Your channel has been so helpful I'm 74 years old after many years of therapy and medication I finally discovered narricism and the family scapegoat after the discovery and much mourning I am coming out the other side I have cut them ALL out of my life and I'm okay with it, I have diagnosed with PTSD but now I'm managing it, I don't smoke drink or do drugs I have been feeling the pain and dealing with it, it has not been easy but I have gone from victim to victor
Hello Janice I have cut my family out also family scapegoat, The self help is videos ect people do not understand unless they have lived the nightmare. Good bless . I'm only asking for 5 good yrs before l die..
After a break from the family, things might be different... I moved 500 miles away from my family at age 18 and never looked back. Currently not speaking to my brother at all as he was abusive and to this day continues to root against me, in all ways, at all times... Allow the members of the family to be individuals. Give it a year or two and then be open to the possibility of trying again, one family member at a time... Remember that it takes two to tango, you won't continue to be a victim if you don't allow yourself to be victimized... It often takes a period of adjustment.... You can't go from awful to awesome all at once... But as the tables have now turned and the power is in your hands, be open to the idea that the future is not always the same as the past. Do whatever you want but I guess I'm saying- don't let a 2024 decision control you in 2025, 2026, 2027. Make the decision fresh each day, and if you decide again and again and again and again that you don't want to see your family, then don't see your family.
I love DBT. I was very resistant for a long time and felt like DBT is a punishment for people that cannot control themselves (certainly not me). If I go to DBT that's like throwing my last bit of pride out the window and accepting that I am a failure as a human being (my internal dialogue.) What I've actually found in reality is that DBT is seriously the best thing ever. It feels like something that will actually help me protect my self worth rather than rub my nose in my failures and exclude me from society. It's something that builds you up and gives you the tools you may have missed out on. I am in a group with people that I can relate to and the instructor feels like someone who understands that people with big emotions have particular struggles and I am not judged. I love DBT. Please try it if you haven't.
@@katieg7679 I would sure go to a group for DBT, but everything here is online and after trying it that way found it didn’t work for me. Too difficult with only a phone and no PC.
I developed personal insight when i learned to step into the neutral observer viewpoint. Instead of seeing from my pov under the tsunami and getting pummeled, i asked myself how i looked to outsiders that were watching me react to the tsunami. Then i stopped only seeing my own pov where i felt my behaviors were justified because obviously i was flailing in the ultimate desperation and misery of an emotional tsunami. I finally realized nobody else understood or saw my extreme reactions as understandable. Instead, they looked at me like an unhinged madwoman that they would remember to steer clear from. I felt an entire lifetime of humiliation after that realization.
I understand exactly where you're coming from. I am just now at 52 years old after a 2 year period of turmoil realizing who I am and now I have treated people my entire life. I wondered for years what was wrong with me what made me different why did people want to steer clear of me. And now I just feel devastated and confused as to why I didn't see this so long ago. I just have to realize I still have many years ahead of me and as hard as it is to change with this many years of ingrained self protective behaviors I can and I will. You can too😊
escaping pov is how Buddha became Buddha, or so the legend goes... If you can eliminate speculation completely, ONLY pay attention to what is definitely 100% true... Put that with escaping pov and your opportunities to get worked up about things will dramatically decrease.
I've been married for 7 years and my wife unfortunately has BPD and we have had many many many many many many altercations. Early on I thought I was going crazy I thought I was in the Twilight Zone but then as I did more and more research and realized what I was dealing with I began to implement certain techniques and get her to watch some of Dr Fox's videos and finally go through a workbook called you untangled which has helped tremendously but we are about to seek counseling due to the last confrontation we had this week. She doesn't seem to remember or acknowledge any wrongdoing for some reason she is always the victim and feels justified in all of her words deeds and actions and doesn't remember a lot of things that actually happened it's very frustrating
It sounds like you've been on a challenging journey, but it's great to hear that you've found some resources that have helped. Seeking counseling is a positive step, and I hope it brings you both clarity and understanding.
You're a good man sir, you're doing great don't give up sounds like you're almost at the finish line! I promise there's a point of realization and you'll get your amends ❤
Great video to improve my understanding. My adult daughter has this diagnosis and occasionally after doing all the validating, I wonder if I shouldn’t just provide some tough love. This explains why that wouldn’t work. Thanks for helping me understand
These videos are helping calm me I listen all day. I am 38, and my bpd is horrible after 19 years. It's really bad. It's because i have a favorite person. Bless his heart. He tries to help me as much as he can. Now i am trying to regulate my emotions because I love him..
It's honestly getting to the point I can't stand people with personality disorders the trama they cause is insane to think they have suffered and cant see others is mind boggling to me. Other peoples behaviors affected them and yet they don't care how they affect others lets be real its called selfishness I guess some can realize it but for an empath its draining and not healthy what im starting to do run don't walk away
Yes, I am 100% with you on this. My mother and 3 brothers are all BPD and I now feel that I have betrayed myself and wasted so much of my life babying their insanity.
Omg! You described my whole life and I can see where it all started. Thank you for your material. I was not aware of myself until a few years back then I started processing my childhood. Losing my mom as a seven years old made me feel abandoned and my father had so many mental limitations paired with addictions. Now I know we all do our best. I was left alone for days to care for myself, yes, it made me an overachiever who doesn’t know how to trust nor depend on others plus empty, lonely and never knowing my worth. Hurt people do hurt people and I don’t want to damage my kids or to overprotect them because of my own fears and limitations. Balance seems so hard to achieve… Still I strive not to cause the pain I endured. And repair what was broken in me to become a better person. I deserve this for myself. To restore in me what no one else can do for me.
Thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage to reflect on the past and work towards healing. Remember, it’s a journey, and every step you take towards understanding yourself is a step in the right direction.
@@DrDanielFox I wasted a lot of time thinking someone would come and save me, sometimes even from myself, but when I discovered it was my job after all, it changed everything for me. Revisiting the moments I couldn’t protect myself as the grown up removed so many fears and I finally was able to rest. It feels wonderful to know me better 💃🏽🕺🏻
My level of insight in general is VERY good, but that all vanishes when I'm emotionally dysregulated. And I can't seem to tell when it tips over from stable / insightful to unstable / completely irrational.
Hi, Dr. Fox! First, I can't thank you enough for your your work! The way you speak of BPD & care for both those living w/ it and those who love someone w/ it in such a genuinely compassionate/dignifying way means more to me than I can express. Second, I was wondering if you might have insight on how to give compliments/encouragement to someone living w/ BPD. I have a dear friend who is an amazing person in so many ways, yet sadly has much past trauma. Though I could (and would) never try to diagnose someone else, I strongly suspect they may have BPD knowing their past & some challenges I've seen them have. I love this person as though they were family, and my own top two love languages are words of affirmation & acts of service. However, when I've tried to encourage them, they've often shown little or no response. It's so hard to feel like I'm not making as much of a positive difference for them as I wish I could (especially since they've experienced so much hurt yet have so much good to offer). Thank you in advance for your help. Much gratitude again, and blessings!! 🙏
I really appreciate your positive attitude. I finish watching your videos feeling good about the information you’ve provided and hopeful in my ability to apply it. Thank you Dr. Fox.
