Please find below how to do sleep windows. This was taken from a chapter from my first book You Can Sleep Too! It should be noted, sleep windows are not the end goal. They are just a short term technique you put in place to build your sleep quality and to teach the brain a good pattern of sleep that is helpful to you. Once you've done this you slowly let go of them and then: Go to bed when sleepy - Get up at the same time everyday. But yes always focus on sleep quality over quantity! If you want help with your sleep stick a question down here and i'll answer / turn your question into a video. Free tailored sleep advice, good stuff! Sleep Knowledge 20 Sleep windows To sleep more and to get better quality sleep, you should spend less time in bed. I shall shortly explain a technique called the sleep window. It should be noted that the sleep window method is not strictly a CBT-I technique. Nevertheless, I have included it in this book as it is a very user-friendly, simplified alternative that translates well to being taught in a book. Also, the easier something is to do, the more likely it is that people will do it!
CAUTION:
While restricting time in bed is one of the key components of CBT-I, there is one type of sleep problem which it must nev-er be used to treat. This sleep problem is rare. It is called paradoxical insomnia. Paradoxical insomnia was previously known as sleep state misperception and subjective insomnia.
Patients with paradoxical insomnia report severe insomnia without corroborative objective evidence of sleep disturb-ance or significant daytime function.
In an earlier Sleep Knowledge section, I discussed how it is common for people with insomnia to underestimate how much they sleep by about 1 hour. A person with paradoxical insomnia, however, may report, for example that they have literally not slept at all for months. But when objectively measured by PSG (Polysomnography - wires, clipboards, machines that go bing) they are actually sleeping, they just don’t know it.
Hypervigilance occurs while the patient is sleeping, and there may be physiological or perceptual deficits that affect sleep/wake discrimination, which can cause sleep-time un-derestimation. To oversimplify - the mind is awake whilst the body sleeps!
People with paradoxical insomnia should not be treated with sleep scheduling because they are already getting the sleep they need - they just don’t know it. In consequence, restrict-ing their sleep can be very dangerous for them.
It is therefore vital that you visit a doctor to discuss sleep scheduling before restricting your time in bed. A doctor will also be able to diagnose other comorbid conditions such as restless leg syndrome, sleep apnoea, nocturnal leg cramps, circadian rhythm disorders etc.
All that said, let’s do this! Important: This book is to provide sleep knowledge. It does not provide medical advice and is not here to tell you do any-thing. You have a legal obligation not to drive or operate heavy machinery if you are feeling sleepy. Do not limit your time in bed until you have discussed doing so with your doc-tor. I had been spending 9, 10, 11, 12 hours in bed. But how much was I sleeping, and what good had it been doing me? None. The longer I spent there, the more it fed my anxiety and the less I slept. How long do you spend in bed, and how long do you feel you are actually sleeping? Is that helping you? Perhaps like me, your sleep schedule was (or is) so erratic that you may not know how long you spend in bed or how long you spend asleep as that changes all the time. But very roughly, how long do you feel you are sleeping? You may say that you feel you are only sleeping 2 to 3 hours a night but spending 9 hours in bed (this is how I have felt in the past, but you will be sleeping longer). Nine hours in bed, but you feel you are only sleeping for two or three of them? That’s a lot of time that you could be using to do something you enjoy. Now you know that less time in bed leads to longer and bet-ter-quality sleep. Perhaps you might think about how long you would like to spend in bed and what would be realistic. Go a bit Goldilocks and the three bears, when trying to come up with the answer. 8 hours - too soft! The average time a normal sleeper sleeps is around 7 hours. Do you need to spend 8 hours in bed? 4 hours - too hard! You should always give yourself a good opportunity to sleep, and it should never be below 5 hours. Remember, even if you think you are only sleeping 2-3 hours, you will be sleeping more. It will just be very frag-mented and poor-quality sleep that you are getting. 5.5-6.5 hours (possibly 7 at the upper end) - just right! 5.5 hours is less than the average time normal sleepers sleep, so it is a little on the extreme side and being a bit rough on yourself. 6 to 6.5, maybe? It’s up to you. If, for example, you have chosen 6 hours to be in bed, set your morning time to whenever you want. Let us say 6.30 am, so you should make sure you go to bed after 12.30 am. That doesn’t mean you must go to bed at 12.30 am as you still should only go to bed when you feel sleepy. But try to make sure that it is after 12.30 am. This 6 hour sleep window isn’t forever. When you start feel-ing that you are falling asleep more quickly or waking up less frequently or still waking up in the night (which is what normal sleepers do) but falling back to sleep faster, in short, when you feel your sleep quality is improving and you would like to, perhaps extend the time you have in bed by 15 minutes or so every week. Does it have to be 15 minutes, and does it have to be every week? No. Try not to do it too quickly, but it’s your sleep, so it’s your decision. You understand how sleep works now, so trust yourself to make the right one! After a month, six weeks or perhaps two months, you will eventually reach a point where you no longer feel you would like more time in bed. Wonderful! You now know how long you personally like to spend in bed to get good-quality sleep. Once you know your new sleep window, does that mean you now have to have that sleep window for the rest of your life? No. Normal sleepers don’t have such rigid time frames. They have a healthy relationship with sleep. They go to bed when they are sleepy and get up at the same time most days. And normal sleep is what you will have! How did I get on with my own sleep window? Well you’re about to find out. You Can Sleep Too! Available as audiobook/paperback/kindle - Step by step video course also available... Links in the description.
