Kati Morton hello seen your notification and clicked it you are looking very nice the pink top suites you and your hair looks very nice straight. to add also thank you for another important good informative video I'm learning more about different mental health issues everytime you talk about new things I don't know about ❤️
I have a horrible time recalling some events (like they didn’t even happen) and also have a hard time putting events in the correct time line over the length of my life. Does this mean something is wrong or I just have a bad memory?
I don't know.. I know when there is Conflict, contention or what I think is a discussion of different views that either with those people or with others trying to resolve who insist in taking it through (when I am triggered /dysregulated ) I can't Speak or think properly, I forget some details (I always know what didn't happen ).tho sometimes I forget some facts when put on the spot. Yet when something is brought up later on I can still struggle to Recall everything... Then when false info /details or exaggerated negative details I know didn't happen it is really hard for me to focus and try to explain myself.. feelings from other unrelated experiences flood in and it gets complicated.. I am trying to put in Boundaries I try and say that I am busy when something happens and have to talk it out . But I realise I need to be even firmer that I cannot discuss anything until I am ready. And J am starting to be bluntly honest by taking a breath and saying "Yes I Agree"..but also give a wider context.. if someone isn't happy or raises an issue with something I have done Instead of panicking and trying to defend get defensive.. It's quite an interesting move to deal with people who keep finding fault with anything.. (it makes me so Paranoid but there is sort of a genuine reason and intent from others as well as my own insecurity )
This sounds like it might be what I experienced in the two to three months leading up to my mother's death. After she received her cancer diagnosis and told our extended family, one of my cousins came to visit. We hadn't seen her in about twenty years so it's not like it was a common thing. I remember that she and her husband came over but I cannot remember anything that was said. She stayed for a few hours but I can't recall any of it. It's been bothering me that I seem to have just lost time or something. I had no idea it might actually be a recognized thing. The therapist I was seeing just kind of said, "huh, that's weird," so this is actually a bit reassuring. I swear, I learn more from watching your videos than I do speaking to therapists in person! Thank you :)
Yes. Most of 11th grade has completely disappeared from my memory. My anxiety was HORRIBLE at the time and the performance pressure from my family made it even worse, so it kind of feels like I just...shut off for a bit. I have whole classes ony transcript that I don't remember sitting in, doing homework for etc. I recently reconnected with a friend from high school and thankfully I know well enough what's going on when I don't remember some of the events she talks about that it doesn't weird me out anymore. If it had been a short number of years ago, I would not have coped with it so well.
I don't remember most of my childhood except for a couple of big traumatic events, and even those I don't really "remember" so much as I just know they happened, and someone who was me was involved.
Same. I thought that was a normal thing but seems like it isn't. I remember things that happen to me at 2-3yo, and a lot of people say they can't remember that early, but even remembering this particular things the rest is just blank until my 12yo hahaha
Same, my brain has erased most of my childhood years followed by dissociative amnesia and fugue states when I was 9. I can't remember what happened other than it was sexual assault. I want to know what happened to me tho!
I had the freakiest experience during my last session. As I was about to tell him about my weekend (which had been very distressing for me) and everything just disappeared! I couldn’t piece the events together in the right order and then I didn’t even know what the event were. It felt like I was shut out. And I stoped feeling my emotions, even though I logically could tell they where there. I was stressed and anxious, but I didn’t feel that way. They came back after the session, but it was so weird to be “denied access” to my own memories of something that happened the day before
Thank you for doing this. I don't remember much of anything that happened between the ages of about 6 and 16 and it took me a long time to figure out why and the full extent of it. There are a few clear memories but for some reason grade 5/6 are a little less obscured than the rest of the time. It's weird though, I know that some significant things happened (I.e. my brother died, my family moved, my class went on a fieldtrip) but I don't have any emotional connection to those events - like I've read a book about it a long time ago.
I haven't had many, if any 'big T's', mostly small ones but a large portion of my childhood is just poof, gone, and I struggle to create new memories the majority of the time. My friends would always bring up something we did together but I have no recollection "I was there? I did that? ". It's like pieces of me are missing but I don't feel sad about it because I am 1. emotionally numb and 2. don't know what I forgot
Thank you for giving this a name for me. I don’t remember really any of my childhood except for a few events. I don’t know if something very traumatic happened to me or not, but I have a lot of suspicions. I’ve wanted to reconstruct a timeline of my childhood and ask family about the time gap. Is this safe to investigate on my own without a professional? I’m worried that discovering something that’s been hidden might be equally traumatic.
I’m the same way. Idk why but I can not remember much of my childhood… I remember certain things that like in little splotches here and there and useless information but I can’t tell you about like my 4th or 5th or 6th or 7th Christmas and /or birthday
This happens to me sometimes I didn’t know it has a name. Sometimes I even forget what I said in previous therapy sessions I’m glad my therapist keeps notes otherwise I won’t remember what we just talked about last week
As a child/teen/young adult not remembering bad situations to confide in people for further insight used to have me feeling stupid or like something was acutely wrong with me, when I was otherwise (considered) rather intelligent. It left me feeling isolated and closed in.
Once I started Esketamine treatments my memories started coming back. Ive had PTSD for 14 years, I was frustrated because I was struggling to remember myself and memories before and up to the trauma. I consciously worked on releasing the memories under Esketamine and had a great deal of success. Esketamine works wonders for me in dealing with PTSD
I experience dissociative amnesia as a symptom of Dissociative Identity Disorder. I cannot remember practically ANY of my childhood right down to the happy memories. It's like someone put a super magnet to my brain's hard drive and fried it. I was able to salvage SOME memories with therapy but there's still huge chunks missing. As for what dissociative amnesia feels like when you have DID? Well, I would have times where I would black out completely and not remember entire work shifts. I would leave my home in the morning and come to standing in the aisle at work. I've blacked out and woken up in different clothes or standing in different places than I was when I last remembered. It's scary and not at all as 'fun' as DID is sometimes portrayed to be. It's a terrifying disorder that can also be very helpful at times I've been doing CBT and DBT and it's been super helpful for us in managing our DID as well as our dissociative amnesia. Can't wait to hear more about these topics! I'm definitely interested in a video about OSDDID if you do plan to make one. Thanks for all that you do! - Akita, The Elysian System
Im unable to remember anything from the time where I was severely bullied at school, I just can’t remember the traumatic events, they became a trigger. It’s simply 3 years completely erased from my memory, I don’t understand why it happened, but I became very insecure about myself ever since that time.
I used to joke "If I don't remember, it didn't happen." - but now with the diagnose I seriously know why I can't remember. To live a life full of holes and gaps of memories, and having your own story being narrated by other people is really difficult to live. Everytime I try to bring up some of my childhood into my therapy, I have to ask relatives about an especific day or situation. Some of those were traumas made by these said relatives, to have the version of the potential abuser is always the wrong way to figure out your problems. I learned through DBT to have tools and great system of coping and to remade these memories when it's possible and I thank you Kati for share this video (and many others!) for better understanding.
I just watched this informative discussion (4/24/23) Thank you. Last June I was found in a state of what was later defined as dissasociative amnesia. I was taken to a hospital and tests ruled out a biological cause. I temporarily lost biographical information spanning close to 18 years. I did not form any new memories for several days. They are simply blank. Even now I still have zero memory of my time in the hospital and two trips along the Oregon coast (the coast is one of my deepest loves). For the better part of a week I did not know I had moved to Oregon, that I was married, nor did I recognize my personal belongings or my residence. I remember looking at my stove and telling myself I cook food here but not remembering either the stove or cooking (which is an activity I greatly enjoy). It was through constant reassurances lovingly given by my grown daughter, and protective physical care given by my grown son that I gradually recovered those 18 years. I am so grateful for the extraordinary patience and the amount of time they willingly devoted to my recovery. It was interesting to me that I did know important parts of my life choices prior to the 18 missing years. My core identity was intact. I have never recovered any memory of the time my mind was in amnesia except I do recall dream-like conversations I had with people from my past (that my daughter explained could not have happened) and I recall wanting desperately to feel safe. What my mind apparently decided to erase were 18 years of emotional and verbal abuse. Firmly facing that reality in a safe setting was how I recovered. I'm sending emotional warmth to each of you who have had to find your way back into the present. You will be able to go on from this experience. Your mind gave you a safe release for a while. You have likely had this experience because your core identity needed love, and the absence of it in a significant person in your life was more than you could bear. My core identity turned out to be a strong woman of faith. When I came out the other side I focused on her. And I focused on the tender loving kindness of my heavenly Father Jehovah. Revelation chapter 21 verse 4 "And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes" Isaiah chapter 65 verse 17 "And the former things will not be called to mind. Nor will they come up into the heart." Reliable well being is ahead. 🌱
Have known I had this for years due to something traumatic in childhood but now is the first time hearing it has a name. I'm glad it's out of my memory though, probably wouldn't know how to handle with it, so I feel blessed. Thank you for your video 💖
Amen. I don't remember most of my childhood. A few years ago a person who I (apparently) went to school with turned up in my social group and I had to explain why I didn't remember him. He was nice about it, but his wife asked me why I didn't go to therapy to get the memories back. I'll never forget the shocked look on her face when I said that what I remembered was brutal, so I'd never want to remember the stuff that was so traumatic I'd blocked it out. Sometimes it's easier just to let it go. That said, some of my blocked off stuff did spontaneously resurface when I found myself in a similar situation to some of what was buried and I needed some time and help to process it all. I hope this doesnt happen to you, but you may want to be aware of the possibility that some memories may filter back.
I’m working towards becoming an LMFT and watching your videos have helped me gain insight on different disorders. Thank you for all the hard work you do and for sharing your knowledge ♥️
I don’t remember some things about my childhood. But because I don’t remember it I don’t know why. I’ve had one traumatic memory come back to me after ten years of blocking it out. It’s so scary that things might have been happening without us knowing. Another (complex) trauma I only remember the story I made up about it to cope with being asked about it. I often seek the bad feelings and situations in hope to remember things. For example not getting out of abusive situations. I also suffer from depersonalization and derealisation. (sorry for my english I‘m german) thank you for this video!
