Know the facts and stay informed on breaking news by subscribing through my link ground.news/nowwhat to get 50% off their unlimited access Vantage plan this month. If you’re new here and wondering why I have boxes behind me, my landlord unfortunately wanted his property back and I had to move. We’ve had no luck with furniture deliveries with things taking ages to arrive and then arriving broken. But…preview of the somewhat-complete new setup in the ad segment of this video! 😁 If you missed my video reacting to Jubilee’s ‘Test your Autism Radar’ video, here it is: ruclips.net/video/mG6SevNjlJM/видео.html Jubilee has been putting out some questionable content recently, but this one was quite fun! Do you think you’re good at spotting autism? Thank you so much for watching! I hope this was helpful/interesting 💛
(ok but where is your jumper from because my son's special interest is foxes and his Christmas list says "fox stuff" - whimsical stuff tends not to come in his size, XS or S men's, and stuff in his size tends not to be appropriately whimsical)
No thanks, ground news is not at neutral. Don't feel like paying framing arses anything. BTW, I honestly don't give two shits about what other people might think. In Germany, it's almost impossible to get a diagnoses anyway, at least as an adult. Been trying for years now, and since I'm a broke arse mf, I'll be trying all my life. Which I don't feel like doing, at all. I am neurountypical. That's it, if someone doesn't believe me, because a fucking piece of paper doesn't exist, it's their problem. Not like that paper would be of any help in Germany anyway. If you don't work, you're worthless, so yeah. And I know that's its hard for the average American as well, considering how fucking expensive any form of medical treatment there is. Also, I think I don't feel like watching your videos anymore. You have no idea how utterly lucky you are, to be in the situation you are right now. A happy life with husband and child, while in actuality not understanding, that this is almost not possible for most autistic folks. You have money in your family, so you were able to get help. You had a mother, whom whole life you were. Many autists don't have such a great, or even decent mom. You're one of the most privileged autistsic people I have ever seen, yet you don't seem to fully understand how lucky you are.
Oh boy the time blindness thing. I constantly think "I'm so close to done with this, it'll probably take me 15 more minutes" and then five hours later....
This is exactly why I'm always late. Or almost always. It's not because of my makeup. I can be late for any reason that includes overestimating time. Oh yes sewing that will take me 30 minutes. And an hour and a half later without breaks I'm still going strong on there. Or I can surely go to the mall in 2,5 hours but no! It's not my fault it's the guys fault for asking things at the person there and not me first who had a dumb question! At least that's what I told my mom and brother. They were not impressed with me.
That's so real, I've been really struggling with my diagnosis of autism. I was diagnosed with adhd when I was 6 so I never even really thought about it, but with my autism it was only a year ago that I was diagnosed, and I have such bad imposter syndrome
My little brother has no interest in trains Seems to pick up on these imaginary things called "social cues" that he swears enables him to read social situations for some reason He seems to have a deficit in stimming Has no need for a routine I'm starting to worry
i go through phases of having different interests but they don’t fully go away, they just get stored away in filing cabinets in my brain that can be opened up again at any time. some cabinets are much bigger than others.
I am the same with a few hobbies and a wide range of personal interests. I am happy with my interests and it is part of escapism from reality. This is normal for ordinary people so don't be alarmed. It is much emotionally healthier than having self destructive addictions.
its so hard to think abt people who are neurotypical because the majority of people in my life are neurodivergent or highly suspect they are if undiagnosed
"Feeling like an alien" always hits so hard because I have a clear memory of being a kid hitting it off initially with the girls at a new summer camp and thinking "It'll be about 2 days before they realize I'm not like them" and that's exactly what happened. Dunno what it is but it happened enough to have a thought like that. 👽🖖 beep bop boop, I guess
Yep, it becomes predictable at a certain point. Once that initial meeting phase ends, where people are still feeling each other out behaviorally and emotionally, that's when the disparities become apparent. And then you're weird and there's nothing you can really do to change it.
I relate so much to that experience. Sometimes it's them who realizes first and then they shun me for being different, but other times it's me who realizes first, because I can't actually relate to them no matter how hard a try. That's when I self isolate from them.
@PeachyHeartOC I unfortunately might have saved myself a lot of pain by not trying, honestly. But I don't regret it and I'm proud of my child-self for not giving up on trying to find friends 💜💜💜
I think something super hard is knowing in the back of your mind that you’re neurodivergent but not being able to get a formal diagnosis (especially in areas where health care isn’t free) and then feeling bad for self diagnosing because you don’t know for sure, no matter how much research you’ve done.
If you're talking about in a US context, it may actually be a good thing to be undiagnosed, given some of the (objectively incorrect) things certain members of the incoming administration have said about neurodivergence both in the past and recently.
Do you think that a professional’s opinion means you “know for sure”? Because I personally don’t. I think I can be surer with my own honest and thoughtful assessment than another person can be from the outside.
i’m in a similar situation. i’ve done my research and can be fairly certain with my self diagnosis, but i still feel bad with labeling because i don’t have a professional diagnosis. i refuse to get a diagnosis in the us because of the current legislatures. i want to be a lawyer, but i worry there will be restrictions put in place to prevent neurodivergent people from practicing. my therapist told me i can tell people that i have symptoms that align with autism, instead of telling them i straight up have autism since i don’t know for sure. hope that helps!
I'm autistic and I'm outwardly emotionally stable. I don't really experience extremes of emotion and I have a flat affect. ButI also struggle to know what I'm feeling, and probably internalise it. It usually takes a long time for whatever I'm feeling to hit me.
I relate to the flat affect too - a lot of my masking is trying to seem more animated because my default is often pretty low energy. Strangely talking on camera doesn’t feel draining though! It’s like a completely different thing somehow!
@@imautisticnowwhat I suspect thats because its like talking to yourself. And the audience is invisible as they only exist in a future idea sort of form....
I also have to force myself to be more animated in public settings like at work, because otherwise I come off as very bored/annoyed when I don't mean too. Its a struggle because masking takes a lot of not only mental, emotional and physical energy, but so does my job. I work as a grocery clerk and because of the high demand on all these energy sections my masking usually falls away halfway through my shift, which I have started to realize really confuses my coworkers😅
Hearing “there are no neurotypical people” feels the same as when someone says “everyone is a little ADHD” or “everyone is a little autistic.” I AM NOT OKAY. I am not functional enough to meet expectations and when I do find a way to meet expectations, it’s not sustainable. My struggles stand out at work and in my social/home life. If my diagnosis aren’t the problem, I am. But I’m trying my best and my best isn’t enough. I do all the things I’m supposed to do in order to address my conditions and mental illnesses but it’s never enough. If it’s not the system’s fault for not being built for neurodivergent people, it’s my fault for being human garbage.
That's the way I've been looking at things for a while. But I've been trying to adopt the mindset that I don't need anyone to believe that I'm autistic in order for my struggles to be real. Or for me to, if not necessarily love myself, at least respect myself. Because that's the thing, there's only so much we can do to control how other people perceive us. But what I've found is that sometimes there can be a lot of power within us to shape how _we_ perceive ourselves. Self-hatred tends to start with how others treat us. But it ends with how we treat ourselves.
@@jaypressley I think in the context it was delivered, the point was "don't try to paint all neurotypicals with the same brush, because they're not all the same." Sometimes in the autistic community we tend to talk about NTs as if they are identical NPCs when that's not actually the case. It's very reductionist of what constitutes typical human behavior. However, I do agree that if someone is making a false equivalence between diversity within the range of what's typical and diversity in the range of what's considered neurodivergent and ignoring how our divergence is disabling and clearly differentiates us from the majority of humans, then yeah, it is very minimizing to act as if neurodiversity means there's no such thing as typical. There is such a thing as typical, but it's within a range on several dimensions, not a singular point. That doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
@@itisdevonlyconsidering neurodivergence exists on a spectrum, it's not exactly a leap in logic to figure out normies are also widely varied as well. Children raised in the same home sharing the same experiences still grow up to be very different people. That's common sense, and not something that needs to be embedded in some message. "Neurotypicals don't exist" is a passive aggressive way of saying "we all have problems, deal with it."
I'm pretty sure my mom was one of the most neurotypical people. However, my brother, dad, and I were her daily projects to ensure we function in the world. She'd get so frustrated. Yet,, she was so loving and patient. She was a darling woman, and I miss her so much.
"im disappointed in how school manages to teach you that learning is bad" ~ my physics professor i love learning, but not school, theres a huge difference i hate how i had to drop out of college at 15. i felt so stupid... still do
I can relate. I was bright and am detail focused, but my public school career was a disaster. Dropped out twice and never got a high school diploma. I was in maybe 11th grade when I realized that “smart” and “good at academics” were not the same thing. The only thing my academic credentials were ever good for was supporting the ADHD part of my diagnosis.
If youre american: college at 15 is effing amazing, you're basically a genius even if you had to drop out. If not american and college means something different than university/higher education: schooling is not for everyone. Any age can learn any skill. If you have an affinity for learning, go for it. If there's a replacement for that degree of graduation, go for it. You're free now, more time to get skills under your belt. School is fine if you like it, but life is more than studying and responsibility and exams. Its experiences, skills, relationships, emotions. Live life fully.
@@jimwilliams3816 same! i was in 6th or 7th grade when i realized that and it genuinely made me depressed. also never helped that my parents were only interested in grades and if i tried to do any extracurricular learning or excitedly talk about what i learnt in school they wanted me to shut up. asking questions was only for stupid students who didn't get the explanation the first time so i developed a complex around asking for help with things because i didn't want to be seen as stupid. it ruined my entire life. if people had been more supportive back then i would have been a happier person but everyone just wanted me to keep my head down and get good grades. some adults see a bright eyed curious child and start to strategize about how they can crush their soul.
One of my main problem with school subjects was that I understood things and could explain and talk about them in my own words - but I still got bad grades because I didn't exactly recite them how they were written in our school books. One of my teachers even said that - she sees I understand the topic and what I said is completely correct, but she can't give me a good grade because it's not what the school system requires me to answer. The school system doesn't care if you actually understand what you're talking about, just as long as you can regurgitate everything you're told like a Furby.
Trying to prove I was still ‘exceptional’ as a disabled/ND person by trying to be okay in college when what I wanted to do was learn, discuss, lecture, and write essays to share not for a grade, destroyed my mental health 😂 still dealing with it. I love learning again but I wish I had my reading stamina back. I do this thing now where I can read a book- but only if I get to transcribe it by hand into a different blank book at the same time. I have little idea what this is about but it has something to do with time and access and loss. Sigh
If someone says I have 5 minutes, I'm simply not going. I need to be ready at least 3 hours, or in the LEAST 2 hours ahead of when I need to leave. That way everything is done and out of the way, packed, dressed, and I can get on with my regular routine and relax before leaving. Even an hour isn't enough time. Whenever I leave late or in a rush = day ruined.
lol, my husband is like @mollycave to the point where I literally feel I am being rushed and so as I’m more like @luna-p, thinking I have all the time in the world or unable to get anything done as there is too much to do, I get super annoyed at him, dig my heels in and ultimately when he does get me out the door, I have left something I needed/wanted behind.
The absolute and relentless agony of just trying to grab the four or five things you need to really take with you, some of which you may even have already had prepared to avoid what happens next: at least one of the items, which you had in your hand /literal/ seconds ago, is suddenly NOWHERE to be found. Warning: If it shows up too quickly, another thing will probably follow suit. It is almost comical, and certainly tragic. Sat in a sportscar, handbrake engaged.
Same~ If I have an appointment or something at 12 I need to be awake at 8 and I still barely make it on time. If I've gotta be ready in 30 minutes I might as well lie down and die instead of trying.
I had half a century of assuming everyone experienced things pretty much the same as me and so I just put up with being exhausted / anxious / overwhelmed to the point that it's just a normal part of life. Since I found out that I'm autistic I'm realising why most other people seem to be able to get through the things I struggle with and it's not because they're *better* or *stronger* than me.
@ some people (lots of people!) don’t get that sometimes you struggle because you struggle, not because you aren’t “trying hard enough” or haven’t “learned to toughen up”. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to be tougher and stronger and it mostly made me depressed and distant and didn’t change how I actually felt about things. I’m trying to get back to showing the more sensitive and vulnerable person that I was a long time ago, I think it’s healthier for me.
@dimitrisskar4174 I think I know what it means to them, but they are misapplying a principal. Humans have some capacity to strengthen themselves through “exercise,” *but only to a degree, and it’s specific to the individual.* An athlete might be able to improve their stamina through cardio exercise, but the same level of exertion might trigger a fatal heart attack in a person with heart trouble. And even athletes can end up with a blown out joint or a torn rotater cuff if they overdo it, or work out the wrong way. It’s the same thing with cognitive function, even though people imagine otherwise. I know. I took a stressful job in my 50s, and went on high pressure trips. I was frankly impressed with myself, because I didn’t think I was able to do such things. But after a while, I started saying “I like this job and I’m good at it, but I can feel it changing me in bad ways.” I did not understand why, but I had the vague sense that continuing might cost me my mental health and my marriage. Which it did. After I crashed and burned, I ended up with multiple diagnoses, AuDHD, GAD, more. I eventually realized that I had been leaning into adrenaline, which helped my ADHD focus but further pushed up my standing stress hormones. The increased dysregulation fueled a massive downward spiral similar to what Meg described in college. But I never pulled back and I bottomed our. I don’t think I’ll ever fully recover. My neurodivergence made me more vulnerable to the stress and shaped my responses, but anyone can overdo it, and plenty do. I actually think one reason the US has gone off the rails as much as it has is that we mythologize hard work to an unhealthy extent. It’s not true that “what does not kill you makes you stronger.” Maybe it does sometimes, but sometimes it leaves you permanently damaged instead. I offer myself as exhibit A. So set boundaries, recognize your limits, and MAYBE push yourself a little from time to time - but only in moderation and in ways that feel right. Nobody has an unending supply of spoons, not even those mythical neurotypicals. There’s no shame in understanding our limits, even if some people can’t see that. End rant.
Her video on monotropism (hope I’m spelling that right lol) is the reason I’m as sure as I am that I’m most likely on the spectrum. She’s great at explaining things in a way I can easily understand.