@@colinpatrick2729 Hi Colin, unfortunately because I am signed up to Amazon KDP (Netflix for books, where people pay a prescription and then can read any book that is enlisted into KDP - for free) I can't list my book anywhere else because to be a member of KDP you have to be exclusive to Amazon. I do however have an audio version of the book aswell - Joe
Hi Kirsty, I'm really happy that it helped you. Thank you for reading it. If you had the time to click the stars or to leave a 1 line review (identical to what you have just written would be perfect) I would really appreciate that: Links below! UK amazon.co.uk/ryp USA amazon.com/ryp CA amazon.ca/ryp
Rub magnesium oil on the bottom of your feet just b4 u go to bed…. It stops an overactive bladder…. It works amazing…… as far as falling asleep, focus on a number and u will get very bored and drift off to sleep
I used to have trouble falling asleep. Now I'm falling asleep fast but waking up after 4-5 hours or so. After that it's a lot of tossing and turning. I shorted my sleep window to 7 1/2 hours but I guess that's still too much. I don't get as anxious about my sleep anymore, but it's still frustrating sometimes.
Hi, yes maybe drop it down a bit. You won't get less sleep, you'll just reduce the amount / duration of the night time awakening. Always focus on sleep quality in the first instance, the quantity will come later but you need to build that good pattern and build that sleep drive / tackle the anxiety about being in bed at night first to have the good foundation to build on. Well done for getting stuck in with the behaviour change, it might need a little tweaking but you'll get that perfect amount. P.s the sleep window is not for ever, once you've re built your sleep you can slowly move away from it and just go back to going to bed when sleepy and getting up at the same time.
Thank you so much for your work. People like you make the world a better place. I myself started a carnivore diet which threw me into insomnia for two weeks now. Started out fighting it, but after listening to you, I'm more accepting and not making a big deal out of it plus following your advice.
I'm really happy to help. Yes after you have put the very simple behavioural changes like the sleep window and counter / stimulus control to rebuild your sleep pattern into place - 99% of overcoming this is getting rid of all the nonsense people put in place to force or protect their sleep which just feeds the anxiety, control and obsession. It sounds like you are doing really well and I am happy you found this channel early on before tripping and falling too deep into the rabbit hole - my favourite question - " is this something a good sleeper would do / worry about / avoid / obsess about" This pretty much always sends you down the right path! Keep on keeping on - you've got it!
@@InsomniaTalks so true, I'm throwing away all the preparation and even watched a blue screen after listening to you. It just started so I want to snuff it out before it gets worse and thanks to you I will. I don't want to put too much effort at this point but will come back to you if need be.
It works! Stick to it as best you can for a month at least and just think whether that month was better than last rather than comparing day by day. Also give it time! Just like when you travel and have a severe time zone shift you sleep worse initially before you adjust, the same is true for the sleep window. But yes, leave it a month to reserve judgement, but over that tie frame, it will do what it always does!
Sleep windows make it worked for me - if I have more time I’m more relaxed it takes me longer to fall asleep - some times when my daughter goes to sleep later then 9pm I dread because I’m tired miss my sleep window and boom I’m Awake all night and if I fall asleep I keep waking up
Hi Sharang, yes there is no one size fits all - for the majority it is helpful but the end goal is what I am after, re building of you pattern of sleep, no obessession / control / anxiety around it and to be just as happy in bed awake as you are asleep. I suppose as long as that time you spend in bed pre sleeping is calm happy and relaxed, just wanting to be there you don't need to change anything. But yes it's the end goal i'm after, how people get there I reaslly don't care so if you have found something that works for you, good stuff.
Hi Joseph, at first: thanks for the amazingly helpful, relatable and sympathetic content you put out into the world! I listened to your audiobooks (twice) and already implemented some techniques such as the sleep window. I’m currently two weeks in and sleep does seem to get deeper and I fall asleep faster. My issue and persistent centre of rumination: when I sleep by myself (which I did for the last 5 years) I sleep pretty pretty perfect, no (conscious) awakenings, just sleep. Since I moved in with my boyfriend my sleep suffers incredibly, he moves quite a lot at night which makes me wake up frequently. I developed kind of a panic when waking up next to him, my heart rate shoots up to the moon and there goes my sleep. I’d love to hear your take on that, do you see a realistic chance that I can develop a peaceful sleep next to a frequently moving man by giving it time, patience and dedication (by sticking to the program for some weeks, maybe months) or would you advise going the route of going into battle for divided mattresses (he feels „separated“ by this and doesn’t want to change his beautiful box-spring bed) or even a bed divorce? Many many thanks in advance, your answer would mean a lot to me :) Greetings from Germany, Vicky
Hi Vicky --- thanks for your comment -- I've gone ahead and copied a section from my second book (The Sleep Well workbook) which is different from my first as it is more of a step-by step guide and more practicle with witten exercise etc - that's below. However, yes it should get easier - when the body clock and sleep drive are working well for you you will sleep deeper and will be less likely to wake when your partner moves. Also the longer you contine with the behavioural changes, the more you will detach from the obsession around sleep and the more you will just take it for granted that when you wake in the middle of the night, of course you will fall back to sleep! I've got 3 months / 4 / months / 5 months of evidence that that is the case! So there is less anger and resentment attached to waking up, so the wolf isn't fed so the night time awakening is short lived. That said... if there is somethihg environmental that is impacting your sleep, it's absolutely fine to not deal with it, or try and be OK with it, or try to sleep with that occuring. If I had a pet rooster that woke me every morning i'd eat it (sorry Ronny