If you enjoyed this video, please consider checking out my debut xenofiction novel, Winter Without End: www.fenrispublishing.com/winter A post-apocalyptic story told through the eyes of a dog, Winter Without End follows a Labrador retriever who, after being abandoned by his human family in the aftermath of a devastating pandemic, makes an uneasy alliance with a wounded wolf in order to survive.
You telling me that disney bought the rites of all books they choose this lunatic who seem like who became a xenofic writer like 6 months ago.?! Something is not right here. Even im bad at writing i wonder if i could get a fortune from disney.
@@AdumbroDeus wait what? All I know ftom this series comez from this vid but can you explain how the birds not eating insects and having that blow up in their face is a christian parable?
To a certain extent I have to respect the massive balls it takes to end your story with "Because of a decision made in the last book, the world goes to shit and is running straight into the apocalypse, but then humans decide to nuke everything, but the rapture comes before that can happen." I was starting to think I understood just how bad the books were, and then you hit us with that in the 11th hour.
I once read a book series that I found interesting, but in the fifth book everything went to shit out of seemingly nowhere, almost every character died. The first books were actually okay, but that fifth was odd
I really think the author missed out on not giving the villains a "survival of the fittest" mentality, especially considering that the whole idealogy of the Nazis was that certain groups of people were inferior and deserved to eradicated. What if Slyekin was abandoned by his parents and had to resort to eating his sibling in order for him to survive, and this could be his start of darkness, justifying his cruel acts in the name of survival. Then, his superiority complex could be because he perceives corvids as superior to others birds due to their intelligence, and sought to wipe their natural competitors out. As for Traska, rather than just bloodthirsty psychopath, he's someone who wants to be in control, so it was easy for him to subject to Slyekin's ideology. It makes sense, too, since a lot of military leaders are driven by ambition and dreams of domination. But rather than take inspiration from what the actual motivations and ideology of Nazis entailed, Woodall just thought "Well they're evil, and Nazis are evil, so why not just make Bird Hitler?"
To add, a major part of why average, everyday Germans fell into the Nazi ideology was because the then-Weimar Empire was incredibly decadent for the generally libertine/sexually liberal upper classes, while ignoring the struggles of your average low/middle class German worker who struggled with inflation, reparations for the previous World War, and a huge amount of loss and anger at being made subservient to the other countries around it. Otherwise extremist ideologies like Naziism would have been unappealing to regular people who saw other ways out of their situation. Something similar could have happened with the Magpie/Crow group, a dominating group of "leaders" who ignore real problems within their own peoples to flit after hedonism, and a frustrated underclass who finally turn to Slyekin to get them the results they feel they deserve?
@@Runescape12345 maybe the corvids could be resentful that their leaders aren’t doing anything useful with their species’ collective intelligence + tools. Intelligent animals need stimulation and challenge, after all.
I like to think of corvids realizing that they're so intelligent that they have the capacity to conquer the world, or at least, use it as a means to become the dominant species. That's probably what would motivate Slyekin's minions to support him. They don't want to just eat and survive. They want to be like humans, living beyond their nature.
They could've even made him a cuckoo bird and have him be placed in a crows nest, which happens a lot. Then, he could see crows and other corvids as possibly being superior after something like the other siblings almost managed to kick him out of the best before he managed to get the parents attention and beat them out, maybe he even killed and ate them so he would survive. He would have a reason to start off as everything being survival of the fittest, add some irony to him leading corvids to comitting genocide, and if the author wants things to be extra human, make them be focused on killing other birds because the crows raised him and made him think that other birds were worse off out of anger of him killing the crows actual chicks, so they bullied and attacked him out of grief and spite, making him believe their words out of a desire to be loved and to fit in, which just makes him even more violent, which is something that happens to a lot of people who go down the red pill pipeline.
Your rant on scavengers is SO valid, as a zoology major it’s incredibly disheartening to see the stigma surrounding them. They’re super important to the ecosystems they inhabit, it’s honestly amazing how many people don’t realize that. Been binging your channel recently, your videos are top notch. Keep up the great work!
They portrayed crows as stupid!? The birds that can use very primitive tools and environment to get food? Those that can observe and analyze human behavior and movement so they can snatch food without risk? Those that can pay the humans for food with shiny objects they find? My god that author is stupid.
@@1unartic thats a big jump from the original comment's topic :D The genius of Harry Potter's writing was that JK got that "something" that appealed to kids and young teens, something both fantastical and relatable, a fantasy world hidden within real world which was a trope previously popular with some fables/franchises (Peter Pan, Neverending Story) but freshed out and more crafted to early 2000s audiences. In short- she made kids read books again, while that stuff was also enjoyable to many adults, especially those who didn't read many books, or more accurately- fantasy books, giving them a new option for escapism. HP books aren't good fantasy books and should never be a standard to measure the genre to. But if you as a writer want your book to sell well- you gotta read and understand the appeal of HP. To a lesser extend Stephen King, but I'm not into his books so I can't share much opinion on them.
@@yobob591 If you watched the extended cut you'd know that he escaped to Argentina and became an ice cream vendor, truly an inspiring story of redemption
Birds are the last survivor dinos and it makes me sad not one author has used that as a mythos base. Nothing said "y'all pissed off the gods" like the fall of dinos
If birds knew what their ancestors were, they'd be insufferably smug. I bet different species of birds would wage a religious war against each other, since some birds would be considered "lesser beings" based on what dinosaur they think they evolved from. I bet they'd look down on us for being monkeys.
@@meghanarao8687 At least Scourge didn't murder his own followers. Heck, when he was trying to take over the forest he gave the clans three days to just leave rather than fight to the death. Mapleshade though is stuck somewhere between Friday the 13th's Pamela Vorhees and Darth Sidious.
@@amandap7733 Thanks! I went by the logic that the first one is usually a mary sue and the second one is their mate (Data gathered from several youtube videos of people reviewing their old OCs)
The fact that just about the only scene the author bothers to write in any level of detail is an extremely graphic rape scene, following up on that by making the victim a character consumed by revenge and then having it mean nothing as she gets torn apart without accomplishing anything… I think it tells me enough about what he prioritizes in his writing
And instead, it would be possible to give a different trauma without resorting to shock value. Well, if I were writing, the female loses her tail entirely plucked by Traska. A long tail is one of the defining features of a magpie, and losing the tail feathers would be like shaving women bald during WW2. Another thing is that magpies are not mallards and treat members of the species with respect.
52:06 I know this is completely irrelevant to the whole of the video but.. in TLK, they don’t discriminate against hyenas because they scavenge. They do because they’re lions. Lions and hyenas are natural enemies irl. It’s not explained in the movie why the lions don’t want the hyenas in the pride lands but it’s easy to assume that they just hate them because lions just don’t like hyenas. The only moment I can recall where one of the good guys talk down to hyenas is when Zazu calls them “mangy poachers.” Honestly, Scar, the hyenas’ supposed pal, talks more shit about them than any other character. Mufasa never said anything bad about them. He beats them up but doesn’t talk down to them. Sorry. Huge Lion King nerd. I have that movie memorized. Back on topic, fantastic video. Your breakdown on the importance of prose is really well done. Prose is so hard to get right and I rarely see many people actually explain what it’s purpose is and how to do it correctly. And your breakdown about verisimilitude and suspensions belief is great! Not only did you teach me a new word, you did a way WAY better job explaining the importance of building believability in the world itself than I ever could. I’ve tried so many times in the past to explain that distinction but could never get it worded right. Now I’ll just refer to this vid because you do such a great job!
I have to make a small respectful redirect about The Lion King. The characterization of Hyenas in the movie is just as unrealistic and affected by human culture idealizations as those of the other animals. Hyenas are not incompetent hangers-on IRL as depicted in the film, they are top predators exploiting a niche adjacent to the lion's, and they stay out of each other's way for the most part because each can be lethal to the other. There is some poaching in either direction, as with other competing predators, but conflicts are equal since the hyenas balance their smaller size with larger pack sizes and better social cooperation within the pack.
I think the biggest characteristic of the hyenas is indirectly related to what Mufasa taught Simba about the circle of life: it's all about balance, as even carnivores like lions walk on the same field as prey like antelopes, both will become food for one another at one time. Hyenas in TLK on the other hand don't care about balance, just to fill their bellies whenever they feel the slight sense of hunger, that's one of the reasons the Pride Lands suffered in the years of Scar ruling over, cuz the hyenas were in much greater number and eating more than "allowed" for ecological balance, which drove every animal to run away, consequentially lowering the prey available (that and a severe drought, apparently). So the reason for other animals to despise hyenas is justifiable in that sense.
@@jimrodarmel8512 it is implied that hyenas hunt animals in the film though. They hunted all the zebras and what not in the area they controlled until there were almost none left
@@Purplesquigglystripe When Scar and Sarabi have an argument about sending out a hunting party, it's implied the lions are the one hunting, they were just forced by Scar and the Hyenas to overhunt to feed all the hyenas, when the hyenas complain about the lack of food Scar says 'it's the lionesses' job to do the hunting' and the hyena replies 'well, they won't go hunt!' implying everyone was just relying on them for food, not the hyenas hunting themselves
I know I'm late to the party, but there's a children's bird xenofiction trilogy written by a kid herself. The first book is called Swordbird, the prequel is called Sword Quest, and the sequel is Sword Mountain, written by Nancy Yi Fan. I reread the original and the prequel recently, and while you can definitely tell they're written by a kid, it's still got its charm. It might be fun to check out!
I borrowed Swordbird from a library as a kid. While the story isn't perfect, the prose was amazing and I remember being invested in it and learned a lot about swords.
That bonkers ending to the second book kinda tells me "I don't wanna make this a whole franchise so I'm just gonna give it the most definitive ending ever but I didn't have time to think about it so, uh, wolf ghost apocalypse".
As someone passionate for both biology and art, this piece of literary toilet paper inspires me to write my own xenofiction, cause if someone can screw up a story about birds this badly, I'm sure I'd be able to come up with a more coherent and engaging piece from scratch.
48:41 Reminds me of Over The Garden Wall. A bird character uses the phrase "wash my hands of this whole affair", and it's actually foreshadowing that the bird was a person who got turned into a bird. Don't make wild animals know what sleeves and die are for no reason. These birds could've like, lived in a park where humans show up sometimes. Wouldn't have changed that much.
I could accept a bird knowing what dice are, since they collect small objects. I've literally seen a video of a raven stealing a die while someone was trying to take a photo of a dice set they'd made. The part that makes no sense at all is the phrases like "up my sleeve". Even if the birds could theoretically understand what a sleeve was from observing humans, they have no reason to refer to it in a possessive format. It would be "A" sleeve, not "MY" sleeve, since it's something they don't use.
Note to self: Write hamster xenofiction that's partly a spiteful spit at hamster owners that think they're super UwU cutiewuties that can do no wrong and thinks all reptiles should go extinct. Instead of the reality that's closer to them being almost like real life Skavens.
I've never had a hamster or any tiny furry pets (Thank God child me and my parents wouldn't know about proper care!) But I did watch hamster hell when I was like 10 so this interests me!! Reminds me of hamster hell 2! (No real hamsters used its all claymation!)
so much infant cannibalism. I only briefly interacted with a hamster my brother was temporarily taking care of while its actual owners moved houses and it was a little biting asshole with penchant of destroying its living space
i once dreamed i was a hamster who lived in a brutal society of feral hamster living in the desert that was at war with another hamster society. i was caught spying on our enemies and imprisoned in disused tupperwear. i had this dream when i was 10 and it haunts me to this day
The writing style makes me think that woodall has like no imagination or "inner eye", he can't visualize what's going on so they have to write it all out in detail, because if he can't then the reader surely can't. Some passages you showed are like rough drafts for a script, not a novel. I'll admit I'm terrible at writing, I can't get the ideas in my head on paper, but even I was cringing at the lines he wrote. Yet at the same time, he comes out of nowhere with insane plot points that make no sense and give the series the most anticlimactic ending ever. It's a work of art
He might have aphantasia, yeah. In which case learning why it’s difficult to show not tell would help, because then it won’t be writing in a certain way for reasons you don’t know, it’ll be “This is what makes sense for me and readers like me” I say this as someone who has some degree of aphantasia, and find more flowery “show don’t tell” prose confusing to incomprehensible. Also felt a few of the “bad” prose examples from the What Makes Good Prose? section to be pretty good. It’s not as flowery but it gets the descriptions across just fine. And for people with a difficulty imagining images, that can help a lot.
