Phil in the Blanks: Toxic Personalities in the Real World Part 1 - How To Identify A Narcissist
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- Опубликовано: 5 ноя 2021
- Are you living with a Narcissist? Find out all about Narcissistic Personality Disorder on Dr. Phil’s new mental health podcast series, “Phil in the Blanks: Toxic Personalities in the Real World.”
Listeners will learn about Narcissistic Personality Disorder; how to recognize it, establish boundaries, and how to co-exist with those in your life who may have it with tools and guidelines that can help minimize damage to oneself and loved ones. Then, stay tuned for additional episodes when Dr. Phil addresses other types of Cluster B personalities, like Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizoaffective Personality Disorder, and more!
SUBSCRIBE TODAY! bit.ly/DrPhil_Narcissist1
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Full episodes of the Dr. Phil Show premiere every weekday on CBS, with a new season premiering every fall in 2021, 2022, and 2023. Each full episode contains an interview or multiple interviews with doctors, teens, families, parents, kids, and more. The executive producers are Phil McGraw and showrunner Oprah Winfrey of OWN. Dr. Phil is the top-rated daytime talk show attracting millions of viewers every day alongside other talk shows, including The Ellen Show with Ellen DeGeneres, The Dr. Oz Show, The Kelly Clarkson Show, and The Steve Wilkos Show. Dr. Phil makes regular appearances on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel Live, and The Late Late Show with James Corden. Dr. Phil has also done crossovers with 90 Day Fiancé, Inside Edition, and Marrying Millions.
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![Phil in the Blanks: Toxic Personalities in the Real World Part 3 - Malignant Narcissist [EP89]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/irlEacE52mA/mqdefault.jpg)
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There are no normal conversations and no normal life with a narcissistic personality.
so true!
My sister just had a break up with the narcissistic she only dated him for a month before he started showing signs
So true, too true
@@cynthg9547 Thank goodness she was able to spot it and escape quickly.
@@chrisb.4323 exactly i didn’t see it until i was already pregnant smh worse experience ever
PTSD (or complex trauma) from being with these people is so real.
Yes it certainly is I have developed PTSD from a narcissistic abusive relationship now co parenting. When you build yourself up, have good support and therapy you won’t know yourself anymore. I went from absolute depths of depression, hopelessness ect to now resilient and goal kicking single working mother and Paramedic student. No one is worth your sanity.
Absolutely. I have C-ptsd. The majority of it caused by 2 narcissistic step father and a mother who allowed it. Thankfully all of them out of my life for years now. But recovery is certainly taking a bit of time.
Thank you both for the responses. I dealt with this as well including my adoptive parents did 17 years, right into a relationship with a sociopath for 2 years.
And assault.
Thankfully, I was able to use my resilience to help myself. It was not easy leaving any situation.
I deal with terrible autoimmune disease and chronic pain that is deteriorating, but I'm very aware.
@@Nessa_1990 I’m very sorry you’ve had to deal with such hardship in your life, that cannot be easy at all. I think it’s important for survivors to support one another and validate each and every experience of such horrendous abuse. I wish you the very best in your recovery and am so very happy you found the courage to leave ❤️ what I do see is that narcissists and sociopaths seem to choose incredibly empathetic, caring, loving and courageous people to try to destroy. I’m not sure what part of the world you are from it from Australia. The internet is an incredible tool for connection!
@@sammyk707 well I really appreciate your support and kind words! I'm in Philadelphia (the states).♥️♥️
A true narcissist is exactly that; too good to be true. If you are a compassionate, empathetic person who is prone to acceptance, forgiveness, and generosity, then narcissists will find you. The problem with identifying narcissists with a check off list is that in the beginning, a narcissist will be everything you want in a partner or close friend. Right from the start, he or she will put you on a pedestal and begin to manipulate your emotions and personality. If you have a dog, he or she will love your dog. If you are a spiritual person, he or she will admire your devotion. Narcissists make us feel special. Unfortunately, the real warning signs of malignant narcissists will only be seen when situations require a certain level of emotional intimacy. Their profound lack of empathy and their inability to take responsibility for their actions may takes some time to present. By that time, the new partner finds him/herself trapped by an insecure, but powerful bond. To avoid getting trapped in the controlling relationship with a narcissist, you have to use your head and not your heart. You shouldn’t look at them as much as you need to look objectively at their surroundings and their histories. Narcissists may have a few superficial friends, but they do not have any long-term, trusted relationships. They also don’t have strong commitments to others, including their parents, siblings, or even their children. What they do have is a history of an insecure attachment with their parents and a wake of casualties, who they blame for all of the problems in every relationship. If the relationship seems to good to be true, then you’re probably dating a narcissist. Additionally, The unwavering support and dedication demonstrated by Metaspyhub@gmail. com have been pivotal in my journey to uncover the painful truth surrounding my partner's infidelity. From the moment I first reached out to them, their professionalism and unwavering commitment to assisting me in finding the answers I desperately sought were readily apparent and highly commendable. Through their swift action and meticulous investigation, They presented me with compelling evidence that left no room for doubt. Armed with this newfound knowledge, I confronted my cheating partner with newfound courage, reclaiming my self-worth and paving the way for a future filled with renewed hope. Throughout this emotionally challenging process, Metaspyhub@gmail. com expertise and unwavering support served as a constant source of strength, offering invaluable guidance and empathetic understanding when I needed it the most. I am profoundly grateful for their unwavering assistance, as it has empowered me to move forward with unwavering determination and newfound resilience.
Really ? Go plug that bs email scam somewhere else
My 6'6" husband would size up to me to feel bigger..your right. I'm too healthy for that nonsense.
Thank you for the enlightenment. I was married for 29 years to a narcissist. He beat me and doesn’t own what he did as if it never happened . I now live alone with my three dogs and am so happy.thank you thank you
I escaped from narcissist after 30 years of marriage. He beat me late at night because I hadn’t “cleaned” properly! Our children were scapegoat, invisible & the youngest was the golden child. So glad that I’m alive & I didn’t stay for him to murder me. ❤️
My husband beat me, ran around on me, and threatened suicide or murder if I dared to leave him.
My daughter is even worse than him. I can't be around her.
My wife hit me, and she would get in front of me and scream at me to hit her and I'd just not know how to respond to that. It's pretty obvious she needs help. Unfortunately we have a 4 year old daughter in the mix, who she's constantly tryig to emotionally leverage against me, and I just won't play those games. It's bullsh1t.
And she acts like none of it has happened. The day after custody court, she invited me for us all to go away camping for the weekend...and we're still right in the middle of a divorce.
I requested a no-contact order except through an app called Talking Parents, and it was granted... and she just won't stop trying to talk to me in person, or showing up at random cuz she "needs things" but won't schedule through the app. It's maddening.
What sucks is that since I'm a 6'7" guy, and she's a 5'2" girl... no one takes her behavior seriously. If I did half the things she's done I'd be sitting in jail right now, but women do it and people just ignore it. My lawyer wrote 3 letters in the first 2 weeks after court; and she's violated the order 9 times in one month. No one cares, women get away with everything.
I have been married to a narcissist for 35 years and am in the process of getting free. He broke my fingers and I felt trapped as we were in the middle of building a house.
How did you finally break away and what was the moment you said you are finished?
There is a book called "When Your Lover Is A Liar" by Susan Forward. It describes personalities. An eye opener and beginning to the end.
