Ben's family is definitely very odd... Banning spouses from family gatherings? Demanding their traditions be followed like all wearing white to the wedding? "Shunning" when they don't get their way? These people are very VERY weird and it does sound a touch culty.
Yeah, it's very weird. I can understand for the parents to have a meeting/dinner with just their kids or not inviting exes (unless everyone is on good terms), but banning spouses in general? That's just coco
@@curtisalex456I mean, the husband seems normal. He was perfectly fine with throwing them all out of the wedding himself. I do wonder why he went to family gatherings and such without her, but it was probably OP who suggested that he go anyways based on how he acted the rest of the story.
Story 1: It's OP and Ben's wedding, so *THEY* have the final say. The in-laws can't override those rules, that's not how it works. They are entitled, and they need to stfu
I feel like they were trying to sabotage the wedding. Probably to keep the son from leaving. What they did probablh wasn't traditional, it was "They don't want this, so let's do that specifically!"
The op fiances family is wack. The only ones who are suppose to wear white is bride and maybe the groom, thats it. Whoever wears white aside from those two just disrespectsful.
Wedding venue story, OP posted an update. His little sister helped out by giving him a list of everyone that RSVP'd and notified them that the wedding would NOT be getting held there on that date. The sister's fiance reached out to OP and turns out that the sister claimed that everything was fine and blah blah blah, and that they had known the wedding date for over a year. So basically, she was keeping all of the troubles away from everyone (other than the mom) and, it seems like, was expecting for everyone to show up and somehow force OP to host the wedding. Also, OP hired a lawyer who is on the case, having sent a C&D to those causing problems (fake reviews). He also met with the couple actually scheduled for the date in question to explain the situation, offer a discount, and make arrangements to protect their wedding day from his family. (He did not cancel or try to reschedule them.) Another update is pending as OP believes that his sister will be finding a way to cause even more problems. OP mentions that since talking with the sister's fiance... "everything is quiet and I'm scared. Usually, when my sister is quiet, one of 2 things happens." Either way it's trouble.
Good! I’m glad that the updates went like that. I hope everyone who wrote those reviews backs off, since that’s a pretty clear case of intentional defamation of character and libel. It’s written and the internet is forever, so they can’t claim everything was a misunderstanding and the reviews “weren’t meant like that”. The grandparents definitely knew what they were doing by giving OP and only OP the land
@@lorilancaster5917 He indeed does sound VERY reasonable. I think it'd be funny if he actually put the wedding on hold until some boundaries/rules are put in place, where she basically has to start acting like a respectable person and not withhold information from him and not lie to him.
Story 3: You're supposed to give a date in advance. That's how it works. You don't just expect others to know what date you want and make them cancel their bookings if they book the date you want, you pick the date ASAP so you get it. Being family is not priority, pick another day.
But, but but... He should have booked ALL the dates for the next 5 years for his sister, until she could choose which one she wanted. That's how faaaaaamily works. (Just in case: this is sarcastic.)
@@sandwichqueen Actually from the comment by the sister she does think it's a family owned property. In my book it's OP's if the grands had wanted it differently the will would have been written differently. Oh, and did any of the family share the other assets? Or even offer to share?
Sister and Husband: **Constantly ruins OP's cooking** OP: "GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY KITCHEN!!!" Sister and Husband: **Surprised Pikachu Face** "BUt We WeRE HeLPiIInG!!!"
They’re sadistic or delusional because I’m sure OP has informed them both repeatedly they are not only not helping but are wasting food by making it inedible.
In my family, members who are dating are encouraged to bring their girlfriends, boyfriends, any friends at all. Our motto has always been “the more, the merrier “. We want anyone who might not be able to see their own families At holidays to celebrate with us. My mother used to buy extra toys and gift’s every Christmas just so she had appropriate gifts for surprise guests. My parents always said, the more people you love, the more you can love. Everyone is welcome here. I can’t imagine living in a family like that in the first story.
It's wild for sure because obviously, one of the parents aren't blood related to those who came before so this "tradition" must be a fairly short lived one & as such, easily changed. If my parents were like this (thank God they are not), I'd be dipping out of any of those festivities cuz if they're making me choose between them & a partner especially when we started having kids, well, that won't go how they think.
The fact that these people wait until OP is out of the room and try to be sneaky about it proves that they understand they're the ones in the wrong. It shows that they understand how it upsets OP and they understand that there are consequences to being caught doing it. It proves that they're intentionally disrespectful.
Story 4: a whole stick a butter and sugar in spaghetti? Tell your sister and husband if they want to die an early death that's on them but the rest of the family hates what they're doing. You didn't even put regular Chicken, just dump the can of regular Chicken in there. If they want to do that with their importance by but how selfish can you be to do that to the entire meal that's men for more than just you. I would stop making food for them, send they're so damned meant I do they can make it the way they want.
My advice to OP: stop cooking for your husband and sister in law, they can cook their own sugar coated spaghetti and butter soaked shrimps. Why is sil mooching at your house anyway?
I think they sabotage OPs food because they are crazy. OP commented that they were laughing as they put bleu cheese and canned chicken in the meals. They get a kick seeing the disgust on OP and the kids faces. Sister and husband should either be kicked out of OP takes the kids and leave them
@@lorilancaster5917 whenever i get piss off by something related to food i gladly cook "raven soup" to the person who make me angry, raven soup ,aka chicken hearts in water , a whole onion and salt if they want to play that game, op should secure meals for her and her kids and for those two immature manchild/womanchild make the most disgusting food ever prepare, make sure they ruin that too
notice how almost all of today's stories are family-related with a taste of r/entitledpeople you don't need enemies with relatives like these lol also, big ups to ben for sticking with his wife rather than giving in to the cultish family
We really needed a story where the husband sides with his wife, we haven't been getting much stories with them lately! I will be looking forward to Ben from the first story and OP from the second story telling us stories about their family on r/entitledparents.
honestly, i think the shunning will be good for ben. getting away from toxic behavior helps you heal and learn that that shit is not good. cults need to reinforce their ideals constantly and being away from that for a awhile while in the company of people who love and support you is the best way to get out of the mindset.
Story four: I'm with you there, OP. People who want to cook can do it in their own kitchens, and stay the heck out of mine. I had to TEACH my husband not to interfere with my cooking early in our marriage. I was once making a chunky beef stew for a carry-in dinner, and he messed with it until he had the meat and vegetables were chopped into such tiny pieces, they had emulsified so badly in cooking that the "stew" could have been sucked through a straw. It was humiliating, and I told him that while I would not consider divorce for a second infraction, murder was not off the table. He has kept his hands out of my cooking ever since.
Honestly, the whole time R/Slash was reading this one I was just wondering how far out of reach the knives must be for Husband and Sister-in-law to be comfortable doing this repeatedly
like i live in a household with two other people who can't have too much salt and i love salt. so if we are having burgers, i'll go in and salt the burger i'll eat and leave the others alone. people are entitled to have different tastes in food and can eat whatever they want, the thing is you are not entitled to fuck with other people's food in such a way that you know that they won't/can't eat it. honestly, if i caught my sister ruining the food to such a degree that only she will eat it multiple times, i'd kick her out of the house, especially if i had kids. and if my husband started doing that shit, i'd start considering divorce. food is sacred and anyone messing with it is a major "fuck no" for me.
Take one step back though to look at this: Not *once* in OP's post does she note ever watching her husband or his sister eating the food they ruined. There's a similar story a while back where a kid was purposely having his mom make smelly food that he wasn't eating just to annoy his classmates. This was *just* to screw over the family.
For the Birthday story. Considering how strongest OP’s morals are. They need to exclusively date other Vegans. And then if/when they may have kids they are going to need to re-evaluate how strict those morals are. The biggest issues is not about the birthday it’s just the comparability issue of forcing their morals down other peoples throat with no leeway. I absolutely commend OPs willingness to stick to their boundaries but they also need to realize if they are going to be that hardline about it then they need to only date people with the same moral code. If they are to combine finances for house hold expenses in the future and their partner eats Mrs are they going to then force that partner to go Vegas because they share grocery expenses? There is a maturity issue and reality check coming in hot for OP.
Story 1: "Let us ruin your wedding or be shunned and never have contact with us!" Dont threaten me with a good time. I'd usually be heavily against marrying into these kinds of families no matter how much in love you are with the person....But honestly seems Ben is on her team and well trash took itself out. It's definitely a cult. I hope Ben keeps the spine, and it doesn't rust when he's been seperated long from these people Story 2: Like my mind was made up by the title alone, but Imma say my piece anyways. They all suck, you want OP to help, PAY HER. This isn't household chores, it's a job. "You could've helped your brother" they only say this crap because he's their son. No other food joint would let an employees sibling just help out. Family Business doesn't mean free labor Story 3: .....What? Sister does realize this wasn't a favor right? It's business. And with business you make bookings. Like does she think it was made specifically for her? I swear some people think they're owed the planet. I'd ignore them and let them get over themselves normally, but actively trying to sabotage OPs business out of spite for her own dumb decisions....that's no contact. Story 4: My sister would do that. I make lasagna a specific way....and of course, she decides to doctor it up. I got fairly annoyed, she can make it her way when SHE buys the ingredients. DO NOT MESS WITH MY LASAGNA Story 5: Your birthdays not an excuse for boundary stomping. She was VERY clear in her boundaries. She's not refusing because she's stingy, but because she has OVER AND OVER made it clear she is not spending her money on meat products. Sucks he can't go there again, but that's his own fault.
The worst thing with the 3rd story is, from the sounds of it, OP was gonna cover all the costs and let them use the venue for free, just needed a date to reserve it. The sister expected him to just bend over backwards for her and kick out paying customers.
@@marjoriejohnston4905 You should not be expected to ignore your well established boundaries just because it's someone's birthday. Should she also drop her pants and let him do whatever he wants with her because it's his birthday? Would you go against one of your hard set boundaries for your partner's birthday?
@@AzureKyle and the 'I'd pay for him if he ordered something without meat' isn't stomping on his? This chick was a walking red flag from the get go. Dude should have run before it got this far. Never date toxic vegetarians.
@@marjoriejohnston4905I agree that it's a bit ridiculous, but at the same time those are the boundaries OP has. Boundaries they have repeatedly, and clearly, informed their partner on. If the partner can't handle, or doesn't want to, OP's boundaries then the partner should've broken it off long ago. Trying to literally force OP into a situation where they have to do something against what they know is a hard boundary is extremely childish, toxic and inconsiderate. If he wanted OP to treat him because it was his birthday it should've been discussed before going out. They could've talked about splitting the cost for the meal before going out if the boyfriend had actually said something about wanting to be treated. For example, if it comes with 2 sides OP can go "ok, the two sides bought separately would cost $7 out of the $20 for the meal, so I can pay for that and you can pay the difference" or something like that.
Story 3 has updates! It pretty much boils down to OP and the business are fine the reviews by the flying monkeys got taken down. OP is planning something special for the couple that properly booked the date and making sure there is security so Sister doesn't try anything. Along with the fact that now everyone knows, including bratty bride to be's fiancee' everyone but Mom and bratty bride to be are on his side. It also sounds like the fiancee is rethinking the marriage because apparently he's seeing a side of bratty bride to be he's never seen before. Of course its 'all OP's fault!' according to Mom and bratty bride to be, but it seems like he's accepted they aren't going to change.
Story 1: Either their traditions are just straight up weird or that's a bona fide family cult. OP NTA, massive W for the husband for having her back tho.
I wonder if it could just be creepy family members who they don’t want to show outsiders because “they won’t understand”. Speaking kinda from my own family issues with a great uncle
If your morals are that strict about not eating meat, what would even compel you to date someone who does eat me? I get if you're vegetarian for other reasons but if you feel that morally opposed to it, what are you doing? There are billions of vegans and vegetarians these days, date one of them
@redditdevilsadvocate.5134 exactly. Imagine if they have children and one of the kids decided to eat steak. Will she be okay with paying? Idk, she sounded pretty strict about "not spending one cent with meat"
The sister and husband in story 4 are lucky no one seems to have food allergies. It's common sense to not mess with people's food! And if you wanna do it your way, do it to your dish and leave the main plate alone!
yes, medical conditions also. imagine someone in that family has diabetes or a heart condition and they're throwing that whole stick of butter and a lot of sugar around
Every time I hear a story about someone tampering with ALL the food and not just their portion I think “just wait until someone has an allergic reaction see what happens”
So wait she took him to his favorite restaurant for his birthday and refused to pay? Why even go there? Why not do something else? From the sounds of it he literaly pays for her on several other occasions, but OP "treated him to his favorite restaurant" when really she didn't, in fact I wonder if OP even did anything for his birthday? On surface level it can be seen as him not respecting her, but when you delve into it it's her having no respect for him. How exactly is he supposed to pay if he doesn't have any means to pay, since it was a birthday dinner SHE invited him to?
I’m all for you choosing your diet based off your morals but I draw that line when you start dictating what others eat. She basically saying, yeah I’ll take you out to eat but you’re gonna eat what I think is ok. I think it’s an ESH with the guy being on the higher end for dining and dashing.
I just wonder how that relationship would unfold later. Would he have to do all grocery shopping? If they get married and combine finances what then, its partly her money buying any meat. I just belive they both need to do some thinking.
OP didn’t say whether it was his or her idea to eat at his favorite restaurant, but yeah, ESH. They’re both idiots for not talking about paying beforehand.
My concern is the oddity of her boundary. She told herself she wouldn’t pay a cent towards meat ever since she became vegetarian. It’d be a different story if she was being forced to eat the meat she paid for, but that isn’t the case. Her boyfriend ate the meat, not her! What’s paying for meat that someone else ate gonna do to her?! 🤔
The last story she needs to not date someone who eats meat. Telling him youll only pay for his meal if he doesnt get meat is pushing your ideas onto someone else. He shouldnt have left without paying but she definitely seems like the type to think he'll still pay for her birthday dinner
"Telling him youll only pay for his meal if he doesnt get meat is pushing your ideas onto someone else." how? It's her money. He has his own money. he is not in danger or trapped by her.
@@WesternBache Because it's generally accepted that you pay for someone's dinner if you take them out on their birthday. If you decide not to do this simply because they aren't conforming to your personal choice to not eat meat, your being a dick
Cooking story: Better solution is to tell them that if they interfere with her cooking again, then they will be the ones responsible for making ALL the meals and neither of them can cheat by buying premade food from a restaurant. On top of that, if it's inedible and not to OP's (or her kids) liking, then she and the kids get to go out to eat but husband and SIL have to eat what they made. The SIL, refusing to do any cooking, will leave it all up to her brother (OP's husband) and after several days, he'll grow tired of doing all the cooking and all the food going to waste. With OP holding out until it's a firm rule that NO ONE is to mess with the food when OP is cooking (ie, husband tells his sister to stop her f'ing games), the husband will quickly wise up and make sure that OP has the respect that she deserves.