@@DeathnoteBB I have prety much severe aphantasia and I find interesting, evocative language compelling. I tend to rely on it for mood I think “Show don’t tell” isn’t as much about flowery landscape descriptions but more about… conveying feelings and mood through scenes and actions.(creating tiny, simple puzzles that help keep the reader engaged) You might not be able to fully visually imagine someone shaking or their eyes getting glossy or whatever but you understand it. For me it’s more engaging than „he was sad beyond believe” ect… To each their own, ofc but I’m not sure it is a question of aphantasia
@@Ivyzord I disagree, I don't "get" what those mean at all, because someone's eyes can get glossy for any number of reasons, people can avoid eye contact for any number of reasons, a lot of the extreme "show don't tell" examples come across as completely incomprehensible and unclear, not "more engaging". In fact it throws me out of the story. Writing should be about communicating to the reader, not showing off your epic prose skillz.
@@robokill387 Alright, like I said, to each their own. It is not up to me what literature is or should be about. The point I wanted to make was about aphantasia. Conditions probably influence but don’t fully dictate preferences for writing style.
I'm a writer with aphantasia, and that prose also made me cringe. The explanation the prose being closer to a script than an actual story is a good one - your script bullet points that character x feels sad, and your prose digs into character x feeling sad, without needing to say the line "character x felt sad." Trying to argue that it's a visualization problem in some ways misses the sheer scope of this idea, for example, there are a bunch of instances in the quoted sections of the text where there's an extra adjective next to the dialogue tag that makes the prose weaker over all ("Thank you," said Traska. "That wasn't too painful now, was it?" reads a lot more fluidly than "...said Traska wickedly." and we can pretty clearly figure out the tone that supposed to be read in by both prior context, and that Traska says to kill her two sentences later. 12:48 ). Likewise, as Cardinal points out at around 54:58, writing in this "style" takes a ton of interesting ideas to explore and then just brushes past them. Some of these passages would be entire chapters in a better work, with the time to go into the depth the ideas on display offer. TLDR: This isn't a visualization problem. It's a craft/writing problem.
This book is sold at one of my local supermarkets. Everytime my mum takes me shopping, we go to the book section to see if anything is new, and I point out this book to her, saying "Oh, that's the crow-rape book, why is it in the kid's section?" Edit: It's kinda confusing that you used a picture of an Aussie magpie in the video, half the time I was asking myself "Wait, are these Australian magpies in the book or European?" It's small but Aus magpies aren't corvids, so it matters, if only slightly.
@@naranara1690 I'd hope so, it's like mistaking a hyena for a coyote or something. I wouldn't want to be caught doing something like that, but you know what they say, "Different strokes for different folks, and some of these folks may have had strokes."
i actually really liked some of the character names in this book, I think the name traska goes so hard. and then the same guy goes and names his continents "birddom" and "wingland" WHAT
I actually read this as a kid (yes, legally a child.) and I find it fascinating. Probably because 1. It was translated so the prose issue was partially fixed and 2. I was a kid, so that issue flew over my head completely. I, however, never got over the rapture ending because I'm not raised in a christian society and the rapture is a VERY foreign concept to me. I was left very... very confused. Thank you for this video. now I know why it left me with an unsatisfying taste.
42:37-42:45 See also Simba in “The Lion King”, who is kind and brave and smart in his own way and makes friends really easily…but is also impulsive, prone to indolence and hedonism, prefers to ignore/run away from his problems unless he absolutely has to confront them, is gullible when told what he wants to hear, and has massive insecurities whenever he thinks about having to live up to his father Mufasa.
This prose reminds me of the backstories I wrote as a thirdteen year old for my Neopets. There is a reason I chose visual art instead of writing. It appears I did more research about the animals I was writing about back then, than this author ever did.
As someone who's _still_ trying to write backstories for my Neopets, prose is still something I struggle with, especially when it comes to the character limit on pet lookups. Feels like there's no room to do anything but quickly summarize.
@@LendriMujina Yall are making me feel old af but I gotta admit, I too am still using my neopets as placeholders for OC designs in my stories and constantly working on backstories and plots for all of them even though most are literally older than my friends' (both irl and those met on neo decades ago) actual legit KIDS at this point 😂 Seriously, do you have a facebook or a discord or something to be able to talk with you?? I had no idea I wasn't alone in never outgrowing this lmao
Tbh I love that even though you're writing for Neopets (entirely fictional animals that are made up) you still did more research than an author writing a book about actual existing birds. Kudos to you! I bet your stories were immensely enhanced by the research cos learning that stuff always helps with versimilitude
You NEED to talk about Wolves of the Beyond. The prose in that storyline is much more haunting and ethereal than all of Kathryn Lasky's books in Owls of Ga'hoole.
YES!! I am very curious about Cardinal's take on those books. I think he might have some irritations around some behaviors and lore being dropped (such as the coalition between wolves and ravens being mentioned in one chapter in the first book, then being completely ignored for the rest of the series), but hopefully will be okay with it.
Oh my god yeah, i read wolves as a kid and it was too complex to truly grasp for me at the time but i’ve been meaning to reread it, the world building is amazing
The fact that _the very first passage_ you show from this book is an owl getting shamed for its human fetish is making me scared of what comes next 💀 Edit: oh it’s a different book, thank _god._
That's actually from a completely different book lol: ruclips.net/video/qzdvUcDfdGo/видео.html ruclips.net/video/Q_OE4G7zihg/видео.html The book also contains (TW for the same stuff though) -Their own bird Hltler (complete with the phrase "Final Solution") -Owl politics (Owl democracy, Owl feminism, the words democracy, feminism, and progressive are used for what is supposed to be a pre-technology society) -Owl s3x workers -The protagonist almost r*ping his love interest -The antagonist's goal being to sleep with as many female owls as possible -The human fetish Owl attempting to have s3x with a human -gay Owl poets Not to mention the human fetish owl scene being incredibly homophobic with the protagonist fearing that the human fetish Owl was gay and talking about how unnatural being gay is
@@Wince_Media _w h a t_ Those are faaaaar too many sentences that the word “owl” should never be attached to 😭 irl owls aren’t nearly motivated enough for all this lmao
I agree completely on the importance of prose. Nowadays too many books try to imitate movies, being written like screenplays, and not good ones. Or the prose is overly simple, stuff that would make Dick and Jane say “add some variety.” Prose is how we experience the story in a book, much like how good cinematography and acting are what carry a story in movies, good prose is what carries and conveys the story in books. People are needlessly scared of writing “purple prose”.
If I had a nickel for every time I heard of a book that involves bird Nazis, I would have two nickels which isn't a lot but it's strange it happened twice.
Another one about romance. Some animals do tend to mate for life. Including foxes. So Todd feeling affection for his mates is realistic. As fox couples tend to live together and raise their children. Most bird species tend to be with their mate and live together so “romance” makes some sense.
This is hands down one of the best critiques of bad writing, not only do you explain why it's bad in detail you don't rely on being overly critical to get the point across.
This is such a good video. You dont just say that somthing is badly written you say why and give good explantions that even someone who is not experinced in writing can understand. You also give great analogies that tie to popular media so its easier to understand. Also you give ways to fix it and actually put effort into them instead of half ass solutions. You make great videos that are totally underrated. You deserve alot more attention then you get, these are some of the best literature analysis on youtube.
Agreed. I've listened to/watched hundreds and hundreds of writing videos on YT, and there are some goods ones. But this is on another level. Cardinal West teaches by showing, not telling.
As someone who finished his university degree in Literature... this first segment about prose made me question my writing in such a gut wrenching way, I had to pause the video for a minute. But hey, such is life I guess ^^' I prefer questioning my own skills rather than never learn and progress. (English is only my second language btw)
I getcha I've written 60 pages of a book I'm working on Then I watch this video and realize I need to start from scratch because those 60 pages are klunky as a Tinman that needs oiling
@Bear Bear Tan Thank you, I'm working hard to get better every day. I definitely struggle with my accent. Some words are not easy to pronounce right when your face muscles are not used to them ^^'
I have a fantasy worldbuilding document in which I just dump lore when Im bored. I try not to take it too seriously, but honestly I was also sweating a bit by the end of that segment thinking about my prose
I recently read a great sci fi book called Children of Time and Children of Ruin. In hindsight they are perfect xenofiction as the animal societies follow a very logical path as the intelligence of the species increases. They aren’t humans with spider features, they are spiders who developed biotechnology to work with their physiology and neurology.
I have no idea how I found this video, nor did I realise I'd be watctching a 90 minute breakdown of what I can only conclude is a secret fanfiction attempt at writing xenofiction that somehow got published...but I stayed because I loved your breakdown of what works and doesn't work, as well s your incongruity about the story. This was an interesting ride, thank you.
The magpies where I live are some of the friendliest, empathetic creatures I’ve ever seen. They literally befriended the contemporary crows, ravens, and northern flickers, creating a multi-species flock of corvids. While they certainly can be the glue that holds the foundation of different corvid species’ cooperation, it’s certainly not a system of domination, but, well, cooperation.
Man, that bit about birds just using human expressions brought me back to the few times I got to review student works for my community college's creative writing magazine. I don't even remember anything else about this one piece, I just remember being completely launched out of somebody's slightly edgy, fanfic-y, written-by-a-14-year-old-y story about a wild wolf pack. Basically, in response to something, one of the wolf characters quips about being "out of the frying pan and into the fire", and it just hit me like a truck. Also remember something in there about saying "pedal to the metal" instead of "hurry up", and I just got really frustrated by how lazy and unimaginative it was. I really wanted it to turn into a weird joke or something, like another wolf was gonna ask "Hey, what's a frying pan?", but naw, fuck it. The wolves know what frying pans are and how the gas pedal works in a car because *I* know what those things are, and I can't be bothered to consider how somebody different from me might speak, think, or behave. Caring about those things is for chumps; I just made them all wolves because I want my self-insert to be a wolf, because wolves are rad.
I just want to say: I find myself re-watching this video several times. The genre is not even relevant (though you have convinced me to read 2 xenofiction books in your other videos). This is simply one of the best advice and instruction on creative writing of all the videos I have seen on RUclips. You make things wonderfully clear. I have recommended this video to several people who tried creative writing but had trouble understanding some of the aspects you touch upon in this video. I'm going to buy your book and read it. If you practice what you preach even half as well, it will be a good read I think.
ohhh my gosh, the plotlines in both of these books just have me shocked. especially everything involving tomar’s plan with the insects, it’s so bad lmao. loved your xenofiction vid and loved this one just as much, was happily surprised to see you go into more depth on this one in particular. great work!
I have seen crows once pick at a dead hedgehog on a mud track at the edge of an industrial estate. My firend has pushed the hedgehog off the road so it would not get run over by any cars come end of day rush hour. He thought he was doing the crows a favour with that, so they could keep eating without having to dodge cars. When we walked past that spot again two hours later, the hedgehog was again on the road, the crows pulled it right into the middle of the tire marks, ready to get pulped by the cars for easier pickings. It's almost symbiotic.
“With the skies clouded with famine, I could feed not my nest any longer.” Would that be a good prose for describing how a budgie or a quacker parrot would react to a swarm of locusts?
35:25 GRRM actually gives a backstory for that, by the way. When Tywin was a kid, his father Tytos Lannister (the ill-prepared third son of Lord Gerold Lannister and Rohanne Webber of Coldmoat, himself the second son of Lord Damon Lannister and Cerissa Brax of Hornvale) was treated as a punchline due to his weak and flaccid nature. And that made Tywin mistrust the idea of being laughed at.
He was also a king who wanted to make everyone happy, thus was taken advantage of constantly No doubt a main factor in Tywin associating good with weakness and true power with ruthlessness
Corvids don't just show some level of empathy to their own. The will peck at the ice around duck's feet until they are free, they will 'bully' a hedgehog until it reaches the other side of the road, they will pick up sticks and rocks to play fetch with wolves, they bring gifts and are friendly to humans who fed and are kind to them. And as a girl who loved crows to death, I'm offended at this book's simplistic portrayal of their family. Sure corvids can be bullies, thieves, and opurtunistic eaters, eating meat and eggs if they can. But they'll just as quickly sled down a hill on a piece of plastic or swoop at those who look like a threat to their friends.
52:00 There is an animated series based on The Lion King called The Lion Guard that touches on the idea of predators and prey in some episodes. It doesn't go into any detail, but it at least acknowledges that predators prey on animals, which have been shown speaking in other episodes. It also does a pretty good job of letting some antagonists become good guys, while others don't. It all comes down how well they respect the Circle of Life, meaning that you take only what you need. Actually, I really like the Lion Guard. I'll have to rewatch it sometime.