THIS should be taught in health class in high school. Now that we know more about mental health. Taxpayers in public schools should DEMAND it.
Exactly !!
We have enough sidewalk psychologists now ..no!
Whatever....
Even when you teach it they can still put on their mask and fool you. They're expert
Dan
I think having teachings in schools of this subject would be helpful to encourage people to see. I thought I was intelligent enough that I would not be caught out with behaviours of this magnitude. I was so ignorant, nieve and blind. I had manage my traumatic life always stuck climbing to survive abuse, before getting over one hurdle another would occur. Then it creeps up on you like a panther in the dark. Ripping your inner spirit to shreds. It's very frightening and soul destroying to experience, then, when reality sets in its even more scarey than could be imagined. Its a horror story of stories. For me since I've come to see and realise this dangerous pattern of behaviour ongoing from 25 years ago on me. I have dealt with mental and emotional abuse and character assassination, not knowing the whole truth of the assassination on me until two years ago Dec 2019.. I've not known how I've kept it together. I've gone to the depths of despair and back. I've cried buckets of tears. I've cried that much for days I could barely see, my eyes and face was so swollen, and then got a grip. Now I deal with my findings having recognised the behaviours and I'm not struggling to understand anymore.
I hope Ive made some sense in my comment here. 🦉💜💛🤔👍💙
I know a few narcissists and this is on POINT! They, gaslight, they manipulate, and they beat you down into submission. Once they have you fully under control they get bored and cheat or mistreat you depending on the relationship you have with said person and you are completely confused and mentally lost and drained. Thank you, Dr. Phil!
You just described my mental state at this point . Couldn’t be more drained or confused .
@Time travel B.C Genesis I have in the past. Its taught me to not be so trusting, but it's hard because I'm a very empathetic person.
@@karennajera4118 I'm so sorry to hear that. You have people who know what you're going through. If you ever need to talk I'm here.
Thank you so much Dr Phil I have one in my family my grand daughter has practically my empty the bank account by borrowing large sums trying to tell my daughter not to give in give think she's going getting everything you said is right she is the example of what you just been saying I am going to show my daughter Dr Phil and hope it will get to through to her again thank you so much Dr is going to be a big help for my lots of love Anita from the UK
Oh the confusion 😢 it’s horrible to even question urself
We are living in Spiritual Warfare. We can teach our children at home this. Yes, it needs to be taught in school. Thank you Dr. Phil you did an excellent job explaining it to us.
One of the most important things I have done over the years to help me deal with one particular toxic person in particular was to realize that the way I was handling the situation was not working. Finally, I asked myself "How is it working for you"? After that I began to evaluate his actions and my reactions. I changed my reactions (yes, he was baiting me) and soon he bothered me less and less. He wasn't getting any supply from me, so he went elsewhere.
Once you know, you go. Staying with a narcissist is like dancing with the devil.
I got chills reading this.
So true……
Their the antichrist minions .. disguised as humans 😵💫
@@victoriavitoroulis3273 The one I had contact with was an energy vampire and narcissist. It was disturbing to deal with, their energy was demonic, it had a black aura and I wanted to vomit when near it - my intuition screamed get away from this thing. Totally toxic dumped it and went no contact. It had no empathy or compassion ice cold creature. This was a hard lesson for an empath like me. Had to recharge and heal mind, body and spirit💗💗
I had the same best friend for 47 yrs. I stopped just listening to her and called her out on some of her narcissist BS. A few days later she said I'm not good enough to be her friend. Her exact words. It's been over a yr. since that day and I feel so free from it all. 47 yrs and I don't miss her at all.
I bet, the vast majority of narcissists never even go near a therapist because, by definition, in their views there is nothing wrong with them, it’s always the others’ fault.
That's actually very true. I'm reading a book about the topic and it mentions that therapists usually don't get alot of clients that know that they're narcissists and have the desire to change unless a loved one pressures them into it and they just go to please them
My Sister has had this personality trait her whole life. Everyone begged her to talk to a counselor. Trouble with that is that she fired everyone of them because she didn't like what they said.
Therapists don’t even want to work with them because they won’t change and instead use the knowledge they gain form therapists to exploit their victims even more and to make themselves feel justified about their behavior. Think Tony Soprano.
Exactly this. It’s one of the reasons there’s no way to fix them. It’s also scary to think that we really will never know just how many narcs there are because most don’t come forward.
@@kitkat2853 My sister is exactly like yours. Took me 50 years to figure this out.
Narcissist is all talk, no action. Facts
My first Phil in the Blanks, and I’m coming away feeling like I was lucky to see a live TED talk on personality disorder. Please never stop doing this!
Not everybody you lose is a loss. Thanks Dr. Phil.
Lose*
The doc is a nice guy , but his pushing the show a little fast. He wants to retire. WHACHA YOUR STEP! 😳
yay
Gdeve. @ Liz T., Amen 2 wat U said. Whew!
@@nelsonnelson6763
.
.
Honestly just the sound of the term “narcissism” gives me chills and creeps bc of how much evil is linked to the disorder
Yes. Satan loves them 🤔🤬
Seeing in the spiritual realm. Yes!
It's a pretty human thing tbh Narcissism.
I can't recall the name of the speaker but I once heard that we're all narcissists on a spectrum, and that the opposite of narcissism is empathy.
@@salpine My X-wife the narcissist, me the empath...
I discovered my Little sister is a a narcissist at age 55. She was always odd, eccentric and lives in her own world. It was the lack of empathy that sealed that diagnosis. I related a childhood trauma to her and I was crying and sobbing so hard I had trouble breathing. She stood up, said ‘want a coffee’ and walked off. I realized then that she had been this way our whole life. It is a cold disconnected attitude that covers her. Our childhood may have created her. At 9 mo she was ripped from mother-given to a stranger and was reunited at age 3. Plus mother would beat her and her cold reply was ‘keep hitting me, I’ll never cry’. Sister has become a hoarder and recluse. She lived with me for 10 yrs before retiring to NC near my daughter.
They don’t have a problem, but you have a problem and you are the problem. He will never change, and you will never be able to fix him. Give him short answers, never try to reason with them, and decide that you are ENOUGH no matter what they say.
Is this personality a large component of Phsycopathy ? Are they capable of violence ? Are they often misdiagnosed as Schizophrenic or Manic depressive and or are these also component's of this personality ?
Yes to all three! I was involved with covert narcissists and they are evil 👿
@@margueritequintana1772 borderlines are often misdiagnosed as bipolar… not all narcissists are sociopaths however all sociopaths are narcissistic! Sorry if that’s confusing! Malignant narcissists are very dangerous mentally and physically.. never tell them you are leaving them, keep your plans to yourself!
@@Not-the-usual-BS yessss....ex had demon in him.
The best way to deal with them is avoid them.. run for your life.. literally
Thank you
My ex-husband is a malignant narcissist - an abusive, alcoholic monster. We've been divorced longer than we were married and he still sends me 10 or 12 page letters about how wonderful he is and why would I kick "a good man" to the curb. I no longer read them. My only way of dealing with this was to leave. My son has not talked to his father in 10 years. And, according to the ex, it's all my fault. I experienced everything Dr. Phil described. One day I just had enough. I called the cops, he got arrested for domestic violence, I got a restraining order and filed for divorce. It was the only way my son and I could survive. Indeed, sometimes losing someone is not a loss.
