I think it's not "changing personality" but "healing your damaged personality". So when you are healed, it's not "new you", it's the real you with healed damages.
- personality: 1. how we interpret info 2. how we react to circumstances 3. how we behave - common element between therapies: 1. meta-cognition: the way we feel about our thoughts 2. meta-emotion: the way we feel about our emotions - its not the thoughts, emotions, circumstances themselves. its the way we react to those thoughts, emotions or circumstances that actually determines our destiny. - fixing things out there XXXX - u control your conclusions - don't let the conclusions you've made about yourself go unchecked - you've surrounded yourself w ppl you have to go the extra miles for - change the way you interpret situations, react to external changes - observe/ be careful of the conclusions u draw from your experiences in your mind OOOO - craft the conclusions you have about yourself - observe your mind
It's either Dr.K is a wizard that can always post the thing I need exactly when I need them, or I'm so messed up that everything he posts is something I need.🙂
It’s needed by a lot of people, all the time. The video just served as a reminder. Having those needs doesn’t mean messed up, just that you want to improve yourself.
Yup, same. This was just what brought me into a deep depression episode again after seeing other people just be happy and able to seemingly deal with stuff, but I can't be like and who I want to etc.
There where very harsh evolutionary constraints in that direction: Ignore one good thing -> doesn't matter Ignore one tiger/drop bear/regular bear/land shark/regular shark -> get turned into minced meat Now we play the which of the 2 life philosophies probably had more children game. (That did not turn into minced meat.)
came at the perfect time. I learned yesterday that it isn't the external events that make me happy, its how I react to them. We must accept life for how it plays out. Not how we want it to play out. i will meditate on this lesson.
This is a really important lesson! For like 3 years I had really toxic classmates, that made me feel like a loser and bullied me, so even after graduating whenever I met people, I behaved like they didn't like me and as if I'm just a nuisance to them. It took me a really long time to realize that most people aren't this toxic, to change my cognition towards a neutral stance or even seeing the possibility that new people actually want to engage with me in a positive way.
@@Jolgarz look into methods of identifying deflection or just the general concept if you're unfamiliar with it for narcicism. This also applies to anything you think you might struggle with. Once you're aware of paterns you are engaging in, it becomes alot easier to catch yourself in the action and question why exactly you are deflecting, whether it's external or internal critisms/excuses ect for behaviours you want to change.
@@Jolgarz the two main rules I followed are: Don't lie (specially important, you can't keep your narcissistic image if you don't) Listen to the voice in the back of your head.
One of my favorite quotes, "watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become your character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny. What we think, we become."
This is Lao Tzu, but there is one poem I like more. "Life is yours, death is mine. Peace is yours, stress is mine. Happiness is yours, sorrow is mine. Everything is yours, But you are mine." Rumi - Persian philosopher.
Since I discovered this channel its helped make me more motivated to pursue Psychology as a bachelors and in grad education. I want to do what Dr. K has done for others and myself and help them be the best they can be.
RUclips thinks you're a forward-looking person trying to better yourself. The people who need these videos the most, aren't interested in them. Take it as a compliment. (At least that's what I tell myself.)
Self awareness and emotional self intervention relies on a kind of mental "muscle" memory. Meditation is actually something that develops and strengthens that muscle the more you do it. The stronger you make that muscle, the easier it becomes to quickly connect with, notice, and take control of your meta-cognition in any moment and do what you want with it.
@@songotenks410 Please explain what you mean by this. I might be able to provide you with some good papers but the original comment isn't very concise in a scientifical sense. Do you want papers on how neural pathways are formed by mindfulness practices and influence reproduction of patterns of thought (neurology) or just papers that confirm what the person is saying in the comment above about how mindfulness strenghtens your metacognition (psychology). Both of my options might be completely wrong. If you find that neither of them suit what you might be looking for, try to be specific on what you want and I can link you 2 or 3 papers that will help you. By the end of it, if you are still interested, you can keep researching in the website that the links I will send belong to, since it is a scientific database.
@@BlowYourMindd Learning and applying what I learned i.e youtube tutorials and actual classes. Willing to be brave and look silly at the same time. It wasn't instance but it was commitment.
"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment" - Marcus Aurelis "We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them." - Epictetus This is so similar to what the Stoics say about how we react to the external things in life. Anything outside of our mind is not within our control but what is in our control is literally our mind. Quite cool that they discovered this around 300 B.C. I would highly recommend for people to look into Stoic philosophy Amori fati
I agree entirely with all of this. Sometimes i wonder if Epictetus realized these were all old ideas as well. Or if HIS precursors realized this was old knowledge. These seem like timeless concepts, really cool stuff!
I think thats funny, why even bother when your life is crap and others tell you you just have to, "be happy". Stoicism is just "don't worry bout it bro" thats convoluted.
This is why the trend of self-diagnosis and over-use of labels is such a problem, I think. Obviously stoicism doesn't work for everyone, but lessons from stoicism (and Buddhism) are very good at countering a lot of mental problems. The problem is, there's been this trend of self-diagnosing, and making up labels for every problem imaginable. "Micro-aggressions," calling being yelled at "PTSD," thinking you have bpd because you get angry sometimes, etc. There's also a lot of "babying" of issues, (ie.) people saying that nothing bad is ever your fault, people expecting you to bathe/work/go outside are "toxic" or "abusive," etc. Like, no. You _need_ to get the ball rolling yourself. Explaining all your problems away as diagnoses, or external problems, only makes the situation worse. It's a tough lesson to be told that your miserable state is (at least partially) your fault. And I think the reason people don't like stoicism, is because it sounds similar to the grifter idea that you can just "stop being depressed," when it's really almost the opposite. You _can't_ magically stop being depressed, but that's the reason you _need_ to do something. Because just sitting there won't change anything.
It makes sense to think that our personalities are shaped by our actions which, if we're full of ego and controlled by our emotions, then our actions are driven by our insecurities and traumas. Because of this, different people can observe different personalities from the same person. A guy could be extremely helpful and nice to his mother but very cold and mean to his girlfriend. I want to add that the internet is notorious for having people that have different personalities (helping one person but not helping another person, being mean to someone but nice to someone else. That is certainly including this community.
What would be the solution if our actions were driven by insecurities and traumas? And should we treat everyone the same as we treat a close friend or a complete stranger?
This video is huge. I was actually making changes on the way I feel about information and my emotions for the better a few years ago. My friends and family noticed a change in my personality and they asked me how I did it, like I had some sort of superpower, and it was difficult to put into words. They assumed me having this flexibility was just part of my personality, but I was actually changing it. Now I can help them better understand their own personality and what they can do to change themselves for the better.
If you could, I would love a video on how to learn healthy conclusions about your behavior and what you could fix. I've learned to not automatically believe my automatic conclusions, but it's instead left me feeling confused and unsure when I could be doing something better.