The thing that confuses me the most is how the author chose to portray crows. Everything else is bad, sure, but the *reason* crows and ravens are famous is because of their *intelligence*
10:55 "Now that the time for parting had come, Kirrick felt sad to be leaving the owl. He had very quickly grown fond of Tomar, and had cherished the companionship and the comfort it gave, after such a long period of terror. Kirrick felt daunted by what lay ahead of him, and, not for the last time in his journerying, began to consider himself inadequeate to the task. But he knew that, once started, the adventure itself would carry him on, and would give him little time for such doubts. Survival itself would be enough to think about. His journery to find Darreal would be long and arduous, through unfamiliar territory, and Kirrick wondered what sort of reception he would get at the end of it all." I'm going to attempt to rewrite this using that "show, don't tell" rule of prose since I need practice and this isn't very good. (Side note: I didn't get far beyond this point in the video at the time of writing this and have never read this book, so the setting may be wrong.) "Now that the time for parting had come, Kirrick let his head fall lower than normal, a creeping feeling of what was to come. He hesitated to leave for a moment, his talons stuttering on the branches. Kirrick moved along with reluctant steps and looked to the sky with dreary eyes. 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯? He hoped that the trials of survival ahead would distract him from such doubts. Kirrick then imagined the piercing eyes of the eagle at the end of the road, causing him to shiver." Not entirely show, but I did my best. I'm still an amateur writer that's learning the ropes, and "show, don't tell" and brevity are the hardest for me.
I feel the biggest exception to the show don't tell rule is all of H.P. Lovecraft's stories. Dude doesn't know how to keep something short despite writing primarily short stories but damn does he tell it well. It's overly flowery, explains basically everything by the end, and even what is described can usually be summed as so terrifying it defies description, but for some reason it reads with such fervor that it's still fun to read. For me at least.
your "non-humans shouldn't do/reference human things" point makes me really happy this is actually a thing and not just some minor thing that's bugged me every time a writer describes a non-human with very human words (i actively search out a lot of media with robots and you have no idea how many "the robot shivered" i've seen.)
I do think it somewhat varies by story. Like if you're writing non-human characters, but in like, a disney robin hood or zootopia type way, where they're human-like in a lot of ways or live in a society very similar to ours, using human idioms is less of an issue due to the high level of anthropomorphism and them having stuff like clothes or cars or swords and thus would use those in phrases, idioms etc Whereas if they're less human like, either physically, mentally or with their society, they shouldn't have human phrases/idioms etc In a world like zootopia, phrases like "a trick up my sleeve" or "play your cards right" or "when life gives you lemons" wouldn't be out of place, but if its a world like watership down it wouldn't make any sense at all for the rabbits to say those things or even know what the objects/items referenced in the idioms are
I genuinely feel like this video finally kinda made it click for me how Show dont Tell works. Like, idk if it's weird to attribute it to this to you, but after watching this I found myself actually pinpointing a few instances of really good "showing" in some of the books I was reading. So big thanks for the examples you used here! I found them very illuminating.
I kinda scoffed when you said "Show, don't tell," and I'm like, "But all you can do with prose is Tell..." But then you came back around and said "Don't explain the subtext". That makes sense. More sense than saying "Show don't tell" in reference to prose.
I felt a similar way. "Show don't tell" has never made sense to me, because how do you tell a story without telling? But this explanation, with examples, made things make much more sense
Honestly, when he said that. I understood the technique way more than someone else could have. Rewritting the proses in my draft, taking out the unecessary redundancy as I follow his tip has improved my writing tremendously
30:23 Slyekin having an EVIL LIMP makes you appreciate just how dedicated “A Song of Ice and Fire” is to smashing the Seven Hells out of the “disability/deformity as a sign of evil and malice” trope.
More like: "You can't just have your characters announce how they feel!" I yelled. Body's trembling gradually increase in intensity. Brows furrowed down that it can poke my eyes. My hands clenched into fists, aching for violence. I gritted my teeth. My reddened face starts to puffing out smoke as a disembodied kettle whistle started hissing an ear-piercing volume. Me, when told but not shown:
I don't know this channel, I don't know this book. I'm just along for the ride and want to write out my appreciation for the phrase "Just giving us a Wikipedia article on their war crimes" in reference to evil magpies.
*Garfield: His 9 Lives* was under the file of childhood trauma I'd forgotten.. The fact that particular, incredibly dark, episode within the story is based off of *Plague Dogs* is... Something. *Plague Dogs*- The book so dark the author re-wrote the ending to provide *some* hope.. And write himself into the story. Because why not at that point. And take a pop at his other light, cheery children's book... *Watership Down* .
Honestly, really glad to hear someone else talk about Garfield and His Nine Lives. Was beginning to think I was the only one who remembered that was a thing
This is such a wonderful guide on 'how to *not* ruin your story,." In depth yet concise. One for Sorrow, Two for Joy on the other paw, yeeeeaaaah.. I've not read it myself, but dear sane animal gods, that book sounds horrendous. Especially the end of the second book, just wow, lol. The comparison with the Nazis all the way through was Apropos, "I wrote myself into a corner with this disaster, so screw it, everyone dies, the world dies too" Nuance is far too hard for some people apparently, I could feel your justified frustration all the way through. If I ever write a xenofiction story, I will keep these notes close. Thanks for your great work!
This is so bad that I could write something up in minutes at literally 5am and it would be better. You know what? Sure, let's do this. Keep in mind, it's probably horrible. - Diamond winced, violently flapping her wings as snow dappled her beak. She shook her head as she ducked to the cover of a nearby bush. Her gaze lifted to the murky, darkly clouded skies above. The chill caught at her feathers, the air unusual icy. The brick forest was eerily silent, as if spring would never return. Diamond let out a bitter caw. The silence shattered as others joined her calls. Her siblings, echoing a mix of confusion, annoyance and laughter in return. "It's just a bit of snow, dear." Glimmer's chuckles seemed uncontrollable. Diamond rolled her eyes and beat her wings again. Like Glimmer could talk, if it was rain she'd be long gone. Her dear older sister was like that. It was when a blurry of black and white passed the branches of her hiding place that she knew she'd had caught his attention as well. "Is everything alright, Diamond?" Nettle tilted his head as he pushed his break through the foliage. Diamond could have sworn she saw a playful glint in his eye and she groaned in frustration. "I'm fine." She grumbled, nudging the other magpie away with a few flicks of her wing. "Go bother Glimmer or find Copper or something."
You know you've done something wrong when Skeletor actually feels like a compelling villain compared to yours. At least his explicit obsession with evil is more comical than physically painful.
What's most ironic about the vilification of scavengers is that human meat consumption in modern societies is far closer to scavenging than to hunting. When we go into a supermarket, we don't buy live animals to tear apart ourselves, we buy dead meat. All the more baffling that we would see it as bad when animals do it...
Learning the rules teaches you how to most effectively break them. Shoutouts to disability = evil in one single throwaway sentence that adds nothing and doesn't matter. ...You know I was going to snark about some things like it being a halfassed excuse because the author just really wanted to write about bird rape for some reason, but the book ending with bird rapture really just explains a lot, actually. Enjoyed the discussion of writing craft. Seems to be something I don't see much, but maybe I just hadn't found the right corner of youtube until now.
For a moment I wondered if what the birds called "continent" could just been a big island, (like how in _The People the Time Forgot_ the cavemen talked about the island they lived in as if it was the whole world) wich would make more realistic that a council of only 12 owls ruled over the entire territory... but then I remembered that a lot of birds are migratory, so they should be even more aware than humans of how big the world is, so is just an oversight by the author
When it comes to xenofiction I think one of the most fascinating examples I've encountered is in the game Golden Treasure: The Great Green, where you play as a dragon. It's amazing reading about how dragons perceive other creatures and their culture when speaking to each other.
This video was great. Thoughtful writing advice, fantastic breakdown of what was wrong with the prose. I loved how you even gave examples of how the author could've improved what he wrote, and how other narratives would've been harmed by using a similiar prose structure. I downright cringed reading some of the samples you used, as they reminded me of how I used to write when I wrote fanfiction in middle school. Thanks for the great vid West.
Regarding the importance of prose - This video really made me appreciate the video lectures on writing my mom had me watch as a kid. I don't remember what the course was called, but it was taught by a guy who basically would challenge students to think of more descriptive synonyms for ordinary words. "Said" became "whispered", "relayed", or "shouted", "saw" became "noticed", "watched", or "spotted", etc. The point of this wasn't just to create a clearer picture, but to help lessen the amount of words needed to explain what was happening to the reader. He also taught why lines like "Call me Ishmael" stand out and have impact, why the way a writer organises facts and details can actually change the meaning of those facts and details, and how to make your writing illustrative, instead of just informative. He also made the same point about repetitive word use, which was another reason to challenge students to come up with new words for the same ideas. One really useful trick I think I learned from him (my memory's a little foggy on this) was to read every sentence you write out loud. If it doesn't sound right or flow well, if you stumble over any of the words, rewrite, move some words, switch out for some better synonyms, add some alliteration or contractions, etc. to adjust the rhythm until it reads just right. Books are symphonies, sentences are songs, words are notes, and punctuation marks are musical notation. Everyone has a different taste in music, and writers are going to have their own prose, but off-key is still off-key. I learned a ton from those videos, and they still influence my writing two whole decades later.
I completely forgot these books existed. I remember when I was a wee lassy grabbing the first book and being totally enamored by the cover art and concept (I loved avian xenofiction). Had a tough time getting into the first few chapters, then I managed to lose it while on a walkabout, and felt some remorse that I hadn't given it a proper chance. Now I'm glad I left it on a stump somewhere for the elements to claim. What a mess! Do you have plans to examine the Guardians of Ga'hoole series?
@@CardinalWest It's one of those series that starts out intriguing and nuanced but grows progressively convoluted and far-fetched. Soooort of like "Warriors" but with owls: not bad, but not good. That said, I think there are a lot of folks out there who would appreciate your take on the series if you want to take a jab at the rest of the books on a rainy day.
@@CardinalWest I don’t know if you have any plans to cover “Broken Wings”, the third book in the Birddom series, because all I know about it is that it exists.
@@johnvinals7423 I wasn't even aware there were more, but I just googled it and the first link has the description "Two herons, corrupted by many forms of lust." I think I'll pass lol... though I must admit I _am_ curious how (if) Woodall's prose has improved.
I’d argue all the rabbit villains in Watership Down have more depth to them than the protagonists in One For Sorrow. Apart from Woundwort having an actually understandable motive (it’s worth mentioning that his mother’s death by weasels comes after his idiot father pissed off a farmer so badly the guy killed both Woundwort’s dad and all his siblings, which then led to him and his mother traveling and so being found by the weasels. The fact his whole family’s death was explicitly caused by not being cautious enough around humans, you can see how things got to the point they did), all the rabbits under him have believable motivations beyond just “cus dey ebil”. You’ve got the likes of Campion, a more or less decent guy who’s basically victim to his own sense of loyalty. Groundsel, who’s pretty much just one of the bad guys because that’s where he was born, and that’s just what you do. Even the likes of Vervain, who’s admittedly a bullying bastard, isn’t cartoonishly evil. He’s just a dickhead who likes throwing his weight around, and happily works with the oppressive system to build his own power base. I don’t know, I just really love Watership Down.
HOW did I miss this?! (OMG this was postedl iterally the day I helped puppies get born so i had been up alll night long on the 24th so tired and aboslutely drained) Been so excited to hear you do a full video on this monstrosity and I'm so glad the time had finally come. Poor trees had to die for this…! Lol Unfortunately there is a sequel to this. Yes; a SEQUEL. Oh nevermind, you already knew XD Your passages are such an improvement by the way. I’d pay you to rewrite the entire book, to be completely honest! On another note...This has made me more aware of my wirting skills, and I am worried about my WIP. I'm afraid my prose isn't very good. I feel I over-describe things, basically, and I fear I ramble too much. I hope this essay will help me find my footing and keep on writing.
A lot of the excerpts you read sound like stuff I wrote as a little kid, just with better grammar... The fact that this is a published novel that so many people bought is curing my imposter syndrome
I’m told that while my story writing is good the story itself is a bit dry so I’ve been practicing how to properly write humor. It can give my characters some much needed life and liven up the story a little. Problem is I don’t think I’m very good at it yet. But those excerpts absolutely made me feel a little better about my writing skills
Ngl, the biggest issue with xenofiction is stereotype. Not just the "oh, crow go murder" kinda stereotype, but the feeling of "x race is like this." It reinforces this really racist framework that teeters pretty close to just accepting a deeply eugenic worldview as if it were anything other than a gross myth. And that kinda runs counter to the messaging they seem to be aiming for.
I cannot overstate the euphoric vindication in my heart that not only has someone else read this book, made a video about this book, but also thoroughly detailed why I absolutely despise this book. It was the first time I realized a book could be bad. Not flawed, not weak, not just not to my taste, but straight up bad. Also, thank you so much for pointing me in the direction of so much xenofiction I never managed to find. Can't wait to check out Fire, Bed, and Bone.
the REDACTED part is insane, the fact its one of the rare moments they actually described smtn in detail, im concerned by how much the writer seemed to be enjoying writing it, let alone then try to make the villain now be all tragic n shit like boohoo who cares than i traumatised that woman? i love her!!!
