'decenter' men and PLATFORM your own hair. | ep. 2

Поделиться
HTML-код
  • Опубликовано: 24 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 83

  • @laela6289
    @laela6289 5 месяцев назад +80

    Also it’s a bold face lie that men don’t like natural hair… I’ve gotten drinks paid for me, flowers on the first date, shopping trips, and no issue with men paying and planning to take me out while wearing my natural hair. And all the while receiving endless compliments from them. self love is an ENERGY. It’s not something you can fake. If you only feel pretty wearing a weave but never in your fro, that energy projects in both your vibe and the effort you put in your hair. You do not have to tell a black woman in a weave that’s she’s gorgeous bc she already FEELS that way. Meanwhile you have to reassure a black woman in a wash and go that she’s cute in order to have the same confidence. People can FEEL that… that said, Most black women won’t admit it but they wear their natural hair when being low maintenance/ or even thrown together in between weave installation appts, and then straightened hair/ wigs and weave when being intentional about their look. If you applied the same effort in your appearance when wearing your actual hair, you will get compliments, and attention from men. If YOU genuinely feel pretty and beautiful in your own hair, that energy radiates out.

    • @adorablebelle
      @adorablebelle 5 месяцев назад +10

      This comment 1,000%

    • @h34rt5k
      @h34rt5k 5 месяцев назад +14

      It’s a preposterous lie!! I get so much more attention and compliments when I look like *me*

    • @Afrocentric_Exotical_24
      @Afrocentric_Exotical_24 5 месяцев назад +3

      👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾☝🏽‼️

    • @mariepearl-harbour2335
      @mariepearl-harbour2335 5 месяцев назад +3

      You go girl!😊

    • @TheMspoodle2
      @TheMspoodle2 5 месяцев назад +6

      For real, men love 4b/4c hair.

  • @princessigbo2631
    @princessigbo2631 5 месяцев назад +44

    Dunno…although I have never had a problem attracting men, I attract way more men with my natural hair-when it was short and now that it’s long. I have 4C hair.
    Going natural with my hair changed me in so many ways-I started eating better, exercising more and living my best life. I started living and dressing more authentically.
    All of this made me a more attractive and more interesting woman to everyone including men.
    My teenage daughter has only ever had natural hair and she practically has to beat boys and men off with a stick. She has 3C hair.
    We never used delusion. We just love our hair.

  • @missfabidia
    @missfabidia 5 месяцев назад +62

    From my experience, men absolutely love natural hair 😊

    • @SpiritVines
      @SpiritVines 5 месяцев назад +5

      Same

    • @mariepearl-harbour2335
      @mariepearl-harbour2335 5 месяцев назад +8

      I think a lot of men prefer natural hair, however due to so much women back in the past wearing weaves and chemical relaxer, many men found it so difficult near impossible to find a woman with natural hair, that they just in my opinion decided to tolerate this.

    • @Ali-dr9ly
      @Ali-dr9ly 5 месяцев назад +1

      I concur

    • @Ali-dr9ly
      @Ali-dr9ly 5 месяцев назад +9

      I concur, but I don't do it for men

  • @Bri-sb5nj
    @Bri-sb5nj 5 месяцев назад +35

    I only became natural recently, but I learned to treat it as a warning if a guy didn’t even want to see me with natural hair. It often points to an even bigger red flag.

    • @nursefulness2274
      @nursefulness2274 5 месяцев назад +7

      Such a good point. My dad asked me “when r you getting ur hair done” and it hadn’t even been 2 days after I took out my hair (and going on this journey of wearing my natural hair for the first time). Needless to say he’s a wicked unemployed cheater 🤷‍♀️ not liking natural hair is a red flag

    • @Bri-sb5nj
      @Bri-sb5nj 5 месяцев назад +4

      @@nursefulness2274 I hope you didn’t let that get you down! It is so crazy what kinds of things people will focus on when they have their own problems.