This was beautifully said. I’ve been doing this for the past year and a half without even realizing it, and it’s genuinely changed my life. I’m literally a completely different person from who I was a year ago, it’s literally night and day. Listen to what he’s saying guys
I think there needs to be more information on HOW to change this "meta cognition". From my understanding, the concepts of meta cognition/meta emotion are similar to the concept of an "identity" or "ego". If someone breaks up with you, and you have the IDENTITY of a loser, then you will interpret it as "Welp, I deserve this for being such a fucking loser, I'll never do anything right, etc". This is all cool, but HOW do I change the identity/meta cognition of being a loser? I can't seem to "out debate" my mind to convince it (that's like playing against yourself in chess). Writing down evidence for and against doesn't really work too well either. The most important thing for changing identity for me has been exposure to contradictory evidence. REPEATED, small exposures. I used to think of myself as socially inept, so I tested that theory. I started by going to meetups I found online, and my only goal was just to go. I didn't embarrass myself in such a way that it would shame my entire bloodline (which was what I expected). Next, I moved up my goal to starting conversations with people at said meetups. Then I moved my goals further and further. I feel pretty comfortable in social situations now, and so I CANNOT maintain the identity of being socially inept. How can I? There is a lot of contradictory evidence. I find that the most important part is REPEATED exposure. For instance, I used to think of myself as someone who is not into sports or lifting. Doing 4 15 minute workouts at different days did WAY more to change that conclusion than a single 1 hour workout would have, even if the duration is the same.
I'd say something you might have missed out was the fact that you should try and engage in the separation of the mind from the ego and from its emotions. Pretty much the quintessential lesson of what I believe HealthyGamergg has taught. If you are able to learn to effectively separate yourself from any sense of the 'self', you can start learning to take control of your own mind and stop having that internal war that so many struggle with. It doesn't always last, it's a long long long journey, and some days will be so much harder than others, but that is what I believe is how you can learn to be who you want to be.
CBT is often the method to changing behaviour. It involves challenging existing thoughts and also exposure therapy. I think changing the internal is far more important than the external though. If writing down evidence for and against didnt work its because you still believe what you believe. You need to draw new conclusions and spend time working up toward believing something new. The Thought ladder is a good method for this.
"starting to fear the fear" is what has stunted my growth as a person (22M). Mix that with ideas of masculinity (e.g., being courageous), and you have a recipe for shame. What happens when young men feel shame... The reclusion/avoidance we see today.
courage is important for females as well. i`d see it more as a desirable lifetrait in general, not a male desired thing only. but i get where you are coming from.
@@raze956 courage among both sexes is depicted in different ways. There might be some overlap but there are also huge distinct characteristics that will make both the man and the woman courageous in their own way.
@@the1stmetalheadI actually suspect that’s just cope for deficiency. Women are; empirically, known to be both more prone towards negative emotions (particularly fear) and be more inherently codependent (even psychologically - “tend and befriend”) It wouldn’t be terribly surprising if this is among the true reasons for the general dependence on psychedelics like alcohol and weed. Particularly as female “self control” may largely be a byproduct of their fear. This is particularly notable in brain scan studies of hunger inhibition - Females could not suppress their hunger response unlike men. Addendum: it should be noted the women self-reported as inhibiting their hunger responses. However when they basically completely lack a “function” it may be akin to demanding a blind person describe color.
@@raze956 While courage is of course desired in both sexes, courage is EXPECTED in guys or else their worth is minused, while courage is OPTIONAL in girls so their worth is neutral for not having it but they'll gain a plus if they are courageous. (Unless the people judging her are some redpiller/religious people who don't want a woman who's braver than the man or something) But yea, that's a big difference.
@@IlluminaZero Holy shit this is probably the most condescending way you could talk about women lmao. The fact that you put "self control" in quotation marks especially, as if women are instinct driven animals who unable of truly controlling themselves unless adhering to some ever-present fear response. But hey, what do I know, right? I'll take it from the expert that women are inherently negative, often afraid, function worse independently, lack self control, lack self awareness, and completely lack the ability to inhibit certain instincts.
Watching this at 4 am with suicidal thoughts and hatred of certain traits I see in my eyes and the situation I’m located in. Guys don’t kill yourself and thank you healthy gamer gg
This is an excellent overview and description of how we may be sabotaging ourselves. I was at least mildly aware of these concepts, but I didn’t have the right vernacular and definition of the two things that are literally running our lives: Metacognition and Metaemotions. We should all introspectively think, journal, and meditate on how we think about how we think and how we feel about how we feel. This is the key.
ma guy literarly hit me right where it hurts. I've spent the majority of the last 2 years trying to control my automatic reactions to situations and not my view of those reactions. thx
Man did I relate to this. Growing up my parents pretty much put all of my friends in front of me. The only time I really tried going out of my way to make new ones was in middle school and it ended with me getting bullied, which started a lot of the mental issues I have today. As a result, I’ve held on to the few close friends who stuck with me since. Now I’m a sophomore in college and two of my roommates treat me like shit half the time and the only reason I put up with it is because I have the “loser” dialogue running in the back of my mind. I’ve had people point out to me that I actually have desirable qualities, such as being above average looking and somewhat intelligent, but I never allow myself to believe them and always put myself down. These two friends of mine usually point out and put me down for the things I’m insecure about, which further reinforces the critical inner voice I’m already listening to most of the time. These guys are some of the only people I’d consider close friends and I’ve never felt confident in my ability to make new ones so I’ve continued spending time with them despite the poor treatment. Other reasons I’ve remained friends with them include that I’ve known them for a long time (I value loyalty a lot) and they both have qualities I wish I had myself (one is very disciplined and the other social). I’ve been trying to ignore it for a while now but the truth is the friendships I have with these guys mainly consist of boosting their egos and in return they are occasionally nice and keep me around, involving me in activities with other friends of theirs. I’ve been sticking around despite how tiring it is to relate to them in this way, but I see now that going forward I’m going have to talk to them about making some changes or else just move on completely. I’ve been scared of being without close friends for most of my life, but it honestly seems like a better option than continuing to allow myself to be surrounded by constant negativity.
I know exactly what you're talking about and thought there was always no out of that, but that goes to show you that just being a little bit more informed then not knowing anything at all makes a bigger difference than one would think.
Thank you for this video Dr. K. This is something I had never thought before. And I realized that from all negative experiences I have created conclusions about myself beating myself up. Observing the conclusions I come up with is highly important
this is actually so real. this happened to me, but it feels very hard to change your way of viewing the world and how you interpret information. At the same time, good things take time, so remember to *take your time*. For me, it was philosophy that allowed me to drastically change my view of life and in turn, personality
Whenever i tried to change my personality, i figured that i tried to change the way i behaved. But they were always restraints to how much change i could bear because the conclusions i had about myself, i now realise, were the same as before. So this video is really really helpful. I never really tried to control what other people did. I always tried to control my behavior (and that's why i always thought that I'mdoing nothing wrong, since behavior is up to me), but that's still kinda impossible to change if you don't work on your metacognition
I think this takes time to figure out. First couple break ups, I did nothing but repeat the cycle and try to avoid loneliness. Once I got close to 30, I stopped dating and having sex for 5 years and did nothing but self improvement. I believe what Dr. K is saying is true. I do more now instead of just thinking about it and it feels good. I'm not all squared away but much better.
Hi Dr. K. From this video, I was able to understand more of my personality! I was able to put in words and has now better understanding on why I am the way I am on certain situations! Thank you so much! I'm watching 1 video of you per day, and everyday I learn something new, about the world as well as about me!
Dr.k ive been over thinking; I recently graduated with an electrical engineering degree and finally accomplished something i didnt believe i can do. I was "gifted" growing up but was never put into the right classes, i always doubted myself and was diagnosed with major dipressive disorder, anxiety, and adhd. Finally going into an engineer job i find myself questioning my reality what even matters in life. Growing up i didnt think id live to the age of 20, when i turned 21 i felt lost and didnt think id get this far, im turning 26 and still feel that way and feel like im worthless.