The rule in my house growing up was “eat it or wear it.” I wonder if OP can do a version of that? Like, “you _mess_ with it you wear it.” How do you think her husband would look covered in blue cheese burger meat? Or macaroni and canned chicken?
Last Story: Moral Code and such all fine, but what if they are living together, theoraticly. and one week he is buying groceries, he is buying all items on the list. next week she is doing the same expect, she refuses to buy his groceries. so he has to go and buy his things separately. that doesn't sounds fair? at least it does not help for a healthy relationship. edit: the more i think about the situation, i think she deserves a score. 1. she has no problems taking his money and only spends money on him, if it fits her moral code. 2. what about the future, dining with future in-laws, friends, nieces and nephews, colleagues etc. "my moral code is so important, that i will not pay for your food if it's not vegan!" the solution is relatively simple, don't date omnivores and don't go eating with friends and colleagues who are. if she is so adamant about it, she will alienate herself.
I’ve had the same perspective. It gets even worse if you think about OP having kids in the future who may want to eat meat. Then which is more important. Your children or your morals. It’s a lot of maturity that seems to be lacking on both sides here.
Yeah, I don't like video games, and think the time and money are better spent elsewhere. But when my significant other wanted a PS5, it was about him and not me. OP is part of the reason so many people hate vegans.
Last OP, even if she has a strict moral code, is a whiny toddler about it. She's very entitled about her meat thing. Honestly, I think she needs to grow up, or her boyfriend needs to dump her. It's his birthday, for God's sake.
In my lifetime I've only liked one vegan but she switched backed to being a vegetarian because of how terrible the vegan community was. In the end if you eat animal protein don't date a vegetarian or vegan. But this story esh the bf 1/5 for the dine and dash but the gf 3/5 for obvious reasons. Tbh though it does sound like a fluff piece so I think she ain't being truthful on some things.
It's even worse than that. Eating meat is very important while pregnant. Many women have problems with iron and that can lead to many nasty health complications that can threaten the vioability of a pregnancy. Red meat really is the best way to absorb that. A lack of it even affects their ability to produce enough milk. Also, low levels of iron and vitamin B12 have been commonly noted in vegan mothers and it can really affect a child's development. After the formula fiasco during Covid is that really a risk anyone should take?
First Story, NTA: OP and her husband compromised with them on how the wedding should go and the rules. Instead of following the rules, all but 3 of OP's husband's family followed that those rules. U can’t make an agreement and then go back on it Second Story, NTA: The title alone was enough. OP's parents are exploiting their child for unpaid child labor, that is insanely illegal. I didn’t finish the story but that title screams favoritism. Ok, the story didn’t go how I expected but I wasn’t right on the favoritism. OP wasn’t offered a job there so why should OP be expected to help out at a business without payment? OP isn’t petty or lazy, she just don’t want to work for free Third Story, NTA: I don’t know if I read that right, didn’t OP say their grandparents left the property to only OP? So where is this "our" coming from? That being said, how did OP ruin the wedding when SHE refused to give OP a date for the wedding. OP did everything right and she did everything wrong Fourth Story, NTA: If OP's husband and his sister want to alter THEIR plates of food, they can do that; however what they are doing is downright disrespectful. They are constantly ruining OP's cooking under the thought of "helping" Fifth Story, NTA: This man is fully aware of OP's boundaries and knows she will never spend money on meat and then acts shocked when she does exactly that? No one told him to dine and dash, he brought that on himself
About the 2nd story, how can you claim favoritism? They wanted to hire the son to give him "work experience" so he could get a better job than working fast food. OP already had a job, probably making more money than they were offering, and to offer her the job would be asking her to quit her job to work for them. It's a proposition that no sane person would suggest or accept. Mind you, she never asked to work their either. As for "should OP be expected to help a business without payment?" If it was McDonalds, or some other multi-national corporation you'd be right. This isn't that. It's not some nameless, faceless profit engine, it's family. If mom and dad had kicked her out of the house at 10 or were otherwise neglectful then fair point. Again, this is not that. This is textbook pettiness and entitlement. Just do the dang work, it's only 10 minutes and I'm sure some form of "payment" could've been arranged.
On the last story, everyone sticks here. Yes, the boyfriend failed to respect boundaries but OP is also showing her age by making such a boundary in the dust place. For relationships to work, both sides must compromise. After 20+ years of marriage, my wife decided to switch her eating habits and is now kosher (which is a way bigger passion than vegan). I had to learn what "kosher eating" was and what all it entailed. My wife cooks non kosher for me regularly but I do cook kosher for her. There is give and take from both of us. She just doesn't eat outside the kosher rules.
(I am NOT OP) The wedding with the sister had an update; Mods blocked the update. So I hope people see this. Origional here Thank you all for your love, comments, and opinions. It was quite overwhelming. It has been busy. Sorry it took so long. Also, what's with the aggressive writing in all CAPS in the comments? First, I would like to say that I did leave out a bunch of background information and history between my family and I. People had concerns about the comment I made about my little sister and putting her in the middle of things. I didn't end up asking her, but she still helped me out. In regards to the other couple that booked the day. I will not/did not cancel on them. I invited them out to the property and to a nice dinner. We had a good time and I explained what was happening. I said I would not cancel on them. I offered added security, requested a guest list/ a main point of contact for guest questions, and a discount for just in case things happen. They understood and accepted the new terms/offer. I do have a lawyer. I had her send c and d letters to my sister, mother, the "friends," and other family members who were making false reviews and talking bad about my business. That went over well(sarcasm). She also said not to share my details to get better reviews. On to my sister and mom. I told them both that it is MY PROPERTY. There is no OUR, and it is not the "family property." It is MINE. I told them under no circumstances were they allowed to show up on the date of question. I had offered several different solutions, all of which were rejected. All I asked in the beginning was for an immediate response to when they figured out a date they wanted to get married. If it was any other venue and they did this, it would not work. Just because I am running, it doesn't give them special treatment or priority. They argued. I shut them down. If they want to have her wedding here, call for a date. Now my younger sister was able to find the invitation list and sent it to me. I guess my older sister left her computer open. All of the people that RSVPed I sent an email/text saying the venue is not where the wedding will be set as it was never reserved under (bride and grooms name). The groom reached out to me and asked if I was serious about her not reserving the date. Apparently, she told his side she "had it covered" and to "not worry about it." He also apologized and mentioned they knew the date for over a year now. He said he has a lot to think about. Now since that talk everything is quiet and I'm scared. Usually, when my sister is quiet, one of 2 things happens. It is about to get painful. Eruption is imminent. That's all for now. I'll keep y'll updated. I'm not sure where I'll update. But this is not over. Also, sorry for the people asking for my venue details. I don't want to share it here due to me trying to keep my anonymity(sp?). Also, I'm in North America. TLDR: Shut sister down. The other couple made happy. FBIL has a lot to think about. It is suspiciously quiet.
3rd story: This is one of those moments where I think OP should make sure to communicate with all the people sending him angry messages individually and make sure that they know the full story. Because I doubt they all think that OP should just cancel the booking for another family to accommodate his sister. More than likely she has lied to everyone and either claims that she did give him a date and he is backing out of it now to give it to someone else. Or that he has flat out refused to let her use the property.
I recommend OP does everything in his power to get those negative reviews deleted. He was being professional and respectful whereas his sister felt that he should not book his venues in the whole foreseeable future in order to accommodate her because “family”.
I’m not sure if you can delete them easily, but I’d answer every comment with the same “Please tell xy to stop lying about what happened. No, I won’t cancel a long-planned reservation just because xy couldn’t decide on a date earlier.” Shuts them up pretty quickly and provides context for real/ potential guests.
I hope they're willing to listen to OP's side of the story. But really, they should've listened to OP's side of the story before sending angry messages. The fact that they went straight to sending angry messages without verifying the facts tells me that they're not going to listen to OP's side of the story.
@@uselessinformation1988 There's no guarantee of course. But if they considered OP's sister trustworthy they might have taken her word for it at first. Telling them what actually happened is a good way to show them that they shouldn't consider her trustworthy.
That last story, They are fundamentally incompatible. If op refuses to ever pay for any meat , then they can never get married or have kids . This issue will persist forever .
It's ESH in the last story!! BF shouldn't have just left so he gets 1/5AH for that..OP however gets 2.5/5AH, her paying for 1 steak once a year wont kill her! Let's see how she'd feel if her BF made HER PAY for her own birthday dinner!!
Did she even give him a gift I may have missed it if she did but if so no gift and will only pay for birthday meal if it's vegetarian or vegan. Just kinda seems like they should be dating
OP definitely would be throwing a tantrum if he made her pay for her own birthday dinner. She implies that she'll gladly pay for his meal, but only if it's by her dietary restriction. That's manipulation because she knows he won't do that.
Story 1: maybe if they hadn't said to your faces they would respect all these rules you would be wrong. You respected their idiotic isolation of all spouses they should be able to respect yours it's not their wedding and they're not paying for anything. Some of those rules didn't even come from you it was your husband's suggestions, they were rude and disrespectful and you showed them you wouldn't tolerate it, you're not the a hole for that.
I was always weirded out by families who don't like "outsiders". Wouldn't either the mother or father count as an outsider since they married into the family?
Story 1 if you don't agree with rules object when you are told about them and don't be surprised when they kick you out when you suddenly show up breaking the boundaries you agreed to. Story 2 if bringing in all these friends was a problem doesn't he have the right to deny service? Story 3 They gave it to OP, not the family, and they must have had a reason. The longer the story goes on the more I think I agree with whatever reason that was. Story 4 She can make her own food and offer it to the rest of the family. Also maybe I'm petty but out of curiosity are there any foods the Husband/SIL hate? Put them in all the food you make until they stop (r/'s suggestion also works). Story 5 Do restaurants really care if people dine/dash if they repay later? Couldn't he go there with a bunch of cash and tell them that there was a misunderstanding and it won't happen again?
If you are known customer that dines / drinks often in the place, you can get leeway what to do. My friend stole some stuff while drunk and the bar owner just called the next day that please bring the item back, no hard feelings. I guess that if it is a brand owned place and you are not very known, the cops are called easily. Also my friend's dad just forgot to pay and drove away. But as he visited the place every day, they just said to him next morning that could you pay now :D
honestly with story 2, when he said that they are swamped and her bringing in her friends made it worse, if i was OP, i'd just go "oh, in that case let me help!" and take my friends somewhere else.
Story 2. Sounds like OPs family needs to find a really good manager to help them eith staffing, scheduling, and cleaning routines. You should not be needing to clean equipment ASAP in the middle of an apparently busy time for your business. This type of cleaning should be scheduled as part of closing routines. Also, 4 people is not a crowd of people. Most family groups are probably more than 4 - you're going to tell me you're not prepared to serve multiple families/groups...at an ice cream place?!?!
I feel kinda bad for the guy in the last story, like I understand she doesn’t want to budge on her morals and “spend money on meat” but she seems to think it’s more important than anything, what if he lost his wallet one day and needed her help? She’d probably be just as cold about it, so I can understand why hed be upset with her. She couldnt even set aside this weird morality complex she’s got in her head for just one dinner, maybe even ask him to pay it back later. He’s better off without OP
Wonder about op’s morals though, like if she has such a strong hatred of meat why even date a meat eater?? Like if they do stay together it seems like it’d cause so many problems down the line
@@filipe.sm31That's not hypocritical. Are you going to attack every vegetarian person about that? Because if they don't eat animal products, they aren't vegetarian, they're vegan. Besides, being vegetarian helps with your carbon footprint. Don't call her hypocritical
Last Story: Rslash, really? It was his BIRTHDAY. He's not stepping on her boundaries. He wanted her to pay for his birthday meal that SHE invited him to. She should have to pay. Sounds more like she is forcing her beliefs on someone else... gf is the AH!
Unironically hard disagree on the last post. She knew what she was doing and knew this would cause an issue. She tried to force her morals and beliefs under the guise of "giving a gift", but then turning it on (what should be her EX) boyfriend. Guy did nothing wrong.
@@kranberry3318 like having to spend twice on groceries anyway since only two people will eat the meal? Either way they’re spending the money but this way sends a message since clearly words aren’t working
@@kranberry3318 they're wasting the money anyway - no one but the SIL and maybe the husband can stand the food and will eat it, meaning that OP and the kids are either going hungry or OP is making 2 meals each time anyway.
@@kranberry3318 Some marriages keep finances split. Either that or they go for a weird hybrid model where a certain percentage goes into a shared account for combined expenses while another percentage goes into a "fun money" account. TBH, I kind of like the hybrid model, since it's a good protection in case the other spouse turns flakey.
So for anyone on the side of the OP on the last story, please hace this in mind, imagine the person you love is gonna treat you on YOUR birthday. But she will only give you your gift if i something that she likes. Yeah.... nope, it was HIS birthday, you could at least decide on what to eat on your birthday, imagine your bf or gf invites you to your favorite restaurant, tells you to order what again YOU WANT and when the bill comes it gives it to you, seriously thats messed up. Why do i say this? I don't eat pickles, in any way shape or form, as a child intoxicated on a lunch where the picles where bad and i fell very ill, i can't stand them. My wife loves pickles at the point sometimes that i can feel when i kiss her she ate them. IF it was my wife birthday and i ditch her with the bill for eating pickles, i would be looked upon as an AH... AS IT SHOULD. And i know a lot of people use this argument but in this case if the roles where reversed he would be the AH. So what it is any diferent?
For the last story, the Guy gets 0/5 buttholes while the vegetarian gf gets 3/5 buttholes. Why? Glad you asked. First, the gf knows how the bf is. Yes she set boundaries and has morals. However! She decided to take this guy to his favorite restaurant on his birthday. This is HER taking him for dinner. That's her own fault and she should have paid. She could have taken him anywhere else or asked him to get something other than meat. SHE..DID...NOT DO THIS. The guy is in the right. She should have paid since it was his birthday and her idea do to this. In my view she did this intentionally knowing what he was going to do.
So that’s one of my things I would never seriously date a girl that’s a vegetarian. I don’t care if people are vegetarian, but I wouldn’t want to have a long-term relationship with the girl who is because I eat meat and vegetables and I will not change my diet for another person and I would not want to have kids with a female who is vegetarian because I don’t think that’s healthy or good. We were meant to eat meat and plants so that’s a hard pass. Now, of course, but I’m cool with being friends with a girl that is vegetarian or even practicing on her. I would just have to make dang sure that she didn’t get pregnant because no. Because I wouldn’t want my feet us to starve.