@@austinmartin6918 I know right? I had the suspicion before already, but was like "nah.. can't be, right??" and then I watch things on monotropism, signs of being autistic, shared autistic experiences and I start questioning my life xD
@ClockBoyy the really weird part for me was my initial suspicion came from me stumbling upon a Reddit post from r/autismmemes that had made it to the popular thread. I didn’t notice the subreddit it was from, but I really related to it. I scrolled past, but ended up going back to see what sub it was, and I was like “heh, that’s kinda weird,” and just went on about my day. I became increasingly curious about whether I’d relate as much to other posts on there, and so I decided to check, and yep! Most of the memes were quite relatable. Just one of those happy accidents, I guess lol
I never felt like I was actually an alien but I felt like nearly everyone else got a handbook and I was skipped or was just on a different wavelength. A phenomenon that keeps happening to me is people feel safe to tell me things that are personal, that they never told anyone else, even if they just met me. I have heard the phrase "I don't know what it is, I just really trust you with that secret/ information." I am pretty good at keeping secrets.
Huh......yeah, I've had that experience too. And I'm also good at keeping secrets - but have talked people's ears off since I was 2.....slightly less talkative now - depends on who I'm with and what the topic is.
That can be a form of manipulation to gain your trust and make you more invested in them. There really are some people out there who just lie to others that way. I read that and thought "That's a red flag."
@JuliaMurphy2013 it could be but doesn't have to. One of my special interests is s e x education. Even though I never bring it up, people of different ages and from different countries have asked me questions about it. I seem to give off the vibe that I am trustworthy, open to talking about it and know stuff 😅
I wonder how common this is. Both my old boss and my current one have let me in on things that I had no need to know, but that they wanted to share with someone, so they shared with me because they _knew_ that I wouldn't share that info with anyone else without their permission. Maybe it's the lack of small talk? We don't do small talk, so maybe we're seen as not being the sorts to gossip?
Yes! I also often think like: I can't watch a movie, because they are so log, but I can watch an entire season of a tv-series instead, because the episodes are only 40 minutes 🙈
I hit that point regularly, but rather than burnout, it's a symptom of a condition called cyclothymia, which is basically the lesser form of bipolar disorder. So, instead of burnout, I actually have minor depressive episodes that can suck all of the color and joy out of the world, leaving me plodding painfully through even simple task. On the other side, I have hypomanic episodes where it feels like I can do nearly anything and it's all so wonderful, and why do I only have two arms when I want to be doing five things all at once.
The first thing I realized was a abnormal sensory experience was getting your hair washed at the hair salon. I’ve always had struggles with anyone tugging my hair or touching my scalp. I wouldn’t brush my hair for many days as a kid. I also thought others were lying when they said getting your hair washed and scalp massages was relaxing because it had always been a painful experience. I was taught at a young age that my pain was my fault and I shouldn’t be mad at people for hurting me because my mom didn’t understand how much pain I experienced. That’s why I’m incapable of telling a hair stylist they’re hurting me, so I tend to avoid going.
I never understood why people enjoy having their hair washed either! It's a sensory nightmare. For me it's mostly the sink. It hurts my neck SO MUCH. And I feel trapped in the bowl and freaked out like one wrong move and my neck could snap. How anyone finds that relaxing completely eludes me. I have cut and coloured my own hair for over a decade because it's so awful.
I hate it and finally stopped going altogether. I cut my own and my son's hair for some years now. I'm doing it better and faster than a hairdresser. It's funny how my boyfriend gets a haircut every single month and it doesn't bother him. He's been in a hairdresser 100 times more than me, and he didn't have even one as bad experience as I did have almost every time.
@@Sandcatbe sure you don’t have cranial pain due to maybe Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. My neck has incredible pain in the position of the wash station at the salon post spine injury due to the cranial instability. Before the injury it wasn’t a thing at all.
21:43 actually, when I thought about buying my headphones, I tested my bro's. I almost cried. It redused noises so great. Ofc I bought my pair next week
I can relate to this! Ramble time so bare with me: During my diagnosis the specialist recomended me to get them and while I had known of them, I had not considered for some reason using it myself 😅 which is quite silly given how much sensory processing issues impacts me. But anyways, a bit later I was made aware of a sale and figured I might give them a try. I had been wanting to I just didn’t actually understand until I experienced it. Gosh. I could not describe how much it has changed my life. The sheer amount of meltdowns avoided alone because of these guys. I’m literally wearing them right now! They stay on almost all the time and I love them. I literally went around the house yapping to anyone who would listen about how cool they were and no one understood it lol. Actually my brother hated it which is so funny to me. But I can definitely relate to like basically feeling like you might cry. Because I felt so much weight lifted off my shoulders. I remember that feeling the first time so well. In a kitchen, two fans going, everyone going about their pre-dinner routine and sticking the setting on for the first time. It was like the saturation on life was turned down just a bit for the first time. Its like going a busy club to a silent street. It’s so indescribable to allistic people (like my brother) how it felt and still feels especially using them in overwhelming scenarios and that’s the closest I ever got to it. I have no idea how I managed public transport without them! Or any scenario like that! Poorly is the answer lol. But this is why accommodations and awareness is so important! I could not imagine if he(the specialist) had not directly suggested that to me, I may have never given them a chance! I went to my first concert post owning these not too long ago, and I actually managed to sit through a line and do a meet and greet! Never in my life would I have before!! It’s the little things, simple accommodations (like the venue allowing me in with my headphones) that made such a difference to me. And I have an awesome picture and tshirt to prove how basic understanding, diagnosis, and accommodations can change lives : )
I ordered some just yesterday. I'm a bit nervous how they work for me tbh since I've got severe tinnitus and can't stand absolute silence (bc... I don't have it EVER), but I think if I put on nice music, they'll do the trick
At the 12 min mark you’re talking about how your husband just knows how long things will take. Reminds me of a story. Once at a job I was told I wasn’t doing tasks quickly enough. I asked if my manager could tell me how long they needed it to take, and they told me that was an unreasonable expectation when my manager was already so busy 😞
Oh that thing with the manager drives me nuts. They reprimand you for doing things wrong, but refuse to tell you how to do things right! The unfairness puts me over the edge.
@@luna-pI had that with school writing. Professors would say I write terribly but had all the correct information then not be able to tell me what I was doing wrong or how to improve. It has been so frustrating.
I was in IT for 25 years. “How long will that take?” became one of the questions I dreaded most. I still have no idea. I would wildly over or underestimate every time. Finally for the last 4 or 5 years I got a boss who understood me. It was so much better
I appear NT but I’m not. If I’m put in a social situation the autism in me comes out I love being alone. But I wasn’t diagnosed until 33 because I am so good at masking. However I have been savagely bullied and I have video games as my special interest. And my impulse control is lousy
@@criticalinspiration2442 My problem is anger. I am like a kettle with the lid welded shut sometimes when I’m alone it comes out. I’m afraid to lose my temper because I’m a big guy I’m 6 foot 6.
@@SamJeffries-yd7hyI find this hilarious, because one of my problems is not feeling angry at all, I can't understand this feeling, the only time I "showed" it was in a performance. I usually just feel anguish and extreme sadness, and I don't know what to do with it.
Thank you! This is a brilliant way to help us neurotypicals increase empathy for neurodivergents. We try to imagine ourselves in your shoes, but we can only see the outside of the shoes. Knowing about the inside of the shoes helps so much. I was making assumptions I didn't even realize I was making
10:44 I cannot tell you how much this hits home. I have extreme anxiety because of the benefits system here in the UK and it makes it so hard to get on with my life without worrying when the big intimidating government comes at me with their confusing forms and interviews.
0:12 I'm not certain that we would be bullied a lot less, because I've been mistreated by higher-masking autistics because they found my autistic behavior embarrassing and were afraid it would cause friction with others they knew (nobody involved was diagnosed at the time, but I'm fairly confident that everybody involved was in fact autistic).
I was born with a traumatic brain injury due to medical negligence during my birth so I come across as autistic and adhd I’m definitely neurodivergent Once people find out my diagnosis they start bullying me or worse (they accuse me of lying because I seem too functional to them)😢
People tell me there is no possibility of me having ADHD because I am not very “hyperactive.” I don’t think they realize there are different forms of ADHD.
Im so sorry to hear you have to suffer bullies. I HATE bullying, they are weak and prey on the perceived weak, because they are cowards. You are a good decent person and are so much better a person than they are. I do hope you are having less of a hard time and feeling stronger. I send my very best wishes, take care :)
I'm Brazilian and I'm 23 years old, diagnosed with ADHD. Almost every month I have a gigantic hyperfocus on something and out of nowhere I lose the desire to do it. I painted all the glass jars in my mother's house when I was learning how to use glass paint and I spent hours making cold porcelain keychains instead of doing my college work and lesson plans (I'm a teacher), it's complicated, but this moment of hyperfocus for me is so pleasurable! However, I end up hurting myself a lot in terms of sleep, health, socialization and my professional life because of this.
Saying no one is neurotypical is saying that the experience of being neurodivergent is less valid and different. It is true that everyone is different and lots of people who are not neurodivergent have traits associated with being neurodivergent but that isn't the same.
Thanks for making these videos and spreading awareness. I stumbled across them a few years ago and it has answered so many questions Ive had about myself my whole life. I am 21 and currently in the process of getting a diagnosis.
Literally my best friend rn. If any teacher tries to move her, she will argue continuously until they give up and let her keep her seat. She has a specific seat that is hers in every room
I worked as a co-educator alongside a main teacher, and I had to pretend like I wasn't upset and annoyed when my coworker changed our students' seat positions 😅 As the main teacher of course they were allowed to do that, but I was always thinking "please, no, whyyyyy"
I hated it so much! The only way I could put up with his anarchy was by waiting at the door until everyone sat down and I then just picked the last seat. Or I'd pick one in the last row in the corner and hoped that nobody would tell me to get a different seat 😅
one thing I think doesn’t get addressed enough is informal supports. Specifically supports that act as expressions of often more toxic cultural values, that can hide the fact that legitimate support is needed. I struggle with finding my independence now since I took for granted being enmeshed with a parent and all the things they helped me out with (since they weren’t the things everyone else needed help with), but that support was not offered to me in a healthy way.
You are so absolutely right. I grew up in a big family with multigenerational relatives around and also very tight-knitted asian family. I felt that I had support but it came with a lots of stigma and self-doubt. Help (but not accommodations) for example doing things in my stead if I cannot finish tasks fast enough --- but with a whole lot of shaming and guilt.
Yes to what you said around minute 16:00 !! I was trying to explain my difficulties with executive functioning to my tutor, and at a later date, I gather he was trying to show some empathy and/or understanding, but he said something to the effect of "I know you process slowly" It showed me that despite my efforts to try and convey my experience in the classroom, he didn't have the right impression, most likely because it's hard to understand an experience that you don't have.
I have what I call “profound time blindness” and have to account for it by putting everything in my phone calendar. I don’t think in a linear fashion when I’m recalling things in my life. If someone asks me what year I did something (like graduated uni) I cannot recall the year and have to count backwards from the current year to figure it out. I remember things in terms of what was going on at the time and how I felt about it. I also have aphantasia and can’t really picture things so my memory is mostly based on my other senses. For example, I can tell you what kind of music I was listening to at the time. I can’t picture someone’s face even if I see them every day but I remember the lyrics to every song I have ever liked. The brain is wild
Watching this with my headphones, in my room, and a white noise machine on. Thanks to a broken fire alarm that’s been beeping every few minutes since last night. It’s out of my reach of course. I’m always amazed by people who can just ignore things like this and go about their day. I compared myself with others and felt like a failure. I internalized for years, would just grin and bared it, as I was told so often. Or I’d be accused of being “too sensitive”, “dramatic”, etc. After diagnosis now I know why it affects my brain and how best to deal with it. Without it completely draining me, still learning but at least it’s easier now.
@ Yep, we went through that too. (I’m the goddaughter of an FD guy, I’m far more prepared and worry about things like that.) But genuine thanks for throwing it up there. Honestly far too many people don’t realize it could be the other part of the alarm system. The one you can’t smell. I wish was exaggerating saying it when I say- this was the third time this month alone. My neighbors have had the same reoccurring problem. In fact the building itself has gone off for no reason at all. Maybe one of those ghost hunting shows can come over, lol. As nearly every other day I open the door to hear someone else’s ha broken.
Oh my god! That drives me up the wall, had one of those damn things do the same. I hate high pitched noise, children screaming, those small dogs barking...aaarrrrggghhh! Hope it gets fixed for you, must be horrid experiencing that! Take care
I can't sleep, when the tv or charger are on, because I hear the high pitch constantly, while no one else hears it. I proved that, when someone done an experiment, not showing me if it's on or off. Yeah I could hear it
@ Oh my gosh I feel you. The amount of times I have been forced to prove whatever I was hearing is ridiculous. It’s insane that we are put through this so often. Like we enjoy being the person being told we’re being “a problem, too sensitive,” etc. Couldn’t possibly be the electronic device in the room next door. 🤷♀️
I didn't have problems with #8...until I did. Getting good grades was a special interest. I got straight A's until I hit a practicum course in college which required me to interact with others. I shut down and dropped out despite a 4.0 gpa. Essentially, my autism was missed because I was extremely good at taking written exams. My parents thought I was the model child. Meanwhile my brother had bad grades and got a diagnosis. He is now far more well adjusted than I in adult life.
Schoolwork was my special interest until 11 yrs old when I moved to another school and my grades fell from A to D instantly. Nobody cared unfortunately
I was/am a wiz at specialized testing. It hid my educational flaws really well until I got to college. Then I failed hard and nobody (including me) understood why. Now 40 years later I find out I’m ADHD (and probably on the autism spectrum as well but I haven’t been diagnosed).
Fellow former playground circler here... Love how much the content on this channel has helped me contextualize my lived experience! I grew up in the woods (distant enough there were plenty of days it'd be snowing at home but just raining at school), and had always assumed the kids "in town" had gotten the secret training to make socializing fun. Guess the social anhedonia kicked in early 🤷♂
My experiences were somewhat similar in general, but what really excited me about your post was the snow/rain thing. Same with me, I grew up a half an hour and 1,000’ higher than where I went to school. We could have a couple feet of snow and there was almost none in town. Thinking about it, growing up deep rural yet going to school with town kids from a higher economic bracket probably is one of the ways I interpreted why I was different from so many of them. I remember a feeling of validation when we had a field trip out to where I lived - in the winter! I kept telling the others they had to dress warm, and some didn’t listen - and one of the town kids said “my god, you live in the middle of nowhere!”
I was only officially diagnosed as autistic at age 49. I'm 51 now. The doctor thought I was practically a textbook case for an autistic male. I've not had any mental health issues and don't think I have meltdowns. I could just never tell you what exactly my emotional state is at any given moment and find it weird others can. As a kid, I admired Spock on Star Trek and tried to be like him.I gained a reputation for being very laid back, unusually so.
