Phil in the Blanks: Toxic Personalities in the Real World P5 -Borderline Personality Disorder [EP91]
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- Опубликовано: 26 сен 2024
- Listeners learn about Borderline Personality Disorder on Dr. Phil’s new mental health podcast series, “Phil in the Blanks: Toxic Personalities in the Real World.”
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Dr. Phil tells compelling stories about real people. The Dr. Phil Show is an American daytime talk show and TV series with host and personality Dr. Phil McGraw, who offers advice from his experience as a psychologist. The show provides the most comprehensive forum on mental health issues in the history of television. For over a decade, Dr. McGraw has used the show's platform to make psychology accessible to the general public by addressing important personal and social issues. Here on the Dr. Phil RUclips channel, you will find the best moments, highlights, and segments from the TV show. We upload new videos every day, so make sure you subscribe and ring the bell for all notifications, so you don't miss a single one.
Full episodes of the Dr. Phil Show premiere every weekday on CBS, with a new season premiering every fall in 2021, 2022, and 2023. Each full episode contains an interview or multiple interviews with doctors, teens, families, parents, kids, and more. The executive producers are Phil McGraw and showrunner Oprah Winfrey of OWN. Dr. Phil is the top-rated daytime talk show attracting millions of viewers every day alongside other talk shows, including The Ellen Show with Ellen DeGeneres, The Dr. Oz Show, The Kelly Clarkson Show, and The Steve Wilkos Show. Dr. Phil makes regular appearances on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel Live, and The Late Late Show with James Corden. Dr. Phil has also done crossovers with 90 Day Fiancé, Inside Edition, and Marrying Millions.
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I have enjoyed Dr. Phil diving deep into a topic by himself. Not interviewing anyone, just him having a speaking about a topic. I hope he does this more
Same!!!
Jupe much better like this
I have been functioning, not living.
Dr Phil's articulation of the subjects brings a clear understanding.
Yep, I like it too
My mother was diagnosed as BPD and Dr Phil described her to a t. She was the most anxious and unpredictable person I ever knew and as a child and young woman I was always afraid of her. She was very possessive and demanded my, and my father's presence, and loyalty all the time while at the same time pushing us away. She was very keslous of me and interfered with my relationship with my father .
She was violent, very dramatic, suspicious and demanding. Four months before she died my father died and she had some dementia setting in. During these months she was the sweetest, most loving mother to me and told me she knew she had not been a good mother to me. I always felt compassion for her even when I had at times separated from her completely. I am glad she finally found peace.
Sounds like spiritual damage and trauma - if you can remember what it was like to be a child, or if you can imagine what goes thru the mind of a child who has been exposed to terrible trauma whilst still very young, you will understand what drives their psyche and you will suddenly understand why they do what they do and when...
@@leighatkins22I find it interesting that a lot of people become nicer and wants forgiveness and find Jesus towards the end of life 🤔
@@kellypolfleit3942 yes becoz usually by then we have tasted the hollowness of this existence and have begun to wonder if this is all there is to being alive!
The ones i REALLY feel sorry for are those born into extremely rich families, like billionaire families, becoz when you have money like that in your bank account, it can't possibly NOT have affected your values and morals, or infected your family culture and spirit.
When you have money like that, the fear of losing such influence and power over this world will be indelibly imprinted on your heart so that there is no room for God's love, unless he somehow CALLS YOU thru all that confusion and haze - what a sad and empty existence it would be.
Imagine having tasted everything there is in this tiny world to taste, and smell and feel, hear, see and experience, and all your money can't buy you anything more now but trouble and strife, but money is ALL you have!
Those ppl would feel so empty inside, and have such a hollow existence becoz the fear of letting go of the money would override the courage to take hold of the faith and hope of God instead 😪
There is nothing free in this world...
I suffered with BPD for many years. Misdiagnosed as Bi-Polar for the first part of my life. Finally met a psychiatrist that properly diagnosed me and started treatment right away. I completed three years of DBT and after many years of hard work, I am considered a recovered Borderline. I always will have depression and anxiety, but not having to deal with Borderline symptoms makes my life bearable. There is help for BPD and I just want you to know that you can get better and live a happy life. It takes a lot of work but it's so worth it. Hang in there, we can get our lives back 🙂
I am a retired clinical psychologist & I am very impressed by the way Dr Phil discussed BPD & he provided an excellent way to discuss what the person deserves, not what they need. Language about mental health is so important, it should never be stigmatised or feared; too many people think that the person with MH can fix their illness by changing something or doing something different - that view is grossly unfair & it effectively blames the person for their mental illness. We need to educate people about mental illness & not allow this sensitive topic to be swept under a rug. 💜💜💜
I have a question maybe you can answer, why can someone who does psychological intake diagnose you? Like you talk to someone for 20 minutes and they say your bpd. Then when I go to a therapist, she doesn’t think I’m bpd at all, just someone with cptsd.
@@Ladeda27 nobody can diagnose someone with any MH issues in 20 minutes.
@@kymfrancis4612 gotcha. I thought it was kinda crazy, I was in the hospital for attempting suicide. Fell asleep in ER and they woke me up at like 3am to do an intake and that’s what the lady told me. I was like wha???thank you.
Well said....
Thank you. 😮
If I had one wish in life, it would be to rid myself of BPD. He's right...this is not fun. We don't behave this way because it's cool ....or because we choose to. This is debilitating. It consumes us. It's a daily struggle. It's painful, it's confusing, it's exhausting. All of this is true.
It's an emotionally rollercoaster and it's coupled with other disorders such as OCD, ADHD, PTSD, GAD and many others.
This makes it very hard to continue on each day which is why 1 out of 10 people will end their suffering...meaning they will choose the end their life. This is so so stigmatized and judged. It's terrible. I don't wish this disorder on my worst enemy.
The guilt, the shame, the emptiness, the sadness.....the rollercoaster we are forced to live on is awful! We push away the people we need and want because it's all we know how to do. We don't regulate emotions normally. This is caused by childhood trauma and abuse and there is a genetic factor also. If you have BPD, I understand, I see you.....and I'm sorry you're struggling. I understand.
Beautifully said 😊
I have bpd too if sucky I hate it I truly do affects ALL my relationships even with Jesus Christ and God the Father and the Holy Spirit I hate how I treat Him I hate myself I wanted to die cus of the suffering
Thank you
@@katepalmer4540 I know how you feel. Please don’t kill yourself it can get better ❤️🩹
Hi dear, precious person!
Please pray to GOD in the name of our SAVIOUR JESUS CHRIST.
Confess unto GOD your sin and ask GOD to please forgive you, and ask GOD to take control of your life, to heal you, and to show you and teach you HIS truth!
Read the Word of GOD, asking GOD to please lead you into all truth.
I will pray for you also!
I have a sister whom I love very much and miss terribly! She has this disorder, and she doesn't speak to me on and off for a year, then 8 months, and I keep knocking on her dooir, but now she threatens me, and lies about me to the police. I am still here waiting for her.
I did 2 years of DBT therapy, it was LIFE CHANGING. I thank the specialists who got my diagnosis as their actions put me into therapy that CHANGED MY LIFE. So thankful!
