YOU CANT BE AUTISTIC BECAUSE....
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- Опубликовано: 2 сен 2021
- You can't be autistic because...
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I hated when I took my daughter to the doctors and they said “she doesn’t seem autistic to me. She’s happy and chatty” 🤦🏻♀️
Because autistic people arent allowed to be happy or social
What do they expect to see from an autistic person?! Some kind of alien? Completely non-verbal and unresponsive? Miserable!?
"You can't be autistic, you're looking new in the eyes."
"Yes, because years of masking would never do that to you. Ever heard of how cruel school teens can be?"
@@Kasiarzynka Exactly. I don't like making eye contact. I'll do it, but after a few seconds I look away. But I'm also constantly aware that if I don't TRY to appear at least partially "normal", people might mention something which would be mortifying to me. I also feel like, if people make consistent eye contact with me, that they're peering at me in a kind of interrogating way...like they're thinking "You seem weird...what's wrong with you?"
@@ladybaabaa3294 Exactly. I actually paid attention to this today at work. There's this colleague who I do like (I like all the colleagues in my department) and have good contact with, at least at work. We talked a lot today, I've only seen her a few times for the last 9 months since I moved to our other office in another town. She was telling me about some work related stuff, and I was listening, and I noticed I tried to making eye contact but it lasted maybe a second at once, or I looked more like at her face, or slightly beside her face. I also noticed that I can focus a whole lot better on what is being said when I don't look at the person directly.
"You're not autistic you just need to learn social cues better" has the same energy as "Why are there homeless people? Just buy a house"
Me, in 2013: I can't seem to get a job.
Boomers: well why don't you ~just get a job at a restaurant?~
Me: ... you clearly did not listen to what I just said.
(Some boomers are shit people, and some are good but were just confused, and assumed that you could just walk into a restaurant or temp agency with your resume and be given a job)
"You're depressed? Have you tried being happy?"
I learn mostly by reverse engineering logical systems.
But I have to learn social cues by trial-and-error analysis;
with this way, there is lot of situations you have to remember, most are not logic based.
And, learning and acting on these social cues is called masking;
masking is where we act in a disingenuous way so as to ward off judgment and execution. .
We also must consider the priority importance of a subject that is so difficult to learn.
Some things can be learned in seconds, and some take more than a life time.
Beside all of this, illogical things irritate me to a rebellious extent.
"You can't be autistic, because you studied psychology."
Yeah, thanks Susan. I'm trying to help our community. 😫
Well, so did i, but i dropped out of psychology cos i couldn't pass statistics and grad with a comms degree instead.
#igetyou
Psychologys a pretty common special interest too from what ive seen. Either way thats bs
Not to mention psychology is a super common interest for autistic people because it helps us understand and navigate other people and social situations better!
I understand I feel the same way.
@@tristanoelle Yes! I had so much more ease with people after studying psychology and intervention. I basically learned how to have "balanced" conversations with people by training as a specialized educator cause we had to role play to learn supportive conversation and ask good questions to our clients.
Something I’ve realized is that this happens to people with any disability. Blind people get told that they can’t actually be blind, young people who need mobility aids are told they are just too lazy to walk and so on. Now I don’t KNOW why that is, but I can guess it boils down to 1)bad and little representation 2) Inability of nondisabled people to empathize with people who are different to them and 3)unwillingness to compromise
Yep sounds spot on.... sadly xD
and also people think they're being polite and complimenting you when they say it even though being disabled is not impolite and they are just exposing their own prejudice when they say these things.
Definitely. I know people think (and some have said) "You can't be depressed because you always seem so happy!" (yeah, it's called never showing any negative emotions because they embarrass me) or "You can't be depressed because you wear makeup, jewellery and dress well!" (So the fact I only go out 3 times a week and the only thing that pushes me to get up, out of bed and out of the house is trying to look really fashionable must mean I'm perfectly fine?)
These people don't know me. They don't see that the majority of the time I sleep until 4pm and haven't washed my hair for a month. They don't know that I literally have 5 people in my life who I feel safe showing my deepest feelings to and everyone else gets a facade. Ugh. It's so annoying.
@@natalieedelstein Yes, it's almost as if they're saying "You can't be what I view as disabled or challenged because you look fine...but if you ARE disabled, you're SOOOO pretty, WAY too pretty to be disabled, and so in MY view, you're still a valid and worthy human being even DESPITE being disabled." Um...ok. lol
This is what I try to preach to people.
“You cant be autistc because you’re good at socialising”
My trauma and masking skills:…yes
Some people are just ignorant.
Years of suffering just to have someone tell you that.
@@sebastienzarate9408 literally 😥
Socializing is like a job to me, and I got employed at that job at like 6 years old
exactly
6:47 Chloe debunked another assumption about autistics not asked here, “But you understand sarcasm.” Autistics can understand sarcasm and make sarcastic comments (Chloe’s response to the “because I have a child” comment that the commenter gets from others is a perfect example); it’s discerning whether a comment made by another person is sarcastic that’s the issue (e.g., if there’s no apparent vocal or physical indication that the remark isn’t serious, if the comment is not readily phrased in a way that can indicate it is sarcastic).
Yep, this too!
Which therefore means some of us are better at putting emotion into our voices than neurotypicals… TAKE THAT ABLEISTS
YES I use sarcasm a lot but always with a sarcastic voice. If someone use sarcasm without a sarcastic voice I'm confused, I don't know if that's sarcasm or not so I analyse it. Sometimes I realise it is too big to be true but other times I'm either confused or not even question it.