Why is Dr K always reading my mind… I’m a freshman in college this year and while I have a few acquaintances I’m really struggling to make the close bonds with others in order to make the long lasting friendships everyone says will happen in college. I definitely think I’m rushing things too much and also painting myself in a negative light after everything that happens to me no matter whether the two are even related like what the video talks about. Thanks Dr K and wish me luck in college 😅
This channel motivated me to talk to the VA about therapy. Still waiting to get an appointment, but I’m looking forward to being able to get things out in a safe environment.
I think sometimes people process advice like this as a light coping mechanism but really your insecurities and your identity are messing with how you perceive situations. It’s not just a coping mechanism to say “im not a loser, there are many different things a person could be doing that results in them not texting me”. Your straight up not seeing reality correctly. There’s much more to someone interacting with you a certain way than you simply being a “loser” or “not a loser”. Those are two factors out of thousands and thousands and probably more. And each situation brings its own new set of factors. No one will ever know all of them. I’m also kinda talking to myself because I struggle with these same issues. But you are always able to be in control of who you are you just have to decide to take control, which I have only partially done because I’m very addicted to various things and I’m quite stuck in it. But ridding yourself of addiction is nothing but an extremely hard decision. And one that I will make hopefully sooner than later. Peace
Recently found this channel. Love it! Slowly working on myself and listening to things like this are good for being more aware of myself rather than being complacent with how my mind works.
Changing your personality/opinions/etc is like changing your clothes. You are not the clothes. You are just expressing yourself through the clothes, but there's still a core essense underneath that which doesn't change. That's the part that you're terrified of losing, but that part doesn't ever go away, so there's no need to be afraid of getting rid of a stained shirt and putting on a new one.
dr.K’s new video LETSGOOOOO I LOVE!! how passionate you are when u talk about all of it coz that’s makes me draw more attention to it and get information better plus it’s always interesting to listen passionate person thank you so much for making videos and for your energy,have a great day!
Reminders to come back to 5:30 Negative feedback loop 6:50 focus less on outcomes I want/want to prevent. Instead, focus on what I think about these outcomes 15:45 fix the conclusions I draw from life events
Heeeeey, Doc, there is just one step forward from that to be taken. To explore this, you need to invite Jamie from Casually Explained Channel to your podcast. I think lots of people could benefit from that discussion. He recently had some realisation, that stopped all negative emotions from arising whatsoever. Please, I’ll literally pay to listen to you two talking!
This video made me realize how often I do this and specifically the part of our own evidence really got me. Sometimes I will feel really negative about an event and my partner or friends will tell me that maybe I am wrong or being to down on myself but then I will present all of this "evidence" to the contrary, not realizing that evidence is highly emotionally charged and not objective at all. And even though I am able to play devils advocate when others struggle I think I really have this problem of drawing conclusions for myself and not playing devils advocate and thinking of other (more positive) potentials. Thank you Dr. K, amazing stuff.
this video came at the perfect time as with many of dr.k’s videos im reading Psycho-Cybernetics and it goes very in depth into what ur mind reacts to and how it reacts to situations, highly recommended to anyone else who has horrible self esteem like i do it’s helping to change myself to be a more confident person
Really appreciate this and how you teach. 🙏🏼 Find all the things you’re speaking about endlessly fascinating and cannot understand why we all do not learn this early on in school (or family or church or community). How different things might be if we did. So interesting, too, as your the first person I’ve heard say that narcissist can change, narcissism can be healed. 12:01 - 12:48
I agree -- we are not really taught how to get along with people, and how to manage money. Really ought to be taught in school, but like many things, that would get all politicized in unfruitful ways, these days.
they way I have understood this concept is that we give meaning in our mind to what we perceive. We should question that meaning and make no labels to the self from it. There is no meaning outside of the mind . Meaning is created in the mind. We are built to find patterns so we have a tendency to create meaning out of everything, but most things have no meaning.
The people who watch this may recognize the depth of this to some degree but if i told you this is what religion, philosophy, and your self reflection process has always been about, it's that deep. If you actually understand this, you can take control of your life to a level you'd be surprised that you had this power. You'd be astonished actually. Life changes so powerful you'd think you are writing the matrix code yourself
There’s always a few sentences that stands out. For me it’s: 1. Chose your battles wisely I was very upset with an unfair situation and wanted to win, revenge, etc. And used a lot of energy on this subject until I asked myself, if I had the chance (let’s say without any consequences whatsoever) of getting rid of this person who caused this would I? No. How about breaking his legs? No. Slapping him in the face? No. So if I actually don’t even wanted to fight my battle seriously, then why get upset about it. This thought made my anger disappear. Like if I risk rubbing a kiosk or a bank probably facing the same punishment, then the kiosk ain’t worth it. 2. He was expecting more of you. Imagine someone you really respect, admire etc. And this person see your talent, glory, strength and say that you are hiding from a bigger you. 3. Bravery is rewarded greatly. All three reasons for me to do or stop wasting precious opportunities
The key piece of info I'm getting from this talk is that to change your personality, a solid starting point is to focus your meditations to the subject of your meta-tations.
I appreciate this other way of looking at problems in life, I always thought that my flaws in life were just because " I hadn't lived enough so of course I don't know" but it's more about the way that I interpret information that has failed me many times, definitely something to work on.
Metacognition - think about our thoughts Metaemotions- feel about our emotions Social anxiety - anxious about anxiety Cognitive energy - fixing things out there Conclusions about life - assume to be true Reflexive conclusions Not text - me being a loser Life transplant Metacognitive changes Observe your conclusions Emotional hurt/rejection - conclusion Evidence - shaped by all emotions - not objective at all 2 arrows Buddhist Observing your mind
metacognition is something i did since early ages due to trauma. Now im a person that changes their personality every few days. Good to know where that comes from. Thanks Dr. K as always. 🦍
Chúng ta không có sự kiểm soát 100% về tất cả các sự kiện bên ngoài, mà chỉ có thể kiểm soát 100% cái CONCLUSION của mình về cái sự kiện đó. Và cái CONCLUSION đó sẽ gây ảnh hưởng đến 3 khía cạnh của persionality trên. Ví dụ mình chia tay với một người, nếu không để ý thì não sẽ tự đưa ra CONCLUSION:" mình là một đứa thất bại, không đáng được yêu thương,..." và sẽ liên tục tìm cách để quay lại với người kia.
🎉 Giải pháp: Hãy QUAN SÁT và cẩn thận với các CONCLUSION từ các sự kiện trong đời. Khi mình chặt đứt được các CONCLUSION độc hại, và chỉ tin vào các CONCLUSION tốt, não sẽ tự động điều chỉnh 3 khía cạnh của persionality => Bùm, mình sẽ thay đổi. ☠️ Nếu não đưa ra 1 cái CONCLUSION độc hại nào đó, và tự gợi nhớ các bằng chứng trong quá khứ, thì hãy lưu ý là các cái bằng chứng đó thường đc não lụm trong những lúc highly emotion thôi, nên nó KO KHÁCH QUAN.
10:00 -ish sounds like one aspect of self-narrative or self-imaguning - the stories you tell yourself about yourself when you think about your past/present/future , and the kind of person you tell yourself you are and can be. Which is partly influenced by which heros/mentors/friends you pick, because they're examples for you to build that story/image on.