the rooster, sorry veggies - please don't unsub) If I slept next to someone that snored - after ruling out sleep aponea I would sleep in a seperate room) and yes if I slept next to someone that moved a lot and was constantly waking me - I would discuss separate beds. I think it depends the extent of your partners moving and whether it is in normal range and you are just hyper sensitive becuase you have struggled with your sleep, or if it is actually an issue that someone who has never had insomnia would get annoyed with - I can't determine this but some people are lovely to sleep next to and others are a pain in the .... and that's fine just to have that conversation of having seperate beds and not bothering becoming OK with it. But yes if you go that route, you have my full permission - it's not an avoidance sleep effort, it's a wise decision that will improve both your sleep quality and make you both feel more rested and happier during the day time. Any way, section copied and pasted below --- Also, if you could do me a favour and review the audiobook I would really appreciate that -- literally what you have written here, copy and paste - wonderful! Section below: Bed Sharing Bed sharing or the belief that you are incapable of sharing a bed with your partner can be something that can bring up a lot of feelings of guilt and shame. I know this for a fact because it is something that I deliberately avoided talking too much about in my first book. I made light of bed sharing as being something I felt incapable of doing when I told the story of how I would take my blow-up mattress outside and sleep next to the chicken coop. After this brief mention, I never discussed it again, because even one year on from my insomnia, at the time I was writing the first book, I still felt such shame about it. Insomnia has a way of infantilising you. The things I did to protect my sleep eventually found me living wholly outside of my life. But worst of all for me was my apparent inability to share a bed with my wife. I kept this hidden from everybody I knew as it seemed to me so childlike. It started with separate beds but in the same room. But one time, after fighting for hours, I gave up and went into the spare room, where I slept! So slowly but surely my trips to the spare room became more and more frequent because I convinced my brain that I was unable to sleep in the bedroom but that I could sleep in the spare room. Eventually I gave up completely and set up camp there. It was just easier. I wanted a door that I could close on my suffering; I didn’t want anybody else to witness it, and I hated the feeling of envy and jealously I had towards my wife for her ability to fall asleep so easily. This was such a stark contrast to my own experience. It was like being tortured while at the same time listening to ‘walking on sunshine’ and watching someone sitting on a deck chair on a beach sipping a margarita through a curly straw! Another reason why bed sharing was such an insurmountable challenge was because sleep felt so fragile. It was like a game of Jenga, where one false move would bring the whole thing crashing down. It took me hours to fall asleep, so the thought of somebody taking that away from me with a misplaced arm, some gentle snoring or a tug on the duvet simply wasn’t acceptable after all that hard work; I couldn’t face starting all over again. Worrying like this was me trying everything I could to protect sleep. But of course, now you and I both know, sleep doesn’t work like that! It doesn’t need to be cared for or protected; your sleep drive will give you all the sleep you need regardless of whether there is somebody else next to you. So how do you start sleeping next to your partner again? Well, not sleeping in a bed with your partner comes under the category of an avoidance sleep effort, so perhaps tackle it in the same way. Tackling avoidance sleep efforts is done with the understanding that it will be something that is likely to cause anxiety and stress in the short term, but you do it anyway. This may lead to poor sleep initially, but all this will mean is that your sleep drive will become stronger. And the stronger it gets, the easier it will be to sleep, and eventually you will get that magical moment where you fall into bed next to your partner and you will be out for the count as soon as your head hits the pillow! That will happen, and it only needs to happen once to prove to yourself that there is nothing tangible there. You can sleep just as well next to your partner as on your own. You had just conditioned your brain otherwise. Build that sleep confidence back up, and build it back up in the place you choose to be. It’s time to take back control! First, look at some practicalities. Sometimes you don’t need to face things head on if there is no conflict. Worried about the duvet being too hot or being woken up when it is pulled off you? Fine! Compromise, get your own lower tog one. Bed too small, mattress too soft etc. etc. Get that all discussed and come up with something that works for both of you. As for worrying you will wake your partner when you get up for stimulus control, this may happen, but usually your partner will be so pleased the problem is finally being resolved that they will be more than happy to put up with a few nights of disturbances. But of course, put measures in place beforehand to make stimulus control as easy as possible for you to do. Where should you start your treatment? The ideal is to start your treatment in the environment where you intend to continue. Doing otherwise can trick the brain into thinking, ‘Hey this CBTi is working wonders - but only in the spare bed, I’d better stay here!’ Oh, dear you’ve just become entangled! Nonsense, this works because it works! Spare bed, shared bed, wherever. If you have a drive to sleep and you are … well, you know the rest! So the ideal is to start where you intend to stay, but if that is too much and creates too much anxiety, then another great option is to get that sleep confidence back by having a good number of decent nights’ sleep under your belt. And as soon as you feel ready, then move back to the shared bed. But what does it mean if you don’t sleep as well after you do? Nothing! Sleeping well after eating toast and honey means nothing; sleeping poorly after milking a ferret into a thimble means nothing (Remember the ratio: 3x ferrets to 1x 6 oz marrochino!); and, you’ve guessed it, sleeping poorly while sharing a bed with your partner means nothing. Just do nothing and change nothing. Your sleep drive will ramp up and you will sleep regardless. And once that happens, you’ve proved to yourself that you can do it. And if you’ve done it once, you will do it again. Sorted!
