Why Love Is More than a Feeling
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- Опубликовано: 16 фев 2021
- What if we were to make all our decisions solely based on how we felt in the moment?
You may be familiar with the four types of love: eros (love of desire), storge (love of affection), philia (love of friendship), and agape (self-giving love). While each of these forms of love are good in their own way, they have to be accounted for correctly.
Eros is the most temporary of all the loves. Feelings and desires are fleeting. So when we try and make decisions that are based on these desires we have, they’re bound to fail before we even make them, just because eros is so fragile. Imagine choosing your spouse, or your vocation, or your profession based on how you felt about it 5 years ago. Would you be happy with the outcome?
Eros has its place in our life, but we need to make sure we’re acknowledging the more important elements, especially when making decisions. Eros is fleeting, but the agape love God has for you isn’t. Focus on the things that last, and attend to the feelings that don’t, and enjoy the life God has laid before you.
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Развлечения
"To love is to will the good of the other" - St Thomas Aquinas.
"Love is not an affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained." -- C.S. Lewis
My Uncles name was Thomas Aquinas ;) R.I.P. Uncle Tommy.
🙌🏻🙏🏻💕
@@frankbassoff Indeed! Modern society's perversion of the meaning of love has had & will continue to have disastrous consequences.
@@ruthnoelmarie...9061 May God rest his soul.
So Beautiful🌹
Please pray for me. I’m a broke unemployed widow. Please pray for my 19 year old son who is in Texas.✝️🙏
Praying sister! Yeshua is King 👑 and he loves you!
don`t put that much attention of your circumstances, which is just a product of thought / Devil, like in the book of Job. Focus on the Lord instead & fast and your life will flourish. No attention to Devil destroys Devil, so just laugh about it. take it as a joke ("what is NOT") and offer it to God ("what is"). In faith difficulties vanish.
Love you, prayers.
Only...reapet...Jesus I trust im You
Prayers🙏
Happy Ash Wednesday everyone!
Happy Ash Wednesday ✨
Happy Ash Wednesday!
Happy Ash Wednesday 🙏
Happy ash Wednesday 💓
Maybyy they believed what the love Is human ,,biut ,come It God when ,Is for piety ir charity. For himself.
Imagine having a Catholic priest come to your house and you decide to watch...*THE BACHELORETTE*
Lol very interesting choice of TV program 🤣
SERIOUSLY lol
LOL, I thought the same thing! But then I thought maybe it was the home of a family member, which would be a little more informal setting!
@@mcsmama that's what I thought too. he's probably with family
He would do nothing, just watch, he is not like us trying to criticize and talk rubbish about others. He committed his life to be part of God's leadership and example. God is love, not hatred, and superficiality. Actually, inside our souls and minds we know that what we watch is shameful and ridiculous so actually, we think it stupid to be seen wasting our time and watching something that does not make sense.
Feeling so bad my grandpa passed away pray for me😭🙏🏾 and the soul of my grandpa
God bless your grandpa my He rest in peace 🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋
going though the same thing rn :(((( let’s lift each other up in prayer sister ❤️
Rejoice for his life and take solace in the knowledge that he is with God almighty now.
@@klaudynabociek3241 thank you so much I will pray to for your aunt
@@matthewjoseph9897 thank you so much 🙏🏾🙏🏾
38 years ago, my wife and I went through Engaged Encounter before our wedding, with six other couples. Three ended their engagements based on what they discovered during the six weeks of exercises. Most important take-away: Love is a decision, NOT a feeling.
Wow just looked this up and this is what we need more of! This world needs stronger marriages. I know so many around me who have divorced.
Wow! Yes.
Awesome.
Is this service still available? Do you have a link to more information?
Love is not MORE than a feeling.
Love is absolutely NOTHING even to do with feelings.
Love is a way of life.
God is Love.
I needed this. I am such a feelings person and a hopeless romantic. I've read too many romance novels. Romance and those giddy feelings make you feel high and alive. I can understand how people get into affairs now. Love is more than an emotional high.
