I started to cry a bit hearing the pen example. That’s such an accurate representation of these episodes we go through and how unrealistic our viewpoints can seem to those around us but to us they are end of the world scenarios.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! It's amazing how something as simple as a pen example can resonate with us on such a deep level. Our emotions can definitely make our viewpoints seem exaggerated, but it's important to remember that we're all in this together and we're not alone in our struggles.
Today I keep crying, something minor has upset me. My whole life flashes before me, I try to separate where the blame lies, why am I a bad person. Then I tell myself I'm not a bad person, I was a child, I had no choice. They were the bad people. Then I say what's this got to do with my childhood? Then I'm back to my own bad choices, and I try to figure out why I haven't done better in my life. This endless cycle of pain. All because I lost a pen. This analogy of the pen is so apt.
That's what separates Dr Fox from everyone else. He's about the solution/solutions. Positive reinforcement is alo so refreshing. Thanks so much doctor for showing that the glass is indeed half full.....
Im in my late 30s and have understood in the past few years the sensitivity i have to others emotions, particularly men. Their anger, anxiety and depression fill me, becomes my emotions. Probably for protecting myself. It's an issue at my job, I deal with easily 100+ people a day. Cord cutting meditation is a lifesaver, it detaches others emotions from me, and im more stable. Pwbpd, if you realize you're similar, don't talk about it, it will be used negatively by ppl you wouldn't expect, its giving your power and control to them. Cut the energetic attachments and there will be more stability. Unfortunately, the cords can reattach, a day, 3 days, at some point, they'll reconnect. Cord cutting meditation needs to be done nearly every day for maintenance if the toxic people are still in your life. If you feel upset and are around a lot of people, notice your thoughts, what are you thinking about that could be making you upset? If you weren't thinking negatively, then the upset emotion might not be yours. Figure out the source, and detach. I still have mood swings, but it's good to realize that its not always my emotions im experiencing.
That is very good. I read somewhere that if one is an empath, which you appear to be describing, I read somewhere if you mindfully close of your chakras or energy centres, anxiety drops like a stone which appears to have worked.
I love the tarantula analogy, and how it demonstrates that quick, sort of explosive response. This was a great video. Gave me new insight on BPD behaviors.
That pen example is interesting. I’ve always struggled with expressing what is behind my emotional responses, especially with anger. I just feel trapped. But piggybacking off your positive psychology video, I’m trying to expand my consciousness when I get upset or “triggered” which does help diffuse the response. workbook and bpd card deck have helped me gain insight to what I’m feeling as well. You are amazing and wonderful, Dr Fox❤❤❤❤.
I can relate. The pen example was perfect in showing how quickly our minds go to the worst case scenario and how many connections our mind makes. And then like you said it's hard to explain. Good luck with your recovery! Sounds like you're doing wonderful work. ❤
Hello again Dr.Fox, I am in a bad BPD moment but it's so comforting to hear your voice, I am in pretty bad shape and currently starving myself and hope I die soon because I feel so bad and ashamed of my actions lately and I realize Im more messed up than I thought. I hate myself so much despite the goodness in me, I had a moment of anger and I exploded on a co worker 4 nights ago and screamed at him even though he yelled at me and was being mean first, then got into an argument with one of my favorite people and thought they were going to go away but no, they are just mad and frustrated with me but im still a little fearful and i feel ashamed. I made amends with my co worker, I approached him last night and he froze up and looked scared, I put my hands up like a person does when told to by a cop,I said I don't want any trouble, I just want to talk, I told him I was sorry for my childish behavior and being disrespectful and that I had no right to speak to him that way, I stuck my hand out and we shook hands, he apologized for his side of it but I told him it's ok and that I think he was having a bad night and I should have been considerate of that and we agreed we were both having bad nights that night and I told him God bless him and if he needed anything at all then come see me. He seemed very happy. But...i feel so bad about him freezing up at me like that because it tells me he's afraid of me, I admit I'm not a little guy, 6 feet tall, 200 lbs but when I'm not being all crazy and I'm being Authentic Jake, I am a spooky yet gentle giant. I feel like I could break down and cry right now because this video and your video I watched before this one tells me so much, it's not true, people are not trying to hurt me and they do care, and yes, I fear I am going to push everyone away and be all alone but these last two videos give me hope and comfort, we spoke on your info in counseling and my counselor looked into you because he said "Me and Dr Fox are the same thing,we have the exact same education" so I am basically using your videos and what you suggest within my therapy and recovery. God bless you Dr.Fox, you'll probably have me dropping in more here.
Do you have a video with a longer list of strategies we can use to help deal with our emotional disregulation? Would love to see one just on that. From this video, I feel like I can understand what it is and what is happening but I would really like more of the strategies on dealing with it ourselves. Thank you for all you do.
I appreciate you so much! You nail my thoughts emotions- reactions etc at such a high level it’s unbelievable! Thank you for helping me be more aware of what drives (what feels like madness) in my head into my actions at times. Seeing the harm I do to myself. 🙏🏼 With Gratitude 🙏🏼
Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm glad that my videos have been able to help you become more aware of your thoughts and emotions. Keep up the self-reflection and growth!
I fear people.. got so many traumas because of BPD that I am always shivering when I come around anyone..... I am at a job... But thinking about quitting.... every moment I feel so sensitive where people actually leave me and go for tea and lunch in groups.... I feel like crying all the time
Im so disconnected from my emotions that I look down on overwhelming emotions from an out of body perspective. I can't cry, laugh, be happy. A strong sense of abandonment started from me being abandoned me
I have been controlling my BPD for awhile now, I think, but yesterday my husband was really upset with me for something I did and he told me not to. Other than crying I kept my hand in a shaking fist trying to control it, but I ended up punching myself on my cheebone a few times. Now I pray it won't leave a bruise, because Christmas is in a week. I don't want to be questioned about it.
:< I'm sorry you're struggling right now. I know it's supposed to be a special time, but how you feel comes first. Can you take it easy on yourself, be kind if a bruise forms? No one kind would say someone with an illness or temporary injury was ruining the holidays, if I'm interpreting you right. Hope you can reconcile over the disagreement or feel supported if anyone asks, and feel alright. Happy holidays and new year.
Bull, you absolutely want to be questioned about it and you will be so vague that you give off the inference that your husband physically abused you! Strange time for an absolutely coincidental response to your own inner turmoil where you are going to be around family and have a picture perfect opportunity to have your husband pilloried by them as you've likely already devalued him completely, ben emotionally abusing him for ages and now in looking for a bolthole this little scheme popped into your twisted little skull. BPD sufferers love to cast aspersions on others of being opportunistic and calculating control freaks or narcissists and this scenario is one that I have not only seen before but actually experienced myself!
