If you ever listen to anything while reading comments, let it be this - go to borlest and read the book whispers of manifestation, then come back and thank me
Please understand that if you’re communicating appropriately to them and their reaction is still defensive and inappropriate. It doesn’t mean you need to “try harder”. It means he simply doesn’t care and/or he’s possibly emotionally abusive and you need to accept that and LEAVE him or continue to accept the unacceptable behaviour.
Expressing feelings helps you see who a man really is. If you tell a man how you feel and he doesn't respond with concern, he don't care about you sis. Leave him
Girls, there's so much more beneath the surface. Explore the book Women’s Magic Truths and discover what you’ve been missing. You’ll thank me for this one!
This ONLY works if the person your speaking to ACTUALLY cares, respects you, and views you as a person. If they don't, they will disregard you regardless of how you communicate. If the person doesn't respect you immediately just cut ties.
I struggle to communicate because I just leave when I feel unappreciated. In my experience, speaking about my feeling just opened me up to being gaslight or manipulated.
I know how that is. It sucks how mean some people can be when you take a chance and be vulnerable. I'm so sorry that anyone made you feel that way. I wish I didn't struggle with the same thing
The only issue I have with this is that Im tired of watching endless videos and reading books when 99% of men dont give a shit 😂 Im exhausted of trying to cater to them just because they are to lazy to work on their emotional intelligence. If a man comes home and doesnt wanna talk to me all day but just use my ressources and services then thats what he wants to do, I let him do that and silently detach and move on. I dont have time anymore to be on my "Sherlock Holmes Game" and Master Communicator Translater.
It's about learning how to communicate with someone who is wired completely different. But...she also literally said this can be used for any person lol
I have so much to say I love how detailed and how you broke it down perfectly Half way through the video I paused , went and grabbed a pen and paper and started taking notes immediately Great job and thank you ❤
I’ve been married 7 years and been working on tuning into my fem energy again, and everything you shared here was gold. I felt a tiny bit defensive in the beginning because thinking “why do i have to change” but i realised its the same level of effort (maybe less) but just using different words. And i think i realised that what you are teaching is probably how’d i’d prefer people speak to me, so its a better approach in general, from 1 human to another. THX 🙏
I liked how you said, “Appreciation and acknowledgment is a key part of the formula of putting the defenses down before you even come in with what you are about to say.” I can see how beneficial this approach could be, and it reframed my perspective. Great tip!
Be kind , be patient and listen attentively to your spouse😂 even if he so angry, mad and furious just stay calm smile and talk slowly, he will calm down 😂😅 😂😂 that's my strategy .When he sees me calm , his anger subsides, no more arguing😂😂
Here's the thing, a lot of us who were raised by boomers have childhood trauma. Lets face it, they were spoiled rotten during the post war boom, and formed bad formations when it came to how to parent us millennials and older gen z. So you need to get your trauma in check, and you also have to understand that the person you are having a conflict with probably has their own trauma. Even something so normal like parents being divorced is a question on the ace score, so little things actually arent so little. So think before you speak. Why did he ignore your bid for affection? Did his parents ignore his bids for affection so now he has attachment issues? Also, why are you so upset about it? Was your parents love conditional causing you to seek out the feeling that you are loved by forcing others to do x,y, and z until it satisfies those needs? Does he have to tell you how beautiful you are before you start feeling beautiful, or do you already know you are beautiful and his compliment is really just a nice gesture, not a moral booster? For an example, i was raised in a very healthy household, so if my husband tells me im beautiful, i think "oh hes such a nice caring person". I dont feel anymore beautiful just because he said something nice to me. I already knew. By contrast, my husband was raised in a very abusive home, like they didnt feed him abusive. If my husband didnt feel like i was constantly validating him, he would get very depressed, and this led to some bad stuff in our marriage a few years back. Now, because i understand psychology and i have knowledge of his upbringing and the effects on his mind, i actually didn't take these things personally. In fact i was able to identify this toxic behavior for what it really was and i was able to get him the help he needed. He got the help and is a completely different person. All of the great things about him that made me fall in love are still there, and actually stronger now, but all of the bad stuff is gone. He communicates his needs, his wants, his desires, and he is now a great listener. If i have a problem and want to talk about it, he is now a receptive listener who wants to find a solution. Before he got the help he needed, he would shut down and feel shame, even over silly things like me simply asking him to pick up his socks. So, while this seems crazy, it really shows how trauma affects us. So be compassionate to your partner, because he has probably been hurt in the past. Remember, its not about you, its just him coping and trying to protect himself because he feels unsafe.
I can't recall any RUclipsr in this arena of content being as dedicated as you are. The advice, the structure, the notes and your demeanor. We really appreciate it. Your channel deserves all the success in the world.
Any tips on how to address this in long-term relationships? Sometimes it’s hard to keep trying to be in your feminine when you feel like the relationship pushes you into your masculine more often than not.
He might need to see someone about it. If you have the money, go find a good counselor who is well versed in both childhood trauma and relationship trauma. The fact is, most people in general are nice decent people who want to be nice to others. Trauma causes us to become untrusting, and this lack of trust in others causes us to stop trying (its not real so why try). So if there is a problem and he can't be the man he should be, there is a psychological problem. He needs help, and you could probably benefit from some education. I would suggest reading jung and gottman. They are literally the experts in understanding close relationships. Even if he refuses to be saved, and you have to eventually walk away, the things you learn will be very helpful for you in the future.
Completely agree , i think we should know how to control our emotions and don't show that you are weak , I can't live without you etc . We think the next person will understand but girl that's a big NO . Instead of reacting focus on your actions That's all I am learning now these days . Balance is important, extreme in everything is always bad .
I’m not here to teach a man how to treat me if I see he’s not treating me the way I deserve and even after I verbalise it once. Then he’s done. Thank you next 😘
I 100% agree. That’s exactly what I was thinking too. I wasted so much time, energy, and mental health in trying to communicate openly and honestly with my ex. Only led to extreme burnout, bad stress-genie acne, and mild depression.
Sorry to break it to you babe there’s no perfect man out there or woman. These are things that we all go thru however the extent or severity of it hugely depends on ur relationship
@Nare1313 Every woman requires different things from their man. Because of this, you really do need to verbalize (with specifics) what you want/need from your man. And yes, in a sense teach them how you personally want to help treated. The thing is- it’s only worth communicating this with someone who in turn is open to hearing what you want/ need from them. Communicate needs to be had, no man (or woman) is psychic especially when it comes to what their new partner truly wants and needs from you at this particular time in their life. We are not in a movie, your thoughts aren’t in the script for him to go read about- it’s up to you to communicate them in a loving friendly way.
@aembusiness yes absolutely what you said! We do need to teach them about us and our wants and needs. We don't need to teach them how to be a man though.
I have watched soooooo many of these feminine communication type videos and this has to be one of the best I've ever watched! I will def be coming back to this one over and over. It's like a master class. Looking forward to watching some of your other videos now.
