Dallin H. Oaks - A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection. www.lds.org/ge...
I love this part: The kind of marriage required for exaltation-eternal in duration and godlike in quality-does not contemplate divorce. In the temples of the Lord, couples are married for all eternity.
Working with singles for 7 years in the singles program, has taught me many things! Many people have a false perspective of Divorce, they think it's the answer because they feel all there problems will go away, but the reality is you will exchange one set of problems for another!!! Custody battles, who get the kid's for what holiday's, seeing you're x with someone new! Losing All you're MONEY TO CHILD SUPPORT, AND not being able to afford to get married, again!!! When you commit to being married, you need to commit to marriage counseling, if any problems should arise! When you bring HEAVENLY father's precious children into this WORLD, you owe it to them, to be responsible for there emotional well being and support them with a family of love!💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
It’s hard to commit to marriage therapy when your spouse refuses to go. I agree that some do think divorce is the solution, but I also know some that get divorced because one or both is willing to sacrifice. Some ask why don’t we have a new car or expensive apartment while going to school refusing to take out loans like others do.
Sorry, but divorce is a consequence of life and the church does not have to force couples to stay together if it does not work anymore instead of it churches should help the couple to rebuild their lives in a better way as possible.
President Oaks, some of us married the spouse Heavenly Father commanded us to marry. Serious, untreated or untreatable mental illness will destroy any marriage.
I can't agree more. We both suffered from mental illnesses. My Bishop stabbed me in the back and destroyed all my efforts to save my marriage in the temple. Now she has found her soulmate after our marriage of 30 years and I have found mine. A wonderful person I have found who was beaten by her husband and who even beat the children before she got away. Soon I will be married to her in the Philippines ironically and sealed to our four daughters whom I will treat as my own.
I would like to hear this topic of forgiveness in marriage (divorce)from someone who has experienced it them selves. I would also like to have heard before my divorce HOW to strengthen and restore love. The church needs to actively certify Bishops and leaders that have not experienced it them selves how to council an individual or couple in struggle. We, as church members, must set aside all judgements and biased beliefs and love and care for BOTH husband and wife experiencing divorce. Extend love and friends ship to BOTH . We do not know the true experiences they have endured. It is NOT our place to judge BUT to love. Unconditional love should be practiced by all ward members. This divorce is not your war and you are not required nor asked to take sides.
These are some great stats that I would love to use. References please. They go against prevailing research, which suggests that children from happily married parents do the best, and children from sprint single parents do less well, but children from dysfunctional marriages are even more at risk than children from single parent households. I would love to find evidence that the prevailing research is wrong. I would also love to see the study that shows that 3 out of 5 people considering divorce and deciding against it describe themselves in a happy relationships 5 years later. These would be very useful in helping friends and clients considering divorce choose to stay together.
Many people suffer for years on end, before finally separating and eventually getting a divorce. What do kids learn when their mother gets disrespected and even brutally beaten, and also the tender kids get mistreated. Abuse does have many shapes and sizes. Yes like Jesus said, at first divorce was not part of the plan, but because of sin it does exist. Thank God. These abusive men do not show their real colors before saying I do, that appears soon after, and then they blame the wife or the kids for their own disgusting behavior. Too many males think they must have the last word, and in their mind they are always right. Nope. Once badly burned, twice shy. Many women are so done with it. So sorry if anyone is offended, as this is so real to so many. I am glad for those that were able to get it together. Some should never have got married in the first place. Some do well in a second marriage, thank goodness. Some are done with it altogether. This is my own personal view, and my own personal opinion. Not anyone else's.
There is a great book called "Codependency No More" by Melodie Beattie, I highly recommend it. Changed my whole approach not only to marriage but many relationships, work, friend etc.
I don't think this talk applies to abusive marriages. If the situation is unsafe or even unhealthy then for sure get out of it and the sin falls on the shoulders of the abuser. Jesus Christ, from my experience is very understanding of our circumstances and mercy will be shown to us always. I hope whatever you experienced you may heal from
Both sides can do this and no one should feel like they have to be stuck. Even Elder Holland has said in his talk "How Do I Love Thee" that no one should have to be stuck with someone who is abusive or belittling.
So true and it doesn't matter if you pray faithfully for years, if they see nothing wrong with their actions. Heavenly Father did not want me to stay in an abusive marriage and I would never want my little granddaughters to ever be treated like that. I made the right choice through fasting and praying in a marriage for 26 years and I have never regretted it. I have peace. I think until you walk a mile in someone shoes, you should never assume or judge. Signed a Daughter Of A Loving Heavenly Father...
I agree with your statement, what is also needed is for those around us to ; - not to choose sides, be supportive, learn the truth about why it happened, & most of all leave the rumours & lies alone. The couple, knows the truth, Heavenly Father , knows the truth, that's all that matters !!