@@InsomniaTalks Thanks so much for your response! Yes, the wolf is being well fed at the moment (or has been, since the last three nights I slept deep and uninterrupted for the first time in our moving together!). The last two weeks were super tough and since I still woke up so frequently while being so tired I felt it might be the unsolvable moving of my partner which makes it not work for me. But the first prove just came in :) Probably it can first be determined whether it really is more his moving or my sensitivity after some weeks in the program - so I'll just continue with it and give an update afterwards. Both is actually good to hear - that it is likely the wolf I'm feeding but if the external factor is stronger it's could be worth a change in environment. Thanks again for that detailed response, I'm approaching my sleep window now, so have a good night :) P.S.: Review's out :)
I think I have paradoxical insomnia, as per to the things mentioned, I sometimes even wonder wether I slept or not. But the question is, Do I rest the same with paradoxical insomnia and with normal sleep?
Hi, true paradoxical insomnia is very rare and is usually something you would have from an early age. If you were for example to say, I literally have not slept for an entire year, that would be true paradoxical insomnia as this is simply not possible. Many night however where you feel you are half awake / half asleep etc this is a normal part of insomnia as it is very common to have poor sleep quality with insomnia. I would advise giving yourself a gentle sleep window so you are not spending an excessive amount of time in bed IE when you were a good sleeper, if you were to say estimate that you needed 7 hours of sleep per night, this number would be a good bench mark. Also put the fixed wake time in place. You should just with these notice the quality of your sleep improve and as it does so the question of whether or not you have truye paradoxical insomnia will be answered. Hope this helps, Joe
hello sir I would like to know the name of your book so that I could buy it. I would also like to know if you've gone on any podcasts to talk about sleep and insomnia. with that being asked, have a nice sleep :)
Hi it's on Amazon and it's called "You Can Sleep Too!" available as a Ebook, paperback or audiobook. I hope you find it helpful and that it helps you sleep!
Hi Joseph, I have a question, does lack of sleep or little sleep affect the general health and also the erection and sexual health of men because the doctors say this, tell me through your experience, you know more than them
Hi Ben, certainly the fatigue and lack of motivation and how it impacts your daily life when you step outside of it because of your insomnia can affect your health and well being and certainly your mental health which in turn can affect your sexual health - Sleep is a main pillar of health so if it's not working well for you it can have a detrimental effect on all aspects. As for knowing more than doctors, yes you're right there - on average doctors only receive an average of 1.5 hours of sleep medicine training througout their entire career so they are not the best people to speak to and actually it can be quite damaging as when you do speak to them and all you get is sleep hygiene advice it leads you to thi nk that insomnia can't be overcome which is most certainly not true as it can be treated incredibly sucessfully trhough behaviour / habit changes and tackelling the anxiety stress and worry around sleep. I'd recommend this video if you've not seen it ruclips.net/video/WGkeEZVppso/видео.html&ab_channel=InsomniaTalks and also the one about the sleep drive and hyperarousal ruclips.net/video/TPqLbuEWbXs/видео.html&ab_channel=InsomniaTalks (They were my old style of video where I was doing doodly videos which i've moved away from, so the presentation isn't how I want it but the advice is solid!)
That's right. As well as explaining why night time awakenings happen and providing advice about how to set your own sleep window to reduce there occurrence (the most evidence based method to quickly re build your sleep drive and pattern of sleep - people who have had insomnia for decades (myself included) have applied this and seen improvements in weeks. As for the woman spending 9 hours in bed and being awake for 2 hours and sleeping for 7. There are different extremes of insomnia and my videos cater for everybody. - However the sleep window advice will still work regardless of how long or little you think you are sleeping. This video here is about someone who feels they only sleep for 2 hours a night... ruclips.net/video/EbAeCyOc0Fo/видео.html And this video here is about someone who had their entire life eroded and stripped by living with insomnia for 20 years. Depression, divorce, lost business and living in a van. That person was me. ruclips.net/video/-R5nna73HeI/видео.html You will see at time stamp 3.45 I stated that if you have a huge amount of obsession control and anxiety around your sleep you will need more than just a sleep window to overcome your insomnia. I understand that you are suffering and I know you feel hopeless when you feel you've tried everything and nothing seems to work. However, please do not think for one second I do not understand this condition off the back of watching one video that you felt was not aimed at you, just because the person described had less severe insomnia than yourself. If you take the time to delve deeper and commit to the advice on this channel (the advice aimed at people with a huge amount of obsession, fear anxiety and control around their sleep, the advice aimed at people who have had there entire life eroded and stripped by the condition - not the advice aimed at people with only mild - moderate insomnia) you will slowly start seeing improvements. But doing it with consistency (no perfectly just good enough) for long enough without loosing hope when you get setbacks will be hardest thing you ever done in your life. It was for me. But the pathway out is there if you need it.
Please find below how to do sleep windows. This was taken from a chapter from my first book You Can Sleep Too!
It should be noted, sleep windows are not the end goal. They are just a short term technique you put in place to build your sleep quality and to teach the brain a good pattern of sleep that is helpful to you. Once you've done this you slowly let go of them and then: Go to bed when sleepy - Get up at the same time everyday. But yes always focus on sleep quality over quantity!
If you want help with your sleep stick a question down here and i'll answer / turn your question into a video. Free tailored sleep advice, good stuff!
Sleep Knowledge 20
Sleep windows
To sleep more and to get better quality sleep, you should spend less time in bed.