I dont understand why there are so many channels on RUclips talking basically about non-violent communication and then frame it as "feminine communication" or "being in your feminine energy". It doesn't have to do anything with you being a woman, just with good communication skills. As a woman I dont want a man to talk to me in a confronting way either, it would also make me react in a defensive way. I can only encourage everyone to look up non-violent communication and leave the sex and gender roles aside.
Been married to him for 8 years and I’ve never raised my voice at him but I have been frustrated where my anger turns into me sobbing or hyperventilating, I’ve finally come to realize, a person will never change for the better if they’re not ready to change. There only so much you can do and then the rest is up to them. So when that time comes… we leave.. and this is what I plan on doing soon.
I left mine of 11 1/2 years because of this. At the end he did grow and change but by that time I had already moved on mentally and physically. I believe we both are better now tho I don't know anything about him now. You can do it and won't regret it. ❤
I feel like I've naturally done all these things but with my last relationship, i really let my masculine side go wild which was so fkn draining... i should've just walked away sooner than I did. I didn't realize how his energy affected me until I started losing myself. It's so much more peaceful and relaxed when you really get into your feminine energy and meet a man who only adds to that tranquility instead of trying to destroy it. Thank you for sharing❤
i’ve did this and it turned into an argument abt “how do i make you feel like that? nothing i do makes you happy, you’re not upset abt me, you just don’t love me” i just went quiet, he came to me a few minutes later and apologized and said he hears me and he’ll fix it😭😭😭 good that he realized his actions and did fix it but i just don’t feel comfortable addressing him anymore
I used to do all of this for my ex and it never worked. He would take my kindness and softness for granted and walk all over me. So other women told me to change my approach, match energy and so I did and it got .. worse. He was just not good to me. I changed and started to hate who I was becoming and how I react. Now I have to undo all that and find myself
Ok, this kind of communication is very peaceful and respectful, I totally support this kind of communication in every relationship. But. I can't help to wonder why it is in general so difficult to make men - this is my personal experience - understand things that are actually very simple to get. Like: we are together since a good amount of time ---> we like to spend time together ---> I would like to do it more /regularly. It seems quite simple and straight and logical to me. Why does the woman - again, personal experience - always has to beg the man to organize things ?!
The only suggestion I would make is to get rid of the word "but" and replacing it with "and." It makes a huge difference in how much the other person can stay open to listening and not feel criticized and shut down. Just think how your body feels when someone says "you're great but".. . The "but" can really tank it. Great video!
I'm saving your video to study before having a hard conversation with someone dear to me. Shouting, passive aggressiveness and silence were my usual ways of reacting. And it never worked. It only made things worse. I hope to be better at the way I communicate after this!
When i was married and came at my ex in a calmer way, he would ask me why I was talking to him like a therapist and accused me of trying to manipulate him🙄 i literally just wanted to squash the disagreement but he was so defensive.
Same 🥴 Im just doin the most, researching psychology solutions so we stop fighting but they get sus instead cus they’re not used to healthy techniques 😭
I used the "me" technique and it backfired, I was told," Then if YOU feel that way, that is YOUR problem and is something that you have to work within yourself".
In those cases with those people, it helps to formulate the comment as “when you did this action, it made me feel this” that way there’s a connection between what they did and what it caused in you. And not just your feelings standing alone… and if they can’t take any responsibility at all or at least apologize for them not intending to make you feel that way and explaining themselves at the least, I suggest removing yourself from that relationship because that sounds like a toxic relationship where they are gaslighting you in order to keep behaving the way they are
I love the music she uses when she puts the tips up. Feels like I took up a course while on vacation 😂 not seen a video like this that makes me feel pampered while learning lol
I would like this video 100,000 x if I could. I love everything about this and I’m going to use your advice in communication with my children. I decided a couple days ago I was going to speak from my feminine when I talk to and with them, but it’s so hard. I never experienced that growing up so idk how to do it. 😭 Especially when it’s just me with them bc then I feel like I NEED to parent from my masculine at times to let them know I’m not playing around. But this video showed me that it doesn’t have to be that way. Thanks so much girl 🥰🌹
Great video, and I would suggest replacing “but” with “and”. For example: You always do sweet things that make me smile, but I really …..” OR “You always do sweet things that make me smile, and I really….” In my opinion, the word “but” makes the appreciation/acknowledgment seem like manipulation. The word “and” is more affirming. I learn so much from your thoughtfully presented videos! Thanks!
Wise words, great video. Hm in my last relationship I was very true, I took accountability for my behavior in communication (sentence with I). But also unfortunately I know to be reactive and impulsive, which I thought it is well deserved when someone wants to play games. But the strategy is good wait 3 months before you start being completely vulnerable. Until now I just knew to be either honest or silent.
Yay I'm so happy other people noticed and appreciate your attention to detail and organization. You are so thorough! Thank you so much for teaching this!! So helpful!
He gave me Princess treatment and did what he needed to for years. Then we had kids and now I’m raising two boys and I feel worn down and like I’m talking to a brick wall. We are only 26, I don’t know why he switched his behavior but I’m so desperate to keep our family together.
As a man, the only reason a man does this is because you have worn him down somehow. Remeber he's not a woman, he dosent do girl talk, he's a tool, a weapon to come, see, and get shit done. Kids can create chaos and that makes things hard, specifically make it hard to be relaxed and positive (not peppy, just light hearted). For a man, a light hearted woman is a breath of fresh air that he will want to interact with more. Try doing wim hof breathing exercises in the morning and maybe evening as well along with other stress management tools. Even things like a sauna or ice baths can help you feel less stressed and manage stress better.
@@Okunniger_Volker I am always bouncy and happy and excited to see him. That’s just my personality. I’ve always run the entire household. Our first week together I spent three hours deep cleaning his room because he’d been depressed and let it go to hell. I love doing things for him, I just wish he’d show a bit more interest in spending time with myself and our children but also time alone. I have busted my ass to keep my appearance up and sure I look a little different after two children but not much so I know it isn’t that I let myself go. I go to the gym at 4 while our children sleep every morning
@@elanorapowell6811 hmm, well obviously I can't be sure, but if he's not real physically active this can cause issues. Diet can also be a factor (personally I love the carnivore diet with a little fermented veg like garlic), but with the processed foods and such these days, it can have a draining effect on a man's energy and cognitive function. Plus sometimes it could just be a soul sucking job or maybe a unrealized desire on his part. Other times a guy could just need some alone time once a month or so without a screen, hiking or something. You would know better than I about his diet and physical activity, but a few good sources and topics that are useful in this area are Huberman Labs with Dr Andy Galpin (fitness related, most might not be applicable), Huberman Labs podcast on hot and cold exposure is good, personally I love the sauna, it always makes me feel better and has a significant positive impact on my mood and energy levels plus is good for sore or tight muscles. Cold exposure can boost testosterone levels which are incredibly important for mental clarity and a positive mood for men along with energy levels, metabolism and recovery. And the book Dopamine Nation, a great source on all things dopamine which if you have sugar or any other stimulants, (even FB likes cause a spike in dopamine which leads to a drop and a slow rise, repetitive spikes lead to low baseline dopamine levels and can negatively impact mood and energy levels) and some guides on how to correct low baseline dopamine levels. Aside from that, 26 is a weird age, personally for me 23-27 was not a good time, I was learning a lot and questioning a lot, but about 27 I started to level out and find a groove in life, everyone is different. Hopefully something I've said here, or these sources might help. I think at times men can feel seditary or maybe emasculated when they are just doing the 9-5 on repeat when really we just want to be a bit more wild and there's really not much room in modern society for that.