Lmao. I did all of those dumb classes. Had homework every night. I thought it was so stupid. I've been in therapy over ten years non-stop for my bdp and it hasn't help me one bit. It's been a total waste of time going in circles lol. I hate therapy
❤ I’m so glad to hear that you have had a positive experience with DBT! And that you now have a much better life ❤ I can ,with hand on my heart, confirm that by the grace of Marsha Linehan and her method of treatment, I’m alive, thriving and living a wonderful life!!❤ DBT is a wonderful therapy, that gives us amazing tools/ coping skills! “ But “ it will only work and be useful, if the “ patient “ really want to make a change and really want to work on it!! ❤
@@palestar828 I really wish that someone would give you a positive experience within the treatment system! ❤ I wonder if your treatments always have been made “over your head “ or if you at any time requested it your self? I’m very sorry if you think / feel that : “ WTF, crazy woman,that’s non of your F’ing business!” It’s not my intention to offend you in any way or form!! I hope you are doing well/ at least that you are okay ! “ There is always more than one option, for everything!” ❤
@@palestar828 im sorry it didn't work for u. And just because it has helped others doesn't mean it should for u. I didn't get the full experience as such from it, but I just took the parts that might help. It's all still very new, baring in mind dbt was only created cz a pysc dr that had bpd new nothing worked m she created it. Which is amazing but it's new. Don't lose hope. ❤
@@palestar828 also when I say I took the parts that helped. Wasn't many. I get ur view. N its easy for us to be annoyed cz so many are treated by it. Still there will be something one day I hope that will work
My BF has all 9 of these symptoms. I am in serious depression after nearly 10 years of being his safe space.
He isn’t physically abusive but he’s very emotionally volatile. I am having a lot of emotional discomfort dealing with his episodes.
I am disabled on a fixed income and he only gets social security. I need someone else to deal with his mental health care. It is way above my pay grade, and frankly, after ten years of putting out emotional outbursts, I am tired and frustrated.
He was very abused as a child and I can tell that he’s got a great deal of unresolved issues. I get him ALMOST to treatment and he evades actually committing.
I’m no magician, that’s also above my pay grade.
He watches your show and seems to get some value out of it. We watched “The girl in the closet” episode and it resonated with him. He said he would like to go for that kind of treatment. But it seems like you’d have to win a golden ticket to make it possible.
Mental health care should be better. Better outreach, particularly🤷🏼♀️.
Help if you can, please!
been there...prayers..I had to save myself.
That title lmao, as someone with BPD I know the disorder can make you more susceptible to being toxic BUT you can’t just meet someone with BPD and automatically assume “toxic person”
When someone with BPD is/becomes AWARE of the toxicity we learn how to stop it by taking steps to stop it like any neurotypical or “normal” person would.
I’m in agreement with that. I believe they could have titled this differently.
Exactly!
Uh, no. Your quite incorrect. BPD is anything but typical. You may have more or less insight. But, BPD is typically very toxic to those around them much like narcissists. And, just as lacking in insight, typically.
I think it's important to remember what Doc said in the beginning though. Many do not seek help or receive a diagnosis, so when you say "become aware... they change..." those people are the minority, not the majority, as most do not become aware...
As a neurotypical I still have to sometimes question my own emotions i.e. "should I really be worried or angry about x", however it's not often that I feel very strongly about things, and over my life time my emotions have become regulated to the point where I wouldnt feel strong about anything unless I'm faced with a situation that I've never encountered before.
A borderline will feel strong emotions regularly, often in reaction to trivial things. If a borderline wishes to regulate "toxic" behaviour it essentially means constant second guessing of one's self, as when somone with BPD 'trusts their gut' that's when the "toxic" traits show, as their emotions are unpredictable and often unprovoked. That being said, a borderline can still be a victim of wrong doing, in which case their emotions may be justified. You can see how having to constantly second guess everything you feel may be a very hard thing to do. DBT for a borderline must be incredibly hard and I have a huge amount of respect for anyone suffering with BPD who has made the effort to learn it, not just for themselves but for their loved ones as well
I think the good doctor is tragically minimizing this disorder. The vast majority of those who suffer with BPD are not self aware and reject the idea that they might have a disorder. If it's suggested they typically project and DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse, Victim, Offender). And I agree, we who have BPD sufferers in our lives do need to be more compassionate and understanding. We need to learn about the disorder and apply what we learn. That said, the abuse inflicted on the loved ones by a pwBPD is traumatic. Whether it's intentional or not, it's real. It's severe. It's just as bad as the abuse from a narcissist. Persistent BPD abuse can lead to psychosis. You can't just tell the person in a relationship with a pwBPD to try harder and be more understanding. Those of us who love BPD sufferers absolutely exhaust ourselves trying to love someone who struggles to give and receive love. And we're the ones in the line of fire during the splits. We're the ones who receive the insults, gaslighting, disrespect, and wrath. I've experienced many incredibly painful things in life. But nothing compares to loving a pwBPD. Nothing. There really needs to be compassion on both sides.
I agree. The trauma you can get from dealing with a love one can be severe. It can cause C-PTSD. A good trauma therapist can help, so you learn the tools of self care. I have been through it, and you always are fearful of the next blow, it is imperative to get a good therapist so you have a sounding board, and learn tools/words/tone to calm things down. Learning triggers (yours and the BPD) is a must to get started. I feel your pain, frustration, and sadness.
I hear you loud and clear. I finally had a therapist that told me it was okay to surrender. That the Insanity would only continue to get worse and that I was welcome to all of it. My partner at the time was not committed to getting help. after 12 years I could wait no longer. I still need a therapist over it, and I still study about it at least twice a week to remain clear-headed so I never go back. To the people that are still suffering from BPD I hope you do the work. Because a lot of you are awesome. That's why we try so hard and stay so long. You are worth saving
Thank you for your wisdom. . I started dating a man who has this horrible condition . After at least20 times of him getting angry to where he was days away from punching me . I made him leave and have family to support me . Just wanted to say thanks and it has been traumatizing and blessed I'm out of it. I'll pray for him .
Agreed. After 11 years I am getting out. They will bleed you emotionally, physically and financially. You will get PTSD and will become borderline yourself. You feel for them, but they don't feel for you. It's tragic, but you have to choose life.
When you’ve suffered the abuse and wrath from these people it doesn’t matter what’s going on inside them. They’re often abusive to parents and then abusive to spouses and their own children. It’s nearly destroyed me.
Thank you ! I cried when you explained this isn't fun for us, it feels like torture.
It's very difficult to be that different from everybody else. All most of us wants to do is just to be able to fit in and act normal... It's a disorder that comes with so much shame.
💯
Lol. Do you know how many people have this? A LOT. We aren't THAT different from other people. It seems like everyday someone else is diagnosed with this. A lot of my friends say that they have it and I don't believe them at all because I was actually diagnosed and they don't have any of the traits that I do. But seriously seems like EVERYONE has this now. And you talk about it coming with so much shame. Lmao. Half the people I tell about it either says that they have it or they have no idea what it is. So hate to say it, but like people tell me day in and day out, you're being over dramatic
@@palestar828 really? Because my cousin is literally the only person with diagnosed Borderline that I've met, as far as they've admitted anyway. If people ARE suffering from it in droves, and they are keeping that secret, and im gonna take things on face value and assume they are normal healthy people.
I dont think the person you replied to is being dramatic, actually, i just think that you happen to know people who are more open with their mental health, so you get a more accuate picture, but i also think its a bit ridiculous to expect everyone to have had that experience and therefore draw the same conclusions.
To call that dramatic is devaluing and dismissive of their personal experiences.
Not to mention, im sure you are well aware of how commonly that phrase "youre just being dramatic" has been used to shut down people with borderline (ive done it myself with my cousin before i became educated) therefore it can be quite hurtful for them, it has stigma attatched to it.
So im not sure why you would intentionally use a triggering phrase, but i guess some people like to stir the pot for their own amusement. Enjoy that.
Family members … so draining .. I try to avoid when I can
I've been diagnosed as having BPD. I used to care what others thought of me, and I had severe abandonment issues. Clung to people when I feared abandonment, which pushed them away further, then went my moods. I'm over 60 now, having been held against my will for over a decade, I finally learned I don't care what others think of me. I generally don't care about anything that doesn't effect me and my surroundings. The only person I can change is me, no one else. I'm a lot happier now.
Much love to you, my fellow Borderliner 💖💖💖
Right there with you, I have b p d , I find I can't communicate with people, sometimes not even myself. I've never cared about what anyone thinks of me. But I've never been stable.
