I’m glad you make your videos, because you make me feel less invisible! I can’t relate to most autistic women content creators, but I see myself in you, and that makes me feel valid too. Thanks for being YOU, and thanks for sharing with the world! 💛
This video was so relatable for me! I've always felt invisible, too. It's also why I started my own podcast/RUclips channel so i can finally be heard for the first time in my life! It's crazy how similar our experiences are, I felt like crying right along with you!
Finding the Autistic community has been one of the biggest plusses in this journey. Speaking words and having someone just say, "yeah, me too. I get you, I understand your experience, because, me too." It's like a deep sigh of relief. 😌
I have the same experience with growing up cold. as an adult, i will sometimes go to bed with my clothes on because its too cold to change into pajamas. i also do not tolerate heat. as soon as i sweat, im miserable. sorry for your pain. sorry for our collective pain. we are validating you and sticking with you.
I used to sleep in jogging pants, thick socks, and two or three blankets. To be fair, my mom always ran hot so the AC was kept low! At camp I'd sometimes sleep in two layers of tights and oversized jeans to try and stay warm. I loved camping but hated hated being cold with a passion. But yep, I also don't do well too hot either and I swing between the extremes pretty quickly some days!
Can’t believe I’m only watching this video now, feeling invisible is SO relatable, how you described it just blew my mind! 🥺 I recently talked to my partner about how disconnected I feel from everybody and as I was saying it I realised it was probably because I was disconnected from myself. As I’m trying to learn who I am and reconnecting to myself and listening to my body, I have all this hurt but also anger inside me, it makes me feel as if I had a good reason to disconnect from that. On a completely different note, I can see the video is only 10 months old and as I’m writing this you have nearly 22k subscribers, woohoo 🎉 that’s pretty incredible stuff, you deserve to be heard and thank you for being the voice for our community! ❤ P.s. How did you go with that amigurumi? That yarn looks so thin ! 😮 my special interests get sparked out of nowhere too, I’ve got zero control over them. Crocheting toys was a major one a few years ago but I burned out by starting making toys for other people and then making things that were useful rather then just stuff I wanted to do if that makes sense. I recently picked it up again but it’s more of a hobby now where I get to have a life on a side. 😂
Yes, this channel has grown so fast! I'm beyond in awe. That tiny amigurumi ended up in the trash. It was a frustrating experience that I just ended up giving up on. I didn't touch much crochet until a few days ago! I started a new, much easier project. Glad to be getting back into it.
I'm sorry they made you go through that with being cold. When I was a kid I was always being told I was being stupid to want to wear a sweater or coat because I was cold. Now I get to have my thermostat on 80 if I want to, and its so nice! I'm talking to myself a lot now, too, because it helps me heal from past trauma.
Other people just can't relate that we may legitimately be having different sensory experiences than them. But to be fair, my mom was undiagnosed and she was always too hot, having the opposite sensory experience as me. So she'd set the AC and I'd pile on the clothes.
@@i.am.mindblind That's really hard when someone's actually having the opposite problem. Then it's even more difficult to understand each other. My parents still have their thermostat on 72, and even lower in the summer, but now they know I was telling the truth about being cold, they don't have a problem with me wearing a sweater when I visit them.
I'm grateful that you keep editing to a minimum in your channel because that really caters to what my brain needs. You had some background music in your Christmas video and it took all my willpower to force my brain to focus on what you were saying and not keep getting distracted by the music every 30 seconds. 😅
As I've gone along, I've leaned into more minimal edited videos. It feels right. I was trying to be like other RUclipsrs but it was just another mask. So now I don't use background music, rarely use transition sounds or pop up noises for text on the screen. I appreciate you noticing and liking these editing choices.
I hear you loud and clear, and I totally get the invisible feeling. I think that’s why I crave feeling validated (well that and because with alexithymia it’s really hard to know what I’m feeling in the first place). We experience the world a lot differently than NT’s leaving us feeling unheard and misunderstood. Thank you for creating these videos, because you are helping to get the word out there ❤
I really appreciate this message. I think in our formative years where we learn to rely on our own emotions they were invalidated so much that we have learned to turn to outward invalidation to see if we are "masking" correctly. Now, I'm learning to unmask and hear my own thoughts. It's a process for sure. The wiring is faulty but I think I'm getting there slowly. Also, thank YOU for validating me putting these videos out. Because pressing publish on such a vulnerable topic was NOT easy. But it's the content I need to see. Now if only that dang algorithm will just pick me up! Lol.