I limit the amount of channels I follow to 30 because I don't want to consume too much content, but this video convinced me, I'm subscribing! You deliver valuable and helpful content. 💗
Best video yet. Not cos the others weren’t great but just because the outcome and steps to achieve it were so concise. Thanks very much, will be using the tips x
these videos are so helpful especially when I have never had a truly feminine figure in my life. Even with mostly women in my family, they can be crass or domineering. My mother especially has always been harsh and aggressive with absolutely no successful, healthy relationships. I want to be gentle, classy, direct, confident and sensual. Its nice to have some advice on how to lean into our feminine energy as women rather than thinking power can only be achieved through masculinity.
OMG I just wanted to say how AMAZING the key insights and mini action plan insert was!!!! This really sets your video apart from other coaches talking about the topic plus it is like a free coaching session with a home work!! Thank you so much!!! ♥️
What about when he's the one tearing into you and you become on the defensive. That's one of the big reasons for my divorce...he was always picking me apart. Why can men do it?
It’s not about “why can men do it” it’s about NOT wanting to be that person…why would you want a free pass to act like an a hole just because he was being one? Choose to rise above, and don’t fall into victim mode “well if he can do it why can’t I”. Very unhelpful
The non verbal cues are great. I didn't know why I struggled flirting as a woman so much until I found out I am autistic. So your advice on eye contact and smiling is extremely helpful to me. Thank you 😊
I love your advice- but your intros are just entirely too long. My group chat watches your videos and they love them but complain about it as well. I didn't notice until this one. It's like you over-explain that you are going to give us information later on in the video.
It's really important to know how to express contructive statements without being critical. Many people are very unaware of this, thank you for creating such an informative vid! 💗
Your first specific detail is too YOU centered. Yes you start with I but you gotta reframe that so that it takes out the you. “I feel really hurt when I spend time cooking for us and we don’t sit and eat dinner together engaging in conversation at the table “ You take out the YOU are much as possible.
You are Spot on ( I do all this and try to maintain this by watching videos like this), you’re the type of BFF I would appreciate in my life fr 🩵✨ keep shining Queen
This takes alot of my energy.Most men want slow talking slow walking women. Sometimes its ok.But acting in slow motion,me as a person who has so much energy i like to laugh talk loud move alot and def not being slow lol.This is great for those who want to grow more feminine energy but also most men should also accomodate their needs to meet ours too. If i wont talk to my man for my hardships then i dont need him.I have friends.🙄🤷♀️
You are right when you get mad, you will be labelled as the histeric woman and lose credibility and he thinks you are the problem. So the best way is to avoid situations that will make us lose our peace.
I like the advice it’s very useful especially in a healthy relationship! but as a person who has dealt with a lot of narcissistic ppl in the past (men and women not all in a romantic relationship) this is a recipe for gaslighting and manipulation. Especially if you are blind to toxic/narcissistic behavior and most people are. Which make narcissistic traits impossible to pick up on unless u have been through it or well educated about it.
Dude I appreciate you so much. You put so much effort into this video and the fact that you even made and linked a free doc summary in the description? Golden. Thank you so much!
Great stuff!🎯 Remember using "but" negates what was just said, "I appreciate xyz about you AND I feel sad when this thing happens. What are your thoughts?"
You got me at the first guy that your mom put you on. I commend your mom on being fearless in sharing what was on her spirit and your boldness in listening!! Bc that’s crazyyy, that had to be soooo scary and hard giving that man your whole identity! But the crazier the story, the bigger the blessing 🙌🏾🤗 Amen!
I liked the comment about knowing how to treat your man when verbally communicating. I struggle with that. I don’t know what I should be talking about with my man vs with females. I’m still learning. Any tips?
Can you make a video on anxiety about everything? Anxiety about exams/fear of looking bad (body dysmorphia) /future and basically just anxiety in general? TIA if you do🙏🏼
I am not Vickita (major props to her videos and I really love her content), but something that really helps me is that many of the things we’re insecure about are very natural and normal ❤ and it’s very important to put yourself first. My mom always likes to tell me, if someone has a problem with how I look, that’s their problem 😂 it’s not a perfect solution, but it does help because at the end of the day, our opinion of ourself matters the most! And that energy does show to others! I hope this wasn’t too unsolicited 😅and again a major kudos to Vickita for her stellar content :3
My man kept telling me to approach him this way… I was trying to discuss him calling me a slur. These types of videos need nuance bc men send these with the assumption their verbal abuse or unfairness is included in this umbrella
I would go further and even remove “but” in between the steps, because when we say “but” it’s almost cancelling out the first statement when we’re trying to “praise” our partner for the good things that they do. Something I learned recently so I try avoiding using that word!
What about a girl at work who keeps giving him gifts. Is that silly to allow? It doesn’t feel innocent. How would I bring that up bc last time I told him it didn’t really make me feel comfortable and he immediately gaslit me with how he hates being accused of things though I never accused him… and then flipping it saying how is he supposed to trust ME when I take his car out. I only take it to the grocery store…. I feel like I shouldn’t stay.
That sounds harsh. And like a lack of trust & honest open communication. Definitely gaslit there. Never put up with nastiness long term. Nip it in the bud, or leave hon.
He shouldn't even be accepting gifts like that from another woman. I think your intuition is right. And then he deflects by bringing up the topic of his car.