I've also never known who or what I am. I also am impulsive.
@@CassieShakespeare you as well. How are you doing?
@@SuLawn You should try the DBT Dr. Phil suggested.
*Those people are the worst to live with and work with. Run far and fast because they'll get you in trouble if you don't play their games or give them constant attention. I worked as a mental health practitioner so I know.*
I sincerely hope you lose any license you're claiming to have. Medical professionals don't speak the way you just did.
What a disgusting lie and display of hate and stigma. People like you are the reason people like me have to fight every day to be taken seriously by medical professionals.
I sincerely hope you have zero access to patients. You should be ashamed.
You are correct. It's awful to live with. We are shaped by our upbringing and those around us. Trauma and abuse we just can't forget.
Sometimes it's abuse that wasn't ment that way and you may not even remember because you are to young. You just act like an abuse victim but you don't remember it.
@@rubywolf1239 I was sexually, emotionally and physically abused growing up. Then raped twice in my teens and went on to be in an emotionally abusive relationship for 13 years. I do understand where you are coming from though.
@@Ellie-ph9un due to being hypersensitive as a baby needs will not be forfilled because we can't talk. That trauma makes it more likely to go through more trauma growing up. And yes am was also emotionally abused it start there. I was before that really scared what makes the trauma even more scary because that is what you are already scared of.
I wish you the best for your healing journey. Stay safe ♡
@@rubywolf1239 I didn't face trauma until I was 6
@@Ellie-ph9un I as a baby being left alone in the hospital. After that I was scared of everything
An audiobook came to me about this one day. I cried through it. I realized my mother suffered from this. It explained so many of the things I experienced with her that I internalized. It brought me a lot of relief and understanding and I was able to take care of her as she struggled with Alzheimer’s as well and passed from it. People minimized my feelings about things she did to me. It took a long time for me to understand it wasn’t me. As a young girl I was so scared of her but then also tried to protect her. I send thoughts and prayers to anyone especially a child living with a parent who has this.
I have borderline personality and it’s SOOOO frustrating!!! I can see myself destroying relationships and it’s so hard to stop myself. So it kind of becomes a self fulfilling prophecy- I worry everyone is gonna leave me, then I do everything to push them away so they do leave, then I’m like “see! They left” 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ ugh. It irritates people but just remember, if you’re irritated with me, imagine what it’s like to be in my head
Try to get into DBT. It was a life saver for me, I have gotten better managing, understanding and accepting my symptoms. I wish u all the best and YES it CAN get better. ❤
@@lolahernandez6871 I loved dbh.. I took the therapy and read the book after my daughter died. Very eye-opening
@deannabullis6731 sorry to hear about your daughter ❤. I was diagnosed back when there wasn't much information about bpd. I wanted to understand my illness so much i read a few books thats helped me alot. " I hate you, don't leave me" is a classicand "stop walking on eggshells" too was eye opening. ❤
The country where I live does not provide Cognitive behavior therapy unless you pay for it privately. The public mental health system WONT help or support people with BPD or other personality disorders
@@lolahernandez6871 What is DBT?
My older sister is a narcissistic borderline, and very outward about it. Violence, theft, manipulation, destruction of property, no empathy, no self awareness and unable to hold a job due to pathological lying. She tells people she has cancer when she doesn't and never has.
Wow!😢
Prayers for you and your family 🙏
Amazing explanation Dr. Phil!!! I love how compassionate you are!
“You don’t need to get better, you DESERVE to get better” love that so much. 🦋💕🦋
I was fortunate enough to be part of the BPD program at the hospital i go to.. My psychiatrist is one of the rare ones working and developed the program in Quebec and It helped TREMENDOUSLY! Being.honest with yourself and having an open mind, the right therapist and take your medication SAVED ME. You have to BE READY and HONEST. It's possible to get better. ❤❤❤
My mum has BPD. It’s really hard, my upbringing was incredibly traumatic as a result, and even now I still can’t have a healthy relationship with her because of her behavior being so toxic and her not being willing to get help. She doesn’t think she has a problem. It’s really bad.. I’ve lived in survival mode my entire life trying to navigate what mood she was in and when and why and how I should go about diffusing each mood etc. I had to be hyper vigilant always, stepping on eggshells and often would be the one to cop the worst of her behavior. At times it seems a bit narcissistic… she will try hard to act differently around other people, but as soon as it’s just me and her again she will blow up. She will blow up around others once she feels she can trust them but it’s always toward me, she will begin pointing out my flaws and how “horrible” I can be etc. She will even go as far as to side with people who are no friend to me. She will belittle me to others, and others do see her extreme behavior and moods etc, however they just never say anything and therefore Mum doesn’t think she has a problem. Even after my brother took his life as a result of her constantly breaching his privacy regarding his health… talking about his private and intimate details of his health with others and his behaviour as a result. My brother told her stop, if I hear people talking with you about my personal things again I will leave for ever. And he did. My mum refuses to step up and support me despite me giving birth to my baby 3 weeks after my brother took his life. It was all about her, and I ended up having to look after her while I was heavily pregnant and even after I had given birth and was trying to breast feed, be a first time mum to a baby, and recover from childbirth with a 2nd degree tear and could hardly walk. My mum caused nothing but issues, and has and still uses my brother’s death as yet another reason to stay a victim. How do I deal with this? I have been left to navigate all of this alone, including the grief of losing my brother and best friend. The only thing I can come up with so far is to have very low contact with my mum. I don’t feel safe, and I don’t feel safe with my daughter around her or even to leave my daughter in her care. So much more I could say.. I’ve got a lot of love and compassion for her, but I also am really upset that it’s me who has constantly suffered as a result of her behaviour. I have never had a “mum”. I’ve always had to be the mum.. and I just wish I had a mum.
Watch Jerry Wise and Jay Reid, may be helpful
It is a difficult life, but we don’t all have all of these traits. And we try every single day to be better. Only very strong people can deal with this. If you go through every day with this like I do, you are my hero! ❤️
Everyone has these traits, especially under certain circumstances.
They’re not compassionate to the people they hurt. That’s why they have the stigma as well. They can be downright evil and cold hearted. Abuse is abuse.
Nope, that's the narcissistic disorder, not borderline.
Listen to dr. Phil said, it's not personal on you! It has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!!
If you take it personal, then it's your problem 🤷
@anita69atina the impersonalization of abusive behavior does not negate the damage the abuse causes to others. They pay the consequences of someone else's instability, imo it is a form of manipulation, albeit unintentional for them in the moment. That roller coaster doesn't seem to have an end with them. It can debilitate all involved in the dynamic.
Dear Dr Phil. My daughter has been properly diagnosed with BPD and likely bi-polar and anxiety. I can’t tell you how vital it is to have compassion for sufferers. My daughter is a beautiful intelligent gifted person who strives to be nice, but suffers so much. It has taken me a lot of time and errors on my part to help her. She has worked so hard and has come through the worst. There can be recovery but it’s a lot of hard work. This presentation resonates with me. Very useful. Thank you
Yes, compassion.. is always the best thing.. its, totally sad when I think about their.. deep sadness, and maybe feeling alone.
Yup. Dr Phil is showing us how little he knows about a topic he professes to be an expert on.
Now I wonder how much else of what he says is BS like this
@@JT0007 ?? I hope you are okay!! ❤
@J T What is he off about? I genuinely want to know...
Psst…everyone is toxic and/or manipulative at one or more points of our lives. He’s not saying everyone with BPD is a toxic, manipulative person. He is saying a lot of people with BPD display toxic/manipulative behavior more frequently than the average “neurotypical” person.
