First of all, I want to say that this will be translated since I am Spanish and I do not understand English well, I hope it is understood in the best way. I am Victor from Spain, I am 20 years old and I have had anxiety since I was little, on May 9, 2022 this hell began from which I am still just as bad, that day as soon as I woke up I had thoughts of harming myself, they came involuntarily and they scared me a lot since I did not know why I had them because I did not and do not want to hurt myself, I was very scared and anxious, my chest hurt, I had trouble breathing, I ate little, I slept with my mother ... I thought this would be because of a bad day and that it would go away on its own but unfortunately it was not like that, a few days after this, being in my room, from one moment to the next out of nowhere this thought crossed my mind: What if I kill my mother? At that moment I started to cry, I didn't know what was happening to me, because I had that kind of thoughts, it had never happened to me and I was very scared, after this I decided to go to the psychiatrist to tell him about this and he told me about OCD, I didn't know what it was but reading about it fit with what was happening to me, after a few days, exactly on May 27, 2022, I saw a news story on television about a mental illness called schizophrenia, I was in shock, it was like, I have this... At that time I didn't know exactly the symptoms of that disease, I more or less knew what the disease was but I didn't know the symptoms in depth, when I saw that news I entered a loop that lasted about 4/5 months which every day I read and watched forums, videos about the symptoms of this disease, I read about delusions and hallucinations, from that moment on I was aware of the noises I could hear, I tried to find out where I heard the noises to know if they were real or not. it was a real noise or a hallucination, if i was watching a video and i heard something that i thought could be outside of that video i would rewind the video to see if i could hear it again, around that time i don't know if it was due to stress i developed floaters and i confused them with hallucinations, sometimes out of the corner of my eye i would see flashes and it would scare me, sometimes when i would go to sleep in that phase of falling asleep sometimes i could "hear" my own thoughts, it was very strange, they were like random thoughts of things that had happened to me during the day and i would get scared that they were hallucinations. There is also the other symptom that scared me, which was delusions, I read about them and after reading I noticed that I had those same thoughts but I knew they were lies, for example, I read that a delusion is an idea that is given 100% veracity even if it is proven with clear evidence that it is not true but the belief about that idea is still maintained, such as believing that they are going to kill you without having proof that it is true, well after reading about delusions I have that style of thoughts but I know they are lies, what happens is that I am afraid that from one day to the next I start to believe them and start to rave, to summarize, I have paranoid thoughts but I know they are lies, all this comes from reading about schizophrenia, I think reading about the symptoms has screwed up my head, any help?
First of all, I want to say that this will be translated since I am Spanish and I do not understand English well, I hope it is understood in the best way.
I am Victor from Spain, I am 20 years old and I have had anxiety since I was little, on May 9, 2022 this hell began from which I am still just as bad, that day as soon as I woke up I had thoughts of harming myself, they came involuntarily and they scared me a lot since I did not know why I had them because I did not and do not want to hurt myself, I was very scared and anxious, my chest hurt, I had trouble breathing, I ate little, I slept with my mother ... I thought this would be because of a bad day and that it would go away on its own but unfortunately it was not like that, a few days after this, being in my room, from one moment to the next out of nowhere this thought crossed my mind: What if I kill my mother? At that moment I started to cry, I didn't know what was happening to me, because I had that kind of thoughts, it had never happened to me and I was very scared, after this I decided to go to the psychiatrist to tell him about this and he told me about OCD, I didn't know what it was but reading about it fit with what was happening to me, after a few days, exactly on May 27, 2022, I saw a news story on television about a mental illness called schizophrenia, I was in shock, it was like, I have this... At that time I didn't know exactly the symptoms of that disease, I more or less knew what the disease was but I didn't know the symptoms in depth, when I saw that news I entered a loop that lasted about 4/5 months which every day I read and watched forums, videos about the symptoms of this disease, I read about delusions and hallucinations, from that moment on I was aware of the noises I could hear, I tried to find out where I heard the noises to know if they were real or not. it was a real noise or a hallucination, if i was watching a video and i heard something that i thought could be outside of that video i would rewind the video to see if i could hear it again, around that time i don't know if it was due to stress i developed floaters and i confused them with hallucinations, sometimes out of the corner of my eye i would see flashes and it would scare me, sometimes when i would go to sleep in that phase of falling asleep sometimes i could "hear" my own thoughts, it was very strange, they were like random thoughts of things that had happened to me during the day and i would get scared that they were hallucinations. There is also the other symptom that scared me, which was delusions, I read about them and after reading I noticed that I had those same thoughts but I knew they were lies, for example, I read that a delusion is an idea that is given 100% veracity even if it is proven with clear evidence that it is not true but the belief about that idea is still maintained, such as believing that they are going to kill you without having proof that it is true, well after reading about delusions I have that style of thoughts but I know they are lies, what happens is that I am afraid that from one day to the next I start to believe them and start to rave, to summarize, I have paranoid thoughts but I know they are lies, all this comes from reading about schizophrenia, I think reading about the symptoms has screwed up my head, any help?
I have😢😢😢