I am extremally sorry you went through that
Block and delete his number
U don’t need to be reminded whatsoever
So. Sorry you. Suffered. But so happy your. Safe and. Free ✝️🛐💕❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
OH I FEEL YOU!!!!!
DR Phil, I am so humbled by your help and insight. You helped me 15 years ago to leave very abusive marriage and now you are helping me to deal with residue of my internal work to recognize unhealthy and toxic people I need to heal from being a victim to be a Victorious Woman. Narcissists are real and around us and you have an amazingly accurate insight to what they are about. Your ability to speak to their victims is priceseless! May you be Blessed with health and happiness for all the work you do!
I’ve spent my life trying to understand my mother then I saw this and thought I’d listen. This description was so on point I’ve stopped several times to cry it’s so close to home. This is a blessing I want to learn more. Thank you!
My way of dealing with a narcissist is to get away and stay away.
thats the only thing u can do that will work
The only way...
Yep, if you stick around you are only going to be gritting your teeth & tolerating them. Not really that helpful to anybody.
I 👍 💯 agree! They will drain you.
But what if they won’t let you, they bring your family into it.
“It’s a mental illness that causes them to prey upon other people”…. This helped heal my heart a little ❤️
Its a demon in a meatsuit!
RUN if one sets their sights on you!
❤️❤️ hope all is well
@@deliajones9541 I 0
@@deliajones9541 ì0
This is a horrific experience! I have a lifetime of experience with these people from mother to husband. Finally 51 & free but still have flashbacks of trauma. Lost both my daughters, family, friends, myself etc. but made it out with my life! Thank you❤
Wow
.
Dr. Phil, Im concerned for the safety of someone that would tell an abuser they will report or leave them. I would be afraid of threat causing violence. I think they should take action- no warning to a narcissist. My narcissist told me he would kill me if I left. I finally had to just run away.
@@annettesandrockI am so glad you got away from that monster.
I'm literally looking at one. It's so true that narcissists don't realize that's exactly what they are.
Narcissistic mom survivor. I've given up hope on her. Cut off from her. She was just hurting me but claimed I was a horrible person that is hurting her.
Sometimes you just gotta let go of unhealthy people that are not willing to listen and accept people
My firstborn daughter is that way she calls my late husband's sister her MOM eye-opener was on. Facebook. Too!!
Same.. I was adopted. ♥️
They don’t deserve the mantle of a mother. I cannot stand my narc mother.
My mom too. It’s always about her.
I wonder how you would tell when you're accusing your parent of being the narcissist if maybe you're just actually The narcissist instead? How do you tell who's really the problem?
Everyone needs to learn about these masked monsters they will leave your life in ruins
Yup! It sucks to learn the hard way. :(
@@Nessa_1990 It's probably the way most people learn is the hard way. At least it was for me and I still didn't figure it out until 11 years after I left, and quite by accident.
Exactly what Amber Turd did to Depp
We keep feeding this and enabling it I.m.o it's stunting human evolution.
My father has...x
I think it’s a genetic predisposition combined with a learned behavior that cannot be modified by any therapist
I disagree. My daughter was raised in a loving supporting stand strong together family. She chose to leave home at 17 and travel the world. She settled on the East coast the furtherest distance from where she was raised only calling when she needed money. We never knew the truth of how she supported herself. She told acquaintances that I passed away 6 years ago. Learned behavior I think not. It is a choice the individual makes. Not taking responsibility not thinking of others and the untruths are unbearable.
Unless they repent from their sins
How does one help a genetic predisposition? Learned behavior from her chosen life style I can understand that.
I agree…
I think it is possible to catastrophically BREAK a spine so that the body is never able to walk again
It is possible to so catastrophically BREAK eyeballs that the person is blind for the rest of their life
It is possible to so catastrophically BREAK eardrums so that the person is deaf for the rest of their life.
I BELIEVE IT IS ALSO POSSIBLE TO SO CATASTROPHICALLY INJURE A PERSON psychologically emotionally on the human level that it BREAKS THEM and they are no longer able to feel empathy sympathy compassion or understanding for any one else on earth
except themselves
for the rest of their lives…
They’re really exactly like a wild animal that has been terminally injured
They need help but they will tear you to pieces if you get close enough to them for them to strike out and hurt you…
There is no way you can help them but you can help your self from being injured by them.
KEEP YOUR DISTANCE
They’re human cobras
@@kimberlykay130 I totally agree with you. If you try to help they resent you for the fact you think they need help. Such a vicious cycle. I wanted so much to help find the cause and that was my first and last mistake. I will never put myself in harms way again. It is such a difficult lesson to learn.
Having a narcissistic mother who alienated my siblings from me made my grow up in extreme loneliness.
I should never have been born, she'd tell me from as long as I can remember, and "everything is your fault".
Even when my daughter had very serious health problems, she'd trivialized them to everyone around me.
Told her to never come near me again after she started going after my daughter.
Haven't seen her in 11 years now, and my live is sooo much better! Though her saying I should never have been born will always haunt me.
Ditchie greetings to you. Know that others have been in situations as yours too. Think positive and saying that your life is sooo much better is rewarding. Stay encouraged, Blessings!
😔😔
Ok and now get over it and accept that lol she is just having fun. Why wiuld tou take words of her jokes for her own enjoyment seriously xd better find your own fun now 😏😏
My mother is also a narcissist, so I feel your pain. It was very difficult growing up with her . Nothing I did was ever good enough. Like Dr. Phil said, they will suck the life out of you.
I resonate with this story, a lot.
The gaslighting literally makes me panic
Agree!
My father, yep
Forreal it’s awful 🤦♂️
No need to. You are aware of it now. Learning about that was a total game changer for me. "We're not gonna take it".
Same 💯 Immediate flight of fight mode for me .
It's so important that when you realize they're a narcissist that you get yourself together and stay quiet. Giving them a piece of your mind is educating them, move in silence & never have anything to do with them ever again if possible. No contact is very hard and you will need support to do this but the sooner you accept that they don't care, the less likely you are to attempt to reason with them. Try to go ghost "for no reason" in their eyes. It's the best way to protect yourself while simultaneously injuring their fragile ego. Cut off their supply ✂️ make THEM wonder WTF they did wrong instead of the other way around. If you wanna be the one who got away, you have to get away. 💯 🤫
Move in silence is so true 👻 and much safer than confrontation
Holy flying saucers! “If you want to be the one who got away, you have to get away.” Truer words have never been spoken. My hat is off to you. Thank you for that 😊
100 percent true! You can't tell them what's wrong or discuss or make a point, nothing, just quietly get away, don't look back or try to get revenge , you may get a restraining order, but that feeds them too, get a gun!!
@@deliajones9541 amen
If they aren't aware,intentions are good or actually do care, would they still be a narcissist?What if they react in a way because they are maybe depressed, suffer from anxiety,or even possibly an addict and these things take you away from your natural state,then are they still narcissists?I'm just curious if that would seperate a narcissist from what ever other issue they have?
My brother does it in a self-righteous way, then in the next breath contradicts himself
By telling them you are just giving them validation of what they already know and that is exactly what they are seeking.
Telling them they are narcissist really annoys them….calling them out on their actions annoys them because they don’t have a mental mechanism to fix it. They get sick of being told it…they can’t see the outcomes sometimes so when you calll them on a behavior it bothers them not to be able to stop. I have a narc niece and she was severely psychotic…she would use Walmart bags as trash bags and hang them on multiple doors in my house. I put extra trash bin through the house and she still kept pulling them on the doorknobs. I had to legally evict her…she would fail something else to try to keep me in court but the judge dismissed her claim… wrongful eviction
I speak from experience. Nothing will ever prepare a person for the gas lighting and rage of a Narcissist. Thank goodness for a counselor who has identified this, because I had no clue. I went no contact 2.5 years ago and it saved my life.