I have two autistic sons. The youngest one is one of the most sarcastic people I know. He has it down to an art. I too easily understand, and often use sarcasm.
We were told by a developmental pediatrician say, "She can't be Autistic because she makes eye contact." Yes, she makes eye contact with us but won't with others, usually. Forced eye contact can happen with Autistics but doesn't mean it's easy/ natural.
I can make eye contact with some people sometimes and not other people other times
@@epicteletubby155 for me sometimes eye contact isn't great but I can do it because I know it's important but I worry the entire time that I'm doing it wrong and I feel like I'm staring and it messes up my focus, but other times, mostly with people I'm really comfortable with, I do it and it's not a huge deal because it's kind of like...a trust thing almost? I don't know how to put it, I just know sometimes it doesn't bother me to a huge extent and other times I have to work to do it.
I am an autistic teen and I’ll just say we can only make eyecontact with people we trust or people we like
It doesn’t matter who it is to me. If you stare too long I feel uncomfortable. I start sweating and I feel weird I have to look away. The only good thing from being visually impaired. I can’t see peoples facial features anymore so I just look towards your head and I’m fine.
I hate eye contact with people I'm not close to. It feels so uncomfortable I tend to look at them to intensively.
I love that we can’t be smart but have to be absolutely amazing at math??? Like make it make sense
WE HAVE TO. BE AMAZING AT MATH???😭 wtf i suck at it
@@Bella-wz9xw yeah same though hilariously I was forced by my school to compete in math tournaments because they assumed I was good at math and I lost all of them
@@cyrilwilde6832 omg😭 they made you compete in every one even though you lost? schools are hoes😭
@@cyrilwilde6832 They should have forced you to partake in the train tournaments. That would make more sense.
Fr. I have breakdowns because of math. It's awful.
Hi Chloé, I am autistic and I wanted to tell you about the first concert I've been to since they opened again. I was in the stands right at the back and I could see a security guard trying to calm down a boy who was having a meltdown. I went to go help and we led him outside where it was quieter. I asked him if he wanted me to call anyone but he had gone non-verbal so I gave him a notepad and pen to write a contact number down. But instead he pulled out a Princess Aspien communication card with his details on it. After years of watching you spread positivity and information I've finally seen it first hand and I want to thank you Chloé for creating such amazing cards that help people in scary situations.
That’s amazing how these cards are helping and it’s great you went over to help :)
I hate that I have to justify myself after struggling to tell someone something. Like seriously, stop challenging me on something you know nothing but stereotypes about. And I can forgive it when it’s random people in a science class, but the fact that DOCTORS have been guilty of feeding into the stereotypes is just embarrassing and disgusting, what goes into their training that makes them think this, if you’re qualified to diagnose me, AT LEAST understand the baseline of the disorder.
Exactly! I hate when people challenge our experiences and don’t listen to us too. Like, we’ve thought about and studied so much that we’re practically experts on the subject, plus have actual lived experience on top of that!
It took me less than five minutes to persuade my GP that I'm autistic, though I don't know of any signs that immediately give me away. I appreciate that he listened.
A girl I was at school with is a retired occupational therapist. She doesn't believe autism is a thing.
My mother and the psychologist said “well everyone’s a little autistic” and oh I just was about to explain to both of them how stupid that is
My mother has also said "everyone's a little autistic", she even commented on certain autistic traits I have with "well I do that as well" without realising the reason for that is she's also probably autistic! More than a few of her cousins are diagnosed autistic, plus some with ADHD, and since my own diagnosis my maternal grandmother (who is far more similar to me than my mother is) has turned around and said she thinks she's autistic too.
I had SO MANY autism symptoms from early childhood yet the psychologist (when I was 5) said I couldn't be autistic because I didn't have ALL the symptoms. There exact reasoning was that there weren't enough symptoms, I can't remember what else that letter said other than that I made eye contact with someone though. I was born male too so the "you're a girl" thing wasn't the reason. Didn't get diagnosed until 19 and had to go down the private diagnosis route because the NHS's attitude to autism is honestly shocking.
When I actually got diagnosed and "came out" as autistic I had close friends expressing surprise and admitting they already knew I was autistic and that it was relatively obvious by the way I behaved (interests-wise) and struggling communicating with others. They had assumed I was already diagnosed and just didn't talk about it.
@@UltraHylia Sucks that just because you don't do 1 or 2 things it automatically means you "aren't autistic" or you start to mask and try to hide your uncomfortableness in some situations even though you should be able to express yourself and it is a bit concerning that so many people do get such a late diagnosis. But I hope you are dealing with it well friend :)
I never understood this.. do they think everyone had a bit of asthma, or a bit of diabetes? Are we all a bit depressed, a bit bipolar, a bit "ocd". We all have everything! Lol
@@curlypuff exactly just because you have one trait, or symptom it doesn’t mean anything the point of the diagnosis is that it is something difficult and that you meet the criteria? Like huh?
Also great analogies might use one of them next time!
I had a coworker told me this. I highly suspect her daughter is on the spectrum. I feel sorry for her...
I’ve been told that I can’t be autistic because I can talk. Apparently me talking means that I’m not autistic. I’ve been diagnosed with autism and ADHD so I can really relate to your RUclips videos and your RUclips channel. Thank you for bringing awareness to this community
I understand I can talk well it just takesme time to think before I respond and sometimes I studer or get frustrated because I can't describe how I feel.
Not every autistic person is non verbal.
Some just don't like to talk.
And some are mute.
Idk who said the quote originally, but my stepmom says it all the time and I love the phase, “if you meet one autistic person, then you’ve met one autistic person.” Everyone is different!