I was hoping you might see this and make a video about this. I was in an abusive relationship with someone who learned the diagnosis of BPD and used it against me. I know that I was much more calm, well regulated, happy person and occasionally struggle with depression, but it wasn’t unmanageable. It was more just every now and then I go cry in the tub and I need some love and support from the people around me was mostly getting that and it was OK. Eventually, this person became more confused and ululated, and they found the diagnosis you talk about here on the Internet and tell me that I was just miss perceiving everything and that I had BPD. And everything I said was some kind of symptoms and I was wrong about everything….. suddenly me being a sensitive, loving person became a symptom a diagnosis. Suddenly me being empathetic and understanding was something weird about me and that I was wrong.. suddenly noticing the way I was being mistreated was just me misperceiving the situation….
awesome video and on ponint i love how you make mention of maladaptive views as well as strategies as this was a piece of the puzzle i didn't take into account during most my 20s ..... that my views could be maladaptive and not just the way i react to things ...... a lot of my work in these last few years has been on my maladaptive views ..... one recent one being - things not being how i remebe them is proof someone is up to soethi g wrong or its indication something not right ..... and if anyone would try and minimize my view (expecully the one o thought is up to no good) it made my view more valid .. i had to change my whole view on this type of thinking ,...... mainly realizing some if not a lot of things antrnt ptoff of anything other then its out of place or they were late .... its not ok to snoop to find proof etc ..... maladaptive views a lot of time alow us to justify behavior ....... i can interigae you cuz the car seat wasn't how i left it when i got out last and I'm the one who drives the most means your up to no good...... no the seat is not how i remember means i just don't remember or it could mean someone went tot he store late...... not enough to clam someones up to no good ..... these are maladaptive views we have to change and it can be hard cuz they feel so valid and justifiable how can we change them ..... but we have to if we want to get better
I see myself in all that you described, I have emotional disregulation, also have a hard time calming myself down when there is uncertainity in my life. Like the man and his pen, I get tangled up in worst case scenarios, for example if I have a bad day, I start thinking what if I won't be able to function anymore, will be put in an institution, will be separated from my beloved dog, that will be the end of my life etc. But even though I have BPD, I am nevertheless growing and learning. I used to be easily provoked by people, I felt I must strike back, now I am able to totally ignore such a person and mind my own busineness . I have a lot of fear of abandonment, if my friend doesn't answer the phone, that also brings up worst case scenarios. I had to abandon my family of origin because they were abusive and this friend and dog is all I have. I also feel guilt and shame in ordinary situations and when my friend tells me it's OK, i still can't believe it's true. I was also afraid of people for many years, but that's not the case anymore. It's tough, but I'm improving and what you said in the end gives me hope. I wish we had a therapist like you in our country, but at least I found a nice psychiatrist who supports me. 😊
I genuinely believe I have this, but in UK it’s so hard to get diagnosed. I’ve had a lot of past trauma, and the slightest thing seems to set me off, been diagnosed with moderate depressive disorder instead but I think it’s wrong. I find your talks very helpful
I totally get the thing with the pen, except for me my brain is more like "why are there no pens? Because you're disorganized, stupid, a loser, forget things (these were all things I was yelled at as a child as well, told I was lazy, forgetful etc) and it turns into a situation where I beat myself up sometimes physically over something that I feel like SHOULD be in my control but it isn't. I think that's self destructive BPD? It's rough...but getting on antidepressants stopped that
I keep saying this is the pen scenario to my partner now. You always seem to describe me, what I do and why I do it. I am trying so hard to use your advice and get better but struggling so hard. Feels like I'm getting worse. My partner says he feels like a carer for me. I thought bpd gets better in your thirties buf I don't think I'm handling myself that get if it's not routine or controlled, relationship issues and friendships, everything overwhelming. And the cravings for things I cant have but need it and need to find it but don't know how and can't not to mess up my life.
I've been having dbt classes online for a few months. I'm a late diagnosed quiet bpd at 58 years old having been misdiagnosed as having reactive depression and on antidepressants for over 30 years. The classes feel patronising to me, and I really struggle with the word "mindfulness" as a coping strategy. My mind is constantly full of noise, and the strategies offered in the classes include plunging your face into a bowl of cold water. Who has the opportunity to try that when at work for instance? I really struggle to cope with noise, being around people in general, and I completely internalise my emotions so I'm angry all the time and have no patience at all. This leads to self harm as a release. I cant find peace, or relief for my symptoms and I'm getting more and more depressed as a result. DBT might work for younger people but it doesn't work for me at all, old dog and new tricks kind of thing. Meds work to a point but I've gained so much weight on them I have no clothes that fit, and a wardrobe of gorgeous clothes I can't wear anymore. It's a vicious circle I can't get out of 😢😢
That old dog mentality really bugs me myself a lot. I feel like my 'maladaptive behaviours' have been going on so long, they're just ingrained into me. Hence, the disorder of personality, I guess.
part of the work is also finding what works for you ...... this can be partly do to the inability for us sometimes to trust our ability as not feeling able will alow others to take some of the stress off of ourselves ... this is one of the many we can have in our surplus of malifaptive views and strategies and its so subcoiuous that we tend to not beable to accept it as us giving up but rather things out of our control ..... expecully since we have spent a lot of time having this kinda control away from us or it gave us some kinda gain that we see it as natural .... why it feels like they will never change and i do feel you have some reality of the older you are the harder it is to grow more nero pathways but its never off the table ....... and yes its a lot of work and time to wor through all these core content and serfus content bs ...... I might have gotten help young but didn't start doing well till the last 2 years and even had moments of relpasig back to old beahvors i once got under control ....... self harm is one of the hardest and eazest to brake ..... as lot of times ..... its just habit like you i would self harm as a way to do damage control better me then someone else or property lol and really anytime i raged i cut or burned myself sratch till i bleed bite etc ..... finally got it under control by making sure i reminded myself its not really fixing anything ..... weather or not i calm down doesn't meanits fixing it ..... and i did well for years till 4 years ago i went back and had ot start the whole prossess over agen ...... its a hard hard road if you make it a priority in free time i promse you can get some undercontrol ...... but like me it takes a lot of changing the maladaptive views ..... not just behavior
I really feel for you, Julie. If I can reassure you a bit, DBT is for people of all ages. I'm 55. Perhaps you might need to go to DBT group therapy in person instead of going online. It's one of those things where it's not really possible to get through it online and on your own - it's better in a group where you'll get lots of support. I wish you well. At least you've had the correct diagnosis. Here's sending you my best.
@@Julesyoutoo oh lordy no, sitting in a room of people I don't know, all younger than me and determined to be the centre of attention, I can think of nothing worse 🙄
Do the heightened, intense emotions ever go away or get less intense? Jury is still out whether I have BPII or BPD…or both…I just know my go to negative emotions if I’m not happy, are frustrated, overwhelmed, or pissed off…! I see a therapist but it is not very consistent. I know I have depression so I take meds for that.