Your videos are 🤌 I love the straight-forwardness, the topics, the examples, the summary slides - thank you!!! I am extremely ADHD and have a short memory span so I always take notes on my phone from educational videos so I don’t forget but I was able to take screenshots of your summaries and just put them in my notes app so thank you! Also please make so many more feminine energy videos I love this topic!! New subscriber! 😊
Also, I think women forget so often that WE are actually the initiators. Well,once upon a time. & we did it in a feminine way. It's "the hanky." (Eww, hankies😂). Anyway, the story goes: a woman's walking down the sidewalk when a man catches her attention. She keeps on walking because it isn't her task to pursue. BUT, she does hold the power to choose who she wants to pursue her. She 'accidentally' drops her hanky. She doesn't stop to notice (wink wink) but the man she'd just walked by, definitely did, which was her intention. He runs after her, bends down to grab her hanky, says "excuse me miss, you dropped this." She turns around. Their eyes lock. He asks her to the movies. He was The Man. He approached her. He took initiative & effort to ask &, execute the first date. & 50 years later as they are watching their grandchildren play, while holding hands, she may or may not have told him that it was actually HER, who chose HIM. 💗
Also, I think women forget so often that WE are actually the initiators. Well,once upon a time. & we did it in a feminine way. It's "the hanky." (Eww, hankies😂). Anyway, the story goes: a woman's walking down the sidewalk when a man catches her attention. She keeps on walking because it isn't her task to pursue. BUT, she does hold the power to choose who she wants to pursue her. She 'accidentally' drops her hanky. She doesn't stop to notice (wink wink) but the man she'd just walked by, definitely did, which was her intention. He runs after her, bends down to grab her hanky, says "excuse me miss, you dropped this." She turns around. Their eyes lock. He asks her to the movies. He was The Man. He approached her. He took initiative & effort to ask &, execute the first date. & 50 years later as they are watching their grandchildren play, while holding hands, she may or may not have told him that it was actually HER, who chose HIM. 💗
Ive tried to myself just to start with a question, ask for the solution and a sad face. The questions gives them the chance to be empathetic, the sad face allows me to be vulnerable and the solution allows me to ask for what i want. They love when we truste them (with the question) hearing solutions and pampering. Eg: honey, 🥺 why you didn't come yesterday? I wanted you to come over and im sad because (watch out this: not a complain but your real feelings) i wanted to see you. Boom ! Works amazing! At least for me
Thank you ! I love that your natural, completely yourself and relatable...Please dont change. For some reason, most women who create content around feminine energy try to overdo it in a very weird way with their voice, posture and sometimes clothes. I understand the intention it to embody feminine energy, but nobody bahaves like this in real life.
All the things you are listing, asking for date nights, watching tv when he gets home, I literally wish those were my problems 😂like if that’s the worst you’re men are doing send them my way! But I love your advice ❤
I agree with a lot in this video, but I also have to say all of us embody a different level or concentration of feminine energy and may even be going through phases. Even the men in question may have a higher level of feminine energy than we do ourselves. I personally find the dark feminine energy to be more successful and suited for me, especially since I naturally possess a more masculine energy (not appearance, I dress quite feminine and love girly things) and some of the qualities there do contradict some of the steps here (eg dark feminine energy calls for the open expression of emotions such as anger or sadness, but it has to be inconsistent to keep them on their toes).
I hear you, but do people really speak to each other this way? I watch content like this and just cringe. I can’t imagine speaking to my husband this way. Almost comes off condescending. Just curious if it’s just me. My husband would genuinely cringe if I spoke this way.
Just sharing my experience. This is how my partner and I communicate (similar to wt is mentioned in the video). And I did use a more demanding way to communicate with my ex before, it didn't work well. Vs now I can calmly communicate with love and get treated the same way. I think this might sounds cringe because this is not the way you used to express. Showing more appreciation and love during disagreement do requires some courage to breakthrough. But it has to start with someone. Anyways, each couple communicates differently. If there are no problems at all, then probably there is no need to change.
It's a femme fatale thing. Try it in the bedroom first if you are already married. He already knows what you're like, so if you dramatically change how you interact with him around the house, he'll know you aren't behaving like yourself.
this is one of the most informative and well structured videos ive seen on such a topic! it's a no nonsense, straight to the point and nuanced argument set forth on such digestible terms! thank you, and you've just gained a new subscriber :)
I can confirm that all of the hostile, demanding behaviours don’t work on ANYONE. These tips aren’t just about men, they’re about being a mature adult who doesn’t make other people responsible for their feelings.
4:33 I’ve been bottling and when I am ready to properly express to him my emotions I will be incredibly mindful of using I statements and I statements alone
I woke up in my sleep realizing how ANGRY I was at him. Put myself back to sleep (it was work). Woke up to your video. (We don’t yell or scream tho). Honestly just detaching this week bc ya girl tired. But I’m watching lol 😂
I feel this is great & something I practice in relationships but I also have to take a look at the person I’m dating. Everytime I try to communicate they never want to take accountability & then it creates tension b/c they don’t want to be called out. A lot of people in my generation don’t know how to take accountability 😩😮💨 .
🏆TIMESTAMPS
Step 1: 3:26
ACTION STEP & KEY INSIGHTS: 11:58
Step 2: 12:02
ACTION STEP & KEY INSIGHTS: 14:49
Step 3: 14:37
ACTION STEP & KEY INSIGHTS: 19:23
Step 4: 19:08
ACTION STEP & KEY INSIGHTS: 20:50
TO-DO-LIST: 21:57
VIDEO NOTES: docs.google.com/document/d/1vHD8KqCfeUl7RRyIHsfmHN3HMvVJQBs-XiwK_wlVssI/edit?usp=sharing
Great content Vickita! I am a communications expert and love how you have brought in the angle of feminine communication and explained everything!
My. . Man. Is. A. Women. Like he. Is. Supper. Gay
Super. Sup9er. Gay
If you ever listen to anything while reading comments, let it be this - go to borlest and read the book whispers of manifestation, then come back and thank me
Please understand that if you’re communicating appropriately to them and their reaction is still defensive and inappropriate. It doesn’t mean you need to “try harder”. It means he simply doesn’t care and/or he’s possibly emotionally abusive and you need to accept that and LEAVE him or continue to accept the unacceptable behaviour.
Was wondering this throughout watching this video too... Thank you.
@aegrotus Yes it works both ways good job.
Yep 👍…
Hard lesson learned but now I’m no longer blind!!!
i was goingto say, this doesnt work with a narcissist.
She mentions that early in the video
Expressing feelings helps you see who a man really is. If you tell a man how you feel and he doesn't respond with concern, he don't care about you sis. Leave him
💯🫶🏽
Real
Girls, there's so much more beneath the surface. Explore the book Women’s Magic Truths and discover what you’ve been missing. You’ll thank me for this one!
Who is the author please?
This ONLY works if the person your speaking to ACTUALLY cares, respects you, and views you as a person. If they don't, they will disregard you regardless of how you communicate. If the person doesn't respect you immediately just cut ties.
I struggle to communicate because I just leave when I feel unappreciated. In my experience, speaking about my feeling just opened me up to being gaslight or manipulated.
Okay, I got to the end of the video and it all makes sense now. Thank you so much for the real, practical advice and tips.
I know how that is. It sucks how mean some people can be when you take a chance and be vulnerable. I'm so sorry that anyone made you feel that way. I wish I didn't struggle with the same thing
same. its something i need to work on and balance the ability to communicate and when to walk away, instead of only walking away.
So I’m wrong for saying fuck it and just walking away??
The only issue I have with this is that Im tired of watching endless videos and reading books when 99% of men dont give a shit 😂 Im exhausted of trying to cater to them just because they are to lazy to work on their emotional intelligence.
If a man comes home and doesnt wanna talk to me all day but just use my ressources and services then thats what he wants to do, I let him do that and silently detach and move on. I dont have time anymore to be on my "Sherlock Holmes Game" and Master Communicator Translater.
girl you're picking the wrong man then?
@@VickitaTrivedi ok
Why does he live in your house? Why is he using you? Why do you let him do all that?
These are the principles of non violent communication and they apply to relationships in general, not just men/women !