Was diagnosed earlier this year at the age of 48. Have already had to explain double empathy and that people can be sensory seeking as well as sensory avoidant (I love hugs). Fortunately these were people in my life that were just trying to understand how I could be diagnosed rather than saying straight out to me that no you can't be because of XYZ. I also haven't said it to many people yet with being in lockdown (live in Sydney) contributing to it. Previous diagnosis that I was given 10 years ago was BPD because I was emotionally so volatile so much - that is what happens when you don't recognise that you are getting overwhelmed until it is already too much and you have exploded.
So happy for you for getting the right diagnosis and help you needed! I've read enough people talk about how they were misdiagnosed and treated for a wrong thing and it didn't help them. You need to get to the root of the issue.
I'm only 24, and I seriously suspect I might be autistic: from people's descriptions of feelings and experiences that are way more accurate than they're allowed to be, through these AQ tests all ending with "You're likely to have Asperger's/be on the spectrum", to the fact that event attempts to look at my life, past and present, through the "I'm autistic" lenses makes me life seem to make sense... if that makes sense. Like I just learned like two days ago, from this very channel, about object permanence and how having issues with it apparently can be linked to autism? Like that describes my social and not only social life exactly, it's like when I lose contact to the person, I press a pause button. Never miss people, it's like they don't exist outside my sight/hearing range. I even made this comparison to my mom (who I recently talked to about my suspicions and my need for getting a diagnosis): "in my mind people I no longer meet kinda land in the same drawer as the dead ones. It's like they just... paused".
I'm honestly kinda scared of the whole misdiagnosis, but also the self diagnosis thing. I don't like the idea of diagnosing myself over the internet but idk... I coined this comparison for NT people being like "nah you don't look/act autistic".
Imagine being color blind to a point where you only see in grays, blacks and whites. You see people get crazy over some weird things like rainbows, that probably aren't even organized in the brightest to darkest order, or flowers. You never get why. Until you see two grays that look exactly the same to you, but someone says they're different. That's how you're introduced to the idea of colors. And suddenly all your life of missing on something obvious everyone else seemed to experience makes so much more sense.
I've had a professional tell me our daughter can't be Autistic because she can pretend play and is creative. 🙄
Errr I think that those traits make your more likely to be autistic.... I'm like that too.
I'm autistic and loved playing barbies as a child. honestly it's crap, just because not all autistic kids are the same
I had to laugh at the "becaue you are a beautiful girl one". As an autistic male who have been denial about a diagnosis that had stood for two decades, I had a stereotype that pretty girls could not be autistic. How mal-informed I was. Now that I am more aware, I would prefer an autistic girlfriend than someone not on the spectrum. HA
Well whats kinda funny is that a lot of married autistics that get diagnosed after marriage find out their spouse is also autistic or nd in some way. Cause nd people tend to notice nd people even when they dont know it
I’ve got so many stories about people telling me I couldn’t be autistic, a psychiatrist or psychologist (idk), told me “I don’t think she’s autistic because she’s wearing makeup and wearing nice clothes” 😬 and I the same realm a teacher once said “you are making it hard for me, I can’t sit you next to anyone, look if you act normal people won’t bully you anymore”...... the reason btw for it “being hard for her” is that the school asked all of the teachers to not sit me near the people who where bullying me 🤔🤔
I got the "You won't be bullied if [complete change of everything you are]" and also "everyone can always have friends".
umm wtf!! those responses are crazy and i do not understand. like, i genuinely cannot comprehend what went through their heads..
I hope that teacher is no longer working with kids! She should’ve been fired!
@@leslieyancey5084 nope, it happened 5/6/7? Years ago now and my youngest sister still goes to that school and she still there
Never gotten the 'we have to like trains' thing! Literally, a lot of my autistic traits are why I hate them >.< They're loud, busy, require a ton of organisation and timekeeping... literally like they're designed against it lol
Laughing at the sea train though, that's brilliant hahaha. I love the Titanic too!
neither have I but mabye if we look at it from a different perspective. ie transportation mabye it applys. me with air plans and space vehicles. my girlfriend. with horses and wagons.
I like trains and I hate myself for it XD XD XD XD XD XD XD Like literally how could I be any more of a walking cliché ^^
I find actual trains to be quite startling and unnerving... But sea trains 🤔😻🤩🌊 ⛵
i love trains :)
I had SO MANY autism symptoms from early childhood yet the psychologist (when I was 5) said I couldn't be autistic because I didn't have ALL the symptoms. I was born male too so the "you're a girl" thing wasn't the reason. Didn't get diagnosed until 19 and had to go down the private diagnosis route because the NHS's attitude to autism is honestly shocking.
When I actually got diagnosed and "came out" as autistic I had close friends expressing surprise and admitting they already knew I was autistic and had assumed I was already diagnosed and just didn't talk about it.
I've heard most of these, but mine is "But you are so articulate..." JFC...
"You seem so normal..."
"Your kids will grow out of it..."