So true! Same here.
Im struggling with this in my marriage. Having to accept this ia who he is. I started to think ir was really me. Im crazy. Maybe ita my past..maybe I could be a better wife. Then i hear this. 100% true!!!! Its not me!!!!!! I struggle with who be was and who he is. This is mentally taken a toll on me.
@@Angel-xl8pw oh yes
I can so relate.gas lighting, word salad and especially the silent treatment are all so cruel. This behaviour or treatment from ex narcissistic lover ,eventually got me to point of a break down .It's horrendous.
It's hard to smother in silence...yes
buts it's best...to. ignore them...
A narcissist is someone who thinks that he or she knows how to live our lives better than we do
Dr. Phil, you are "right on". My X was a narcissist. The final straw was when I found out he was hiding my personal belongings to make me think I was overly forgetful, retrieving the item when he knew I was looking for it, and he said he would look for and find it, return it, pat me on my shoulder and tell me it was my alzheimers. This went on for 2 years. Then he started saying I needed to go to a nursing home because I "had alzheimers". When the truth of the situation was that he had nothing when we married, and he wanted everything I had before and after the marriage acquired. He ended up with 75% of the community property and was ordered to pay me $71,400.00. It has been since 2014 that the divorce was final, and I haven't seen a penny. At least I am alive. I am thankful for my life.
This is giving me so much clarity
Mine always had "higher moral stance" yet no fruit to show for it.
Mine 'talked to friends (intimate friendly time consuming female relationships on the side) and when I finally was calling him out on it, he gaslit me to thinking its wrong to be jealous. The kicker is that he used the last one to make me guilty, snd I reacted and I was the one he called the police on who arrested me. Thankfully the court saw through the lies and its now recorded that I was narcissistically abused. I had no idea what a narc was. I knew there was like autism or some kind of mental theme going on but I had never heard of this one. From what Dr. Phil is describing him to a "T"... he enjoyed making me jealous and I do think he is covert malignant. He damaged his whole family. 💔 His mother is almost as bad. One day she and I were spend time together when all of a sudden she looks at me evilly and said "don't ever cross me"...not nurturing at all and very creepy. I wasn't even being any kind of way and she just out of the blue gets an evil nasty loon and said that. I could never understand that. She was the one who abused him so bad he was not able to be seen or heard or validated growing up. So sad for this family. It's ruined me after 15 years but after what Dr. Is saying I'm feeling so validated that my guilt is lessening. It's a terrible rwprocussional thing to be blamed and made to be a villian.. so sad and upside-down.
My ex died right before Christmas last year. I felt very guilty. But, now. All I can think of is I'm finally free. The thing is I think I may have been damaged. I have panic attacks! Nightmares, flash backs. I was terribly abused and he blamed me for it. It was partially my fault for taking him back. I've always been really strong but there was something about him made me feel like I was so important to him and I had no self worth. Until it all started. It was a 4 year battle with a narcissist, a violent one! Short story. He's gone, but I'm stuck. His mother blamed me. In reality I hadn't seen or talked to him for months. I was hiding. There's much more. His mother is just like him, and they screamed at each other, he couldn't please her. I write poetry about it now. It sucks..
"If their lips are moving, they're lying" so true... I've recently broken up with a friend because he's such a narcissist that the best thing I could possibly do was leave... I'm sorry for his girlfriend, who is also my friend, she's been suffering a lot with all the abuse, the manipulation, and the lies... but that's her journey, she should watch this video and educate herself on this topic.
"Narcissist's don't live in the real world."
That's so very true Dr Phil,
they live in a world where no one is as important as them, where no one else amounts to anything.
They are Wolves in Sheep's Clothing. They are great Con Artists. Outside of the home folks think their like Mary Poppins ,Practically Perfect in Every Way, (well my x wife that is) but in the privacy of the home they are Jeckyl & Hyde. The abuse gets worse & worse over time & in the end its like living in a minefield.
The biggest giveaway is that they will never accept responsibility for any of their mistakes. I make the joke, "If my wife drove her car into a tree; it would be the tree's fault." No seriously, if they are NEVER WRONG & NEVER SORRY they have Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
They are just like their father ....(the devil).
Good one
Perfect description… 👍
Would not be some one you would want as a leader.
Tonite as example. My daughter was getting up for a snack. I heard the crash of dishes breaking. Running out to kitchen to help her clean up. It happened to be one of the new glass storage containers I had recently purchased a set of. I never said a word except "I'm so sorry honey. Be careful being barefooted."
She immediately changed the subject blaming me for having fed her dogs in a bowl rather in their regular stainless steel dishes.
Need more? She's got 'em a dime a dozen.
Thank you. This helps me so much!!!! I have recently come to the sad conclusion that the two closest people in my life, my sister and mom, have narcissistic personality disorders. I’ve spent all my life trying to make them happy and have a healthy relationship with them but instead I would inevitably get myself banished from their lives for long periods of time. They’ve always accused me of being too sensitive and not smart enough. Thank you for the advice and validation, Dr. Phill 🙏🏽
Finally on my healing journey after being raised by a malignant narcissistic father. Then married one and had 3 children. Just separated from husband 2 who is a covert narcissist. I pray for pure discernment moving forward. Focusing on my own healing and self love journey. The peace I now feel is priceless. Sending anyone struggling love and strength. You can forgive but that doesn’t mean staying in a toxic relationship. Anyone who needs to hear. this, you’ve got this. Knowledge is power, keep learning about these character developmentally delayed individuals.❤
My mum was a covert narcissist, my husband a grandiose narcissist and after my divorce my recent ex a malignant narcissist! Trauma bonds are real! I’ve found out I’m an empath from my childhood traumas but acknowledged that I have stayed and feel ok around narcissists because they feel like home / family! We humans follow our ego to our safe zone of what resonates, what you are used too, what’s familiar etc. Please acknowledge this! I’m 40 now and I’ve only just woke up to this pattern of behaviour, I’ve but up with abuse all my life and now I have to embrace living…. God bless all empaths out there the road to recovery is hard, don’t blame yourself even if you have an addiction, you have just dulled down the flight and fight response that causes panic, use your copes until you let go of the abusive past, your addictions will fall away the moment you realise you love yourself and the reason you are so kind and caring to humanity is because of the abuse! It turned you into a light in the world to help others, God bless you all 💕
💗
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too many narcs for 1 person
@@nyahhbinghi agreed and no more
Rose; Thank you for sharing your story, your realizations and your truths with us! I can relate!!
This video is my life unfortunately. My mother is a straight up malignant narcissist. I’ve never actually met a worse one. Like Dr. Phil mentioned, I am simply her audience. It’s all about her and she love bombs me and then is the first person to turn around and at sight up abuse me. This happened for 26 years. I recently moved across the country from NY to CA and I couldn’t be happier. I tried for so long to “fix” her or get her to love me genuinely. It was a futile effort.
Sorry to hear that 😮🙏🏽
she love bombs u what does that mean
Wow I’m very sorry! My parents had role models that were similar, and they’re very loving! I’m sure you can become or are already are a good person without her.