One thing I personally am trying to do is cut back on gaming. To fill that time, I read and write. I am not perfect at it but it's better than nothing.
I've been practicing meditation and the skill of observing my thoughts and feelings for a while. I've noticed when I have a meta-cognition or meta-emotion, the mere act of observing it lessens its intensity. There's something about taking that third-person view of the thought or feeling that makes me go "This thought/feeling is here but I don't have to react to it."
A word of advice for everyone that I have just enacted in my life: never work for someone you don't want to become. I just quit my PhD program and have registered to transfer to a new one this spring. I had some very strong disagreements with my PI about how to approach research, mentorship, and academia, and our values were, to put it simply, very different. I definitely left a very prestigious position, but no amount of academic renown is worth turning into something I don't like. And I am confident this applies to industry as well.
@@PhukPKummings considering that I'll be in an environment where my values align with the group better, I'll be assigned to something I'm more passionate about, and the PI is more willing to engage with students directly, it absolutely is. That said, I don't regret this previous program, since I did learn a lot, both as a scientist and as to what kind of professor I want to be one day.
@me0101001000 alright man, as long as it works out for you. Cause if it doesn't well, always come back here to remind yourself that it was your choice. Tired of seeing professional victims trying to pity party rally for something they chose. Alllll on you, no one else.
Change the way you react to things, think about your reactions to things… Observe and be careful about the conclusions you draw from the experiences in your life
That's a really good video here. Indeed we create opinions about ourself when we are very emotional. It's a good advice to stop and observe the situation, think rationally and see all the different circumstances that weren't under our control
Brilliant- a bit tragic because working on myself internally for over 10 years has yielded the same mishaps externally that threaten my mental health because I can’t help go back to conclusions of negativity because my world - lack of income & no partner in life says “zilch” is going for you- now what??
I used to do this thing where I’d change aspects of my self to seem more acceptable to others. I was super positive and liked on the outside, but on the inside, I hated myself. I didn’t even have any super bad habits. How do you cultivate a better personality without being a people pleaser or hating yourself?
Maybe try to let go of this “cultivating a better personality” thing and focus on accepting yourself for who you are. You don’t need to be “better” cause you’re good enough the way you are.
Well first, why do you hate yourself exactly? Is it from other people's judgment for when you aren't being a likeable person to them? Or are you likeable already even as you are, but you like to be extra, yet you still don't feel you're ever enough despite what people assure you?
@@jjQlLlLq I'm not the original poster but for me it's usually no one cares when I'm myself so it's easier to just cater to others because it's better than being lonely
My summary would be: 1. Shame is the most powerful emotion - trumps anger, love, fear. Because it hurts the most. 2. So we avoid it through two paths: a) action/change in ourselves so that the next time we encounter it we have worked to eliminate the shame, OR b) we just avoid encountering a shame-environment with our "busy" lives. 3. His advice is to: Schedule the same thing/situation in 30 days and do what it takes to be in the same situation but without the shame. 4. By changing, we have used the strength of shame to improve ourselves.
I've always wondered if I could change my personality and I don't know what to believe because I can argue both sides. For example: - You could argue, 'yes' people can change their personality. Jim was a heavy alcoholic , and decided to turn his life around- went to rehab and now has a happy healthy family. The man changed and adopted better habits and a better mindset. -On the contrary however you could argue 'no'. People have a base personality. Imagine you walk in on a child you know..some little nephew or neighbor watching cartoons. Now something happens to the character in the cartoon and the child screeches with laughter, nearly in tears. They think it's wildly hilarious..You barely grin. Now perhaps if you were their age, you might have found it funny too. But do you think there is any amount of meditation and whatnot that could change your humor? I wonder if people cannot change their personality, but choose a mindset that suits their ingrained personality best.
Absolute banger vid Dr K the metacognition really interested me considering reading patanjali’s sutras lol this concept does seem pretty transformative if able to be mastered
This was a great and refreshing video again, thanks, Healthy Gamer and Dr. K! I wish and would like to request a video that goes more in depth on how to do this, though and which might be a like a guide for some people. I know I for sure could use smth like that! :) And don't recommend CBT to me, guys. It felt like gaslighting regarding real stuff that cuases real issues to me and seems unfixable and it didn't work in other areas either and just made me feel somewhat depressed in the first place. CBT won't help me think differently or fix some parts or my life. This approach here made way more sense to me, though.
I think it's not "changing personality" but "healing your damaged personality". So when you are healed, it's not "new you", it's the real you with healed damages.
- personality:
1. how we interpret info
2. how we react to circumstances
3. how we behave
- common element between therapies:
1. meta-cognition: the way we feel about our thoughts
2. meta-emotion: the way we feel about our emotions
- its not the thoughts, emotions, circumstances themselves. its the way we react to those thoughts, emotions or circumstances that actually determines our destiny.
- fixing things out there XXXX
- u control your conclusions
- don't let the conclusions you've made about yourself go unchecked
- you've surrounded yourself w ppl you have to go the extra miles for
- change the way you interpret situations, react to external changes
- observe/ be careful of the conclusions u draw from your experiences in your mind OOOO
- craft the conclusions you have about yourself
- observe your mind
thank you🤍🤍🤍
Thank you! Just one thing: meta-cognition= the way you think about your thoughts.
So... be positive/optimistic about your thoughts and don't extrapolate negative traits about yourself?
Thank you so much for the notes
Thanks for the notesss
It's either Dr.K is a wizard that can always post the thing I need exactly when I need them, or I'm so messed up that everything he posts is something I need.🙂
catching those meta conclusions; go with the wizard option. 😉
Imagine relying solely on a youtube personality to provide what you "need", the parasocial relation is strong in this one...
It’s needed by a lot of people, all the time. The video just served as a reminder. Having those needs doesn’t mean messed up, just that you want to improve yourself.
Yup, same. This was just what brought me into a deep depression episode again after seeing other people just be happy and able to seemingly deal with stuff, but I can't be like and who I want to etc.
It's because he's preying on people with a common insecurity
Sucks that negative experiences impact us so much more than positive ones… but it’s really good to know that fact!!
There where very harsh evolutionary constraints in that direction:
Ignore one good thing -> doesn't matter
Ignore one tiger/drop bear/regular bear/land shark/regular shark -> get turned into minced meat
Now we play the which of the 2 life philosophies probably had more children game. (That did not turn into minced meat.)
came at the perfect time. I learned yesterday that it isn't the external events that make me happy, its how I react to them. We must accept life for how it plays out. Not how we want it to play out. i will meditate on this lesson.
This is a really important lesson! For like 3 years I had really toxic classmates, that made me feel like a loser and bullied me, so even after graduating whenever I met people, I behaved like they didn't like me and as if I'm just a nuisance to them. It took me a really long time to realize that most people aren't this toxic, to change my cognition towards a neutral stance or even seeing the possibility that new people actually want to engage with me in a positive way.
Same but scratch 3 and replace it by 11 years.
So true, still struggling after 6 years since graduation
That's basically how I got out of narcissism. It's quite amazing to see a video like this after all those years.
Good job, working on the same stuff right now!
That sounds amazing! Could you please share some advice?