Thanks so much for your videos. Very recently, I found out I had a diagnosis at around age 9 that my parents withheld from me. I'm 59 now and I found myself relating to your videos after starting a new job that overwhelmed me so much I started to wonder if there was something other than a known LD going on. Learning I'm autistic has explained SO MUCH about me that I never understood before, especially the part about how do other people do things easily and I can't? So frustrating! Thankfully, my job has a strong support network, and hopefully I can get this old diagnosis confirmed and find some outside support.
I didn't get diagnosed until 56 when I hit a career wall and I couldn't figure out why until I got my diagnosis and realized I wasn't an idiot-just unable to do some things necessary for holding an exec position.
I definitely have time blindness. I never know how early I should get up and ready before an appointment, especially if I didn't sleep well. Awhile back, I started trying to combat this problem by setting my alarm for at least 2 hours before I need to get somewhere. This helps some, but if I don't sleep well, I might wake up just enough to decided that I have plenty of time, so I can sleep a little more, and then reset the alarm gor way too late. I never figure the time right if I'm sleepy. I have to allow a huge amount if time to do something like going to an appointment, and I am still late a lot of the time. I have started putting appointments in my calendar for varied amounts of time before the actual appointment time. It might be as little as 10 minutes or as long as 45 minutes, but on the day, I never remember what my lead time is, so I have to aim for the shortest time. This has really helped me get to my destination on time a lot more often, but it doesn't always work. If I get an appointment reminder text, they remind what the actual appointment time is, so that's what gets into my head, and it can make my system fail.
29:57 I have adhd and dyscalcula, and in between being burnt out I really enjoyed school. In high school specifically, I was diagnosed. I was able to use my intense interests as a dopamine battery for the things I hated, and got myself a pair of earplugs. I also joined clubs where I knew the neurodiverse might congregate, and allowed myself to stim in school subtly as much as I needed. If I was truly too upset, many days I just went home.
I feel like as a neurodivergent person, I am always being overestimated. It is so frustrating when people think you aren't trying or that you are just being too negative when you are really struggling. I need a lot of help but I have a bit of a spiky profile and seem like I am "capable"
@@canUfeelMYface So people who are not medical processionals can't use any words possibly seen as medical even when talking about their own experiences?
@@canUfeelMYface I thought you meant about my comment. Anyway, she is still talking about her condition and using both her own lived experience and research. She is open with her status as not a professorial and is not spreading misinformation.
My offspring (second child n.b.) has Irlen’s syndrome, visual processing disorder (the one thing we have had diagnosed) and the teachers would ‘attempt’ to be understanding and often fail miserably. She wanted to drop one a-level so badly as that particular teacher just could not accept how her lessons could not be learned in an hour at the incredible pace she set with her micromanaging organising skills ensuring everyone had cookie cutter folders of identical information. Fortunately she held on (she would have had to drop out of the school all together) and she did not fail the subject as that teacher predicted either.
Thanks for the the terms ‘anhedonia’ and ‘spiky profile’. Helps me improve my vocabulary, especially when it comes to vocabulary I can use to describe myself and, I suppose, ‘explain myself’ when I have to. Especially the spiky profile. I am a klutz at a lot of supposedly simple things, but I’m really good at a lot of other things. Even though I like who I am, it does suck that most of my weaknesses are things society necessitates or values, whereas my strengths are often overlooked and undervalued. It makes it hard to feel like I can truly make an impact sometimes, in my own way.
Apologies if you have already talked about this and I just missed it, but since it came up earlier in the video: another autistic creator I really love, Ember Green, did a big video essay on Aspie Supremacy a couple months ago that covers a LOT of stuff, but specifically touches on problems that arise from regarding allistic and "neurotypical" folks as monolithic, and also as less-than-human in certain ways (e.g. "sheep", "NPCs"). May not be your thing, maybe you've already seen it, etc. and it is pretty heavy, but I found it enriching and thoughtful.
🎉I am interested in this topic. I will check it out. I do think autistic people are superior and always felt superior to others even before I was diagnosed autistic
@@hedwigwendell-crumb91 To be clear, it is a video CRITICAL of aspie/autistic supremacy and the ways it gets casually invoked in some autistic spaces. she focuses a lot on how aspie/autistic supremacy ultimately reflects and serves dominant systems (e.g. politics/programs of eugenics) that at best see autistics as a conveniently exploitable resource and at worst an impurity to be weeded out. I made a slight edit to my original post to clarify this. but, yes, here is a link, it is very well done in my opinion, and i do encourage a watch even if (maybe especially because) it may be at odds with your current disposition on the subject: ruclips.net/video/ui2h_pHDDmk/видео.html
16:00 I’m so glad that for my job (aircraft maintenance), most of the tasks I have to do have written instructions I have to follow. I’d probably take a lot longer to do things if I didn’t have that to keep me on track.
PETZ!!! NEOPETS!!! i don’t normally comment on videos but the fact that there’s photos of u playing petz 5 (i think it’s 5!) was so special bc that was my entire life when i was aged 9-14!! it’s not often that i find others who played. it is also actually how i found an entire group of friends that i am still friends with (16 yrs later) to this day! i was super involved in the community. it’s so sweet and unexpected to see it here in one of your videos! 💜
I got laughed at by doctor when I tried to get a diagnosis. Also negative experience with ADHD the doctor literally said "Everyone thinks they have ADHD now" and that was the end of the conversation I waited months for that appointment. These videos are so important for those of us who cannot get diagnosed. Thank you. It makes me cry in kinda happy way cause I feel seen.
the moment she mentioned not being able to unlock her own door I felt like I was personally being attacked💀 I've been given the keys so many times to open the front door and no joke it takes me like 6 whole minutes trying to figure out how to put it in and take it out.
i struggle with locking doors with keys so bad. There's a scene in Squid Game where the guy fumbles with the key for like 1 second and gets a suspicious glance. My partner said that if I ever was able to lock the door on the first try that's when they'd be suspicious.
I guess I'm typical in number 10. I can have my period and go about my day as usual, but the other 9... Thought I might be misdiagnosed because it can't be that bad, right? People tend to blame all of my brain stuff on me being blind, so I always felt like an impostor. This video was really validating!
couldn't be me. one of my favourite examples of "bending time to our will" is me having had a friend over and after the late night "what do you mean you don't know that series?" just swapping DVDs for four or five hours until my friend remarked he should really get home to catch the required minimum of sleep xD
oof that reminds me of when I was younger and visiting my best friend at the time. She expressed interest in watching Sailor Moon with me. So I brought over multiple vhs copies recorded from the tv and we spent majority of the time watching through the episodes. I was disappointed how little we got through not realizing that there were at least 5 hours on each tape lol
2:13 about that Reddit post: I don't think it's a fair assessment at all to say that those people are "boring" because they're neurotypical. That is the exact same as saying that all autistic people are "weird". Those people are just boring, period. Honestly, how would it even have anything to do with whether or not they struggle with social cues or experience monotropism/other autistic traits??? I hate when people that are apart of a minority group circle back around to having the same closeminded beliefs as those that bully or discriminate minority groups. Like, why would you wanna sink down to their level??
True, but his post did make me laugh. And he's right that a lot of neurotypicals aren't better at communicating. They're just good at following the same scripts that they always follow and if you diverge from the script a lot of them are totally lost and don't know what to say. I remind myself often that they're not better at communicating, just different
@ Yeah, I get that, but I don’t even think saying you wanna go explore is a diversion from the usual social script. I have no idea why those people reacted so strongly to something so innocent, but I would not be inclined to believe the reason has anything to do with whether or not they’re autistic. It could even be OP misjudging their reactions or something, because we don’t really know what actually happened, just OP’s recounting. It makes me wish I could have been a fly on the wall because I could better form an opinion, but I still don’t think their reaction is because they’re neurotypical. (Side note: how does OP know they’re NT anyways?? That’s another part that we just don’t have an explanation for bc we’re relying on such a small amount of info…)
@@benja_mint Of course they're going to be right, there's many of us who are neurotypical and awkward at the same time, some of us even have diagnosis that make socializing difficult without making us neurodivergent (treatable disorders like social anxiety exist). But calling us NPC's for it? Extremely dehumanizing.
I did not know PMDD was more common for autistic people! I used to suffer so bad from this condition before I stopped having periods. I just feel like the more I learn the more I go “ah yes, makes sense”
I asked a NT about having to leave a room because the music was too much, she couldn't relate at all on a first-hand level. Her closest experience was accompanying someone with sensory sensitivities who had to do so. I was trying to get the point across that it's no fun going to a party just to have to sit out. It's not like you just need a break from the noise, you need to get out and stay out. I actually thought she would have some experience of sensory overwhelm in that setting, after all, typics must have a limit somewhere. Their ability to cope with noise and sensory stimuli seems superhuman. Any typics reading this, don't take your sensory processing for granted, it really is amazing what you have.
I was quite lucky in my school experience even though I was undiagnosed ADHDer, but I was diagnosed with dyslexia and received special ed and accommodations that did help with my ADHD symptoms too. I was also super interested in most subjects, which made me able to absorb very well what was taught to me and put effort into school (though never in a very consistent way), so the teachers were usually lenient when I wasn't a "good student" (forgot the right supplies and books, forgot homework, arrived late, doodled through every class). The other kids were also mostly chill and some of them are my best friends to this day, so even though I was sometimes mocked and excluded, I still had friends in my corner so it was never that bad socially either. So all things considered I did have as good of an experience in school as one might, as a teenager of course it wasn't always fun, but that's expected. Up until university really. The lack of external structure there and the added adult responsibilities really fucked me up and I'm still deep in ADHD burnout.
I am so not neurotypical 😊 this was a well made video. Also interesting that you ended with PMDD which is my diagnosis. It pretty much controls my life.
Most people on spectrum don't get mental health support for several reasons: 1) navigating health care is a problem and advocating for yourself can be a barrier. 2) previous encounters that didn't help but did more harm 3) mental health cost a lot and most can not afford it Then if you are no diagnosed yet that's even worse.
For point 4, I always thought I couldn't be autistic because I am the opposite. xD I NEVER skip a shower or brushing my teeth or other self-care things almost religiously because I get sensory overload if I do! On the other hand, I've never been super smart in any area so I was like "Oh, must be normal!" lololol
I think either extreme can be pretty autistic. I have to set reminders on reminders to do some basic needs, but my husband is fixed on the routine. Both of us are autistic and completely different in most ways. We kinda balance each other out in support ways.
I feel filthy if I don’t brush my teeth but frequently still don’t. It’s a war between tolerating discomfort and motivating myself, and I guess I’m better at tolerating discomfort. 🤢
What you said about the squares in your math book and patterns with lines/geometric patterns is so real. I regularly work with image editing software like photoshop and gimp, and I really can't stand the gray grid pattern those programs use to indicate transparent parts of the image.
Your channel is one of the greatest net-positives on this app. (Mostly) so many women will have and will continue to benefit from your content. I know it has unequivocally changed my life for the better. So validating and so respectful
ill never get over thanksgiving last year, my brother said he was almost here and I (AuDHD) started panicking. Basically said he would be there in 15 and didn't have a lot of time to stay. I put my whole foot in the mac n cheese cause i really wanted him to try it and had it ready bout time he got there. half way in, I realized, he couldn't of been 15 minutes away as id been cooking for an hour. I will never be out-bigbrained again
"a person could be a nuclear physicist and still struggle to remember to brush their teeth" THISSSS my biggest problem that I've identified and been working on in therapy (with very little success) is feeling like a failure or lazy or an imposter because i struggle so badly with such basic things like feeding, cleaning, and clothing myself without either my home beginning a literal biohazard from growing mold or attracting insects or having completely apart in my professional life, where I'm a PhD student who had always been near the tops of my classes and extracurriculars. But now, i have to choose: do i take care of my health, or my job/schooling, or my household/executive functioning tasks. I can only do one of the three well at any given time and if i push i can scrape by in a second, but at least one of the three is always a complete failure. I just end up in a constant cycle between the three, even with help. I punish myself so much for "failing" to do what I see as the "bare minimum" for being an adult, and it doesn't help when that shame gets reinforced by someone seeing through the facade, such as my mom visiting and being shocked by the state of my apartment when she just helped me get it deep cleaned a couple months ago, or my phd advisor having no idea how to help when she sees that I've made literally zero progress in the last three months on research I'm already 2 years behind on, despite checking in weekly and giving as much help as she can. And i don't know what to tell them bc I've tried everything and just can't manage without my body literally giving out on me (since we got that ADHD/ASD/EDS triple threat). But i have to constantly remind myself the only reason i had done so well up until now is because 1) i have always lived with other people who helped split the mental and physical load of taking care of our living space, whether that was my family when i was a kid or my roommates as an undergrad, 2) as a kid, my mom basically acted as my external executive function system, making meals, telling me what chores to do when, making doctors appointments, making sure we got ready for things and left on time, finding the things i lost, and going on my behalf to my teachers or doctors or whatever when something did fall through the cracks, 3) as a kid, my mom also unknowingly accommodated my sensory issues and other support needs (bc they were the same as hers) and coached me through my emotional regulation issues, RSD, and social deficits (such as pointing out when i was being taken advantage of, when i had made a faux pa and telling me how to fix it, when my facial expression or tone was communicating something socially inappropriate, when my emotional response was illogical or disproportionate, etc) and while her teaching me to mask had some bad long term effects, it was probably the only reason i had friends (and therefore a support system beyond her) precollege, 3) school and my jobs were literally easier and less demanding on my time before, 4) since my EDS is defensive, i was also physically healthier when i was younger, with most of my physical symptoms not existing prior to puberty, and 5) i actually WASN'T OKAY when i was younger. I was a complete emotional mess who thought i didn't deserve basic human kindness bc i was secretly a terrible person and an idiot who had just convinced everyone i was kind and smart by *check notes* treating people with kindness despite my intrusive thoughts/jealousy and doing well in school by working myself to the bone. I've had issues with low self-worth, anxiety, imposter syndrome, emotional regulation, and executive functioning issues for as long as i can remember bc half of those things are parts of my ADHD and ASD that are genetic and hardwired into my brain, and the rest emerged as toxic coping mechanisms for my undiagnosed ND symptoms. I didn't understand why i could be so "smart" in school or so good at reading and writing (all things i have always loved) but then constantly struggle with easy things like forgetting to fill out it get my reading log signed for the week despite reading ten times my weekly goal on a daily basis, or forgetting a sweetheart long project until the night before and not understanding why it was taking all night to do, or shutting down completely when i hit a bath problem i couldn't immediately solve because I had no idea how to look for an answer or extrapolate from similar questions (novel problem solving skills who?) despite having absolutely no problems once I'd been shown how to do something similar. How could i remember exactly which part of a book i had only read once a year ago a specific fun fact was from, but i couldn't remember where i had set my glasses down 10 minutes ago or whether i had eaten breakfast that morning. Clearly, I was told by well-meaning teachers and parents (and then I hardcore internalized and took to the extremes) i just didn't care about the other things enough, i wasn't trying hard enough, i could do so much better and was just letting myself down by failing to live up to my potential. No, i didn't need to be evaluated for a developmental or mental health disorder like ADHD or anxiety. That would just get me labeled and discriminated against or drugged into sedation or mania, bc I was fine, i got good grades. School obviously came easy to me because i had straight As and no we don't need to listen to the child in question when she says that it does NOT come easy, that she's been up till 3 am every night for the last month despite being having a cough and fever she just can't shake bc that's what it took to get this essay done on time to the standards we've come to expect her to meet, and what do you mean she has walking pneumonia now? Wow, to do this well even when that sick It MuSt ReAlLy CoMe EaSy tO HeR I was never more capable than i an now. I never had more potential that i met then and don't know. I wasn't doing well before, it just looked like i was because I'd internalized so much self-hatred and shame from always hearing how my struggles were some kind of moral failure and never having any other narrative or explanation (such as the various diagnoses that i should have been given if the people around me were more open minded or had just LISTENED to what i was saying rather than TELLING me what my problems were) to combat it. I had a white-knuckle grip on those grades and the appearance of perfection because any time i slipped or asked for help, i was either shamed/guilt tripped for not trying hard enough or not being grateful for my talents and opportunities or wanting to take resources from kids who had Real problems, or else i was just given empty reassurances that Everything is Just Fine Actually and i just needed to have more faith in myself, or think positively, or push past the anxiety and "disproportionate" emotional distress that made me breakdown or lash out (read: have an autistic meltdown and/or panic attack) bc it was just in my head. So i just pushed and pushed and pushed myself to achieve until I had a complete emotional and physical breakdown from burnout that i am still not fully recovered from four years later, and may never fully recover from due to the degenerative nature of EDS. I'm struggling so much more with the basics now bc I lost every bit of scaffolding that had gotten me this far, because there is quantifiably more being demanded of me in every aspect of my life than ever before, and because i am still paying for an the damage i did to my physical and emotional health with my toxic coping mechanisms until this point.
