I begin to wonder if INFJs are created by Narc parents. I spend a great deal of time coaxing my mother out of her bad moods. She's addicted to it, and when I withdraw it, all hell breaks loose.
I am a massive fawner but it is literally terrifying to me not fawning. I’m terrified people are going to get mad at me or there will be some type of confrontation. I do it with literally everyone. Even random people at the grocery store. I had one girl I talked to a lot at the store tell me I don’t have to feel responsible for her feelings. Took me by complete shock. I realized I have to change.
Another great deep dive Lauren! I know I have done this fawning before especially with my father and other authority figures in my young life. I had never thought about how other people actually have the right and the need to process their own emotions without us trying to control the situation and make them happy just so they won't be a threat to us or make us uncomfortable. These are subtle things to realize! Thank you!
Im the immature person you talk about, who cannot say sorry or take responsibility of my own reactions. I feel my pride being taken away, and I feel less of a human when not being right. I know i am not natcissistic in nature, but I feel “groomed” to be it in a way, with a strongheaded no-mistakes-ever” mother and a sensitive creative musician of a father with an alcohol addiction. I am both a sensitive creative soul singing in a band and playing instruments, making art and writing stories - but I stille have the egocentric strongwilled head like my mother. My older brother is autistic and was not “good enough”, i was the shining wonderkid and my baby brother was the trouble maker. Now I am a mom of two, feeling torn between my temper and expectations to them but also my enormous pleasing gene that wants to full their every psychological need all the time. I wish there was a video out there about me, I feel quite alone in it.
Damn, I didn’t expect to see that very relatable dark side of INFJ fawning covered. In my previous relationship I really wasn’t ok with my partner not being ok with us in any way, and would exactly flutter or keep constant tabs and wait for my chance to go in and try to subtly augment it to be better. My partner kept getting increasingly frustrated and I don’t think either of us understood why, and both kind of thought of him as the bad guy if anything, getting so mad at me trying to make things better. Now I’m seeing the controlling nature of it.
Great topic. I had already come to the realization that my fawning response was not only toxic to myself but also to anyone I tried to pass it off to as advice just as you pointed out. Well said and important to understand. My responses now are usually more like how you stated they should be... quiet at times and sharing honestly at others.
Thank you! I can see I’ve begun the process already of “non-fawn”, but was struggling at the “why am I losing everyone” stage. This whole explanation opened my eyes to the next step. So grateful for your time. ❤
I feel like I’m fawning even when I’m just emulating regular people’s beat around the bush way of communicating. When I am direct and being myself, it seems people can’t handle it. So I try to be nicer, and it just feels icky, but I guess that’s what you have to do for people to be comfortable. Now, on the topic of actual true fawning, I am doing a better job of not falling into that pattern.
Weird request do u do therapy to individuals from different countries like online therapy . As someone who has discovered your channel a few months ago i tend to find comfort and understanding from a few creators such as you and am need of finding s safe support that i usually feel i cannot find in the real world ( as i have been repetitively typed as infp- t throughout the years) . Thanks for your videos and empathy, from an infp lol ❤.
Ive realized 3 months ago that I have been doing this with toxic manuipulative ppl. I was so mad at myself. Im turning over a new leaf to "I dont give a damn"😂😂 sometimes you have to go to the extreme to come into balance.
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I begin to wonder if INFJs are created by Narc parents. I spend a great deal of time coaxing my mother out of her bad moods. She's addicted to it, and when I withdraw it, all hell breaks loose.
I am a massive fawner but it is literally terrifying to me not fawning. I’m terrified people are going to get mad at me or there will be some type of confrontation. I do it with literally everyone. Even random people at the grocery store. I had one girl I talked to a lot at the store tell me I don’t have to feel responsible for her feelings. Took me by complete shock. I realized I have to change.