@@i.am.mindblind Wow I remember not being allowed to feel how I feel so if a random person ask, 'how are you' My respond was, I will go check with the manger. Or before working I would ask them how I am supposed to since whatever I truly was feeling always seemed the wrong answer getting people annoyed always corrected how I'm supposed to be feeling thinking. Many people don't even ask they just tell me what I'm feeling then responding to what they assume without allowing you to correct.
Oh I so understand this - we have talked about this so many times - how hard it is as a content creator on youTube as well as those pesky personal goals - I wish non creators knew how hard it is - learning youTube, the algorithm, SEO, Thumbnails etc - difficult enough - add to that being neurodivergent - oof! Actually, only yesterday (speaking of social cues) I apparently missed one completely and made the person 'very annoyed'. oooof again! Thank you for sharing
It's so weird, because sometimes I think I'm really good at reading people, especially giving other people advice, but then I'll totally miss the mark when it comes to my own relationships. 🤷🏼♀️
thank you for not using stock footage, flashy graphics, sound effects and other production tricks. I'm always confused when autistic creaters make videos that autistic people can't watch for sensory reasons.
I do think about that (I forgot if I actually mentioned it in this video?) It's hard because when I first started RUclips for my cooking channel, I joined these "How to be successful on RUclips" Facebook groups. Lots of talk about flashy, fast pace content with lots of sounds. But it just doesn't seem the right fit for this audience like you said. So I'm going against conventional advice. I do want to appeal to NT people wanting to learn about Autism, but they can learn in an Autism safe space. So I use my sounds, transitions and graphics sparingly. I think the first few videos on the channel have more as I was figuring out how and what this channel was going to look like. Anyway, thank you for that acknowledgement.
sorry to spam your comments but talking about not being heard - I have lately realised that talking to NT's I feel invisible too - but broadly speaking ND's listen and hear you better - trying to explain autism to a neurotypical person what I am feeling is a waste of time - they hear the words but literally don't get it - I hear you talking about people telling you to put layers on when you feel cold and not hearing you - I totally get it
Spam away, you know I love your comments and I often have to comment as I watch a video or I'll forget what I had to say! I agree with you on the NT vs ND. Also I think it's common for people to think outside of their experience and realize that someone may be experiencing the same stimuli in a very different way for many, many reasons.
Omg I'm so sorry that u were so cold and people made u feel like u were wrong for how u felt. I get so cold too but it is definitely sometimes pretty chilly, I'm from Manitoba, Canada and now live on the Atlantic coast
I always wondered how people could live in super cold environments. Now I know I'm just extra sensitive to cold. So for many people cold is uncomfortable but for me it feels torturous. My brain shuts down and I can only focus on how horrible I feel when I'm cold. Proper clothing helps, but only to some extent.
@@i.am.mindblind sometimes I got too cold from staying out in the snow and stuff and had to come in and unthaw but it wasn't till I was in my 30s that I knew what it was really like to get that terrible cold feeling. I lived in a house that was heated with wood heat and I was shit at keeping it nice, we had really crappy wood. My feet just get so cold. It was very debilitating, I spent most of my time just sitting around with a hot water bottle thing to warm my feet or sitting right by the fire. It was a really bad time. When my feet were cold like that I could think of nothing else basically just wanting to make them feel warm
"I'm talking, out loud, to myself, for the first time ever." Most people talking, out loud, to themselves, all the time, but in a place where nobody can listen in. Since you can't find that private place to talk, out loud, to yourself, you will just have to approximate it as best you can, in whatever mostly private spaces you find, and not feel self conscious about it. But don't be too startled, if you suddenly hear your self, without actually having to speak. Baby steps. Do you ever read books, out loud, performing individual voices for each character? I think that is excellent practice for an inner voice, also.
I think I did this for a couple weeks around the time I published this video but talking out loud to myself didn't really become a habit. I don't hear sound in my mind. I do like to read outlout to my kids, or my nephew. I'm doubting if I have a inner voice, or at least if I do, mine is not predominate in my mind. Still exploring that idea by listening to other's accounts of their inner dialoge/voice/monologue and trying to tease out if these have different meanings.