Dissociative amnesia shows up a few places in my life. I have childhood trauma that I completely forgot about until about 3 years ago, and now I’m only able to remember parts of it. Also sometimes when I get triggered/really stressed out I struggle to form memories. This caused issues in my last relationship because during some of our fights I would feel disoriented and afterwards struggle to remember what we fought about. It was difficult for my ex to understand, and I felt so ashamed even though I didn’t have any control of it. Also there have been a few times when I was so distressed that for 5-30 minutes I had episodes of generalized amnesia. Once I was calmer things came back to me, but during it I couldn’t recall where I was, what I was doing, who I was, or who anyone else was. It was super scary and confusing. There have also been times where I am going somewhere and I feel like I’m one place and then I’ve teleported 200 meters ahead. Its a very odd experience. It’s not 100% clear how much of my memory issues are trauma related as I have a squished brain too, but definitely some of it is. It’s really tough, but I’m figuring it out day by day.
Thanks as always, Kati. Having a tough week so I'll keep it short. That said, I really needed the video today. Much appreciated, your Patreon patron, Swang
Really looking forward to the DID video. My son's psychiatrist still isn't sure between PTSD and DID but either way it goes it's a struggle for him every day. He goes through periods where he's in that fugue and can't really remember much after.
The past about forgetting skills too was the most surprising. I always thought that a big clue something was going on was like if you could inexplicably play the piano despite no memory of learning. Surprised you’d instead ALSO forget how to play the piano.
Thanks, Kati. I know how much you give to your channel and I want you to know you are appreciated, and know that you are a guiding light for many. Keep strong. *virtual hug
I was talking with my sister about traumatic events in our childhood. I had no recollection of some of these events, but as she spoke, the memories came flooding back...along with the panic and pain associated with the trauma that I had blocked out. I was essentially and suddenly reliving it.
Thank you for your video's. I lost my memory my second year in the military. Forgot my entire life... and have a hard time remembering new things. A few years later I had another "reset" and again a few years after that. I'm regularly seen at my local VA and have seen a number of specialists but to be honest.. these video's have been more informative than any of that time spent elsewhere. It's especially difficult for the people close to me. I hope that when I share this with them it will help. I don't know how they handle it. Thanks again...
I left my last therapy session in some kind of shocked state. I didn’t know how I came home or which way I took and I could not remember where I put my bike. I just remember leaving my therapist‘s room, then there‘s a very short clear moment when there was a very big and loud car getting near me, and then I am sitting at my couch. Nothing in between. I felt good that day though, totally spaced out like that. No fear, no sadness, just being somewhere else, wherever that was. I actually love that kind of dissociation because it makes me stop caring so much about everything.
Thank you. I went through some major Trauma 8-9 years ago where I was almost killed. And now I just starting to remember what happened, everything from continuous amnesia I’m having. It’s really hard 😢
Thank you for this. This could explain a lot. However, I have a question…. Could this type of dissociation cause you to forget every detail of a possible trauma including anything to do with your senses? But then later on in life you get bits of the memory back, which seems out of the blue, but still doesn’t include the senses just the fact that something might have happened? I hope this makes sense.
It could definitely cause you to forget every detail of a possible trauma, including anything to do with your senses. In my experience, the senses usually do come back, but if they don't you can still process what happened and heal. xoxo
I’m doing somatic expirencing for my truama and I remember my body smelling the scent of bubblegum randomly one day. It was a distinct smell from my childhood. So yes I think the body can eventually remember bits and pieces eventually but unsure if really the full capacity.
@@ritaevergreen7234 just knowing this makes me fearful as this memory one day popped up for me and then I feel like the whole scenario around (including with my counsellor at the time) didn’t handle it well and was told it wasn’t true. I have briefly mentioned this to my current T (she’s freaking amazing!) but I keep coming back to that I had made the whole thing up and such guilt, shame and embarrassment overwhelms me to the point I can’t even open my mouth to let out any words.
@@kylapollard9275 i would try to look into trauma body work such as somatic work and look into Peter Levine and the polyvagal theory. Kathy Kain is another person who I think has answers to the things you’ve been through. A lot of counselors or therapist aren’t trained in how trauma stays in the body and needing to rewire the nervous System for better health and regaining safety.
I’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong with me, because I’m aware whatever I’m constantly feeling isn’t normal, but I never knew exactly what it was or if there’s a name for it. Sometimes I feel like the only one in the world who has this feeling because my environment consists of ppl who seem so…. Connected to themselves and who they are. I think this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to naming and knowing what’s wrong with me. I’ve been dealing with foggy memory, foggy mind, limited emotions, bad memory, and especially not even knowing myself. A lot of the times I can’t describe this feeling and often just say “I don’t know” as a description of it, considering it’s so complicated. I’m tired of living like this every day, and it’s been happening for 2 years now. I can’t get a therapist, I doubt school counselors help, and the online therapy’s I’ve seen usually require money. I’m lost I’m confused and I’m tired of living like this 24/7. Whatever dissociative feeling I have, it interferes with my everyday life and I can’t live like this anymore…. Any suggestions on what I can do?
@@AnnaAnna-nr8uh Although I do have bad eyesight, I don’t think it directly affects my eyesight. My mind is very blurry and I find it difficult to name these feelings though
@@narutonicwater8774so you are on the aphantasia spectrum? If yes would you also say that SDAM (Severely deficient autobiographical memory) would fit? Does it mean you experienced a very traumatic event 2 years ago, which triggered your dissociation? And before the Incident you had no dissociation + normal memories and emotions? How are you feeling now, still dissociated? It would ne close to ~4 years now...
@@BetaD_ I don’t believe it has anything to do with aphantasia. More like DPDR (depersonalization derealization). Moving to a different environment is what started all this, and I know it doesn’t sound “traumatic” but moving away from everything that you really loved, everything that you were, to a completely unfamiliar place where you cant connect anymore… it’s an awful feeling more than I can describe. And yes, before everything was normal or at least felt normal. It hurts me to say after 2 years it’s still the same
In January of this year, and at 42-years-old, by accidentally stumbling upon a pic on social media, “it” materialized. And for several minutes as the recollection of my multiple molestations came back to me, there I was: six-years-old again. Everything… and I mean, EVERYTHING was so horrifyingly real. I felt it all (again). ALL OF IT. AT ONCE. My Dad heard me wailing from the second floor, ran down the steps & found me on all fours clenching my stomach & shaking violently. It took me hours & hours to even (finally) tell him what happened. So for 35+ years the memory of my abuse was not suppressed, even repressed, etc.. It was just simply straight-up nonexistent.
I know that even if I, as an outsider looking in, heard/read about this I would find it questionable as Hell. I mean, even as I so vividly recalled it all, I questioned MYSELF. I actually fact checked & talked to the few friends & relatives I had left from back then to corroborate everything surrounding it. And yes indeed, it ALL checked out.
Every time I walk into my house or anywhere I’ve known forever it feels like I’ve never been there. It used to look unfamiliar but now it only feels like I’ve never been there. I don’t remember anything I used to like cook, clean, how I used to do basic things. It’s like eveything I do is the first time.
Incredible explanation, Kati. Thank you o much! In the last sessions with my therapist I did EMDR and it was totally game changer. Initially, I was only aware of the event itself, but denied that it was a traumatic event. My therapist told me about this trauma dissociation and after these sessions I was completely in shock. I realized that the event that I didn't think was traumatic is, in fact, quite traumatic, and surprisingly to a very high degree. It is really important that we work on these issues. Therapy should be mandatory, because there are a lot of people who certainly have traumas they can't even imagine.
The reason I can't remember most of my childhood is because of my health trauma, I always wondered why everyone could remember so much about their childhood
Kati- I just wanted to say I really appreciate your videos. They are always interesting and informative and I have gotten a better understanding of my own mental health, which has really helped in my sessions with my therapist. Thanks, Kati!
I can't remember my childhood or some events that happened in my life. I can't also remember who I am, who they are, or what their part of me was. I don't know what to do, but when I hear a familiar name, my heart is throbbing fast. There's something heavy in my heart I can't explain, but I feel like it's hurting me and making me sad. I don't knowwhat to do.
My auntie tells me that she saw me laying down on the floor. So she brought me to the hospital. I can't remember anything. I can't remember what the doctor said. It's making me feel dizzy. My auntie also told me that I'm having anxiety and, you know what, I keep asking myself where are my parents? It's too hard for me, for real, because I'm having trouble with anything and every night I always feel something heavy in my heart and I end up crying, but I don't know the reason why.
That really sounds like some dissociative disorder what you describe. Have you already checked out DID or OSDD (/p-DID if you don't live in the US)? If you want to test it you definitely need a specialist in dissociative disorders for detecting these, because most therapists sadly have no clue about DID/OSDD.....
Thanks for sharing this Kati. I can't remember my childhood and teens in any great or emotion. I find it hard to form memories too. I feel as though I don't have a history. Currently seeing a therapist who's going to to EMDR to try and process these stuck events.
Did EMDR actually help to get memories back? With your general struggle of forming memories with emotional connection, I imagine it to be difficult in EMDR....
started absolutely bawling at "even though we know the days happened logically, but it's like we slept throught them" because i never knew exactly how to explain it.
Disclaimer: My comment is practical advice as a layperson who suffers with dissociative amnesia who is a former hospital worker who endured years of inhumane treatment on site and now struggles with severe trust issues with areas of the healthcare system. This is NOT medical advice. Just another person in the world sharing how I do my best to cope given my circumstances. No words can accurately describe what it feels like..maybe the worst major depression ever and you just don't care about things you should be caring about because you can't even remember them but if you do it just reminds you of how bad your memory loss is and then the sadness overcomes you from that realisation til you can't cope and you gradually (and sometimes abruptly) shift back into dissociation.....and it goes on and on and on.....the never ending story of the inability to cope with life anymore. Sometimes I can cope for short periods and there are times that I actually do have a couple good days in between, but it's difficult most of the time...you become more used to it after a while but it's still very challenging. Self care is huge for anyone who struggles like I do. Lot's of self care. Spend time in nature and with nurturing people and environments. Connect with your creativity, however you do that personally - even if it's just scribbling on a notepad (it will reawaken if you keep up with it). Read interesting stuff that makes you feel good inside. Listen to anything that inspires you and can relax you and help you focus. Breathe deep belly breaths. Revisit positive memories from anytime in your past and be grateful for them and trust that God is always with you. Be gentle with yourself on your healing journey. Pray and meditate. STAY AWAY FROM ABUSERS.
