It would also be extremely easy (at least technically) for English to completely remove gendered pronouns. English isn't even a gendered language. It has no noun classes or any form of agreement, so pronouns are the only things that are used and they are pretty useless too.
One should consider the constant shifts of language and take into account that most of the prescriptive language rules we learned are made up of a handful of people who were trying to "tame" the language to make it more manageable. This was generally motivated by the rationalistic views brought on by the enlightenment. However, we do have singular "they" usage, which is cited before the "official"l definition of the word as a plural pronoun. My main point being, before/during the forcefulness of prescriptivist, language was used as flexibly as it is now. Most of these rules, like PREpisitions, were made up in efforts to make English more reputable and stable as well as take after Lattin. But language is always changing, and to resist it is futile and will only result in pointless frustration. Go they/them!
As a non-native speaker, I'm baffled by some native speakers' ignorance as much as you are. I didn't understand it even when I was new to nb and didn't really believe in it (I found out I was nb this year, oh, the irony).
I'm in your grandparents' generation. This is all so new and surprising to me. I am still getting used to the fact that there are people with genders other than man and woman. I do accept it. It makes sense. And I really enjoyed this video and am impressed with you. Things take time to get used to. I appreciate how generously you make concession to others who might not understand very well. Really, I enjoyed this a lot. Much to think about. Lots of potential for me to understand the world better. Thank you.
I just use "they" until I am corrected. Its less awkward than straight up asking them what pronoun they prefer. I try to keep things simple in public and educate myself in private.
My wife does that. :D I personally need practice wich is weird cuz i am nonbinary. My kid uses neo pronouns but they make porg(from starwars) sounds. But we use they them on them they seem to be ok with that but if you ask them theyll make the weird porg noise. XD its kinda cute but the teachers at their school hated that.
The thing about this, though, is that while I do get dysphoria about being called she/her (I'm a trans man btw), being misgendered is my way of knowing if I pass or not. If I go out in public and get called "ma'am " or "lady", I know I have to change something
English speakers have it easy, in Spanish we are introducing a whole new grammatical gender because in "proper" Spanish there is almost no way to escape the binary language. It introduces SEVERAL new pronouns (elle, elles, nosotres, vosotres), several new grammatical rules (-e and -i ending according to how a word changes from male to female), changes to previous rules, completely new words for some nouns that are not consistent (madre/padre becomes adre). If you want to learn more I made a blog about the topic: lenguajeinclusivoes.blogspot.com/
I've never considered how this plays out in the "romance" languages. Wow. I'll bet that it's really fascinating for the linguistic nerds to watch happen; even as it's a royal pita for the communities working to make it happen. You have my undying respect and sympathy.
Absolutely fascinating! As a cis-male in his 40's, this is all relatively new to me in English. I am modestly bilingual in Spanish and I just realized that I also need to make the adjustments in my second language, Spanish. Thank you for this!
im nonbinary and while i would like neopronouns of some kinds to be a reality, i think we should focus on singular they/them/their first since the majority of the party use that, and use that platform to get people to look at language in the fluid way we need them to.
of course english isnt my first language tho, im german which is a language that doesnt have a they them equivalent. meaning a neopronoun is a necessity here and the pronounciation of ze/zir comes very natural to native german speakers. its important to remember that not everyone speaks english.
I understand these pronouns : she/her, he/him, they/them, it/it’s, xe/xem, ze/zir, ey/em and other simple neopronouns, but I don’t understand how people can turn objects/animals/emojis into pronouns. Like I get how some people experience gender dysphoria and the history of neopronouns but it still doesn’t fully make sense to me. How do you expect people to refer to you as “bug/bugs”. edit: thank you for your responses everyone!
it just depends on whether that person is respectful or not. if a person is respectful they will use bug/bugs even if they don’t understand it or think that it’s stupid
@@Amia_p Although it may seem strange, I think those kind of pronouns are fun. I choose to respect everyone’s pronouns even if they seem “silly” unless it’s discriminatory or transphobic.
I'm a cis-gay man (all too quickly approaching 70) so am quite used to using he/him/his, but would not be at all bothered to be referred to as they/them/their. I've started making they/them/their my 'default' when referring to others as I don't feel someone's gender is usually relevant.
I know this was posted a year ago! But I can't thank you enough - my human, that I made birthed and loooOoove beyond words just came out as NB and I just want to get it right... I thought it was just me having lingusitics issues using plural (to me) pro-nouns for my singular human! I just want them to live and love life in what ever way they think is correct for them! Love your tone of voice btw - soOoo soothing and calm! Many thanks from a mom who just loves her baby! 😘😘😘😘
I use they/them and when I hear people use them my euphoria is amazing. However, a lot of my fiends just assume my pronouns aren't something they need to respect, even though I've changed my name and all of them call me my new name. While some of them do use they/them for me, most people use she/her for me and sometimes he/him. Both of these make me super uncomfortable, but I'm too awkward to correct them.
i used to hate neopronouns and absolutely despise anyone who used them, but now i use them myself! they helped me on the road to self love. i use he/him, they/them, and fog/fogs/fogself. they make me feel so happy as a non-binary person.
This is so validating.... I've identified as non-binary and gender fluid for years now. But because I look more feminine I'm afraid to ask people to use they/them pronouns because I don't know if they will think I'm being serious. I've wanted to transition my body to look more neutral, but in a world where full transitions are still taboo... I don't know how to go about a non-binary transition. I'm so happy you exist. Thank you for your videos
I don't get why pronouns are such a hard thing for people to change. All the arguments I hear are along the lines of "they're made up words" but isn't all language? It just reeks of a lack of empathy to me. I mean, I know as a cis male that if someone referred to me as she I would correct them and if they kept referring to me as her or she it would make me feel frustrated and disrespected. I think most people would recognize that if someone insisted on misgendering them it would make them upset or uncomfortable. So why not make every effort to avoid misgendering people who are trans or non-binary as well?
I think it mostly stems from the fact that pronouns are so simple that no one even thinks about them. People automatically use whichever pronoun fits the person's gender expression, or "they" if they aren't sure. Trying to throw new words in there is going to take a lot of effort. Most people either don't want to try or don't have enough interactions to make the change.
Yeah, it's the "don't want to try" mentality that I don't get. I get the people who haven't had enough interactions in real situations. Some people live rather socially isolated. But the people that have had the real interactions with real people and still don't want to try. That I don't get.
@@Cobra0798 i can agree with that. i only know one non-binary person and unfortunately we don't get to see each other much, both of us have busy schedules. so it is difficult to remember to use their preferred pronouns as I naturally use him/her pronouns. i try and on many occasions i catch myself using a him/her pronoun mid word and change it to their preferred pronouns of they/them/their. the new words would be difficult to use however i would attempt to if only because it would be the right thing to do.
Wow, did not expect this to be so relatable. I let people use they/them for me because it's the most suitable pronoun set that people are actually willing to use, but honestly it doesn't feel comfortable. Hearing myself referred to that way feels super impersonal and alienating, as though the person talking about me was speaking of a stranger. But getting people to use xe/xir or xe/xym is pretty hard so I just put up with it. :(
Drives me nuts when people say they/them is grammatically incorrect and only plural. They/them/theirs has been used as a singular pronoun for the better part of 700 years now. People unconsciously do it all the time but as soon as they're asked, they argue that it sounds bad, and insist that them misgendering you shouldn't matter. Oh but God forbid you misgender someone's dog.
@Jhalmuriম্যাটার your argument is ridiculous, in a situation between two people- just say their name and respect their pronouns. If between two groups, say the groups name (ie, "the students"). Same with a situation with 3+ groups. It's really not hard to comprehend. As I've said they/them is still proper pronouns in the singular form and will continue to be grammatically correct as grammar structures still apply in various ways.
i think the most problem ppl have is how to pronounce the non-binary pronouns. at least thats the problem i have. then again English was always my worst subject in school. so its nice to actually hear how they r supposed to sound. and i also came here becuze of mr. atheist and im proud to say im an ALLY to the LGBTQ+. I love y'all don't ever change.
I go by they/them and when my mom and I were talking about it the said "I kind of like to use them in the right context (plural)" which kind of hurt but she didn't know that. There was also this one time she once told someone " *She* goes by they/them." Like HELLO? AM I A JOKE TO YOU? Since i'm too scared to tell her to use my pronouns ima send her this and hope she gets the hint 🧍🏼♂️
I came here from Mr. Atheist's channel to subscribe! I watched the video you both did on these terms and I realize I have a lot to learn. I did learn that I'm at least an Ally! I wish you great luck on your channel!
the only valid nonbinary pronouns are they/them. neopronouns were originally for people speaking different languages, because a lot of the time the only pronouns she/her and he/him. tumblr ended up taking neopronouns and running them into the dirt by using it/its and emoji pronouns.
Luxander, thank you so much for all the amazing content!!! I have spent the past 2 days pouring through your gender playlist so that I can learn about non-binary individuals. I am a cis-female who is straight, but I really want to show support for the LGBT community in the best way possible! My fiance is bisexual, so I spent a lot of time learning about that when he told me, & now that I've been watching Mr. Atheist, I'm learning there are a whole lot of sexualities & gender identities!! I want to say that I'm sorry you experience gender dysphoria, I can't imagine how painful that is at times... I applaud you for your hard work in getting the word out about non-binary trans people, though!! I'm sure I'll have questions in the future, & I just hope that I never cause offense to you or anyone else... You're a wonderful person & I look forward to your future videos!!! ❤️🖤❤️
I was so scared at the beginning of this video when I saw the yellow card, but, as always, you are able to help me get a grip on reality. They, their and them seems to be something that is relatively easy for me and I've for the most part been able to get over that issue a few years ago. I do not have that many friends or acquaintances, so if someone new comes into my life, I believe adding their preferred pronoun should be doable, no more difficult than taking the time to remember their prefered first name (e.g. something from the yellow card).