This is going to be a weird response, but as someone who has not read this (and who has absolutely no intention of spending a single red cent to do so) I just wonder...how exactly do they go into detail...??? The only birds with any form of male genitalia are waterfowl like ducks, geese and swans did the author seriously just like, write in a magpie weiner in order to fulfill their disturbing fantasies about SA involving birds??? 🤨
@@_dember TW for grossness, bad writing, and grossness. // "As Traska flew away, he was seething inside. Anger, frustration, bitterness and rage churned in his stomach, mixing with a baser emotion. This time the outlet of simple violence was not sufficient. Traska's eyes scoured the scenery below, alert and eager in his lust, for the glimpse of his victim. The frisson of excitement built and built, until his mind was crazed with desire. And then he saw her. She was alone and happily oblivious to all around her. Bathing, the young magpie sang softly to herself - a child of Nature, in harmony of her surroundings. Traska thought he had never seen anyone so beautiful, but this only fueled his passion. For this pair there would be no courtship or ceremonious display. For this female, barely out of adolescence, there would be no nest, no mate. +
Traska fell upon her and took her, with a savagery born of his need. Her shocked cries, her tears at the pain, goaded him still further. His physical size meant that she was no match and she was soon cowed, weeping silently, as his violence upon her continued. The swirl of emotions raced and boiled inside him, finally exploding, leaving him drained, physically and mentally, as he slumped over her, pinning her still beneath him. And, as the rage and frustration washed away, they were replaced by an inrushing tide of guilt and remorse for what he had done. The pain this caused him astonished Traska in its intensity and, in his twisted mind, it focused his anger, once again, on its source. Why should he feel pity for her? She was weak and he strong. She was his, to do with as he pleased She was nothing! As these thoughts filled his mind with hate, Traska began to beat the young magpie as he took her again, until she fainted from the pain and violence perpetrated upon her."
I’ve not watched any of your videos before, but I have to let you know: 悪い(warui) does indeed mean bad, but 本(hon) is book and 鳥(tori) is bird! 😅 I’m so sorry, I couldn’t let this slide
I find it very jarring how this book shows us things that though unfortunate, do happen in animal world- such as for example cannibalism, but then proceeds to moralize it in a very peculiar fashion. Like a small bird having to resort to devouring it's siblings because it had been abandoned by it's parents sound plausible but more tragic to me then a symbol of that bird being pure evil. It's like push and pull of author not being able to decide just how much inspiration from real life animals they want to take. Also I happy you mentioned the steretypical misscharacterization of corvids. Not so fun fact: On a quick study of ornithology I did in my highschool we learned the really terryfingly brutal birdies were the great tit birds. You want birds that are big on cannibalism, those are your guys.
I came here from watching your Shrek and Balto videos and I must say, you absolutely opened my eyes as to why my writing has felt subpar. As an amateur, and I do mean AMATEUR writer, I always get the impression that my sentences are not fun to read. I do try to stay mindful of my word choice and sentence variation but this video finally made me come to the realization that I am utterly terrible at the whole "show don't tell" thing. I always write like I'm submitting an SAT essay so it's no wonder why I always feel like something is missing from my writing. Thank you, Cardinal West.
That certainly was ... something. I clicked on the video just to have something playing in the background, but found myself utterly captured. The style-adapted passages of other authors were actually painful to listen to. I'm not usually drawn to xenofiction (I learned a new word today), but even so your analysis was really enjoyable; as well as your despair at the author's lack of skill. You gave me some good giggles throughout the video. Thank you for that!
According to the author bio, he came up with the story as a bedtime story to tell to his kids. You know, like that other renowned fantasy author. So, bizarre "wait for the rapture" message at the end aside, the author's other books on Goodreads consist of another Birddom book, this time starring a heron with an added dose of "Adam and Eve," and...saucy WWII romance dramas?
i dont plan on writing xenofiction but i feel like this was very informative for writing anything in general!!! very good will be taking tips and tricks to heart!!
I personally think a Corvid-based Xenofiction would be a killer book. Having a Watership Down in an urban setting sounds neat the author could show all the wild hardships that occur in out own backyards. Making all the crows hitler is such a waste y'all....
Oh! I really liked your video on xenofiction and was intrigued by your shorter breakdown of this book, since I hadn't heard of it before. Excited to hear more about it and why you dislike it!
I was admittedly a bit startled to see this in my RUclips recs--not because XenoFiction or SpecEvo-adjacent content is outside of my norm (the opposite, in fact)--but I was genuinely surprised to hear that someone had taken the time to dissect a book I remember only through virtue of how utterly disappointing it was to me as a kid. It's been a long time since I read this book (and thankfully, I have never touched the sequel) but from what I remember the takedown is utterly spot-on. I also have to commend you for going through such lengths to demonstrate the mechanics behind the faults you've found in its prose and the bizarre contrasts of content. Scathing though your conclusion is, you have given this book more than its fair shake and have gone to lengths to display examples of XenoFiction done right. Wonderfully done. But also, deep down, a part of me was moved to comment because you mentioned Gabriel King's Wild Road duology--a pair of books that, while admittedly flawed, was hugely formative for me, and one that seems to have gone forgotten by so many down the years. I fully accept criticisms of King's odd dreamlike work, but was so pleased to see it held up as a positive example. Bravo all around--I'll definitely be checking out the rest of this channel!
25:53 The flashback point reminds me of my favorite book, Into the Pit by Scott Cawthon. While the Into The Pit story itself follows a fairly simple linear structure, the story Count The Ways starts off In Medias Res, staring right past the inciting incident, then our villan says something that launches our main character, Millie Fitzsimmons, into a flashback, of so many years ago. The book then continues like this, with long flasbacks and long stretchs of the present (but they don't seem to interrupt eachother) until the flashbacks lead us to where the story started, and we end the story in the present, with...well i'm not spoiling the ending, since I _heavily_ suggest you read it, if you're into supernatural horror and don't mind heavy mentioning of death.
Want to know the answer?? Because I am 99% sure that author is this type of snowflake whining about corvids (particulary magpie and crow) and blame for decline of songbirds, despite research that didn’t confirm his delusions. Propably not knowing that corvids are songbirds too and also suffers from dangers like losing eggs/nestlings and eaten by birds of prey. And the only songbirds that actually get hurted by corvids are... other corvids, but it's not worth talking about because somebody worldview will collapse. The infantile idiot who thinks that little passerines are cute and lovable because they sing pretty and don't kill others and he’ll say that the magpie is a pest and invasive, without understanding the definition of an invasive species. The same crybaby who, in a RUclips video like a predator hunting its prey, writes in the comments why the cameraman won't save the prey. In UK (author living in Britain) these types are unfortunately widely and they approve straight-up persecution of magpies and crows, a even less ferocious birds like rook and jackdaw (in my native Poland all corvids are protected species and many have butthurt about it). Trying to convince most of them is a waste of nerves and they will continue to learn about nature from TV shows for little kids. Although not, works for kids, even those of an older age, are more fair and objective towards "bad animal species", including corvids.
These are excellent writing tips and criticisms. Your suggestions and analogies are equally matched. To echo other commenters here, this is the best instructive video commentary I’ve seen on writing practice. Cheers! The pacing beats of your asides, interjections, and humor are all quite entertaining as well!
It's always a great day when I see a new upload from you. I honestly enjoy hearing you talk about an awful book even more than one you love, just a lot of fun to hear about everything a book does wrong. Almost makes me want to see this but with the Ancient Solitary Reign series. I've looked up about Disney buying the rights and found out that it is either cancelled or on hiatus because of uncompleted negotiations with Woodall, so I've been feeling rather down in the dumps ever since. (Also, big ups for that Ghost Stories reference)
Honestly I'm a believer that most boring and bland fiction could easily have good adaptations. So if Disney DID make an animated version i bet it'd be decent.
@@Barakon they'll buy already popular franchises and badly handle them, butcher their old IPs and if they acquire a new IP with a niche audience they'll change it so much that the niche audience won't like it and the mainstream audience won't care about the product
@@Barakon @kron7536 You really believed that Disney bought some just published book of some noname, and book with gore and rapes for a million dollars? The news was from 20 years ago and propably bluff from author. Especially since nothing has been done regarding the alleged film adaptation, and the book itself has become forgotten and there is not even an article on Wikipedia.
If you enjoyed this video, please consider checking out my debut xenofiction novel, Winter Without End:
www.fenrispublishing.com/winter
A post-apocalyptic story told through the eyes of a dog, Winter Without End follows a Labrador retriever who, after being abandoned by his human family in the aftermath of a devastating pandemic, makes an uneasy alliance with a wounded wolf in order to survive.
This book would make 10x more sense if it was set in Australia and used the non corvid Australian magpies
Smells like Jack London.
lost all credibility when you cited rothfuss as an example of strong prose dude. He's one of the contemporary ur-examples of awful fantasy prose.
You telling me that disney bought the rites of all books they choose this lunatic who seem like who became a xenofic writer like 6 months ago.?!
Something is not right here. Even im bad at writing i wonder if i could get a fortune from disney.
@@anonymous_9491 Microsoft bought a software company that had only released a single product for $2.5 billion. Anything is possible
The author maneging to write himself into a corner so hard that apocalypse is the only way out is the best thing i've heard about this book
Nice pfp 👌
I mean, did they actually write himself into a corner or was the entire thing intentionally a Christian parable?
@@AdumbroDeus wait what? All I know ftom this series comez from this vid but can you explain how the birds not eating insects and having that blow up in their face is a christian parable?
@@LostProblematique because it's a trial and ends with the rapture. Just my hypothesis.
@@AdumbroDeus Not everything is a christian parable...
To a certain extent I have to respect the massive balls it takes to end your story with "Because of a decision made in the last book, the world goes to shit and is running straight into the apocalypse, but then humans decide to nuke everything, but the rapture comes before that can happen." I was starting to think I understood just how bad the books were, and then you hit us with that in the 11th hour.
Honestly it caught me by surprise too lol
but it also made me glad I'd decided to check the sequel out
I once read a book series that I found interesting, but in the fifth book everything went to shit out of seemingly nowhere, almost every character died. The first books were actually okay, but that fifth was odd
@@LaifaCanyonLurker well what was the series? Was the author bored? Or was it a slow buildup of bad decisions?
@@michaelwerkov3438 he might have agreed to write more books but the series was cut short and he went scorched earth
@@LaifaCanyonLurker Name it please.
I really think the author missed out on not giving the villains a "survival of the fittest" mentality, especially considering that the whole idealogy of the Nazis was that certain groups of people were inferior and deserved to eradicated. What if Slyekin was abandoned by his parents and had to resort to eating his sibling in order for him to survive, and this could be his start of darkness, justifying his cruel acts in the name of survival. Then, his superiority complex could be because he perceives corvids as superior to others birds due to their intelligence, and sought to wipe their natural competitors out.
As for Traska, rather than just bloodthirsty psychopath, he's someone who wants to be in control, so it was easy for him to subject to Slyekin's ideology. It makes sense, too, since a lot of military leaders are driven by ambition and dreams of domination. But rather than take inspiration from what the actual motivations and ideology of Nazis entailed, Woodall just thought "Well they're evil, and Nazis are evil, so why not just make Bird Hitler?"
To add, a major part of why average, everyday Germans fell into the Nazi ideology was because the then-Weimar Empire was incredibly decadent for the generally libertine/sexually liberal upper classes, while ignoring the struggles of your average low/middle class German worker who struggled with inflation, reparations for the previous World War, and a huge amount of loss and anger at being made subservient to the other countries around it. Otherwise extremist ideologies like Naziism would have been unappealing to regular people who saw other ways out of their situation.
Something similar could have happened with the Magpie/Crow group, a dominating group of "leaders" who ignore real problems within their own peoples to flit after hedonism, and a frustrated underclass who finally turn to Slyekin to get them the results they feel they deserve?
@@Runescape12345 maybe the corvids could be resentful that their leaders aren’t doing anything useful with their species’ collective intelligence + tools. Intelligent animals need stimulation and challenge, after all.
@@scottalleman4564 that was laughted at time, like in Chaplin's movie about Hitler.
I like to think of corvids realizing that they're so intelligent that they have the capacity to conquer the world, or at least, use it as a means to become the dominant species. That's probably what would motivate Slyekin's minions to support him. They don't want to just eat and survive. They want to be like humans, living beyond their nature.
They could've even made him a cuckoo bird and have him be placed in a crows nest, which happens a lot. Then, he could see crows and other corvids as possibly being superior after something like the other siblings almost managed to kick him out of the best before he managed to get the parents attention and beat them out, maybe he even killed and ate them so he would survive.
He would have a reason to start off as everything being survival of the fittest, add some irony to him leading corvids to comitting genocide, and if the author wants things to be extra human, make them be focused on killing other birds because the crows raised him and made him think that other birds were worse off out of anger of him killing the crows actual chicks, so they bullied and attacked him out of grief and spite, making him believe their words out of a desire to be loved and to fit in, which just makes him even more violent, which is something that happens to a lot of people who go down the red pill pipeline.