Remission means you will have developed the skills to cope with adversity in a more productive, healthy way. Our sensitivity and intense emotions don't really change, but that doesn't mean we're incapable of overcoming pain. ♥️
move past letting other help regulate .... part of one of our maladaptive strategies is yuing others as a way to regulate as its eazyer and has worked but in the end them doing it is only a bandaid to the core content cuz it will never truly feel like its helping
John Gray says estrogen makes women more emotional, and if she is stressed the estrogen makes the female brain to notice problems 10 times more. Testosterone very calming for men, so they may better focus on tasks thanks to testosterone. Testosterone is more about rational thinking and problem solving He says men and women are biologically very different therefore thy dont understand each other. They dont want to understand each others biological facts. maybe women should do some yoga, Thia-chi, or Qi-Gong to be more relaxed, and in harmonious energy.
Every time I contact a therapist... I'm turned off because I get scared. Looks like institutionalized control. I've thrown away 3 different opportunities to get help. No one's going to tell me to quit smoking pot. It has saved my life.
Thank you for sharing your experience! It's important to talk about these feelings, and I appreciate your openness. Finding the right support takes time, and I hope you find what you need.
At around 9 mins with discussion on maladaptive patterns, you can see those ‘unsafe’ practices right across society. Is BPD, at least in part a sociological disorder?
This happens to me alot, i think i have BPD because of toxic people thst trigger me... My parents make it worse, so does everyone else i know. I have alot of inner pain
Thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage to open up about your struggles. Remember, there are people out there who care and want to support you.
I wish they would stop making the main focus as if the BPD is the toxic one is the only bad one in the relationship. I’ve been with my high school sweetheart for 14 years and I promise you I’ve been through more harm from him emotionally and neglecting me and manipulating me for so many years. I had times where I reacted back finally in defense or escape tactic, but I’ve been the ultimate one trying to get him to work on himself as I already had to figure out I even had BPD for a decade, and do therapy by myself. Meanwhile I can’t find a single article or video on the subjects of How a borderline reacts to being abused by spouse How borderlines react to narcissistic abuse How borderlines handle manipulation Etc etc. nah I just get borderlines manipulators borderlines abusive borderlines are narcs Wtf where is the self help geared content instead of throwing all possible blameon borderlines and calling them monsters, I hurt my self trying to compensate for others and not speaking up for myself.
Co regulation is learned from 0 to 3 years old so that the child can learn self regulation . So why do we use day care from 0 to 3 years old ? The economy ! We cannot pay for other to love or co regulate our child 🙏
If therapy is so successful then why do I continue to hear how bpd is the most differcult & painful mental illness. How 80% of people try to committ suicide. They aren't going to therapy. This disease has tooooo many symptoms to deal with. It's like dealing with a few mental disorders at the same time. Bottom line is you have to constantly work on making your symptoms better. There are no fda approved drugs like other mental disorders so you can't just easily pop a pill in your mouth & feel better.
I feel sorry for the the storm but as a partner the RAGE AND ABUSE was too much. I left this was unbelievable abusive. It bleeds into NPD and the CONTEMPT. Abuse is not love
Im thinking i have bpd. Looking back ive been struggling my whole life. Always having tumultuous friendships and relationships. Left by people or accused wrongly. I am 26 and i just now realise i dont open up to people. Im constantly having all these thoughts everyday. Its like high contrast black and white thoughts about my circumstance and relationships. Its black and white but i cant function like that as im a wife and mom so i just try my best to keep going. But its exhausting. I can easily jump ship and adapt certain hobbies or ideals. I ghost people ..jobs..groups of people... family members..clubs..its like i never knew what i wanted to do i just kinda float thru life..i do believe in God and Jesus as my savior and he has saved me from my own self. He took the desire away for drugs and destructive behaviors..now i just gotta heal my heart cause honestly im a mess inside. Long comment..but im venting. ty for video i subscribed. Thankyu
The elephant in the room, that no one seems to talk about to any large extent, is the fact that the majority of BPD sufferers convince themselves that there is absolutely nothing wrong with them and that everyone else (more often they single out and target a specific person like a partner) is the actual problem or troubled person. This means that even if you get them into therapy it's hard to see any improvement as they simply wont invest the sincere effort into the treatment. Every session they will drone on and one about the same facile crap, never actually opening up and honestly attempting to relate to the therapist where the real source of their shame, angst etc is. They will often flat out lie and if the therapist isnt careful the BPD patent will have them convinced that they are a victim, of some type, to an abusive or neglectful partner or some other scenario where the BPD sufferer is some sort of little saint whilst people around them are the ones furthering their problems, triggering them needlessly etc. I've also seen far too many people like those whose only accreditation to be practitioners is that of "Social Worker" hanging a shingle out claiming they are qualified to treat personality disorders, and especially BPD and CPTSD and this is tragically dangerous in my humble opinion as there is absolutely no way a social worker has the skillsets needed to treat these specific disorders.
Clearly you’ve been wronged by someone with bpd but let’s remember we are all only human. It is 100% a person’s responsibility to regulate their own emotions and take control of getting themselves help, but this is too nuanced to be a bad apples spoil the whole batch type of thing. I am sorry for whatever you have clearly gone through but please do not make such ill informed and frankly cruel generalizations. There is no excuse for abuse regardless of whom its coming from, but don’t write these comments like you’re stating facts. You have made people with bpd out to be a monolith of liars, abusers, and conmen when reality is this is a very arduous, life long disorder. Even in treatment many people will always have work to do and have to actively choose trying to regulate and reduce symptoms. It’s not like entering remission happens overnight. I’m not going to lie, I find it hard to believe whatever you went through was totally one sided when you’re in this same comment section telling someone they attempted to take their life simply for attention. And if you’d done even a milligram of research, you’d know there are multiple forms of bpd and not just ones that can manifest as outbursts/rage, destructive behavior or complete instability. You’d also know most licensed social workers, depending on place of employment and region, are required to have a degree in psychology. You are just as bad as the abusers with bpd that use it as an excuse and you both go hand in hand in ruining the public perception of this disorder.
That is very good. The analogy I use is pouring water on a pane of glass and it just runs off. No absorption, no osmosis. Then there is the cost of therapy. One I was considering is $US 200 ph. Thanks again.
I can't help but get beyond one thing: no matter how carefully you try to explain the "emotional tornado" that leads from a missing pen to homelessness, no matter how rational you make the chain of reasoning... it's still just nuts. Like, yeah, I get it. That's called "being crazy."
Hmm...seems easy for me, if someone with extreme anxiety over something/everything can leap to conclusions its easy to go from Lost keys > Cant find them, so frustrated> Late> Cant I get my life together> I will be a failure if I can't get my life together.
You cant get beyond that one thing because youve never had the misfortune of having to understand what its like. You sound like someone who cant understand the concept of starvation because you have never been hungry. "Lol just go eat something, how are you going to be so weak pathetic that you cant just go hunt some for some food or just go pick some berries. Its so simple" Just consider yourself blessed. Im happy you cant understand it. I wouldn't wish that kind of suffering on anyone.