You see i disagree with the last story like you should put aside your own desires and preferences(as long as it doesnt like harm you) for your partner on their birthday i mean you love them right? The least you can do is buy them dinner like come on its ONE dinner a year its not like their asking you to pay for every dinner like bruh.
The vegetarian girl....She's not right. Not because she is a vegetarian, but I do not get to choose what the birthday person eats. If I take someone out on their birthday for dinner, I do not get to say "unless you order fish, because fish are my friends." Honestly, They are just not compatible. If she is that adamant, then she should date a fellow vegetarian. For instance, if I am a Christian that won't eat meat during the Lent season, I wouldn't decide to not pay for someone else on their birthday if they were not a Christian and wanted meat on their birthday. If it made me THAT uncomfortable that they ate meat during the Lent season, I should consider not dating him and only date people with the same beliefs. Otherwise, it leads to too much conflict.
She wasn't telling him not to eat something though, she just wasn't paying for it -- which was clearly established in their relationship long beforehand.
Last Story: I'm on the boyfriends side, you can't even treat your man on his birthday? Yeah he's an AH for running away. But I would have paid and then dumped the girl after that. Id she treated him badly on his birthday then she doesn't really care about him. Hopefully they've split up now because the gf showed selfish red flags
Nah nah nah. He knew what she believed, she TOLD him what she believed, he choose to stay with her after knowing it, he doesn't actually get to cry. If someone clearly stated a boundary with you, it doesn't magically vanish because "But I'm a big special birthday boy!" If I'm boycotting a company because of how awfully they treat children in the Congo, I'm not actually going to give them money because "but it's my birthday and I want a chocolate bar!". If this boundary is an issue LEAVE WHEN ITS ESTABLISHED. There's your solution. If you don't like something, don't start poking and proding to find some exceptions to it, you either ACCEPT that is the rule, or you leave.
On the Birthday Boy - yes, boundaries are important. So is communication. Most people seem to understand that if someone's taking you out for your birthday, they're buying your meal, so I can see why he made the pretty natural assumption that she'd pay for dinner. If the girl had made it clear that she wasn't going to pay for his dinner if he ordered a meat dish, he probably would have gotten something else. If he had asked her how they were covering the bill, instead of throwing a childish temper tantrum and committing a misdemeanor, there wouldn't be an issue. This was an entirely avoidable problem.
With the second story OP mentioned in other posts how in the past whenever she helped her brother at his request he took advantage of her help and wasn’t appreciative. She learned to tell him no and hold her ground a few years ago
Its in a comment she mentions. She didnt put it in the post because of 'bias'; that literally wouldn't concluded that she was not wrong if she added that. Her story is becoming unreliable so at best this is NAH or she's a liar.
@@neverdateagamer1498how is expecting someone that doesn’t work at an establishment to work there, without getting compensated, not an asshole move? There are clear assholes in this story, and it’s not OP
15:07 ????? Huh? So it’s OK to have to pay for your birthday present? That’s not how this works honey. Why on earth would she put herself in that position in the 1st place?
If you're inviting someone out for their birthday dinner, and you refuse to pay for certain food, why did you bring him to a restaurant that serves that kind of food?
OP's boyfriend or whoever already knew that she absolutely will not under any circumstances pay for meat. You don't get to violate established boundaries just because it's your birthday. It was for the boyfriend to expect OP to pay for the meat when he already knew her boundaries. They've been on previous dates and OP has never paid for the meat. If you're dating a vegan or vegetarian you have to respect their boundaries even on your birthday.
But what I don't get is why she invited him in the first place if she knew he was going to buy meat. Hell if I was a vegan and I invited my gf who eats meat to her favorite restaurant without hesitating, I would pay for her because it is her birthday, geez young or not she knew what was happening even though the bf was in the wrong for dime and dashing the gf is also in the wrong for inviting him to his favorite place on his birthday of all days like it would be different if it was on a different day but like seriously the gf needs to chill.
@@uselessinformation1988 Give me your dealers number cause whatever the hell you're tripping on to come to that wild ass conclusion must be pretty damn good.
Story 3: _wow,_ that is one toxic family. OP was constantly given the short end of the stick, and yet the family can't deal with not having everything. I'd say it's high time that OP return the favor of his parents and kick the rest of the family out of his life. Maybe also respond to the review-bombing by dropping some hints in the replies as to who these people really are? I mean, the nerve! OP was trying to be courteous and offer the use of his property for free, but little miss entitled couldn't stand not being in total control. And saying "it's our family property"? Well in that case, I believe OP is owed some money because if the property is shared, the money is too right? Lol, of course not. These are people that just take without even thinking about giving back.
Last story: so she expects everyone else to respect her boundaries, meanwhile she's allowed to dictate to people what they can eat 🤨 I will only pay- but you eat what i tell you too. It would be at this point I'd never want to go out with you again
Yeah, honestly - this relationship should be over. I'd be annoyed, too - especially if I'd been told she was going to pay for dinner. He might have thought she was doing something special for him by actually paying for what he ordered for once. I see why he was upset. That being said, it's not her fault he is now banned. He should just go back, apologize, pay and see what happens. OP should find someone with the same morals around animals so this will not be an issue i the future. Fortunately she's young, so she has time to find someone more suited.
That's why majority of vegans/vegetarians are absolute nightmares and you should never date one if you eat animal protein. Some are ok to be friends with but be careful.
Her boundary would've been reasonable if it was just another dinner, but it was her BF's birthday dinner. She couldn't set her boundary aside for 1 dinner?
I think they both suck in this instance. She sucks for not mentioning to him ahead of time even though its his birthday she wont change her rule, he sucks for not going back and paying for his food. He would have been justified if he grumbled about it but paid at dinner, but walking off and not paying is an AH move. I also think ordering the most expensive dinner when someone else is paying is an AH move as well unless told by that person to order it. Either way they both need to date other people.
4th story: I like cooking. I am more than happy to cook for larger groups when we have people over. But I have one rule: I am cooking, you're not. You don't touch anything in my kitchen unless I tell you to. My girlfriend knows this and stays out of my way when I cook. She also hates cooking, so she just views that as a benefit. And since she doesn't do anything unless asked, I know I can rely on her if I need her to do something. Like "Hey, can you stir this a little bit while I go and get something?". Her mom, on the other hand, has earned herself a ban from the kitchen when I am cooking. Because she is incapable of not trying to interfere and alter my recipes. She will attempt to add spices, start cooking stuff too early or question my decisions even though she has eaten my food several times and always liked it. I've been close to smacking her hand with a spatula more than once.
I feel you, I banned my mother and grandmother from the kitchen when I cook since long ago. My grandmother always wishes to "teach me" or to "take a look". While I'm grateful for my grandmother guidance when I was 7, she became ridiculous with ages. She will always find something to nag at, even the way I stir the pasta. I mean, I got into a 30-min argument with her because I was stirring the pasta in a clock way while she insists I need to revert it. Who care I stir the pasta like a clock ? She also fake doing crossword just to be in the dinning table a look at me cooking. I banned it too. When I cook, she isn't allowed in the kitchen or the dinning table, except if she wants something like fruit juice. But I just drop cooking to escort her. My mum just come and eat my ingredients if she can. She always wants to "taste" before everyone else. My aunt does that too, but she just take one or two bite before leaving. My mum taste to a point where I need to cook more for everyone. The last straw was when I decided to cook a chocolate cake when I was 15. I needed 200 g of chocolates and the grocery made a promotion for 400g. I saw my mum taking some chocolate and I told her that I need 200g, she could eat some, but leave at least 2 chocolate bar (100g each). She ate 300g and while I return to the grocery, she ate the last 100g left. She also tries to eat the new chocolates, but at this point I got fed up and concerns for her heath and just snitch her to grandmother. 400g in like 20 min. This is insane.
@@Kingdo_RGT When I cook for my mom she full on sprints out of the kitchen before I can ask her to do anything. She is so happy to not have to cook for once that she will happily let me do my thing. Last time I cooked for her she was lying on my couch under a blanket and refused to move until the dinner was done.
for all the other stories i agree with the takes but for the last one YTA, it’s the man’s birthday, one day out of the year, paying for his meal on his birthday is the least you can do, he should dump you after this
Nah it's unreasonable to assume someone would abandon their morals for any reason. It's a bit extreme but it's how she wants to live her life and if that doesn't work for him they're not compatible. Tbh she should just find someone with similar values if it's such a big deal
Why would you assume it's all that and not some stuck up middle class family because I know my backwoods family know how to respect people's boundaries and rules
That last story is simple. Don’t pay for any of her vegetarian meals anymore. I just hope she doesn’t become like my friends mom. He had Very bad malnutrition growing up, because his mom refused to feed him any animal products.
You shouldn't be malnourished while being vegan or vegetarian, for the majority of people plants do have everything you need, if she was just non-stop feeding her kid nothing but a raw vegan diet like salad and fruit or whatnot of course the kid was malnourished, but billions of people managed to be vegan since birth and grow up perfectly healthy.
@Nioco2 I'm gonna point out the obvious here and cast doubt on her statements of footing the bill for events. She's either doing really well for herself as an 18yr old, or (more likely) these events don't happen often, she saves up, and she doesn't put any value on things he does to get them to these events to mention them (driving places, gas, buying merch, maybe snacks) and only acknowledges things like dinner bc they go out to places with enough frequency that it warranted mention. She also points out that he sometimes pays for all of the meal but most times they split the bill but entirely fails to mention when she's covered the bill. In fact, she goes out of her way to say that she'll only pay for things that are meat-free but that he never took her up on the offer, subtly implying that she knows he would never order a meat free meal. She's disguising her manipulation of his diet as boundaries.
@@geltric4779 It seems, you make all of these assumptions to fit the preconceived judgment you already made of her. On the face of it, there is no reason to doubt what she is saying. It is entirely possible that she has a job or wealthy parents that allows her to pay for these things. Moreover, she is old enough to drive so if his driving all the time would have been a factor she would have mentioned it. Therefore, it wouldn't be a problem if at the times he paid for food she paid for the event. Apart from that, it is his decision to always have to eat meat, thereby denying the offer every time. He has the option to not eat meat while she doesn't have the option to eat meat. This is not manipulation since as already stated their expenses are pretty ballanced. You just don't seem to understand that her being vegetarian isn't just some quirky character trait but a deeply held moral belief. In the same way it would be wrong to expect a Muslim to pay for pork.
@Nioco2 Don't compare OP's *choice* (emphasis on choice because she gave no indication that she became vegetarian for health reasons) to cut meat out of her diet to the Muslim faith. Just don't go there, it's not comparable. I can admit that assumptions were made on my part but given that the point of AITA is to deliver the best version of themselves to the internet in the hopes of receiving sympathy, why wouldn't I scrutinize details that she didn't apprise us of? If she did drive, pay for gas, etc, I'm sure she would include those details in her effort to paint her boyfriend (hopefully ex) in the worst light. Instead what I noticed was her admitting that her boyfriend occasionally payed for meals for the two however she would only return that kindness under the condition that he followed her dietary habits, something she subtly knew he wouldn't do as he hadn't taken her up on that offer. She couldn't even hazard the thought of relenting on her self-imposed rule once for his birthday because obviously someone's morals should always come at the expense of someone else. Why would you care about your significant other on their birthday? It's not like they're important to you or anything. It's better to make them feel like shit because they were forcibly pulled across your arbitrary line in the sane.
Birthday dinner story... Does that girl always give gifts with her boundaries attached? If she gives you a gift card she's going to tell you you can't buy any meat with it?
Not another bad take, rslash. On the last story, everyone sucked. They can’t make a compromise and it’s not bad to expect that someone who offered a date on their partner’s birthday would pay for the dinner, regardless of their choice of food. He should’ve went back to pay tho to save some hassle. But they need to break up.
I stopped eating with family because they would either mess with my food or comment on it, like I did something wrong. They want me to start coming again but I probably won't
Last story: I have to question OP's sanity for being so adamant against paying for meat, but she's not an asshole for that. Her boyfriend 100% wronged her and broke the law.
Yea some people have strong morals, so I wouldn’t question it. I wouldnt say she’s insane, but if her morals include not wanting to contribute anything to something she is against then so be it. She also made him aware many times, shes not an asshole when she told him her boundaries and he purposely decided to try and go against it “just this once”
@@vortexriver1071 I'm done pretending "meat is murder" is even remotely respectable position. I understand some meat production involve unnecessary animal suffering and that's fine to boycott. But OP is indiscriminatly refusing the payment for any and all meat products. Ethical meat isn't a thing in her world. Is it for the lack of research, lack of a sound mind, or both?
@@Antsaboy94 You are joking right? If you kill a animal (if I would do to dogs, what is happening with pigs people would find my house and burn it) for the pleasure of your tastebuds then that is 100% unnecessary animal suffering. You don't need to kill animals to stay alive, source: vegans exist. Ethical meat is for tribes who live somewhere in the wild and can't go to a supermarket or eskimo's because they can't grow anything there. Her fault is dating someone who has not enough empathy and never done any research or even question himself "how is it that we can feed 50 billion animals world wide, who eat way more then us but are not able to feed all humans" ? We do agree on one thing because i can't understand that she doesn't want to pay for it but will look at him and kiss him when he eats what she is so against. That is just weird.
“That’s the taste you were looking for” No. I *had* the taste I was looking for and you destroyed it, that right there is the taste *you* were looking for
Story 1. They're probably counterfeiting $10 or $20 notes in their basement. Story with sister messing up dinner: Slash has the right approach. Its 100% a dominance thing by the sister.
On that first story, if my family was like the husband's, I'd flat out tell them "Well, looks like I won't be at any family gatherings." And on story 3. OP probably should've been more insistent on a specific date. But, being that isn't what happened, he should forcefully say "Look idiot, YOU never gave me a date. YOU shouldn't have blown me off when I asked. And this isn't family property, it is mine. My name is on the deed, it was left to me. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency upon me." Story 4. OP, I'm sure you have a rolling pin. Make use of it.
honestly ESH in the last story, "moral" vegans are weird af... obviously the boyfriend is in the wrong overall but there is a sort of fundamental problem
It doesn't even matter what you think about veganism she established the fact that she wouldn't pay for meat, if he didn't like the boundary he should've talked to her asap or broken up with her.
One big thing about the ice cream shop is OP isn’t on the books and if they have an accident then they aren’t covered by insurance and the family would be in big trouble
I think the final story is an every one sucks actually. What happens when or if they get married? Would op continue to cling to the idea of not buying meat? Because that means forcing her boyfriend to be vegetarian which definitely seems like she’d be pushing her beliefs onto him. Yes it was wrong of him to assume she’d pay, but she does need to learn to relax or loosen up her boundaries because she can’t shove her beliefs down the throats of others.