Hey! I found you through wmma and you are awesome! I've been on a journey for the past 3 years and finding your videos has helped me recently on this journey. There are always new things to learn :) thanks for all you do! Also, just started the your podcast, love it! You guys are great and the vibe is so chill 😊
I wish I had the “flash thing” from the Men in Black movie lol. Such a great concept. I think being forgetful is just a way for the mind to cope, I really don’t see it as a negative. I think it also depends on the duration of time. I mean, it’s hard enough to remember everything that happened on just one 12 month deployment. But if someone’s been deployed 4 or 5 times in a period of 10 years, you’d think being forgetful would just be normal.
I suffered trauma in my childhood but I have so many memories; my older sister is often amazed at the things I remember. My husband is missing many memories which makes me think that he must've experienced even worse trauma than I did. He has snippets of things that sound terrible, but no memories in between which I found so puzzling until today when I heard the term, "dissociative amnesia".
I have a friend who has this disorder. She doesn't remember some things. She really believed things did not happen because she doesn't remember. A couple of times or sometimes, it's like the other person in her will take over, a much more mature personality. Then this personality remembers the things that she doesn't remember, but when she gets back, she doesn't remember again. And then when the mature personality takes over, she does remember things the original her does not remember. It's really like 2 people in 1 body. She becomes someone so strong and fast beating up grown ess guys and dodging bullets. The other things I tell you wouldn't make much sense. Yea it's crazy. It's like this other her comes on to protect her and give her what she deserves. Have seen Yugioh? Yea, serious, it's like no other explanations.
I think I had this, but not sure. For some reason, for at least 5 years, I wasn't able to recall what year I last visited my home country. It was like as i I was constantly distracted by something when I tried to remember the year. Then I sat down and began going through things in my life year-by-year, back and forth, till I narrowed down a year where I suddenly laxked memories. It was 2014, and it was the year which I returned to find my dad having terminal, very aggressive cancer. It seemed he just wanted to see his family one last time, as he died 3 days later. It was very traumatic to me, and completely unexpected. My brain seems to have closed off the part where the memories of these events were, so I don't remember parts of the vacation either.
I have recently started seeing a new doctor and she suspects that I suffer from this. This video explains so many things I feel and I can relate to it so much!
My go to catharsis song for my dissociation (derealization, mostly) is Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd. If anyone out there is dealing with this difficult symptom/diagnosis and is looking for some catharsis, i hope this helps you scratch that itch to express it like it does for me. Best results with good quality headphones or earbuds and put up as loud as you are comfortable with, without damaging your hearing. Also highly recommend a comfy spot to sit and a room that's not too bright. Really just gets ya lost in the song. Follow it up with some grounding techniques afterwards.
I have about 5 minutes worth of childhood memories, most of that I don't want to remember. Almost like it's a slow motion dissociation because I choose not to remember and it faded over time.
I questioned once whether I had developed schizotypal or antisocial personality disorder because Im so numb. Im also very vengeful underneath the "it doesnt bother me".
1.) Have an inability to recall information, usually from traumatic events (Not normal 2.) Cause significant distress 3.) Not connected to other things 4.) Not better explained by dissociative identity disorder, ptsd Looks like -Even though the days happened, it feels like you sleep through them -wandering around leave life and have no memory (Rare) Localized -Only don’t recognize what happened during that time -Can be selective, only remember some things -Can have both -We can lose pervious knowledge, childhood -generalized -Rare Systemtemitzed -Lose memory of specific areas of life -Family, person who harmed us, school Continuous -Can’t remember new events -New she spoke to her mom but can’t remember the words -Only somewhat know about their memory loss How to treat -Trauma based treatment -Talk therapy can be useful, talk until it becomes less distressing -EMDR, bilateral stimulation -Tapping, headphones, right and left -Done while we recall bad memories -CBT -Identify unhelpful thinking patterns and change them DBT -Become more aware of how we’re feeling -Manage impulses Medication -Help with symptoms (anxiety, depression)
Thank you for the explanation. I don’t remember much of my life. Currently, I’m having mind blockages every single week. I would have an object in my hand and then my mind will go off and once it comes back on like a light switch, that object is gone. I have had A LOT of stuff like that happening to me. One time, I used to work at Subway and was pushing a cart of hot bread to the fan. I remember pushing it, but all of a sudden, my mind blanked out and then I was at the sink. It’s like a time skip or a glitch. Then I heard one of my coworkers say, “Who put this bread here?” I looked and it was at an odd spot away from the fan. Another coworker said it was me. I believe them because I do remember pushing that cart. I have NO MEMPRY of leaving it there. I’ve been told I’ve done some things in the past that I have no memory of and it could be a year or two ago or in a week because of my mind blockages. I am undiagnosed, but maybe that’s amnesiac?? I know it’s dissociation for sure because someone told me. Also, my Subway manager said, “Remember? I told you to pan bread in 10 minutes?” I have no memory of him saying one word to me at all
Kati Morton thank you for this video you always put so much time and effort into these videos and so many of them have been helpful to more understand myself and learning about more new different mental health issues I didn't know much about or understand you are so appreciated ❤️
Thank you for the insightful video... I needed some clarification regarding this topic. It hit home too know, I'm not the only one who gets upset they cannot recall years from their life.. Even today, I had lunch with my mom. and yes, I know the lunch happened.. But I can't even recall which way I drove to get to the restaurant..which is scary.. because now that i watched this video.. I'm just realizing that yeah... I'm missing massive gaps in my time. I've been on autopilot for years...
I'm very confused... I don't know if I've always had bad memory but only now am I starting to realise it as people around me have been pointing it out to me and... It's scary. My brother in law says he's jealous because I am able to pick up an old game and enjoy like it's new again... Now I have kid's and it makes me depressed. I can't remember any day's with my kid's or my partner. I know she had a birthday, that she had a surgery, that we went to hospital (all i remember of that day is sitting by the hospital window with her). I can not recall anything I take photo's of moments and look back and cry because I see my children smiling in these photo's but cant remember the day. I'll be in some photos and can't remember anything. My partner has to constantly remind me about lifetime event's. Im confused because they aren't traumatic events they are just normal day to day life. Yes I was SA as a child and only remember one time of it and my mum used to abuse me too. However I'm over it now, thad not what makes me sad what makes me sad is I am forgetting my own family... I don't want to get help but I do want a diagnosis just to make me feel better... I remember hobbies like new words I learn or piano but that is all. I thought I had Alzheimer's and I'm afraid if I do because I am only 22 (I forget this too and have to keep asking my partner my age) Every knows me as someone with just bad memory but it's so bad I cry whenever I see something beautiful in daily life because I know I will forget it... idk what to do...
I’m so glad there’s a name for this sensation of not remembering especially since I can recall events then it hits that those events occurred many months prior. I’m definitely am going to bring this up in therapy
Sometimes a week is just gone except for some specific events. I am not sure if the lack of most childhood memories is because of this or if it was just not important to me. I struggle with dissociation more within my body and less in my head. I notice when I can’t move my hands or my whole body. I notice people talking to me but sometimes the words don’t make sense, or I immediately forget what they wanted, or I can’t do it. I even notice when I am childlike and ask teachers if they wanna be my friend (so embarrassing). I don’t even pass out when I start shaking and twitching on the ground. My memories of those times are foggy but partly there and all that makes me wonder if I could stop it if I just tried harder or maybe I am just pretending I dissociate. A therapist once said to me that dissociation is a decision, we make to get attention and I want to say that he is wrong… but what if he’s right and I am a bad person? I just wrote this to get it of my chest. Happy week everyone^^
You are not a bad person because you experience bad things or because you might be mentally ill, it is not a choice and it's totally valid what you are going through, I would advise you to get help so that you start experience less of these things and generally get better. I wish you the best and don't ever doubt your experiences
I have no recollection of my father being part of my family before he left us when I was 9 years old. I do remember some parts of my childhood but nothing that involves my father living with us Might that be something like this? I'm not sure cause my father didn't do anything worse to me than cheating on my mother and leaving so it probably can't be called a trauma
Memory seems like a fickle thing, doesn't it? My dad was too busy drinking to be around and when my mom died, he disappeared. Not much of that I care to remember but couldn't now even if I wanted to.
I went through a fair few traumatic experiences in early childhood, and most of it is only stuff I remember in little patches. Most the memories are fuzzy but I have a few vivid ones. But most of what I know is from what others have told me. My memories before the age of 11 are especially bad. I deadass forgot that my school would seperate out the kids with learning disabilities or suspected learning disabilities (I recently got diagnosed with dyspraxia and ADHD), and would just put them on a seperate table and sometimes a dim room and just left us. I completely forgot that I fell massively behind on my education because they couldn't be bothered to deal with my ADHD symptoms. It wasn't even like I was majorly disruptive to my class, because most my symptoms were of the inattentive type. The teachers then would bully me and shame me for being behind everyone else. Like bitch you guys are the one who did this! There's also things like when my mum said she was going to kill herself because she gained weight, left the house, and my dad had to look for her before she did anything. She had anorexia so this was apparently common, but I don't remember it. Other memories I can only remember in flashes, others I remember sickeningly well. I experienced COCSA, and thats a mixed bag. It went on for a long time, so I became used to just dissociating and "getting it over with". Some parts are entirely blacked out, some I remember but its like watching a movie or like remembering a dream, and others are so vivid I can still feel it, taste it, etc. That entire era of my life was filled with so much chaos, as I was also being bullied, and my dad had fallen extremely ill with a brain tumour and later on epilepsy, causong me to have to save his life multiple times before I reached double digits. It was a wholeass mess, and I don't even remember most of it because I just started to accept bad situations when they happened. Heck, I was sexually assaulted recently, and can only remember it like an out of body experience. Its super odd.
Thank you Kati I missed the episode at time as we have been run around a collection of football (soccer) matches but I can't forgot your weekly content.finally goodluck to the United States national team tomorrow or maybe tonight against Costa Rica.