I want you to know that you are not alone. Your story sounds similar to mine, including feeling burnt out. There's no need to drain yourself in order to achieve some milestone in your career. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you have to. It's okay to prioritise yourself and healing. It's hard to predict the future, but I know that there are good things out there waiting for you 🤗
On my emotions I have learned to hold them back as much as I can till I know what is going on fully, and if I find myself slipping I try my best to get away to where I can let it out or coupe till I can go back and figure out what is wrong, unless I'm yelled at first then I just pop my mouth off so not perfect but has helped me not explode so much on people anymore
Still on my journey to find out if I am or not but this resonated so much with me. I had to stop everything for the PMDD stuff especially because that has been a big issue for me and has caused so many problems in my life. Thank you for bringing it up so I can research it more.
14:28 when someone says "you have 5min to get ready" my mind goes "ok, so I have to be quick, i will get up first, prepare my outfit, take my towel, undress myself, i need to remember to get socks so I don't touch the floor when I get out the shower, get on the shower, shower my body, shower my hair, I can't dissociate in the shower, i have to get out of the shower, dry myself because being wet is horrible, put on socks, put on clothes, brush my hair, put my shoes on, take a vest and then i will be ready. So let me see how much time i have.......2minutes.....💀"
I watched it. First of all, thanks, your videos are delightful and helped me with my ND jorney. Second, I left my free french fries on table, on my job; everyday attraction, I might say
My daughter (23) hasn't been officially diagnosed ASD, but has been learning a lot about herself since discovering your channel. It has been quite the learning curve this past year, but the answers to so many questions have been found right here. I just wanted to send a hearty THANK YOU for all you do!
I’ve been of the opinion that I never had clinical dyspraxia (spikey skill set, maybe), but when Meg did her video, she showed a movie of her trying to skip rope but never being able to time it so that her legs cleared the rope - and I suddenly remembered I was like that. Hula hoops also ended up on the ground before the end of their first revolution.
I was officially diagnosed with ADHD at age 50. I take medication and I have to say it makes a huge difference. I earned my high school diploma and trained to raise my children without medication. It's possible without it but it's extremely exhausting! With dangerous consequences such as depression, anxiety disorders, addiction problems. I wish I had been diagnosed as a child...
There are many people in society who have ND traits but aren’t disabled by them because they are in situations where they can control/cope with them and/or use them to their advantage eg. in their careers. But I do know a tiny amount of people who are the most “Neurotypical” neurotypical - as in, very well adjusted and rounded, almost never get angry, upset or overwhelmed, they have incredible social and emotional regulation, super adept and flexible in most environments, they are content, calm and positive people with no toxic traits or bad habits and generally super liked and popular. But honestly, if we used this subgroup as a benchmark for NT then most people in society would be considered autistic/ADHD.
the time blindness one is so real. yesterday it was 30 minutes past midnight and i wanted to go to sleep by 1 am so i opened my laptop settled into bed and decided that i would watch a 45 minute episode of television and then sleep. by 1 am??? obviously that didn't happen. i was dimly aware of the time problem while deciding this too but it just didn't register in my brain that i can't watch something thats 45 minutes long in 30 minutes.
I was a skilled musician at school, great fine motor skills so would do extremely well at video games, ping pong and table football etc. my class had scalextrics tournaments and I won almost every single time… BUT… in team sports, gymnastics and anything requiring gross motor skills and/or spatial awareness I was embarrassingly bad, hands down the worst. My sports teachers shouted at me and I got sent off multiple times because they thought I wasn’t trying since I was such a skilled musician yet could barely throw or catch a tennis ball to save my life.
I LOVE learning so that part of school has always been something i like. I liked it enough to go to grad school. Everything ELSE about school has been a total nightmare and makes me forget dropping out of my PhD program, despite loving my research topic and my cohort
Neurotypicals exist because society caters to one neurotype above all others, and have done so since the Industrial Revolution. However, we currently don't have a specific name for that neurotype. It's a blank space in research, precisely because previous researchers have relegated it as "normal."
@dmperri Thank you. I think more conversations about how the IR and similiar technological advances forced the different neurodivergent communities to become more visible? Would be helpful. Because the changes and added pressures of these revolutions, it meant our ancestors couldn't fly under the radar anymore. And those who could stomach the new artificial lighting, work schedules, and proceeded foods were held up as the pinnacle of "healthy."
Endometriosis and PMDD are hugely comorbid with neurodivergency. Almost all the girls I’ve known who suffer from these have ADHD and/or ASD. It’s because ND girls are much more sensitive to hormonal fluctuations than NT girls, and endometriosis is linked to hypermobility which is also comorbid with being ND.
My autistic inertia also applies to sounds and lightbulbs. So I don't really care at all how the lights are in a store, but if the color or location of the light in the house is changed while I am trying to read an article or complete something, then it is impossible and returning the light to the former position until I am done is mandatory.
i have adhd, not sure abt autism, its a good change i do have it (my mom and sister both have it and i have very very similar traits as them, ) so idk now im questioning my self and am like "maybe im just neurotypical oh no im wrong"
As someone who was not only diagnosed as ADHD as a child, but also mom to an autistic daughter. I see a lot of these traits in myself and in her. Also thank you so much for actually talking about PMDD! I had no idea that was a thing until I was actually diagnosed with it myself. I thought I was just a mean person, and that it was a reflection on me. That and being diagnosed with BPD both as an adult just gave me such a better understanding of myself. Also, the mention of the person with ADHD while working resonated with me so much. I get into what I refer to as 'Tunnel vision' when I am focused on a single task or goal. I can easily be distracted by sounds or things like that but when I am in a task I get lost in it. My daughter does the same, and she also struggles with transitioning between tasks. We both struggle with beginning tasks. I have also noticed that certain sounds just bother me a lot, and she struggles with sensory difficulties with loud noises. Thank you for touching on many different variations of neurodivergence. It was really validating.
PMDD is the worst…I’m 40 and only finally got it managed last year. My biggest issue is mood. For anyone unsure if you have PMDD or typical PMS, your PMS shouldn’t make you want to cancel your life subscription every month 🙃
I felt this QwQ cause I have PMS but also I think that I have psychotic depression with guilt delusion cause I experience hallucinations and I had psychotic episode at the beginning of this year and paranoia and delusions were so awful.. And PMS just worsen psychotic symptoms.. So the voices are more awful and the urge to either harm myself or end it is really strong at that time.. And like I was thinking that maybe it's just that I have PMDD but I'm not sure about it cause I believed that I'm a bad person since I remember and same for hearing voices.. And later hallucinations.. and I also now that I'm more aware I see that my mind during delusions alters things that I see or hear.. and I feel like people know that I'm evil and I feel strong urge to apologize and to punish myself.. It's only that I don't want to hurt my loved ones by doing it or just I hate pain stops me from doing something drastic but the urges are getting worse recently.. I'm sorry for dumping this on you.. I can always delete this comment if it makes you uncomfortable.. I'm deeply sorry for bothering you..
@ Do you have people in your life to reach out to? If not, this community is here for you. Please keep talking about your struggles; they are real and they are tough! Talking about it is the best way to find your tribe ❤️
@@RI0Tkitty thank you so much for your kind words. I'm talking to friends sometimes about it though I usually don't like being a bother or I don't want to make them uncomfortable.. Thank you so much for this.
@ I understand feeling like being a bother. I struggle with feeling like that with friends and family a lot. I could tell you that it’s not true and that you aren’t a bother, but I realize how hard that is to believe. In this case, us here on the internet can maybe help 🥰 You are safe to block those who hurt you and connect with those who help. Stick around, okay? 🥰
I just had a flash of insight when you were talking about the interaction between hobbies and overspending. I've got Inattentive-type ADHD, and for about 15 years I was a DJ. Since diagnosis (only recent, at age 48) I put my overspending on music down to it being my job, but there's no doubt I went way beyond what was necessary for my work (I also think that, given the social aspect, wanting to be seen as the DJ that always had everything that anyone ever requested was part of that).
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If you’re new here and wondering why I have boxes behind me, my landlord unfortunately wanted his property back and I had to move. We’ve had no luck with furniture deliveries with things taking ages to arrive and then arriving broken. But…preview of the somewhat-complete new setup in the ad segment of this video! 😁
If you missed my video reacting to Jubilee’s ‘Test your Autism Radar’ video, here it is: ruclips.net/video/mG6SevNjlJM/видео.html
Jubilee has been putting out some questionable content recently, but this one was quite fun! Do you think you’re good at spotting autism?
Thank you so much for watching! I hope this was helpful/interesting 💛
Please add time stamps to your vids
(ok but where is your jumper from because my son's special interest is foxes and his Christmas list says "fox stuff" - whimsical stuff tends not to come in his size, XS or S men's, and stuff in his size tends not to be appropriately whimsical)
Are you going to join Bluesky?
No thanks, ground news is not at neutral. Don't feel like paying framing arses anything.
BTW, I honestly don't give two shits about what other people might think. In Germany, it's almost impossible to get a diagnoses anyway, at least as an adult. Been trying for years now, and since I'm a broke arse mf, I'll be trying all my life.
Which I don't feel like doing, at all. I am neurountypical. That's it, if someone doesn't believe me, because a fucking piece of paper doesn't exist, it's their problem. Not like that paper would be of any help in Germany anyway. If you don't work, you're worthless, so yeah.
And I know that's its hard for the average American as well, considering how fucking expensive any form of medical treatment there is.
Also, I think I don't feel like watching your videos anymore. You have no idea how utterly lucky you are, to be in the situation you are right now. A happy life with husband and child, while in actuality not understanding, that this is almost not possible for most autistic folks. You have money in your family, so you were able to get help. You had a mother, whom whole life you were. Many autists don't have such a great, or even decent mom.
You're one of the most privileged autistsic people I have ever seen, yet you don't seem to fully understand how lucky you are.
@@dukenukem8381Yes! I'm trying to find them 😭
I gave up :D
Oh boy the time blindness thing. I constantly think "I'm so close to done with this, it'll probably take me 15 more minutes" and then five hours later....
Same!!
TBH, I'm not so much time blind as I operate in more dimensions than usual, so, the flow can be kind of loopy.
or like my bus is in 20 mins qhen i can gwt there in under 5 and im like "man i gtf now the bus is almost here"
and i spend forever just waiting there
Exactly!
This is exactly why I'm always late. Or almost always. It's not because of my makeup. I can be late for any reason that includes overestimating time. Oh yes sewing that will take me 30 minutes. And an hour and a half later without breaks I'm still going strong on there. Or I can surely go to the mall in 2,5 hours but no! It's not my fault it's the guys fault for asking things at the person there and not me first who had a dumb question! At least that's what I told my mom and brother. They were not impressed with me.
Me as a professionally diagnosed but imposter-syndrome riddled autistic person watching this with intense focus
too real 😵💫😵💫
Same! I've been diagnosed a few months ago and I'm still struggling a lot with imposter syndrome.
That's so real, I've been really struggling with my diagnosis of autism. I was diagnosed with adhd when I was 6 so I never even really thought about it, but with my autism it was only a year ago that I was diagnosed, and I have such bad imposter syndrome
you guys have diagnosis that's amazing i could never-
I like to personify my imposter syndrome, and when I find a reason why I'm autistic, I'd laugh at their face (bc they’re a meanie >:[)
My little brother has no interest in trains
Seems to pick up on these imaginary things called "social cues" that he swears enables him to read social situations for some reason
He seems to have a deficit in stimming
Has no need for a routine
I'm starting to worry
It sounds like he might have that disorder called "Nerotypical-ism" it sounds like he has it pretty bad
The ability to pick up imaginary social cues sounds like a super power lol
@@mister-canada367 It is, he insists on maintaining eye contact to harness these powers. I'm very worried about him
If autistic people are supposed to be interested in trains and dinosaurs, does that make Dinosaur Train the ultimate autistic show?
your brother may be a neurptypical. try to talk him into getting diagnosed.
i go through phases of having different interests but they don’t fully go away, they just get stored away in filing cabinets in my brain that can be opened up again at any time. some cabinets are much bigger than others.
Yes this is literally me!
Yes!!!