I can't fully get on board with not stigmatizing the mental illness. My particular borderline ex had been lying to me since day one. The emotional cheating and online intimate relationships which proceeded our relationship and the secret life online is what was the most painful. I was being lied to and cheated on the entire relationship online with people she'd never even met all across the country. Even after bringing it up to her she stopped for about a week and went right back to doing it. I could deal with everything else to an extent but the lying and cheating I could not. Never once did she own up to it even with the cold hard evidence. I had to leave. Almost immediately I was dragged on social media and she went right back to her attention seeking ways to an extreme level. Needless to say I had to go full no contact.
Just because your gf did that doesn’t mean that other people with BPD are anything like that?? Every person is completely different and has their own values and way of living. This is like saying a former depressed friend ghosted you and cut you off and now you should be weary of every depressed person there is. Newsflash: ANYONE can be a wild/bad person, do harm or make mistakes..not just someone with a diagnosis. I always like to say the actions are that of the person, not the diagnosis. Id never do anything remotely even close to what your ex did so why should I have to face judgement because of them?? De stigmatizing the disorder means people are able to get the help that they need wether medically (physically and mentally) as well as being more supported to recover. How could this ever be a bad thing??
not everyone with BPD lies. many mentally ill people are honest to a fault, and many get cheated on. conversely, many people who do not have mental illnesses lie and have affairs. having BPD does not cause infidelity.
This is why I believe in looking at behavior, not labels. A lot of cheaters don't have BPD. Some people who do have BPD are not cheaters. It would be unfair to stigmatize them just because one person with that label was also a cheater. However, you shouldn't put up with cheating regardless of whether or not the person has a mental illness. They need to show respect for your boundaries and your physical/mental/sexual health. If they don't, then no contact is wise.
@@simniya8159 Except that lying and deceitful behavior are pillars of the characteristics of BPD. Blame shifting and devaluation as well as issues with object permanence. Spouse is out of sight and therefor out of mind as well so what is the issue then with the online dalliances! So yes, many many many other BPD people are like that. Maybe you wouldnt behave that way but, if you're actually being honest, and who knows what with lying being so prominent in BPD, you are among a teenie tiny minority that dont behave that way and not as you are trying to have this person believe.
@simniya8159 I understand logic and your stance. Which is not what I am saying. I am simply saying logic and understanding do not go hand in hand with severe cases of a mental illness which in itself is impulsive and illogical. On one hand she was very sweet and loving and a lover of pets. On the days where she was splitting because I said "no we can't spend $300 at Marshall's" (to satisfy her financial impulsivity which was becoming an every week occurrence and I am not rich for example) her mouth would say "okay". But her actions were sadistic and vindictive. The punishment i received from saying no and her choosing to run off and emotionally "cheat" because I said no, therefore i do not love her, does not fit the crime. Now that may very well be a difference in values and morals...or it can be a difference in severity within the disorder. That is all I am saying. To that, I am also saying. To the "normal" person whom is usually not knowledgeable of disorders, often BPD being a disorder that requires great knowledge, patience, understanding, and the strength to walk away; be it if your pwBPD lacks the awareness and/or refusal to get help. It should be proceeded with caution. I am not saying they deserve shame and demonization as I loved her very much and I had done more than anyone else in her life to receive help I was also very traumatized by her and now suffer the consequences of loving someone on a severe spectrum.
@@jenynz5334 me too. been in therapy since I was a child, I'm 47 now, and even with the work I do in therapy, I'm still struggling. I can definitely say, it doesn't get easier with age or time, it's a life long struggle and work. and I'm trying so hard but it's difficult, I won't give up.💪
Some people may not know they have BPD. I was diagnosed this year and I'm in my 30s. I was already in therapy for other mental health issues, but now that I know I have BPD I have better awareness and can work on recovery. Of course, there are going to be people who refuse to get help and I find that sad.
This isn't true and it's unkind. What you judge as no effort may be someone's full effort. It's judgements like this that fuel agoraphobia for me. I have BPD and being harshly judged for my sensitivity and ridiculous amount of triggers causes me to just avoid people as much as possible.
@@MrsLadyLiberty its unkind to use people to self regulate. Its why kids that are raised by pwBPD have so many ilnesses and problems down the line. Have you considered other people that you have impact on? Have you thought about empathising and sympathising with your kids, friends and parents who you so deeply can hurt? Yes, some of were raised and dated pwBPD and we have so many traumas as a result of it. Its important to go to therapy and work on yourself, accept that we all have flaws and put efforts.
Regardless what fancy clinical label ya put behind it. It's simply emotional immaturity. BPD people are simply perpetual toddlers. Only love I have is for survivors who have dealt with these people
For just one second, consider the fact that you might be wrong, and the suicide rate proves it. How many people have you told are liars and worthless when they were suffering? My twins bf rolled his eyes as he walked out the door; it was the last moment he’d see her alive. Thats 100% true. And I STILL have people in my life, family, that are in denial about the parts of this that are involuntarily, and that I DO experience things differently than they do. The denial is as prevalent as a cancer, and it kills people. Would you deny that? You can see it in the same scan as my brain damage. Just for one second, PLEASE open yourself to the possibility and think about what that means, being wrong about this. Life-changing.
I reached out to this "dr" about a year back and he just ignored me , 24 hours later i woke up in the ER after trying to take my life . This guy just wants money .
I wonder if it's worth some self-reflection on the idea that your opinion is in the minority? BPD is a tough gig: it doesn't take much to get triggered and it's so easy to not take responsibility for one's choices and actions.
I started to cry a bit hearing the pen example. That’s such an accurate representation of these episodes we go through and how unrealistic our viewpoints can seem to those around us but to us they are end of the world scenarios.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! It's amazing how something as simple as a pen example can resonate with us on such a deep level. Our emotions can definitely make our viewpoints seem exaggerated, but it's important to remember that we're all in this together and we're not alone in our struggles.
this comment made me cry in such a thankful way. to hear that someone is feeling the same makes it a bit better. thank you for that
Today I keep crying, something minor has upset me. My whole life flashes before me, I try to separate where the blame lies, why am I a bad person. Then I tell myself I'm not a bad person, I was a child, I had no choice. They were the bad people. Then I say what's this got to do with my childhood? Then I'm back to my own bad choices, and I try to figure out why I haven't done better in my life. This endless cycle of pain. All because I lost a pen. This analogy of the pen is so apt.
the positive sentence at the end of the video is like a breath of fresh air.
Thank you for saying that. I’m so glad it was helpful.
That's what separates Dr Fox from everyone else. He's about the solution/solutions. Positive reinforcement is alo so refreshing. Thanks so much doctor for showing that the glass is indeed half full.....
I wish I was your client but I'm on the other side of the world ....thank you for your vids.
