to have an adult convo (told him i felt different vibes from him) but he kept harping on a comment i made due to the rejection i was starting to feel (which i apologized for and took responsibility) but he then took it a step in the wrong direction for me by ghosting and then not expressing his feeling in an adult manner. I like the line that if not good for one person, its not right for both. Im trying your technique about what i learned was positive about the relationship- as an anxious attachment style, which is hard, because so many wounds get reopened. On the positive, i was able to walk away instead of continuously working on it in the face of disrespect; i honored our differences and that he wasn't going to be able to give me any level of commitment (he called it gurantees)- im finding some men use that right from the start if not serious; i do like dating from other cultures and learned about a new culture (love Turkish food now and the mediterranean diet- very healthy); i liked how he was patient and thoughtful at certain points, but did not like his actions, lack of effort, nor lack of intentionality ultimately, and that i can break up with someone but it doesn't mean my dreams are dead, im just one step closer. Peace, prayers and blessings to those who have the guts to play this lottery of love game. Its has taken me almost 25 years to now start hitting 3 numbers out of 6 but at least im hitting numbers. Trying to remain positive. Also, peace and blessings to you and Marie. I hope you two remain good friends (im sentimental) and though i know Marie is private, i found her a mentor for women in her own classy advice from the women perspective. She had more of a masculine, intelligent approach with a feminine (non-manipulative) vibe, that i can relate to but with a lot more self esteem. Thanks for sharing her gifts with us as you have shared yours. Many women never had a masculine ever have their back in their lives except a few good men found on youtube ❤. Your one of the best. Thank you 🙏
Once he pulls away, I am not asking him anything. His actions told me what I needed to know. They just showed me what I don't plan on doing again.
Amen Jonathan!! You’re awesome! Thanks so much. You help me a great deal and I sure appreciate it!!
I so value your mature, full-throated take on life. Thank you. And sorry your last one wasn't quite right, but my life so far, agrees with you. It says you're preparing for someone even better, as am I.
I’m sorry your relationship ended. I believe an even greater one with the one is now open and ready for you.
Oh no ! I. Sorry the relationship didn’t work ! Well, now it’s crazy to keep listening to your shows !
Can you elaborate?
great presentation! thanks for this one.
Yes about the spiritual. Absolutely true. It has to be soulful !!!
I love that you resonate with Matt Kahn. His earlier books “ whatever arises love that and everything is here to help you“ were transformative in my life.
Great Video!!!
Great advice thumbs up
You are amazing, Jonathon.
You're awesome Jonathon! Hugs.
Appreciate your radical honesty! Love your channel for all the information.❤
I appreciate that!
So in point! Love all the information you share ❤
Thank you and sending a big hug back to you!
So glad!
Have a bright Sunday!
Something wasnt quite right so its the best for both of you. Best wishes! A person that was a high school chassmate which was pretty mean to me, passed away recently. Thanks for this video. Great one!
My husband has pulled away wanting a divorce. I know it’s nothing wrong with me but something he’s dealing with. We have a 2 year old daughter too. Even if he changed his mind and wanted to try again, the damage of him willing giving up on the marriage is a game changer. I don’t want to be with someone like that.
Always grateful for your wisdom and insight. Hope you are doing ok.
Thank you for your advice it helps a lot!❤❤ you and Marie!❤❤🙏🙏
So glad!
Hugs to you Jonathon. Time heals all. I Feel for you...Take care of yourself.
Love this, god is love, & he can comfort us, rejection is protection..
I have recently come across you and you are so wise and open-hearted!
I am listening to so much of your work now. I love what you said about grief. You have mentioned the death of your son at 19 - I’m so sorry. My son Grant died from cancer at 18. You give me hope that I can live with my grief and still participate in this life. Thank you! So glad I found your channel.
Sending light and love your way... we both belong to a crappy club. 😥
Followed that cycle and I’m here because my soulmate passed away not divorced. Luckily I found another widower. I’m still here because this is a process. Not as easy as it was when I was younger. We have so many more variables this time around. I’m just enjoying my time, not worrying about future, and so happy to be in love again and found someone who I love just as much as I had with my husband. That is a pure blessing. I believe that is what I have learned in this dating process. Almost 3 months in and happy.
This is why after having several bad relationships i have decided to make myself a happy mor whole version of myself. I had a couple long distance relationships and some in person relationships. In all of this ive decided to work on myself, and feel better, take care of my own needs and desires. Im rewarding myself for little and big moments.
I adore the fact that you are so well read.