I shall shortly explain a technique called the sleep window. It should be noted that the sleep window method is not strictly a CBT-I technique. Nevertheless, I have included it in this book as it is a very user-friendly, simplified alternative that translates well to being taught in a book. Also, the easier something is to do, the more likely it is that people will do it!
CAUTION:
While restricting time in bed is one of the key components of CBT-I, there is one type of sleep problem which it must nev-er be used to treat. This sleep problem is rare. It is called paradoxical insomnia. Paradoxical insomnia was previously known as sleep state misperception and subjective insomnia.
Patients with paradoxical insomnia report severe insomnia without corroborative objective evidence of sleep disturb-ance or significant daytime function.
In an earlier Sleep Knowledge section, I discussed how it is common for people with insomnia to underestimate how much they sleep by about 1 hour. A person with paradoxical insomnia, however, may report, for example that they have literally not slept at all for months. But when objectively measured by PSG (Polysomnography - wires, clipboards, machines that go bing) they are actually sleeping, they just don’t know it.
Hypervigilance occurs while the patient is sleeping, and there may be physiological or perceptual deficits that affect sleep/wake discrimination, which can cause sleep-time un-derestimation. To oversimplify - the mind is awake whilst the body sleeps!
People with paradoxical insomnia should not be treated with sleep scheduling because they are already getting the sleep they need - they just don’t know it. In consequence, restrict-ing their sleep can be very dangerous for them.
It is therefore vital that you visit a doctor to discuss sleep scheduling before restricting your time in bed. A doctor will also be able to diagnose other comorbid conditions such as restless leg syndrome, sleep apnoea, nocturnal leg cramps, circadian rhythm disorders etc.
All that said, let’s do this!
Important: This book is to provide sleep knowledge. It does not provide medical advice and is not here to tell you do any-thing. You have a legal obligation not to drive or operate heavy machinery if you are feeling sleepy. Do not limit your time in bed until you have discussed doing so with your doc-tor.
I had been spending 9, 10, 11, 12 hours in bed. But how much was I sleeping, and what good had it been doing me?
None. The longer I spent there, the more it fed my anxiety and the less I slept.
How long do you spend in bed, and how long do you feel you are actually sleeping? Is that helping you?
Perhaps like me, your sleep schedule was (or is) so erratic that you may not know how long you spend in bed or how long you spend asleep as that changes all the time.
But very roughly, how long do you feel you are sleeping?
You may say that you feel you are only sleeping 2 to 3 hours a night but spending 9 hours in bed (this is how I have felt in the past, but you will be sleeping longer).
Nine hours in bed, but you feel you are only sleeping for two or three of them? That’s a lot of time that you could be using to do something you enjoy.
Now you know that less time in bed leads to longer and bet-ter-quality sleep. Perhaps you might think about how long you would like to spend in bed and what would be realistic.
Go a bit Goldilocks and the three bears, when trying to come up with the answer.
8 hours - too soft! The average time a normal sleeper sleeps is around 7 hours. Do you need to spend 8 hours in bed?
4 hours - too hard! You should always give yourself a good opportunity to sleep, and it should never be below 5 hours. Remember, even if you think you are only sleeping 2-3 hours, you will be sleeping more. It will just be very frag-mented and poor-quality sleep that you are getting.
5.5-6.5 hours (possibly 7 at the upper end) - just right! 5.5 hours is less than the average time normal sleepers sleep, so it is a little on the extreme side and being a bit rough on yourself. 6 to 6.5, maybe? It’s up to you.
If, for example, you have chosen 6 hours to be in bed, set your morning time to whenever you want. Let us say 6.30 am, so you should make sure you go to bed after 12.30 am. That doesn’t mean you must go to bed at 12.30 am as you still should only go to bed when you feel sleepy. But try to make sure that it is after 12.30 am.
This 6 hour sleep window isn’t forever. When you start feel-ing that you are falling asleep more quickly or waking up less frequently or still waking up in the night (which is what normal sleepers do) but falling back to sleep faster, in short, when you feel your sleep quality is improving and you would like to, perhaps extend the time you have in bed by 15 minutes or so every week.
Does it have to be 15 minutes, and does it have to be every week? No. Try not to do it too quickly, but it’s your sleep, so it’s your decision. You understand how sleep works now, so trust yourself to make the right one!
After a month, six weeks or perhaps two months, you will eventually reach a point where you no longer feel you would like more time in bed. Wonderful!
You now know how long you personally like to spend in bed to get good-quality sleep.
Once you know your new sleep window, does that mean you now have to have that sleep window for the rest of your life?
No. Normal sleepers don’t have such rigid time frames. They have a healthy relationship with sleep. They go to bed when they are sleepy and get up at the same time most days. And normal sleep is what you will have!
How did I get on with my own sleep window? Well you’re about to find out. You Can Sleep Too! Available as audiobook/paperback/kindle - Step by step video course also available... Links in the description.
Hi Joeseph at any point are you thinking of putting your book on google play books? Dont have a kindle and would prefer an electronic version 😁👍
@@colinpatrick2729 Hi Colin, unfortunately because I am signed up to Amazon KDP (Netflix for books, where people pay a prescription and then can read any book that is enlisted into KDP - for free) I can't list my book anywhere else because to be a member of KDP you have to be exclusive to Amazon. I do however have an audio version of the book aswell - Joe
@@InsomniaTalks ah no problem didnt know thats how it worked. Will look at ordering the paperback then 👍😊
Easy to read book, very helpful!