Perhaps this ends up not quite the topic of this video, and making RUclips content myself is really not for me, but I have this problem where I don’t get recognised in real life. People who I recognise and remember and know their name and everything just look straight through me as if I’m a total stranger they never met before. It does only happen with people I have not seen for a long time and don’t know very well, but it’s really disconcerting.
I'm a very small RUclipsr, I definitely do not expect to be recognized from my RUclips channel out in my community! But yes, like what you describe I feel invisible around people I know. I can be in a party and often feel like why am I there, no one is seeing me or talking to me. Feeling lonely in a crowd is a common experience for me
maybe you have better memory. Or many times people aren't really focusing talk at people are self-absorb that if you were serving them in some way they really never saw you. They just run around greeting everyone out of social norms, but minds are elsewhere.
@@bunnyboo6295 I think that’s probably true. The last one was someone I used to see a lot but a friend of a friend. She moved away some years ago, and then she was at the funeral of said friend’s relation and she looked straight through me. I wouldn’t mind but it makes me feel like she doesn’t like me or something.
@@tracik1277 You added another layer. Funeral people are crying they are in their heads grieving they eyes full of tears easy not to be able to focus on what's in front of you. You haven see each other in years their mind might only be on the dead friend. they might be looking through everyone due to shock someone passing might make someone feel like they are in a dream and nothing around them is real. I myself am guilty of looking through not registering a person I met only once before when in a state of experiencing a sense of loss. It's not personal in the moment of distress your view is tunnel absorbed on one thing. It chick who the person was after I calmed
Yeah, I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, but it's a recent real world example of not quite understanding what I'm doing differently to not get same results.
I understand cold. The feeling of needles and razor blades.
And often just a deep ache all the way through. 🥶
I’m glad you make your videos, because you make me feel less invisible! I can’t relate to most autistic women content creators, but I see myself in you, and that makes me feel valid too. Thanks for being YOU, and thanks for sharing with the world! 💛
This video was so relatable for me! I've always felt invisible, too. It's also why I started my own podcast/RUclips channel so i can finally be heard for the first time in my life! It's crazy how similar our experiences are, I felt like crying right along with you!
Finding the Autistic community has been one of the biggest plusses in this journey. Speaking words and having someone just say, "yeah, me too. I get you, I understand your experience, because, me too." It's like a deep sigh of relief. 😌
@@i.am.mindblind Yes! It's actually been way more helpful than talk therapy for me!
@@i.am.mindblind Yeah, I feel both invisible and SUPER self conscious all the time,. the Paradoxs
I have the same experience with growing up cold. as an adult, i will sometimes go to bed with my clothes on because its too cold to change into pajamas. i also do not tolerate heat. as soon as i sweat, im miserable. sorry for your pain. sorry for our collective pain. we are validating you and sticking with you.
I used to sleep in jogging pants, thick socks, and two or three blankets. To be fair, my mom always ran hot so the AC was kept low! At camp I'd sometimes sleep in two layers of tights and oversized jeans to try and stay warm. I loved camping but hated hated being cold with a passion. But yep, I also don't do well too hot either and I swing between the extremes pretty quickly some days!
Can’t believe I’m only watching this video now, feeling invisible is SO relatable, how you described it just blew my mind! 🥺 I recently talked to my partner about how disconnected I feel from everybody and as I was saying it I realised it was probably because I was disconnected from myself. As I’m trying to learn who I am and reconnecting to myself and listening to my body, I have all this hurt but also anger inside me, it makes me feel as if I had a good reason to disconnect from that.
On a completely different note, I can see the video is only 10 months old and as I’m writing this you have nearly 22k subscribers, woohoo 🎉 that’s pretty incredible stuff, you deserve to be heard and thank you for being the voice for our community! ❤
P.s. How did you go with that amigurumi? That yarn looks so thin ! 😮 my special interests get sparked out of nowhere too, I’ve got zero control over them. Crocheting toys was a major one a few years ago but I burned out by starting making toys for other people and then making things that were useful rather then just stuff I wanted to do if that makes sense. I recently picked it up again but it’s more of a hobby now where I get to have a life on a side. 😂
Yes, this channel has grown so fast! I'm beyond in awe.
That tiny amigurumi ended up in the trash. It was a frustrating experience that I just ended up giving up on. I didn't touch much crochet until a few days ago! I started a new, much easier project. Glad to be getting back into it.