Im in my late 30s and have understood in the past few years the sensitivity i have to others emotions, particularly men. Their anger, anxiety and depression fill me, becomes my emotions. Probably for protecting myself. It's an issue at my job, I deal with easily 100+ people a day. Cord cutting meditation is a lifesaver, it detaches others emotions from me, and im more stable. Pwbpd, if you realize you're similar, don't talk about it, it will be used negatively by ppl you wouldn't expect, its giving your power and control to them. Cut the energetic attachments and there will be more stability. Unfortunately, the cords can reattach, a day, 3 days, at some point, they'll reconnect. Cord cutting meditation needs to be done nearly every day for maintenance if the toxic people are still in your life. If you feel upset and are around a lot of people, notice your thoughts, what are you thinking about that could be making you upset? If you weren't thinking negatively, then the upset emotion might not be yours. Figure out the source, and detach. I still have mood swings, but it's good to realize that its not always my emotions im experiencing.
What is BWBPD?
@@jenniferwickert68 pwbpd=people with borderline personality disorder
That is very good. I read somewhere that if one is an empath, which you appear to be describing, I read somewhere if you mindfully close of your chakras or energy centres, anxiety drops like a stone which appears to have worked.
You're just overly sensitive
I love the tarantula analogy, and how it demonstrates that quick, sort of explosive response. This was a great video. Gave me new insight on BPD behaviors.
That pen example is interesting. I’ve always struggled with expressing what is behind my emotional responses, especially with anger. I just feel trapped. But piggybacking off your positive psychology video, I’m trying to expand my consciousness when I get upset or “triggered” which does help diffuse the response. workbook and bpd card deck have helped me gain insight to what I’m feeling as well. You are amazing and wonderful, Dr Fox❤❤❤❤.
I can relate. The pen example was perfect in showing how quickly our minds go to the worst case scenario and how many connections our mind makes. And then like you said it's hard to explain. Good luck with your recovery! Sounds like you're doing wonderful work. ❤
I relate so much to the pen. 1 thing brings my entire world down
Explosive episode comment response 
@@Tailionis sorry
Hello again Dr.Fox, I am in a bad BPD moment but it's so comforting to hear your voice, I am in pretty bad shape and currently starving myself and hope I die soon because I feel so bad and ashamed of my actions lately and I realize Im more messed up than I thought. I hate myself so much despite the goodness in me, I had a moment of anger and I exploded on a co worker 4 nights ago and screamed at him even though he yelled at me and was being mean first, then got into an argument with one of my favorite people and thought they were going to go away but no, they are just mad and frustrated with me but im still a little fearful and i feel ashamed. I made amends with my co worker, I approached him last night and he froze up and looked scared, I put my hands up like a person does when told to by a cop,I said I don't want any trouble, I just want to talk, I told him I was sorry for my childish behavior and being disrespectful and that I had no right to speak to him that way, I stuck my hand out and we shook hands, he apologized for his side of it but I told him it's ok and that I think he was having a bad night and I should have been considerate of that and we agreed we were both having bad nights that night and I told him God bless him and if he needed anything at all then come see me. He seemed very happy. But...i feel so bad about him freezing up at me like that because it tells me he's afraid of me, I admit I'm not a little guy, 6 feet tall, 200 lbs but when I'm not being all crazy and I'm being Authentic Jake, I am a spooky yet gentle giant. I feel like I could break down and cry right now because this video and your video I watched before this one tells me so much, it's not true, people are not trying to hurt me and they do care, and yes, I fear I am going to push everyone away and be all alone but these last two videos give me hope and comfort, we spoke on your info in counseling and my counselor looked into you because he said "Me and Dr Fox are the same thing,we have the exact same education" so I am basically using your videos and what you suggest within my therapy and recovery. God bless you Dr.Fox, you'll probably have me dropping in more here.
I just love this doctor
Especially for his empathy without judgment and massive amounts of info on the mental health subject that used to be taboo.
Thank you 😊
Do you have a video with a longer list of strategies we can use to help deal with our emotional disregulation? Would love to see one just on that. From this video, I feel like I can understand what it is and what is happening but I would really like more of the strategies on dealing with it ourselves. Thank you for all you do.
I appreciate you so much! You nail my thoughts emotions- reactions etc at such a high level it’s unbelievable! Thank you for helping me be more aware of what drives (what feels like madness) in my head into my actions at times. Seeing the harm I do to myself. 🙏🏼 With Gratitude 🙏🏼
Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm glad that my videos have been able to help you become more aware of your thoughts and emotions. Keep up the self-reflection and growth!
I fear people.. got so many traumas because of BPD that I am always shivering when I come around anyone..... I am at a job... But thinking about quitting.... every moment I feel so sensitive where people actually leave me and go for tea and lunch in groups.... I feel like crying all the time
sorry. what worked for me is to mindfully say , 'I am closing off my energy centers' aka charkras. anxiety dropped like a stone as a result.
One of the most educational videos you've made. Thanks you so much
Liked your description of maladapive response and how it can strengthen as a go-to with repetition.
Im so disconnected from my emotions that I look down on overwhelming emotions from an out of body perspective.
I can't cry, laugh, be happy.
A strong sense of abandonment started from me being abandoned me
Very helpful and insightful. I think you have some of the best BPD related content. ❤
Wow, thank you!
thank you for doing these videos I believe I have bpd and ive been really struggling since I was a teenager with it n ur videos help soooo much!!!
I have been controlling my BPD for awhile now, I think, but yesterday my husband was really upset with me for something I did and he told me not to. Other than crying I kept my hand in a shaking fist trying to control it, but I ended up punching myself on my cheebone a few times. Now I pray it won't leave a bruise, because Christmas is in a week. I don't want to be questioned about it.
I hope it doesn't either. I had a reaction like that 2 months ago and I still am appalled at how I reacted. I hope things are better today.
:< I'm sorry you're struggling right now. I know it's supposed to be a special time, but how you feel comes first. Can you take it easy on yourself, be kind if a bruise forms? No one kind would say someone with an illness or temporary injury was ruining the holidays, if I'm interpreting you right.
Hope you can reconcile over the disagreement or feel supported if anyone asks, and feel alright. Happy holidays and new year.
Bull, you absolutely want to be questioned about it and you will be so vague that you give off the inference that your husband physically abused you! Strange time for an absolutely coincidental response to your own inner turmoil where you are going to be around family and have a picture perfect opportunity to have your husband pilloried by them as you've likely already devalued him completely, ben emotionally abusing him for ages and now in looking for a bolthole this little scheme popped into your twisted little skull. BPD sufferers love to cast aspersions on others of being opportunistic and calculating control freaks or narcissists and this scenario is one that I have not only seen before but actually experienced myself!
You are so naïve. Read my comment for the truth of what is going on here!@@JulesJuno737
I was hoping you might see this and make a video about this. I was in an abusive relationship with someone who learned the diagnosis of BPD and used it against me. I know that I was much more calm, well regulated, happy person and occasionally struggle with depression, but it wasn’t unmanageable. It was more just every now and then I go cry in the tub and I need some love and support from the people around me was mostly getting that and it was OK. Eventually, this person became more confused and ululated, and they found the diagnosis you talk about here on the Internet and tell me that I was just miss perceiving everything and that I had BPD. And everything I said was some kind of symptoms and I was wrong about everything….. suddenly me being a sensitive, loving person became a symptom a diagnosis. Suddenly me being empathetic and understanding was something weird about me and that I was wrong.. suddenly noticing the way I was being mistreated was just me misperceiving the situation….