I highly, highly recommend Dr. Fox's video course. It's a little expensive, but so helpful with very specific adaptive strategies and guidance. You'll be glad you did!
Thank you 🙏🏻 you’re the first medical professional and person to describe exactly what living with BPD is actually like. You’re also the first person to make me feel like a worthy human being. I was diagnosed approximately 30 yrs ago but given no help on how to manage my BPD.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! It’s important to feel understood and valued. I’m glad my video resonated with you and provided some clarity on living with BPD.
Your knowledge and articulation on the subject is exceptional. Suprises me the depth to your insight. I’m sure your videos literally save and console some individuals
Being involved with someone with BPD long term has def affected me with some trauma. My energy was drained I started feeling like I have PTSD cuz one day is good the next is bad. Or they can all the sudden switch. When I was single and mingling, I tend to be triggered much easier if I sense lies or if there’s drama. In all I gotta heal.
One of your very best videos! My partner finally understood my behaviour. I can go a month or two without anything triggering me. And then I seem to go crazy on him. Just when I thought I was getting better, I have an episode that drives me to terrible things. I live in Canada and have been to many therapists who don’t seem to have any idea how to help. 4 of them have diagnosed me with BPD, but are unable to see me any longer than a few sessions. To get someone to listen for more than one session it’s 200.00. And if they don’t have your experience it’s a lot of money for a retired person. I’ve been suffering with this since childhood, and I’m 71. I’m not enjoying any of my life and there is probably not much of it left. I have your book and several binders full of DBT exercises. But it’s doesn’t do what face to face sessions would do. Any suggestions?
There are ways to get specialized therapy for free here in Canada-- but you usually a referal from a doctor or a referal service, (both of which you have to seek out online yourself) you'll typically have to go to a bigger city for specialized therapy, and there's usually a wait for free services.. I'm currently waiting up to 6 months for a mental health specialist in Ontario. It's not easy.
As a kid I was facinated about a guy called Red Adair, he extinguished fires by using explosives. I think (or know from myself) that you need sth like that in order to fight BPD or worse NPD. You need sb who uses force to "break" your false believe of who you are. Everybody is different, but for me this is how things work!
Dodkonały wykład na temat tego przytlaczającego zaburzenia, sam się z tym zmagam od wielu lat a do trego jeszce mam inne przypadlości w postaci chorób współisntniejących, nie jest łatwo nauczyć się pracować nad sobą ale nigdy nie jest za pózno aby stać się bardziej przystosowanym, pozdrawiam serdecznie wszystkich sluchaczy oraz kanal Daniel'a J.Fox'a.
This is an excellent analysis. With me, recognizing the trigger is paramount. Keep in mind from the trigger to the tsunami is literally a nanosecond. There is a multitude of triggers, some the BPD person may not even know, much less recognize. Learning mentalization, DBT, and schema therapy can all lead to trigger management. It is a long road, but it is possible to improve.
Thank you for your insightful comment! Recognizing triggers is indeed crucial, and it's great to see you emphasizing that. The journey of understanding and managing those triggers can be challenging, but every step forward is a victory!
Having a wife and kid made me realize something was wrong with how I would get so upset so quickly. Having people care about me unconditionally has made me realize how fucked up i am from conditional affection as a kid. I wasn’t abused in the traditional sense. It was like I was invisible or an emotional punching bag. Now, I realized that I have been doing that to my family and I hate myself for it.
My mom either has this or narcissistic pd and I’m done trying to pussyfoot around. She has treated me awful my entire life. Now that my dad recently died she is way worse. I call my mom to try to see how she is doing and talk about my dad. What proceeded to happen is her leading me into a political debate. I tried to stop her bc we don’t agree here so why even talk about it. She proceeded to say awful things to me and hang up on me. I have tried to call HER back! She won’t answer and we live states apart. I have called three times total and I’m just done. I am 45 years old and she is 65. This will never change. I need to continue to just be a good woman to my husband, kids and friends.
Narcs get worse with age people drop off , and the Marsk slips . Don't feel bad put yourself 1st that's all she has done all her life. All we are to these people is something to use .
@@jbuntine1255 Thank you for this!! I have felt used by her from a very young age and always held out hope that things would eventually change and she would actually “see” me but this still hasn’t happened after all this time. She then goes and tells family members that I’m bad to her and smears my name. I’m just done. Thank you for your time in answering me back and I’m sorry if you are dealing with this stuff too.
I looked after my mother x2 now deceased . Used and abused all my life by this family . Married a Narc now X l was his Slave the financial abuse . My father a Psychopth inappropriate with my daughter , confronting him on the behaviour , he had the police onto me insanity. Your not believed by family they think you are mad.. There is a book Called Jesus's and the twisted Generation By Ida Sputum Her mother was mentally ill No boundaries and a horrendous dysfunctional family.. God bless from ozz. 3:02
That doesn't sound anything like borderline personality disorder because we normally wouldn't start a debate out of nowhere. We do fear abandonment, rejection and conflict after all. Your mother sounds like someone who may be be struggling with narcissistic personality disorder, but it's really important to remember that everyone is an individual and a whole group of people shouldn't have to take responsibility for one completely separate individual's actions. I do not intend to invalidate your experience; it sounds horrible. I'm so sorry you went through all that. I do not have narcissistic personality disorder myself, but my mother and old friend have it. They are both very different people who present their disorder in very different ways. It can be tough living with someone who presents so severely, believe me, I know…but there are some out there who are willing to change and have self-awareness, whether it's NPD or some other disorder.
I ran out of patience with my mother. She didn’t see anything wrong with exploiting me and tearing me down to gain compliance. I think capitulation is her love language. 😒
That sounds more like narcissism to me rather than BPD i could be wrong but just what you described. Also you dont deserve that no matter her diagnosis. I hope she gets help and i hope and wish healing for you ❤ im sure you’ve tried talking with her but at least make sure you say your peace and let her know how she made you feel for your own sake and if she doesn’t change at all or try to get help then maybe no contact? Just suggestions. You shouldn’t have to suffer over someone else’s actions and words especially your family or people who are supposed to make you feel loved and safe. God loves you and I do too ❤
@@Unfilteredalyssa1227 Thank you for your kind words and love. ☺️ My mom has been diagnosed with BPD on two separate occasions when I was a teenager and young adult. She has been in treatment (med and therapy) on several occasions and ultimately would quit when it came to acknowledging her abusive behavior and changing it. She said she is less effective when she was in treatment and she doesn’t like that. Her ability to bully and manipulate people is more important to her than anyone else. I stopped contact with her when she tried to use the uncertainty of fear we experienced at the beginning of the covid pandemic to get my siblings and me to give her money and pay for somewhere for her to live. She threatened that we may never see her again if she doesn’t have these things and she contracts covid. That was the end for me. I spent four decades being patient and trying to figure out how to communicate with her better and thinking that I was the failure for not getting through to her. I told her that I was not going to watch her destroy herself anymore.
@@Unfilteredalyssa1227 She’s been diagnosed with BPD twice. She’s also highly narcissistic. She’s been in treatment with meds and therapy on multiple occasions when I was a teenager. Ultimately, she said she likes being able to get her way (by being an exploitative, violent bully), and stopped all treatment. I stopped contact with her about 4 years ago.