Gosh I use ae/aer pronouns and I appreciate you being supportive of neopronouns!! Most people on RUclips don't even take the time to learn about them or listen to people's reasoning and it's just so refreshing to see someone who actually listens!
I'm Skip and I use the pronouns he/him/his. This was really helpful. You've helped me understand more about how I can be respectful and open and caring when engaging with non-cis and non-binary people. I'm motivated to be so, and am working hard at it. Thanks for your openness and willingness to share how the correct use of pronouns can impact you.
Just posted this to my Facebook. Thank you for distilling so many things I've dealt with every day for so long, and had no concept of how to bring forward, or no strength to. Thank you. You've just earned another subscriber. Also your aesthetic is super cute :)
Gonna post the same thing here as I did on Mr.Atheists side . Im actually quite sad, me being born in Sweden we dont actually have different words for sex or gender, they have the exact same meaning in our language so my brain is programmed to intepret sex and gender as the same thing, been trying very hard the past few years to rewire my brain. We usually use the ''romantic orientation'' term here in sweden as the substitute for gender as it gets quite confusing. Anyways, thanks for the video even though my pre-programmed brain has some difficult following. Thank you Luxander for taking your time to make people understand and help people like me who are not that proficient in english, your explanations make alot of sense! If you want to have a conversation about how a language can wire someones brain (like mine), to have difficulties in understanding, please just respond here! xoxo, all the love from the cold harsh sweden
I'm not sure quite what to think of they as a non-binary pronouns myself. I like the idea of a singular non-binary pronoun, because I like to have a serious and progressive attitude towards language, so such a pronoun would seem like a useful tool that could both make communication more precise, as well as help it avoid being more precise than it should. In Swedish, I think there already is such a pronoun set, that being "hen"(they), "hens"(their) and "henom"(them), which feels like a pretty natural intermediary between the masculine "han/hans/honom" and feminine "hon/hennes/henne". And I'm happy to say that it's something that does seem to be gaining traction. The problem is just that when it comes to english, I'm not as sure on what I'd like to use for that purpose, because none of the proposed "new" pronouns I've heard comes across to me as natural in the way the swedish pronoun does. And I'm not entirely satisfied with the "them" solution either, it feels inelegant and awkward. I'm not exactly "opposed" to any of the proposed english neutral pronouns or to using singular they, nor is this hesitance any kind of personal critique against anyone, it's just that I like to have a kind of perfectionist forward-looking attitude, I want to build a new linguistic convention that will be useful in the future, so there's that sense of hesitance about "getting it wrong" for me, of establishing something that wouldn't be the best it could be.
Me- hey friend I go by sage now Friend- no you don’t you’re messing with me Me - no call me sage now Friend- nah I think I’ll call you (deadname) instead I like it better Me- that’s a d**k move Friend- why Me- I’m nonbinary Friend-......
On Mexico recently a trans girl aka "Meli la Panda" got in trouble with a shoemaker. Meli asked him to use "elle"(they/them) but the shoemaker didn't want to, he instead used "he/him". The trans girl recorded a video to expose the shoemaker and accused him for not using the they/them pronouns, the trans girl asked to people and institutions to take action on this. Meli wanted to cancel the business of the shoemaker and tried to get him kicked out of the neighborhood. But... Everything went wrong. The controversy videos became viral and everybody supported the shoemaker. People on internet searched for the business and give him the best reviews. Most of the media were on the shoemaker's side. The trans girl's social media are private now, and this person was totally humiliated by internet.
My sister: "non binary doesn't exist, scientifically you are a male or a female" Me: "scientifically, chromosome counts have identified that gender isn't binary, Germany have introduced a third gender option for birth certificates, passports etc so scientifically there are more than one gender" Sister: "Oh ok, so you'll believe what German scientists have to say? What about the Nazis" Godwin's law strikes again. Thanks for the video, Luxander x
Oh dear, usually Godwin’s law is used when nazis don’t want to be criticized for being nazis but wtf?! Maybe for her next birthday you get her a trip to Germany so she can see first hand that hitler isn’t in power anymore?
@@angelasmith5019 sorry but my sister is not a nazi and is pretty open minded. She was wholly uneducated on the subject so I did my best and she happily accepted the evidence and apologised for being a dick.
Yes I do have an argument against the ridiculous idea of using a singular they. First of all, 'they' rhymes with 'hay', and hay is used on farms to feed sheep. Sheep are animals which are used by humans to produce wool. Wool can be used to make clothes, including the Nazi uniforms. The Nazi's came from Germany, which is in Europe. The European Union is a political union of the countries of Europe. The European Union flag has 12 stars on it in a circle. 'They' has four letters in it. 12/4=3. 3 is the number of sides in a triangle. The Triangle is the symbol of the Illuminati. Therefore, whenever you use singular they, you are promoting the Illuminati and their dastardly secret schemes. The Illuminati is in control of all the dictionaries you mentioned and infiltrated them to promote the use of singular they. I hope everyone reads this important message and joins me in the fight against the triangle men.
I find it funny that people use singular they all the time when talking about someone whose gender they don't know but then when they do, it suddenly becomes impossible and "unnatural". How is it less natural to refer to them as them than it was 3 seconds ago, before you knew they prefer to be referred to as them?
i remember my mother referred to a bug in the house as "em" hey folks who use (e)ey/em do y'all like bugs edit: anywho some bugs are rlly cool crickets yess
Godless Cranium sent me. I've never met a non-binary person, so your channel is really valuable for me broaden my horizon on the subject. I watched this video specifically because while I use they/them on the internet as a matter of course for people whose gender I don't know, I'm having trouble with the more exotic pronouns. I didn't know how big of a difference it can make to non-binary folk to use those over they/them. The selfish part of me always wished you could just agree on one non-binary set and be done with the complicated stuff. Luckily, I didn't have an opportunity to screw this up with anyone yet. Anyway, I'm looking forward to learning more!
I completely respect and I can understand why a person would want to go by they/them, and I will always do my best to use they/them pronouns while referring to them. But sorry, I will never use the made up pronouns. I wouldn't be rude about it but if someone told me that their pronouns are ze/hir or whateverthefuck, I would just distance myself from them. It almost seems like a bad joke made up on 4chan that some people actually took seriously. Unpopular opinion, sorry. Educational video though!
Yeah, I was aiming for explaining the pronouns themselves and their applications, although I guess I could have addressed this better than "You might want to use a pronoun other than he/she"
@@LuxanderReal sorry i was in a rush earlier when i commented. i wasn't trying to counter anything you said. i related strongly to what you said about pronouns. none if the "neopronouns" I've heard make me feel right, nor does they/them. she/her makes me feel best, though i often deal with people saying it makes me not nonbinary.
@@themodernassassin3381 quite easily. many nonbinary people identify as trans. transgender only means a gender different than the one you were assigned at birth. on the gender spectrum i fall somewhere between woman and agender. it's kinda fuzzy as to where and it shifts, but that's the simplest way to define my gender
thanks a lot for granting my wish for a 101 class. i am biologically female but do not identify with the gender female , and honestly, i am totally lost what i am then. so, your 101 is not only educating the outside world but may also help people who feel that they do not fit into the two categories they learnt as norm, to finally understand their own identity. i am looking forward to your further parts of this informative series.
Thank you for doing this, in the event my sister wishes to change her pronouns I will now have a better understanding of what she would want. Also I found it super interesting because some of the pronouns have a Germanic sound to them and in German you have Der, Die or Das. Which is masculine, Feminine and the last is neutral. I think for me it is a little easier to accept some pronouns that are different because I studied German in high school and college. I had planned on being an English major but possibly minoring in German. I found it so interesting that they had a neutral term, I am also super simplifying this because my brain is refusing to remember all the information. I am really glad I found your channel. (I found you through Mr. Atheist) but I feel like it helps me get to know things better so that I can be more supportive for my sister. (I know I refer to her as she but that is at her request) Also sorry for possibly repeating myself in my comment. I have only had two hours of sleep.
Hi! I am new here - but not only to you channel but also to being non-binary. I am 44 years old and most recently I got an understanding and the vocabulary, to even know that there is plenty of gender in between the in the western world established ones. I lived my life as an ignorant cis boomer male, but never identified with men. Although being 6‘3‘‘, German, having a beard and am relatively masculine, I never understood myself, my inner self to be male. That never fitted. Well and now I came out some weeks ago and feel great. I know I have a new and beautiful home… a gender-home? I am myself and I finally have this feeling inside of me that says: „Yes, that is you““. But I still haven‘t figured out these pronouns, especially because in Germany most use a form close to the english ones and that just sounds way too far off. In English I would immediately choose „They/Them/Their“, but in German… I guess this will fall in place someday soon, but for now, I am confused undecided. 🙈
I'm trying to change my habit to use they/them for everyone to help normalize it so I am not assuming someone's gender I hope they can let me know what they want and adjust from there. Aka making the standard neutral not masculine/feminine.
I feel exactly the same way about they/them. It's a compromise and I actually hate it. It feels impersonal and weird and genderless but it's the best I can realistically get, and even then only sometimes. I hate using them for myself in my head and I think I will switch to neopronouns for that. When I first came out how others referred to me really bothered me but now not anymore; I dont think I could have handled asking for but not getting neopronouns
The reason we have to clarify you is because grammatically it's as plural as they. The singular of you is thou. Both you and they became acceptable as singular at about the same time, over 300 years ago.