Same
this is such a good analogy for how my interests work. I might steal it if you do not mind.
I am the same with a few hobbies and a wide range of personal interests. I am happy with my interests and it is part of escapism from reality. This is normal for ordinary people so don't be alarmed. It is much emotionally healthier than having self destructive addictions.
its so hard to think abt people who are neurotypical because the majority of people in my life are neurodivergent or highly suspect they are if undiagnosed
YES OMG
Yess, a lot of neurodivergent people are surrounded by neurodivergent friends and family because we all tend to flock together 😂
Yes same here. Most of my family is neurodivergent or at least suspecting they are. 😂
Everyone is in their own bubble so to speak
@@imautisticnowwhatThe double empathy theory is behind that.
"You might forget to eat"
Me: *suddenly notices I'm hungry because I haven't eaten in 12 hours*
Oh no! Hope you get some food 💛
Maybe you just woke up? 😅
Same, 11hrs here, and I'd been wondering why I was feeling dizzy-
Law school was not eating all day an then Mcdonald unbrodcast muckibang
MY APPLE IS HALF EATEN ON THE FRIDGE
"Feeling like an alien" always hits so hard because I have a clear memory of being a kid hitting it off initially with the girls at a new summer camp and thinking "It'll be about 2 days before they realize I'm not like them" and that's exactly what happened. Dunno what it is but it happened enough to have a thought like that. 👽🖖 beep bop boop, I guess
Yep, it becomes predictable at a certain point. Once that initial meeting phase ends, where people are still feeling each other out behaviorally and emotionally, that's when the disparities become apparent. And then you're weird and there's nothing you can really do to change it.
I knew i was different from the other kids when i was 4, i didnt know why, but i could just tell
I relate so much to that experience. Sometimes it's them who realizes first and then they shun me for being different, but other times it's me who realizes first, because I can't actually relate to them no matter how hard a try. That's when I self isolate from them.
You were a lot better than me as a kid, I didn't even talk to people in the first place
@PeachyHeartOC I unfortunately might have saved myself a lot of pain by not trying, honestly. But I don't regret it and I'm proud of my child-self for not giving up on trying to find friends 💜💜💜
I think something super hard is knowing in the back of your mind that you’re neurodivergent but not being able to get a formal diagnosis (especially in areas where health care isn’t free) and then feeling bad for self diagnosing because you don’t know for sure, no matter how much research you’ve done.
If you're talking about in a US context, it may actually be a good thing to be undiagnosed, given some of the (objectively incorrect) things certain members of the incoming administration have said about neurodivergence both in the past and recently.
@ that is very fair. Although, it would be mainly to validate myself. I definitely wouldn’t go around telling everyone about my diagnosis.
Do you think that a professional’s opinion means you “know for sure”? Because I personally don’t. I think I can be surer with my own honest and thoughtful assessment than another person can be from the outside.
i’m in a similar situation. i’ve done my research and can be fairly certain with my self diagnosis, but i still feel bad with labeling because i don’t have a professional diagnosis. i refuse to get a diagnosis in the us because of the current legislatures. i want to be a lawyer, but i worry there will be restrictions put in place to prevent neurodivergent people from practicing. my therapist told me i can tell people that i have symptoms that align with autism, instead of telling them i straight up have autism since i don’t know for sure. hope that helps!
@@RilsssART Well that's kinda the problem. Even if you tell nobody that you know, it's still on your medical records.
I'm autistic and I'm outwardly emotionally stable. I don't really experience extremes of emotion and I have a flat affect. ButI also struggle to know what I'm feeling, and probably internalise it. It usually takes a long time for whatever I'm feeling to hit me.
I relate to the flat affect too - a lot of my masking is trying to seem more animated because my default is often pretty low energy. Strangely talking on camera doesn’t feel draining though! It’s like a completely different thing somehow!
@@imautisticnowwhat I suspect thats because its like talking to yourself. And the audience is invisible as they only exist in a future idea sort of form....
I also have to force myself to be more animated in public settings like at work, because otherwise I come off as very bored/annoyed when I don't mean too. Its a struggle because masking takes a lot of not only mental, emotional and physical energy, but so does my job. I work as a grocery clerk and because of the high demand on all these energy sections my masking usually falls away halfway through my shift, which I have started to realize really confuses my coworkers😅
I suggest you go have a look at those terms:
- alexithymia
- delayed emotional response
It helped me a lot with understanding myself. 🥺
Hearing “there are no neurotypical people” feels the same as when someone says “everyone is a little ADHD” or “everyone is a little autistic.”
I AM NOT OKAY. I am not functional enough to meet expectations and when I do find a way to meet expectations, it’s not sustainable. My struggles stand out at work and in my social/home life. If my diagnosis aren’t the problem, I am.
But I’m trying my best and my best isn’t enough. I do all the things I’m supposed to do in order to address my conditions and mental illnesses but it’s never enough. If it’s not the system’s fault for not being built for neurodivergent people, it’s my fault for being human garbage.
Real
That's the way I've been looking at things for a while. But I've been trying to adopt the mindset that I don't need anyone to believe that I'm autistic in order for my struggles to be real. Or for me to, if not necessarily love myself, at least respect myself. Because that's the thing, there's only so much we can do to control how other people perceive us. But what I've found is that sometimes there can be a lot of power within us to shape how _we_ perceive ourselves.
Self-hatred tends to start with how others treat us. But it ends with how we treat ourselves.
It's like she's trying to erase us in a way.
Kinda offensive, not that I'm one to get twisted over every little thing.
@@jaypressley I think in the context it was delivered, the point was "don't try to paint all neurotypicals with the same brush, because they're not all the same." Sometimes in the autistic community we tend to talk about NTs as if they are identical NPCs when that's not actually the case. It's very reductionist of what constitutes typical human behavior.
However, I do agree that if someone is making a false equivalence between diversity within the range of what's typical and diversity in the range of what's considered neurodivergent and ignoring how our divergence is disabling and clearly differentiates us from the majority of humans, then yeah, it is very minimizing to act as if neurodiversity means there's no such thing as typical. There is such a thing as typical, but it's within a range on several dimensions, not a singular point. That doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
@@itisdevonlyconsidering neurodivergence exists on a spectrum, it's not exactly a leap in logic to figure out normies are also widely varied as well.
Children raised in the same home sharing the same experiences still grow up to be very different people. That's common sense, and not something that needs to be embedded in some message.
"Neurotypicals don't exist" is a passive aggressive way of saying "we all have problems, deal with it."
I'm pretty sure my mom was one of the most neurotypical people. However, my brother, dad, and I were her daily projects to ensure we function in the world. She'd get so frustrated. Yet,, she was so loving and patient. She was a darling woman, and I miss her so much.
"im disappointed in how school manages to teach you that learning is bad" ~ my physics professor
i love learning, but not school, theres a huge difference
i hate how i had to drop out of college at 15. i felt so stupid... still do
I can relate. I was bright and am detail focused, but my public school career was a disaster. Dropped out twice and never got a high school diploma. I was in maybe 11th grade when I realized that “smart” and “good at academics” were not the same thing.
The only thing my academic credentials were ever good for was supporting the ADHD part of my diagnosis.
If youre american: college at 15 is effing amazing, you're basically a genius even if you had to drop out.
If not american and college means something different than university/higher education: schooling is not for everyone. Any age can learn any skill. If you have an affinity for learning, go for it. If there's a replacement for that degree of graduation, go for it. You're free now, more time to get skills under your belt. School is fine if you like it, but life is more than studying and responsibility and exams. Its experiences, skills, relationships, emotions. Live life fully.
@@jimwilliams3816 same! i was in 6th or 7th grade when i realized that and it genuinely made me depressed. also never helped that my parents were only interested in grades and if i tried to do any extracurricular learning or excitedly talk about what i learnt in school they wanted me to shut up. asking questions was only for stupid students who didn't get the explanation the first time so i developed a complex around asking for help with things because i didn't want to be seen as stupid. it ruined my entire life. if people had been more supportive back then i would have been a happier person but everyone just wanted me to keep my head down and get good grades. some adults see a bright eyed curious child and start to strategize about how they can crush their soul.
One of my main problem with school subjects was that I understood things and could explain and talk about them in my own words - but I still got bad grades because I didn't exactly recite them how they were written in our school books. One of my teachers even said that - she sees I understand the topic and what I said is completely correct, but she can't give me a good grade because it's not what the school system requires me to answer. The school system doesn't care if you actually understand what you're talking about, just as long as you can regurgitate everything you're told like a Furby.
Trying to prove I was still ‘exceptional’ as a disabled/ND person by trying to be okay in college when what I wanted to do was learn, discuss, lecture, and write essays to share not for a grade, destroyed my mental health 😂 still dealing with it. I love learning again but I wish I had my reading stamina back.
I do this thing now where I can read a book- but only if I get to transcribe it by hand into a different blank book at the same time. I have little idea what this is about but it has something to do with time and access and loss. Sigh
If someone says I have 5 minutes, I'm simply not going. I need to be ready at least 3 hours, or in the LEAST 2 hours ahead of when I need to leave. That way everything is done and out of the way, packed, dressed, and I can get on with my regular routine and relax before leaving. Even an hour isn't enough time. Whenever I leave late or in a rush = day ruined.
I could just stand and stare for an hour, thinking about what I have to do, but unable to get anything done
lol, my husband is like @mollycave to the point where I literally feel I am being rushed and so as I’m more like @luna-p, thinking I have all the time in the world or unable to get anything done as there is too much to do, I get super annoyed at him, dig my heels in and ultimately when he does get me out the door, I have left something I needed/wanted behind.
The absolute and relentless agony of just trying to grab the four or five things you need to really take with you, some of which you may even have already had prepared to avoid what happens next: at least one of the items, which you had in your hand /literal/ seconds ago, is suddenly NOWHERE to be found. Warning: If it shows up too quickly, another thing will probably follow suit.
It is almost comical, and certainly tragic.
Sat in a sportscar, handbrake engaged.
@vizzlah Tell. Me. About it.
Same~ If I have an appointment or something at 12 I need to be awake at 8 and I still barely make it on time.
If I've gotta be ready in 30 minutes I might as well lie down and die instead of trying.
I had half a century of assuming everyone experienced things pretty much the same as me and so I just put up with being exhausted / anxious / overwhelmed to the point that it's just a normal part of life. Since I found out that I'm autistic I'm realising why most other people seem to be able to get through the things I struggle with and it's not because they're *better* or *stronger* than me.
when i tell ppl how hard some things are for me they just tell me ur gonna get stronger. omg what does that even mean 😭
@ some people (lots of people!) don’t get that sometimes you struggle because you struggle, not because you aren’t “trying hard enough” or haven’t “learned to toughen up”. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to be tougher and stronger and it mostly made me depressed and distant and didn’t change how I actually felt about things. I’m trying to get back to showing the more sensitive and vulnerable person that I was a long time ago, I think it’s healthier for me.
This one.
@dimitrisskar4174 I think I know what it means to them, but they are misapplying a principal. Humans have some capacity to strengthen themselves through “exercise,” *but only to a degree, and it’s specific to the individual.* An athlete might be able to improve their stamina through cardio exercise, but the same level of exertion might trigger a fatal heart attack in a person with heart trouble. And even athletes can end up with a blown out joint or a torn rotater cuff if they overdo it, or work out the wrong way. It’s the same thing with cognitive function, even though people imagine otherwise.
I know. I took a stressful job in my 50s, and went on high pressure trips. I was frankly impressed with myself, because I didn’t think I was able to do such things. But after a while, I started saying “I like this job and I’m good at it, but I can feel it changing me in bad ways.” I did not understand why, but I had the vague sense that continuing might cost me my mental health and my marriage. Which it did.
After I crashed and burned, I ended up with multiple diagnoses, AuDHD, GAD, more. I eventually realized that I had been leaning into adrenaline, which helped my ADHD focus but further pushed up my standing stress hormones. The increased dysregulation fueled a massive downward spiral similar to what Meg described in college. But I never pulled back and I bottomed our. I don’t think I’ll ever fully recover.
My neurodivergence made me more vulnerable to the stress and shaped my responses, but anyone can overdo it, and plenty do. I actually think one reason the US has gone off the rails as much as it has is that we mythologize hard work to an unhealthy extent. It’s not true that “what does not kill you makes you stronger.” Maybe it does sometimes, but sometimes it leaves you permanently damaged instead. I offer myself as exhibit A.
So set boundaries, recognize your limits, and MAYBE push yourself a little from time to time - but only in moderation and in ways that feel right. Nobody has an unending supply of spoons, not even those mythical neurotypicals. There’s no shame in understanding our limits, even if some people can’t see that.
End rant.
Half a century? You were diagnosed at 50?
Your videos so often have me like "wait.. that's not 'normal'??"... guess i might look into autism
Her video on monotropism (hope I’m spelling that right lol) is the reason I’m as sure as I am that I’m most likely on the spectrum. She’s great at explaining things in a way I can easily understand.
Same here
@@austinmartin6918 I know right? I had the suspicion before already, but was like "nah.. can't be, right??" and then I watch things on monotropism, signs of being autistic, shared autistic experiences and I start questioning my life xD
@ClockBoyy the really weird part for me was my initial suspicion came from me stumbling upon a Reddit post from r/autismmemes that had made it to the popular thread. I didn’t notice the subreddit it was from, but I really related to it. I scrolled past, but ended up going back to see what sub it was, and I was like “heh, that’s kinda weird,” and just went on about my day. I became increasingly curious about whether I’d relate as much to other posts on there, and so I decided to check, and yep! Most of the memes were quite relatable. Just one of those happy accidents, I guess lol
@@austinmartin6918 its always the weirdest ways you stumble upon this sort of stuff lmao
I never felt like I was actually an alien but I felt like nearly everyone else got a handbook and I was skipped or was just on a different wavelength.
A phenomenon that keeps happening to me is people feel safe to tell me things that are personal, that they never told anyone else, even if they just met me. I have heard the phrase "I don't know what it is, I just really trust you with that secret/ information."
I am pretty good at keeping secrets.
Huh......yeah, I've had that experience too. And I'm also good at keeping secrets - but have talked people's ears off since I was 2.....slightly less talkative now - depends on who I'm with and what the topic is.
That can be a form of manipulation to gain your trust and make you more invested in them. There really are some people out there who just lie to others that way. I read that and thought "That's a red flag."
@JuliaMurphy2013 it could be but doesn't have to. One of my special interests is s e x education. Even though I never bring it up, people of different ages and from different countries have asked me questions about it. I seem to give off the vibe that I am trustworthy, open to talking about it and know stuff 😅
I wonder how common this is.