I just found out this is what I've been dealing for years with today. Like, I'll write down notes for my therapist in my phone while I'm having a really stressful or bad mental health time so I can better verbalize how I'm feeling and what led to it but by the next appointment I'd look at the notes and have NO recollection of those things happening and delete them. I would be aware that the week was "rough" or "hard to get through" but any and all details were just.... gone. Until today I actually read the note I left for myself for today's appointment that said "YOU NEED TO TELL HIM YOU CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING FROM THESE EPISODES YOU DINGUS" which was kind of eye-opening for me jkhfdhkjs
Hi there, Thanks for putting out this video Kati. This is a topic that needs to be talked about and your videos can reach so many people! Do you still see clients in the US? Thanks
I seem to have the issue where I remember the trauma from childhood very vividly, down to the physical sensations, but very few other memories from childhood, especially good ones. I know my childhood wasn't all bad, but sometimes it feels like all that existed was just the trauma and overall just bad memories from the past. I use to have a great memory from 18-30(not so much with learning though). I'm 32 now and the past few years, its like anything stressful that happens I forget the events as they are happening. Does this still sound like dissociative amnesia? I also dissociate into fake realities throughout the day to deal with depression.
I tried EMDR but it does not work because how can I do EMDR if I can't recall the events? The trauma and feelings live in my body but even if I know it happened from being told it did, seeing video of specific events, and knowing it happened only because it happened daily for my entire life, etc. I myself cannot make a connection to it in my mind. So, I cannot picture it in my mind, I can't put myself back into it as my brain won't give me the memories, I can't tell how i felt because like you said, "it doesn't really feel like anything because you don't know about what you don't remember" However that statement more so resonates with me currently as the amnesia is continuous without trauma still occurring.
I have recently remembered the event that caused DA. It was after contracting Covid? I can remember the exact moment it was deleted from my conscious mind when I was a child. I remember feeling extremely distraught and then suddenly feeling fine. Spent two years on sick but did not know what caused the problems I had, neither did counsellors. It was as if nothing had caused it. Thanks Kati.
Currently experiencing dissociative amnesia because of bodily nutrient deficiency stress and examination stress. Hopefully it will get better soon (I'll just take this as a sign to start again, once more).
I have that with my therapy sessions. Often I cannot remember what we talked about. Often I can't recall the session by the time I'm home. Sometimes even during session I notice I've forgotten what was said just a minute ago. It doesn't matter how much I'm trying to focus or stay present, when it gets too stressful I'm just gone and can do nothing about it. Can't recall my childhood and its traumas either... I hate it
Thank you for this video. It's helped me a lot. I wake up in the morning a few times a month and see things I did the night before, but don't remember doing. It's unnerving and confusing. Usually, for the rest of the day I feel foggy.
I suffer severely from this amnesia. I have very minimal memory of my life. Even just the past year. I’m constantly losing memory of small and significant things. I hate this.
My now ex-girlfriend, remembers very little of her childhood to the degree that when I would ask her what her daily routine was like she said very little to the point that I still don’t know the answer after knowing her for six years. She grew up in an extremely hyper religious (Catholic) homeschooling household that was, ironically, extremely neglectful; she was one of eight. Aside from the neglect, I suspect that there was some other type of trauma she faced and did not like to talk about her upbringing to avoid it. She did on a few occasions say she believed she would disassociate at times. Many times it felt as if she didn’t even remember details of our trips abroad and adventures, which would always leave me feeling very unappreciated. Her sense of “living in the now“ seems to be an over extreme version and a constant pursuit of stimulation/dopamine but yet her memories of what seemed to excite her were usually around “50/50”. Five out of the six sisters (out of eight kids), including her, seem to demonstrate this degree of sensation seeking behavior in their own way. She took a job that is contrary to her stated life goals but affords her the opportunity to travel to various cities throughout the week, combined with the fact that her supposedly wealthy boss would fly her first class and put her up at expensive hotels. I could be wrong but intuitively it just feels like nothing more than a pursuit of distraction and escape, which ultimately broke us apart. I’m definitely not taking this opportunity to speak ill of her because I do still love her very much. I’m just giving my input in the hopes that it somehow helps or validates.
The father of my kids died in a car accident.. I don’t remember much about the year or 2 after the accident..I melted ended up in an institution for a few months.. I just remember certain things.. vividly the last time I saw him .. lying on the bed during his funeral with my girls.. seeing him in the ER.. I am ashamed to say I can’t remember the year he died or how long ago it was… it’s like my brain doesn’t want to remember..as far as I know I just continued the best I could which was a blur of anxiety depression and self destructive behaviors… over 10 years have passed( not sure how many).. I am in a better place with a new life but I feel guilty for blocking it all out and emotionally disappearing from my kids lives for a few years… not sure I even want to revisit any of it..
I wonder if I have this to some degree. I had an extremely traumatic childhood, but those are just the memories I have from 8-12 for the most part. I have VERY few memories before the age of 8. Literally like 4-5 memories.
Hello Kati and kinions ;) I'm sometimes struggeling with severe fear/stress before a therapysession. Because I don't know what to expect. I have thoughts/questions in my head like 'I don't know which questions she'll ask' (and yes, every session there is at least one amazingly sharp question I didn't expect at all :D ) and 'I don't know if we'll talk about triggers, and if we talk about them... How I'll react'. I know I'm in full control about the topics we adress in session. And i've got a nice therapist. She did gave me some tips which are helpfull with generalized anxiety. But still I'm stressing before sessions. Do you have some thoughts or tips about this?
I had systematic dissociative amnesia. I forgot a friend I quarrelled with. I went into trauma mode and instead of pushing him away tried to open up. He did misunderstand what I tried to say, took it personally and yelled at me. I exploded like I never exploded at another person before and ... then forgot most about him. Like I knew his name and that we knew each other for twelve years, but everything else was gone. And half a year later, it just ... reappeared like nothing happened. Okay, not exactly. When it snapped back I had an instant flashback to the horror of us quarrelling. It just felt like a switch being turned on/off. So spooky!
I have a hard time remembering a lot of things, but my memory problems seem to be like...in general? Or specifically when it comes to people and my interactions with them. Like, I can be friends with someone for several years, but if they stopped talking to me I would eventually forget who they were, and why we were friends. Its almost as if my memory leaks or has a cooldown, and if I don't refresh that relationship by staying in contact frequently. I forget them. I have been in a relationship for over 10 years now, and I can hardly remember any of it. I can barely remember what I was doing/thinking before I got into that relationship either. My spouse would constantly ask me if I remember x or y event and how much fun it was, and I have no idea what they were talking about. I sometimes remember a vague understanding of the environment around me in some memories that they bring up, but never what is said or what I was thinking/doing. I am not sure what this classifies as in your video though.
I was wondering if stress might play a role in this. Recently, I had a dream where I found myself in my car, parked in front of this building. The dream felt so real that, for a moment, I was worried that I drove to this place without realizing it, and wondered how I even got there. Knowing how to lucid dream, I talked myself thru the dream and began wondering around the place. What's weird is that the dream contained this imagery that has only come up one other time.
I don’t remember most of my childhood. I remember bits and pieces like coming in and out of sleep where you don’t dream. I struggle at times as an adult with dissociating out of conversations even when there is no perceived danger.
The problem is not not remembering the traumatized part of our lives..but the good life is also gone. I cannot remember anything good as well. It's like everything is wiped out just like that. I feel this has affected my work as well. Any skills I feel I have to relearn it. I am so frustrated. There is also continuous amnesia..that I don't remember day to day events as well..even if I do..there isn't attached to any of these events
I remember when I started senior high school (or whatever one would call school years 10-12) I had determined to tag along a new aquaintance I got bc I wanted to have a new friend and didn't want to go to school with no friends at all again. So the senior high and high school were partially sharing the school building and I went my high school there so I told that I can show places there. But turned out when my new aquaintances asked directions or where was a certain place in the school building and how to go there I totally didn't recognise. Which was weird bc I have attended the high school there all the 3 years and I didn't skip school or drop out or have a gap in schooling. I also have terrible sense of direction but this was different bc I learn directions when the route is familiar. At least I recognise places. I was bullied throughout my high school. Same in elementary school which was elsewhere, I was bullied there from years 4-6.
Yes, that's it! I don't remember the 3 years I was in boarding school, starting at 8 years old, I have a very few memories, kind of flashes. Thing is can I heal my life fully if I don't remember those times? I don't think I want to remember this time as it is so distressing, I am a bit like this all the time, I think of it as living in the moment, are these linked? I have been told that the reason that I can't judge time gaps is dyslexia could it be this disassociative amnesia?
Have you ever experienced this? What did it feel like to you? And did you know that this was what was happening? xoxo
Kati Morton hello seen your notification and clicked it you are looking very nice the pink top suites you and your hair looks very nice straight. to add also thank you for another important good informative video I'm learning more about different mental health issues everytime you talk about new things I don't know about ❤️
I have a horrible time recalling some events (like they didn’t even happen) and also have a hard time putting events in the correct time line over the length of my life. Does this mean something is wrong or I just have a bad memory?
I don't know.. I know when there is Conflict, contention or what I think is a discussion of different views that either with those people or with others trying to resolve who insist in taking it through (when I am triggered /dysregulated ) I can't Speak or think properly, I forget some details (I always know what didn't happen ).tho sometimes I forget some facts when put on the spot. Yet when something is brought up later on I can still struggle to Recall everything... Then when false info /details or exaggerated negative details I know didn't happen it is really hard for me to focus and try to explain myself.. feelings from other unrelated experiences flood in and it gets complicated.. I am trying to put in Boundaries I try and say that I am busy when something happens and have to talk it out . But I realise I need to be even firmer that I cannot discuss anything until I am ready.
And J am starting to be bluntly honest by taking a breath and saying "Yes I Agree"..but also give a wider context.. if someone isn't happy or raises an issue with something I have done Instead of panicking and trying to defend get defensive.. It's quite an interesting move to deal with people who keep finding fault with anything.. (it makes me so Paranoid but there is sort of a genuine reason and intent from others as well as my own insecurity )
This sounds like it might be what I experienced in the two to three months leading up to my mother's death. After she received her cancer diagnosis and told our extended family, one of my cousins came to visit. We hadn't seen her in about twenty years so it's not like it was a common thing. I remember that she and her husband came over but I cannot remember anything that was said. She stayed for a few hours but I can't recall any of it. It's been bothering me that I seem to have just lost time or something. I had no idea it might actually be a recognized thing. The therapist I was seeing just kind of said, "huh, that's weird," so this is actually a bit reassuring. I swear, I learn more from watching your videos than I do speaking to therapists in person! Thank you :)
Yes. Most of 11th grade has completely disappeared from my memory. My anxiety was HORRIBLE at the time and the performance pressure from my family made it even worse, so it kind of feels like I just...shut off for a bit. I have whole classes ony transcript that I don't remember sitting in, doing homework for etc. I recently reconnected with a friend from high school and thankfully I know well enough what's going on when I don't remember some of the events she talks about that it doesn't weird me out anymore. If it had been a short number of years ago, I would not have coped with it so well.