I think from now on I’m going to be more assertive and clear about what my pronouns are. My friends are supportive so I’m going to ask them to use Ze/Zim/Zir and Ey/Em/Eir pronouns for me. I agree that They/Them are useful but I don’t really feel connected to them. This video was very helpful for me. Thank you :)
It was a very clear and resonable explanation! Thanks. As a non-native speaker I must say that I find the polysemy of the pronoun “you” in English a little annoying, for one needs to explain what it means in several situations where it is not clear. This is not the case in other languages. In any case, the proposal of using “they/them/their/theirs” in singular meaning is completely reasonable and coherent with the use of the pronoun “you”, so beyond the need for extra-explanation in some cases (which already seems to be a characteristic feature of a not very precise language such as English), it seems a thoroughly studied and fairly natural proposal. On the other hand, it is however somehow unfortunate you “had to” give up on the pronoun that you found it best represented you, only because it is “easier for others”. It seems like changing your given name because many people have problems pronouncing it correctly. I guess that most Americans are too polite. 😅
Honestly, as an omnisexual cis guy who studied anglistics, I find neopronouns pretty redundant, and most of the ones I've seen are borderline ridiculous. English isn't even my first language, and I've been using "they/them" as a gender-neutral term before I even knew that non-binary people existed; it's just the logical choice if you don't know the gender of the person you're speaking about (or they don't have a traditional gender), considering that saying "it" would be dehumanizing, to put it mildly. And yes, I am well-aware that language is an ever-evolving process, but just making something up that is objectively more cumbersome to incorporate into every-day speech than an already-existing, perfectly applicable form, makes no sense to me.
So I don’t know if you will see this but lately on Tik tok and people are wanting to be called cat/kitty and dog/puppy and babe and I don’t know what to do it makes me uncomfortable and I don’t want to seem ableist and transphobic
Had the non-binary pronouns issue stopped at they/them, it may have been more readily accepted. Imagine a teacher with a new intake of 30 students, each of whom has their own pair of invented pronouns. That's almost equivalent to having to remember each student's 1st & last names, right off the bat. Not practical. With my poor memory, I'd be offending every one, every day, for weeks!
@@LuxanderReal: You might be okay with they/them but invented pronouns are being incorporated into law. That is becoming an imposition! What was interesting, was the title of one of your, previous videos: 'Why I Don't Hang Out With Cis People'. One commentator didn't like the title, probably because if it were inverted, you would regard it as "hate speech". It seems that "respect" only goes one way! At college, I had lots of female friends. They often "threw shade", on all men, in my company. So what? Was I offended? No! It was just girls being girls & venting! I didn't care because I was looking outward, not inward (obsessing about me!).
Can you cite an example of our pronouns being enshrined in law? Also, I don't know why people are so upset about that video or even the title. I'm a marginalized person, who gets exposed to jokes which put me and people with similar experiences to me as the butt of the joke, so I don't like hanging out with cis people. It's not discriminatory or inflammatory, and it's certainly not hate speech. The difference is that privileged people don't want to hang out with marginalized folks because they think of us as disgusting and undesirable, and I don't want to hang out with privileged people in this context because they make me feel like shit.
@@LuxanderReal Language develops by general consent, not according to the whims of individuals. None of us has the right to invent a word (pronoun?) & expect all others to use it. That's the road to anarchy! Privileged people? Who are they? People who disagree with you? As a straight guy, I've faced an endless queue of people who wanted to bring me down. The solution was to ignore the negative barbs and project a positive warmth. It works! It's called maturity! The human condition is fairly disgusting. I'm reminded of such, every morning, when I have to endure the "triple S" routine. We're all only ever an empty toilet roll away from having a really bad day.
Can you make any suggestions for the most validating and respectful ways to ask someone their preferred pronouns in the most smooth and positive way without creating a big fanfare that could make either party uncomfortable? I would love our culture to get to a state where it was just part of polite introduction to share our pronouns when we share our name, "Hey. I'm Mags. She/her, please. How's it going?" but sometimes it can feel awkward to ask without some assumed subcontext. Even with people that seem stoic or placid on the surface someone can have a whole current of turbulent emotions swirling under the surface, that I think it's unfortunately tempting for an outside person to just be completely clumsily unaware of, or intimidated by the nuances of interacting with - so they ere on the side of fear and either don't want to overstep, or don't want to learn. I'm a femme presenting CIS woman, and I operate with a fair bit of privilege in that along my personal journey, I've never personally experienced being misgendered, nor been negatively impacted by someone assuming my pronouns based on lazy social interactions or disrespect. However, my heart breaks for my friends that have experienced that, or felt disheartened when someone *did* ask, but there seemed to be a subtext that it meant they weren't passing enough (when that was their goal), or something negative that may or may not have been intended. I think there can be some disconnect with CIS people that want to be better allies but hesitate based on that futile "damned if I do, damned if I don't" feeling, or coming off as rude or "part of the problem" in the clumsy moments while they are learning. I would just like to set a good example for other CIS people (and just people in general), and bridge the gap with efforts to be more inclusive and respectful, so I can never get enough perspectives from trans people on their ideas for how to do this in the best way possible.
@@jimmym3856 That's a great idea, Lilith. I'm not sure why that hadn't stood out as a more obvious option to me, but I'll definitely make an effort to do that. Thank you. If I am introducing myself with my own pronouns it would hopefully smooth out that potential awkwardness if I do ask.
Luxander thanks also. Again, this sounds so obvious now that I think about it but I think it is easy to overthink hen you are afraid of "underthinking".
heterosexual, cis female here...I've heard a number of these pronouns because I know people who identify with them, but there are a whole lot more that I've never heard before...I think with myself, I'm 60 years old, so pretty well every LGBT+ person I know is within my age range(within 5-10 years either way)so even the vast majority of them don't even know these new pronouns...so I guess I can start showing them up now( ;) )...anyway thanks for the free education, I've subbed and am looking forward to further lessons
I get tongue tied trying to use they/them and match it to the verbs but I grew up never having heard of nonbinary until age 35+. It's nice when people are patient.
This is really interesting! I can see the use of they/them working really well in English :-) but for other languages that could be a problem. In French (and other languages from the roman language family, like Spanish and Italian) there are two plural forms (il/elle -> ils/elles), in German the plural for 'they' is 'sie' and this word is also used for singular sie/ihr = she/her. The german 'es', which is the third gender ( from the indogermanic roots) has been seen as neutral for a long time now and I doubt this will change. So there needs to be a usable alternative...
Thanks Luxander. That was helpful, and I wish more of the non-binary community would take time to explain this sort of thing to the people they know and love. I'm one of your cis-gender allies, trying to do my part to help you find the freedom to live your lives on your terms. But, supportive as I intend to be, this new concept of pronoun usage is far more difficult than your brief set of rules suggests. I came to youtube today, looking for exactly this sort of explanation, after a sad experience hiking with non-binary friends over the weekend. Your suggestions make sense, and they are basically what I already understood, or THOUGHT I understood. Sadly, there's more, hiding somewhere, that I don't understand. Something I said, despite following YOUR rules, enraged my trans friend, a person I've known all his life, for his fist fifteen years as a girl, and more recently as a trans man. Perhaps I got something wrong as I struggled to formulate sentences that applied both to a person who chooses to be called he/him and the person he calls his boyfriend, who prefers they/them. Through the venomous language of his tirade, I never did figure out how I had offended him. He was enraged because I did not "respect his pronouns" but I don't know what I said that was disrespectful. I was left feeling defeated, and adopting a defense of simply changing the subject: don't talk about my friends at all, and don't address them directly, so that I can avoid using ANY pronouns referring to them by simply not referring to them at all. In effect, "Let's talk about something else, because I don't have the language skills to talk about you." That's difficult too, since my friend has always insisted on being the center of attention. My advice to the non-binary community is that you must understand that you're asking your society to adopt a new set of language rules, and the application of those "rules" apparently differs substantially from one person to the next. You're making a much bigger "ask" than you seem to realize. Luxander clearly understands this, but reading the news tells me that too many others do not. If you hope to find a wide acceptance for these new language rules, you'll need to follow several steps to reach your goals. First, as individuals and as a community, you must develop a clear set of instructions that are understandable on a society-wide basis. Second, you need to teach those rules of language to your allies, so that we are empowered to help you implement them and teach others. Third: slowly bring the whole of society onboard. If you skip those early steps, you will have a very difficult time finding wider societal acceptance for these changes.
We've been having conversations about trans issues in the mainstream more and more over the past decade so I do hope some of these ideas become more common so that people are less confused about what they may have done to give offense. Hopefully when things have cooled down, your friend will be able to explain what it was that upset them since you'll obviously be willing to make the change
yes there are languages that are non-gendered. Many of my Filipino co-workers struggle with binary English pronouns; I've been referred to as he, him then she, her all within a one minute discussion. And I'm a cis-gender male.
Sarah McNeil Well see, old rich white cismen NEED to keep people in catagories so they can keep track of who it is okay to oppress in the process of accumulating increasingly greater percentage of the resources availible for themselves to control. I wish that were merely a pessimistic assesment but its really not.
Question: When a person gives their pronouns as he/they, does that mean they prefer he, but are ok with they too? Iirc Elliot Page wrote he/they in his open letter, and I'm not sure how to apply that.
As I said, there's a degree to which they/them feels like removing something that feels important, rather than imbuing the words with an affirmative connotation. But that's just me.
Neopronouns have been used since the 1850s, I know they're a pretty strange idea when you're first introduced to them, but it's easier when you think of pronouns as just extra names a person uses. If it's something you want to learn more about/understand, I'd try using some (like xe or faer) in some sentences to your self.
Also, they're pretty useful for people who have a hard time labeling their gender. It's like trying on new clothes without having to worry about people knowing/guessing what gender you are.