Hi Kirsty, I'm really happy that it helped you. Thank you for reading it. If you had the time to click the stars or to leave a 1 line review (identical to what you have just written would be perfect) I would really appreciate that: Links below!
UK amazon.co.uk/ryp
USA amazon.com/ryp
CA amazon.ca/ryp
Rub magnesium oil on the bottom of your feet just b4 u go to bed…. It stops an overactive bladder…. It works amazing…… as far as falling asleep, focus on a number and u will get very bored and drift off to sleep
I used to have trouble falling asleep. Now I'm falling asleep fast but waking up after 4-5 hours or so. After that it's a lot of tossing and turning. I shorted my sleep window to 7 1/2 hours but I guess that's still too much. I don't get as anxious about my sleep anymore, but it's still frustrating sometimes.
Hi, yes maybe drop it down a bit. You won't get less sleep, you'll just reduce the amount / duration of the night time awakening. Always focus on sleep quality in the first instance, the quantity will come later but you need to build that good pattern and build that sleep drive / tackle the anxiety about being in bed at night first to have the good foundation to build on. Well done for getting stuck in with the behaviour change, it might need a little tweaking but you'll get that perfect amount. P.s the sleep window is not for ever, once you've re built your sleep you can slowly move away from it and just go back to going to bed when sleepy and getting up at the same time.
Thank you so much for your work. People like you make the world a better place. I myself started a carnivore diet which threw me into insomnia for two weeks now. Started out fighting it, but after listening to you, I'm more accepting and not making a big deal out of it plus following your advice.
I'm really happy to help. Yes after you have put the very simple behavioural changes like the sleep window and counter / stimulus control to rebuild your sleep pattern into place - 99% of overcoming this is getting rid of all the nonsense people put in place to force or protect their sleep which just feeds the anxiety, control and obsession.
It sounds like you are doing really well and I am happy you found this channel early on before tripping and falling too deep into the rabbit hole - my favourite question - " is this something a good sleeper would do / worry about / avoid / obsess about"
This pretty much always sends you down the right path!
Keep on keeping on - you've got it!
@@InsomniaTalks so true, I'm throwing away all the preparation and even watched a blue screen after listening to you. It just started so I want to snuff it out before it gets worse and thanks to you I will. I don't want to put too much effort at this point but will come back to you if need be.
waking up at 3am and never able to get back to sleep again been trying everthing the last few years can never hold a relasionship
My doctor says it could be if you’re not eating enough. He says eat something fatty that has zero carbs
Going to try the sleep window thing - thank you very much!!
It works! Stick to it as best you can for a month at least and just think whether that month was better than last rather than comparing day by day.
Also give it time! Just like when you travel and have a severe time zone shift you sleep worse initially before you adjust, the same is true for the sleep window. But yes, leave it a month to reserve judgement, but over that tie frame, it will do what it always does!
@@InsomniaTalks great advice - thank you. Wishing you a happy Sunday :)
Well some of these tips helped me. Thanks so much. Im going to send my fellow night owls here to get some knowledge.
I keep waking up even with a small sleep window please help - multiple times a noght
Sleep windows make it worked for me - if I have more time I’m more relaxed it takes me longer to fall asleep - some times when my daughter goes to sleep later then 9pm I dread because I’m tired miss my sleep window and boom I’m
Awake all night and if I fall asleep I keep waking up
Hi Sharang, yes there is no one size fits all - for the majority it is helpful but the end goal is what I am after, re building of you pattern of sleep, no obessession / control / anxiety around it and to be just as happy in bed awake as you are asleep.
I suppose as long as that time you spend in bed pre sleeping is calm happy and relaxed, just wanting to be there you don't need to change anything.
But yes it's the end goal i'm after, how people get there I reaslly don't care so if you have found something that works for you, good stuff.
Hi Joseph, at first: thanks for the amazingly helpful, relatable and sympathetic content you put out into the world! I listened to your audiobooks (twice) and already implemented some techniques such as the sleep window. I’m currently two weeks in and sleep does seem to get deeper and I fall asleep faster.
My issue and persistent centre of rumination: when I sleep by myself (which I did for the last 5 years) I sleep pretty pretty perfect, no (conscious) awakenings, just sleep. Since I moved in with my boyfriend my sleep suffers incredibly, he moves quite a lot at night which makes me wake up frequently. I developed kind of a panic when waking up next to him, my heart rate shoots up to the moon and there goes my sleep.
I’d love to hear your take on that, do you see a realistic chance that I can develop a peaceful sleep next to a frequently moving man by giving it time, patience and dedication (by sticking to the program for some weeks, maybe months) or would you advise going the route of going into battle for divided mattresses (he feels „separated“ by this and doesn’t want to change his beautiful box-spring bed) or even a bed divorce?
Many many thanks in advance, your answer would mean a lot to me :)
Greetings from Germany,
Vicky
Hi Vicky --- thanks for your comment -- I've gone ahead and copied a section from my second book (The Sleep Well workbook) which is different from my first as it is more of a step-by step guide and more practicle with witten exercise etc - that's below.
However, yes it should get easier - when the body clock and sleep drive are working well for you you will sleep deeper and will be less likely to wake when your partner moves.
Also the longer you contine with the behavioural changes, the more you will detach from the obsession around sleep and the more you will just take it for granted that when you wake in the middle of the night, of course you will fall back to sleep! I've got 3 months / 4 / months / 5 months of evidence that that is the case!