Your rant on scavengers is SO valid, as a zoology major it’s incredibly disheartening to see the stigma surrounding them. They’re super important to the ecosystems they inhabit, it’s honestly amazing how many people don’t realize that. Been binging your channel recently, your videos are top notch. Keep up the great work!
Also dung beetles. Sure, they eat poop and people find it gross, but they're the reason the savannahs aren't blanketed in elephant turds.
Scavengers scavenge, I don't know why people hate them for it.
@@genericname2747 because death scary
@@julialungan4722 yeah, but scavengers don't kill you
@@genericname2747 But everytime you see them they're literally eating corpses, of course people are scared of them and think they're creepy
They portrayed crows as stupid!? The birds that can use very primitive tools and environment to get food? Those that can observe and analyze human behavior and movement so they can snatch food without risk? Those that can pay the humans for food with shiny objects they find? My god that author is stupid.
Coincidentally owls are pretty stupid
JK Rowling level shorthand
It would make more sense if the Corvids were portrayed as scarily intelligent.
Using tricks and mimicking other birds to lure themselves in traps.
@@ReplicatorFifth To Rowling's dubious credit at least she named the "smart people house" *Raven*claw.
@@1unartic thats a big jump from the original comment's topic :D
The genius of Harry Potter's writing was that JK got that "something" that appealed to kids and young teens, something both fantastical and relatable, a fantasy world hidden within real world which was a trope previously popular with some fables/franchises (Peter Pan, Neverending Story) but freshed out and more crafted to early 2000s audiences.
In short- she made kids read books again, while that stuff was also enjoyable to many adults, especially those who didn't read many books, or more accurately- fantasy books, giving them a new option for escapism.
HP books aren't good fantasy books and should never be a standard to measure the genre to. But if you as a writer want your book to sell well- you gotta read and understand the appeal of HP.
To a lesser extend Stephen King, but I'm not into his books so I can't share much opinion on them.
"This video will contain spoilers for:
- World war 2"
Fuckin killed me
Fuck bro hitler dies at the end?
@@yobob591 If you watched the extended cut you'd know that he escaped to Argentina and became an ice cream vendor, truly an inspiring story of redemption
@@yobob591 the man who killed Hitler really should be celebrated...
(Ahhhhhhhh! I'm so sorry)
@@jewels3400 He shouldn't be, he also killed the guy who killed Hitler.
Aw man I hate spoilers
Birds are the last survivor dinos and it makes me sad not one author has used that as a mythos base. Nothing said "y'all pissed off the gods" like the fall of dinos
That's actually a good point, that could make for a very interesting creation myth.
@@CardinalWest thank you!
If birds knew what their ancestors were, they'd be insufferably smug. I bet different species of birds would wage a religious war against each other, since some birds would be considered "lesser beings" based on what dinosaur they think they evolved from.
I bet they'd look down on us for being monkeys.
@@genericname2747 exactly, I would love this. Give me "pitiful monkey, were it not for the asteroid we would rule the Earth" please lol
@@motorcitymangababe I bet songbirds would be the angriest. Lot of them are considered cute and harmless.
Slyekin is just a 12 year old's third warrior cats OC that they made after reading The Darkest Hour
As someone whose read Warriors that actually makes sense. Homestly he's kinda like Scourge, but worse.
@@meghanarao8687 At least Scourge didn't murder his own followers.
Heck, when he was trying to take over the forest he gave the clans three days to just leave rather than fight to the death.
Mapleshade though is stuck somewhere between Friday the 13th's Pamela Vorhees and Darth Sidious.
@@kamikeserpentail3778 Mapleshade at least had nice tragic backstory
I like that it's specifically the third OC, not the first, not the second, not the fourth. For some reason that distinction made my day.
@@amandap7733 Thanks! I went by the logic that the first one is usually a mary sue and the second one is their mate
(Data gathered from several youtube videos of people reviewing their old OCs)
The fact that just about the only scene the author bothers to write in any level of detail is an extremely graphic rape scene, following up on that by making the victim a character consumed by revenge and then having it mean nothing as she gets torn apart without accomplishing anything… I think it tells me enough about what he prioritizes in his writing
🤨📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸
Some strange choices were made...
Ayo? 🤨
To shreds you say?
And instead, it would be possible to give a different trauma without resorting to shock value. Well, if I were writing, the female loses her tail entirely plucked by Traska. A long tail is one of the defining features of a magpie, and losing the tail feathers would be like shaving women bald during WW2. Another thing is that magpies are not mallards and treat members of the species with respect.
52:06 I know this is completely irrelevant to the whole of the video but.. in TLK, they don’t discriminate against hyenas because they scavenge. They do because they’re lions. Lions and hyenas are natural enemies irl. It’s not explained in the movie why the lions don’t want the hyenas in the pride lands but it’s easy to assume that they just hate them because lions just don’t like hyenas.
The only moment I can recall where one of the good guys talk down to hyenas is when Zazu calls them “mangy poachers.” Honestly, Scar, the hyenas’ supposed pal, talks more shit about them than any other character. Mufasa never said anything bad about them. He beats them up but doesn’t talk down to them.
Sorry. Huge Lion King nerd. I have that movie memorized.
Back on topic, fantastic video. Your breakdown on the importance of prose is really well done. Prose is so hard to get right and I rarely see many people actually explain what it’s purpose is and how to do it correctly. And your breakdown about verisimilitude and suspensions belief is great! Not only did you teach me a new word, you did a way WAY better job explaining the importance of building believability in the world itself than I ever could. I’ve tried so many times in the past to explain that distinction but could never get it worded right. Now I’ll just refer to this vid because you do such a great job!
I have to make a small respectful redirect about The Lion King. The characterization of Hyenas in the movie is just as unrealistic and affected by human culture idealizations as those of the other animals. Hyenas are not incompetent hangers-on IRL as depicted in the film, they are top predators exploiting a niche adjacent to the lion's, and they stay out of each other's way for the most part because each can be lethal to the other. There is some poaching in either direction, as with other competing predators, but conflicts are equal since the hyenas balance their smaller size with larger pack sizes and better social cooperation within the pack.
Also they eat lion cubs, so you know, they don't want them around
I think the biggest characteristic of the hyenas is indirectly related to what Mufasa taught Simba about the circle of life: it's all about balance, as even carnivores like lions walk on the same field as prey like antelopes, both will become food for one another at one time. Hyenas in TLK on the other hand don't care about balance, just to fill their bellies whenever they feel the slight sense of hunger, that's one of the reasons the Pride Lands suffered in the years of Scar ruling over, cuz the hyenas were in much greater number and eating more than "allowed" for ecological balance, which drove every animal to run away, consequentially lowering the prey available (that and a severe drought, apparently). So the reason for other animals to despise hyenas is justifiable in that sense.
@@jimrodarmel8512 it is implied that hyenas hunt animals in the film though. They hunted all the zebras and what not in the area they controlled until there were almost none left
@@Purplesquigglystripe When Scar and Sarabi have an argument about sending out a hunting party, it's implied the lions are the one hunting, they were just forced by Scar and the Hyenas to overhunt to feed all the hyenas, when the hyenas complain about the lack of food Scar says 'it's the lionesses' job to do the hunting' and the hyena replies 'well, they won't go hunt!' implying everyone was just relying on them for food, not the hyenas hunting themselves
I know I'm late to the party, but there's a children's bird xenofiction trilogy written by a kid herself. The first book is called Swordbird, the prequel is called Sword Quest, and the sequel is Sword Mountain, written by Nancy Yi Fan. I reread the original and the prequel recently, and while you can definitely tell they're written by a kid, it's still got its charm. It might be fun to check out!
I remember reading (and rereading) the first two books as a kid. They were my favorites!
I reread my copy recently and gave it to my nephew. It was certainly his age range and he enjoyed it.
I borrowed Swordbird from a library as a kid. While the story isn't perfect, the prose was amazing and I remember being invested in it and learned a lot about swords.
That'd so cool that a kid got to write a story like that!
I remember Swordbird! I loved it as a kid... I should get the rest of the series.
That bonkers ending to the second book kinda tells me "I don't wanna make this a whole franchise so I'm just gonna give it the most definitive ending ever but I didn't have time to think about it so, uh, wolf ghost apocalypse".
Man, that "senseless murder there's nothing like it" line is on the same tier as that one kid from Cool Cat announcing he loves being a bully.
"BOY I FEEL LIKE KILLING SOMEBIRDY"
🎶Mean, mean, mean, I can't wait to be mean! Mean, mean, mean, never too late to be mean!🎶
I mean, the mass noun for crows is murder...
As someone passionate for both biology and art, this piece of literary toilet paper inspires me to write my own xenofiction, cause if someone can screw up a story about birds this badly, I'm sure I'd be able to come up with a more coherent and engaging piece from scratch.
Okay Mr. DeviantArt whatever you say.
48:41 Reminds me of Over The Garden Wall. A bird character uses the phrase "wash my hands of this whole affair", and it's actually foreshadowing that the bird was a person who got turned into a bird.
Don't make wild animals know what sleeves and die are for no reason. These birds could've like, lived in a park where humans show up sometimes. Wouldn't have changed that much.
I was told Over The Garden Wall parallels Dante's Inferno.
And now I can't help but think of Beatrice as Virgil. Birdgil.
I could accept a bird knowing what dice are, since they collect small objects. I've literally seen a video of a raven stealing a die while someone was trying to take a photo of a dice set they'd made. The part that makes no sense at all is the phrases like "up my sleeve". Even if the birds could theoretically understand what a sleeve was from observing humans, they have no reason to refer to it in a possessive format. It would be "A" sleeve, not "MY" sleeve, since it's something they don't use.
@@kamikeserpentail3778 I mean, Beatrice is the name of a character in the Divine Comedy. She guides Dante through Heaven.
@@everynametaken yeah, Greg is probably Virgil...but the pun just isn't there
Note to self: Write hamster xenofiction that's partly a spiteful spit at hamster owners that think they're super UwU cutiewuties that can do no wrong and thinks all reptiles should go extinct.
Instead of the reality that's closer to them being almost like real life Skavens.
I've never had a hamster or any tiny furry pets (Thank God child me and my parents wouldn't know about proper care!) But I did watch hamster hell when I was like 10 so this interests me!! Reminds me of hamster hell 2! (No real hamsters used its all claymation!)
I'm just reminded of the Hamster Dance Poorly Drawn Lines comic.
You're just old!
Hayley, I will literally eat you, do you understand?
Oh shit.
so much infant cannibalism.
I only briefly interacted with a hamster my brother was temporarily taking care of while its actual owners moved houses and it was a little biting asshole with penchant of destroying its living space
i once dreamed i was a hamster who lived in a brutal society of feral hamster living in the desert that was at war with another hamster society. i was caught spying on our enemies and imprisoned in disused tupperwear. i had this dream when i was 10 and it haunts me to this day
@@leomorris7573 Write that shit down and see if you can publish it. That sounds intense. I'd read that book.
The writing style makes me think that woodall has like no imagination or "inner eye", he can't visualize what's going on so they have to write it all out in detail, because if he can't then the reader surely can't. Some passages you showed are like rough drafts for a script, not a novel. I'll admit I'm terrible at writing, I can't get the ideas in my head on paper, but even I was cringing at the lines he wrote. Yet at the same time, he comes out of nowhere with insane plot points that make no sense and give the series the most anticlimactic ending ever. It's a work of art
He might have aphantasia, yeah. In which case learning why it’s difficult to show not tell would help, because then it won’t be writing in a certain way for reasons you don’t know, it’ll be “This is what makes sense for me and readers like me”
I say this as someone who has some degree of aphantasia, and find more flowery “show don’t tell” prose confusing to incomprehensible. Also felt a few of the “bad” prose examples from the What Makes Good Prose? section to be pretty good. It’s not as flowery but it gets the descriptions across just fine. And for people with a difficulty imagining images, that can help a lot.
@@DeathnoteBB I have prety much severe aphantasia and I find interesting, evocative language compelling. I tend to rely on it for mood I think “Show don’t tell” isn’t as much about flowery landscape descriptions but more about… conveying feelings and mood through scenes and actions.(creating tiny, simple puzzles that help keep the reader engaged) You might not be able to fully visually imagine someone shaking or their eyes getting glossy or whatever but you understand it. For me it’s more engaging than „he was sad beyond believe” ect…
To each their own, ofc but I’m not sure it is a question of aphantasia
@@Ivyzord I disagree, I don't "get" what those mean at all, because someone's eyes can get glossy for any number of reasons, people can avoid eye contact for any number of reasons, a lot of the extreme "show don't tell" examples come across as completely incomprehensible and unclear, not "more engaging". In fact it throws me out of the story. Writing should be about communicating to the reader, not showing off your epic prose skillz.
@@robokill387 Alright, like I said, to each their own. It is not up to me what literature is or should be about.