I was looking at Spivak pronouns yesterday! Thanks for talking about them! I read about Michael Spivak specifically. He's a mathematician who simply didn't like singular they and thought using he generically was sexist and using he/she was awkward. So in a book he wrote he just went with the Spivak pronouns without looking back. I really loved the pronouns and would probably try them out, but I feel like it'd be putting people out. Anyways,
I use They/Them because I'm neutrofluid and honestly correcting someone is not worth the hastle, because they can be mostly right one minute, then completely wrong the next. They/them or he/him are fine, because otherwise, both of us will be driven insane.
They them is valid But the moment we get into Neopronouns Fae faer xie zir all that crap makes me want to fucking die And dont get me started on gender descriptors
Really nicely done. It has been interesting to see 'they' gradually dragged into first person. The 'they' for he and she is fairly recent, following on all sorts of uncomfortable combinations as language struggled to break free of the singular 'he' for any person, which had been around since Anglo-Saxon times. Finally, exhausted by he/she, s/he, he or she, spoken language appropriated 'they', followed with a certain amount of relief by written English ... though it does make life tougher when writing a scene with more than two people in it. That history looks very similar to the situation you describe for yourself ... the flashcard of attempted singular/plural substitutes doesn't roll naturally off your tongue, so there's the already common-in singular, yet-'they'. Speaking as a person who has no doubt caused unintended offense (it's really the singular/plural imprint with me), all I can say is ... muscle memory, practice. I gotta get better at 'they'.
I'm non-binary and i use she/they pronouns and i was so afraid, before i watched this video, that some people would ask me ' i thought non-binary people only use they/them pronouns?' because i have alot of anxiety when people ask me questions that i cant answer that quickly or stuff that i dont know the answers. but now i feel safe looking at the note 0:42 and the note having 'she/her/her/hers/herself' pronouns. thank you so much for the video because i would of just questioned my identify and would of settled for genderfluid and probably felt a bit off. thank you!
Also, I've got an English degree, nd trust me, LL words are invented. So when a new concept arises, or, rather, a not-well-known-to-this-point-in-history kind of concept, it only makes sense to make a new word. We do it all the time with Internet lingo.
I prefer using ey/em over they/them since they/them are typically seem as pronouns for nonbinary people and I'm genderflux (my gender changes in intensify day to day, from female to agender). It only took being called ey once and I was immediately in love with my new pronouns. It's hard to adjust tbh, especially since I also go by she/her somedays so even I get mixed up, but the euphoria I feel when being called by the right pronouns is so worth it!
I'm Non-binary (they/them) and I'd love to practice using neopronouns for other enbies. Do you have any suggestions? I was thinking maybe giving one of my plants neo-pronouns to help me get accustomed to it but what else can I do? Thank you if you have any advice!
@@taylor8712 honestly neopronouns are hard to adapt to. I still mess up with myself! I think practicing is a great start, just to help you get used to them. The more you use them the easier they get. And if you ever mess up when referring to a person just apologize and correct yourself. I know I personally don't mind when having the wrong pronouns used since I understand that they're a bit tricky. I can't really think of any tips on how to remember them, other than practicing and maybe writing a few sentences with the pronouns you want to learn, just to get a feel for how they fit into sentences. I can't really think of any other tips right off the bat, sorry! Good luck!
I will use He & She on assumption but I will apologize and correct myself. I have also never met anyone who a wants me to use a specific pronoun but I will try my best.
How would you communicate in languages that are inherently gendered male/female, such as Hebrew or Arabic? For example in Hebrew, almost all pronouns are gendered (including "you" and "they" which are different if addressing males or females), and verbs/adjectives/numbers conjugate based on the subject's gender.
I am one hundred percent sure that if I ever used any neopronoun to refer to anyone in front of my parents them we would get in a full blown argument about them denying the point of neopronouns. So that's a fun thougjt
I think a good way to think about it is almost like learning a new language except this new language is just english + another pronoun. Its really not that hard, the only thing that makes it hard is the still persistent hate and discrimination of neopronouns.
Ever since i figured out i was nonbinary i always wished i could be referred to as, and i naturally referred to myself using "it", i thought i kind of came up w/ that myself for a while lol. I've not yet seen any other nonbinary, agender, etc. individuals using this pronoun, ive only seen a whole lot of woke / anti-woke type of content absolutely hating on the "it" pronoun along w/ the set or sets aligned w/ animal themes. I feel honestly ashamed that i genuinely feel happy using this pronoun because of its negative associations and i dont know what to do because i genuinely dont like they/them & he/him doesn't entirely feel like me.
I came out to my mom monthes ago as Non-Binary and using they/them pronouns.... And she has finally accepted me and has started seeing how she misgenders me... So I found this alone with someother videos about using they pronouns and she likes to assume the people in the videos pronouns even if they said it in the beginning of the video (She would use he or she) but when I showed her this video she could understand what pronouns to use because she couldn't use her general binary rules against you... So that's when I slammed my yellow, white, purple and black flag on the table and said "They use They/Them pronouns like me and 80% of the people that you just watch!" Unfortunately she still didn't get it..... But we're getting some where.... But it took her months to finally even except the fact that I'm not a girl so.... We will get there! Also thank you for the video you covered a lot and greatly! ❤❤❤
Thank you so much for this video , working with people on a daily basis in a therapeutic setting the more I can make someone feel comfortable the more I can help...thanks so much!!!
honestly I relate to how you feel about not wanting to impose on others with pronoun changes and such. I'm nonbinary as well and i dont mind if certain people use gendered pronouns with me because i've known them for such a long time and i honestly don't care what pronouns they use for me and i'd feel like i'm imposing to ask them to change how they talk to me/about me. I do care more about it when i tell people "hey please use they/them for me" and they actively don't do that because it just feels so gross. I've specifically had this happen with a former friend and it was just miserable each time they did it. It's like, if i tell you its okay to use whatever pronouns or if you're a stranger and don't know what i go by then I'm not gonna be mad about being misgendered because either I've given permission OR it's just an honest mistake respectively. Like, being nonbinary or trans, you really pick up fast when people are being disrespectful about pronouns just to be an asshole.
As someone with two English degrees, I get so frustrated when people insist "they" is only plural...
It would also be extremely easy (at least technically) for English to completely remove gendered pronouns. English isn't even a gendered language. It has no noun classes or any form of agreement, so pronouns are the only things that are used and they are pretty useless too.
One should consider the constant shifts of language and take into account that most of the prescriptive language rules we learned are made up of a handful of people who were trying to "tame" the language to make it more manageable. This was generally motivated by the rationalistic views brought on by the enlightenment. However, we do have singular "they" usage, which is cited before the "official"l definition of the word as a plural pronoun. My main point being, before/during the forcefulness of prescriptivist, language was used as flexibly as it is now. Most of these rules, like PREpisitions, were made up in efforts to make English more reputable and stable as well as take after Lattin. But language is always changing, and to resist it is futile and will only result in pointless frustration.
Go they/them!
That’s how everyone with a degree in anything feels when members of the general public start making pronouncements on their subject area of choice.
As a non-native speaker, I'm baffled by some native speakers' ignorance as much as you are. I didn't understand it even when I was new to nb and didn't really believe in it (I found out I was nb this year, oh, the irony).
Well there's "it":)
I'm in your grandparents' generation. This is all so new and surprising to me. I am still getting used to the fact that there are people with genders other than man and woman. I do accept it. It makes sense. And I really enjoyed this video and am impressed with you. Things take time to get used to. I appreciate how generously you make concession to others who might not understand very well. Really, I enjoyed this a lot. Much to think about. Lots of potential for me to understand the world better. Thank you.
you seem so sweet
OMG bless you ❤️
You are so awesome. I wish more people were as open minded and accepting as you are.
You give me hope
@@AussieLuvah "accepting"
I just use "they" until I am corrected. Its less awkward than straight up asking them what pronoun they prefer. I try to keep things simple in public and educate myself in private.
My wife does that. :D
I personally need practice wich is weird cuz i am nonbinary. My kid uses neo pronouns but they make porg(from starwars) sounds. But we use they them on them they seem to be ok with that but if you ask them theyll make the weird porg noise. XD its kinda cute but the teachers at their school hated that.
The thing about this, though, is that while I do get dysphoria about being called she/her (I'm a trans man btw), being misgendered is my way of knowing if I pass or not. If I go out in public and get called "ma'am " or "lady", I know I have to change something
@@edgyskeleton7931 i get that. TBH its a fair point tho i imagine, using other people as a metric would be exhausting
What if you can't tell?
@@kevinfacts5200 And if they tell you they're nonbinary...?
I've found that I'm fine with any pronouns but for whatever reason I like ey/em best.
Em Is Funny
@@rosemarie5095 The correct grammar would be "ey is funny".
I'm fine with any pronouns but I like she/they the best!
Ey seem really nice!
@im' lafonz Oh so funny, never heard that one before. You must have a Netflix standup special.
English speakers have it easy, in Spanish we are introducing a whole new grammatical gender because in "proper" Spanish there is almost no way to escape the binary language. It introduces SEVERAL new pronouns (elle, elles, nosotres, vosotres), several new grammatical rules (-e and -i ending according to how a word changes from male to female), changes to previous rules, completely new words for some nouns that are not consistent (madre/padre becomes adre). If you want to learn more I made a blog about the topic: lenguajeinclusivoes.blogspot.com/
I've seen some really interesting things about the developments in Spanish, will definitely take a look! Thanks!
I didnt know this and was wondering how it would be changed for non-binary people and this made me happy to hear so thank you (:
I've never considered how this plays out in the "romance" languages. Wow. I'll bet that it's really fascinating for the linguistic nerds to watch happen; even as it's a royal pita for the communities working to make it happen. You have my undying respect and sympathy.