Yep, she said that in the beginning
gotta love how we need to have the knowledge of a psychologist just to make a relationship with a man tolerable
It's about learning how to communicate with someone who is wired completely different. But...she also literally said this can be used for any person lol
lol, this is the comment I was looking for 😂
😂 the struggle is real
😂😂
Lol
I have so much to say
I love how detailed and how you broke it down perfectly
Half way through the video I paused , went and grabbed a pen and paper and started taking notes immediately
Great job and thank you ❤
Metoo I had to take notes
yay!!! im so glad you enjoyed it :)
If you tell a narcissist or maybe even a regular man that I feel a certain way they’ll respond with I’m sorry you feel that way
And then “stop it.”
That’s a man-child. Trust me there are others more masculine who will devote changing the world for you.
I’ve been married 7 years and been working on tuning into my fem energy again, and everything you shared here was gold.
I felt a tiny bit defensive in the beginning because thinking “why do i have to change” but i realised its the same level of effort (maybe less) but just using different words. And i think i realised that what you are teaching is probably how’d i’d prefer people speak to me, so its a better approach in general, from 1 human to another. THX 🙏
I liked how you said, “Appreciation and acknowledgment is a key part of the formula of putting the defenses down before you even come in with what you are about to say.” I can see how beneficial this approach could be, and it reframed my perspective. Great tip!
Be kind , be patient and listen attentively to your spouse😂 even if he so angry, mad and furious just stay calm smile and talk slowly, he will calm down 😂😅 😂😂 that's my strategy .When he sees me calm , his anger subsides, no more arguing😂😂
Here's the thing, a lot of us who were raised by boomers have childhood trauma. Lets face it, they were spoiled rotten during the post war boom, and formed bad formations when it came to how to parent us millennials and older gen z. So you need to get your trauma in check, and you also have to understand that the person you are having a conflict with probably has their own trauma. Even something so normal like parents being divorced is a question on the ace score, so little things actually arent so little. So think before you speak. Why did he ignore your bid for affection? Did his parents ignore his bids for affection so now he has attachment issues? Also, why are you so upset about it? Was your parents love conditional causing you to seek out the feeling that you are loved by forcing others to do x,y, and z until it satisfies those needs? Does he have to tell you how beautiful you are before you start feeling beautiful, or do you already know you are beautiful and his compliment is really just a nice gesture, not a moral booster? For an example, i was raised in a very healthy household, so if my husband tells me im beautiful, i think "oh hes such a nice caring person". I dont feel anymore beautiful just because he said something nice to me. I already knew. By contrast, my husband was raised in a very abusive home, like they didnt feed him abusive. If my husband didnt feel like i was constantly validating him, he would get very depressed, and this led to some bad stuff in our marriage a few years back. Now, because i understand psychology and i have knowledge of his upbringing and the effects on his mind, i actually didn't take these things personally. In fact i was able to identify this toxic behavior for what it really was and i was able to get him the help he needed. He got the help and is a completely different person. All of the great things about him that made me fall in love are still there, and actually stronger now, but all of the bad stuff is gone. He communicates his needs, his wants, his desires, and he is now a great listener. If i have a problem and want to talk about it, he is now a receptive listener who wants to find a solution. Before he got the help he needed, he would shut down and feel shame, even over silly things like me simply asking him to pick up his socks. So, while this seems crazy, it really shows how trauma affects us. So be compassionate to your partner, because he has probably been hurt in the past. Remember, its not about you, its just him coping and trying to protect himself because he feels unsafe.
Thank you so much. This is a godsent response.
Thankyou for thisssss! ❤
I can't recall any RUclipsr in this arena of content being as dedicated as you are. The advice, the structure, the notes and your demeanor. We really appreciate it. Your channel deserves all the success in the world.
this comment is everything, thank you so much!
@@VickitaTrivediI love your channel and your videos! Very informative and in depth and I’ve learned so much! Please keep making them! Thank you!! 😊
@@VickitaTrivediagreed I’m not even in a relationship but this will be helpful one day 😂
Try shera seven...this babe is good too no doubt
@@Luxiouriousprettyme her earlier videos were great.
Everything is great until i react about something and stop texting. He becomes someone else. He acts so angry, careless, and so blaming.
That’s a him problem and a red flag.
The key word here is "act". 🤷🏻♀️
Time to say goodbye!
That’s called a red flag. Leave
@insa2242 yeah it's called red flag
Any tips on how to address this in long-term relationships? Sometimes it’s hard to keep trying to be in your feminine when you feel like the relationship pushes you into your masculine more often than not.
Yes
You an only be feminine with a masculine provider..try shera seven or Anna bey
He might need to see someone about it. If you have the money, go find a good counselor who is well versed in both childhood trauma and relationship trauma. The fact is, most people in general are nice decent people who want to be nice to others. Trauma causes us to become untrusting, and this lack of trust in others causes us to stop trying (its not real so why try). So if there is a problem and he can't be the man he should be, there is a psychological problem. He needs help, and you could probably benefit from some education. I would suggest reading jung and gottman. They are literally the experts in understanding close relationships. Even if he refuses to be saved, and you have to eventually walk away, the things you learn will be very helpful for you in the future.
i loveeeee how organized your vids are and how you always give us notes. tysm girl appreciate this sm
@hybridthesheriffwho is that might check her out
@hybridthesheriff lol wtf
Haha. Wtf? Debbie Downer
35 yo women here learning this in couples therapy..not easy but sooo worth it! Thank you for sharing this with us🤓💕🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
These makes me glad I'm single after a toxic relationship with someone who refused to change for over 10 years
Completely agree , i think we should know how to control our emotions and don't show that you are weak , I can't live without you etc . We think the next person will understand but girl that's a big NO . Instead of reacting focus on your actions That's all I am learning now these days .
Balance is important, extreme in everything is always bad .
how though?
Well it's a good video, but a lot of men are like this:
"This makes me feel xyz" - "Sounds like a you problem lol"
"So what do you think" - "idk"
I’m not here to teach a man how to treat me if I see he’s not treating me the way I deserve and even after I verbalise it once. Then he’s done. Thank you next 😘
I understand
I 100% agree. That’s exactly what I was thinking too. I wasted so much time, energy, and mental health in trying to communicate openly and honestly with my ex. Only led to extreme burnout, bad stress-genie acne, and mild depression.
Sorry to break it to you babe there’s no perfect man out there or woman. These are things that we all go thru however the extent or severity of it hugely depends on ur relationship
@Nare1313 Every woman requires different things from their man. Because of this, you really do need to verbalize (with specifics) what you want/need from your man. And yes, in a sense teach them how you personally want to help treated. The thing is- it’s only worth communicating this with someone who in turn is open to hearing what you want/ need from them. Communicate needs to be had, no man (or woman) is psychic especially when it comes to what their new partner truly wants and needs from you at this particular time in their life. We are not in a movie, your thoughts aren’t in the script for him to go read about- it’s up to you to communicate them in a loving friendly way.
@aembusiness yes absolutely what you said! We do need to teach them about us and our wants and needs. We don't need to teach them how to be a man though.