The worst part is that they are or were going to his favorite restaurant, she invited him but still chose not to pay because he had chosen meat it is like saying hey let's go to your favorite place but if you don't get what I had improved then you pay for it.
I'm a married omnivore with a vegetarian wife, and both of us think the gf in the restaurant story is the AH. If you want to do something nice for your SO for their birthday and you can't do it at your SO's favorite place to eat without making it about you and your own moral sensibilities, PLAN SOMETHING ELSE. She could have taken him horseback riding, shopping, swimming, drinking, camping... literally anything that he likes besides dinner. It doesn't take an unreasonable amount of effort to think up something to make his day special without allowing a scenario to unfold that will cause conflict or force him to pay for his own birthday fun. And no, it's not unreasonable to assume that if someone - even someone with different ideals - takes you out for dinner on your birthday, they're paying. If rslash thinks this is about stepping on boundaries, what about the gf stepping on her bf's boundaries by ruining a place that he likes? My wife and I both suspect that the gf is not nearly as cool with her bf's choices as she might play, and probably isn't sorry that the situation that unfolded made him incapable of having meat at his favorite place in the future. It just seems too stupidly obvious as a bad idea to not have been deliberate.
I agree with you. I think saying I'll only pay for your food if you don't get meat is manipulation. Now the bf could have walked back in and paid for his steak and apologized for the misunderstanding so he could go back in the future.
I was looking for this reply, very few people talk about the last story. If it wasn't malicious, it was at the very least extremely clumsy on the girlfriend part. She KNEW he would order meat, because he always does, and still went along with it, without warning him at all. It's just incredibly mean. Did she even get him anything else for this day? Or was his "gift" to have his evening (and by extension, day) ruined? I would be heartbroken at this point. Sure, he screwed up by not paying (he could have even come back later but just accepts the ban as long as there are no legal consequences... to each their own), but he didn't deserve to be mistreated this way.
did y’all not hear the story op spends hundreds of dollars on concerts for the both of them and has told her bf her boundaries and it’s her fault he didn’t pay how explain it to me
and why does op have to spend money on something that the bf wanted that’s expensive all he had to do was pay for the meat and he didn’t op paid for everything else if y’all invite someone out to dinner and they order something outside of their budget birthday or not would you pay or split the bill y’all are say op did that on purpose how op is 18 and her bf is 20 she has on thing she doesn’t want to do if she pays for the meat on his birthday then he’s gonna want her to do it again
Last story: Everybody sucks here. What a shitty boundary OP has. So, when he's paying, you can get whatever you want, but when you're paying, only what you want him to have? Then this man-child just ditched you and fleed without paying 🤯 this dude needs to grow up! Also, how in the world would this boundary work in the real world? If you split the groceries, you'd split 50 50 only the portion without meat? There are a ton of issues with it. OP needs to find someone with similar ideals moving forward.
Simple, have an understanding that everyone is different. Not everyone have same mental, emotional and physical functions. One must respect the other's likes, dislikes and boundaries. In the story, they already have clear understanding and agreement, but the bf pushed his crap and abused his privilege on his birthday, so suffered the consequences of his idiocy...
in the last story with the vegetation OP and the meat eater BF, I 100% agree the BF was a total butthole and I also agree with the 2.5 /5 rating on him. However I think OP also deserves a butthole score of 0.5/5. Choosing to not eat meat is fine, wanting to not be involved with the meat industry is also fine. Choosing to not eat meat reduces demand for meat, making the BF pay for his meat doesn't do anything at all because its still the same amount of meat being sold. What OP did here was use their morals as a shield to push those morals on the BF in a very passive aggressive way. OP said it best "I told him if he orders something meat-free, I'd happily pay for both of us"
Refusing to buy meat is in no way pushing morals on to someone else. She's made it completely clear that she'll never buy me because it's a moral dilemma. If someone not buying meat for you is enough to make you feel like they're pushing their morals on to you then you have issues. You wouldn't get mad at a Muslim for not buying pork for somebody's birthday, the only thing different about this is It's not a religious thing, those are just their morals.
@@viktorbazinaif that’s the case just because it’s in writing that they won’t break the rules doesn’t make it binding. Their word should’ve been enough if they weren’t crazy.
Story about sister and husband messing with OP's food. The way to tackle this would be to check by saying "have you put sugar into the spaghetti?" When they reply with something like: "It needed some sugar" or "Only a little bit", then simply pick up the dish and dump it straight into the rubbish (trash) bin. Do that a few times so that they go hungry and it will soon stop.
I disagree with R/slash about the gf refusing to pay for her bf birthday meal. It was his birthday….when someone buys a gift for someone they can pick what to buy, but when someone says they will take you out for dinner for your birthday on them should not matter what the birthday person orders. That’s twisted. However OP’s bf walking away knowing they did not pay for the steak was wrong. 3.5 out of 5 for OP and 2 for bf.
That doesn't make it okay to just spring it on her with no warning, though. It'd be one thing if she offered first and backed out just because of the steak, but it sounds like he just expected her to pay with no prior discussion about it. To be fair, though, I think this relationship was likely DOA, regardless of this specific dinner. If you're that morally opposed to eating meat, then why would you get with an avid meat-eater? Like, from OP's perspective, this guy is doing something utterly cruel and evil on a daily basis, so why would either of them think that this would work out? I know some vegetarians aren't so morally opposed to meat as others, but if you utterly refuse to even let any of your money go towards someone else eating it, that paints you as being pretty far on the extreme end of the spectrum.
Can I just add here, how entitled is this dude that he purposefully picked the most expensive steak on the menu when he planned to force her to pay for it. And I say planned because the dude left the restaurant, then when she told him he had to pay for it, he refused to go back. He knew exactly what he was doing trying to force her boundary.
@kittysweets86 You're assuming that he doesn't regularly eat that steak every time he goes to that restaurant; he said it was his favorite so he's obviously familiar with the menu. Even if that's not the case, why are you saying he attempted to "force" her to pay for his meal? The dinner is his gift for his birthday, she's the one who decided to forgo getting him another gift in lieu of the dinner so why wouldn't she pay for it? Because she has self-imposed rules about spending money on meat, even if she's not the one to eat it? That's ridiculous, she's trying force him to eat what she likes or don't eat at all basically. Or alternatively, no gift for his birthday because it really sounds like she had nothing else planned for him. I wonder how she'd feel if he did anything similar to her.
@@kittysweets86 Yes! Thank you! I was wondering why no one seemed to be mentioning the fact that he’s ordering up expensive shit but then says he doesn’t have the budget for the food he ordered because apparently if his gf is paying then he can rack up the bill like it’s a sport!
I mean, I doctor up my roommate’s food to make it spicier. But I only do that once it’s on my plate and away from the community food. And I also do the same when I cook for all of us, cuz I know he can’t unspice it as easily.
Story 3: Op this is harassment, gather your evidence then send a seize and desist to your toxic family members and everyone else who's leaving you bad reviews for no reason.
I agree with you, but it’s “cease and desist” not “seize.” Also, there’s an update where OP mentions he brought in his lawyer and has send those C&D letters as necessary.
Hi Dabney, thanks for making these videos and putting them out every day. I love listening you you while I get ready for the day or eat lunch or whatever. You're the best, I hope you and your family are enjoying this Sunday together 💛
This is ridiculous. What if he told her he’d take her out for her birthday to eat but only pay if she ordered something he approved? That’s essentially what she’s doing. If it’s a gift for his birthday he should be able to order what he wants and what he enjoys. It’s silly that because she’s vegetarian it affects him too. He’s not asking her to eat it, he’s not forcing her to try it. It’s a gift for his birthday and he should be able to order what he wants. If she told him she was taking him out to eat for his birthday then she should have. If it was the other way around everyone would be up in arms over it. If he told her he’d only pay for her to eat if she ordered a steak people would be mad. If he said he’d only pay for her to eat if she ordered a salad you’d be upset. It’s silly that he has no say over what he enjoys and would like for his birthday. He didn’t want vegetables for his birthday. What he wants matters too. That’s a relationship, knowing that you won’t always agree but supporting each other anyways.
I read story 1 before. If i remeber coreectly in some comments OP said the "tradition" of parterns not being invited at events has gone on only for like a decade at best,not generaions,because her Mil started it. Also kiss are welcomed because thwy are blood related and some spouses of other family members had divorced them over being treated like that
I’m not the only here that thinks Ben’s family tree is less of a tree but more of a family circle with how exclusive they are and how they only want direct family?
Exactly, he pays for her meals too but never said "hey i have a STRICT rule i follow. I aint going to pay your meal if you don't order any meat, because that's against my rules" now did he?
@liuyushi18 right. I am vegetarian, i dont care if you eat meat. It's your special day ( be it birthday, raise at work, and so on) damn right, i will pay for you.
It's not a case of being "uptight" (which you misspelled), it's about respect. OP didn't try to force her BF to become a vegetarian, she just made it clear that she doesn't spend any of her money on meat, ever. (Not intentionally anyways.) It's not unreasonable for one person to be a vegetarian and the other person to be a meat eater and for them both to respect each other's perspective. It doesn't make either of them uptight or anything else. He didn't respect her boundary, so if anyone was being uptight, it was the BF.
Bruh you knew she didn't pay for meat so why did you think she would? She's 100% in the right for protecting her boundaries and she's honestly generous for offering to pay for the wine and salad. I wouldn't have offered to pay anything at all.
Solution to the last one is to go back Pretend like you didnt know she didnt pay Then when they ask you about it just offer to pay and then magically you can show your face there
No, I think the vegetarian is completely the asshole. Imagine taking someone out to eat whatever they want on their birthday and then going "oh, but you'll be paying" Also OP said they split the bill when they go except for when the boyfriend orders meat, which he always does. Okay, so then you never split it and always make him pay. OP is entitled and sounds like they only use the boyfriend for money. How can you never pay a single meal for your partner, and the closest you do is split it on their birthday, which means they're technically still paying for your present to them. Like if you don't want to eat meat that's your choice, even if unhealthy, but to never pay for your partners food once, even on their birthday, just because you personally don't like meat? That's scummy. 4/5 assholes. OP ruined their partners birthday just because they don't like meat personally.
In regards to the second story, op added a comment: *I didn’t want to put this info in the post since I didn’t want to seem biased, but he has a history of abusing my help, as I’ve always been more hard working than him. It happened all through middle school, I’d do my homework then “help” him with his (basically do it for him). When he was in his freshman year and I was still in eighth grade and he still came to me for “help”, I finally grew a spine. I’ve been averse to helping him with anything at all since then.*
Ben's family is definitely very odd... Banning spouses from family gatherings? Demanding their traditions be followed like all wearing white to the wedding? "Shunning" when they don't get their way? These people are very VERY weird and it does sound a touch culty.
Yeah, it's very weird. I can understand for the parents to have a meeting/dinner with just their kids or not inviting exes (unless everyone is on good terms), but banning spouses in general? That's just coco
OP chose to marry into that family. Bonkers!!!!!
Deffo. Cult vibes through the roof.
I"m getting a lot of strange vibes from them for some reason, maybe they're in a "Keep the bloodlines pure" kind of cult.
@@curtisalex456I mean, the husband seems normal. He was perfectly fine with throwing them all out of the wedding himself.
I do wonder why he went to family gatherings and such without her, but it was probably OP who suggested that he go anyways based on how he acted the rest of the story.
Story 1: It's OP and Ben's wedding, so *THEY* have the final say. The in-laws can't override those rules, that's not how it works. They are entitled, and they need to stfu
I feel like they were trying to sabotage the wedding. Probably to keep the son from leaving. What they did probablh wasn't traditional, it was "They don't want this, so let's do that specifically!"
@@ShadowTaipan Either that or it was a power move. "We're in charge, not you", type of thing.
The op fiances family is wack. The only ones who are suppose to wear white is bride and maybe the groom, thats it. Whoever wears white aside from those two just disrespectsful.
@@black1917 it could very easily be that, both, or more.
What bugs me is OP says "Am I the A-hole" when Ben was ALSO in agreement that they had crossed the line and joined in kicking them out.
Wedding venue story, OP posted an update. His little sister helped out by giving him a list of everyone that RSVP'd and notified them that the wedding would NOT be getting held there on that date. The sister's fiance reached out to OP and turns out that the sister claimed that everything was fine and blah blah blah, and that they had known the wedding date for over a year. So basically, she was keeping all of the troubles away from everyone (other than the mom) and, it seems like, was expecting for everyone to show up and somehow force OP to host the wedding.
Also, OP hired a lawyer who is on the case, having sent a C&D to those causing problems (fake reviews). He also met with the couple actually scheduled for the date in question to explain the situation, offer a discount, and make arrangements to protect their wedding day from his family. (He did not cancel or try to reschedule them.)
Another update is pending as OP believes that his sister will be finding a way to cause even more problems. OP mentions that since talking with the sister's fiance... "everything is quiet and I'm scared. Usually, when my sister is quiet, one of 2 things happens." Either way it's trouble.
Thank you for the update. I hope all goes well with the other couple and sister doesn’t do anything else stupid
@@lorilancaster5917 Oh you know she will, and I hope OP provides the info as soon as it happens. 🤣
Good! I’m glad that the updates went like that. I hope everyone who wrote those reviews backs off, since that’s a pretty clear case of intentional defamation of character and libel. It’s written and the internet is forever, so they can’t claim everything was a misunderstanding and the reviews “weren’t meant like that”. The grandparents definitely knew what they were doing by giving OP and only OP the land
@@Wolfie713 i guess I’m hoping the fiancé will nip her actions in the bud since it seems like he’s reasonable
@@lorilancaster5917 He indeed does sound VERY reasonable. I think it'd be funny if he actually put the wedding on hold until some boundaries/rules are put in place, where she basically has to start acting like a respectable person and not withhold information from him and not lie to him.
Story 3: You're supposed to give a date in advance. That's how it works. You don't just expect others to know what date you want and make them cancel their bookings if they book the date you want, you pick the date ASAP so you get it.
Being family is not priority, pick another day.
But, but but... He should have booked ALL the dates for the next 5 years for his sister, until she could choose which one she wanted. That's how faaaaaamily works. (Just in case: this is sarcastic.)
@@annika5893 I can imagine rslash reading this in his entitled voice.
Even if OP wasn't running a business, you don't know what OP had planned. I think the problem is they think it's their house not his
@@sandwichqueen Actually from the comment by the sister she does think it's a family owned property. In my book it's OP's if the grands had wanted it differently the will would have been written differently. Oh, and did any of the family share the other assets? Or even offer to share?
@@arnoldfossman1701 yeah
Sister and Husband: **Constantly ruins OP's cooking**
OP: "GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY KITCHEN!!!"
Sister and Husband: **Surprised Pikachu Face** "BUt We WeRE HeLPiIInG!!!"