Absolutely fascinating! As a cis-male in his 40's, this is all relatively new to me in English. I am modestly bilingual in Spanish and I just realized that I also need to make the adjustments in my second language, Spanish. Thank you for this!
I'd like to see a poll among people living in Spanish speaking areas and how they feel about those changes
im nonbinary and while i would like neopronouns of some kinds to be a reality, i think we should focus on singular they/them/their first since the majority of the party use that, and use that platform to get people to look at language in the fluid way we need them to.
as someone who uses neopronouns, thats the idea yes : ) as much as id like them normalized now i recognize its a step by step kinda process
of course english isnt my first language tho, im german which is a language that doesnt have a they them equivalent. meaning a neopronoun is a necessity here and the pronounciation of ze/zir comes very natural to native german speakers. its important to remember that not everyone speaks english.
I am happy that I have mother language that don't have different words to say based on gender. We just have "hän" what is he and she.
Omg another Finnish person ÓwÒ Torilla tavataan xd
@Vseslav Levchenko And Italian... Articles, adjectives, and some verbs desinences all depend on the noun/pronoun's number and gender
I speak English and Italian and I find it so difficult in Italian with the default male and everything being gendered.
Ei vitty torilla... ei tavata :D
Yeah, thats good because no one starts creting new pronouns
I understand these pronouns : she/her, he/him, they/them, it/it’s, xe/xem, ze/zir, ey/em and other simple neopronouns, but I don’t understand how people can turn objects/animals/emojis into pronouns. Like I get how some people experience gender dysphoria and the history of neopronouns but it still doesn’t fully make sense to me. How do you expect people to refer to you as “bug/bugs”.
edit: thank you for your responses everyone!
it just depends on whether that person is respectful or not. if a person is respectful they will use bug/bugs even if they don’t understand it or think that it’s stupid
Someone had god/goddes as their pronouns in twitter-
No just no
@@Amia_p Although it may seem strange, I think those kind of pronouns are fun. I choose to respect everyone’s pronouns even if they seem “silly” unless it’s discriminatory or transphobic.
Bruh ze/zir/zem we aliens now?
@@kei7540 Neo pronouns have been around for centuries...
I'm a cis-gay man (all too quickly approaching 70) so am quite used to using he/him/his, but would not be at all bothered to be referred to as they/them/their. I've started making they/them/their my 'default' when referring to others as I don't feel someone's gender is usually relevant.
I am gender free guy, I also prefer they/he.
I know this was posted a year ago! But I can't thank you enough - my human, that I made birthed and loooOoove beyond words just came out as NB and I just want to get it right... I thought it was just me having lingusitics issues using plural (to me) pro-nouns for my singular human! I just want them to live and love life in what ever way they think is correct for them! Love your tone of voice btw - soOoo soothing and calm! Many thanks from a mom who just loves her baby! 😘😘😘😘
It's so good to see supportive parents 😌
i love seeing supportive parents
E. Divina I love how supportive u are! I wish my parents were the same way :(
I use they/them and when I hear people use them my euphoria is amazing. However, a lot of my fiends just assume my pronouns aren't something they need to respect, even though I've changed my name and all of them call me my new name. While some of them do use they/them for me, most people use she/her for me and sometimes he/him. Both of these make me super uncomfortable, but I'm too awkward to correct them.
i used to hate neopronouns and absolutely despise anyone who used them, but now i use them myself! they helped me on the road to self love. i use he/him, they/them, and fog/fogs/fogself.
they make me feel so happy as a non-binary person.
i use they/them and it/it's !! i'm looking into neopronouns for myself and fog/fogs/fogself makes me feel gender euphoric too!!
this...is ... satire..right?
@@sofioboros9565 thankfully, no
@@thetornadocrusader968 yes it does- ✨you can’t decide✨
@@thetornadocrusader968 uh? You don’t get to say what pronouns work for other people.
This is so validating.... I've identified as non-binary and gender fluid for years now. But because I look more feminine I'm afraid to ask people to use they/them pronouns because I don't know if they will think I'm being serious. I've wanted to transition my body to look more neutral, but in a world where full transitions are still taboo... I don't know how to go about a non-binary transition. I'm so happy you exist. Thank you for your videos
Dani R, me too, except I am agender, not gender fluid.
I don't get why pronouns are such a hard thing for people to change. All the arguments I hear are along the lines of "they're made up words" but isn't all language? It just reeks of a lack of empathy to me. I mean, I know as a cis male that if someone referred to me as she I would correct them and if they kept referring to me as her or she it would make me feel frustrated and disrespected. I think most people would recognize that if someone insisted on misgendering them it would make them upset or uncomfortable. So why not make every effort to avoid misgendering people who are trans or non-binary as well?
I think it mostly stems from the fact that pronouns are so simple that no one even thinks about them. People automatically use whichever pronoun fits the person's gender expression, or "they" if they aren't sure. Trying to throw new words in there is going to take a lot of effort. Most people either don't want to try or don't have enough interactions to make the change.
Yeah, it's the "don't want to try" mentality that I don't get. I get the people who haven't had enough interactions in real situations. Some people live rather socially isolated. But the people that have had the real interactions with real people and still don't want to try. That I don't get.
@@Cobra0798 i can agree with that. i only know one non-binary person and unfortunately we don't get to see each other much, both of us have busy schedules. so it is difficult to remember to use their preferred pronouns as I naturally use him/her pronouns. i try and on many occasions i catch myself using a him/her pronoun mid word and change it to their preferred pronouns of they/them/their. the new words would be difficult to use however i would attempt to if only because it would be the right thing to do.
Wow, did not expect this to be so relatable. I let people use they/them for me because it's the most suitable pronoun set that people are actually willing to use, but honestly it doesn't feel comfortable. Hearing myself referred to that way feels super impersonal and alienating, as though the person talking about me was speaking of a stranger. But getting people to use xe/xir or xe/xym is pretty hard so I just put up with it. :(
Drives me nuts when people say they/them is grammatically incorrect and only plural. They/them/theirs has been used as a singular pronoun for the better part of 700 years now. People unconsciously do it all the time but as soon as they're asked, they argue that it sounds bad, and insist that them misgendering you shouldn't matter.
Oh but God forbid you misgender someone's dog.
@Jhalmuriম্যাটার your argument is ridiculous, in a situation between two people- just say their name and respect their pronouns. If between two groups, say the groups name (ie, "the students"). Same with a situation with 3+ groups. It's really not hard to comprehend. As I've said they/them is still proper pronouns in the singular form and will continue to be grammatically correct as grammar structures still apply in various ways.
When you forget that "you" is both singular and plural
You don't "conjugate" pronouns, you "decline" them.
Expecting people to decline pronouns they've never heard of is ridiculous.
I refuse to believe people who use neopronouns are crazy or insane. I want to understand why and not judge
I identify has non-binary but go by She/Her and they/them. I’m just here to vibe while I try to find myself
@@WhatTheScallœp LOL
@@WhatTheScallœp sadly its only they/them now so It doesn’t fit at perfect but thats funny lol-
i think the most problem ppl have is how to pronounce the non-binary pronouns. at least thats the problem i have. then again English was always my worst subject in school. so its nice to actually hear how they r supposed to sound. and i also came here becuze of mr. atheist and im proud to say im an ALLY to the LGBTQ+.
I love y'all don't ever change.
mary barnes ya, this is definitely a problem I’ve had with some non-binary pronouns
I go by they/them and when my mom and I were talking about it the said "I kind of like to use them in the right context (plural)" which kind of hurt but she didn't know that. There was also this one time she once told someone " *She* goes by they/them." Like HELLO? AM I A JOKE TO YOU? Since i'm too scared to tell her to use my pronouns ima send her this and hope she gets the hint 🧍🏼♂️
I came here from Mr. Atheist's channel to subscribe! I watched the video you both did on these terms and I realize I have a lot to learn. I did learn that I'm at least an Ally! I wish you great luck on your channel!
the only valid nonbinary pronouns are they/them. neopronouns were originally for people speaking different languages, because a lot of the time the only pronouns she/her and he/him. tumblr ended up taking neopronouns and running them into the dirt by using it/its and emoji pronouns.
oldwiki Please stop!!!
I think it's important to have a third person pronoun that describes absolutely everyone. That's why I love just using "they/them" for everyone.
It's confusing
For people who use Neonpronouns, you do you but I think they're whack, and no I'm not invalidating anyone I just think they're weird..
Nah that's cool, I use them, (xe/xym/xys), and they're pretty weird when you're first introduced to them.
@@buzzsawenthusiast1756 again, not invalidating anyone, but how in the world do you even say that? They're pretty odd in general so that's that for me
Pretty sure it's zee/zim/zis phonetically
Same
Same I respect it but it's so confusing and make sentences sound weird lol
Luxander, thank you so much for all the amazing content!!! I have spent the past 2 days pouring through your gender playlist so that I can learn about non-binary individuals. I am a cis-female who is straight, but I really want to show support for the LGBT community in the best way possible! My fiance is bisexual, so I spent a lot of time learning about that when he told me, & now that I've been watching Mr. Atheist, I'm learning there are a whole lot of sexualities & gender identities!! I want to say that I'm sorry you experience gender dysphoria, I can't imagine how painful that is at times... I applaud you for your hard work in getting the word out about non-binary trans people, though!! I'm sure I'll have questions in the future, & I just hope that I never cause offense to you or anyone else... You're a wonderful person & I look forward to your future videos!!! ❤️🖤❤️
I was so scared at the beginning of this video when I saw the yellow card, but, as always, you are able to help me get a grip on reality. They, their and them seems to be something that is relatively easy for me and I've for the most part been able to get over that issue a few years ago. I do not have that many friends or acquaintances, so if someone new comes into my life, I believe adding their preferred pronoun should be doable, no more difficult than taking the time to remember their prefered first name (e.g. something from the yellow card).