I have watched soooooo many of these feminine communication type videos and this has to be one of the best I've ever watched! I will def be coming back to this one over and over. It's like a master class. Looking forward to watching some of your other videos now.
I dont understand why there are so many channels on RUclips talking basically about non-violent communication and then frame it as "feminine communication" or "being in your feminine energy". It doesn't have to do anything with you being a woman, just with good communication skills. As a woman I dont want a man to talk to me in a confronting way either, it would also make me react in a defensive way. I can only encourage everyone to look up non-violent communication and leave the sex and gender roles aside.
100 - this is non violent communication.
wow, your so bitter, work on that.
Been married to him for 8 years and I’ve never raised my voice at him but I have been frustrated where my anger turns into me sobbing or hyperventilating, I’ve finally come to realize, a person will never change for the better if they’re not ready to change. There only so much you can do and then the rest is up to them. So when that time comes… we leave.. and this is what I plan on doing soon.
I left mine of 11 1/2 years because of this. At the end he did grow and change but by that time I had already moved on mentally and physically. I believe we both are better now tho I don't know anything about him now. You can do it and won't regret it. ❤
good luck love ❤
I feel like I've naturally done all these things but with my last relationship, i really let my masculine side go wild which was so fkn draining... i should've just walked away sooner than I did. I didn't realize how his energy affected me until I started losing myself. It's so much more peaceful and relaxed when you really get into your feminine energy and meet a man who only adds to that tranquility instead of trying to destroy it.
Thank you for sharing❤
i’ve did this and it turned into an argument abt “how do i make you feel like that? nothing i do makes you happy, you’re not upset abt me, you just don’t love me” i just went quiet, he came to me a few minutes later and apologized and said he hears me and he’ll fix it😭😭😭 good that he realized his actions and did fix it but i just don’t feel comfortable addressing him anymore
I used to do all of this for my ex and it never worked. He would take my kindness and softness for granted and walk all over me. So other women told me to change my approach, match energy and so I did and it got .. worse. He was just not good to me. I changed and started to hate who I was becoming and how I react. Now I have to undo all that and find myself
Im in the same boat right now. Ugh it's getting me frustrated
Ok, this kind of communication is very peaceful and respectful, I totally support this kind of communication in every relationship. But. I can't help to wonder why it is in general so difficult to make men - this is my personal experience - understand things that are actually very simple to get.
Like: we are together since a good amount of time ---> we like to spend time together ---> I would like to do it more /regularly. It seems quite simple and straight and logical to me.
Why does the woman - again, personal experience - always has to beg the man to organize things ?!
This is literally what I have been wanting to learn for the past 3 years. Now I finally know how to communicate when I never learned that growing up
glad it helped!
That goes ditto for me.
The only suggestion I would make is to get rid of the word "but" and replacing it with "and." It makes a huge difference in how much the other person can stay open to listening and not feel criticized and shut down. Just think how your body feels when someone says "you're great but"..
. The "but" can really tank it.
Great video!
👏👏👏😹I just commented the same!
@@cup_o_TMarie - And here I am 3 months later with the same comment!
I'm saving your video to study before having a hard conversation with someone dear to me. Shouting, passive aggressiveness and silence were my usual ways of reacting. And it never worked. It only made things worse. I hope to be better at the way I communicate after this!
When i was married and came at my ex in a calmer way, he would ask me why I was talking to him like a therapist and accused me of trying to manipulate him🙄 i literally just wanted to squash the disagreement but he was so defensive.
Same 🥴
Im just doin the most, researching psychology solutions so we stop fighting but they get sus instead cus they’re not used to healthy techniques 😭
@@Korany Exactly. Time to say byeee. Glad I'm divorced now lol
Now I see my mistake, I used to say: you’re driving me crazy, mf 😅
A guy that really likes you and doesn't want to lose you will already make sure you're taken care of. Guys that don't do this don't really like you
I used the "me" technique and it backfired, I was told," Then if YOU feel that way, that is YOUR problem and is something that you have to work within yourself".
In those cases with those people, it helps to formulate the comment as “when you did this action, it made me feel this” that way there’s a connection between what they did and what it caused in you. And not just your feelings standing alone… and if they can’t take any responsibility at all or at least apologize for them not intending to make you feel that way and explaining themselves at the least, I suggest removing yourself from that relationship because that sounds like a toxic relationship where they are gaslighting you in order to keep behaving the way they are
@@Evelyn-ux8rn Ecellent advice, thank you!
The word “But” means forget everything I just said prior & now I’m going to tell you what I really think.
I love the music she uses when she puts the tips up. Feels like I took up a course while on vacation 😂 not seen a video like this that makes me feel pampered while learning lol
I would like this video 100,000 x if I could. I love everything about this and I’m going to use your advice in communication with my children. I decided a couple days ago I was going to speak from my feminine when I talk to and with them, but it’s so hard. I never experienced that growing up so idk how to do it. 😭 Especially when it’s just me with them bc then I feel like I NEED to parent from my masculine at times to let them know I’m not playing around. But this video showed me that it doesn’t have to be that way. Thanks so much girl 🥰🌹
The but negates the first part. What do you think?
Trust me girls with the right and divine masculine man you will naturally be in your femininity.
Great video, and I would suggest replacing “but” with “and”. For example: You always do sweet things that make me smile, but I really …..” OR “You always do sweet things that make me smile, and I really….” In my opinion, the word “but” makes the appreciation/acknowledgment seem like manipulation. The word “and” is more affirming. I learn so much from your thoughtfully presented videos! Thanks!
Wise words, great video. Hm in my last relationship I was very true, I took accountability for my behavior in communication (sentence with I). But also unfortunately I know to be reactive and impulsive, which I thought it is well deserved when someone wants to play games. But the strategy is good wait 3 months before you start being completely vulnerable. Until now I just knew to be either honest or silent.
Yay I'm so happy other people noticed and appreciate your attention to detail and organization. You are so thorough! Thank you so much for teaching this!! So helpful!
This is probably your best video yet. Great content, precise, cohesive, and functional. I’m so glad I found you.
agree
He gave me Princess treatment and did what he needed to for years. Then we had kids and now I’m raising two boys and I feel worn down and like I’m talking to a brick wall. We are only 26, I don’t know why he switched his behavior but I’m so desperate to keep our family together.
As a man, the only reason a man does this is because you have worn him down somehow. Remeber he's not a woman, he dosent do girl talk, he's a tool, a weapon to come, see, and get shit done. Kids can create chaos and that makes things hard, specifically make it hard to be relaxed and positive (not peppy, just light hearted). For a man, a light hearted woman is a breath of fresh air that he will want to interact with more.
Try doing wim hof breathing exercises in the morning and maybe evening as well along with other stress management tools. Even things like a sauna or ice baths can help you feel less stressed and manage stress better.