So there is less anger and resentment attached to waking up, so the wolf isn't fed so the night time awakening is short lived.
That said... if there is somethihg environmental that is impacting your sleep, it's absolutely fine to not deal with it, or try and be OK with it, or try to sleep with that occuring.
If I had a pet rooster that woke me every morning i'd eat it (sorry Ronny the rooster, sorry veggies - please don't unsub) If I slept next to someone that snored - after ruling out sleep aponea I would sleep in a seperate room) and yes if I slept next to someone that moved a lot and was constantly waking me - I would discuss separate beds.
I think it depends the extent of your partners moving and whether it is in normal range and you are just hyper sensitive becuase you have struggled with your sleep, or if it is actually an issue that someone who has never had insomnia would get annoyed with - I can't determine this but some people are lovely to sleep next to and others are a pain in the .... and that's fine just to have that conversation of having seperate beds and not bothering becoming OK with it.
But yes if you go that route, you have my full permission - it's not an avoidance sleep effort, it's a wise decision that will improve both your sleep quality and make you both feel more rested and happier during the day time. Any way, section copied and pasted below --- Also, if you could do me a favour and review the audiobook I would really appreciate that -- literally what you have written here, copy and paste - wonderful!
Section below:
Bed Sharing
Bed sharing or the belief that you are incapable of sharing a bed with your partner can be something that can bring up a lot of feelings of guilt and shame. I know this for a fact because it is something that I deliberately avoided talking too much about in my first book.
I made light of bed sharing as being something I felt incapable of doing when I told the story of how I would take my blow-up mattress outside and sleep next to the chicken coop. After this brief mention, I never discussed it again, because even one year on from my insomnia, at the time I was writing the first book, I still felt such shame about it.
Insomnia has a way of infantilising you. The things I did to protect my sleep eventually found me living wholly outside of my life.
But worst of all for me was my apparent inability to share a bed with my wife. I kept this hidden from everybody I knew as it seemed to me so childlike. It started with separate beds but in the same room. But one time, after fighting for hours, I gave up and went into the spare room, where I slept!
So slowly but surely my trips to the spare room became more and more frequent because I convinced my brain that I was unable to sleep in the bedroom but that I could sleep in the spare room.
Eventually I gave up completely and set up camp there. It was just easier. I wanted a door that I could close on my suffering; I didn’t want anybody else to witness it, and I hated the feeling of envy and jealously I had towards my wife for her ability to fall asleep so easily. This was such a stark contrast to my own experience. It was like being tortured while at the same time listening to ‘walking on sunshine’ and watching someone sitting on a deck chair on a beach sipping a margarita through a curly straw!
Another reason why bed sharing was such an insurmountable challenge was because sleep felt so fragile. It was like a game of Jenga, where one false move would bring the whole thing crashing down. It took me hours to fall asleep, so the thought of somebody taking that away from me with a misplaced arm, some gentle snoring or a tug on the duvet simply wasn’t acceptable after all that hard work; I couldn’t face starting all over again.
Worrying like this was me trying everything I could to protect sleep. But of course, now you and I both know, sleep doesn’t work like that! It doesn’t need to be cared for or protected; your sleep drive will give you all the sleep you need regardless of whether there is somebody else next to you.
So how do you start sleeping next to your partner again?
Well, not sleeping in a bed with your partner comes under the category of an avoidance sleep effort, so perhaps tackle it in the same way.
Tackling avoidance sleep efforts is done with the understanding that it will be something that is likely to cause anxiety and stress in the short term, but you do it anyway. This may lead to poor sleep initially, but all this will mean is that your sleep drive will become stronger. And the stronger it gets, the easier it will be to sleep, and eventually you will get that magical moment where you fall into bed next to your partner and you will be out for the count as soon as your head hits the pillow!
That will happen, and it only needs to happen once to prove to yourself that there is nothing tangible there. You can sleep just as well next to your partner as on your own. You had just conditioned your brain otherwise. Build that sleep confidence back up, and build it back up in the place you choose to be. It’s time to take back control!
First, look at some practicalities. Sometimes you don’t need to face things head on if there is no conflict. Worried about the duvet being too hot or being woken up when it is pulled off you? Fine! Compromise, get your own lower tog one. Bed too small, mattress too soft etc. etc. Get that all discussed and come up with something that works for both of you.
As for worrying you will wake your partner when you get up for stimulus control, this may happen, but usually your partner will be so pleased the problem is finally being resolved that they will be more than happy to put up with a few nights of disturbances. But of course, put measures in place beforehand to make stimulus control as easy as possible for you to do.
Where should you start your treatment?
The ideal is to start your treatment in the environment where you intend to continue. Doing otherwise can trick the brain into thinking, ‘Hey this CBTi is working wonders - but only in the spare bed, I’d better stay here!’ Oh, dear you’ve just become entangled!
Nonsense, this works because it works! Spare bed, shared bed, wherever. If you have a drive to sleep and you are … well, you know the rest! So the ideal is to start where you intend to stay, but if that is too much and creates too much anxiety, then another great option is to get that sleep confidence back by having a good number of decent nights’ sleep under your belt. And as soon as you feel ready, then move back to the shared bed.