Dallin H. Oaks - A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection.
Considering Elder Oakes’ legal training; I’m disappointed that he only uses the example of the Philippines legal quandary caused by a husband’s abandonment. No mention of the equally distorted American law that exploits men, from beginning to end? Almost 1/2 of members live here... but not a word of criticism of a seriously flawed legal system? If any of the Apostles ever had to deal with divorce; I’m certain the criticism would be far more balanced.
Maybe he didn't feel he need to add any other as he must've received letters from some in Philippines. I'm certain if they faced divorce it wouldn't be a bitter one.
Atleast in the US people are allowed to divorce. Perhaps that is the difference. I have the same lamentations as you too anyways. Marriage in the west is sadly hewned to let women manipulate the system. Its a huge concern!!
He gave this talk in 2007. A few years before he have this talk, he was the Area President of the Philippines. I think his story is from what he heard of Filipinos during his stay. I’m also glad he mentioned Philippines, as of now it is the only country without divorce as a law aside from the Vatican. Many families could not be sealed because some of them had been married before.
because of the hardness of our hearts 4min 🎉 this is it! People hearts are failing them and their MINDs are out of balance Money and “things” become more important than people. This is the devils handy work.
I love this talk. However we are all so used to having children because we are commanded to. We are actually allowed and free to choose when we have children. And to be frank, Should only be when both spouses fell their financial stability welcomes a child. Meaning, you need to have a very high paying job or own a business that brings in hundreds of thousands a year. So many families suffer from not being financially ready. And those struggles are not healthy struggles. Because those families tend to break or fail
I love this part:
The kind of marriage required for exaltation-eternal in duration and godlike in quality-does not contemplate divorce. In the temples of the Lord, couples are married for all eternity.
Working with singles for 7 years in the singles program, has taught me many things! Many people have a false perspective of Divorce, they think it's the answer because they feel all there problems will go away, but the reality is you will exchange one set of problems for another!!! Custody battles, who get the kid's for what holiday's, seeing you're x with someone new! Losing All you're MONEY TO CHILD SUPPORT, AND not being able to afford to get married, again!!! When you commit to being married, you need to commit to marriage counseling, if any problems should arise! When you bring HEAVENLY father's precious children into this WORLD, you owe it to them, to be responsible for there emotional well being and support them with a family of love!💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
It’s hard to commit to marriage therapy when your spouse refuses to go. I agree that some do think divorce is the solution, but I also know some that get divorced because one or both is willing to sacrifice. Some ask why don’t we have a new car or expensive apartment while going to school refusing to take out loans like others do.
Get marriage counseling BEFORE saying I do.
Sorry, but divorce is a consequence of life and the church does not have to force couples to stay together if it does not work anymore instead of it churches should help the couple to rebuild their lives in a better way as possible.
More people need to be listening to this wise council !🌺😇🌺
President Oaks, some of us married the spouse Heavenly Father commanded us to marry. Serious, untreated or untreatable mental illness will destroy any marriage.
So true. Sometimes these things don't wrap up easily.
I can't agree more. We both suffered from mental illnesses. My Bishop stabbed me in the back and destroyed all my efforts to save my marriage in the temple. Now she has found her soulmate after our marriage of 30 years and I have found mine. A wonderful person I have found who was beaten by her husband and who even beat the children before she got away. Soon I will be married to her in the Philippines ironically and sealed to our four daughters whom I will treat as my own.
He did say that there were individual circumstances that his counsel may not apply to. So sorry for your individual circumstance.
Truly, this is of God.
Wow great Counsel and talk... Thank you President Oaks.
Historic speech
really need this right now
I would like to hear this topic of forgiveness in marriage (divorce)from someone who has experienced it them selves. I would also like to have heard before my divorce HOW to strengthen and restore love. The church needs to actively certify Bishops and leaders that have not experienced it them selves how to council an individual or couple in struggle. We, as church members, must set aside all judgements and biased beliefs and love and care for BOTH husband and wife experiencing divorce. Extend love and friends ship to BOTH . We do not know the true experiences they have endured. It is NOT our place to judge BUT to love. Unconditional love should be practiced by all ward members. This divorce is not your war and you are not required nor asked to take sides.
These are some great stats that I would love to use. References please.
They go against prevailing research, which suggests that children from happily married parents do the best, and children from sprint single parents do less well, but children from dysfunctional marriages are even more at risk than children from single parent households. I would love to find evidence that the prevailing research is wrong.
I would also love to see the study that shows that 3 out of 5 people considering divorce and deciding against it describe themselves in a happy relationships 5 years later.
These would be very useful in helping friends and clients considering divorce choose to stay together.
If you go to the LDS.org website and look up the written transcript of this talk, footnotes and sources are cited.