I have a friend who has borderline personality disorder and her daughter was taking away from a judge court order over her disability I really don't think it's fair she never show no signs of harming her child and she don't get to see her that much only supervised that's not fair her daughter was taken away because of judge said so
You haven't had enough experience with people if you say that everybody is toxic and manipulative, and it's just on some sort of continuum. In fact, there are many people who are neither toxic nor manipulative. Sounds to me like you are projecting
OK, I guess I’ve heard too many crime shows labeling BPD as murderers. Prickly, I guess. I’ve been afraid to listen to this podcast because I thought it would portray all of us as evil.
@@cynthg9547 she said at one or more points in their life.
@@JenniferMatthews never judge a book by its cover/ or video by its title
As someone with BPD, I know that I can be toxic towards others when I am extremely low and not being treated. I'm currently seeking therapy (the wait list is huge). I switch fast and I snap sometimes, especially when I am going through a lot. It's so hard dealing with unstable emotions daily.
Right there with you. Don’t listen to these people calling us toxic people just because they know someone who is. Keep seeing the good on yourself. Best of luck to you
It doesn't mean we're toxic people. It means SOME of our behaviour patterns ARE toxic to people who are happened to be around us. We're still GOOD people. BUT, the way we react in some cases IS toxic. And not only for other people but for US it is also toxic. Toxic =NOT HEALTHY (at all) and the best we can and should do, is to treat it and change.
@@sabat8068 i agree, I’m talking about people who say we are inherently toxic people. Of course we have unhealthy behavior but it doesn’t define us. That’s what i meant.
I’m there with you ❤️ I do the same, and working hard to reduce my outbursts.
DBT THERAPY IS ALL OVER RUclips - get started on your own
Dr. Phil. I realize your immense education, experience, practice, research ... success. I've been watching this Series from the beginning on this podcast and I HAVE to let you know how overwhelmingly impressed I am by the way you are seemingly able to relate to these issues (that you have taught me to identify and recognize in myself after a lifetime of struggling and not knowing why or what was wrong) you deliver it in a way as if you have personally dealt with them closely as I am. I don't know how you do it so well but I hope you NEVER ... EVER stop. Most of all, I want to THANK YOU for doing this podcast, I know you don't have to, so that leaves the only reason you are, is to make a difference .... that is hugely commendable. Please know that I see the work and dedication you put into it and you certainly ARE making an impact for the better in everyday people like myself. It makes a better world. So from the bottom of my heart .... thank you. ~ Kelley
I was diagnosed with BPD and when I finally figured out why I was acting this way it has helped and I am in therepy and trying to recover from a huge alcohol addiction and I will always respect Drs who really care and educate
Sharon, I am happy that you sought help. I wish my ex had done so. Married for 22 years only to watch everything we fought and worked for to crash and burn. I hope that you are feeling better and that everything is going well in your life.
L
@@gaylehudson9082
L for what?
I mean how do you handle that,..since it’s not been a huge topic talked about is it just an excuse for bad behavioural?
Right? So how do you fix them?,is it a mental disorder
I was recently diagnosed with borderline and I think the biggest key is to practice self awareness, just to be really aware of yourself. I have really reduced my negative behaviors by telling myself that whoever person I’m anxious about still cares about me, the negative thoughts I’m having are the bpd and it’s not real.
I feel the emotions but with practice I do not allow them to speak over me if that makes sense. I busy myself with something productive to distract, I’ve been diving into some new hobbies and interests so that I don’t have time to dwell. Above all I try very hard to not let these negative emotions leak out and affect the people in my life, I don’t always succeed but I’ve been able to greatly reduce it.
I’ve just accepted I’ll always feel deeply, I’ve just had to learn how to manage it. I don’t consider myself manipulative and toxic, I really really don’t want to be that and have worked hard to not let these traits define me.
@carrie Thank you for sharing how you manage my daughter is diagnosed with borderline personality disorder I'm going to mention some of what you said and she's also in therapy somehow I think her therapist doesn't help her much she's 30 years old and I haven't seen any kind of management on her part but you sound like you're doing wonderful and good for you, you sound like a lovely person and I'm sure you are loved. Reading your words gave me a lot of Hope thank you again for sharing
Good for you. Perhaps you could add what, if any, formal treatment has helped? You could add being in a group or individual therapy to help with accountability, IMO. Developing trusting relationships will help.
When a narcissist has BPD its and epic combination! The victim mode that both have is compounded and the abuse is beyond terrible. My partners ex is both! OMG.The abuse is shocking.
You have described our beloved but tortured son to a T. He was a much anticipated and loved child, that we raised with extreme care - lots of love, but discipline and structure too. We supported him in all he did... He has a genius IQ and is a gifted muscician - both the most charming person you will ever meet, and the most rage-filled from time to time. His teachers at school really struggled to deal with him, and many of them were verbally abusive and put him down. However, I can't think of any other event that may have triggered this. Then at 15 he was introduced to drugs by the father of one of his friends, and so began an 8 year long battle to pull him out of it. It was a horrific experience. He is now 31 years old and we are moving away to the seaside for our retirement and he is not taking it well at all. We will only be 2 hours away, but he is freaking out at the concept. I love him so much, but the last 16 years have left my husband and I exhausted and broken. All we want is for him to be happy 😢 So hard!
*Minutes, hours, days, weeks, months?... I've seen BPDs explosively mood swing switch in 2 seconds right in front of me.*
1:36
I dated a guy he was sweet as good be and next minute he would just snap, he would make smart comments if I didn't text him back right away and blame me for bs that was lies. So I don't know if he was borderline or just pycho
I was diagnosed with bipolar but never got better with meds. I was finally diagnosed with BPD and did DBT and CPT - it changed my life! It was a long, hard road and I worked for it, but being healthy was worth every minute of it!! Dr. Phil did an AMAZING job with this one!
Thank you, Dr Phil, for educating everyone on this subject!!!
I've never felt more understood.
100% correct.
We don't want to be like this.
Understanding, is all we ask for.
Not being pandered to is refreshing. The truth is a wonderful thing and having it presented so matter of factly is a literal relief. God bless this man. I stand in admiration of your perseverance, compassion, and dedication. Most would have burned out 15 years ago because they are frauds or, became wise enough to recognize it's not for them.
We need more mental health centers and we should teach our children about their feelings and emotions and how to handle them better. ❤️👍🏻
Preach!
@@JT0007 I disagree I’m formally diagnosed with BPD and I agree with everything. Some may be in denial. Things will get better ❤️
@@JT0007 he’s literally not but ok.
@@JT0007 is it not toxic?
@@JT0007 oh boy have a good day.
I have borderline it get really bad when I’m in relationships. I find I like narcissistic men. And our relationships are very toxic. My mom has bpd as well, hers was severe when I was a child. My bpd has improved dramatically when I decided to stay single and work on myself.
Exactly the same with relationships
SAME HERE!! I’m MUCH happier when not in “romantic relationships” as they bring wayyyyyyy to much inner pain for someone w/BPD!! Animals are MUCH better for us to LOVE/HELP!!🐶♥️💖🐶
Same here you’re not alone. Keep working❤️
Same here. I wish I learned this sooner. I didn't even understand why I was so scared to be alone. It's so much easier alone than lonely in pain with somebody.
You are probably an emapth and that's why you attract NPD men. And you have to work on your boundaries and enforcing them. We all do. BPD or not. Stay strong.
I have BPD. I’m in deep recovery but damn before I got help and treatment I was in a toxic dark place with no control of my emotions.
Keep it up babe 💯💪
I lived my whole adult life diagnosed with bi polar. At 42 years old I was diagnosed with BPD and now I understand why I was that way MY WHOLE adult life. I feel cheated, I could have gotten therapy a whole lot earlier in my life. I'll be 45 in December and I am doing much better now. ❤
The untreated Sadie 3 years ago was SO toxic, suicidal, unhappy, angry, etc and I thought that was just me. Now that I'm in therapy and actively doing DBT and taking meds, have my diagnosis of BPD, Bipolar, and CPTSD I am able to be more introspective and stop myself from a splitting episode or when I start to go into my black and white thinking. I'm a much better friend, partner, and parent through learning about myself and how to manage my mental illnesses. Thank you for shedding light on such a stigmatized condition! 🙏 you have really explained us well without making us sound impossible to love. It really means a lot to see content like this!