Same here!
@@rebeccapolicky3617 My romantic fantasies occupy my mind. I need to enjoy real life.
I understand, thank you!
I understand! Are you Nigerian?
@@michelleagbim9598 Of course I'm the daughter of Nigerians.
As someone who dated and stuck with a less then ideal relationship way longer than I should have only due to eros, yes I completely agree
I think we all have to admit that when we have a crush on someone, it is more or less due to the appearances, body languages, and manners of the person, but of course as the friendship and relationship grow, we must go beyond the appearance and mere friendship into a commitment grounded by faith in God.
very nicely put!
I think that having a crush is easy. It's impulsive, short term, often starts from the things you stated (Can be other causes too), and isn't something that lasts on a long term permanent basis. Love is well beyond that, it's long term, everlasting term I'd say it should be, isn't always sunshine rainbows pretty, involves sacrifice, is often tough, but is all the more rewarding.
A crush will get you a one night stand fling or short term relationship, love will get you a strong everlasting relationship. Remember, to really have a strong everlasting relationship, we need God, and... GOD IS LOVE!
thank you for this
Can I like this twice? I can't love this enough. Such great wisdom.
My friend once told me, "Feelings are a great companion and a terrible leader," and that has continued to stick with me.
My girlfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago. We had chemistry in all those 4 things you mention. I believe that is why the breakup went down with both of us being kind and respectful to one and other. It is still burning in my heart, but I am finding my way to God through this situation. Good stuff can come out of everything. Thank you for sharing this, Father!
please make a video about the four "deal breaker" areas and what questions we SHOULD be asking and what we SHOULD be basing our decisions on
Great suggestion! I'd really love this!
Yes, please!
Amen
I prayed for an explanation in this area recently and here your video comes, oh Lord, you're so good! 🙏 God bless, father Mike!
God is the only FATHER! Read your Bible the Catholic Church is EVIL!
@@beautruex7012 it's the title, it can easily be not mentioned, but what it not removes is the fact that Holy Spirit abviosly works through this priest! What happened to You that You think bad of a church? I hope that God will wash off your pain and show You in a good way the strength of a church. Like my priest recently said - one person swimming in a lake can easily drown and no one will notice. If a person will swim in a group, they will notice and will save! God is both in the gospel, in You and in the church! God bless You! 🙏
Love is not a feeling. But rather an action.
Possibly another thing to think about: those feelings of eros can develop for a person when we agape love them.
I was just telling to somebody that love is more than just feelings...
I love how this is timed a few days after Valentine's Day, haha
We live in a culture where we mistake lust for love...
This topic is exactly what I have been contemplating for months now. I really care for and like this guy I met at school and have stayed in contact with in the pandemic, but I'm fighting the urge to say I love him because I want it to have meaning. Love is not a feeling, but a self sacrificing decision I want to make daily. I can grow into love, but for now I'm not in love. 😊
Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
Louis de Bernières, Corelli's Mandolin
It’s my favorite quote about love.
I have on only a few occasions felt physical attraction for someone not my husband since I got married. Did I act on those feelings? Nope. The love that I share with my husband is much deeper than mere feelings. Now, I did tell my husband about it, but that is also part of our relationship that we trust each other enough to share things like this. I would feel guilty about it if I didn’t tell him, because I would be hiding something.
We don’t hide these feelings when they happen. We talk about it, clear the air, and remind each other how much love we really have together.
The worst part of being traumatized is that people expect you to behave as if you aren't.
So true. Don’t go by your feelings biggest mistake I ever did. Will make you unhappy as I find myself in unhappy and lonely marriage. I pray for God to help me.
Say the Rosary everyday for a happy marriage.
Ask St. Rita to help you.
Ave Maria
So well said Father! I think people often focus on "feelings" rather than compatibility and shared values or life goals in relationships. Not to mention that so many just jump into "sexual chemistry". All these things are important but we shouldn't just rely on feelings because it'll fade quickly after our happy chemicals in the brain fade away... I don't know, just my two cents!