I don't remember most of my childhood except for a couple of big traumatic events, and even those I don't really "remember" so much as I just know they happened, and someone who was me was involved.
@groofay, same for me.
@@iGoByPenelope Me too.
Wish I could forget my extremely traumatic childhood, unfortunately I remember too much and hate it!
Same. I thought that was a normal thing but seems like it isn't. I remember things that happen to me at 2-3yo, and a lot of people say they can't remember that early, but even remembering this particular things the rest is just blank until my 12yo hahaha
Same, my brain has erased most of my childhood years followed by dissociative amnesia and fugue states when I was 9. I can't remember what happened other than it was sexual assault. I want to know what happened to me tho!
I have huge chunks of my life gone. Happy moments, bad moments... Theyre just...gone...
Me too
Same ….
I had the freakiest experience during my last session. As I was about to tell him about my weekend (which had been very distressing for me) and everything just disappeared! I couldn’t piece the events together in the right order and then I didn’t even know what the event were. It felt like I was shut out. And I stoped feeling my emotions, even though I logically could tell they where there. I was stressed and anxious, but I didn’t feel that way. They came back after the session, but it was so weird to be “denied access” to my own memories of something that happened the day before
This happens to me too!!! You should tell your therapist that you have problems with this.
Gosh, the 'you don't know what you don't remember' is so true. didn't know things happened within my family until my sibling told me so.
Thank you for doing this. I don't remember much of anything that happened between the ages of about 6 and 16 and it took me a long time to figure out why and the full extent of it. There are a few clear memories but for some reason grade 5/6 are a little less obscured than the rest of the time. It's weird though, I know that some significant things happened (I.e. my brother died, my family moved, my class went on a fieldtrip) but I don't have any emotional connection to those events - like I've read a book about it a long time ago.
❤️❤️
This is the best explanation of what I experience
Same. No emotional connection.
I haven't had many, if any 'big T's', mostly small ones but a large portion of my childhood is just poof, gone, and I struggle to create new memories the majority of the time. My friends would always bring up something we did together but I have no recollection "I was there? I did that? ". It's like pieces of me are missing but I don't feel sad about it because I am 1. emotionally numb and 2. don't know what I forgot
I am the same way and until today, did not know there was a condition it fell into. Happy to have the start to an answer.
Same. I have asked people to help me remember events but there is nothing there. If I think about it too much it drives me crazy.
Same here
Thank you for giving this a name for me. I don’t remember really any of my childhood except for a few events. I don’t know if something very traumatic happened to me or not, but I have a lot of suspicions. I’ve wanted to reconstruct a timeline of my childhood and ask family about the time gap. Is this safe to investigate on my own without a professional? I’m worried that discovering something that’s been hidden might be equally traumatic.
I’m the same way. Idk why but I can not remember much of my childhood… I remember certain things that like in little splotches here and there and useless information but I can’t tell you about like my 4th or 5th or 6th or 7th Christmas and /or birthday
This happens to me sometimes I didn’t know it has a name. Sometimes I even forget what I said in previous therapy sessions I’m glad my therapist keeps notes otherwise I won’t remember what we just talked about last week
As a child/teen/young adult not remembering bad situations to confide in people for further insight used to have me feeling stupid or like something was acutely wrong with me, when I was otherwise (considered) rather intelligent. It left me feeling isolated and closed in.
Once I started Esketamine treatments my memories started coming back. Ive had PTSD for 14 years, I was frustrated because I was struggling to remember myself and memories before and up to the trauma. I consciously worked on releasing the memories under Esketamine and had a great deal of success. Esketamine works wonders for me in dealing with PTSD
I am so glad you've found a treatment that's working for you!! xoxo
I experience dissociative amnesia as a symptom of Dissociative Identity Disorder. I cannot remember practically ANY of my childhood right down to the happy memories. It's like someone put a super magnet to my brain's hard drive and fried it. I was able to salvage SOME memories with therapy but there's still huge chunks missing.
As for what dissociative amnesia feels like when you have DID? Well, I would have times where I would black out completely and not remember entire work shifts. I would leave my home in the morning and come to standing in the aisle at work. I've blacked out and woken up in different clothes or standing in different places than I was when I last remembered. It's scary and not at all as 'fun' as DID is sometimes portrayed to be. It's a terrifying disorder that can also be very helpful at times
I've been doing CBT and DBT and it's been super helpful for us in managing our DID as well as our dissociative amnesia. Can't wait to hear more about these topics! I'm definitely interested in a video about OSDDID if you do plan to make one. Thanks for all that you do!
- Akita, The Elysian System
Im unable to remember anything from the time where I was severely bullied at school, I just can’t remember the traumatic events, they became a trigger.
It’s simply 3 years completely erased from my memory, I don’t understand why it happened, but I became very insecure about myself ever since that time.
I used to joke "If I don't remember, it didn't happen." - but now with the diagnose I seriously know why I can't remember.
To live a life full of holes and gaps of memories, and having your own story being narrated by other people is really difficult to live. Everytime I try to bring up some of my childhood into my therapy, I have to ask relatives about an especific day or situation. Some of those were traumas made by these said relatives, to have the version of the potential abuser is always the wrong way to figure out your problems.
I learned through DBT to have tools and great system of coping and to remade these memories when it's possible and I thank you Kati for share this video (and many others!) for better understanding.
I’m really looking forward to a video on dissociative identity disorder! thank you for all that you do ♥️
That one is coming soon!!! xoxo
I just watched this informative discussion (4/24/23) Thank you.
Last June I was found in a state of what was later defined as dissasociative amnesia.
I was taken to a hospital and tests ruled out a biological cause.
I temporarily lost biographical information spanning close to 18 years.
I did not form any new memories for several days.
They are simply blank.
Even now I still have zero memory of my time in the hospital and two trips along the Oregon coast (the coast is one of my deepest loves).
For the better part of a week I did not know I had moved to Oregon, that I was married, nor did I recognize my personal belongings or my residence. I remember looking at my stove and telling myself I cook food here but not remembering either the stove or cooking (which is an activity I greatly enjoy).
It was through constant reassurances lovingly given by my grown daughter, and protective physical care given by my grown son that I gradually recovered those 18 years.
I am so grateful for the extraordinary patience and the amount of time they willingly devoted to my recovery.
It was interesting to me that I did know important parts of my life choices prior to the 18 missing years. My core identity was intact.
I have never recovered any memory of the time my mind was in amnesia except I do recall dream-like conversations I had with people from my past (that my daughter explained could not have happened) and I recall wanting desperately to feel safe.
What my mind apparently decided to erase were 18 years of emotional and verbal abuse.
Firmly facing that reality in a safe setting was how I recovered.
I'm sending emotional warmth to each of you who have had to find your way back into the present.
You will be able to go on from this experience. Your mind gave you a safe release for a while.
You have likely had this experience because your core identity needed love, and the absence of it in a significant person in your life was more than you could bear.
My core identity turned out to be a strong woman of faith. When I came out the other side I focused on her.
And I focused on the tender loving kindness of my heavenly Father Jehovah.
Revelation chapter 21 verse 4 "And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes"
Isaiah chapter 65 verse 17 "And the former things will not be called to mind. Nor will they come up into the heart."
Reliable well being is ahead. 🌱
I’m glad more people are talking about this.
Have known I had this for years due to something traumatic in childhood but now is the first time hearing it has a name. I'm glad it's out of my memory though, probably wouldn't know how to handle with it, so I feel blessed. Thank you for your video 💖
I am so glad it was helpful :) xoxo And I totally get not wanting to remember too. xoxo
Amen. I don't remember most of my childhood. A few years ago a person who I (apparently) went to school with turned up in my social group and I had to explain why I didn't remember him. He was nice about it, but his wife asked me why I didn't go to therapy to get the memories back. I'll never forget the shocked look on her face when I said that what I remembered was brutal, so I'd never want to remember the stuff that was so traumatic I'd blocked it out. Sometimes it's easier just to let it go. That said, some of my blocked off stuff did spontaneously resurface when I found myself in a similar situation to some of what was buried and I needed some time and help to process it all. I hope this doesnt happen to you, but you may want to be aware of the possibility that some memories may filter back.
I’m working towards becoming an LMFT and watching your videos have helped me gain insight on different disorders. Thank you for all the hard work you do and for sharing your knowledge ♥️
I don’t remember some things about my childhood. But because I don’t remember it I don’t know why. I’ve had one traumatic memory come back to me after ten years of blocking it out. It’s so scary that things might have been happening without us knowing. Another (complex) trauma I only remember the story I made up about it to cope with being asked about it. I often seek the bad feelings and situations in hope to remember things. For example not getting out of abusive situations. I also suffer from depersonalization and derealisation. (sorry for my english I‘m german)
thank you for this video!
EMDR sounds amazing!! I want to know more about that. Thank you once again! You're so great!❤️
I have other videos about it, and even one where my friend does a little bit of it with me :) xoxo
@@Katimorton I am headed there then. I'm a regular viewer, but either I somehow missed it, or it was before I knew you. Thank you so much!💕
Dissociative amnesia shows up a few places in my life. I have childhood trauma that I completely forgot about until about 3 years ago, and now I’m only able to remember parts of it.
Also sometimes when I get triggered/really stressed out I struggle to form memories. This caused issues in my last relationship because during some of our fights I would feel disoriented and afterwards struggle to remember what we fought about. It was difficult for my ex to understand, and I felt so ashamed even though I didn’t have any control of it.
Also there have been a few times when I was so distressed that for 5-30 minutes I had episodes of generalized amnesia. Once I was calmer things came back to me, but during it I couldn’t recall where I was, what I was doing, who I was, or who anyone else was. It was super scary and confusing.