"Everyone is a little autistic..."
you know how many times i had to tell my mom that my little brother won't "outgrow" autism😭 or she'll say i don't have it i just need special help for certain things and i'm bad at math😭 its literally confused me my entire life😭 but i really think i am autistic
And then i don't think she was ever diagnosed so she doesn't know if she has it or not😭 i think she's uneducated
Tip for my buddies out there who struggle with eye contact: my Business Manager in teacher in High School taught us that if you’re nervous (since this wasn’t an Autistic specific class) So he taught us to pick something behind the persons head like a painting or a spot in the wall and focus on that. That way you appear to be making excellent eye contact while being able to focus instead on what is being said etc. This has gotten me every job I have ever applied for! (Keeping said job is another story)
I also get the “You can’t be Autistic you raised a NT child! Yes, my 20 year old daughter is NT and the best person I know. She was actually the first one to bring up the fact that I might be Autistic! 🤷🏻♀️
I had a Psychiatrist in the hospital once tell me, upon meeting me for the very first time, that he didn’t believe I had Autism. He said he treated a man with Autism once and he loved the weather. He kept a notebook and took down what temp it was at different times a day and what else the weather was like. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ I’m sorry I don’t care about the weather beyond “Do I need a hoodie and shoes or tshirt and sandals?” I just got up and left the room. What an idiot. I then had to have my nurse, who even agreed I was Autistic (it’s also on my chart there and in my medic alert bracelet): help me out with filling in a request for a new dr since they usually don’t allow that. But he clearly was not going to be of any actual help to me.
Thanks for addressing these issues! It’s always interesting to hear what people have dealt with. ❤️❤️🌟🌟
I look at peoples eyebrows and nose a lot. So if youre too close to use that tip you could try that
I've Been told the same thing I look at there forehead and that causes physical pain to my eyes.
"You can't be Autistic, you're an actor." Yes, I was told that once.
By someone who apparently hasn't heard of Dan Akroyd or Anthony freakin Hopkins.
I literally just had this happen with this girl I went on a date with. She said that I don't "seem" autistic.I am also trans, and I so often get objectified for either being trans or autistic. I hate it.
I understand people as a group or in general don't react well to the unknown. and autism is unknown to most of human beings . sometimes I question whether I'm sub human superhuman or a complete other species. I wonder if this is common for us autistics.
@@kartisleal8890 I get that but I wish people would have some empathy instead of being creepy and ignorant.
Thank you for being so validating. After hundreds of hours of research I believe I am autistic. I am undiagnosed and terrified to seek a diagnosis because I'm certain it will be denied. And I can't emotionally manage being invalidated like that.
I'm the same i spoke to my gp filled out a question air she referred me but I have a phone consultation on Monday about it and I'm very nervous I have taken notes asked family and I'm very sure I'm on the spectrum but worried about being brushed off
I've been self-diagnosed two years long, and at last I was diagnosed by a psychologist two DAYS ago, being 54 years old ☺️☺️☺️☺️. Don't be affraid of it, if you need answers go for it!
In the first part of my assessment (I've not had the second part yet) I was told "you probably have autism but it's clearly very mild" 5 minutes after explaining how sometimes I go weeks without showering because of sensory issues. The reason why it was "milld"? I could recognise that a smiley face emoji as happy.
Sheesh... and this is an actual thing that an actual doctor told you? I believe it, but... it's still hard to believe that they can be so clueless about what autism actually is.
Side note: love your avatar!
@@Namadu7 yeah it's absurd! thanks btw
The doc probably had in mind people with significant learning disabilities who are also autistic......He/she will have helped many who are at the picture level of communication, to the doc someone who is able to walk into the clinic and coherently discuss their daily is mild/moderate....
@@AngelaH2222 Yeah but I have significant problems because of autism, I have meltdowns daily, I'm mostly non-speaking and I can't look after myself properly and being told that it's "mild", minimises my struggles.
"You can't be autistic because you're such a good friend of mine." - that's the most backhanded compliment I ever recieved...
I know! My ex friend assumed she knew me so well that I couldn't possibly have a medical condition she was not looking for.
She disregarded my diagnoses and called it attention seeking when I stopped masking around her.
I hope your friendship worked out better though❤
@@DiscoTimelordASD I am sorry to hear that.
With my friend it's basically ok. She thinks that I am just to harsh on myself. I don't mask around her, but she doesn't found it weird. She told me, that I am a little odd, but that she's sure I am not ill.
So she basically accepts my autism but refuses to call it autism. (smh)
@@amurape5497 I...How... Your friend has a glitch.🤦♀️
But she sounds like she means well.🙂
My Wife, who is a relief teacher, told an LSA (Learning Support Assistant or "Teachers Aide") that our three children are autistic, and that she is also herself, but had never gotten diagnosed. The LSA then doubled over with laughter, when my wife asked "what's so funny", the LSA said "you wouldn't be able to be a teacher, if you were autistic"
To make it worse, this LSA worked full time in an LSU (Learning Support Unit)...
Another time my wife was talking to another teacher, and when she mentioned our three autistic kids, the teacher got excited and asked "oh cool, what's their special ability", like Rain Man or something. I told her she should have given a stupid answer to the stupid question, and say something like "1 can fly, 1 can move objects with her mind and the last 1 can turn invisible".
“You can’t be autistic because you can function in normal society”
Yo there’s this thing called ✨masking✨
Edit: Also “You’re not autistic because you’re not like your older brother”
Well no shit I’m an entirely different person, we just popped out of the same hole.
Yes I love that idea
I'm recently realizing that I'm probably autistic and my mom refuses to believe me because I'm not like my 14 year old, non verbal cousin. She has so far used, because you can talk, make eye contact, you're smart, and you were a talkative/outgoing kid. And when I said "you realize autism doesn't affect intelligence at all, right?" She responds, "well then, its clearly getting over diagnosed" 🤦♀️
Even if you are under 16 (uk) you can go to the doctor yourself. Its illegal not to refer you as well when you ask the doctor to.