Let me guess: Did your mother start having children between the ages of 18 and 23? Generally speaking, until the age of 25, we tend to be in "wrong relationships" until we meet the right people. Those who stay in these relationships may give birth to individuals who struggle with either NPD (for thinkers and judgers) or BPD (for perceivers and feelers), or perhaps both. Those who leave toxic relationships and find the right one may have children who are "saved," but not entirely. Young parents will "always" have some toxic dynamics with their children. Many of us have dealt with suicidal thoughts at least once in our lives because of these young parents. The world needs to wake up. My parents met at 25, and they were angels, but if they had stayed with their exes, they would have been "monsters," and so would their offspring. Of course, I can't generalize for everyone since we all have different personalities, souls, life paths, and upbringing experiences. Nobody asks why, biologically and scientifically, the ideal age for women to have children is around 32, or why men mature in their 40s and women in their 30s.
It’s tough when its like that right when you wake up. Have you identified any triggers that happen? For me it was the people i was around and the situation itself. But then it stopped happening right when i woke up anyway once that situation was changed. You can’t always change your situation either so i get that if you cant. Mine took a while. Also maybe coming up with a somewhat calm morning routine or trying metropalol if youre like waking up with panic attacks. Its a medicine (talk to your doctor of course) that lowers your heart rate and can help with having the feeling of a panic attack. It worked for me. Everyones different. I hope it helps though good luck ❤🎉
So rough. Everyday I find myself within the first 10 seconds of waking doing a bit of a mental self-examination. And it is pretty crushing when I realize I've just woken up and I'm already on the verge of crying. But there are also days where after the self-examination I realize, I feel good today.
You have wonderful videos! We would absolutely appreciate if you could make a video on how to convince BPD spouse for diagnosis and treatment. My wife always lies to her psychiatrist so, her doctor diagnosed her anxiety & depression. But she has severe symptoms of BPD. And she never admits it and doesn’t want to tell her true symptoms to her doc. So, she isn’t getting proper treatment and therapy. Please create a video on how to make BPD person understand to get the proper treatment. Thank you 🙏🏼
it's not that anyone can't acquire insight and wisdom, it's that they are resistant to acquiring such value, they refuse. Other people who are abused do seek out and acquire wisdom and insight and cope without disorders.
You make an excellent point! The willingness to seek wisdom is crucial, and it’s inspiring to see how some people navigate their challenges with resilience and growth.
I am a christian with quiet BPD. I can say that I do know when I am abusive. And I do stop it. But the thing that is hard to control is the emotional instability.
Hi Dr Fox, I am working my way through your BPD workbook, it is such powerful work, you have laid it out in perfect order to learn about this spectrum disorder and release the issues and move into recovery. It's kind of mind blowing. I have two questions: Can you recommend a process at the end of the session that will bring us back around to hope, clarity and feeling successful? Doing the work is intense, and I feel a need to close it out with positivity. Also, I meditate every morning, it is my spirituality, and I believe there are only two kinds of folks- those in alignment with their higher selves, and those not. Alignment can be minute by minute, it involves releasing resistance and receiving information from our highest selves, and my answers to your questions will change according to my alignment. For instance, working through Chapter 3 to find my attachment style, I can honestly say if I have done my centering work that morning in meditation, I can see that I fall into all four categories', if I am not in that warm comfy space of alignment. It's looking back at my past and recent past to asses myself. I am not sure if this makes sense to anyone but me, but please know we are all so so grateful for your videos and the workbooks.
I found it! I'll use this great little bit at the end of your symptom tracker. It makes me feel better right away "Insight is Knowledge, Knowledge is Power, and Power is Control!
Dr Fox, Could you do a video on whether you need to tell your friends and loved ones that you have bpd? If so when is it a good time to tell someone you just meet a boyfriend or a new friend?
That's a really important topic to discuss! I'll definitely consider making a video about when and how to share that information with friends and loved ones. Thanks for the suggestion!
Hi, I have been with some woman who, apparently, did not have herself well under control. Every discussion, argument, conflict was escalated by her either into contemptuous sarcasm or yelling. Well, she was aware of that, and she admitted to be strongly driven by her emotions. But why did she not consider this as a serious problem which tormented her family of origin, her children and her partners. Because of two things: first, she doesn't care much about the wellbeing of others, and her aggressiveness is successful in that normal people tend to back down and rather not get into further trouble with her. So life has rewarded her innumerable times for her aggressive behaviour. So she has little incentive to change ... if her mother doesn't talk to her any longer, her partners desert her, her explanation is simply: I am surrounded by crazy people. And that's it. Hopeless. Call it BPD, call it narcissistic, antisocial, psychopathic ... it has elements of all of that.
It sounds like you’ve been through a challenging experience. Emotional regulation can be tough for many people, and it’s important for everyone to recognize how their behavior impacts those around them. Thank you for sharing your insights.
I agree. There is some reward in being unpredictable and intimidating people, especially one's family. The family cannot abandon one totally, so they are tiptoeing around a sick person in fear. It gives one the feeling of power. People with personality disorders can be quite manipulative.
@@DrDanielFox The point I wanted to make is that borderline-like behaviour is not solely a source of suffering, but also, and perhaps equally or even more important, a source of power and getting your way without having to argue in a civilised way. And yes, all this might be subconscious, and the 'perpetrators' are not even aware of that, particularly when they have a strong paranoid streak.
This is one of the things I have seen the most with people with bpd is often times they rewarded in some way for theor behavior whether the reward was intentionally or not and it reinforces the behavior. And what's extremely hard about that is if you are one of the only people not rewarding them you become some awful person instead of someone that doesnt want to be an emotional punching bag
Thank you for this I have BPD I don't understand it. I struggle really bad with it. Get called crazy so on. Push ppl away but some how my husband has been the only one who tries to understand my brain. I guess he's the only one who hasn't left me I dunno I don't get it . I hate emotions I just want to numb them . So tiring.
Anyone who thinks that I intentionally act how I do is an asshole. But I also kind of am starting to think that BPD is a BS label and that parent neglect and abuse causes this BS.
Your videos are extremely helpful, however I need to PLAYFULLY point out that the thumbnail for the video’s words were in font/design of some Sonic The Hedgehog thing Id seen in the past and it was too funny a realization to not point out x)
if some experts say _most_ people with bpd have childhood trauma who says that the other few that seemingly don't are even able to recognize their trauma or remember it? wouldn't it be weird if like 20% of people with bpd had no trauma at all but still the same set of symptoms (more or less) as people who developed this way out of trauma?