There have also been times where I am going somewhere and I feel like I’m one place and then I’ve teleported 200 meters ahead. Its a very odd experience.
It’s not 100% clear how much of my memory issues are trauma related as I have a squished brain too, but definitely some of it is. It’s really tough, but I’m figuring it out day by day.
Thanks as always, Kati. Having a tough week so I'll keep it short. That said, I really needed the video today. Much appreciated, your Patreon patron, Swang
Glad you’re here ❤️
Thank you Kati for all your hard work! EMDR has been a lifesaver for me!
Thank you for being here. Xoxoxo 😘😘😘
Really looking forward to the DID video. My son's psychiatrist still isn't sure between PTSD and DID but either way it goes it's a struggle for him every day. He goes through periods where he's in that fugue and can't really remember much after.
DID and PTSD are often comorbid, so it could be both. But either way, I hope he is getting the help he needs to heal
The past about forgetting skills too was the most surprising. I always thought that a big clue something was going on was like if you could inexplicably play the piano despite no memory of learning. Surprised you’d instead ALSO forget how to play the piano.
Thanks, Kati.
I know how much you give to your channel and I want you to know you are appreciated, and know that you are a guiding light for many. Keep strong. *virtual hug
Thank you so much ❤️
I was talking with my sister about traumatic events in our childhood. I had no recollection of some of these events, but as she spoke, the memories came flooding back...along with the panic and pain associated with the trauma that I had blocked out. I was essentially and suddenly reliving it.
Thank you for the video! There’s a lot of hurt people out there in need of help.
Thank you for your video's. I lost my memory my second year in the military. Forgot my entire life... and have a hard time remembering new things. A few years later I had another "reset" and again a few years after that. I'm regularly seen at my local VA and have seen a number of specialists but to be honest.. these video's have been more informative than any of that time spent elsewhere. It's especially difficult for the people close to me. I hope that when I share this with them it will help. I don't know how they handle it. Thanks again...
I left my last therapy session in some kind of shocked state. I didn’t know how I came home or which way I took and I could not remember where I put my bike. I just remember leaving my therapist‘s room, then there‘s a very short clear moment when there was a very big and loud car getting near me, and then I am sitting at my couch. Nothing in between. I felt good that day though, totally spaced out like that. No fear, no sadness, just being somewhere else, wherever that was. I actually love that kind of dissociation because it makes me stop caring so much about everything.
Thanks so much for your videos. They're informative, respectful and sincere. I've learnt so much from your channel xx
Thank you for the kind words Lara. 🙏🙏
Thank you. I went through some major Trauma 8-9 years ago where I was almost killed. And now I just starting to remember what happened, everything from continuous amnesia I’m having. It’s really hard 😢
Crystal clear overview, very well done.
Thank you for this. This could explain a lot. However, I have a question…. Could this type of dissociation cause you to forget every detail of a possible trauma including anything to do with your senses? But then later on in life you get bits of the memory back, which seems out of the blue, but still doesn’t include the senses just the fact that something might have happened? I hope this makes sense.
It could definitely cause you to forget every detail of a possible trauma, including anything to do with your senses. In my experience, the senses usually do come back, but if they don't you can still process what happened and heal. xoxo
@@Katimorton even if it might have happened as a small child?
I’m doing somatic expirencing for my truama and I remember my body smelling the scent of bubblegum randomly one day. It was a distinct smell from my childhood. So yes I think the body can eventually remember bits and pieces eventually but unsure if really the full capacity.
@@ritaevergreen7234 just knowing this makes me fearful as this memory one day popped up for me and then I feel like the whole scenario around (including with my counsellor at the time) didn’t handle it well and was told it wasn’t true. I have briefly mentioned this to my current T (she’s freaking amazing!) but I keep coming back to that I had made the whole thing up and such guilt, shame and embarrassment overwhelms me to the point I can’t even open my mouth to let out any words.
@@kylapollard9275 i would try to look into trauma body work such as somatic work and look into Peter Levine and the polyvagal theory. Kathy Kain is another person who I think has answers to the things you’ve been through. A lot of counselors or therapist aren’t trained in how trauma stays in the body and needing to rewire the nervous System for better health and regaining safety.
As always very helpful video. Your videos have helped me a lot! ❤
So happy to hear this ❤️
I’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong with me, because I’m aware whatever I’m constantly feeling isn’t normal, but I never knew exactly what it was or if there’s a name for it. Sometimes I feel like the only one in the world who has this feeling because my environment consists of ppl who seem so…. Connected to themselves and who they are. I think this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to naming and knowing what’s wrong with me. I’ve been dealing with foggy memory, foggy mind, limited emotions, bad memory, and especially not even knowing myself. A lot of the times I can’t describe this feeling and often just say “I don’t know” as a description of it, considering it’s so complicated. I’m tired of living like this every day, and it’s been happening for 2 years now. I can’t get a therapist, I doubt school counselors help, and the online therapy’s I’ve seen usually require money. I’m lost I’m confused and I’m tired of living like this 24/7. Whatever dissociative feeling I have, it interferes with my everyday life and I can’t live like this anymore…. Any suggestions on what I can do?
Be pacient allah is with us
I feel exactly the same ..does it mess up your eyesight too?
@@AnnaAnna-nr8uh Although I do have bad eyesight, I don’t think it directly affects my eyesight. My mind is very blurry and I find it difficult to name these feelings though
@@narutonicwater8774so you are on the aphantasia spectrum?
If yes would you also say that SDAM (Severely deficient autobiographical memory) would fit?
Does it mean you experienced a very traumatic event 2 years ago, which triggered your dissociation? And before the Incident you had no dissociation + normal memories and emotions?
How are you feeling now, still dissociated? It would ne close to ~4 years now...
@@BetaD_ I don’t believe it has anything to do with aphantasia. More like DPDR (depersonalization derealization). Moving to a different environment is what started all this, and I know it doesn’t sound “traumatic” but moving away from everything that you really loved, everything that you were, to a completely unfamiliar place where you cant connect anymore… it’s an awful feeling more than I can describe. And yes, before everything was normal or at least felt normal. It hurts me to say after 2 years it’s still the same
In January of this year, and at 42-years-old, by accidentally stumbling upon a pic on social media, “it” materialized. And for several minutes as the recollection of my multiple molestations came back to me, there I was: six-years-old again. Everything… and I mean, EVERYTHING was so horrifyingly real. I felt it all (again). ALL OF IT. AT ONCE. My Dad heard me wailing from the second floor, ran down the steps & found me on all fours clenching my stomach & shaking violently. It took me hours & hours to even (finally) tell him what happened. So for 35+ years the memory of my abuse was not suppressed, even repressed, etc.. It was just simply straight-up nonexistent.
I know that even if I, as an outsider looking in, heard/read about this I would find it questionable as Hell. I mean, even as I so vividly recalled it all, I questioned MYSELF. I actually fact checked & talked to the few friends & relatives I had left from back then to corroborate everything surrounding it. And yes indeed, it ALL checked out.
Every time I walk into my house or anywhere I’ve known forever it feels like I’ve never been there. It used to look unfamiliar but now it only feels like I’ve never been there. I don’t remember anything I used to like cook, clean, how I used to do basic things. It’s like eveything I do is the first time.
Incredible explanation, Kati. Thank you o much!
In the last sessions with my therapist I did EMDR and it was totally game changer. Initially, I was only aware of the event itself, but denied that it was a traumatic event. My therapist told me about this trauma dissociation and after these sessions I was completely in shock. I realized that the event that I didn't think was traumatic is, in fact, quite traumatic, and surprisingly to a very high degree. It is really important that we work on these issues. Therapy should be mandatory, because there are a lot of people who certainly have traumas they can't even imagine.
The reason I can't remember most of my childhood is because of my health trauma, I always wondered why everyone could remember so much about their childhood
Kati- I just wanted to say I really appreciate your videos. They are always interesting and informative and I have gotten a better understanding of my own mental health, which has really helped in my sessions with my therapist. Thanks, Kati!
I can't remember my childhood or some events that happened in my life. I can't also remember who I am, who they are, or what their part of me was. I don't know what to do, but when I hear a familiar name, my heart is throbbing fast. There's something heavy in my heart I can't explain, but I feel like it's hurting me and making me sad. I don't knowwhat to do.
My auntie tells me that she saw me laying down on the floor. So she brought me to the hospital. I can't remember anything. I can't remember what the doctor said. It's making me feel dizzy. My auntie also told me that I'm having anxiety and, you know what, I keep asking myself where are my parents? It's too hard for me, for real, because I'm having trouble with anything and every night I always feel something heavy in my heart and I end up crying, but I don't know the reason why.
That really sounds like some dissociative disorder what you describe. Have you already checked out DID or OSDD (/p-DID if you don't live in the US)?
If you want to test it you definitely need a specialist in dissociative disorders for detecting these, because most therapists sadly have no clue about DID/OSDD.....
thank you for sharing this video! I will need to talk to my doctor about this because I've dealing with this.
Thanks for sharing this Kati. I can't remember my childhood and teens in any great or emotion. I find it hard to form memories too. I feel as though I don't have a history. Currently seeing a therapist who's going to to EMDR to try and process these stuck events.
Did EMDR actually help to get memories back? With your general struggle of forming memories with emotional connection, I imagine it to be difficult in EMDR....
started absolutely bawling at "even though we know the days happened logically, but it's like we slept throught them" because i never knew exactly how to explain it.
Disclaimer: My comment is practical advice as a layperson who suffers with dissociative amnesia who is a former hospital worker who endured years of inhumane treatment on site and now struggles with severe trust issues with areas of the healthcare system. This is NOT medical advice. Just another person in the world sharing how I do my best to cope given my circumstances.
No words can accurately describe what it feels like..maybe the worst major depression ever and you just don't care about things you should be caring about because you can't even remember them but if you do it just reminds you of how bad your memory loss is and then the sadness overcomes you from that realisation til you can't cope and you gradually (and sometimes abruptly) shift back into dissociation.....and it goes on and on and on.....the never ending story of the inability to cope with life anymore. Sometimes I can cope for short periods and there are times that I actually do have a couple good days in between, but it's difficult most of the time...you become more used to it after a while but it's still very challenging. Self care is huge for anyone who struggles like I do. Lot's of self care. Spend time in nature and with nurturing people and environments. Connect with your creativity, however you do that personally - even if it's just scribbling on a notepad (it will reawaken if you keep up with it). Read interesting stuff that makes you feel good inside. Listen to anything that inspires you and can relax you and help you focus. Breathe deep belly breaths. Revisit positive memories from anytime in your past and be grateful for them and trust that God is always with you. Be gentle with yourself on your healing journey. Pray and meditate. STAY AWAY FROM ABUSERS.