I got this every day yesterday, apparently it was because “I can deal with stuff” like- it's called masking girl. Just because I don't show it on the outside, doesn't mean the time on the inside. People need to learn that!!!! Also-I GET TO GO TO YOUR ZOOM CALL WITH THE YELLOW LADYBUGS ON THE 26TH OF THIS MONTH!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! I HAD A HAPPY MELTDOWN BECAUSE OF THAT!!!!
I once was told that I couldn’t be autistic because I experienced discrimination. His reasoning was that “autistic people don’t get abused.” And then attacked me and fought with me over it. Yeah, I was just as confused as everyone else. And I had so many people backing me up on it.
What? Autistic people are literally some of the most likely people to be abused because we're different and often naïve. Guy has clearly never seen how many autistic kids get bullied (including me)
@@epicteletubby155 yeah, and then he was trying to claim that he was autistic when he was clearly lying.
"You can't be autistic because you have a bachelor's degree"
"You can't be autistic because you speak so well"
#storyofmylife
🙏🏽I don’t care if people don’t acknowledge but it’s possible if I’m able to get diagnosed I could get some kind support but also that support can come in other ways…..
I'm always on the fence about getting a diagnosis cos it might harm me more than help me. Esp in Asian culture where speaking up about any kind of medical condition is frowned upon, to the extent of being despised
@@ivanlimzg getting diagnosed doesn’t mean you have to speak up later but doesn’t being diagnosed come with things that are supportive there?
@@ivanlimzg not sure exact context
@@8Platinum8 i'm not against getting it. Just that i'm reluctant due to the stigma
Thank you so much for this. I was never officially diagnosed but I fit a lot of the signs for autism (hoping to get diagnosed soon). I got told once that I couldn't be autistic because I'm a girl, which I thought was the biggest load of crap ever.
I told myself I was “just a little” autistic for years because I just didn’t understand. Discovering how severely I’ve unknowingly been affected for 35 years was painful as much as a relief.
'Blacksmith's daughter's baker's fish' made me roar with laughter XD
Also my mum taught me from a young age to look at people's eyebrows since she noticed I struggled to make eye contact.
Ten years ago I sought and was denied diagnosis because the doctor said if I was I "wouldn't talk to people about things that interest me" (clearly never heard of info-dumping!). This year I was diagnosed by a psychologist who actually knew what she was talking about.
Casual invalidation by people in day-to-day life sucks and it hurts but is kind of understandable given the current lack of representation and understanding, but when it is professionals doing it it is so, so harmful and really unacceptable.
Was ur psychologist specialized in asd?
I started showing signs as a toddler (frequent tantrums, communication delay, and the like), and I was diagnosed with "some form of PDD-NOS... BUT NOT AUTISM" because I'm a girl, I could speak, and this was back in the days of the DSM-IV. It was only at the age of 5 that I got an Asperger's diagnosis from a pediatric neurologist. Now I just go by autistic, and people sometimes tend to be a bit surprised when I tell them, but I have been lucky to be treated with respect nonetheless. It's so sad to know that other people struggle far more.
Omg i've seen that phrase when i've been researching bc i got diagnosed with none otherwise specified autism which is also no longer in the dsm 5 bc it changed in 2013 but my mom hid it from me MY ENTIRE LIFE until college
@TSnintendogamer yes i do i actually still live with her in her mind she doesn't think she did anything wrong bc she didn't want to say i had something i didn't really have she is a good person i think just really ignorant
Chloe I was just praying about a circumstance and this came to me the reason why there’s no high low functioning is because ‘It’s Not a functioning linear like you mentioned it is a Fact we simplify function DIFFERENT and they don’t have the capacity/ability to respect at this time our difference .
This 👆 I hate being told this. Like "oh you wanna see my freaking diagnosis papers?!"
1) A doctor, after I brought up my suspected autism diagnosis, asked me "Are you good at maths?", and I answered "not particularly" (because I'm busy with language learning and researching linguistics 24/7, so there's no time for maths), and that was basically the whole conversation about this topic.
2) So could my hyperfixation on Harry Potter and childhood dream of attending Hogwarts be caused by having to like trains as an autistic person, because you have to get on a train to travel to Hogwarts? Suddenly it all makes sense to me!
These stereotypes are why I wasn't diagnosed until just shy of 15!
For me at 23 but only got help this year. 3 years later
The mule comment made me giggle. 🙃People can be so ridiculous in their assumptions. Thanks for all you do, Chloe!!
i was told by my english teacher i couldent be dislexic because i was smart.
Well fuck that! I am a member of Mensa, hyperlexic and dyslexic. And I know others who are both hyperlexic and dyslexic, too.
Maybe we are just imagining that we exist??
This made me really happy. I just started pursuing a diagnosis and like one minute after walking into the room for a psych eval the woman looks at me and says you have social anxiety not autism because you make eye contact and you’re not doing repetitive movements. I brought two entire google documents full of all of the reasons I think I’m autistic and wasn’t even given a chance to explain. Now she’s trying to make a follow up appointment with me to tell me the “results.” I plan on standing up for myself and telling her that I felt unheard and that she wasted my time when she obviously knew she wouldn’t listen to me the moment I walked in her room.
When I tell someone that I think I have adhd ppl say that everyone is like that makes me wanna punch their face
I got told I couldn’t be autistic because I can communicate with people 🤣🤣
i love that you are literally exactly like quinni!!!!! she was easily my favourite character
I can’t express how happy this video made me.