I found this comment when it was 18 seconds old!!!
They’re sadistic or delusional because I’m sure OP has informed them both repeatedly they are not only not helping but are wasting food by making it inedible.
Well all else fails, bring out your inner Gordon Ramsay
@@Josh_the_jester
Gordon: WHAT ARE YOU?!
Sister and Husband: "ᴬⁿ ᶦᵈᶦᵒᵗ ˢᵃⁿᵈʷᶦᶜʰ"
@@Josh_the_jester Do you mean toss it all in the trash?
In my family, members who are dating are encouraged to bring their girlfriends, boyfriends, any friends at all. Our motto has always been “the more, the merrier “. We want anyone who might not be able to see their own families At holidays to celebrate with us. My mother used to buy extra toys and gift’s every Christmas just so she had appropriate gifts for surprise guests. My parents always said, the more people you love, the more you can love. Everyone is welcome here. I can’t imagine living in a family like that in the first story.
It's wild for sure because obviously, one of the parents aren't blood related to those who came before so this "tradition" must be a fairly short lived one & as such, easily changed.
If my parents were like this (thank God they are not), I'd be dipping out of any of those festivities cuz if they're making me choose between them & a partner especially when we started having kids, well, that won't go how they think.
I’m glad you put that first comma in there
Your family sounds so nice and loving ❤️
Your family sounds amazing. Where can I send the adoption papers? Take me 😂
@@reannamartin2072 lmao same, I would also like to know
The fact that these people wait until OP is out of the room and try to be sneaky about it proves that they understand they're the ones in the wrong. It shows that they understand how it upsets OP and they understand that there are consequences to being caught doing it.
It proves that they're intentionally disrespectful.
Not just disrespectful, but also dangerous
@@madamemimikyu1737
Right? Ignoring potential allergies and junk.
Not to mention loading a meal up with unnecessary cholesterol and sugar and whatever isn’t exactly good for you.
@@kranberry3318
Sugar in pasta sauce is just wasting sugar, sauce, pasta, time, and money.
Story 4: a whole stick a butter and sugar in spaghetti? Tell your sister and husband if they want to die an early death that's on them but the rest of the family hates what they're doing. You didn't even put regular Chicken, just dump the can of regular Chicken in there. If they want to do that with their importance by but how selfish can you be to do that to the entire meal that's men for more than just you. I would stop making food for them, send they're so damned meant I do they can make it the way they want.
Dear lord all that sound disgusting
My advice to OP: stop cooking for your husband and sister in law, they can cook their own sugar coated spaghetti and butter soaked shrimps. Why is sil mooching at your house anyway?
I think they sabotage OPs food because they are crazy. OP commented that they were laughing as they put bleu cheese and canned chicken in the meals. They get a kick seeing the disgust on OP and the kids faces. Sister and husband should either be kicked out of OP takes the kids and leave them
Gross.
@@lorilancaster5917 whenever i get piss off by something related to food i gladly cook "raven soup" to the person who make me angry, raven soup ,aka chicken hearts in water , a whole onion and salt
if they want to play that game, op should secure meals for her and her kids and for those two immature manchild/womanchild make the most disgusting food ever prepare, make sure they ruin that too
notice how almost all of today's stories are family-related with a taste of r/entitledpeople
you don't need enemies with relatives like these lol
also, big ups to ben for sticking with his wife rather than giving in to the cultish family
We really needed a story where the husband sides with his wife, we haven't been getting much stories with them lately! I will be looking forward to Ben from the first story and OP from the second story telling us stories about their family on r/entitledparents.
honestly, i think the shunning will be good for ben. getting away from toxic behavior helps you heal and learn that that shit is not good. cults need to reinforce their ideals constantly and being away from that for a awhile while in the company of people who love and support you is the best way to get out of the mindset.
Story four: I'm with you there, OP. People who want to cook can do it in their own kitchens, and stay the heck out of mine. I had to TEACH my husband not to interfere with my cooking early in our marriage. I was once making a chunky beef stew for a carry-in dinner, and he messed with it until he had the meat and vegetables were chopped into such tiny pieces, they had emulsified so badly in cooking that the "stew" could have been sucked through a straw. It was humiliating, and I told him that while I would not consider divorce for a second infraction, murder was not off the table. He has kept his hands out of my cooking ever since.
Honestly, the whole time R/Slash was reading this one I was just wondering how far out of reach the knives must be for Husband and Sister-in-law to be comfortable doing this repeatedly
like i live in a household with two other people who can't have too much salt and i love salt. so if we are having burgers, i'll go in and salt the burger i'll eat and leave the others alone. people are entitled to have different tastes in food and can eat whatever they want, the thing is you are not entitled to fuck with other people's food in such a way that you know that they won't/can't eat it.
honestly, if i caught my sister ruining the food to such a degree that only she will eat it multiple times, i'd kick her out of the house, especially if i had kids. and if my husband started doing that shit, i'd start considering divorce. food is sacred and anyone messing with it is a major "fuck no" for me.
Take one step back though to look at this: Not *once* in OP's post does she note ever watching her husband or his sister eating the food they ruined.
There's a similar story a while back where a kid was purposely having his mom make smelly food that he wasn't eating just to annoy his classmates.
This was *just* to screw over the family.
For the Birthday story.
Considering how strongest OP’s morals are. They need to exclusively date other Vegans. And then if/when they may have kids they are going to need to re-evaluate how strict those morals are.
The biggest issues is not about the birthday it’s just the comparability issue of forcing their morals down other peoples throat with no leeway.
I absolutely commend OPs willingness to stick to their boundaries but they also need to realize if they are going to be that hardline about it then they need to only date people with the same moral code.
If they are to combine finances for house hold expenses in the future and their partner eats Mrs are they going to then force that partner to go Vegas because they share grocery expenses?
There is a maturity issue and reality check coming in hot for OP.
Story 1: "Let us ruin your wedding or be shunned and never have contact with us!" Dont threaten me with a good time. I'd usually be heavily against marrying into these kinds of families no matter how much in love you are with the person....But honestly seems Ben is on her team and well trash took itself out. It's definitely a cult. I hope Ben keeps the spine, and it doesn't rust when he's been seperated long from these people
Story 2: Like my mind was made up by the title alone, but Imma say my piece anyways. They all suck, you want OP to help, PAY HER. This isn't household chores, it's a job. "You could've helped your brother" they only say this crap because he's their son. No other food joint would let an employees sibling just help out. Family Business doesn't mean free labor
Story 3: .....What? Sister does realize this wasn't a favor right? It's business. And with business you make bookings. Like does she think it was made specifically for her? I swear some people think they're owed the planet. I'd ignore them and let them get over themselves normally, but actively trying to sabotage OPs business out of spite for her own dumb decisions....that's no contact.
Story 4: My sister would do that. I make lasagna a specific way....and of course, she decides to doctor it up. I got fairly annoyed, she can make it her way when SHE buys the ingredients. DO NOT MESS WITH MY LASAGNA
Story 5: Your birthdays not an excuse for boundary stomping. She was VERY clear in her boundaries. She's not refusing because she's stingy, but because she has OVER AND OVER made it clear she is not spending her money on meat products. Sucks he can't go there again, but that's his own fault.
The worst thing with the 3rd story is, from the sounds of it, OP was gonna cover all the costs and let them use the venue for free, just needed a date to reserve it. The sister expected him to just bend over backwards for her and kick out paying customers.
Sorry, but the OP in story 5 just sucks. Most vegetarians and vegans are not this level of ridiculous. You treat your partner on their birthday.
@@marjoriejohnston4905 You should not be expected to ignore your well established boundaries just because it's someone's birthday. Should she also drop her pants and let him do whatever he wants with her because it's his birthday? Would you go against one of your hard set boundaries for your partner's birthday?
@@AzureKyle and the 'I'd pay for him if he ordered something without meat' isn't stomping on his? This chick was a walking red flag from the get go. Dude should have run before it got this far. Never date toxic vegetarians.
@@marjoriejohnston4905I agree that it's a bit ridiculous, but at the same time those are the boundaries OP has. Boundaries they have repeatedly, and clearly, informed their partner on.
If the partner can't handle, or doesn't want to, OP's boundaries then the partner should've broken it off long ago. Trying to literally force OP into a situation where they have to do something against what they know is a hard boundary is extremely childish, toxic and inconsiderate. If he wanted OP to treat him because it was his birthday it should've been discussed before going out.
They could've talked about splitting the cost for the meal before going out if the boyfriend had actually said something about wanting to be treated. For example, if it comes with 2 sides OP can go "ok, the two sides bought separately would cost $7 out of the $20 for the meal, so I can pay for that and you can pay the difference" or something like that.
Story 3 has updates! It pretty much boils down to OP and the business are fine the reviews by the flying monkeys got taken down. OP is planning something special for the couple that properly booked the date and making sure there is security so Sister doesn't try anything. Along with the fact that now everyone knows, including bratty bride to be's fiancee' everyone but Mom and bratty bride to be are on his side. It also sounds like the fiancee is rethinking the marriage because apparently he's seeing a side of bratty bride to be he's never seen before. Of course its 'all OP's fault!' according to Mom and bratty bride to be, but it seems like he's accepted they aren't going to change.
I hope karma kicks sister in the butt. I hope her fiancé dumps her
Story 1: Either their traditions are just straight up weird or that's a bona fide family cult. OP NTA, massive W for the husband for having her back tho.
I wonder if it could just be creepy family members who they don’t want to show outsiders because “they won’t understand”. Speaking kinda from my own family issues with a great uncle
If your morals are that strict about not eating meat, what would even compel you to date someone who does eat me? I get if you're vegetarian for other reasons but if you feel that morally opposed to it, what are you doing? There are billions of vegans and vegetarians these days, date one of them
Story 5: OP and John aren't going to make it like this, their life style choices are too different and they're not compromising
The vegetarian thing is going to cause tension down the road
@redditdevilsadvocate.5134 exactly. Imagine if they have children and one of the kids decided to eat steak. Will she be okay with paying? Idk, she sounded pretty strict about "not spending one cent with meat"
@@filipe.sm31 lol, right? She'll tell the child "Sorry, but you need to pay for your own MEAT"
@@filipe.sm31Who said that they're having children? Don't assume. This works out for them, and that's all that matters
Why does OP need to compromise? She doesn't pay for it all before, why should she pay for it all after? They both have money
The sister and husband in story 4 are lucky no one seems to have food allergies. It's common sense to not mess with people's food! And if you wanna do it your way, do it to your dish and leave the main plate alone!
Sounds to me like a classic control issue.
yes, medical conditions also. imagine someone in that family has diabetes or a heart condition and they're throwing that whole stick of butter and a lot of sugar around
My husband "Ben" has a very close-knit family that doesn't take well to outsiders, surprises or change...
*banjo music plays in the background*
I was thinking that too. That or they are Targarians
Every time I hear a story about someone tampering with ALL the food and not just their portion I think “just wait until someone has an allergic reaction see what happens”
So wait she took him to his favorite restaurant for his birthday and refused to pay? Why even go there? Why not do something else? From the sounds of it he literaly pays for her on several other occasions, but OP "treated him to his favorite restaurant" when really she didn't, in fact I wonder if OP even did anything for his birthday? On surface level it can be seen as him not respecting her, but when you delve into it it's her having no respect for him. How exactly is he supposed to pay if he doesn't have any means to pay, since it was a birthday dinner SHE invited him to?
I’m all for you choosing your diet based off your morals but I draw that line when you start dictating what others eat. She basically saying, yeah I’ll take you out to eat but you’re gonna eat what I think is ok. I think it’s an ESH with the guy being on the higher end for dining and dashing.
She's the kind of vegetarian that makes the entire thing look ridiculous
I just wonder how that relationship would unfold later. Would he have to do all grocery shopping? If they get married and combine finances what then, its partly her money buying any meat. I just belive they both need to do some thinking.
OP didn’t say whether it was his or her idea to eat at his favorite restaurant, but yeah, ESH. They’re both idiots for not talking about paying beforehand.
My concern is the oddity of her boundary. She told herself she wouldn’t pay a cent towards meat ever since she became vegetarian.
It’d be a different story if she was being forced to eat the meat she paid for, but that isn’t the case. Her boyfriend ate the meat, not her! What’s paying for meat that someone else ate gonna do to her?! 🤔
The last story she needs to not date someone who eats meat. Telling him youll only pay for his meal if he doesnt get meat is pushing your ideas onto someone else. He shouldnt have left without paying but she definitely seems like the type to think he'll still pay for her birthday dinner
It’s giving petty on OP’s part
Exactly she definitely deserved an asshole score as well.
She might want to re-evaluate that ideal going forward.
Because yeah. It is a way to force others to go by your own believes.
"Telling him youll only pay for his meal if he doesnt get meat is pushing your ideas onto someone else." how? It's her money. He has his own money. he is not in danger or trapped by her.
@@WesternBache Because it's generally accepted that you pay for someone's dinner if you take them out on their birthday. If you decide not to do this simply because they aren't conforming to your personal choice to not eat meat, your being a dick
I can't stop laughing at the concept of a family meth lab.
It's a lot more "wholesome" than a family incest orgy including the kids.
Bring the kids, fun for the whole family!
Cooking story: Better solution is to tell them that if they interfere with her cooking again, then they will be the ones responsible for making ALL the meals and neither of them can cheat by buying premade food from a restaurant. On top of that, if it's inedible and not to OP's (or her kids) liking, then she and the kids get to go out to eat but husband and SIL have to eat what they made. The SIL, refusing to do any cooking, will leave it all up to her brother (OP's husband) and after several days, he'll grow tired of doing all the cooking and all the food going to waste. With OP holding out until it's a firm rule that NO ONE is to mess with the food when OP is cooking (ie, husband tells his sister to stop her f'ing games), the husband will quickly wise up and make sure that OP has the respect that she deserves.
The rule in my house growing up was “eat it or wear it.” I wonder if OP can do a version of that? Like, “you _mess_ with it you wear it.” How do you think her husband would look covered in blue cheese burger meat? Or macaroni and canned chicken?
Story one is very much "rules for thee and not for me" with the in-laws. Whatever drugs the in-laws are on, they need better drugs
I think the whole familly are of their meds.
Last Story: Moral Code and such all fine, but what if they are living together, theoraticly. and one week he is buying groceries, he is buying all items on the list. next week she is doing the same expect, she refuses to buy his groceries. so he has to go and buy his things separately. that doesn't sounds fair? at least it does not help for a healthy relationship.
edit: the more i think about the situation, i think she deserves a score.
1. she has no problems taking his money and only spends money on him, if it fits her moral code.