Both my old boss and my current one have let me in on things that I had no need to know, but that they wanted to share with someone, so they shared with me because they _knew_ that I wouldn't share that info with anyone else without their permission.
Maybe it's the lack of small talk? We don't do small talk, so maybe we're seen as not being the sorts to gossip?
@AndaraBledin or - admittedly a very wild guess - they're over sharing because they are neurodivergent themselves and recognise that in you?
it is going to take five minutes to watch a 30 mins video IS SO REAL
x6 speed for RUclips, when? 😅
Yes! And then it takes 45 minutes cause I keep rewinding, getting up for food and getting distracted, lol
Yes! I also often think like: I can't watch a movie, because they are so log, but I can watch an entire season of a tv-series instead, because the episodes are only 40 minutes 🙈
@@Nashleyism: It takes at least 45 minutes because of the adverts (and the occasional rewinds and maybe getting up for food or...)
I started watching this video yesterday. Still not even hit the middle.
9:53 “it’s like your hobbies and all the things you love don't work anymore” I love that description!
Ikr! That's the literal perfect description!
this has been me. Loosing interest in almost everything, especially in my mid 30s
@tarsan894 I'm sorry that happened to you, it's such an internal struggle
I hit that point regularly, but rather than burnout, it's a symptom of a condition called cyclothymia, which is basically the lesser form of bipolar disorder.
So, instead of burnout, I actually have minor depressive episodes that can suck all of the color and joy out of the world, leaving me plodding painfully through even simple task.
On the other side, I have hypomanic episodes where it feels like I can do nearly anything and it's all so wonderful, and why do I only have two arms when I want to be doing five things all at once.
The first thing I realized was a abnormal sensory experience was getting your hair washed at the hair salon. I’ve always had struggles with anyone tugging my hair or touching my scalp. I wouldn’t brush my hair for many days as a kid. I also thought others were lying when they said getting your hair washed and scalp massages was relaxing because it had always been a painful experience. I was taught at a young age that my pain was my fault and I shouldn’t be mad at people for hurting me because my mom didn’t understand how much pain I experienced. That’s why I’m incapable of telling a hair stylist they’re hurting me, so I tend to avoid going.
I never understood why people enjoy having their hair washed either! It's a sensory nightmare.
For me it's mostly the sink. It hurts my neck SO MUCH. And I feel trapped in the bowl and freaked out like one wrong move and my neck could snap. How anyone finds that relaxing completely eludes me.
I have cut and coloured my own hair for over a decade because it's so awful.
I hate it and finally stopped going altogether. I cut my own and my son's hair for some years now. I'm doing it better and faster than a hairdresser. It's funny how my boyfriend gets a haircut every single month and it doesn't bother him. He's been in a hairdresser 100 times more than me, and he didn't have even one as bad experience as I did have almost every time.
@@Sandcatbe sure you don’t have cranial pain due to maybe Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. My neck has incredible pain in the position of the wash station at the salon post spine injury due to the cranial instability. Before the injury it wasn’t a thing at all.
21:43 actually, when I thought about buying my headphones, I tested my bro's. I almost cried. It redused noises so great. Ofc I bought my pair next week
I can relate to this!
Ramble time so bare with me: During my diagnosis the specialist recomended me to get them and while I had known of them, I had not considered for some reason using it myself 😅 which is quite silly given how much sensory processing issues impacts me. But anyways, a bit later I was made aware of a sale and figured I might give them a try. I had been wanting to I just didn’t actually understand until I experienced it. Gosh. I could not describe how much it has changed my life. The sheer amount of meltdowns avoided alone because of these guys. I’m literally wearing them right now! They stay on almost all the time and I love them. I literally went around the house yapping to anyone who would listen about how cool they were and no one understood it lol. Actually my brother hated it which is so funny to me. But I can definitely relate to like basically feeling like you might cry. Because I felt so much weight lifted off my shoulders. I remember that feeling the first time so well. In a kitchen, two fans going, everyone going about their pre-dinner routine and sticking the setting on for the first time. It was like the saturation on life was turned down just a bit for the first time. Its like going a busy club to a silent street. It’s so indescribable to allistic people (like my brother) how it felt and still feels especially using them in overwhelming scenarios and that’s the closest I ever got to it.
I have no idea how I managed public transport without them! Or any scenario like that! Poorly is the answer lol. But this is why accommodations and awareness is so important! I could not imagine if he(the specialist) had not directly suggested that to me, I may have never given them a chance! I went to my first concert post owning these not too long ago, and I actually managed to sit through a line and do a meet and greet! Never in my life would I have before!! It’s the little things, simple accommodations (like the venue allowing me in with my headphones) that made such a difference to me. And I have an awesome picture and tshirt to prove how basic understanding, diagnosis, and accommodations can change lives : )
Which ones?
I ordered some just yesterday. I'm a bit nervous how they work for me tbh since I've got severe tinnitus and can't stand absolute silence (bc... I don't have it EVER), but I think if I put on nice music, they'll do the trick
You can’t just write this and NOT say what kind you got
What's the brand of headphones?? 😭 I need to know!
At the 12 min mark you’re talking about how your husband just knows how long things will take.
Reminds me of a story. Once at a job I was told I wasn’t doing tasks quickly enough. I asked if my manager could tell me how long they needed it to take, and they told me that was an unreasonable expectation when my manager was already so busy 😞
Oh that thing with the manager drives me nuts. They reprimand you for doing things wrong, but refuse to tell you how to do things right! The unfairness puts me over the edge.
@@luna-pI had that with school writing. Professors would say I write terribly but had all the correct information then not be able to tell me what I was doing wrong or how to improve. It has been so frustrating.
I think that they just wanted you to work faster or appear to work faster.
But I really don’t understand managers nor management.
I had the same problem!
I was in IT for 25 years. “How long will that take?” became one of the questions I dreaded most. I still have no idea. I would wildly over or underestimate every time. Finally for the last 4 or 5 years I got a boss who understood me. It was so much better
I appear NT but I’m not. If I’m put in a social situation the autism in me comes out I love being alone. But I wasn’t diagnosed until 33 because I am so good at masking. However I have been savagely bullied and I have video games as my special interest. And my impulse control is lousy
My impulse control is so bad. I'm so bad with money haha
@@criticalinspiration2442 My problem is anger. I am like a kettle with the lid welded shut sometimes when I’m alone it comes out. I’m afraid to lose my temper because I’m a big guy I’m 6 foot 6.
@@criticalinspiration2442 I also get very angry if I get rejected or ignored by people and when I say angry I mean really angry
but there's a limit to the masking before the 'tism leaks. be sure to add that detail. I have about a 3 yr countdown.
@@SamJeffries-yd7hyI find this hilarious, because one of my problems is not feeling angry at all, I can't understand this feeling, the only time I "showed" it was in a performance. I usually just feel anguish and extreme sadness, and I don't know what to do with it.
Thank you! This is a brilliant way to help us neurotypicals increase empathy for neurodivergents. We try to imagine ourselves in your shoes, but we can only see the outside of the shoes. Knowing about the inside of the shoes helps so much. I was making assumptions I didn't even realize I was making
10:44 I cannot tell you how much this hits home. I have extreme anxiety because of the benefits system here in the UK and it makes it so hard to get on with my life without worrying when the big intimidating government comes at me with their confusing forms and interviews.
0:12 I'm not certain that we would be bullied a lot less, because I've been mistreated by higher-masking autistics because they found my autistic behavior embarrassing and were afraid it would cause friction with others they knew (nobody involved was diagnosed at the time, but I'm fairly confident that everybody involved was in fact autistic).
I've been mistreated similarly by diagnosed autistics.
I was born with a traumatic brain injury due to medical negligence during my birth so I come across as autistic and adhd I’m definitely neurodivergent
Once people find out my diagnosis they start bullying me or worse (they accuse me of lying because I seem too functional to them)😢
People tell me there is no possibility of me having ADHD because I am not very “hyperactive.” I don’t think they realize there are different forms of ADHD.
Im so sorry to hear you have to suffer bullies. I HATE bullying, they are weak and prey on the perceived weak, because they are cowards. You are a good decent person and are so much better a person than they are. I do hope you are having less of a hard time and feeling stronger. I send my very best wishes, take care :)
I'm Brazilian and I'm 23 years old, diagnosed with ADHD. Almost every month I have a gigantic hyperfocus on something and out of nowhere I lose the desire to do it. I painted all the glass jars in my mother's house when I was learning how to use glass paint and I spent hours making cold porcelain keychains instead of doing my college work and lesson plans (I'm a teacher), it's complicated, but this moment of hyperfocus for me is so pleasurable! However, I end up hurting myself a lot in terms of sleep, health, socialization and my professional life because of this.
We're getting diagnosed with neurotypicality with this one 🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥
Doubling down on my Autism diagnosis with this one 🗣️ 🗣️ 🗣️🔥🔥🔥/silly
Saying no one is neurotypical is saying that the experience of being neurodivergent is less valid and different. It is true that everyone is different and lots of people who are not neurodivergent have traits associated with being neurodivergent but that isn't the same.
Thanks for making these videos and spreading awareness. I stumbled across them a few years ago and it has answered so many questions Ive had about myself my whole life. I am 21 and currently in the process of getting a diagnosis.
I'm sooo glad I could help a little 💛 I hope your appointment is a positive experience!
On the emotional regulation side, I used to cry (and still can get very upset) when my teachers changed seating charts-
Literally my best friend rn. If any teacher tries to move her, she will argue continuously until they give up and let her keep her seat. She has a specific seat that is hers in every room
Awww
I worked as a co-educator alongside a main teacher, and I had to pretend like I wasn't upset and annoyed when my coworker changed our students' seat positions 😅 As the main teacher of course they were allowed to do that, but I was always thinking "please, no, whyyyyy"
me having a violent meltdown and throwing a chair at a classmate cuz my deskmate was like "um actually i want the other classmate to sit with me" 💀
I hated it so much! The only way I could put up with his anarchy was by waiting at the door until everyone sat down and I then just picked the last seat. Or I'd pick one in the last row in the corner and hoped that nobody would tell me to get a different seat 😅
one thing I think doesn’t get addressed enough is informal supports. Specifically supports that act as expressions of often more toxic cultural values, that can hide the fact that legitimate support is needed. I struggle with finding my independence now since I took for granted being enmeshed with a parent and all the things they helped me out with (since they weren’t the things everyone else needed help with), but that support was not offered to me in a healthy way.
You are so absolutely right. I grew up in a big family with multigenerational relatives around and also very tight-knitted asian family. I felt that I had support but it came with a lots of stigma and self-doubt. Help (but not accommodations) for example doing things in my stead if I cannot finish tasks fast enough --- but with a whole lot of shaming and guilt.
Yes to what you said around minute 16:00 !!
I was trying to explain my difficulties with executive functioning to my tutor, and at a later date, I gather he was trying to show some empathy and/or understanding, but he said something to the effect of "I know you process slowly"
It showed me that despite my efforts to try and convey my experience in the classroom, he didn't have the right impression, most likely because it's hard to understand an experience that you don't have.
I have what I call “profound time blindness” and have to account for it by putting everything in my phone calendar. I don’t think in a linear fashion when I’m recalling things in my life. If someone asks me what year I did something (like graduated uni) I cannot recall the year and have to count backwards from the current year to figure it out. I remember things in terms of what was going on at the time and how I felt about it. I also have aphantasia and can’t really picture things so my memory is mostly based on my other senses. For example, I can tell you what kind of music I was listening to at the time. I can’t picture someone’s face even if I see them every day but I remember the lyrics to every song I have ever liked. The brain is wild
Watching this with my headphones, in my room, and a white noise machine on.
Thanks to a broken fire alarm that’s been beeping every few minutes since last night. It’s out of my reach of course.
I’m always amazed by people who can just ignore things like this and go about their day. I compared myself with others and felt like a failure.
I internalized for years, would just grin and bared it, as I was told so often. Or I’d be accused of being “too sensitive”, “dramatic”, etc.
After diagnosis now I know why it affects my brain and how best to deal with it. Without it completely draining me, still learning but at least it’s easier now.
I've heard stories about fire alarms beeping like that. Are you sure it's broken? It could be carbon monoxide.
@ Yep, we went through that too. (I’m the goddaughter of an FD guy, I’m far more prepared and worry about things like that.)
But genuine thanks for throwing it up there. Honestly far too many people don’t realize it could be the other part of the alarm system. The one you can’t smell.
I wish was exaggerating saying it when I say- this was the third time this month alone.
My neighbors have had the same reoccurring problem. In fact the building itself has gone off for no reason at all.
Maybe one of those ghost hunting shows can come over, lol. As nearly every other day I open the door to hear someone else’s ha broken.
Oh my god! That drives me up the wall, had one of those damn things do the same. I hate high pitched noise, children screaming, those small dogs barking...aaarrrrggghhh! Hope it gets fixed for you, must be horrid experiencing that! Take care
I can't sleep, when the tv or charger are on, because I hear the high pitch constantly, while no one else hears it. I proved that, when someone done an experiment, not showing me if it's on or off. Yeah I could hear it
@ Oh my gosh I feel you. The amount of times I have been forced to prove whatever I was hearing is ridiculous.
It’s insane that we are put through this so often. Like we enjoy being the person being told we’re being “a problem, too sensitive,” etc.
Couldn’t possibly be the electronic device in the room next door. 🤷♀️
I didn't have problems with #8...until I did. Getting good grades was a special interest. I got straight A's until I hit a practicum course in college which required me to interact with others. I shut down and dropped out despite a 4.0 gpa. Essentially, my autism was missed because I was extremely good at taking written exams. My parents thought I was the model child. Meanwhile my brother had bad grades and got a diagnosis. He is now far more well adjusted than I in adult life.
Schoolwork was my special interest until 11 yrs old when I moved to another school and my grades fell from A to D instantly. Nobody cared unfortunately
I was/am a wiz at specialized testing. It hid my educational flaws really well until I got to college. Then I failed hard and nobody (including me) understood why. Now 40 years later I find out I’m ADHD (and probably on the autism spectrum as well but I haven’t been diagnosed).
Fellow former playground circler here... Love how much the content on this channel has helped me contextualize my lived experience! I grew up in the woods (distant enough there were plenty of days it'd be snowing at home but just raining at school), and had always assumed the kids "in town" had gotten the secret training to make socializing fun. Guess the social anhedonia kicked in early 🤷♂
My experiences were somewhat similar in general, but what really excited me about your post was the snow/rain thing. Same with me, I grew up a half an hour and 1,000’ higher than where I went to school. We could have a couple feet of snow and there was almost none in town. Thinking about it, growing up deep rural yet going to school with town kids from a higher economic bracket probably is one of the ways I interpreted why I was different from so many of them.