Thank you so much
✨
My doctor told me I could have something like adhd, ocd or tourettes when I reached out for help with my ticks. I started doing some research and it all clicked into place. I am hyperfocusing on nurodivergence and learning all I can. I don't think I'm autistic- I think I have adhd. And I see SO MANY similarities between us. Right down to the glitter on your cheeks, I have glitter on mine too! 🤣💜
I went to the doctor after finally telling my mom that I think I'm autistic and have ADHD. He immediately dismissed autism without asking any questions about why I thought I was, saying, "You recognize the world around you. People with autism are completely in their own fantasy world and wouldn't be able to recognize me or your mom like you can." He also didn't think I had ADHD, despite checking off almost all the boxes, because I have good grades and "that's impossible for people with ADHD." He prescribed I go out and socialize, because I might like it after all and I'll feel SO much better about myself when I'm around peers. I got in the car and cried the rest of the day. Fortunately I got diagnosed with ADHD by my therapist and I have an autism evaluation in a few weeks. I'm very nervous and hoping the psychologist won't be so ridiculous and ignorant.
Hey Chloe!! Happy Friday, much love. I agree with all of these, society does portray all Neurodiverse people as nerdy white men, and autism is so underrepresented in women and men of color. Im autistic but im very empathetic.
I brought up that I thought I might be autistic when I was 14 in a therapy session. This woman was absolutely amazing in many ways and really helped me but this was...not it 😂 She literally got the DSM from the staff room and went, “Yeah you fit this and this and this and this but...you’re too emotional so. Nope.” Like what? If I had been diagnosed then (instead of at 18) it would have really saved me a lot of struggle. Also, this therapist was the person who introduced me to emotion wheels and taught me what different feelings are like so I can identify them... I mean. Things have come a long way even since then though which is good! 😂
Just heard this one recently: "You don't look it because you're constantly in large groups."
This wasn't said in a mean way, it actually came from a student teacher in one of my classes who is trying to educate herself on autistic people.
I think the most ridiculous reason was from my Mom: she said i cant be autistic because i ate meat as a child and danced alot lmao
I'm currently going through the process of starting an attempt at diagnosis of possibly both adhd and autism and I've actually been using your videos with my therapist of 6 years to talk about possible symptoms and build a report before taking the tests for a possible psychiatrist. So thank you so much. It's hard af because all these years we've been working on my childhood trauma and I have things such as a dissociative disorder, hypersensitivity to other's feelings, and other things that my brain developed as trauma response and defense. So it's super hard to try and judge what could be from childhood abuse/neglect and what could be neurodivergency. But your videos have been super helpful and I just wanted to say that. Thank you .
Firstly I want to say that I really *really* love the colour palette analogy you made.
That every single autistic person is a different colour.
I've definitely gotten the "but you don't *seem* autistic" and even "but when I think of autistic people I think of those who can't really control their movements"
Those comments have been from good people though. Openminded people who have been misinformed, so I don't hate them for it. Once I was even told that I just use my disorders as an excuse. Which really hurt..
Either way,
Stereotypical autistic representation often reminds me of how aces and aros are represented as well. There are so many gray areas of those spectrums too. You can be asexual, demisexual, grey-sexual, homoromantic, panromantic, etc etc, the list goes on..
Aces are often seen as people who are either scared of having sex or people who just "haven't met the right one yet" (or even fakers) but it really differs from everyone who identifies as ace and/or aro.
It's all about sexual and romantic *attraction*, which people always seem to forget. Most people think that all asexuals are sex-repulsed and that all aromantics can't feel love.
I'm personally a homo-demiromantic demisexual and my best friend is an aromantic sex-repulsed asexual. We're both aces but we're still very different.
I know I kinda went off about the ace/aro stuff there, sorry '^^
I just wanted to express the correlation I see between the spectrums.
That's all
Have a wonderful day
When I went to a therapist and told him I think I might be autistic he said at the end of the 50 minutes talk: well I don’t think you are autistic because I didn’t noticed anything (in those 45minutes… wow) and you Said you are pretty empathic….
And I was just like (in my head) well um glad that he won’t be my therapist because he has absolutely no idea what he is talking about…
Thank you Chloé for the fierce video on a tired Friday
"You are not Autistic but you need to change and learn to communicate and multitask."
Chloe! You look beautiful! I got so happy when you posted, I can’t explain how happy you make me,
Thankyou, I needed to hear what you aid about not being diagnosed 🙂.
I was 8 when i got diagnosed and i told my friends that i had “Asperger’s syndrome” cause thats what i was diagnosed with. I only told them it meant autism about a year later and at this point they all thought that my friend with ADHD had autism so told me that Asperger’s isnt autism. Fast forward another year and we’re reading a book in school that has a character with “Aspergers syndrome” that is explained to be autism so that cleared it up for a few of my friends but one of them still said “no he had Asperger’s _and_ autism”
So that’s the story of how for over 2 years i was told Asperger’s (which i now know isnt a real thing, its just Autism) was not autism
"you can express yourself so clearly and you have such a clear understanding of other people"
my meltdowns as a kid constantly got labeled as merely "overreacting tantrums" and "spoiled" behavior, to the point where i got bullied and neglected ruthlessly.
yet if i were a cis boy it would've been a 100% different response 🤷♂️ sad.
You are a vibrant, courageous, and inspiring human being! Thank you for making the world brighter ✨🌈💖🙏💕
My orthodontist desk lady was like, "no you're not, you're so lovely, not rude at all..." And I was like, "it doesn't make me rude???"
I have hyper empathy and can be highly sensitive so I am mindful of what can annoy people.... I find NT people rude in comparison to myself.
@@Umeshukitsune SAME!!!!
We need characters to represent us!