I have also starting seeing a therapist and I have found that talking things out helps a lot
Hey! I found you through wmma and you are awesome! I've been on a journey for the past 3 years and finding your videos has helped me recently on this journey. There are always new things to learn :) thanks for all you do! Also, just started the your podcast, love it! You guys are great and the vibe is so chill 😊
Hi! Glad you are here & thanks for the kind words. Christina is the real deal. Love her!
I wish I had the “flash thing” from the Men in Black movie lol. Such a great concept. I think being forgetful is just a way for the mind to cope, I really don’t see it as a negative. I think it also depends on the duration of time.
I mean, it’s hard enough to remember everything that happened on just one 12 month deployment. But if someone’s been deployed 4 or 5 times in a period of 10 years, you’d think being forgetful would just be normal.
I suffered trauma in my childhood but I have so many memories; my older sister is often amazed at the things I remember. My husband is missing many memories which makes me think that he must've experienced even worse trauma than I did. He has snippets of things that sound terrible, but no memories in between which I found so puzzling until today when I heard the term, "dissociative amnesia".
Ive forgotten large parts of elementary and middle school. I only remember the bad parts
I am so sorry :( xoxo
I have a friend who has this disorder. She doesn't remember some things. She really believed things did not happen because she doesn't remember. A couple of times or sometimes, it's like the other person in her will take over, a much more mature personality. Then this personality remembers the things that she doesn't remember, but when she gets back, she doesn't remember again. And then when the mature personality takes over, she does remember things the original her does not remember. It's really like 2 people in 1 body. She becomes someone so strong and fast beating up grown ess guys and dodging bullets. The other things I tell you wouldn't make much sense. Yea it's crazy. It's like this other her comes on to protect her and give her what she deserves. Have seen Yugioh? Yea, serious, it's like no other explanations.
That sound quite distressing for her but also for her friends. That is likely to be dissociative identity disorder.
I think I had this, but not sure. For some reason, for at least 5 years, I wasn't able to recall what year I last visited my home country. It was like as i I was constantly distracted by something when I tried to remember the year. Then I sat down and began going through things in my life year-by-year, back and forth, till I narrowed down a year where I suddenly laxked memories. It was 2014, and it was the year which I returned to find my dad having terminal, very aggressive cancer. It seemed he just wanted to see his family one last time, as he died 3 days later. It was very traumatic to me, and completely unexpected. My brain seems to have closed off the part where the memories of these events were, so I don't remember parts of the vacation either.
I have recently started seeing a new doctor and she suspects that I suffer from this. This video explains so many things I feel and I can relate to it so much!
My go to catharsis song for my dissociation (derealization, mostly) is Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd. If anyone out there is dealing with this difficult symptom/diagnosis and is looking for some catharsis, i hope this helps you scratch that itch to express it like it does for me. Best results with good quality headphones or earbuds and put up as loud as you are comfortable with, without damaging your hearing. Also highly recommend a comfy spot to sit and a room that's not too bright. Really just gets ya lost in the song.
Follow it up with some grounding techniques afterwards.
I have about 5 minutes worth of childhood memories, most of that I don't want to remember. Almost like it's a slow motion dissociation because I choose not to remember and it faded over time.
I questioned once whether I had developed schizotypal or antisocial personality disorder because Im so numb. Im also very vengeful underneath the "it doesnt bother me".
Bruh what an edgelord
1.) Have an inability to recall information, usually from traumatic events (Not normal
2.) Cause significant distress
3.) Not connected to other things
4.) Not better explained by dissociative identity disorder, ptsd
Looks like
-Even though the days happened, it feels like you sleep through them
-wandering around leave life and have no memory (Rare)
Localized
-Only don’t recognize what happened during that time
-Can be selective, only remember some things
-Can have both
-We can lose pervious knowledge, childhood
-generalized
-Rare
Systemtemitzed
-Lose memory of specific areas of life
-Family, person who harmed us, school
Continuous
-Can’t remember new events
-New she spoke to her mom but can’t remember the words
-Only somewhat know about their memory loss
How to treat
-Trauma based treatment
-Talk therapy can be useful, talk until it becomes less distressing
-EMDR, bilateral stimulation
-Tapping, headphones, right and left
-Done while we recall bad memories
-CBT
-Identify unhelpful thinking patterns and change them
DBT
-Become more aware of how we’re feeling
-Manage impulses
Medication
-Help with symptoms (anxiety, depression)
How soon after a traumatic event does dissociative amnesia set in? Is it usually immediate?
Thank you for the explanation. I don’t remember much of my life. Currently, I’m having mind blockages every single week. I would have an object in my hand and then my mind will go off and once it comes back on like a light switch, that object is gone. I have had A LOT of stuff like that happening to me. One time, I used to work at Subway and was pushing a cart of hot bread to the fan. I remember pushing it, but all of a sudden, my mind blanked out and then I was at the sink. It’s like a time skip or a glitch. Then I heard one of my coworkers say, “Who put this bread here?” I looked and it was at an odd spot away from the fan. Another coworker said it was me. I believe them because I do remember pushing that cart. I have NO MEMPRY of leaving it there. I’ve been told I’ve done some things in the past that I have no memory of and it could be a year or two ago or in a week because of my mind blockages. I am undiagnosed, but maybe that’s amnesiac?? I know it’s dissociation for sure because someone told me. Also, my Subway manager said, “Remember? I told you to pan bread in 10 minutes?” I have no memory of him saying one word to me at all
Kati Morton thank you for this video you always put so much time and effort into these videos and so many of them have been helpful to more understand myself and learning about more new different mental health issues I didn't know much about or understand you are so appreciated ❤️
Thank you for the insightful video... I needed some clarification regarding this topic. It hit home too know, I'm not the only one who gets upset they cannot recall years from their life.. Even today, I had lunch with my mom. and yes, I know the lunch happened.. But I can't even recall which way I drove to get to the restaurant..which is scary.. because now that i watched this video.. I'm just realizing that yeah... I'm missing massive gaps in my time. I've been on autopilot for years...
I'm very confused... I don't know if I've always had bad memory but only now am I starting to realise it as people around me have been pointing it out to me and... It's scary.
My brother in law says he's jealous because I am able to pick up an old game and enjoy like it's new again... Now I have kid's and it makes me depressed.
I can't remember any day's with my kid's or my partner. I know she had a birthday, that she had a surgery, that we went to hospital (all i remember of that day is sitting by the hospital window with her).
I can not recall anything I take photo's of moments and look back and cry because I see my children smiling in these photo's but cant remember the day. I'll be in some photos and can't remember anything.
My partner has to constantly remind me about lifetime event's. Im confused because they aren't traumatic events they are just normal day to day life.
Yes I was SA as a child and only remember one time of it and my mum used to abuse me too. However I'm over it now, thad not what makes me sad what makes me sad is I am forgetting my own family...
I don't want to get help but I do want a diagnosis just to make me feel better... I remember hobbies like new words I learn or piano but that is all.
I thought I had Alzheimer's and I'm afraid if I do because I am only 22 (I forget this too and have to keep asking my partner my age) Every knows me as someone with just bad memory but it's so bad I cry whenever I see something beautiful in daily life because I know I will forget it... idk what to do...
I’m so glad there’s a name for this sensation of not remembering especially since I can recall events then it hits that those events occurred many months prior. I’m definitely am going to bring this up in therapy
Wow, I thought I was the only one who filled this way.
I think my amnesia's finally starting dissipate.
Sometimes a week is just gone except for some specific events. I am not sure if the lack of most childhood memories is because of this or if it was just not important to me. I struggle with dissociation more within my body and less in my head. I notice when I can’t move my hands or my whole body. I notice people talking to me but sometimes the words don’t make sense, or I immediately forget what they wanted, or I can’t do it. I even notice when I am childlike and ask teachers if they wanna be my friend (so embarrassing). I don’t even pass out when I start shaking and twitching on the ground. My memories of those times are foggy but partly there and all that makes me wonder if I could stop it if I just tried harder or maybe I am just pretending I dissociate. A therapist once said to me that dissociation is a decision, we make to get attention and I want to say that he is wrong… but what if he’s right and I am a bad person? I just wrote this to get it of my chest. Happy week everyone^^
You are not a bad person because you experience bad things or because you might be mentally ill, it is not a choice and it's totally valid what you are going through, I would advise you to get help so that you start experience less of these things and generally get better. I wish you the best and don't ever doubt your experiences
I have no recollection of my father being part of my family before he left us when I was 9 years old.
I do remember some parts of my childhood but nothing that involves my father living with us
Might that be something like this? I'm not sure cause my father didn't do anything worse to me than cheating on my mother and leaving so it probably can't be called a trauma
Memory seems like a fickle thing, doesn't it?
My dad was too busy drinking to be around and when my mom died, he disappeared. Not much of that I care to remember but couldn't now even if I wanted to.
I went through a fair few traumatic experiences in early childhood, and most of it is only stuff I remember in little patches. Most the memories are fuzzy but I have a few vivid ones. But most of what I know is from what others have told me. My memories before the age of 11 are especially bad. I deadass forgot that my school would seperate out the kids with learning disabilities or suspected learning disabilities (I recently got diagnosed with dyspraxia and ADHD), and would just put them on a seperate table and sometimes a dim room and just left us. I completely forgot that I fell massively behind on my education because they couldn't be bothered to deal with my ADHD symptoms. It wasn't even like I was majorly disruptive to my class, because most my symptoms were of the inattentive type. The teachers then would bully me and shame me for being behind everyone else. Like bitch you guys are the one who did this! There's also things like when my mum said she was going to kill herself because she gained weight, left the house, and my dad had to look for her before she did anything. She had anorexia so this was apparently common, but I don't remember it.