@@Jolgarz look into methods of identifying deflection or just the general concept if you're unfamiliar with it for narcicism. This also applies to anything you think you might struggle with. Once you're aware of paterns you are engaging in, it becomes alot easier to catch yourself in the action and question why exactly you are deflecting, whether it's external or internal critisms/excuses ect for behaviours you want to change.
@@Jolgarz the two main rules I followed are:
Don't lie (specially important, you can't keep your narcissistic image if you don't)
Listen to the voice in the back of your head.
For one to be able change anything within themselves is to take a true ugly look at our perspectives and why we have them.
One of my favorite quotes, "watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become your character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny. What we think, we become."
I will write this down, just for myself. This is the truth. Thank you.
This is Lao Tzu, but there is one poem I like more.
"Life is yours, death is mine.
Peace is yours, stress is mine.
Happiness is yours, sorrow is mine.
Everything is yours,
But you are mine."
Rumi - Persian philosopher.
That quote was on a poster at my school lol
Since I discovered this channel its helped make me more motivated to pursue Psychology as a bachelors and in grad education. I want to do what Dr. K has done for others and myself and help them be the best they can be.
Noble goal, really.
I wish you the best.
@@Abigdummy4life Thank you
Similar for me too. Keep pushing you got this
tbh you should look into PA school. A mental health PA makes a lot more money and you can prescribe drugs which can be useful.
Good luck bro!
Getting these videos recommended feels like a personal attack by youtube
same
Yup
RUclips thinks you're a forward-looking person trying to better yourself. The people who need these videos the most, aren't interested in them. Take it as a compliment. (At least that's what I tell myself.)
😂
nah, ur just a Dr K enjoyer
Self awareness and emotional self intervention relies on a kind of mental "muscle" memory. Meditation is actually something that develops and strengthens that muscle the more you do it. The stronger you make that muscle, the easier it becomes to quickly connect with, notice, and take control of your meta-cognition in any moment and do what you want with it.
Do you know of any sources that go into detail on this? It sounds fascinating
@@songotenks410 Please explain what you mean by this. I might be able to provide you with some good papers but the original comment isn't very concise in a scientifical sense. Do you want papers on how neural pathways are formed by mindfulness practices and influence reproduction of patterns of thought (neurology) or just papers that confirm what the person is saying in the comment above about how mindfulness strenghtens your metacognition (psychology).
Both of my options might be completely wrong. If you find that neither of them suit what you might be looking for, try to be specific on what you want and I can link you 2 or 3 papers that will help you. By the end of it, if you are still interested, you can keep researching in the website that the links I will send belong to, since it is a scientific database.
(Going to leave my comment here incase something interesting is thrown in here)
I started dancing it changed my level of comfort in social situations and my body language.
What changed your level of comfort?
@@BlowYourMindd Learning and applying what I learned i.e youtube tutorials and actual classes. Willing to be brave and look silly at the same time. It wasn't instance but it was commitment.
@@Noir_Nouveau were you introverted Or shy earlier?
@@BlowYourMindd shy
@@Noir_Nouveau 🩷🩷🩷🩷
"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment" - Marcus Aurelis
"We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them." - Epictetus
This is so similar to what the Stoics say about how we react to the external things in life. Anything outside of our mind is not within our control but what is in our control is literally our mind. Quite cool that they discovered this around 300 B.C. I would highly recommend for people to look into Stoic philosophy
Amori fati
I agree entirely with all of this. Sometimes i wonder if Epictetus realized these were all old ideas as well. Or if HIS precursors realized this was old knowledge. These seem like timeless concepts, really cool stuff!
I think thats funny, why even bother when your life is crap and others tell you you just have to, "be happy". Stoicism is just "don't worry bout it bro" thats convoluted.
CBT is based on stoic philosophy
@@thesaddestdude3575 You've been misinformed about stoicism
This is why the trend of self-diagnosis and over-use of labels is such a problem, I think. Obviously stoicism doesn't work for everyone, but lessons from stoicism (and Buddhism) are very good at countering a lot of mental problems.
The problem is, there's been this trend of self-diagnosing, and making up labels for every problem imaginable. "Micro-aggressions," calling being yelled at "PTSD," thinking you have bpd because you get angry sometimes, etc. There's also a lot of "babying" of issues, (ie.) people saying that nothing bad is ever your fault, people expecting you to bathe/work/go outside are "toxic" or "abusive," etc. Like, no. You _need_ to get the ball rolling yourself. Explaining all your problems away as diagnoses, or external problems, only makes the situation worse.
It's a tough lesson to be told that your miserable state is (at least partially) your fault. And I think the reason people don't like stoicism, is because it sounds similar to the grifter idea that you can just "stop being depressed," when it's really almost the opposite. You _can't_ magically stop being depressed, but that's the reason you _need_ to do something. Because just sitting there won't change anything.
It makes sense to think that our personalities are shaped by our actions which, if we're full of ego and controlled by our emotions, then our actions are driven by our insecurities and traumas. Because of this, different people can observe different personalities from the same person. A guy could be extremely helpful and nice to his mother but very cold and mean to his girlfriend.
I want to add that the internet is notorious for having people that have different personalities (helping one person but not helping another person, being mean to someone but nice to someone else. That is certainly including this community.
What would be the solution if our actions were driven by insecurities and traumas? And should we treat everyone the same as we treat a close friend or a complete stranger?
This video is huge. I was actually making changes on the way I feel about information and my emotions for the better a few years ago. My friends and family noticed a change in my personality and they asked me how I did it, like I had some sort of superpower, and it was difficult to put into words. They assumed me having this flexibility was just part of my personality, but I was actually changing it. Now I can help them better understand their own personality and what they can do to change themselves for the better.
Pls help me as well to change my personality
If you could, I would love a video on how to learn healthy conclusions about your behavior and what you could fix. I've learned to not automatically believe my automatic conclusions, but it's instead left me feeling confused and unsure when I could be doing something better.
You might want to look into cognitive behavioral therapy techniques especially cognitive restructuring and reframing.
This was beautifully said. I’ve been doing this for the past year and a half without even realizing it, and it’s genuinely changed my life. I’m literally a completely different person from who I was a year ago, it’s literally night and day. Listen to what he’s saying guys
I think there needs to be more information on HOW to change this "meta cognition". From my understanding, the concepts of meta cognition/meta emotion are similar to the concept of an "identity" or "ego". If someone breaks up with you, and you have the IDENTITY of a loser, then you will interpret it as "Welp, I deserve this for being such a fucking loser, I'll never do anything right, etc".
This is all cool, but HOW do I change the identity/meta cognition of being a loser? I can't seem to "out debate" my mind to convince it (that's like playing against yourself in chess). Writing down evidence for and against doesn't really work too well either.
The most important thing for changing identity for me has been exposure to contradictory evidence. REPEATED, small exposures. I used to think of myself as socially inept, so I tested that theory. I started by going to meetups I found online, and my only goal was just to go. I didn't embarrass myself in such a way that it would shame my entire bloodline (which was what I expected). Next, I moved up my goal to starting conversations with people at said meetups. Then I moved my goals further and further. I feel pretty comfortable in social situations now, and so I CANNOT maintain the identity of being socially inept. How can I? There is a lot of contradictory evidence.
I find that the most important part is REPEATED exposure. For instance, I used to think of myself as someone who is not into sports or lifting. Doing 4 15 minute workouts at different days did WAY more to change that conclusion than a single 1 hour workout would have, even if the duration is the same.
