How Do We Forgive Our Son And Forgive His Debt?
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- Опубликовано: 23 июл 2022
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Age 26 with 5 children??? And no job? Lord have mercy
Too many to take care of. Quit lending money!
He is financially far behind.
Never loan money you're not willing to let go of.
If you can’t give it away, you can’t help out, period.
My sister and her husband sold a house,
The husband had a check made to him and drove to her (13 hours).
The bank needed his signature to be added to the joint account
She needed $10K now and would repay tomorrow.
I went to her bank and put $10K CASH into her account.
The next day, he deposited the check into the joint account,
and cash went to my account.
It is more about the trust being broken. He is trying to take advantage of them and milk them for more money when he promised to pay them back. They already have paid off most of their debt and have an emergency fund. They aren’t struggling. She even said it’s not about the money. He is breaking her heart acting the way he is.
@@guineapigtalks I 100% agree. That's why I give money not loan it. When someone doesn't pay you back it hurts. It feels like they don't respect you enough to pay you back. Not worth risking the relationship in my opinion.
Wow… Great comment, it’s a rule I live by. Also great responses to this comment. You guys stay well, have a great day!
It pisses me off when people have parents _this_ caring and have zero appreciation for them. I WISH I'd had parents like this.
You don't want parents who can't speak English language properly😂😂
It takes a lot of control for someone to not EXPECT more from someone who keeps on giving to them. Basically the more you give to someone the more they start to expect from you.
@froggiman1 You must be around plenty of lowlife people. Decent people are appreciated of support from others. They will not want to take advantage of those that help them.
The son can't pay back $3000 even though it's been years? He refuses to work? Unfortunately he's decided to be a freaking loser. How awful. How has fiancé decided to stay? Bizarre.
Exactly. He could at least pay it back 100 bucks a month. It would take awhile but geeze at least it's something. At least it's effort.
They have five kids so are you just don’t leave five kids
Then he should go see a psychologist
The son is married. And apparently the wife has six children - five littles and one adult.
5 kids ! Why else would she stay. Unfortunately, the kids loses. Hope they are not hungry.
My stepdad has offered to loan me money several times, but I always say no because I’m afraid of not being able to pay him back.
Smart man. Its a bad idea to borrow from family.
You're wise. Also... not saying your stepdad is like this, but sometimes when people "offer" to get involved in your finances, it's a subtle ploy to get in a position where you are beholden to them.
There is a lot more wrong with that relationship than the son not paying back $1500.
Yep...
Divorced and remarried
Lending money to family is like dating your coworker. When things go bad it goes BAD 😑
Silly idea to loan money to your child - just give the money or don't! Parents are not banks!
You don't. Tell them to go out and get a second job that nobody wants to do but sometimes it's necessary to get yourself out of the hole, we did. This was many years ago and we changed a lot of things and are much better off than before. People need to stay home and pay off their debt just like he says.
Number one thing I’ve learned about family and money, is try not to let them know you have money. I’ve learned to talk about the struggles more then your surplus.
more than*
People can see right through that. The ones who cry poor have the most that’s always how it’s been.
I bet you think your family relations are better than they actually are.
That’s childish you’re dealing with adults I grew up … in a time where .. money .. politics and sex were not mentioned in polite company.. no one has a right to what I worked and invested in… and when they cross the line … I drop the hammer.. and send them to hell.. and guess what no more family drama or money begging anymore
Well they didn't have a lot of money at the time they lent to him. Parents often help their adult kids out from time to time and it doesn't backfire like this.
A parent should always assume any money is a gift. Never give more than you can.
Amen
Family in general!
@@gregorypeterson9 yes
On the flip side. Family shouldn't ask for a loan when they have no intention of paying it back
@@blurrble5 but how do you judge? Maybe they do.
Saying you "borrowed" something to someone meaning you loaned it to them is an annoying Minnesota thing. - Minnesotan.
Agreed. Extremely annoying. Bad Midwestern habit.
I was still confused even after she explained it. I thought she was just lying to dave about borrowing the money.
When the stepmother said “borrowed” I thought she was one of those people who used “borrow” to mean “lend”. Don’t hear it used very often.
Makes my ears bleed.