Now if I can only get my wife to listen to these wise words...
Me too. My wife thinks divorce will solve all of her problems. It will just multiply them.
Great counsel and great talk...
Thank you président oaks@.
Many people suffer for years on end, before finally separating and eventually getting a divorce. What do kids learn when their mother gets disrespected and even brutally beaten, and also the tender kids get mistreated. Abuse does have many shapes and sizes.
Yes like Jesus said, at first divorce was not part of the plan, but because of sin it does exist. Thank God.
These abusive men do not show their real colors before saying I do, that appears soon after, and then they blame the wife or the kids for their own disgusting behavior. Too many males think they must have the last word, and in their mind they are always right.
Nope. Once badly burned, twice shy. Many women are so done with it. So sorry if anyone is offended, as this is so real to so many.
I am glad for those that were able to get it together. Some should never have got married in the first place. Some do well in a second marriage, thank goodness. Some are done with it altogether.
This is my own personal view, and my own personal opinion.
Not anyone else's.
There is a great book called "Codependency No More" by Melodie Beattie, I highly recommend it. Changed my whole approach not only to marriage but many relationships, work, friend etc.
I don't think this talk applies to abusive marriages. If the situation is unsafe or even unhealthy then for sure get out of it and the sin falls on the shoulders of the abuser.
Jesus Christ, from my experience is very understanding of our circumstances and mercy will be shown to us always.
I hope whatever you experienced you may heal from
Both sides can do this and no one should feel like they have to be stuck. Even Elder Holland has said in his talk "How Do I Love Thee" that no one should have to be stuck with someone who is abusive or belittling.
So true and it doesn't matter if you pray faithfully for years, if they see nothing wrong with their actions.
Heavenly Father did not want me to stay in an abusive marriage and I would never want my little granddaughters to ever be treated like that. I made the right choice through fasting and praying in a marriage for 26 years and I have never regretted it. I have peace. I think until you walk a mile in someone shoes, you should never assume or judge. Signed a Daughter Of A Loving Heavenly Father...
He should have started the talk with:
Sisters!!! 😂😂😂 80% of divorce filing is by the female. My ex was a narcissist...
Est-ce que je avoir en français s’il vous plaît
so...the advice he gives to the divorced is that we need hope and healing power?
I think there is a bit more to his message than that.
I agree with your statement, what is also needed is for those around us to ; - not to choose sides, be supportive, learn the truth about why it happened, & most of all leave the rumours & lies alone. The couple, knows the truth, Heavenly Father , knows the truth, that's all that matters !!
Dallin H. Oaks - A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection.
What else do they need
The relationship is dead
Considering Elder Oakes’ legal training; I’m disappointed that he only uses the example of the Philippines legal quandary caused by a husband’s abandonment. No mention of the equally distorted American law that exploits men, from beginning to end? Almost 1/2 of members live here... but not a word of criticism of a seriously flawed legal system? If any of the Apostles ever had to deal with divorce; I’m certain the criticism would be far more balanced.
Maybe he didn't feel he need to add any other as he must've received letters from some in Philippines. I'm certain if they faced divorce it wouldn't be a bitter one.
I was kinda thinking that myself.
Atleast in the US people are allowed to divorce. Perhaps that is the difference.
I have the same lamentations as you too anyways. Marriage in the west is sadly hewned to let women manipulate the system. Its a huge concern!!
He gave this talk in 2007. A few years before he have this talk, he was the Area President of the Philippines. I think his story is from what he heard of Filipinos during his stay. I’m also glad he mentioned Philippines, as of now it is the only country without divorce as a law aside from the Vatican. Many families could not be sealed because some of them had been married before.
No compromise
because of the hardness of our hearts 4min 🎉 this is it! People hearts are failing them and their MINDs are out of balance
Money and “things” become more important than people. This is the devils handy work.
간음 이외의 이유로 이혼하지 말라는 예수 그리스도의 말씀은 무효가 되는 것인가요?
Amazing tslk
Well,, this is hard for me to listen to.
If one has a hard time forgiving and for getting, it is probably they were not told the truth
Getting out of a marriage is definitely not as easy as quitting a job.
Marriage is hard
💚
I it is sad
😂 thanks for this wonderful counsel.. it really helps me.
Is this worth a listen?
@@maddyboombaddybaddy6532 yes it is. I can promise you that.
🙏❣
This Subject Hurts bad
Very bad
I love this talk. However we are all so used to having children because we are commanded to. We are actually allowed and free to choose when we have children. And to be frank, Should only be when both spouses fell their financial stability welcomes a child. Meaning, you need to have a very high paying job or own a business that brings in hundreds of thousands a year. So many families suffer from not being financially ready. And those struggles are not healthy struggles. Because those families tend to break or fail