But what does it mean if you don’t sleep as well after you do? Nothing! Sleeping well after eating toast and honey means nothing; sleeping poorly after milking a ferret into a thimble means nothing (Remember the ratio: 3x ferrets to 1x 6 oz marrochino!); and, you’ve guessed it, sleeping poorly while sharing a bed with your partner means nothing.
Just do nothing and change nothing. Your sleep drive will ramp up and you will sleep regardless. And once that happens, you’ve proved to yourself that you can do it. And if you’ve done it once, you will do it again. Sorted!
@@InsomniaTalks Thanks so much for your response! Yes, the wolf is being well fed at the moment (or has been, since the last three nights I slept deep and uninterrupted for the first time in our moving together!). The last two weeks were super tough and since I still woke up so frequently while being so tired I felt it might be the unsolvable moving of my partner which makes it not work for me. But the first prove just came in :)
Probably it can first be determined whether it really is more his moving or my sensitivity after some weeks in the program - so I'll just continue with it and give an update afterwards. Both is actually good to hear - that it is likely the wolf I'm feeding but if the external factor is stronger it's could be worth a change in environment.
Thanks again for that detailed response, I'm approaching my sleep window now, so have a good night :)
P.S.: Review's out :)
I think I have paradoxical insomnia, as per to the things mentioned, I sometimes even wonder wether I slept or not. But the question is, Do I rest the same with paradoxical insomnia and with normal sleep?
Hi, true paradoxical insomnia is very rare and is usually something you would have from an early age.
If you were for example to say, I literally have not slept for an entire year, that would be true paradoxical insomnia as this is simply not possible.
Many night however where you feel you are half awake / half asleep etc this is a normal part of insomnia as it is very common to have poor sleep quality with insomnia.
I would advise giving yourself a gentle sleep window so you are not spending an excessive amount of time in bed IE when you were a good sleeper, if you were to say estimate that you needed 7 hours of sleep per night, this number would be a good bench mark.
Also put the fixed wake time in place. You should just with these notice the quality of your sleep improve and as it does so the question of whether or not you have truye paradoxical insomnia will be answered.
Hope this helps, Joe
@@InsomniaTalks thanks, I already fixed it.
hello sir
I would like to know the name of your book so that I could buy it.
I would also like to know if you've gone on any podcasts to talk about sleep and insomnia.
with that being asked, have a nice sleep :)
Hi it's on Amazon and it's called "You Can Sleep Too!" available as a Ebook, paperback or audiobook. I hope you find it helpful and that it helps you sleep!
Hi Joseph, I have a question, does lack of sleep or little sleep affect the general health and also the erection and sexual health of men because the doctors say this, tell me through your experience, you know more than them
Hi Ben, certainly the fatigue and lack of motivation and how it impacts your daily life when you step outside of it because of your insomnia can affect your health and well being and certainly your mental health which in turn can affect your sexual health - Sleep is a main pillar of health so if it's not working well for you it can have a detrimental effect on all aspects. As for knowing more than doctors, yes you're right there - on average doctors only receive an average of 1.5 hours of sleep medicine training througout their entire career so they are not the best people to speak to and actually it can be quite damaging as when you do speak to them and all you get is sleep hygiene advice it leads you to thi
nk that insomnia can't be overcome which is most certainly not true as it can be treated incredibly sucessfully trhough behaviour / habit changes and tackelling the anxiety stress and worry around sleep. I'd recommend this video if you've not seen it ruclips.net/video/WGkeEZVppso/видео.html&ab_channel=InsomniaTalks and also the one about the sleep drive and hyperarousal ruclips.net/video/TPqLbuEWbXs/видео.html&ab_channel=InsomniaTalks (They were my old style of video where I was doing doodly videos which i've moved away from, so the presentation isn't how I want it but the advice is solid!)
❤
???… your advice was telling a story about someone who already sleeps > 7 hours a night and to stop looking at the time? Disliked.
That's right. As well as explaining why night time awakenings happen and providing advice about how to set your own sleep window to reduce there occurrence (the most evidence based method to quickly re build your sleep drive and pattern of sleep - people who have had insomnia for decades (myself included) have applied this and seen improvements in weeks.
As for the woman spending 9 hours in bed and being awake for 2 hours and sleeping for 7. There are different extremes of insomnia and my videos cater for everybody. - However the sleep window advice will still work regardless of how long or little you think you are sleeping.
This video here is about someone who feels they only sleep for 2 hours a night...
ruclips.net/video/EbAeCyOc0Fo/видео.html
And this video here is about someone who had their entire life eroded and stripped by living with insomnia for 20 years.
Depression, divorce, lost business and living in a van.
That person was me.
ruclips.net/video/-R5nna73HeI/видео.html
You will see at time stamp 3.45 I stated that if you have a huge amount of obsession control and anxiety around your sleep you will need more than just a sleep window to overcome your insomnia.
I understand that you are suffering and I know you feel hopeless when you feel you've tried everything and nothing seems to work.
However, please do not think for one second I do not understand this condition off the back of watching one video that you felt was not aimed at you, just because the person described had less severe insomnia than yourself.
If you take the time to delve deeper and commit to the advice on this channel (the advice aimed at people with a huge amount of obsession, fear anxiety and control around their sleep, the advice aimed at people who have had there entire life eroded and stripped by the condition - not the advice aimed at people with only mild - moderate insomnia) you will slowly start seeing improvements.
But doing it with consistency (no perfectly just good enough) for long enough without loosing hope when you get setbacks will be hardest thing you ever done in your life. It was for me.
But the pathway out is there if you need it.