Gosh I use ae/aer pronouns and I appreciate you being supportive of neopronouns!! Most people on RUclips don't even take the time to learn about them or listen to people's reasoning and it's just so refreshing to see someone who actually listens!
æær
@@xyphoes345I love how this is just supposed to be silly and funny but it translates to ‘yikes’
You're not the one who uses those pronouns, you push others to use them.
I'm Skip and I use the pronouns he/him/his. This was really helpful. You've helped me understand more about how I can be respectful and open and caring when engaging with non-cis and non-binary people. I'm motivated to be so, and am working hard at it. Thanks for your openness and willingness to share how the correct use of pronouns can impact you.
I like they, but as a dyslexic nonbinary, neopronouns are such a nightmare. I still confuse he or she with each other lol.
Just posted this to my Facebook. Thank you for distilling so many things I've dealt with every day for so long, and had no concept of how to bring forward, or no strength to.
Thank you. You've just earned another subscriber.
Also your aesthetic is super cute :)
Gonna post the same thing here as I did on Mr.Atheists side . Im actually quite sad, me being born in Sweden we dont actually have different words for sex or gender, they have the exact same meaning in our language so my brain is programmed to intepret sex and gender as the same thing, been trying very hard the past few years to rewire my brain. We usually use the ''romantic orientation'' term here in sweden as the substitute for gender as it gets quite confusing. Anyways, thanks for the video even though my pre-programmed brain has some difficult following.
Thank you Luxander for taking your time to make people understand and help people like me who are not that proficient in english, your explanations make alot of sense! If you want to have a conversation about how a language can wire someones brain (like mine), to have difficulties in understanding, please just respond here!
xoxo, all the love from the cold harsh sweden
Not having separate words for sex and gender is arguably a positive thing in a language.
Much like languages without gendered words.
My poor deceased brain cells.
I'm not sure quite what to think of they as a non-binary pronouns myself. I like the idea of a singular non-binary pronoun, because I like to have a serious and progressive attitude towards language, so such a pronoun would seem like a useful tool that could both make communication more precise, as well as help it avoid being more precise than it should.
In Swedish, I think there already is such a pronoun set, that being "hen"(they), "hens"(their) and "henom"(them), which feels like a pretty natural intermediary between the masculine "han/hans/honom" and feminine "hon/hennes/henne". And I'm happy to say that it's something that does seem to be gaining traction.
The problem is just that when it comes to english, I'm not as sure on what I'd like to use for that purpose, because none of the proposed "new" pronouns I've heard comes across to me as natural in the way the swedish pronoun does. And I'm not entirely satisfied with the "them" solution either, it feels inelegant and awkward. I'm not exactly "opposed" to any of the proposed english neutral pronouns or to using singular they, nor is this hesitance any kind of personal critique against anyone, it's just that I like to have a kind of perfectionist forward-looking attitude, I want to build a new linguistic convention that will be useful in the future, so there's that sense of hesitance about "getting it wrong" for me, of establishing something that wouldn't be the best it could be.
let's just be like languages like Korean or Swahili which never had gendered pronouns in the first place 🤣🏳️🌈
@@damacaroniboy9720 i thought we moved on from the days of using gay as an insult 🤦♂️
Me- hey friend I go by sage now
Friend- no you don’t you’re messing with me
Me - no call me sage now
Friend- nah I think I’ll call you (deadname) instead I like it better
Me- that’s a d**k move
Friend- why
Me- I’m nonbinary
Friend-......
That’s sad (also that’s why I don’t want to say that I want my name to be bee)
Good point with the "you" example. I've never thought about it.
On Mexico recently a trans girl aka "Meli la Panda" got in trouble with a shoemaker.
Meli asked him to use "elle"(they/them) but the shoemaker didn't want to, he instead used "he/him".
The trans girl recorded a video to expose the shoemaker and accused him for not using the they/them pronouns, the trans girl asked to people and institutions to take action on this.
Meli wanted to cancel the business of the shoemaker and tried to get him kicked out of the neighborhood.
But... Everything went wrong.
The controversy videos became viral and everybody supported the shoemaker.
People on internet searched for the business and give him the best reviews.
Most of the media were on the shoemaker's side.
The trans girl's social media are private now, and this person was totally humiliated by internet.
My sister: "non binary doesn't exist, scientifically you are a male or a female"
Me: "scientifically, chromosome counts have identified that gender isn't binary, Germany have introduced a third gender option for birth certificates, passports etc so scientifically there are more than one gender"
Sister: "Oh ok, so you'll believe what German scientists have to say? What about the Nazis"
Godwin's law strikes again.
Thanks for the video, Luxander x
Oh dear, usually Godwin’s law is used when nazis don’t want to be criticized for being nazis but wtf?! Maybe for her next birthday you get her a trip to Germany so she can see first hand that hitler isn’t in power anymore?
@@angelasmith5019 sorry but my sister is not a nazi and is pretty open minded. She was wholly uneducated on the subject so I did my best and she happily accepted the evidence and apologised for being a dick.
@@angelasmith5019 *Offended German noises*
Yes I do have an argument against the ridiculous idea of using a singular they.
First of all, 'they' rhymes with 'hay', and hay is used on farms to feed sheep. Sheep are animals which are used by humans to produce wool. Wool can be used to make clothes, including the Nazi uniforms. The Nazi's came from Germany, which is in Europe. The European Union is a political union of the countries of Europe. The European Union flag has 12 stars on it in a circle. 'They' has four letters in it. 12/4=3. 3 is the number of sides in a triangle. The Triangle is the symbol of the Illuminati. Therefore, whenever you use singular they, you are promoting the Illuminati and their dastardly secret schemes. The Illuminati is in control of all the dictionaries you mentioned and infiltrated them to promote the use of singular they. I hope everyone reads this important message and joins me in the fight against the triangle men.
Non binary people are in the illuminati confirmed
I find it funny that people use singular they all the time when talking about someone whose gender they don't know but then when they do, it suddenly becomes impossible and "unnatural". How is it less natural to refer to them as them than it was 3 seconds ago, before you knew they prefer to be referred to as them?
i remember my mother referred to a bug in the house as "em"
hey folks who use (e)ey/em do y'all like bugs
edit: anywho some bugs are rlly cool crickets yess
In portuguese we gender everything so it's way more difficult. Even objects have especific genders.
i'm a cis female and i like using she/her/they but i'm comfortable with my gender HELP KDGFEKHJFWSLHFGEI
Good to see you getting started on your 101/basics series. 🙂
Godless Cranium sent me. I've never met a non-binary person, so your channel is really valuable for me broaden my horizon on the subject. I watched this video specifically because while I use they/them on the internet as a matter of course for people whose gender I don't know, I'm having trouble with the more exotic pronouns. I didn't know how big of a difference it can make to non-binary folk to use those over they/them. The selfish part of me always wished you could just agree on one non-binary set and be done with the complicated stuff. Luckily, I didn't have an opportunity to screw this up with anyone yet.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to learning more!
I completely respect and I can understand why a person would want to go by they/them, and I will always do my best to use they/them pronouns while referring to them. But sorry, I will never use the made up pronouns. I wouldn't be rude about it but if someone told me that their pronouns are ze/hir or whateverthefuck, I would just distance myself from them. It almost seems like a bad joke made up on 4chan that some people actually took seriously. Unpopular opinion, sorry. Educational video though!
Tori C you don’t completely respect and yes you are being extremely rude.
This is brain damage. You gotta accept your self. We already do.
What does this mean? Lol
I'm a nonbinary trans woman who uses she/her.
🤔
Yeah, I was aiming for explaining the pronouns themselves and their applications, although I guess I could have addressed this better than "You might want to use a pronoun other than he/she"
@@LuxanderReal sorry i was in a rush earlier when i commented. i wasn't trying to counter anything you said. i related strongly to what you said about pronouns. none if the "neopronouns" I've heard make me feel right, nor does they/them. she/her makes me feel best, though i often deal with people saying it makes me not nonbinary.
How can you be non binary, trans, and a woman?
@@themodernassassin3381 quite easily. many nonbinary people identify as trans. transgender only means a gender different than the one you were assigned at birth.
on the gender spectrum i fall somewhere between woman and agender. it's kinda fuzzy as to where and it shifts, but that's the simplest way to define my gender
My son uses they for everyone. Parenting win!
She + they = shey/shem/sher
He + they = hey/hem/heir
thanks a lot for granting my wish for a 101 class. i am biologically female but do not identify with the gender female , and honestly, i am totally lost what i am then. so, your 101 is not only educating the outside world but may also help people who feel that they do not fit into the two categories they learnt as norm, to finally understand their own identity. i am looking forward to your further parts of this informative series.
Thank you for doing this, in the event my sister wishes to change her pronouns I will now have a better understanding of what she would want. Also I found it super interesting because some of the pronouns have a Germanic sound to them and in German you have Der, Die or Das. Which is masculine, Feminine and the last is neutral. I think for me it is a little easier to accept some pronouns that are different because I studied German in high school and college. I had planned on being an English major but possibly minoring in German. I found it so interesting that they had a neutral term, I am also super simplifying this because my brain is refusing to remember all the information. I am really glad I found your channel. (I found you through Mr. Atheist) but I feel like it helps me get to know things better so that I can be more supportive for my sister. (I know I refer to her as she but that is at her request)
Also sorry for possibly repeating myself in my comment. I have only had two hours of sleep.