@@333Jord love bombing is when the essentially flood you with love and make you codependent with them (in my case) to get my trust so I trust her and let me guard down and then she manipulates me or abuses me.
I’m glad you got out. Enjoy your life! You truly deserve it!!
“Not everybody you lose is a lost” well said dr
Every time I think I've learned everything from you that I can, you surprise me again. I've read a lot about narcissists because I had a bad marriage with one. But you've given me new insights about myself and how I dealt with it in so many wrong ways. Thank you for being Dr. Phil!
My then husband, 4 years into our marriage, was puzzled at something I did, and I replied it was 'out of compassion for others who might be impacted'. He actually said to me, "I don't know what compassion is." I had no clue to the significance of that statement. If only they taught about narcissism in high school.
So many of us went through a relationship and saw the signs of narcissism that utterly floored us but we didn't know what narcissism was, or that it even existed. That's why we didn't know enough to bolt when we needed to. This is the part that causes so much damage - you keep thinking you can work things out. But you have no idea that you're in the grips of a dangerous person.
Mine said "It's my way or the highway" before we married. I didn't take it seriously. I should have.
@@withgoddess Mine says that now. Reminds me of my parents.
I cried at 30:00 that is literally what I've gone through for the past 15 years. my mom's boyfriend sexually assaulted me and i went thru deep depression and eventually suicide. for the last 15 years my family had reminded me through gaslighting that I caused the family to break up and fight over this "fake" assault that never happened. Only a year ago did I decide to abandon all relationships with my mom and sisters because of that situation, and to be honest today I couldn't be happier. I'm literally LIVIN!!! 💙🥳 I hope others in this situation can live just as great
Be your own best friend.
I can relate to your experience.
I'm sorry to hear that, i suffer the same as you, but in different stories and situations, I'm still surviving right here, eventho at times i become suicidality....
@@Melinda_Ross for sure! be ur own strength... and find someone who isnt a narcissist and can empathize and not blinded by the truth 😅 sending positive vibes to you!!
@@happydays199 hope youre well now ❤
I am 58 and only in the past year have I understand how my life has been controlled by a narcissist father, brother, sister in law. Counseling and these videos have made me realize I am not crazy and I am a good person. But had to disconnect. ❤❤ thank you. B
For years, I have believed that my mother is a psychopath due to total lack of empathy and absence of conscience, a mocking, gleeful cruelty, along with constant, pathological lying and the most profound case of narcissism I've encountered in nearly 70 years of living. I've always been thrown a bit, however, by the fact that she does get stressed and anxious, and she has shown some psychotic tendencies in the past. After listening to this talk and others by Dr. Phil (a rare person I trust), it seems that Malignant Narcissist covers every base.
Thank you, Dr. Phil. You are a beacon of light in a very dark world.
When I was taking the DSM-5 course in grad school I had a professor who said “the narcissist will only seek help once they’ve lost all of their possessions.” Possessions = trophy wife/husband, big time job, power, money. they see people as chess pieces.
Yes, that’s called a “narcissistic collapse”. I abruptly left my covert narcissist husband after a 22 year relationship. Witnessed a narcissistic collapse… wow…
@@amandastein6247 I’m glad you were able to escape him 🙏🏼
Wow that is so true now that you put into perspective like that!!!! Holy wow! When I left my ex and he ended up losing his job, me, and having to move out. He finally had gone to counseling when I had told him through out our relationship because I didn’t know how else to fix our relationship and his cheating ect. But finally Decided when he lost everything and now it makes sense!!!
My malignant narcissist older brother blew up his local social, professional, business relationships, taking our widowed, enabling mother's reputation down the toilet with him. He abruptly "retired" 10 years early and moved far, far away to live near his only child and her wonderful husband, their kids and her in-laws. I broke off all contact, but Mom says he's working in their family business. My only concern is for my niece. Based on his lifetime pattern, it's likely that he will eventually feel entitled to exercise authority he does not have and to blow up when challenged. She doesn't deserve to have this happen in the world she's worked so hard to build for herself.
Your professor is most accurate. Unfortunately, I know this first hand.
My mother is a narc and I finally walked away when she started her guilt trips with my 4 year old son. She has tried everything to get me back and has turned the whole family against me but I’m free.
Stay strong!
@@therivercake871 thank you 😊
AND... most importantly you are protecting your children. When they're old enough they'll see what's really going on.
Have faith that what goes around comes around 🏵
@@buzzzzzz69 thank you :0) xx
Same! Had to throw those walls up fast!
After watching this video, I can see that my mother has NPD traits. I’m her only child (daughter) and I have been diagnosed with Self-Destructive BPD and an anxiety disorder. Without sounding preachy, I have been able to get a lot of help from God (through the Holy Spirit). I am still anxious and I feel very sad sometimes, but I feel very assured that God is always with me. Talking with Him and minimal SSRI prescription has gotten me very stable. Bless you all, and don’t give up. You don’t have to let a disorder take over your life.
THANK YOU DOC!! Ive had the privilege / double whammy of surviving a relationship with a person who is diagnosed bipolar and narcissistic personality disorder. I switch back and forth between compassion, confusion, and sadness. This video saved my sanity.
Yes ex had both...he blamed ADHD for abusing me
Thinking it was bipolar not ADHD
My ex-husband asked me what I wanted for Christmas one year, the last year, when he was feeling generous. I said I wanted "all of Dr. Phil's books". I received them for Christmas that year. After doing all the work, reading all 3 of them, at the time, I left him. Thanks Dr. Phil. You helped me do what seemed impossible to me alone. I shared the lessons from your books with my children. We're all strong, happy people today. Life is not without struggles and strife, but because of the knowledge you've imparted to us we can get through life a lot easier. God bless you sir. God bless you. ❤️
That was a good one!! Hahaha he paid for his own demise! Glad to hear you and yours are thriving and away from the toxicity! 🧡🥰❤️
WELL DONE 👍👍❤️💪💪💪💪. Being with a LOSER, is REALLY THEIR LOSS🤣👍
I have a whole new level of respect for Dr Phil, he clearly understand this topic extremely well and knows his stuff
I used to, then I learned things that that were so disappointing. He's the biggest narcissist of TV.
That's right!
00
@@karaalsup23 Hi from Norway👋🏼💕 Are you reffering to Dr.Phil? Just courious 🤗
@@karaalsup23 9⁹8⁸ķ b b
I believe both my parents and older sister, and my son were narcissists. They're gone now. I don't hold it against them. My ex-husband was too. The only one i could talk to for years was my older brother. It was such a blessing for us to have each other to talk with.
Wow….soo many
Both my parents and my sibling are also narcissistic... I'm devastated
Everyone I coach is getting this video. PERIOD. Thank you for such a clear and validating description of what this is and the ramifications of being entwined with a Narcissist.
Thank you Dr. Phil. I've been on an emotional rollercoaster for the past 7 years with a NARC spouse. Now, I know what am dealing with and that am not CRAZY!!. Am deeply depressed, emotionally drained and physically sick. "The truth you know shall set you free". Have to get out!!
May you have the strength to keep your convictions fresh. Do it peaceably, even at some cost, but follow through
Yes, thank you Dr. Phil! I too have been in an emotional rollercoaster for the past 8 years. No one seems to understand what I go through. I have to get out as well very soon!!!!! I too am deeply depressed, emotionally drained and physically sick too. I will keep you uplifted in prayers Lucy K.