Wonderful video Dr Fox. I have some questions though: while no parent is perfect and certainly there are some who do abuse their children either intentionally or inadvertently, I dont see how that 'causes' bpd. How is it possible for one member of the family to be BPD while siblings are all 'normal' (I am using that word loosely here) if it is abuse or trauma that causes it? How much of a BPD's 'memory' of abuse is actually real given that they frequently move circumstances around to fit their narrative? Unless they stop blaming others for whats wrong,(and yes I do know I am generalising again,) how do they actually start benefitting from the DBT? Finally, do you have a 'workbook' for the families/spouses of BPD person to help them navigate and use the right words to calm and reassure the BPD and/or stop triggering the BPD.? I hope you will answer these questions for me :) xx
I wish that my future husband watch this and understand that I would never try to hurt him on purpose and will do my best to recover 😢I hope he doesn't leave me like my ex because of this 😢
How can I fight u if u also have a sociopathy and are trying to take my 2 yr old away from based on false legal allegations? Any insight you can provide would be so helpful. I was an enabling husband of 5 yrs that served as complete support for her (without knowing) 😢
Recognise that it all hit me at once unexpectedly all my emotions came out at once I froze hated everyone I was told that I was selfish I was in absolute fear properly other people would believe that I'm over reacting
I swear this was my mother and my ex. One mnt we are ok. The next he is mad and paranoid. Always thought I was doing something when I wasn't and no matter what I did to prove to him he was wrong he disnt care. So then I'd walk away and 2 days later he was sorry. He drove me crazy
It should be more than okay to ask that. I have BPD and yes everyone’s different but maybe say “hey i was wondering if you knew about the love languages and which one is yours? That way i can love you better and ill tell you mine” hope that helps 🎉
Dear Daniel, I have got married with my bpd wife in December 2023. After almost 1 year, for some mistake, she is splitted from me as saying, She doens't love me anymore. She tried. But failed to love me. She wants devorce. I apologise many way. But her word is fixed. Fortunately her parents are with me. They started her DBT. But my question, after dbt session, can she even remember me?? At present, she don't care our good times, good moments. Even she is saying, the marriage is a mistake from her. Even she was srying for marriage before Marriage. I am muslim, from Bangladesh. What should I do? I want to be with my wife. But she has 0% interest. Few days ago, she loved a lot. Is there any way to be idealized again? or how many days it will take for dbt? Can she be cure? Again be mine?
Cant believe there are people here commenting that the people with bpd know exactly what they are doing.😢 Educate yourself,you are wrong! Very narcissistic comment!
Also, Dr. Fix has a wonderful video course available that is about the same cost as a visit or two with a therapist. While no substitute for the care of in person therapy, his experience with thousands of patients with BPD traits provides invaluable insight. It is very different from the RUclips videos in that it gives more specific concrete therapeutical solutions to common BPD issues. Well worth it!)
I believe that A.D.H.D. and Borderline Personality Disorder is overdiagnosed when it is based on misinformation offered by a partner who is laying the groundwork ahead of then filing for divorce.
That's an interesting perspective! The conversation around mental health diagnoses is complex and it's important to consider the influence of relationships on perceptions of these conditions.
When you have finally overcome all this, what takes some time, you still have the intensity of the feelings... you can get high with arts and music and of course when you are in love with s.b., I pity people who are taking drugs, they only experiece "second hand" emotions. It sounds a bit arrogant, yes it does!
These people know exactly what they're doing, don't feel bad for them. As a son of a narcissist mother, to them, we normal people, are just tools - they will use you, abuse, manipulate and control you without feeling anything. My neighbor has BPD, the fights the screaming and the things she says to her husband is out of this world, stay away from these people, they know who and what they are.
We live in a fallen evil world ,telling people who have already been so abused as children that they can now heal themselves is adding another burden to the already burdened ,most shrinks have munchausers,only Jesus can heal your broken heart! As He has mine ,watch Randy Kay and be blessed and saved!
You don't have to heal yourself, just understand what maladaptive patterns make up your comfort zone. Adding another narcissist abuser like the god of the bible that makes you feel more broken is not going to help anyone.
He is helping us understand ourselves, which is more than Jesus has ever done for me. The only burden around here is you pushing your toxic religion and god
Just because you benefit from a relationship with God, it doesn’t make therapy a useless endeavor. If you are mentally well, you’ll be a more effective disciple of God. Clearly, the way you phrased your comment is just triggering people. Therapy can teach you to be a better communicator.
My "perfect" wife of 5 yrs had hidden BPD. 3 months ago it all came out during a false abandonment episode. We have a 2 yr old. She has now turned against me and is trying to take my child away. Any advice? 😢
It seems that you married young, and this is a relationship based on both NPD and BPD. One of the classics of our youth, for some of us. Get away from this relationship, but try to be there for your child 'cause he will need you, otherwise he has higher chances of developing NPD/BPD himself later on. Some 11-12 y.o. children who grow up without a father's figure, because their father doesn't care, they meet very briefly, and only like once a month, they will internalize feelings of rejection/abandonment, and at that age they might make suicidal theater scenes. Attention seeking ones. Today's generations are even more affected than we used to be. So, don't you have any allies in her family? Like parents or anything. Who will take care of your child besides her? Have a serious conversation, all of you together, and "compromise." Point out that you can both move on with your lives, but the child will need both of the parents, if not all "4" of you.
Thank you for not demonizing BPD the way a lot of people do and actually provide care :) I have bpd and it's difficult for me to explain so thank you for trying to help other people 🫶
Your channel has been so helpful I'm 74 years old after many years of therapy and medication I finally discovered narricism and the family scapegoat after the discovery and much mourning I am coming out the other side I have cut them ALL out of my life and I'm okay with it, I have diagnosed with PTSD but now I'm managing it, I don't smoke drink or do drugs I have been feeling the pain and dealing with it, it has not been easy but I have gone from victim to victor
Hello Janice
I have cut my family out also family scapegoat,
The self help is videos ect people do not understand unless they have lived the nightmare.
Good bless . I'm only asking for 5 good yrs before l die..
After a break from the family, things might be different... I moved 500 miles away from my family at age 18 and never looked back. Currently not speaking to my brother at all as he was abusive and to this day continues to root against me, in all ways, at all times... Allow the members of the family to be individuals. Give it a year or two and then be open to the possibility of trying again, one family member at a time... Remember that it takes two to tango, you won't continue to be a victim if you don't allow yourself to be victimized... It often takes a period of adjustment.... You can't go from awful to awesome all at once... But as the tables have now turned and the power is in your hands, be open to the idea that the future is not always the same as the past. Do whatever you want but I guess I'm saying- don't let a 2024 decision control you in 2025, 2026, 2027. Make the decision fresh each day, and if you decide again and again and again and again that you don't want to see your family, then don't see your family.
I love DBT. I was very resistant for a long time and felt like DBT is a punishment for people that cannot control themselves (certainly not me). If I go to DBT that's like throwing my last bit of pride out the window and accepting that I am a failure as a human being (my internal dialogue.) What I've actually found in reality is that DBT is seriously the best thing ever. It feels like something that will actually help me protect my self worth rather than rub my nose in my failures and exclude me from society. It's something that builds you up and gives you the tools you may have missed out on. I am in a group with people that I can relate to and the instructor feels like someone who understands that people with big emotions have particular struggles and I am not judged. I love DBT. Please try it if you haven't.
Great encouragement
don't ever forget that people love humble people. You don't need an ego that tells you you've failed. We all need truth to keep us healthy
@@katieg7679 I would sure go to a group for DBT, but everything here is online and after trying it that way found it didn’t work for me. Too difficult with only a phone and no PC.