Hi! I am new here - but not only to you channel but also to being non-binary. I am 44 years old and most recently I got an understanding and the vocabulary, to even know that there is plenty of gender in between the in the western world established ones. I lived my life as an ignorant cis boomer male, but never identified with men. Although being 6‘3‘‘, German, having a beard and am relatively masculine, I never understood myself, my inner self to be male. That never fitted. Well and now I came out some weeks ago and feel great. I know I have a new and beautiful home… a gender-home? I am myself and I finally have this feeling inside of me that says: „Yes, that is you““. But I still haven‘t figured out these pronouns, especially because in Germany most use a form close to the english ones and that just sounds way too far off. In English I would immediately choose „They/Them/Their“, but in German… I guess this will fall in place someday soon, but for now, I am confused undecided. 🙈
I'm trying to change my habit to use they/them for everyone to help normalize it so I am not assuming someone's gender I hope they can let me know what they want and adjust from there. Aka making the standard neutral not masculine/feminine.
I feel exactly the same way about they/them. It's a compromise and I actually hate it. It feels impersonal and weird and genderless but it's the best I can realistically get, and even then only sometimes. I hate using them for myself in my head and I think I will switch to neopronouns for that. When I first came out how others referred to me really bothered me but now not anymore; I dont think I could have handled asking for but not getting neopronouns
I use "it".
The reason we have to clarify you is because grammatically it's as plural as they. The singular of you is thou.
Both you and they became acceptable as singular at about the same time, over 300 years ago.
Doust thou jest?
Before they/them became the gender neutral singular pronoun, it was he/him.
I think from now on I’m going to be more assertive and clear about what my pronouns are. My friends are supportive so I’m going to ask them to use Ze/Zim/Zir and Ey/Em/Eir pronouns for me. I agree that They/Them are useful but I don’t really feel connected to them. This video was very helpful for me. Thank you :)
i found out that she/they fits me more than she/her but i am scared bc i live in Austria and like what should I do?
It was a very clear and resonable explanation! Thanks. As a non-native speaker I must say that I find the polysemy of the pronoun “you” in English a little annoying, for one needs to explain what it means in several situations where it is not clear. This is not the case in other languages. In any case, the proposal of using “they/them/their/theirs” in singular meaning is completely reasonable and coherent with the use of the pronoun “you”, so beyond the need for extra-explanation in some cases (which already seems to be a characteristic feature of a not very precise language such as English), it seems a thoroughly studied and fairly natural proposal.
On the other hand, it is however somehow unfortunate you “had to” give up on the pronoun that you found it best represented you, only because it is “easier for others”. It seems like changing your given name because many people have problems pronouncing it correctly. I guess that most Americans are too polite. 😅
Honestly, as an omnisexual cis guy who studied anglistics, I find neopronouns pretty redundant, and most of the ones I've seen are borderline ridiculous. English isn't even my first language, and I've been using "they/them" as a gender-neutral term before I even knew that non-binary people existed; it's just the logical choice if you don't know the gender of the person you're speaking about (or they don't have a traditional gender), considering that saying "it" would be dehumanizing, to put it mildly. And yes, I am well-aware that language is an ever-evolving process, but just making something up that is objectively more cumbersome to incorporate into every-day speech than an already-existing, perfectly applicable form, makes no sense to me.
So I don’t know if you will see this but lately on Tik tok and people are wanting to be called cat/kitty and dog/puppy and babe and I don’t know what to do it makes me uncomfortable and I don’t want to seem ableist and transphobic
Had the non-binary pronouns issue stopped at they/them, it may have been more readily accepted. Imagine a teacher with a new intake of 30 students, each of whom has their own pair of invented pronouns. That's almost equivalent to having to remember each student's 1st & last names, right off the bat. Not practical. With my poor memory, I'd be offending every one, every day, for weeks!
As I said, most of us are fine with they/them even if we prefer a neopronoun
@@LuxanderReal: You might be okay with they/them but invented pronouns are being incorporated into law. That is becoming an imposition! What was interesting, was the title of one of your, previous videos: 'Why I Don't Hang Out With Cis People'. One commentator didn't like the title, probably because if it were inverted, you would regard it as "hate speech". It seems that "respect" only goes one way!
At college, I had lots of female friends. They often "threw shade", on all men, in my company. So what? Was I offended? No! It was just girls being girls & venting! I didn't care because I was looking outward, not inward (obsessing about me!).
Can you cite an example of our pronouns being enshrined in law? Also, I don't know why people are so upset about that video or even the title. I'm a marginalized person, who gets exposed to jokes which put me and people with similar experiences to me as the butt of the joke, so I don't like hanging out with cis people. It's not discriminatory or inflammatory, and it's certainly not hate speech. The difference is that privileged people don't want to hang out with marginalized folks because they think of us as disgusting and undesirable, and I don't want to hang out with privileged people in this context because they make me feel like shit.
@@LuxanderReal Language develops by general consent, not according to the whims of individuals. None of us has the right to invent a word (pronoun?) & expect all others to use it. That's the road to anarchy!
Privileged people? Who are they? People who disagree with you? As a straight guy, I've faced an endless queue of people who wanted to bring me down. The solution was to ignore the negative barbs and project a positive warmth. It works! It's called maturity!
The human condition is fairly disgusting. I'm reminded of such, every morning, when I have to endure the "triple S" routine. We're all only ever an empty toilet roll away from having a really bad day.
You made a claim and then ignored my request for you to back that claim up. And you're generally not very respectful so you can fuck off
My friend came out as he/they
How do I use those?
that means they go by he/him and they/them. you can use either
i didn’t know how to use neopronouns even though it seems straight forword so i wanted to find out thanks for this video
Luxander, you're such a pleasure to watch/learn frm!
Thank You, You are so appreciated!! 💓
i got a headache
Thank you for this! 💚
Can you make any suggestions for the most validating and respectful ways to ask someone their preferred pronouns in the most smooth and positive way without creating a big fanfare that could make either party uncomfortable? I would love our culture to get to a state where it was just part of polite introduction to share our pronouns when we share our name, "Hey. I'm Mags. She/her, please. How's it going?" but sometimes it can feel awkward to ask without some assumed subcontext.
Even with people that seem stoic or placid on the surface someone can have a whole current of turbulent emotions swirling under the surface, that I think it's unfortunately tempting for an outside person to just be completely clumsily unaware of, or intimidated by the nuances of interacting with - so they ere on the side of fear and either don't want to overstep, or don't want to learn. I'm a femme presenting CIS woman, and I operate with a fair bit of privilege in that along my personal journey, I've never personally experienced being misgendered, nor been negatively impacted by someone assuming my pronouns based on lazy social interactions or disrespect. However, my heart breaks for my friends that have experienced that, or felt disheartened when someone *did* ask, but there seemed to be a subtext that it meant they weren't passing enough (when that was their goal), or something negative that may or may not have been intended. I think there can be some disconnect with CIS people that want to be better allies but hesitate based on that futile "damned if I do, damned if I don't" feeling, or coming off as rude or "part of the problem" in the clumsy moments while they are learning. I would just like to set a good example for other CIS people (and just people in general), and bridge the gap with efforts to be more inclusive and respectful, so I can never get enough perspectives from trans people on their ideas for how to do this in the best way possible.
MagykMoonreign you could introduce yourself with your pronouns and leave it open or ask
@@jimmym3856 That's a great idea, Lilith. I'm not sure why that hadn't stood out as a more obvious option to me, but I'll definitely make an effort to do that. Thank you.
If I am introducing myself with my own pronouns it would hopefully smooth out that potential awkwardness if I do ask.
Yeah, I second Lilith's suggestion to share your own pronouns as an invitation to the other person to share theirs
@@creativemircat No problem, all the luck to you
Luxander thanks also. Again, this sounds so obvious now that I think about it but I think it is easy to overthink hen you are afraid of "underthinking".
heterosexual, cis female here...I've heard a number of these pronouns because I know people who identify with them, but there are a whole lot more that I've never heard before...I think with myself, I'm 60 years old, so pretty well every LGBT+ person I know is within my age range(within 5-10 years either way)so even the vast majority of them don't even know these new pronouns...so I guess I can start showing them up now( ;) )...anyway thanks for the free education, I've subbed and am looking forward to further lessons
Ppl telling us “but they/them is plural”
Wow you figured us out, congrats /s
I'm trans too and what you're doing right now is causing harm to trans people, Carmella. Take a seat or lose commenting privileges
I get tongue tied trying to use they/them and match it to the verbs but I grew up never having heard of nonbinary until age 35+. It's nice when people are patient.
This is really interesting! I can see the use of they/them working really well in English :-) but for other languages that could be a problem. In French (and other languages from the roman language family, like Spanish and Italian) there are two plural forms (il/elle -> ils/elles), in German the plural for 'they' is 'sie' and this word is also used for singular sie/ihr = she/her. The german 'es', which is the third gender ( from the indogermanic roots) has been seen as neutral for a long time now and I doubt this will change. So there needs to be a usable alternative...
Thanks Luxander. That was helpful, and I wish more of the non-binary community would take time to explain this sort of thing to the people they know and love. I'm one of your cis-gender allies, trying to do my part to help you find the freedom to live your lives on your terms. But, supportive as I intend to be, this new concept of pronoun usage is far more difficult than your brief set of rules suggests.
I came to youtube today, looking for exactly this sort of explanation, after a sad experience hiking with non-binary friends over the weekend. Your suggestions make sense, and they are basically what I already understood, or THOUGHT I understood. Sadly, there's more, hiding somewhere, that I don't understand. Something I said, despite following YOUR rules, enraged my trans friend, a person I've known all his life, for his fist fifteen years as a girl, and more recently as a trans man. Perhaps I got something wrong as I struggled to formulate sentences that applied both to a person who chooses to be called he/him and the person he calls his boyfriend, who prefers they/them.