I'm not that well read, but thank you 🙏
Sending you hugs & blessings of peace with deep healing❤
Wait what? Your relationship ended ? What happened Jonathan ? I hope you’re ok. ❤
Exactly! Dive in a conversation, no one is going to care about posting pic’s when there is no feelings involved anymore in the other person,
I'm sorry to hear your relationship has ended ❤
So sad to hear about the demise of your relationship. But something better is ahead, and that is worth looking forward to. Be well.
I'm sorry it didn't work out with you and Marie😢
This dating after a certain age is a bit messy?!
I've been single (no intimacy/sex) for seven years and put myself out on two dating sites! In two months, I've been on four dates, not bad?! Three of the four, I gave two dates to because I thought, "well, 'looks' and or chemistry wasn't there but I should give a chance because they are so nice"!
I finally" connected" with one guy! The lust factor and his personality got me! He made me laugh and laughed at my silliness! Anyhow, we've have had two dates (kissed on second date).
My problem (questionable actions) is he is not consistent with communication (the two dates were spur of the moment)!
He went out of town for three days and didnt text until late the second date "thinking of you"! I've not replied because here i am thinking that he's throwing breadcrumbs?!
What say you, Johnathan?
I wanna text back, "I don't recognize the number"! 😂
Don’t sleep with him and you’ll soon find out what his intentions are . Some guys are simply boys looking for a “good time “ real men will court you with or without sex involved .
Yes, he IS throwing breadcrumbs! Until he'll come back from his journey, to see what this little efforts did do to you, if you are still there and 'ready' for him. Veeery good idea to write 'who is it?' or somethind ;-) We know: when a guy likes you, he will be there, he wants to earn your interest. Love from Germany!
When the communication is open and honest, you get closure when they walk away. You walk away with love and gratitude.
Cannot replace the love that shape .for each other ... situation of coming home is matters .
Thank you for being so transparent. I love your take on grieving over a relationship that has ended. I needed to hear this! 🙏 Questions … could focusing on all the positive things in a relationship that ended make you sadder about the fact that it did not work out? Could it make you want to be with that person again knowing that there are strong enough reasons for the relationship to be over? I am sure that focusing on the negative does not help you to feel better. Can you make another video in which you discuss some of the best ways to navigate thru a painful break up? Specially, for those of us who can’t stop missing the the person regardless of what happened.
It would make me sad if I was bargaining it not to end or to get back together. Acceptance is the key
@@JonathonAslay I wish in my 20’s and 30’s I knew and applied exactly what you just said. Now I walk away with my pain.
Sometimes we live in the “meantime” & I think that it can be a stepping stone to greater things
Can you elaborate?
When I got divorced (my choice) I was a mess, lonely, in between things in my life, & trying to work on myself & it helped me to say, “ I m living in the meantime” a place that I left ,going to a place I wanted to be, I would meditate about it , drew a storyboard about it, draw pics about it, chanted about it, fantasized about it before bed ,be in the meantime & but also do the work & I found it worked in a lot of different aspects of my life, with relationships, when a loved one passed, my professional life etc… “in the meantime” but better things on the horizon ❤️ I wish you all the best
I should have said I did all that stuff about the place I wanted to be ( ex- a meaningful relationship)
Love story has many many reasons and many many meanings ..situation is a matters .the colour has remain remain as who you are ..
What???? Your relationship with Marie has ended?? Is there a video about this?? I’m more sad about yours ending than mine…. 😢
good information thank you..
what about if he's stopped all communication after a week of getting to know each other daily ,plans to meet ...poof gone..should I text and ask where's he's gone?
No actions speak louder 😢
I wouldn't.
Every single and married person over the age of 16 should see this video. Please make it viral!
Awe... thank you
I'm sorry to hear your relationship ended. Have a wonderful day and week 😊
I hope you find the reason why it didn't work out with Marie, and it makes you feel empowered and happy. Thank you for opening up to us, we women. Appreciate your input to help us finish this puzzle of dating life
Thank you so much!
Its a great morning
Been here for awhile now
8:36 8:39
Lol....I was trying but unable to post a comment earlier and for some reason those times were posted. I did not post them. 😂😹
Jonathon i dont know you but i follow your channel and comment but this is sad to see this . U both seemed so happy but it looked like marie was a commitment avoidant. I somrthimes think the commiment avoidants need to get together and the secure attachments would make the dating process a lot easier.
Lol bingo !
Wish i could afford ya. I got a big problem lol (did sub you though after 3 videos)
I believe in lesson learns though
I’ll stay and listen.