As a stepmom my heart goes out to this lady. BUT, her husband must be the one to deal with his son. He needs to step up and man up, not her.
💯
The parents knew he was irresponsible and didn't work, YET they loaned him money. Don't give children what you cannot afford to lose. Give, don't loan your kids money. It ruins the relationship
I'm related to a 32-year-old child that is exactly like the person described in the phone call can I can tell you one thing. If it was possible to have a camera running the entire time, you would see numerous occasions throughout that child's life where he was continuously enabled my parents who were too cowardly to impose boundaries.
The son has actually done them a huge favor. For the small sum of $1,500 he has taught them that they can't trust him ever again. He could have scammed them for so much more, before revealing his true nature.. And I disagree with Ken, I think this guy is really lazy. I don't know, maybe his wife works and he looks after the kids in which case I take that back. But, it doesn't sound like that is the situation from the way the caller frames it.
Maybe he's lazy, maybe it's as Ken said, he's confused and lost his will to work. But it doesn't matter. The point is, we don't have enough information to know. I really don't like when some of the guys make assumptions like that. I'd rather Ken ask a simple question first, like, "Why isn't he working?"... then go from there.
My dad told me a long time ago if you don’t give money to others with your heart meaning not expecting it back don’t do it. Especially in family.
Wow. I’m 24 and I’ve only asked my parents for financial help once because I was starting a new career and had no income (or emergency fund) to pay bills. I offered to pay them back and some and they said no. I don’t understand people that have no sense of dignity or honor. I couldn’t imagine being that disrespectful to my parents. They already fed me and put a roof over my head and raised me. If anything I wish I could gift them money.
Take them on a nice vacation.
People with no money never have any. Loans turn into forgetfulness. If they think you have money forget it. Don't answer the phone.
Just because you are family doesn't make you trustworthy or reliable. Judge everyone on their own merit.
My own family has hurt me more than any stranger.
@@kirapoodle isn't it sad how family can do that? On this particular call, I have a feeling, that the wife may not have said, the son probably threatened or will threaten to keep the grandparents from seeing the kids. And the grandfather is just kind of a doormat and can't say no or hold the line.
@@kbanghart Yes but is the answer for this woman to just let her poor son die???
@@costco_pizza die? The son? I mean, it's her stepson..
My husband and I each have grown children from previous marriage. We have been very clear that if you borrow money and don't pay it back, it becomes your inheritance. We haven't lent money in a very long time, and nor have they asked LOL.
I'm in the same situation. 5 grown kids and the rules have already been laid out. We're not a bank, there's one right down the street.
That's great! Like a Pre-Nup
That's a good point.
haha nice
Problem with not paying back debt is when u actually need help you’re in deep doo doo.
Frfr
The problem with not paying people back is you're screwing them over, and you get what you deserve when they don't help you out the next time.
@@Excalibur2 very much so
So they help bail him out of whatever issue he was in and now they’re the “bad guys”
Saying the 5 kids are all theirs, their oncome is probably 5 welfare checks, and regular rounds to all relatives with their hands out for money. She stated early in the conversation that he said it would be their fault that their grandkids would be kicked put of their home. These children have already been weaponized against the caller and her husband. Things are gonna get much more worse than they are now, I wish the caller and her husband the best, stay strong.
That money is just a way to hold onto him and try to push him in the direction wanted. Dave is 100% right.
I don't recommend lending money to family. Either give it to them or don't. That's it.
They are your family, but you are not their piggy bank. Thanks Dave, that was great advice. I like the "cut him loose".
Dave displayed his profound wisdom on this call.
Agreed, this was pretty good here
Oh dear this is a tough situation. The money is gone. I agree with Dave that the dad needs to tell the son the loan is forgiven. That should remove the toxicity. I'm sure this couple has learned never to lend money again. This was spot on advice from Dave.
Same old advice he's given in the past 10 years. "We love you too much to fund/participate in your insanity. We can coach you and set boundaries if we lend you any more money. Keep the money we've given you but we will not lend you any more. Hold on, a copy of my new book is on its way."
@@front331 good advice
@@front331 Yes but is the answer to just let their son die???
@@costco_pizza That would be on him, not them.