God is the only FATHER! This is just a man! Barely one at that as not priests have violated children! GROSS EVIL MONSTERS!
You said it well, Cantonpop. This priest says alot of good things.
@Cantonpop valuable 2 cents, many people are stuck because of “sexual chemistry” thanks for sharing your knowledge.
To all those reading this wanting to marry someone of another faith(or of NO faith): don't do it. I did and 10 years later, while we are still married, it hasn't been without extreme pain and suffering. It's a reason its a rule. Please. Just pray about it and get good guidance. Even a partner who says they don't care if you practice your faith, kids change everything. Your spouse can change and become more militant about their own beliefs (or in my case, lack of belief). Just don't do it. Trust me. Every choice you make has consequences and marrying someone who isn't on your level with faith, has big ones you cannot even fathom right now. The amount of suffering that is AVOIDABLE is not worth it. Yes, conversion stories like St. Monica's happen, and yes, God can do anything, but conversion comes within the heart. God won't force someone to accept Him. Please heed my warning out of love and charity - make another choice. Don't even consider becoming engaged to someone unless you know for certain you're on the same page about raising children in the faith. God bless you.
Absolutely! I married a guy who had Freemasons in his family. I didn't realize how this doomed our marriage until after he left. Now I understand the wisdom of the church publishing the banns of marriage before weddings.
When you say "another faith" do you mean Protestant or anything non-Christian?
@@BridgetBeh Don't do it at all. Honestly, the risk isn't worth it. The amount of suffering is immense and AVOIDABLE. Marriage is hard enough as it is.
Mine was protestant and then he went full atheist. Now, of course people will say "Well Catholics can lose their faith, too". Yes, that's true. That said, you'll have way more in common with a PRACTICING protestant than any other religion. Have conversations about children (how they'll be raised - and don't give an inch on raising them Catholic, that's your duty, we either believe it's the true faith or we don't), roles in the family, etc long before engagement. Besides, the dispensations you'll have to get from your bishop vary if it's another baptised person or a non-baptised person.
@@alamedavigilante good grief, that is horrific.
I agree with the message, but I would like to add that while eros is fleeting, it can be brought back in a good relationship. It is possible to fall in love with your spouse over and over again. It can be a conscious decision. I find the best way to do it is to stop and think about the reasons why you love your spouse. Observe the small details that make her/him cute and beautiful. Remember the romantic moments you had early in your relationship.
Only with Jesus I start to learn what is love, because just put Him first I can continue in the same way that I decided once, with someone. When things became difficult and the feelings gone away, when the sacrifice is needed... After the dry, everything reborn again and the love continues stronger.
Well said! Felt the same way about love the moment I knew Jesus in a much deeper way. 🧡 with Him, love has never been the same as before when I didn't have Him in my life.
Sílvia Silva yes. Christ gives me His Heart and I love my husband with His love.
@@granmabern5283 Just like me, sister in Christ.❤
@@demtemplado418 ❤
Me: sees title and looks away
Also Me: realizes the very fact I don't want to watch it means I should probably watch it
Clicks video
You seem to put out stuff I need to hear most when it is heaviest on my heart. Thank you Father.
You are like the big brother I never had. Thank you Fr. Mike Schmidt.
When I came to the video, there were six hundred sixty-six likes. Had to change that, haha.
Great video!
Good man
Deal Breaker!
Faith, Family, Finances and Intimacy
More than a feelin’ !!! 🎶
That is a talk every young couple needs to hear. Great!!!
I use to sing that Boston song More Than a Feeling on Karaoke night.
We cheapen everything in this sad society
You called it a "rant", Fr. Mike, but this was one of the most helpful talks I could have found today. Thanks for sharing, and God bless!
Thank you. The Catholics have the practice of discernment of relationships down pat. Everyone, Catholic or not, should learn how to discern relationships from the Catholics!
Thanks for the great message.
Please pray for me so that I'll be assisted financially to support my education. I am running out of finance, I live alone and I fear that I won't have enough money to endure my semesters and buy new devices to survive.