I appreciate you sharing your story with me. It takes courage to open up about such difficult experiences.
awesome video and on ponint i love how you make mention of maladaptive views as well as strategies as this was a piece of the puzzle i didn't take into account during most my 20s ..... that my views could be maladaptive and not just the way i react to things ...... a lot of my work in these last few years has been on my maladaptive views ..... one recent one being - things not being how i remebe them is proof someone is up to soethi g wrong or its indication something not right ..... and if anyone would try and minimize my view (expecully the one o thought is up to no good) it made my view more valid .. i had to change my whole view on this type of thinking ,...... mainly realizing some if not a lot of things antrnt ptoff of anything other then its out of place or they were late .... its not ok to snoop to find proof etc ..... maladaptive views a lot of time alow us to justify behavior ....... i can interigae you cuz the car seat wasn't how i left it when i got out last and I'm the one who drives the most means your up to no good...... no the seat is not how i remember means i just don't remember or it could mean someone went tot he store late...... not enough to clam someones up to no good ..... these are maladaptive views we have to change and it can be hard cuz they feel so valid and justifiable how can we change them ..... but we have to if we want to get better
I see myself in all that you described, I have emotional disregulation, also have a hard time calming myself down when there is uncertainity in my life. Like the man and his pen, I get tangled up in worst case scenarios, for example if I have a bad day, I start thinking what if I won't be able to function anymore, will be put in an institution, will be separated from my beloved dog, that will be the end of my life etc. But even though I have BPD, I am nevertheless growing and learning. I used to be easily provoked by people, I felt I must strike back, now I am able to totally ignore such a person and mind my own busineness . I have a lot of fear of abandonment, if my friend doesn't answer the phone, that also brings up worst case scenarios. I had to abandon my family of origin because they were abusive and this friend and dog is all I have. I also feel guilt and shame in ordinary situations and when my friend tells me it's OK, i still can't believe it's true. I was also afraid of people for many years, but that's not the case anymore. It's tough, but I'm improving and what you said in the end gives me hope. I wish we had a therapist like you in our country, but at least I found a nice psychiatrist who supports me. 😊
Don’t give up hope. I do have a BPD online course you may find effective. Www.BPDcourse.com
I genuinely believe I have this, but in UK it’s so hard to get diagnosed. I’ve had a lot of past trauma, and the slightest thing seems to set me off, been diagnosed with moderate depressive disorder instead but I think it’s wrong. I find your talks very helpful
I totally get the thing with the pen, except for me my brain is more like "why are there no pens? Because you're disorganized, stupid, a loser, forget things (these were all things I was yelled at as a child as well, told I was lazy, forgetful etc) and it turns into a situation where I beat myself up sometimes physically over something that I feel like SHOULD be in my control but it isn't. I think that's self destructive BPD? It's rough...but getting on antidepressants stopped that
This is so enlightening! Thankyou!
You are so welcome!
Thank you so much Dr. Fox
Wow I just got in a huge fight with my partner because I couldn’t find a pen the other day lol thank you for this video
I keep saying this is the pen scenario to my partner now. You always seem to describe me, what I do and why I do it. I am trying so hard to use your advice and get better but struggling so hard. Feels like I'm getting worse. My partner says he feels like a carer for me. I thought bpd gets better in your thirties buf I don't think I'm handling myself that get if it's not routine or controlled, relationship issues and friendships, everything overwhelming. And the cravings for things I cant have but need it and need to find it but don't know how and can't not to mess up my life.
Thank you Dr!
I've been having dbt classes online for a few months. I'm a late diagnosed quiet bpd at 58 years old having been misdiagnosed as having reactive depression and on antidepressants for over 30 years. The classes feel patronising to me, and I really struggle with the word "mindfulness" as a coping strategy. My mind is constantly full of noise, and the strategies offered in the classes include plunging your face into a bowl of cold water. Who has the opportunity to try that when at work for instance?
I really struggle to cope with noise, being around people in general, and I completely internalise my emotions so I'm angry all the time and have no patience at all. This leads to self harm as a release. I cant find peace, or relief for my symptoms and I'm getting more and more depressed as a result.
DBT might work for younger people but it doesn't work for me at all, old dog and new tricks kind of thing. Meds work to a point but I've gained so much weight on them I have no clothes that fit, and a wardrobe of gorgeous clothes I can't wear anymore. It's a vicious circle I can't get out of 😢😢
That old dog mentality really bugs me myself a lot. I feel like my 'maladaptive behaviours' have been going on so long, they're just ingrained into me. Hence, the disorder of personality, I guess.
My therapist recommends trauma therapy. My father was the same way. He had BPD and couldn't stand noise.
part of the work is also finding what works for you ...... this can be partly do to the inability for us sometimes to trust our ability as not feeling able will alow others to take some of the stress off of ourselves ... this is one of the many we can have in our surplus of malifaptive views and strategies and its so subcoiuous that we tend to not beable to accept it as us giving up but rather things out of our control ..... expecully since we have spent a lot of time having this kinda control away from us or it gave us some kinda gain that we see it as natural .... why it feels like they will never change and i do feel you have some reality of the older you are the harder it is to grow more nero pathways but its never off the table ....... and yes its a lot of work and time to wor through all these core content and serfus content bs ...... I might have gotten help young but didn't start doing well till the last 2 years and even had moments of relpasig back to old beahvors i once got under control ....... self harm is one of the hardest and eazest to brake ..... as lot of times ..... its just habit like you i would self harm as a way to do damage control better me then someone else or property lol and really anytime i raged i cut or burned myself sratch till i bleed bite etc ..... finally got it under control by making sure i reminded myself its not really fixing anything ..... weather or not i calm down doesn't meanits fixing it ..... and i did well for years till 4 years ago i went back and had ot start the whole prossess over agen ...... its a hard hard road if you make it a priority in free time i promse you can get some undercontrol ...... but like me it takes a lot of changing the maladaptive views ..... not just behavior
I really feel for you, Julie. If I can reassure you a bit, DBT is for people of all ages. I'm 55. Perhaps you might need to go to DBT group therapy in person instead of going online. It's one of those things where it's not really possible to get through it online and on your own - it's better in a group where you'll get lots of support. I wish you well. At least you've had the correct diagnosis. Here's sending you my best.
@@Julesyoutoo oh lordy no, sitting in a room of people I don't know, all younger than me and determined to be the centre of attention, I can think of nothing worse 🙄
can you please do a video on signs that your bpd is in remission/improving?
once again, you deliver a gem 💎 ✨ 👌 💖
Do the heightened, intense emotions ever go away or get less intense? Jury is still out whether I have BPII or BPD…or both…I just know my go to negative emotions if I’m not happy, are frustrated, overwhelmed, or pissed off…! I see a therapist but it is not very consistent. I know I have depression so I take meds for that.