Thank you Dr. Phil for acknowledging that those with BPD, including myself, are suffering and are not doing it for attention like other personality disorders. It’s an absolute terrible way to live. And because of the stigma, I have heard so many times that I’m incapable of being healed and that I will always be this way and will never be capable of having healthy friends or romantic relationships. I have been in DBT for over a year now and it’s saved myself. And I know myself enough to know that I am capable of having healthy relationships and being happy but it sucks hearing people talk about your disorder like that
Thanks Dr Phil, Borderline Personality sucks, I have been single for 15 years and avoid making friends so I minimise any emotional issues. And I don't have to worry about being abandoned and reacting and feeling intense emotion that I understand is irrational..I hate being needy and needing people so have learnt over the last 20 years (Im 55) to shut down and bury all those extreme emotions you have talked about..You are correct about having no sense of self, I have no clue who I am and it does my head in. I do believe if I had a different up bringing (by more normal parents) I may have had a better chance of being more emotionally stable and a better sense of self.
Dr Daniel fox has a work book he’s also on you tube really good
I experience the same thing with BPD, and I’m pretty sure it will never change. I wish I could have good relationships. Take care
I too am 51 and finally realized being a target being used by everyone I let use me, my fear of abandonment fueled this being a martyr for some of the other disorders.
Fear of losing my mom as she was the only one who evr shown me love (child trauma feared losing her all my life)
I have been practicing Tao positive atttacts positive n I am alone bc I’m jaded by everyone except my mom. So meditation helps. Also being alone rather than being hurt has created isolation depression. I have moral and standards was raised by the most loving strong unconditional loving mom. So Wendy it’s like a double edge sword ⚔️ my choice of alone or have someone (bc face it most ppl in the world today don’t have ethics morals standards given the generational difference in today’s world) knowing I’m evolving but alone bc I won’t settle anymore. Good luck to you. I feel your pain. I’m a Pisces emotional feel intensely empath I think your sun moon rising signs are the psychological DNA mine is exactly on point.
Past life incarnation carries over from eternal soul life
This is how you can figure yourself out. Natal chart with exact birth time tells it all
IMO of course but I haven’t read one that wasn’t exact yet.
That’s why I don’t have any friends. I keep them at arms length. I’m afraid to get too close because when I do, something always goes wrong.
@@MichaelJLawrence Those or us with BPD need love. Unconditional love. These idiots like Dr Phil can’t see what’s so obvious. He’s no expert.
Loving having Dr Phil talk without some bloody tv guest be interrupting him. He’s got such a soothing talking tone and delivery 🥰
Absolutely agree 💯
Ooof pain is an understatement only other people who have bpd truely can understand and when I say understand I mean fully comprehend exactly what its like to feel emotions & how exhausting it is just to feel. (Its been proven that borderlines feel emotions more intensely than a nurotypical person. So when sad its *SAD* when you feel love you feel *LOVE*!!!!!
I am bipolar and borderline and generalized anxiety and psychotic depression. So I have a lot of labels/diagnoses. But the borderline is the most interesting. It’s scary as I learn about myself more everyday. But it is beneficial as well. I had a mental breakdown that I wouldn’t even wish on Satan. So, I’ve come a long way but I still struggle with getting easily irritated and frustrated over little things for some reason. And I’m also paranoid of everyone though I have been hurt so.. But thank you for your lovely knowledge and explanations. I really appreciate it.
I am borderline and bipolar too. It's difficult I will say though the D.B.T. helps me alot
Ugh I know how it feels so sorry you’re dealing with this I had a massive breakdown last night and I always feel like no one cares about me and the world is out to get me which I logically know isn’t true but ugh it’s so hard I hope you’re ok 🥺❤️
@@amandakindall3736 good for you! Yes DBT is amazing 👍
@@leahwilson8982 I have my breakdowns too thank god I have a very supportive patient husband and family. Sorry to hear that u had a breakdown they are no fun I feel that way to that no one cares sometimes.
@@leahwilson8982 💞
I have BPD and not all people with BPD are toxic. For me I am always emotionally hurting to the point where it starts to feel like physical pain. It's not easy caring these emotions and acting on self sabotaging behaviors, but I try my best everyday to work on the goals I need to keep going instead of trying to manipulate people.
Props to you!
Toxic =unhealthy. It is toxic for yourself and others.
Yes omg! I have such emotional pain that it hurts physically at times it is so hard to deal with having BPD
Absolutely painful
In the end when he showed the example of how to say to someone with BPD that he deserves the help felt like he talked to all of us with this disease.. the best example of how to talk to anyone with whatever mental health problem..
Calm, loving and no judging.
Caring, understanding and no attack.
Worst experience of my life. So many men in their 60s never been treated, all over the dating sites. What a minefield. The anger was directed at me once, demonic is what describes it. Terrifying, I think I am traumatized because of it.
You’re diagnosing people you don’t even know on dating sites because they were angry? Unbelievable lol. You know nothing at all.
@@pregnantyellowfish I agree. The person writing that comment is the type that make us look worse spreading false information as if they have no problems in life. She sounds like she's perfect yet probably is over weight and likes to eat sweats all day or binge watches Netflix like is her job or sits on social media all day and then acts like she doesn't have any problems with herself
@@palestar828 ?? 🤔 I’m struggling a bit, with how I’m supposed to understand your articulation of your answer!?! 🤔 You are criticizing a statement that is made by assumption, and then you go do exactly the same thing yourself!?! How did you resonate that the person is overweight,eats sweets and binge watches Netflix?? 🧐 Any who! Hope you are doing well and I wish you all the best in life! ❤
Me too...
@@pregnantyellowfish I lived with one and dated many so I know iof what I speak, these people are dangerous.
I have BPD. Diagnosed at 17 and now 41. There are therapies to help called DBT, and I'm so completely self aware because of it and other therapy. I am disgusted that we get such a harsh representation, when it is Caused by Trauma. I've met so many nasty humans who don't even care to better themselves without BPD. Quit demonizing and stigmatizing, and take responsibility for your own lack of self respect to not be able to walk away from Any toxic person.
As someone with BPD, this can EASILY come across offensive. Whilst I can be and have been toxic, I’m also EXTREMELY self aware and do my best to never lie, manipulate and have never cheated. Using the word toxic is adding to the stigma I/we already face.
I have extreme mood swings and anger issues but I also have c-ptsd. After 13 years of being passed in circles by my mental health centres, I’m only just receiving treatment. BPD is easily misunderstood by the majority. Psychologist to psychologist here, please don’t add to the stigma.
Completely get it!
yep. exactly, thank you.
I also struggle with both BPD and C PTSD.. I completely agree with your statement. It's really not easy.. have you tried Dialectical Behavioral Therapy?
Honestly I agree. This just adds to the stigma around it.
I admit the title triggered me - I was happily surprised with his talk
According to many studies the problem stems from bpd never learning to regulate their emotions in early childhood. For example, by a parental role not putting a stop to tantrums and/or overly praising and validating the child. Thus not teaching the child how their behaviour negatively impacts other people in their surroundings and, in turn, themselves when people are fed up by their inconsiderate and toxic ways.
They need constructive criticism to wire cortical thinking outside of their black/white flight-fight response. They do not need further pampering!
Thank you for this video, it means so much to hear someone try and explain Borderline Personality to the general public. Especially in a really fantastic way for everyone to understand.
I like to be open to others about having Borderline Personality, but lots of people have misinformation and think that you are just a stereotypical crazy person.