    • @kaylabean3693
      @kaylabean3693 4 месяца назад

      @@nursefulness2274it’s always the bums isn’t it! My dad was the same and his life long decisions have indeed caught up to him

  • @laela6289
    @laela6289 5 месяцев назад +58

    I want to say while I love your content. I rlly would like to emphasize that you don’t have to be “delusional” to believe that black hair is beautiful.. I get what you mean with fake it til you make it, but you don’t have to pretend that black hair is beautiful to accept it… you just simply ACCEPT that it is beautiful and fall in love with the process of it’s untapped artistic potential and textural advantage over flatter hair types. Our hair has natural volume, life and personality. The curl pattern allows for hundreds of hairstyles and variations that don’t even have names. If black women saw their hair as a medium of artistic expression and not a uniform of conformity… we’d see how silly we actually are being. That said, even if you are centering men, many black men, and white men, and men from all over have emphasized again and again how much they prefer black women in their natural hair. Even as early as the 1920’s when we were mocked for our features, there’s was a white documentary on black women’s perm treatments where the narrator commented how he doesn’t understand why black women “de-perm” their hair when they have a “natural wave” that white women spend hundreds of dollars to have.

    • @SpiritVines
      @SpiritVines 5 месяцев назад +8

      True we also don’t have to emphasize that black is beautiful, we already know it’s beautiful and if someone is beautiful we should just say that they’re beautiful :)

    • @laela6289
      @laela6289 5 месяцев назад +1

      @@SpiritVinesthis !!

    • @mariepearl-harbour2335
      @mariepearl-harbour2335 5 месяцев назад +1

      Exactly as they know women of Afro-descent and Afro- mixed/MGM admixtures both coily and curly hair are the blueprint of beauty.

    • @sailorvenus857
      @sailorvenus857 5 месяцев назад +1

      Do you remember the name of the documentary by any chance?

  • @esthertjones
    @esthertjones 5 месяцев назад +39

    My question is, why are we trying to attract men plural? All that is needed is one good man who loves everything about a woman, which would include her natural hair. Why chase any other type of attention? 🤔

    • @mariepearl-harbour2335
      @mariepearl-harbour2335 5 месяцев назад +10

      Yes girl, it's all about attracting your perfect match, your husband, your soulmate. The fancymen are flattering but that's it.

    • @doll.ov.poetrii4682
      @doll.ov.poetrii4682 5 месяцев назад +9

      I think she's referring to if a single woman is dating; which means she will want to attract men to eventually single them all out for one man. That one good man has to be singled out from her other options.

    • @denyshadials5702
      @denyshadials5702 5 месяцев назад +7

      Most women don’t want a ‘plethora of men’, it’s just that the best men aren’t usually the first to approach. It can take quite a while for that ‘one good man’ to enter the fray. Especially on your environment and city population. In fact my problem wasn’t that they weren’t good men-I was just related to the majority of them🤷🏽‍♀️ my family is HUGE and I didn’t get a first boyfriend until I left for college 😂

    • @esthertjones
      @esthertjones 5 месяцев назад

      @@denyshadials5702 oh no 🫣

  • @adorablebelle
    @adorablebelle 5 месяцев назад +48

    Natural hair helped me weed out men in a very positive way, I think. (I’ve been natural since I started high school so I never seriously tried to date without natural hair.)
    But I think natural hair attracts classier men (by this I mean men who desire natural-looking women, not women whose beauty work is extremely obvious). I never had issues dating. The only men I’ve heard or seen complain about natural hair buy into a version of blackness I want nothing to do with. I think if a man is texturist he’s likely also colorist… he wouldn’t want me with straight hair anyway because I have very dark skin.
    We have to learn to love ourselves enough to only be attracted to men who demonstrate genuine attraction to us. It should give us the ick if a man pursuing us doesn’t adore us.

    • @SpiritVines
      @SpiritVines 5 месяцев назад +4

      They treat you better too

    • @mariepearl-harbour2335
      @mariepearl-harbour2335 5 месяцев назад +3

      Beautiful statement. ❤

    • @A_Wilson
      @A_Wilson 5 месяцев назад +8

      @adorablebelle “Men who are texturists are also colorist”…what a statement! That is probably true…it goes hand in hand.

    • @mariepearl-harbour2335
      @mariepearl-harbour2335 5 месяцев назад +3

      @@A_Wilson There's nothing wrong if a man prefers a woman with a certain hair texture or complexion, especially if it is a genuine preference. However, making a woman feel unattractive as due to her not being his preference is unacceptable. It's best to be diplomatic in regards to such sensitive topics.