@@Umeshukitsune EXACTLY! That's why Chloe's new character is so important and means so much to me ! I was afraid that I would never be understood, but at least now there's a chance 😌
Ugh, every time I watch your videos I feel like Moses in the burning bush scene of Prince of Egypt.....blinded by all this SHEER TRUTH!!! So intelligent and interesting! Every time my mother gets annoyed because I "talk too much" or "never get to the point" I think about how I could watch your videos for an hour and never get bored! Thank you for always inspiring with your boundless joy and enthusiasm!
omg i just have to say- your makeup is adorable! i love the hair and the cute sparkles on your cheeks!
Because you're smart, because you're good with kids, because you're wearing pretty clothes, because you're not good at maths, because you are very verbal, because you make eye contact, because you're a girl, because you came to your doctor's visit alone.
Yep..
People point out my lack of eye contact and just assume I’m extremely shy and awkward… when really I feel confident and fine.. it’s just how I register thoughts.
I honestly can't understand why people think that autistic and ADHD kids will, "grow out of it." They aren't behavioral disorders, they aren't habits we picked up and can be trained out of, it's the actual makeup of our brains. It's not software that can be reprogrammed, it's the actual hardware.
“dAdDy EiNsTeiN sAys Hi” oml shes amazing😌
I was diagnosed at age 50. A couple of family members had their suspicions after several years of anxiety and depression diagnosis! Once I knew a bit more about the condition (Scottish Autism run a great Understanding Your ASD Diagnosis workshop) I realised that I had been broadcasting signals from a very early age. I learnt that you can be autistic and have a sense of humour (possibly a wider, sharper and sometimes darker than most), it has nothing to do with vaccines (I predate the MMR jab in the UK and was showing signs as a child), it doesn’t have a look (other than we look really good and age even better than wine) and it’s in males and females (Temple Grandin anyone?)
I told my friend recently that I’m autistic. He first assured me he did believe it. He then went on how he would have never had guessed it, thought I was just weird, never had autistic friends before, and at some point mentioned “but you can drive”. It was a really good conversation but that part 🤦♀️😂
Thankyou for this video!!!!! I only got officially diagnosed 2 years when I was 23. That was because I was drowning in my studies and practically life. All my life I was able to mask, lie and fumble through things. I knew I was different. I just thought I was a good actor. Guess I was in a way. Until 15 years old, everything went down hill. By the time I got the diagnoses. I got diagnosed with social anxiety and depression, quit school at the first chance I got, got my ATAR and then jumped around degrees until I finally burnt out. Getting a diagnoses and getting in therapy I think saved my sanity
I told my friend I was autistic a little while ago and he looked like he was going to say something stupid like “you don’t look autistic”. For a moment, I thought he was going to stereotype me or make me feel bad about myself in some way and when I asked him what he thought he said, “it makes no difference to me but thanks for telling me. I like you because You think differently than my other friends. I’ve always felt good coming to you for advice or talking to you about intense subjects because you never think of me differently for that.” Now I don’t feel like I have to mask around him. He enjoys that I get passionate about the things I like and we’re a lot closer now. It really helps to have one person you can just not pretend with and really tell how you feel. Weird comment, but I just wanted to share it
Hi, im a fan of heart break high, and especially quinni because she is such an amasing character. Then i saw this video on my recomended and i just wanna say you are a beautiful and kind person who i reapect deeply. Thankyou for making me bot feel alone :)
Hi Chloe,
As a fellow autistic how do you handle makeup? I am attending my schools formal and am really sensitive to sound and textures. Any tips for wearing makeup/accessories.
I think it depends on what autism is to you, for you it might mean that you can't wear makeup, it is different for everyone!
for my formal makeup my mum got one of her friends to do my makeup in the backyard in the natural sunlight so maybe you should do that 💓
I personally recommend going into a store and smelling different brands. Some make up types or brands have a strong chemical smell and some smell powdery or fruity or flowery.
If it helps, I use cotton tips to apply eye make up, apply eyelash curling mascara to the ends of my lashes only and apply a soft textured make up pencil on the outside of my eyes only instead of going too close to my eyes.
Take care❤
2 years late but the first time I was assessed for autism I was 16, also I'm biologically female, and the lady told me immediately that she thought I just had social anxiety, only asked questions related to social anxiety, and then diagnosed me as such. A few months before I turned 18, I was assessed again by an autistic man, and he immediately could tell I was autistic.
"You were punctual for our appointment."
"You didn't play with the puzzle pieces I gave you to stimulate yourself (but instead followed the given instructions)."
"You nod when I talk to you."
"You know that an old lady in the supermarket dropping an apple does so by accident and help her."
- Things a specialized professional told me when refusing to diagnose me while completely ignoring all the difficulties I've told her about or didn't even bother to ask me about.
It does astonish me how so many people considered educated in their field are absolute idiots. You cannot rule out autism by identifying "neurotypical" behavior. Dr Donna Henderson mentions it in a podcast episode I discovered and she's such a good example of a well educated professional who understands why autism is underdiagnosed particularly in women/girls (but also in general) because of how many professionals only choose to consider what things look like from the outside and not how people feel or operate on the inside, which is a hugeeeee part of the autistic experience. Yes it's a combination of both, but since masking/camouflaging and other differences in presentation are often looked over in afab autistic ppl, that leaves you with a situation where investigating the inner experience is even more important for those who are underdiagnosed like girls and other minorities.
Some people have claimed I wasn’t autistic, but have a confidence problem. I knew that was wrong. Hearing a psychiatrist telling me that everyone else was wrong and that I am autistic was a relief.