They can borrow from the bank
Our son stole $4000 from us and hasn't contacted us in 2yrs how does that make a parent feel?
There's a difference between loyalty, and enabling.
I love what Ken added at the end - parents internalize it and believe it's a reflection on them. My Stepdad is reserved for the most part and I could tell he was feeling that way about my stepbrother (his son). At times I would go out of my way to say, 'it's on him, you didn't do anything wrong.' I'm sure in his heart-of-hearts he knows, but it's hard to not take ownership of it, I'm sure.
Never, ever loan family members money. Never, ever.
JDave Foster....I DON'T LEND MONEY TO ANYONE, ANY LONGER!....been there did that!
I know some one that gave his money to family all his life and is now in a retirement village and only getting help from other members of family he didn't give money to and the ones who bled him dry arnt helping when money dried up, all I'm hearing is the dying whimpers of a big misunderstanding that has gone on for generations
$1500 is hardly any money - could easily pay $100 a month for 15 months. Unless their Netflix and RUclips tv subscription is more important
Yes! Or even $50 a month for 30 months! But not $0 a month! I agree- cut out any extras like Netflix, etc. until the debt is cleared! Those little things really add up.
You got $1500! Congratulations. This son is toxic. Experience dictates it won’t get better however many hoops you jump through. Best favor you can do is stop letting him manipulate your feelings. Your husband is a grown man. Step back and let him deal with his son.
All this strife for $1500?
If it was just $1500, that would be the easy part. Kid is using manipulation on his father and has no remorse.
It amazes me what people do over such small amounts. They will ruin their, or someone elses lives over basically pocket change.
It’s not about the money
Why couldn't he work a part-time job or have a side gig
Not juat the 1500, the other issues as she said bothers them more...weren't you listening?
At 26 you are no longer responsible for him. If he and the kids get kicked out then by all means help out the grandkids, make sure they have a roof over their head and food to eat, but he dug this hole and it’s his to get out of.
Love hearing some Dave first thing Sunday morning?
This is why her husband must learn to roar as Dave suggests. His son will see this forgiven loan amount as an opportunity to ask for more money that he will not pay back. Set boundaries and the both of you must stick to them. Good luck and God bless.
Daddy has left it a tad too late to start roaring, should have been doing years ago, they are partly to blame for the way they raised him.
This was one of my first thoughts. He absolutely will ask for more money, he was able to harass and tantrum his way out of responsibility for the first sum.
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." - John 3:16 KJV
He's not "lost". He quite possibly has a drug problem.
Nope he feels entitled
Someone with a drug problem is indeed “lost“. I’ve known a few people like that
...or another mental health issue that needs to be addressed
@@cami9447 why do you immediately jump to drug problem? They didn’t discuss anything about the son’s lifestyle.
To be honest there are people with drug problems with jobs too
In most cases when you lend people money you're actually not helping them. A second or third job for the son should help him make better financial decisions.
A third job is insane. I hope nobody I know is ever cursed to be working a third job by force.
Based on what was said, he needs a 1st job!
To get a second or third job he must get a first job. Thiz guy is a professional leech. You can bet he is sucking as much money off the government teat as he can, and makes regular rounds of all relatives that have any money, saying how his children will go without unless THEY help.
Love him where he's at... great saying Dave. Love this
You guys should make a clip of Dave taking about his first $1M after his bankruptcy, that was an insightful conversation
Where did you hear that conversation at? Is it talked about in another clip or podcast episode?
Vasectomy a grand
@@bradleypope4338 It was the 7/21 show at the 31:40 mark, at least on RUclips I'm not sure if the timing is different on other platforms
@Sabrina Ayrton: Yes but is the answer for this woman to simply let her poor son die??? Where do we cross the line???
I think I saw a video recently where he briefly talked about it. Someone asked him and he had to think about it... It might be in his recent videos
My eldest son doesn’t talk to us anymore because we declined being guarantors or lending him the deposit. He has not spoken to us since we told him that we wouldn’t be giving him any money. His behaviour towards us since has been infantile, he is 47 & he has squandered everything that he has ever earned. I feel no guilt about our decision
No business in family and friends, and no family and friends in business.
Excellent advice from both of you.