It's a horrible thing to live with, but can also make you realise how important the people around you are. It's helped me appreciate the beautiful people that support me through my life.
You can get through it, it's a rough journey but you can bring yourself back to a healthy and happy life. Sometimes it will creep up into your life, but you can keep going.
Thank you so very much for recognizing the crushing inner torment of a borderline. I've never expressed it to anyone (nor was I able to) and thought maybe I was just overly sensitive or plagued with a mental heaviness that is brought on by my own actions. On the outside I do everything in my power to hide how I feel. I'm ashamed and paranoid of anyone knowing what it's like in here. Then it comes out in other ways that I can't always control. I get SO suspicious and accusatory that I split away from everyone eventually that isn't either blood related or just finds me exciting enough to disregard a whole lot of stuff if it means they get to stay in my life. I have some great qualities but the running dialogue in and out of my head are enough to strike a nerve with anyone at some point.
Thank you for urging people to be more sympathetic and patient!! I WANT and NEED healthy, close and lasting relationships. I want to be better. My intention is there. I'm learning more than I ever have about this disorder from your podcasts. I want more tools that I can use. I would also love a way I can help explain this and why I am the way I am to those that love me because I want them to know that there is an underlying cause. I've spent too long trying to convince myself and others that they're imagining my defensiveness or instability. Or masking it as "strong" or "eccentric".
I'm so appreciative that you've put so much effort into making these videos, you have NO IDEA what they mean to someone like me who is literally hanging off your every word. I know I'm late but please come back and give us more!!
Thatscwhat my ex is doing to me been to gaol few times . Been in near deadly fight with armed men. I'm trying to protect her and she id titning on me for complete strangers. . I know she wants me but if I tried to set any boundaries she went mental.
Oh man. Dr PHIL you Absolutely nailed this. I’ve been bpd for pretty much my whole life since my early teens and it’s taken me my lifetime to stop and think before just exploding with reactions and full throttle emotions. Its very hard to control the Impulses sometimes too. The best way i can describe it- is that now I’m able to stop and think about the consequences, however, there’s this overwhelming urge- not desire- but almost animalistic urge to do something knowing the outcome doesn’t benefit me or anyone else. It’s especially difficult with money for me. I just talk myself around the consequences by saying I’ll just return it, or I’ll go make money somehow to cover it, yet i never follow through that. I sincerely appreciate your compassion and that you ask that of others too bc you’re right. Its so hard to live in black and white and to have these all or nothing feelings toward people i know deep down i truly love. Ive never had that compassion from anyone, especially my family. Just being judged and passed from Dr. To Dr. Never having anyone i could actually open up to and trust. The abandonment issues are so severe for us that i don’t know how to even explain it. When I’m going through it, i tell myself that it’s not reality what I’m feeling and it’s just the disorder, but my body and mind still react as if it is life or death, like you said. My heart literally feels like it’s breaking into actual pieces and the loss is extremely severe for me. But my point here is that you can get help, and live a healthy life with treatment continuously, bc i do. I am finally happy for the first time in my entire life and it’s just recently become this way. Not even an entire year yet, but this is the most consistent I’ve had somewhat stable happiness that i can remember. I wish i could meet you And your team for one of those brain scans and dna tests to really dig deeper. Thanks for sharing this with the world. People need to know we’re not all serial killers and monsters
Great job taking responsibility!
@@stevebutler812 thank you. More than half of people with bpd end up taking their lives over the age of 40 and although i always thought thats exactly how it would end for me also, i am determined to not be another statistic! I love the brain and psychology and want to learn anything i can and be the best i can and never cause pain to anyone again bc of my selfish emotions.
Dr. Phil you’ve explained BPD exactly as I experience it. Bought tears to my eyes. Thank you for your insight. You’re a wonderful human being and I truly appreciate you!! 🙏🙏🙏 ❤❤❤
This series should be part of every high school curriculum. So much valuable information. Thank you so much Dr. Phil for all you give.💜
I agree!
I went through it all. I'm still stuck on that trauma bond. But I'm working on myself everyday.
I have Bipolar, BPD, PTSD, ANXIETY INDUCED DEPRESSION. ITS HARD!!! This was a great video.
Toxic doesnt mean evil , it means that people can get hurt from people with BPD one way or another. If you have an outburst because you have an episode its very sad for the person with BPD but its toxic for the person having to receive it.
I’ve been on the receiving end of quite a few outbursts. It wasn’t pleasant for me either. I have on occasion lost my cool and unloaded on someone, but a lot of people have outbursts of anger. I often saved mine for when I was alone and took it out on myself. But I have never deliberately hurt another person. Also therapy did work for me and I’m much better. I’m sorry if a person you know with BPD has been toxic to you, but I’m not toxic. My friends and family will attest to that. People have said I’m one of the nicest people they ever met. But I had no self confidence, I was afraid of being abandoned so I could get clingy. But I’m not a monster just because of my diagnosis.
@@JenniferMatthews I couldn’t have put it better myself. I have moments where I get angry and lash out. I don’t believe I’m toxic. I take my medication and constantly work on myself. Everyone I know would describe me as an extremely caring, empathetic and kind person.
BPD is extremely destructive in interpersonal relationships. No matter how much sympathy you display the behavior just continues. One has to eventually leave the relationship just to keep your sanity. My x was diagnosed with biPolar and she was really a BPD. She was destroying her life and mine. It literally cost me hundreds of thousands. She wouldn’t get help, I just had to leave her, which triggered a massive wave of revenge behavior. My advise to anyone that is in a relationship with someone with a mental disorder, is to leave them ASAP. They will only drag you with them.
I wish you'd of said untreated BPD. Alot of people here are really trying to heal and desperately want satisfying relationships.
Sadly through. My partner had good an dbad periods. But he didn't take his responsibility, was rude many times, changed for 1-2 days. I love his mind and good heart, but I don't think it will ever change. Started in teenager years with unstable family and extremities, love an share, worshipping me or putting me down, within same day different hours difference. So I agree to keep your sanity, go rather away. If they are happy or okay , fine if not, they can ruin one person's evening, life... Sadly. Not their fault. Yet still there the problem.
Funny, you sounded like you actually care at first. I'm happy your partner is no longer with you .
I spent 30 years in therapy I gave up I was told I don’t need friends my family has nothing to do with me and after my sisters narcissistic behavior lately I don’t want family like that.
I’m coming to California April I’d love to talk to you!!!
Dr Phil: thank for describing BPD in a clinical, yes compassionate manner. You nailed it but I would add that one of the major triggers for BPD is shame. Shame can come in many ways, overtly or simply as feeling disrespected, slighted, or somehow less than others. In that way it imitates narcissism but it is not. After we lose our temper we feel remorse and shame which even makes us feel worse about ourselves. Also not having long term relationships is a very hard way to go through life. Each time we think we'll get it right this time but we always fail. Holidays are especially difficult because we're usually estranged from family or distant from them. I isolate myself to avoid conflict. It's a very lonely life.
Shame is a trigger for all of us. One characterization of shame goes something like this. Embarrassment is what you feel when you've done something bad. Shame is what you feel when you feel as though you are bad, as in rotten, hopeless, useless, worthless. Shame is basically the basement that you're locked in if you feel that.
We should definitely feel ashamed for things that we have done that deserve shame. But we also need to learn to forgive ourselves, for being the imperfect human beings that we all are, and then try to make reparations, and Move on
Dr Phil is showing us how little he knows about a topic he professes to be an expert on.