I remember a feeling of validation when we had a field trip out to where I lived - in the winter! I kept telling the others they had to dress warm, and some didn’t listen - and one of the town kids said “my god, you live in the middle of nowhere!”
I was only officially diagnosed as autistic at age 49. I'm 51 now. The doctor thought I was practically a textbook case for an autistic male. I've not had any mental health issues and don't think I have meltdowns. I could just never tell you what exactly my emotional state is at any given moment and find it weird others can. As a kid, I admired Spock on Star Trek and tried to be like him.I gained a reputation for being very laid back, unusually so.
Thanks so much for your videos. Very recently, I found out I had a diagnosis at around age 9 that my parents withheld from me. I'm 59 now and I found myself relating to your videos after starting a new job that overwhelmed me so much I started to wonder if there was something other than a known LD going on. Learning I'm autistic has explained SO MUCH about me that I never understood before, especially the part about how do other people do things easily and I can't? So frustrating!
Thankfully, my job has a strong support network, and hopefully I can get this old diagnosis confirmed and find some outside support.
I didn't get diagnosed until 56 when I hit a career wall and I couldn't figure out why until I got my diagnosis and realized I wasn't an idiot-just unable to do some things necessary for holding an exec position.
@AtheistsSurvivalGuide 🩷🩷🩷
I definitely have time blindness. I never know how early I should get up and ready before an appointment, especially if I didn't sleep well. Awhile back, I started trying to combat this problem by setting my alarm for at least 2 hours before I need to get somewhere. This helps some, but if I don't sleep well, I might wake up just enough to decided that I have plenty of time, so I can sleep a little more, and then reset the alarm gor way too late. I never figure the time right if I'm sleepy.
I have to allow a huge amount if time to do something like going to an appointment, and I am still late a lot of the time. I have started putting appointments in my calendar for varied amounts of time before the actual appointment time. It might be as little as 10 minutes or as long as 45 minutes, but on the day, I never remember what my lead time is, so I have to aim for the shortest time. This has really helped me get to my destination on time a lot more often, but it doesn't always work. If I get an appointment reminder text, they remind what the actual appointment time is, so that's what gets into my head, and it can make my system fail.
29:57 I have adhd and dyscalcula, and in between being burnt out I really enjoyed school. In high school specifically, I was diagnosed. I was able to use my intense interests as a dopamine battery for the things I hated, and got myself a pair of earplugs. I also joined clubs where I knew the neurodiverse might congregate, and allowed myself to stim in school subtly as much as I needed. If I was truly too upset, many days I just went home.
Only a minute in, but I have to stop and give a thumbs up to the NT Loch Ness Monster. Made me LOL.
I feel like as a neurodivergent person, I am always being overestimated. It is so frustrating when people think you aren't trying or that you are just being too negative when you are really struggling. I need a lot of help but I have a bit of a spiky profile and seem like I am "capable"
Not a medical professional using a whole lot of medicalized language. What a crock
@@canUfeelMYface So people who are not medical processionals can't use any words possibly seen as medical even when talking about their own experiences?
@emmablack1230 the title of her video shows that she's going far beyond just talking about her own experiences
@@emmablack1230 she's generalizing in the title of his video so I don't know your commenting like it's just her talking on her own experiences
@@canUfeelMYface I thought you meant about my comment. Anyway, she is still talking about her condition and using both her own lived experience and research. She is open with her status as not a professorial and is not spreading misinformation.
My offspring (second child n.b.) has Irlen’s syndrome, visual processing disorder (the one thing we have had diagnosed) and the teachers would ‘attempt’ to be understanding and often fail miserably. She wanted to drop one a-level so badly as that particular teacher just could not accept how her lessons could not be learned in an hour at the incredible pace she set with her micromanaging organising skills ensuring everyone had cookie cutter folders of identical information. Fortunately she held on (she would have had to drop out of the school all together) and she did not fail the subject as that teacher predicted either.
Thanks for the the terms ‘anhedonia’ and ‘spiky profile’. Helps me improve my vocabulary, especially when it comes to vocabulary I can use to describe myself and, I suppose, ‘explain myself’ when I have to. Especially the spiky profile. I am a klutz at a lot of supposedly simple things, but I’m really good at a lot of other things. Even though I like who I am, it does suck that most of my weaknesses are things society necessitates or values, whereas my strengths are often overlooked and undervalued. It makes it hard to feel like I can truly make an impact sometimes, in my own way.
This video made me feel less alone. Thank you for the informative insights
Honestly, you should be given an honorary Pysch Bachelors for all your work on this channel. Super informative - thank you again!!
Apologies if you have already talked about this and I just missed it, but since it came up earlier in the video: another autistic creator I really love, Ember Green, did a big video essay on Aspie Supremacy a couple months ago that covers a LOT of stuff, but specifically touches on problems that arise from regarding allistic and "neurotypical" folks as monolithic, and also as less-than-human in certain ways (e.g. "sheep", "NPCs").
May not be your thing, maybe you've already seen it, etc. and it is pretty heavy, but I found it enriching and thoughtful.
🎉I am interested in this topic. I will check it out. I do think autistic people are superior and always felt superior to others even before I was diagnosed autistic
@@hedwigwendell-crumb91 To be clear, it is a video CRITICAL of aspie/autistic supremacy and the ways it gets casually invoked in some autistic spaces. she focuses a lot on how aspie/autistic supremacy ultimately reflects and serves dominant systems (e.g. politics/programs of eugenics) that at best see autistics as a conveniently exploitable resource and at worst an impurity to be weeded out. I made a slight edit to my original post to clarify this.
but, yes, here is a link, it is very well done in my opinion, and i do encourage a watch even if (maybe especially because) it may be at odds with your current disposition on the subject: ruclips.net/video/ui2h_pHDDmk/видео.html
16:00 I’m so glad that for my job (aircraft maintenance), most of the tasks I have to do have written instructions I have to follow. I’d probably take a lot longer to do things if I didn’t have that to keep me on track.
I've been doubting myself lately and this was super validating!
PETZ!!! NEOPETS!!! i don’t normally comment on videos but the fact that there’s photos of u playing petz 5 (i think it’s 5!) was so special bc that was my entire life when i was aged 9-14!! it’s not often that i find others who played. it is also actually how i found an entire group of friends that i am still friends with (16 yrs later) to this day! i was super involved in the community. it’s so sweet and unexpected to see it here in one of your videos! 💜
I got laughed at by doctor when I tried to get a diagnosis. Also negative experience with ADHD the doctor literally said "Everyone thinks they have ADHD now" and that was the end of the conversation I waited months for that appointment. These videos are so important for those of us who cannot get diagnosed. Thank you. It makes me cry in kinda happy way cause I feel seen.
Can you ask to be seen by another (more understanding) doctor at your surgery?
Doctors like that need to be reported
the moment she mentioned not being able to unlock her own door I felt like I was personally being attacked💀
I've been given the keys so many times to open the front door and no joke it takes me like 6 whole minutes trying to figure out how to put it in and take it out.
i struggle with locking doors with keys so bad. There's a scene in Squid Game where the guy fumbles with the key for like 1 second and gets a suspicious glance. My partner said that if I ever was able to lock the door on the first try that's when they'd be suspicious.
My partner always teases me about this 😅 I suck at locking/unlocking the door and he grunts and teases me every time LOL 😆
I would like to thank you for making me realise... I am so much more autistic than I thought as none of these is true for me lol
Apart from number 10 (which is inapplicable), none of them are true for me. I've been diagnosed with ASD and OCD, so I'm not surprised.
I guess I'm typical in number 10. I can have my period and go about my day as usual, but the other 9... Thought I might be misdiagnosed because it can't be that bad, right? People tend to blame all of my brain stuff on me being blind, so I always felt like an impostor. This video was really validating!
couldn't be me. one of my favourite examples of "bending time to our will" is me having had a friend over and after the late night "what do you mean you don't know that series?" just swapping DVDs for four or five hours until my friend remarked he should really get home to catch the required minimum of sleep xD
oof that reminds me of when I was younger and visiting my best friend at the time. She expressed interest in watching Sailor Moon with me. So I brought over multiple vhs copies recorded from the tv and we spent majority of the time watching through the episodes. I was disappointed how little we got through not realizing that there were at least 5 hours on each tape lol
Never been so early! Thanks for your work Meg, it's meant a lot to me as I piece through my own brain and as a parent.
Aww, I'm so glad I could help a little! Thank you for being here 💛
If Autism is a spectrum then it's reasonable that NT is also a spectrum.
But it's not clinically meaningful.
sure, but it’s just as unreasonable to expect NT’s to all be the same.
@@longestbeannbecause neurotypicals pathologised neurodivergent behaviour.
Yk what, you cooking
2:13 about that Reddit post: I don't think it's a fair assessment at all to say that those people are "boring" because they're neurotypical. That is the exact same as saying that all autistic people are "weird". Those people are just boring, period. Honestly, how would it even have anything to do with whether or not they struggle with social cues or experience monotropism/other autistic traits??? I hate when people that are apart of a minority group circle back around to having the same closeminded beliefs as those that bully or discriminate minority groups. Like, why would you wanna sink down to their level??
True, but his post did make me laugh. And he's right that a lot of neurotypicals aren't better at communicating. They're just good at following the same scripts that they always follow and if you diverge from the script a lot of them are totally lost and don't know what to say.
I remind myself often that they're not better at communicating, just different
@ Yeah, I get that, but I don’t even think saying you wanna go explore is a diversion from the usual social script. I have no idea why those people reacted so strongly to something so innocent, but I would not be inclined to believe the reason has anything to do with whether or not they’re autistic. It could even be OP misjudging their reactions or something, because we don’t really know what actually happened, just OP’s recounting. It makes me wish I could have been a fly on the wall because I could better form an opinion, but I still don’t think their reaction is because they’re neurotypical. (Side note: how does OP know they’re NT anyways?? That’s another part that we just don’t have an explanation for bc we’re relying on such a small amount of info…)
@@benja_mint Of course they're going to be right, there's many of us who are neurotypical and awkward at the same time, some of us even have diagnosis that make socializing difficult without making us neurodivergent (treatable disorders like social anxiety exist). But calling us NPC's for it? Extremely dehumanizing.
I did not know PMDD was more common for autistic people! I used to suffer so bad from this condition before I stopped having periods. I just feel like the more I learn the more I go “ah yes, makes sense”
Me either! Helpful to know, thank goodness I know now
If anything I feel more energized and manic during the premenstrual phase.
I asked a NT about having to leave a room because the music was too much, she couldn't relate at all on a first-hand level. Her closest experience was accompanying someone with sensory sensitivities who had to do so. I was trying to get the point across that it's no fun going to a party just to have to sit out. It's not like you just need a break from the noise, you need to get out and stay out. I actually thought she would have some experience of sensory overwhelm in that setting, after all, typics must have a limit somewhere. Their ability to cope with noise and sensory stimuli seems superhuman.
Any typics reading this, don't take your sensory processing for granted, it really is amazing what you have.
I was quite lucky in my school experience even though I was undiagnosed ADHDer, but I was diagnosed with dyslexia and received special ed and accommodations that did help with my ADHD symptoms too. I was also super interested in most subjects, which made me able to absorb very well what was taught to me and put effort into school (though never in a very consistent way), so the teachers were usually lenient when I wasn't a "good student" (forgot the right supplies and books, forgot homework, arrived late, doodled through every class). The other kids were also mostly chill and some of them are my best friends to this day, so even though I was sometimes mocked and excluded, I still had friends in my corner so it was never that bad socially either. So all things considered I did have as good of an experience in school as one might, as a teenager of course it wasn't always fun, but that's expected. Up until university really. The lack of external structure there and the added adult responsibilities really fucked me up and I'm still deep in ADHD burnout.
I am so not neurotypical 😊 this was a well made video. Also interesting that you ended with PMDD which is my diagnosis. It pretty much controls my life.
Most people on spectrum don't get mental health support for several reasons:
1) navigating health care is a problem and advocating for yourself can be a barrier.
2) previous encounters that didn't help but did more harm
3) mental health cost a lot and most can not afford it
Then if you are no diagnosed yet that's even worse.
For point 4, I always thought I couldn't be autistic because I am the opposite. xD I NEVER skip a shower or brushing my teeth or other self-care things almost religiously because I get sensory overload if I do! On the other hand, I've never been super smart in any area so I was like "Oh, must be normal!" lololol
Same, I feel filthy if I don’t brush my teeth - though I do forget to shower sometimes (I do still feel dirty but not as much for some reason).
I think either extreme can be pretty autistic.
I have to set reminders on reminders to do some basic needs, but my husband is fixed on the routine. Both of us are autistic and completely different in most ways. We kinda balance each other out in support ways.
@@ZhovtoBlakytniy that's gotta be nice sometimes! :)
@@vondalironfist5753 I get that. xD when I was younger it was much easier to skip showers (dang puberty lol)
I feel filthy if I don’t brush my teeth but frequently still don’t. It’s a war between tolerating discomfort and motivating myself, and I guess I’m better at tolerating discomfort. 🤢
I’m so excited to see all that you have to say and show in this video! This is a big topic I’ve been interested in
Hope you enjoy! 💛
What you said about the squares in your math book and patterns with lines/geometric patterns is so real. I regularly work with image editing software like photoshop and gimp, and I really can't stand the gray grid pattern those programs use to indicate transparent parts of the image.
I find it horrific how some people think I should just snap out of it and the reason I am the way I am is a lack of self-control...
Watching this mid mental breakdown is probably not what i need, but I'm gonna do it anyways
hope it helped.
Your channel is one of the greatest net-positives on this app. (Mostly) so many women will have and will continue to benefit from your content. I know it has unequivocally changed my life for the better. So validating and so respectful
Ahhh so excited for the vid, I’ve had a bad day and as soon as I saw the notification I was cheered up! ❤
mm well sounds like I failed with flying colours as a neurotypical
ill never get over thanksgiving last year, my brother said he was almost here and I (AuDHD) started panicking. Basically said he would be there in 15 and didn't have a lot of time to stay. I put my whole foot in the mac n cheese cause i really wanted him to try it and had it ready bout time he got there. half way in, I realized, he couldn't of been 15 minutes away as id been cooking for an hour.