Other memories I can only remember in flashes, others I remember sickeningly well. I experienced COCSA, and thats a mixed bag. It went on for a long time, so I became used to just dissociating and "getting it over with". Some parts are entirely blacked out, some I remember but its like watching a movie or like remembering a dream, and others are so vivid I can still feel it, taste it, etc. That entire era of my life was filled with so much chaos, as I was also being bullied, and my dad had fallen extremely ill with a brain tumour and later on epilepsy, causong me to have to save his life multiple times before I reached double digits. It was a wholeass mess, and I don't even remember most of it because I just started to accept bad situations when they happened. Heck, I was sexually assaulted recently, and can only remember it like an out of body experience. Its super odd.
Thank you Kati
I missed the episode at time as we have been run around a collection of football (soccer) matches but I can't forgot your weekly content.finally goodluck to the United States national team tomorrow or maybe tonight against Costa Rica.
I just found out this is what I've been dealing for years with today. Like, I'll write down notes for my therapist in my phone while I'm having a really stressful or bad mental health time so I can better verbalize how I'm feeling and what led to it but by the next appointment I'd look at the notes and have NO recollection of those things happening and delete them. I would be aware that the week was "rough" or "hard to get through" but any and all details were just.... gone. Until today I actually read the note I left for myself for today's appointment that said "YOU NEED TO TELL HIM YOU CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING FROM THESE EPISODES YOU DINGUS" which was kind of eye-opening for me jkhfdhkjs
Hey, thanks for this. I have it bad in my dissociative times. Have to go right to bed after.
Hi there, Thanks for putting out this video Kati. This is a topic that needs to be talked about and your videos can reach so many people! Do you still see clients in the US? Thanks
I seem to have the issue where I remember the trauma from childhood very vividly, down to the physical sensations, but very few other memories from childhood, especially good ones. I know my childhood wasn't all bad, but sometimes it feels like all that existed was just the trauma and overall just bad memories from the past. I use to have a great memory from 18-30(not so much with learning though). I'm 32 now and the past few years, its like anything stressful that happens I forget the events as they are happening. Does this still sound like dissociative amnesia? I also dissociate into fake realities throughout the day to deal with depression.
I tried EMDR but it does not work because how can I do EMDR if I can't recall the events? The trauma and feelings live in my body but even if I know it happened from being told it did, seeing video of specific events, and knowing it happened only because it happened daily for my entire life, etc. I myself cannot make a connection to it in my mind. So, I cannot picture it in my mind, I can't put myself back into it as my brain won't give me the memories, I can't tell how i felt because like you said, "it doesn't really feel like anything because you don't know about what you don't remember" However that statement more so resonates with me currently as the amnesia is continuous without trauma still occurring.
I have recently remembered the event that caused DA. It was after contracting Covid? I can remember the exact moment it was deleted from my conscious mind when I was a child. I remember feeling extremely distraught and then suddenly feeling fine. Spent two years on sick but did not know what caused the problems I had, neither did counsellors. It was as if nothing had caused it. Thanks Kati.
Currently experiencing dissociative amnesia because of bodily nutrient deficiency stress and examination stress. Hopefully it will get better soon (I'll just take this as a sign to start again, once more).
Anyhow, if anyone ask me what I felt, emotionally numb. Trying to get back to the present life and rebuilding my life one by one.
This video is super helpful for my character analysis!
I have that with my therapy sessions. Often I cannot remember what we talked about. Often I can't recall the session by the time I'm home. Sometimes even during session I notice I've forgotten what was said just a minute ago. It doesn't matter how much I'm trying to focus or stay present, when it gets too stressful I'm just gone and can do nothing about it.
Can't recall my childhood and its traumas either... I hate it
Thank you for this video. It's helped me a lot. I wake up in the morning a few times a month and see things I did the night before, but don't remember doing. It's unnerving and confusing. Usually, for the rest of the day I feel foggy.
I suffer severely from this amnesia. I have very minimal memory of my life. Even just the past year. I’m constantly losing memory of small and significant things. I hate this.
It sucks so much to not remember so much of my life. Have I even lived?!
My now ex-girlfriend, remembers very little of her childhood to the degree that when I would ask her what her daily routine was like she said very little to the point that I still don’t know the answer after knowing her for six years. She grew up in an extremely hyper religious (Catholic) homeschooling household that was, ironically, extremely neglectful; she was one of eight. Aside from the neglect, I suspect that there was some other type of trauma she faced and did not like to talk about her upbringing to avoid it. She did on a few occasions say she believed she would disassociate at times.
Many times it felt as if she didn’t even remember details of our trips abroad and adventures, which would always leave me feeling very unappreciated. Her sense of “living in the now“ seems to be an over extreme version and a constant pursuit of stimulation/dopamine but yet her memories of what seemed to excite her were usually around “50/50”. Five out of the six sisters (out of eight kids), including her, seem to demonstrate this degree of sensation seeking behavior in their own way. She took a job that is contrary to her stated life goals but affords her the opportunity to travel to various cities throughout the week, combined with the fact that her supposedly wealthy boss would fly her first class and put her up at expensive hotels. I could be wrong but intuitively it just feels like nothing more than a pursuit of distraction and escape, which ultimately broke us apart.
I’m definitely not taking this opportunity to speak ill of her because I do still love her very much. I’m just giving my input in the hopes that it somehow helps or validates.
The father of my kids died in a car accident.. I don’t remember much about the year or 2 after the accident..I melted ended up in an institution for a few months.. I just remember certain things.. vividly the last time I saw him .. lying on the bed during his funeral with my girls.. seeing him in the ER.. I am ashamed to say I can’t remember the year he died or how long ago it was… it’s like my brain doesn’t want to remember..as far as I know I just continued the best I could which was a blur of anxiety depression and self destructive behaviors… over 10 years have passed( not sure how many).. I am in a better place with a new life but I feel guilty for blocking it all out and emotionally disappearing from my kids lives for a few years… not sure I even want to revisit any of it..
I wonder if I have this to some degree. I had an extremely traumatic childhood, but those are just the memories I have from 8-12 for the most part.
I have VERY few memories before the age of 8. Literally like 4-5 memories.
Can chronic sickness or chronic stress cause this?
Hello Kati and kinions ;) I'm sometimes struggeling with severe fear/stress before a therapysession. Because I don't know what to expect. I have thoughts/questions in my head like 'I don't know which questions she'll ask' (and yes, every session there is at least one amazingly sharp question I didn't expect at all :D ) and 'I don't know if we'll talk about triggers, and if we talk about them... How I'll react'.
I know I'm in full control about the topics we adress in session. And i've got a nice therapist. She did gave me some tips which are helpfull with generalized anxiety. But still I'm stressing before sessions. Do you have some thoughts or tips about this?
I had systematic dissociative amnesia. I forgot a friend I quarrelled with. I went into trauma mode and instead of pushing him away tried to open up. He did misunderstand what I tried to say, took it personally and yelled at me. I exploded like I never exploded at another person before and ... then forgot most about him. Like I knew his name and that we knew each other for twelve years, but everything else was gone. And half a year later, it just ... reappeared like nothing happened. Okay, not exactly. When it snapped back I had an instant flashback to the horror of us quarrelling. It just felt like a switch being turned on/off. So spooky!
Can dissociative amnesia only leave feelings from specific time of life but still can't remember the details why do we feel those feelings?
I have a hard time remembering a lot of things, but my memory problems seem to be like...in general? Or specifically when it comes to people and my interactions with them. Like, I can be friends with someone for several years, but if they stopped talking to me I would eventually forget who they were, and why we were friends. Its almost as if my memory leaks or has a cooldown, and if I don't refresh that relationship by staying in contact frequently. I forget them. I have been in a relationship for over 10 years now, and I can hardly remember any of it. I can barely remember what I was doing/thinking before I got into that relationship either. My spouse would constantly ask me if I remember x or y event and how much fun it was, and I have no idea what they were talking about. I sometimes remember a vague understanding of the environment around me in some memories that they bring up, but never what is said or what I was thinking/doing. I am not sure what this classifies as in your video though.
I was wondering if stress might play a role in this.
Recently, I had a dream where I found myself in my car, parked in front of this building. The dream felt so real that, for a moment, I was worried that I drove to this place without realizing it, and wondered how I even got there. Knowing how to lucid dream, I talked myself thru the dream and began wondering around the place. What's weird is that the dream contained this imagery that has only come up one other time.
I don’t remember most of my childhood. I remember bits and pieces like coming in and out of sleep where you don’t dream. I struggle at times as an adult with dissociating out of conversations even when there is no perceived danger.
The problem is not not remembering the traumatized part of our lives..but the good life is also gone. I cannot remember anything good as well. It's like everything is wiped out just like that. I feel this has affected my work as well. Any skills I feel I have to relearn it. I am so frustrated. There is also continuous amnesia..that I don't remember day to day events as well..even if I do..there isn't attached to any of these events
I am talking to a therapist and there seems to be a lack of knowledge or interest from their end. Who is the right person for this?
Can you recommend me someone who can help me? It's affecting my work tremendously and also my relationships and dating life.
Hi Katie! 👋🏻😊
Hi Kimberly 🙋♀️
im 34 and every now and then something comes back to me from my childhood. i still dont have a full picture of everything
I remember when I started senior high school (or whatever one would call school years 10-12) I had determined to tag along a new aquaintance I got bc I wanted to have a new friend and didn't want to go to school with no friends at all again. So the senior high and high school were partially sharing the school building and I went my high school there so I told that I can show places there. But turned out when my new aquaintances asked directions or where was a certain place in the school building and how to go there I totally didn't recognise.
Which was weird bc I have attended the high school there all the 3 years and I didn't skip school or drop out or have a gap in schooling. I also have terrible sense of direction but this was different bc I learn directions when the route is familiar. At least I recognise places. I was bullied throughout my high school. Same in elementary school which was elsewhere, I was bullied there from years 4-6.
Yes, that's it! I don't remember the 3 years I was in boarding school, starting at 8 years old, I have a very few memories, kind of flashes. Thing is can I heal my life fully if I don't remember those times? I don't think I want to remember this time as it is so distressing, I am a bit like this all the time, I think of it as living in the moment, are these linked? I have been told that the reason that I can't judge time gaps is dyslexia could it be this disassociative amnesia?
👍 localized probably 😍
I have amnesia from dissociative identity disorder
Sometimes its the opposite, u had a traumatic experience and its in your head all the time😪