  • @LisePlansandJournals
    @LisePlansandJournals 5 месяцев назад +28

    Men prefer natural hair, but when its long. Men like long hair. Black men prefer it at least. Non black boyfriends never wanted me to wear any level of extensions.
    Its a strange phenomena but even the women of my family only ever have positive things to say about my hair when its long.

    • @kaylean39
      @kaylean39 5 месяцев назад +9

      It’s not just black men. Long, full hair is seen (on a subconscious level) as a uniquely female characteristic. It’s also a representation of fertility from an evolutionary perspective. Full hips full hair and clear skin were symbols of health. A lot of black men I know and have dated don’t actually like extensions. They just except it because it’s something that we choose and recognize that they can’t tell us anything about it without there being an issue. Non black men see it as just hair, you can just grow more. BM understand it’s deeper than that so they leave it alone and let us do us. Long or short hair just take pride in your beauty

    • @SpiritVines
      @SpiritVines 5 месяцев назад +16

      @@kaylean39 for white people primarily, in old African history and traditions long hair down to your feet wasn’t the norm. So that wasn’t preferred until colonialism

    • @highdog943
      @highdog943 5 месяцев назад +1

      @@SpiritVines 👍

    • @kaylean39
      @kaylean39 5 месяцев назад +10

      @@SpiritVinesI wouldn’t know about that. I’m a black person from the US with very little knowledge of African tradition unfortunately. So I won’t argue with that. All I know is historically in the US we had the ability to grow our hair down our backs, or to our waist with just grease, water and plaits. Going back to slavery, it was a norm. So, that tells me the ability is there if we want it and stay natural. Not everyone does though. I also don’t see why this wouldn’t apply to women in Africa. What if their depictions of us has been inaccurate. When you look at old sculptures and murals of black women in Africa did they not also have unique long braiding styles and locs? Who said long hair wasn’t the norm for us? Especially considering our shrinkage

    • @ennvee1989
      @ennvee1989 5 месяцев назад +1

      This

  • @SpiritVines
    @SpiritVines 5 месяцев назад +15

    All the men I’ve pulled have loved my natural hair, I’ve never pulled a kind guy who also was supportive and financially secure who didn’t love my hair. It’s an illusion to think your hair is the reason certain people won’t choose you, if they don’t bcs of that run. It’s superficial and weird. Date people who love who you are and who you don’t have to overly perform for.

  • @mariepearl-harbour2335
    @mariepearl-harbour2335 5 месяцев назад +12

    I think any woman who decides to go natural, must bear in mind that once you decide to go natural, you are more likely to meet a man who truly likes the natural beautiful you, rather than the glamourous you when it comes to weave and lace front. It's all about being the real beautiful you inside and out. You want to meet the husband, the man who loves the real natural you. I think many women with insecurities, inferior complexes and trauma think that they will be deemed less attractive and less desirable if they wear their natural hair, and have been programmed to think they look better with their hair hidden away in a weave. All part of the agenda.
    All the hair models in the video look stunningly beautiful with their natural hair, definitely one of the blueprints in regards to natural hair beauty.
    The natural hair is at her most regal natural. I think if you want to straighten your hair to change things up, it's best to use a blowdry, flat iron or roller set. Additionally, use heat in moderation.

    • @denyshadials5702
      @denyshadials5702 5 месяцев назад +6

      It’s true. I’ve always been self conscious about ‘the girls’, so I used to wear very padded bras thinking they flattered me more. After we married and I moved in, he bought whole sets of bras, with hardly any padding and told me to throw away ‘them other bras’ 😂.

    • @mariepearl-harbour2335
      @mariepearl-harbour2335 5 месяцев назад +7

      @@denyshadials5702 Thank the Heavenly Father through the True Messiah that your husband loves the real you.

    • @ryn2791
      @ryn2791 5 месяцев назад +2

      so true! I definitely agree. It's so sad but hopefully we can build that confidence back.

    • @mariepearl-harbour2335
      @mariepearl-harbour2335 5 месяцев назад

      @@ryn2791 Yes gradually and humbly build up that confidence.
      Peace and Blessings.

  • @ieshjust16
    @ieshjust16 5 месяцев назад +7

    I wholeheartedly agree. I wear my hair natural, and I care more about the health of my hair than anything.. I'm more focused on working out and getting to a heathier weight than my hair. Sincerely a long hair 4c girl.