@@Okunniger_Volker I am always bouncy and happy and excited to see him. That’s just my personality. I’ve always run the entire household. Our first week together I spent three hours deep cleaning his room because he’d been depressed and let it go to hell. I love doing things for him, I just wish he’d show a bit more interest in spending time with myself and our children but also time alone. I have busted my ass to keep my appearance up and sure I look a little different after two children but not much so I know it isn’t that I let myself go. I go to the gym at 4 while our children sleep every morning
@@elanorapowell6811 hmm, well obviously I can't be sure, but if he's not real physically active this can cause issues. Diet can also be a factor (personally I love the carnivore diet with a little fermented veg like garlic), but with the processed foods and such these days, it can have a draining effect on a man's energy and cognitive function. Plus sometimes it could just be a soul sucking job or maybe a unrealized desire on his part.
Other times a guy could just need some alone time once a month or so without a screen, hiking or something.
You would know better than I about his diet and physical activity, but a few good sources and topics that are useful in this area are Huberman Labs with Dr Andy Galpin (fitness related, most might not be applicable), Huberman Labs podcast on hot and cold exposure is good, personally I love the sauna, it always makes me feel better and has a significant positive impact on my mood and energy levels plus is good for sore or tight muscles. Cold exposure can boost testosterone levels which are incredibly important for mental clarity and a positive mood for men along with energy levels, metabolism and recovery.
And the book Dopamine Nation, a great source on all things dopamine which if you have sugar or any other stimulants, (even FB likes cause a spike in dopamine which leads to a drop and a slow rise, repetitive spikes lead to low baseline dopamine levels and can negatively impact mood and energy levels) and some guides on how to correct low baseline dopamine levels.
Aside from that, 26 is a weird age, personally for me 23-27 was not a good time, I was learning a lot and questioning a lot, but about 27 I started to level out and find a groove in life, everyone is different. Hopefully something I've said here, or these sources might help. I think at times men can feel seditary or maybe emasculated when they are just doing the 9-5 on repeat when really we just want to be a bit more wild and there's really not much room in modern society for that.
I limit the amount of channels I follow to 30 because I don't want to consume too much content, but this video convinced me, I'm subscribing! You deliver valuable and helpful content. 💗
I thought the same thing
Never forget to put your crown ladies ❤️👑❤️
NEVER
Best video yet. Not cos the others weren’t great but just because the outcome and steps to achieve it were so concise. Thanks very much, will be using the tips x
these videos are so helpful especially when I have never had a truly feminine figure in my life. Even with mostly women in my family, they can be crass or domineering. My mother especially has always been harsh and aggressive with absolutely no successful, healthy relationships. I want to be gentle, classy, direct, confident and sensual. Its nice to have some advice on how to lean into our feminine energy as women rather than thinking power can only be achieved through masculinity.
OMG I just wanted to say how AMAZING the key insights and mini action plan insert was!!!! This really sets your video apart from other coaches talking about the topic plus it is like a free coaching session with a home work!! Thank you so much!!! ♥️
its gonna be in every video from now on! So many people loved it :)
What about when he's the one tearing into you and you become on the defensive. That's one of the big reasons for my divorce...he was always picking me apart. Why can men do it?
It’s not about “why can men do it” it’s about NOT wanting to be that person…why would you want a free pass to act like an a hole just because he was being one? Choose to rise above, and don’t fall into victim mode “well if he can do it why can’t I”.
Very unhelpful
If you can't communicate with him without voices being raised, he is not for you.
The non verbal cues are great. I didn't know why I struggled flirting as a woman so much until I found out I am autistic. So your advice on eye contact and smiling is extremely helpful to me. Thank you 😊
I love your advice- but your intros are just entirely too long. My group chat watches your videos and they love them but complain about it as well. I didn't notice until this one.
It's like you over-explain that you are going to give us information later on in the video.
Thanks for this advice!! I’ll definitely implement it ❤️ but I like to give context before jumping into the video!
It's really important to know how to express contructive statements without being critical. Many people are very unaware of this, thank you for creating such an informative vid! 💗
Your first specific detail is too YOU centered. Yes you start with I but you gotta reframe that so that it takes out the you. “I feel really hurt when I spend time cooking for us and we don’t sit and eat dinner together engaging in conversation at the table “ You take out the YOU are much as possible.
I’m out I’m done how do I get a cheap divorce?
she is literally my life coach now
You are Spot on ( I do all this and try to maintain this by watching videos like this), you’re the type of BFF I would appreciate in my life fr 🩵✨ keep shining Queen
This takes alot of my energy.Most men want slow talking slow walking women. Sometimes its ok.But acting in slow motion,me as a person who has so much energy i like to laugh talk loud move alot and def not being slow lol.This is great for those who want to grow more feminine energy but also most men should also accomodate their needs to meet ours too. If i wont talk to my man for my hardships then i dont need him.I have friends.🙄🤷♀️
Exactly!
You are right when you get mad, you will be labelled as the histeric woman and lose credibility and he thinks you are the problem.
So the best way is to avoid situations that will make us lose our peace.
What I love the most about your videos is how organize you are. The structure, the notes etc. Great job
I recall using the "I feel" his response would be "exactly, you feel I'm not making you feel anything"
aw im sorry to hear that - hes not worth it!
Instead of using “But” try “However”… I’m not sure why but using “but” makes some people feel like “you’re great, BUT”… and it triggers them
I’m an ABA therapist and I applaud this kind of communication! Wow what a great video breakdown and super simple to understand👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Please do more of these communiction videos!! You're saving my relationship so thanks queen
I like the advice it’s very useful especially in a healthy relationship! but as a person who has dealt with a lot of narcissistic ppl in the past (men and women not all in a romantic relationship) this is a recipe for gaslighting and manipulation. Especially if you are blind to toxic/narcissistic behavior and most people are. Which make narcissistic traits impossible to pick up on unless u have been through it or well educated about it.
Finally actual tips and directions.
Thank you!✨
Dude I appreciate you so much. You put so much effort into this video and the fact that you even made and linked a free doc summary in the description? Golden. Thank you so much!
I love helping you! thanks for your appreciation...
Great stuff!🎯 Remember using "but" negates what was just said, "I appreciate xyz about you AND I feel sad when this thing happens. What are your thoughts?"
You got me at the first guy that your mom put you on. I commend your mom on being fearless in sharing what was on her spirit and your boldness in listening!! Bc that’s crazyyy, that had to be soooo scary and hard giving that man your whole identity! But the crazier the story, the bigger the blessing 🙌🏾🤗 Amen!
I've been starting to learn part of this more lately. This brought up so many useful and practical tips . Thank ❤
I liked the comment about knowing how to treat your man when verbally communicating. I struggle with that. I don’t know what I should be talking about with my man vs with females. I’m still learning. Any tips?
most men will never ever worry about how something sounds to you or how will it make you feel; they just say it...
Can you make a video on anxiety about everything? Anxiety about exams/fear of looking bad (body dysmorphia) /future and basically just anxiety in general? TIA if you do🙏🏼
yes!!