I developed personal insight when i learned to step into the neutral observer viewpoint. Instead of seeing from my pov under the tsunami and getting pummeled, i asked myself how i looked to outsiders that were watching me react to the tsunami. Then i stopped only seeing my own pov where i felt my behaviors were justified because obviously i was flailing in the ultimate desperation and misery of an emotional tsunami. I finally realized nobody else understood or saw my extreme reactions as understandable. Instead, they looked at me like an unhinged madwoman that they would remember to steer clear from. I felt an entire lifetime of humiliation after that realization.
I understand exactly where you're coming from. I am just now at 52 years old after a 2 year period of turmoil realizing who I am and now I have treated people my entire life. I wondered for years what was wrong with me what made me different why did people want to steer clear of me. And now I just feel devastated and confused as to why I didn't see this so long ago. I just have to realize I still have many years ahead of me and as hard as it is to change with this many years of ingrained self protective behaviors I can and I will. You can too😊
escaping pov is how Buddha became Buddha, or so the legend goes... If you can eliminate speculation completely, ONLY pay attention to what is definitely 100% true... Put that with escaping pov and your opportunities to get worked up about things will dramatically decrease.
At least you found the observer
I've been married for 7 years and my wife unfortunately has BPD and we have had many many many many many many altercations. Early on I thought I was going crazy I thought I was in the Twilight Zone but then as I did more and more research and realized what I was dealing with I began to implement certain techniques and get her to watch some of Dr Fox's videos and finally go through a workbook called you untangled which has helped tremendously but we are about to seek counseling due to the last confrontation we had this week. She doesn't seem to remember or acknowledge any wrongdoing for some reason she is always the victim and feels justified in all of her words deeds and actions and doesn't remember a lot of things that actually happened it's very frustrating
It sounds like you've been on a challenging journey, but it's great to hear that you've found some resources that have helped. Seeking counseling is a positive step, and I hope it brings you both clarity and understanding.
You're a good man sir, you're doing great don't give up sounds like you're almost at the finish line! I promise there's a point of realization and you'll get your amends ❤
Great video to improve my understanding. My adult daughter has this diagnosis and occasionally after doing all the validating, I wonder if I shouldn’t just provide some tough love. This explains why that wouldn’t work. Thanks for helping me understand
These videos are helping calm me I listen all day. I am 38, and my bpd is horrible after 19 years. It's really bad. It's because i have a favorite person. Bless his heart. He tries to help me as much as he can. Now i am trying to regulate my emotions because I love him..
Glad you found the video helpful and that’s awesome you’re managing it so well.
It's honestly getting to the point I can't stand people with personality disorders the trama they cause is insane to think they have suffered and cant see others is mind boggling to me. Other peoples behaviors affected them and yet they don't care how they affect others lets be real its called selfishness I guess some can realize it but for an empath its draining and not healthy what im starting to do run don't walk away
Yes, I am 100% with you on this. My mother and 3 brothers are all BPD and I now feel that I have betrayed myself and wasted so much of my life babying their insanity.
Omg!
You described my whole life and I can see where it all started.
Thank you for your material.
I was not aware of myself until a few years back then I started processing my childhood. Losing my mom as a seven years old made me feel abandoned and my father had so many mental limitations paired with addictions. Now I know we all do our best. I was left alone for days to care for myself, yes, it made me an overachiever who doesn’t know how to trust nor depend on others plus empty, lonely and never knowing my worth. Hurt people do hurt people and I don’t want to damage my kids or to overprotect them because of my own fears and limitations. Balance seems so hard to achieve… Still I strive not to cause the pain I endured. And repair what was broken in me to become a better person. I deserve this for myself. To restore in me what no one else can do for me.
Thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage to reflect on the past and work towards healing. Remember, it’s a journey, and every step you take towards understanding yourself is a step in the right direction.
@@DrDanielFox I wasted a lot of time thinking someone would come and save me, sometimes even from myself, but when I discovered it was my job after all, it changed everything for me.
Revisiting the moments I couldn’t protect myself as the grown up removed so many fears and I finally was able to rest. It feels wonderful to know me better 💃🏽🕺🏻
My level of insight in general is VERY good, but that all vanishes when I'm emotionally dysregulated. And I can't seem to tell when it tips over from stable / insightful to unstable / completely irrational.
I think that I have a similar problem. Thanks for sharing.😮
Me as well
Reason is only accessible in the complete absence of emotion, which for most people is about 0% of the time.
@kellykiernan7785 Very true!
Thank you for explaining this so well.
You’re welcome
Hi, Dr. Fox!
First, I can't thank you enough for your your work! The way you speak of BPD & care for both those living w/ it and those who love someone w/ it in such a genuinely compassionate/dignifying way means more to me than I can express.
Second, I was wondering if you might have insight on how to give compliments/encouragement to someone living w/ BPD. I have a dear friend who is an amazing person in so many ways, yet sadly has much past trauma. Though I could (and would) never try to diagnose someone else, I strongly suspect they may have BPD knowing their past & some challenges I've seen them have.
I love this person as though they were family, and my own top two love languages are words of affirmation & acts of service. However, when I've tried to encourage them, they've often shown little or no response. It's so hard to feel like I'm not making as much of a positive difference for them as I wish I could (especially since they've experienced so much hurt yet have so much good to offer).
Thank you in advance for your help. Much gratitude again, and blessings!! 🙏
I really appreciate your positive attitude. I finish watching your videos feeling good about the information you’ve provided and hopeful in my ability to apply it.
Thank you Dr. Fox.
I highly, highly recommend Dr. Fox's video course. It's a little expensive, but so helpful with very specific adaptive strategies and guidance. You'll be glad you did!
Thank you 🙏🏻 you’re the first medical professional and person to describe exactly what living with BPD is actually like. You’re also the first person to make me feel like a worthy human being. I was diagnosed approximately 30 yrs ago but given no help on how to manage my BPD.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! It’s important to feel understood and valued. I’m glad my video resonated with you and provided some clarity on living with BPD.
Your knowledge and articulation on the subject is exceptional. Suprises me the depth to your insight. I’m sure your videos literally save and console some individuals
Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you well.
Being involved with someone with BPD long term has def affected me with some trauma. My energy was drained I started feeling like I have PTSD cuz one day is good the next is bad. Or they can all the sudden switch. When I was single and mingling, I tend to be triggered much easier if I sense lies or if there’s drama. In all I gotta heal.
One of your very best videos! My partner finally understood my behaviour. I can go a month or two without anything triggering me. And then I seem to go crazy on him. Just when I thought I was getting better, I have an episode that drives me to terrible things. I live in Canada and have been to many therapists who don’t seem to have any idea how to help. 4 of them have diagnosed me with BPD, but are unable to see me any longer than a few sessions. To get someone to listen for more than one session it’s 200.00. And if they don’t have your experience it’s a lot of money for a retired person. I’ve been suffering with this since childhood, and I’m 71. I’m not enjoying any of my life and there is probably not much of it left. I have your book and several binders full of DBT exercises. But it’s doesn’t do what face to face sessions would do. Any suggestions?
There are ways to get specialized therapy for free here in Canada-- but you usually a referal from a doctor or a referal service, (both of which you have to seek out online yourself) you'll typically have to go to a bigger city for specialized therapy, and there's usually a wait for free services.. I'm currently waiting up to 6 months for a mental health specialist in Ontario.