    • @nursefulness2274
      @nursefulness2274 5 месяцев назад +1

      Good on you! One of my favorite RUclipsrs was talking about how she has gained weight since being in a new relationship (I consider this a red flag but whatever) but she said she can’t exercise/go to the gym bc she has an install 🤦‍♀️ that’s when I knew we have truly lost the plot. I still love her videos she’s so funny but wow… our physical health should be way more important than how our hair “looks”

  • @EfikZara
    @EfikZara 5 месяцев назад +4

    Every guy from every race has preferred my natural hair. To be fair, it’s long and dense but I’m type 4. My hair is obviously kinky/coily.
    I love myself, the way I am and I think more than anything… people are likely drawn to that and can feel that. Once you put your beauty on a pedestal, you’ll attract people that do, as well.
    Edit: I disagree with the male gaze valuing straight hair though… the guys that approach me are my type (wealthy and attractive… black, white, arab, Asian… etc) and I’m currently in Nigeria. Men of substance value healthy natural hair.

    • @thisiscoilette
      @thisiscoilette  5 месяцев назад +1

      Hi Zara, thank you for sharing your experience 😊 I agree that I have definitely been more magnetic since going natural the second time around, because I have way more confidence and self acceptance than before. With the straight hair, I mentioned it because lots of the girlies say it online, but it was not true for me in my personal life. I’m starting to question it honestly 🤔

  • @KushQueen9
    @KushQueen9 5 месяцев назад +6

    I've never had this issue😂 whatever hairstyle I wear, i know I look beautiful and i have been natural for a while now. I just braided it. People really need to get over that pick me nonsense and just be themselves!!

  • @ennvee1989
    @ennvee1989 5 месяцев назад +6

    Hairstyle is so pretty 2:14

  • @thewindsinger7687
    @thewindsinger7687 5 месяцев назад +4

    I adore this space, thank you

  • @AFocusedLiving
    @AFocusedLiving 5 месяцев назад +15

    I would say women within our community too because they project their insecurities onto you from generations.

    • @doll.ov.poetrii4682
      @doll.ov.poetrii4682 5 месяцев назад +5

      True. My mom, Grandma, and aunt were the reason why I used to hate my natural hair. It's not that boys/men never bullied my natural hair, but hands down the women in my family and other women that I crossed paths with in my day to day life were not only the first, but the worst bullies.

  • @TerikaL36
    @TerikaL36 5 месяцев назад +6

    Great topic! Lots of truth in this ❤

  • @FTYC2022
    @FTYC2022 5 месяцев назад

    Yes, I did the same thing! My hair is thriving. I had this epiphany 3 years. I had to stop caring about being chosen by a man; especially a blk man. I Listen to this women ladies!

  • @noluthandosibiya108
    @noluthandosibiya108 5 месяцев назад +2

    I haven't commented on the consistency because I didn't want to jinx it, but yay for the recent videos! 😂
    Also, as a South African, seeing South African faces on your picture montage is really cool!

  • @merriem24
    @merriem24 4 месяца назад

    Interesting video. Attracting men as a natural differs depending on where you live. When I go back home to Chicago I get a lot of attention, but not here in Oklahoma. The beauty standards in some places are still very Eurocentric.

  • @ryn2791
    @ryn2791 5 месяцев назад +1

    love this video; it really candid.

  • @mariepearl-harbour2335
    @mariepearl-harbour2335 5 месяцев назад +5

    It's interesting hearing your view from a light skinned Nigerian woman's perspective. Do you find that people due to you being light skinned expect you to have more loose spiral curly hair?

    • @bibaolaitan5189
      @bibaolaitan5189 5 месяцев назад +11

      Yea, I thibk in the west its expected, cos they see light skinned ppl that are mixed with that hair, so they expect every light skinned person to have loose hair. I am Nigerian also, and light skinned women don't have loose hair. They have prominent black features with kinky hair, but are light skinned.

    • @ELLAWARD
      @ELLAWARD 5 месяцев назад +5

      I am light skinned Nigerian, Nigerians never expected me to have looser curls. They only just see you as light skinned

    • @mariepearl-harbour2335
      @mariepearl-harbour2335 5 месяцев назад +2

      Yes a lot of Nigeriand especially the Igbo tribe can be rather light skinned. Also quite a few South African tribes especially Khoesian tribes can be light skinned.