Now I wonder how much else of what he says is BS like this
Thank you for the explanation. I'm dealing this with my brother for more than 10 years. In the beginning I didn't understand him and tried to get him on track how he should behave. He got so frustrated and so was I and my husband. We started to lose him, because he didn't know how to behave with us. And we started te get so angry in him that we told at one point that he cannot come over anymore. Because he started te scare my children. We had to chose for the safety for our children. I was heart broken for years and missed my brother as I remembered him when we were children. After a while when I got in therapy for Pstd, my therapist explained to me how borderline works and is. My brother and I are both abused by our parents. We were starved, beaten, called names, threatened, hangend with robes ons our wrist and whipped with a belt. There were many ways my parents used to keep us small and feared. I guess that triggered my brother's borderline. He did survive for a long time without therapy. At one point he just cracked and felt into the deep. That was the moment that I needed to protect my children for his behavior. My heart broken when I needed to tell him that I could no longer to trust him. After a while, with my therapist I started to learn what borderline means and what it does to you when you have to deal with it. I started to understand that I needed to not expect a behavior from my brother as it should be. I became more understanding and learned to keep my calmness when he is frustrated. I've learned to speak at him in a different way that is more positive for all of us. It's a process that all of us need to learn how to create understanding. Now I know thanks to this information that we need to be kind and be patient with my brother. He lost is identity as a child when he was be abused in the most awful way. One time he saw how my father killed a man. My father threatened him to the speak about it, otherwise he would be the next to die. He lived with this secret untill age of 40 years. He was that afraid of our father. A few years later I became sick, breast cancer. That was the moment when I wrote online on the drPhilly site, how to deal with my brother. I was so heartbroken that he couldn't be with during my cancer treatment. Now after my own therapy and lot's of treatment I learned more about borderline. I have more knowledge about borderline.
The most important information is what dr. Phill just said. Be kind and patient. Imagine how it is for them who has to deal with it daily. It's in their core and they don't get to choose for it. It's how they are. Thank you dr phill for this explanation. I'll will keep this in mind and carry this information out for my brother. That much I love my brother. We share the same past and came out differently. I will be kind and will always keep ini d how it is for my brother how it is for him to live with borderline. Love you all and wish you the best, de Phil
I never comment on posts… I have such compassion for you, I cannot fathom what you went through as a child or your brother, I can’t deal
With hearing how someone can be so incredibly cruel
I truly deeply hear you
@@moneypenny577 thank you for your compassion. We're gonna be fine, it's step by step every day ❤️
Thank you for explaining me better than I ever could have explained myself. You have always been my hero but today you have been something more. I have always looked up to you and idolized you and I have a profound love for you and your love and care for humans as a whole. Thank you. Thank you so much.
I have borderline but I'm intelligent. Living with it is awful. All I want is loyalty, love and appreciation. I have learnt to control it to a degree. Shaking the irrational thoughts is hard but possible with a lot of work. Borderline is faster cycling emotions. My mania last for minutes, hours and that's it. I can switch from raging to laughing within seconds or minutes.
Terrible if you the person on the end of that rage. You're walking on eggshells whole time. .what you want, love, loyalty and appreciation you have to also give.
@@bevtaylor2856 I do. I also walk on eggshells. You think that we don't live our lives worried about being triggered and looking like the bad person?
@@bevtaylor2856 People around me can leave…I can’t leave myself. I live my life on eggshells. Don’t act like the victim when you can leave the situation.
It's true there is a stigma about people with BPD... I am one of them and I didn't tell it to my family after seeing how my boyfriend was treating me... each time we argued about something he treated me like I was crazy... and I know that my case is not the worst because I had a group therapy for 3 years (all BPD people)
As a BPD and PTSD person all I can say that compassion and clear bounderies can help us to start act responsible. The inner pain can be so strong so selfharm can be replaced with certan activities like art and sport. That is my experience.
I need to comment bc this really touched me. I just feel the actual compassion in your voice. I feel like I might have this. But I'm scared to death to go for help. My mom went for help for some stuff and returned a crazy person. Literally. I almost made it to the show bc of her episodes. But she refused.
One thing that has helped me is being intentional on a positive mindset. Which is so hard when you think someone is a cheater and has been tricking you for 15 years. Or when that same person is the best thing for you ever sent by God to save you. Seriously the internal struggles that don't ever come out of my mouth are intense. No one would ever understand.
High functioning BPD here. No drugs, no promiscuity, no addictions, a little OCD. I have been through years of physical abuse, mental abuse, environmental disasters (so many different types), school shooting, coup attemp, fatal car accident, and so much more. However, I also got three degrees by the age of 22. This is what I learned, if I have those symptoms, there is something in my life that I need to rid myself of or change. I am just not facing it because it is too painful, and I start swimming in denial. I do this by blaming myself and directing my anger inward. I don't and have no desire to hurt anyone. This is when I start to go down the rabbit hole.
I cried when I heard this. Thank you for bringing to light dots that instantly connected with this disorder. Lots of this has been my husband's life for the past 24 yrs. I wish I could show more compassion, but I have lived under this, unaware of what the disorder is really about. Going to continue to learn all I can so I can do best for family. Thank you for this valuable information
What is it like for them: short answer... Its exhausting.
It's very sad and isolating. Its really hard to fix what somebody else broke - mostly childhood abuse and trauma. We disconnected. We retraumatize ourselves when we try to connect. Its a vicious cycle. We love hard and fear harder.
My roommate (and bestie for over 30 years) is BPD. She works hard to change her perception of a situation so she can react appropriately and she makes herself wait before posting things on social media to curb her impulsivity. I sent her this video and she appreciated how you asked people to be empathetic towards those with BPD
Mine cried and begged not to leave. But when it was her turn it was in the blink of an eye. With absolutely no explanation.
As shitty as it was, it was self survival skills. That way SHE wasn't abandoned, she chose to leave. I knew it's messed up mate. So sorry.
Unfortunately, the borderline personality disorders oftentimes don't have compassion for the trauma they are causing others around them. When they don't want treatment, but they want everybody else to change, there's not much you can do to help them you have to just avoid and stay away.
Wow sorry for someone who has bpd I can tell you unless I'm at rock-bottom im not toxic and I'm only toxic towards myself! We may be unstable but we're not all toxic and its hard to listen to dr Phil trying to tell people what it's like. What people need to understand is we never chose to be like this! Alot of us have therapy and learn to live with the highs and lows, we learn to mask the emotional stress of daily life and we learn not to take it out on loved ones. Your emotions are valid no matter how frequent they change. This illness is torture, everyday is exhausting and the thought of making someone feel a fraction of what I'm feeling makes me feel sick with guilt. Does that make me toxic?
I just have to say that you are wrong. Philosophically, if you are not choosing your behavior, then you are psychotic. And, you are not psychotic.
Borderline personality disorder is not a psychotic disorder. People with borderline personality disorder need to learn to take 100% responsibility for their own behavior, and their choices. If you do not choose your behavior, then who does? In other words, you are your choices.
@@stevebutler812 she did not choose to have BPD. She can choose her behavior, but it doesn’t make it any easier to live with.
Thank you for putting my thoughts in words
Dr Phil we love you in Dallas Texas Iam Bpd with bipolar and thank you for helping to remove the stigma and asking for people to sympathize with it just bought me to tears. YOU AND MRS MCGRAW HAVE A HAPPY HOLIDAYS SIR.
When my husband left (after leaving me a note on the counter) it took me 3 months to pull out of it, but I did.:)
Yes, correct. I'm married to one. The overreacting, the yelling, the apologies out of fear of me leaving
(abandoning) him.
A regular conversation, which is usually one-sided converts to a hyper-argument. I stay quiet, then accused of blnot listening, or caring.
I was too young when I got married. He has ok, nice moments.
It's been a struggle, I was too young to understand. Now at 50, I just ignore it, but it does take a mental and emotional toll.