This is a great comment. Well said 👏
Love this, thank you
I'd say something you might have missed out was the fact that you should try and engage in the separation of the mind from the ego and from its emotions. Pretty much the quintessential lesson of what I believe HealthyGamergg has taught. If you are able to learn to effectively separate yourself from any sense of the 'self', you can start learning to take control of your own mind and stop having that internal war that so many struggle with. It doesn't always last, it's a long long long journey, and some days will be so much harder than others, but that is what I believe is how you can learn to be who you want to be.
So do you think u got better at socializing, or u got more comfortable being urself
CBT is often the method to changing behaviour. It involves challenging existing thoughts and also exposure therapy. I think changing the internal is far more important than the external though. If writing down evidence for and against didnt work its because you still believe what you believe. You need to draw new conclusions and spend time working up toward believing something new. The Thought ladder is a good method for this.
"starting to fear the fear" is what has stunted my growth as a person (22M). Mix that with ideas of masculinity (e.g., being courageous), and you have a recipe for shame.
What happens when young men feel shame... The reclusion/avoidance we see today.
courage is important for females as well. i`d see it more as a desirable lifetrait in general, not a male desired thing only. but i get where you are coming from.
@@raze956 courage among both sexes is depicted in different ways. There might be some overlap but there are also huge distinct characteristics that will make both the man and the woman courageous in their own way.
@@the1stmetalheadI actually suspect that’s just cope for deficiency. Women are; empirically, known to be both more prone towards negative emotions (particularly fear) and be more inherently codependent (even psychologically - “tend and befriend”)
It wouldn’t be terribly surprising if this is among the true reasons for the general dependence on psychedelics like alcohol and weed. Particularly as female “self control” may largely be a byproduct of their fear. This is particularly notable in brain scan studies of hunger inhibition - Females could not suppress their hunger response unlike men.
Addendum: it should be noted the women self-reported as inhibiting their hunger responses. However when they basically completely lack a “function” it may be akin to demanding a blind person describe color.
@@raze956 While courage is of course desired in both sexes, courage is EXPECTED in guys or else their worth is minused, while courage is OPTIONAL in girls so their worth is neutral for not having it but they'll gain a plus if they are courageous. (Unless the people judging her are some redpiller/religious people who don't want a woman who's braver than the man or something) But yea, that's a big difference.
@@IlluminaZero Holy shit this is probably the most condescending way you could talk about women lmao. The fact that you put "self control" in quotation marks especially, as if women are instinct driven animals who unable of truly controlling themselves unless adhering to some ever-present fear response.
But hey, what do I know, right? I'll take it from the expert that women are inherently negative, often afraid, function worse independently, lack self control, lack self awareness, and completely lack the ability to inhibit certain instincts.
Watching this at 4 am with suicidal thoughts and hatred of certain traits I see in my eyes and the situation I’m located in. Guys don’t kill yourself and thank you healthy gamer gg
This is an excellent overview and description of how we may be sabotaging ourselves. I was at least mildly aware of these concepts, but I didn’t have the right vernacular and definition of the two things that are literally running our lives:
Metacognition and Metaemotions. We should all introspectively think, journal, and meditate on how we think about how we think and how we feel about how we feel. This is the key.
ma guy literarly hit me right where it hurts.
I've spent the majority of the last 2 years trying to control my automatic reactions to situations and not my view of those reactions. thx
Man did I relate to this. Growing up my parents pretty much put all of my friends in front of me. The only time I really tried going out of my way to make new ones was in middle school and it ended with me getting bullied, which started a lot of the mental issues I have today. As a result, I’ve held on to the few close friends who stuck with me since. Now I’m a sophomore in college and two of my roommates treat me like shit half the time and the only reason I put up with it is because I have the “loser” dialogue running in the back of my mind. I’ve had people point out to me that I actually have desirable qualities, such as being above average looking and somewhat intelligent, but I never allow myself to believe them and always put myself down. These two friends of mine usually point out and put me down for the things I’m insecure about, which further reinforces the critical inner voice I’m already listening to most of the time. These guys are some of the only people I’d consider close friends and I’ve never felt confident in my ability to make new ones so I’ve continued spending time with them despite the poor treatment. Other reasons I’ve remained friends with them include that I’ve known them for a long time (I value loyalty a lot) and they both have qualities I wish I had myself (one is very disciplined and the other social). I’ve been trying to ignore it for a while now but the truth is the friendships I have with these guys mainly consist of boosting their egos and in return they are occasionally nice and keep me around, involving me in activities with other friends of theirs. I’ve been sticking around despite how tiring it is to relate to them in this way, but I see now that going forward I’m going have to talk to them about making some changes or else just move on completely. I’ve been scared of being without close friends for most of my life, but it honestly seems like a better option than continuing to allow myself to be surrounded by constant negativity.
I know exactly what you're talking about and thought there was always no out of that, but that goes to show you that just being a little bit more informed then not knowing anything at all makes a bigger difference than one would think.
Thank you for this video Dr. K. This is something I had never thought before. And I realized that from all negative experiences I have created conclusions about myself beating myself up. Observing the conclusions I come up with is highly important
this is actually so real. this happened to me, but it feels very hard to change your way of viewing the world and how you interpret information. At the same time, good things take time, so remember to *take your time*. For me, it was philosophy that allowed me to drastically change my view of life and in turn, personality
Whenever i tried to change my personality, i figured that i tried to change the way i behaved. But they were always restraints to how much change i could bear because the conclusions i had about myself, i now realise, were the same as before. So this video is really really helpful. I never really tried to control what other people did. I always tried to control my behavior (and that's why i always thought that I'mdoing nothing wrong, since behavior is up to me), but that's still kinda impossible to change if you don't work on your metacognition
Dr k you’re literally the best every video you make is eye opening and life changing
I think this takes time to figure out. First couple break ups, I did nothing but repeat the cycle and try to avoid loneliness. Once I got close to 30, I stopped dating and having sex for 5 years and did nothing but self improvement. I believe what Dr. K is saying is true. I do more now instead of just thinking about it and it feels good. I'm not all squared away but much better.
Hi Dr. K. From this video, I was able to understand more of my personality! I was able to put in words and has now better understanding on why I am the way I am on certain situations! Thank you so much! I'm watching 1 video of you per day, and everyday I learn something new, about the world as well as about me!
How you talk about how what's within our control reminds me why I love stoicism and how much it's helped my anxiety
Dr.k ive been over thinking; I recently graduated with an electrical engineering degree and finally accomplished something i didnt believe i can do. I was "gifted" growing up but was never put into the right classes, i always doubted myself and was diagnosed with major dipressive disorder, anxiety, and adhd. Finally going into an engineer job i find myself questioning my reality what even matters in life. Growing up i didnt think id live to the age of 20, when i turned 21 i felt lost and didnt think id get this far, im turning 26 and still feel that way and feel like im worthless.