I will never be out-bigbrained again
I find many of your videos really helpful, but just now I want to say how grateful I am that you don’t have music in the background - such a relief. 😌
Wait. Some people find getting your hair washed at the hair salon relaxing?
Yes 😭😭
I was diagnosed with autisim and adhd this NOV. This channel has really helped me so thanking you so much for all the content! you are a tonic!
"a person could be a nuclear physicist and still struggle to remember to brush their teeth"
THISSSS my biggest problem that I've identified and been working on in therapy (with very little success) is feeling like a failure or lazy or an imposter because i struggle so badly with such basic things like feeding, cleaning, and clothing myself without either my home beginning a literal biohazard from growing mold or attracting insects or having completely apart in my professional life, where I'm a PhD student who had always been near the tops of my classes and extracurriculars. But now, i have to choose: do i take care of my health, or my job/schooling, or my household/executive functioning tasks. I can only do one of the three well at any given time and if i push i can scrape by in a second, but at least one of the three is always a complete failure. I just end up in a constant cycle between the three, even with help.
I punish myself so much for "failing" to do what I see as the "bare minimum" for being an adult, and it doesn't help when that shame gets reinforced by someone seeing through the facade, such as my mom visiting and being shocked by the state of my apartment when she just helped me get it deep cleaned a couple months ago, or my phd advisor having no idea how to help when she sees that I've made literally zero progress in the last three months on research I'm already 2 years behind on, despite checking in weekly and giving as much help as she can. And i don't know what to tell them bc I've tried everything and just can't manage without my body literally giving out on me (since we got that ADHD/ASD/EDS triple threat).
But i have to constantly remind myself the only reason i had done so well up until now is because 1) i have always lived with other people who helped split the mental and physical load of taking care of our living space, whether that was my family when i was a kid or my roommates as an undergrad, 2) as a kid, my mom basically acted as my external executive function system, making meals, telling me what chores to do when, making doctors appointments, making sure we got ready for things and left on time, finding the things i lost, and going on my behalf to my teachers or doctors or whatever when something did fall through the cracks, 3) as a kid, my mom also unknowingly accommodated my sensory issues and other support needs (bc they were the same as hers) and coached me through my emotional regulation issues, RSD, and social deficits (such as pointing out when i was being taken advantage of, when i had made a faux pa and telling me how to fix it, when my facial expression or tone was communicating something socially inappropriate, when my emotional response was illogical or disproportionate, etc) and while her teaching me to mask had some bad long term effects, it was probably the only reason i had friends (and therefore a support system beyond her) precollege, 3) school and my jobs were literally easier and less demanding on my time before, 4) since my EDS is defensive, i was also physically healthier when i was younger, with most of my physical symptoms not existing prior to puberty, and 5) i actually WASN'T OKAY when i was younger.
I was a complete emotional mess who thought i didn't deserve basic human kindness bc i was secretly a terrible person and an idiot who had just convinced everyone i was kind and smart by *check notes* treating people with kindness despite my intrusive thoughts/jealousy and doing well in school by working myself to the bone. I've had issues with low self-worth, anxiety, imposter syndrome, emotional regulation, and executive functioning issues for as long as i can remember bc half of those things are parts of my ADHD and ASD that are genetic and hardwired into my brain, and the rest emerged as toxic coping mechanisms for my undiagnosed ND symptoms. I didn't understand why i could be so "smart" in school or so good at reading and writing (all things i have always loved) but then constantly struggle with easy things like forgetting to fill out it get my reading log signed for the week despite reading ten times my weekly goal on a daily basis, or forgetting a sweetheart long project until the night before and not understanding why it was taking all night to do, or shutting down completely when i hit a bath problem i couldn't immediately solve because I had no idea how to look for an answer or extrapolate from similar questions (novel problem solving skills who?) despite having absolutely no problems once I'd been shown how to do something similar. How could i remember exactly which part of a book i had only read once a year ago a specific fun fact was from, but i couldn't remember where i had set my glasses down 10 minutes ago or whether i had eaten breakfast that morning. Clearly, I was told by well-meaning teachers and parents (and then I hardcore internalized and took to the extremes) i just didn't care about the other things enough, i wasn't trying hard enough, i could do so much better and was just letting myself down by failing to live up to my potential. No, i didn't need to be evaluated for a developmental or mental health disorder like ADHD or anxiety. That would just get me labeled and discriminated against or drugged into sedation or mania, bc I was fine, i got good grades. School obviously came easy to me because i had straight As and no we don't need to listen to the child in question when she says that it does NOT come easy, that she's been up till 3 am every night for the last month despite being having a cough and fever she just can't shake bc that's what it took to get this essay done on time to the standards we've come to expect her to meet, and what do you mean she has walking pneumonia now? Wow, to do this well even when that sick It MuSt ReAlLy CoMe EaSy tO HeR
I was never more capable than i an now. I never had more potential that i met then and don't know. I wasn't doing well before, it just looked like i was because I'd internalized so much self-hatred and shame from always hearing how my struggles were some kind of moral failure and never having any other narrative or explanation (such as the various diagnoses that i should have been given if the people around me were more open minded or had just LISTENED to what i was saying rather than TELLING me what my problems were) to combat it. I had a white-knuckle grip on those grades and the appearance of perfection because any time i slipped or asked for help, i was either shamed/guilt tripped for not trying hard enough or not being grateful for my talents and opportunities or wanting to take resources from kids who had Real problems, or else i was just given empty reassurances that Everything is Just Fine Actually and i just needed to have more faith in myself, or think positively, or push past the anxiety and "disproportionate" emotional distress that made me breakdown or lash out (read: have an autistic meltdown and/or panic attack) bc it was just in my head. So i just pushed and pushed and pushed myself to achieve until I had a complete emotional and physical breakdown from burnout that i am still not fully recovered from four years later, and may never fully recover from due to the degenerative nature of EDS.
I'm struggling so much more with the basics now bc I lost every bit of scaffolding that had gotten me this far, because there is quantifiably more being demanded of me in every aspect of my life than ever before, and because i am still paying for an the damage i did to my physical and emotional health with my toxic coping mechanisms until this point.
I want you to know that you are not alone. Your story sounds similar to mine, including feeling burnt out. There's no need to drain yourself in order to achieve some milestone in your career. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you have to. It's okay to prioritise yourself and healing. It's hard to predict the future, but I know that there are good things out there waiting for you 🤗
That was my dad, an engineer but never brushed his teeth:)
On my emotions I have learned to hold them back as much as I can till I know what is going on fully, and if I find myself slipping I try my best to get away to where I can let it out or coupe till I can go back and figure out what is wrong, unless I'm yelled at first then I just pop my mouth off so not perfect but has helped me not explode so much on people anymore
23:51 - the squares in the maths book - yes me too!
Still on my journey to find out if I am or not but this resonated so much with me. I had to stop everything for the PMDD stuff especially because that has been a big issue for me and has caused so many problems in my life. Thank you for bringing it up so I can research it more.
14:28 when someone says "you have 5min to get ready" my mind goes "ok, so I have to be quick, i will get up first, prepare my outfit, take my towel, undress myself, i need to remember to get socks so I don't touch the floor when I get out the shower, get on the shower, shower my body, shower my hair, I can't dissociate in the shower, i have to get out of the shower, dry myself because being wet is horrible, put on socks, put on clothes, brush my hair, put my shoes on, take a vest and then i will be ready. So let me see how much time i have.......2minutes.....💀"
me it is worse.... i think 5 min is a lot when it is not ...
I watched it. First of all, thanks, your videos are delightful and helped me with my ND jorney. Second, I left my free french fries on table, on my job; everyday attraction, I might say
My daughter (23) hasn't been officially diagnosed ASD, but has been learning a lot about herself since discovering your channel.
It has been quite the learning curve this past year, but the answers to so many questions have been found right here. I just wanted to send a hearty THANK YOU for all you do!
I did not know about dyspraxia!!! My childhood makes so much more sense now!!!
I remember when I was at uni and heard of it for the first time, thinking that's me 😅
I’ve been of the opinion that I never had clinical dyspraxia (spikey skill set, maybe), but when Meg did her video, she showed a movie of her trying to skip rope but never being able to time it so that her legs cleared the rope - and I suddenly remembered I was like that. Hula hoops also ended up on the ground before the end of their first revolution.
I was officially diagnosed with ADHD at age 50. I take medication and I have to say it makes a huge difference. I earned my high school diploma and trained to raise my children without medication. It's possible without it but it's extremely exhausting! With dangerous consequences such as depression, anxiety disorders, addiction problems. I wish I had been diagnosed as a child...
welp as it turns out I'm even less neurotypical than I thought lmao
There are many people in society who have ND traits but aren’t disabled by them because they are in situations where they can control/cope with them and/or use them to their advantage eg. in their careers.
But I do know a tiny amount of people who are the most “Neurotypical” neurotypical - as in, very well adjusted and rounded, almost never get angry, upset or overwhelmed, they have incredible social and emotional regulation, super adept and flexible in most environments, they are content, calm and positive people with no toxic traits or bad habits and generally super liked and popular.
But honestly, if we used this subgroup as a benchmark for NT then most people in society would be considered autistic/ADHD.
the time blindness one is so real. yesterday it was 30 minutes past midnight and i wanted to go to sleep by 1 am so i opened my laptop settled into bed and decided that i would watch a 45 minute episode of television and then sleep. by 1 am??? obviously that didn't happen. i was dimly aware of the time problem while deciding this too but it just didn't register in my brain that i can't watch something thats 45 minutes long in 30 minutes.
I was a skilled musician at school, great fine motor skills so would do extremely well at video games, ping pong and table football etc. my class had scalextrics tournaments and I won almost every single time…
BUT… in team sports, gymnastics and anything requiring gross motor skills and/or spatial awareness I was embarrassingly bad, hands down the worst.
My sports teachers shouted at me and I got sent off multiple times because they thought I wasn’t trying since I was such a skilled musician yet could barely throw or catch a tennis ball to save my life.
I LOVE learning so that part of school has always been something i like. I liked it enough to go to grad school.
Everything ELSE about school has been a total nightmare and makes me forget dropping out of my PhD program, despite loving my research topic and my cohort
Completely relate!!
12:09 as someone who has auDHD, OCD, and hypothyroidism, this sure does explain my horrible executive dysfunction
Neurotypicals exist because society caters to one neurotype above all others, and have done so since the Industrial Revolution.
However, we currently don't have a specific name for that neurotype. It's a blank space in research, precisely because previous researchers have relegated it as "normal."
this right here
@dmperri Thank you.
I think more conversations about how the IR and similiar technological advances forced the different neurodivergent communities to become more visible? Would be helpful.
Because the changes and added pressures of these revolutions, it meant our ancestors couldn't fly under the radar anymore.
And those who could stomach the new artificial lighting, work schedules, and proceeded foods were held up as the pinnacle of "healthy."
This is a great perspective, ta!
That's really great perspective!
Endometriosis and PMDD are hugely comorbid with neurodivergency. Almost all the girls I’ve known who suffer from these have ADHD and/or ASD.
It’s because ND girls are much more sensitive to hormonal fluctuations than NT girls, and endometriosis is linked to hypermobility which is also comorbid with being ND.
watching this and taking notes
My autistic inertia also applies to sounds and lightbulbs. So I don't really care at all how the lights are in a store, but if the color or location of the light in the house is changed while I am trying to read an article or complete something, then it is impossible and returning the light to the former position until I am done is mandatory.
i have adhd, not sure abt autism, its a good change i do have it (my mom and sister both have it and i have very very similar traits as them, ) so idk now im questioning my self and am like "maybe im just neurotypical oh no im wrong"
As someone who was not only diagnosed as ADHD as a child, but also mom to an autistic daughter. I see a lot of these traits in myself and in her. Also thank you so much for actually talking about PMDD! I had no idea that was a thing until I was actually diagnosed with it myself. I thought I was just a mean person, and that it was a reflection on me. That and being diagnosed with BPD both as an adult just gave me such a better understanding of myself. Also, the mention of the person with ADHD while working resonated with me so much. I get into what I refer to as 'Tunnel vision' when I am focused on a single task or goal. I can easily be distracted by sounds or things like that but when I am in a task I get lost in it. My daughter does the same, and she also struggles with transitioning between tasks. We both struggle with beginning tasks. I have also noticed that certain sounds just bother me a lot, and she struggles with sensory difficulties with loud noises. Thank you for touching on many different variations of neurodivergence. It was really validating.
PMDD is the worst…I’m 40 and only finally got it managed last year. My biggest issue is mood. For anyone unsure if you have PMDD or typical PMS, your PMS shouldn’t make you want to cancel your life subscription every month 🙃
I felt this QwQ cause I have PMS but also I think that I have psychotic depression with guilt delusion cause I experience hallucinations and I had psychotic episode at the beginning of this year and paranoia and delusions were so awful..
And PMS just worsen psychotic symptoms..
So the voices are more awful and the urge to either harm myself or end it is really strong at that time..
And like I was thinking that maybe it's just that I have PMDD but I'm not sure about it cause I believed that I'm a bad person since I remember and same for hearing voices..
And later hallucinations.. and I also now that I'm more aware I see that my mind during delusions alters things that I see or hear.. and I feel like people know that I'm evil and I feel strong urge to apologize and to punish myself..
It's only that I don't want to hurt my loved ones by doing it or just I hate pain stops me from doing something drastic but the urges are getting worse recently..
I'm sorry for dumping this on you..
I can always delete this comment if it makes you uncomfortable..
I'm deeply sorry for bothering you..
@ Do you have people in your life to reach out to? If not, this community is here for you. Please keep talking about your struggles; they are real and they are tough! Talking about it is the best way to find your tribe ❤️
@@RI0Tkitty thank you so much for your kind words.
I'm talking to friends sometimes about it though I usually don't like being a bother or I don't want to make them uncomfortable..
Thank you so much for this.
@ I understand feeling like being a bother. I struggle with feeling like that with friends and family a lot. I could tell you that it’s not true and that you aren’t a bother, but I realize how hard that is to believe. In this case, us here on the internet can maybe help 🥰 You are safe to block those who hurt you and connect with those who help. Stick around, okay? 🥰
@RI0Tkitty okay. Thank you so much for your kind words once again. You seem like a really kind person. Thank you.
I just had a flash of insight when you were talking about the interaction between hobbies and overspending. I've got Inattentive-type ADHD, and for about 15 years I was a DJ. Since diagnosis (only recent, at age 48) I put my overspending on music down to it being my job, but there's no doubt I went way beyond what was necessary for my work (I also think that, given the social aspect, wanting to be seen as the DJ that always had everything that anyone ever requested was part of that).