Another great deep dive Lauren! I know I have done this fawning before especially with my father and other authority figures in my young life. I had never thought about how other people actually have the right and the need to process their own emotions without us trying to control the situation and make them happy just so they won't be a threat to us or make us uncomfortable. These are subtle things to realize! Thank you!
“Our soul doesn’t feel safe to express itself.” 🤯 Exactly. Great video on the topic and how we respond to feeling a loss of control.
Wow I had some amazing insights to my own calcified reactions as a fawning INFJ. Thank you SO much!
Fawning = people pleasing
Freezing = people pleasing
Im the immature person you talk about, who cannot say sorry or take responsibility of my own reactions. I feel my pride being taken away, and I feel less of a human when not being right. I know i am not natcissistic in nature, but I feel “groomed” to be it in a way, with a strongheaded no-mistakes-ever” mother and a sensitive creative musician of a father with an alcohol addiction. I am both a sensitive creative soul singing in a band and playing instruments, making art and writing stories - but I stille have the egocentric strongwilled head like my mother. My older brother is autistic and was not “good enough”, i was the shining wonderkid and my baby brother was the trouble maker. Now I am a mom of two, feeling torn between my temper and expectations to them but also my enormous pleasing gene that wants to full their every psychological need all the time. I wish there was a video out there about me, I feel quite alone in it.
Damn, I didn’t expect to see that very relatable dark side of INFJ fawning covered. In my previous relationship I really wasn’t ok with my partner not being ok with us in any way, and would exactly flutter or keep constant tabs and wait for my chance to go in and try to subtly augment it to be better. My partner kept getting increasingly frustrated and I don’t think either of us understood why, and both kind of thought of him as the bad guy if anything, getting so mad at me trying to make things better. Now I’m seeing the controlling nature of it.
No such thing as Dark empath that's a Narcissist Not Empath
Great topic. I had already come to the realization that my fawning response was not only toxic to myself but also to anyone I tried to pass it off to as advice just as you pointed out. Well said and important to understand. My responses now are usually more like how you stated they should be... quiet at times and sharing honestly at others.
Wow. The is explains exactly how I ended up with my emotionally abusive ex husband. Very eye-opening!
Thank you! I can see I’ve begun the process already of “non-fawn”, but was struggling at the “why am I losing everyone” stage. This whole explanation opened my eyes to the next step. So grateful for your time. ❤
Yes. This is so true. I used to do this a lot with my partner. We would get in an argument about what he's angry about. It's messed up.
I feel like I’m fawning even when I’m just emulating regular people’s beat around the bush way of communicating. When I am direct and being myself, it seems people can’t handle it. So I try to be nicer, and it just feels icky, but I guess that’s what you have to do for people to be comfortable.
Now, on the topic of actual true fawning, I am doing a better job of not falling into that pattern.
Lauren…. You’re awesome. ❤
I didn't know any of this aspect, and I so needed to hear this at this time in my life! Ty so much.
As an INFJ i get nauseous when this fawning bs kicks in. It took me years but my first reaction now is to fight and not fawn
Holy shiznit. This is... amazing
INFJs sometimes have a melodic cadence to their voice because of this fawning response I think.
Weird request do u do therapy to individuals from different countries like online therapy . As someone who has discovered your channel a few months ago i tend to find comfort and understanding from a few creators such as you and am need of finding s safe support that i usually feel i cannot find in the real world ( as i have been repetitively typed as infp- t throughout the years) . Thanks for your videos and empathy, from an infp lol ❤.
I needed to hear this
I didn't try to fix it the last time I walked away and blocked him
Ive realized 3 months ago that I have been doing this with toxic manuipulative ppl. I was so mad at myself. Im turning over a new leaf to "I dont give a damn"😂😂 sometimes you have to go to the extreme to come into balance.
Helpful video, ThankYou.
Thank you
I need to move from freeze to fight lol then no one will mess with me 😊
Still the control aspect is used for the safety because the world is not emotionally mature so it is not our fault
What do you mean by colour of skin i am white and proud