2. what about the future, dining with future in-laws, friends, nieces and nephews, colleagues etc. "my moral code is so important, that i will not pay for your food if it's not vegan!"
the solution is relatively simple, don't date omnivores and don't go eating with friends and colleagues who are. if she is so adamant about it, she will alienate herself.
I’ve had the same perspective. It gets even worse if you think about OP having kids in the future who may want to eat meat. Then which is more important. Your children or your morals.
It’s a lot of maturity that seems to be lacking on both sides here.
Yeah, I don't like video games, and think the time and money are better spent elsewhere. But when my significant other wanted a PS5, it was about him and not me. OP is part of the reason so many people hate vegans.
Last OP, even if she has a strict moral code, is a whiny toddler about it. She's very entitled about her meat thing. Honestly, I think she needs to grow up, or her boyfriend needs to dump her. It's his birthday, for God's sake.
In my lifetime I've only liked one vegan but she switched backed to being a vegetarian because of how terrible the vegan community was. In the end if you eat animal protein don't date a vegetarian or vegan. But this story esh the bf 1/5 for the dine and dash but the gf 3/5 for obvious reasons. Tbh though it does sound like a fluff piece so I think she ain't being truthful on some things.
It's even worse than that. Eating meat is very important while pregnant. Many women have problems with iron and that can lead to many nasty health complications that can threaten the vioability of a pregnancy. Red meat really is the best way to absorb that. A lack of it even affects their ability to produce enough milk. Also, low levels of iron and vitamin B12 have been commonly noted in vegan mothers and it can really affect a child's development.
After the formula fiasco during Covid is that really a risk anyone should take?
First Story, NTA: OP and her husband compromised with them on how the wedding should go and the rules. Instead of following the rules, all but 3 of OP's husband's family followed that those rules. U can’t make an agreement and then go back on it
Second Story, NTA: The title alone was enough. OP's parents are exploiting their child for unpaid child labor, that is insanely illegal. I didn’t finish the story but that title screams favoritism. Ok, the story didn’t go how I expected but I wasn’t right on the favoritism. OP wasn’t offered a job there so why should OP be expected to help out at a business without payment? OP isn’t petty or lazy, she just don’t want to work for free
Third Story, NTA: I don’t know if I read that right, didn’t OP say their grandparents left the property to only OP? So where is this "our" coming from? That being said, how did OP ruin the wedding when SHE refused to give OP a date for the wedding. OP did everything right and she did everything wrong
Fourth Story, NTA: If OP's husband and his sister want to alter THEIR plates of food, they can do that; however what they are doing is downright disrespectful. They are constantly ruining OP's cooking under the thought of "helping"
Fifth Story, NTA: This man is fully aware of OP's boundaries and knows she will never spend money on meat and then acts shocked when she does exactly that? No one told him to dine and dash, he brought that on himself
How are you doing this comments
About the 2nd story, how can you claim favoritism? They wanted to hire the son to give him "work experience" so he could get a better job than working fast food. OP already had a job, probably making more money than they were offering, and to offer her the job would be asking her to quit her job to work for them. It's a proposition that no sane person would suggest or accept. Mind you, she never asked to work their either. As for "should OP be expected to help a business without payment?" If it was McDonalds, or some other multi-national corporation you'd be right. This isn't that. It's not some nameless, faceless profit engine, it's family. If mom and dad had kicked her out of the house at 10 or were otherwise neglectful then fair point. Again, this is not that. This is textbook pettiness and entitlement. Just do the dang work, it's only 10 minutes and I'm sure some form of "payment" could've been arranged.
“So where is this ‘our’ coming from?” Sounds like communist propaganda but ok.
@@LifesGuardian He/She claimed it was favoritism from the title alone, then after listening to more of the story realized it wasn't favoritism
@@damiantubbs4032 Gotcha. My mistake. Must've misread your initial reply.
On the last story, everyone sticks here.
Yes, the boyfriend failed to respect boundaries but OP is also showing her age by making such a boundary in the dust place.
For relationships to work, both sides must compromise.
After 20+ years of marriage, my wife decided to switch her eating habits and is now kosher (which is a way bigger passion than vegan). I had to learn what "kosher eating" was and what all it entailed.
My wife cooks non kosher for me regularly but I do cook kosher for her. There is give and take from both of us. She just doesn't eat outside the kosher rules.
Fun fact: Aita is word in finnish, and translates to: Fence :D
@@alpharaciingNot fence. Break up with him
(I am NOT OP)
The wedding with the sister had an update;
Mods blocked the update. So I hope people see this. Origional here
Thank you all for your love, comments, and opinions. It was quite overwhelming. It has been busy. Sorry it took so long.
Also, what's with the aggressive writing in all CAPS in the comments?
First, I would like to say that I did leave out a bunch of background information and history between my family and I.
People had concerns about the comment I made about my little sister and putting her in the middle of things. I didn't end up asking her, but she still helped me out.
In regards to the other couple that booked the day. I will not/did not cancel on them. I invited them out to the property and to a nice dinner. We had a good time and I explained what was happening. I said I would not cancel on them. I offered added security, requested a guest list/ a main point of contact for guest questions, and a discount for just in case things happen. They understood and accepted the new terms/offer.
I do have a lawyer. I had her send c and d letters to my sister, mother, the "friends," and other family members who were making false reviews and talking bad about my business. That went over well(sarcasm). She also said not to share my details to get better reviews.
On to my sister and mom. I told them both that it is MY PROPERTY. There is no OUR, and it is not the "family property." It is MINE. I told them under no circumstances were they allowed to show up on the date of question. I had offered several different solutions, all of which were rejected. All I asked in the beginning was for an immediate response to when they figured out a date they wanted to get married. If it was any other venue and they did this, it would not work. Just because I am running, it doesn't give them special treatment or priority. They argued. I shut them down. If they want to have her wedding here, call for a date.
Now my younger sister was able to find the invitation list and sent it to me. I guess my older sister left her computer open. All of the people that RSVPed I sent an email/text saying the venue is not where the wedding will be set as it was never reserved under (bride and grooms name).
The groom reached out to me and asked if I was serious about her not reserving the date. Apparently, she told his side she "had it covered" and to "not worry about it." He also apologized and mentioned they knew the date for over a year now. He said he has a lot to think about.
Now since that talk everything is quiet and I'm scared. Usually, when my sister is quiet, one of 2 things happens.
It is about to get painful.
Eruption is imminent.
That's all for now. I'll keep y'll updated. I'm not sure where I'll update. But this is not over.
Also, sorry for the people asking for my venue details. I don't want to share it here due to me trying to keep my anonymity(sp?).
Also, I'm in North America.
TLDR: Shut sister down. The other couple made happy. FBIL has a lot to think about. It is suspiciously quiet.
3rd story: This is one of those moments where I think OP should make sure to communicate with all the people sending him angry messages individually and make sure that they know the full story. Because I doubt they all think that OP should just cancel the booking for another family to accommodate his sister.
More than likely she has lied to everyone and either claims that she did give him a date and he is backing out of it now to give it to someone else. Or that he has flat out refused to let her use the property.
He also needs security there to protect the wedding that IS booked. He doesn't need his family sullying his reputation.
I recommend OP does everything in his power to get those negative reviews deleted. He was being professional and respectful whereas his sister felt that he should not book his venues in the whole foreseeable future in order to accommodate her because “family”.
I’m not sure if you can delete them easily, but I’d answer every comment with the same “Please tell xy to stop lying about what happened. No, I won’t cancel a long-planned reservation just because xy couldn’t decide on a date earlier.”
Shuts them up pretty quickly and provides context for real/ potential guests.
I hope they're willing to listen to OP's side of the story. But really, they should've listened to OP's side of the story before sending angry messages. The fact that they went straight to sending angry messages without verifying the facts tells me that they're not going to listen to OP's side of the story.
@@uselessinformation1988 There's no guarantee of course. But if they considered OP's sister trustworthy they might have taken her word for it at first. Telling them what actually happened is a good way to show them that they shouldn't consider her trustworthy.
That last story, They are fundamentally incompatible. If op refuses to ever pay for any meat , then they can never get married or have kids . This issue will persist forever .
It's ESH in the last story!! BF shouldn't have just left so he gets 1/5AH for that..OP however gets 2.5/5AH, her paying for 1 steak once a year wont kill her! Let's see how she'd feel if her BF made HER PAY for her own birthday dinner!!
Did she even give him a gift I may have missed it if she did but if so no gift and will only pay for birthday meal if it's vegetarian or vegan. Just kinda seems like they should be dating
@@tatkkyo9911 Story doesn't mention gifts
@@remylarrivee2047 Oof naw that's just sad.
OP definitely would be throwing a tantrum if he made her pay for her own birthday dinner. She implies that she'll gladly pay for his meal, but only if it's by her dietary restriction. That's manipulation because she knows he won't do that.
Story 1: maybe if they hadn't said to your faces they would respect all these rules you would be wrong. You respected their idiotic isolation of all spouses they should be able to respect yours it's not their wedding and they're not paying for anything. Some of those rules didn't even come from you it was your husband's suggestions, they were rude and disrespectful and you showed them you wouldn't tolerate it, you're not the a hole for that.
I was always weirded out by families who don't like "outsiders". Wouldn't either the mother or father count as an outsider since they married into the family?
Hopefully, but maybe not...
Story 1 if you don't agree with rules object when you are told about them and don't be surprised when they kick you out when you suddenly show up breaking the boundaries you agreed to.
Story 2 if bringing in all these friends was a problem doesn't he have the right to deny service?
Story 3 They gave it to OP, not the family, and they must have had a reason. The longer the story goes on the more I think I agree with whatever reason that was.
Story 4 She can make her own food and offer it to the rest of the family. Also maybe I'm petty but out of curiosity are there any foods the Husband/SIL hate? Put them in all the food you make until they stop (r/'s suggestion also works).
Story 5 Do restaurants really care if people dine/dash if they repay later? Couldn't he go there with a bunch of cash and tell them that there was a misunderstanding and it won't happen again?
If you are known customer that dines / drinks often in the place, you can get leeway what to do. My friend stole some stuff while drunk and the bar owner just called the next day that please bring the item back, no hard feelings. I guess that if it is a brand owned place and you are not very known, the cops are called easily.
Also my friend's dad just forgot to pay and drove away. But as he visited the place every day, they just said to him next morning that could you pay now :D
honestly with story 2, when he said that they are swamped and her bringing in her friends made it worse, if i was OP, i'd just go "oh, in that case let me help!" and take my friends somewhere else.
Story 2. Sounds like OPs family needs to find a really good manager to help them eith staffing, scheduling, and cleaning routines. You should not be needing to clean equipment ASAP in the middle of an apparently busy time for your business. This type of cleaning should be scheduled as part of closing routines. Also, 4 people is not a crowd of people. Most family groups are probably more than 4 - you're going to tell me you're not prepared to serve multiple families/groups...at an ice cream place?!?!
@@lynneconklin917 well, nepotism doesn't really think about these kind of things
I feel kinda bad for the guy in the last story, like I understand she doesn’t want to budge on her morals and “spend money on meat” but she seems to think it’s more important than anything, what if he lost his wallet one day and needed her help? She’d probably be just as cold about it, so I can understand why hed be upset with her. She couldnt even set aside this weird morality complex she’s got in her head for just one dinner, maybe even ask him to pay it back later. He’s better off without OP
Wonder about op’s morals though, like if she has such a strong hatred of meat why even date a meat eater?? Like if they do stay together it seems like it’d cause so many problems down the line
Yeah she seemed very childish to me. So she can also never do the groceries for her future family too?
And like, why does she eat eggs and milk but strictly don't eat meat? Idk, sounds hypocritical since she is a vegetarian for moral reasons.
Because she knows that it's okay to have different diets
@@kaurava3Who said she's having a future family? And meat is not essential for groceries
@@filipe.sm31That's not hypocritical. Are you going to attack every vegetarian person about that? Because if they don't eat animal products, they aren't vegetarian, they're vegan.
Besides, being vegetarian helps with your carbon footprint. Don't call her hypocritical
Story 4: I don’t blame Op for getting mad at them, what they’re doing is disgusting, putting chicken in Mac and cheese!? 😂
Yeah, everyone knows that ham is the superior addition to mac 'n cheese.
@@desperateneedofscotch Either way moldy cheese is not supposed to go in anyone's mac and cheese.
@@arnoldfossman1701No one put blue cheese in the macaroni. It was shitty canned chicken in the macaroni and moldy cheese in the burger meat.
@@desperateneedofscotch🤢🤢🤢
@@desperateneedofscotch In the mac or in the burgers it doesn't matter moldy cheese belongs in the garbage.
"He said I owe him because I brought such a large group."
So... he brought customers ? As far as I can tell, that's helping the family business.
Last Story: Rslash, really? It was his BIRTHDAY. He's not stepping on her boundaries. He wanted her to pay for his birthday meal that SHE invited him to. She should have to pay. Sounds more like she is forcing her beliefs on someone else... gf is the AH!
Unironically hard disagree on the last post. She knew what she was doing and knew this would cause an issue. She tried to force her morals and beliefs under the guise of "giving a gift", but then turning it on (what should be her EX) boyfriend. Guy did nothing wrong.
Story 4: i think rslash is right, whenever your husband or SIL messes with the food you should take his card and take the kids out to eat
Doesn’t marriage mean they share debt like credit cards?
@@kranberry3318 like having to spend twice on groceries anyway since only two people will eat the meal? Either way they’re spending the money but this way sends a message since clearly words aren’t working
@@kranberry3318 they're wasting the money anyway - no one but the SIL and maybe the husband can stand the food and will eat it, meaning that OP and the kids are either going hungry or OP is making 2 meals each time anyway.
@@kranberry3318 Some marriages keep finances split. Either that or they go for a weird hybrid model where a certain percentage goes into a shared account for combined expenses while another percentage goes into a "fun money" account. TBH, I kind of like the hybrid model, since it's a good protection in case the other spouse turns flakey.
@@akl2k7 That’s what me and my SO plan to do once we’re married
That act of messing with OP's food feels like a power play to me...
same, that what it usually is
So for anyone on the side of the OP on the last story, please hace this in mind, imagine the person you love is gonna treat you on YOUR birthday. But she will only give you your gift if i something that she likes. Yeah.... nope, it was HIS birthday, you could at least decide on what to eat on your birthday, imagine your bf or gf invites you to your favorite restaurant, tells you to order what again YOU WANT and when the bill comes it gives it to you, seriously thats messed up.
Why do i say this? I don't eat pickles, in any way shape or form, as a child intoxicated on a lunch where the picles where bad and i fell very ill, i can't stand them. My wife loves pickles at the point sometimes that i can feel when i kiss her she ate them. IF it was my wife birthday and i ditch her with the bill for eating pickles, i would be looked upon as an AH... AS IT SHOULD. And i know a lot of people use this argument but in this case if the roles where reversed he would be the AH. So what it is any diferent?