I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out. We have a hard time not blaming ourselves for at least being partly responsible for the demise. Sometimes it's better not to be under the same roof. Especially if one person really loves their partner, but might need some more personal space than their partner. It's not meant to imply that someone has done anything wrong. It's just what makes them feel comfortable, but couples need to discuss what they really want and be brutally honest about it.
Yes, and thank you 😊
Hello. I am a 62-year-old single lady. I am still fairly attractive. I can take care of myself, and I have a good friend who recently ghosted me so far going on three days. He has done this before. We have never ever had a sexual relationship because I put that down as a boundary in the beginning. Can someone help me understand why he is doing this? is it because I am not having a sexual relationship with him? He is very kind to me he helps me out with a lot of things. And generous with money, and I never asked for it, nor would I ever. Any kindness and helpful hints are appreciated here. thank you so much. 😊😊
Just found this wonderful channel and subscribed. Thank you 🙏 for your work!
When you say ghosted you, did you ask him out and he did not respond?
Ok so after 5 years of friends with benefits slash getting closer slash I think we are ok to out of nowhere slapped with we are done, I don’t want you and I say why? He says doesn’t have to be a reason why. Wth? So I’m left confused and not happy with that answer😢
Sorry Jonathon, I liked Marie also!! I'll be praying for you that the transition is a peaceful one..
You can't have a conversation with someone when they hide behind their cell phone, won't answer calls and just might respond via text. No thank you.
What happens when that person is a narcissist 😢😢😢
Run
Ditto! Are you certain they're a narcissist?
did they tell you they are a narcissist - if so, run like forest gump!
@@sherriflemming3218 yes I am all the personality traits are there am also graduate of psychology 3.0 student
😢 sad 😔,
Recently I was talking to a guy and this went on for about a month. I really dug him - until he would bring up
Sex. He would make some crass remark while texting that would literally piss me off and I would pull away. He made plans to see me but plans would fall through. He again made crass comments that offended me and I let it be known each time how I felt about the comments. There was even a time that this happened while texting and He called me and I cried I was so angry and hurt. Even after that he continued. Finally I got fed up and while on text, i said this was abusive and I couldn’t do it anymore, and he was offended and angry. This boggles my brain.
I did say I was into him. I did say that was we got to know each other, intimacy was on the table. I also let him know that I was not afraid of intimacy and not ever been accused of being boring. However, none of this seemed to help him work toward setting up spending real time together - instead he would continue with attempts at sexting
Not saying this is the case here but if you study Dr. Ramani, you will probably see similarities and look with new eyes at his behaviour. Also, study types of attachments - Sadia Khan. You need to be very careful out there, being vigilant and trained can save you years of pain and bad relationships. There is most likey nothing "wrong" with you, and nothing you could have done "better" to change the outcome with this particular person to lead to the loving relationship you deserve.
What happened with Marie?
You guys broke up??
Ummm no talk or words or about feelings? How is there hours of discussion about relationship & not a word about feeling?! As e e Cummings wrote, "since feeling is first, who pays any attention to the syntax of things, never to wholly kiss you ..."
You never said what mistake to avoid? 😢
Yes, I did...
So true Jonathan. I did nothing wrong to him at all. I miss the Man he used to be not the addicted man. He's a stranger. I wish him well. Been 20 months of no contact. I heard he's still the same way. I however need a book title from him that I gave him. Should I reach out Jonathan? No google knows nothing. It's a rare one. I just want to buy the book back. Any advice. I'm sorry to hear about you and Marie.i admired her alot. hope you can still be friends
Hi Jonathan
Have a *keeper. it's not a long relationship. He wants me to move in with a view of getting married within a year. He is open, honest, doing up a property he owns, and asking my advice re decor.
Thing is, he has organised a trip for 3 wks with a (male ) friend, theyve planned this for a year, since before I met him. Bad enough. Now he tells me his (married) brother wants to go on holidays abroad, as well as visiting here. I think that would be excessive; 3 weeks plus off with a guy, then another long holiday with his brother in the same 6 months we are just getting off the ground as a couple.
Would it be reasonable to put a limit on this holidaying with everyone else, or would that be like a control freak. He has only one brother, no children.
We were intimate, he says he's gonna come see me again Lives a couple hours away. He can't even call me He will text me, but I wanna talk. He's a TikTok influencer. Does stupid stuff stupid videos? I asked him to call me instead of calling me. I get to watch him doing these stupid videos all day and feel like an idiot Elvis. Impersonations..😡 I said it would feel really good if you could call me . Instead, I watch him doing elvis impersonations and acting dumb just to get attention🤡