Spot on Father. I needed to hear that. Happy Ash Wednesday!
Thank you, Fr. Mike
Thank you , Fr. Full of wisdom
This helped me SO MUCH, thank you very much
Thank you, Fr. Mike. It is very enlightening.
Thank you Fr. Mike God Bless you too
Thank you for this lesson
That was a good song, More Than a Feeling. Thank you.
Hello from Canada. Keep up the good work.
ahhh I completely agree! Needed this reminder more than ever! Thank you Father!
Fr. Mike's commentaries on the Bachelorette 🤣🤣🤣
@@bishopdavidoyedipo5333 this guy put this comment to another person too
@@ronycyriac2718 it's a scam lol. Just ignore
Thank you for that, father. We need this !!
Thanks Mike! Great pastoral advice!
Too Good not to share Thank You Father Mike💜✝️💜
Please elaborate more on this topic! So beautiful
People entering into the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony please, please, please, listen to him!!! I can not implore you enough! If you and your future spouse don’t align on any one point of the things Father says are important, please don’t get married. God will provide for you trust Him with your future! You owe it to your children and your grandchildren NOT to marry badly. After 28 years of abuse and suffering I can honestly say I wish I had heard any of this and been better advised but I wasn’t. I now am alone, broken, and struggling to see the good in any of my life. My children and grandchildren deserved better than what they got. And I myself, I deserved to be loved honored and cared about. If you expect to have a happy marriage, you must fight against your own ego and trust in the Lord with all your heart! May God in His infinite wisdom counsel your heart and mind and give you right reasoning. God bless you!
Agreed, I'll remember you in my prayers.
I wish I could give you a hug!!! I'll pray for you and your family. On the other side of the fence, not knowing love from a man and not having a family is hard. While we want to protect our future children from a bad marriage, it's also hard when you don't have a marriage. I'm a 37-year old virgin.
@@iolanthamthere’s nothing wrong about that
@@arcoiris890 Thanks. There are many people who consider being a virgin for so long wrong, but look at the people who've made bad choices and had to go through divorce. I wouldn't wish that to anyone. Besides, if God doesn't send anyone my way, I can't lower my standards to accept someone, who doesn't walk the same path to Christ, just to say I have someone in my life.
I got to see you at Steubenville 2019, thanks for your teaching1
Thank you for a sensible description of what love is. God bless you.
This is one of the most precious, priceless 8:30 minutes on RUclips!!!
🙏🙏💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 We parents appreciate this sooo much!
This video was an answer to my prayer. Thank you!
As always, thank you for speaking on the matter so clearly Father Mike! Sending you an elbow bump with Philia love from Atlanta, GA 🍑
God Bless You . Thank You Father Mike.
As always Great Advice Father Mike….God Bless you..
Father Mike, thank you for stirring my heart with these videos. They have been a blessing, as well as the BIAY podcast. May God bless you during this Lenten season! Praying for you!
This has really helped me right now. A brother just sent the link to me few minutes ago and I am blessed with the level of explanation too. God bless you sir
Faith Family Finances and Intimacy
You summarised it so well. Thanks
You've hit the nail on the head father!
And yes, we don't judge around here, 😂... Glad the show brought us this wholesome insight❤️
Amen, ideas like this are so lacking in the mentality of people today. It is desperately needed so thank you for helping spread it
Thank you !
Thank you! I learned so much about relationships. I always thought the feeling of desire was a good sign, but through my dating I see it's not a good indicator. A lot of wisdom here.
Thanks, Fr. Great talk as always. It's probably safe to skip the other Bachelorette shows. :)
Fr. Mike, thank you very much. Faith, family and finances I understand, please explain more about intimacy.
Im pretty new to faith, exploring the subject on my own online lately. And your videos come to me in Interresting ways, God seems to suggest the videos of yours I need for the day. Makes me wonder..😊
Your awesome!👏👏🙌🏻💕🙌🏻
Nitty gritty thanks Fr Mike!
Help Beabotum... How are you doing today.?