Thank you for highlighting that compassion is needed
My son suffers over reactive behaviour. We work through it by me listening to him and not judging his thoughts . I get him to listen to his self and then listen while he rationalises his behaviour . Just listening and saying nothing acts like a mirror . He sorts himself out . Just being patient seems to really help him. I just show him he’s okay he can sort it out. That seems to work for him . He explores his own thoughts . I never ever speak unless I’m invited to. I’m not sure what I’m doing I just know me being a sounding board seems to work for him. I never panic whatever he presents. He knows he’s loved . ❤
Dr. Phil: I am not one for labels.
Also Dr. Phil: WATCH NOW THE MOST TOXIC PERSONALITIES!!!!
Thank you. Thank you for asking for compassion for those of us who suffer (yes, suffer) from the horrors of having BPD. Dr. Linehan literally saved my life. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 35 years old, after having left nearly complete destruction in my wake. I love how you sometimes say, "If you could open up this person's head and look inside, you'd be scared to death!" So incredibly true.
But, God is good, and so are psychologists and therapy!
Thank you for thinking about us BPD's. I'm constantly trying to find assistance with no luck. You're correct, this sucks for us. Speaking for myself personally I always feel bad for stressing others out. I'm 44 and have been diagnosed since around 12 years old. Not fun!
You AREN'T BPD-- YOU HAVE BPD!!! That's how you have to think. It isn't the all in all when it comes to you! You suffer from it.
We have all been subjected to some form abuse or bad experience growing up but get over it and move on. Liberate yourself. Let it go. Believe in a higher power.
Dr Ramani is fantastic describing BPD and therapeutic approaches like DBT therapy. She's amazing. MedCircle.
My fiancé has BPD. It’s been rough trying to prevent the emotional outbursts. Knowing the pattern through has helped us (family) not get dragged into blaming ourselves. I love her though and we have learned to focus on the positives. She has a good heart at the core.
Phil in the Blanks is so fantastic. I love and appreciate this so much.
You are such a blessing to me! A close, adult child of mine has recently been diagnosed with this. I am learning by you what to do and not do in my relationship. God bless you Dr. Phil. Ive been a fan of yours for many years.
4:25 "I don't know who I am anymore." No Dr. Phil, we never knew in the first place. It's like having a blurry 3rd eye, you can see inside but nothing makes sense. Thanks for the freedom from your thoughts and feelings parents but I did need you, it's taken a long time to find myself.
Descriptions like these are why ive isolated from people for the last 4 years. It's kept me sober, I'm 4 years sober. While I feel the hyper-reactivity, I'm very good at hiding it. It's noted by my boss and coworkers that im calm and good at de-escalating disregulated clients while remaining stable. But make no qualms, Im in h*ll, miserable, but I'll be d*mned if I make someone else hurt. The idea of hurting someone destroys me.
Dr Phil. I appreciate what you are doing. Knowledge is power. I just want to say this too. My daughter suffered with this most of her life. I just wished I had found your videos on this matter years ago. My daughter passed away at age 54 a year and a half ago due to Lyme which lead to all kinds of problems. The reason I’m committing here is that I pray this will help and inform someone while there is still life and the opportunity to get help. I had learned a little about PDO years ago but not Enough. Your information is so helpful. And life saving. Keep up your great work. It is much needed and greatly appreciated. God Bless you and your family
Caused by trauma and invalidation. Thank you Dr Phil, these people need compassion
Great title, everyone with BPD are toxic. I have BPD and I never cheated on my wife, can you say the same? 🤡
What does "toxic" means? If it means unhealthy and poisonous, then yeah, i do agree with him.
The point clearly shot right over ur head.
Did you actually listen to the entire show? I feel you looked at the title and got defensive and took a passive aggressive shot at the Doc.
Yes, he is saying that everyone who has borderline personality disorder is toxic. Because, they are.
It's irrelevant whether or not he cheated on his wife, because it has nothing to do with his professional capacity. Unless, he cheated with a client.
@@stevebutler812 Unfortunately I'd have to agree with you. Toxic is a strong word but it's the only one that accurately describes people who have this issue. They create problems that just don't need to be there in the first place. They are very argumentative and not easy going in any way. It's just easier to not have people like this in your life. I mean unless someone who has this issue is willing to take 100% responsibility for their behaviour and actively seeks to overcome this then its just not worth the hassle
Thank you Dr. Phil for filling in the blanks and helping the world to heal starting with each one of us. 💗🙏
Dr Phil .....you are Spot on!!! Ive been a Victim of Physical / Emotional Abuse from an Ex Partner with BPD and yes he had an Extremely Chaotic, Traumatic Childhood growing up
He was Draining on all levels....I never knew what he was capable of doing from one moment to the next, I endured over 20 years 😪😪
If I was a little late getting home etc he would blow the Roof of the house and his eyes would be fixed you couldnt reason with him SCARY STUFF
I'm a 36 y/o woman, I have bpd, ptsd, bipolar, DID, major anxiety and depression, anger issues. My partner of 12 years we are just finding out is on the spectrum, asd level 1. So there's myself needing much communication, attention, touch/affection, reassurance, support. Then my partner being asd is so much the opposite. Doesn't need affection, incapable of communicating on any serious level, unable to provide emotion and moral support. The last few years have been the worst for us. I am constantly crying now. I feel so deprived of love. My guy is a good man, just different. He's not intentionally neglectful but because I have BPD what is already a complicated situation, an nt and nd relationship, seems to be more intense. We love each other very much though every day is a challenge.
Both of you find Jesus please as soon as possible. ❤
@@DebraCollins-fq4jo go away
Borderline Personality Disorder feels like you are disconnected from the human race. It's painfully frustrating. People don't understand.
Yes, you feel like a spectator of your own movie, but youre not in it like you should be.
I’ve noticed that whoever they happen to talk to last is the opinion they parrot until the next phone call. It’s like she can’t have a thought of her own. I’m understanding it more now, tyvm Doc.
Thank you for strongly emphasizing how important a compassionate response is for those with BPD. My adopted sister suffers so greatly and is estranged from everyone in my family except me. I love her unconditionally despite the difficulty in keeping my own boundaries.
She is loving and kind and strongly desires a happy life full of love and security. I will stand beside her until my dying day, and her children. I know what suffrage I know of and have witnessed, and can only imagine what I don't know.
Amazing insight into disorders. I Love the example of saying to someone significant in your life, "you deserve, instead of you need." Therapy to bring peace to that person's life, NOT judgmentalism !!
I always thought that i had BPD and when i finally went to therapy, my therapist says I have c-ptsd but that to the untrained they can seem identical. I was wondering if you could tell us how they differ from each other.
Thank you so much Dr. Phil for everything you do.
Same I'd love to know the difference better too cause I have a BPD, c-ptsd, depression diagnosis and knowing where one begins and another ends I have no idea
Also check out Richard Grannon's channel. In the past he's gone deep into cptsd, codependency, and narcissism and has courses online for dealing with emotional dysregulation, some of which are free. Hope this helps.
Same. Was diagnosed BPD for a long while and latest doc told me CPTSD and treatment is going sooooo well. Life changing
@@sunshine-wu9gl thanks that helped quite a bit 👍
@@sunshine-wu9gl What if at one point you had a pretty well defined sense of self and artistic vision but later lost it due to life circumstances and now this person is kinda in limbo, just confused and trying everything but its impossible to finish anything or emotionally evolve because they don’t know exactly what they want anymore and constantly need reassurance from others to accomplish anything. There’s some manipulation too but its only used as a way to cope with living this way. It’s never in revenge or hate. It just helps in the moment to feel somewhat better and keep going. There is also a lot of reckless behavior too to make up for the perpetual empty feeling. At the same time there is a real need for human connection which never gets satisfied. The sensitivity to criticism is also a huge deal and defensiveness often ends in self harm. Great post by the way. I still have questions though as this is a really intricate topic.
I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder in 2018 and it explained alot of what I was going threw and myself in general . It's tough ,but it's very self explanatory with the trauma I experienced in life .Ty Dr Phil