  • @Afrocentric_Exotical_24
    @Afrocentric_Exotical_24 5 месяцев назад +4

    ❤❤❤❤

  • @clairemuigai
    @clairemuigai 5 месяцев назад +3

    In my locale, I think women are trying to outdo other women in looking good and not really to impress men. Also "made _ hair is a sign of doing well

    • @ryn2791
      @ryn2791 5 месяцев назад +2

      but why would they outdo women where would the validation come from? They outdo women so that they can get validated from me and be chosen.

  • @PieceMeals
    @PieceMeals 5 месяцев назад +2

    Commenter: Men love natural hair
    Also commenter: has 3-4a hair.
    Truthfully, with men it depends. Texture and length matter to them. 4C doesn't get lots of love from anyone when it's short. That's why it really is important to love and care for your hair, no matter what anyone else thinks.

  • @mariepearl-harbour2335
    @mariepearl-harbour2335 5 месяцев назад +4

    It would be interesting to do.a video on why so much women who claim to be all natural, are secretly putting texturiser on their hair to get more hair curl definition, or to make the hair more softer, or for manageability. It would be good if you could discuss natural hair relaxers like coconut milk conditioner as a safer alternative to chemical texturiser.

    • @lunamufon
      @lunamufon 5 месяцев назад

      Who wants hard or unmanageable hair... 😂😂
      That's why they have it treated, duh.
      You don't really see silky hair textures doing that... duh

    • @mariepearl-harbour2335
      @mariepearl-harbour2335 5 месяцев назад

      @@lunamufon There are women with very Afro-coily tight, coarse textured kinky hair. However, it is about advising these women that the texturiser will only temporarily soften the hair until the hair goes back to the coarse texture. Furthermore, a chemical texturiser will eventually damage the hair. A natural hair relaxer such as coconut milk conditioner or a hair clay mask are advisable as they are natural hair relaxers, that softens the hair along with shea butter.
      Silky hair textures have different hair issues, every hair type has their positive and negative. Don't get it twisted.

    • @mariepearl-harbour2335
      @mariepearl-harbour2335 5 месяцев назад

      @@lunamufon There are East Asian people both men and women who chemical relax their hair, the men especially to stop their hair from spiking.

  • @WeMustAllStandAsOne
    @WeMustAllStandAsOne 5 месяцев назад +1

    Wow, you're South African? Which tribe are you from.

  • @thewordsmith5440
    @thewordsmith5440 5 месяцев назад +3

    Why are most of your pictures black women with very short hair? Why do people think black women having natural hair is having 2-4 inches of hair? Everything isn't always about men because not everyone even dates or dates men maybe they don't like it. I haven't dated in years I "Really Do" things for myself not for men. I have to like my before anyone else does.

    • @phizzy123
      @phizzy123 5 месяцев назад +4

      what’s wrong with showing really short hair? we barely get to see it, we are always bombarded with 3c long curly hair styles when looking at anything having to do with natural hair, so i assumed it was for diversity purposes.

    • @Non-random_Earthling
      @Non-random_Earthling 5 месяцев назад +2

      To the OP, I see your point. I've been watching RUclips videos lately of African women with waist length, beautiful and thick 4c hair. They are truly inspiring. They keep their hair care simple - at least the ones I've been watching. So I agree that we don't see enough of those type of images. As a result, some will fall for the myth that natural hair is hair that can't achieve extraordinary length.

    • @1024sofia
      @1024sofia 3 месяца назад +2

      she puts images of ppl with long ppl complain and say they want short and then she does just that and then ppl still complain.

  • @lunamufon
    @lunamufon 5 месяцев назад

    Don't forget, there's 2 type of "4C" hair. Theres silky (soft), and then there's cottony (hard/ rough)

    • @nursefulness2274
      @nursefulness2274 5 месяцев назад +4

      Pls stop using the word “hard” and “rough” to refer to people’s natural hair. Hella weird. The silky/soft 4C hair you are talking about is usually a result of traction alopecia and/or heat damage.

    • @c45177
      @c45177 4 месяца назад +6

      Hard? Rough? You mean fluffy and less definition, take that internal hate elsewhere.