I needed to hear this so bad! I'm going through a divorce with a narcissist right now and the ptsd is real
God bless 🙏
Keep strong.💪💝
Don’t tell him anything until your finances and legal thing in order. Don’t let them know! Seriously!
@@xhaltsalute Right on, and get the best lawyer you can afford. Protect the kids as much as you can. He will try to hurt them to hurt you.
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
One of Dr. Phil's best Shows/Podcasts/Videos - if not THE BEST. These are people (Narcs) that you need to leave in the rearview mirror. So terribly destructive & horrible. They have years & decades of practice - so you will NEVER win. There is NO SUCH THING as a normal conversation with a Narc. Ignore or go No Contact.
I agree narcissistic people will never change. I know my boyfriend will never get help. RUNNING AWAY IS THERE FOREVER DAMAGED.
I am in tears listening to your video Dr. Phil. I need to get away. Everything you said is what I deal with on daily basis with my husband, the demon. He clashes with my soul and spirit. Thank you for sharing, teaching, showing me I'm not the crazy one but also for raising my awareness.
I’m with ya. It’s a hard life.
It's not your fault. Learn de-escalation techniques.t can literally save your life. Please be careful and please be aware that he most likely put spyware or parental monitoring software on your devices. Leave me behind if you leave. Factory reset won't always help.And an old device will infect a new one via Bluetooth. Just wanted to warn you. Take care and be careful
@@starrynightsmoonlitskies5497 Omg my husband is an IT guy and I sometimes wonder if he can see websites I go to n stuff like that. One day my daughter found him looking through my watched videos on my RUclips. I’ve since signed out but I best change the password. I’ve also had RUclips not track my history any longer. Last thing I need him to know is that I think he’s a narcissist. Sometimes I get off the home WiFi and use the cellular. Ugh it’s a tough life but the good thing is that I now have some tools in my tool belt and lots of prayers going on to heal him from this horrible affliction.
@@starrynightsmoonlitskies5497 Thank you so much for your suggestions. I will look into de-escalation techniques as I have never heard of them. I have made up my mind, I am leaving. I just need to plan accordingly so that I am safe. I cannot and will not spend whatever life I have left in this misery. He has managed to take my sparkle away. I want it back. Thank you for taking the time to educate me. I am truly grateful. ❤
I'm proud of your decision 👏 ✨️ you can do this! You are stronger than you think. You will be so glad you left him when you look back 1 year from now. Put YOU first. Stay safe.
I am forever impacted by this Dr. Phil, thank you. I feel like every single word was about my experience. It was eerily spot on. Being abused and controlled by a malignant narcissist was soul crushing and life changing. It both broke me and made me tough. I bear scars no one can see..thehe PTSD, and the rebuilding, even still today, of my self esteem and self worth, it all still goes on. But I'm not a victim. I maybe was at one point. Now though, I am an informed and powerful woman, strong with God, confident in myself, and grateful for all that I've learned.
Dr. Phil has particularized the traits of Narcissism so well, thanks for this video. I’ve watched other videos on this subject but this, in my opinion, is the best. My siblings are narcissistic and I’ve walked away from them. Am now praying for self restraint to continue to keep away from them, for my emotional, spiritual and physical well being🙏
🎉😢🎉😢😢😢😮😅😊😊😊😊😊
All of your siblings? How many. I have five.
I live in England UK. Thank you SO much Dr Phil. I have watched several videos to understand NPD as I have a family member with everything you’ve spoken about.
The slow, steady, simplistic conversational style you used to educate is the BEST explanation I have ever seen. Your valuable knowledge and experience is really really appreciated and helpful to me personally in how best to cope with what I have to deal with. thank you again 🙏
Ive had relationships with these sorts of guys since I was 14, am 44 today and the last one almost killed me. I can tell you there is NO way to understand this until you've been exposed to one, and even then its hard to understand.
The ex husband fantasy world was pornography. During that time the ex husband was handsome, rich and adorable. It was the ex husband's way of dealing with stress. The ex husband is covert, passive, aggressive antisocial narcissist. The ex husband tried to take my life twice. I wasn't allowed to speak of feelings.
When the ex husband left he played the victim and said that he was intitled to do whatever he wanted. The ex husband had the spirit of lust, greed, anger, silent treatment, triangulation. Married 36 year's the ex husband had his NS take him to NY. These people are cruel, hateful, mean. Demon's.
I worked very hard for nothing.
I'm 54 and experiencing this for the past 2 years, I live in a constant state of self doubt and bewilderment. Watching this has really helped to clear and focus my mind
@@TracyJane67 Same here. This was THE video that ended the confusion. Now I know 100% he is one, I also discovered more than him and a long chain of them relationships wise before him, they are even in my own family aswell which explains why I've been attracting them.
I believe God is letting some sot of shift happen with so many waking up to these persons, it's like chains and bonds have been smashed to bits for the first time in my life. Knowledge is power! We are FREE. Now that we can spot them, time to avoid them. The rest of our lives are beginning.
@@Vixinaful good luck to you babe, sending you love and positive vibes now & forever more.
It is hard because narcissistic males do come across as confident and somewhat charming. You just have to be a bit skeptical until the person proves otherwise.
Thank you for not pathologizing the victims of narcissistic abuse! As Dr. Phil mentioned, kindness shows itself in consistent good behavior. Beware of charm, for a truly kind-hearted person does not feel the need to convince others of his benevolent intentions.
If only I had heard your message 20 years ago! My daughter dated a fellow who was always jumping up to be helpful, get that soda for someone, find the remote, take out the trash...you name it. We all fell for it! He changed the moment they were married and has gotten steadily worse. She put up with SO much abuse, along with her children. They are now divorced and she married a very kind and good man. However, because of the children, they have contact. Her ex uses every opportunity to hurt her, take advantage of her, and blame her, even using the children to do so. He has also remarried and still can’t leave my daughter alone. He follows the exact pattern Dr. Phil is talking about.
@@Jo145330 I can confirm from experience that your daughter would not have believed you 20 years ago! She would have defended the conman and love-fraud from anyone who questioned his "nice-guy" mask. Romeo and Julia... How lucky she was to find a truly lovely man in the end! And for the grandchildren, I can only recommend therapy; therapy helped my son a lot. He had to accept that his father was not and is not capable of love, that he always promised something he never kept, to distract from reality and to expect gratitude on top of it. A shabby game! As a young adult he is doing well, he is responsible and full of life, he wants nothing more to do with his father, he has learned to pay attention to the behavior of others vs. their words. Good luck to your family! Love from Berlin :-)
@@leluefran you are so kind to reply to me. You're right, she would not have believed me. I did warn her older sister because I could see her fiance was capable of being unkind... it just made her angry with me and she still married him. It seems to me our world is creating more narcissistic behavior than ever before. I'm grateful for my parents who raised us in a peaceful home... for the most part... not 100% perfect. ;>)
@@leluefran and hello from Utah, USA
ON POINT !🤔☺
I truly appreciate you saying, they respond to actions, not words. My biological mother is going out of her mind trying to come and stay with me, and she's absolutely furious along with her flying monkeys, because I'm ignoring them completely. 55 years of my life in torture, and affecting my kids as well, is more than enough. Although, every day she calls, I never pick up, but I experience the PTSD symptoms. It's a recovery in progress, very slow and difficult, but feels very peaceful, whenever I am focused on work and volunteering with abused teens, helping them through crochet, chatting and lifting their self worth and self esteem.