I would love to see a video of you reacting to movies/shows like Rain Man and explaining the inaccuracies!
I once had a doctor tell me that I couldn't possibly have autism because I used to be good in school. Key word, used, my grades are all d-and f's now. She also told me that, "you might be on the spectrum, but I'm 100% sure you don't have autism," and I think I lost a few brain cells trying to figure out how she put that together.
Thank you for saying that Musk is a POS! And thank you for the last part about self-diagnosis
Oddly enough, I didn’t experience the “you can’t be autistic because” thing when I was being diagnosed for autism, but I DID get it when I was trying to get my ADHD diagnosis the first time-after I was already diagnosed with autism. The guy told me I couldn’t have ADHD because I had good grades in high school, went to college, and was employed....even though I was crying when I described my struggles with adhd symptoms....even though he had made me full out 3 different professional adhd symptom screeners and scored me moderate-severe adhd on all three, and then said “well you clearly have all the symptoms”......then he said after all that, “well I just don’t believe in labels” before proceeding to insist on diagnosing me with major depressive disorder because I said yes to 2 of the questions on the general basic depression screener-the two questions that overlap fiercely with adhd!
He thought he was right and there was no way I could know more about my own struggles and life experiences than him, he kept talking down to me saying “you didn’t have to be sad to have depression, that’s a common misconception”-when I didn’t say anything to suggest I though that-and all around didn’t really listen to me. Like you know how you can kinda tell someone isn’t really listening, because as soon as you finish a sentence they interrupt you with a completely different subject of conversation? He did that every time I said something.
But he’s the expert....right.....
Just want to mention, I was only trying to get those official diagnosis’s for official legal accommodations that I desperately needed at the time, and that was the only way I was seen as validly disabled. It’s utter bullshit and not being officially diagnosed doesn’t mean you aren’t valid-you are!
I once heard that I can't be autistic, because I'm an artist... Excuse me what?
My mom said I can't be autistic because a lot of my autistic traits are things she does too,,,👀 like mom I've got some news for you😂
WE NEED A SERIES!!!
The first time I told a psychiatrist I thought I might be autistic (in Greece, in 2007, if I remember correctly) he replied "aren't those the kids that bang their heads on the wall? Don't worry, you don't have autism". I never went to a second session, of course. But I did get finally diagnosed in 2018, so, in your face, wherever you are!
But, this isn't even my worst invalidating experience. My worst was when my autistic experience was completely invalidated by an autism mom, who said that I cannot "understand her struggle, as I don't have severe autism". Apparently I am high functioning, so I am "just fine, and cannot fathom the hardships she goes through" (tell that to my years-lasting burnout, but whatever).
I have an entire list of reasons people have been told that they can't be Autistic that I've seen written down (not ones said to me, ones I've seen other people say that they've been told), and I honestly can't believe how ridiculous they get! Ones like "You go outside" and "your interests are all fandom related" honestly just have me confused.
Please make another video of the other responses. Those are so true and I wonder what else was said.
Your hair looked so pretty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been told I can't be autistic because traumatic thigs traumatised me. I'v known I'm autstic for years at this point finally got my piece of paper a month ago it was the scariest thig Ive ever done.
Eye-contact seems to be sooooo important, although most people can't tell whether you're actually looking them in the eye, or on the nose/mouth/an invisible spot on the wall right behind them / etc.
I don't make eye-contact, I'm observing people's mouths :D jk, but I really don't look people in the eyes.
You are a sparkling firework 😊❤
I am a male in 50's and I am physically disabled and it is just recently that I looked at the symptoms of autism and I realized I ticked so many boxes. Not just 1 or 2 but so many it scared me and left me very confused. (Actually I still am)
So today I went to see my GP whom ive been seeing for years but I guess the catch is when ever Id seen him I only discussed immediate problems ie I have a cold or a pain or physical issues never Mental health issues or family relationships,
The TLDR was "Well in all the years Ive known Ive never seen any signs or autism in you and you always seem to understand others, So don't worry your "Normal!!!"
What I felt he didn't understand was that when I would go to see him in the past I had a list in my head of any issues I had and pre prepared script ahead of time!
Put me in a situation I haven't prepared for and I either shutdown or I run. I don't handle surprises or sudden change at all really well. Ive had years where ive learnt how to manage/mask because I had no choice or understanding of why I do what I do,
Could I be Autistic or could it be something else I don't know for sure but my GP's response has only compounded my concerns and left me wondering even more so.
This was such a powerful video. „We don’t need to try harder, we already try harder than will you ever understand.“ This Hits so close to home. My life has been a constant struggle. As a child my autistic traits were much more „severe“ but nobody accepted them. So I fought my way through school, bullying, trying to become more „socially acceptable“. The bullying was always my fault because „I didn’t try hard enough“. It’s like I cut off a body part of mine, to fit in at least a bit. And now that I sacrificed so much, that it left scars on my soul, not even my sacrifice is seen by many doctors. I am not autistic because I can do this or I can do that. What it costs me to do these things is not important.
Love your chaotic energy, fellow ASD
I’m so sorry y’all have had to go through this. That’s some BS right there.
I don’t have autism, but I do have ADHD, and now that you mention it, as a child I haaaated eye contact. It made me so uncomfortable. But I distinctly remember forcing myself to for longer and longer, and now as an adult, I make very good eye contact. Now, I sometimes have to remind myself to look away periodically so I don’t make others uncomfortable 😅
I wasn't diagnosed because I actually liked to socialize and was very vocal
I process thought by talking so I would talk to everyone to process my own thoughts