Through the venomous language of his tirade, I never did figure out how I had offended him. He was enraged because I did not "respect his pronouns" but I don't know what I said that was disrespectful. I was left feeling defeated, and adopting a defense of simply changing the subject: don't talk about my friends at all, and don't address them directly, so that I can avoid using ANY pronouns referring to them by simply not referring to them at all. In effect, "Let's talk about something else, because I don't have the language skills to talk about you." That's difficult too, since my friend has always insisted on being the center of attention.
My advice to the non-binary community is that you must understand that you're asking your society to adopt a new set of language rules, and the application of those "rules" apparently differs substantially from one person to the next. You're making a much bigger "ask" than you seem to realize. Luxander clearly understands this, but reading the news tells me that too many others do not.
If you hope to find a wide acceptance for these new language rules, you'll need to follow several steps to reach your goals. First, as individuals and as a community, you must develop a clear set of instructions that are understandable on a society-wide basis. Second, you need to teach those rules of language to your allies, so that we are empowered to help you implement them and teach others. Third: slowly bring the whole of society onboard.
If you skip those early steps, you will have a very difficult time finding wider societal acceptance for these changes.
We've been having conversations about trans issues in the mainstream more and more over the past decade so I do hope some of these ideas become more common so that people are less confused about what they may have done to give offense. Hopefully when things have cooled down, your friend will be able to explain what it was that upset them since you'll obviously be willing to make the change
Why do we even have gendered pronouns? Are there any languages that don't have gendered pronouns?
yes there are languages that are non-gendered. Many of my Filipino co-workers struggle with binary English pronouns; I've been referred to as he, him then she, her all within a one minute discussion. And I'm a cis-gender male.
Yea, you should google it
Some Asian languages do not have pronouns at all.
Sarah McNeil Well see, old rich white cismen NEED to keep people in catagories so they can keep track of who it is okay to oppress in the process of accumulating increasingly greater percentage of the resources availible for themselves to control. I wish that were merely a pessimistic assesment but its really not.
@@ellesontlabete2669 What about other languages that have gendered language but didn't originate in counties where white people originally were?
Question: When a person gives their pronouns as he/they, does that mean they prefer he, but are ok with they too? Iirc Elliot Page wrote he/they in his open letter, and I'm not sure how to apply that.
unless they say they prefer one or the other i would switch it up between the two every now and then
I used to hate pronouns, but ever since I came out as a king, I been asking people to refer to me as your majesty, very cool stuff 😎
I don't understand the necessity for neopronouns if they/them exists? Like it just feels like people wanna be special uwu
As I said, there's a degree to which they/them feels like removing something that feels important, rather than imbuing the words with an affirmative connotation. But that's just me.
Neopronouns have been used since the 1850s, I know they're a pretty strange idea when you're first introduced to them, but it's easier when you think of pronouns as just extra names a person uses. If it's something you want to learn more about/understand, I'd try using some (like xe or faer) in some sentences to your self.
Also, they're pretty useful for people who have a hard time labeling their gender. It's like trying on new clothes without having to worry about people knowing/guessing what gender you are.
I was looking at Spivak pronouns yesterday! Thanks for talking about them! I read about Michael Spivak specifically. He's a mathematician who simply didn't like singular they and thought using he generically was sexist and using he/she was awkward. So in a book he wrote he just went with the Spivak pronouns without looking back.
I really loved the pronouns and would probably try them out, but I feel like it'd be putting people out. Anyways,
I use They/Them because I'm neutrofluid and honestly correcting someone is not worth the hastle, because they can be mostly right one minute, then completely wrong the next. They/them or he/him are fine, because otherwise, both of us will be driven insane.
They them is valid
But the moment we get into
Neopronouns
Fae faer xie zir all that crap makes me want to fucking die
And dont get me started on gender descriptors
As an amateur linguist and LGBTQ supporter I find this fascinating 🙂
Really nicely done. It has been interesting to see 'they' gradually dragged into first person. The 'they' for he and she is fairly recent, following on all sorts of uncomfortable combinations as language struggled to break free of the singular 'he' for any person, which had been around since Anglo-Saxon times. Finally, exhausted by he/she, s/he, he or she, spoken language appropriated 'they', followed with a certain amount of relief by written English ... though it does make life tougher when writing a scene with more than two people in it. That history looks very similar to the situation you describe for yourself ... the flashcard of attempted singular/plural substitutes doesn't roll naturally off your tongue, so there's the already common-in singular, yet-'they'. Speaking as a person who has no doubt caused unintended offense (it's really the singular/plural imprint with me), all I can say is ... muscle memory, practice. I gotta get better at 'they'.
I'm non-binary and i use she/they pronouns and i was so afraid, before i watched this video, that some people would ask me ' i thought non-binary people only use they/them pronouns?' because i have alot of anxiety when people ask me questions that i cant answer that quickly or stuff that i dont know the answers. but now i feel safe looking at the note 0:42 and the note having 'she/her/her/hers/herself' pronouns. thank you so much for the video because i would of just questioned my identify and would of settled for genderfluid and probably felt a bit off. thank you!
Thank you. You made this easy to understand.
Also, I've got an English degree, nd trust me, LL words are invented. So when a new concept arises, or, rather, a not-well-known-to-this-point-in-history kind of concept, it only makes sense to make a new word. We do it all the time with Internet lingo.
Honestly neopronouns sound so pretty.
fae/faer? Beautiful
xe/xir? Fricking epic
ey/em? Excellent!
I came here to learn, because my heart throbs for this one beautiful soul.
I prefer using ey/em over they/them since they/them are typically seem as pronouns for nonbinary people and I'm genderflux (my gender changes in intensify day to day, from female to agender). It only took being called ey once and I was immediately in love with my new pronouns. It's hard to adjust tbh, especially since I also go by she/her somedays so even I get mixed up, but the euphoria I feel when being called by the right pronouns is so worth it!
I'm Non-binary (they/them) and I'd love to practice using neopronouns for other enbies. Do you have any suggestions?
I was thinking maybe giving one of my plants neo-pronouns to help me get accustomed to it but what else can I do? Thank you if you have any advice!
@@taylor8712 honestly neopronouns are hard to adapt to. I still mess up with myself! I think practicing is a great start, just to help you get used to them. The more you use them the easier they get. And if you ever mess up when referring to a person just apologize and correct yourself. I know I personally don't mind when having the wrong pronouns used since I understand that they're a bit tricky. I can't really think of any tips on how to remember them, other than practicing and maybe writing a few sentences with the pronouns you want to learn, just to get a feel for how they fit into sentences. I can't really think of any other tips right off the bat, sorry! Good luck!
I will use He & She on assumption but I will apologize and correct myself.
I have also never met anyone who a wants me to use a specific pronoun but I will try my best.
I hate the word folx, it makes me irrationally angry because it isn't spelled how folks is pronounced, and folks is gender neutral anyway
Thanks for this. It was a big help. Good luck to you!
How would you communicate in languages that are inherently gendered male/female, such as Hebrew or Arabic?
For example in Hebrew, almost all pronouns are gendered (including "you" and "they" which are different if addressing males or females), and verbs/adjectives/numbers conjugate based on the subject's gender.
I am one hundred percent sure that if I ever used any neopronoun to refer to anyone in front of my parents them we would get in a full blown argument about them denying the point of neopronouns.
So that's a fun thougjt
I think a good way to think about it is almost like learning a new language except this new language is just english + another pronoun. Its really not that hard, the only thing that makes it hard is the still persistent hate and discrimination of neopronouns.
Ever since i figured out i was nonbinary i always wished i could be referred to as, and i naturally referred to myself using "it", i thought i kind of came up w/ that myself for a while lol. I've not yet seen any other nonbinary, agender, etc. individuals using this pronoun, ive only seen a whole lot of woke / anti-woke type of content absolutely hating on the "it" pronoun along w/ the set or sets aligned w/ animal themes. I feel honestly ashamed that i genuinely feel happy using this pronoun because of its negative associations and i dont know what to do because i genuinely dont like they/them & he/him doesn't entirely feel like me.
I use it/its now
I came out to my mom monthes ago as Non-Binary and using they/them pronouns.... And she has finally accepted me and has started seeing how she misgenders me... So I found this alone with someother videos about using they pronouns and she likes to assume the people in the videos pronouns even if they said it in the beginning of the video (She would use he or she) but when I showed her this video she could understand what pronouns to use because she couldn't use her general binary rules against you... So that's when I slammed my yellow, white, purple and black flag on the table and said "They use They/Them pronouns like me and 80% of the people that you just watch!"
Unfortunately she still didn't get it..... But we're getting some where.... But it took her months to finally even except the fact that I'm not a girl so.... We will get there!
Also thank you for the video you covered a lot and greatly! ❤❤❤
Thank you for educating us! I sometimes struggle with they/them as gender neutral pronouns but that might be because English is my second language.
Thank you so much for this video , working with people on a daily basis in a therapeutic setting the more I can make someone feel comfortable the more I can help...thanks so much!!!
honestly I relate to how you feel about not wanting to impose on others with pronoun changes and such. I'm nonbinary as well and i dont mind if certain people use gendered pronouns with me because i've known them for such a long time and i honestly don't care what pronouns they use for me and i'd feel like i'm imposing to ask them to change how they talk to me/about me. I do care more about it when i tell people "hey please use they/them for me" and they actively don't do that because it just feels so gross. I've specifically had this happen with a former friend and it was just miserable each time they did it. It's like, if i tell you its okay to use whatever pronouns or if you're a stranger and don't know what i go by then I'm not gonna be mad about being misgendered because either I've given permission OR it's just an honest mistake respectively. Like, being nonbinary or trans, you really pick up fast when people are being disrespectful about pronouns just to be an asshole.