It's not easy.
I’m in Vancouver and DBT is free. Yes there was about a six month wait. It is helpful to some extent.
Thank you dr.fox , you see us and understand
Thank you so much for this video. It’s helped me very much.
As a kid I was facinated about a guy called Red Adair, he extinguished fires by using explosives. I think (or know from myself) that you need sth like that in order to fight BPD or worse NPD. You need sb who uses force to "break" your false believe of who you are. Everybody is different, but for me this is how things work!
Dodkonały wykład na temat tego przytlaczającego zaburzenia, sam się z tym zmagam od wielu lat a do trego jeszce mam inne przypadlości w postaci chorób współisntniejących, nie jest łatwo nauczyć się pracować nad sobą ale nigdy nie jest za pózno aby stać się bardziej przystosowanym, pozdrawiam serdecznie wszystkich sluchaczy oraz kanal Daniel'a J.Fox'a.
Thank you for the compassion
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
@@DrDanielFox You at an inspiration. I'm back to grad school at 51 to become a therapist focused here.
This is an excellent analysis. With me, recognizing the trigger is paramount. Keep in mind from the trigger to the tsunami is literally a nanosecond. There is a multitude of triggers, some the BPD person may not even know, much less recognize. Learning mentalization, DBT, and schema therapy can all lead to trigger management. It is a long road, but it is possible to improve.
Thank you for your insightful comment! Recognizing triggers is indeed crucial, and it's great to see you emphasizing that. The journey of understanding and managing those triggers can be challenging, but every step forward is a victory!
Awesome video. Thank you.
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
Thank you so much for sharing this info.
14:54 ❤ This is the first time I've heard you or anyone say that with so much positivity ❤
Schema therapy and DBT helps me. A lot of work goes into this.
Having a wife and kid made me realize something was wrong with how I would get so upset so quickly. Having people care about me unconditionally has made me realize how fucked up i am from conditional affection as a kid. I wasn’t abused in the traditional sense. It was like I was invisible or an emotional punching bag. Now, I realized that I have been doing that to my family and I hate myself for it.
My mom either has this or narcissistic pd and I’m done trying to pussyfoot around. She has treated me awful my entire life. Now that my dad recently died she is way worse. I call my mom to try to see how she is doing and talk about my dad. What proceeded to happen is her leading me into a political debate. I tried to stop her bc we don’t agree here so why even talk about it. She proceeded to say awful things to me and hang up on me. I have tried to call HER back! She won’t answer and we live states apart. I have called three times total and I’m just done. I am 45 years old and she is 65. This will never change. I need to continue to just be a good woman to my husband, kids and friends.
Narcs get worse with age people drop off , and the Marsk slips .
Don't feel bad put yourself 1st that's all she has done all her life.
All we are to these people is something to use .
I sent you a reply .
Put yourself 1st and your family.
The manipulation has to stop Narcs get worse with age..
@@jbuntine1255 Thank you for this!! I have felt used by her from a very young age and always held out hope that things would eventually change and she would actually “see” me but this still hasn’t happened after all this time. She then goes and tells family members that I’m bad to her and smears my name. I’m just done. Thank you for your time in answering me back and I’m sorry if you are dealing with this stuff too.
I looked after my mother x2 now deceased .
Used and abused all my life by this family .
Married a Narc now X l was his Slave the financial abuse .
My father a Psychopth inappropriate with my daughter , confronting him on the behaviour , he had the police onto me insanity. Your not believed by family they think you are mad..
There is a book
Called Jesus's and the twisted Generation
By Ida Sputum
Her mother was mentally ill
No boundaries and a horrendous dysfunctional family..
God bless from ozz.
3:02
That doesn't sound anything like borderline personality disorder because we normally wouldn't start a debate out of nowhere. We do fear abandonment, rejection and conflict after all. Your mother sounds like someone who may be be struggling with narcissistic personality disorder, but it's really important to remember that everyone is an individual and a whole group of people shouldn't have to take responsibility for one completely separate individual's actions. I do not intend to invalidate your experience; it sounds horrible. I'm so sorry you went through all that. I do not have narcissistic personality disorder myself, but my mother and old friend have it. They are both very different people who present their disorder in very different ways. It can be tough living with someone who presents so severely, believe me, I know…but there are some out there who are willing to change and have self-awareness, whether it's NPD or some other disorder.
I ran out of patience with my mother. She didn’t see anything wrong with exploiting me and tearing me down to gain compliance. I think capitulation is her love language. 😒
That sounds more like narcissism to me rather than BPD i could be wrong but just what you described. Also you dont deserve that no matter her diagnosis. I hope she gets help and i hope and wish healing for you ❤ im sure you’ve tried talking with her but at least make sure you say your peace and let her know how she made you feel for your own sake and if she doesn’t change at all or try to get help then maybe no contact? Just suggestions. You shouldn’t have to suffer over someone else’s actions and words especially your family or people who are supposed to make you feel loved and safe. God loves you and I do too ❤
This was a brilliant comment.
@@Unfilteredalyssa1227
Thank you for your kind words and love. ☺️ My mom has been diagnosed with BPD on two separate occasions when I was a teenager and young adult. She has been in treatment (med and therapy) on several occasions and ultimately would quit when it came to acknowledging her abusive behavior and changing it. She said she is less effective when she was in treatment and she doesn’t like that. Her ability to bully and manipulate people is more important to her than anyone else. I stopped contact with her when she tried to use the uncertainty of fear we experienced at the beginning of the covid pandemic to get my siblings and me to give her money and pay for somewhere for her to live. She threatened that we may never see her again if she doesn’t have these things and she contracts covid. That was the end for me. I spent four decades being patient and trying to figure out how to communicate with her better and thinking that I was the failure for not getting through to her. I told her that I was not going to watch her destroy herself anymore.
@@Unfilteredalyssa1227
She’s been diagnosed with BPD twice. She’s also highly narcissistic. She’s been in treatment with meds and therapy on multiple occasions when I was a teenager. Ultimately, she said she likes being able to get her way (by being an exploitative, violent bully), and stopped all treatment.
I stopped contact with her about 4 years ago.
Let me guess: Did your mother start having children between the ages of 18 and 23? Generally speaking, until the age of 25, we tend to be in "wrong relationships" until we meet the right people.
Those who stay in these relationships may give birth to individuals who struggle with either NPD (for thinkers and judgers) or BPD (for perceivers and feelers), or perhaps both.
Those who leave toxic relationships and find the right one may have children who are "saved," but not entirely. Young parents will "always" have some toxic dynamics with their children. Many of us have dealt with suicidal thoughts at least once in our lives because of these young parents.
The world needs to wake up. My parents met at 25, and they were angels, but if they had stayed with their exes, they would have been "monsters," and so would their offspring. Of course, I can't generalize for everyone since we all have different personalities, souls, life paths, and upbringing experiences.
Nobody asks why, biologically and scientifically, the ideal age for women to have children is around 32, or why men mature in their 40s and women in their 30s.
Your approach is amazing. Are you taking onlunw patients? Its soo hard to find.good therapists that know AND care.