There’s no such thing as a loan between friends and family.
Why is that stepmother so hung up on $1500? The way she was talking, I thought it was a lot more money.
Did you even listen to the video? She it wasn’t about the money but the way he treated his dad.
Wisconsin here. I suspect I know them lol.
Great stuff 👏 As a parent myself don't give more than what you could lose 👍
Well done, Mr. Ramsey. 👍👍
Should gift each of the other adult kids $1500 in front of him. Then smile and say "well you already got yours"
Its what my parents did when my brother behaved similar to this. Was hilarious.
Good advice Dave!
Today I learned: some English native speakers can't tell the difference between "loan" and "borrow" o_O
It's embarrassing.
The only time I have ever taken money from my father was when I first got married 6 months later rent was due on the 5th but I wasn’t paid till the 8th. He gave me the money for the rent and I paid him back on the 8th.
We loaned our daughter $6000 for a car. She didn’t pay for a long time and she finally stated paying. For her birthday this year we opted to forgive the rest of the debt. Lesson learned. We will never loan money again. If we can afford it we may give them money, but never a loan.
I can’t imagine demanding money from my parents at age 26. Dog is doing a parasite play through. What an awful example he’s setting for his kids.
We set a budget for birthdays and Christmas. If my kids need financial help and we give them a loan, we simply deduct it from their gift budget. It may take a couple years to pay back but it relieves them of the stress from the debt and we are eventually made whole. Thankfully, we haven't had to do this much but the kids that did need it were grateful and weren't upset when they got less than their siblings during the holidays.
Genius
@@JK-px2im - Thank you. :)
May work till ya got that one kid that never gets a gift at christman and everyone else like wtf billy gets a lump of coal lol
@jasonleatherwood2172 - My kids always got gifts. I never took their entire birthday or Christmas budget. The most important thing is they know they're loved.
This is strong concise advice 💪
I find a lot of young people have parents who never set boundaries. Nothing to do with being rich. Just set boundaries.
I really liked this advice!
I love how everyone is now calling him “Papa Dave” on air. Lol 😂
Ha yes when you're the old guy with the knowledge and wisdom Papa is respect.
True wisdom...
I NEVER loan money w/o collateral, if they want to borrow 3000$ of cash I need something of theirs that’s worth 9000$. That way I can go to the nearest pawn shop and get my money back if they decide not to pay me.
Even when they forgive the remainder of the loan, he'll still be angry at them for not paying for everything in his life. People who have absolutely no appreciation for other's love and generosity, rarely ever change. I feel so sorry for his 5 children.
I feel her pain. I have a stepson who is almost 40 with addiction problems who has been in and out of counseling for about 12 years. Refuses to work unless it's a job that pays 20$ an hour. Has 2 children whom he isn't supporting unless forced to by the court. Over the years we've had to help the grandkids with school supplies, clothes, and basic essentials. Their mother works but has a hard time paying for everything. My husband hands him over money whenever he asks for it. One year he gave him over 10,000$ for food, cigarettes, drinks, paying for a car, etc. My husband refuses to let him grow up and continues to enable him. My husband is on social security now and is dipping into his retirement to support him. When if ever will this stop😢
I'm having a hard time believing Barbara isn't adding to hubby's headache. REAL HARD TIME. Babs, if you want your marriage....seriously, tell the boy loan is forgiven then LET IT GO...and NEVER bring it back up.
The only way this son of theirs has any standing at all, is if this woman his father married was a homewrecker or otherwise dishonest. But even then it doesn't justify borrowing 3k from your own father and then guilt tripping him. This son's behavior could very well be a casualty of divorce, but who knows.
One thing that always strengthens a family’s bond is lending money to family.
Yup the money 💰 is a gift let it go💜✨️💜 be kind
After this call, she needs to stay out of it. She’s not the kid’s parent. I’m saying this as a stepmother myself. Step away and preserve her own peace of mind.
It's hard when you grandchildren are starving ..horrible situation..The son doesn't even work.
Biggest lesson you can take from this is to never lend family money. I wish I had known that sooner!
Never let money get in between family relationships. Smh I loaned some money to a family member. I never got the money back but I charged it to the game. I prefer the relationship over the money
Loaning money should be a VERY special circumstance even with family. Never loan what you can't lose and you sure as hell don't take out a loan for someone else.