I'm sorry they made you go through that with being cold. When I was a kid I was always being told I was being stupid to want to wear a sweater or coat because I was cold. Now I get to have my thermostat on 80 if I want to, and its so nice! I'm talking to myself a lot now, too, because it helps me heal from past trauma.
Other people just can't relate that we may legitimately be having different sensory experiences than them. But to be fair, my mom was undiagnosed and she was always too hot, having the opposite sensory experience as me. So she'd set the AC and I'd pile on the clothes.
@@i.am.mindblind That's really hard when someone's actually having the opposite problem. Then it's even more difficult to understand each other. My parents still have their thermostat on 72, and even lower in the summer, but now they know I was telling the truth about being cold, they don't have a problem with me wearing a sweater when I visit them.
I'm grateful that you keep editing to a minimum in your channel because that really caters to what my brain needs. You had some background music in your Christmas video and it took all my willpower to force my brain to focus on what you were saying and not keep getting distracted by the music every 30 seconds. 😅
As I've gone along, I've leaned into more minimal edited videos. It feels right. I was trying to be like other RUclipsrs but it was just another mask. So now I don't use background music, rarely use transition sounds or pop up noises for text on the screen. I appreciate you noticing and liking these editing choices.
I hear you loud and clear, and I totally get the invisible feeling. I think that’s why I crave feeling validated (well that and because with alexithymia it’s really hard to know what I’m feeling in the first place).
We experience the world a lot differently than NT’s leaving us feeling unheard and misunderstood.
Thank you for creating these videos, because you are helping to get the word out there ❤
I really appreciate this message. I think in our formative years where we learn to rely on our own emotions they were invalidated so much that we have learned to turn to outward invalidation to see if we are "masking" correctly. Now, I'm learning to unmask and hear my own thoughts. It's a process for sure. The wiring is faulty but I think I'm getting there slowly.
Also, thank YOU for validating me putting these videos out. Because pressing publish on such a vulnerable topic was NOT easy. But it's the content I need to see. Now if only that dang algorithm will just pick me up! Lol.
@@i.am.mindblind Wow I remember not being allowed to feel how I feel so if a random person ask, 'how are you' My respond was, I will go check with the manger. Or before working I would ask them how I am supposed to since whatever I truly was feeling always seemed the wrong answer getting people annoyed always corrected how I'm supposed to be feeling thinking. Many people don't even ask they just tell me what I'm feeling then responding to what they assume without allowing you to correct.
13:23 Do not worry I will stick 🙂and be subscribed to channel.I like the "make the ball bigger and bigger" stim. Good luck with crocheting goal.
I had to finally call it on that crochet project! It got the best of me. I love crochet, but I set it aside and have been doing an embroidery project!
Oh I so understand this - we have talked about this so many times - how hard it is as a content creator on youTube as well as those pesky personal goals - I wish non creators knew how hard it is - learning youTube, the algorithm, SEO, Thumbnails etc - difficult enough - add to that being neurodivergent - oof! Actually, only yesterday (speaking of social cues) I apparently missed one completely and made the person 'very annoyed'. oooof again! Thank you for sharing
It's so weird, because sometimes I think I'm really good at reading people, especially giving other people advice, but then I'll totally miss the mark when it comes to my own relationships. 🤷🏼♀️
thank you for not using stock footage, flashy graphics, sound effects and other production tricks. I'm always confused when autistic creaters make videos that autistic people can't watch for sensory reasons.
I do think about that (I forgot if I actually mentioned it in this video?) It's hard because when I first started RUclips for my cooking channel, I joined these "How to be successful on RUclips" Facebook groups. Lots of talk about flashy, fast pace content with lots of sounds. But it just doesn't seem the right fit for this audience like you said. So I'm going against conventional advice. I do want to appeal to NT people wanting to learn about Autism, but they can learn in an Autism safe space. So I use my sounds, transitions and graphics sparingly. I think the first few videos on the channel have more as I was figuring out how and what this channel was going to look like. Anyway, thank you for that acknowledgement.
sorry to spam your comments but talking about not being heard - I have lately realised that talking to NT's I feel invisible too - but broadly speaking ND's listen and hear you better - trying to explain autism to a neurotypical person what I am feeling is a waste of time - they hear the words but literally don't get it - I hear you talking about people telling you to put layers on when you feel cold and not hearing you - I totally get it
Spam away, you know I love your comments and I often have to comment as I watch a video or I'll forget what I had to say! I agree with you on the NT vs ND. Also I think it's common for people to think outside of their experience and realize that someone may be experiencing the same stimuli in a very different way for many, many reasons.