For the last story, the Guy gets 0/5 buttholes while the vegetarian gf gets 3/5 buttholes. Why? Glad you asked. First, the gf knows how the bf is. Yes she set boundaries and has morals. However! She decided to take this guy to his favorite restaurant on his birthday. This is HER taking him for dinner. That's her own fault and she should have paid. She could have taken him anywhere else or asked him to get something other than meat. SHE..DID...NOT DO THIS. The guy is in the right. She should have paid since it was his birthday and her idea do to this. In my view she did this intentionally knowing what he was going to do.
So that’s one of my things I would never seriously date a girl that’s a vegetarian. I don’t care if people are vegetarian, but I wouldn’t want to have a long-term relationship with the girl who is because I eat meat and vegetables and I will not change my diet for another person and I would not want to have kids with a female who is vegetarian because I don’t think that’s healthy or good. We were meant to eat meat and plants so that’s a hard pass. Now, of course, but I’m cool with being friends with a girl that is vegetarian or even practicing on her. I would just have to make dang sure that she didn’t get pregnant because no. Because I wouldn’t want my feet us to starve.
You see i disagree with the last story like you should put aside your own desires and preferences(as long as it doesnt like harm you) for your partner on their birthday i mean you love them right? The least you can do is buy them dinner like come on its ONE dinner a year its not like their asking you to pay for every dinner like bruh.
The vegetarian girl....She's not right. Not because she is a vegetarian, but I do not get to choose what the birthday person eats. If I take someone out on their birthday for dinner, I do not get to say "unless you order fish, because fish are my friends." Honestly, They are just not compatible. If she is that adamant, then she should date a fellow vegetarian. For instance, if I am a Christian that won't eat meat during the Lent season, I wouldn't decide to not pay for someone else on their birthday if they were not a Christian and wanted meat on their birthday. If it made me THAT uncomfortable that they ate meat during the Lent season, I should consider not dating him and only date people with the same beliefs. Otherwise, it leads to too much conflict.
She wasn't telling him not to eat something though, she just wasn't paying for it -- which was clearly established in their relationship long beforehand.
Last Story: I'm on the boyfriends side, you can't even treat your man on his birthday? Yeah he's an AH for running away. But I would have paid and then dumped the girl after that. Id she treated him badly on his birthday then she doesn't really care about him. Hopefully they've split up now because the gf showed selfish red flags
Nah nah nah. He knew what she believed, she TOLD him what she believed, he choose to stay with her after knowing it, he doesn't actually get to cry. If someone clearly stated a boundary with you, it doesn't magically vanish because "But I'm a big special birthday boy!"
If I'm boycotting a company because of how awfully they treat children in the Congo, I'm not actually going to give them money because "but it's my birthday and I want a chocolate bar!". If this boundary is an issue LEAVE WHEN ITS ESTABLISHED. There's your solution. If you don't like something, don't start poking and proding to find some exceptions to it, you either ACCEPT that is the rule, or you leave.
On the Birthday Boy - yes, boundaries are important. So is communication. Most people seem to understand that if someone's taking you out for your birthday, they're buying your meal, so I can see why he made the pretty natural assumption that she'd pay for dinner. If the girl had made it clear that she wasn't going to pay for his dinner if he ordered a meat dish, he probably would have gotten something else. If he had asked her how they were covering the bill, instead of throwing a childish temper tantrum and committing a misdemeanor, there wouldn't be an issue. This was an entirely avoidable problem.
With the second story OP mentioned in other posts how in the past whenever she helped her brother at his request he took advantage of her help and wasn’t appreciative. She learned to tell him no and hold her ground a few years ago
Its in a comment she mentions. She didnt put it in the post because of 'bias'; that literally wouldn't concluded that she was not wrong if she added that. Her story is becoming unreliable so at best this is NAH or she's a liar.
@@neverdateagamer1498 You do notice literally every story on AITA is unreliable right?
@@EdgySerpent some more than others. This one didn't persuade me as others.
@@neverdateagamer1498you sound dumb 😊
@@neverdateagamer1498how is expecting someone that doesn’t work at an establishment to work there, without getting compensated, not an asshole move? There are clear assholes in this story, and it’s not OP
15:07 ????? Huh? So it’s OK to have to pay for your birthday present? That’s not how this works honey.
Why on earth would she put herself in that position in the 1st place?
If you're inviting someone out for their birthday dinner, and you refuse to pay for certain food, why did you bring him to a restaurant that serves that kind of food?
OP's boyfriend or whoever already knew that she absolutely will not under any circumstances pay for meat. You don't get to violate established boundaries just because it's your birthday. It was for the boyfriend to expect OP to pay for the meat when he already knew her boundaries. They've been on previous dates and OP has never paid for the meat. If you're dating a vegan or vegetarian you have to respect their boundaries even on your birthday.
But what I don't get is why she invited him in the first place if she knew he was going to buy meat. Hell if I was a vegan and I invited my gf who eats meat to her favorite restaurant without hesitating, I would pay for her because it is her birthday, geez young or not she knew what was happening even though the bf was in the wrong for dime and dashing the gf is also in the wrong for inviting him to his favorite place on his birthday of all days like it would be different if it was on a different day but like seriously the gf needs to chill.
@@uselessinformation1988 So if OP's BF took her out for her birthday dinner and expected her to pay that'd be acceptable?
@@uselessinformation1988 Give me your dealers number cause whatever the hell you're tripping on to come to that wild ass conclusion must be pretty damn good.
@@OryxsLazyAssEcho "I disagree with you therefore you're on drugs." There, I translated what you just said.
Story 3: _wow,_ that is one toxic family. OP was constantly given the short end of the stick, and yet the family can't deal with not having everything.
I'd say it's high time that OP return the favor of his parents and kick the rest of the family out of his life. Maybe also respond to the review-bombing by dropping some hints in the replies as to who these people really are?
I mean, the nerve! OP was trying to be courteous and offer the use of his property for free, but little miss entitled couldn't stand not being in total control.
And saying "it's our family property"? Well in that case, I believe OP is owed some money because if the property is shared, the money is too right? Lol, of course not. These are people that just take without even thinking about giving back.
“What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is also mine”
-OP’s sister, probably
Last story: so she expects everyone else to respect her boundaries, meanwhile she's allowed to dictate to people what they can eat 🤨 I will only pay- but you eat what i tell you too. It would be at this point I'd never want to go out with you again
Yeah, honestly - this relationship should be over. I'd be annoyed, too - especially if I'd been told she was going to pay for dinner. He might have thought she was doing something special for him by actually paying for what he ordered for once. I see why he was upset. That being said, it's not her fault he is now banned. He should just go back, apologize, pay and see what happens.
OP should find someone with the same morals around animals so this will not be an issue i the future. Fortunately she's young, so she has time to find someone more suited.
That's why majority of vegans/vegetarians are absolute nightmares and you should never date one if you eat animal protein. Some are ok to be friends with but be careful.
Her boundary would've been reasonable if it was just another dinner, but it was her BF's birthday dinner. She couldn't set her boundary aside for 1 dinner?
I think they both suck in this instance. She sucks for not mentioning to him ahead of time even though its his birthday she wont change her rule, he sucks for not going back and paying for his food. He would have been justified if he grumbled about it but paid at dinner, but walking off and not paying is an AH move. I also think ordering the most expensive dinner when someone else is paying is an AH move as well unless told by that person to order it. Either way they both need to date other people.
Honestly I thought I was the only one who thought she was wrong
4th story: I like cooking. I am more than happy to cook for larger groups when we have people over. But I have one rule: I am cooking, you're not. You don't touch anything in my kitchen unless I tell you to.
My girlfriend knows this and stays out of my way when I cook. She also hates cooking, so she just views that as a benefit. And since she doesn't do anything unless asked, I know I can rely on her if I need her to do something. Like "Hey, can you stir this a little bit while I go and get something?".
Her mom, on the other hand, has earned herself a ban from the kitchen when I am cooking. Because she is incapable of not trying to interfere and alter my recipes. She will attempt to add spices, start cooking stuff too early or question my decisions even though she has eaten my food several times and always liked it. I've been close to smacking her hand with a spatula more than once.
I feel you, I banned my mother and grandmother from the kitchen when I cook since long ago. My grandmother always wishes to "teach me" or to "take a look". While I'm grateful for my grandmother guidance when I was 7, she became ridiculous with ages. She will always find something to nag at, even the way I stir the pasta. I mean, I got into a 30-min argument with her because I was stirring the pasta in a clock way while she insists I need to revert it. Who care I stir the pasta like a clock ? She also fake doing crossword just to be in the dinning table a look at me cooking. I banned it too. When I cook, she isn't allowed in the kitchen or the dinning table, except if she wants something like fruit juice. But I just drop cooking to escort her.
My mum just come and eat my ingredients if she can. She always wants to "taste" before everyone else. My aunt does that too, but she just take one or two bite before leaving. My mum taste to a point where I need to cook more for everyone. The last straw was when I decided to cook a chocolate cake when I was 15. I needed 200 g of chocolates and the grocery made a promotion for 400g. I saw my mum taking some chocolate and I told her that I need 200g, she could eat some, but leave at least 2 chocolate bar (100g each). She ate 300g and while I return to the grocery, she ate the last 100g left. She also tries to eat the new chocolates, but at this point I got fed up and concerns for her heath and just snitch her to grandmother. 400g in like 20 min. This is insane.
@@Kingdo_RGT When I cook for my mom she full on sprints out of the kitchen before I can ask her to do anything. She is so happy to not have to cook for once that she will happily let me do my thing.
Last time I cooked for her she was lying on my couch under a blanket and refused to move until the dinner was done.
I love how rslash gets so into his stories. Have a good Sunday
for all the other stories i agree with the takes but for the last one YTA, it’s the man’s birthday, one day out of the year, paying for his meal on his birthday is the least you can do, he should dump you after this
Nah it's unreasonable to assume someone would abandon their morals for any reason. It's a bit extreme but it's how she wants to live her life and if that doesn't work for him they're not compatible. Tbh she should just find someone with similar values if it's such a big deal
I really hope the vegetarian girl doesn't get a cat or dog, because she 100% has to buy meat for them
Story 1: What kind of backwoods, country bumpkin, straw chewing, overall wearing, banjo playing family did you marry into??
Why would you assume it's all that and not some stuck up middle class family because I know my backwoods family know how to respect people's boundaries and rules
That last story is simple. Don’t pay for any of her vegetarian meals anymore.
I just hope she doesn’t become like my friends mom. He had Very bad malnutrition growing up, because his mom refused to feed him any animal products.
You shouldn't be malnourished while being vegan or vegetarian, for the majority of people plants do have everything you need, if she was just non-stop feeding her kid nothing but a raw vegan diet like salad and fruit or whatnot of course the kid was malnourished, but billions of people managed to be vegan since birth and grow up perfectly healthy.
Sure, but then he also should have paid his half for all the events they went to since as she said she took on the cost most of the time.
@Nioco2 I'm gonna point out the obvious here and cast doubt on her statements of footing the bill for events. She's either doing really well for herself as an 18yr old, or (more likely) these events don't happen often, she saves up, and she doesn't put any value on things he does to get them to these events to mention them (driving places, gas, buying merch, maybe snacks) and only acknowledges things like dinner bc they go out to places with enough frequency that it warranted mention. She also points out that he sometimes pays for all of the meal but most times they split the bill but entirely fails to mention when she's covered the bill. In fact, she goes out of her way to say that she'll only pay for things that are meat-free but that he never took her up on the offer, subtly implying that she knows he would never order a meat free meal. She's disguising her manipulation of his diet as boundaries.
@@geltric4779 It seems, you make all of these assumptions to fit the preconceived judgment you already made of her. On the face of it, there is no reason to doubt what she is saying. It is entirely possible that she has a job or wealthy parents that allows her to pay for these things. Moreover, she is old enough to drive so if his driving all the time would have been a factor she would have mentioned it. Therefore, it wouldn't be a problem if at the times he paid for food she paid for the event. Apart from that, it is his decision to always have to eat meat, thereby denying the offer every time. He has the option to not eat meat while she doesn't have the option to eat meat. This is not manipulation since as already stated their expenses are pretty ballanced. You just don't seem to understand that her being vegetarian isn't just some quirky character trait but a deeply held moral belief. In the same way it would be wrong to expect a Muslim to pay for pork.
@Nioco2 Don't compare OP's *choice* (emphasis on choice because she gave no indication that she became vegetarian for health reasons) to cut meat out of her diet to the Muslim faith. Just don't go there, it's not comparable.
I can admit that assumptions were made on my part but given that the point of AITA is to deliver the best version of themselves to the internet in the hopes of receiving sympathy, why wouldn't I scrutinize details that she didn't apprise us of? If she did drive, pay for gas, etc, I'm sure she would include those details in her effort to paint her boyfriend (hopefully ex) in the worst light. Instead what I noticed was her admitting that her boyfriend occasionally payed for meals for the two however she would only return that kindness under the condition that he followed her dietary habits, something she subtly knew he wouldn't do as he hadn't taken her up on that offer. She couldn't even hazard the thought of relenting on her self-imposed rule once for his birthday because obviously someone's morals should always come at the expense of someone else. Why would you care about your significant other on their birthday? It's not like they're important to you or anything. It's better to make them feel like shit because they were forcibly pulled across your arbitrary line in the sane.
Birthday dinner story... Does that girl always give gifts with her boundaries attached? If she gives you a gift card she's going to tell you you can't buy any meat with it?
in story 3 depending on the level of public trashing there doing to your buisness you may want to talk to a lawyer
Not another bad take, rslash. On the last story, everyone sucked. They can’t make a compromise and it’s not bad to expect that someone who offered a date on their partner’s birthday would pay for the dinner, regardless of their choice of food. He should’ve went back to pay tho to save some hassle. But they need to break up.
Story 4: I completely agree with OP blowing up at the SIL and husband who can't keep their mitts to themselves.
rSlash never disappoints us, he's an incredible Content Creator and always creates masterpieces. His content is amazing.
It’s more of how he has a good way of reading stories from reddit
He reads 2 made up stories everyday, also bot
Oowee please Senpai notice me!
@@EnverHalilHoxha1917He has one comment on R/Slashes channel…
@@tomcarey4442He has one comment on R/Slash’s channel…
I stopped eating with family because they would either mess with my food or comment on it, like I did something wrong. They want me to start coming again but I probably won't
ANY chef knows the greatest disrespect is messing with food without permission
Last story: I have to question OP's sanity for being so adamant against paying for meat, but she's not an asshole for that. Her boyfriend 100% wronged her and broke the law.