The "we're family" excuse doesn't fly. Yes, families should be able to help each other but you're not being "family" if you don't pay it back and you sure as hell never loan again if they give you guff about paying it back.
I've always said, "Where's the change?". It's the principle.
That’s the way I was brought up. The one time I borrowed money as an adult was after I was disabled for months due to a serious illness. I was 35. At the tail end of my medical leave I was short of money. I paid my mom back as soon as I went back to work. Then I bought supplemental disability insurance so if something like that happened again, money wouldn’t be an issue.
I don't do loans, and I don't have enough money to gift you. Works well for me.
In my circle of friends, I see parents giving their children money all the time to advance their lifestyle. Never expecting it to be paid back. Different strokes for different folks.
Yeh I feel like when you give your own kids money, you shouldn’t expect it back. Obviously if you give money and they use it incorrectly or in ways you don’t think benefit their future then it’s stupid to keep giving.
Just say no. He needs to stop making babies he can’t afford
Girl for $1500, you got released from that “child”. That’s a nice sticker price. He’s such a loser, it must hurt but, at least when he asks for $30k…you can throw the $1500 at him. Easy out girl😀😎
This is going to come down to the grandchildren. It's not that simple to just not help him anymore when you got little kids that will suffer.
And he will ruthlessly use that against them, she already said he has
Blessings 🙌
We are talking $1500. Not worth losing a relationship with your child over. Don't loan anymore money, but let this go.
It's a Minnesota thing. "Borrow me some money".
Sounds uneducated.
To borrow someone money is such a Midwest way of saying you lent someone money
It’s incorrect and sounds uneducated.
Chalk it up as a lesson learned and move on. Do not let guilt drive your decisions. He needs to grow up and you can not continue to enable his behavior. No more money! Also suggest you set up a revocable living trust to take care of your assets when you die to prevent your wishes from being challenged in court. Something this man will likely do if you just have a will.
Oh man. This is so sad, but it didn't happen overnight. chances are this type of behavior slowly grew. The only thing you can do is let him go and do not give him any more money. He will continue to to manipulate you until he knows you won't cave and give him money. He's gonna hold the grandchildren over your head but there's nothing you can do.
I would never loan my children money. I would just give it to them.
That is what happens when kids are spoiled in the country. Always take you for granted
divorce breeds manipulation and victimhood -bad parenting and this adult kid is the product.
@7:25 Ken is right. It is very difficult on a parent to see their child exhibit behavior thst they did not model.
When you give money to family, it's pretty much a grant and not a loan.
Let it go!!!!
Exactly. Forget it.
Never loan money to family if you expect to get paid back.
A Karen saying just let it go 😆
@@djpuplex That was a mean comment. You can't paint every person named Karen with a single brush.
My own approach is to never lend money to relatives. I let them think it's a loan but I regard it as a gift. And if it's to be mentioned, the recipients must bring it up; I never do.
My brother says, think how much you can "give" and that's it.
I have learned the hard way that never, never loan family members money; they think for some reason that repayment is off the board. Never again will I repeat my mistakes on loans to family members.
Also do not go in on financial ventures with family like boats and lake homes. It just causes unnecessary strife. If you want it, buy it yourself or rent it. With that being said, I have no problem with something like going in on renting a boat for the day or everyone chipping in to rent a lake house for the week. But owning together? Did that and nope, never again.
1,500 . Thats nothing compared to what i supposedly loaned. And knew it at those times
I think the caller and her husband need more therapy than anything, imo. Especially the husband, because from what she said it sounds like he will continue to be taken advantage of because he is just a nice guy and can't understand how his son is treating him like this. As soon as she said emotional manipulation in the video, that's a huge NOPE from me. The son will probably threaten to keep the grandparents from seeing their grandkids also. If mine do that, then so be it.
He absolutely will. He has already used them going to be homeless against this couple.
I can never ask my parents for money. It’s hard to borrow from family.
Yep!
1:32 whoa! Whoa! Whoa and whoa!
I don’t loan I give it away to my kids and brother… I give what I don’t care about .. I only give what I can afford happily…