Well putting on layers dose make sense if you catch a chill easy. or something a hot drink help warm the insides
Omg I'm so sorry that u were so cold and people made u feel like u were wrong for how u felt. I get so cold too but it is definitely sometimes pretty chilly, I'm from Manitoba, Canada and now live on the Atlantic coast
I always wondered how people could live in super cold environments. Now I know I'm just extra sensitive to cold. So for many people cold is uncomfortable but for me it feels torturous. My brain shuts down and I can only focus on how horrible I feel when I'm cold. Proper clothing helps, but only to some extent.
@@i.am.mindblind sometimes I got too cold from staying out in the snow and stuff and had to come in and unthaw but it wasn't till I was in my 30s that I knew what it was really like to get that terrible cold feeling. I lived in a house that was heated with wood heat and I was shit at keeping it nice, we had really crappy wood. My feet just get so cold. It was very debilitating, I spent most of my time just sitting around with a hot water bottle thing to warm my feet or sitting right by the fire. It was a really bad time. When my feet were cold like that I could think of nothing else basically just wanting to make them feel warm
"I'm talking, out loud, to myself, for the first time ever." Most people talking, out loud, to themselves, all the time, but in a place where nobody can listen in. Since you can't find that private place to talk, out loud, to yourself, you will just have to approximate it as best you can, in whatever mostly private spaces you find, and not feel self conscious about it. But don't be too startled, if you suddenly hear your self, without actually having to speak. Baby steps. Do you ever read books, out loud, performing individual voices for each character? I think that is excellent practice for an inner voice, also.
I think I did this for a couple weeks around the time I published this video but talking out loud to myself didn't really become a habit. I don't hear sound in my mind. I do like to read outlout to my kids, or my nephew. I'm doubting if I have a inner voice, or at least if I do, mine is not predominate in my mind. Still exploring that idea by listening to other's accounts of their inner dialoge/voice/monologue and trying to tease out if these have different meanings.
Perhaps this ends up not quite the topic of this video, and making RUclips content myself is really not for me, but I have this problem where I don’t get recognised in real life. People who I recognise and remember and know their name and everything just look straight through me as if I’m a total stranger they never met before. It does only happen with people I have not seen for a long time and don’t know very well, but it’s really disconcerting.
I'm a very small RUclipsr, I definitely do not expect to be recognized from my RUclips channel out in my community! But yes, like what you describe I feel invisible around people I know. I can be in a party and often feel like why am I there, no one is seeing me or talking to me. Feeling lonely in a crowd is a common experience for me
@@i.am.mindblind I know what you mean. Now I can watch videos by people like yourself, I finally feel like I know what a lot of people mean lol.
maybe you have better memory. Or many times people aren't really focusing talk at people are self-absorb that if you were serving them in some way they really never saw you. They just run around greeting everyone out of social norms, but minds are elsewhere.
@@bunnyboo6295 I think that’s probably true. The last one was someone I used to see a lot but a friend of a friend. She moved away some years ago, and then she was at the funeral of said friend’s relation and she looked straight through me. I wouldn’t mind but it makes me feel like she doesn’t like me or something.
@@tracik1277 You added another layer. Funeral people are crying they are in their heads grieving they eyes full of tears easy not to be able to focus on what's in front of you. You haven see each other in years their mind might only be on the dead friend. they might be looking through everyone due to shock someone passing might make someone feel like they are in a dream and nothing around them is real.
I myself am guilty of looking through not registering a person I met only once before when in a state of experiencing a sense of loss. It's not personal in the moment of distress your view is tunnel absorbed on one thing. It chick who the person was after I calmed
and I flipping well hear you lovely - very loud, very proud - big love
Thank you! I think the more and more I shoe up for myself the more I am feeling heard and seen. ❤️
OOoh the same - I often ask myself the same question about similar channels in my niche - I just don't get it
Yeah, I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, but it's a recent real world example of not quite understanding what I'm doing differently to not get same results.
Hi from not in Houston any more, too! 1984-2004 IAH.
I haven't been in Houston in almost 15 years! Houston did have a lot of good restaurants, but the weather was just ick all year long.