The point I wanted to make was about aphantasia. Conditions probably influence but don’t fully dictate preferences for writing style.
I'm a writer with aphantasia, and that prose also made me cringe. The explanation the prose being closer to a script than an actual story is a good one - your script bullet points that character x feels sad, and your prose digs into character x feeling sad, without needing to say the line "character x felt sad." Trying to argue that it's a visualization problem in some ways misses the sheer scope of this idea, for example, there are a bunch of instances in the quoted sections of the text where there's an extra adjective next to the dialogue tag that makes the prose weaker over all ("Thank you," said Traska. "That wasn't too painful now, was it?" reads a lot more fluidly than "...said Traska wickedly." and we can pretty clearly figure out the tone that supposed to be read in by both prior context, and that Traska says to kill her two sentences later. 12:48 ). Likewise, as Cardinal points out at around 54:58, writing in this "style" takes a ton of interesting ideas to explore and then just brushes past them. Some of these passages would be entire chapters in a better work, with the time to go into the depth the ideas on display offer.
TLDR: This isn't a visualization problem. It's a craft/writing problem.
Daaang, those Bradford excerpts be straight fire. Just, insane. "The wolves... spoke to me of freedom." Hits like a ton of bricks.
It's an amazing sentence. Literally 0% fat.
This book is sold at one of my local supermarkets.
Everytime my mum takes me shopping, we go to the book section to see if anything is new, and I point out this book to her, saying "Oh, that's the crow-rape book, why is it in the kid's section?"
Edit: It's kinda confusing that you used a picture of an Aussie magpie in the video, half the time I was asking myself "Wait, are these Australian magpies in the book or European?" It's small but Aus magpies aren't corvids, so it matters, if only slightly.
Also Australian magpies will tear your skull in half
I wonder if not knowing the difference between Australian or European magpies also gets you cast off of bridges by Arthurian magic
@@naranara1690 I'd hope so, it's like mistaking a hyena for a coyote or something. I wouldn't want to be caught doing something like that, but you know what they say, "Different strokes for different folks, and some of these folks may have had strokes."
"Caw!"
Lots of things are in kid's books today that should not be, it's sad.
Bella L
That's because Aussie Magpies aren't birds. They're demons.
I have a big scar on my left leg from one. Fucking magpies dude.
i actually really liked some of the character names in this book, I think the name traska goes so hard. and then the same guy goes and names his continents "birddom" and "wingland" WHAT
Vikings had Vinland, birbs have Wingland. Makes sense.
I actually read this as a kid (yes, legally a child.) and I find it fascinating. Probably because 1. It was translated so the prose issue was partially fixed and 2. I was a kid, so that issue flew over my head completely. I, however, never got over the rapture ending because I'm not raised in a christian society and the rapture is a VERY foreign concept to me. I was left very... very confused.
Thank you for this video. now I know why it left me with an unsatisfying taste.
42:37-42:45 See also Simba in “The Lion King”, who is kind and brave and smart in his own way and makes friends really easily…but is also impulsive, prone to indolence and hedonism, prefers to ignore/run away from his problems unless he absolutely has to confront them, is gullible when told what he wants to hear, and has massive insecurities whenever he thinks about having to live up to his father Mufasa.
This prose reminds me of the backstories I wrote as a thirdteen year old for my Neopets. There is a reason I chose visual art instead of writing. It appears I did more research about the animals I was writing about back then, than this author ever did.
As someone who's _still_ trying to write backstories for my Neopets, prose is still something I struggle with, especially when it comes to the character limit on pet lookups. Feels like there's no room to do anything but quickly summarize.
@@LendriMujina Yall are making me feel old af but I gotta admit, I too am still using my neopets as placeholders for OC designs in my stories and constantly working on backstories and plots for all of them even though most are literally older than my friends' (both irl and those met on neo decades ago) actual legit KIDS at this point 😂
Seriously, do you have a facebook or a discord or something to be able to talk with you?? I had no idea I wasn't alone in never outgrowing this lmao
Tbh I love that even though you're writing for Neopets (entirely fictional animals that are made up) you still did more research than an author writing a book about actual existing birds. Kudos to you! I bet your stories were immensely enhanced by the research cos learning that stuff always helps with versimilitude
You NEED to talk about Wolves of the Beyond. The prose in that storyline is much more haunting and ethereal than all of Kathryn Lasky's books in Owls of Ga'hoole.
Oh PLEASE im literally dying for some WotB content
Please let us have 1 good bird book, also I don’t know of any parrot related xenofiction…
YES!! I am very curious about Cardinal's take on those books. I think he might have some irritations around some behaviors and lore being dropped (such as the coalition between wolves and ravens being mentioned in one chapter in the first book, then being completely ignored for the rest of the series), but hopefully will be okay with it.
Oh my god yeah, i read wolves as a kid and it was too complex to truly grasp for me at the time but i’ve been meaning to reread it, the world building is amazing
Oh my god someone else has read those. I never finished wolves of the beyond because my library doesn't have all of them.
The fact that _the very first passage_ you show from this book is an owl getting shamed for its human fetish is making me scared of what comes next 💀
Edit: oh it’s a different book, thank _god._
That's actually from a completely different book lol:
ruclips.net/video/qzdvUcDfdGo/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/Q_OE4G7zihg/видео.html
The book also contains (TW for the same stuff though)
-Their own bird Hltler (complete with the phrase "Final Solution")
-Owl politics (Owl democracy, Owl feminism, the words democracy, feminism, and progressive are used for what is supposed to be a pre-technology society)
-Owl s3x workers
-The protagonist almost r*ping his love interest
-The antagonist's goal being to sleep with as many female owls as possible
-The human fetish Owl attempting to have s3x with a human
-gay Owl poets
Not to mention the human fetish owl scene being incredibly homophobic with the protagonist fearing that the human fetish Owl was gay and talking about how unnatural being gay is
@@Wince_Media _w h a t_
Those are faaaaar too many sentences that the word “owl” should never be attached to 😭 irl owls aren’t nearly motivated enough for all this lmao
@@anerrorhasoccurred8727 apparantly it also has an allegory for the isreali Palestine war!?
@@Wince_Media …bc you know what, of course it does 😭💀
I agree completely on the importance of prose. Nowadays too many books try to imitate movies, being written like screenplays, and not good ones. Or the prose is overly simple, stuff that would make Dick and Jane say “add some variety.”
Prose is how we experience the story in a book, much like how good cinematography and acting are what carry a story in movies, good prose is what carries and conveys the story in books. People are needlessly scared of writing “purple prose”.
If I had a nickel for every time I heard of a book that involves bird Nazis, I would have two nickels which isn't a lot but it's strange it happened twice.
Another one about romance. Some animals do tend to mate for life. Including foxes. So Todd feeling affection for his mates is realistic. As fox couples tend to live together and raise their children.
Most bird species tend to be with their mate and live together so “romance” makes some sense.
They are not monogamous and do mate with other foxes that are not their bonded pair. But it doesn’t seem like pure monogamy is a big deal with foxes
This is hands down one of the best critiques of bad writing, not only do you explain why it's bad in detail you don't rely on being overly critical to get the point across.
Corvids as the authoritarians is a weird choice, historically they have been a Trickster archetype in folklore and religion
This is such a good video. You dont just say that somthing is badly written you say why and give good explantions that even someone who is not experinced in writing can understand. You also give great analogies that tie to popular media so its easier to understand. Also you give ways to fix it and actually put effort into them instead of half ass solutions. You make great videos that are totally underrated. You deserve alot more attention then you get, these are some of the best literature analysis on youtube.
Agreed. I've listened to/watched hundreds and hundreds of writing videos on YT, and there are some goods ones. But this is on another level. Cardinal West teaches by showing, not telling.
As someone who finished his university degree in Literature... this first segment about prose made me question my writing in such a gut wrenching way, I had to pause the video for a minute.
But hey, such is life I guess ^^' I prefer questioning my own skills rather than never learn and progress. (English is only my second language btw)
I getcha
I've written 60 pages of a book I'm working on
Then I watch this video and realize I need to start from scratch because those 60 pages are klunky as a Tinman that needs oiling
Your english is quite good
@Bear Bear Tan Thank you, I'm working hard to get better every day. I definitely struggle with my accent. Some words are not easy to pronounce right when your face muscles are not used to them ^^'
I have a fantasy worldbuilding document in which I just dump lore when Im bored. I try not to take it too seriously, but honestly I was also sweating a bit by the end of that segment thinking about my prose
You'll meet many pretentious people but don't take it too hard. Just take what you can from them and learn.
I recently read a great sci fi book called Children of Time and Children of Ruin. In hindsight they are perfect xenofiction as the animal societies follow a very logical path as the intelligence of the species increases. They aren’t humans with spider features, they are spiders who developed biotechnology to work with their physiology and neurology.
Omgsh I've read children of time, I sort of loved it! I didn't know there was a sequel.
I was hoping someone would mention this. Children of Time and Children of Ruin were incredible xenofictions.
Book three, Children of Memory, came out not long ago.
I have no idea how I found this video, nor did I realise I'd be watctching a 90 minute breakdown of what I can only conclude is a secret fanfiction attempt at writing xenofiction that somehow got published...but I stayed because I loved your breakdown of what works and doesn't work, as well s your incongruity about the story. This was an interesting ride, thank you.
why are you acting like fanfiction is a synonym for bad writing
@@tonoornottonoI simply missed out the "bad" in my "bad fanfiction" line.
The magpies where I live are some of the friendliest, empathetic creatures I’ve ever seen.
They literally befriended the contemporary crows, ravens, and northern flickers, creating a multi-species flock of corvids.
While they certainly can be the glue that holds the foundation of different corvid species’ cooperation, it’s certainly not a system of domination, but, well, cooperation.
Man, that bit about birds just using human expressions brought me back to the few times I got to review student works for my community college's creative writing magazine. I don't even remember anything else about this one piece, I just remember being completely launched out of somebody's slightly edgy, fanfic-y, written-by-a-14-year-old-y story about a wild wolf pack.
Basically, in response to something, one of the wolf characters quips about being "out of the frying pan and into the fire", and it just hit me like a truck. Also remember something in there about saying "pedal to the metal" instead of "hurry up", and I just got really frustrated by how lazy and unimaginative it was.
I really wanted it to turn into a weird joke or something, like another wolf was gonna ask "Hey, what's a frying pan?", but naw, fuck it. The wolves know what frying pans are and how the gas pedal works in a car because *I* know what those things are, and I can't be bothered to consider how somebody different from me might speak, think, or behave. Caring about those things is for chumps; I just made them all wolves because I want my self-insert to be a wolf, because wolves are rad.
Damn bro isn't even a teacher.
I just want to say:
I find myself re-watching this video several times. The genre is not even relevant (though you have convinced me to read 2 xenofiction books in your other videos).
This is simply one of the best advice and instruction on creative writing of all the videos I have seen on RUclips. You make things wonderfully clear. I have recommended this video to several people who tried creative writing but had trouble understanding some of the aspects you touch upon in this video.
I'm going to buy your book and read it. If you practice what you preach even half as well, it will be a good read I think.
ohhh my gosh, the plotlines in both of these books just have me shocked. especially everything involving tomar’s plan with the insects, it’s so bad lmao. loved your xenofiction vid and loved this one just as much, was happily surprised to see you go into more depth on this one in particular. great work!
I have seen crows once pick at a dead hedgehog on a mud track at the edge of an industrial estate. My firend has pushed the hedgehog off the road so it would not get run over by any cars come end of day rush hour. He thought he was doing the crows a favour with that, so they could keep eating without having to dodge cars. When we walked past that spot again two hours later, the hedgehog was again on the road, the crows pulled it right into the middle of the tire marks, ready to get pulped by the cars for easier pickings. It's almost symbiotic.
“With the skies clouded with famine, I could feed not my nest any longer.”
Would that be a good prose for describing how a budgie or a quacker parrot would react to a swarm of locusts?
I like it, I'd just switch the "not" and "feed." "feed not" is used (I think) only as an imperative: something like "Be not afraid," etc.
@@teddyzorro perhaps, but I thought this was an imperative/otherwise appropriate.
Oh well, still works right?
@@Barakon They're right, it reads unnaturally, don't go too hard with attempting archaic language unless you really know what you're doing
35:25 GRRM actually gives a backstory for that, by the way. When Tywin was a kid, his father Tytos Lannister (the ill-prepared third son of Lord Gerold Lannister and Rohanne Webber of Coldmoat, himself the second son of Lord Damon Lannister and Cerissa Brax of Hornvale) was treated as a punchline due to his weak and flaccid nature. And that made Tywin mistrust the idea of being laughed at.
He was also a king who wanted to make everyone happy, thus was taken advantage of constantly
No doubt a main factor in Tywin associating good with weakness and true power with ruthlessness
@@koshavinka2995 Tywin is a really well-written villain and I really enjoy the complex and well-thought-out backstory George RR Martin gave him.