Why is Dr K always reading my mind… I’m a freshman in college this year and while I have a few acquaintances I’m really struggling to make the close bonds with others in order to make the long lasting friendships everyone says will happen in college. I definitely think I’m rushing things too much and also painting myself in a negative light after everything that happens to me no matter whether the two are even related like what the video talks about. Thanks Dr K and wish me luck in college 😅
This channel motivated me to talk to the VA about therapy. Still waiting to get an appointment, but I’m looking forward to being able to get things out in a safe environment.
congrats thats amazing!! good luck for the future :)
I think sometimes people process advice like this as a light coping mechanism but really your insecurities and your identity are messing with how you perceive situations. It’s not just a coping mechanism to say “im not a loser, there are many different things a person could be doing that results in them not texting me”. Your straight up not seeing reality correctly. There’s much more to someone interacting with you a certain way than you simply being a “loser” or “not a loser”. Those are two factors out of thousands and thousands and probably more. And each situation brings its own new set of factors. No one will ever know all of them. I’m also kinda talking to myself because I struggle with these same issues. But you are always able to be in control of who you are you just have to decide to take control, which I have only partially done because I’m very addicted to various things and I’m quite stuck in it. But ridding yourself of addiction is nothing but an extremely hard decision. And one that I will make hopefully sooner than later. Peace
Recently found this channel. Love it! Slowly working on myself and listening to things like this are good for being more aware of myself rather than being complacent with how my mind works.
The malleability of being someone else is terrifying due to the attachment i have to who i currently am, despite how maladaptive that may be.
Changing your personality/opinions/etc is like changing your clothes. You are not the clothes. You are just expressing yourself through the clothes, but there's still a core essense underneath that which doesn't change. That's the part that you're terrified of losing, but that part doesn't ever go away, so there's no need to be afraid of getting rid of a stained shirt and putting on a new one.
@@comfysituations3566Damn this metaphor is solid! 😩
Annoying depression hit me again today. This came at the right time. That is if I can fight out of the spiral to think.
Thanks!
dr.K’s new video LETSGOOOOO
I LOVE!! how passionate you are when u talk about all of it coz that’s makes me draw more attention to it and get information better
plus it’s always interesting to listen passionate person
thank you so much for making videos and for your energy,have a great day!
As a psychology student this opened my eyes...thank you very much dr.k.
Reminders to come back to
5:30 Negative feedback loop
6:50 focus less on outcomes I want/want to prevent. Instead, focus on what I think about these outcomes
15:45 fix the conclusions I draw from life events
Heeeeey, Doc, there is just one step forward from that to be taken.
To explore this, you need to invite Jamie from Casually Explained Channel to your podcast. I think lots of people could benefit from that discussion.
He recently had some realisation, that stopped all negative emotions from arising whatsoever.
Please, I’ll literally pay to listen to you two talking!
This video made me realize how often I do this and specifically the part of our own evidence really got me. Sometimes I will feel really negative about an event and my partner or friends will tell me that maybe I am wrong or being to down on myself but then I will present all of this "evidence" to the contrary, not realizing that evidence is highly emotionally charged and not objective at all. And even though I am able to play devils advocate when others struggle I think I really have this problem of drawing conclusions for myself and not playing devils advocate and thinking of other (more positive) potentials.
Thank you Dr. K, amazing stuff.
Tried n tested - it works
thanks for the upload
I’ve shared it on FB
this video came at the perfect time as with many of dr.k’s videos im reading Psycho-Cybernetics and it goes very in depth into what ur mind reacts to and how it reacts to situations, highly recommended to anyone else who has horrible self esteem like i do it’s helping to change myself to be a more confident person
Editing is getting better, feels like it complements the info and points much more :)
Strongly agree!
Really appreciate this and how you teach. 🙏🏼 Find all the things you’re speaking about endlessly fascinating and cannot understand why we all do not learn this early on in school (or family or church or community). How different things might be if we did. So interesting, too, as your the first person I’ve heard say that narcissist can change, narcissism can be healed.
12:01 - 12:48
I agree -- we are not really taught how to get along with people, and how to manage money. Really ought to be taught in school, but like many things, that would get all politicized in unfruitful ways, these days.
I love when social medias recommend stuff for you to get better as a person , they care ❤
they way I have understood this concept is that we give meaning in our mind to what we perceive. We should question that meaning and make no labels to the self from it. There is no meaning outside of the mind . Meaning is created in the mind. We are built to find patterns so we have a tendency to create meaning out of everything, but most things have no meaning.
Love this channel so much!
I used to have this weird cognitive bias that whichever conclusion hurt the most must be true. It was so harmful to my health
@@cinamonrollcutie2210Truth is always bitter and reality is unjust. Thats what this guy thought
The people who watch this may recognize the depth of this to some degree but if i told you this is what religion, philosophy, and your self reflection process has always been about, it's that deep. If you actually understand this, you can take control of your life to a level you'd be surprised that you had this power. You'd be astonished actually. Life changes so powerful you'd think you are writing the matrix code yourself
Dr K- the pancha koshas from your video healed me forever
That and stoic readings
Best life changing video I’ve seen in a while
I almost got betterhelp before I found this gold mind, Thank you again for all the work you do to help us Dr. K!
There’s always a few sentences that stands out. For me it’s:
1. Chose your battles wisely
I was very upset with an unfair situation and wanted to win, revenge, etc. And used a lot of energy on this subject until I asked myself, if I had the chance (let’s say without any consequences whatsoever) of getting rid of this person who caused this would I? No. How about breaking his legs? No. Slapping him in the face? No. So if I actually don’t even wanted to fight my battle seriously, then why get upset about it. This thought made my anger disappear. Like if I risk rubbing a kiosk or a bank probably facing the same punishment, then the kiosk ain’t worth it. 2. He was expecting more of you. Imagine someone you really respect, admire etc. And this person see your talent, glory, strength and say that you are hiding from a bigger you. 3. Bravery is rewarded greatly. All three reasons for me to do or stop wasting precious opportunities
wake up babe dr k just posted another beneficial video today, thank you dr k, i love you
The foundational data about this is pretty much "be aware of your emotions"! I like this :)
It was very relatable when Dr. K said that main problem with social anxiety that you are anxious of your anxiety
What a timing today. I actually feel like my best buddie doesn't want to talk with me anymore and then this video is released
bro, my brain is getting blown away each video. This applies HARD on my life rn.
The key piece of info I'm getting from this talk is that to change your personality, a solid starting point is to focus your meditations to the subject of your meta-tations.
I appreciate this other way of looking at problems in life, I always thought that my flaws in life were just because " I hadn't lived enough so of course I don't know" but it's more about the way that I interpret information that has failed me many times, definitely something to work on.
I’m so grateful for your channel! Thank you🙏🏾
Metacognition - think about our thoughts
Metaemotions- feel about our emotions
Social anxiety - anxious about anxiety
Cognitive energy - fixing things out there
Conclusions about life - assume to be true
Reflexive conclusions
Not text - me being a loser
Life transplant
Metacognitive changes
Observe your conclusions
Emotional hurt/rejection - conclusion
Evidence - shaped by all emotions - not objective at all
2 arrows Buddhist
Observing your mind
metacognition is something i did since early ages due to trauma. Now im a person that changes their personality every few days. Good to know where that comes from. Thanks Dr. K as always. 🦍
this is the video that made me take up meditating. Gonna try to try center myself, check my arrows, check in more often
This was a very helpful video, and at the right time. Thank you. I am very thankful that people like you exist that are making a better world.
This is the most impactful video of yours that I've watched! Thanks!
1. Personality là gì?
- Bao gồm 3 khía cạnh:
+ Cách mình diễn giải 1 thông tin nào đó.
+ Cách mình react với 1 sự kiện gì đó.
+ Hành vi của mình.