And hope you do stay safe due to the pandemic over there.?
What a amazing video , its sooo tru
..true.....
Good video
Thanks for putting that song in my head…
I am really needing this. Over the years, I've always made this mistake of following Eros blindly and it led me to terrible relationships. When it happened, I wasn't trying to be Christian and no one even stopped me. Every time a break up occurs (and so far it has always been initiated by me) I think I learnt my lesson, but soon after I fall in love deeply with someone and dive right in without much thought. I can never resist it. Please pray for me.
You have been speaking to me this year Fr. Mike...or rather God has been speaking to me through you. 😅 I'm thankful I came across the channel.
Alternate Video Title: I watched the Bachelorette so you wouldn't have to. 😂
God loves us faithfully even when we are not faithful
This video is everything! One of the reasons why I don't watch the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchises is because it portrays unrealistic romance expectations that go against the Catholic perspective of love. As Catholics, the type of love we should strive for is agape love, and I'm glad Father Mike talked about this!
Great!
Thank you
Father Mike, your expression is so funny... Love to see your humorous and handsome face ... Bless us. (Istudiyanti and Matthew from Infonesia). 😇🙏
As much as this was a good video/message, who else was thinking of the Boston song when you read the video title?
Thanks for this video Father. I can’t help but notice how for the past few days, in the Bible in a year podcast, the Psalms you read differ by a verse from the corresponding day in the Bible in the year plan. I think the mismatch was the time we were reading Psalm 119. If I remember correctly, you first read Psalm 119:1-55 on the day the reading plan showed Psalm 79.
God bless you for the awesome things you are doing and may His grace sustain you.
*differ by a chapter*
As he's speaking this ... the song Marry You by Bruno Mars is playing in my mind. - Love this song~ however, the song is fun. Living it to that Fr. mentions here is very true. My late husband and I did all the firsts together. No feeling can make me "feel "like I'd want to enter into marriage again. Simply because I've loved and been. Love is more than a feeling indeed... we endure through love all the good and all the bad, it intertwines into so much more, we become aware of it's endless depth with presence. Feeling is something to that we can feel with anyone, but endless depth and presence in love... we can not. There is indeed divine providence and will to the very graces of this truth that entitles us in our relationship in marriage or togetherness. Feeling is only an expression to that love extends us in our depths of soul and self. - I think we need to hunger for the presence of depth in love not for the feeling of. - Great words from Father. God Bless ... and people feel the music, but live to do the dance. Just sayin...
I agree with you Fr. Mike. People should also use their brain to determine if the reason why they love someone more than their wife or husband. They shouldn't push it off to the side. I don't want to give you more work than you already have😁 so just a suggestion. If an adult 35+ asks you in confession what the feeling they have for someone else means just say "the feeling is spiritual and they should use resources they have to come to a good decision about their life. Resource means connecting the dots in their life that might have brought them here to feel this way, is their really something negative going on in my life, and say a priest can't help you it is out of my scope bc theirs more to it than the bible, philosophy or theology". God bless Fr. Mike. Anna
Nothing is Random. :) The Lord knows and allows things to happen for a reason.
Thank you for this video. Me and my partner have been dating for 2 and a half years now, and all of those breaking points were things I was worried about early on but as we've grown together only faith remains an area of major difference but my partner isn't religious but is interested in my faith and I know will support me in it.
Oh, be careful. 🙏
As a catholic your beholden to lead him to the truth 😁!
Happy Ash Wednesday!!!
I really appreciate this video, and of course Eros type of desire is fleeting. My concern is what if you are no longer attracted to your mate of 30 years? It does play a part in the relationship.
Love dissolves the hollowness that dwells within acquired through the lack of interests.
Thank you God for your love
Boston would agree
I think people think I'm just a cynic because I totally agree. While love as an emotion is great, its not sustainable and often spews reality. Whenever I'm laughing at a rom com because they have these emotions and drop their lives hardly knowing anything about each other, its because I connect love with charity and marriage with both romance and practicality/ connection.
Love is a verb.