"Hey ChatGPT, I need names for continents that are ruled by birds."
"Sure! Here are some suggested names:
- Birddom
- Wingland"
This is quite simply one of the best things I've seen on writing; perhaps the best. Great work.
Corvids don't just show some level of empathy to their own. The will peck at the ice around duck's feet until they are free, they will 'bully' a hedgehog until it reaches the other side of the road, they will pick up sticks and rocks to play fetch with wolves, they bring gifts and are friendly to humans who fed and are kind to them.
And as a girl who loved crows to death, I'm offended at this book's simplistic portrayal of their family. Sure corvids can be bullies, thieves, and opurtunistic eaters, eating meat and eggs if they can. But they'll just as quickly sled down a hill on a piece of plastic or swoop at those who look like a threat to their friends.
52:00 There is an animated series based on The Lion King called The Lion Guard that touches on the idea of predators and prey in some episodes. It doesn't go into any detail, but it at least acknowledges that predators prey on animals, which have been shown speaking in other episodes. It also does a pretty good job of letting some antagonists become good guys, while others don't. It all comes down how well they respect the Circle of Life, meaning that you take only what you need. Actually, I really like the Lion Guard. I'll have to rewatch it sometime.
I'm afraid that now every time I hear about the circle of life, I think about Warhammer 40k's Grandfather Nurgle.
I WOULD LOVE TO SEE AN ANIMATED ADAPTATION OF THIS. That'd be PEAK comedic gold.
The thing that confuses me the most is how the author chose to portray crows. Everything else is bad, sure, but the *reason* crows and ravens are famous is because of their *intelligence*
10:55
"Now that the time for parting had come, Kirrick felt sad to be leaving the owl. He had very quickly grown fond of Tomar, and had cherished the companionship and the comfort it gave, after such a long period of terror. Kirrick felt daunted by what lay ahead of him, and, not for the last time in his journerying, began to consider himself inadequeate to the task. But he knew that, once started, the adventure itself would carry him on, and would give him little time for such doubts. Survival itself would be enough to think about. His journery to find Darreal would be long and arduous, through unfamiliar territory, and Kirrick wondered what sort of reception he would get at the end of it all."
I'm going to attempt to rewrite this using that "show, don't tell" rule of prose since I need practice and this isn't very good.
(Side note: I didn't get far beyond this point in the video at the time of writing this and have never read this book, so the setting may be wrong.)
"Now that the time for parting had come, Kirrick let his head fall lower than normal, a creeping feeling of what was to come. He hesitated to leave for a moment, his talons stuttering on the branches. Kirrick moved along with reluctant steps and looked to the sky with dreary eyes. 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯? He hoped that the trials of survival ahead would distract him from such doubts. Kirrick then imagined the piercing eyes of the eagle at the end of the road, causing him to shiver."
Not entirely show, but I did my best. I'm still an amateur writer that's learning the ropes, and "show, don't tell" and brevity are the hardest for me.
I feel the biggest exception to the show don't tell rule is all of H.P. Lovecraft's stories. Dude doesn't know how to keep something short despite writing primarily short stories but damn does he tell it well. It's overly flowery, explains basically everything by the end, and even what is described can usually be summed as so terrifying it defies description, but for some reason it reads with such fervor that it's still fun to read. For me at least.
Unimaginable horror. Don't think about it. It's just unimaginable.
This video 1. has plenty of very instructive examples of good and bad writing, and 2. made me really appreciate corvids even more than I already did.
your "non-humans shouldn't do/reference human things" point makes me really happy this is actually a thing and not just some minor thing that's bugged me every time a writer describes a non-human with very human words (i actively search out a lot of media with robots and you have no idea how many "the robot shivered" i've seen.)
I do think it somewhat varies by story.
Like if you're writing non-human characters, but in like, a disney robin hood or zootopia type way, where they're human-like in a lot of ways or live in a society very similar to ours, using human idioms is less of an issue due to the high level of anthropomorphism and them having stuff like clothes or cars or swords and thus would use those in phrases, idioms etc
Whereas if they're less human like, either physically, mentally or with their society, they shouldn't have human phrases/idioms etc
In a world like zootopia, phrases like "a trick up my sleeve" or "play your cards right" or "when life gives you lemons" wouldn't be out of place, but if its a world like watership down it wouldn't make any sense at all for the rabbits to say those things or even know what the objects/items referenced in the idioms are
I genuinely feel like this video finally kinda made it click for me how Show dont Tell works. Like, idk if it's weird to attribute it to this to you, but after watching this I found myself actually pinpointing a few instances of really good "showing" in some of the books I was reading. So big thanks for the examples you used here! I found them very illuminating.
37:50 is probably the best definition of edgy if ever heard and will probably use it myself when talking to others about it.
I kinda scoffed when you said "Show, don't tell," and I'm like, "But all you can do with prose is Tell..."
But then you came back around and said "Don't explain the subtext". That makes sense. More sense than saying "Show don't tell" in reference to prose.
I felt a similar way. "Show don't tell" has never made sense to me, because how do you tell a story without telling? But this explanation, with examples, made things make much more sense
Honestly, when he said that. I understood the technique way more than someone else could have. Rewritting the proses in my draft, taking out the unecessary redundancy as I follow his tip has improved my writing tremendously
Honestly curious about your take on Kathryn Lasky's Guardians of Ga'hoole series after hearing about this chaotic mess.
30:23 Slyekin having an EVIL LIMP makes you appreciate just how dedicated “A Song of Ice and Fire” is to smashing the Seven Hells out of the “disability/deformity as a sign of evil and malice” trope.
"Always remember who you are, bastard." has stuck me ever since I read it over a decade(?) ago.
"You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!"
Show don't tell in a nutshell
More like:
"You can't just have your characters announce how they feel!" I yelled.
Body's trembling gradually increase in intensity. Brows furrowed down that it can poke my eyes. My hands clenched into fists, aching for violence. I gritted my teeth. My reddened face starts to puffing out smoke as a disembodied kettle whistle started hissing an ear-piercing volume.
Me, when told but not shown:
@@2006HondaCivicD you don't get the reference
I don't know this channel, I don't know this book. I'm just along for the ride and want to write out my appreciation for the phrase "Just giving us a Wikipedia article on their war crimes" in reference to evil magpies.
*Garfield: His 9 Lives* was under the file of childhood trauma I'd forgotten..
The fact that particular, incredibly dark, episode within the story is based off of *Plague Dogs* is...
Something.
*Plague Dogs*- The book so dark the author re-wrote the ending to provide *some* hope..
And write himself into the story. Because why not at that point.
And take a pop at his other light, cheery children's book... *Watership Down*
.
Honestly, really glad to hear someone else talk about Garfield and His Nine Lives. Was beginning to think I was the only one who remembered that was a thing
This is such a wonderful guide on 'how to *not* ruin your story,." In depth yet concise. One for Sorrow, Two for Joy on the other paw, yeeeeaaaah.. I've not read it myself, but dear sane animal gods, that book sounds horrendous. Especially the end of the second book, just wow, lol. The comparison with the Nazis all the way through was Apropos, "I wrote myself into a corner with this disaster, so screw it, everyone dies, the world dies too" Nuance is far too hard for some people apparently, I could feel your justified frustration all the way through. If I ever write a xenofiction story, I will keep these notes close. Thanks for your great work!
There’s a third book in this series, by the way.
@@johnvinals7423 ruclips.net/video/WTxTbiHC1NA/видео.html
This is so bad that I could write something up in minutes at literally 5am and it would be better. You know what? Sure, let's do this. Keep in mind, it's probably horrible.
-
Diamond winced, violently flapping her wings as snow dappled her beak. She shook her head as she ducked to the cover of a nearby bush. Her gaze lifted to the murky, darkly clouded skies above. The chill caught at her feathers, the air unusual icy. The brick forest was eerily silent, as if spring would never return. Diamond let out a bitter caw.
The silence shattered as others joined her calls. Her siblings, echoing a mix of confusion, annoyance and laughter in return.
"It's just a bit of snow, dear." Glimmer's chuckles seemed uncontrollable. Diamond rolled her eyes and beat her wings again. Like Glimmer could talk, if it was rain she'd be long gone. Her dear older sister was like that.
It was when a blurry of black and white passed the branches of her hiding place that she knew she'd had caught his attention as well.
"Is everything alright, Diamond?" Nettle tilted his head as he pushed his break through the foliage. Diamond could have sworn she saw a playful glint in his eye and she groaned in frustration.
"I'm fine." She grumbled, nudging the other magpie away with a few flicks of her wing. "Go bother Glimmer or find Copper or something."
You know you've done something wrong when Skeletor actually feels like a compelling villain compared to yours. At least his explicit obsession with evil is more comical than physically painful.
Fo sho
What I learned: self publishing is a double edged sword.
*double checks on google*
Wait... its not self published? How did this get past the editors?!
That's what I was thinking!
@@TheHatManCole Editor propably was his friend and mutual corvids hater :).
What's most ironic about the vilification of scavengers is that human meat consumption in modern societies is far closer to scavenging than to hunting. When we go into a supermarket, we don't buy live animals to tear apart ourselves, we buy dead meat. All the more baffling that we would see it as bad when animals do it...
The Author is vegan, so he probably knows that
@@rommdan2716 Oh huh. Hence the whole no eating insects thing.
Scavengers don't pay the other animals to kill the animal on their behalf, and we eat animals killed FOR us.
Learning the rules teaches you how to most effectively break them. Shoutouts to disability = evil in one single throwaway sentence that adds nothing and doesn't matter.
...You know I was going to snark about some things like it being a halfassed excuse because the author just really wanted to write about bird rape for some reason, but the book ending with bird rapture really just explains a lot, actually.
Enjoyed the discussion of writing craft. Seems to be something I don't see much, but maybe I just hadn't found the right corner of youtube until now.
For a moment I wondered if what the birds called "continent" could just been a big island, (like how in _The People the Time Forgot_ the cavemen talked about the island they lived in as if it was the whole world) wich would make more realistic that a council of only 12 owls ruled over the entire territory... but then I remembered that a lot of birds are migratory, so they should be even more aware than humans of how big the world is, so is just an oversight by the author
When it comes to xenofiction I think one of the most fascinating examples I've encountered is in the game Golden Treasure: The Great Green, where you play as a dragon. It's amazing reading about how dragons perceive other creatures and their culture when speaking to each other.
This video was great. Thoughtful writing advice, fantastic breakdown of what was wrong with the prose. I loved how you even gave examples of how the author could've improved what he wrote, and how other narratives would've been harmed by using a similiar prose structure.
I downright cringed reading some of the samples you used, as they reminded me of how I used to write when I wrote fanfiction in middle school. Thanks for the great vid West.
The fact that this master piece only has 1,006 Views is a tradgedy
Regarding the importance of prose - This video really made me appreciate the video lectures on writing my mom had me watch as a kid.
I don't remember what the course was called, but it was taught by a guy who basically would challenge students to think of more descriptive synonyms for ordinary words. "Said" became "whispered", "relayed", or "shouted", "saw" became "noticed", "watched", or "spotted", etc. The point of this wasn't just to create a clearer picture, but to help lessen the amount of words needed to explain what was happening to the reader. He also taught why lines like "Call me Ishmael" stand out and have impact, why the way a writer organises facts and details can actually change the meaning of those facts and details, and how to make your writing illustrative, instead of just informative. He also made the same point about repetitive word use, which was another reason to challenge students to come up with new words for the same ideas.
One really useful trick I think I learned from him (my memory's a little foggy on this) was to read every sentence you write out loud. If it doesn't sound right or flow well, if you stumble over any of the words, rewrite, move some words, switch out for some better synonyms, add some alliteration or contractions, etc. to adjust the rhythm until it reads just right. Books are symphonies, sentences are songs, words are notes, and punctuation marks are musical notation. Everyone has a different taste in music, and writers are going to have their own prose, but off-key is still off-key.
I learned a ton from those videos, and they still influence my writing two whole decades later.
Note to self: Write a bird Xenofiction focusing on corvids to show how they use teamwork and their intelligence to outsmart enemies.
I completely forgot these books existed. I remember when I was a wee lassy grabbing the first book and being totally enamored by the cover art and concept (I loved avian xenofiction). Had a tough time getting into the first few chapters, then I managed to lose it while on a walkabout, and felt some remorse that I hadn't given it a proper chance. Now I'm glad I left it on a stump somewhere for the elements to claim. What a mess!
Do you have plans to examine the Guardians of Ga'hoole series?
I don't have plans to cover that series, though I think (?) I read one or two of them way back in elementary or middle school.
@@CardinalWest It's one of those series that starts out intriguing and nuanced but grows progressively convoluted and far-fetched. Soooort of like "Warriors" but with owls: not bad, but not good. That said, I think there are a lot of folks out there who would appreciate your take on the series if you want to take a jab at the rest of the books on a rainy day.