Thank you again fir a wonderful analogy, very helpful doctor Phil.
My mother-in-law just passed away. She is a prime example of the covert narcissist. The saddest thing is that she left behind utter wreckage of her children (now adults) and their families. It is heart breaking. This video was very helpful in see how to deal with future interactions with the family during the funeral and afterwards.
I won't be going to my covert MIL's funeral. Don't think there will be one as she discarded all her "friends" a long time ago.
I've had my own narcissist experiences. I also have PTSD from these experiences. As an extra sensitive empath, I have had to work really hard to see my own value and set boundaries with these types. I appreciate all your wisdom Dr Phil. Thank you.
I feel for you ❤️❤️❤️
"you don't deserve air. You're a waste of skin."
Boundaries are tissue paper to the ex husband. The ex used us for his portrait family. When the in law's passed away the ex didn't want, need or care about us. I hadn't heard anything about this until 2017. I've read 18 books yet I don't think better of myself. My mom and the ex had the same type of behavior. The " whoo is me" behavior. It was my duty to make them feel better. I told the ex husband how I felt one time. He tried to kill me.
I'm starting this journey and sound a lot like you. I hope I can do that, too.
@@lucindamccartan4139 I feel blessed really. After many years of toxic cycles I can finally see my abandonment issues were keeping me stuck. May I recommend journaling for you. It really helps open up communication with the universe. Journal your feelings to help you release them. Journal your dreams to help you manifest change. Sending you healing vibes and prayers.
Ditto, I’ve had and still got 4-5 severe narcissistic people in my life, unfortunately I seem to attract them and they don’t show their real selves when u 1st meet them, then bit by bit the evil devil comes out and then you see them for exactly what they are
Actually it was ME who walked out on the couples therapy … the therapist knew nothing about narcissism and was doing nothing but catering to his behaviour! … I just couldn’t sit there any longer
I feel like therapy can be hard because the narc can "woo" the therapist and be on their best behaviour... I did one session with my mom and she got there early convinced the therapist to let her in before I got there and deffinately influences his opinion... at the end of the session he told me I needed to work on myself more...
I understand. Completely.
Been there!
Yep. Same.
This it's going to be a big problem now. Another ( Plague ) way ,and reason, for more , brake up , division of families, divorce, and false accusations. Now everybody it's going to wear the narcissistic mask, and become a counselor, or a sphycologist. Having a point of view, and trying to do things your way when is you doing it , it's a totally different way, than been a selfish, greedy person. I seen lots of parents in the past, accusing the neighbors kid, as a narcissist, when it's their own kid the one, with the issue.
This is so true Dr Phil, my God. I began seeing a therapist while I kept it to myself for a little while but I finally spoke to a couple of friends who became 45:33 angry and questioned my decision to be where I am. I’m still in the same environment but I feel somewhat better than before.
Incredibly helpful. I’ve had an abusive narc parent all these years and I’ve never until recently heard someone else express and put worlds to what was happening. I always felt so alone,,,thank you a million times over
I was abused (physical, mental, and verbal) by a narcissist for around 6-7 years and It is so unbelievably hard to get over it. I have symptoms of PTSD now. It really is that bad, I can't get by a day without losing motivation to do things. Don't associate with these people if you can.
Am sorry you went through this, yet I believe u can still live your life now that you are away from them with time. You can do it.
Am still trying to get away from my family and my narcissistic siblings.
I was bullied too Back in school & at work Cause I was disability & I had special ed classes.I had even teachers who did not like me & My 6th grade teacher she was the worse.. SHe would have these meetings all the time with my parents & She never said anything nice about me Until they spoke up. I never had to Stay after school at all & Until that one year was the only time I did cause of her.I do believe she was one of these Narcissist he is talking about Cause Even the principal was afraid of her the counslor, Speech teacher,. 6th grade was the worse year I had cause of her.
I’m so sorry that happened to you.. Talk to Jesus. He always brought me through the storm.
@@kerry1979 sorry to hear that man. Much love.
@@lookaroundyou8108 thank you.
Finally! More people need to hear this!
Inderdaad
and be taught at schools!!!!
unfortunately, these harmful personalities are learning to "emulate" empathy as well, but the only solution is to educate as many people as possible..
Agreed, when you are in the thick of the abuse it is almost impossible to see clearly with in the controlling and overwhelming environment so knowing the red flags is key.
hey im gay
Thank you so much for this commentary on narcissism. I have wracked my brain for 66 years to try to know what was wrong between my husband and mother in law and my marriage. You have set me free. In 1 hour you have explained what was happening and I was the victim of narcissism. You told me exactly what was happening and I am so relieved to know the truth. Thank you again.
It took me 6 yrs to understand what I was dealing with! I blamed myself until I realized the term "gaslighting"! So many things make sense once you learn about this personality disorder. I was into disbelief that they can't be treated and hence I was stuck trying to "help" them without realizing I was losing myself. It damages you so much to the point that I don't feel comfortable believing anybody else anymore. In one way it also helps in seeing red flags immediately and better to switch off from the very beginning. I'd rather stay single than wasting my life and energy in wrong people. I still feel better that it was only 6 years while many others lived with one for their entire life. I noticed how we became vulnerable since childhood and hence an easy prey for narcissists. Thanks to social media that I learnt it already rather than suffering quietly the abuse I went through! Thank you Dr. Phil for this video because at least I don't regret the breakup, thinking "maybe........ maybe I lost something". Knowing they'll never change, makes me feel in a way that I was lucky to be out in just 6years!!!
If you never noticed evil you must have been raised by the disney channel, when the feeling of wanting to change them come to mind, disengage, that's you trying to fix the situation. If you could have any chosing of the quality of human being you interact, would you chose them? Real question, why?
Wow. You sure nailed it. I had to learn this all the hard way. It nearly broke me. I'm still scarred but so much wiser and stronger having survived it. Awareness helps greatly. Educate yourself about these kinds of people it can literally save you.
I'm the same! My life is SO much better now I'm not with my toxic ex. I put up with it for years believing I was the problem in the relationship as I was told constantly. Here's to a peaceful life with no drama 😍
Lovely name
Me too . Wish I had had something like this to watch and recognize years ago.
I have been waiting for YEARS to see you cover this in depth. Thank you thank you thank you! Narcissistic abuse is horrific and I suffered in silence for so long. It took me YEARS to understand what was happening and educate myself. I’ve now left the abuse and I am now healing.
They kill you with a thousand tiny cuts spread across a period of time. The one's who don't wake up to the abuse and get away from this poisonous people end up a husk of their original selves, with Stockholm Syndrome and an early grave. People awaken because they get tired of people who insult their soul....
Thank you Dr Phil…I have grown up with a grandiose father and a covert mother. I have been going to therapy for years. Your right it does no good to tell these people off!
Hearing this brings back so many memories of being with with someone I now know was a narcissist. Thank you, Dr. Phil.
Dr Phil thank you so much. If only I had known about this in the 60's. I was married to a toxic narcacists for 25 yrs who abused me horrifically in every way..& physically beat me frequently... My daughter took over from her father & I have, till 12 months ago lived with her nacsistic abuse including disgusting name calling for 20 years..You say ignore the Narcissist but that brought on her volcanic rage & she
would physically & verbally beat me, as well as smash & destroy my belongings including my microwave & the hot plates of my cook top.. I took the beatings every time without retaliation & walked away covered in bruises & welts & hair missing from my head. Once she gave me a Chinese burn on my upper arm which immediately resulted in a massive bruise from my elbow to my shoulder & the excruciating pain caused me to collapse over the kitchen sink & moan in agony....she laughed and said "more is coming" !