I was wondering how she could sit next to her boyfriend eating the meat. At least it seems like she wouldn't be able to tolerate that.
Yea some people have strong morals, so I wouldn’t question it. I wouldnt say she’s insane, but if her morals include not wanting to contribute anything to something she is against then so be it. She also made him aware many times, shes not an asshole when she told him her boundaries and he purposely decided to try and go against it “just this once”
@@vortexriver1071 I'm done pretending "meat is murder" is even remotely respectable position.
I understand some meat production involve unnecessary animal suffering and that's fine to boycott. But OP is indiscriminatly refusing the payment for any and all meat products.
Ethical meat isn't a thing in her world. Is it for the lack of research, lack of a sound mind, or both?
@@Antsaboy94 I've seen the "halal" label on various things. I'm pretty sure that's the Islamic equivalent to being kosher.
@@Antsaboy94 You are joking right? If you kill a animal (if I would do to dogs, what is happening with pigs people would find my house and burn it) for the pleasure of your tastebuds then that is 100% unnecessary animal suffering. You don't need to kill animals to stay alive, source: vegans exist. Ethical meat is for tribes who live somewhere in the wild and can't go to a supermarket or eskimo's because they can't grow anything there. Her fault is dating someone who has not enough empathy and never done any research or even question himself "how is it that we can feed 50 billion animals world wide, who eat way more then us but are not able to feed all humans" ? We do agree on one thing because i can't understand that she doesn't want to pay for it but will look at him and kiss him when he eats what she is so against. That is just weird.
Last story don’t ever date someone who is a vegetarian if your a meat eater. He should pay for his meal and then they should break up.
“That’s the taste you were looking for”
No. I *had* the taste I was looking for and you destroyed it, that right there is the taste *you* were looking for
Story 1. They're probably counterfeiting $10 or $20 notes in their basement.
Story with sister messing up dinner: Slash has the right approach. Its 100% a dominance thing by the sister.
Story 1: "Give him a living, but never discuss the family business." --Don Corleone
On that first story, if my family was like the husband's, I'd flat out tell them "Well, looks like I won't be at any family gatherings."
And on story 3. OP probably should've been more insistent on a specific date. But, being that isn't what happened, he should forcefully say "Look idiot, YOU never gave me a date. YOU shouldn't have blown me off when I asked. And this isn't family property, it is mine. My name is on the deed, it was left to me. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency upon me."
Story 4. OP, I'm sure you have a rolling pin. Make use of it.
Not only a rolling pin, but a cleaver and a meat tenderizing "whacker"...
@@karenturner9423 You know, I like the way you think.
honestly ESH in the last story, "moral" vegans are weird af... obviously the boyfriend is in the wrong overall but there is a sort of fundamental problem
It doesn't even matter what you think about veganism she established the fact that she wouldn't pay for meat, if he didn't like the boundary he should've talked to her asap or broken up with her.
@@Platypus2814 yeah he shoulda just ran instead of trying to manipulate her or take advantage of something
One big thing about the ice cream shop is OP isn’t on the books and if they have an accident then they aren’t covered by insurance and the family would be in big trouble
I think the final story is an every one sucks actually. What happens when or if they get married? Would op continue to cling to the idea of not buying meat? Because that means forcing her boyfriend to be vegetarian which definitely seems like she’d be pushing her beliefs onto him. Yes it was wrong of him to assume she’d pay, but she does need to learn to relax or loosen up her boundaries because she can’t shove her beliefs down the throats of others.
The worst part is that they are or were going to his favorite restaurant, she invited him but still chose not to pay because he had chosen meat it is like saying hey let's go to your favorite place but if you don't get what I had improved then you pay for it.
NEVER. EVER. Trust a guy named John. It's a life lesson I've learned. NTA btw
I'm a married omnivore with a vegetarian wife, and both of us think the gf in the restaurant story is the AH. If you want to do something nice for your SO for their birthday and you can't do it at your SO's favorite place to eat without making it about you and your own moral sensibilities, PLAN SOMETHING ELSE. She could have taken him horseback riding, shopping, swimming, drinking, camping... literally anything that he likes besides dinner. It doesn't take an unreasonable amount of effort to think up something to make his day special without allowing a scenario to unfold that will cause conflict or force him to pay for his own birthday fun. And no, it's not unreasonable to assume that if someone - even someone with different ideals - takes you out for dinner on your birthday, they're paying. If rslash thinks this is about stepping on boundaries, what about the gf stepping on her bf's boundaries by ruining a place that he likes? My wife and I both suspect that the gf is not nearly as cool with her bf's choices as she might play, and probably isn't sorry that the situation that unfolded made him incapable of having meat at his favorite place in the future. It just seems too stupidly obvious as a bad idea to not have been deliberate.
I agree with you. I think saying I'll only pay for your food if you don't get meat is manipulation. Now the bf could have walked back in and paid for his steak and apologized for the misunderstanding so he could go back in the future.
100%
I was looking for this reply, very few people talk about the last story. If it wasn't malicious, it was at the very least extremely clumsy on the girlfriend part. She KNEW he would order meat, because he always does, and still went along with it, without warning him at all. It's just incredibly mean. Did she even get him anything else for this day? Or was his "gift" to have his evening (and by extension, day) ruined? I would be heartbroken at this point. Sure, he screwed up by not paying (he could have even come back later but just accepts the ban as long as there are no legal consequences... to each their own), but he didn't deserve to be mistreated this way.
did y’all not hear the story op spends hundreds of dollars on concerts for the both of them and has told her bf her boundaries and it’s her fault he didn’t pay how explain it to me
and why does op have to spend money on something that the bf wanted that’s expensive all he had to do was pay for the meat and he didn’t op paid for everything else if y’all invite someone out to dinner and they order something outside of their budget birthday or not would you pay or split the bill y’all are say op did that on purpose how op is 18 and her bf is 20 she has on thing she doesn’t want to do if she pays for the meat on his birthday then he’s gonna want her to do it again
Story 3 has a really important update that puts the entire family dynamic into perspective
Last story: Everybody sucks here.
What a shitty boundary OP has. So, when he's paying, you can get whatever you want, but when you're paying, only what you want him to have?
Then this man-child just ditched you and fleed without paying 🤯 this dude needs to grow up!
Also, how in the world would this boundary work in the real world? If you split the groceries, you'd split 50 50 only the portion without meat? There are a ton of issues with it. OP needs to find someone with similar ideals moving forward.
Simple, have an understanding that everyone is different. Not everyone have same mental, emotional and physical functions. One must respect the other's likes, dislikes and boundaries. In the story, they already have clear understanding and agreement, but the bf pushed his crap and abused his privilege on his birthday, so suffered the consequences of his idiocy...
in the last story with the vegetation OP and the meat eater BF, I 100% agree the BF was a total butthole and I also agree with the 2.5 /5 rating on him. However I think OP also deserves a butthole score of 0.5/5. Choosing to not eat meat is fine, wanting to not be involved with the meat industry is also fine. Choosing to not eat meat reduces demand for meat, making the BF pay for his meat doesn't do anything at all because its still the same amount of meat being sold. What OP did here was use their morals as a shield to push those morals on the BF in a very passive aggressive way. OP said it best "I told him if he orders something meat-free, I'd happily pay for both of us"
Refusing to buy meat is in no way pushing morals on to someone else. She's made it completely clear that she'll never buy me because it's a moral dilemma. If someone not buying meat for you is enough to make you feel like they're pushing their morals on to you then you have issues. You wouldn't get mad at a Muslim for not buying pork for somebody's birthday, the only thing different about this is It's not a religious thing, those are just their morals.
She should have made them sign a document so that way she'd have their word in writing
Not to be rude but what story are you referring too?
@@lorilancaster5917 probably the first one if I had to guess.
@@viktorbazinaif that’s the case just because it’s in writing that they won’t break the rules doesn’t make it binding. Their word should’ve been enough if they weren’t crazy.
Story about sister and husband messing with OP's food. The way to tackle this would be to check by saying "have you put sugar into the spaghetti?" When they reply with something like: "It needed some sugar" or "Only a little bit", then simply pick up the dish and dump it straight into the rubbish (trash) bin. Do that a few times so that they go hungry and it will soon stop.
I disagree with R/slash about the gf refusing to pay for her bf birthday meal. It was his birthday….when someone buys a gift for someone they can pick what to buy, but when someone says they will take you out for dinner for your birthday on them should not matter what the birthday person orders. That’s twisted. However OP’s bf walking away knowing they did not pay for the steak was wrong. 3.5 out of 5 for OP and 2 for bf.
OP never says she offered/agreed to pay for his dinner ahead of time.
That doesn't make it okay to just spring it on her with no warning, though. It'd be one thing if she offered first and backed out just because of the steak, but it sounds like he just expected her to pay with no prior discussion about it. To be fair, though, I think this relationship was likely DOA, regardless of this specific dinner. If you're that morally opposed to eating meat, then why would you get with an avid meat-eater? Like, from OP's perspective, this guy is doing something utterly cruel and evil on a daily basis, so why would either of them think that this would work out? I know some vegetarians aren't so morally opposed to meat as others, but if you utterly refuse to even let any of your money go towards someone else eating it, that paints you as being pretty far on the extreme end of the spectrum.
Can I just add here, how entitled is this dude that he purposefully picked the most expensive steak on the menu when he planned to force her to pay for it. And I say planned because the dude left the restaurant, then when she told him he had to pay for it, he refused to go back. He knew exactly what he was doing trying to force her boundary.
@kittysweets86 You're assuming that he doesn't regularly eat that steak every time he goes to that restaurant; he said it was his favorite so he's obviously familiar with the menu. Even if that's not the case, why are you saying he attempted to "force" her to pay for his meal? The dinner is his gift for his birthday, she's the one who decided to forgo getting him another gift in lieu of the dinner so why wouldn't she pay for it? Because she has self-imposed rules about spending money on meat, even if she's not the one to eat it? That's ridiculous, she's trying force him to eat what she likes or don't eat at all basically. Or alternatively, no gift for his birthday because it really sounds like she had nothing else planned for him. I wonder how she'd feel if he did anything similar to her.
@@kittysweets86 Yes! Thank you! I was wondering why no one seemed to be mentioning the fact that he’s ordering up expensive shit but then says he doesn’t have the budget for the food he ordered because apparently if his gf is paying then he can rack up the bill like it’s a sport!
I mean, I doctor up my roommate’s food to make it spicier. But I only do that once it’s on my plate and away from the community food. And I also do the same when I cook for all of us, cuz I know he can’t unspice it as easily.
Story 3: Op this is harassment, gather your evidence then send a seize and desist to your toxic family members and everyone else who's leaving you bad reviews for no reason.
I agree with you, but it’s “cease and desist” not “seize.” Also, there’s an update where OP mentions he brought in his lawyer and has send those C&D letters as necessary.
who TF puts SUGAR in spaghetti sauce? GROSS! they're 5/5 on the "crimes against the culinary" scale
Hi Dabney, thanks for making these videos and putting them out every day. I love listening you you while I get ready for the day or eat lunch or whatever. You're the best, I hope you and your family are enjoying this Sunday together 💛
Wholesome 🌹
This is ridiculous. What if he told her he’d take her out for her birthday to eat but only pay if she ordered something he approved? That’s essentially what she’s doing. If it’s a gift for his birthday he should be able to order what he wants and what he enjoys. It’s silly that because she’s vegetarian it affects him too. He’s not asking her to eat it, he’s not forcing her to try it. It’s a gift for his birthday and he should be able to order what he wants. If she told him she was taking him out to eat for his birthday then she should have. If it was the other way around everyone would be up in arms over it. If he told her he’d only pay for her to eat if she ordered a steak people would be mad. If he said he’d only pay for her to eat if she ordered a salad you’d be upset. It’s silly that he has no say over what he enjoys and would like for his birthday. He didn’t want vegetables for his birthday. What he wants matters too. That’s a relationship, knowing that you won’t always agree but supporting each other anyways.
I read story 1 before. If i remeber coreectly in some comments OP said the "tradition" of parterns not being invited at events has gone on only for like a decade at best,not generaions,because her Mil started it. Also kiss are welcomed because thwy are blood related and some spouses of other family members had divorced them over being treated like that
I’m not the only here that thinks Ben’s family tree is less of a tree but more of a family circle with how exclusive they are and how they only want direct family?
Last story.
If your going to be that up tight about being vegetarian that date a vegetarian
Exactly, he pays for her meals too but never said "hey i have a STRICT rule i follow. I aint going to pay your meal if you don't order any meat, because that's against my rules" now did he?
@liuyushi18 right. I am vegetarian, i dont care if you eat meat. It's your special day ( be it birthday, raise at work, and so on) damn right, i will pay for you.
It's not a case of being "uptight" (which you misspelled), it's about respect. OP didn't try to force her BF to become a vegetarian, she just made it clear that she doesn't spend any of her money on meat, ever. (Not intentionally anyways.) It's not unreasonable for one person to be a vegetarian and the other person to be a meat eater and for them both to respect each other's perspective. It doesn't make either of them uptight or anything else. He didn't respect her boundary, so if anyone was being uptight, it was the BF.
Third story: NTA. "Our" property? BS. They literally abandoned OP so is too late to play the family card.
Best RUclipsr, been listening to him consecutively for two years, love you r slash.
Bruh you knew she didn't pay for meat so why did you think she would?
She's 100% in the right for protecting her boundaries and she's honestly generous for offering to pay for the wine and salad. I wouldn't have offered to pay anything at all.
What is it with aita and people who want a free house
Solution to the last one is to go back
Pretend like you didnt know she didnt pay
Then when they ask you about it just offer to pay and then magically you can show your face there
No, I think the vegetarian is completely the asshole. Imagine taking someone out to eat whatever they want on their birthday and then going "oh, but you'll be paying"
Also OP said they split the bill when they go except for when the boyfriend orders meat, which he always does. Okay, so then you never split it and always make him pay. OP is entitled and sounds like they only use the boyfriend for money.
How can you never pay a single meal for your partner, and the closest you do is split it on their birthday, which means they're technically still paying for your present to them.
Like if you don't want to eat meat that's your choice, even if unhealthy, but to never pay for your partners food once, even on their birthday, just because you personally don't like meat? That's scummy. 4/5 assholes. OP ruined their partners birthday just because they don't like meat personally.
In regards to the second story, op added a comment:
*I didn’t want to put this info in the post since I didn’t want to seem biased, but he has a history of abusing my help, as I’ve always been more hard working than him. It happened all through middle school, I’d do my homework then “help” him with his (basically do it for him). When he was in his freshman year and I was still in eighth grade and he still came to me for “help”, I finally grew a spine. I’ve been averse to helping him with anything at all since then.*
I figured her brother took advantage of her help.