Chúng ta không có sự kiểm soát 100% về tất cả các sự kiện bên ngoài, mà chỉ có thể kiểm soát 100% cái CONCLUSION của mình về cái sự kiện đó. Và cái CONCLUSION đó sẽ gây ảnh hưởng đến 3 khía cạnh của persionality trên.
Ví dụ mình chia tay với một người, nếu không để ý thì não sẽ tự đưa ra CONCLUSION:" mình là một đứa thất bại, không đáng được yêu thương,..." và sẽ liên tục tìm cách để quay lại với người kia.
🎉 Giải pháp: Hãy QUAN SÁT và cẩn thận với các CONCLUSION từ các sự kiện trong đời. Khi mình chặt đứt được các CONCLUSION độc hại, và chỉ tin vào các CONCLUSION tốt, não sẽ tự động điều chỉnh 3 khía cạnh của persionality => Bùm, mình sẽ thay đổi.
☠️ Nếu não đưa ra 1 cái CONCLUSION độc hại nào đó, và tự gợi nhớ các bằng chứng trong quá khứ, thì hãy lưu ý là các cái bằng chứng đó thường đc não lụm trong những lúc highly emotion thôi, nên nó KO KHÁCH QUAN.
This video has the potential to save many lives.
10:00 -ish sounds like one aspect of self-narrative or self-imaguning - the stories you tell yourself about yourself when you think about your past/present/future , and the kind of person you tell yourself you are and can be. Which is partly influenced by which heros/mentors/friends you pick, because they're examples for you to build that story/image on.
Man, I just need an extroverted personality. I'm super introverted, but that goes against my dreams
One thing I personally am trying to do is cut back on gaming.
To fill that time, I read and write. I am not perfect at it but it's better than nothing.
Well done!!
King! :)
@@saras756 no u
@@gudrh4024 :p
What do you write?
@saras756 a mystery about an actor getting stalked... again
One of the best self improvement vids. Thanks Dr. K
Thank you. You help me a lot to become better self than i used to
I've been practicing meditation and the skill of observing my thoughts and feelings for a while. I've noticed when I have a meta-cognition or meta-emotion, the mere act of observing it lessens its intensity. There's something about taking that third-person view of the thought or feeling that makes me go "This thought/feeling is here but I don't have to react to it."
A word of advice for everyone that I have just enacted in my life: never work for someone you don't want to become.
I just quit my PhD program and have registered to transfer to a new one this spring. I had some very strong disagreements with my PI about how to approach research, mentorship, and academia, and our values were, to put it simply, very different. I definitely left a very prestigious position, but no amount of academic renown is worth turning into something I don't like. And I am confident this applies to industry as well.
@WASDLeftClick if that's what it takes for your mental health, do it. Believe me, I get it. I'm hopping over an ocean.
@WASDLeftClickIf possible, that would be beneficial
Hope it was worth it lol
@@PhukPKummings considering that I'll be in an environment where my values align with the group better, I'll be assigned to something I'm more passionate about, and the PI is more willing to engage with students directly, it absolutely is. That said, I don't regret this previous program, since I did learn a lot, both as a scientist and as to what kind of professor I want to be one day.
@me0101001000 alright man, as long as it works out for you. Cause if it doesn't well, always come back here to remind yourself that it was your choice. Tired of seeing professional victims trying to pity party rally for something they chose. Alllll on you, no one else.
Change the way you react to things, think about your reactions to things…
Observe and be careful about the conclusions you draw from the experiences in your life
You can't control what happens to you but you can control how you respond
What you are describing sounds very similar to the stoic values! Great video!
That's a really good video here. Indeed we create opinions about ourself when we are very emotional. It's a good advice to stop and observe the situation, think rationally and see all the different circumstances that weren't under our control
I keep sharing you and forget to thank you and send blessings 🙌
Great stuff Dr. K! More of these types of vids please :)
Love your videos. I realized that the solution to most of the problems you describe in your videos is meditation. It is so powerful :)
Brilliant, thank you! 🙏🏼
Really really enjoy your helpful content ❤️
outstanding video. you are such a treasure, thanks for sharing with us
surely this will fix my life before it’s too late
Brilliant- a bit tragic because working on myself internally for over 10 years has yielded the same mishaps externally that threaten my mental health because I can’t help go back to conclusions of negativity because my world - lack of income & no partner in life says “zilch” is going for you- now what??
I used to do this thing where I’d change aspects of my self to seem more acceptable to others. I was super positive and liked on the outside, but on the inside, I hated myself. I didn’t even have any super bad habits. How do you cultivate a better personality without being a people pleaser or hating yourself?
I confused this with mental health getting better
Maybe try to let go of this “cultivating a better personality” thing and focus on accepting yourself for who you are. You don’t need to be “better” cause you’re good enough the way you are.
This is my dilemma as well. I'm not very likeable when I'm being myself but faking it just to please others feels tiresome and lonesome.
Well first, why do you hate yourself exactly? Is it from other people's judgment for when you aren't being a likeable person to them? Or are you likeable already even as you are, but you like to be extra, yet you still don't feel you're ever enough despite what people assure you?
@@jjQlLlLq I'm not the original poster but for me it's usually no one cares when I'm myself so it's easier to just cater to others because it's better than being lonely
My summary would be:
1. Shame is the most powerful emotion - trumps anger, love, fear. Because it hurts the most.
2. So we avoid it through two paths: a) action/change in ourselves so that the next time we encounter it we have worked to eliminate the shame, OR b) we just avoid encountering a shame-environment with our "busy" lives.
3. His advice is to: Schedule the same thing/situation in 30 days and do what it takes to be in the same situation but without the shame.
4. By changing, we have used the strength of shame to improve ourselves.
This is better than therapy. Actually experienced this for the first time. I stopped myself before the negative conclusion
Feel the fear. Let it run through you.
I've always wondered if I could change my personality and I don't know what to believe because I can argue both sides. For example:
- You could argue, 'yes' people can change their personality. Jim was a heavy alcoholic , and decided to turn his life around- went to rehab and now has a happy healthy family. The man changed and adopted better habits and a better mindset.
-On the contrary however you could argue 'no'. People have a base personality. Imagine you walk in on a child you know..some little nephew or neighbor watching cartoons. Now something happens to the character in the cartoon and the child screeches with laughter, nearly in tears. They think it's wildly hilarious..You barely grin. Now perhaps if you were their age, you might have found it funny too. But do you think there is any amount of meditation and whatnot that could change your humor?
I wonder if people cannot change their personality, but choose a mindset that suits their ingrained personality best.
Absolute banger vid Dr K the metacognition really interested me considering reading patanjali’s sutras lol this concept does seem pretty transformative if able to be mastered
This was a great and refreshing video again, thanks, Healthy Gamer and Dr. K! I wish and would like to request a video that goes more
in depth on how to do this, though and which might be a like a guide for some people. I know I for sure could use smth like that! :)
And don't recommend CBT to me, guys. It felt like gaslighting regarding real stuff that cuases real issues to me and seems unfixable and it didn't work in other areas either and
just made me feel somewhat depressed in the first place. CBT won't help me think differently or fix some parts or my life. This approach here made way more sense to me, though.
This was SO GOOD.
Just be yourself and stop caring what other people think while I tell you to change who you are and expect you to care what I think.
Exactly!
😮😮😮 thank you so much Dr K.