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
I'm great at it for others but when it's my own life it's hard
It's absolutely not intentional with me, I'm sparked and then I react and it's totally involuntary. I now avoid romantic relationships as a result.
This is my response too. To rather just not get into anything romantic anymore. ❤️
@@FofaBeijFeli maybe in the next life xx
Waking up first thing in the morning drowning in that tsunami though
Every day😁
Ditto😮😮😮
It’s tough when its like that right when you wake up. Have you identified any triggers that happen? For me it was the people i was around and the situation itself. But then it stopped happening right when i woke up anyway once that situation was changed. You can’t always change your situation either so i get that if you cant. Mine took a while. Also maybe coming up with a somewhat calm morning routine or trying metropalol if youre like waking up with panic attacks. Its a medicine (talk to your doctor of course) that lowers your heart rate and can help with having the feeling of a panic attack. It worked for me. Everyones different. I hope it helps though good luck ❤🎉
So rough. Everyday I find myself within the first 10 seconds of waking doing a bit of a mental self-examination. And it is pretty crushing when I realize I've just woken up and I'm already on the verge of crying. But there are also days where after the self-examination I realize, I feel good today.
You have wonderful videos! We would absolutely appreciate if you could make a video on how to convince BPD spouse for diagnosis and treatment. My wife always lies to her psychiatrist so, her doctor diagnosed her anxiety & depression. But she has severe symptoms of BPD. And she never admits it and doesn’t want to tell her true symptoms to her doc. So, she isn’t getting proper treatment and therapy. Please create a video on how to make BPD person understand to get the proper treatment. Thank you 🙏🏼
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
@@DrDanielFox Could you please make a video on how to convince BPD spouse for diagnosis and treatment?
"TSUNAMI" THATS EXACTLY WHAT IT IS ❤
Glad you found the video helpful
@DrDanielFox I have ADHD & Bipolar 1 and I think they complicate healing, big time!
it's not that anyone can't acquire insight and wisdom, it's that they are resistant to acquiring such value, they refuse. Other people who are abused do seek out and acquire wisdom and insight and cope without disorders.
You make an excellent point! The willingness to seek wisdom is crucial, and it’s inspiring to see how some people navigate their challenges with resilience and growth.
I am a christian with quiet BPD. I can say that I do know when I am abusive. And I do stop it. But the thing that is hard to control is the emotional instability.
It is emotional. Like everyone they feel stuff... But there is a lack of regulation. A lack of reasoning.
Emotions are a big part of the human experience, and navigating them without regulation can be quite challenging.
And it seems we feel more than most.
Hi Dr Fox, I am working my way through your BPD workbook, it is such powerful work, you have laid it out in perfect order to learn about this spectrum disorder and release the issues and move into recovery. It's kind of mind blowing. I have two questions: Can you recommend a process at the end of the session that will bring us back around to hope, clarity and feeling successful? Doing the work is intense, and I feel a need to close it out with positivity.
Also, I meditate every morning, it is my spirituality, and I believe there are only two kinds of folks- those in alignment with their higher selves, and those not. Alignment can be minute by minute, it involves releasing resistance and receiving information from our highest selves, and my answers to your questions will change according to my alignment. For instance, working through Chapter 3 to find my attachment style, I can honestly say if I have done my centering work that morning in meditation, I can see that I fall into all four categories', if I am not in that warm comfy space of alignment. It's looking back at my past and recent past to asses myself. I am not sure if this makes sense to anyone but me, but please know we are all so so grateful for your videos and the workbooks.
I found it! I'll use this great little bit at the end of your symptom tracker. It makes me feel better right away "Insight is Knowledge, Knowledge is Power, and Power is Control!
Yes Thankyou DR Daniel I have Severe Borderline Personality Disorder is that the worst on the scale . It breaks my heart. QUESTION.
Dr Fox,
Could you do a video on whether you need to tell your friends and loved ones that you have bpd? If so when is it a good time to tell someone you just meet a boyfriend or a new friend?
That's a really important topic to discuss! I'll definitely consider making a video about when and how to share that information with friends and loved ones. Thanks for the suggestion!
Its a survival mechanism
Thanks for your insight! It's always interesting to hear different perspectives on survival.
my 73yr old mother is a narcissist and has BPD but is in complete denial. im now 53 n the hell she put me thru n still does there r no words for it😮
Do you have a video on how people with BPD can love someone and the way they love?
Hi, I have been with some woman who, apparently, did not have herself well under control. Every discussion, argument, conflict was escalated by her either into contemptuous sarcasm or yelling. Well, she was aware of that, and she admitted to be strongly driven by her emotions. But why did she not consider this as a serious problem which tormented her family of origin, her children and her partners. Because of two things: first, she doesn't care much about the wellbeing of others, and her aggressiveness is successful in that normal people tend to back down and rather not get into further trouble with her. So life has rewarded her innumerable times for her aggressive behaviour. So she has little incentive to change ... if her mother doesn't talk to her any longer, her partners desert her, her explanation is simply: I am surrounded by crazy people. And that's it. Hopeless. Call it BPD, call it narcissistic, antisocial, psychopathic ... it has elements of all of that.
It sounds like you’ve been through a challenging experience. Emotional regulation can be tough for many people, and it’s important for everyone to recognize how their behavior impacts those around them. Thank you for sharing your insights.
I agree. There is some reward in being unpredictable and intimidating people, especially one's family. The family cannot abandon one totally, so they are tiptoeing around a sick person in fear. It gives one the feeling of power. People with personality disorders can be quite manipulative.
@@DrDanielFox The point I wanted to make is that borderline-like behaviour is not solely a source of suffering, but also, and perhaps equally or even more important, a source of power and getting your way without having to argue in a civilised way. And yes, all this might be subconscious, and the 'perpetrators' are not even aware of that, particularly when they have a strong paranoid streak.
This is one of the things I have seen the most with people with bpd is often times they rewarded in some way for theor behavior whether the reward was intentionally or not and it reinforces the behavior.
And what's extremely hard about that is if you are one of the only people not rewarding them you become some awful person instead of someone that doesnt want to be an emotional punching bag
Thank you for this I have BPD I don't understand it. I struggle really bad with it. Get called crazy so on. Push ppl away but some how my husband has been the only one who tries to understand my brain. I guess he's the only one who hasn't left me I dunno I don't get it . I hate emotions I just want to numb them . So tiring.
Anyone who thinks that I intentionally act how I do is an asshole.
But I also kind of am starting to think that BPD is a BS label and that parent neglect and abuse causes this BS.
Your videos are extremely helpful, however I need to PLAYFULLY point out that the thumbnail for the video’s words were in font/design of some Sonic The Hedgehog thing Id seen in the past and it was too funny a realization to not point out x)
if some experts say _most_ people with bpd have childhood trauma who says that the other few that seemingly don't are even able to recognize their trauma or remember it? wouldn't it be weird if like 20% of people with bpd had no trauma at all but still the same set of symptoms (more or less) as people who developed this way out of trauma?