Remission means you will have developed the skills to cope with adversity in a more productive, healthy way. Our sensitivity and intense emotions don't really change, but that doesn't mean we're incapable of overcoming pain. ♥️
It's rough. I'm trying to have others help regulate my emotions, but dang still getting lonely. It's never enough.
you got this! Stay positive!
move past letting other help regulate .... part of one of our maladaptive strategies is yuing others as a way to regulate as its eazyer and has worked but in the end them doing it is only a bandaid to the core content cuz it will never truly feel like its helping
My sister has BPD and I have some emotional dysregulation too. The missing pen is a sign of how difficult life can be.
John Gray says estrogen makes women more emotional, and if she is stressed the estrogen makes the female brain to notice problems 10 times more.
Testosterone very calming for men, so they may better focus on tasks thanks to testosterone. Testosterone is more about rational thinking and problem solving
He says men and women are biologically very different therefore thy dont understand each other. They dont want to understand each others biological facts.
maybe women should do some yoga, Thia-chi, or Qi-Gong to be more relaxed, and in harmonious energy.
Every time I contact a therapist... I'm turned off because I get scared. Looks like institutionalized control. I've thrown away 3 different opportunities to get help. No one's going to tell me to quit smoking pot. It has saved my life.
Thank you for sharing your experience! It's important to talk about these feelings, and I appreciate your openness. Finding the right support takes time, and I hope you find what you need.
At around 9 mins with discussion on maladaptive patterns, you can see those ‘unsafe’ practices right across society. Is BPD, at least in part a sociological disorder?
Brilliant video.🌷
This happens to me alot, i think i have BPD because of toxic people thst trigger me...
My parents make it worse, so does everyone else i know.
I have alot of inner pain
Thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage to open up about your struggles. Remember, there are people out there who care and want to support you.
I wish they would stop making the main focus as if the BPD is the toxic one is the only bad one in the relationship. I’ve been with my high school sweetheart for 14 years and I promise you I’ve been through more harm from him emotionally and neglecting me and manipulating me for so many years. I had times where I reacted back finally in defense or escape tactic, but I’ve been the ultimate one trying to get him to work on himself as I already had to figure out I even had BPD for a decade, and do therapy by myself. Meanwhile I can’t find a single article or video on the subjects of
How a borderline reacts to being abused by spouse
How borderlines react to narcissistic abuse
How borderlines handle manipulation
Etc etc. nah I just get borderlines manipulators borderlines abusive borderlines are narcs
Wtf where is the self help geared content instead of throwing all possible blameon borderlines and calling them monsters, I hurt my self trying to compensate for others and not speaking up for myself.
What do you mean by neutral stimulus
Co regulation is learned from 0 to 3 years old so that the child can learn self regulation . So why do we use day care from 0 to 3 years old ? The economy ! We cannot pay for other to love or co regulate our child 🙏
Thankyou 🎉
What about the fact that holding in feelings results in raw nerves? BTW, this label should be done away with...it destroys people's lives.
Isn't this all symptoms. Does anyone want to address the cause(s)
Understanding the root cause is crucial for finding a lasting solution. I have many videos on this as I explore core content.
If therapy is so successful then why do I continue to hear how bpd is the most differcult & painful mental illness. How 80% of people try to committ suicide. They aren't going to therapy. This disease has tooooo many symptoms to deal with. It's like dealing with a few mental disorders at the same time. Bottom line is you have to constantly work on making your symptoms better. There are no fda approved drugs like other mental disorders so you can't just easily pop a pill in your mouth & feel better.
I feel sorry for the the storm but as a partner the RAGE AND ABUSE was too much. I left this was unbelievable abusive. It bleeds into NPD and the CONTEMPT.
Abuse is not love
Im thinking i have bpd. Looking back ive been struggling my whole life. Always having tumultuous friendships and relationships. Left by people or accused wrongly. I am 26 and i just now realise i dont open up to people. Im constantly having all these thoughts everyday. Its like high contrast black and white thoughts about my circumstance and relationships. Its black and white but i cant function like that as im a wife and mom so i just try my best to keep going. But its exhausting. I can easily jump ship and adapt certain hobbies or ideals. I ghost people ..jobs..groups of people... family members..clubs..its like i never knew what i wanted to do i just kinda float thru life..i do believe in God and Jesus as my savior and he has saved me from my own self. He took the desire away for drugs and destructive behaviors..now i just gotta heal my heart cause honestly im a mess inside. Long comment..but im venting. ty for video i subscribed. Thankyu
Need this with coming holiday, lol.
Fun fact, I accidentally read this as, "emotional dicks regulation". Had a good laugh. 😅
Dirty girl
This speaks volume and why my coworker…..acts the way she acts
Hurt, start to protect herself
The elephant in the room, that no one seems to talk about to any large extent, is the fact that the majority of BPD sufferers convince themselves that there is absolutely nothing wrong with them and that everyone else (more often they single out and target a specific person like a partner) is the actual problem or troubled person. This means that even if you get them into therapy it's hard to see any improvement as they simply wont invest the sincere effort into the treatment. Every session they will drone on and one about the same facile crap, never actually opening up and honestly attempting to relate to the therapist where the real source of their shame, angst etc is. They will often flat out lie and if the therapist isnt careful the BPD patent will have them convinced that they are a victim, of some type, to an abusive or neglectful partner or some other scenario where the BPD sufferer is some sort of little saint whilst people around them are the ones furthering their problems, triggering them needlessly etc.
I've also seen far too many people like those whose only accreditation to be practitioners is that of "Social Worker" hanging a shingle out claiming they are qualified to treat personality disorders, and especially BPD and CPTSD and this is tragically dangerous in my humble opinion as there is absolutely no way a social worker has the skillsets needed to treat these specific disorders.
Clearly you’ve been wronged by someone with bpd but let’s remember we are all only human. It is 100% a person’s responsibility to regulate their own emotions and take control of getting themselves help, but this is too nuanced to be a bad apples spoil the whole batch type of thing. I am sorry for whatever you have clearly gone through but please do not make such ill informed and frankly cruel generalizations. There is no excuse for abuse regardless of whom its coming from, but don’t write these comments like you’re stating facts. You have made people with bpd out to be a monolith of liars, abusers, and conmen when reality is this is a very arduous, life long disorder. Even in treatment many people will always have work to do and have to actively choose trying to regulate and reduce symptoms. It’s not like entering remission happens overnight. I’m not going to lie, I find it hard to believe whatever you went through was totally one sided when you’re in this same comment section telling someone they attempted to take their life simply for attention. And if you’d done even a milligram of research, you’d know there are multiple forms of bpd and not just ones that can manifest as outbursts/rage, destructive behavior or complete instability. You’d also know most licensed social workers, depending on place of employment and region, are required to have a degree in psychology. You are just as bad as the abusers with bpd that use it as an excuse and you both go hand in hand in ruining the public perception of this disorder.