@@CardinalWest I don’t know if you have any plans to cover “Broken Wings”, the third book in the Birddom series, because all I know about it is that it exists.
@@johnvinals7423 I wasn't even aware there were more, but I just googled it and the first link has the description "Two herons, corrupted by many forms of lust." I think I'll pass lol... though I must admit I _am_ curious how (if) Woodall's prose has improved.
@@CardinalWest that is one hell of a description, I am both intrigued and concerned.
I’d argue all the rabbit villains in Watership Down have more depth to them than the protagonists in One For Sorrow.
Apart from Woundwort having an actually understandable motive (it’s worth mentioning that his mother’s death by weasels comes after his idiot father pissed off a farmer so badly the guy killed both Woundwort’s dad and all his siblings, which then led to him and his mother traveling and so being found by the weasels. The fact his whole family’s death was explicitly caused by not being cautious enough around humans, you can see how things got to the point they did), all the rabbits under him have believable motivations beyond just “cus dey ebil”.
You’ve got the likes of Campion, a more or less decent guy who’s basically victim to his own sense of loyalty. Groundsel, who’s pretty much just one of the bad guys because that’s where he was born, and that’s just what you do.
Even the likes of Vervain, who’s admittedly a bullying bastard, isn’t cartoonishly evil. He’s just a dickhead who likes throwing his weight around, and happily works with the oppressive system to build his own power base.
I don’t know, I just really love Watership Down.
HOW did I miss this?! (OMG this was postedl iterally the day I helped puppies get born so i had been up alll night long on the 24th so tired and aboslutely drained) Been so excited to hear you do a full video on this monstrosity and I'm so glad the time had finally come. Poor trees had to die for this…! Lol
Unfortunately there is a sequel to this. Yes; a SEQUEL. Oh nevermind, you already knew XD
Your passages are such an improvement by the way. I’d pay you to rewrite the entire book, to be completely honest!
On another note...This has made me more aware of my wirting skills, and I am worried about my WIP. I'm afraid my prose isn't very good. I feel I over-describe things, basically, and I fear I ramble too much. I hope this essay will help me find my footing and keep on writing.
A lot of the excerpts you read sound like stuff I wrote as a little kid, just with better grammar... The fact that this is a published novel that so many people bought is curing my imposter syndrome
I’m told that while my story writing is good the story itself is a bit dry so I’ve been practicing how to properly write humor. It can give my characters some much needed life and liven up the story a little. Problem is I don’t think I’m very good at it yet. But those excerpts absolutely made me feel a little better about my writing skills
It motivates me to try.
I've never given writing much time.
Ngl, the biggest issue with xenofiction is stereotype. Not just the "oh, crow go murder" kinda stereotype, but the feeling of "x race is like this." It reinforces this really racist framework that teeters pretty close to just accepting a deeply eugenic worldview as if it were anything other than a gross myth. And that kinda runs counter to the messaging they seem to be aiming for.
Stereotypes exist for a reason lol
@@DeepCFisher Because people apply them to others, dumbass. Gtfo with your clown ass. 🤡
@@DeepCFisher and what reasons are those
I totally agree
@@DustdeviIs they represent truth
I want to write xenofiction in the future, and your videos are the best in that part, i love how you explain all.
I cannot overstate the euphoric vindication in my heart that not only has someone else read this book, made a video about this book, but also thoroughly detailed why I absolutely despise this book. It was the first time I realized a book could be bad. Not flawed, not weak, not just not to my taste, but straight up bad.
Also, thank you so much for pointing me in the direction of so much xenofiction I never managed to find. Can't wait to check out Fire, Bed, and Bone.
1:25 I love how almost every corvid is in its emo phase, meanwhile you just have bluejays showing up in white and blue pajamas.
the REDACTED part is insane, the fact its one of the rare moments they actually described smtn in detail, im concerned by how much the writer seemed to be enjoying writing it, let alone then try to make the villain now be all tragic n shit like boohoo who cares than i traumatised that woman? i love her!!!
This is going to be a weird response, but as someone who has not read this (and who has absolutely no intention of spending a single red cent to do so) I just wonder...how exactly do they go into detail...??? The only birds with any form of male genitalia are waterfowl like ducks, geese and swans did the author seriously just like, write in a magpie weiner in order to fulfill their disturbing fantasies about SA involving birds??? 🤨
@@_dember Honestly, I'm curious too.
But it might be for the best that we don't know.
@@_dember TW for grossness, bad writing, and grossness. //
"As Traska flew away, he was seething inside. Anger, frustration, bitterness and rage churned in his stomach, mixing with a baser emotion. This time the outlet of simple violence was not sufficient. Traska's eyes scoured the scenery below, alert and eager in his lust, for the glimpse of his victim. The frisson of excitement built and built, until his mind was crazed with desire.
And then he saw her. She was alone and happily oblivious to all around her. Bathing, the young magpie sang softly to herself - a child of Nature, in harmony of her surroundings. Traska thought he had never seen anyone so beautiful, but this only fueled his passion. For this pair there would be no courtship or ceremonious display. For this female, barely out of adolescence, there would be no nest, no mate. +
Traska fell upon her and took her, with a savagery
born of his need. Her shocked cries, her tears at
the pain, goaded him still further. His physical size
meant that she was no match and she was soon
cowed, weeping silently, as his violence upon her
continued. The swirl of emotions raced and boiled
inside him, finally exploding, leaving him drained,
physically and mentally, as he slumped over her,
pinning her still beneath him. And, as the rage and
frustration washed away, they were replaced by an
inrushing tide of guilt and remorse for what he
had done. The pain this caused him astonished
Traska in its intensity and, in his twisted mind, it
focused his anger, once again, on its source. Why
should he feel pity for her? She was weak and he
strong. She was his, to do with as he pleased She
was nothing!
As these thoughts filled his mind with hate,
Traska began to beat the young magpie as he took
her again, until she fainted from the pain and
violence perpetrated upon her."
the "woe is me" BS was so bizarre
I’ve not watched any of your videos before, but I have to let you know: 悪い(warui) does indeed mean bad, but 本(hon) is book and 鳥(tori) is bird! 😅 I’m so sorry, I couldn’t let this slide
I find it very jarring how this book shows us things that though unfortunate, do happen in animal world- such as for example cannibalism, but then proceeds to moralize it in a very peculiar fashion. Like a small bird having to resort to devouring it's siblings because it had been abandoned by it's parents sound plausible but more tragic to me then a symbol of that bird being pure evil.
It's like push and pull of author not being able to decide just how much inspiration from real life animals they want to take.
Also I happy you mentioned the steretypical misscharacterization of corvids. Not so fun fact: On a quick study of ornithology I did in my highschool we learned the really terryfingly brutal birdies were the great tit birds. You want birds that are big on cannibalism, those are your guys.
I came here from watching your Shrek and Balto videos and I must say, you absolutely opened my eyes as to why my writing has felt subpar. As an amateur, and I do mean AMATEUR writer, I always get the impression that my sentences are not fun to read. I do try to stay mindful of my word choice and sentence variation but this video finally made me come to the realization that I am utterly terrible at the whole "show don't tell" thing. I always write like I'm submitting an SAT essay so it's no wonder why I always feel like something is missing from my writing. Thank you, Cardinal West.
That certainly was ... something. I clicked on the video just to have something playing in the background, but found myself utterly captured. The style-adapted passages of other authors were actually painful to listen to.
I'm not usually drawn to xenofiction (I learned a new word today), but even so your analysis was really enjoyable; as well as your despair at the author's lack of skill.
You gave me some good giggles throughout the video. Thank you for that!
I am HERE for this
According to the author bio, he came up with the story as a bedtime story to tell to his kids. You know, like that other renowned fantasy author. So, bizarre "wait for the rapture" message at the end aside, the author's other books on Goodreads consist of another Birddom book, this time starring a heron with an added dose of "Adam and Eve," and...saucy WWII romance dramas?
i dont plan on writing xenofiction but i feel like this was very informative for writing anything in general!!! very good will be taking tips and tricks to heart!!
"Is it written for adults but incompetently?"
No, it sounds like it's written for incompetent adults, a rather large market.
I personally think a Corvid-based Xenofiction would be a killer book. Having a Watership Down in an urban setting sounds neat the author could show all the wild hardships that occur in out own backyards. Making all the crows hitler is such a waste y'all....
I want to read this book now
I want to read this book now
Oh! I really liked your video on xenofiction and was intrigued by your shorter breakdown of this book, since I hadn't heard of it before.
Excited to hear more about it and why you dislike it!
I was admittedly a bit startled to see this in my RUclips recs--not because XenoFiction or SpecEvo-adjacent content is outside of my norm (the opposite, in fact)--but I was genuinely surprised to hear that someone had taken the time to dissect a book I remember only through virtue of how utterly disappointing it was to me as a kid.
It's been a long time since I read this book (and thankfully, I have never touched the sequel) but from what I remember the takedown is utterly spot-on. I also have to commend you for going through such lengths to demonstrate the mechanics behind the faults you've found in its prose and the bizarre contrasts of content. Scathing though your conclusion is, you have given this book more than its fair shake and have gone to lengths to display examples of XenoFiction done right. Wonderfully done.
But also, deep down, a part of me was moved to comment because you mentioned Gabriel King's Wild Road duology--a pair of books that, while admittedly flawed, was hugely formative for me, and one that seems to have gone forgotten by so many down the years. I fully accept criticisms of King's odd dreamlike work, but was so pleased to see it held up as a positive example. Bravo all around--I'll definitely be checking out the rest of this channel!
25:53
The flashback point reminds me of my favorite book, Into the Pit by Scott Cawthon. While the Into The Pit story itself follows a fairly simple linear structure, the story Count The Ways starts off In Medias Res, staring right past the inciting incident, then our villan says something that launches our main character, Millie Fitzsimmons, into a flashback, of so many years ago. The book then continues like this, with long flasbacks and long stretchs of the present (but they don't seem to interrupt eachother) until the flashbacks lead us to where the story started, and we end the story in the present, with...well i'm not spoiling the ending, since I _heavily_ suggest you read it, if you're into supernatural horror and don't mind heavy mentioning of death.
"& tasted warm iron" is the most creative way to say the bird drew blood! Subscribed
time stamp 21:14
I just found your channel and this is a great way to kick off more awesome content
Geez, what did corvids ever do to them? Those birds are spectacular creatures, they do NOT deserve this characterization.
Want to know the answer?? Because I am 99% sure that author is this type of snowflake whining about corvids (particulary magpie and crow) and blame for decline of songbirds, despite research that didn’t confirm his delusions. Propably not knowing that corvids are songbirds too and also suffers from dangers like losing eggs/nestlings and eaten by birds of prey. And the only songbirds that actually get hurted by corvids are... other corvids, but it's not worth talking about because somebody worldview will collapse. The infantile idiot who thinks that little passerines are cute and lovable because they sing pretty and don't kill others and he’ll say that the magpie is a pest and invasive, without understanding the definition of an invasive species.
The same crybaby who, in a RUclips video like a predator hunting its prey, writes in the comments why the cameraman won't save the prey. In UK (author living in Britain) these types are unfortunately widely and they approve straight-up persecution of magpies and crows, a even less ferocious birds like rook and jackdaw (in my native Poland all corvids are protected species and many have butthurt about it). Trying to convince most of them is a waste of nerves and they will continue to learn about nature from TV shows for little kids. Although not, works for kids, even those of an older age, are more fair and objective towards "bad animal species", including corvids.
These are excellent writing tips and criticisms. Your suggestions and analogies are equally matched. To echo other commenters here, this is the best instructive video commentary I’ve seen on writing practice. Cheers!
The pacing beats of your asides, interjections, and humor are all quite entertaining as well!
It's always a great day when I see a new upload from you.
I honestly enjoy hearing you talk about an awful book even more than one you love, just a lot of fun to hear about everything a book does wrong. Almost makes me want to see this but with the Ancient Solitary Reign series.
I've looked up about Disney buying the rights and found out that it is either cancelled or on hiatus because of uncompleted negotiations with Woodall, so I've been feeling rather down in the dumps ever since.
(Also, big ups for that Ghost Stories reference)
Honestly I'm a believer that most boring and bland fiction could easily have good adaptations. So if Disney DID make an animated version i bet it'd be decent.
But they don’t do that anymore…it’s DISNEY you spoke of.
@@Barakon they'll buy already popular franchises and badly handle them, butcher their old IPs and if they acquire a new IP with a niche audience they'll change it so much that the niche audience won't like it and the mainstream audience won't care about the product
@@Barakon @kron7536 You really believed that Disney bought some just published book of some noname, and book with gore and rapes for a million dollars? The news was from 20 years ago and propably bluff from author. Especially since nothing has been done regarding the alleged film adaptation, and the book itself has become forgotten and there is not even an article on Wikipedia.