I am not Vickita (major props to her videos and I really love her content), but something that really helps me is that many of the things we’re insecure about are very natural and normal ❤ and it’s very important to put yourself first. My mom always likes to tell me, if someone has a problem with how I look, that’s their problem 😂 it’s not a perfect solution, but it does help because at the end of the day, our opinion of ourself matters the most! And that energy does show to others! I hope this wasn’t too unsolicited 😅and again a major kudos to Vickita for her stellar content :3
My man kept telling me to approach him this way… I was trying to discuss him calling me a slur. These types of videos need nuance bc men send these with the assumption their verbal abuse or unfairness is included in this umbrella
I would go further and even remove “but” in between the steps, because when we say “but” it’s almost cancelling out the first statement when we’re trying to “praise” our partner for the good things that they do. Something I learned recently so I try avoiding using that word!
What about a girl at work who keeps giving him gifts. Is that silly to allow? It doesn’t feel innocent. How would I bring that up bc last time I told him it didn’t really make me feel comfortable and he immediately gaslit me with how he hates being accused of things though I never accused him… and then flipping it saying how is he supposed to trust ME when I take his car out. I only take it to the grocery store…. I feel like I shouldn’t stay.
That sounds harsh. And like a lack of trust & honest open communication. Definitely gaslit there. Never put up with nastiness long term. Nip it in the bud, or leave hon.
He shouldn't even be accepting gifts like that from another woman. I think your intuition is right. And then he deflects by bringing up the topic of his car.
I feel trash smelling every morning because it's not taken out. Is it ok?
Treating your body and mind as if they are children is brilliant. You are brilliant.
Your videos are 🤌
I love the straight-forwardness, the topics, the examples, the summary slides - thank you!!!
I am extremely ADHD and have a short memory span so I always take notes on my phone from educational videos so I don’t forget but I was able to take screenshots of your summaries and just put them in my notes app so thank you!
Also please make so many more feminine energy videos I love this topic!!
New subscriber! 😊
I think being able to leave is the difficult thing
Many people know this , but are unable to walk away
Also, I think women forget so often that WE are actually the initiators. Well,once upon a time. & we did it in a feminine way. It's "the hanky." (Eww, hankies😂). Anyway, the story goes: a woman's walking down the sidewalk when a man catches her attention. She keeps on walking because it isn't her task to pursue. BUT, she does hold the power to choose who she wants to pursue her. She 'accidentally' drops her hanky. She doesn't stop to notice (wink wink) but the man she'd just walked by, definitely did, which was her intention. He runs after her, bends down to grab her hanky, says "excuse me miss, you dropped this." She turns around. Their eyes lock. He asks her to the movies. He was The Man. He approached her. He took initiative & effort to ask &, execute the first date. & 50 years later as they are watching their grandchildren play, while holding hands, she may or may not have told him that it was actually HER, who chose HIM. 💗
Also, I think women forget so often that WE are actually the initiators. Well,once upon a time. & we did it in a feminine way. It's "the hanky." (Eww, hankies😂). Anyway, the story goes: a woman's walking down the sidewalk when a man catches her attention. She keeps on walking because it isn't her task to pursue. BUT, she does hold the power to choose who she wants to pursue her. She 'accidentally' drops her hanky. She doesn't stop to notice (wink wink) but the man she'd just walked by, definitely did, which was her intention. He runs after her, bends down to grab her hanky, says "excuse me miss, you dropped this." She turns around. Their eyes lock. He asks her to the movies. He was The Man. He approached her. He took initiative & effort to ask &, execute the first date. & 50 years later as they are watching their grandchildren play, while holding hands, she may or may not have told him that it was actually HER, who chose HIM. 💗
Ive tried to myself just to start with a question, ask for the solution and a sad face. The questions gives them the chance to be empathetic, the sad face allows me to be vulnerable and the solution allows me to ask for what i want. They love when we truste them (with the question) hearing solutions and pampering. Eg: honey, 🥺 why you didn't come yesterday? I wanted you to come over and im sad because (watch out this: not a complain but your real feelings) i wanted to see you. Boom ! Works amazing! At least for me
Thank you !
I love that your natural, completely yourself and relatable...Please dont change. For some reason, most women who create content around feminine energy try to overdo it in a very weird way with their voice, posture and sometimes clothes. I understand the intention it to embody feminine energy, but nobody bahaves like this in real life.
A lot of people do, you just don't
All the things you are listing, asking for date nights, watching tv when he gets home, I literally wish those were my problems 😂like if that’s the worst you’re men are doing send them my way! But I love your advice ❤
Girl I love you so much you are so amazing helping women the way you do, really appreciate you honestly can't express how much you have helped me ❤️
I agree with a lot in this video, but I also have to say all of us embody a different level or concentration of feminine energy and may even be going through phases. Even the men in question may have a higher level of feminine energy than we do ourselves. I personally find the dark feminine energy to be more successful and suited for me, especially since I naturally possess a more masculine energy (not appearance, I dress quite feminine and love girly things) and some of the qualities there do contradict some of the steps here (eg dark feminine energy calls for the open expression of emotions such as anger or sadness, but it has to be inconsistent to keep them on their toes).
I hear you, but do people really speak to each other this way? I watch content like this and just cringe. I can’t imagine speaking to my husband this way. Almost comes off condescending. Just curious if it’s just me. My husband would genuinely cringe if I spoke this way.
Just sharing my experience. This is how my partner and I communicate (similar to wt is mentioned in the video). And I did use a more demanding way to communicate with my ex before, it didn't work well. Vs now I can calmly communicate with love and get treated the same way. I think this might sounds cringe because this is not the way you used to express. Showing more appreciation and love during disagreement do requires some courage to breakthrough. But it has to start with someone.
Anyways, each couple communicates differently. If there are no problems at all, then probably there is no need to change.
There’s probably a more natural way of phrasing it for you. Take what seems ok. I cringed over some of it too.
It's a femme fatale thing. Try it in the bedroom first if you are already married. He already knows what you're like, so if you dramatically change how you interact with him around the house, he'll know you aren't behaving like yourself.
This will never apply to a narcissistic person.
this is one of the most informative and well structured videos ive seen on such a topic! it's a no nonsense, straight to the point and nuanced argument set forth on such digestible terms! thank you, and you've just gained a new subscriber :)
I can confirm that all of the hostile, demanding behaviours don’t work on ANYONE. These tips aren’t just about men, they’re about being a mature adult who doesn’t make other people responsible for their feelings.
4:33 I’ve been bottling and when I am ready to properly express to him my emotions I will be incredibly mindful of using I statements and I statements alone
I woke up in my sleep realizing how ANGRY I was at him. Put myself back to sleep (it was work). Woke up to your video. (We don’t yell or scream tho). Honestly just detaching this week bc ya girl tired. But I’m watching lol 😂
I think this goes both ways. This is how to communicate effectively for both gender.
I feel this is great & something I practice in relationships but I also have to take a look at the person I’m dating. Everytime I try to communicate they never want to take accountability & then it creates tension b/c they don’t want to be called out. A lot of people in my generation don’t know how to take accountability 😩😮💨 .
Miss Ma'am, do you have a video on how you do your eye makeup, specifically the Cateye?