Emotional explosion comment response 
That is very good. The analogy I use is pouring water on a pane of glass and it just runs off. No absorption, no osmosis. Then there is the cost of therapy. One I was considering is $US 200 ph. Thanks again.
I can't help but get beyond one thing: no matter how carefully you try to explain the "emotional tornado" that leads from a missing pen to homelessness, no matter how rational you make the chain of reasoning... it's still just nuts. Like, yeah, I get it. That's called "being crazy."
Hmm...seems easy for me, if someone with extreme anxiety over something/everything can leap to conclusions its easy to go from Lost keys > Cant find them, so frustrated> Late> Cant I get my life together> I will be a failure if I can't get my life together.
You cant get beyond that one thing because youve never had the misfortune of having to understand what its like.
You sound like someone who cant understand the concept of starvation because you have never been hungry. "Lol just go eat something, how are you going to be so weak pathetic that you cant just go hunt some for some food or just go pick some berries. Its so simple"
Just consider yourself blessed. Im happy you cant understand it. I wouldn't wish that kind of suffering on anyone.
I can't fully get on board with not stigmatizing the mental illness. My particular borderline ex had been lying to me since day one. The emotional cheating and online intimate relationships which proceeded our relationship and the secret life online is what was the most painful. I was being lied to and cheated on the entire relationship online with people she'd never even met all across the country. Even after bringing it up to her she stopped for about a week and went right back to doing it. I could deal with everything else to an extent but the lying and cheating I could not. Never once did she own up to it even with the cold hard evidence. I had to leave. Almost immediately I was dragged on social media and she went right back to her attention seeking ways to an extreme level. Needless to say I had to go full no contact.
Just because your gf did that doesn’t mean that other people with BPD are anything like that?? Every person is completely different and has their own values and way of living. This is like saying a former depressed friend ghosted you and cut you off and now you should be weary of every depressed person there is. Newsflash: ANYONE can be a wild/bad person, do harm or make mistakes..not just someone with a diagnosis. I always like to say the actions are that of the person, not the diagnosis. Id never do anything remotely even close to what your ex did so why should I have to face judgement because of them?? De stigmatizing the disorder means people are able to get the help that they need wether medically (physically and mentally) as well as being more supported to recover. How could this ever be a bad thing??
not everyone with BPD lies. many mentally ill people are honest to a fault, and many get cheated on. conversely, many people who do not have mental illnesses lie and have affairs. having BPD does not cause infidelity.
This is why I believe in looking at behavior, not labels. A lot of cheaters don't have BPD. Some people who do have BPD are not cheaters. It would be unfair to stigmatize them just because one person with that label was also a cheater. However, you shouldn't put up with cheating regardless of whether or not the person has a mental illness. They need to show respect for your boundaries and your physical/mental/sexual health. If they don't, then no contact is wise.
@@simniya8159 Except that lying and deceitful behavior are pillars of the characteristics of BPD. Blame shifting and devaluation as well as issues with object permanence. Spouse is out of sight and therefor out of mind as well so what is the issue then with the online dalliances! So yes, many many many other BPD people are like that. Maybe you wouldnt behave that way but, if you're actually being honest, and who knows what with lying being so prominent in BPD, you are among a teenie tiny minority that dont behave that way and not as you are trying to have this person believe.
@simniya8159 I understand logic and your stance. Which is not what I am saying. I am simply saying logic and understanding do not go hand in hand with severe cases of a mental illness which in itself is impulsive and illogical. On one hand she was very sweet and loving and a lover of pets. On the days where she was splitting because I said "no we can't spend $300 at Marshall's" (to satisfy her financial impulsivity which was becoming an every week occurrence and I am not rich for example) her mouth would say "okay". But her actions were sadistic and vindictive. The punishment i received from saying no and her choosing to run off and emotionally "cheat" because I said no, therefore i do not love her, does not fit the crime. Now that may very well be a difference in values and morals...or it can be a difference in severity within the disorder. That is all I am saying. To that, I am also saying. To the "normal" person whom is usually not knowledgeable of disorders, often BPD being a disorder that requires great knowledge, patience, understanding, and the strength to walk away; be it if your pwBPD lacks the awareness and/or refusal to get help. It should be proceeded with caution. I am not saying they deserve shame and demonization as I loved her very much and I had done more than anyone else in her life to receive help I was also very traumatized by her and now suffer the consequences of loving someone on a severe spectrum.
Catastrophize thinking and thought, & behavior..
The real reason is: most pwBPD do not go to therapy and do not put effort to improve their mental health.
Even those of us that do, still struggle greatly. I've been in therapy for almost 40 years and work on myself every day. But every day is a struggle.
@@jenynz5334 me too. been in therapy since I was a child, I'm 47 now, and even with the work I do in therapy, I'm still struggling. I can definitely say, it doesn't get easier with age or time, it's a life long struggle and work. and I'm trying so hard but it's difficult, I won't give up.💪
Some people may not know they have BPD. I was diagnosed this year and I'm in my 30s. I was already in therapy for other mental health issues, but now that I know I have BPD I have better awareness and can work on recovery.
Of course, there are going to be people who refuse to get help and I find that sad.
This isn't true and it's unkind. What you judge as no effort may be someone's full effort. It's judgements like this that fuel agoraphobia for me. I have BPD and being harshly judged for my sensitivity and ridiculous amount of triggers causes me to just avoid people as much as possible.
@@MrsLadyLiberty its unkind to use people to self regulate. Its why kids that are raised by pwBPD have so many ilnesses and problems down the line.
Have you considered other people that you have impact on? Have you thought about empathising and sympathising with your kids, friends and parents who you so deeply can hurt?
Yes, some of were raised and dated pwBPD and we have so many traumas as a result of it.
Its important to go to therapy and work on yourself, accept that we all have flaws and put efforts.
Regardless what fancy clinical label ya put behind it. It's simply emotional immaturity.
BPD people are simply perpetual toddlers.
Only love I have is for survivors who have dealt with these people
For just one second, consider the fact that you might be wrong, and the suicide rate proves it.
How many people have you told are liars and worthless when they were suffering?
My twins bf rolled his eyes as he walked out the door; it was the last moment he’d see her alive. Thats 100% true.
And I STILL have people in my life, family, that are in denial about the parts of this that are involuntarily, and that I DO experience things differently than they do.
The denial is as prevalent as a cancer, and it kills people.
Would you deny that? You can see it in the same scan as my brain damage.
Just for one second, PLEASE open yourself to the possibility and think about what that means, being wrong about this.
Life-changing.
I reached out to this "dr" about a year back and he just ignored me , 24 hours later i woke up in the ER after trying to take my life . This guy just wants money .
He’s here to educate us not save us.
Take responsibility for your own actions instead of blaming doctors for not saving you
To some degree yes. I think he sells books.
@Retro_Disco really good helpful books too
I wonder if it's worth some self-reflection on the idea that your opinion is in the minority? BPD is a tough gig: it doesn't take much to get triggered and it's so easy to not take responsibility for one's choices and actions.