She took my beautiful bible to the toilet, leaving the door open for me to see & she ripped every page out & used it as toilet paper, & flushed it down. The whole bible was flushed. "That will teach you" she viciously screamed as she shook her finger at me...Finally after receiving therapy & living in my locked bedroom for 12 months I had gained enough strength to have her removed by police & a court case is in the process & a 5year DVO is about to be placed on her..but which she is desperately fighting to have the DVO stopped and she has told me she will be denying in the court room all of her violence & abuse...Much damage has been done and I am working my way through it.
Bless you Dr Phil.
Grew up with one, been married to one for almost three decades. Everything Dr. Phil describes here is true!
ALL OF IT!!!
Yep… 3 decades too only
Just realizing this condition about 4 years ago.. wish I would have learned about it 20 years ago
Are you leaving?
I apologized for many things I didn't even need to be sorry for. 😐 🤦♀️
"They don't read the room."
This. This is key.
What is dangerous is when the narcissist becomes the parent with custody- the lies and the libel, and slandering of the other parent. And the slandering continues for years, and continues to fill into your family
If you are in a abusive relationship than you are not stupid and you do not deserve it. Love yourself a little more everyday and know there are people in the world who understand and have gone through the same thing.
And leave the Situation.
Amen!
Yes
I was dating a NPD person. This was eye opener for me. I would always defend myself. Venting never made me feel better. I just made me someone I didn't like.
Years back I went to a training and personality disorders. They talked about narcissist. They said if you have a narcissistic boss and you're the target there's nothing you can do. You did nothing wrong. Going to their supervisor won't help. The only thing you can do is leave. I had a boss that I think was a narcissist. I was so glad when he retired
I find venting to a friend makes me feel like I am the one with the problem and maybe everything is my fault. It sucks and she wonders why I have trust issues and am unwilling to talk about how I feel
Dr. Phill is it okay to send the narcissist your videos?
Thank you so much!! I am here in Shanghai and always been bullied by my lady boss.. She always tell that we don't make excuses and no explanations needed if someone made a mistake, even simple mistake.. And she always say she was the most famous Japanese teacher in China.. I always tell I work as an English tutor here in Shanghai not to compete with anyone, because I need to work for my children because I am a single mother of 3 children for a very long time..
Being in a relationship with a narcissist is the most soul crushing, cruel, destruction of self worth, and I have to remember that he NEVER cared about me. EVER. As do all narcissists
Dr. Phil’s ability to explain psychology to the layman is a gift that keeps on giving. Thanks, Dr. Phil, you have certainly helped me over the years. ❤️🇨🇦
That is why he has been on the air for all of these years
The world needs more people who can explain complex material to everyone. Dr Phil is wonderful at speaking plainly without putting on airs that make him impossible to understand like many “smart” people.
“If you can’t explain a concept to a six year old you do not understand it yourself” - Einstein
@@Mugruncher omg!!! I love that!! If you cannot explain a concept to a 6 yr old, you so not understand it yourself. So simple yet so profound!! Thanks for that. And yes. DR. PHIL is amazing at explaining things in lamens terms. Dr. Les Carter is also amazing at it. He has a very calm and soothing voice.
@@jaystew730 He should've called this topic out a long time ago but he didn't. Why do think that was? A ton of youtubers have been speaking about this topic for a long time. He's trying to get in on their success on this topic.
I have learned much from watching this today . wonderful explanation
So spot on! I am a quiet peace maker, who married a narcissist. I ended up with PTSD before I could break all ties with him. I just wish I could have heard him doing this 10 years ago. That man almost totally destroyed all will and confidence I had in me.
I would agree that psychology courses regarding narcissistic abuse and other forms of abuse should be taught in middle and high school !
Thank you so much Dr. Phil for this talk. I have been going through this for decades with my brother. Now at my older age i understand that my brother is a narcissist and has a personality disorder. It's been over due that i need to protect myself from him and see that he is the problem and that there is no solution for him. Thanks again!!!
The pay off (multiple partners, no responsibility, no accountability, free things etc) a narcissist gets from their behaviour far outweighs the hard work needed to stop the behaviours or the lack of reward for doing said behaviour. There is nothing to encourage them to change. No reward, only loss of reward for effort.
I finally left my narcissist. Wish I would have know all this sooner. Thank you Dr. Phil 🙏🏼❤️
After 25 years I did too finally some peace
Me too! Worst 2 years of my life!
My brother's partner is a narcissist
She is getting worse. It is awful to see
@@spicegirl8059 same.
That’s so strong of you … Hope you’re doing well. ❤️🙌🏼
perfect timing, i finally blocked my narcissistic ex last night. there’s no getting through to narcissists 💔
This video was absolutely amazing!! Thank you thank you so much for doing this. Please do more videos on this entire topic. I need to understand this mental disease thoroughly so and I don’t get take advantage of by these people anymore.
I am married to a covert narcissist. The first 30 years of our marriage I felt like I was going to lose my mind. I kept trying to figure out his behavior and why he would do the things he did, so hurtful and indifferent! We’ve been married 40+ years now. I’m still with him because I don’t want to wreck the family. I’ve learned a lot, and now stand up for myself. But, being with him certainly sucks a lot and joy out of my life .
Same … 32 years…
Have you considered leaving him?
@@iys6890 I have. I am now disabled with severe autoimmune issues. I can't work . I can't provide for myself.
I’ve been married to what I believe is the covert narcissist for 46 years. Wish I’d known this 25 years ago when we almost divorced. He definitely lives in a fantasy world leaving me to carry all the stress. If I try to engage him in a conversation such as finances he’ll start yelling, screaming and calling me vile names. I’m also disabled but am not without some resources. I’m starting therapy soon because my mental and physical health has gone from bad to worse. Walking on eggshells takes a toll on a person.
@@elizabethrodgers8616 Take care and please stay safe🙏 Your get thru this ❤️
One time when my stepson at age 25 came to apologize to me for all the abuse that he has inflicted since he was age 7,
I asked him what made him think he could treat me this way?
His answer was priceless, he said,
" Because I Could, your are an easy target, and no one ever stopped me."
but Phil said it's "a learned behavior or from severe neglect or abuse". It's a theory, but I have a really hard time believing a 7 yr old is a narcissist.
@@SweetHomeOregonSasquatch a 7 year old can be a narcissist. Especially if allowed to act spoiled, selfish and unaccountable for one's behavior!
I'm so sorry to read this.May you find the peace you both deserve.
@@SweetHomeOregonSasquatch by time a child is 7 narcissism is ingrained. Kids don't have to be physically abused to use this coping mechanism. A golden child become narcissist praised and given everything.
@@SweetHomeOregonSasquatch Dr. Phil said that it was a THEORY that it is a learned behavior from being too spoiled or neglect/abuse.
The best way to deal with narcissist is to accept that's how they are and walk away.
Phil speaks as if it is emanating from my own voice. It's unbelievable! Especially when he speaks about gaslighting. Thanks Phil.
Attack is daily refusing to learn or recognize that he has issues he is so perfect full of anxiety disorders and always excuses and procrastination complaints constantly combative moody and like a King waiting to be served.