I think that’s where it comes from period
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
Thankyou sir... Love from India.. 🙏
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
Wonderful video Dr Fox. I have some questions though: while no parent is perfect and certainly there are some who do abuse their children either intentionally or inadvertently, I dont see how that 'causes' bpd. How is it possible for one member of the family to be BPD while siblings are all 'normal' (I am using that word loosely here) if it is abuse or trauma that causes it? How much of a BPD's 'memory' of abuse is actually real given that they frequently move circumstances around to fit their narrative? Unless they stop blaming others for whats wrong,(and yes I do know I am generalising again,) how do they actually start benefitting from the DBT? Finally, do you have a 'workbook' for the families/spouses of BPD person to help them navigate and use the right words to calm and reassure the BPD and/or stop triggering the BPD.? I hope you will answer these questions for me :) xx
These are complex questions that the responses would take more space than I am allotted here. Sorry about that.
@@DrDanielFox Ok thankyou BUT do you have a workbook for the family/spouse to work through??
I wish that my future husband watch this and understand that I would never try to hurt him on purpose and will do my best to recover 😢I hope he doesn't leave me like my ex because of this 😢
Use this to develop strategies so you can mange these and build your own sense of control. You can do it.
As far as identity is concerned with BPD, is it fair to conceptualize that an unstable identity is a disturbance in how you feel other people see you?
What if Samantha doesn't believe she needs help?
That’s where being stuck happens sadly
You just described me 100%...I am the Samantha you described
How can I fight u if u also have a sociopathy and are trying to take my 2 yr old away from based on false legal allegations? Any insight you can provide would be so helpful. I was an enabling husband of 5 yrs that served as complete support for her (without knowing) 😢
Recognise that it all hit me at once unexpectedly all my emotions came out at once I froze hated everyone I was told that I was selfish I was in absolute fear properly other people would believe that I'm over reacting
I want to take your video course, can you help me.
I swear this was my mother and my ex. One mnt we are ok. The next he is mad and paranoid. Always thought I was doing something when I wasn't and no matter what I did to prove to him he was wrong he disnt care. So then I'd walk away and 2 days later he was sorry. He drove me crazy
Glad you found this helpful
How do you figure out their love language without asking them and setting them off?
It should be more than okay to ask that. I have BPD and yes everyone’s different but maybe say “hey i was wondering if you knew about the love languages and which one is yours? That way i can love you better and ill tell you mine” hope that helps 🎉
Dear Daniel,
I have got married with my bpd wife in December 2023. After almost 1 year, for some mistake, she is splitted from me as saying, She doens't love me anymore. She tried. But failed to love me. She wants devorce. I apologise many way. But her word is fixed. Fortunately her parents are with me. They started her DBT. But my question, after dbt session, can she even remember me?? At present, she don't care our good times, good moments.
Even she is saying, the marriage is a mistake from her. Even she was srying for marriage before Marriage.
I am muslim, from Bangladesh.
What should I do? I want to be with my wife. But she has 0% interest. Few days ago, she loved a lot. Is there any way to be idealized again?
or how many days it will take for dbt? Can she be cure? Again be mine?
Yes you win 🎉
How does this stranger I've never met on the internet know me so well??? I guess I'm not so special and unique! lol
Cant believe there are people here commenting that the people with bpd know exactly what they are doing.😢 Educate yourself,you are wrong! Very narcissistic comment!
My ex said he was BPD but Inthin Narc - and intentional abuser!
Sorry to hear that
MEN KNOW AT ALL TIMES WHAT THEY ARE SAYING AND DOING …..
Do you take clients?
Thank you for asking, but I'm not taking client's at this time.
Googling your area and DBT therapy can help you find someone who accepts clients with BPD traits 😊
Also, Dr. Fix has a wonderful video course available that is about the same cost as a visit or two with a therapist. While no substitute for the care of in person therapy, his experience with thousands of patients with BPD traits provides invaluable insight. It is very different from the RUclips videos in that it gives more specific concrete therapeutical solutions to common BPD issues. Well worth it!)
Fruedian slip there, Dr. Fix!)
I believe that A.D.H.D. and Borderline Personality Disorder is overdiagnosed when it is based on misinformation offered by a partner who is laying the groundwork ahead of then filing for divorce.
That's an interesting perspective! The conversation around mental health diagnoses is complex and it's important to consider the influence of relationships on perceptions of these conditions.
Amen.
It can but thats a smart conspiracy speculation
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
When you have finally overcome all this, what takes some time, you still have the intensity of the feelings... you can get high with arts and music and of course when you are in love with s.b., I pity people who are taking drugs, they only experiece "second hand" emotions. It sounds a bit arrogant, yes it does!
this has nothing to do with me, why am i seeing this?
Can’t say, but thanks for commenting
These people know exactly what they're doing, don't feel bad for them. As a son of a narcissist mother, to them, we normal people, are just tools - they will use you, abuse, manipulate and control you without feeling anything. My neighbor has BPD, the fights the screaming and the things she says to her husband is out of this world, stay away from these people, they know who and what they are.
We live in a fallen evil world ,telling people who have already been so abused as children that they can now heal themselves is adding another burden to the already burdened ,most shrinks have munchausers,only Jesus can heal your broken heart! As He has mine ,watch Randy Kay and be blessed and saved!
You don't have to heal yourself, just understand what maladaptive patterns make up your comfort zone. Adding another narcissist abuser like the god of the bible that makes you feel more broken is not going to help anyone.
He is helping us understand ourselves, which is more than Jesus has ever done for me. The only burden around here is you pushing your toxic religion and god
Just because you benefit from a relationship with God, it doesn’t make therapy a useless endeavor. If you are mentally well, you’ll be a more effective disciple of God. Clearly, the way you phrased your comment is just triggering people. Therapy can teach you to be a better communicator.
We do indeed live in a fallen world, one that Jesus knows we need help from. He created others to help us heal. God works thru people.
IT IS NOT INTENTIONAL
Thank you for your comment!
@DrDanielFox I am nine for nine with BPD and I've had to do a lot of work to figure out what's going on. I've never once intentionally hurt anyone.
They are abusive.
My "perfect" wife of 5 yrs had hidden BPD. 3 months ago it all came out during a false abandonment episode. We have a 2 yr old. She has now turned against me and is trying to take my child away. Any advice? 😢
It seems that you married young, and this is a relationship based on both NPD and BPD. One of the classics of our youth, for some of us.
Get away from this relationship, but try to be there for your child 'cause he will need you, otherwise he has higher chances of developing NPD/BPD himself later on.
Some 11-12 y.o. children who grow up without a father's figure, because their father doesn't care, they meet very briefly, and only like once a month,
they will internalize feelings of rejection/abandonment, and at that age they might make suicidal theater scenes. Attention seeking ones.
Today's generations are even more affected than we used to be.
So, don't you have any allies in her family? Like parents or anything. Who will take care of your child besides her?
Have a serious conversation, all of you together, and "compromise." Point out that you can both move on with your lives, but the child will need both of the parents, if not all "4" of you.
@@razi-elinho parents are also screwed up. What I have is lawyers. Will try yo go for full custody. 😔
I'm too fucking high to register but ily wtv u say Dr fox 💜💜💜💜
Thank you for not demonizing BPD the way a lot of people do and actually provide care :)
I have bpd and it's difficult for me to explain so thank you for trying to help other people 🫶
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.